#299 Why We Always Want More (Hedonic Adaptation)
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Hello everybody and welcome back to the Level Up English podcast. The best place to come to practice the English language, learn about the British accent and culture. With me, your host, Michael Lavers.

I am, this is kind of going to be a part two episode today. I know I've just recorded the longest episode ever talking about a recap of my trip around Taiwan and I have more I wanted to say, so I hope you'll bear with me, but this is not so much about Taiwan. I'm going to title this episode something like Hedonic Adaptation.

which sounds very advanced, but this is something that I was thinking a little bit about. So basically, if you listened to the last episode, you'll know that I had some really challenging days cycling.

One of these days in particular, I was out for 10 hours, cycling for most of that, in the rain, in the cold, in the heavy winds. It was really horrible. And because it was raining, I couldn't even listen to like a podcast because the rain would make the earbud slip out of my ear. So I had, you know, 10 hours all by myself just to think.

which you have to think to keep yourself sane at times like that, right? You've got nothing else to do, just thinking about stuff. In the moments where I wasn't thinking about a warm bed, a warm shower, I was thinking quite deeply about my experience and other stuff. So

I guess I'm going to start today by talking about a couple of little things that was on my mind, but then I'm going to get into this topic of hedonic adaptation. And we're going to talk about what that means in a minute.

And don't forget to stick around until the end where I share some news with me and what I'm doing. I'll also share a nice audio message from one of you lovely listeners and send you off with a quote as well. So lots to come at the end of the episode today. But let's get right into it. Let's not delay any further. So

One thing that I was thinking a lot about when I was cycling was how amazing it is how the human body can adapt to different experiences. I think it really is quite incredible that you can push your body way beyond what you think is possible.

And especially when this, I kind of guess it's like a survival ability, you know, when you're going and pushing yourself each day and you can be relatively okay. And then after you finish, then you crash. You know, this happens a lot with physical activities, but also mentally as well. If you're going through a really...

at stressful time, like you're working very hard and then you have a holiday, it's very common to get sick right when your holiday begins. You develop a cold or something because that's when your body relaxes and your immune system is weakened. And it's kind of what happened to me. Like for most of my cycle trip, I was relatively okay. Like, okay, sometimes I had pain

but I could mostly walk okay and it wasn't a big problem. The last day when I was coming back home, I felt fine, my legs felt fine. But about three days after I finished cycling, when I was back in Thailand,

my legs suddenly started to really hurt. Both of my quad muscles, tops of my legs, had intense pain in them, really strong pain. And I could barely walk. I was already outside and I had to walk somewhere to either go home or continue. And I could barely go. I was like hobbling around, limping, like I was, I just couldn't, I couldn't walk. It was really challenging. And

I think why this happened is because I'm kind of guessing here that my body kind of said, okay, we need to make it to the end of this cycle, right? It was giving me the energy to make it to the end.

But when my body started to relax, then it kind of realized, as if it almost had a brain of its own, it realized, okay, now the danger is over. The physical exercise is over. Now we can resume the pain. We can show the signs of pain. That's kind of how it felt like to me anyway.

But what I think it was, by the way, is a muscle tear. I haven't been to the doctor, but that's what it seems like to me that I've had a tear, which means kind of a rip in my muscles in the top of my legs, which might take a couple of weeks to get better.

Which is a shame, but hopefully it's good that it will get better. And you know, one other thing that I was thinking about quite deeply, I suppose, was how time is so interesting, especially when we are experiencing something painful or we're suffering in some way. You know, maybe this will be quite nice to hear if you're going through a difficult time at the moment.

Um, so when I was cycling, it was very interesting because I was cycling for, you know, again, 10 hours, really, really horrible. And I was kind of thinking how interesting it is that tomorrow or the next day when I will look back on that day or when I did look back on that day, it's just going to be one memory, right? So whether you are suffering for five minutes or five hours, um,

When you look back in the future, it's just going to be one memory, right? And in some sense, it's quite strange that no matter how long your suffering will last, once it's over, once it has finished, it's really hard to have a sense of time with pain. You don't really remember time as well as you do remember the feeling, right? So I can remember pain.

that feeling of being stuck on the highway and feeling that pain and discomfort and the negativity that I felt. But I don't remember it being 10 hours. You know, I know it was 10 hours, but I don't remember that. So I guess that's a positive thing, right? Even if right now is very difficult, one day this will just be one memory. It won't be a 10 hour memory or a six month memory. It will be one memory.

So that was very interesting to me. People say that time is an illusion, which often is too smart for me to really understand. But maybe in moments like this, I could really kind of understand what they were saying. And OK, the final thing that I was thinking about a lot was how it's kind of interesting that humans adapt to different situations.

In other words, I was thinking how our standard of what is normal or what is uncomfortable changes based on what's happening now. I'll give you an example of what happened to me. On the worst day of the trip, it was very windy. As I said, there are very strong winds that made it harder to cycle.

And I just said to myself, if only it wasn't windy, then I would be so happy. Like the wind is really the main problem right now. If the wind stopped, I think I would be quite happy. But then the next day, the wind stopped. Rather than feeling happy, my attention moved to the next worst thing, which was the rain. I said, okay, if only the rain would stop, then I'll be happy. If the rain will stop, if it wasn't raining, I would be happy.

And I think you're kind of noticing a pattern now, right? And then sometimes the rain did stop and I would say, oh, if only the pain in my legs would stop, then I'll be happy. There's always something. And that was a kind of a nice realisation for me about the human experience. Another thing I thought of is,

other than physical challenges. When I was younger, when I was a teenager, I was really self-conscious about my hair, believe it or not. I had very curly hair and I just, I didn't like it. It didn't look nice. I really wish I had, I really wished that I could have had straight hair. And yeah, I know maybe some of you think that's weird. Maybe some of you like curly hair, but I really hated it. I

And I wished I had straight hair. I just wished I had good hair.

And of course, I got older and then I had no hair. I shaved it all off and I don't have that problem anymore. So it's kind of funny to think back that I was so self-conscious about my hair. And now I just think, well, any hair would be great. Like curly hair is great. What's the problem, Michael? Don't be so negative. But it's funny how we complain about things. But yeah, of course, in those days, I think my hair maybe was one of my number one things that I was self-conscious about.

And I just thought to myself, if I had nice hair, I would feel so confident about my appearance. And then, you know, I did change my hairstyle in the future. I did have better hair in the future. And even when I shaved my head, you know, I don't feel bad about my hair anymore, of course.

And then my worries moved to other places. So now I am more self-conscious about my skin or something like that. So it's just very interesting how you might think there's only one thing to be sad about, but then when that disappears, you will find something else to worry about.

let's make it more relevant to you in terms of learning English, you might say, if my English level was B1, I would be so happy. If I could talk at an intermediate level, I will feel so, so happy. And I also feel that way about Chinese sometimes. I feel like I would be so happy. But then

I can promise you, if you get to that B1 level, you will think, I wish I could be B2. And you will not be happy being B1 unless you really try to be happy. So, yeah, that's the main topic of today. Now that we're 10 minutes into the episode, I want to introduce this phrase, which is called quite difficult one.

hedonic adaptation. Adaptation is the noun for adapt, the verb, and it just means to get used to something. Something becomes normal for you. Maybe an easier phrase for this is called the hedonic treadmill. So treadmill is the walking machine where you're always walking and you're never moving forward. And this is basically the idea that after you have some positive or negative change in your life,

People tend to return to a stable level of happiness. So let's say you win the lottery and you get a million dollars. You're going to be very happy for maybe one day. But very quickly after that, your level of happiness will reduce and become stable again. You're not going to be super happy forever. Being a millionaire will just be the new normal for you. And then you will find something else to be sad about or something else that you want.

I think we all relate to this feeling, we all understand this feeling. It's actually a central part to many religions like Buddhism that we're never really satisfied so we have to focus on the present and what we have now rather than always wanting more. Because when we get more, we want more after that as well. And this is because of what...

what is known as hedonic adaptation. And this is such a useful insight, useful idea for language learners as well, because it happens with learning a language and skills and stuff like that. So I thought today I could give a few examples of hedonic adaptation in our lives and

And maybe you can relate to these. And then I'm going to give some advice, my ideas on how we can overcome this problem, you might call it.

So here's one example. When you get a new phone or maybe a new gadget, you might buy a nice new expensive phone. You feel super excited about it. You love using it. You use it all the time and it's just so nice and new. You know that feeling when you get a new phone and you put it down really gently, but then maybe a few weeks later, you're kind of throwing it on the bed and you're playing it, playing around with in your hands. You're not being so careful anymore. You have adapted to that new gadget.

So yeah, after a few weeks, that excitement wears off. Good phrasal verb here. To wear off means to lose its effectiveness over time. If you have a medicine that's affecting you, the effect of the medicine will wear off after some time. Just like the excitement after buying a phone will eventually wear off and it just becomes part of your daily routine.

And I think actually that's a really nice way to overcome this problem is just remember how excited you were before and practice gratitude. We'll come back to that a lot today. Practice gratitude. So I'm looking around at my desk now. I've got quite a few expensive gadgets on my desk. I've got my laptop. I've got my phone, quite an expensive phone when I bought it because I bought it also to use as a camera because it had a good camera.

This microphone, super expensive microphone. For me, anyway, it was way more than I'm comfortable spending. I've got some nice headphones here as well. I've got actually so much money on this desk in the form of gadgets. Even the desk itself was not super cheap. And now, if I'm honest, I don't really think about, I don't appreciate them because they're just part of my daily routine. But if I think back to how excited I was when I first bought them,

and how I was hoping it would change my life, that helps me appreciate them a little bit more. So just remembering that feeling is quite a nice thing. Another one you might relate to is moving to a new place, moving house, moving to a new town, or maybe if you're like me, moving across the world to a new country. And this is really exciting at first. Everything is new. There's new foods to try, new places to explore.

But after a while, that novelty fades. Novelty is a good word. We've got that word novel there, which kind of just means new. Novelty is that newness, the new feeling. The novelty of going to a new place fades and again wears off. That place that was once new now just becomes home, which is kind of what's happened to me here. Like on one hand, I love living in Thailand. I really like it here.

But on the other hand, I do kind of miss the days at the beginning where I first came here. Everything was so exciting. Every time I went to a shop, it was really exciting. Now it's just kind of normal. It's not exciting anymore. And I'm quite nostalgic about those days. So, yeah, it's kind of nice, kind of sad to miss that.

But yeah, that's one example of hedonic adaptation that I was super happy to come here. And I'm still happier than being in the UK, to be totally honest, but it's definitely lowered. I've kind of gone back to a closer to my baseline now.

Can you relate to that one? Let me know if you can. Maybe you can talk about the novelty of that feeling. I might relate some of these to language learning as well. So we'll see what I can do. One example is maybe getting a raise at your job, which is where you get given more money or a promotion or just getting a better job, quitting and getting an even better job. That feels fantastic, right? Where you you're rewarded for your efforts with more money and more recognition and

And that's a great feeling. But then you very quickly get used to that new role and the higher income. And after a while, it's not enough. You want more. You want more money in an even higher position. And what's quite dangerous in this area with finances is not just about hedonic adaptation. It's about our spending adaptation. Maybe there's a word for this that I don't know.

But you might have heard of this where...

Very often, the things you spend change to match your income. So very often, if you get a promotion, you might start thinking, OK, now I'm getting more money. Now I can afford the more expensive bread. Maybe I can afford to go out for dinner more times than before. Maybe I wouldn't normally buy this wine, but now I've got more money. Now I can buy this wine. So this is a really tricky thing that happens to really all of us in some way.

where our spending rises to match our income. So that kind of stops us from getting rich, which can be a big problem. It's good to be aware of that. And yeah, just like I kind of mentioned before, this is common in language learning as well, when you might reach a higher level of English. And it's a really exciting feeling when sometimes you might have a realisation like, wow, I'm

I just realised I'm much better than I was before. That's a really good feeling. I'm so happy that I finally passed this exam or I finally got my B2 certification or something like that. But then very, very quickly, your eyes go to the next goal. Okay, C1 next. What can I do more? And that becomes your new baseline. You're no longer excited about your level because you see how much more there is to go.

It's like a never ending mountain to climb. So that's a common example of hedonic adaptation in language learning. This one is quite a sad one for me as well. This is when we learn a new skill or hobby. When we're first beginning, it's so exciting. We get really, really into it. We get really excited and passionate about it and we can't wait to do more.

But after usually a few months, maybe even weeks, you start to feel like it's become a routine. And that initial, that means first beginning, that initial enthusiasm, the beginning excitement fades. It wears off. The first thing that came to my mind here was yoga. I started doing yoga, I think in like 2017. I think it was that year.

And I started a yoga challenge online where I followed every day, did this 30 day yoga challenge. I loved it so much. I became addicted. I was thinking about yoga all the time. I did it pretty much every day of the week. I loved it. I bought a yoga mat, some yoga blocks. I really enjoyed it. But then a few months later, it just kind of became part of my routine. And now I do yoga once a week.

Uh, well, I guess I could say last year I was doing yoga, you know, several times in a week and it was really just a routine. It wasn't that enjoyable. Honestly, it was just like, I have to do it. It's kind of what I do. And I really feel sad. I really miss the time where I was so excited to start and try new things. That was a really nice moment for me. So actually one tip that I might consider giving you is, uh,

consider reducing how often you do it. I don't know if it's a good idea of yoga because yoga is very good for you, of course, but these days I do yoga once a week and that has helped me appreciate it much, much more because it's only once a week. So I know I have to really be in the moment, enjoy it, because if I don't enjoy it, then I have to wait another week for the next one. So I think weirdly doing it less frequently helps me to appreciate it more.

And of course, this is something that we can all fall into by accident with language learning. Maybe when you start learning English or you're starting a new routine in your language learning, it can be really fun to discover new words and phrases. Again, I remember when I first started learning Japanese when I was about 18 or 19 years old.

I was so into it. Every day I was studying all these weird words and I was addicted to learning. Every minute of the day I was learning. I loved it. Yeah, again, over time, it just kind of became part of my routine, which, of course, I still enjoy. But a lot of the time I'm focusing on the challenges of learning a language now rather than just enjoying it.

So this might be a wake up call to you, a realisation to you as well and me that maybe we should try to remember how it felt to first start learning and try to get that feeling back again, try to enjoy it more and not focus on the challenges. Because when it comes to learning a skill, we'll never get to 100%. That's impossible with our kind of mental skills like a language. So let's just enjoy it and learn.

we'll get as good as we can get, right? That's a nice attitude, I think. Let's talk now, the last part of today, about overcoming hedonic adaptation. I think my first tip, which is really a bonus tip, which is understanding it's part of human nature. It's a big part of what makes us human. So it's not something that we can really overcome.

But I think just being aware of this problem is step one. It's really helpful to know that we do this. And I just think, yeah, being aware of it is a big help.

But there are some things we can do to make it less of a negativity in our lives. One I mentioned before a few times, practicing gratitude. So take some time, whether it's a scheduled thing in your day or just randomly when you remember, to reflect on, think about what you have achieved, what you've learnt, what you have bought or done in the past, and

And it could be writing things down to help you practice this. But yeah, this is exactly why I recommend to you and English learners to think about where you were with your learning journey one year ago and think about

how much you would love to be in your position right now. So have some gratitude for all the work that you've put into your learning and think about how much you've improved over that time. Even little improvements can be an object of our gratitude. This has also come up a lot in the podcast as well before, but this is celebrating small wins. Don't focus on the big challenges, but just focus on the little wins. Like I

I think it was it on my last episode, I mentioned something about learning how to learning about corn tea, sweet corn tea in Chinese. And I tried to focus on that because I had a bit of an awkward interaction where I just said, like, I don't understand what do you mean? But what I took away from that interaction was I learned one new word, one new kind of concept about

from that conversation. And that little win gave me some good feeling and it's going to help me remember that word even more. So focus on those little celebrations, the little successes you have in your language learning, and that's going to help you, um,

It's going to help you improve more quickly, I think, as well, and just keep your motivation alive. One thing that I have been doing for years without realising, really, is changing up my routine as well. When things do get boring, make a change. I kind of wish that I didn't have to do this because I feel like I've got a really good routine now.

But sometimes we do need some variation. If you're thinking about exercise or English learning or something else, it can get boring. Even if you've got a really good routine, just doing it again and again every day, we do find it boring. We can fall into that hedonic treadmill where it just becomes the same part of your routine. It's not that fun.

So even if what you're doing now works well, consider making some changes. It could be really weird stuff like rearranging the furniture in your house or moving your study area to another place, for example. But yeah, maybe you want to change what you do slightly. So maybe, I don't know, I guess it depends on your routine. Think about what you're doing to study English right now. If it's working really well and you're enjoying it, keep it up. If it's becoming a bit boring, keep

You don't have to change and stop things in a big way, but you can slightly change what you're doing. So I did this recently where I was studying by transcribing audio for quite a while, and it just kind of became a bit boring for me, even though I found it quite useful. But now I've switched back to doing some video lessons, kind of...

listening to some video lessons and studying from them, which is a similar skill, but it's just a little bit more variety. So I'm quite excited to do that now as well. So yeah, just think about what that could be for you. It's going to be different for everyone. Okay, two more quick things. One of them, I mentioned religions like Buddhism before, and this is practicing mindfulness. So once again, the only true way to break free from hedonic adaptation is

is to be in the moment be mindful of where you are what you have and noticing things around you the closer attention we pay to something the more interesting it gets and again this relates to gratitude the more mindful we are the more we can appreciate what we have as well so i think gratitude and mindfulness and maybe meditation can be a great option as well

And the final one is to take a break and reflect. I think it's really nice to take breaks frequently. So this could be a few longer breaks in the year. Weekend is a natural break in the week. And of course, breaks within the day as well, just different breaks. But I think what really helps is a longer break. If you can take a week off work and a week off something every now and then, it's a really nice way to take a step back

and view your previous routines and tasks with fresh eyes.

And coming back from Taiwan, it helped me see some stuff about my work differently. I didn't work for two weeks and I came back and I started seeing things a bit differently, which was very interesting. So, yes, I think I'm going to leave that part there for now. That's a bit on hedonic adaptation. What did you think of that? Let me know if you can relate to it. Let me know if you've heard about this before. I'd love to hear your thoughts. You can always contact

comment on the on the episode show notes so this one will be i think this one will be level up english.school slash podcast 299 so there'll be a link in the description of this episode as well to go right there leave a comment at the bottom once you're on the website you'll also see other things you can have a look at there one of them is the members button at the top of the page and

On the members website, you can do many, many things such as joining with our group classes to practice your conversation skills. You can take classes to improve your writing skills, grammar, pronunciation, many, many more things over there. We also, of course, have the podcast transcripts as well, which highlights the words that I'm saying while I'm saying them, which is a great way to improve your listening and communication.

vocab knowledge as well. And yes, speaking of what's going on with me and Level Up English, there's something that I'm experimenting with at the moment, which I'm hoping will be a big thing in the future, but it's still early days. I'm really hoping it will work out, but at the moment, it's just an experiment, just an idea. And this is something that I'm calling the small circle. Sounds very exciting, doesn't it?

So in the past on Level Up English, we've been teaching group classes for a couple of years and the students in the class, we tend to have around 10 students at the moment, each class. Although in the past, we've got up to 25 at the peak. It has been very busy, but these days we get around 10 per class. And I have a lot of requests and suggestions for smaller classes. So

private classes is something that I might like to do in the future and maybe with the help of other teachers on the website but I think for now I want to focus on these small circle classes which is going to be limited to four students right so this is something that we're trying in November and December hopefully the goal is that we'll have a few of them every well not

Maybe every day of the week, but maybe, you know, four or five times in the week. And we're going to have at the moment, I'm thinking they're 45 minute classes, quite short classes with four people to have a discussion. So hopefully it will fit into your schedule really easily because it's not too long and there'll be different kind of times in the week. So there'll be at least one time for everyone there.

And this will be part of the membership, a level up English, although we will ask for a very small registration fee just to make sure that people actually turn up. But yeah, the purpose of these classes is just to have more conversation, more practice. And because there's only four people, there will be lots of chances for you to talk and practice as well.

And of course, this will all be hosted by a native British English professional teacher. So that's the idea. At the moment, I'm not going to say you should sign up to the members for these classes because, as I said, it's still in the experimental stage. I'm inviting some students to join.

But I just want to let you know that's one update with what I'm doing and I really hope it works out because if it does, we'll be able to have a lot of classes that suit everyone and maybe I'll see you there in the future.

So if we do release these and make them more kind of permanent and regular in the future, I will once again let you know on the podcast. I think that would be nice. So I'll give you an update in the future on that. OK, for now, I think it would be nice to not say a thank you to the reviews like we often do. But actually, we're going to listen to a nice audio message sent in from one of the listeners today.

So let's have a listen to this one here. Hello Michael, this is Mim from Sudan. I would like to thank you for your amazing podcast. I really enjoy each episode you posted.

Every experience you're sharing with us and everything you're describing to us, I really, really enjoyed what you say. I feel like I am walking with you through every place you visit and every experience you describe for us.

And I feel like your podcast is especially dedicated for me to help me improving my English skills. So I love English very much. And I love that when I improve, I feel proud of myself and proud of what I did, proud of your podcast. So thank you very much for your effort, for everything you did for us.

And I hope that you will keep it up. Thank you. That is so wonderful to hear. I think you said your name was Mab, is that right? So thank you very much, Mab. That's so kind of you. Calling from Sudan, very exciting. It's really cool that you can imagine yourself with me where I talk about the travel. Maybe you could feel that on the last episode as well.

And yeah, you should definitely feel proud about your English. And it's great to hear that you're enjoying the journey as well. So thank you once again for your very nice audio message. That means a lot to me. And it was very obviously, obviously spoken in a very fluent and nice way as well.

So thank you so much. If anyone else wants to leave an audio message to me, there is a recording feature available on the website. You can go to the website levelupenglish.school and then click on podcast or go slash podcast. And then further down the page, there's an option to record your message for the podcast.

Thank you very much, Mab, once again. Here's a really nice quote from Alan Watts, which is kind of related to this topic of hedonic adaptation. And this is, "...the meaning of life is just to be alive. It's so plain and so obvious and so simple. And yet everybody rushes around in a great panic as if it were necessary to achieve something beyond themselves."

That is a great reminder that just being here, being alive, that maybe is enough. We don't need to keep achieving more and more and pushing that hedonic drive further, I suppose. But yes, thank you so much for listening or watching today. Really hope you enjoyed this one and I will see you very soon in the next episode. Goodbye for now.

Thanks for listening.