Tom Hanks Returns
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My name is Tom Hanks. And I feel blank about being Conan O'Brien. You feel blank? I love it. You don't even, like, give hint words. Could you just put adjective in there and parentheses or something like that? Yeah, what's wrong with that? I feel blessed to be Conan O'Brien's friend. I feel old. Fall is here, here they come.

Back to school, ring the bell Brand new shoes, walkin' blues Climb the fence, books and pens I can tell that we are gonna be friends Yes, I can tell that we are gonna be friends

Hey there, welcome to Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend. I am, of course, the aforementioned Conan O'Brien, famed in song and story. I just threw that in. Sona Movsesian, good to have you here. Yeah, it's good. Okay, great. You know what I love? The burst of energy you supply. I can't ever... It pushes us. Yes, it's good. And Matt Gourley, nice to see you too. That's good. Okay, you're clearly on life support. Like someone...

They've decided just double up on the morphine and get him out. Let's slide him out of this realm.

I come from Boston, Massachusetts. I've made that clear many times. And Boston, from the second you're born, it's all about your sports team, you know? And you're assigned your sport teams at birth in Boston. You don't get to decide them. Now, Eduardo, I know in different, like, I've talked to people like with soccer who their father might root for one team, but their son roots for a different team. That's exactly my case. Yes, right? That's not the case in Boston. In Boston, it's all...

the minute you're born, they like brand your forehead. Hockey, Bruins, you know, baseball, Red Sox, basketball, Celtics, football, Patriots. I mean, it's just like across the board. These are your teams and it's not open for discussion, which is fine. I accept that. Here's the thing. I've been living in LA for a long time and I feel disconnected. Hmm.

Because you can't you can't switch even if you move. No, no, I would never. I can't switch. Those are my teams are Boston teams. You you you can't switch. You can't switch. That is just you can. No, it's just sports. No, no, you can't because I'm from you don't understand. I'm from Boston and you can't switch. And anyone who's from the Boston area will understand that that's just the way it is. Those are my teams for life.

But I'm here in Los Angeles and my team's out of it right now. It's baseball. And I don't know what the etiquette is. I would like to be part or take part in the Los Angeles sports scene. So you think you can, even if your team's out of it, you can't do a substitute second favorite team? It doesn't feel right to me. I think because you're Boston. Eduardo understands. Eduardo, speak. You can't. That's like kind of front runner-ish. Yes. Yes.

You can root against the Yankees. That's what you should be doing. No, no, no, no. That's okay. But rooting against the Yankees, you can't participate in. I can't go to a Dodgers game and be shouting, Yankees suck, if they're not even playing the Dodgers game. You're in an abusive relationship. I know. This is ridiculous. What I'm saying is I actively want to... What's the thing you were telling me about

where there's a falcon. Oh, yeah. Tell me about this. This is for the LA football club, Los Angeles football club, which is part of the MLS. Yeah. It's our home team here in LA. You mean soccer? Soccer. So let's call it soccer, please. One of two. Yeah. One of two teams. Yeah. Although the Galaxy plays in Carson, which is not a great place. Let's just call it soccer. We just don't want to piss people off. Yeah, exactly. Scary. So,

they have an opening ceremony every game where they have their mascot is like a falcon. This is the coolest thing I've ever heard of. It's really cool. And they have an honorary falconeer. Is it falconeer? Is that the person that usually... Falconista. There you go. Falconista. That kind of kicks off the whole game and there's a falcon that starts on your arm and gets released and then comes back to your arm and does like this whole hoopla thing. And oftentimes there's notable figures who are invited to be

I think Kony would make the perfect... Wait, do you think they would let me do it? Absolutely. What kind of... What notable figures are we talking? Am I in their league? I mean, if it's a bunch of A-listers and I wouldn't be in their league, that's just teasing me and that's mean. So like somebody like Elizabeth Banks. Oh, I know Elizabeth Banks. Yeah, she's been called upon to do it. There's... Wait, so I would be in the middle of a stadium and I would hold on my arm and a falcon would come and land on it? See, I just... Here's the thing. Maybe soccer is okay because I don't...

I don't really... You know, Boston soccer. To be fair, like the New England Revolution, which was technically the team that you should have been rooting for, they didn't exist by the time you moved over here. Right. That's why I don't think... So maybe I'm allowed to get involved in soccer. Yes. But I feel funny, you know, rooting...

for any LA team because I feel like, oh, that's going to get back to Boston and the next time I land at Logan, there are going to be three guys there with pipes. They're just going to work me over. I don't think, I think it's a problem if you root for the Lakers because there's a very notable, like if you go to Boston with a Laker hat, oh my God, can I please be there for that? We'll punch you now. They would brutally beat you. Are you allowed to watch a movie without Mark Wahlberg in it? Uh,

It's, you know, it's interesting. You have to get it clearance. Okay. You have to get clearance first. So that's essentially what you're doing now. You're kind of asking forgiveness before it happens. I am trying. There's so many rules when you're from Boston. If you get coffee, it has to be Dunkin'.

And if you're seen not having Duncan, again, guys with pipes work you over. God, you're living in the Soviet Union. I know. What is this? Yeah. Why not Boston? It's like the Soviet Union, but it's where these guys are wearing a lot of acid wash and Boston caps sideways. Yeah.

They listen to that jump around rap song over and over and over again. But wouldn't you just want to go watch a baseball game? Can't you just go to a Dodger game? It's really tricky. You can wear your Boston Red Sox hat. Oh, that's interesting. It's weird. See, Eduardo understands. Why not? You also can't do that. Why? If your team's not playing in the game, you don't want to be that guy or girl that's wearing a Dodger. Yeah, what are you doing that for? No, you're notably from

That's like going to that's like going to a temple for someone's, you know, bar mitzvah. And I'm wearing a quinceanera tiara. And I'm like, it's just my quinceanera tiara. Why not wear a quinceanera tiara to the Dodgers? That I could do. OK, but I want it known. I want it announced to the world that I'm going and I just love to watch baseball live. But my heart is with you.

the Red Sox and that's why I'm wearing a tiara. Or is it tiara? I guess in Boston it would be a tiara. Okay. But anyway, I... Maybe you could stretch it. For instance, Mookie Betts, longtime Red Sox fan. Nope, he left. Right. There's some fans who would be like, well, I still love Mookie and he plays for the Dodgers now. Nope, doesn't work. No.

You can't love them once they leave. Yeah. This is insane. Listen to you people. OJ, great football player. I'm going to go support him in his trial. It doesn't work that way. This is insane. I am so happy that I'm not a sports person because I don't have to. I like that you're just saying sports person. I'm glad I don't indulge.

in this folder all the sports history. My dad was a big sports person and he took me to all these USC games and as soon as we get there I would turn around get on my knees and play with my G.I. Joes with my back to the game the entire time and my dad had his head in his hands. You know what's funny? You fucking loser. You know what's funny?

You know what I imagine? USC games? Yeah. Duh. Boring. I imagine Gorley going, I just imagine Gorley going to a gym and it's all equipment that you've seen in the Titanic. It's like from 1911. It's wooden pins that he throws around and everyone's got to have a mustache. I do like soccer though, quite a bit. Yeah.

Yeah. And don't call it football. I won't. We're not having that bullshit here. We should all go to a game. We should. Let's get a box. You do the Falcon thing and we get a box and we hang out. Will Ferrell's a part owner. Isn't he your homie or something like that? Yeah. He's my homie. He hasn't returned my calls in years and every time I call a Falcon answers. I just want to talk to Will. No, no.

He's moved on, moved on. I do think it's okay if you wear a Boston hat to a Dodger game. It is. You guys are making shit up. I've seen people wear hats from other teams. It's not. I don't care what you've seen other people do. Everyone knows you're from Boston. I know. I've seen other people throw up on a cab. No, that doesn't make it cool. I'm not going to do it. Okay.

It's not going to happen. Just don't go to it. I went to a game five recently against the Padres. That shit was fun. I turned my back on the USC Trojans at three years old. Oh, you dick. You'd probably do that now. Those games are fun. You know what I love is you now going to a game and turning your back and getting out your little Dungeons and Dragons figures and laying them out. I hope people beat

I hope you are beaten. I hope you are so badly beaten. Badly beaten. You guys are sports people. And you know what? You're assholes. Yeah. So much so that when we first visit you in the hospital, we're not allowed to see you because you're still being stabilized. There, that's not a mean thing to say at all. What a specific... I hope you're beaten so badly that on our first visit, we're not allowed to see you. I turned my back on you. Oh, yeah. So specific. Oh, wow. Uh-oh, look. Jesus. Back turned on us.

Hey, nerd, stop playing with your G.I. Joe toys. You'll get yours, lady. My guest today is a two-time Academy Award winning actor. Hey, one more than me. You know him from such iconic films as Forrest Gump, Saving Private Ryan, Philadelphia, League of Their Own, and Toy Story. Now you can see him in the new movie Here, which is currently in theaters. He's a scholar. He's a gentleman. He's one of the great people of all time. Tom Hanks, welcome.

Remember this, this, this thing, this thing in show business happened.

The thing of ours. The thing of ours. When you didn't have to drive to a studio and work with the segment producer and have your hair, have your bald spot covered and, you know, wear free clothes that, you know, Zinnia is giving you. And then you had to go. And then you didn't have to do that anymore because you do a podcast from your house with a decent microphone. And now we're back on TV. Without stylists, I appreciate that. We keep talking about this, how...

I started this five years ago because Adam said, do a podcast. And I said, why would I do a podcast when I've been on TV for 30 years? We start doing it as a joke. As a joke. It becomes big. Then they start to say, is it okay if we put cameras in there? And I said, fine. And then they said, is it okay if we occasionally do five a year in front of a live audience in big theaters because people like it? And I said, okay. And then they said, is it okay if we add a band?

I said, you fuckers. We're right back. And listen, we're going to need a warm-up comic. It's going on NBC. Yeah, it's going to be on NBC at 1235. It is. All right, I want to make sure I get you out of here because we have a lot to... Oh, I don't... I've got plenty of time. I'll give you a ride home.

I know where you live. Hey, bud. Yeah. By the way, have you been to Conan's house? Yes. We have competitions in the neighborhood. Who has the longest house? You mean as you're driving up the street, which house takes the longest to drive past the start of the property line and the end of the property line? And you guys each think it's your own? I think you've got like two and a half miles of property line. I do. I do.

A Cessna can land. And a Cessna has landed on my property. Now, it used to be, you know, Jerry Lewis used to live on the block. Did he really? Yes. Yeah. Are we on yet? So I won't say what the address is. But at one point, because I saw this old thing and I ran, you meet Jerry Lewis. And you think, first of all, that's a surreal experience. Yeah. All into it. It's a hang time. You know, my God. Yeah.

Jerry knows my name. Isn't that crazy? I saw the bosom buds, you know, and... Why can't we use it? You can. Go ahead. Go ahead. We're using it. Okay. And I said, is it true or not? Did you live in our neighborhood? And he said, the number of the house. And it's a brick, a white, red brick, white house. And it is almost as long as...

as yours is. And I just think, cause I saw this, you know, he was really into like making home movies and stuff like that. And he used to do kooky things. And I saw this one thing, Tony Curtis and Janet Lee drove up and did kooky things on their lawn as they were coming into a party at his house. So how's that for a neighborhood? He would make films. He would make films. I mean, going back to like the early fifties, he would make films with all of his friends. That's right. And, uh,

But I didn't realize he lived in our neighborhood. Right there. Right there. And, you know, he had a radio station and he had I think he had restaurants and stuff. He had a podcast for a very, very early version. True sign that it's over. I was out once. And by the way, you find this thing. Maybe I was at I was at like a thing. They were showing one of his movies and we all kind of like went in order to vet him, you know, celebrate him a little bit.

And someone got up, he had a question and answer, and somebody asked him about the video tap, the world-famous video tap, because he was directing movies. He was one of the first guys to star in and direct his own movies, and he had to have a video tap, meaning that he was the first guy to put a TV monitor matching what the camera saw. So there was a cable coming from the camera and ran into a TV, and everybody thought, this is amazing. He said, it was, but I didn't tape. Wow.

What do you mean? I had no playback. I just had to look when I was doing a thing with his stuff and it looks good and now let's do it. But then I do it and I couldn't see it until the day leaves. And I said, actually, now if he hadn't invented videotape, that would have...

He would have gotten the Nobel prize along with everything else. He would have, he would have got it all. Jerry Lewis. How did we get talking about Jerry Lewis? What do you mean? How did we, you? Yeah. Oh, because it's the neighborhood. Yes. We live in this, uh, neighborhood, uh,

And I take a hike. I sometimes go by your property. Right. I've thought about, there's a wall. I think I could get over that wall. You know what? You are too, you could so tall, you might be able to crawl through the razor wire. If you know how to do that. You scared the hell out of me. I was on a bike with a friend of mine. That's right. I won't get into the exact, but taking a bike ride with a good friend of mine, Brad, and we're going up this- Yeah. Yeah.

Maybe. And Brad Paisley. Suddenly this car, like kind of a Jeep SUV thing starts coming. And all of a sudden the window comes down and you lean out the window and start yelling at me. I did, I yelled at you. And you start doing some bit, which was really funny, doing a bit. And then my friend is like,

That was Tom Hanks. Happens all the time. But you know what? It was like laughing. Like your head just came out of a... Knock, knock. Yeah, or it was like Batman when he was climbing up the side of a building and suddenly a window would open and it's, you know... It's Jerry Lewis. It's Jerry Lewis. It's Tom Hanks.

I thought I live the most amazing life where a darkened window can come down and a goofy Tom Hanks can pop out and yell at me when I'm on a bike. Think about everybody else, because on that, there's a lot of people that come there to to walk that that, you know, it's a long line. And they're all kind of like bicycle weenie geeks, you know, guys with six thousand dollar mountain bikes and on your left.

you know, as they're going up and coming down. But they're going to see you. I mean, you're as tall as Big Bird for crying out loud. And they're going to say, I believe I saw Conan O'Brien struggling up the hill. Have you heard that halfway up that ridge, there's this place that apparently in the late 30s, you probably know about. Absolutely true. In the late 30s, some people who were pro-Hitler and pro what the Nazis were doing. So Nazis. Nazis.

Yeah. Okay. Okay, go ahead. As a lay historian, I'll come in and get the record straight. They were members of the party. There were people who were sympathetic to that cause in the late 30s before America was in the war, and they purchased a piece of land. Am I correct? You are correct, sir. That they thought would be...

a place that the Fuhrer would like to hang when and if he comes to America, maybe because he conquered it. I don't know the whole story. Do you know the story? It was owned by the German Bund, uh,

And there was a period of time, a German Bund, the Bund was essentially, hey, we're all Germans. We all live America. Let's form a fraternal organizations like other nationalities do. And I'm going to hope that before they found out just how bad Hitler was, you know, but there, I swear, I have seen photographs of Hitler.

like a 4th of July in the 1930s up there with a fireworks thing. And they would have, no lie, a picture of the founding fathers and a picture of Adolf Hitler, an American flag and a Nazi flag, the German Nazi flag. And they were saying, our country is coming back, et cetera, et cetera. And I just hope that

Maybe you can get away with that in 1930, you know, but it continued along. And in fact, it is now a scout camp, or it had been for a while. I have gone there to scout a location. And there was like the main lodge, you know, there's tents and stuff like that. But there was a main lodge that...

that honestly looks like, you know, a German alpine chalet. Yeah. That all you have to do is paint it red, put a couple of Haken cruisers on there, and you are right back in Nazi-ville, USA. So this is a place that, in our neighborhood, you go up this, there's this big hill, and... Did I say Jerry Lewis also lived in this neighborhood? And why did you choose to live here, sir? Listen, we have these meetings that are none of your business. No, but...

This is my story, which is that they, that was something I've always heard. And then occasionally you'll find that it mentioned that this piece of land lives and that maybe, and some people get the story, they get it wrong and they think that Hitler spent time there like in his board shorts looking out at the Pacific. He did come out for pilot season one. LAUGHTER

And he needed a place to stay. Six pilots didn't get one of them. Not a one. It was almost a seventh friend. But anyway, but I'm with my friend once, my same friend, Brad, that you saw. I'm riding, grinding up that hill on our bikes to just try and get to this very steep in parts. We're grinding along these two women, like,

blonde, 22-year-old, I swear to God, wearing like bikini tops, very, and they just looked like they were just come from a sorority party. They flag us down like they were in trouble. And I said, what is it? And they went, do you know where the Hitler camp is?

- What? - There you go. - Where's the Hitler camp? - What about that? - And I went, "Oh, ladies, well, all right." Like, God, he's still pulling in the trim, that Addy Hitler. - Oh my God. - Jesus. - Still pulling in the trim? - I know, what? - Jesus. - Oh, wow. - Jesus, Matt. - We are making light of a very, very dark period, without a doubt. - Yes. - So yeah, I mean, you don't wanna say, "How do you get to Conan's house?" "Oh, well, you've gone too far if you hit the Hitler camp." - Right.

Make a U-turn at the Hitler camp. When you get to the Mussolini cul-de-sac. Yeah, yeah. Take a left. Yeah. But yeah, that's up there. And yeah, yeah. I'm going to switch gears here real quick. Let's see how you do this. And I want to talk about the...

The Japanese and Jerry Lewis and 1944. What year did we, the first year I was on SNL and you were back in, we called you the- 1988. I called you the Boiler Room Boys. Yes. It was you and Odenkirk and Smigel in the back.

The guy back in the day when I was working at SNL who was money in the bank and still is to this day was Mr. Tom Hanks because he would show up and... Caffeinated. They were the caffeinated, ready to go. Hey, everybody, what have you got? And...

Um, he, I remembered coming out once and I swear to God, I think it was maybe two in the morning. Most hosts, they hang around a little bit. They sense the sadness, the desperation, they smell the odors and they leave. And then they come refreshed at read through. I came out and there's this giant in the conference room. There's this big table and you were sitting there and you had been working on your own idea and you were relying on that.

They had shoved all the tables together. You were lying on the tables like Christ with...

some pages over your eyes because you were trying to catch a couple of winks before you woke up and got back to writing at three in the morning. I'd always heard that that was the, that was a great power of the hang that you got there and all night Monday and all night Tuesday, you're going from now they kind of like take the hosts around and the usher, but I went, you know, I want to get in there and get in there and mix it up because here's one thing I learned about maybe the third time I did the show. There is, you say, Hey, you're the host. I'd say, Hey, I have some ideas.

For some sketches. And every writer goes, well, that's just great. Oh, my God. You have ideas that will rob us of the opportunity to get our ideas out.

How wonderful. And I would like to say, I don't think you then learn that. Look, you're the host. Concentrate on the monologue and then walk away. But.

But it's a great hang, man. Everybody's carrying on. Yeah, it's amazing to me that, again, I've had this experience at the Simpsons. I've had it at Saturday Night Live. I've had it at places where I worked there, and as I left, thought, this probably has a little bit of time left. You know?

I remember thinking that at the Simpsons, like, this is going great. I bet you they got a couple more years, but I think I'll step off now and get a... Or the same thing with SNL. I remember thinking, this is great. But when I got there, I get there in 88, I'm there only 13 years after it begins. Oh, yeah. And I'm looking at the wall and it's black and white photos of Ackroyd, Belushi, and it looked to me like Civil War photographs. It looked to me like the oldest... Daguerreotypes. Yes, like, oh my God, the olden times. Yeah.

Now, if someone says, hey, let's look at Conan's first year, 1988, as a writer, that is on a giant one and a half inch brick that someone has to put into a machine they don't... There was a period of time where to watch TV, you needed a...

$8,000 video deck that had more moving parts than the cars we drove to Conan, Conan Land. Conan, Conan Land. Conan Land today. But you know, this would make, I was, I went to the Joni, Joni Mitchell Jam at Hollywood. My wife Rita was

singing along with everybody. And I sat next to Fred Ormiston, you know, and Fred's a, we compared notes on how many, listen, I'm a guy who grew up in a house without any women. I know four Joni Mitchell songs. They're going to sing 32 of them tonight. I'm going to love it. It's like going to the opera. It's great. But I asked him, you know, because, no, I mean, no, I completely appreciate it. I'm an absolute fan. But I,

I asked him that question that I always get. You're trying to say like anytime somebody has retired, you know, I said, when you left the show, where did you know that it was time to leave the show or, you know, five, five months later, do you start getting cold sweats at the same time you got cold sweats? Do you start writing things? And God, God,

God bless anybody who is a really great thing. And they said, no, no, no. You know, after all my time there, it was time to move along. Because I come from that school of you do not walk away from a gig. If they are inviting you to come and be funny, make sandwiches, sharpen pencils, have an idea, I don't walk away from that gig. But I guess after a while, it devours you and you got to go along. Or did you get fired, Conan? LAUGHTER

Leno came and took my writing job at SNL. Did you get this? Oh, here's a note from Lauren. Let me open it up. Conan, thank you for all your service. We're not going to... Oh, gee. Oh, gee.

Sona, when you take a big trip with the family, and I know that you love to travel, and your kids are getting old enough now where they like to travel too. Yeah, that's true. Who looks after the house? That's the thing. Nobody. And so I've actually been toying with the idea of maybe, you know, putting my house up on Airbnb, making some extra cash, having someone there. It's like you're hosting people. Exactly. It's like you're getting paid to travel. You can use the money that you get to travel.

from putting your house up on Airbnb to help finance your trip. Exactly. And you know what? There's people there that are looking after my relics. You have a lot of... People don't know this, but Sona has a lot of ancient Greek relics. Etruscan relics. Yes, exactly. You have a lot of sculpture from the Assyrian Empire. Exactly.

Sona has billions and billions of dollars worth of ancient, ancient artifacts that have never even been looked at by archaeologists. They should all be in a museum. They really should be. Yeah. But it's nice when you're away, your home could be an Airbnb and that's something to keep in mind. So your home, aka your future Airbnb, might be worth more than you think. Find out how much at airbnb.com slash host. ♪♪

This message is brought to you by BetterHelp. I'm just going to take a second, give a shout out to some of the people. I'm going to say two people in my life who help me out a lot because they listen to me. My wife, Liza, amazing. And you, Sona. You listen to me when I'm low. Yeah. You make fun of me a little bit, but then when you see that I'm really low, you talk to me because you've known me a long time. That's true. Well, this month is all about gratitude and along with thanking,

The people say I've mentioned, it can be someone, a friend, it can be family. In my case, it's both. There's another person we don't get to thank enough and that's ourselves. Yeah. Okay.

It's something hard to remind ourselves that we're trying our best to make sense of everything in this crazy world. It's not easy. Be nice to yourself. If you're thinking of starting therapy, I think you should give BetterHelp a try. It's entirely online, designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule. You just fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a licensed therapist, and then you can switch therapists anytime for no expense.

additional charge. That's huge. Let the gratitude flow with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com slash Conan today to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash Conan.

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No, I burnt out. I burnt out. And Lauren could not have been nicer. I said, I've got to go. And that's when I went to the Simpsons. I just have to... I wish I could go back in time. People always say no regrets. I regret... Nothing but. Nothing but. I regret...

being so intense about that job. I was way too intense. And I think I robbed myself of some fun that I could have had. I did have a lot of fun, but I think I could have had more fun. And I think I could have maybe written there a little longer if I didn't make it such a grind for myself. Well, people have asked me, what is it about? And I think the creative atmosphere of that is the writer

is on the floor producing the piece. And that's not standard stuff. A guy who wrote it with great passion is over there in between sweating bullets and vomiting out of anxiety. He's telling Sting how to do a comedy bit, you know, or, you know, say, could you make, you know, but that's, I think that's a great power of it. You get to produce the thing that you wrote then and there. The thing that Lorne does that's brilliant,

that I didn't exist anywhere else. I had only worked about three years in television before that, but no one had let me near anything. You get to SNL, you write a sketch,

And Steve Martin's going to be in it. And Lauren says, well, go in and tell Steve how it should be done and what you're thinking. And then go and talk to the props people about how the restaurant should look. And I thought, I'm 26. I've never been to a restaurant. Yeah.

I don't know. And I remember Lauren once saying to me, like, what restaurant are we in here? You bought fast food, but it's sort of actually sitting down. Do you remember you did a sketch that a couple of us did called Mr. Short-Term Memory? Oh, God, yeah. And so...

we wrote the sketch, Mr. Short Term Memory, and Lorne called me in and he said, what restaurant are we in? And I said, what do you mean? And he said, are we in Orso? Are we at Elaine's? And I didn't, those are just, I don't know what those are. And I said, the worst thing you could say to Lorne, I said, it's a restaurant like in a Carol Burnett sketch. Oh,

Immediately, nine assistants took me out of the room. Lauren was immediately anesthetized. Not that she isn't a legend. I just thought, like, oh, restaurant. Like, big menu, snooty waiter. By the way, you do have to learn how to survive physically when you do the show. And the last time I did it, I told everybody who was in charge of me, particularly our wardrobe and stage manager people, I said...

I want you to understand that my goal is,

on this week's hosting duties is to take as few steps as possible. So I am going to come here and I will get dressed. And where can we get dressed next time? Because I don't have to walk all the way back here. I'm going to take as few steps. I've noticed that you were sitting in most of your sketches. I'm going to do that.

I've got to do that as much as possible. Because look, you know, it's a young man's game. And there was a time, there was a time that you just, you know, it's just balls to the walls and you just fill up every minute with activity. No, no, no. Take it easy, Tom. Just before we started the podcast,

We were chatting and you were talking about how both of us having highs and lows in our career. And I was thinking, I know what you're talking about, Tom, but no one thinks that about you. I think you have the career. Let me just...

I printed up my IMDb. Okay. Now, you notice I'm almost to 100 films here, right? Yeah. I'm getting up there, but I'm going to say— Really crinkly paper. I'm going to say—well, you know, coming out of the printer. I'm going to say, see it out all these—I'm going to say six of these are pretty damn good.

The rest of them are checkered. It's all a checkered career. Well, that's no one here is buying it. Nobody's thinking about the time when you were down and out because I don't think it exists. I don't think that's ever existed. Oh, well, okay. Uh,

First of all, everybody wakes up at 3 o'clock in the morning sometimes, splashes cold water on their face, and asks this question of the zeitgeist, what is happening to me? Why can't I rest? Why am I tormented and haunted? Yet again. That's your mattress, I think. That's what that's in. But...

Okay. Look, without a doubt, I really dig my job and I go into everything with an insane amount of enthusiasm and faith in the collaborative process. And it is the, I don't want to go overuse sports analogy, but it really is the baseball analogy. Ted Williams,

hit 400 for one season of his baseball career. And that's about the best you can do. If you're somewhere between 282 and, you know, three, something that they will, they will put you in the hall of fame. And the thing that there is nobody, nobody starts a movie and says one of these two things,

This ain't going to work. No one says that on the third day of shooting. We have made a terrible mistake. None of this is actually a thing. All these peoples that are getting paid are liars. They are in... No one says this. Nor does anybody say on the third day of shooting, we're in Clover, boys. Well, that's because it's not 1940. This thing's aces, fellas.

Hold on to your quarters, Jasper. No one says this. I was, okay, Roger Spottiswood, who is about as facile a filmmaker as I am. We

We were shooting Turner and Hooch. And this was back when I really put, you know, an import on the reports. You know, you wanted like, how's it going? Great. Oh, we saw this and it was great. And that was great. And everything's great. How about that scene? And how that was it? And Roger Spodiswood came back from looking at dailies one day at lunch. And I said, Roger is English. And I said, hey, how were the dailies? And he said, they were not half bad. Wow.

And that's all you can shoot for. How was it? Well, not, I don't know. You know, maybe I hope it'll cut. That's all, that's all you can, that's all you can hope for. And so at the end of the day, the, the thing that is now an advantage of is I talk about this sometimes with people who are as old as I am.

we got into this. Let me tell you a story about technology. Speaking of one inch VHF cassettes, the in between, in between the two years of the button bosom buds, um, uh,

The VHS machine was invented. And the first season was in 1980. And in 1981, you could go to Mad, Bad Months or, you know, something and for $4,000 buy a video cassette machine. Right. And that altered absolutely everything.

So as of episode, you know, 22 of Kip and Henry's adventures in Bosom Buddies, everything has since been rentalable and it sits there forever. So I have had countless. And now, of course, you can watch a movie any damn time you want to. I can't tell you how often I've been somewhere and someone will come up to me and say, excuse me, Mr. Hanks.

Yeah. Oh, hi. How are you? I just want to say, uh, your films have always been a great, uh, uh, uh, salvage for me. Uh, I've really, uh, enjoyed many, many times I've turned to you and, uh, I was home at one point and, uh, came across and, uh, saw a film that you made in 1993, uh, that really, really spoke to me. Uh, you played a, uh,

I was an Air Force pilot in World War II in Israel, and I had never heard of the film before. I didn't know it existed, but I really, really, really enjoyed it. And I said, oh, that movie was called Every Time We Say Goodbye. It was directed by Moshe Mizrahi, and I made it for about eight weeks in Jerusalem long before the Intifada began.

Very good, sir. And I also enjoy Toy Story very, very much. So all of, all of, you know, all of this stuff lives, all of this stuff lives. And now, now what, what happened is, is that time has become one of the metrics for,

for how these things matter right yeah in the day i mean it was just a fist fight it was a it was every movie you came out are you gonna make the playoffs or not guess what no kid you're you're you're two and twelve and you ain't going nowhere or you got a shot you used to be you had these these had these rubicons that you crossed when you came down first of all do you love it or not

That's the first thing. Hey, I read this thing. I love it. I can't get it out of my head. Yes. Okay. You have crossed the Rubicon, right? The next Rubicon you cross is when the movie is completely done a year and a half later and you see it for the first time and you might like it or it might, it doesn't matter if it works or not. You look at it and say,

Hey, I think we acquitted ourselves pretty good. That's Rubicon number two. Then the critics weigh in, Rubicon number three, and that's always up, down. We hate it. We like it. This is the worst thing. Oh, hey. Oh, hi, Tom. I saw you in a movie. Oh, did you? Yeah. It was cute. Yeah.

That's when you ask the wife, hey, honey, could you take the revolver out of the glove box and hide it somewhere? Because I think... This is Saving Private Land. I think it's cute.

And so then, but then this other thing is how it does at the BO, how it does at the box office with, with the Bonafide. Then a ton of time goes by when none of that stuff matters anymore. And the movie just exists exactly as it is outside of loser winner status, thumbs up.

Thumbs up, thumbs down. And that's when this stuff comes around. It's like this thing that didn't work back then kind of does work now. Or just the opposite. A thing that was huge back then is a museum piece and doesn't really speak to anything. That thing you do. Oh, yeah. You were disappointed when it came out and it has this whole other life now. It is. It is this cult classic. But that's an example of... Let me tell you something about these cocksuckers who write about movies. Can I say that?

Yeah. Okay, it's a podcast. My father writes about movies and his name is cocksucker. Somebody, somebody, somebody who wrote about it is that this is just, you know, Tom Hanks has to stop hanging around with veterans of TV because this is just like the shot on TV and it's not much of anything, you know. That same person then wrote about

the cult classic, that thing you do. Same exact person. It's all you need is 20 years between now and then, and it ends up speaking somewhere else. But, you know, that's the thing we all signed up for. That's, you know, that's the carnival. That's the contest. I got faith in that. You had a moment on Forrest Gump and

Of course, you're working with Robert Zemeckis. You're working with him on Forrest Gump. You're sitting there on the bench and you just thought, is anyone going to watch? That's exactly right. What did you say? Is anyone going to watch this? Is anyone going to care about this guy? We had worked so hard, so much, and we were only about 40% through with the movie. We still had a ton of stuff that we had to do.

We had shot 27 straight days in a row, which included helicopter rides to places in America where Forrest runs across the country with a beard, without a beard. We'd been all over the place.

And I'm exhausted. I'm fried. And we've got like 36 hours to shoot this stuff in Cherokee Square in Savannah. You know, I'm there dressed and we have a ton of actors that are coming because they're going to sit next to me on the bus bench. And we are trying to shoot so much.

I said, Bob, there is no way my sad little brain can learn this much dialogue because I've got a page and a page and a page and a page and a page. And that's just up to lunch. I, you know, if you think I'm going to be word perfect on this, you're out of your mind. And don't worry about it, Tom. We'll just put it on cards like it's I Love Lucy. Yeah.

And, you know, we'll slide the cameras around so you don't have to get in the bottom. And I got mine. And I got mine. And I got mine. And I got mine.

Robert Zemeckis is a ventriloquist dummy. We've worked together a lot. So I actually know, I know what that means now. I know what it means. And so we were doing it in all honesty, you know, you do it twice and then you get it down. So it goes pretty fast. And we were, we were midway through like a day. We shot all that stuff in a day, all the stuff on the thing where we're a little you on the park bench,

Iconic, yes. We shot it in a day. And at one point, you know, I'm just, you know, I'm trying to read it. I said, guys, can you make the print a little bit better just for these first couple of takes? But then I'll get it down. Don't worry about it. The other actors are coming in. Do you want to run this? Go like that. And at one point, you know, Bob is sitting there next to me. And I said, I don't know, Bob, man.

Anybody going to care about this guy dressed up in this kooky ice cream suit sitting on this bench? Saying stuff. Is it going to cut together? Is it going to matter? Is it going to make any sense? And Bob goes, well, that's the thing about making movies, Tommy.

It's a minefield. It's just a fucking minefield. We don't know if we're sowing the seeds of our own destruction or not. And that, you know, that is the truth of every single moment that you're standing in front of. Look, I made this movie that was altered, you know, and I always say in years to come, we'll be talking about a movie called Cloud Atlas. I made it with

And that was one of the most vibrant, loving, hardworking, magnificent thing. And when it came out, it was just like, oh, oh, hey, nice movie. Meanwhile, the Incredibles are, you know, you're all, we got lost in the horse race. So all you can do is show up and go there. Everybody says, how'd you do that scene? Oh, I'll show you. I showed up that day and we all went there. Is there any trick to it? Yeah, here's the trick. Go there.

And if that means you've got to put yourself through some sort of psychological hell in order to get there, go there. Now, you might know this. You show up to work and you're going to do a convivial, happy, hilarious scene, right? Everything works great. And you know what happened the day before that? Your dog got hit by it. Every tragedy has happened to you eight hours prior. Show up and just be, is it fun?

to be in love and shoot a montage where we're licking ice cream and we're holding hands and we're skipping stones and playing a beach ball and then we're dancing in a gazebo.

And it's on with the worst days of your frigging life. Right. And then other days where you got to go and you have to like go to a place that's incredibly dark and stormy and crazy. And all you did last night was laugh like crazy at the karaoke bar with the rest of the guys in the

crew and said, guys, it's two o'clock in the morning. I'd love to sing another Elvis song, but I have to weep and cry at eight o'clock in the morning. So I think I'm going to go to retirement. All you can do is go there no matter what. Because guess what? You don't know where you're stepping. It's a minefield, Conan. It's a fucking minefield.

Just think about it. You've worked with all these directors, Spielberg. More than once. More than once. But you've worked with all these iconic directors and Ron Howard and Zemeckis. And I mean, the list goes on and on and on. And Nora Ephron. Nora, yeah. Worked with her three times. Yeah.

You've gotten to a point where is it possible for you, Tom Hanks, to be intimidated by a director on the setter? But is that going to happen now? The first three days are three days of terror because it's a combination of everybody else who is there. And also just...

On the third day, you realize no matter what the movie is, you realize I should have said no. There just should have been something wrong with it. I don't know. Because here we are. Here we are. The intimidate. I will look. I've done this long enough. So I now am aware that I intimidate other people, you know, because, you know, because you show up and then somebody said, OK, I'll tell you this story. OK, here's a show business story.

We are shooting perhaps the most scary, intense, truly scary, intense, real-life scene in Captain Phillips. We are, honestly, we're overweight, old, middle-aged guys.

guys who are going to be taken over by these pirates. And we have never met the guys who play the pirates. We don't know who they are. All we know is that they are coming because the way Paul Greengrass shot that he had cameras on us and cameras on the four guys, Barkov and Abdul and Big B, Little B, all the guys.

And we have never met them. And they are firing automatic blanks, you know, machine guns. We hear all this stuff that's going on. And we don't see anything until the camera outside the bridge of the Maersk, Alabama. We see the camera backing up with the guys pulling the cable. And then four of the scariest human beings I have ever seen.

come in and they are screaming at us. They are slapping us. They are hitting us. They are pushing it down and they're holding the real guns. You know, they're holding them in our faces, screaming at us, uh,

And it was, honestly, we are all bug-eyed with some form of terror, even though we know it's a movie. That is removed because guess what? We all went there. All right? So we're all there. This initial scene went on for about 20 minutes because Bob—

Paul does this thing where he has a secondary and third cameras that don't start shooting until later on. So film is always rolling. And then one camera will go quickly reload and then join back in the scene. So this is, this is going to stay in that space. We are right there because the camera's on us and it's working. So,

Four of the skinniest, scariest looking guys, their eyes were all bloodshot. They all had this teeth. They were all built like wires. They had muscles like rope. They're dressed in rags and they're holding AK-47s on us and they're screaming at us. And it went on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on. Relatively unrehearsed. When it was finally done, Paul says, all right, all right. Okay. All right. All right. That went well. That went well. Why don't we, and while they're all like this.

And we said, if we can, what I'd like to do is just take it back and come back in. He said, okay, yeah, all right. Okay, good. And then one of the actors, Mahat was his name. Mahat says...

I can't believe I'm working with Forrest Gump. He just tried to kill you. So a countenance, right, comes along with the whole bit. And, you know, once we got that done, we were just guys making a movie. Yeah.

It was fantastic. But that's an example of, you know, there was a moment where you have to do all this suspension of the reality of, you know, what it is. And all you can do is go there. The only thing I have that's a little similar is for years, occasionally we would have a band on like Slipknot for the first time. Guys, you know, with skulls, you know, just... And they would come out or a band would come out and they were literally like blood capsules out of the mouth. Yeah.

and fierce and the song is just like you know

And then I'd come out and I'd say, we'll take a break. Death, kill, murder, baby. We'll take a break. We'll be right back. And I would always be a little intimidated because I'm in a suit. I'm the late night host. I'm the whatever, the game show host. And I'm just saying, okay, we'll take a break. And these are the guys that are from Manchester. Oh, yeah. Or whatever. We'll take a break. We'll be right back. And the person would always go, just lovely meeting you. I really enjoy...

There's just such a nice sensibility. You're like, I can't handle that!

I can't handle the psychic break. This is why so many of us go stark raving nuts. Yeah. Because that surrealistic divide between why you are there and what are you creating begins. It's too malleable after a while. And yet it starts and it finishes within the wink of an eye. You know, it's that type of thing where the massacre is over and cut.

And all the dead guys start getting up and moving around, you know, and you move on and you and you get the other shot. It's I wish we could just keep it all secret, like the Coca-Cola formula. I wish we didn't have to remember. But I I don't watch movies that I'm in because they haven't changed since I saw them. So I know how they I know how they end. Right. Right.

But every now and again, like you're blowing through the grid or something like that, and a minute comes on or a scene comes on. And what I remember is what happened just before we shot that scene. That's all that I, that's all I can recall. I look at it. I don't remember doing the scene per se, but I said, oh, it was cloudy that day. And, you know, I dropped a script in a mud puddle.

That's all. And then I had some flan. Yeah. And then it was time to go. Yeah, what did we have? Oh, you know what? Somebody made Reuben sandwiches that day. That was really great. Yeah.

Oh, I remember. Craft Service made Reuben sandwiches that day. Yeah. And I think it was Annie in the accounting department's birthday. And so we all sang happy birthday in the catering tent tour. There you go. There you go. That was that day. I want to talk about here, which I've never seen a movie like this. I really loved it. I was riveted by one thing, which is the camera. It's hard to explain. Yeah, it is. But basically... It has a cinematic technique to it that is very unique.

Is that what you could say? I love the graphic novel. And the graphic novel is, it's one shot. So you open the book and it's one shot. And then it's everything that's happening that's ever happened in that one shot. You have done our job for us. And you haven't even seen the movie. No, I love the graphic novel. And, Blake, remember, when you interject and it's a guest of this caliber, you have to submit a

a form first. That's right. I'm so sorry. And you didn't submit before. I'm sorry. I apologize. Based on your question, I'd like to say, will you shut the fuck up? That's true. That's true. Harrison Ford said the same thing. Hey, I'm a good company. I'm trying to talk to Conan. What the hell, Blake? Oh, you read the comic book, did you? Guess what? I got a question. How did you drive? Did you come down Beverly? Did you come down Beverly?

and make a right on Larchmont because that's how I got here.

Can I just say, we had Al Pacino here not long ago. Oh, wow. And he, fantastic interview. We're talking about everything. He brings up, we're talking about The Godfather and Blay leans in mid-interview and says, I read the comic book! And it startled Pacino when he said, I gotta go. And he left. Oh, wow. And they ended their interview early. Thanks, Blay. There you go. But you talk of something because I was talking to Bob. Uh,

Bob and I get together all the time. Bob Zemeckis, just so everyone's clear. All right. Robert Zemeckis, he co-wrote this and he directed it. Right, right. Yes. And I did Forrest Gump with Bob. I did The Polar Express with Bob. I did Cast Away with Bob. And I did Pinocchio with Bob. I played Geppetto. Thank you.

And while we were doing that, I would say, you know, we had seen this movie. He had talked about this movie a long time ago. We got time to talk about this stuff, right? We don't have to hurry through this. He had talked about this movie that he had seen, and he said, I guess the most amazing thing last night, I couldn't figure out how they got this shot. How did they get this shot? I said, what was the shot?

So, well, it was in the back of a Jeep and the Jeep's going down, going down this bumpy road. And all you see is the window and the cage of the Jeep and the driver in the back. And the camera is whipping around. And then the Jeep stops. The guy gets out. And I go, where did they get this? How did they do this? Where's the camera? What was the rig? How did they mount this thing? And then they open the guy over the back. And then suddenly you're in the grass and you're going through the thing. And I realized they put the camera on a dog. Okay.

The name of the movie was The Truffle Hunters. It's a great documentary. Wow, I don't know it. It's fascinating. It's about essentially the relationship between the people who hunt out truffles and the dogs that find the truffles for them. And then there's the examination of also the sociologic, the business of truffle, and also the people that do it. And a lot of the movie was shot from a standard, what we call static,

P-O-V, the camera never moves. And yet the scene will go on for eight, nine, 12 minutes. And I was talking about it because I ended up saying, I said, God, there was some stuff in there that was the most evocative movie making I've ever seen. And it was a documentary. There was no music. There was no score. It was just people behaving. And I was fascinated. I wonder, Bob, I wonder if you could do that in a feature film. And he looks at me and he says,

buddy, you should ask that, Tom. Then he has the screenplay that he wrote with Eric, Eric Roth, who did, he did Gumbo with us as well. And I said, you need to read this. And then he also handed me the graphic novel by Richard, I can't remember what his name is. Blay, you're allowed to speak. I don't know his last name.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. You idiot. I blanked out. I'm having a stroke. What did I call those people who write about movies? What word did I use? Don't make me say it again.

But then he gave me that, and honestly, I had to read the graphic novel about three times in order to figure out how it was going to translate to this thing. And then when I got it, I literally said, ow, my God, this is a deep throw, baby. ♪

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Or if you're an alien and you're in space. The camera is locked. You are looking at one point of view. Time jumps. You're going to see Tom and Robin and their characters. You're going to see them at 17. 17, yeah, yeah. 19, 20, 30, 40. Into our 80s. It is absolutely mind-blowing because it's you. It's you when I...

before I first met you, but it's you when I first met you in 1988. I see no trickery. I see no sleight of hand. It's you. Yeah. The tool that we use, everybody, you know, everybody says, what's this mean? You used AI in order to make movies. AI is evil. What is it? What's it going to make the movies? You just hang around a lot of hysterical people. It's all over!

When Tom Hanks goes to a donut shop, you want a donut? Do you want a donut? Do you want a donut?

You have this effect on people. It's you. It's my countenance that I bring it in. It's called deep fake. All it is is a movie-making tool. In the old days, and by old days, I mean 2019, before it all changed, we still had hours in the makeup trailer because we had to have wigs and hair and do things like...

Jennifer, Jennifer, I'd sit down in the chair. She says, hello. She's a very lovely lady. I said, hello, hello, Tom. Hello, how was your evening last night, Tom? And as she's asking me these questions, she's grabbing both of my ears, squeezing them, lifting them up on the side of my head and gluing them.

up higher on the top of my head as I'm going. And I said, is that going to hold? Oh, it has to, Tom. Because as you age, your ears grow larger and they fall down the side of your head. And today is the scene where you're only 22. So we have to raise your ears.

And glue them to the side of my... And by the way, it works. It stays glued. It's like... I said, you might need a staple gun there. No, no, it all works. You go and you do a data scan. And then they match it with every photograph that exists of me. And they go back and find...

As many photographs of me at the age of 17, 19, 20, 21, for my entire life. Then they jam those in using, are you ready for the scary word? When I say it, can you guys like recoil like the word? And they use AI in order to do all the work and make it happen faster.

You used to have to put a dot on your face, glue it so the computer would read it and then match it later on. Now it uses the pores of your face just to match it like that. So we would have two monitors as we were shooting. One monitor was the way we really looked. And the other monitor with just about a nanosecond's lag time was us in the deepfake technology. So on one...

On one monitor, I'm a 67-year-old man, you know, pretending he's in high school. Yeah. And on the other monitor, I'm 17 years old. That's unbelievable. So the big question would be, you talked earlier about how you're hesitant to watch your own work. This, sitting and watching this movie for you, is watching...

Yeah. At 17, 67 and everything in between. How's, have you had that experience yet? Are you prepared for that experience? I've seen just enough of it. And seeing me at that age, it has finally answered the question for me is, uh, which is no wonder I never got laid. The original title of the film.

Well, I mean, I had a lot of energy and I was loud and, you know, I could make you laugh. Well, you just describe anything. I

I've occasionally been forced to look at myself in 19 from 1990. Every day of my life was televised from 1993 up until about, and, um, I'm not happy with any of it. And I always watch it. And I look at my wife and I go, why?

Why? Well, so what we did actually have to examine this probably more than you ever do on a movie because we had to literally go right. And we had technicians that were looking at our skin and stuff like that. But we also had to look at the timing and the cadence of what it is, because there is I don't know what the actual name of it, but there is there is a factor. I can't remember what it's called. We thought that we were speaking at a very realistic time.

And then we would go watch a playback and it was as slow as molasses. It just took forever. But I would say it's like the cinematic time slip. It flows.

seems like it's fast, but it plays in real time. So that's one of the things we discovered about it that didn't make it any more fun to sit there and look at ourselves in, you know, dressed up as we were. It just occurred to me, I know that I've talked to you and you've several times where you've slipped into a

a Ron Howard impression. You've just, you've destroyed Robert Zemeckis' career. And yet he comes back for more. Is anyone who directs you, you know, is liable to be impersonated by you? Some are a little, you know, some, I guess, are a little bit more. I don't even know what a Spielberg impression would be. I don't even, I don't get a sense of him. This would be, oh, I don't care what you say.

On every movie I've done, I think I've worked with Stephen five times. Let's see, Ryan and The Terminal and Catch Me If You Can. Bridge of Spies. Bridge of Spies. Is there another one in there? I can't recall. It's a monster.

Is there another one in there? And he always does this thing. I wake up and I see, you know, Stephen used the screenplays of Stephen's movies are the most basic blueprints. They are not

they're not the Rosetta stones. They are not like set down. So it'll come and there'll be a lot of dialogue and, you know, you do this and explain this and you get there and I'll go, they said, oh man, there's an awful lot of stuff in there. I think I'd like to cut that. I'd like to cut that. And I'd like to cut that. And then I get to work and Steve would say, okay, here's the shot. We're going to start here and the camera's going to be right here. We're going to be following you and you guys will be saying all your stuff right there. I said, well, I was thinking that maybe we don't need all this. Oh, I don't care what you say.

I doubt. The last couple of gigs...

The last couple of gigs that I've had, I said, when everybody is in town, we did this on Bridge of Spies and also, mostly just on Bridge of Spies, I said, look, we'll get together with all the guys. Oh, and the Post, we did the Post together. Did the same thing with the Post. Get everybody together and we'll read through some of the scenes and I'll just explain. I said, listen, everybody, there are some days that...

that we will come to work and we will have all of this stuff memorized and we'll be hot. We will have read through it. We'll be prepared and we will get to this, uh, to the stage and Steven will have done all that work for us. We don't have to do anything except inhabit the space because Steven is telling the story from the cinematic perspective where the camera is and what he's doing. It's not going to, not even going to matter yet, but then there'll be other times, my friends, uh,

When we will show up and we'll know it all and we need to know it because we have to get there. When we shot the stuff on the Gleimacher Bridge, on Bridge of Spies, which was the real place where the spies were exchanged. Crazy. We were freezing to death. It was very, very cold. And Stephen came up to us and said, hey, I hope you guys know all your lines because I haven't the slightest idea how we're going to shoot this.

And I just turned to all the guys and said, what did I tell you? And then he's the most malleable guy. Well, what if we stand here, Steven? What if we come out here? What if he comes out? Great, great, great, great. Oh, that's a great idea because I'm not going to come. And then he's very excited about all that. I do have to let you go because. That's too bad. We're having a good time. I know. I swear to your people that I would. This is your job? No, you know what?

But no one, I stepped in shit when this thing came along. I'm the luckiest guy in the world. Can you believe that? No, I trust me. Okay, let me ask you a question. Outside of celebrities, what is the hardest amount of research you had to do before someone came in and talked for it? Where did you guys all have to get educated on what they're going to be talking about? Okay.

I will tell you this. I'm just going to guess Pacino was a bunt, I'm going to say, because, you know, I read his book. You love the Pacino, right? I read his book. But I would say the funniest part of my day today was coming in and David Hopping handing me my research on Tom Hanks. And I was like...

First of all, no one needs research on Tom. And also, you don't need like, yes, more about this Hanks. Tell me of him. Ah, yes. You know, it was a funny moment to me that I would need that. But no, there are people who I'm not as familiar with. Like somebody coming in like an astrophysicist or something like that. Oh, no, I am an astrophysicist. You're not going to work that hard.

Is that what you're saying? Well, you had Robert Carroll, but you were so versed on him anyway. I didn't really need to. I mean, you know, the thing is, I have people on that I love to talk to. It's the author, Robert Carroll, you know, the porn star, Robert Carroll. Oh, my God. Yeah. And you had to do no research. I had seen it all. For Robert Carroll, the Lyndon Johnson historian, I needed to bone up. And I do mean bone up.

All he had to do was go to that web browser history and it was all right there. His favorites tab. I mean, that tab's just always open. That's what I love about this is that I'm talking.

almost exclusively to people that I really enjoy, that I want to talk to. And so they're occasionally youngsters, up-and-comers, and I feel like I need to educate myself on what's happening with the new rock and roll. But other than that... This is Slipknot? Yeah, Slipknot. But for the most part, it's just...

uh, just a joy. I mean, this has been a joy. I, I, I have to say I've, you're not just one of my favorite actors of all time. And I think that that's true for many people, but, uh, as a person, you'd been unfailingly nice to me over the years. Um,

you have been just a mensch to me. And so has Rita, your lovely and talented wife, who's, by the way, an amazing, I mean, I enjoy watching her perform

She's fantastic. She just had a, she had dropped a new, dropped a new record as the kids said, just last Friday. All the time. I mean, you know, I, I've actually seen her live, but she's recording with these incredible people. She did a, she did a bunch of duets from the seventies with Eric, excuse me, with Elvis Costello and Tim McGraw and, and,

Jackson Brown. Yeah. Oh, and Smokey Robinson. No, she blows me away. What I love is that I love going on stuff with her jobs, you know, because I don't work, man. Yeah. The most that is expected of me is to carry her lip gloss. Yeah.

You know, I'm not working. Just honey, do you need your lip gloss? That's about all I, that's all about. I have to do. Then I get free tickets to the show. It's pretty great. Well, uh, when I heard you were coming in today, I was over the moon and, uh, I really did enjoy here. And I think you guys would love it. And, uh,

and you'll watch it on a real screen. Yes. Yeah. Okay. So this is a problem. This is like striking terror into the hearts of anybody connected with marketing, you know, with a studio or even my crack publicity teams. Essentially, the ladies who work for me part-time that are outside right now. The idea that this is playing only in theaters is,

And you really do need, it's best to watch it on the biggest screen possible because there is so much stuff going on screen. It's like, oh my God, this is the worst thing. How are we going to do that? I say, I believe people understand how movies work. No, but you don't understand. The whole zeitgeist has changed. We don't have what social significance and motion pictures have anymore. Do they go to, I hope they go to Alamo Drafthouse. I hope this place is Alamo Drafthouse. You know, it's like, oh.

All you have to do is put out there that you're playing only in theaters and let's see what happens. We'll go on from there. But this is what we do down at the office. And it was literally, we should do, I, this, this is all we do. I mean, every show business atmosphere I'm in, we sit around like we're on a podcast and say this story, that story, what's the main, how that happened, do that. That's essentially how we work in show business. And it's been that way since I was in high school, you know, you, I, I can attest to this.

having met you all those years ago and watched you work up close, you bring an energy and a, hey, we're all in this. We all have to make this work. That is not common. Not everybody does that. And some people have walls and insecurities and you have always been someone that

and I saw it in 1988. I've seen it when all the times that you would come on my show over the years, all the times I've interacted with you. Hey, we all have to do this thing. Let's all pitch in and make it work. And that's a beautiful quality to have. It really is. And it's rare. Oh, well, it was best said to me by Darlene Love, right? Darlene Love. We all know Darlene Love from all the other records. I was on the Letterman show. Okay.

for the Christmas show. Every year she would come on and sing It's Christmas, that fabulous, fabulous, fabulous song. And I was there and it's like, oh, you can go into hair and makeup as soon as Darlene Love is here. Darlene Love is here? You know, it's like, oh my God. What am I going to say? I got to go meet Darlene Love. And so I went in and she was sitting there and said, oh,

Oh, hi. Hi, Ms. Love. Well, hello, Tom. So nice to meet you. My goodness. It's just so fantastic. And thank you for your records from the get-go, all the stuff that you have done. And I reeled off some of her stuff that she presented. And just the fact that you are still here sharing your voice and your gift with us. Your spot on this show singing this song is one of the highlights of my year. So I'm just so glad that you're

here. And she said, oh, honey, I'm just here for the hang. Laughter Laughter

And ain't that a thing? Yeah. You know? I get that. Yeah. Yeah. It's here for the hang. So thanks for hanging, guys. That was great. You know what? You're welcome, Tom. You really owe us one. So here, I'll say, okay, so hi, my name is Tom Hanks, and I feel cuckoo about being Conan O'Brien. No, no. My name is Tom Hanks, and I feel joyful about being Conan O'Brien's friend. Is that good? Yeah.

Yeah. Okay, one more time. Hi. Hi. My name is Tom Hanks, and I feel competitive about being Conan O'Brien's friend. You're not competing against many people, trust me. God bless you, sir. Great. Thanks, guys. Great fun. Wow.

Take it away, Jimmy. Take it away, Jimmy.

Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair and our associate talent producer is Jennifer Samples. Engineering and mixing by Eduardo Perez and Brendan Burns. Additional production support by Mars Melnick. Talent booking by Paula Davis, Gina Batista and Brit Kahn.

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