Relationship Anxiety | Girls Gone Bible
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Hi, I'm Ange. And I'm Ari. And this is Girls Gone Bible. You're loving this couch today, huh? I am really happy. You're feeling like a free bird right now. Look at her. I'm feeling good. Yeah. Whoa. Opa, opa. Opa.

We promised that today we'd come on and not be weirdos. Thomas, can you shut off the monitor? Thank you. Yeah, thank you, Thomas. We should probably stop staring at ourselves. What's up, Bart? Did we even do the intro? Hi, I'm Ange. And I'm Ari. And this is Girls Gone Bible. We talk about Jesus in the Bible and mental health and sometimes relationships. And today we're talking about relationship anxiety. Come as you are, just don't stay that way.

What's up? So for anyone who is new to GGB, I am like, I feel like I'm back in the future. No, not back in the future. Is that right? I feel like it's a blast from the past. This is bringing all the memories back. We started on this couch our very first episode and I just get butterflies in my stomach every

What's up, sweetie? What's up?

What's new? Well, I went to Air One last night. No, this was a couple nights ago. And I'm sitting there and I'm smiling at the guy and he's like making me my food plate. And he's like just looking at me. He's like, hey, can I talk to you for a second? I'm like, yeah, yeah, of course you can. Yeah. What's up? He says to me.

He has a toothpick in his hand. He goes, you got something covering your whole tooth. I thought he was supposed to say, like, I like your outfit. I don't know. I'm sitting there cheesing at this guy. I look in the mirror. I have for my blueberry smoothie, I have a whole blueberry peel covering my whole left tooth. Speaking of blueberries for a smoothie. I have another one.

You always have a smoothie right before we film with the blueberries. I know. You're good. So I'm over there. He gives me a toothpick. He's like, I'd want someone to tell me. I'm like, oh my gosh, which means I had this thing in my tooth covering my whole front tooth the whole day because I had that smoothie earlier in the day.

I'm never going back to Air One. Wait, okay. How did we get there? It was one of the most embarrassing moments. I didn't know what to say. I go, you're a real one? I swear, there's something about that Air One. I am always having the most insane spiritual encounters. I'm always evangelizing. I'm always praying for someone or somebody's giving me a prophetic word. It's how every single time I want to get a prophetic word. Why are you always?

I don't get nothing. People come up to me randomly on the street. They're like, hey, I'm a Christian and God just told me blank about you. And I'm like, wow, that was spot on. It happens to me all the time. Really? Yeah. But specifically that air one. I don't know why. Jesus, can you give me a word? Sure is. He will. What's up with you? Well, we just had two of our GGB live shows yesterday.

Fort Lauderdale and Tampa. Life changing. Life changing. Those were the best. They were the best. We are having so much fun on tour. It is like we're finally in a place where we're not so distraught by nerves that we're actually like it is a beautiful spiritual experience for us as well. Even beforehand, we're not like insanely excited.

and just like losing our minds. Me too. Oh, why I wasn't. He's not nervous. You gotta see me before the show, you guys. Once I see the faces of you guys, I'm like...

Okay, I can be but you are like you're always whenever you're nervous I'm always excited for you because every time you're nervous like you just have the ability to take your nerves and use them to just Amplify what I'm fighting off demons. You know what I'm fighting them off. I'm fighting those thoughts baby. We got victory I'm rev God, baby. Hoorah. Can you tell him what happened with the speaking in wrong? with the praying in tongues

Oh, yes. Tell them. Right before our show, I was really nervous. And Angela's like, I want you to sit in this room and I want you to start praying in tongues. Angela loves to speak in tongues. I'm more like, I don't know. I just, I'm not a big tonguer. Jesus help us, please God. What did I just say? I can't. I really can't. I'm so sorry, guys.

Okay, I didn't mean to say that. I'm not a big speaking in tongues person. So she said, I want to give you a few minutes and I just want you to like really like speak in tongues, pray in the spirit. And so she laughed and I was like...

I'm going to do it. And I got down and I just went into the spirit. I wasn't worried about what I was saying. I just started speaking in tongues. This went on for about, I don't know, 30 minutes. I was completely out of my body. It was one of the most incredible experiences I have ever had. And I opened my eyes and it was like, I had the thought of like, I,

I don't ever want to just pray regularly again. Like praying in tongues, something lifted off and I was just completely in the spirit. I love, I love. I know when you came out and you were like, I'm telling you, your eyes looked different. You were a completely different person when you came out of the room. And it's just praying in the spirit, praying in tongues will move you, move you from your head.

to your heart. And it's just my favorite thing in the world. And you're right. It gets to a point where after you pray in tongues for a long time, it's like, because like Stephanie said, it's the perfect prayer. You realize that your own prayers can be so biased and you're like, God, I don't even want to pray my own prayers. I want to pray what you want me to pray about. And so sometimes I'll find myself like having an hour long prayer session and I didn't say a word in English, you know, we were shot a Bob and we're shot up a lot of Bob.

I think at some points I felt like I was speaking Chinese. I don't know. Do you know there are Chinese tongues, right? Yeah. Have you ever done it? I haven't done it, but my friend, I have a friend who will like, sometimes he's a pastor and he'll sometimes like break out in Chinese tongues. Whoa.

I'm hoping to get there someday. And everyone tries not to, like, it's really, you can't help, it's kind of funny because it's just like, like what is going on, but it's real. And he gets really mad when people laugh. You guys better believe you're going to be catching me speaking Chinese tons. Watch out, I'm going to be praying over you Chinese tongue soon. At the shows. If you hear Ari speaking Chinese, don't worry, nothing's wrong. Don't worry. Ari's going to be speaking Chinese.

You gotta be like, R. You sound demonic coming from... Okay. Man, okay. So, you guys, today we want to talk about... We are on the Girls Gone Bible live tour, and we want you to come and enjoy this night of, like...

It's just a beautiful night worshiping Jesus together and talking about Jesus and getting to know Jesus more intimately and better. And so we really, really want you guys to come. So today, you guys, we're going to talk all about relationship anxiety, relationship OCD, overthinking in relationships. And so we want to read a little bit from Psalm 31. Oh, Lord, I have come to you for protection. Don't let me be disgraced.

Save me, for you do what is right. Turn your ear to listen to me. Rescue me quickly. Be my rock of protection, a fortress while I be safe. You are my rock and my fortress. For the honor of your name, lead me out of this danger. Pull me from the trap of my enemies and set me free, for I find protection in you alone. I entrust my spirit into your hand.

Rescue me, O Lord, for you are a faithful God. My enemies conspire against me, plotting to take my life. But I am trusting you, O Lord, saying you are my God. My future is in your hands.

I should go through and read this whole psalm because it's so...

It's just so important to speak and pray these Psalms over yourself. That's what I do, especially when I don't know how to pray or what to pray. When I'm very, very anxious, I go directly to Psalms and I declare these Psalms over myself. That like, even if I feel in the moment, like I'm not trusting God, I declare that, God, I trust you. My trust is in you alone. Trusting God has been everything for me.

for me in my relationships. It has been absolutely everything. Relationship anxiety is the feeling of worry or insecurity about a relationship, often leading to fears of rejection, inadequacy, or future uncertainties.

People may question if they are good enough, if their partner loves them, or if the relationship will last. It's common in all types of relationships, especially in new or evolving ones, and typically fades as trust and familiarity grow. However, it can be persistent for some.

Here's an example. Sarah is dating someone new and often worries if her partner truly cares about her. She might frequently seek assurance, text them to check in, or overanalyze their responses. This anxiety doesn't necessarily prevent her from being in a relationship, but it creates occasional stress.

And then relationship OCD is a subset of obsessive compulsive disorder focused on one's relationship. It involves obsessive doubts about the relationship or the partner, leading to compulsive checking, seeking reassurance, or repeatedly analyzing the relationship's rightness. ROCD goes beyond typical worries as the thoughts are intrusive, unwanted, and distressing, disrupting daily functioning. An example is...

Alex is in a stable long-term relationship, but is plagued by intrusive thoughts about whether they truly love their partner. They might spend hours analyzing if they feel in love or if their partner meets some ideal standard. This analysis and need for reassurance consume Alex's day, impacting work, social life, and their relationship itself. How has relationship anxiety affected you in the past?

So I think with relationship anxiety, it has so much to do with our attachment style. And if you guys don't know, attachment styles, you can either be anxious, avoidant, anxious, avoidant or secure. And in most of my relationships and a lot of them, when I feel safe in a relationship, I'm secure. If there's any bit of like unsafety or anxiety,

just instability or just like not feeling completely secure in a relationship. I used to think that I was avoidant attachment, but I've realized that I'm actually anxious avoidant. So it's not just that I'm avoidant. It like the avoidance stems from being anxious and it stems from like a fear of abandonment and a fear of a multitude of things. And we'll get into that later. But yeah, so I think in the past, um,

And it's so funny how like much, even though this is an episode that's not like completely based and centered around the gospel, like Jesus is so intimately involved in all of this, in your relationships, in my personal story with how I relate to people in relationships. There's been just so much healing because I used to push people away so much.

So much. And I wasn't even aware of it. And like, for me, I realized that there's just so much abandonment issues. And there's so much like, when I was younger, before I knew Jesus, I guess we're just diving right into it. Before I knew Jesus, I would...

kind of be a person who was like oh if I don't if this isn't good if this isn't good for me if they're not acting right if blah blah blah like I'll just leave like I was already always so ready to leave a situation always so ready to abort mission um and I remember being like

almost taking so much pride in that, like thinking like I'm so tough and I'm so independent and I'm so like, I don't care. But really it was all woundedness and all brokenness and all hurt. Like,

a healthy person does not feel the need to just jump ship every time a problem comes up. So before being in relationship with Jesus and like, I wasn't even aware of my brokenness. Like I wasn't even aware of the issues that I had. I thought it was so normal. And I would like see other girls who would stay in relationships and

um, where they were being hurt and they weren't being treated well. And I remember just being like, that will never be me. Like that will just never, ever be me. And like, to a certain extent, that is a good thing. We must have standards and we must like be expected to be treated a certain way. Um, we should be treated well and whoever we're dating or possibly getting married to must treat us with respect and kindness and like

be very intentional with us, but I used to like not even allow room for growth for people like I would literally just be like if a guy isn't exactly who I want him to be I'm not in like the first sign of anything the first thing they do wrong. I'm just gone I won't even have a conversation with them and

The first thing that God began to do was be like, you're not acting like this anymore. First of all, you're never going to have a successful relationship because nobody's perfect. Nobody is going to ever meet your ideal standard of perfection. Like you have to be willing because you're not perfect either. You have to be willing to let people grow and have like mature conversations and

But for me, the reason I was unable to do that, I mean, so much of it was pride. All of it was pride. And like...

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and make sure you use our promo code GGB so they know that we sent you. You know what I would do? I would get into a relationship with someone and then I would purposely find everything that was wrong because I was afraid of commitment.

And so much of this obviously stems from childhood and the things that we've seen. And like, if you're like me, so there's like two categories. There's someone who is avoidant and wants to like abandon the situation and the relationship. And then the other side of it is someone who is so anxious of being left that they hold on for dear life. And so if you're in a situation like me where you might be a little bit avoidant, you might be a little bit, you know,

you mask your fear of abandonment with leaving first or something like that. I'm sure you can relate where you grow up in a situation where maybe you didn't

see the perfect marriage modeled. Maybe you saw situations where people, relationships that were unsafe. And so your example of what a marriage or a relationship is, is not ideal. And so you're sitting there watching being like, it's better to leave first than be in an unsafe situation like this. And so for me, I just never saw a relationship or a marriage that had like healthy conflict or healthy communication. Yeah.

And so, yeah, and it just really all boiled down to pride. I pride, but like the pride, what I've learned about pride, even though it's a sin and it is a sin, pride is so sad because it's just brokenness that and you're masking your brokenness. And so, yeah, I when when I entered into a relationship with Jesus, it's one of the first things that he began to break down in me where he was like,

Why don't you just stick in something and let yourself be vulnerable enough to like let this person in on what you're feeling. So he did it with me. He used me. He did use you. Oh yeah. You swear? You are like a massive thing. You have been, do you know what a gift you've been in my life? Because you're the first situation where God is like, you can be vulnerable and let someone in on when you're weak and you don't have to just leave. Like.

Like not everybody, like people won't just leave if they see that you're weak. Yeah. That's been like my biggest. It's so crazy. You've been mine too. Why? How have I been yours? He used you as my training partner and he used me as yours. I know. It's so crazy to cater to our specific. Because, okay, can we get into yours a little bit about how you feel you've related to relationship anxiety in the past? Yeah, I guess mine would be...

I was very anxious attachment because I just like, you know, it goes back to how you grow up. If you had to like grow up really fast and you had to fend for yourself, if your parents were always at work. I always had that, like I was always in that fight or flight where I had to be the parent. And so, yeah.

For me, like since I was just 16, I was always in relationships because that was my form of safety. Right. Like I didn't know how to be alone because I was so scared to just be on my own. Yeah.

And so that's where I had all my identity, my safety, my everything. I didn't love myself. I didn't feel good. So I thought I would find my love and secure. I would feel secure and just it all in men. And the minute it ended, I would just fall to pieces and I felt so unsafe. And it was like a really scary feeling for me. So that's been my journey with

with relationship anxiety. And I would give so much to the person to the point where I would abandon my own needs. So for years and years, up until recently, I didn't think about myself. It was all about that other person. I would give everything, and I just completely was so lost in myself. Mm.

And it's so sad because I see it all the time. And then, you know, you go through a breakup and people get into other relationship and it's like a band-aid and they keep repeating and repeating and they have no idea who they are. And I guess just for me, um...

People are like, oh, you're still single. And I'm like, yes, and it's hard some days. But it's been just nothing less than a gift because I've gotten to stand firm on my own. I mean, I was just talking about this with you yesterday. How can you believe what God did for me just being alone, like how he worked in me. So I know how to stand alone. And that's like just been the most wonderful gift in my journey. Yeah.

And can I just say with like, I know you guys hear all the time, singleness is a gift. It's a gift, but it really truly is the biggest gift because if you're, if you find yourself, which most of us do in these repeating cycles where you're doing the same thing over and over again, the only way to stop that from happening and to break that cycle is to take an extended period of time in singleness. And so often people,

The amount of time that you need to be single does depend on what your past looks like, how long you've been in relationships, how long these cycles have been going on. So I love that you say that. And it's so like we might sound like broken records, but we're just going to keep going.

Explaining this to you guys over and over again, that if you are, if God has you single, if you're a child of God, if you follow Jesus and you're in a situation where you're single and you are, it's just excruciating and you want to have a partner and you want to be married, I promise you that God has you in the perfect situation.

place because he's doing something. This waiting season is not wasted. You're not waiting for no reason. You're waiting expectantly and God is doing something in you and he is breaking cycles in you and it's so important. And I see it literally with you. It's the most beautiful thing in the world. Yeah.

It's when I think about when I was in like, you know, my last or whatever in my relationship, my last relationship. And I, I think about the anxiety of it. And I just remember the thoughts, the ruminating thoughts that all day just being like, if something happened, does he love me enough? Did I do something wrong? Is he going to leave me? Is it okay? And like, it's all day, the ruminating thoughts. And that's because I didn't, I

I didn't know who I was. I didn't stand firm in who I was. When you have your identity, your whole identity and another person, you can't, you're lost. You cannot be in a relationship when you don't know who Jesus is because when you find Jesus, you find yourself. And that's why...

I truly believe with my whole heart, you guys have been on this journey with me since the beginning. You've healed with me. You've heard me cry. You've seen my heart. You've just seen my brokenness and we've all been going through it together. And I believe that God has me in my singleness season still.

So you guys can hear me say to you, me too. Because one of the things that is when you think about healing and relationship anxiety and just going through breakups is just having someone like a sister or a friend or a mentor to just be like, hey, me too. I'm going through it with you. I'm healing with you. Let's process this together. So it's been just...

It's been so beautiful to just go through this with you guys, because I know like I've been meeting so many of the girls at the show and they're like, hey, like I've been following this with you from the beginning. And like we've been going through this together. You've made me feel less alone. And so I'm like, I will go through my breakup all over again just to know that it's helped you guys. Yeah.

But I know that feeling of just being in complete anxiety all day. And my advice to you is get to know Jesus because when you get to know him, when you seek him with all your heart, that's when you find yourself and when you truly find yourself.

and you seek him and you spend time with him alone, then that's when freedom and rest and peace comes in. And that's when you won't need to fill that void of your life anymore. You're not hanging on to someone so tight that if someone wants to walk out, you're like, okay, I don't need a person to fill my life because I have Jesus. Only Jesus can fill the void in your life. So good. It's so good. And it's so true.

I think...

Along with what you're saying, I just think that there's so much healing that and we'll get to practical examples of, you know, someone we got so many questions from you guys as well. And people are asking, like, how do you know if it's just relationship anxiety or if it's discernment and like you have a reason to be anxious? And I want to get into that because I have a story that I want to tell for that. But I also just want to say that if you're in a situation where your relationships are so affected by your upbringing, you're not going to be able to

there's probably so much healing that needs to happen. And I know for me, one of the main things

things that I've gone through with Jesus is healing things from my childhood, healing things from just brokenness that has happened along the way to prepare me to eventually be a really good wife for somebody one day. And like, I, we wholeheartedly believe in therapy, all types of therapy, talk therapy, ERP therapy. But again, I'll say it and I'll always say it that the presence of God is the best therapy in the world.

abiding in Jesus, worshiping Jesus, inviting Jesus and being in constant communication and communion with Jesus and inviting him into your heart and your situation. What I have done, and this is just practically one thing that I do with God is like, I will get into my quiet time in the morning.

And I'll put on worship or I'll put on just like an instrumental and I'll begin to pray. I'll pray in the spirit or I'll pray in words. And I'll be like, Jesus, just take me where you want me to go. Where do we want to go in this little hangout between you and I? And so often he'll take me to periods from my childhood and things that I went through and really traumatic things that have happened. And he'll show me where he was during it.

And that's like one of the main things that we're going through right now. I'm going through this journey of seeing myself as a little girl and he'll take me. And like one of my main things of my life is that like I don't remember my childhood. I don't remember. There has been something that happened where I've blocked out so much of my life. And I've learned that that's some sort of a trauma response. And it's like PTSD and anxiety.

And so there's so much of my childhood that I don't remember, except I have these like horrible flashbacks of things. But there have been so many moments in my quiet time in the secret place with Jesus where he'll so gently and kindly take me to these really bad moments. He'll show me where he is in it. He'll show me how he was covering me. He'll show me how he was in it.

And it heals something in me and I can move forward with my life from it. And so I just want to encourage you guys to ask Jesus to take you on a journey of things you need to heal because everything that we deal with, all of our relationship anxiety, all of our relational issues come from our childhood. And there's so much that every single one of us have to heal, no matter if you had the best childhood or the worst childhood, um,

Things were messed up for all of us. We all live in a fallen world. We've all been through things as children. We just, we accumulate trauma along the way. And so I just want to encourage you guys that like, whatever you're facing in your relationships, there's so much healing for it. And Jesus is with you in it and he wants to heal it. So please, next time you're in quiet time, just be like, don't just like throw all these prayers at God. Be like, Jesus, take me on a journey. Where do you want to go today? I love that.

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I make sure that I go in my secret place in the morning and there has been days that I don't and I can feel it when I don't. So really spending the time in the morning. I have had to fight like I was in battle this past two years. I've had to fight through anxious thoughts. I've had to fight so hard, but I didn't stop fighting. I had to...

I, when we are in isolation, I believe like anytime that I have sat in a dark room or in my house alone during my ruminating thoughts and depression, it's almost felt like it is creates like an atmosphere for the enemy to get in. Anytime I'm like in my home by myself.

The tormenting thoughts are so loud. It's like they eat me alive. So I think when you are going through a time of anxiety, ruminating thoughts, depression with relationships, the worst thing you can do is sit alone. We need to be in community. We need people. So processing it with community, processing it with someone you're safe with,

Healing is not a quick fix, but every single day people think faith is like being really tough. You can still cry and mourn, but have faith. But it's every day making the decision to say, Jesus, I put it in your hands. Have your way. Please help me with my thoughts. And just knowing that it's not a quick fix. It's a process. I'm still processing things. Yeah.

You know, we go through, there has been, there's things that we have been through in our lives that truly are not our fault, but it's our decision to fix it. So not staying in victim mode.

Do you know what I mean? So good. There's been times where I have sat and sat in victim on being like, I'm never going to get better. And we have to be stronger than that. We have to fight. We have to get therapy. We have to read our Bibles. We have to get the word of God and imprinted in our hearts. The promises of Jesus is true. And if you believe in Jesus, you will believe him forever.

when he says that he is with you, that he will bind up your wounds, that he will renew your mind. Like we need to find a word for the season that we're living in and literally speak it out loud every time the thoughts come in. So good, R. That's so good. And you have to find the scripture and the word that apply to your specific needs and situations. Because if you're someone who deals with

overthinking and like severe anxiety. Like there's so much scripture for that. There's so many Psalms that you can speak over yourself that casts out fear. Somebody asked us a question. How do you not have fear in your relationship? And there's a scripture that says perfect love casts out fear. Jesus is perfect love.

Fear is the opposite, is indirect opposition for everything that Jesus is and stands for. And so perfect love is what casts out the fear. So if you have fear, to overcome fear, it's not just the absence of fear, but it's the receiving of the perfect love of Jesus that will expel that fear. That's how you overcome. You don't have to just pray away fear all day. I understand rebuking fear. I get it. I do it. I rebuke fear in the name of Jesus.

But along with that, I receive the perfect love of Jesus because once I rebuke something and once I command it to leave my body and my spirit, I have to replace it. You know, the scripture that's like why, when, when your house is empty, when the demons flee, but then they come back to an empty house, they bring back seven times more. That's because you have to replace whatever was in you with something of Jesus.

You have to refill yourself with love, with God. And so for me, I pray that when I'm feeling anxious, I say, Jesus, would you pour your love in me? I need to receive your love. Would you give me your love? Would you fill me with your love? And then if you're someone who is anxious, avoidant, and you, I mean, you guys, my number one goal in life right now, this is where I'm at in my journey, is to

I have been putting on a tough girl act for a really long time and the jig is up. It's over. God has broken me down so much and I have no, I have no choice but to face my pain. I have to face my brokenness and there is no more masking it with pride. And so he's taken me into a season where I have been gifted like the best people in the world. Ari being one of them.

who have made it, who have made me feel so safe to be vulnerable and to show my weakness. And that weakness isn't unattractive. It doesn't turn people off. Brokenness isn't unattractive. People won't just leave. And so I

I just know for me and for so many of you guys, we put up these walls throughout our lives because of pain, because of trauma, because of relationship hurt that we've experienced. And then what I've learned in my relationship with Jesus is he's like, people are always going to fail you. People are always going to disappoint you.

They're never going to love you completely correctly the way that I do. However, because I am with you, because I am for you, you don't have to put your trust in man. You can put your trust in me. He's like, I, I am to be trusted. And so you can be rest assured that I will have your back through every situation. And then do you mind if I just read this little part in verse

Luke. I'm so proud of you, Ange. I love you so much. I really am so proud of you. Well, can I say you've been instrumental in this for me? You have shown me what it's like to stay. You've shown me what it's like to be vulnerable and to just stay and to be like, hey, people aren't perfect, but not everybody's inherently bad. Well, you've shown me what it's like that I

All the things that I thought were so bad about myself are actually so beautiful. And so you've given me the openness to be able to be myself when I wasn't, I couldn't be in my last, my other relationship. We're not dating. I love you so much. I love you too. There's this moment in Luke chapter nine. No, sorry. Luke chapter seven, where it says,

The disciple. So you guys know John the Baptist, John the Baptist from the beginning of the gospels. He's the one who used to, he was the prophet who used to baptize people before Jesus came. And he's the one who it says, um, he's the one shouting in the wilderness, prepare the way for the Lord. So John the Baptist is the one who literally prepared.

everybody during that time for Jesus's coming. And so he was instrumental in like just everything in Jesus's ministry in him. He baptized Jesus. Like he knew he saw, he literally saw the dove fall from heaven, come down from heaven and descend on Jesus to prove his, to signify him as the Messiah. So he has had like physical and spiritual and like all the proof in the world to know that Jesus is who he says he is.

But then you find in Luke chapter seven, that it says that John the Baptist doubts Jesus. It says that Jesus eases John's doubt. And it says the disciples of John the Baptist told John about everything Jesus was doing. So John called for two of his disciples. He sent them to the Lord to ask him, are you the Messiah we've been expecting? Or should we keep looking for someone else?

John had his disciples ask Jesus that after seeing the proof, after seeing, after knowing, after being basically prepared his whole life for this one moment, he still doubted Jesus. At that very time,

And John's doubts in Jesus were all natural.

And the beautiful thing is Jesus did not rebuke John for his doubt. He didn't get offended by him. Jesus can handle our doubt. Jesus can handle our questions. And it is completely natural to have anxiety. It's completely natural to ask,

God, where are you in this situation? Where are you in this relationship? Where are you in my anxiety? And I just encourage you guys to bring everything to Jesus and know that he is not fragile. God's ego is not like ours and he can handle your questions. And another thing is you can hold God to his word. You can't challenge him. You can't test him. You can't mock him. Absolutely not.

But you can say, "Hey God, you say in your word that where the spirit of the Lord is, there's freedom and I'm holding you to your word and I'm asking for freedom from my anxiety."

Pray something like that and see the power that falls from your prayer. It is so God loves when we hold him to his word because he's faithful. He's faithful and his promises are true. And so for me, every time that I'm in serious anxiety or uncertainty, I'm like, hey, Jesus, I don't see you in this yet, but I'm holding you to your word that says that you are in this with me. Colossians 1 says Christ lives in me.

I read that this morning and I was obsessed because it was like, you cannot, you cannot overlook these things in scripture that we hear so much. Christ lives in me. That means that Jesus, the spirit of Jesus himself is within me.

He's not far away. He's not in a far away land in heaven. Like he's in it down here with us, with me. And he cares. He cares about your situation. He cares about the tiny details and he cares so much about your anxiety. And so if you will allow him, if you invite him into it, God will legitimately show you

He will give you like a bird's eye view and be like, this is what he does with me all the time. I'll be so in my mess, in my anxiety. And like, I'm not looking at him because all I can see is my mess. And I'll be like, Jesus, I need you to broaden my view and show me where you are in this and like what you're going to do with it. Because it does not look promising right now. My relational issues are,

Which are like, for me, the worst things in the world. Ari knows this. I can't handle, I can handle conflict, but I can't handle relational issues. It affects me deeply. When Ari and I are in a little bit of a scuffle, I am not someone who can just be like, everything's going to be okay. Like, I know it's going to be okay. That's my sister. We're always going to be good. But even in the most tiny minuscule like thing,

I can't handle it. And so for me, I'll be like, Jesus, I don't see you in this. And he'll literally broaden my view and then show me step-by-step why it is the way it is, how we're going to fix it. And then he literally always comes through with his promises.

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Use code GGB at checkout for 10% off. Just head to truthjewelry.com and treat yourself to something stunning. That's trthjewelry.com and use code GGB at checkout. Listen, anxiety comes from not feeling safe. Anxiety comes from not feeling good. You're on edge. You don't feel good.

When you comprehend the love of God, when you understand his love, when you understand how loved you are, how he literally rescues you out of the worst situations, how he's with you, how he protects you, how he is, he's dad. When you can comprehend all of that,

That calms your nervous system. It renews the mind. It puts you in a position where you feel safe. Yeah. And you feel secure. And you don't feel like you need to hang on to anything fleeting. Yeah. Tightly. Oh, I love that. You can rest. Yeah. And so I will say this. I sound repetitive, but...

When you understand God's love, that is when the thoughts, the everything, they subside. When people ask me, R, how do you not have overbearing thoughts like you did? It's because I stay close to Jesus every single day. I make the choice every day to stay close to him, to really get the word in my heart. And I stay close to him every day. I...

I don't, it's all day too. It's all day because he is my light. That's why they say, come out of the darkness and into my light. He is the light of my life. So to be apart from him, I make the decision every day that I have a father who's with me. So I'm going to stay as close as possible to him because apart from him, there's deception. I want to read you a scripture. That's right.

In Romans 8, verse 6 through 11, it says, "...the mind governed by the flesh is death, but the mind governed by the Spirit is life and peace."

And so I think that's been a huge thing for Angela and I and our journey with Jesus is getting out of the flesh and in the spirit, getting out of the sin, getting out. When we are like living, when we were living in sin, we couldn't have any peace in relationships. Our mind work, our minds were constantly in anxiety and destruction. I don't know about you, but that's how it was for me. Um,

I was not at peace. I was constantly overthinking because I was living in the flesh. There is nothing that profits from living in the flesh. That is where we think that, oh my gosh, we have anxiety. It's in our blood. It's from, yes, although we might have had trauma as kids,

We also living in sin creates death. It creates anxiety, creates a lack of peace in our in our minds. So if you're wondering, why do I feel this in relationships? Why do I have ruminating thoughts? Well, you have to ask yourself the questions. Am I living in sin?

Am I living by the ways of the world and in my flesh? Because when you are living in the spirit, although your life will never be perfect, you have a peace that surpasses all understanding. You are out of the darkness and into the spirit, into the light. And so I just want to tell you guys,

If you are in this constant state of anxiety in your relationship, are you pursuing purity? Are you living in holiness? Because that is one of the biggest ones of anxiety and depression and ruminating thoughts. And as soon as I changed my ways and I changed my life, that is when my mind was completely free of the bondage. That's when the healing really began. Yeah.

Listen, I love you guys so much. We love you so much. If you're not pursuing purity, if you're living in sin, if you are in an ungodly and sinful relationship and you're struggling with peace in your relationship, there are really practical first steps that you can take. And that is to abandon the sexual sin and to follow Jesus rightly and to pursue purity and to pursue holiness. Just like Ari's saying,

You will not have peace in your relationship, in your heart, in your spirit, or in your mind when you are living in sin. It's just not going to happen. It is not a cliche. It is God's truth that living in sin, it will lead to death. The wages of sin are death.

I have these two. Can I tell you two specific relationship stories? One of them you kind of know about the other one you can't. OK, well, I'll just tell you. So one of them, because somebody asked, how do you know if it's relationship anxiety or if you're actually discerning something? And one of them, I just want to say.

So there, I've only had one situation where someone really like I was being really deceived behind my back. And it is, I was probably walking with Jesus, really walking with Jesus for like a year. And it was one of the most, I've said it before on here, but it like marks my life forever. It was one of the most trust building things with God. It's like discernment. All of the spiritual gifts are something that you have to exercise. A prophetic gift, you have to exercise. Healing, you have to exercise.

discernment is something that you have to exercise too. It's something that you practice and it's like you step out and you use discernment and sometimes you get it right, sometimes you don't. And God teaches you over time how you're going to discern and like what his discernment sounds like. And so I'm in this situation, listen to this. So I go on like a ski trip with this guy that I'm dating. Mm-hmm.

I had spent a week in complete turmoil, like knowing something was so unbelievably wrong. I believe that anxiety comes. I think that when God speaks, he speaks in peace. And that doesn't mean that it feels good, but there is, there's like a peace and a confirmation in it when you're really walking with God. And then relationship anxiety, I feel like will be anxiety that has no basis and it has no like,

has no, it just isn't in reality. Like it's not realistic. There's no basis to it. There's nothing about the anxiety that has truth. Like it's not grounded. It's like the heart fluttering, the sweaty hands. That's, that's anxiety. That's not, that's not, um,

Yeah. And so I'm in this situation where I'm on a ski trip and I'm going down the ski mountain and I have no idea what's going on. But there's something deep, deep in my spirit. And I know what anxiety feels like. And this wasn't just anxiety. There was something so deep in my spirit that something is wrong and I'm being deceived. Hmm.

And I had no idea what was going on yet, but I knew. And all I kept hearing from God is just wait, just wait. I will show you, just be patient. And so in this moment, it wasn't just anxiety. I had a deep knowing and understanding and I was seeking God. And I felt there was confirmation on this. And I waited it out and I was patient. And I came to the conclusion and God literally did this grand revealing of the secret that was being revealed.

kept and I was being deceived. But that was a situation where I literally was praying that God would remove the anxiety and he wasn't because there was something wrong. And this person's actions were proving to me that something was up. And so I have one more other situation where I was, I had a boyfriend who we had a great, the relationship was fine.

But this person didn't treat me exactly how I deserved. He wasn't completely intentional. He was not. He wasn't completely intentional. He was not. He was avoidant himself. And so he was completely like, I didn't have peace because I knew that this guy wasn't being nice.

intentional with me and he wasn't pursuing me properly and he wasn't being affirming and there was no security in it. So of course I had so much anxiety and I was praying to God every day being like, Jesus, I'm so irrational. Will you get rid of the anxiety? God, I rebuke the anxiety. And I look back at God being like, no, it's telling you something. You're not being treated right.

Like your anxiety is valid because of this person's actions. And sometimes I feel like we feel like the problem in a situation, but the person we're with, he is making us feel that way or she is making you feel that way. And there are situations where you have to be careful of relationship anxiety. If your partner is being affirming, intentional, pursuing you, there's so much security. You don't actually have a reason to be jealous, but you are jealous and you are anxious and

then that's something to look at and be like, okay, this is something that needs counseling and prayer because there is no basis. But if you're in a relationship, I see this all the time where we blame ourselves for being irrational and crazy and jealous, but we have no security with the person that we're with. Like you are valid in the way that you feel and your anxiety is actually trying to tell you something. But the person you're with, I just want to say this one last thing.

There are relationships that will cause so much anxiety because the person is not being authentic. They're not being intentional and they're not being affirming and there is no security and whatever relationship you're in, either they're making you jealous or it's not leading towards the one thing it should be going to. None of us should be dating for so long for no reason. All of our goals should be marriage, should be a God covenant in marriage. Like

And so if you're in a situation where someone isn't being intentional or pursuing you correctly and you're having anxiety, again, you are valid in feeling that and it should tell you something.

Preach it, sister. I thank you for saying that. I completely agree. If you're someone like I am who had anxious attachment style, who you're trying so hard to please the other person, you abandon your needs for their needs. And they are sitting there saying to you, I don't know if I'm ready. And then you're wondering, well, am I?

And you're wondering like, well, I don't know why I'm like this. You know, same just like you said, like, why do I have anxiety? Well, it's because it's for a reason. And so really check your heart posture of all of that. Are they being committal? Are they having one foot in and one foot out? You know, yes, we've had trauma in our lives. We also have to look at the facts.

Right. I always say, let's look at the facts. Yeah. Let's not look at the way we feel. Let's look at actually what's happening. And you guys should do that too in your relationships. Are they, do you have a valid reason for feeling this way? Are they telling you, well, I don't know when I'm going to be ready and I'm just not there yet. And you're sitting there two years go by and you're still waiting. Well, yeah, of course you have every right to feel the way you feel. Of course, your mind is going to be racing, you know? Um,

But I think the thing with relationships too, on the other hand, is like we watch these movies and everything looks so perfect, like the notebook. And we're sitting there wondering, well, why don't I feel like that? And are they the right one? And we keep questioning and it's like –

Life is not like that. And if anyone could understand that, love stories are not like the movies. There's trauma. Everybody has issues. Everybody has baggage. We all know that cats are picky. And cat owners are too, especially when it comes to their cat.

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That's prettylitter.com slash ggb to save 20% off on your first order and get a free cat toy. prettylitter.com slash ggb. Terms and conditions apply. See site for details. What I was going to finish off on saying that is find a partner that you can be secure with. Find a partner who you can talk to. Find a partner you can communicate with. Again, not to bring it back to me and Ari, but...

But our friendship has been so healing in me. It has broken down my walls of pride because I'm sitting across from somebody who validates me, who's there for me, who welcomes me. And if there are moments of irrationality where everything I'm feeling is ridiculous and has no basis in reality, the other person meets me and is like, there's clearly a wound here and I'm here for you. And let's get to the

bottom of it, somebody that you can be vulnerable with. If we don't have that, you guys, we have no shot at a relationship. Somebody who just shuts you down every time you want to bring something up. We all have anxiety. We all have relationship anxiety. We all have fears of abandonment, every single person. So we all have to be a people who welcome the other person with no judgment and just saying, I...

I don't care if it's irrational. Let's get to the bottom of this so we can heal it and move on from it. Find someone you can be yourself with. Yeah, yeah.

Because when you can truly be you, I have been in relationships where I am like a shell of myself. I'm trying to figure, oh my gosh, should I not say this? Totally. That's another whole anxiety in relationship. When you can't fully be yourself, who you are is beautiful. Find someone who you can be yourself with. The minute you can't be yourself, you're never going to be able to feel right in your heart. And so...

If you feel like in every relationship, I can't be myself, I don't know how to act.

As your big sister, I just encourage you, take time to be alone. Stop putting the bandaid on by going from relationship to relationship. Be with Jesus. Heal with Jesus. Process it with Jesus. Process it with the people that you love. Because when you come on the other side of it, you're going to feel so whole and so good that if you can't be yourself with somebody, you're going to be like, see you later. You're not going to have

to act like someone you're not because that is just, it's the worst when you can't be yourself. Oh, it's hell. It's actually hell. It's the worst. Someone said, I want to go all in with God. How do I talk to him about not wanting sex, sinful things, et cetera? Sex. Yeah, sex. This is Ari and I's favorite thing because I...

What was the question? The question was, this girl wants to go all in with God, but she probably has a boyfriend and she wants to talk to him about not wanting to have sex and doing sinful things. Yeah.

And I know, especially if you're in a context where you're dating someone who's not a believer or not a diehard Christian or not like a true follower of Jesus, how scary this might be. But let me tell you something. When I decided to go pure, I was in a relationship and I brought this to somebody who had no is like no pre desire for that. Like there was no conversation about this or anything like that.

I remember being so scared of abandonment, so scared of rejection, so scared of like, who am I even without this? Like, how could I even be desirable without this thing? And I was so afraid. But I brought this up to the person that I was dating. And this might not be the case for everyone, but it was received so well, not without question and not without a little bit of pushback of being like, are you sure? Is this what you want?

It was the most empowering thing of my life to realize that my value is not placed in this thing. And once you realize, please, if you're watching this and this is your question, I want you to understand that whoever is meant for you, God has somebody for you. His desire for all of us is to be in a relationship that is pure. And so if you're with somebody who would not accept you not wanting to have sex in your relationship,

I can tell you a thousand percent. I'm getting really excited. That person is not for you. And he's not from God. And he's not from God. And there is somebody for you who will be more than willing, who probably wants to pursue purity themselves. So I beg you not to let being in a relationship with somebody hold you back from the fact that

that you know in your heart you shouldn't be having sex and it's so amazing and whoever you're going to end up with is going to be on the same page as you and if this guy I want you to try I want you to be bold I empower you right now in Jesus name I pray that God would give you the strength and the wisdom to go about this conversation to have this conversation and I want you to remember these words that if he doesn't handle it well you're not going to be able to have sex

End it anyways. He's not for you. It is not rejection. You're not being rejected. That man is not for you. And I want you guys. I love that. I feel the Holy Ghost. I just want. It's so sad. And we walked in darkness for so long that the way we love God.

walking as women of God now in purity, the boldness we have because of purity. I don't want you guys to feel ashamed or embarrassed about that. Like if anyone who's listening right now, if you're in college, high school, um,

and you have just influences in your air, like laughing at you, laugh at them because you should be so, no, you should be so proud of yourself that you are walking in purity and you are following the will of God's path. He is so proud of you. And it's just something, it's something we are so proud of. And can I just say one more thing?

Okay, so you guys know Ari and I are in a very interesting position where we are fully walking with Jesus, but at the same time, somewhat in the secular world. Yeah. In LA. People laugh at us all the time. They laugh at us, but the respect, it's going to sound crazy.

The respect that we have from people, even though they might laugh, and honestly, if they laugh, it's only a coping mechanism for them, like covering whatever conviction they're feeling inside. We are so respected for our decision to go pure. People in the world, secular people, respect us for it. And honestly, with guys that are so secular and in the world, it is attractive to them.

Can I tell you that we have been lied to from society and from the world telling us that you're only desirable if you have like sex to offer? It is so not true. People, men, women, people respect purity so much more than you think. Take it from two people who are around secular worldly people all the time and they have so much respect for it. They don't always understand it, but they respect it.

And we're proud of it. And it's so fun to walk into a room and be like, yeah, we are the odd ones out. And guess what? We're so proud of it. I walk so boldly in it. And I want you guys to too. Someone said how to decipher relationship anxiety from signs that it's not the right relationship for you. So this is again, this is a very that's why you have to be walking so intimately with Jesus because you're in we're in a situation where it's

Either you're receiving signs that somebody is not for you or it's a rational anxiety that shouldn't be listened to. But I will say I rely on peace so heavily. And that does not mean that everything is perfect. It does not mean that it's just smooth sailing and there's no conflict.

But when you've been walking with Jesus long enough, and that's why you have to be, you don't have to be, but I think it's really beneficial to be deep in your walk with Jesus before getting into a relationship because you've had experience with God and you know him and you hear him and you understand what peace is. You understand the peace that surpasses natural understanding. You understand what that feels like.

And so for me, I can be in a relationship and still have peace in the midst of conflict. But I think when you're wondering if somebody is for you or not, I think that there's a couple of things you can look at. Does this person make you more like Jesus? Do they push you towards Jesus?

And then you can look at what wise counsel around you says. I think it's really important to take into consideration what trusted people in the faith around you, what your community says about it. If you're in a relationship where everybody has doubts and concerns and doesn't, they've seen you guys together and they see how you interact and they see you in conflict and they see everything and they're like, this doesn't really set. Like, I think that's something you need to listen to.

But if everyone around you is affirming and being like, no, this is great. This is amazing. You guys are good for each other. I think you just have to seek Jesus in everything that you do. And if you're in true relationship and you are spending time and you're abiding and you're seeking, he speaks. He speaks and he can speak clearly. And you pray the most powerful prayer in the world. You say, God, if it's from you.

Bless it and make it happen and bring it to the end and bring us into a godly covenant. If it's not from you, God, I give you permission to remove it like this in whatever way you see fit. And that prayer never goes unanswered. That's the craziest prayer, isn't it? It is the most dangerous prayer because he will. He loves us too much to allow us to be in relationships that aren't meant for us. Somebody said...

How do I trust God? I'm in my 40s and I'm still in my waiting season. And just like, how do I trust God? And so I'm going to just speak to somebody, to anyone in a waiting season. And I just want to say me too. Like you have a sister that is going through it too. I hope that gives you some peace.

in your heart. The second thing I want to say is that God can make up a moment's time like that. What he did in my life when I thought it was over, he has redeemed and restored things that I thought my time was up and he restored it in a moment. Okay. So I want you to understand that

He is not joking when he says that I will redeem and restore everything that you thought you lost. If we trust his promises, we also have to trust his path.

I know you feel like your time is running out. I know everybody around you is saying, what are you going to do? Are you going to have kids? I know. I know how it goes. I know what society tells you, but I also know who Jesus is. And I trust him with my whole heart because I saw what he did in my 30s like that when I was so living in such fear. And I know. And every time, like, I'm going to be honest with you. I preach this to you guys because I'm walking...

this through with you. I even called Angela the other night and I was like, and it's going to be okay. Right? Like I have these moments too, where I'm like, it's okay. Right? Like it is scary out there. And sometimes you can't help but think like, where is he? You know? And so I understand, but I, if it's one thing I know it's, I know who Jesus is. And in this time where you're waiting, I want you to focus on his work, focus on his path.

He has a plan for you. But there is something that he is trying to build in you in this time. There were times where I thought I was ready. And even now I've been single and I'm like, wow, there's still things that you are doing in me that I'm so proud.

proud of myself where I was laying on my floor this morning and I was, I had the biggest smile on my face and I'm like, thank you, Jesus, for having to just be me and you right now. I know what I wanted, but this is what you want. And thank you for it. Later on, we're going to thank him for, for keeping us in this waiting period. You're going to understand later. And so, um, I just, I hope that brings you comfort. I hope that gives you, he is, he is a God that always

always comes through. It's okay that you have a little bit of fear in you. It's okay that you're mourning. It's okay that you have nights that you're lonely, but it's that surrender every morning of Jesus. Be with me during this waiting season. Sometimes it's just getting really lonely, but have your way in my life. I surrender it to you. Tell your story. Have your way. Just keep saying that. Have your way. Have your way. I trust you. And I promise he will come through for you.

Can I drop this mic? Last one. Someone said, how to get over the fear of losing someone you love like in a breakup. And I just want to say that what has completely expelled fear in my life and in my relationships is my trust in Jesus, is my faith in Jesus. And you might wonder, how does that make sense? How does faith in Jesus correlate to not having anxiety over a breakup or not fearing a breakup?

My faith in Jesus is so unbelievably unshakable. My trust in God. I believe in the sovereign hand of God. I believe in a God who knows the beginning from the end, the end from the beginning. I believe in a God who knows the beginning from the end.

who already wrote my story. I believe in his hand who orchestrates every moment of my life to complete his perfect will in my life because I'm completely surrendered to him. There is not a moment of my day that I am not fully trusting in God. And so in entering into a relationship with

Jesus. I developed a trust, like I said earlier, not in people, but in God that I'm able to step into something. And I trust that if this is for me, God is going to do whatever he needs to do to make it happen. If it's not for me, I have complete trust that if something ends,

If there is a breakup, which I hate, I hate breakups more than anything. I think they're horrible and painful and I can't stand them. But I know I'm able to step into a relationship fearlessly now. I'm able to love unconditionally and fearlessly. Whereas before I would hold back

I would be distant. I would be cold. I would abandon if I didn't feel fully comfortable or fully secure. Whereas now I'm able to step into a relationship with my heart wide open because I trust Jesus. I trust the scripture that Ari said earlier, that he binds up our wounds. If I do get hurt, which most of the time he won't even let me get hurt. That's who God is. That's how much the sovereign hand of God protects us.

But even if I do get hurt, I believe in the healing of Jesus. And I believe in the growth that happens in the midst of pain.

And so, like we said earlier, Christ lives in you. And I want you to be encouraged to know that you are protected. You are so protected. If he lives in you, that means his heart, he's in your heart. He's literally so much closer than you think. He adores you. He loves you. And he's with you in whatever you're going through. And so I just want you to be encouraged that you can step out in faith, in

In love, you can love unconditionally. You can love fearlessly. And if something ends, if you have to break up, that's okay too. Everything that you need is already in you because he's in you. And he will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast because they trust in him. It says that in Isaiah 26.

So I just want to pray over whoever's listening that if you're experiencing relationship anxiety, I just pray that the sovereign hand of God would be over your life. I pray that you would be completely protected by the God who cares so much about even the smallest details of your life.

And I just pray that if there's a storm in your mind, if there's a storm in your heart, that Jesus would rebuke that storm, that he would say, peace, be still to the anxiety that is coming up in your relationships. And I also pray that God would show you who you are. He would show you your value. He would show you how priceless you are and that you would

your confidence and your self-esteem would rise to that value, that it would match that value and that you wouldn't accept anything less than what he has for you and what you deserve. And if you're having relationship anxiety, that's real, that's valid, that is concerning and that should be something that's looked at, I pray he would give you the wisdom and the strength to look at it and act accordingly. And I just pray for all anxiety, all fear to just be expelled right now in Jesus' name.

for us too. It's so beautiful. I love you guys so much. We're in this together. One of the most beautiful thing about Girls Gone Bible is we have healed, gone through heartbreak, mourned. We are just going through it all together. You have two sisters who are with you and love you and are for you and are going with you. Remember me too.

We're going through it together. And more so, Jesus loves you. And he's with you. And he's so proud of you. And you're chasing him. And it's the most beautiful thing Angela and I have ever witnessed. And we just love you so much. And we believe in you. We believe in you. We believe in your maturity in the faith. We believe you to make the right decisions for your life.

Like I just, I really have so much confidence in you guys that leaving this video, you are going to be different in your relationships. You'll have more confidence, more security, and you'll know how to deal with the anxiety when it comes. We love you more than you can possibly imagine. We thank you. We thank you. We thank you for being here with us. May the Lord bless you and keep you. May he make his face shine upon you and be gracious to you. May he turn his face towards you and give you peace.