BONUS Q&A EP: decentering men, anxious attachment + outgrowing friendships
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Welcome to Claim Your Power podcast, your all-inclusive roadmap to self-love, mindset, spirituality, and personal growth. I'm your host, Kim Peretz, and you are at the right place if you're ready to tap into the knowledge, advice, and inspiration you need to become your higher self. It's time to claim your power, baby. Hi, friends. Welcome back to the podcast. Today,

Today we are doing a Q&A episode. I haven't done one in a while and I asked you guys over on my Instagram to submit any questions, any episode topics that you'd like for the podcast and today we are going to be diving deep doing a little Q&A with me. I'm going to pick some of my favorite questions and

answer them and talk to you guys about all sorts of different topics relating to mindset, spirituality, self-development, and so much more. I'd love to ask you to subscribe to the show and to leave a review on your thoughts on the podcast because it really helps me out and

It helps other women find me on Spotify and on Apple Music, which means the world and helps me continue to do my purpose and spread my mission. And make sure that you are subscribed to my free email list if you don't already know about it. Every single week, I send you an Oracle Deck reading, inspiration, wellness tips, any life updates, and it's just like a fun way to connect with me, a little energy update every single Monday in your inbox.

So if you'd like to receive that from me, it's completely free. All you have to do is subscribe in the episode notes. There's going to be the link. And without further ado, let's dive into today's episode. Okay, so this one's one of my favorite questions. And if you guys follow me on Instagram, then I filmed a whole video on it on Reels. But somebody asked how to de-center men from your life. And guys, I'm about to change your life because I'm going to give you the best piece of advice on how to de-center a man from your life.

So if you suddenly find yourself putting a guy on a pedestal too early on, you're very anxiously attached, you get super obsessed, you forget who you are inside of a relationship, then this is what you have to realize about dating masculine and feminine energy and how to decenter and put yourself back on the pedestal in your life.

When you obsess over someone, when you put somebody super high up on the pedestal and all of your thoughts are just consumed by them and how they feel and how they're doing and la la la, what you have to realize is you as a woman are actually using your creative energy. You're using your creative energy to create scenarios in your head, to be Delulu, to overthink. You're very much in your brain and your masculine energy in that moment.

And what I want you to do in order to de-center that person from your life is actually take that creative energy and channel it elsewhere. So instead of channeling it into another person, how they feel about you, what they think, and just really putting somebody else up super high in your life, you're actually going to bring them down to earth. You're going to see them as an equal and you're going to use that creative energy on yourself.

So you're going to take every single moment where you want to stalk that man's Instagram, you want to stalk his following list, you want to just get super obsessed, you're actually going to completely do a 180 and use your creative energy elsewhere. Like on your hobbies, on your creative goals, you're going to start creating, painting, cooking, a podcast, a YouTube channel, journaling, reading, going on a walk. You're going to start doing creative things in your life that are actually going to feed

fill up that need for creative energy in your life and you're going to notice when you start doing more of those things and pouring into your creative outlets more within yourself and within your goals and within your self-development, you're not going to ever put a man so high up on a pedestal in your life.

Because that energy, that cup is already going to be filled. So something that I really suggest is figuring out what lights you up energetically and creatively. And how can you pour more of that energy into your life? Especially if you're just starting to date somebody new. I think as women, we get really excited. And right when we meet somebody new and it's going well, we tend to kind of put them up on a pedestal and we kind of abandon ourselves. But what you have to realize is the energy that you were in

When you met somebody that you really liked, you have to continue channeling that energy as you are now within that relationship with them. So if you met someone and you were on a high and you were working on yourself and you weren't, you know, thinking too much about what's going on and you were really focused on you, you need to continue channeling that energy in your relationships, in your dating life. So biggest tip, focus.

find a creative outlet and channel that creative energy because I swear to you, if you are so committed and so devoted to your creative practices in whatever way it may be, into something that lights you up creatively,

that man's just not going to be the center of your life. There's just going to be so much more going on for you and you're going to feel so much more fulfilled and centered. Okay, next question. Somebody asked, as you grow into your best version of yourself, why do friends you thought would be close forever fall apart? Okay, this is such a good question and this is something you need to understand. The universe responds to frequency. So,

So when two people, whether that be a friendship or a partnership, when two people are aligned in the same overall frequency, then they continue to grow together because they're both, you know, raising their consciousness and raising their vibration. But what happens when one person chooses one path of self-development and the other person doesn't, a lot of the time those people will fall apart because people can either grow with you or you outgrow those people.

So if you're on a self-development journey and you started really pouring into yourself and you notice people leaving your life, it is because those people were never meant to be part of the version of yourself that you're falling into. So those people were never meant to be with the more healed, higher version of you. And I know that it hurts and I know that losing people and people leaving your life is painful. And I'm here to say that that's valid and you're allowed to grieve that and that's okay. And it's part of life.

But also recognize that the people that you're going to meet when you align with a higher version of yourself are going to be so much more aligned for you with where you're headed. And trust that if somebody is leaving your life, then there is a reason. Maybe you don't understand it, but the universe and God hears and sees things that you do not hear and see. And there's a reason why certain people are only meant to be in your life for a season or for a reason and not for a lifetime.

So realize that that's part of the growing process. It's growing pains as you grow and evolve and expand as a human and as a soul on this earth. Not everyone's going to be on that journey with you and the people that are, bless those people. For instance, I have maybe three friends in my life that were friends with me four years ago that I'm still in touch with because I have changed so much in the last four years that it's totally normal for me to outgrow certain relationships and people in my life.

The one person who I've never outgrown is my best friend since fifth grade. That's because she's actually my soulmate. Like on a spiritual level, I've never connected to someone this much in my life. And we are both on such a deep spiritual and self-development path. And she's so spiritually connected to herself. And she's so devoted to herself and her growth. So we're constantly growing together. But most people in my life too, like I have outgrown as well. And that's part of life. It's part of being...

a human it's part of being devoted to your personal development and it's okay to grieve that but also recognize that when one door closes another one soon opens and you will meet more aligned people on your path as you continue to expand question three somebody said how to let go when you deal with anxious attachment okay

Okay, I've got a whole podcast episode on anxious attachment, by the way. I super relate to this because I tend to be somebody who's more anxiously attached. I've done a lot of inner work where I'm more secure now in my attachment style, but everyone has different attachment styles and I gravitate more to the anxious. So I know exactly the thought process, the feelings and all those things.

And I will say that the way that you actually learn to let go when you struggle with anxious attachment and it's very hyper in your life is actually by learning how to self-soothe.

It's recognizing that when somebody else triggers their anxious attachment, it's triggering some avoidant wound. It's triggering a part of yourself that doesn't fully love or value or choose yourself. And what you have to do in that moment is actually take the focus off the other person and how they're acting and what they're saying and actually go back into your feeling state and ask the little girl inside of you, what is she feeling right now?

because I can guarantee that whatever it is that's getting triggered in that moment it's surface level it's much deeper that wound or that trigger that's you know anxiously attached is actually much deeper than that person didn't text me back it's something within yourself that's been existing within the inner child of you for a very long time and instead of blaming the other person and pinpointing it and externalizing it your opportunities actually to go inward and ask yourself okay

this person didn't text me back or this person did this and it's making me feel anxious why

Why does another person not texting me back make me feel anxious about myself? You start asking yourself those questions. Oh wait, maybe this is actually showing me a part of me that feels unchosen in that moment. I feel not valued because somebody else is not texting me back or somebody else is not choosing me. So how can I actually show up and give myself the love that I desire from this other person and grant that love and that value to myself right now? And then you self-soothe yourself. You put your hands over your heart and tell yourself no.

Kim, I love you. Kim, I see you. Kim, I choose you. Kim, I'm here for you. Kim, I will never abandon you. I will never leave you. I'm here for you. I have your back. You can trust me. You're safe with me. And you basically tell yourself all of the words and all of the mantras that you wish your inner child could hear in that moment or you wish that other person could tell you and you self-soothe yourself.

And the more that you do it, the more that you will see that the anxious attachment triggers get more minimal. That's not to say that you won't get triggered because this is how we're hardwired, you know, our attachment styles, but you're going to feel a lot more secure in yourself and you're going to actually recognize that when that trigger is coming up, it's actually an opportunity for you to go inside, self-soothe and send yourself some more love.

Someone asked how to be okay with your life being in a stagnant phase. Guys, the stagnant phases in your life are one of the most crucial phases to your growth. Like I know it seems counterintuitive, but if you're in a phase in your life right now where things are slow, things are stagnant, just know that.

around the corner, things are about to pick up for you. You're going to have a lot of changes, a lot of up levels. And the universe, you know, it's the calm before the big, massive, amazing storm. When I say storm, it's not a negative connotation. The way of like things changing, things leveling up, things growing for you. So if you're in a stagnant phase in your life,

recognize that we all go through these things it's like the caterpillar before the butterfly bless it make peace with it and actually use that as a way to rest to rejuvenate to do inner work to fuel yourself because when you come out of that cave when you come out of that cave baby

You're going to see a lot of shifts happening for you in your external world. So that stagnant phase in your life is crucial, it's important and it's essential to our growth. Okay, next question is how to romanticize your life. Okay, this is exactly how you're going to start romanticizing your life, guys. You're actually going to start looking at your life in the eyes of the little girl inside of you.

So do you remember when you're four years old and you're walking around and you see a butterfly and you chase that butterfly and you get so excited or you pick up a stick and you're pretending you're a wizard and you're just seeing life in the eyes of so much imagination. It's when our brains actually did not know the difference between imagination and reality to the point where we had no logic to justify it.

Now we know that the brain doesn't know the difference between imagination and reality, but we've got our ego, we've got our logical conscious mind. But when we're kids, we're not connected to that. We're just in our imagination 24-7. That's why kids are so creative. So how to start romanticizing your life is actually by tapping into that energy of your inner child.

Walking around, chasing a butterfly, noticing the beautiful flowers, noticing the sunshine, noticing all the beautiful things around you and practicing gratitude for it and seeing it as if you're seeing it for the first time in your life. Next question is how to not care about the opinions of others too much. Okay.

The opinions of other people are just merely none of your business. And you have to realize that everyone is always going to have an opinion. And the way that you stop caring what other people think is not by completely eliminating your need for external validation because that's human nature, but it's actually by realizing and putting your own opinion above first. So it's realizing that what you think about yourself is just more important for you. Even if somebody else doesn't understand you, even if somebody else doesn't relate, doesn't accept, doesn't

Your opinion and how you view yourself needs to be the number one priority in your life. And also recognize that people can only accept, love, and choose you or judge you from their state of consciousness. So if somebody else is judging, belittling you, trying to humble you, trying to, you know, limit you with all these beliefs, then recognize that that's their state of consciousness. If somebody in your life is not judging you, is not trying to bring you down, then you're probably not being authentic enough.

So if you've got some haters, guys, that's a good thing. I've got haters. My friends got haters. My other creators that I'm friends with have haters. Like this is just part of life. Everyone has haters when they are authentic. So recognize that if you've got some haters on the back of you,

you're authentic, you're doing something right. And if their opinions are not giving you peace, profits, or purpose, then their opinion is simply irrelevant. So those are the questions that I picked for today's episode. I saved some of my other favorite ones for a future Q&A that I'll do or I'll answer some of them

on my Instagram. But if you're not following me on Instagram, make sure that you are at Kim Peretz and at Claim Your Power Pod because usually once a month I will have a little poll where you can submit questions for a Q&A. So this way you can submit your question for me. I hope you guys love this bonus podcast episode. Make sure that you're subscribed to my free email list and the episode notes is all the information and I will see you next episode. Yep, that's who you think it is.

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