#468 - Strengthening Our Pelvic Floors
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Welcome back to the Bas- Welcome back to the Basement Yard Podcast.

I don't know why you like lifted that. I did not do that. You lifted that a little sexy. That's what you did there. You lifted, you were. I did do that. That was, yeah. You like fucking, like you were casting like a. A spell. Like you, I did just watch Harry Potter. I was going to say, I saw you were watching. Which ones were you watching? Did you start very begins or did you go like middle, middle route? I was watching what they had available on the plane, which was the first one, which is a good one. That's a good one. Yeah. That fucking Halloween dinner that they have, dude. I'm ready to lose everything I love for that. Just to live it.

day in that. Ronald Weasley's just double fisting chicken legs. Oh my God. Also Dumbledore just going. Yeah. And then the food just appears. He's an old bastard. He's an old dumb idiot. I don't know if I'm eating magic food though. Like if a chicken just appeared on my plate and what am I going to eat that though? I mean, it can't be worse than the fucking chicken that our fucking country produces. That's fair, but I don't know. Was there any part? Cause we, we were for the show recently in Toronto. Was there any part of you that was just like,

The food does taste different here because I did. And I knew that if I told you, you'd make fun of me for it. The food tastes different in Canada? Yeah. I imagine they have different. They do have different. They have different standards and shit like that. Like I checked on everything that I ate, you know, that had a food label on it, like for any high fructose corn syrup, because that bitch is in all fucking American foods. And I didn't see it. And I said to you, I was like, yo, the fucking tequila here was way sweeter.

Yeah, you were saying like, yo, it's so diff. It was very like, like, it was like someone put sugar in tequila, which I know that technically I think there is sugar. I know technically that's what it is. But like, it was definitely diffy diffs. Yeah, I don't know. But I imagine it's how is the Europe food? Was it like good quality?

Yeah. Just taste it like food? Yeah. Taste it like food. Were the portions bigger or smaller? I mean, they're definitely smaller than... Us fat bastards over here? Yeah, dude. You ever go to an Italian restaurant and they're like, here's two big skewers.

Sizes of fucking chicken cutlet covered in a pound of cheese. I don't hate that, dude. I hate it. I... Oh, my God. Bro, you go to an Italian restaurant. I want food that's going to be like, okay, fine. I don't like it. It's the size of the plate. So every time I cut, the fucking sauce is going off the plate. Then there's a sack of spaghetti on the side? You're getting me hungry. A big old dumb...

thin fucking crispy golden chicken cutlet over a bed of... Spaghetti? Angel hair. I like... A spaghetti? I'm an angel hair guy. I'm a much bigger angel hair guy than I am a spaghetti. You love angel hair. It's just so much... In my opinion, I like the... It's finer. I just like it. Like spaghetti... It sticks together, though. Spaghetti feels like a meal. You know what I mean? It is a meal. Fucking

It feels that way because it is what it is. I know what I mean. Sometimes spaghetti is just too fat for me. I like the fat spaghetti. I don't know what it's called, but it's even... What the hell is fat spaghetti? It's like the size of a pipe cleaner. Get the hell out of here. Yeah, they got pipe cleaner pastinis.

Bucatini? Wait, what's- Your teeny's getting booked. What's bucatini? I think that's what you're talking about. It's like the hollowed out spaghetti, but it's like a big fat noodle. It's not hollowed out, it's like a fucking straw. It looks like, what was that fucking kid's candy that we had as a kid? And it was like, you pull like the candy off of a paper or something. Oh, dots. No, that- I ate more paper than I did fucking candy with dots. Bro, speaking of peeling shit off of paper, the birthday letters-

I love the... Yo, for your birthday, you would go get a piece of paper, and then it's made of sugar, and you peel them off, and you're like, okay, W. Yes. Those were so good. And then it would be even better if they were like little... It was like a little pumpkin for Halloween. Yeah. Or it was like a little... And they were spiky. They were spiky. They were spiky, so I'd put them on my tongue, and I'd press down, and I'd torture my tongue. Yeah. The...

I would do that too. But I would suck the shit out of it. I know, you love sucking this stuff. But you sucked those too. I sucked it a little bit, I'll admit. I sucked it until it was gone. Yeah, well. Yeah, I bet you did. I would though. Dude, go get them. When they were like little spikes. You gotta go spike down. Of course spike down. And I would bite down and those spikes would fuck up my tongue and I'd be like, you deserve this, you dumb, dirty tongue. Dude, you're so horny. It's insane. It's not Patreon.

It's crazy. I forgot. I love those. I do love those. You know what's like an overrated thing? Hold on.

No, no, no, don't answer it. It's rhetorical. On a birthday cake where I was like, I want a balloon. Fuck you. Those gel balloons. The balloons are whack! No, they're whack if they're like also like... They're like wax. No, listen, listen, listen, listen. They're whack if they're also frosting, but like the gel frosting where it's like you could see through it, like it's like lava. You know what I'm talking about? And it's like, that's when it's sick. You can't see through lava. But you know what I mean? Like, it's not like frosting. It's like gel frosting.

No, but it's not about frosting. It's like when you go to Carvel and there's just like a guy holding balloons and it's like, they're like, people want that. But that is, if they're the frosting balloons, they're not the good ones. If they're the gel balloons. No, they are gel. The gel is the best. What do you mean? Those are the best. The wackest. No, you get the corner with like a balloon in there. Oh, Carvel ice cream cake is my favorite, favorite. I love that. Cake, like iteration. Bro.

How many wedding cakes have you had where you're like, this is a good cake? Like the one that we taste tested for our wedding was great. And maybe like one other, but like, I'm not a sponge cake guy. I like sponge, but don't put a whole fucking half a fucking strawberry in here. No, I do like when there's fruit. No, I don't. I do. I don't like when I can see a fruit in it. I do kind of like that a little bit. No. But I'm saying like birthday cakes, like...

I need a good ratio of like if there's gonna be sponge in there. It better be wet as hell I'm talking where masseur tres leches bitch bro. If you give me a tres leches I want this fucking sponge to spin my mouth the moment I put my teeth in that there's three milks You know what I'm talking about? Yeah, bro I didn't even consider the fact that you were in Spain and you didn't get tres leches cake wrong, but

By the way, I had mad tiramisu on that fucking trip. You weren't in Italy at any point in time. They had it. And I was having it. What fucking... What Scottish desserts are there? Come eat this. Come eat this dirt cup. Actually, cup of dirt is like... Blood pudding. But a wedding cake that's just tiramisu...

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You gotta do that. I'm gonna do that. That's gonna be like $5,000 because tiramisu is a not easy cake to make. Really? Why? Well, you gotta soak the lady fingers in the espresso and then you have to like fucking, like it could be a very involved, you can get like a cheap one, sure, but like good quality. Look at Carlos's bakery over here. He knows the fucking recipe. I've looked up, I've looked up how to make it.

How to make tiramisu? Yeah. It's not that hot. Well, it's not as simple. Like, legit tiramisu is not like, just like you make a sponge cake and you pour some espresso on it. That's not what I'm saying. You like soak the lady fingers, which are a specific type. Like, they're not just like any cookies. So what? Buy them in bulk.

But there's a process, and if you follow it, it's not necessarily easy. Okay, neither is making a regular wedding cake. Why would it be any different? Yeah, but those cakes, like regular wedding cakes, are just big, dumb, fluffy sponge cakes that they just throw a little bit of frosting in there. I want what I was saying. If you're giving me a cake, you're already down bad if it's not ice cream cake. You're not going to have a wedding ice cream cake, you fucking child. Why not? Your wedding cake was going to be an ice cream cake. No, but I'm saying, why couldn't you?

Because we're not playing laser tag in here. That's why. First of all, you fucking, I know if you went to a wedding and they had fucking laser tag, you wouldn't think that was sick? Frank, laser tag sucks.

No way. Laser tag wasn't even fun when we were children. Yes, it was from when we were children. Laser tag. You don't remember the fucking gray and red pack with the gray and red gun? I do. Laser tag is awesome. What the fuck do you mean it sucks? Sucks. What is cooler than shooting your boy and they're not going to die, dude?

That's why you paintball. This is why. But paintball, there's a little bit of pain. Yeah. I know. I do love paintball too. Santagato Studios paintball trip? Would do it. Would do it. Would need a lot of GoPros. It's a couple hundred bucks. We can do it. Probably won't be as expensive as my tiramisu cake. Yeah, probably. Bro, how are you going to talk shit about laser tag? You can go into a place that has black lights, probably cool music. I like black lights. And then you can shoot. Not in my bedroom. You could shoot. Yeah.

You could shoot your boys with lasers, dude. Shooting your boys is cool. With lasers. Now it's even cooler because there's no threat of injury. But they're never accurate. Like, yo, I sniped you, bro. Sure, when you were fucking going to laser tag in like 1998, it wasn't accurate. But you go to 2024 laser tag, something tells me there's going to be accuracy behind those lasers. Something tells you? Frank, laser tag doesn't exist now. It doesn't.

Does it? Yes, it does. Are you nuts? There's still laser tagging establishments? Joey, if there isn't, I'm furious. I'm pretty sure they closed down all laser tagging. Laser tag near me. Look at this. Laser tag near me. Yeah, bouncing around here, there's a ton of different laser tags. That's insane. This is so cool. This is awesome. We should go.

Laser tag and mini bowling in Manhattan. What is mini bowling? There's a place called Beat the Bomb in Brooklyn. Oh, I know Beat the Bomb. They've got laser tag. Oh. So, sounds like you're the loser here. What's so... Let me ask you a question. What's so...

Why are you so against doing things that when you were a fucking child that you would like now? We're all just trying to fucking chase the dragon, relive a little bit of what brought us joy and happiness when we were young. Now you wanna spit at it.

Spit at it. Stop spitting. Why must you put it down? I'm not... Frank, first of all, you're making a blanket statement saying that, like, I don't like things from when I was younger. Not true. You, because you collect Power Rangers and Yu-Gi-Oh cards and fucking shit like that, and all of a sudden you have this affinity for laser tag out of nowhere. You just talked shit about ice cream cakes and...

and fucking laser I didn't talk about shit about ice cream cakes you talked about shit about it I talk shit I talk bad shit about the balloons on top of the ice cream cake and then you talk shit about having a at a fucking at a wedding at a wedding oh you're such a wedding purist Joey you're such a wedding fucking purist congratulations give oh you're not thinking clearly clearly I thought I thought clearly consider this you're at a wedding a lot of guests hundreds of people needs to be a big ice cream cake but it also needs to be

Cold. No! You can't have this thing start melting. Wheel it out the fr- You know how long it takes ice cream cake to fully melt? Wheel it out, ice cream, and then you put non-meltable fucking frosting around the top like Carvel does, and then you wheel this thing out from the freezer, you cut it, you serve it, ice cream. Done! You're sitting there like it's gotta sit there for hours on end. What do you think, they just wheel the cake out and they have it sit there all the time? They gotta cut it. Yeah, watch this.

Come in, cut, serve. Why must you be fucking- That's not how- That's how it happens sometimes. Hundreds of times. Also this, your wedding that you were going to have, were you going to smush cake? No. No smush cake. No, it's kind of disrespectful.

What? Like smooshing cake? Like Becca would have spent a whole day getting ready and looking and feeling her best and then for me to just take cake and mash it in her face is kind of fucked up. Unless she does it back to you, then we're talking Eva Stevens. No, no Eva Stevens. There's a different standard on men than there is on women. You fucking misogynist. Get them, ladies. Come in. But you don't have to. 30 women coming in here with paintball guns and laser guns.

shooting me with lasers. I forgot what I was going to say. But yeah, I'm not into this mushing thing. I think it's stupid. I think it's stupid and outdated. I've seen like, oh, look at this violence. But I've also seen some dudes get carried away. Yeah, of course. It's men. It's like, yo, you're stiff-arming your wife with a cake. Yeah, dude. You know what I'm saying? There are some fucking... I also think smashing kids' faces in cakes is stupid.

Dude, I've seen, because we used to do that as kids. And then I saw one time over the last three or four years, and it was like, here's why you shouldn't do it. And apparently it was like a person. I don't know if it was a man or a woman. Not because I don't know their gender. Here we go. But they were saying like,

Don't do that because a lot of cakes now put wooden stakes in them to keep them from toppling over. Impaled. And there was a picture of someone that had gotten one in their eye. Absolutely not. Crazy, dude. Crazy. I don't like the birthday stuff. Smashing the face in the cake. Dumb. Do you do the smear?

No. All these cake fucking like... I will say the only one that we did do as a family, and it was because my mom did it, so I don't even know, but my mom would make the cross in the cake. What? I swear to God. That I've never heard. Yeah. I guess it's a Greek thing that my family decided they wanted to be religious about. So she'll have the cake, you sing happy birthday. And then she would take a giant butcher knife and lightly drag the tip of it in the sign of a cross across it.

That's interesting. Yeah, that doesn't make sense. You did first cut. Of course, first cut goes to birthday boy. Yeah. Or birthday girl. Or birthday them. Your birthday. The birthday you. Yes. But then, and then second goes to like whoever. Now it's just. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I remember when we would do. You ever see a kid try to blow out a birthday candle? Can't do it. My nephew.

Yeah, they're spitting all over the cake. Figure it out. Tell your nephew to fucking stop. Yeah, like we're going to eat this thing and you're spitting on it. Yeah. All right. You know what cake my sister used to love? Remember the cake...

No, no, no. Okay. I'm excited. Remember the cake? It was like a pie crust. It was custard. And then it was like the fruit on top. And there was like that layer of like jelly on top of it. Like clear jelly. Oh, yeah. It's like a fruit custard cake. Yeah. I remember we would fight. You like that? Hell yeah, dude. I don't know if I've ever even had that. With like a real good kiwi and strawberry on top. Hell yeah. That sounds like it needs whipped cream on it. You could put some. But there's custard in there. There's enough cream. Oh.

There's enough cream. I forgot about the custard. The bottom has been creamed and then the top is the fruit. Right. Bottom cream, fruit on top. Something's there. You guys do it. You can do what you want with it. I'm not going to. There is a joke in there that we're not going to make it. We're not going to make it. Absolutely. Because why? Gays, come on in. Gay, come on in. It's back studio today. Well, they have lasers too. Yeah.

The laser tagging, man. I can't believe it. I will say, though, that you do, like, often shit on, like, stuff, like, that I like. Oh, oh. Are you... This is therapy? Well, no. I will say, I don't know if you recently saw...

But I made a fucking call and you made fun of me for it. But Hayley Welch, which we have learned her name, also better known apparently now as the Hawk 2 girl. Hawk 2. Hawk 2-a. Hawk 2-a. Spitting on a wiener. Yeah. She's starting a podcast. Yeah. Logical step. I don't think I made fun of you for that. You made fun of me for that. Why did I make fun of you? I said, this is where you go. You go, what would it be about? I think you made fun of me because I said it would be about like her giving. Oh yeah, that's a bad idea. Her giving like sex advice.

Why not? I saw a video recently where someone was like, when was the last time you hocked Tua? And I'm like, this is a weird question to ask. Bro, this is... Why? This is what is happening. When was the last time you sucked a cock? Yeah. One of our friends, like, not long after the hock two thing came out, sent a video of just like, oh, this is just like what interviewers or like people on the street... It was previously like body count. And then it was just like, they got this girl to say the hock two became viral. She's making money. Good for her. Now it's just like...

"Well, what are you gonna do to make a guy go crazy?" And it's just like, "Oh, I'm..." You know, and now people are just trying to do that to just... Yeah. As you've said in conversations we've had, like, people aren't trying to be original. They're just trying to remake the thing that they've heard that has worked. Yeah. And it's just like, "What the hell?" Yeah, like, I mean, it's kind of crazy to be asking someone like, "Do you like backshots?" It's like, "What the fuck? I don't even..." "You're a stranger, MyG!" Well, do you remember... I think I told the story here, but the guy that tried to interview me on the street in LA...

Yeah, I missed that. What did he ask? Didn't he ask you about like the stock market? Am I making that up? Yeah. So at first he goes, we come out of one of the store. We were like walking around Rodeo Drive and we come out of the store and he goes, yo, I hear, because he was talking with one of our buddies and he's like, I hear you have a podcast. He's like, yeah. He goes, I do too. This is what it's called. Do you want to do a quick short street interview with me? And I was just like, okay, cool.

And he was like, this is what my show's about. And I was like, listen, I don't know any of that stuff. And he's like, don't worry. They're good questions. He goes, what do you think is a better investment in 20 years? Crypto or gold? And I was like, I don't fucking know. I was like, I don't know, dude. I'm sorry. He's like, all right. Don't worry. Next question. It's a layup. Layup. I was like, okay. I'm expecting like a good question I can answer. He goes, why do you think women don't respect men anymore? And I was like...

I was like, I'm fucking out, dude. I'm not doing this shit. I was like, I'm out. Bye. I'm sorry. And he was like, oh, it's all good. It's okay. Like, what are we like? Everyone just tries to be viral. Why do you think women don't respect men? Like, I don't know. I think they, I think I'm not being disrespected too much. I'll tell you this offline, but one of our, one of the people that were with us started crying.

I'll tell you offline, but yeah, what are you trying? What I will talk about tears of sadness or joy joy. We'll talk about it offline laughter No, we'll talk about it offline Okay, and it was just like like yeah, these people are going up to women and they're just like alright So first thing guy pulls dick out. What do you do next? It's like flow jobs or hand jobs go. Oh

It's like, I'm trying to get to my Uber. Leave me alone. Good for her, Haley. She's been making some content on her own. I mean, I'm sure she's going to have a lot of guests, like celebrities on her podcast. She seems like a fun little Southern girl, honestly. But of course, I'm sure there's the dark side of the internet of people that are hitting her up. Like, come on, I'll give you something to hock to on.

Well, 100%. I mean, like I said, I've seen people interview her and be like, so how often do you hawk to? And it's like, you're a grown man. This is it, girl. Stop. There is something funny about the nature of the way social media works now where people have to talk about shit like that that goes viral in a serious manner. Yeah, right. So let's break it down. We're here with Hawk to Hayley Welch. Can you imagine her small town newspaper or something? Yeah. She's on the paper. It's just...

Hawk 2 straight to Hollywood. Hollywood 2 up? Hawk 2 to the way to the top. That's not good. That's definitely bad. Some people have probably, but not saying she did. Well, you want to join this hole that we've been digging ourselves all up? I feel like I'm 10 feet deep at the moment. We do have ads for today. Double shovel burial today. Double shovel burial. Double chunk cockle and cookie. This is a chicken.

Yeah, I will say this. That family...

wild amount of octaves. The difference? He's so down and he's so hot. His son hasn't gone through puberty yet, probably. Yeah, but it sounds like you're squeezing his neck. He's gonna be in Costco, he's gonna be like, "Alright, we're gonna eat the chicken back." Like, he's gonna get right down there. "Double chug chocolate!" And he's like, "Hey, get the chicken back!" You gotta be careful, that guy will fucking squeeze our fucking eyes out of our socket. He's a big dude. No way he can scratch his back. "Double chug big guy!" "Double chug chocolate cookie!"

We gotta stop. Anybody, we do have ads for today. Yo, Costco guys, what's up? Yo, come be... No, no, no, no, no. I would love a chicken bake though. It looks good. I'd go do a video with them. Who? Chocolate Chunk. Chocolate Chunk. You want to do a video with Chocolate Chunk? Yeah. No, I mean, I... They could be the Costco guys. We could be the BJ boys. Definitely should not. We are not going to be the BJ boys.

We're not gonna beat the fucking BJ boys. You motherfucker. You've seen the Costco guys. Now get ready for the BJ boys. That would be great. This is a 10, a 50 inch plasma screen TV. Damn. I don't remember the last time I went to a BJ's. Oh, dude. BJ's and Costco are fucking like... Dude, you would love them. I just bought... I mean, at Costco. Bitch. I just...

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Re-up your subscription, redo a subscription that you previously let go of, or just get one for the first time, and you get that first tier? Well, you get these weekly episodes one week in advance. And then that second tier, you get exclusive episodes every single Friday, where I said it earlier, I was like, oh boy, this isn't Patreon, I forgot, because those episodes get a little fucking crazy, and a little nuts. So, go check it out, patreon.com slash TheBasementYard, and folks, by the time this is coming out, um,

We have our Texas shows and then we have Radio City. And if you're coming to any of those shows, I don't think it's too late. It might still be able to make it happen. Go to TheBasementYard.com slash submit. Submit the response to those questions. Tell stories. We want to make this fun. We want to end these shows on a bang. We're so excited and we hope you guys are excited too. So go check it out. TheBasementYard.com slash submit. Joey, as I was going to say before, I'm going to be

I recently bought something from Costco and this is why I didn't go into Costco, but we use Instacart and thank God I didn't go into Costco because I could be a little bit of an impulse buyer sometimes within reason, you know, boy, did I get some fucking Halloween decorations that are below your back out? Are they, are they like blow up? No, they're for in the house. Oh, one is a Mickey mouse haunted house.

And it's like, Goofy's like in a pumpkin as a mummy. Mickey Mouse is like, yo, I'm fucking doing my thing. And it plays music and lights and shit. The other one is a Mickey Mouse rocket, a pirate ship, but Halloween theme. Okay. The fuck do you mean okay? Be excited, bitch. You love Halloween. What about the, I hate Halloween. Well, you hate the like process of dressing up. You do like the candy. I like candy. You do like, you know, spooky stuff.

Do I? Are you going to commit to more spooky stuff this year for Halloween? Bro, I tried last year. I said put a fucking list together. You didn't. You want me to put... I will put together... All right, but don't put some fucking 1964... I'm not going to put like, yeah, like 1970s French new wave, you know, like... No, I'm going to put together like classic scary movies that will be a range of just like, you know, like fucked up,

I got you baby Okay I got you I am excited To fucking Do you like like Demonic Halloween stuff Like spooky stuff I hate that Really Like the exorcist Like scared the fuck out of me When I was younger Hell yeah Do you remember the first time We watched it Or at least I remember the first time I watched it We watched it together Yes Where In Joanna's basement Joanna's basement Yeah

I don't remember what that even looks like. It looked like a basement. There's nothing about it that's going to blow you away. You know, I remember being at her house one time and we were having a pillow fight and I hit her fucking little brother who looks like the Rizzler. Uh...

Then or now? Then. Well, yeah. He's 20 years older now. Yeah. But I hit him in the head with a pillow and he fell off the couch and he hit his head on the ground very hard. He's all right. Yeah. Well, yeah. But I thought I killed him. Oh, yeah. It'd be a little scary. It was scary. That's the only thing I remember from being... That was a scary moment at John's house. But the fucking exorcist was way scarier. Also, we were like in this like weird microcosm of time where like...

Everything was like geared to be a jump scare with the exorcist's face. Oh, yeah. Where it's like, oh, this is car driving. It's the exorcist like, ah! Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hey, you got shit. That one was bad. The maze game was bad. Scared the fuck out of me. The maze game fucked me up. Where it's like, oh, stare at this dot. And then something would like, now I don't stare. No, it was like a legit game. So like the first level, you're like, oh, okay. Second level, you're like, oh, that's a little tough. Third one, it was like.

There's no way. And I think it was probably timed. So it just fucking gotcha. Gotcha big. I don't like being jump scared. So then you're not going to watch any of these horror movies. I'll watch them. I'll watch them. I'm serious. Just probably not at night. Watch them in the morning. I don't like watching because I very much take whatever I have before sleep into my dreams. Oh, really? Yeah. I don't do that.

It's random sometimes, but I definitely can take. Here's the thing. The only thing that fucks me up now is true crime stuff. Now I'm good with movies where it's like Freddy's fucking popping out the wall and shoving his knife fingers in your butt. Oh, I don't give a fuck about that. That I don't care. But when it's just like, oh, this was fucking Richard Ramirez. He was a real person and he was your next door neighbor. That shit freaks me out.

I don't know why that doesn't freak me out. I mean, it's scary for sure. Way scarier. But like, yeah, but like, I just don't like being jump scared. Like, I don't like that. Really? Yeah, that's the only thing. If I can watch a scary movie, but there's no jump scares, like, I'll be totally fine. I mean, okay, I guess. Music does a lot too. Yeah. When you ever see it, I'm like, chill. No, tip. Did you ever see Insidious? The first Insidious? Yes. Fucking tip time.

I hate that fucking song. That shit gets me every time. The first time I watched that movie, I was in my college dorm room and I watched it at night by myself with headphones on. And I like forced myself to get through it to like prove that I had, I was a fucking man. You're a weird fuck. You're a weird motherfucker, dude. No, I must.

To prove how manly I am. I know. That's how fucked up the world is. That's what they convinced me being a man was. In a dark room with headphones on, I'm not doing that. I will give you absolutely nothing but praise, which I know is currency to you, if you watch a movie of my choice with headphones on in a dark room. If there's no jump scares, I would do it.

You're not going to watch fucking Bluey, Joey. You're going to watch something that is going to have a little bit of jumpies. Come on. What movie would you pick? Either The Strangers. I've seen that. That's the scariest movie I've ever seen in my entire life. That's the one where they're in the house and they have the bags over their face. The guy has a bag over his face and they're like, why are you doing this? He's like, because you're home. Whoa, it's fucked up, dude. Yeah. Or the 2013 remake of The Evil Dead. I've never seen that. Oh, man.

Evil Dead is my favorite horror franchise. Like, it's so consistent. You said The Strangers is the scariest movie you've seen. Like, that one resonated with me more than any other scary movie. I thought about that when I was staying in a house upstate because I was like, I'm a sitting duck. Yeah. I don't like it. Yes. And the reason it fucked me up is because of the lake house because it was a cabin and there's fucking right next to our house is a bunch of woods and shit.

So, like, what if you're looking into the dark and you just see a face? No! Yeah, that's what I'm talking about. Ew. Ew, right? Joey doesn't get scared. He gets icked out. Something scary happens, he's like, ew, icky. Yo, I really am like that, though. Like, I don't get scared. I'm like, ah. That makes sense. Like, oh, God. Like, oh, you know what? That would be scary. Because, like, jump scares are scary. But that's also, like, if you're staring out into the woods and all of a sudden you just see, like...

Like someone like real quick like That would fucking bro. Well, there's that shot in the strangers that always freaked me out of like she's like liv tyler's like looking around Her living room and then in the back out of the dark just like a white face the guy just like walks in Yeah, bro. Chill And they just fuck with her he like touches a note on the piano and he's like runs away I always what helps me in those movies that makes me laugh is like Anytime you've ever played hide and seek you have to piss right?

All the time. Okay, it's not just me. All the time. But, like, the minute I hide, I'm so giddy and I gotta pee-pee all the time. I'm hiding. Yo, God forbid someone's in the same room now. Like, if they're, like, looking for me and I can see, like, their feet, I'm like, my bladder is fucking filled. I gotta pee. So bad pee-pee. Yeah. But I always think of, like, in those movies where it's, like, when the people are, like, hiding. Like, I imagine, like, whoever, like, the bad guy is that's hiding, he's, like, in the closet, like, having to pee. Like...

You know? Yeah. Like, stuff like that. Pee-pee. Pee-pee. That's what makes it funny for you? Yeah. It's like, they must be trying to... Also, you're wearing a sack on your face. They must be trying to pinch their dick right now. Like, the ultimate, like, that's how you know you gotta do pee-pees. Yeah, I mean, you pinch your penis. I don't do that. Take it easy. Only when I have to pee. That's what I mean. Yeah, but that's like a normal... Like, kids do that all the time. You're an adult. That's why... That's why it's different. Okay. Speaking of kids, I don't know if you saw...

We willed another thing into the universe, which is absolutely insane. But what did we previously willed?

Miley Cyrus performing at the... That's right. We did do that. And like, there's been other shit that people have been like, you guys just fucking spoke about this. Capri Sun has announced that they're bottling their drinks now. Bullshit, by the way. Yeah? Hell yeah. Fuck that. I will say there is something so fucking good about crushing a Capri Sun pouch in your hand. That's what I'm saying. And just like fucking like...

Yeah. And also, aren't they see-through? Am I bugging? Kool-Aid jammers were the ones that were see-through. Capri Sun are silver all around. Oh, that's right. You remember that commercial of the person drinking a Capri Sun and they're skateboarding and they turn into a metal ball? Yes, yes, yes. I like doing that. You know, when I was younger, I was like, I want to see what color this is. Clear. I know. So I used to squeeze it. But then I would pretend I was a doctor about to give a shot. You know how they're like... Oh, like...

So I'd be like... Is that a real thing that doctors do? They just let a little out? That's gotta be probably not a real thing, right? I thought it was real because there can't be any air in there. So they're like letting out air. Yeah, but they can let out until it's not air anymore. I don't know. But that's why...

Okay, not doctor, deaf not doctor. I don't think we're going to come to a conclusion here. No, I will say though, I do the flick in anything. Because a lot of children's medicine comes in that syringe. Children's medicine is some of the most delicious stuff in the world. It's not medicine, it's candy. It is when you're... It's weird to say. I recently got a fucking medicine, like a mouthwash, and it numbed my whole mouth.

It was weird, dude. I was like scratching up my gums and stuff, which probably shouldn't have done in hindsight. What? What are you talking about? Are you like allergic to it? Or that was the point? No, there was something in it that made it so it numbs your mouth. Oh, did you have like a toothache or something? Something like that. Yeah. Like something with my gum and it like numbed everything. I was just like, oh my God. I've done...

Like, before my root canal, this was like six years ago or something, my tooth was killing me. And I bought Orogel. And that's like, it's numbing cream. Yeah, Novocaine, I think is what it's called. Well, no, it's like you could buy it at the store. I know, but I'm saying it has the thing and it numbs it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Novocaine is crazy. I remember like...

When I, uh... My eye is shit now. Like, my eye doesn't even close. Like, I'm all fucked. Yeah. There was a time where I had to get, like, my teeth worked on years ago. And they numbed... Like, normally they numb these parts, the sides. So it kind of, like, fucks you up over here. But they numb the front, which the guy said he's like, this is way stronger because it's the front and it lasts way longer. So, like, the front of my mouth, like, I couldn't, like, talk. What are you talking about? The sides of your mouth? But I'm, like...

You know, and I had like a lisp. That's the best part about having Novocaine though. Lisps? Yeah. Like afterwards, you're like, half my face doesn't work. I guess. I thought it was funny when I was younger. I don't think it's that funny. Are you drinking bottled up Capri Sun? Alcoholic Capri Sun is next. We know that, right? Yeah. Capri Sun hard. Hard sun. Or Capri Metal.

No? I don't think so. I was gonna say, metal isn't harder than song. All the names that we came up with right now are really bad. Maybe they won't, because it's harder to come up with a name. Well, what's more like rock and roll than... Because Capri is a place, right?

Is that why they call it it? I think that's why it's called the Capri Sun. It's like a tropical juice. Isn't Capri in Italy? It's like off Italy, but it's like... So this is an Italian juice? I guess so. For real? Yeah. I don't even... It just occurred to me... You ever heard the song The Isles of Capri from fucking Frank Sinatra? Yeah, but what does that have to do with anything? I don't know. I just wanted to bring up that I know songs. I know. Uh...

Yo, I never even put two and two together that it's like, oh, it's like a tropical drink because of that. Yeah. Well, it makes sense. Now it's an, I gotta admit though, a lot more slammable in a bottle than in a pouch. It is more slam worthy for sure. Cause you can't slam a pouch. I don't understand this move though. Like right now everyone is like not reinventing, but at least releasing nostalgic, like packaging and like products from the nineties and early two thousands and shit like that. Like,

Why are you going to modernize it? Like, just keep your... Like, no one's complaining about Capri Sun being in a pouch. I mean, I'm definitely complaining. I've broken that straw so many times, but I actually like breaking the straw. That straw is a weapon. It's not a straw. It's very sharp. First of all, the fact that they're asking us to literally stab a bag. Yeah. Like, how many times do you go straight through the bag? Countless. Or I break it, and then what I end up doing is just popping the thing, and then I just suck it out of the bag.

How? Show me how you suck it out of the bag. I lay it on my face. No, that's not what you do. You put it in one hand and then you squeeze it.

That's not what I do at all. You lay it in your face like it's a fucking... It's like long ways, like that. I know what it looks like. I know what the fuck a Capri Sun pouch looks like. I would lay it, and then I would just suck the hole. So the Capri Sun will sit on your face and just squirt all in your mouth. No. That's what you're saying. I never said that. But I used to think of it as like an octopus. What? Hold on.

What? Like an octopus. You'd ever see like... Octopus like genitalia? What? That's what you're... Like an octopus's mouth. You know an octopus mouth? I know. So either you're... So you know how like... Either you're... Let's be very clear. Oh, not an octopus, bro. I'm an idiot. Catfish. Like a catfish. You ever see a catfish on the side of the tank and it sucks like that?

On the tank? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So that's what I'm doing to this Capri Sun. You could have thought of... Not an octopus. Why did I say that? Anything. First of all, yeah. You were fucking full-on eating out an octopus in this made-up story that you had just... No, I was sucking the Capri Sun like I was a catfish sucking a tank. So you'd, like, cup your mouth around the hole and then just, like, suck the life out of it? Yeah. I would say there was something...

Hold on. So stupid. There was something. Capri Sun, by the way. We're doing free marketing for you right now. Yeah, yeah, send us the bottle. You gotta send us a couple. Don't be an asshole and send the bottle. Don't be a bitch, Capri.

There was something kind of sick about sucking this Capri Sun that like it would then like shrivel up and you could see like the outline of the straw. Like you sucked all the way through. It's like I created a vein. Nothing is here anymore because of me. You sucked it dry. I sucked that shit dry.

Damn, dude. You know what I'm talking about? This got gay quick. Well, I didn't make it gay. Well, I made it aquatic. Capri Sun made it gay. I made it aquatic. That's what I was talking about. You made it where bestiality was involved. First of all, I was the catfish. The Capri Sun was the tank. Nice try. I'm serious. Nice try. Were you laying this thing down and fucking getting on it? Exactly. No. God, I'm about to go buy some Capri Sun now.

Okay, we do have some more sponsors for today. Oh God. What the fuck is this? This isn't right. Oh Lord have mercy Josh You're gonna have to edit this. We're fine. We're good. All right. Keep talking. All right. I'll talk about what? What do you want me to talk about? Give me give me just give me three words in a row and I'll talk about it door horse hand

Horse and hand. That's how they measure. Why do they? Yeah. What the hell? How stupid were these? Is it really hands? Or is it like a unit? I think hand is a unit of measurement. But like who in their right fucking mind was just like, how tall is this horse? They were just like eight hands. What the fuck is that? I got to look up the measurement unit for a hand because this is not. Oh, like how many inches that is? How big is a hand?

Yeah, a hand is a non-standard unit of measurement length standardized to four inches. Four inches? They're measuring it like this. That can't be right, dude. A four-inch hand? What dumb idiots. Let's see. Maybe jockeys. English-speaking countries, including Australia, Canada, Ireland, United Kingdom. You're all stupid. Hands?

I literally like haven't measured anything with hands because my hands are giant massive big old fucking meaty bones Where we've already established because of the pinky ring Joe's got baby fingers. That's not true. Try this on your fucking pinky right now. I'm not doing it again. Do it again bitch. I'm not doing it again. Why not? Because I- Because what? Because you hurt my feelings. Joey was able to like look and like he could see under the ring. That's how fucking- It was a pretty significant gap. I'm not gonna lie.

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And I wanted to talk about the thing that you said before we started. Something about us? Yep. Yeah. So reportedly there was a pelvic floor expert that said... How do you become that, by the way? You fuck around with pelvic floors and shit like that. Probably schooling in science, actually. That's probably how you... Probably years of dedication and study. That's probably how you do it. But...

She came out and she said that apparently when you go and flumped, apparently... What was that? Flumped. What's that? Poot? Yeah. Got it. You're only supposed to wipe two times. But what if diarrhea? I don't know. That's crazy. Like, I don't like talking about scarnch. You know that? I don't. It's gross to me. But like... Two wipes. Two whom? Whom?

Olympic wipers? Yeah, what is this? Who the hell is wiping twice and then they're good? An aunt? Not like your aunt and uncle. Welcome back. Welcome back. The Scottish sun clearly beat the fucking dog shit out of you. Too much violence in your tone. Yeah, no, two is like... I mean, of course there are times where it's just like, oh my God. What's my pelvic floor? The floor of your pelvis.

Where's that? My pelvis? Underneath your pelvis. My hip? Like your gunch. My gunch? Yeah. Your skank.

That's my pelvic floor? Perfect. So what happens if I wipe too much? It's gonna fall? No, apparently it's something called like, I think, I forgot what it's called. It's like fecal smearing or some shit like that. It's like, yeah, it's like really like disgusting. Smearing? Yeah, you're like getting bacteria all over the place, which we've established is not good. Bacteria bad. Correct. But she suggests that instead of wiping twice, or more than twice, be honest, how many gumphs have you done?

That you've only had to wipe twice or less. Give me a percentage out of a hundred. Oh, a percent out of a hundred. I don't even know how you're making those noises. 25. One of every four of your flam. Maybe two. Are you kidding me? That's a lie. That's a lie. It's like, it's probably like 18, 18 of every hundred of your. Yeah. Yeah.

How are you doing that? That's a lot, dude. Is it? That's a lot. You get lucky and you're like, whoa, that was... Luck? Yeah. Luck. Yeah, you just eat a lot of fiber. Is that what that does? I mean, that's what I try to do. What the fuck is fiber, dude? It's... Hmm.

There's two types of fiber. Okay. Soluble. Okay. Which can... Can dissolve in water. Right. And insoluble. Which doesn't dissolve in water. Also correct. See? Listen, that school's paying for itself. But basically, they like clear out your intestines. And apparently, Americans don't get enough fiber, so... That's not a surprise. I mean, we got dumbasses anyways. Because all of our shit is filled with fucking sugar and syrup. Well, people just don't go out of their way to get fiber. South hot. South hot? What happened to me?

What happened? I think this is insane. Only wiping twice. Like, that is a fucking... Craziness. Like, you wouldn't take those odds. No. If I was having a streak of, like... Crap. No pun intended. But if, like, I didn't have to wipe for, like, a month, I'd be like, whoa, something's clearly wrong. Yeah. You'd need to wipe. Something would be wrong. Joey needs a little, you know, like, you need to make sure that they're, you know... You know what I mean? You gotta make sure it's there, you know? Yeah.

But then she said instead you should try something called water falling. Water falling? Yep. Go ahead. I have no idea what it is. It's the process of clenching your sphincter. So we're German now. Yes. But you have to do it in like percentile power increments. So like 10%? Yeah, so a 10% squeeze. Squeeze. And then like a 25 and then like a 50 and then like a 75 and then a 100 squeeze. Dude, a 100 squeeze in my butt?

You 100 squeeze your butt, you're doing it right now. I'm not doing it. No, you're not doing any squeeze right now. It's just puckered naturally. Yeah. Yeah.

This is the fucking worst conversation we've ever had. I can't remember the last time I squeezed my butt as hard as I could. When you jump, you sometimes... Anytime I play MLB The Show and I swing, I clench my ass. Or maybe like squatting. You come up and you squeeze your butt. Oh, yeah, because you do like the whole like squeeze it out. Yeah. Get a good pump in. Or like a kettlebell swing. You get like a butt squeeze. Not everything's about working out, Joey. All right. I don't think I didn't hear you in the fucking ad read before, by the way. Like, I'm training to run a marathon. Yeah.

I'm only making fun of you because I physically don't have the ability to do it and I'm proud of you. You clench your butt all the time. There's things that happen you don't even realize. Your first thing is like... When I sneeze or cough? No, cough is more in the balls. The balls go up? Yeah. Why? I don't know. Is my balls connected to my diaphragm? Maybe. They're going up? I don't... I don't know. You can feel it in your balls, dude. I'm trying. I can't. Crazy that people go to like eight years of medical school to just tell someone to cough.

I know there's other stuff that goes into it. You ever have them do the reflex thing on your knee? Mm-hmm. I like that. Actually, I hate it. When I had... You're biting your fingers and spitting on the ground in here. Yeah, whatever. It's all right. Not whatever. It's all right. It's not all right and definitely not whatever. It is something disgusting. Stop spitting. Thank you. I'll spit everywhere I want, bitch. Cool. Fucking whore. When I was in physical therapy, when I got my knee surgery...

They were hitting you with the hammer? They were hitting me with the hammer and then they were putting the things on me that would make my leg, like the electric impulses. Ooh. Hell yeah. I like those. Dude, they used to give me massages on my knees that like I think about to this day. Wait, the doctors would massage your knee? The physical therapists, yeah. Oh, yeah. I'd go and they would fucking spray a bunch of lotion. They'd massage the shit out of my knee. Wow. And then they'd fucking put the things on and it'd be like... Did you get a little boner? No. No.

The hell is wrong with you? What is wrong with you, Joey? When I was going to the chiropractor... You got a boner? No, I didn't get a boner. You cracked your back and then fucking almost snacked on your pack? No, but I used to go to the chiropractor...

When I tore my meniscus and he every single time that I would go At the beginning he had me lay down and then he would align my spine And it was like this it was like sort of a massage and then At the top of at the top of my neck He would do this thing to my spine and then he would do some other stuff and then he would do that bro It was the best yo, i'm not even kidding

Some of my favorite memories on the tour have been me sitting in a chair in a med just fucking getting up behind me and just rubbing my back. You can see how...

That sounds... I know. I know what you mean. I know you. I don't care what they think. I know what I mean. You know what I mean. Ahmed knows what I mean. We're having a good time. That's making it worse, honestly, I feel like. Whatever you're saying is... I know what I mean. They know what I mean. And it's a secret between the three of us. No, but he rubs. He's good with his... He rubs. Massaging. Right. And he's very good at it. You know? He's got strong fingers. I can't ask him, though, because if I ask him, then I become a diva.

Ahmed, please rub my back again. Yeah. Here we are. Hak Tua. Hak Tua. So are you going to do your pelvic floor exercises? No. You do kegels though, right? No. Just to restrengthen your butt? I don't know how to... After that last trip to the box? I don't... Isn't kegel... I thought kegels was puss. I think boys can do kegels. Like make my pee hole stronger? Butt, Joey. Butt. Butt. Yeah. Yeah.

I thought Kegels were like... Who's fucking you in your dick hole? No one's fucking me in either one, Frank. I don't have to keep you in any of them. No one! Okay. But I never even considered that it might be scary that one day you get to an age where your butt's just like, I'm good. Your dad said that to you on your 30th birthday, remember? He's like, I'm fine. I'm worried about doing that. Yeah, exactly. That's exactly how he sounds, too. No. But yeah, I am kind of worried about that now.

The pelvic floor exercises. Go home and start shoving fucking Kegel balls in your butt. Are you listening? All you have to do is squeeze your butt. Do it. Oh, Kegels are actual things? You thought it was just the name of an exercise, like a curl. Yep. I think it is the name of an exercise. Did you just see that? No, no, no. Did you guys just see that in real time? Listen to what I'm going to say. I think the exercise has been named Kegels because the item itself is named Kegels.

Kegel exercises. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. It's like calling like, you know, like dumbbell curls instead of just curls. You know what I'm saying? But you said it's like a physical thing that you shove in your head. Yeah. So Kegel weights. You should have seen the way that I just felt that. It's double E's. Oh, these look like butt plugs. Um, no, they look. Oh yeah. I mean, they could be butt plugs. Yeah. They look like mouse.

Little mice mice mice or like I'm I meant a mouse. Oh like a like a computer mouse got a mice Remember those not a rodent mice remember like when you used to have I miss them I miss mice dude I miss my so much I miss the mice I we have we were so figured like we were so keyed in on how to innovate that we didn't even think of like if we should no one's wrong with a mouse I yeah, I liked having a apple has the one that's like a smart mouse and it's like we're

Yeah, it's like buttons and there's no limit. The pad is wack. Bro, you remember when those computers had a clit and you were just like, Oh, I love those, dude. I hated that. I love those because you'd be like, I didn't finger it. I didn't finger it. And it was red. It was red and it was spiky. And it was spiky. It was spiky. Yeah, why is it? But like, I hated that. It was too slow. Yeah. I like having a fucking mouse. The first laptop I ever had had one of those and I would fucking. It had a clit? Yeah, I would like.

It was actually pretty responsive. When would this be better than a mouse? I mean, it also had the trackpad. Yeah, there was a lot of fingering going on. It's like this, and then it's like... That's all for this week's episode. We appreciate you guys so much. Frank, where can they find you? FAlvers8885 on Twitter, TheFrankAlvers, and all other forms of social media. Check out the Patreon account, patreon.com. Check out the basement. I don't know, forms of social media. Thank you guys for all the love. Joe? He's gonna follow me.

at Joe Santagato on all platforms and go follow the show at the basement yard on TikTok and Instagram. And we appreciate all of you guys go check out. Don't spit that tea out, please. You've been spitting all over the ground all day.

Go check out the Patreon, patreon.com slash TheBasementYard. We appreciate all the love and support. We have our last five shows coming up, and then our tour for this year is over. Finito. So we're really looking forward to closing out strong at Radio City. Hopefully see some of you guys there. But thank you guys so much, and we'll see you next time. Remember when the Hardys would do that in their mouth? Go check it out. Bye, guys.