115: I’m the Biggest Daddy
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There were two elves. There were two elves.

Showtime. And we are back. We're here to help. It's showtime. Shark, what day of the week is this one dropping? This is a Thursday. We're on a Thursday right now. And we have no guests.

Correct. And Gareth, what do you got? You said you had a story? Okay, I got on a plane and I'm not easy. I know it's not going to be one of those. And as I was getting on the plane, there were not a lot of people on it. And a guy was watching porn on his phone. Wow. Yeah. Did he have headphones? No, I don't think he had headphones, but there was no volume. But you saw the video. Yes.

And I discussed it. It's disgusting. And it was like, that's worth a comment. In my opinion, there could be kids walking on. That's worth a, I, Hey pal, I, my man, let's shut that down. You're like the Mark Wahlberg of the show. I did not. I just, I was walking by and I was like, ah, how old of a gentleman? I would say 50. If you,

Oh, yeah. Yeah. Horrifying. A guy our age, Gareth? Nope. No, no, no. An old man. To me, I would say that

It's like I worry that we're going to get into this place where this is what it is. By the way, you're not wrong. Because I was saying the other day. Yeah, and I was like, you know what? I shouldn't even admit it, but I was watching the Packers game on my phone. I wasn't watching it, but I had it on. And like when I was in traffic, I would check. You thought yours was more embarrassing? Well, no, Kevin, that's not what I'm saying. I was like.

This is not good. And then I thought people probably watch porn while they drive, too. That probably happens. And to me, I would say porn in the car is obviously bad porn on a shared thing of transportation. Not OK. I truly believe that's a next level move. I do, too. And that I feel like it's not out of line to say, hey, pal, shut your fucking phone down. You are out of line. And I don't know if you know this, but read my shirt. Yeah. Jiu Jitsu. I got beat up on the ground.

Without further ado, enjoy the show!

How did you, what's your favorite episode of the, my other podcast at all? Ooh, um, probably the KFC Colonel Sanders. It's a great episode. That was so good. Uh, so when are we getting Dave? When are we getting Dave on the show? Real soon. He's in the yard right now, punching himself in the face, getting ready for his next appearance.

Can we get your name, where you're calling from, and your favorite podcast? No, and what's going on? Yeah. And who are you talking to? Oh, I was talking to my husband. Oh, cute. Okay, what's your name? Yeah. I'm Kat, and I'm 33, and I'm calling from Jacksonville, Florida. Oh, beauty. Beauty. Jake's going there on his little turtle tour.

No, it's not a turtle's where I swim with turtles. Go ahead, Kat. What's the problem today? Yeah. So I have a new baby and she's four months old. And my dad, instead of being called grandpa, he wants to be called big daddy. Ooh.

Wait, didn't we just do one like this? We talked about it. And then we on the Patreon and we said we have to have her on. Okay. That's so weird because I was like. We've done this. Yeah, yeah. Because then we started pitching on it. Yeah. Yeah. And we said we have to have her call. Okay. So Kat, we talked about this without you for the Patreon, but keep going. Keep setting us up. Join our Patreon.

Yeah, no, I watched it. And I was like, Oh, fuck, I actually have to call in now. So my anxiety is pretty high. But yeah, so when we found out we were pregnant, we, you know, talked to the parents and had the conversation you have of like,

you know, what do you want to be called? Because apparently people can pick their grandparent name now and it can be whatever they want to be like Mimi or whatever. And my parents decided, you know, we'll keep it old school. We'll keep it simple. Grandma and grandpa is fine. Right. Well, great. Well, I have the baby and they come and visit in the hospital. And right away when my dad goes to hold her says, come to big daddy. And, um,

Is this his personality type? It just kind of stayed the same. And this is not his personality. He's not like a big, boyish, funny dude. He just fell in love with his granddaughter. It's so weird. Gender reveals, I still am not comfortable with. But it's also not like grandparents are doing name reveals for what they want to be called. Big Daddy is insane. My dad, when my kids were born, my mom was Grandma Eve.

And my dad goes, pop up. And I went, grandpa. And he goes, you know, your brother's kids, your sister's kids call me pop up. I want pop up. And I think I said to my daughters once, that's pop. No, it isn't. That's your grandfather. Pass. Because you're also allowed to just say, I pass. Yeah. I pass on this insanity. Well, you're going to get the most time with the kids. So you are allowed. Also, I pass. Yeah. You're not pop up. You're not big daddy.

Your grandpa can. But Pop Pop is weird. It's weird. But Big Daddy is, the problem with Big Daddy is it sounds like a pimp name. So much is wrong with it. I wouldn't want one of my kids calling an old man Big Daddy. Yeah, it's just like, it is. No way. It's weird. It's weird and a little uncomfortable. What would you have your grandkids call you, Gareth? Call me? I mean, I would kind of let them, I would be like, I would let them figure it out.

I would be like, I'm not gonna say, I mean, I guess I could go with Garpa. That's kinda cute.

It's pretty fun. My daughters on my mother's side, they started just letting them come up with it. So it was Ami for grandma. That's just what came out of their mouth. And then Abu for my grandpa, for their grandpa. And the grandparents wanted something different, but that's what the kids called them. So they did the cool thing. They leaned in. So now it's still Ami and Abu, but there's no significance. Grandma and grandpa. It's whatever comes out. It's not, I'm going to be big daddy. I'm going to be Mimi. I'm going to be

Yeah, that's kind of what I think. I think it's like, couldn't you just say, couldn't, in this world we live in now, can't you just be like, we decided that it's important for the kids to decide what they want to call it. Gareth, yes, that is right and smart, but that is not the premise of our show.

That's logical. That is what's going to happen. Our job is to make him feel so uncomfortable for trying to get a baby he loves to call him Big Daddy. That's what we're doing in this hot box. All right. That's it. Okay. So you're right. Yes. We have told him, you are not Big Daddy. You are Grandpa. He still keeps calling himself Big Daddy no matter what. My mom even tells him, my husband took me aside.

last time they were visiting us in the kitchen with a serious look on his face. He's like, babe, your dad cannot be Big Daddy. It's disgusting. Our daughter cannot call him Big Daddy. I'm Big Daddy. I have a pitch. Go.

Kat, I need you when you, so Damon Wayans Jr. does a thing that he does his voice when he wants to really make people uncomfortable. And what I would do if I were you is whenever you say it, I would put a lot of stink on it because you're his daughter. So if you went like, hey, you want to pick her up? Big daddy.

And he'd be like, don't. Because he's thinking it's like big grandpa, like the big love. But really, big daddy means something else. So you're just letting him know this is what you're initiating to the family where you go like, oh, big daddy can pick up the baby. And he's like, you're grossing me out. And you go, you built this house. Who is...

But that makes her part of it. It's like creepy for her. Yeah, I cannot say that to my dad. No, I'm checking out something. This is insane. I'm checking out something. GarethReynolds.com, he's checking his tour dates. Gets one compliment a dollar and the fucking guy gets too busy for we're here to help. By the way, God recognizes the farmer's market two times. I just went to BigDaddy.com just to see.

And I don't know if this helps us or anything. Like it's not bookmarked. Like it's not bookmarked. But it immediately goes... We need to update your credit card. The last one got canceled. Hello there, Mr. Reynolds. Your usual site or a new playlist today? New playlist. I'm doing a show.

I pretend like I've never been there before. But it just goes to a porn site. It just goes to a gay porn site right away. Because that's what Big Daddy is. And that is the heart of the issue. And that is the heart of the issue. That's correct. I mean, is there a way to just say to him, like, look, I've told a couple people about this name and they think it is disgustingly sexual. Is this a Mr. Piggly and Dr. Stone? Because there's no way. You are so far off on what the names are.

Moe and Piggly. What did I say? Dr. Stone. Oh. Why are you Dr. Stone? It's a confusing thing. That wouldn't make sense. Is it? Yeah, the character and the thing I'm working on with Charlie is a Dr. Stone. And I remembered one of them was a doctor. Okay, okay, okay. So it is insane, but not too insane. We were up very late last night and this morning. Okay, that's fine. That's great. Jake's a very busy man, so he sometimes brings Dr. Stone to the Moe show.

But we could do a moment right because there's no way Big Daddy knows this and what we could do it as a complaint about how Grand reveal we're probably now grandparents are doing this thing where they're sort of take and it's confusing for the kids and something and it's a mistake and it's a mistake so cat what do you think of that would you actually play the audio for him of this or with that is that not your relationship with Big Daddy

God, that makes me so uncomfortable. Good way or bad way? I would try to play it for him. He doesn't really... I agree. Let's listen for once. What are you doing?

God, I'm sorry. Jesus Christ. Dr. Stone got a little weird. I'm not feeling heard right now. Say it again. I'm not feeling heard. I know. That's a big problem with our show. I'm sorry. It's been goofy. There's been a lot of weird stuff so far. What were you saying about would Big Daddy buy this or not?

I don't know. He doesn't really pay attention to things I send him. Play it in front of him. Well, but if he's like, he's not one of, like the air conditioner guys seem to be somebody who would care. I mean, if I sent my mom a thing about like, hey, there's this podcast about stuff you're doing, how good would you listen to it? She'd go, no. Someone sends that to you? I would listen to it. You would? Okay. There's something I want to send you about keeping names straight. I'm not going to listen to it if you send it.

Okay, so you don't love the idea of that. It's not going to work. How about this? What about I'm not against? I know. I know. You're being positive. Yeah, I think you're right. I'm happy to try to win here. What if you started doing this? What if your husband said to him as like a standoff? Bad news, sir. I'm big daddy.

And so when the kid goes, a grandpa comes in, he goes, hey, it's Big Daddy. Your husband leans in and this is a man versus man battle. And he goes, hey, Big Daddy's here. And then the father goes, Big Father's here. Your big father is here. Your big dad, your actual dad. That's, if anything, Big Grandpa.

But if there's a daddy motherfucker, I'm the daddy. I think you just, I like it. I think you, I think that's good. Right? I think say the dad wants to be big dad. It's also overstepping. Yeah, I like that too. He's not the daddy. Yes, that's the best way. The dad is the fucking dad. Yes, that's better. Now, I like that. Let's,

We'll get your reaction to that in a second. I have a question. She said she liked it. She did. I like it, too. I know, but then you said we'll get your reaction. Yeah, well, I might just be going for a joke on this one. I'll be honest. Go ahead. So are your parents still together? What?

Yes. Okay, because what we could do is you could get mom to come up with a worse nickname to show him how bad it is, and then you could throw it and be like both of you guys. Old Vag. I don't... Big John. Big John. It's similar. Yes. By the way, Big John and Big Daddy, those are keepers. Lean in. No.

If a little kid ran up to their grandmother in a park and said, big, giant, giant mom. Good. But I also think that what Jake's pitching is right. I think that's the best way. If your husband's comfortable with it. Well, he's you're just talking to him. You want to throw him on? Yeah. Bring that hunk on the phone. Let's see what happens. Big Daddy. That's me. So, Big Daddy, have you been hearing where we're at on this?

Yeah, I've been I've been here auditing the whole time. Are you ready to stand up to this man who's trying to take your throne as the big daddy to this baby?

Oh, absolutely. I'm the biggest daddy. I'm her actual daddy. That's exactly right. Stop saying daddy. Okay, but hold on. No, a daddy to an actual kid is not gross. He is the daddy, and he's bigger than her. He's the big daddy. Kat, you're going to have to deal with some temporary uncomfortableness if this bothers you. But what is the best way for this to play out? I think it's for, what is your name, sir? Sorry. Big Daddy. Big Daddy.

No, Robert. All right, Robert. I think you're going to have to do it, Robert. He is. I think you're going to have to say to him, and you're going to have to bite the bullet and say, hey, listen. Before you do this, I have a faster idea. What? Let's play it out. Let's go. Who am I?

Waiter. Dishwasher repair person. I'll give you Big Daddy. Fucking yes! This is not for porno. And you're Grandpa. Okay. I'm Old Vagina. Old Jina? Cat, you're out of a job. No, Cat, you're Cat. Okay. Robert, you're the new Big Daddy. Robert, you're Robert, but win this moment, but we're gonna try to do it real, okay? Okay.

That's a no from me. Well, also from them. Okay. Mostly for you. Yep. Thank you. And for me, because I'm feeling loose today. You are, yeah. I wouldn't be surprised if I found out you were drinking a little this morning out in your weird pond. I've actually had to, I'm cutting back. You look good. Yeah. I told you that. I miss it. Yeah, well, you'll get back to it. For sure I will. Yeah. The second this is over. Yeah, no. Okay. That's not about this. No, it isn't. Kat, we're going to start.

And we're going to see what happens. Okay. Where are we? Kitchen? Okay. Kat, you tell us, where does this mostly happen with your dad? Okay. This would be in our living room. He's sitting down where, you know, he wants to hold the baby. Perfect. Okay. So we just got here. We're settled in. You're talking about sleep and all that and how everybody's doing. Really nice vibes.

Well, it's just so lovely. I mean, I'm so glad she's sleeping. I can't believe how cute she is. So adorable. So cute. Give her to Big Daddy. Let Big Daddy have a grab on his little granddaughter for a minute. Come here. Oh, look, she loves her Big Daddy.

If you're going to give her a daddy, you've got to give her to me. What's that, Robert? Yeah, this is Robert, and that's me. I'm Big Daddy. I'm her only Big Daddy. What do you mean? What do you mean you're Big Daddy? I'm Big Daddy. Yeah, he's going to go with Big Daddy. It's like a fun name, we were thinking. You can be Big Grandpa, but you cannot be Big Daddy. By the way, mic drop.

Robert, I mean, I feel like you just took the name after I wanted it. Yeah, but hold on. We could keep going on this, but the reality is that's a game-changing statement, Robert. You crushed it. You can be big grandpa, but I'm a big daddy. You know what I'm saying? If I'm the grandpa, sorry if I offended you. Yeah. You're right. It's because I do porno. But, Robert, are you willing to actually do that? I have a hammer.

Yes. Oh, yes. I'm 100% willing. Kat, Kat, are you willing, Kat, are you willing to film it on your phone and have your phone ready just like you're doing like weird texts? Yep. And you've got the texting and then you've got or taking pictures. Yes. And then just take video and just put it on Robert as he sets the fucking standard that he is the only daddy. And we have people in the room like pick up motion.

motion and stuff that can probably get a nice wide angle. Oh, wow. We would love to cut this thing together and make it a 20-minute special. Yeah, I agree. No, just get us some footage. Honestly, I've already emailed Sundance. They're interesting. We just need to have a rough cut done by the first. And two stars. Yeah. Well, listen...

But by the way, I think this is great, Robert. When you do it and it gets uncomfortable, I think you're allowed to smile a little bit so it's not a fight, but also be firm. This is your child. Yep. And somebody's saying, I would like to be this child's father. And you're saying, sorry, my man. I sprayed bait and I made this thing. It's mine. Yeah, I know.

I was thinking just like not blinking the entire time. I love it. I love it. But if your eyes get really dry and they start to water, blink. Don't cry. You're going to start losing them if you start getting weepy eyes. If you cry and get bloodshot, you've lost. Yes. So don't be afraid to throw a blink or two in there, but I like the intensity. Gareth is right. Don't go down a weird road where you're like, I decided to look at the sun. Just say the Big Daddy thing. Your eyes aren't normal for the rest of the day and everyone's like, hey, is Robert Cooley shouted he's big?

daddy and then he had like a eye freak out and you're going it's allergies and I was like you got emotional I think we're already going down a weird road here so I think not blinking might just be part of the culture cat cat you're a dad you're a big daddy for sure cat you called in do you think we've solved the problem today if this all happens

I do, as long as my dad reacts okay to that. We're never going to know until we try it. Yep. No, listen, Robert sounds very, he sounds very authoritative. I think it's good, but if it doesn't work, we'll circle back and we'll try again. Real fast, Robert, you and Big Daddy in a brawl, who wins? Me. Okay.

Are you kidding me? Okay. I don't know. 73. Some of these old timers are animals. So worst case scenario, you do what Pedro Martinez did to Don Zimmer. You just show dominance. I just say that because every once in a while I've gotten a fight with this dummy in my garage and I can't beat his ass.

Yeah, so for those of you who, maybe you guys aren't familiar with this, but Jake's turning his yard into an animal graveyard, and then in his garage, he's got a fake locker room set where he wrestles with a weighted dummy who beats him up. Well, it's a little shit talker. He hurts my feelings. Yep, Jake's made him. He says terrible things about you. Yeah, that's not surprising. It's all super crazy and weird, but Jake's happily married somehow, but that's not about him. Robert, follow up with us. This is a big one. We really think you're going to win. Come on, Cat Big Daddy. Let's go. I'll let you know.

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That's helloalma, A-L-M-A dot com slash here to help. Hello. Oh, buddy. It's the shark. Good. Hi. Welcome to We're Here to Help. Ha ha ha.

Okay, can we get your name, where you're calling from, and yeah, I mean your age, it seems like that's dropping off. Is it an appropriate task age? Do you think it is? No. It gives me a little context. Yeah, who cares? How old are you specifically? What's your name and how old are you, goddammit? Is that wrong? Am I being aggressive? No, I don't think so. Who the hell are you? I'll tell you anything you want to know. Hold on, what's your first name? Rory. Rory. Is this an aggressive start in your opinion?

No, I think this is pretty par for the course. I feel the same way. How fucking old are you, please? Take it easy. What? Take it easy with the fucking... Okay, okay. Yeah, that was wrong. That was wrong. That felt horrible. So let's try again. Okay. Rory, how old are you? Nice. Where are you calling from? What the hell are you? What the fuck do you want? Why are you calling? I'm a little over this call. Fucking speed the fuck up, homegirl. All right, all right. I'm so sorry. Rory, so sorry. Totally on me. Totally on me. Okay. I'm 26. Okay. And I'm calling from Massachusetts. Nice. What part?

Worcester County area. Worcester. How close is that to Rhode Island? Oh, 20 minutes, right over the border. Nice. Good work. How do you feel? Smart. I mean, our bar is so low for intelligence. Agreed. Confident. Okay, Rory, what can we do for you today?

Yeah, so I was hoping you guys could help me out with a little bit of a problem I'm having in the bedroom. You called the right place. Yeah, because we have a lot of problems. Sorry. Wait, no. Okay.

Okay. So my husband and I have been married for like two years now, but we've been together since high school. Okay. So we've been, you know, we've been fucking a long time. Nice. Um, wait, is that fucking after two years of marriage? Yeah. That's cool. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

You fuck him, he makes love to you. Does he cry? Do you scream and does he cry? Who doesn't? Rory, you've been having sex. You guys fuck. You do crazy stuff. You've been together since you've been teenagers. What's happening? Great sex. He always satisfies me. He makes sure I'm good to go. Problem is, past few years, he's just been coming way too fast. It is like losing his virginity all over again. I don't know what to do.

If we find the solution, tell me. Gareth, you got any pitches? Yes. Another man should be banging you. No. Here's my pitch to you. Be happy. It's a compliment. Thank him. Thank him. That means you're beautiful. Give him 10 minutes and then he'll regoo. Yeah. Did you say regoo? Yeah.

With that hair goo. That's what I put in it. It's the regoo. Paul Mitchell's regoo. So, Rory, the problem is this. You guys have been together. You have a great relationship. He satisfies you after explosion. But lately for the last. Wait a second. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on.

You're being satisfied. You're just mad that after you're satisfied, he's coming too fast after. Oh, is that the issue? She just said, Rory, the floor is yours. Walk us through this one. Because if you're both satisfied, you just want him to keep going for optics? You want multiple. No, that's not the problem. So I'm an old-fashioned girl, right? I don't orgasm from penetration. I need a little bit of a rub down there. I understand. I got you before.

So, so we, that gets taken care of before we even, you know, before he goes inside. However,

Once we get to that point and I'm not saying like, oh, it's it's five minutes. It's like a minute and a half. So it doesn't matter. I get we can do it four times in one day and it's still a minute. And I just and, you know, he would just he could last longer. He's a minute man. Well, OK. The problem is he he takes care of you prior because you can't finish from penetration.

So he takes care of you. So you're good to go. And it's only a minute and a half. And then he goes. What's only a minute and a half? Taking care of you?

No, I can't orgasm from the penetration because it's only a minute and a half. Oh, but you could. I don't know. Have you ever from penetration with him or has he been a minute man forever? Well, so here's the thing, right? Started having sex when we were like 15, 16. So it didn't actually get good until we were like out of college. And then at that point we moved in together and we had this problem. Is he your first? Yeah. Oh yeah, we're each other's first.

But here's something interesting, Gareth. Yeah. At 21, what are we calling this guy? We'll call him Gene. Gene?

No wonder he's coming so fast. I'm sorry. I couldn't go longer. Nearly perfect name. It's either Gene or we're calling him Alvin. I made the bed wet again. Does he refer to you as mommy? Mommy, look at the size of the spot I made. Help me, queen. Yuck. So I just just to get clear on this.

When you guys were 22-year-old kids and seniors in college, Gene was lasting longer? Yes. Weird. It's weird to be 26. That's what I'm saying. So this is an interesting caller. I'm glad you called. You have called the right show. What was the moment when it started going down? When we moved in together. Weird. Can you relate to this at all? That's what I'm saying. It's weird. Well, I mean...

I think you, you know, you have a sliding scale through your life of like how long. But the thing is, when you get comfortable in a relationship, your time goes up. Agreed. You know, so I wonder why would it go down? The only reason I don't understand the only reason to the bottom of this. The only reason I could think it could go down is because he's like.

She doesn't want me to. Yeah, he's like, let's get it over. Like, yes, because if you're trying to like, OK, so if you're trying to make someone finish through fucking. Yes, you there are things you can do moves. There's moves. There's slowing down. There's given your, you know, stopping drilling for a minute and taking a breather. You can think about their curling of your hair. You can curl your hair further. But I agree. But but if you're not. Yes. Then it's a sprint.

Yes. Then, then, and if someone, I mean, there are certain things too. It's like where if you are banging and someone's like, don't stop right there. You're like, that's the worst thing to say. Yeah.

You're like, what you should be saying is, ow, hurts. Then you'd be like, I feel bad. And that helps you last. When someone's like, you're killing it. You're like, don't pep talk. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Don't make any sounds. It'll ruin it. Well, it's not like we haven't had these conversations. So Rory, walk us through the conversation. It's not like he's just trying to. So when you brought this up, what happens? Will you play both characters so we can get a sense of it? Yeah, it's weird for us to jump in and play this. Okay, cool, cool, cool. Unless we. Oh. Okay.

So, oh, that was great. Thanks for that sex. Cool. Here's a towel. Yeah, you know, it was great. Would have loved if it lasted a little bit longer. Yeah, me too. Oh, so why'd we stop then? Oh, I don't know. Okay. Well, you want to last longer. I would be cool with lasting longer. Maybe like, what can we do? We've tried everything. Tried condoms, no condoms.

- Changing positions, staying in the same position. - Interesting. - Being silent, having clothes on. - Have you tried cleaning clothes on? - Yeah, besides the genitals. - Well, I keep my shirt on. - Well, not his shirt. I don't think him taking his shirt off is gonna make him come way faster and slower. - Or you. - It would be yours. He's like, "You know what I'm gonna do? "I'm gonna wear a fedora and high socks. "I'm gonna throw boots on." And it's like, "Hey, Gene, it's more about what you're seeing." - I'm gonna do a raincoat. - Yeah, yeah.

Have you tried the shift change? Have you tried giving him 10 minutes and then jumping right back in? Yeah. So we have made it a thing where we dedicate an entire Saturday to having sex multiple times to see what we can do. It's great. But then again, literally a couple weeks ago, we did four times in one day. Still a minute and a half. You pop. Awesome.

Wow, so in the end, it's about six minutes. So that's not my pitch. Here's my pitch. So just do it 12 times. Yeah, it's the cumulus. Sweetie, when you look back at this, you're going to add up all the time. Think of all the minutes he's given you. Hours. Here's what I'm thinking. Here's my first pitch. Gareth, tell me if I'm going wrong on this. Okay.

I want you to, if you're looking to spice up a relationship, one thing you could do is throw like sexy porno on, right? Sure. If you're looking to slow it down, throw Cocoon on. An old movie about older- She's 26. We gotta think of- Put on Cars. Well, how about, no, Cars, I don't know. Toy Story. I want something, I want something where- He's already Lightning McQueen.

But listen, I'm looking for something with a bunch of old people getting in a pool for Fountain of Youth stuff. And while he's doing this, you're not talking. I'm not making any sounds. He's just watching. What's his last name? Alfred Brimley or something. I want to see that guy. I want to see that guy on a porch. If I'm looking at his old ass on a porch, I'm Sting.

I like it. I think that's good. Yeah, because one of the things you do when you're in this position and you're trying to last as long as possible is you kitchen sink it. So you will be like, I mean, baseball, baseball, or you'll be like, I mean, you can be like, oh, I've got something. I got one, too. You go. Well, OK. Like what if you if you had an honest conversation? What if you put a clock?

in the corner. Pressure. Pressure, but maybe it's like he might be losing himself. He might be losing himself in the process thinking it's going longer. Like sometimes I'll be on stage and I'll be like, oh, I got to be almost done. I'll be like 20 minutes.

Fuck. Just got here. Yeah. If you're like bombing, it's like, so it might help you a little bit. That's how I feel working out. Yeah. Yes. I left two things. I go like this. Fuck. I've been here for two hours. My back. I'm done. And the dummy's like, it's been 40 minutes. No, the dummy at that point is like, get on the ground. Get on the ground. And I'm like, stop it. Throw cocoon on. Come on. Yeah. You're too intense. Finish me. So here's a thought.

Rory, tell me if this is wrong or crazy. What about you start off, you know, whatever you guys do, he finishes you off. You refer to it, I believe, as a rubdown. You then start entering the next phase of your relationship. It starts getting a little sexual. It begins. You're into the mode of penetration. Penetration. You say in his ear, how's your mom doing?

And then he goes, what? You go, keep going. What's going on with mom and dad? This is fucking great. I got a little bit tense before. That's okay. How about this? Hold on. Oh my God. Those enchiladas are not agreeing with me. Yes. I really think... I have a terrible stomach ache. I'm sorry if I get gassy. I'm not kidding. Agreed. This could be a breakthrough for mankind. At 26...

His boner is probably going to keep going. Then if he goes, you want to stop? And you go like this. No. Really? Yeah.

like this right Rory I know you're against it but can I just say that Jake has for me maybe if you're how are your parents doing yeah I mean I like enchilada too man so Rory to you now you've gotten a zone and that is either ask about it's pretty brilliant ask about very unsexy stuff or talk about very unsexy stuff that's happening to you during it what are you thinking when we bring that up to you what are your thoughts

Yeah. So off the bat, I want to enjoy the sex too, right? So bringing up his mother, for me personally, I'm not sure. Well, hold on. Let me say something. Rory, let me say something. Okay. You've listened to this show before, right? Every episode. Yeah, that's really nice. Thank you. That's great. That's cool. That's cool. All 15 of them or all like 150? Is this a fake, every one of them?

Okay, I haven't listened to the last three. Fair. I'll admit to that. Okay, hold on. No, that's not a quiz. I don't want to lose this. I don't want to lose this. What's been going on? What's the last three? What's going on? Busy? Certainly not busy in the set. You got a lot of time. We know you got the time. You listen to audiobook?

I just started. Get that off your phone. I know. I know. It's disgusting. I know. I know. Read a book. Listen to us give bad advice. You're not going to learn more from a show than this. Agreed. So let me. Well, all day today to prepare for this, I listened to so many episodes. Let me tell you this. You're doing a great job. You're doing a great job. Tell people. Thank you. But let me say this. Oh, I always do. Let me say this. We can stop selling merchandise. Shark shirts. Go ahead. Promo code here. Dog shirts. Dog shirts. Dog shirts.

That's not what this is about. That's not what this is about. Here's what this is about. Hey, John. Sometimes slash we're here to help. I think so.

Facebook accounts, Squarespace. Okay, now we're good. Who cares? Just sell shit. This is what he should say in her ear. Agreed. This is a boner killer. Sometimes you gotta run a mile to go a block. There he is. And a lot of our pitches, we know where to, but here's what we're saying to you. You already need to run a mile. So of course you want every session of sex to be good, but maybe we need to break the spell. Yes. And that is,

Take three sessions where you go, I can't believe I'm talking about his mother and enchiladas. And then you go, we lasted eight minutes. Then you say to him, hey, cowboy, that was the longest we've gone in a while. I felt great. Now his confidence is back. Yep. Because he might be in his head. Confidence. Yes. Made me feel barfy. Yeah, of course. Well, let's listen. But I think that's right.

Right? Yes. I think we're trying to break the stallion. And you might need to be part of us, and that is, you're going in a weird direction, but you're gonna bring up mom, you're gonna bring up enchiladas, and maybe even a third thing, and then on the fourth session, Nothing. Nothing, and see if he's longer. Yes. What do you think, Rory? Okay.

Okay. I mean, I can sacrifice a few go rounds. Yes. I mean, it's like two minutes. Agreed. Yeah. How's your mommy? She shoots, but if he comes down even faster. So there is a potential downside to this. And it's the biggest explosion she's ever felt. She's like, whoa!

What happened? And he goes, I don't know. I'll patch the wall. Yeah. I've never had an orgasm like that. Yuck. We should call my mom. Yeah. I love my mommy. Rory. Oh, my worst nightmare. Yes. What are you going to do? Okay. What are you going to do? You like it? What do you think?

I don't love it, but I'll do it. I think it's fair. I think the enchiladas probably isn't the move because, you know, after being with someone for so long, he'll, he'll fuck me after big blows of diarrhea. He doesn't really care. Sure. Thank you for title. Yeah. I'd skip that one. Yeah.

Same, by the way. Especially when I'm eating. What kind of show is this? It's disgusting. It's not good. Who are these hacks in this photo? That's stupid. Yuck. They call this Shark Tank? Yeah. Gross. Don't pick it up. It's hard to hurt. Get a job. It's hurting. Get a job. Rory, back to you. So let's do something here.

You are you. Gareth is Gene. Wow. Rory, first of all, are you comfortable with me being Gene in this?

Yes, I love that we're calling it Gene. Yeah, and I'm not going to push it. For once in my life, I'm not going to go crazy. We'll see. The more I think about it, the more I think this guy goes big. Now that I'm thinking about it. You got to go big at home. Okay, so we are going to see what happens. The whole scene is under a minute and a half. Well, let's say we're 80 seconds into the scene. Okay, so you guys have been in the movie. I'm closing in. That's exactly right, Gene. Rory...

His body is doing the stuff that he's, you know, because you've been fucking him since you've been kids.

Jane's going to finish soon. Yeah. It's you are within 10 seconds of mommy blast off. Okay, here we go. Ready? Okay. And act. Oh, babe. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, so I was thinking Thanksgiving's coming up. Do we really have to go to your mom's again? Or do you think we can do our own thing? Hold on, hold on. I don't know. Hold on. Yeah, so your mom, you know how I feel about her. Thanksgiving, what are your thoughts? I don't know. We can do whatever you want, babe. We can do whatever you want. Whatever you want. Oh, so I'm thinking

I'm thinking you don't go. Do you want to call her and tell her we're not going to Thanksgiving? You handle that? Not now, but yeah. Pretty good. It's distracting. Rory, that was great. You kept pushing. Yes. It's consistent. And what you nailed. Maybe we don't even have to do enchiladas and mom. Daily tasks. A quest.

Also, a thing he has to think about. What if we don't go there? And also, you said you wanted to go to Target to get those curtains. I was thinking rather than the white ones, should we get the brown ones? Something you've been asking him to do. Did you get that refund? Where he goes, what? You still haven't fixed the towel hook in the bathroom? How close are you to fixing the towel hook? And if you don't, do you want me just to call someone? And he's like, can we talk about this in literally three seconds? No, no, no. And then if he slows down, go like this. Gene, keep going.

I think it's pretty good. This is really confusing. I think it's good. You know what this reminds me of? It's annoying. Yes, but you know what this reminds me of? There's some sort of, and I'm going to say it incorrectly because it's my brand, but there's some sort of therapy where they mess with your eyes. I think it's called like EMDR, where it's like an eyes and a sound thing. And what happens is you're talking about some trauma. Then that happens and your brain gets all shaken up. So you start re-seeing yourself.

your own memories differently. I'm butchering it. Yeah, but still. But that's what we're doing here. Yes. He is right in the pattern of like, I'm Gene. I come in a minute and a half. My wife worries, disappointed. Well, you're kind of, you're fucking with his neural pathways. You're trying to create a new version of what his mind is doing during this. This might be the first time in a while where, I think we're doing good work.

work. I know. The best part is I agree. The worst part is Rory's like, I'll try it. Well, the worst part is going to be for Gene. Yes, for Gene when he's like, I don't know. But I think that Rory, if you pull this off and you do it the way you just did that, and if he stops, you have him keep going, and then while you're having sex,

He's not in the pressure of lasting long. He's not in the pleasure of this feels good. He's not in whatever weird fantasy Gene's thinking about. Yep. He is in a daily task of fixing something in the fucking bathroom. It becomes menial. If you can shoot a load while thinking of a chore, you should be in pornos. Yes.

It's pretty good. It's like Pavlov's dog. I like it. Pavlov's doggy style. Not a title. Come on, maybe a title. I started to write it down. I don't love not a title. But you're doing a move that could actually rewire him. And I got a feeling in about three months, you two guys are going to be fucking like,

22-year-olds. I think it's pretty good. I have another pitch if you call back, but I... Let's just hear it. We're here. Well, position-wise, he's going to have ones that he likes less. Is that true, Rory?

Well, here's the thing. We, again, it's only been a few years of just not long. So we, we really have like our three go-to positions. We haven't really branched out too much. I would branch out. You think that's going to make them last longer? I don't know. Maybe. That's what I want. So Rory, what are the three positions? Mish? Okay. So missionary, of course, of course.

No, not girl on top, me on top. And then a little side action. I go on my side. Okay. I'll be honest. I like all those. I like cheeseburgers and fries too. I'm going to say something crazy here. I like an ice cream sundae. Exactly. Yeah, man. I would try doggy.

Give that a shot. So we've done that in the past. It just makes me feel, and then we might get to the enchiladas. It makes me feel like I'm going to shit myself if we do that. By the way, then mention that. Yes. Hold on, Rory.

then said i want to try this but just fyi i feel like i might shit myself and he'll go like this guess what his eyes are on i mean it's hard to look away your problem is gonna be he's gonna be like i want to get a separation i think we start with where we were at and we i like it yeah one more question please are the lights on or off when you're doing this pitch black uh blasting sound it

Depends. If it's in the morning, the sunlight, if it's at night, pitch black. You guys are pitch black? Well, if we're already in bed. Oh, I got you. Usually happens after we've gone to bed kind of thing. Women always ask for pitch black with me. It's strange.

Not after the new hair. No, no, no. I wear the barber shirt. He had his spotlight. I sing a little. Can we do a mask on the face, just the hair? And then there's three guys behind you. So, Rory, I think we start with your first move. I think the acting was great. It was really convincing. I feel like that's going to work. What do you feel?

Yeah. I mean, I'm, I'm willing to try anything first couple of times. I just throw in some chores while it's happening. If you look, gives me a weird face, just say, no, it's fine. Keep going. It's fine. Keep going. We'll talk about it later.

and then bring it up again. No, you don't talk about it later. We keep going and then he'll go... We just keep going. Okay. You are driving the conversational train and then he goes like, are you not enjoying this? It's great. Keep talking. He might afterwards go, that was really weird. And you go, I hear you. I just wanted to get that off my chest. But he doesn't have to know why. And I feel like for these first couple, it's not about like...

I would say it's all just about extending his performance. You know, you're kind of going to be distracted too. It's just like a few away from this. We're just trying to see if he can last longer. Then you can worry about it. And then do us a favor, Rory, because this is a, this is a fun one. Will you call us back after the three sessions? Yes. And I don't want Gene.

No. It's a hard one for Gene. I think we... You don't tell Gene about the podcast, if you're comfortable. We'll wait on that. But let's just see if this is going to work. You guys seem to have a pretty active thing, so that callback could happen soon. We could talk tomorrow. If it's not three times, if it's once, but there was something that's worth calling on, I feel like this is going to be a happy ending. How many minutes away are you from completion, do you think?

What do you mean? Oh, when they're going? Yeah. It's too early. Yeah. A few. I don't know. I think we can get there. Oh, so you're saying during penetration, it's building. Yes. Yes. And that's why I don't want it to stop. It's not just like, oh, this is cool. It's like, oh, we could be going somewhere. I think we can get you. We could be going somewhere. But Gareth, you might have actually said something earlier. Rory, are you making crazy sounds as you're getting closer? Yeah, that's bad. Well...

When he's beforehand, yes, but he's not inside. When he's in me, no. What a terrible answer, but we won't dig into that for now. Before and when the rubdown. Oh, yeah, but still. No, but again, I think that's right. I think what we're going for is the anti-enjoyment side. And that's where we're at. Yeah, so we're good. So, Rory, give it a shot. See if we're extending the time. And then, yeah, why don't we do three or four calls back and we'll get an update.

- All right, sounds good guys. - Okay. - I'll be thinking of you. - There's also another thing you could do that's really unsexy and that is hacky jokes and like silly voices. - You're cutting away my comment. Why do an impression of me during, I don't understand. - How's that about you? - I do impressions, I do accents, I do hacky jokes. - We all do hacky stuff. - Yeah. - Although we're doing a podcast. - Okay.

You think I didn't wear a ton of wigs in my sketch comedy day? You don't think I was doing oxen? You don't think I was alienating audiences? To be fair, I think I was more, but okay. Sir, I'd love to see your collection of props. I think we've been on the same stages, Bobby. Sir, do you have a green screen in your garage? I rest my case. I might have at a certain point. I have one now. Continue.

So here's what I mean by that. If during sex, if all of a sudden he's doing something and you go like, whoa, boy, that's a tickler. That's a spicy. Like, oh, my, oh, my, yubba yubba. And he'll go like, and then you go afterwards with a dead face. I'm just being hilarious. Yeah. And then he'll go, he'll do something else. And you go like, no, that's a hole in one. And he'll go like.

We'll be right back. Yeah. That's all folks. Yeah. Right. You just ruin it. Find it. Like I would say the third one go a little goofy. Yeah. Yep. I

I like it. Like channel my inner Jessica day. Yes. I mean, news anchorman. Yeah. It would be, it would be hard to finish during that because what we're doing is we're confusing him. Yes, we are. We are messing with the neuropath. We are messing. His part of his brain is going the rewiring. Yes. But also like,

I love my wife. Go to work. We fuck in the dark. In the morning, the sunlight comes in and we're just going, that's awful. And he goes, what? Hey, can you get that thing from the other room? What other thing? You're turning into a puzzle. The towel rack. Your mom doing good? Thanksgiving plan. It's going to be parking's going to be terrible this year. Should we take a Lyft? Huh? An Uber? What? Maybe I'll drive. Maybe we don't drink. I've lost my erection. There we go.

And that's fine, too. That's okay. Because then when he comes back. We can get it back right away. That counts. If it goes away and comes back, the time's still running. Yeah, we resurrect it. It's a resurrection. Rory, please follow up. This is an interesting one. Yes. No, no. No, I will. I will. What were you going to say? I was going to say, I don't want him to not be able to finish, because then I feel like he just won't want to. Look. He'll finish. Believe me. At 26, he's finishing. He's finished. Okay. Okay.

Don't worry. We can rebuild it. Can we keep it going? That's exactly right. Yeah. We got it. All right. He's got it. All right. All right. I'm good. I'm excited. I'll keep you guys posted. So mostly we end this with a thanks for the call, but we're going to end this with you're welcome. Yeah, you're welcome. And we're finished. Just like Gene. But it took way longer than a minute and a half. Yeah. It was a long one. Yeah. It was about 30 minutes. We all finished.

Yeah. It's nice. Tell Gene to fuck off. We just went 30 minutes. Bye, Rory. Bye, Rory. Bye. Sorry about that ending. Bye, guys. Thanks. Bye.

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Hey everyone, it's the shark. And if this is your first episode, uh, that's my nickname. The original call from this next follow-up aired on January 4th. It's called that's not it with Jeff Cobra. And it's the second call from the episode. So if you'd like to listen as a quick refresher, go for it. Enjoy. Hello. Wow. Okay. Uh, you're a follow-up call. Yes. Yes. Hey, Hey, yeah, I am. Okay. What is your name?

Hannah? Hannah? Yes. Whoa. You know what I'm thinking? No. What was your first call?

My husband flosses on the couch. Never mind. Your husband what? Flosses on the couch. Oh, couch floss. This was a long time ago. Couch floss? It's been a while. We love you. We talk about you. So, Hannah. Do you really? Yes. Yes. Well, this was one of the early ones that helped us figure out what our show is. Yes. This was Fight Fire with Fire. And also, this kind of feels like the question that matters to us. Yes.

So will you walk us through in the audience? This is the wheelhouse of what your problem was, what our solution was and what you ended up doing and where are we now? What's the update? Yeah. Firstly, thank you for having me back. Very excited. Thanks for coming. Um,

thank you um so yeah you're welcome no problem okay keep going i appreciate you thank you thanks thank you okay yeah no problem so yeah my husband's boss is on the couch it's something that um he and his family all do after dinner together insane on the couch it's like the clumps i think it's disgusting we talked about the wolf boy situation right like that's

that's animalistic, not human. We don't like that. We'll be raised by wolves. Sounds like we were pretty hard on the guy, but keep going. I don't think so. It sounds like he was raised by wolves. I don't know. Wolf boy is pretty tough. Okay. So keep going, Anna. It's not nice. It's not. That's for sure. Goddamn wolf boy. He was raised by wolves. No.

So we decided, you guys agreed with me, this is a bathroom activity, even though Gareth revealed that he does do it in his car sometimes. Oh, right. Oh, fuck. You know, that's one of the things that is the worst. We appreciate your hygiene. The stuff you say. All right, but keep going, Hannah. I have to wash my car.

And so what did we end up saying to do? We said floss back, right? No. We ran through all of these ways that we could negatively reinforce this behavior and shame Jeff out of

flossing on the couch so uh i was going to do something more gross than jeff in a public area of the house to try to get him oh you said like yeah yeah toenails right clip your nails okay gonna do my toenails yeah um me i think jake you said that i should go to our dentist and like get information on how harmful the bacteria in our teeth plaque is and try to get them so like

Talked to Jeff about this habit. Sure. But ultimately I decided. Yeah, what did you do? Well, I decided when we were talking that that wasn't going to be the right move for Jeff. He needed positive reinforcement. So you all suggested that I use

That was a period of time where all of our pitches were that. We fell off that. Lately, we're into fart machines. Yeah. We. It's time to just set it. Because of you. Not because it was his idea. I'm going to go. No, no, no.

But wait, we said to flash him. No, remember, we used to say to a lot of callers, the way to do this is to hold sex and then get him to do whatever. Don't fuck him. We did it a lot. Don't fuck him. And we said, like, while he's flossing, show your boobs and then put him away. And then he goes, what are you doing? And it's like, you keep flossing, you're not seeing him again. I love the waves of the show so much. I know, yeah, we have trends. So, Hannah, we said, we said, flash him when he gets excited to go, but not with the floss, correct? Correct.

Well, at first you said to flash him anytime he was flossing in the bathroom. Oh, like that's better. It's like petting him. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Okay. All right. Like, yeah. Well, you even sound disappointed by our advice now and you've had some time with it. So, okay. Spoiler alert. It backfired in a major way. All right. Now you got to take over and explain what's happening. I will say it wasn't entirely your fault.

I just really couldn't commit to it and was kind of like so tickled that I had like gone to you guys to seek out this advice and like, haha, I finally cracked the code for happy marriage and great communication, avoiding the problem and going to others for help.

And so he was brushing his teeth one day in the bathroom and I flashed him. I was like, yeah, you're brushing your teeth in the bathroom. And he's like, what the fuck is going on? I could see, I could see it from his point of view. Yeah. Feeling weirded out. Yep. Yeah. What are you doing? Yeah. Don't talk to me like that. Yeah. I'm not a child. I did like seeing that. And I'm going to keep flossing in here cause you did that, but I'm not a child. Yeah. But look at me. I'm flossing. Okay.

Okay, so you did it once. He didn't love it. Then what happened? No. Then I just started getting really weird anytime he was flossing and just judgy and he could tell something was going on. I was probably nagging him about other things too, as wives do, and it just built up and led to this huge blowout fight. You're still together, right?

Oh yeah, happily married. Probably closer than ever. All right, so Hannah, walk us through the fight. Sometimes we have to walk a weird mile, lead you to get in a big fight, and then the end it works. Maybe I'm going to try to spin it as our victory. Absolutely. Sometimes we plan the big fight stuff because we know it's good for you. Go ahead. So what happened? So you guys got in a big fight, and then what happened?

Big fight. Hannah's such a nag. Everything Jeff does is wrong. That was the thesis of the fight? Yeah. You're a nag and he's always wrong? And I'm always making him out to be wrong and picking him apart. So it came to the point where I was like, all right, honey, guess what? You're going to laugh so hard. I was actually on this podcast that I've been telling you about.

And this is why I've been acting this way. Oh, he's going to kill us. Yeah. No, don't tell me he's like in the Mongols motorcycle. So he's a mixed martial artist. He's actually outside the shark. Perfect for you, Jake.

Yeah. Is he a boneless dummy? Yeah, mine's got one bone in him. Jesus Christ. So Hannah, what happened? So you show him the... He listens to the episode. So it definitely de-escalated things. However, the original problem has not been solved. He instead...

Now Flosh is in our bed. We're not pitching again. Are we not? No.

She almost got divorced because of us. Why not clip the toenails in bed? Wait, say that again, Hannah. To say that my call helped you guys figure things out was really painful for me to hear considering the outcome. Let's solve it. All right. You want us to pitch on this? Why not clip your toenails in bed when he does it? There's just a line there that I'm just not going to cross. She doesn't want to mess with you.

That's just gross. And I feel like the super tat, so to speak, is not effective. It hasn't worked. So here's, I think, you know, we are going to get a bell in here soon and we're going to call it the victory bell, I think, or the Vicky bell. I can't remember the...

Something be love it, but we're not gonna be bringing it So, you know what happened Hannah? We just walked a mile And everybody got tired and then in the end you said there's probably an easier way to do it and I figured it out and for that we're happy for you guys, but this one was in the I got a pitch good and

Let's make an audio clip right now that she can play whenever he does it. And it's something like this. Like you and I right now just go. I didn't expect that reaction. You and I just go, ooh, he's flossing, he's flossing, he's flossing. Ooh, he's flossing a bit. Ooh, he's flossing a bit. Yeah. Let's do it. Okay. And then whenever he does it, just play this. Hannah, do you think if we sent this to you, you would play it on your phone while he was doing it? A hundred percent. Okay. Let's just try to see what happens. Okay. In three, two.

Ow, he's flossing. He's flossing again. Wait, hold on. Announcers. Okay, great. All right, great.

Well, let's give that one first. Let's just do it. Okay. Give her options. Okay. Ready? Whenever. Ew. Oh, he's flossing. He's flossing his bed. He's flossing his bed. Oh, my God. Today's food is on the duvet, Jake. I'm going to barf. I'm going to barf. He's flossing. I'd rather you barf on his fucking floss. Dude, if you're going to floss a bed, just do it in the living room. Yeah, let's go. Oh, my God. It's horrible. Flossing, flossing, flossing. Animal. Raised by wolves. Wolf boy. Oh, my Lord. Yeah, gross. Black, black, black, gross. Next one. Announcers. Okay.

And Jake, here we are. We're wrapping up the day. Well, this is a wild thing that's happening. Look to your left. Look to your left right now. Just when we think the day's wrapping up, look at him right now. He's starting to floss his teeth. This is a bathroom activity. He's doing a bed. What he's doing right now, which I did not expect, is he's flossing the back molar.

Mulder. Of course he is, Jake. And we all know that's where a lot of disgusting food hides itself. I mean, when was the last time this guy did it? It feels like a week. Could you imagine him not going into the bathroom to do this? It's unbelievable. He's flicking lunches left and right right now. Holy wow. Gareth, something just flew out of his mouth. And it's going far, Jake. It's all the way. Look at that. Oh my God.

these are like little... I gotta say, I've been doing this job for 37 years, but this will be the first time I barf. Jake, I thought I'd seen it all and this flossing is brought to you by Oral-B. Oral-B Flossing. If you're gonna floss, use Oral-B. And ZocDoc. Sure, ZocDoc, taking it in a strange direction. By the way, if you're gonna floss...

floss and meals like this are going to pop out you may as well do it in the toilet because these are legal movements and robot litter and it's disgusting and don't forget pretty litter wow this guy should go do it in a litter box if you ask me let's do it again faster okay great we've got options let's do one in 15 seconds so she can actually play it okay in three seconds

Two. One. Wow, Jake, look at this. Bottom of the row and he's flossing away. I can't believe this is happening in bed. It's disgusting. Look at this one going, going, going all over. Where should a man floss his teeth? Jake, we came up with the bathroom and we put a door on it for a reason. This is absolutely horrifying. What a shock. How's that, Hannah? Would you play that?

You guys, I honestly thought that we were helpless at this point, but I know I said it once before, but I really believe this time. Let's do it. Okay. All right. We're going to send you all three of these. Well, do you want all three or do you want just the last one? You tell us. I like all of them. We'll send you all of them. You're totally right. There we go. We're going to send you everything and then please follow up with us if it goes sideways and leads to a fight. I will.

Listen, this is a Hail Mary. Agreed. So if it works, amazing. If it doesn't, we expect that. Yeah, that's true. So let's try it out and let's see what happens. Yeah. I love the optimism, Derek. Thank you. Goddamn right. We're going to get him. We got him, Hannah. Thanks, Hannah. Thank you, guys. Take care. Bye. Bye. Bye.

We're Here to Help is hosted by Jake Johnson. And Gareth Reynolds. The show is produced and edited by Kevin Bartelt. And the associate producer and editor is AJ McKeon. Our social media director is Caitlin Tanwakio. And our video editor is John DeBruyne. The theme song is made by Oliver Raleigh. And you can check out his music at OliverRaleigh.com. That's Oliver R-A-L-L-I.com.

The album artwork is by James Fosdyke. You can find him on Instagram at James underscore Fosdyke, D-I-K-E. And if you'd like to see me do stand up on the road, go to GarethReynolds.com. Additional artwork by Patty Holland. You can find him on Instagram at P-A-D-D-Y Holland 2004. And if you'd like early access to episodes, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com slash here to help pod. And if you'd like to be on the show, email us your question at helpfulpod at gmail.com.

All of the advice given on We're Here to Help is for entertainment purposes only, and all listeners should be adults and make their own decisions.