I Choose...The Power of Saying "No" with Sherri Shepherd
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Had enough of this country? Ever dreamt about starting your own? I planted the flag. This is mine. I own this. It's surprisingly easy. 55 gallons of water, 500 pounds of concrete. Or maybe not. No country willingly gives up their territory. Oh my God. What is that? Bullets. Listen to Escape from Zakistan. That's Escape from Z-A-Q-istan on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

You're listening to I Choose Me with Jenny Garth. Hi, everyone. Welcome to the I Choose Me podcast. This podcast is all about the choices we make and where they lead us. I have such a good guest today. But before we get into that, I have an exciting announcement, you guys.

I am hosting our very first I Choose Me live women's empowerment event right here in Los Angeles on Saturday, January 11th. And I want you to come. The whole I Choose Me movement started as three little words in a script on Beverly Hills 90210 and has now evolved into something so much more than that.

It is a message that I feel so passionate about and it needs to continue to be amplified. The one day lady party will be focused on self-care and self-love. We're going to have a great panel, powerful women, lunch, cocktails. It is going to be amazing. So start the new year off right by choosing yourself or you can make it a fun getaway trip to beautiful California with your friends.

I don't know. Whatever it takes, just get here. I can't wait to see you all. Tickets are on sale now and all of the info will be in our show notes. I hope you come.

Hello.

I just loved being on your show recently. It was such a fun, positive experience. Oh, and your gorgeous makeup lady. I can't remember her name. Nani. Yes. She let me hold her beautiful little baby dog. Oh. It made me so happy. Oh, tell her that. Yeah. And we are Q50 sisters, which is so cool. So I'm really, really glad that we get to talk today and go a little deeper. Absolutely. This is fun. Mm-hmm.

I mean, you're basically the poster child for the age of possibility, right? I mean, you've had some time to adjust now to this big, you know, next chapter in your life, turning 50. Yeah. But go back. What was it like as you entered into your 50s? Horrible. When I tell you I'm 50, I'm 57. And when I turned 50, I...

Jenny, I thought my life was over. I thought it was downhill. I just had all of this doom and gloom about what it was going to be like. And I said to my assistant, I don't want anybody to call me. Don't give me the phone. I don't want gifts. I'm going to save my room and cry. And if you even bother me, you're fired. Like literally, that's how bad it was.

And a friend, a dear friend of mine, what he sent me changed my life. He went to, you know, when you can like send your photos to like Snapfish, not the cheating website, but it was, you know, you download your photos and you can make a photo book. He had asked me probably six months prior. He said, Sherry, if you would have a party, who would you invite? Like, who are your top 10 friends you'd invite? So I told him.

He went to all of those friends and he said, I'm doing a birthday book for Sherry. Can you write a story of what she means to you and send me a picture? And he created this wonderful book about turning 50. And Jenny, when I opened the book and I saw everybody had a story about what I meant to them, I couldn't stop crying. And immediately my paradigm shifted about being 50 because I thought,

This is the sum total of who I am. I made such a difference in these folks' lives. And if I wasn't around, it would be a real big loss to them. That's what they're saying in these letters. And I just, after that, I looked at 50 different. I said, this is, it literally was age of possibilities. This is like, life is short.

Take the bull by the horns. Try some stuff you've never tried before. Go for it. I love this book idea. I'm going to do that. But yeah, I'm sure that just made you feel so seen and so like everything that you've done so far in this life of yours has had such a beautiful impact on not just people everywhere, but really important people to you personally. Yeah.

Absolutely. That's a book that I've done for people in my life and I can see how much it means to them, you know, because you can sit down when you're feeling down and go through this book of the people and what an impact, you know, you've made. So yeah, relationships are important to me. Yeah. So much has happened to you since you turned 50, like so many great things. Well, I mean, you have your very own talk show now.

My talk show, it's more acting has come in. I'm writing a children's book, which has been so much fun for me.

What's it about? It's called The Sunshine Queens. And it's really all of my stories that I go through with my girlfriends and how they lift me up and how we're so close. And we're putting it into a format for an eight-year-old about confidence, about self-esteem. What happens when you fall? How do you get back up? And it's really all of my stories with my girlfriends.

And we're putting that in a book with four girls who just have these great adventures together. And they're called the Sunshine Queens because they all love to smile. Okay, this is going to be good. I'm very excited about it. I mean, from the...

From the beginning to picking the characters and what their hair looks like. And, you know, I said, oh, I got it. One has got to have braces because my girlfriend has Invisalign that she's always losing her Invisalign. So you got to get somebody braces. We got to, you know, there's me. You got to make me. It's a character based on me. So I got to be a little chubby, little, you know, with a cute little smile. Oh, it's like a whole new world of creativity for you. I love it.

I love the creativity. I love the sketches and the stories. I'm very excited about this book. Well, I'm excited to see it because we need more messaging like that for the youngest of the young. We got to start giving them all this positive stuff that we have learned. Absolutely. Just pay it forward. And you need...

You know, having girlfriends is a big deal. I believe we can't move forward without women being undergirding us and encouraging us and those friends, those deep friendships. This life is like, it's hard going through life if you don't have anybody. You're so right. Do you, like how many really close, tight girlfriends do you have? Not many. You know, probably five.

That's good. That's a good number. Probably five girlfriends that I have that are just, I'm so, we've been really, really close. And then now I'm bringing in new people because sometimes you need younger people to keep you young, you know, and I'll meet people on the show, like it's just yourself. And I'm like, wow, there's so cool. So, so cool. I know. And then you, you didn't even know, like, and everybody has something to offer, like something that they can share.

bring into your life that you didn't even see coming. Like, isn't that wild? Absolutely. And that's the thing. If you're open to it, somebody can bring something in your life that is so wonderful. Something that you never thought you can get something from everybody. You just gotta be open to it. Yeah. That's the key is being open, staying open. And that's very vulnerable. That's a feeling of, you know, that's very scary feeling for a lot of people.

It is because you have to open up and you have to be willing to be hurt, which nobody who wants to be hurt, who wants to go into something knowing that you could be hurt. But I think that if you're willing to open yourself up, that's when you get the maximum from it.

I agree. I agree. I'm curious. You seem so grounded and so confident and so in your body. I love that about you. I always have. Have you ever dealt with imposter syndrome? You know, I haven't dealt with it lately. Now I'm really embracing who I am and knowing my place and

in this world and what I bring is pretty unique. But yeah, even up until a few years ago, always feeling like they're going to find out who I am is not who I portray. And then when they find out, they're not going to want me. That took a lot to get over. That took a lot to get over. It's a lot of, you know, me prayer, knowing that God has ordained

this in my life that it's divinely ordered. It's, you know, he gave me a skill set. I mean, I think I had a full blown panic attack before I started the first day of my show. I can imagine when it premieres, a lot of pressure.

I had a full blown panic attack. And I said, because we were supposed to, you know, everybody who does, I'm the only talk show host who does a monologue. Ellen used to do it, but nobody else does it. And I,

They wanted me to do a monologue and I'm like, oh my gosh, we didn't have a comedy writer. Every talk show host, Jimmy Kimmel, Ellen, they all have like 12 comedy writers who they give them jokes. They feed them non-sub jokes. So for the first season, it was me. Season and a half, it was me coming up with all of my material. And I panicked because I said,

What am I supposed to talk about? Like, I don't like, how do I come out? Do I come out and go, this is a monologue. I'm doing comedy. What do I say? And like, we, I couldn't breathe. My heart was beating. And something said a voice within said, talk about what Oprah told you. The advice that Oprah gave you, because I talked to Oprah that weekend for an hour and

And she gave me advice. And I said, I can't talk about Oprah. That was like sacred. That's private. And that voice said, no, there's some very funny stuff that Oprah gave you. The way you look at it, it's funny. And so I asked Oprah, is there some things that I can talk about? And she said, absolutely. Do what you want to do. And I came out and I started talking about how nervous I was in my conversation with Oprah. And it was really funny. Oprah was like, oh my God, I didn't know. Do I sound like

And so I started realizing, you know what? This talk show was it was a blessing. And I have to walk into what has already been written for me. What has already been prepared for me, that place. Walk in it and be confident, Sherry. You know who you are. You know you have the experience. You've been given the gift to make people laugh. Lean into it.

And right before the door opens, when they say, welcome Sherri Shepherd, some days I feel like, oh, I don't have any jokes. I'm not funny. And my prayer is I always pray for the audience. I pray that God will make them feel better than when they came. And I also pray for my live audience and the audience that's watching me. God, show them that side of you that is laughter. Show them that side of you that is you laugh straight from your belly, right?

that side of laughter and that side of light and show them you through me. And I ask for fresh mercy and fresh grace and fresh jokes.

And the door opens up and I just walk out and I go, this is what was given to me. And if it was given to me, then he's going to give me everything to see it through. That's right. Because that's what they say. You're never given something you can't handle. Absolutely. And I sit in that chair. I don't think about it anymore. I sit in that chair and jokes just come to me. Funny just comes to me. Well, that's because you're just funny. I mean, geez.

Is your country falling apart? Feeling tired? Depressed? A little bit revolutionary? Consider this: Start your own country.

I planted the flag and just kind of looked out of like, this is mine. I own this. It's surprisingly easy. There's 55 gallons of water, 500 pounds of concrete. Everybody's doing it. I am King Ernest Emmanuel. I am the Queen of Ladonia. I'm Jackson the First, King of Kaperburg. I am the Supreme Leader of the Grand Republic of Mentonia. Be part of a great colonial tradition. Why can't I create my own country? My forefathers did that themselves. What could go wrong?

No country willingly gives up their territory. I was making a rocket with a black powder, you know, with explosive warhead. Oh my God. What is that? Bullets. Bullets. We still have the off-road portion to go. Listen to Escape from Zakistan. And we're losing daylight fast. That's Escape from Z-A-Q-istan on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Speaking of funny, everything that you do, all the things that you're doing and you still make time to go out there and do comedy shows. Why is it important for you to keep flexing that muscle? And what is it that you love about getting out there on stage and making people laugh?

I love stand-up comedy so much. That's my first love. That's what I started doing before I became an actress. I was a legal secretary and I took the other secretaries with me to the world famous comedy store. And I got bit by the bug.

At that comedy club. And if you go by the comedy store right now, it's on Sunset near La Cienega. And if you look above the main room, all the way to the right, above the main room door, my name is the third from the top. Sherri Shepherd. When they painted my name, I was like, oh my gosh. So you can see my name is one of the original comics there. Not the original, because they had a lot of comics before me. But you started in like 1990? Yeah.

Yeah, like probably about 89. And I auditioned 23 times for Mitzi Shore at the Comedy Store. She made me a regular. What do you talk about? What's your name? And I've been a regular there and I became a regular at the Laugh Factory and a regular at the Improv.

And regular at Ice House in Pasadena. So, you know, that is my first love because I'm on stage. That's kind of what the talk show reminds me of. I'm by myself. There's nobody else. And I'm sharing stuff that I know that the audience has gone through too.

There's somebody in that audience that has children. There's somebody in that audience that has a teenage boy who doesn't want you to come into their bedroom and their bedroom smells like somebody came in and died. There's five dead people in your son's room.

There's somebody whose son used X way too much. You know, there's somebody in that audience who's been single and they're trying to date and they're going through it. And I love telling those stories. And that's what I get to do on my talk show. It's an extension of what I do on stage. So I do stand up even still because it's so much fun to go on stage and know that I can make somebody feel better with the story.

That I'm talking about. Right. Cause everybody can relate to you. You're a very relatable, real person. Thank you. You can reach so many people. What do you do to prioritize yourself? Like your self care?

I'm still working on that, Jenny. I have to say, because this is a unique situation. When I was co-hosting on The View, if I didn't feel good, there were four other women who could hold down the fort and they could put a guest host in that place of me and I could stay home forever.

I didn't have to go visit affiliates. Barbara Walters did that. I didn't, you know, if I couldn't go and see a play that you were doing on Broadway, there was somebody else could fill in and go see that play or read that book. When you have a talk show and it's just you, I have to do all of that myself.

And I can't call in sick because if I call in sick, there's 200 people here that don't work, that don't get paid. If I call in sick, they have to show a rerun and reruns don't do as well as the original programming. So, you know, there's nobody that I can put in to take my place.

So it's a lot more responsibility. And it doesn't stop after I say, you know, you know, come back tomorrow. Then if there is somebody that dropped out, they call me. If they're looking for a booking, can you call that person, Sherry? If they have to do a, you know, change up something, they call me for every aspect of the show. Mm-hmm.

So I'm always on my cell phone to come up with my hot topics. I'm always on the cell phone looking for interesting items. Zoe, Zoe Kravitz and Channing Tatum broke up. Oh, my gosh. That means Lenny Kravitz is not taking me to the wedding. I send that to my team and go, we got it. We got it. I want to talk about this, you know.

Yeah, it's a lot of work. It's the Sherry show. Come on. It's the Sherry show. It's like, you know, so it never stops. Plus, I got my stand up that I'm doing. I'm writing the children's book. Oh, did I say I have a 19 year old son? Oh, wait. What about the yeah, the mom role? The biggest role you'll ever have.

the autism spectrum. So I'm letting him take the train by himself. So it's me in between photo shoots or, you know, doing a zoom, looking at my thing, going him going, mom, I'm here where I'm supposed to be. I just got off the train. So a lot, it's so much to juggle. It's a lot to juggle. Jeffrey's older now, so I can do a lot more because he's older, but I used to take him to the comedy clubs with me.

I'd be in there with him on my hip. I would take him to the clubs and go, go in the back room so you don't have to hear mommy say a curse word. But, you know, now I have to say intentionally on the weekends, we go and grab something to eat on a Sunday morning. He and I intentionally, I go, I'm going to go and get a massage.

Intentionally, I say, you know, you have to be intentional about things. I ask somebody, can you take Jeffrey to a Knicks game so I can have time to just go to the movie theater and sit there by myself munching my popcorn? And that's what I love doing. Those are all really great things to take care of yourself with. You mentioned something about saying no. I remember you talking about the power of saying no before. Yeah.

And it being such a stress reliever. So tell us about the power of no, because it has been a difficult thing for me to learn over the years too. Yeah, no, because I would get stressed out because I say yes all the time. Because I had this thing of, you know, I wanted people to like me. I don't want people to be mad at me. So I'll say yes. And what that was doing was putting a lot of stress on me. And then I would resent that I said yes.

And but you can't it's easier. My pastor said one time, it's easier to change a no into a yes, but it's hard to change a yes into a no. And then I was like, oh, now I got to do it. And I told this person, yes. And it was getting stressful. And I said, cheer, you got to put up boundaries, because a lot of times when you say no, the person will figure out how to get it done. We keep thinking, oh, the world's going to fall apart.

If we don't say yes, but literally the world keeps moving. And so does your frustration. And when you say yes too much, you get sick. It even says when the plane is something happens in the plane, pull that oxygen mask down and take care of yourself first. Because if you're not full, you can't take care of anybody. And I had to start saying no. I started out going, no, I'm sorry. No, you know, I had to do this and I'd run down everything. Why? I couldn't say yes.

Now, Jenny, especially at this age, I'm like, no, no, it don't work for me. I know I could loan it to you. I know I got the money to loan it to. But no, you're not getting it. I have turned into that auntie. I love that. Yeah, because it sounds scary to say no to people. I tell young ladies to stand in front of the mirror and practice saying no.

Practice five ways to say no, no, that doesn't work for me. No, but maybe somebody else can do that. No, maybe at a different time. No, maybe we can go out next week. Just practice it. You got to just start speaking it and saying it. Everything goes where the energy flows is where it goes. And I've practiced saying no. Now I'm at the point where I go, no. No.

Can you do this on my off day? No. No, I'm going to try this technique. I think we should all try this. Let's all try to say no to ourselves in five different ways in the mirror. I'm telling you, no. Now I say no, nunca, niet. However, I'll say it in every different language. No.

Saying no is the ultimate I choose me moment, I think. That's it. And you got to let go of people thinking you're selfish or you don't care. But it's just like to preserve my sanity and my mental health. I can't take all of that on. And I refuse to do it now. Life is too short. I can't remember half the stuff I say yes to. Yeah.

So if I say no, then I can always go back and go, you know what? Maybe we can. But I stop myself from doing that, too. I let my no be no. Is your country falling apart? Feeling tired, depressed, a little bit revolutionary? Consider this. Start your own country.

I planted the flag. I just kind of looked out of like, this is mine. I own this. It's surprisingly easy. There's 55 gallons of water for 500 pounds of concrete. Everybody's doing it. I am King Ernest Emmanuel. I am the Queen of Ladonia. I'm Jackson I, King of Kaperburg. I am the Supreme Leader of the Grand Republic of Mentonia. Be part of a great colonial tradition. Why can't I create my own country? My forefathers did that themselves. What could go wrong?

No country willingly gives up their territory. I was making a rocket with a black powder, you know, with explosive warhead. Oh my God. What is that? Bullets. Bullets. We need help! We still have the off-road portion to go. Listen to Escape from Zakistan. And we're losing daylight fast. That's Escape from Z-A-Q-istan on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

You made an incredible I choose me moment. I think it was like over a year ago when you decided to get your breast reduction that you shared about that. It was so powerful because I think so many women would probably be really afraid to have that done.

I did it. I've always said, you know, this is what God gave me. So if he gave it to me, why would I cut, cut them? But what happened was it started affecting my body. Like they were so heavy. Like I came out of the womb. Every woman in my, in my life, we all came out of the womb, right?

As a 42 double D it's that runs in my family. I don't have hips and a butt. I got boobs. And what was happening was as I got older, they were so heavy and I would find myself interviewing people like leaning over because it was so heavy and

I tore a part of my rotator cuff and my chiropractor said, you probably want to think about a breast reduction because you're carrying all of that and it's affecting your rotator cuff. And then I was getting grooves in my shoulders from my bra. They were starting, you know, when I was in my 30s, my 20s, having these big boobs. Oh, they were sitting up under my chin. After a while, they started looking like I was going to church. I call them church lady boobs. They were sitting on my knees.

And it was just like I couldn't, you know, everything. It just took too long to find something to wear. I think somebody made a joke at a comedy club because they knew me and they said Sherry's boobs are so big. She's got like a credit card slide. You could slide a credit card all the way through. And I'm a comic. I can take a lot. I laughed. But I said, I'm just tired. I think that.

I asked a lot of other people who got breast reductions and I said, I think my little girls, my best friends, they've always been my best friends. It's time to say bye. And I did a lot of research and I found a lady doctor. She was like amazing.

And she answered all my questions. And when I went under, I just said, when I go under, you bring me back because I have a son. Because I think, you know, as we get older, going under scares the heck out of us. I don't know if my heart is going to skip an extra beat or. And I just said to her, I looked her in her eyes and I said, I am a mother now.

And I have a child. And when I go under, I need you to bring me back. And she was like, okay, Sherry, I do 3,000 of these. Where do you think you going? And I was like, I don't know. I'm just saying. I don't need to meet nobody named Peter, Paul, John, or Luke. That's what I'm saying. No.

So they did reduce them and it just feels so much better. Like it's lightness. I wish I had done it years ago. I tell people that it's so great, girl. My areola is like a quarter. Used to be like a big pancake. Now it's like a little quarter. It's nice. You got those quarter size. Good for you.

nice quarter size. And she says, you know, you'll have a look at a little scar. And I said, look, if a man can't take a scar at this age, I don't need them. I'm fine. That's good. I like it. You love your scars. That's good. I love them. These scars made a lot. I think by you sharing all this and talking about it on your show and everything, like there's, I think it helps so many people. I know when I talked about like when I got my hips replaced and I shared that story, I

So many people just came out of nowhere and wanted to talk about their problems with their hips and how fearful they were of getting a surgery. So I think just, you know, talking about it is so powerful. Yeah, absolutely. Of taking the, the fear out of it, you know, of having it done and, and,

I think that's, it's just, you have a lot of women who've had to have that done and they feel a little shame at talking about it, but it's something so natural. We all, it's a circle of life that we go through and things happen. And it's just like, you know, our bodies have done so much for us, but sometimes we got to help them out. Yep.

To even be better, to live more, to, you know, I talk about having diabetes all the time. Some people say it's not really sexy. Well, I'm not trying to be sexy. I'm trying to live. Yeah.

Yeah. My priorities are a little different. Thanks. A little different. You know, yeah, I'm not, I'm not going, my, my goal is not to fit into a bikini, but my goal is live to be able to go to the beach and be healthy. And feel comfortable because you work out like a fiend. I've seen you, we both work out. I've seen your workouts online and you just are such a hard worker. What time do you get up to go to the gym? I get up at 4 45 in the morning.

I have to be at the gym. My gym is 30 minutes away. So I have to be there at six in the morning and it takes me 30 minutes to get there. So I'm there from six to seven and then I go straight to work. And I literally, Jenny, my goal was, I said, I want working out to be like breathing. Like I want to, if I miss something,

a class I want to like be yearning to go. And I had to, so I had to change the language. So I would go to the gym and make these videos about, Oh, I hate going, but I went. And I said, I got to stop that. So I started changing my language going, I love getting the chance to take care of me. And thank you, Lord, that you're giving me this opportunity for another chance at life and health. And I love how I'm going to feel after I'm lifting these weights and

She wants me to do 15. I love that my body is just like taking to this. I kept saying I love going to the gym, even when I didn't feel like it. This is so good. This is so good. So changing the dialogue, changing how you speak to certain things makes you how you speak to certain things. And it has worked. I do love going to the gym. That's hard.

But I just keep going, Sherry, this is going to be something because your body is going to thank you. You're going to feel confident. You're going to be. So when I would go and do the show, I felt so good because I even felt like I would say to myself, your body is like leaner.

My stomach still looked the same. I was like, okay, but it looked leaner. But you feel strong from within though. I feel strong. That's so good. That's so inspirational. 445. Jeez. I get up at 6 a.m. to be there at 7. And my gym is 30 minutes away too. We're nuts. Why don't we just go to like the local gym down the street? I don't know. I think by show, you know, and sometimes I take the train to, to my gym. I think it's,

It requires me to show up. If it was close, I could give him an excuse. Oh, something happened, blah, blah, blah. But this, it shows...

30 minutes away shows your commitment. You're committed to going because you got to go far. It takes, if I take an Uber back, it takes me 45 minutes to get home and I fall asleep. If I'm not working, I go to sleep in the Uber. I'm so tired, but I think it helps me keep my commitment. And I go to a woman, she's Moroccan and she don't play. And she let me know my time is valuable.

So call in more than three times and you got to find another trainer. That keeps me on my feet too. That's good. Yeah. She's not taking it. I get up so early because I like to get it out of the way. Like if I got to go at three o'clock with hair, a wig on and makeup on and lashes, I'm not going to do it. No, no, no. It has to be first thing for me too. Has to be first thing. But, but you feel, I tell people you've never, you don't feel bad after you leave that gym. You don't feel bad that you went. No. No.

And know that the end result is you feel, it feels so good. And being in this season, lifting weights is really, really important for our bodies. I think a lot of women don't understand. Our bones break down as we get older. We start slouching. That's when you fall and you break your hip or you fall and you break your wrist. You sprain your wrist trying to catch your weight. Like we have to now lift weights to keep our balance. Mm-hmm.

So many benefits from lifting, from going to the gym, period. Yeah. Anything, moving your body. Moving. Anyway, it's good. Like we can all be like Sherry and give ourselves that appointment first thing in the morning. I think that's.

That's going to help a lot. Yeah, walking. I love walking. Jenny, I walked four miles the other day. My butt cheek froze up. That left butt cheek was frozen. Wait, were you flexing as you were walking? I don't know what I was doing. I usually do two miles. I can do one or two miles, but I did four because I was like, well, let me see if I could go a little further. Let me see if I go a little further. And my butt cheek was like, no, go home.

But I did it. I did it. I was so happy. I love walking by myself. I used to take Jeffrey with me when I walked, but he complained so much. How long we got to walk? When we going to be done? And

And it takes all the fun out of it. So I walk by myself with only, I walk with one ear bud in so I can hear everything else that's going on. And I just walk. And my creative stuff comes. I get to think about things. I love walking. That four miles almost took me out. That four miles. It's a good thing you listen to your butt cheek. I listen to my, I always listen to my butt cheeks. They would never let me, lead me astray.

Oh my gosh. When I was on your show, we talked about communicating with our exes and you made me laugh because you said- You had a great relationship with yours. I mean, it took a while. It took a good minute. Girl. But what's going on with you at this point in your life? Like-

Are you open to dating? Are you dating? Are you going to find a husband? Are you good on your own? That's the best option. I am right now. My wish is that Jeffrey's dad and I could have a good relationship. At the moment, it's not there. We communicate by email, which is kind of hard to do. But that's the way it works, you know. So I would love like you are squad goals for me.

With that said, like with dating, I'm very open to marriage. I think marriage is an amazing, an amazing thing. And, you know, it's nice to know you can depend on your mate. But I've gone through two very public marriages and two very public divorces. And I have, for me, and nobody else, I...

I lost everything in my first marriage because I did not have a prenup. And when I say everything, I was doing the view broke. Like all my money was going to pay expenses for living in New York and going to my attorneys. I hosted a show called The Newlywed Game and every check they gave me was going to attorneys. So...

It was awful. And then the second marriage, it just, it costs so much money, even though we had a prenup, that was a great thing, but it costs so much money and I lost everything again. And so having to build up, you know, my money, my finances again, to take care of a

child who has special needs. That's therapy every week. That's a, you know, that's a psychologist. That's a, he goes to a, you know, a special school. That's money. And to have to build that up again, I just, the marriage is just not something that I'm seeking right now, but I'm open to it.

So nobody's came to float, float in my boat. So right now I like being single. I like being single and dating. I like being single because I had to learn to date Jenny. I would date and get married. Yeah. I had to work with a dating coach and she said, you need to date more than one man. And I went, huh? Clutch my pearls. I can't date more than one man. I got, I came up in a religion. You dated to get married.

And she said, no, Sherry, you need to learn how to date to just go on a date and have conversation. You need to learn how to date to just go and have a nice time. You need to learn how to date so that if you get ghosted by one, you you're not putting all your eggs in that one basket. Oh, falling in love with the first one.

who gives you some affection. You need to be able to go have a good time and say, I got another date on Thursday. So all your eggs aren't in that one basket. You need to just date and to figure out what you like, who you like, the treatment you want. And that's what I started doing. So Jenny, one day, whenever I would go to town, a different town to do stand up, I'd set up a date

And I went to Atlanta one time. I had three dates. I had a breakfast date, a lunch date, and a dinner date. Oh my God. You're such a good student, by the way. Oh girl, I went out. Now I was full because everybody took me to a restaurant. But it was very interesting because the first one, he was a sheriff. I met him on Instagram.

OK, he was a sheriff. He sent me a DM. He said, I'm a sheriff. Here's pictures of me at the at the station. Can I take you out? I said, OK, you're not a you're not a stalker or nothing. Right. He said no. But we we met in a public place. We went out. He was very, very much the man.

the man's man. So he was really jarring to him. So many people came up and wanted an autograph or wanted a picture. You know, he had made reservations at a restaurant for breakfast, but it wasn't open. So there was another restaurant and he says, oh, that's not open. But I happen to know Candy Burris who owned, she owned the restaurant. And I'm like, I don't want to like

I don't want him to think that I'm usurping or anything, but I texted and I was like, I'm outside. So he's like, we got to go somewhere else because this is not open. And they came and they opened it up for us. That was a little bit much for him. Yeah. Then, you know, he smoked cigars. He was gorgeous. But I was like, you know what? This is not working. So but I got a lunch date and the lunch date was amazing.

So much fun. He took me roller skating, which I love. So he was very thoughtful. We went roller skating and had a great time. And he showed me some moves. He taught roller skating. Then I was like, well, that was good. But I have a dinner date tonight. Oh, my God. This was all in one day. And the dinner date I went on, girl, he was gorgeous. He had his own business.

And he built roofs. It was a siding business. He built decks and muscles and he was gorgeous. But he was used to being the gorgeous one and getting all the attention. So he didn't like it. And I thought that was great. We had a good time. He ghosted me. But but it was fine.

When I got ghosted. Yeah, because you got to learn what works and what doesn't work. What works, but I had three dates and I was like, it's okay. Cause I'm going to North Carolina and my friend set up a date with somebody else.

This I love this, Sherry. This is so good. Yeah, because before I would date and I'd be, you know, you date, you have such a great time. Then you go home, you're doing curly cues. You know, you're writing your name with his last name, you know, Mr. and Mrs. And I'll be like in love. Now I want to get married. And it's like, yeah. So it was really great.

dating to see what I liked and what kind of treatment I liked. I don't want anybody who smokes cigars and I'm not settling. That sheriff smoked cigar. We got into his car and I felt like cancer was coming. That's a bad joke. I shouldn't, I don't want to offend anybody, but I was like, he smoked so much. It just smelled. It just smells so bad. And I was like, I can't, I can't do this. And he was

I hope he's not going to. I'm not saying I don't want anybody not to watch your podcast, Jenny, but it was my break.

So dating is, you know, so for me, I like, I like dating. I like if there's somebody that I date a few times, I like it and I like, and I like not sharing it. I know as a talk show host, I share a lot, but there's some things I have learned in this season of my life. You have to keep something that's special. Something that's so special that everybody's not in your, sometimes I think we overshare so much, right?

on social media. And then when it goes south, you're scrubbing off the pictures that you had with them. You're asking everybody to respect your privacy. Yeah. But you've opened the door.

And I like that I get to date because they didn't ask for the fame. I did. So it's really nice to be able to go out and just have a really good time. And I don't have to talk about it. Now I talk about the dates that I go on that are really crazy. But I like being able to just date and have a good time. And if there's somebody I meet, you know, maybe I'll talk about them if I like them. See what happens. Yeah. I always tell my daughters, we'll see. Just go.

Think to yourself, we'll see. We'll see. That's good. I like that. That's really such a great phrase. We'll see. We'll see. Okay. I like to ask everybody this. Sherri Shepherd, before I let you go, what was your last I choose me moment? My last I choose me moment. My last, my last I choose me. Oh, it's so much why I say I choose me. Okay. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I went to a private island. Somebody gave me their private island to go and just rest. And it was a person that I was seeing and, and he wanted to go. He wanted to be like, you know, we can go and we have a great time and we can do this. And I said, you know what? I want to invite my friends. I, because I don't want to, I don't want to be in a romantic thing. I want to go to this island, be able to laugh, you know,

Giggle, not have to feel like, oh, I don't want to make you feel like you're not included. I don't want to make you feel like, you know, I'm being, but I want to be, you know, cause I've took some of my glam team and I'm bossy with them. Cause it works for me. You're just free to be yourself. I love that. I just want to be myself. And his feelings were very hurt. And I said, I just, I want to do a romantic thing. There's somebody offered me this private Island for seven days. And I want it to be about me and the people I brought.

And I want to be silly and I want to be, and I want to be able to go back to my hotel room. Well, the villa that was on the Island and go to sleep. Yes. I don't want to worry about, you know, is, is he having a good time? You know, are you having, is there anything I could do to make you happy? I don't want none of that. And I chose me and I don't, and, and, you know, I was like, and I don't care. I want to go and have a good time. And it felt great. And I had a blast with my friends.

Oh, I think that might be one of the best I choose me moments I've ever heard a private island by yourself. It was a private island. And we and had I taken him, everybody would have had a great time with him.

But what would have been missing is all of the stories like we really talked about our hopes and our dreams. And, you know, we stayed up. I one of my dearest friends of 22 years, like I went and we got in the same bed and we talked and giggled like we were schoolgirls. I wouldn't have been able to do that. Yeah. You just need those trips. You need those trips. I got to bond with my sister friends.

Oh, I love that for you. I love it. I just love talking to you. I could talk to you forever. And I want to hear about some of those dates going wrong because those are good. I need to write a book. I've had some dudes. I have. Yeah, it's been some, it's been some funny ones. It's been some like, okay, this is not going to work. All right. Oh, you didn't tell me that was, oh, there's a, you got a girlfriend. Didn't know that. A little detail.

You left that little one out. Oh, hi. Who are you? You know? Oh my God. So much fun talking to you, Sharon. I'll let you go. I know you're a busy, busy lady and thank you for spending some time with us. Jenny. Thank you so much. So when I come to, when I come to LA, we've got to hang out. I love you. You too, girl. Bye. Bye. Bye. Jerry is so funny. Oh, I love when I get to connect with her. She's such an inspirational woman.

I love what she said about saying no. That word is so powerful. And I know after walking away from this conversation, what she said is going to stick with me and hopefully empower me to say no more this week as I choose myself. Speaking of choosing ourselves, as we continue to do that each week, I want to challenge you to making a different first choice in your morning.

Sherry said she chooses to get up at 4.45 every morning and drive 30 minutes to the gym. I know a lot of us struggle with looking at our phones as soon as we open our eyes, but we can do better than that. So this week, make a better choice and choose yourself. Maybe start with, I don't know, letting the sunshine hit your face or maybe

Drink a big glass of cold water or maybe go on a morning walk with your dog. Take those first few moments or even hour of your morning to choose yourself. You are worth it.

Thanks for listening to I Choose Me. And don't forget, tickets are on sale now for my live summit event happening on January 11th. You can check out all the information along with our social links in our show notes, rate and review the podcast and use the hashtag I Choose Me. I'll be right here next week. I hope you choose to be here too.

Had enough of this country? Ever dreamt about starting your own? I planted the flag. This is mine. I own this. It's surprisingly easy. 55 gallons of water, 500 pounds of concrete. Or maybe not. No country willingly gives up their territory. Oh my God. What is that? Bullets. Listen to Escape from Zakistan. That's Escape from Z-A-Q-istan on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.