This is Why we Can't Trust Each Other | Trash Taste #226
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Hello and welcome to another episode of Trash Taste. I'm your host for today, Garns. Joining me once again are the boys

- The boys are back to play another game. This isn't really a game. This is just putting what we do on Trash Taste normally into a box. - Oh shit. - 'Cause we're gonna be playing a game of what if. - Okay, explain the rules. - Well, Joey. - Just in case. - Just in case we have a box full of prompts.

And with these prompts are certain what if questions. And we have to basically discuss what would we do if, let's say for example, I'm going to pick a random one right now. What would you do if, oh,

- An apocalypse just broke out. What is the first thing you're doing on the bucket list? Inspired by Zom 100 actually. - Okay, not sponsored. - Not sponsored, not sponsored this time. - Park illegally probably. - Park illegally? - Just those parking guys that always tell me I can't park here. - The first thing you wouldn't do is go live?

- Ah, second. - Second thing. - Pull up my car illegally, then go live. - Yeah, you'd want to do something that you, I don't know, like can't do normally, but in the back of your mind, you're like, what if I could do that? Like, you know, it's like, what if I could just take a shit in the middle of the road? - No, no, no, what? - That was the most out of pocket. - Every time I see a dog. - What the?

- I'm like, hang on. What would that actually feel like? - They don't shit in the middle of the road. They shit like wildest on the sidewalk. - Okay. - Wait, second of all. - So you want to shit in the middle of the road? - Second of all, I have never thought this. Have you ever thought this? - You've never thought this? - You've never thought? - I'm just like, what if? - I think it would feel the same as shit, actually worse. - Yeah, because you have people seeing you. - Well, no, if you're in a zombie apocalypse. - My question is, what is the, like, you want to do this, right? So you want to shit in public.

- Presumably it's because you want people to watch. - No, I just want to see if it's any different. - That's a joke. - I'm a curious individual, I just want to know. - It's okay to be like, yeah, I just want someone to watch. Like that's fine. - I mean, if someone's there to watch, it's like, whatever, we're all gonna die. It's a zombie apocalypse. - There's so much to unpack here. I don't know where to start. - Hey man, I'm starting this episode off with a bang. - First of all, first of all,

- Why? - Sometimes you don't need a reason for everything. Sometimes you just want to do it. - Sometimes you do, Joey. - Sometimes you do. - You don't have to argue with everything that you need a reason. - Sometimes you're just like, "Hey, you know what? I just kind of want to do it just to see what it's like." - I can probably predict how it would feel like.

- Just less uncomfortable than a bidet. - Yeah, but how do you know? - Do you like squatting toilets? - Have you shit in the woods? - I have shit in the woods. - They would be that on tarmac, except some of it would maybe splash on you if it's a little. - Splash? How wet are your shoes? - Maybe it's the apocalypse, okay? Maybe you haven't got enough fiber. - I think the first thing you need to do is eat fiber. - Listen, listen, I'm in the apocalypse. I'm concerned with my fiber intake, okay? Is it a crime?

- Also, if we're going like how, what senses do the zombies have? Do they have the sense of smell? 'Cause then you'd be just be like attracting the zombies to yourself by taking a shit in public. - No, no, no, no. - Zombies famously love the smell of shit. Famously, that's what they go off of. - Top two things the zombies say, brains and poop.

- I always wondered how they found those people in the- - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - No, if that was the case, then that'd be like a great decoy. If I need to get away, I'll be like, hang on, I have a distraction.

And then I'll be distracted by my poop and I can make a run for it. - You know that scene in every zombie movie where one person always stays behind and fucking pushes the car alarm or something like that to attract the zombies. It's just you just ripping a fat one. Just be like, guys, go on without me. I'll distract the zombies. - Don't worry, I'll catch up. I'll be a lot lighter after this.

- Okay. - So Joey's taking a shit in the middle of the road. That is the first thing you do in a zombie apocalypse. - Why not? What would you do? - Not that. - What would you do? - Other than park illegally and go live.

- I feel like I would do something like dangerous that like would normally get me killed or something I'd be afraid to do. - Yeah, take a shit in the middle of the road. - Take a shit in the road. - I don't know man, depends where you are. - Like I would learn how to like use a wing suit or something. - A wing suit? - Oh, wait, so you'd go all the way up to the top of a mountain. - You can do that already. - Yeah, you can do that now. - You don't need a zombie or a pole. - Wait, what? - The odds of you dying are so high.

- Yeah, but that doesn't change. - I wouldn't feel like, you know, it's kind of like when you've guaranteed a win through a bracket. So the next match you're like, I don't need to win it. It's kind of like that with your life where you're like, I got nothing to look forward to. So may as well just like- - Might as well just go skydiving. - I'll go fucking paramotoring. I don't know. I'll figure it out. - What the fuck is paramotoring? - Paramotoring. - What's that? - What's that? - It's where you, can you show a picture?

- What do you say, paramotory? - Yeah, where you attach a giant motor to a paraglide. - Oh, that's what that's called? - Extremely dangerous, yeah. - You can already do this though. - It's extremely dangerous, I would not do this. - Yeah. - Except that one YouTuber died. - Yeah, that is true. It looks cool, I wouldn't have the balls to do this. - It just wows me that you hear zombie apocalypse and you're just like, well,

- I'm just extreme sports. - Time for extreme sports, baby. - Well, 'cause I wouldn't do this. 'Cause like as thrilling as it looks, as much as I would love to do it, I just recognize that it's just inherently not worth it. - Yeah. - So I would not feel so bad about it 'cause there would be nothing to live for. - Okay. - I'm sorry, is it crazy that I'm thinking sensibly for once? - Okay, okay. - How about I do this and every five seconds I chug a beer?

- Okay, that's pretty much it. - And I'm driving. - I think I just drink drive. - Drink drive. - I think I would drink drive and I would keep drinking until I crash. And then I would be like, "See, two is way too low." - And then I would go. - What would you do Garnt? - First thing immediately.

- Okay, let's say hypothetically, right now, right here and right now in this very scenario that we're in, "Zombie Apocalypse" starts right now, what would you do? - He'd probably watch anime. - Load up a game of "League of Legends" baby 'cause I'm finally getting to diamond. - You finally have the time. - Finally have the time on my hands. - What would I want to do?

I don't know, just travel around, I think. I think bunkering up during a zombie apocalypse is bait. It's just like the ultimate excuse, just to like go on a road trip, you know? - Go on a road trip? - Yeah, just go on a road trip. You know, you don't know what survivors you're gonna find. The fucking society's come to an end. Just become that camper van YouTuber.

- Except without filming it, why not? - Seize girls last tour once. - I'm saying, man. I'm saying. - Like whatever. - Just hijack a fucking tank and just go around, you know? - Bro, actually. - That'd be fucking sick. Although we probably wouldn't be the first ones with that idea. - Yeah, I think everyone would be doing that to be honest. - Here's the thing, would you stay in the city or would you go out to the wilderness during a zombie apocalypse? - See,

- I don't know, because the city would have all of the supplies, right? - For a while. - Yeah, for a while. So I think I would stay in the city to load up on supplies or maybe hunker down in the city for a while until the supply start running low and then I would go to the countryside. - Right. - I think that's the most like logical way to go around a zombie apocalypse. I think just fucking grabbing a car and just going out to the countryside with no prep, you're just like,

you just game over at that point. - Do you know the person I relate to the most in any like zombie movies or TV show or something? I don't remember his character, but it's like "Last of Us" episode three. It's the Ron Swanson character. I know that's why his actual name. Just an urge just to build like your own bunker and then to like set your own traps and just be like, this is my base now. - And he was like self-sufficient.

- Yeah, yeah, just become self-sufficient. - Get electricity. - Yeah, don't need anyone else. Maybe just like me and Sydney and just like fortify your own base. That just sounds so fun to me. - That'd be pretty cool. - Yeah. - That's a really good episode. - Yeah, that's a really great episode. That's like my dream life during a zombie apocalypse.

- Dream life. - My dream life. - Find a boyfriend. - I don't know. I feel like this is the final, when you were a kid, did you ever build a pillow fort or shit like that? - Oh yeah, yeah. - Yeah, I feel like this is the final form of that. Just building your own fort. - I mean, I think, yeah, I think you would, right?

- Maybe he did it like out of metal and stuff, which is maybe next level. But I think I would just be like, "Well, I got nothing else to do. "May as well chop these trees into a very large fence." - Guys only want one thing in a zombie apocalypse.

- I'm just saying, I'm just saying like if you made a fence that surrounded like your compound, like wooden fence, right? How good would you feel when you hammer in that last piece of wood that you made and it finally closes the, you would feel ecstatic. - You just stand there.

- Both hands on your hips. - You would, you would probably stare at it. You would stare at it. I would stare at it. - Take a drag of your cigarette. - Yeah, take a drag and you're like, how can I build this out? How many, I could do more traps. We have not gotten enough traps right now. - I need to min-max my fort. - Yeah, yeah, right? - That is kinda hype, not gonna lie. - That'd feel great. - I know, yeah, that's what I do in a zombie apocalypse. - Fair enough. - All right, who wants to go next?

Connor will go next. - There's a lot in here, my goodness. - Lots to discuss. - All right, what if, oh my God, this is long. You are cursed. You now have the hand of Midas. Everything you touch is gold. What do you do? And don't say touch your wiener, Connor. Okay. I wasn't gonna say that. - Shit. - Why would I want a golden penis? - Yeah, what are you, gold member? - Yeah. - Okay.

- You wouldn't be able to get hard ever again. - Yeah, I mean, you'd be hard forever. - Yeah. This reminds me of that one. I don't know if you guys have a vivid memory of this, but it's like a fun little advert that I always thought- - The Skittles one? - The Skittles one. That's some like Lovecraftian horror shit, man. Everything you touch- - It's like a fucking meat canyon cartoon. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, right? - Like there has to be

- I mean, obviously the question is you can't wear gloves, right? 'Cause the gloves turn gold. - Well, here's the thing. If you wear gloves, can you stop yourself from- - Yeah, would you just be wearing a gold glove? And would it stop anything you touch from being gold? - Yeah, if I touched, if I wore like, what if I wore like three layers of, okay, we are trying to metagame this now. What if I wore three layers of surgical gloves, right? The first layer would turn gold.

- Would the second layer turn gold? - I don't know. Let's set some rules for this 'cause we need some rules. Otherwise, if everything you touch- - It doesn't need to be direct skin contact. - If everything you touch turns into gold, yeah. If everything you touch turns into gold, then your life is fucked, right? 'Cause you can basically,

never have human contact ever again. You can't game, you can't jack off. - Imagine you try to take your shirt off and then like halfway through taking your shirt off, you touch it. Like, I don't know how you would even get to this point. And then like the golden solid t-shirt is like you're in some kind of medieval torture chamber. - I think honestly the most logical thing I would do is to just fucking amputate my hand.

- No, no, no, what you would do first is grab a bunch of stuff. - Oh yeah, sell it off. - Yeah, turn as much shit into gold. Obviously you don't want to flood the market. - Just enough to pay for my surgery. - No, no, no, no, no, here it is. You turn everything into gold, right? You turn as much into gold. You become like a millionaire, multimillionaire. You fund research into like,

- Prosthetics. - Prosthetics. - Yeah. - Like into like neuro-prosthetics. - Yeah. - Fund your money into that and once that research is complete. - Chop your hands off. - Chop your hands off and live your life, baby. - I mean, I think we all agree that like you can't have these hands. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - No, so you have to chop them off. - Forever. - So what, you like for a couple of days, you go around going, turn everything to gold and then you're like, all right,

- Chop them off. - Yeah, I'm done. - And then you wait until your prosthetics arrive. - Yeah. - Okay, here's the thing. If someone had the ability to turn everything into gold,

would the price of gold then go down because there is a surplus of it? - Yeah. - Yeah. - Because like, I think I saw that, you know- - Like enough gold for like four Olympic swimming pools or something? - Yeah, yeah. I saw like the block equivalent of like how much gold exists in the world. And it's not as much as you think it is. It's like a shockingly small amount.

that exists in the world right now. - 244,000 metric tons. - Yeah, can you go to images and see? Yeah, so that is how much gold exists in the world right now. - That looks like a lot, but if you think about it, it's not a lot. - Yeah. - That's not a lot. - For the entire world gold reserve, right?

So maybe the longer you have this power and the more you use it, the less valuable it becomes. So it might just be a shit power. - Yeah. - If you think about it. - I mean, I guess that's why the prompt said you're cursed. - What if while you're trying to chop your arm off, the saw turns to gold? Does it count if I touch it with my like, how far am I hand? - Where does the power stop? - It's a fun what if, but I think 'cause the lack of rules and like,

- You know, Maddis wasn't very rigid with what his touch was. So it doesn't really work that well. But yeah, you would presumably, you would tank the cost of gold though. - Yeah, you would tank the cost of gold. - But although honestly, if you tanked it and you sell it a lot, I don't think it would matter much 'cause gold would still be- - Gold is still useful because it's used like the electronics. It's a good conductor. So maybe you might just boost the electronics in the world.

- I mean, if you wanna grief and just fuck with the world economy, then you could just like hold onto it. But other than that, it's not really worth it. - Yeah. All right. That sounds like an awful power. - What if you're offered the chance to be the best in the world at something, what skill would you choose? - Hmm.

- Okay, how specific do we need to be with this? - As specific as you wanna be. - Yeah, as specific as you want to be. - So I can be as broad with it as possible? - Okay, how broad do you wanna be? Give me an example. - Okay, 'cause I was gonna say, I wanna be the best at learning stuff.

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'Cause then the world's your oyster. - But then- - You're so good at learning things that you don't find it a challenge to learn anything. So you'd just be able to learn everything. - That's just a superpower. He just said best in the world. So I don't know, who's the best learner in the world? - Maybe the average is actually not that high and I'm just like a little bit smarter. - I think he'd run into the problem of like, you would be so good at learning that it would not,

like you would not have like a- - It wouldn't be fun? - No, I don't think you'd have a drive for it. So I think you'd end up maybe learning less than you intend to 'cause you would find it almost too unstimulating to learn. - I don't know how you quantify learning skill 'cause most of the time learning just comes down to time a lot of the time, right? - I think what makes a skill very valuable is that it has moments in its life where it can shine but it isn't like your only thing.

Because I think for a skill to be really appreciated, you need to have moments where you can't use it. And then when you can use it, you're like, oh yeah. - Okay, I got it, I got it. Best in the world at time management. - Okay, okay, okay. - Dude, think about it. How much shit would you be able to do if you were just a god at time management? - Okay, but like how much more would your life improve now than it would by being the world's best time management?

- Look, you might think I'm a great time manager, but I'm not the best in the world. - That's an awful skill, Joey. - What do you mean? - I don't think it would improve your life that much. - I think it would. - I don't think it would. - No, I don't think it would either. - Because if you're so good at time management that you know exactly what you're going to do at what time of each day and every single day, then you'd be able to plan everything out in your life. That sounds boring. - You're asking for like- - You can min-max your life. - To basically see the future. - Yeah, that's fucking awesome.

- But the problem is there is a skill ceiling to time management, right? Because you only have 24 hours in the day. - Yeah, but I'd be better at it than I am now. - I just feel like this is a nice.

- What do you guys want? - I'm the only one talking right now. What do you guys want? - That's a bunch of nonsense, Joey, and you know it. - Joey, I think you're dumb and you should be ashamed of yourself. - Joey, make a TikTok, Joey, on how to like- - I'm getting bullied for having an opinion. - Okay, no, let me think. - I want something- - I mean, a little low hanging fruit. He's like, "I wanna be able to learn languages easy."

- No, I don't want that. - Baby born answer. Oh wow, really, first thing that came to your mind? - Yeah. - Be the best in the world. - You're the best in the world at something. No one is better than you at this one thing you decide to choose. Backflips. Fuck off. - Nah, that would be sick though. - Shut the fuck up. - I don't know, I don't know. - I'm sorry. - No, no, no, no, no. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - No, no, no, no, no. - That is sick. - I'm sorry, Joey. Joey. - No, no. - Joey, Joey. - I cannot believe.

- I cannot believe the audacity. The audacity you guys have to say my answer was dumb and you're like, "I wanna be good at backflips." - That's a fucking awesome skill. That's a cool skill. - I think God's cooking. - How many times have you been in a situation in your life and you thought to yourself, "Man, if only I knew how to backflip."

- So many Joey. - Fuck off. - So many. - How many? - Give me an example. - Imagine I'm like, "Hey Garnt, can you grab me a beer from the fridge?" He's like, "Yo." - Yeah. - And then backflips back. I feel like, "Yo." - Think about how much your quality of life would improve if you were just like the best backflipper in the world. You wanna cross the street, all right? You could cross it normally or you could

backflip your way across the street and everyone's fucking watching you. You're at a party and you're like, guys, you wanna see something cool? - There's so many situations where I wanna be cool. - You wanna see something cool? And you fucking backflip, bro. The party is yours, man. The party is yours. - I'm running a podcast with- - I'm serious. - Jesus Christ, guys.

- Yeah, like they're like, "Oh, which city, which aisle are you?" Garnt's like, "I'm 7A." And then he walks over and back flips into his business class seat. - Yeah, but then, okay. But you're only good at back flips, right? - No, no, no. But like, I mean, this doesn't mean that you're shit at everything else. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Yeah, but what if you are? - You're the best at this. - You're the best back flipper in the world. - Well then he'd be Garnt. - You're the best at doing back flips, right? But then someone's like, "Yo, what else can you do?" And you'd be like,

- No, of course not. - The way I interpreted this is that like you get this skill, but like everything else in your life is like normal like right now. So like, you know, he's still gonna YouTube and stuff like that. But like he just also has the added bonus of being the world's best backflipper. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. And like I'm still gone, but also I have the added skill of just being a really great backflipper.

- Which is great because you don't want a skill that you're bringing out all the time. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. - You need a skill that has purpose and when it comes up, everyone's pumped about it. - Bro, if I could back flip, I would have made the Trash Tease tour like 5% more hype. No, 10% more hype. I'm saying. - That's true. - Tell me that's not true, Joey. - Every time you come down on stage, you back flip. - Yeah, yeah, tell me that's not true, Joey. Joey. - I mean, you're not wrong, but.

- I just can't believe that's the one skill you'd pick. Out of every skill on planet earth. - One skill that I have been inspired by Garnt, I think being the world's best magician would be hype. - Holy shit. - Actually that would be hype. - Just whipping out magic tricks and like the most, not even like the, oh is this your card? Like the most mind bending, like making big- - Like David Blaine shit. - Yeah, yeah. Like being like, hey, you got a needle? It's in my ass.

It's like, oh, you have a pet frog, wouldn't be shaming if I ate it. - You now have three pet frogs. You're like, I didn't want three. It's like just a fucking menace. - It's like check your armpits. - You go to border security, you're like, can we see your passport? Oh, it's Schwab. They're like, you're under arrest. - It's like the one in my hand or the one in your ass. - It's like, what? - I just feel like it.

- Being a world class magician, like the best in the world- - Actually that is true. - Is probably the closest thing we have to a superpower. - The number of times I've gone to an industry party and there's just been a random magician there that's just lit up the room.

it's the best. - It just works. - I'm just like, fuck, I wish. - It just works. - Do you know why backflips are better? - Oh, okay. - I'm gonna argue. 'Cause the problem with like magician or being a magician as a skill is that you need to like bring out a prop or something. - No, no, no. - Most of the time. - No, no, no. - Most of the time. - No, you don't. - Not at all. - The best part is Garnt, is that the good magician knows that you gotta include the subject. So I'll be like, Garnt, give me a ring or something. - Yeah, street magic is like the most- - Street magic is the best.

It's like, oh, like, and it gives extra credit as well if they're the ones that are providing the props, right? It's like, oh, that's legit. - Yeah, I'm not talking like I wanna do like the shit that David Blaine does where he like just tortures himself. I don't wanna do that. That's not magic. That's just insane. - But you also don't wanna be like a- - That's just Mr. Beast before Mr. Beast came around, you know? - But you also don't wanna be like a Copperfield where you're doing like stuff on stage. - No, yeah, yeah, yeah. - You wanna be like- - I'm also talking like, hey, go hand me that. And you'd be like, hand me what? And it's already in my hand. You know what I mean?

- Also the other thing that I thought could be extremely useful. What if you were like, and I wouldn't do this as a job, but I was just the world's best baker.

But I didn't open a bakery or anything. But when I baked, it was like everyone wanted a piece. - Every home cook is like, "Yeah, that's me baby." - But if I'm like, "Man, I'm feeling like I want this bread." I'm the world's best, gonna make it. - But then it'd be a waste for you not to open a bakery. - That would be overrated. That would be a waste of the skill.

- What do you mean it'll be a waste? - 'Cause I don't wanna share my talents with the world. - You don't have to share your talent with the world. You just have to commercialize it. - I wanna share my talents with myself and my friends. Because what'll happen is I'll be like, "Wow, this business is going well. "Let's do the Gordon Ramsay model. "I have 15 chains around the world "and they all degrade in quality over time "'cause I'm not there." - Well, you don't have to go that far.

- No, I wouldn't. - But you could be like a lot of the Japanese stores where you're just like good at that one particular thing and you just open one store and that one store is where all the hype is. - No, I'd rather be like the guy who,

I like bake a ton of bread and my neighbors are secretly always hoping that I'm gonna come around every day and just offer bread, but I never do. But the one time I do, it's like fucking Christmas where I'm like, "Hey, I baked some extra for you, fucking go." - It's like, "Yo, let's go." - "Hey, I made way one too many focaccias, here you go." And they're like, "Aah!" They're like, "Honey, get home! He brought the focaccia!"

- Like that kind of level. - Bro, I'd be pretty hyped. - I'm just saying that's a great skill. - That would be hype. - Jesus Christ. - All right. - All right, whatever. - That's a great, that's a great. - I just want a backflip now. I want to learn how to backflip. - It doesn't matter. - Let's go, let's fucking move on. - Who cares? - You know what, unimportant. Unimportant lame. - Nah. - Lame and boring.

- That's funny. - If you had to compete in a game show, which show would you choose?

- Easily, I'd love to do in the one where like those guys hunt you down. In the UK that one game show where they try to- - Hunger games? - You gotta like be a fugitive in the UK for like 30 days. - I've not. - Oh wait, is this Channel 4? - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - This sounds like some- - We've talked about this on- - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - There's a game show where like they had like expert and like some police people helping them track people down. - Hunted. - Hunted. - And you just survive 30 days.

around the UK without being caught. - Whoa. - It was really fucking cool. And we spoke about it on Trash Taste before. - Yeah, I think Mr. Beast did this as well. - Yeah. - But like a less- - But way more fake. - A lesser form of it. - Oh, that'd be cool. - Yeah, that'd be pretty fun. - Well, 'cause they had like access to like phone records and who they were calling and stuff. - Jesus. - So like they had like legit access to information that I think like police forces had. I don't know how,

- I don't really know, 'cause I don't really watch a lot of these kinds of shows. I was just gonna say like- - Naked attraction. - No. I wanna get my meat out there. - The world needs to see. I wanna do that one where you have like a room filled with like half real things, half chocolate things. That looks so much fun. - That would be fun.

- A lot of Japanese game shows. - Yeah, the Japanese one seemed like the most fun. - Honestly bro, even something as simple as Takeshi's Castle would be kind of like, that'd be fun as fuck. - Takeshi's Castle? - But no, in my luck I'd go out on the first fucking thing. - Oh, of course. - Or I'd lose 50 to my teeth on the stepping stones. - Yeah, the lotion staircase. - Yeah, yeah. - That shit would be so fun. - Honeycomb maze, that one was good too. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - God, what a good game show.

"You're locked in prison. "How are you getting out? "Could do individual or with members." Maybe this is serendipitous, but I was watching videos about how they got out of Alcatraz for some reason. - Okay. Oh, with the spoon? They dug the hole with the spoon? - Are you thinking about

- No, no, no. - As an actual thing in Alcatraz as well. - Yeah, but it was like, I think there was like a couple of really like fascinating steps how they broke out. Like they made like life preservers and made like a boat somehow in prison.

- They made a boat out of like vests or something? - Yeah, it was something crazy. They were like really resourceful. And then the one guy ratted on them 'cause he couldn't, his like hole wasn't wide enough in his cell to escape when they were all escaping. And he then ratted about how they did everything. So that's how we know. And then the mystery of if they survived or not. But the point being was he was fucking badass. But I think it's almost cooler to escape on less.

They escaped by just using what was in the prison, which is so fucking cool. - Yeah. - I mean, what other way can you escape? Is the real question. - I mean, I do love the classic, attach yourself to the bottom of the car. The classic that's happened a bunch. Worked a number of times. People get lazy, don't check under the cars. - Has that worked? 'Cause I only see that in like TV shows and shit like that. - No, it's worked a bunch.

- In the UK, I think it's happened a couple of times. - Oh shit, okay. - I think there was a pretty famous one that happened in the UK where a guy escaped from getting under the truck. - The truck? - Yeah, I'm pretty sure. - It just sounds like something you don't see in movies. - Under truck, under truck. Under truck, UK. - Depends how, like, what kind of prison are we talking about? Are we talking about like- - Are we talking like Alcatraz or are we just talking like a regular prison?

- Yeah, there we go. Form a soldier who would have held onto straps of food that we ran to make us escape. - Jesus. - I guess we're talking like Alcatraz. - Yeah. - Let's say Alcatraz 'cause it's an added layer of you need to swim. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, okay. Well, I feel like if you're in Alcatraz and you're like life imprisonment sentence, either you drown or you just, you swim all the way, right? Wait, how far was it away from shore? I don't actually know. - I think like five miles. - It's pretty far. - Oh shit, okay. - How far is it?

- It's pretty hard. I mean, they, at the time they believed it was impossible to even do it in like their shit raft. - Yeah. - Oh. - Two kilometers off. - Two kilometers. - Okay, maybe I'm crazy. I could do it.

- I could not do that. - Especially in the cold waters as well. - I think the main issue is that, if I'm not mistaken, I think those waters are a little rough. - Yeah. - Which would definitely be the hardest part. - And probably freezing as well. - I think life or death boys, I'm confident you could swim two kilometers. Life or death. In a perfectly non, like just a lake.

- You could do it. - Yeah, maybe a lake. - You would be- - Maybe non-freezing waters. - I think you'd be on death's door. - Yeah. - 'Cause I don't think you guys swim much. - No. - I don't wanna test it. I don't wanna test it. - Yeah, I don't wanna test it. - Yeah.

- You could do it. Two kilometers is pretty far to swim, but not unthinkable for a human with no training to do. - I think I would rather hide it out somewhere and then wait for the next delivery of prisoners by a boat and then try and sneak back onto that boat. - I think that would be really hard to do. - It would be hard to do, but also swimming two kilometers would also be hard to do. - You would rather risk being caught than just be like, fuck it, I'm gonna swim. - I would rather risk being caught than risk drowning.

- But presumably in this case, prison is so bad where it's like, I'm just gonna fucking die if I can't get out of here. - Yeah, yeah. - So it's like, I might as well just- - That's the choice that they made, right? - It's like death or death. - Yeah, it's like, I'd rather just go for it. If that's the case. - 'Cause they also did it at night as well, which I think also made it way harder. - Yeah, of course, 'cause you can't see. - Yeah, so I think that's definitely an added layer.

- Can you Google if the waters are rough? I think they are. - San Francisco Bay. - Man, I don't know. - I've never been in prison, so I've never really thought about it. - The history of swimming from Alcatraz. - Can be 10 degrees or lower. Oh fuck. - So yeah, it's pretty cold. - You're fucked. - That would be very tough. - Yeah. - You could do it. - You'd be fucked. - Yeah, you could do it. - Yeah, whatever. - Whatever. - Possible, possible. - Can you Google it if you could swim?

- Oh, the current would take you pretty far. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Swimming from Alcatraz is impossible. For experienced swimmers with proper support, swimming from Alcatraz can be safe and fun. - With proper support. - But make no mistake about it, the Alcatraz swim is a challenge. - Oh, okay. - So sweet. So you're already fighting tooth and nail to just get out of the prison and then you're like,

- Right, he's where it really begins. - Well, yeah, so I guess if you had just, if you had a half decent life jacket, you could pretty comfortably do it. - Yeah, but where the fuck are you getting a life jacket after escaping from prison? - Well, that's where they made one, right? I guess you would have to try and make some shitty life preserver in prison.

- What I'm realizing now is that this is devolved into could we swim? Could we escape from prison? I actually don't know. - Also, if I remember correctly- - I don't know how to escape from prison. - I don't know. - The most interesting video I've seen is that I think if you take like ketchup or something, it's like acidic enough where if you rub it against the prison bars- - Oh, the salsa as well. - Oh, the salsa, yeah, yeah, yeah. - Over time it would. - Over time, it actually- - Also miso as well. - Yeah, that one guy from Hokkaido. He was like the-

escape expert. - Yeah. - Yeah, that one time where he like dislocated his bones to like- - To fit through the food drain.

- I went to that prison as well and that thing is like this big. And it's like, you can't even fit your head in there. How the fuck? But yeah, I mean, look, if the Hawaii special of us trying to build a raft has told us anything, we're not fucking making a raft. - Hey man, mine one stayed afloat. - We were given full equipment. - You think we either got some pool noodles lying around? - I mean, all you would need is something slightly buoyant and you'd probably want to make it across.

- I mean, even just one pool noodle will do. - Even before that, how would we even get out of prison? Do you reckon, right, do you reckon in prison, do you reckon you'd be able to learn how to lock pick? - No. - No. - No. - I don't think so. - You wouldn't have the, there's no way you would be allowed to have been close enough to a lock for that long to go to practice. - Yeah. - Yeah.

- Would you like, I'm wondering like- - Also how would you learn how to do it? - That is actually, go back to the other skills, lock picking. - Yeah, lock picking. - I'd love to be amazing at that. - It'd be great just to know lock picking and just like know I could, just in case I've like locked out my house or something like that. - Yeah.

- Imagine being that guy. I take that subreddit. There's a subreddit for flashlights. Have you seen this? - No. - There's a subreddit- - Did you say flashlights or fleshlights? - Flashlights. There's probably one for that too. There's a subreddit for flashlights. There's one post that went viral where like, 'cause they all talk about flashlights and when you would need them. And it was like,

the power went out of the supermarket. I finally got to use my TL eight 11. And then everyone on the subreddit was like, damn, I wish I was here. So fucking cool. Damn. He got the thing we all dreamed of where like everyone needed him and his flashlight. And I have to imagine like, imagine like you go to your friend's house, you're all locked out. They're like, oh, we've got to wait an hour for the last week. Like,

- I got it, I got it. - It's like, does anyone have a clip? - You go to like top of all time, it might be that one. - It's like, I got to bust out my 80,000 lumens. - Do you reckon hacking would be a useful skill? - Hacking? - Yeah. - No. - Not that you do anything illegal with it, but just knowing that you could hack if you needed to. - I don't know actually. I've never been in a situation where I'm like, man, I wish I could just hack.

- I've never been in that situation. - Sometimes I just want to fucking Chromecast my stuff to the TV in the hotel wifi and the fucking wifi IP shit is just like too inconvenient to be able to do that. - That is true. - In that one time, I would love to be able to do it. - Yeah, like you're so good, you just pull out the laptop and you just like hit the space bar and you're like, "I'm in." - I just want a really fucking cool torch now.

- Is there like a male urge thing to just want a fucking powerful torch? - Maybe. Doesn't Ludwig have one? - Ludwig's got the stupid Giga one. - Oh, okay, okay. - The 100,000 lumens one. - Yeah. - I mean, at that point it's just dangerous, right? With like when you have a flashlight that's that powerful. - I mean, yeah, you could easily blind yourself with that. - Did you guys ever have a laser pointer as a kid?

- Yeah, I was not allowed to. - I was not allowed to have it. - No, nor was I, but I remember buying one in like France or something. - Yeah. - And because I think it's like illegal in the UK, right?

- I definitely sell them in stores in the UK, but yeah, I remember in France I had them as well. - It's always when you go to France. - Why is it France? - I don't know, but I had a school trip to Paris and I was like, oh, you can buy a laser pointer. And I mean, I'm not gonna lie, it amused me for fucking hours just pointing out things. But now as an adult, I realize how fucking dangerous it is. - Oh yeah. - And I totally realized why. - That goes in your eye. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. And it goes so far as well. - Yeah. I mean, I had one of those like fake,

that were cold laser pointers that you get at like the arcade, but it was just a fucking green LED. And you just be like, ooh. It's not a fucking laser, it was just a green light. But you're a five-year-old, you're like, lasers. - Yeah, I love pointing it at the helicopters or the planes. - Yeah, it's like, ooh. I'm over here, guys. - Yeah, so,

- In conclusion, we have no idea how we'd break out prison. - I don't think we could. - That's such a good post, scroll up. Flashlights in games movies, flashlights in r/flashlights. - Jesus Christ. - We just went down a fucking weird rabbit hole, man. - I'll try and find a view, Kai. - Give me a second. - All right. - I'm like, what? What the fuck?

- Kai, were you high when you made this one? You are being chased by the immortal snail. What is your plan? - Oh, this one. This one's based on a horror movie. - "The Immortal Snail." - "It Follows" or something. Or I can't remember the, I've seen this question posed before because there is a horror movie called "It Follows," I think. - Yeah. - Can you search it up? And the whole premise of this horror movie

is that there is this monster, right? And once you're, yeah, this is it. So there's this curse that gets passed around through, I think like sex. - Right. - So it's basically like an STD in that case. - Okay. - Right, right. But once this curse follows onto you, there will be this monster that will follow you wherever you go. But the thing is this monster can only walk

very, very slowly. But once it catches you, then you are basically dead, right? - Okay, so, okay, maybe I'm- - So you're getting hungry, really hungry.

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Acting dumb here surely you would just be like okay the snail. Let's see how I've you know I'd look I'd watch it and be like okay. It takes about how long let's say it goes the other side of the room like an hour Yeah, just measure how far that is you're like okay? I've got the speed of the snail and then now you're like all right I'm gonna go spend four weeks in the UK fly to the UK wait for the snail to get to the UK all right I'm gonna go back to Japan now, and then it's another two months like I feel like it wouldn't be that scary I

you would just have to like keep traveling. - Yeah, that's basically the solution. That's basically the solution that a lot of people have come to. - 'Cause the snail presumably can't go that fast. - Yeah, the thing is it can't go that fast. - Yeah, let's say it goes at the pace of an actual snail. - Yeah. - Then you would just spend like, okay, I'm gonna go in the UK for six months, spend six months in Japan. - That's true. - And I'll be constantly stuck in Kazakhstan or something. You know, going back and forth. - What if...

- What if you go on holiday and you go on holiday somewhere right in the middle or something? - I just simply wouldn't 'cause I would know Garnt there's a mortal snail that will kill me. So.

- I think like for this to work, it needs to be like, you have to think like, man, I just can't leave my rural town in Montana. You know what I mean? - Or you constantly need to like calculate. You constantly need to like triangulate. 'Cause the real horror in this, I think is like the anxiety of not knowing when that snail would come. - If you could physically see the snail, then it wouldn't be as scary. - I think I would try, oh, you can't see it.

- Well, the whole premise of "It Follows" is you can't see it, right? - Yeah, the whole premise of "It Follows" is that it could be- - It could be way far away or it could be right next to you. - Yeah, so it takes the form of like a person. You don't know what kind of person that's going to be. It's going to be a different person every time. - Can it go through walls or does it have to go through walls like human beings?

- So how in the movie, it's like super strong. So it can go through walls if you like trap yourself into like a room, but it also follows human logic. So like knock on doors, if it comes to your house or something. So basically you won't know it's there until it's there. - Right, right. - If that makes sense. - Okay. - So it's mostly like the anxiety of like not knowing when it could come. - And I guess I would probably like,

- My first course of action would be to try and find a way to find where it is. And then once I found where it is, determine how fast it goes. I would try and throw a tracker on it. Just try and stick a tracker. You know what I mean? Just try and fucking like, like I'm like in a corn hole, like fucking. - It's like yeet, yeet.

- Yeah, just put an air tag on it. - Yeah, yeah, just put an air tag. - It's like snail. - What if it runs out of battery though? - Let's say it goes in human logic, right? And if I'm in a straight line to it, it will only walk in a straight line. Maybe I'd have some like fucking Looney Tunes-esque trap that has a tracker attached to a bunch of duct tape that it just walks through and then it like wraps around it or something.

So then it attaches the duct tape with a tracker to it. That way I'm like, all right, I know where it is, cool. All right, I'm going to Barbados, peace out motherfuckers. - Yeah, but what if the snail or like the monster in it follows? What if it has like human intelligence? And so it can take planes as well. - Oh, they're fucked, yeah. - And then you are fucked. - I think I would just,

- I think it would be too much to live with that. You would die so fast from the stress of it, I think. - Yeah. - You probably would. - I think you would be so stressed 24/7, you would not be fun to hang around. You would not be able to enjoy any moment in your life. I think you'd . - Yeah, I think so. - I would take the joy away from him by doing it myself. - You take the, so that's your solution.

- I don't fucking snail, I'm a do it myself. - So what you've like, the only edge that we would have on this thing is that it doesn't think like a human. If it thinks like a human, it's over.

Like if they're invincible, it's over, you can't do anything. - Yeah. - Or just pass it on to someone else. You know, pass the curse on to someone else. - How would you pass it on though? How would you pass this one on? - Well on that, it's by having sex with someone. So it's like a, "Well boys, I'm about to have sex with one of you." - "Cause I'm not gonna die."

- I would rather have sex with you. - Boys, it's you or me boys, it's you or me. - It's I'm either having sex with you or I'm killing myself. - In the movie it's sex? - Yeah, I think it's like an allegory for like STD or something like that. I don't know, I don't know, I don't know. - How would I? - Yeah, I mean. - It's from the Weinstein company, makes sense.

- Would you at least do a bucket list before you offed yourself? - No. - Like an immortal snail? - I would shit myself in the middle of the road. - I wouldn't enjoy it 'cause I got a fucking snail looming behind me. I'm not gonna fucking enjoy it. - I think this question is not too far off from the zombie apocalypse question. - I would first of all go to the middle of the road.

- Take a big fat shit. - And they'll be like, I've done everything I wanted to do. - Everything leads to taking a shit in the middle of the road. - Why do you shit in the road so badly? Where did this come from? Where did this come from? - I've never heard the masculine urge to shit on the side of the road. - It's not a thing. - Just the curious urge to live like a dog for one day. - So you wanna be a furry?

No. No. What you're saying is you want to be a fervent. No. All right. Gone. All right. Next one.

- Next one. You've just swapped body with the person on your left. What you doing? - Shitting in the road. - Screaming in front of the mirror the way God intended for Connor. - So I assume for me it'd be gone. - Yeah. - No one to my left. - Yeah. - I don't know. - Watch out, man. - Joey, that's cap, Joey. That's cap. - Nah, I wouldn't.

- Shit, I don't know. - I'd go live. - You'd go live? - Yeah, I'd make him stream. - Don't do that. - I would- - I would delete all his JRPG save files. - What the fuck? That's so rude. - Just to see what happens. - I'd cry. I'd come back to my body the next day and I'm like, "That motherfucker." - Is it one day?

- It doesn't say. - Let's say it's permanent. - Let's say it's permanent. - Permanent? - Permanent. - Oh Jesus. - Okay, okay, what about five years? 'Cause that's long enough for you to have to get used to it. - Yeah. - But not like, you can't make like, you haven't like resigned yourself to being like Connor or Joey or Connor. - Five years. - Five years of Connor, damn. - Damn bro. - The way he wants it.

The way he wanted it. Okay, question, question. If you...

- Am I stuck in your, am I stuck in like Joey's body forever? - I guess so. - I guess. - Yeah, would you, 'cause this is like a circle, right? And you've been taken out like one of the circles. - So what you're saying is if one of us does it, then we all have to do it. - That would be kind of cool though, where it's like, you cannot fucking die for five years. None of us can die for five years, which is pretty easy to do, but don't, Joey, don't go paramotoring. - Oh, fuck. I don't know, hey.

- You gotta think what's something that you right now cannot do in your own body, but the person to your left maybe can. - It would be stressful as fuck. 'Cause you're like, "Hey man, can you not fuck anything up while you're in my body? Can you not fuck anything up while you're going on?" 'Cause would you then have to be like, okay, crush, 'cause we're all online, right? Would you have to be like, "Hey, so I'm Connor now. I'm Connor. I look like Joey, but I'm Connor."

You know what I mean? - Everyone would think you're- - Would you think like, no one's gonna believe us. - No, no one would. - So we'd have to like pretend to be each other? - Yeah. - I think it'd be very obvious very quickly if something's wrong. - No, all you have to do is just go, "Oh yeah, mate, yeah." - Okay, okay. First thing- - Presumably I would have your accent. - First thing. - Oh, right, right. - First thing, how would you convince even us that you are not, you're someone else right now?

- How would you do that? - That would be so hard. It would be so hard 'cause I just wouldn't think like Joey. - Yeah, yeah. Like the moment, like if Connor was in my body and someone was like, tell me what you think about this piece of music. You'd just be like, "Oh, no, no, no, no, no." What do you mean? - Also, it would like, probably like end your relationships, no? - It would. - Yeah. - 'Cause you'd be like, I wouldn't be like, "Hi, honey, I'm home. "Me and Joey." - I'd be like, "This is weird."

- Okay. - Like would Joey be like, hey, would you, 'cause Joey's in your body, right? - Yeah. - Would you just like do wife swap? Is this how you do? Like how do you handle this?

- I don't know how you act in front of Sydney. So I just have to like guess. I'd be like, ah. - You have to swap, but then swapping would be so awkward for everyone. - It would be so awkward. - I think it would probably be like impossible for five years. It would be, I mean, I think you'd ruin each other's lives. - I think it'd be really hard even for like a week. - Yeah. - A week you could just be like, nah, as a guy you can disappear for a week. - Yeah. - Like honey, I'm just going on a boy's trip. - That's your right as a guy. You have a right to disappear for a week as a guy.

- No, you do, you do. Yeah, you do. - Damn. - As long as you give prior notice. - Well, yeah. - What is this job? Honey, I'm giving a two weeks notice to disappear for a week. - I've saved up my lead. I'm using it now. - 'Cause you should be like, "I'm going for the boys for a little bit." - How long? - I don't know, like a week. - A week? I don't know. - And then they won't question it.

- Okay, do you- - Are you sure? - I don't know. I'm not in your situation. - I think mine would question it. - Yeah, yeah. - You can't disappear for a week? - Not without a good reason. - You need a good reason to disappear for a week with the boys. - What's the good reason? - The boys. - No, it should be like, why do you need a week? - 'Cause the boys need a week.

- I'll try it out. - If it's only a week, you'll take the shit that you take. - I feel like we would have to, we would be like- - Yeah, if it was for a week, I think we would all- - We'd get a cabin in the woods. - Yeah, all three of us would agree, we would all disappear together for a week. - Just get a cabin in the woods and just stay there for a while. - And then nothing would change, 'cause you'd, I guess,

- Or if we really wanted to fuck with people, we could do that caravan trip or like, you know, just like go to a cabin in the woods, but bring a bunch of our friends just to fuck with them for a week. Just like start acting normal, but then slowly start like giving them hints being like, hang on a second. You're not God, are you? And they'll be like, it's actually me, baby. - What's the first thing you were doing? You wake up and like someone else- - In your body? - Yeah. - Shit, I don't know.

- I'm taking your answer. - No, you know what I would do? I'd do you a solid, Garnt. - What? - I would use the bidet. - You'd use the bidet? - I'd be like, I'll show you how much you've been missing out. Your body will thank me. - Bro, I'm ordering like a fat, I'm ordering a fat pizza or something and just be like, I don't need to care about- - Just fattening him up? - Okay, actually question, question. So if I take over your body,

- For example, my language skills ability would be the same as they are now. - Yeah. - So I would be Joey who could speak Welsh and English. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Okay, okay, good. I think I would go to a girls bar and rack up a Nejuman bill on your card. - But you don't know his pin. - I mean, I'd have to be like, "Hey Joey, can I have your pin?" - And then I'll be like, "Why, of course!" Connor in my body as people normally do. - Hey, how much cash you got on you right now? - I would spend that. I would spend whatever.

- Yeah, you just go into my shit, just be like, "Oh, new money and sweet." That's mine now. - Yeah, I'll do that. - Damn.

- Yeah. - I don't know why. - What would I do? - Well, okay. - What can I get away? - I would eat a fuck ton 'cause it'd be Joey's body that has the consequences. - Shit. - You know what I mean? I would go on like a fucking, I would eat a fuck ton. - Just ruin, just ruin. - I got for a fucking binge drinking night with the boys. - Yeah. - Presumably Joey's there too actually while ruining each other's bodies. - Yeah. - Let's just do hard drugs. - Actually, that would be- - Actually, that'd be kinda high. - It would be so sick to be in your body and then like drink and be like, "Wow, you."

- Drink, you handle this way differently than I do. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - That'd be kind of sick actually. - Yeah, or you know, yeah, as Garnt said, just be like, you know what? I was kind of scared to try cocaine, but- - Try it in Garnt's body. - Yeah, let's see how Garnt reacts to it. - I've heard heroin is pretty addictive. - I'd be like, dude, what the fuck? Why am I doing heroin? - I do heroin for a week and I'll be like, it's on you now, Garnt. - I wake up and I'm like, why do I have 15 bags of fentanyl?

It's like, why am I really itching? - And a receipt to the Coldplay concert. - Yeah, it's like, what the fuck? - What is up? - So yeah, short answer, we'd ruin each other's bodies. - Just for shits and giggles. - We'd ruin each other's body for farts. How is that? - We're terrible friends. - We are actually terrible friends. - We're horrible friends. - Okay, here's a more interesting question, 'cause...

There's a manga I read like recently. I think we read it. It's like Lemon Chan or something like that. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Where you switch bodies, but you switch bodies every other day, right? So you switch bodies with one person one day and the next day you switch back. - You're back in your own body. - And then the other day you switch back. Do you try to like, how do you try to manage living someone else's life? And do you try to like live their schedule?

- If you end up switching bodies every single day? - Yeah, I think I actually would. Like if I woke up in Joey's body or a random person's body and they were like, "Hospital appointment at 10:00." I'd be like,

- Oh fuck, I guess I'll go. I don't wanna inconvenience them. - Joey, what do you mean? You were just saying like, yeah, I'd just go on a fucking binge drinking spree and just ruin your body. - No, I think like genuinely, I think I would like try and- - It's like hospital attend, not on my schedule, boy. - I would try and be like, unless they had some dumb shit in there, I'd be like, bitch, what are you doing? - It's like Jim at five. - Joey wakes my body and I'm like,

Joey, I have an anime theme stream today. You're gonna have to talk about anime for four hours. You can do that, right, Joey? You can do that, right? - I'm calling that shit off, Dom. - You can do it. - But what if I just was like, "Hey guys, actually Genshin stream, easier." Actually, no, I wouldn't even do that. - I'm like, "Joey, just don't get me canceled. Don't call Jujutsu Kaisen mid. That's all you need to do, Joey." - It's gonna be four hours of me just

- It's like, don't say anything bad. - Oh man. - Not bad. - That'd be easier said than done, I think. - Yeah. - Easier said than done. Let's get one from the bottom. All right. Oh wow, this is big. - What do we got? Oh, that's a big one. - You are in a forest and open Pandora's box. You get a power buff and a power nerf. It applies to senses or actions. What do you pick? Great hearing, but extremely weak. - Oh. So this is kind of like the...

- This is kind of the thing that you, yeah, the superpower thing. - Is it just one power buff? - One power buff and one power nerf. - Yeah, one you already have. - Okay. - I think probably- - Also, it can't be a new one.

Does it need to be a skill that you currently possess, whether it's like at the minimum level? - You got a power buff and a power nerf. It applies to senses or action. - Yeah. - Okay. - So say for example, like Garnt can't have like back flips 'cause he doesn't know how to back flip yet.

- It needs to be something that he can at least do. - I guess. - But he can just do it. - Sorry, I think having- - A power puff and back flipping. - I would be very- - I'm taking it 10 times out of 10. - I'm happy to be like quite weak if it means that I could get like almost like telescopic vision. Like I could literally see like the tiniest text super far away and be like, "Yeah, I can read it."

- That sounds shit. - Yeah. - Why would you even want that? - Why? So that when I go to the fucking airport and my thing's on the gate all the way fucking down the way, I don't have to walk all the way fucking down there. 'Cause I'm weak and frail, Garnt. I can zoom in with my eyes and be like- - You already have great eyesight. I have shit eyesight and I still wouldn't take a bath with my eyesight. - No, I don't have zoom. We don't have zoom.

- Just carry some fucking, you have a smartphone, use that. - Just six times zoom. - Yeah, just six times zoom that shit. - Doesn't work that well in small text far away. You know that, Garnt. - On the newer phones it does. - I could zoom in and look at the moon blown up in my, no, I don't want to look at the fucking moon. - Why do you want to look at the moon? - Why do you want to look at the moon? - No, it's because most of these things like, wow, look, you can see things far away and then just zoom in on the moon. You're like, okay, I've never wanted to, name one time in my life I've wanted to take a picture of the moon.

- Never. - I've actually used the Zoom function to like read texts from far away. It does actually work. It's pretty damn good now. - But like, I want it to be like better than that. 'Cause this is, it's good, but I want it to be better. And I would love to be able to see clearly like a kilometer away. - And you would sacrifice your physical prowess for that? - Yeah. I don't need to be physical. I'm playing video games all fucking day.

- I don't know man, that sounds kind of shit. - Yeah, what's a skill that I would love to get better at? - Not backflips 'cause you can't do any. - Yeah, it needs to be something you know how to do. So not a backflip. - Not a backflip. - Fuck. - Learn how to do a backflip first and then you can discuss. - First I gotta figure out what skills I have. - What skills do I have that I don't already have?

- I don't know. What actually, think of it in the opposite. What is a skill that you have that you don't mind being nerfed? Is there a skill that you have that you don't? - No, I didn't mind being weak. - Weak? Just physically weak? - Yeah, just physically weak. I don't mind that. - Dick size. - So what you're telling me Garnt,

is that as long as you get buffed in something, you don't mind living with a micro penis for the rest of your life. How much of a nerf are we talking here? - Well, Garnt, I don't know what- - I got a bit to spare. - First of all, Garnt, I don't know what the standard size of your dick is. - Let's say it goes down to half an inch. - Half an inch? - Half an inch. - Oh, bro. - Easy. - Half an inch chop? Yeah, easy, I'll take that. - Easy, fuck. - Hard. - Half an inch. - Half an inch hard? - Yeah, I'll take that. - Easy, easy, baby. - It's like this.

- Yeah, that's the nerve, right? - Yeah. - No, no, that's what your penis size is. - Oh. - Oh. - I thought you mean you lose half an inch. - Oh, okay. I was like, if I nerve it half an inch, I'm taking that every single time. - I still got two. - I'm joking. - Yeah, you would go- - Okay, so you'd go down. So the nerve of your dick would be that you'd have a half inch dick. - Yes, hard. - Hard. - Hard.

- Depends how good the buff is. - Yeah, how good's the buff? - How good's the buff? - What's a proportional buff? - That's what I'm trying to figure out. - I mean, having a micro penis is not that bad. - I mean, half inch heart is pretty bad. - All right, all right. - Maybe I'd nerf my height. - You'd nerf your height? - You're now four foot 10. - Yeah, you're now Arky's height.

- How big is the buff? - How big of a buff do you mean? - Yeah, I'm thinking. - I'm trying to think of the buff. - Yeah, I'm trying to think of the buff. - What's a buff I would want? - You will have perfect hair for the rest of your life. - Nah, that's not enough. - That's a good buff. For a lot of people, that's a good buff.

- I mean, I'm all right with that so far. - For now. - For now. - It always catches up. - I know, it will catch up eventually. - I mean, I only want good hair for the next 10 years or so and then I'm good. And then I'm good. - Yeah, but being four foot 10 is not that bad. - No. - It's not. - So I feel like, and being having perfect hair for the rest of your life is not that bad. And it needs to be proportional. You're trying to game it here. - I am trying to game it here. - You can't, you can't game it. It has to be proportional.

Okay, on the flip side, I would sacrifice my height for a little larger of a cock.

- Okay, okay. - Are you good, Joey? - You're with me on this one, right? - Here's the conversion. Six inches of height for one inch cock length. - Six inches of height for one inch of cock? - How many inches are you giving away? - How long? Let me calculate real quick. - How many inches did you take it off? - How much do I want is the question. - I think that's a fair amount, right? - That's a fair amount. - 'Cause like realistically you can only really add like two inches on. - Yeah. - You would be willing to go four foot 10

- For two extra inches on your dick. - Maybe not that much. - Okay, okay, I'll change it. Four inch length for one inch of cock. - So if I went down a whole foot, I'd be three inches longer.

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- That's crazy. - I would not take it. - Listen, you're not Japanese. - Oh my God. - I'm joking. I'm joking. - Yeah. I just feel like it's pretty better to have a small dick and be taller. Like just average height, right? - What's average height? - What's average height to you? Are you average height? - Yeah, like me. - Yeah. - What are you? - Five, five, nine. - Five, nine?

- What is it like five eight is the average I think. - Is it? - A little above average. - I thought it was a lot bigger than that. - Okay, well, let's talk about dick average size, huh? - Yeah, let's not talk about that. I'm just gonna be disappointed. - Average five is five seven. - Five seven is average for a man. - So like, I think it's better to be five seven with like a four to five inch penis. - All right, look it up. What's the average dick length? - What is it? I think it's like four, is it? - Look it up. - Five, five, I don't know.

- I can't believe we've gotten into this. - Five inches, yeah. - Five inches. - All right, all right. - Yeah, I think it's better to have a five inch dick and be, well, no, you're pretty much smaller. I think it's better to be like five foot eight and have like a four inch dick than be four foot 10 and have a seven inch dick. - Well, it depends who you ask. - As we've discussed a million times, the male generation,

- Penis length doesn't matter that much. - No. - No. - As long as you don't have a one inch. - Do you think height matters? - Yes, unfortunately. - Do you think? - It depends what you do in life. - It also depends who you ask. 'Cause some people are very particular with like how tall a guy is and some people are very particular with how big a guy is. - To a lot of people it matters. - It does. - I would say it matters more than penis length 'cause you often see the height every day. - 'Cause you see that immediately. - Right? - Right.

- I mean, my dad's doing fine. So I don't know how I like, you take a picture next to like me and my mom and like I'm a fucking giant next to them. I'm like, where did I get these jeans from? - Yeah. - My dad like comes up to here. - It's all that British pub cuisine.

- I just don't think I would trade length for length. - Fair enough. - Yeah, I mean, I've- - I just said that 'cause I literally can't think of anything better. - Yeah. - Yeah, I'm like, what do I wanna buff? I can't think of like an ability I would like to buff. - I think the human body is pretty well designed. - It is. - Super hearing would be great though. - Super hearing would be great. - But I feel like I'd have to trade off a lot for that. - Which, okay, how about trading off

having your BO stink less. And so you never need to worry about that again. Or like never having bad breath again in your life.

- Because I feel like that's not enough to nerf too much, but that's like such a convenient thing. - Or you could do your time management. - Time management? - I'd have worse time management. - You'd have worse time management for better B.O.? - Would you have the best time management for a micro penis? - No. - But apparently it's the most valuable skill in the world, Jerry. - Yeah, but also having a dick that's larger than an inch is also nice.

- No offense if you are that. - Okay. - All right, anyway. - You've been reborn with all your memories intact. How are you using that info? - All right, I'm gonna find my favorite idol

and fuck her and then get married and then star in a kid's TV show with another kid prodigy. And then I don't know what happened to it. They fuck or something. - That sounds a lot like something. That sounds a lot like something. All right, here we are. - Now that would be stupid. - That would be dumb. - Here we go. I wake up in another world. I'll learn magic.

- Get the bitches this time. - This time. - Multiple bitches. - They are chasing after me. - So I've been born into my life with all my current memories. - Okay. - I'd be a fucking insufferable kid. - Yeah, you would. Okay, what life?

- I would be. - I was like, yeah, you would. - I think any kid who has the mind of like a 60 year old man would be the worst. - Yeah, that would be. - I mean, that's why a lot of like kid geniuses end up growing up. You know, I think actually that's a bit different 'cause like when you have like a kid genius that goes to like university early or something, you hear a lot of that, you miss a lot of like the childhood, but with,

being reborn with the memories of an adult, I guess you still retain the skills, but you haven't missed out on your childhood 'cause assumedly you already had the childhood in your previous life. - Yeah. - What adult skills do you think you could transfer over to a child? - Yeah. Bro, I would like- - Well, look, I was watching those TikToks to tell you that you should invest in the S&P 500 early.

Day one, age one. Mom, invest my money in the S&P 500. I don't need a college fund. I don't need the tooth fairy money. Put it in the S&P 500. I'll be a millionaire by age 20, mother. Put it all into crypto, baby.

- Compound interest baby. - Mother, compound interest mother. Think about it mother. - It's like mother, if I don't wake up in the morning and the tooth has been replaced by 12 points up, I will be very upset. - Mother, it's 4:00 AM and I'm two years old. Where's my zinc and monster energy? Why it can. - Where's my chia butter oil? - I need to get on the grind set mother. Where is it? - There's not enough time.

This is presuming like you're a... Like...

- I just imagine if you're like, obviously we're assuming it's us, right? We're like, I think pretty well adjusted. Could you imagine if they had like some fucking lunatic, like Twitter person who lives on Twitter all day spewing like right wing nonsense. Could you imagine if he got reborn as a baby? - Oh my God. - Dude. - You're like, "Oh, what a wonderful baby." "Migrants." You're like, "Oh God." - What did you just say?

- I must've been hearing things. - I don't know, I feel like I use that time not to like further my future life, but just take more time to appreciate. Yeah, take more time to appreciate the amount of free fucking time you'd have. I would do- - My Lego Ark would go crazy. - Oh my God. - My Lego Ark would go crazy. - I think I'd actually learn how to like skateboard and shit as well, you know? 'Cause I never learned how to do that as a kid. - You know what I would do? I'd learn how to back flip. - Yes!

- Yes, that's what I would do. I would use that extra time. 'Cause I was thinking, would I learn more languages now? - My child body could take more hits than my adult body. I would be less afraid to fail. - I regret it 'cause I can front flip and I can still front flip now on trampoline. And I know I have the ability to do a back flip.

I just know I do. - Yeah. - But it's the fear that's- - It's the mental. - It's the mental. - It's the mental. - I just think like in my head, I'm like, every time I'm like, I'm gonna go for it. I'm like, it's just not worth the 1% chance I have of snapping my neck. - Yeah, that's the thing. - It's just not worth it. - There's this tiny voice in the back of your head that's like, you're going to die if you attempt this. And it's like, okay. - I think I would do all the things that

I wanted to do as a kid. And now looking back, I just never did for some reason. So number one, do a backflip. Do a backflip. Learn to skateboard. Skateboard. Learning to snowboard slash ski would be fun as well. I'm going to try and backflip once this year.

- I'm just out of there. - Shit, there's only like three months left. - Yeah, I wouldn't recommend it. - Shit. - Gotta find a trampoline. - We're gonna go through a backflip arc. I wanna learn how to backflip now as well. - All right, next year's resolution. - Learn how to backflip. - Learn how to backflip. - If by the end of 2025, all three of us do not know how to backflip, you can unsubscribe. - That's the next Trash T special. Just learning how to backflip.

- It's gonna go so bad. - I'm excited. I would love to learn how to back flip. If you cut a sandwich in half, do you get two sandwiches or two half sandwiches? - That's fucking dumb. - This is the questions I ask myself after a joint. - You don't have two sandwiches. You have two halves for sandwiches.

- No, no, don't. - What constitutes as a sandwich? - What constitutes as a sandwich? Do you need to have crust on that sandwich? 'Cause if you cut the crust of sandwiches from like- - I'm not entertaining you. - Okay, so wait, wait, wait. - Don't, don't. I know you wanna do it, don't do it. - You're right, you're right. 'Cause otherwise, otherwise,

Otherwise, if you buy a sandwich at the conbini, you'd be buying two sandwiches, right? - Yeah, 'cause if you're like, "Hey Connor, do you want four sandwiches?" We all know what that is. We all know the exact dimensions that's gonna show up. Like we know the size. There's no part of my mind that when you're like, "Hey Connor, I'll bring a sandwich for you." Well, I think you're bringing me a half. - Yeah, yeah. - I think you're bringing me a full sandwich. - I agree with that. I was like trying to make an argument and I was just like, no.

- It's a cash 22. - You want a hot dog. And if I showed up with half a hot dog, it's clearly half a hot dog. You would be like, what the fuck? You would be like, what have you done? I don't even know it was legal to cut a hot dog in half. Is it? I don't know. I've never seen anyone do it. - I've never seen anyone do it. - You can't do it. - I think it goes against the Geneva Convention. - I think so. Okay, ow. Okay, I got two. Pick one. - Yeah, I'll take that one. - Yeah, all right.

- If you were Isekai, oh God. If you were Isekai into the stone age and you could bring one modern device with you, what device would you choose? - The Virtual Boy. - The Nintendo Virtual Boy. - The Virtual Boy? - The worst console? - Yeah, 'cause I'd be like, "Eh, this is what the future holds." - Yeah, then the caveman would be like, "Ah!" - And it wouldn't sell in the cave. - Like, "This is the best?" - I could bring one item. - I can bring one item. - A functioning nuclear power plant.

- Why would you want that? - Dude, I would advance this fucking age real fucking quick. - Bro, that's gonna get like stolen off you within like nought point one second. - A nuclear power plant will be stolen off of me. - Yes, bro. You take a nuclear power plant like and whatever, whoever owns that fucking country or that land is gonna be like, actually- - Nah, 'cause I'm the only one who knows how to run it.

- You don't know how to run a nuclear power plant. - Do you know how to run one? - Trick, you don't know how to run a nuclear power plant. - I can run it. - By yourself, no less. By yourself. - Motherfucker thinks he's homosensitized. - You're just gonna make a fucking fallout that- - I can run it, I can run it. - You're gonna make Chernobyl, except like in the stone ages. - Okay, fine. An oil power plant.

- You don't know how to run that either. - You don't know how to run that. - There's a furnace that we got to keep heating with the oil. So I just need a pipe to pump it easy enough. Comes with the factory. And then I just gotta find some oil, which shouldn't be too hard.

- We're in the cave right here. - Yeah, just, I'll bring back a shovel as well while I'm at it. Why not? Let's get started early. - If it's in the confines of the plant, it's coming with me. - Okay, let's switch it up then. If you could bring back something that you could physically hold. - Okay. - Yeah, you've- - One item you could physically hold. - A coal power plant. I could bring that back. - What? - Okay, now let's think. - One thing you could hold. - A Tesla. - A Cybertruck. - Just bring back a Cybertruck.

- I would have a great drive, only one drive. - They'd be like, "Have fun walking, Clems." Bring a tank in it. - Dude, I don't know. I mean, it'd have to be something that presumably would hold

and not break easily. - In the stone age, right? - Yeah, it would have to be something that wouldn't break. And if it did break, you'd be, you would have the means to fix it. Which limits it down to a lot of things. - Yeah. - If you put a smartphone in that one, it's like, how the fuck is this motherfucker charging that shit? - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - You ain't getting no energy. - And we all know the cables, they don't last. It's not gonna last. The cable's gonna get fucked up and broken. - I got it. Every volume of Dr. Stone.

- No, 'cause then by that point- - I'll be like the fucking Bible today. I'ma make my own light bulb like immediately. - I guess what you would realistically the correct answer to bring is that like if you're trying to fucking speed up civilization- - Yeah, just bring a book or something. - You'd probably bring all the books with like how to mine ore, how to-

how to use steel. How to, you know, do, or you would just be like, "Hey, we found a waterfall. Let's get some wood together and let's make a hydro power plant or some shit." Like, let's get some- - Damn, you're right. You're right. - Although they figured that out ages ago, I think the Roman period. - Here's the thing, I would-

I would probably bring back some like, going back to what you said, probably bring back some like magic tools or something like that and just present myself as the Messiah. - Yeah, I guess there's two ways of doing this. - And then it's a 50/50 whether I get burned at the stake or actually become the next God of this world. - Sure. - And I'm willing to take that. I'm willing to take that, you know, risking it. - Honestly,

How far back? Is the stone age? All right. Religion doesn't exist yet. I could make my own religion. Just start my own religion and present myself as the Messiah. - Just bring back a fucking body pillow and just be like, this is your God. - Maybe this is the American I've been talking. I think I'd bring back a fucking M16 and just three giant rucksacks full of bullets.

Just as many bullets as I can physically carry. - Holy shit, man. - And then one that gun's never leaving me. And I think I would be able to take over pretty quickly. - How the United States has not given you citizenship yet is beyond me with that answer. - I mean, presumably a guy with a bow and arrow, if there's just enough of them, I would just give up. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - I wouldn't last very long. - Exactly. - But maybe they would be so impressed 'cause you know, armor can't stop bullets.

- 'Cause armor back then wasn't made to stop bullets. - Yeah, but if you get overrun enough, you're gonna run out of bullets. - For sure, for sure. - Eventually. - But I think maybe just watching this weapon be used, they would probably be like, "Hold up, this guy's fucking cooking." You know what I mean? Like, "Let's hit this guy out." - Let's hit this guy out. - 'Cause surely the sound alone would terrify them. - Yeah, but I think they'll be terrified with most basic sounds, you know? - Yeah.

- Like you bring back a fucking MacBook and they just hear the . - Okay, also what prep are you going to do going back to the Stone Age? What prep are you going to, like let's say you can bring an item back as well and you have time to like prepare for it. What do you do? - While you're doing it, while you're thinking, can I just show you guys a funny video? Can you type in how it feels to be a Mac user when trying to use a Windows PC? - Okay.

- So you have one item and you have time to prepare? - Yeah, you have one item and you have time to prepare as well. - Can you do videos? - Man, I don't know. - I would memorize every solo clips that would happen within the time period I was going back. - This is called what MacBook owners use it. You need the sound. What MacBook users think it's like to own a Windows PC.

- That's so good. - Okay, I have time to prepare. How long do I got? - As much as you want. You know you're going back, so you could memorize, you could learn whatever skills you need, whatever you need to know, whatever knowledge you need to know. - I would learn how to run a nuclear power plant. - Okay, you have two reasons. What is your goal? Okay, first question, what's your goal?

- Are you being like noble or selfish? Like, are you trying to help? - I'm being selfish as fuck. - You're gonna be the God of the new world. - So you wanna be the ruler?

- How would you become a ruler? - 'Cause like, how could you, okay, here's the thing. How could you better humanity without, well, holy shit, I'm becoming a dictator. How could you better humanity without you being the one in control dictating everything? This is my villain arc, man. I just, holy shit. - Rhyme's mind coughed once. - Holy shit. - I don't know, how would you do that? I just feel like so many ways. - See, because it could be as simple as like, you know, this is the stone age, right?

- People still use like fire was, is like a hard to come by resource. - Did they have phone arrows in the Sony? - I don't know. - I would assume so. - Presumably. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - They had axes, saw, like knives. - 'Cause the thing is, if you bring like something like a smartphone, this is gonna be nothing to them except for like magic, right? - Yeah. - This is so far away from what they are technologically, like their technological understanding that it's gonna be useless because the infrastructure isn't there. - Presumably, oh shit. Presumably you wouldn't even be able to communicate with them.

- I'm gonna communicate with them actually. - Yeah, yeah, exactly. See, 'cause you could honestly just impress them by bringing a fucking Zippo lighter and just be like, look, I can make fire. - Fire, anytime, no matter what circumstance. - It's like, boom, anytime, I'm gone now. - That would run out of fuel though. - That would run out of fuel. - That would run out of fuel. - I just feel like they wouldn't trust you 'cause you'd be so different. So no matter what you did, they wouldn't. So you'd have to take over by force. - That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. - I reckon you show up with a fucking M16.

- They'll line up real quick. But the thing, the problem is you'll probably be assassinated pretty quick. - Yeah. - 'Cause you just can't sleep. - You can't sleep, you're gonna be poisoned or something like that. See, you need to get a way to build a trust circle. How'd you do that? Religion, God complex. - Yeah, but you can't even communicate with them. They don't speak English. - Yeah, how do you communicate that ideology? - We have no means to learn that. - How do you communicate that ideology to a group of people that can't communicate with you?

- You spend your time learning linguistics. - No, you're broskicks.

- You know what could really impress them that's easy to understand? - What? - Doing a sick back flip. - Yo. - You're like, guys, before you kill me, now you're cooking. - Watch this, now you're cooking. - If you did a magic trick, I think they would just kill you. I think they'd be like, I don't like this guy. - But if you did a back flip, they'd be like, yo, this guy is physically above all of us. - If you had to do a magic trick,

a miracle to convince stone ages that you are like a religious being, what would you do that is like achievable nowadays with modern day knowledge? - If you farted and lit it on fire.

- I think that'd be pretty- - That'd be pretty hype. - You know what I'd do? I'd just bring back a fuckload of Bud and just get them all stoned. - Alcohol existed back in the day. - Yeah, but it's even better. - Ah yes, cavemen love Miller Lite. - They'd fucking hate it, Joey. - Nah, it tastes like piss. - Well, I'll bring back Miller Lite. - Or what you bringing back? - No, no, no. - What are you bringing back? - Not Bud as in Bud White.

- The other one. - Oh. - They had weed back then. - Yeah. - No. - Did they? - I'm pretty sure. I'm pretty sure it grew naturally. - Bro, cavemen found a way of getting high through like natural sources. - Yeah, they also have- - They're probably like- - They're probably like scraping frogs or some shit like that. - Yeah. - Damn. - Wait, no, 8,000 BC. - 8,000 BC. - Oh no, I guess not then. - Yeah. - Well, presumably they had like bugs or some shit that had toxins that would make them go, "Oh."

- I'm gonna lick this toad real quick. - Just mushrooms or some shit like that. - Yeah, that's true. - You could find a way to get high. - You should get back into the room. - Okay, well if that's not gonna work. - Yeah. - Damn. - Damn. - I don't know. - Miracles. - Miracles. - Shit. - I think we're good. - What's a believable miracle? - I don't think you can go back and do it. I don't think it's possible. - Sure there's gotta be a way. - There's gotta be a way to convince them. - I think if you sent

a million people back, all in like different parallel worlds, the exact same scenario, I think maybe like one person would figure it out. I think it'd be so low, the odds. 'Cause I think there's just so many scenarios where they would just be scared of you and kill you. - That's fair.

- I know you wanna be a dictator of the Stone Age, Carl, but I can't think it's happening. - I kinda do. - You just look so different in every way. You wouldn't look like them at all. You wouldn't sound like them. - The fact that you're showing up wearing clothes is already like, what the fuck? - Yeah, but would they be scared or impressed? - Scared. - They'd be scared. - I'd be scared. - But what if it was like you did something really cool? - What if the back flip I did was sick? - I don't think they have the notion of cool yet. They don't have that. - Okay, then we go fear. How could we get them to fear you?

- Would it be the M16? - Yeah, I think so. But then I feel like the moment you're sleeping, they would all try and kill you. Like you'd constantly be on guard. - I'm gonna think about this. - M16 and a couple of ring cameras hooked up to a generator.

- What? - And then when I go to sleep, I hear that, bum, bum, bum, bum. And it tells me someone is punching. - Oh yes, the savior of me in the stone age, the little ring camera. No, okay, thank you, Ring Corp. - And then a year in, my subscription runs out and I'm like, no! - Okay, okay, what I would do- - I can't bring you! - What I would do is I would take back a,

not a film camera, but what's the one where it like pops out the photo? - Polaroid. - Polaroid. I'll take a Polaroid camera with me and I take a picture of them and I'd be like, I've trapped your soul in this photo now. 'Cause they wouldn't know. - How are you communicating this? You don't speak the same language as them. - I would...

- What you do is you rip up the photo and then shoot the guy. - Yes, actually. - And they wouldn't know what happened because they're like. - He just died. - No, what you do is you hold the photo up. You're like, whoa, whoa. And you're holding a Glock behind it. - It's like look closely at this photo. - Shoot the guy in the face. You're like, whoa. So what happens is I find, you know.

So you try and convince them that if you take a picture of them. - Yeah. - But now you've just made a long-winded gun. - It's not about the gun, it's about the belief. - I think you just wanna bring a gun back. - I don't know. - Do you just wanna slaughter, stonage people? - No, I want to fear them until like- - What if you bring back a tank? - What if I bring back a tank? - Yeah. - That's quite clearly a weapon though. It needs to be something that's- - How would they know? They would have no concept. - It could just be a home. - They might think it's a rhino.

Then they try to kill it. - And then they'd realize, wow, the spears are not doing anything. - 'Cause I feel like, okay, communication is the number one important thing, I guess. - You just communicate through force. - Communicate through force. - An Apache helicopter. - I mean, yeah, that would work. - No, I think gun. - You think gun? - I think gun. - The more I think about this, I just think gun is the way to go. - The gun is the answer. - Fucking America build. All right, all right. We'll go with gun for now. We'll go with gun for now.

- I've been holding this for ages. All right, next one. If you could erase one invention from history, what would it be and how do you think the world would change? - Guns. - Guns. - Guns. - Guns. - Guns. - Guns. - Guns. - Guns. - Guns. - Guns. - Guns. - Guns. - Guns. - Guns. - Guns. - Guns. - Guns. - Guns. - Guns. - Guns. - Guns. - Guns. - Guns. - Guns. - Guns. - Guns. - Guns. - Guns. - Guns. - Guns. - Guns. - Guns. - Guns. - Guns. - Guns. - Guns. - Guns. - Guns. - Guns. - Guns. - Guns. - Guns. - Guns. - Guns. - Guns. - Guns. - Guns. - Guns. - Guns. - Guns. - Guns. - Guns. - Guns. - Guns. - Guns. - Guns. - Guns. - Guns. - Guns. - Guns. - Guns. - Guns. - Guns. - Guns. - Guns. - Guns. - Guns. - Guns. - Guns. - Guns. - Guns. - Guns. - Guns. - Guns. - Guns. - Guns. - Guns. - Guns. - Guns. - Guns. - Guns. - Guns. - Guns. - Guns. - Guns. - Guns. - Guns. - Guns. - Guns. - Guns. - Guns. - Guns. - Guns. - Guns. - Guns. - Guns. - Guns. - Guns. - Guns. - Guns. - Guns. - Guns. - Gun

- I mean, like the problem is that there's so many derivatives of like, if you got rid of computers, right? Would there never be another computer or a branch of it ever again? Like AI would be gone. Our phones would be gone. - Yeah. - But like, I guess telegrams would still be around and old telephones would still be around, but not modern mobile phones. - Yeah, I guess so. I mean, it's- - Yeah, that's why I was saying, how do you think the world would change?

- Do you think the adventures we have were always meant to like- - We were gonna make what we were gonna make. - We were gonna make it eventually anyway. - I say so. - Yeah, I feel like, yes. I think that if you- - It's a natural progression. - If you put like 10,000 parallels of the human race from like age 1,000, I think all of them will eventually have computers in some form. - Yes. I, yeah, I'll agree with that. - I think we just, we were like just a,

a fast track to industrialization at some point. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - It would just be like those inventions where it's like, it's here and it has a use, but it's not gonna change the world. - Yeah, 'cause sometimes you see inventions of things that like inventors dreamed up fucking ages before in the past, but the infrastructure wasn't there for them to actually invent the thing.

like, I don't know, like- - Like DaVinci inventing the helicopter. - DaVinci inventing the helicopter. Yeah, that's the first thing I thought of as well. I'm sure there's been some iteration of the computer back in the day in a much more simpler form 'cause the computer- - Sure, a lot. - Break it down- - An abacus is a very basic form of- - It's an analog computer. - Yeah, yeah, exactly. - We, you know, we-

we always will eventually, I think, figure out ones and zeros as an optimal form and then having a device do it for you. I think it's inevitable. So I think it's kind of hard to be like, remove the idea of computation, right? 'Cause I feel like, I don't know, this is very tough. - It is very tough because I feel like if we remove something, humanity is going to invent it eventually anyway. - I think we have to think petty and small things. Like the bidet.

we would be significantly filthier. - The toilet. - Yeah, the toilet would, yeah. - The toilet. What if they never invented the toilet? - Then we shit on the road. - What if we- - Finally! - 'Cause presumably I do think there is a version of humanity that would never just wanna pursue plumbing. - Yeah. - 'Cause I think it would be too much fucking effort. - Can we remove- - 'Cause it was only like 400 years ago

They were just shitting the bucket and throwing out the window. We'd figure out housing. We didn't figure out like, and like cities, we'd figure out cities, but no shitting. - Just remove alarm clocks and just see what happens to the world. - Everyone would have to have a large chunk probably would not function properly. - This guy needs time management. - Time management out of the fucking window. - I need that alarm clock otherwise I'm sleeping till noon.

What's like the most useless invention that's ever been done before? The Tenga. The Tenga? That's not a useless invention. It is useless. I agree.

- If you need to jack off into a cup, I think you're, and you can only jack off into cups. - We have hands, Garnt. - Our hand was made to jack us off, Garnt. - We are pre-built with two tangas. - If it was useless, then why is it a successful invention? - Because some people are just really bad at J-O-E. And they need assistance. They just haven't figured their own hands out. - That's like implying that,

- Inventions are good because they're needed. When I don't think that's the case. - Yeah, they don't need to exist. - Not everything that exists that we've made is good. - Cryptocurrency? - Yeah, exactly. Fucking useless. - Yeah, we can get rid of that. - NFTs? - We can get rid of that too. - We can get rid of all those inventions. - We were doing fine before that came around. - That's the mentality of every new invention. We were doing fine before cars came along. We had horses, Joey.

- If we had never discovered plastic, it would be very interesting. It would be very, very different.

- Hmm, for the better or for the worse? - I think for both. I think some things would be way worse, but a lot of things would be better. - We wouldn't have a lot of things that we take for granted. - Yeah, sure. - But our oceans will be a lot cleaner. - How wasteful is like this? And I was like, 'cause you know, in like 1970s Japan, you could order like ramen and they would bring it in the like the porcelain or the, what was it, the material?

- They would bring it in the ramen bowl. - Yeah. - Which is like wooden, I guess, with like wooden with a, what's the word? A coating of varnish. - I don't know. Lacquer? - Yeah, lacquer, I guess. I guess maybe some of them are plastic. - Wooden, plastic, and even metal bowls. - And then you would just have to like, you know, they would come pick the bowl up. So that was such a cool fucking idea that we like, I wish we could still do that now. 'Cause my mom still gets milk delivered.

- Oh really? - And milk glasses and milk bottles. - Oh, do you mean like the ramen places where they deliver it to your house? - They'll like deliver it to your house in the ramen bowl. - Oh yeah, no, that's still around. - Yeah, it's super rare, right? - No, my grandma still does it. - But it's not like common now. - Well, yeah, it's mostly like a lot of the older generation. - Like I think it would be better to pay more and have that, I think, but.

- But how, wait, what? - 'Cause then you make less waste. - Oh, I see. - And if we didn't have plastic, we'd almost be forced to do some kind of, 'cause you couldn't have a cardboard ramen bowl. It would have to be something solid, right? - Yeah, that's true. - 'Cause a lot of these materials are like plastic derivatives, styrofoam.

Stuff like that. - Yeah. - I don't know. I feel like it would be a more interesting world if there was no plastic, but there'd be a lot of stuff that would be a lot worse too. - Yeah. - I'm thinking very small. Like I know that like, someone's gonna be like, what about fucking this thing? Like, I don't know. - Cigarettes. - Yeah, cigarettes. Yeah, but we bet it. - Yeah. - Tobacco, just tobacco in general. - Maybe, maybe. - Yeah, cigarettes I'd say. - Yeah.

- I can't think of anything like small that I would get rid of. - 3G. - Vaccines. - Modern medicine. - Modern medicine. - Healthcare.

- It's like, let's all just go back to hardcore PVP runescape. - Yeah. - Let's just fucking, stop having insurance. Microtransactions, worse human invention, facts. - True. - Get rid of that shit. - Nobody, for the entire street, no one ever thinks to have an add-on purchase in the game. - Yeah. - That'd be amazing. - GachaGamer's watching this like, "No!"

- All right, I'm pulling out. - All right. You're given the ability to talk to animals, but only one species. Which would you choose and why? - Man, it's gotta be like- - Cats. - Why? - I feel like they're gonna want a team. - If I say like fish, does it have to be like a certain fish? - No, it could be just like- - All fish. - I said cats. - You want to be Aquaman? Is that it? - I think that'd be useful.

- I think it'd be more useful than being able to talk to cats. - I don't know. - I'll tell, okay, I got it, I got it. Pigeons. - Oh. - Bro. - Yeah. - You would become, you would start the best spy network in like all of history. - That is true. - And no one will be the wiser. - Yeah. - Yeah, and then you could tell them to fuck off. - That is true. - Yeah. - Yeah, and then they would stop shitting on my fucking balcony.

I can tell them, hey man. - Hey bro, come on, come on. - Bro, come on man. - Bro, come on, come on man. There's a perfectly good car right over there. - Or you could even be on the opposite side of that and being like, you see that car over there? - Go and shit on him real quick. Just drop a couple of bangers on him right now. - Why fish though? Why do you want fish? - I just wonder what's going on down there. I feel like there's more going on in the ocean than let's, we've barely discovered anything about it. If I could talk to the fish, I'd be like, hey, what's going on down there?

- Yeah, but they might also be like, "What the fuck am I doing?" - Hey, I got a big bag going on right now. Can you tell me if that submarine's still there? - I don't know, man. I feel like the fish just wouldn't know either. Like they don't travel out there. - Wow, are you saying that all fish are dumb? - I mean, most of them are, yeah. - No. - No. - Let's just assume. - Actually, no, birds are OP. - I think birds are really- - Did you see that? There was a bird that migrated from California to like Chile. - Oh, really? - Damn. - Or no, no, not even. It was like New Zealand.

And in one go, it did not stop. - Holy shit. - It flew from like California to fucking New Zealand in one go. - You're actually so right about cats though. - Yeah. - I reckon. - Dude, they would have so much tea. Like you just go up to like the neighbor's cat and being like,

- What did you see? - They'd have all the ghosts. - It's like, yeah, it's like, so last night Cheryl said this. - The bar-tailed Godwit flew 13,000 kilometers without stopping from Alaska to Tasmania. - Whoa. - Without stopping. Isn't that insane?

That's pretty wild. - We literally, I don't even think, I think it's the longest flight journey you can do possible. - Yes. - Like we as the human race could like barely figure out how to do that with machines. And this one bird is like, yeah, you've heard about raw dog in a flight. - Yeah. - What about becoming the flight and raw dogging? - I mean, it's in the name, man, it's a god. - But you know, I think cats would be useful, but I think cats,

- I think they'd be a nightmare. No, I think 'cause you're assuming they're under your control. - That's true. - I think cats would be a nightmare to bargain with. - Well, if that's the case, then you assume that fish and pigeons are under control. - Pigeons would be easy as fuck to bargain with. - Yeah. - Really? - You just give them some food? - They will literally bend, they literally deliver packages for us, messages for us right now.

for like a crumb. I think to get my pigeon network, all I would need to do is probably spend a couple of grand on pigeon food monthly. But the amount of information I would get would be phenomenal. - That's true. That's true. - Oh, you would be the world's best spy. - Oh yeah. - And nobody would know how you, well actually- - How is he getting this information? - Actually people would probably see your pigeon farm and figure it out. They're like,

- We can't figure out how Garnt keeps knowing what's going on in the Middle East. - Yeah. - But for some reason he spends five grand a month on pigeon feed. - There has to be a connection somewhere. - No, I got it, I got it. Even better. - Ants.

- Bro, you would- - But no, I don't think ants would be concerned with you. I don't think they would want to- - No, all you need to do is like blackmail the queen somehow. - Get the queen. - Get the queen on your side. - The problem is, is that I think it's very hard to get the queen without killing. Like all the ways that, 'cause the queen's so deep down. How would you get the queen out? - Okay, here's how you do it, right? You start off with one ant colony, right?

- Befriend the ants. - Befriend the ants. You start off with one ant colony, build them up, train them up with modern military tactics, right? Then you start- - Why does God really wanna dictate something? - I think he just wanna be a dictator. - He just wants control over something. - But here's how to do it. You start with one ant colony, right?

- Train them up with modern military tactics. You go for another ant colony, right? Then that's two ant colonies under your control. What do you start doing? You take over the ant world, right? And then once you expand your ant kingdom, you have the entirety of that country's ant like,

- Population under your control. - You are aware that ants currently like war with each other, right? - That's exactly it. But what would happen if all the ant tribes united under one dictator, right? Under one person, you would have so much fucking power on your hands. You could do so much with those resources. - I just don't think you'd be able to convince or reason with an ant. - You don't need to reason with an ant. That's the thing. You would only need,

- Like most ants are basically like a computer, right? So all you would need to do is program a certain ant colony to do a certain thing once you take over their queen and that's it. You basically have a organic biomass of a computer that you can do, program however you want. - I'm hearing all of this and all I'm thinking is, I think you can just do that now.

- You don't have to talk to them. - If someone could do that, they would have done that joke. 'Cause that is OP. - That's what people are being forced to. - Here's my idea then. You somehow,

- Replace the queen with a robotic queen that you control. And you know how, 'cause you can talk to ants. You know how to communicate with ants. So now that you're the queen, you can give out orders to your little robot. You can be like, "Hey, attack this one. Hey, attack the Uruguayan embassy."

You know what I mean? - 'Cause that's the thing. - What do you have against the Uruguayan? - 'Cause that's the thing, how would you protect yourself from like ants? With enough resources. - Burn down the house. - Huh? - Burn down the house. - There's a lot of fire. - That's a lot of fire. And ants can just, you can just go underground. You can start a new nest if you start getting attacked and you have so many ants under your control that you could,

you could like tunnel underneath buildings and just fucking like destroy them. You could do so much with the entire population of ants. - If you had control over like a hundred billion ants all at once, that would be pretty fucking terrible. - You'd be unstoppable. - Don't think there's a world you could control them. Pigeons are more reliable. Cats would be hard because cats would never want to negotiate with you.

- Oh, I wouldn't even want to like negotiate. I just want to hear what they have to say. I just want the tea, there's scenes of shit. - Joey just wants the shit. - I just want to start World War, - Rats. - World War A. - Being able to control the rats would be huge.

- He'd be the king of New York. - He would be the king of New York. Could you imagine you attack someone and you send a plague of rats? That would, oh my God. Imagine it. - Like modern day Moses. - Imagine it in the White House. Just the field is covered with rats running towards the right. - It's like, "Charge!" - It would be, oh my Lord. You would overtake the White House. I don't think they'd be able to stop it. - No. - They can chew through concrete.

- I feel like ants are more OP. Ants, they're ants are more versatile. Ants are the perfect soldier. I like how this just devolved into which animal can we take over to control the world. - Yeah, I don't know about you guys, but I don't really feel like starting a coup d'etat. - I'm going back to pigeons. I like the pigeons. - I just wanna hear some shit. I don't know, man. - How would you hide a giraffe from the government? - Okay, what?

- Hide a giraffe from the government. - Okay, is the giraffe a baby when you get it? Do you have time to like prepare? - Tomorrow you wake up, knock on the door. Dude is there, says,

- How about- - He's a fully grown giraffe, hide it from the government. - How about you have one day to prepare? - You have one day. - One day to prepare. - One day to prepare. - Tomorrow we're gonna bring you a giraffe. - You have the Amazon notification on your phone. It is being delivered tomorrow and it is not reschedulable. You have a giraffe coming. - It's gone through customs, it's coming towards you. - Well, I guess, and for some reason we have a motivation to hide this. - Yeah. - Yeah. - We have to hide this giraffe. - 'Cause it's gonna get confiscated. - So first problem, space. All right. - We live in Japan.

- Okay, okay. I build it, I am going to rent a space, all right? And under the pretense that I'm making YouTube content out of it, right? Make a, I'm like, "Maylin, I wanna Mr. Beast type warehouse. Can you buy, can we rent out a space in the outskirts of like Tokyo or something?" Send the package there. From there,

- You have to figure out- - How are you gonna transport the giraffe? - How are you gonna transport the giraffe? - To the warehouse. - Helicopter. - Helicopter? - I think they've done that before. - They must have done that before. - Yeah, but not without a lot of people staring at it, being like, "What the fuck is that?" - What if you call me crazy, I would hire a vehicle that could fit it?

like an open top truck, I can have it down. I would just drive it to the zoo and leave it there, like out in the parking lot. - But that's not hiding it, is it? - I'm sorry. - Okay. - I'm sorry, is there no better place to hide a giraffe than in a zoo? - Question, question. Does the giraffe have to be alive? - Yes. - Shit, all right, that makes things harder. - Surely it's genius to take it to the zoo. The zoo will surely be like,

- It must be ours. - Yeah, just show up to the zoo being like, "Hey, by the way, I don't know if you guys-" - No, no, don't say anything. Just leave it in the parking lot. - Just leave it in the parking lot? - 'Cause then everyone will assume naturally it's escaped from the zoo and everyone won't even think twice. They'll rush to get it back in the zoo. Be like, "Where did this giraffe come from?"

- I'm pretty sure that'll be national news. Like a giraffe just appearing out of nowhere. 'Cause I think, I'm pretty sure the zoo must keep track. - No one's gonna believe the zoo when they say we don't know where it came from. No one's gonna believe that. It'd be another fun local news story. They're like, "These wacky zoo people said they didn't know where it came from." - Yeah, but the moment the news picks it up, then I'm sure the government will be like, "Oh, there it is." - No, no, no.

- Why is the government hunting down? I would imagine it's more so like, hey, try not to get caught with it by like the police. - Oh, I see. - I don't think it's like the CIA is on this. We need the giraffe, Mr. President. - There's a giraffe missing. It's somewhere in this country. We must retrieve it. - All right, more interesting question. Going to Joey's point. How would you hide, not a dead giraffe, how would you just hide a dead body, period? - Let's incriminate ourselves right now. - You'd have to bury it. - You'd have to bury it? - You'd have to bury it.

- Or rent a boat and go boating every weekend. - Yeah, just like rent a boat, go out into the middle of the ocean. - Do you think it's easier to hide a dead body than people give you credit for? - I wanna know Garnt, never done it. Don't have plans to. - Well, I think that, you know, a lot of the time we have these unsolved mysteries or whatever. A lot of the time it's when there's no, there's like no one,

like immediate family or friends with the person that has a motive. - Yeah. - Yeah. - I think all the time it's just like random dudes who kill random people where it's like, there's no way to kind of really attach these two people together. So it's incredibly difficult. So I think if you were just killing random people, yeah, it might be fine. But like, you know. - Don't say it's fine. - No, it isn't like fine to hide it. But like, I think it would be really hard for you to like kill someone you knew.

- Shit, this is, I should have listened to more of Sydney's True Crime podcast. - Well, it's just like whenever you hear about these true crime things, it's like, he had like three friends, none of them have any, all of them have alibis, none of them were even, you know. - But also they're the ones who got caught. That's teaching you how not to hide it. - Yeah, so people who got caught are normally people who have some time. - Yeah, learn from other people's mistakes. - Yeah. - And be like, I won't make that same mistake. - As an expert. - I always fall asleep to true crime shit, so I always listen to it. - Do you actually? - Yeah, I do. - Oh my God. - This one's kinda. - This one?

- Okay, you've just been isekai'd into the last game you played. How long are you surviving? - Fuck! - Well, Rip, where did you go? - Elden Ring? - Elden Ring. - Yeah. - We're both Elden Ring, yeah. - Satisfactory, just build a factory. I'm good, I'm chilling. - Oh, fuck me. Yeah, I'm Ripper-onis immediately. - All right, last one. - All right. - Let's see. You're given the power to remove one law or create a new law. What would you choose and what would it be?

- I'm saying immigration. - Damn, too real, bro. - The Japanese government's like, "I'm sorry, we didn't hear you." - Okay, remove one. Okay, first of all, would you remove one law or would you create a new one? - I bet you can remove one and create one at the same time. - Ooh, that complicates things. - I would create a law that

every Domino's pizzas needs to be open 24/7, just in case. Just so I know there's a Domino's. - I like the way you think. - Just so I know if I'm up at 3:00, 4:00 AM and I'm craving a Domino's pizza, there's always one available just in case. - I would remove any country that has stores have to close on a religious day. I'm like, no, no they don't. - Yeah. - Let them stay open. I wanna go shopping on a Sunday, fuck you. I don't give a fuck what some church says.

- Ah man, I don't know. - Create a law? I mean, that's weird. - I would create a law where airplanes cannot give less leg room. - No, okay. - Or make a law that they've given more. - I need to make a law where if a plane is delayed, you have to show what the estimate is and you can't just say delayed. - Right? - Wait, of like how much longer it's delayed? - Yeah, how much? - Sometimes I just don't know.

- Yeah. - Ooh. - How could you be sure? - I mean, I think they just enacted this law actually, where it's like if a plane is like canceled or delayed for long enough, you need to have like monetary compensation on the spot. - For a while in the year. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Okay, no, actual law that I would like

- It needs to be a law that if you want to stop a subscription, you can do it with one click and everything needs to be in one place. And that is it, that is it. You don't need to log into the account. You don't need to phone up someone. Every subscription needs to be collected in one subscription database and you by logging onto a subscription, you can uncheck any subscription you like

And that's it. And that's all you need to do is cancel the subscription. - You're talking to the choir. - I can move the law that stops you from shitting in the middle of the street. - No! - Give me the real me. - Give me the real you. - Give me the real me. I want to be able to legally shit in the middle of the street without people judging me. Just 'cause I'm a little curious. - Make microtransactions illegal. - Oh yeah. - Yeah, yeah. - True. - That'll be fun. - That'll be fun. - Bring gaming back.

- Bring Amy back. - Bring Amy back. All right, well that's been our what ifs. Let us know down below what if you agreed with us or if not. I don't know what I said. - What to what? - I don't know. Do the Patreon thing, John. - Hey, what if you could be with these lovely patrons? Well, you can by joining us over at patreon.com/trashtaste. And hey, if you go over there right now for you guys who are already on the Patreon, we give you premium Patreon exclusive weekly content. We have one for you guys

right now that you can watch right after this one. And if you want to check that out and support the show in the process, head on over to patreon.com/trashtaste. Also follow us on Twitter, on the subreddit, if you had a face, listen to us on Spotify. You fucked with my groove. - See you next week. - If you could take over the world, would you? Like actually, like you knew that you would succeed? - No. - You wouldn't? - No. - You wouldn't? - No. - I know you would. - You're evil, bro. See you next week for Dictator Gone. - Bye. - Bye.