Bill Eddy: How to Deal With High Conflict People
Huberman Lab
Deep Dive
What is a high conflict person?
A high conflict person is someone preoccupied with blaming others and has persistent conflict in their relationships.
How do high conflict personalities differ from personality disorders?
High conflict personalities are preoccupied with blame, while personality disorders involve a narrow range of interpersonal behavior that doesn't change.
Why is it important to wait a year before committing in a relationship?
Waiting a year allows time to see patterns of behavior and avoid rushing into relationships that may reveal high conflict traits later.
How can you recognize a high conflict person?
Look for disproportionate emotions, blaming words, all-or-nothing thinking, and extreme behaviors that most people wouldn't do.
What should you avoid when dealing with a high conflict person?
Avoid blaming them, emphasizing the past, focusing on emotions, and labeling them with mental disorders.
What is the CARS method for interacting with high conflict people?
CARS stands for Connecting, Analyzing, Responding, and Setting Limits. It involves showing empathy, getting them to think, giving brief informative responses, and setting clear limits with consequences.
Why do high conflict people struggle to resolve conflicts?
They seem to get stuck in denial and anger, lacking the normal human grieving and healing process that leads to resolution.
How can social media impact high conflict behavior?
Social media can reinforce high conflict behavior by allowing bullies and high conflict personalities to find communities that support their negative behaviors.
What are some signs of a high conflict personality in the workplace?
Look for patterns of blaming others, lack of self-restraint, and behaviors that alienate colleagues or disrupt work environments.
How can you manage emotions and relationships with EAR statements?
EAR statements involve showing Empathy, Attention, and Respect to help manage emotions and improve relationships.
- High-conflict personalities are distinct from personality disorders.
- These personalities often involve cycles of blame and drama.
- Such individuals can be recognized by their persistent blaming behavior.
Shownotes Transcript