Mary Elizabeth Ellis, Greg Hess, Madeline Walter
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mind your business sally i'm washing the dog

Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang. Hmm. Mind your business, Sally. I'm washing the dog. Not bad. Easy to say. This might be the permanent catchphrase. It's from Raw Audio Radio Rodeo. No, that's too hard to say.

Sorry, Raw Audio Radio Rodeo. Your username is too hard to say. Unfortunately, I can't credit you every single episode. The hunt continues for a new catchphrase submission. I'm sorry. That was a good attempt, though. Maybe if you change your username, I'll go back to it. I can barely say go back to it. Welcome to Comedy Pangpang for another week. A special Thanksgiving week edition. This is the time when we gather friends and family close to our hearths.

And our hearts, and we gather them near to us and dear to us. And this episode is no exception. We have three... Look, I've said it before. I'll say it again. Hopefully, stars are back on Comedy Bang Bang. And we have three huge stars on the show. Today, we have an actress. We have a folk singer. We also have a world-famous author. This is an incredible show. If...

If you're going to listen to one episode of Comedy Bang Bang this year, make it this one and then, you know, consider listening to more. We have like 850 other episodes. You can always go back. Anyway, let's get to our first guest. She is a wonderful actress. You've seen her on your screens over the years. Anytime she's on, you've nodded in approval and said, yes, I like this show because she's in it.

So many shows. Why even name any of them? Let's not. You know? Yeah. You have two new shows. I'll name those. But the old ones, those are in the past. I'm not even going to talk on this. Yeah. Yeah. Don't even talk on this. Yeah. That's a good idea. Don't say my name. Don't say anything I've done. People know. No, let's talk about the new stuff, though. She's in a new television show. It's on Netflix. It's on Netflix.

It's a Ted Danson top liner called a man or the man on the inside. Amen on the inside. Amen. Amen. Just any man on the inside. Amen. Not amen. Remember Sherman Hemsley show? Amen. No. Hmm.

She also was in the movie Red One, which is about a jacked Santa Claus. Why wasn't it called Jacked Santa? Oh, that's is it too late? I bet they could change all the posters. I mean, look, if they changed Edge of Tomorrow to Live, Die, Repeat. I'd watch it when it came out on video. Why not? Yeah, maybe that's your new catchphrase. Jacked Santa. We've heard of Bad Santa. What about Jacked Santa? She's in both of these things. They're out now.

Please welcome, for the first time, joining the exclusive one-timers club, Mary Elizabeth Ellis. Hi. Hi. I feel like I did this but a long time ago. Weren't you on the television show? I was.

I was an old man. You were an old man? Yeah, I became an old man. I don't remember that. Why? I don't know. I thought you were in a boardroom. Maybe you had more than one part? I think I had more than one part. I think we were beautiful daughters and then old men. We all had beards on. Oh, you were in the Thanksgiving episode. Yes, yes, yes. Oh, and I'm back for Thanksgiving. I only come for Thanksgiving. Yes, that's right. You had two parts.

You were in the boardroom first, and then you were in our King Lear Thanksgiving episode. Yes. That's right. Let me look up in the wiki. Have you ever been on the show before? Oh, episode 389. Back in... It's like 500 episodes ago. Back in...

Back in 2015, nine years ago. That was a long time ago. Not quite as long as Jim O'Hare, who just entered the Two Timers Club after 10 years. You are entering the Two Timers Club after nine years. Thank you for finally having me back. I finally paid off my debts from the things I broke last time. Yeah. Ready to break some more shit. As we explained to Jim, it means your career is on the downturn if you're back more than once. Let me tell you who's in the One Timers Club. Ben Stiller. Heard of him. Childish Gambino. Paul Rudd.

All right. So I should have said no. Yeah. Okay. Damn it. And definitely don't come back for three. Is it too late? It might not be too late. You could just turn around and walk away. Although, you know what? I've recorded...

The ones and zeros already. I'm in there. Yeah, you're in there. Anyway, welcome back. Thank you. So wonderful to have you. Happy to be here. Tell me about Jack Santa. Why? How much can he bench? Is this dealt with in the trailer? How much he can? Is he benching reindeer? What is happening? I don't know if it's in the trailer, but there is definitely some benching in there. There's a pretty funny joke where he's benching a lot and then he's like, let's go heavy.

Oh, okay. Yeah. And we're like, what? Because that was already so much. That was already so heavy, but then he puts on more. Yeah, and then he puts on more. Okay. And is he benching presents? Is he? No, just weights. This is just weights? Yeah, with. Are they candy canes? The Rock. No, they really missed. They should have leaned into that. Yeah, it should be like weights, I understand. Like weights are heavy. Sure. Heavier than Oreo cookies or whatever. Yeah. But like in the middle, make it a candy cane. I agree. Connecting them? Also, maybe not too late. Yeah.

It could be. Let's call Jake Kasdan. Let's just paint some stripes on this thing. Look, I think they did enough post work on this. I don't think he's taking any notes anymore.

This, of course, is called Red One. It stars The Rock. It stars one of the Chris's. I couldn't tell you who. The Evans one. Evans. And it also has not that notorious turf, J.K. Rowling. No, we're talking J.K. Simmons. The good J.K. The good J.K. Yes. Bonnie Hunt. Bonnie Hunt. Lucy Liu. Lucy Liu. Nick Kroll. From that Destiny's Child song.

She's going to pay your bills? She's name-checked in... They go, Lucy Liu. Oh. And then they start singing. You know what? When you said it, I remembered. It's one of my favorite lyrics. Lucy Liu? Lucy Liu. She can pay your bills. She can pay your telephone bills. I doubt it's that song. But I believe it was from the Charlie's Angels soundtrack, which is why she's mentioned. Got it. There's not a lot of paying telephone bills in the movie Charlie's Angels. Yeah.

No, or in Red One. So again, a miss. Although wouldn't it be great if there were a scene where I presume it stars some North American family where they're like, we can't pay our telephone bill. You know who could? Santa. But he's been kidnapped. Really? By Kiernan Shipka. That's what happens in this movie. And who do you play? Are you an elf? Are you? I'm not. I'm Chris Evans's baby mama.

Okay. Mama of Wesley Kimmel, Jimmy Kimmel's nephew. Okay. Nepo baby. Interesting. Self-proclaimed. Never heard of him and suddenly he's in a movie. All of a sudden. One more movie than me. Biggest Christmas movie of all time. According to who now? Of all time. Of all time. Oh, okay. I'm not going to argue. Yeah, yeah, because I said it three times. So you have a baby. What other role does this woman play in life? I'm an OBGYN and I'm busy at work and I just need Chris.

Evans' character to show up and help me take care of our kid. You know, Jack, Jack O'Malley. Does he have a job or is he? He's a. Jack O'Malley, by the way, is too close for a Christmas movie, too close to Jack O'Lantern. Jack O'Claws, you think they should have gone? Yeah. Okay. Maybe get rid of the O too. That's probably what's leading me down the belt. Just Jack O anything other than wacko Jack O, of course, Michael Jackson. Jack McMalley? Yeah.

Okay, yeah, I'll take it. Jackie McMally. Okay. I have a list. You have a list for Jake. Yeah, for Kasdan, yeah.

And so you need him to watch the kid. Meanwhile, what hijinks is he? Yeah. I need him to step up and be a good dad, but he's the wolf. He's. I don't know what that means. Yeah. Well, you might have to watch the movie to see. Just so I can find out why he's the wolf. Yeah. Also kind of a Halloween reference. What do you say? Wolf man. Yeah. And wacko. Wacko Jacko. Jacko. Yeah. Michael Jackson. Yeah. Was in the thriller video with zombies. Yeah. It's all coming together. Well,

What if there was a CGI Michael Jackson in this film? Like you went to the premiere, this wasn't in the script or anything. And then suddenly you watch it and it's like there's a Jar Jar Binks style CGI character and it's just wacko jacko. Would that be a surprise to you? It would. I'd be upset, I think. Yeah. Yeah. Children's movie. Yeah. What are we doing? What's he doing in there? Yeah. Why did we do this? Why did he get paid more than I did? Exactly. But you know what the good news is? It didn't happen.

Thank God. And for that, we can be grateful. Hashtag gratitude list. Hashtag Thanksgiving. So Red One is out there in theaters right now tearing up the screens. But then you also decided to turn your attention to the smaller screen. I did. And you're in the television show. It's on Netflix right now. Eight episodes called A Man on the Inside. I've seen now five of these eight episodes. You have? Just to prepare.

For this. That's very kind of you. And do you want to. Don't care for it. And I, too, have some notes. No, it's this is, of course, Mike Schur joint. And we know him from such shows as Parks and Rec, The Good Place, etc.,

And it's a very intriguing premise. Do you want to explain it or should I? I mean, you know, it's your show. I lived it. So if you want to tell the people and I can chime in. Well, there's this guy. He's pretty cool. It's not Michael Jackson. No.

Although he has like a certain air about it. Like if he were to start singing and doing a moonwalk, you wouldn't be incredibly surprised. Yeah, if he threw in a weehoo. Was that one of his famous ad libs, weehoo? Yeah.

I know, Shamone. Shamone. I don't believe I've ever heard Weehoo. Oh, I feel like it would sound good coming out of Ted Danson. Yes. Well, we're burying the lead here. Ted Danson is the star of this thing. Don't say burying Ted Danson. No, please. We don't even want to put those in the same sentence. We come to praise him, not to bury him, as the immortal bard once said. Oh.

Wacko Jacko? Yes. Okay. This stars Ted Danson. He plays a retiree who is a recent widower who, in order to...

Sort of shake off the doldrums of his life and do something. His daughter, who we'll talk about in a second, gives him some advice to join a club or do something interesting with his life. What he does is he answers an ad in the paper from a private investigator looking for help.

And he becomes a man on the inside, the titular man on the inside, infiltrates a retirement community in order to solve a crime. Yes. Does that about sum it up? I feel like you did a great job. And I think one of the things that is so cool about this show is that it's based on a documentary.

Most shows should be based on this documentary. I agree. On this specific documentary. This particular one, yeah. There's a lot of ways in. Little facets. Yeah. Yeah. But this one was the first. Yeah. The Mole Agent is what it's called. So, yeah, we could see some cartoons that are like moles that are agents. Yeah. I mean, they did with the Pink Panther, which was about a diamond, and suddenly there's some cartoon panther running around. Yeah. And da-dun-da-dun-da-dun. Exactly. Da-dun-da-dun-da-dun. Yeah. Yeah.

Dead Ants song. Dead Ants song. Now you play, it will come as no surprise to our listeners, the daughter of Ted Danson. No one's surprised. No one is surprised. When people look at me, they're like, I can see that. She looks like Ted Danson's daughter. Yeah. Yeah. I can see like he and Shelley Long, you know, got busy in the back store room. Oh my God. Cheers. Thank you so much. And made me? Yes. That's delightful.

You are the spiritual heir to those two cheer stars, I feel like, with your whole style. Incredible. Thank you. I will take that. Of course. I've always said that. With deep gratitude. You play the daughter of Ted Danson, and at first...

Well, first of all, we should mention Eugene Cordero, whom people know. Eugene's amazing. He's incredible. You have three boys together. We do. Was that for real or was that? Yeah, yeah. We had Eugene and I have been making children for years in hopes that someone might cast all five of us together.

And it hadn't paid off until this year. And it was about to get weird. We were about to have to tell our spouses, but luckily the show popped in and saved us all. It's all worth it. And at first you are merely a spectator to the events, but then you become participatory and...

the events, you become part of the investigation yourself. I do. And then I freak out a little. It's gone too far. It's a little scary. I wanted my dad to get out there in the world, but not like this. Not like this. Not like this. But then eventually you come around to it. Come back around. Now, I've only seen five. I can only assume that...

Something happens to him, like he retires in episode seven, and then you become the star in episode eight. I mean, notes from Mike Schur. We're going to send it in. I am excited for you to see six. Six is a good, big episode for moi. Oh, boy. Because three already was big for you. It was. And now six is on the horizon for me. Yeah. The good news is people...

me crying, mister. The good news is people can see every single episode right now. Netflix, should we explain this to the listener? They do a binge model. You should explain what Netflix is first. First of all, it was a DVD rental business that would, instead of you going to the store, they would mail the DVDs

To you, which honestly was not as convenient because you're near the store and Netflix was so far away. It would take days and days. You're probably going to lose a couple. Yeah. I remember I owed them, I think, $150. Like Columbia House. Just to rent Red Rock West starring Nicolas Cage that I kept for years. There's a Donnie Darko somewhere in my house. Yeah. I don't know where. This is a new subject, right? There's a Donnie Darko in your house? Yeah. Yeah.

And I'm very afraid. And that's what I came here to talk about. Oh, okay, great. But then they moved over into, I don't even know how to, how do you describe streaming? I would call it streaming. I don't know what other people would call it. Sounds dirty. I don't like it. Yeah, but it's like there's a river of information and they're just a stream. Yeah, the ones and zeros are delivered to your device and then they decode them. Mm-hmm.

And make images out of them. And turn them into Ted Danson. This sounds ridiculous when you say it, right? It does. It's like, is this a simulation or a dream or something like that? When you say stuff that happens out loud, it doesn't seem like it makes sense, right? It doesn't make sense. But it's best to not really look too deep. Just watch Ted Danson. That's a good point. Yeah, he's so sweet and cute. He's so sweet and cute. What was it like working with Ted Danson? He's obviously had such a career from Creepshow to this. Ha ha ha.

A lot of Creepshow questions. And by the way, one of our upcoming guests will talk to them about Creepshow a lot. But anyway, go ahead. Oh, a teaser. Yeah, that's right. Is Creepshow the one where he got buried in the sand? He did. Because his daughter, Katrina, was there helping him learn his lines because this man is almost 80 years old and had a lot of...

A lot of lines. Did he name her Katrina because of Katrina and the waves and he got buried on the beach up to his neck in Creepshow? I don't think so. Only because she was saying how much that fucked her up as a child watching her father be slowly drowned in the ocean. Meaning she watched the movie or they literally drowned him? They literally drowned him.

They literally drown him. Oh, wow. I'm working with his ghost. And he has a lot of information from the other side. He's had a great career for a ghost, honestly. Truly. After Creepshow, he did all of Cheers. Yeah. He did that show with Zach Galifianakis and Jason Schwartzman, of course, from HBO. No one can remember its name, but we all loved it. Mm-hmm. Bored to death. Bored to death. I did it. That's right. As I used to say to Zach, is that the story of me watching your show?

He would laugh and laugh and laugh. And cry. That's right. He would cry at home and think I was very mean to him. But what was it like working with him? He had so many lines. He had so many lines. He is...

The consummate professional. That's a way to say that, right? Consummate. I use the word correctly. It depends on what you're trying to say. Like a bouillon cube of professionalism. Was that it? Sure. Okay. And he's so lovely and fun and funny and self-deprecating and smart and comes to work so prepared and also so ready to play. And it was incredible. It was incredible to work with that many actors who have been around forever and ever. Sally Struthers,

Margaret, John Goetz, Stephen McKinley. You don't have to name everybody. Too many names. But Sally Struthers, she's the one with all the dead dogs and everything on the TV, right? She was helping the children. Oh, she was helping the children. Are they okay now? Yes.

Oh, great. Yeah. Yeah. They're all good. I think. Yeah. Totally. Totally good. Yeah. Well, Sally did it. Well, I mean, I gave I did my part. Did you or did you accidentally give to the dogs? Because it seems like I might have given to to Sarah McLaughlin's dogs. Yeah. Oh, no. Oh, well. Oh, well. All the dogs are good, too, though. Dogs are good, too. Yeah. That's the good thing is, is if if

You can cure so many problems if you just put your mind to it. Yeah. Everything's good. Everything's good in the world. Hashtag Thanksgiving episode. Hashtag November. Everything's good. Everything's good. It's a great show as far as I can tell. I've only seen five episodes. I don't know how it sticks the landing, but... You let me know. I will definitely let you know.

Thanks for watching it. Of course. Yeah, man. On the inside, it's got that old Mike Schur goodness to it. It's just got that rhythm of stuff he puts together. It does. He's magical. Yeah. Do you mean for real? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Really? Yeah. This is huge. Yeah. What powers does he have? He's Santa Claus. He's Santa Claus? I think so.

Oh, my God. I remember once when I was a little boy. Yeah. I went downstairs in the middle of the night. Mike sure was kissing your mom under the mistletoe. More than kissing. Whoa. He got to third base. Oh, that's nice of your mom. Yeah, it was. I bet you got some extra presents. It was really nice of her. Yeah, it's hard to be a parent. And, you know, you do anything for your kids. Sure.

It's a wonderful story. Well, it's a great show. And by all accounts, Red One is a holiday delight. And children of all ages from 9 to 99 are enjoying this movie. Yeah. And although if you're 99, why are you watching movies? Yeah. Go to heaven. Yeah. Just get to heaven already. Yeah.

It's a nice way to say it. Go to heaven. Just go to heaven. We don't need you anymore. We have to take a break, but this is a very exciting show. We have a folk singer here. Do you like music? Love. Especially folk music. What's your favorite note? C sharp. It's a good one. Yeah. It's pointy, but reminds me of citrus. Yeah. It's like a sharp orange. Yeah, exactly. I like D flat.

Do you want to explain why? It's, you know, it's citrusy. Oh, interesting. Now that I think of it, it might be C-sharp as well. Yeah, it's a sharp orange. We also have an author and we'll describe that Creepshow connection. Very exciting. Very exciting. We're going to take a break. When we come back...

Mary Elizabeth Ellis is going to just fully immerse herself in the two-timers club and really just dig in and luxuriate in it. Yeah. We're going to get comfortable here. I love it. And pop this top off, listen to some folk music.

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Comedy Bang Bang, we're back. Mary Elizabeth Ellis is here. A Man on the Inside is the Netflix television program, and it's doing pretty well from what I can tell, right? People seem to like it. Yeah. Yeah, people are crying, people are laughing. Why are people crying? Because it does deal with aging, and it does deal with dementia, which I think a lot of people have a relationship with. Oh, thank God you said a relationship with. Whether they remember it or not. Ha ha ha ha.

Well, let's get to our next guest. He is returning to the show. He's been on a few times before. He's a folk artist. He was a contemporary of

I believe all those wonderful folk artists from the 60s, Bob Dylan, the other ones. Please welcome back to the show, Glenn Plappinger. Hi there, Scott. It's so nice to be back on the program. It's so nice to see your guests. Yeah, so wonderful to have you. Yes, thank you. Yeah, this is Mary Elizabeth. Hi, Mary Elizabeth. It's a pleasure. An honor and a pleasure. Have you watched any of...

Mary Elizabeth's previous appearances on the silver screen or on the smaller screen? Well, Scott, I've had to take a break from all media. All media? I'm taking a media fast. You're raw-dogging media? I'm...

Yes, I am. And, you know, and I apologize. I haven't seen Mary Ellen's previous work, but Mary Elizabeth. And but I'm sure I'm sure it's all grand and all great. It's all great. I think the last movie I saw was was probably Tootsie.

Tootsie. And was that a recent watch or was that back when it actually came out? What year did that come out? 1980, I want to say four. You know what? I probably saw it right around then. Really? In the drive-in movie theater, Scott. That was how we used to see films. Well, it was an option. It's not how everyone would see films. Oh, really?

It was one option out of maybe two options. You could either do the drive-in or... I always did the drive-in because I was rambling and rolling all around this great country of ours, and I would drive in, see a movie, and then I'd hit the road again. That's right. So you haven't seen anything since then. Why are you on a media blackout? Well, Scott, as you know, this country is going through quite a change right now, and

And the winds of change are blowing all around. And I just decided that the media, the mainstream media, just doesn't get it right. Do they, Scott? I don't know about that. So you haven't seen a movie since 84 because things are changing right now? Right, exactly. And so I wanted to make sure that alternate forms of media were reaching. So when I say a media fast, I only, well, I still listen to Rogan and then any other thing. Well, yeah.

Of course. Any other thing, I've pretty much tuned out. All I need is that. Okay. Well, that's incredible. And, Emmy, are you a fan of Mr. Plappinger's

Are you aware of his music at all? Oh, yeah. Oh, 100%. Yeah. Yeah. Well, just because my parents used to listen to it all the time in our one-panel station. And are they still with us? Yes. Yes. Oh, great. Yeah. And are they still together? They are. Oh, they are. Yeah. Most of my fans aren't. Oh, that's great.

That's so funny. Many of your fans are divorcees. Yes, they are. I hit hard with the separated crowd. Well, that's 50% of the people in the world with marriages. That is true. 51% are women. 50% are divorced. Interesting. So you've been on the show before singing your song. Yes. What's going on with you lately? Well, Scott, as I said, I've been rolling around and I've been rolling around in something that I'm very excited about, a cyber truck.

You own a Cybertruck? I bought a... I was... I put a deposit down five years ago. And it's... How much was this deposit? Well, the deposit was $10,000, Scott. And I didn't have the money at the time, but I saw that little triangle. I saw that triangle drawing that Elon posted on TwitterX now. And I thought... The Everything app. Yeah.

app. Yep. The everything app. And I thought I need to own one of those because how else am I going to get the, the good stories that I like to sing about out to the people? You drive around the country. I drive around in a beautiful brand new cyber truck, Scott. Have you gotten it wrapped at all? Oh, I've gotten it. Yes, I've got it wrapped. I play, I play rap in it. I like Danny Brown, but.

But I also like, but I've gotten it wrapped. All my sponsors there, you know, I've got Gunt Muscle Balm is one of my sponsors. Gunt Muscle Balm?

What is Gunt? I haven't heard of this product. It's a topical muscle balm that you can put on. I found out about it on Rogan and I reached out to them and said, would you wrap my truck? And they said, yes. So they don't sponsor you? They just wrapped your truck? They wrapped my truck and I'm off preaching the good word of Gunt to America. But you're not getting paid for this. Can you get paid for that? That's why people do it. Oh, is it? Yeah. Oh, I have to look into that. Hmm.

But, yep, just rolling around in my Cybertruck. I might even have a Cybertruck tune if you'd like to hear it. I'd love to hear a Cybertruck tune, yeah, if you have one. Rolling around in my Cybertruck out on the road Where I'm going next, oh, nobody knows Not really a rhyme.

But if you're in the road and I'm talking about you protesters, I'll run you right over, you're all molesters.

No more protest songs if you're protesting in the road. I'll run you right over as the legend often told. That's a little tune. And it just ends? Oh, I just, well, I stopped because I knew you'd cut me off, Scott. You can see why my parents loved this. Of course. I just, I think one of the biggest problems right now, Scott, are these protesters going out in the road and I had to get a car that could go through them.

Okay. I mean, to be honest, I've maybe once or twice in my life seen a protest on the road. Oh, really? Well, not in the places I go, Scott. As soon as I got my Cybertruck, I drove right up to San Francisco and I went looking for a protest. Okay. Did you want to go to San Francisco other than the protest? I don't like San Francisco, never have. The last time I was there was actually when I saw Tootsie at the drive-in. That's where I saw it.

They have drive-ins in San Francisco? The Embarcadero drive-in. That's where I saw it. It seems like space has had a premium in San Francisco. And Tootsie was one. I mean, that was the movie everybody's going crazy for in San Francisco because it's all about men dressing as women. Yeah. That and Madame Doubtfire. Those are the two movies that they love up there. Or Mrs. Doubtfire as it was renamed. Of course, in England. Yes. I don't know. I'm not... That's...

It's not really one of your best songs as far as I'm concerned. Yeah, it wasn't. And I sort of jammed it in there because... What do you mean? Well, I...

What do you mean? What do you mean? I jammed it in there? Yeah. Well, I realized, like, if I'm talking about a Cybertruck this much, I should have a song about a Cybertruck. And then I realized I actually don't have a song about a Cybertruck. So I just kind of made that one up. Okay. You could not talk about the Cybertruck as much. Well, I need sponsors. That would solve all the problems. I need sponsors. And this is what, that's why I come on this program. So you come on this show in order to get sponsors. I come on this show looking for sponsors because, Scott, nobody really supports folk music anymore, do they? No, I, it's not very popular. It's not. It's not.

And the only type of people that are supporting my kind of folk music these days are the people who are really down with the message of America and what we're trying to get across. Okay. I don't know if this is the message. Yeah. I mean, Joni Mitchell just sold out the Hollywood book. Yeah. I figured you would say such. Oh, I know. I've met Joni Mitchell. Is that a band?

Black is a band. I enjoy them. They were a really nasty band out of San Diego in the 80s. You like a lot of towns that start with San. That's right. I go to all the same. If there's a saint in front, I'll go there. But usually I don't like it. And yes, Scott. Yeah. Joni Mitchell. I mean, I was one of a long list of Joni Mitchell's. She would call us lovers. I would call us enemies. Yeah.

Who's right? I mean... Well, I was right in there between Stevens, of which she dated, Stevens Stills and Jackson Browne. You were in between? Yes, I was in between. How many days did you... How many days did we watch, Scott? What's the most polite way to say this? Bone down. Oh, okay, that's better. No, I think it's bone down. Yeah. How many days did we bone down? Well, I have a song about that. Oh. All right. Yeah, let's hear it. ♪

40 days and 40 nights we're up in the canyon. Joni, Steven, Jackson and me doing what lovers do.

Every now and then I would roll over and say, what you doing? And Jackson would look back at me and say, I'm here with you. 40 days and 40 nights, that's how long we did it. 40 days and 40 nights, just like Noah on the ark.

And the song stops. Well, were you going to interrupt me, Scott? Do you want me to interrupt you? Do you remember the last time, Scott, I was kind of... Sure, I was giving you a little more rope. I know, to hang myself with. Ha ha ha!

So you realize your songs are bad. Well, the song don't matter, Scott, if you really think about it. Good songs, bad songs, they're all the same. Okay, when you said that you dated Joni in between Stephen Stills and Jackson Browne. I was literally in between the three of them in bed. It was all four of us up in the canyon. It was just three on one action.

And were there, you were, there were two. Well, she would say one on three. Two of each kind? Two of each kind on this ark? Were you? Two of each kind. Two by two? Oh, absolute. Two of each kind on the ark. Have you ever thought about that? He put on two, two of every kind. Two dachshunds. Two English bulldogs. I think he probably just put on two dogs. Well, two golden retrievers. Think about how many different dogs there are, Scott. I mean, that is a lot of dogs. Just going through the dogs and you've got two of every kind?

That's a good point. I think he stuck to the main ones. And do you think they called them Yorkshire Terriers back then? Maybe. Or just Terriers? They could have been called Terriers, but don't you think they were all going, what's Yorkshire? It doesn't exist yet. It doesn't. Why don't you write songs about this kind of stuff? Or do stand-up.

Well, I do write songs about that. I write songs about everything, Scott, because isn't the American experience all about diversity? It's about diversity of experience. Thank you for acknowledging this. It's a melting pot. Yeah. I know, and I've always hated that metaphor. Haven't you? Why? A melting pot? Well, you melt everything down and it all tastes the same. And I think if you use one ingredient right at the beginning, you don't have to melt anything down. Just make it chicken soup. Put chicken in it.

But most recipes have more than one ingredient. I know, but that's got the metaphor. You're describing chicken stock, basically, just like putting chicken in a... Well, I don't cook. But the only thing... Then why are you using this metaphor if you don't even know what I'm talking about? Well, I'm on my Cybertruck. You know, the one thing about the Cybertruck, Scott, you got a little heater inside. You can put a can of beans on it, just like a Rambler and a Rover will do. And I'll put a can of beans... There's a heater in the Cybertruck? The cup holder heats up and can cook soup. Why? Anyway...

In case you need to, Scott, that's the whole point of the Cybertruck. I have never been in my car needing soup that bad. Well, the Cybertruck answers a question that's never been asked. That's the whole point of it. Good point. Could a car be a triangle? Yes. Could you heat up soup, a can of beans in the cup holder? Absolutely. Do you have another song for us? Sure. What do you want to hear a song about, Scott? I told you I've got a million and one songs. Ah.

I mean, you know, I guess...

I got songs about the police and how they're great. I got a song about how the unions and how they're bad. I've got a song about how the votes shouldn't be counted unless they're good votes and good and proper. I've got songs about how Jesus Christ is coming back any day now. I've got a song about how Jesus Christ came back a couple weeks ago and nobody noticed. What happened? I do want to hear this one. Which one? The one about Jesus Christ coming back two weeks ago and nobody noticed? Yeah, that we didn't notice. Thank you.

I was outside of the general store

Looking around when a fella, he came up to me in a cloak of brown. Cloak. A cloak of brown, a cloak of brown. He came up. What? What's going on? If I had a lyric as clunky as a cloak of brown, I wouldn't point to it. That's what he was repeating over and over again. Look, I don't know what the Messiah is going to wear, but I bet it's not a tuxedo.

Although it would be very gentlemanly of him. Now you're interrupting me. You interrupted at the wrong place. When do you want? Just give me a nod when you want me to interrupt you. All right. Okay. All right. Go ahead. A fella, a fella, he came up to me in a cloak of brown. He said, what's going on? I don't know what's up.

I said, hey there. What's got boring conversation you're having with? You don't know who he is yet.

If I hadn't told you, you wouldn't know that this is Jesus Christ Came Back Two Weeks. So wait, if I'm just listening to the song without knowing it's about Jesus Christ Came Back, now I'm just listening to a song about you seeing a guy in a cloak of brown and you're saying, hey, what's up? Well, the song title, if you looked at the record, Scott, is called He Came Back Two Weeks Ago and He is Capitalized.

And you're probably going, I bet that he's the Messiah. And this record just came out today, I'm presuming, because this happened two weeks ago. This record came out a week ago, and it is on Gunt Muscle Bomb's new pressing that I've done with Gunt Muscle Bomb. Would you stop interrupting? Do you want to start from the beginning? No, okay. If you can, sure. Sure, I'll start. If you can remember everything. Oh, I can remember word for word, Scott. I worked on this song for years.

I was outside of the general store I was looking around An old fella he came up to me in a cloak of brown Cloak of brown, cloak of brown What's he doing? I said, "Hey there fella"

You know, I don't remember how I sang it. Yeah, I can tell. You did pretty well. Okay, yeah. You got to get into the, hey man, what's up? Okay, there we go. Hey there, what's going on? He said, I've been gone for a thousand years. That's right, I've been dead. Gone two thousand. Was there like a...

I'm Mormon, Scott. You came back a thousand years ago. I had no idea you were Mormon. Well, I'm a recent convert. It's probably since the last time I got on here. Okay. Something about Mormonism. Why did you interrupt me there, Scott? Because that's right where it gets good. You nodded me next time, and that's when I interrupted. Okay, here we go. I've been gone for a thousand years. What's all this here? I said, hey, you look familiar. Do I know you from a band?

He said, oh no, fella, look at these dots on my old hands. The dots, they look like nail holes. And I said, that's quite odd. I knew another fella that had those very same holes. Stop it.

He said, yes, I think you know who the hell I am. I said, I thought I knew until you said the word right there.

He said, what word? I said, hell, the guy I'm thinking of wouldn't say that. He said, oh, I can say anything I want because I'm the guy that's dead. So I said, Jesus, what the heck? I'll guess who you are. He said, that's exactly who I am. I said, you've gone too far.

That's the nod? No, no, no. I mean, you really clearly gave me a big nod. I did? It seemed like it. Oh, that was a knowing nod like, now you know, right, Scott? Okay, continue. Okay.

This old fella here, he said, I'm the Jesus Christ. I said, are you the one I know, the one that's mighty nice? Okay, I gotta stop. What, Scott? This conversation, you keep going over the same subject matter over and over. Scott, the subject matter is that Jesus Christ came back and I was the only one who recognized him. Can we stipulate that he's Jesus Christ already? Not yet, he hasn't quite confirmed it. Okay, go ahead, Scott.

I said, hey there, fella. Are you the guy I think? He said, who is that guy? I said, the one over my sink. He said, what hangs over your sink? I said, an old, old picture of a guy with a crown of thorns. Is that you, mister?

What? Why'd you say mister there? Because it rhymes in picture, sort of. Well, he's about to say he's... See, this is the thing, Scott. He's about to say, I don't go by all those gendered terms anymore, and that's one of the reasons that I don't like it. Okay, I don't want to hear the rest of your song, Ben. You don't... Well, Scott, I don't think... This whole song is about how Jesus Christ came back, no one recognized him but me, but then we get into a big fight about pronouns. Okay, well, I then...

I don't know, Glenn. First of all, the song was very rambling. Mary Elizabeth, what do you think of it? I mean, I like how it ties in with Tootsie. I'm not quite sure how, but I... Yeah, I'm sure it gets there. Oh, it gets there. So after... Well, I didn't even get to the hook, Scott. Oh, good. There's a hook in this song? Absolutely. Everybody loves the hook. Okay, well, hit us with the hook then. Jesus Christ is back. He's not white. He's not black.

Jesus Christ outside the liquor store, but no one knows him anymore. Do you want the hook now? That was not the hook. No, that's the preamble to the hook. Well, that's kind of the bridge. That's like the pre-chorus? That's the pre-chorus. That's what Joni Mitchell used to call it too, Scott, right before she would come in for round two. She said, let's start the pre-chorus, and then she'd jump in right between me and Jackson. Hmm.

That didn't work for you? All right, go ahead with the hook then. We're waiting for the hook.

What? It seems like a very different style of music. That's the... You think... This gets... Well, this is... Do you remember the band that we referenced earlier from San Diego? Uh, no. What were they called? Oh, Bleck. Bleck, yes. It gets a little Bleck-y at the end. Oh, okay. Let's hear it. Oh, okay.

Jesus, he's got it going on. Jesus, he had a hot mom. Were you clapping, Marianne? Mary Elizabeth, yeah. Oh, Elizabeth, sorry? Yes. Were you clapping for that part or were you just clapping? Just clapping, just really getting into it. Just saying, wrap it up. You know what I mean? Just wrap it up.

This sounds like a third song. Well, it's the third movement of the song, Scott. Okay, so it's a sweep. Yes. Sort of like Bottle of Red, Bottle of White. And he can change... Oh, actually, that's a good idea, Scott. He could change wine. He could change the wine at the liquor store back into water, and that's how I'll know it's Jesus.

Did he do that? Well, I haven't written that part of the song yet, but I think that's... No, but I thought this was something that happened to you. Oh, yeah. I mean, it's happened to the character in the song. A lot of times, Scott, you'll write a song from the point of view of a character. Did you know that? Every song that Bob Dylan ever wrote, he was playing a character. Okay. I don't know about that. Yep. I thought this was literally something that happened to you. It was literally something that happened to the character in the song, who I call Gary Williams. Oh.

Why are you calling Gary Williams? Just because he's the character that I created that this happened to. All right. All right. Go ahead. Let's see. Where was I? You're in the third movement. And you're considering making changes about him turning wine back into water, which is like... Do you mind if I make a change mid-song? Yeah, go for it. I don't know why anyone would want water. I said, Jesus Christ, I'm drunk. I've been drunk for a thousand years.

He said, I can help with that. I'll assuage all your fears. He said, you don't need that wine, boy. You don't need that wine. And he turned it into water. And now I'm feeling fine. Okay. What do you mean, okay, Scott? That's a song about Jesus Christ coming back and curing a man's alcoholism by changing the wine in his hand back to water.

You've been drunk for a thousand years? Yeah, that was one I threw in there and I didn't really mean to say a thousand years. I meant to say about 40 years. But Gary, you know, it's Gary Williams. I don't know what's going to come out of this. He's a strange guy. Gary Williams. When I sing from the point of view of Gary Williams, you never know what's going to happen. He's a weirdo. He's been drunk for a thousand years. That's right. Well, Glenn, it's a fantastic song. I think we hit on some good things today, Scott, even though you never interrupted me at the right place.

And the questions you were asking about the song, Scott, all seemed like fact checks. And just remember, you have to give artists artistic license. That's a good point. When a cop pulls me over, that's what I show him. Your artistic license. That's right.

How's that work out for you? Not well. I don't have my Cybertruck right now because they told me I can't drive it without one. And yet you're still on the side of the cops. Still on the side of the cops, Scott. I always back the blue. Okay, great. Well, we need to take a break. From that? What? From that? From that. Oh, okay. We need to take a break.

When we come back, we're going to have more Mary Elizabeth Ellis. We're going to have more Glenn Plappinger and a very world famous author. This is exciting. We'll be right back with more Comedy Bang Bang after this. You know what? You already love DoorDash. And now there's even more to love with the new DoorDash Dash Pass Annual Plan Benefit. Here it is. Drumroll, please. Drumroll. Do we not order the drumroll? You don't even have a tape recording of a drumroll?

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Comedy Bang Bang, we're back. Mary Elizabeth Ellis. The show is called A Man on the Inside. And I mean, if, you know, read differently, that could have some naughty connotations, couldn't it? It could. I put it as my note on Instagram and felt that I needed to then let people know. Add a content warning? Yeah, yeah. That's not what I'm talking about. Yeah. Although we all enjoy A Man on the Inside every once in a while, don't we? Most of us. Yeah. Why not? I don't know of all of us.

I mean, I'd say 99.9% of us. Give it a shot. People who think that you don't, try it out again. Yeah, exactly. Glenn Plappinger. Speaking of a man on the inside. That's right. I've been on the inside and the outside, Scott, but I prefer to stay on the out. That's right. Yeah. And we have a very exciting guest here. I mentioned Creepshow earlier. He is the writer and creator of Creepshow.

As well as other books that are maybe more popular than Creepshow. We have, of course, Carrie. We have It with Pennywise the Clown. On writing. On writing. On writing. Stephen King on writing. One of my favorites. You just call it on writing. On writing. On writing. On writing.

Have you ever read one of his books? Oh, I never. The only one I've read is on writing. Why? Why would you be interested if you've never read one? Well, I'm a writer, Scott. I have to write these songs. As you could hear earlier, I'm always thinking of what's the best way to say something. There were strong King vibes coming through those lyrics. I was definitely scared of a lot of that. Cujo about the demonic dog. Christine about a demonic car. Basically, if there's anything in the world that can have a demon in it, he's put a demon in it.

Uh, please welcome for the first time on the show, Stephen King. Hi. Hello. Um. Hi, how are you? I'm, if I'm going to be honest, I'm actually doing really bad. Oh, I'm so sorry, Mr. King. That's okay. That's okay. I, um, I wanted to come in here and do some pleasantries, but I just, I feel like I have to be totally upfront. I'm, uh,

I'm doing pretty bad. I'm so sorry. I mean, do you need to go take care of something? I mean, we have Glenn Plappinger here with his guitar handy who could do probably 20 more songs. Sure. I mean, I put it down, but I can always pick it back up. Sure. I mean, it's at the ready. That's right. What did we say at the ready? I've got it in the holster. Yeah. I mean, by the way, that's a very large guitar holster. Thank you.

I wear it across my chest like I'm in one of those old cop shows. Yeah. It's sort of like a bandolier. Yes. Bandolier. Mr. King, everything okay? Do you need to take care of anything? No, I said I'd be here. I said I'd be here. I'm going to be here. Okay.

Honestly, maybe you guys could help me. Oh, sure. Do you need to talk it out? Mary Elizabeth Ellis, maybe you've seen... I mean, have you ever done like a horror thing or anything chilling? Have I done... I mean, I wrote and directed a short film that was pretty scary that you've probably seen it

it's doing film festivals. So I bet you've seen it. Oh yeah. Well, I'm, I'm always, I'm, I'm actually at most film festivals. Yeah. I thought I saw you in an audience. Yeah. I wear every audience. I wear a big hat and a cloak. Yeah. So nobody sees me because I don't want people to,

Getting nervous that I'm there. You're the big hat in the cloak. You're that guy who looks like Ben Helsing at every film festival. Correct. Correct. That is me, Stephen King. Watching your movie. Yeah, what's going on, Mr. King? What can we help you with? Well, I'm on a deadline. I'm on a deadline. I'm on a deadline.

For actors, by the way, if you're on deadline, that's usually something good. Yeah, you're excited about it. Yeah, because it's announcing a project. But for you being on a deadline. It's not good. It's not good. I need to write 10 new stories every

By Thanksgiving. By Thanksgiving. By Thanksgiving. That's this Thursday. Don't remind me, Scott. You don't want to know when Thanksgiving is? Well, it's stressing me the F out. You can curse on this. I mean, you curse in your books. I wouldn't want to scare anybody. So you have a deadline to write 10 new books? Yes. Are these novels? They can be anywhere. For Deadline.com?

It can be a novel. It can be... It has to be above 3,000 words. Maybe I just write 3,000 words. But I need an idea. And I should rewind a little. Yeah, what's going... I mean, it seems like you're very prolific. What's going on? Why do you not have ideas? Well, I...

All right. So I don't know. Let's rewind. You started in media res. Yes. Now let's go backwards. Well, I, you know, I know I write, I talk a lot about where my ideas come from. And I usually I say something like I thought of them while I was getting dressed. Yeah. It seems to me like you look around a room and whatever's in there, you go like, what if the devil was in that? Well. Like it was cell phones one time. What if that? Yes. Yes. The JFK assassination. I wrote a terrific one where the devil was in your Kindle.

That's very scary. What was the devil in and on writing? Well, the details. Oh, yes. I guess he was on cocaine at the time. Well, it's interesting you bring up the devil because that is actually that actually has a has a fundamental relevance to my deadline. What's going on? Well, I owe the devil 10 stories by Thursday or I will be sucked into hell.

So, I know it sounds alarming. What kind of bargain is this? Did the devil write all of your big, huge, successful novels? Close. And this is sort of the bargain? Close. How close am I? Very close. Well, I wrote all my big, successful novels. And you are the devil? Also close, but no, I know the devil. Did the devil write your own writing?

No, but he actually gave me some very helpful notes. Oh. Yes. There was a whole chapter in the middle about what I eat when I'm writing, and the devil said, that seems interesting to you, but actually not to anybody else. That actually is. It's sort of my note with a lot of your songs. Yeah, the book helped me a lot, especially with what to eat while I write. I know the devil's a ruthless editor, but has had some good insights over the years. What kind of deal did you make with the devil here? Well, many years ago,

I ran into the devil. I met the devil. And I made a deal with him where he offered... He told me every single thing I write will be a success. Okay. As long as...

As I write one million stories by Thanksgiving. 2024. Yes. Tale as old as time. Yes. Yes. So you've written now 999,000. 990. Correct. Stories at this point. And you just have to write 10 more. Just 10 more. Just 10 more. But I am.

I'm stuck. I'm stuck. I keep having the beginning of an idea and then I can't find the twist. I can't find what makes it scary. Do they have to be good?

The devil said they have to be good enough they could sell to a magazine. Oh, okay. Yeah. And there's all sorts of magazines, of course, but there's got to be something. There's got to be a nugget. So maybe we could help you flesh out some of your ideas? I mean, I would love it. If you don't mind. I don't want to take up all the time. Yeah, please. Hit us with them. Well, I don't know. I've been spitballing. Maybe... Is there something where...

Okay, a man is retired. Okay, that sounds pretty good. He loses his, I don't know, his wife. He's a widow. He's retired. He's a widow. Widower. Widower. Okay, that's good. Okay. That's good. Call him a widower.

He has some family. They want him to do something with his time. And I don't know. He goes undercover at a retirement home. But he's the devil? Or the devil's in the retirement home? Haunted retirement home. It's like The Shining, but only killing old people. He could put on ladies' clothes and try to get his kids back.

Oh, now that. OK, that I like, actually, that I think is really, really good. Sure. Devil in a retirement home. Putting on what people would expect from me. I think, you know, putting on women's clothes is.

That just could be a pretty fun twist. Sure. They did it in Tootsie. I love Tootsie. I love Tootsie. I love Tootsie. They didn't know a Broadway show? Did you know that, Scott? I did. Did you go? I did not go. Did you go? Sure. I was there opening night.

So the last movie you've seen is Tootsie. The last Broadway play I saw was Tootsie, and then I saw Hamilton. Oh, okay. Yeah. I saw Hamilton with the new cast. I didn't like the original cast. Oh, okay. Good, good. Yeah. I mean, there's one, right? You just, nine more? Yeah. What else you got? You got any other ideas we can... Well, see, this is the problem. I have so many half ideas. None of them, I think, none of them are good. I was thinking, what if they're...

What if there was a ghost in the sewer? What if there was... So you're returning to the sewer. Yeah, the witch. I tried a witch in the sewer, but she couldn't get out because of her pointy hat. That's a problem, yeah. Yeah, because it renders her unscary if she can't get out of the sewer. Yeah, she's always going, like, hey, can someone help me? Can someone widen this sewer? Would you hold this hat while I climb out? You could put Nancy Pelosi down there and watch the country go down the drain. Yeah.

Is that a joke? No. Okay. He was dead serious. He's shaking his fist to the heavens. Well,

Put her down there and then the country is going down the drain because they're following her? Well, she's probably sucking it down there somehow with her... Oh, okay. I like the idea of an evil force sucking something in the drain. You're just talking about the... Oh, I guess I'm going to be sucked into hell. Oh, you could write something autobiographical like this about when you met the devil. He said he couldn't. He said no. That's the one thing... The devil said, I can't write about our encounter. I could...

share about it but he said I couldn't make it a story we met at a Red Lobster oh yum yeah does he only eat at places that have red in the title because he's the devil yes yes Red Robin yep would Chili's count

That's a great question. Chilies are red sometimes. They are red on the sign. It is a great question. I've asked him because one of the times we met up, I suggested a Chili's because I got tired of Red Robin and Red Lobster. And he said no. Interesting. Yeah, he said just seeing the color. Because a lot of...

A lot of restaurants have a reference to the color red or the color red on the sign even. Does he have an aversion? Could you hide out in a Chili's or maybe like an Olive Garden and he wouldn't be able to find you? Like you hop from Olive Garden to Olive Garden? Oh, no. No, I really haven't. I have not thought about shirking my deadline but escaping the devil because he does have a lot of rules about where he can and can't go. He can go...

What are some of the other rules? Well, like I said, it's places where red is in the name. Red is in the title. I'm trying to think of another one with red in the title. We did Red Robin. We did Red Lobster. There are some local places. There's the movie Red One, if it was playing, maybe. There's Ricky Rollins' House of Raclette. I don't know that one. Oh, that's great. Only in Camden, Connecticut. Yeah, raclette cheese. They'll melt some cheese and put it on anything you want. It's a drive-thru.

Oh, wow. Oh, that's terrific. That's their one promise. That's their one promise. Put on anything you want. Well, they only have the cheese in the window. You bring anything to the window, they peel the cheese onto it. A shoe? Oh, shoe, sure. Shoe, dog, mother, whatever. And your Cybertruck will keep it warm for you. Cybertruck doesn't fit through the drive-thru, unfortunately. Oh, damn. Too wide. Damn bad. That's too bad. Too wide, too tall. Some would say too long. All right, well, let's do some quick...

Just free association. Okay. Look around the room. Okay. We'll just name anything and we'll say how it can be haunted. Okay. Okay, here we go. Look around. Guitar. Haunted guitar. There's a folk singer. His guitar is haunted and tells him that he'll be the most famous folk singer in the world. Not a story. I lived it, Scott.

Yeah. Can you write that by Thursday? What if the, can the strings wrap around your, his fingers and chop them off? Of course. Okay. I can write it. All right. What else? What else is in the room? Okay. The window. The window. Windows 95. Computer. Okay. Computer is. On a computer. On a computer. Oh, great idea. I've never thought about it.

a computer being haunted. Oh, Scott, this is terrific. You've got mail, bitch. You know it says to you. Oh, the B word. Very scary. Very scary. When Freddie would say it? Oh, that's honestly too scary for me. I haven't seen Freddie. I watched the reflection of it in a window behind me one time and that was as much as I could take it. And that was satisfying? Well, I could tell from the reflection. For two hours you did this? Yes.

I got very scared. If I don't write it, it's too scary for me. All right. What else is in the room? What else is in the room? Ceiling fan. Ceiling fan. Ceiling fan. Ceiling fan. Suddenly, the devil possesses it. It gets lower and chops off people's heads. Oh, does that feel a little derivative? You bury this ceiling fan in a cemetery and then it comes back. Oh,

I like this, but it's not, it doesn't make things cool anymore. Now it makes, it makes it hot. Fall in love. Yeah. Yes. With the devil, with the devil who's in the ceiling fan. And it's losing the plot. I don't know. This is a volume business. Everything I write is scary. Sometimes I write some, the green mile. That's right. Yeah. Shawshank Redemption. It's heartwarming. You wrote that?

Yes. Really? Yes. Where have you seen this? Because it came out after Tootsie. I know. I've never seen it, but now I might go watch it. It's a beautiful story about friendship. Maybe the ceiling fan is a friend. To the computer? To the computer. You could always do a hunt. Wait, they can't be in the same story because then that makes two stories one. Yeah, okay. Name something in the room. A gun. A gun. A gun. Yes, this gun. A gun. This gun? My gun. My gun.

What about my gun? I also have a gun. I have a gun too. Okay, so it's about four guns. Okay, four guns. One of them's the devil. Yes, and the other three guns are like trying to team up against the fourth gun. High school friends. Yes. High school friends. They haven't seen each other in a long time. Three guns that are high school friends. I love that. Two of them are in love but never said it. Yeah. Yes. And one's the devil.

And I love this. This is finally a movie I would watch. Talk to Mike Schur because this seems actually like a sitcom. I'm writing it all down. This sounds like the real... This is the first podcast I've ever been on where everybody pulled out a gun. And you can't even say that anymore.

It's definitely a story or a show or a song. That's right. It is a song. Yes. Well, I mean, we're halfway there, right? Yes. Halfway through the podcast? I'm so... Just three more hours. My God. Oh, thank God I came here. It's almost as long as my Jesus Christ song. You are so smart.

I think this gun idea is really the one to go with. Me too. It's a Thanksgiving episode. He has to come up with ten more. Ten stories. Not just one. Well, couldn't you do ten parts of the gun story? No, the devil's

The devil said no. That's installment. Why does the devil get all the good music? Give the devil some pushback. He's honestly smart and has really good taste. All right. Well, look, we've given you some good ideas. These are really good ideas. We're running out of time, unfortunately. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, a honey turkey. How are you? A honey turkey. Yeah, thanks for cooking. Raw or cooked?

Raw. Okay, that's... For sure. You thought it was cooked, but it's raw. That's very scary. And everyone gets sick. Yeah, just do every holiday. Haunted Christmas, Haunted Fourth of July, Haunted Rosh Hashanah. Oh, that's good. Yeah, okay. Haunted Cybertruck. Or how about something even scarier than that? Medicaid for all. Okay.

All right, look, we are running out of time. We can't keep pitching on this. We only have time for one final feature on the show. That is, of course, a little something called plug. Look off, Levi. Plugs. Plugs.

All right. That was Plugs by Levi and his loose lips. Thank you to Levi and his loose lips. That was great. If you have a plug theme, head over to cbbworld.com slash plugs. There you'll find everything you need to upload it. And you could be famous for a week. And Levi and his loose lips, you are all famous.

And guys, what do we plug in? Mary Elizabeth Ellis, what do we have out there? Obviously. We got a man on the inside on Netflix that's streaming now. We've got Red One, which is in theaters and shooting season 17 of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia. That's right. Are you guys, you're shooting it now? We are. Wow. How's that going? It's grand. It's so fun. You think just in the middle of the season, you guys are just going to go like, let's quit.

I mean, not me. What do we do? What do we do? But yes, every year they decide that they're going to quit and then they end up doing it again. And then it's great. I know, but like in the middle of this, instead of like doing a whole season and then deciding, just quit in the middle. Yeah. Just put our cameras down and walk away. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like two episodes in, just go like. And the last episodes are just the floor with like people's feet. Yes. I love this. We'll pitch it. All right. We'll look for that next year, I would imagine. I believe so. Okay. Glenn Platt.

Howdy, Scott. What do you have to plug? Oh, I thought we were starting the podcast. Oh, no. Wait, you thought this was all before the podcast started? I thought this was the pre-show banter. Okay.

No, we're done. Oh, did you want me to play my actual song? Well, I'll do it next time. Okay. We'll get it next time. But do you want to plug anything? Oh, sure. Scott. Well, folks can follow at Hey, Greg Hess. I've got some stuff there. Some new shows. One with Rob Hubel that is called Cattle Call. It's a fun show where actors get to audition for movies that already got made. Maybe we'll do Tootsie. Now,

That would be great. Yeah. And what you're, you're in this show. I, I'm, I know the guys that are doing this show, so I'll just, I'll just plug it for them. And, um, yeah, and you can always listen to mega the podcast, which is a great podcast about a,

fictional megachurch. All right. And Stephen King. I mean, obviously you want to plug your band. You want to plug your novels, the Dark Tower movie. Salem's Lot on Netflix. Creepshow. Can't forget Creepshow. Starring Ted Danson's head. Yes. Yes. I just check, you know, give me a Google. Check me out. There's something for everyone. Give it a quick Google. Yeah, just Google and...

And close your eyes. If you can spare one Google. If you can spare Google, close your eyes, point to one thing and give it a read or a listen or a watch. And if you don't like any of that, you can check out at Madeline Walter on Instagram. That's an account you follow? Yeah, it's an account I follow. It's a terrific account. There's not much on it generally, but yeah.

If you want to check out a live comedic essay reading show, I think there may be a link to it. Sounds exciting. It's literary, which I like because I'm a writer. Sometimes it's at night, which is inherently scary. I mean, you're halfway there. It's at night.

I want to plug, hey, we have our last big live show of the Comedy Bang Bang 2024 tour, December 13th here in Los Angeles at the United Theater on Broadway. Broadway. That's right. We finally made it to Broadway. I love Broadway.

Yeah, you've seen that one show, or you saw Hamilton as well. I saw two shows, but I loved it. Yeah. That is December 13th. It's the ultimate live Comedy Bang Bang experience. We got so many great guests. Paul F. Tompkins, myself, and a lot of special guests.

The Hey Randy show is opening for us. That is Friday the 13th, December 13th. And this is going to be a huge show. I want to see you all out there. And tickets are going fast, so make sure you get one of the last ones. You can get tickets for that at cbbworld.com slash tour. It's our last live show for a long time, so you're going to want to kind of want to want to be.

be there. And while you're over at CBB World, check out that. There's a bunch of great shows over there that you can look at. You know all about them. All right, let's close up the old plug bag. Can you mention a plug bag and then maybe we can remix this? Party. Party. Party. Party. Party. Party. Party. Party. Party. Party. Party. Party. Party. Party. Party. Party. Party. Party. Party. Party. Party. Party. Party. Party. Party. Party. Party. Party. Party. Party. Party. Party. Party. Party. Party. Party. Party. Party. Party. Party. Party. Party. Party. Party. Party. Party. Party. Party. Party. Party. Party. Party. Party. Party. Party. Party. Party. Party. Party. Party. Party. Party. Party. Party. Party. Party. Party. Party. Party. Party. Party. Party. Party. Party. Party. Party. Party. Party. Party. Party. Party. Party. Party. Party. Party. Party. Party. Party. Party. Party. Party. Party. Party. Party. Party. Party. Party. Party. Party. Party. Party. Party. Party. Party. Party. Party. Party. Party. Party. Party. Party. Party. Party. Party. Party. Party. Party. Party. Party. Party. Party. Party. Party. Party. Party. Party. Party. Party. Party. Party. Party. Party. Party. Party. Party. Party. Party. Party. Party. Party. Party. Party. Party. Party. Party. Party. Party. Party. Party. Party. Party. Party. Party. Party. Party. Party. Party. Party. Party. Party. Party. Party. Party. Party. Party. Party. Party. Party. Party. Party. Party. Party. Party. Party. Party. Party. Party. Party. Party. Party. Party. Party. Party. Party. Party. Party. Party. Party. Party. Party. Party. party.

Oh.

Right. 45 seconds. Technically under a minute. I know the parameters are under a minute. Do we need shorter parameters? That was, sorry, I started checking my messages. Yeah, I know. If it's so long that Mary Elizabeth starts checking her messages, it's probably too long. But I loved it. It was thanks to Colby Big Bobel with

That was the song Egg Egg Plug Beg. Thank you so much to Colby Big Bobo. And guys, I want to thank you so much. Mary Elizabeth, welcome back and welcome to the Two Timers Club. Very excited to be here. Yeah, let's make it three if your career ever kind of fizzles out, comes back from bounces back from this. Yeah.

From what, this curse that we've given it today? But continued success and looking forward to those back three of A Man on the Inside. Can't wait to see episode six. Can't wait to hear your feedback. That's right. And Stephen King, you've been typing this entire time. That's right. That's right. I'm halfway through the opening of one story. Which one? The one about the four guns? Of course, the one about the four guns.

Four guns to her best friend. Two of them have already kissed. Let's all get tattoos. Yes. This is a good one. This is going to be so good, the devil's going to be like, you don't need to write the other nine. Wait,

We've all got points on the back end of this sitcom, too. Thank you so much. I've made some contractual calls as well. Oh, I love that. And Glenn Plappinger, you're picking up your guitar. Hi there, Scott. Oh, do you want us to play it? You're the one picking up your guitar. Oh, yes. I'll play us in. Here we go. Yeah, play us. No, no. The show's over. Oh, it is? Yeah. Oh, all right. Here we go. This time I'll turn on the mic. Okay. I love this guitar. It goes so out of tune just by putting it down. It's your guitar. Oh, it is. I have no idea. Yeah. Go ahead.

Four guns who are best of friends head out on the road. But one gun shoots the other and the other goes away. That is the story that was told.

Bang, bang, bang, bang, that's the four guns. Bang, bang, bang, bang, look how they run. Bang, bang, bang, bang, look how they roll. It's the four guns in this oldest story ever told.

You didn't cut me off, Scott. You wanted to be cut off? Siobhan would sound really good singing that if you ever want a license. Yeah. All right. We'll see you next time. Thanks. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.

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