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So from now on, I'm going to start with my English.
So this is my friend. My name is Mary. Okay, Mary. We're discussing which name you are using. That's true. And then we decided that Mary is the most basic bitch name. So how many Marys you have around you? Yeah, how many Marys in your textbooks? Yes, how many Marys in your textbooks?
So I have my friend Mary in my home today and both Jimmy and Ginger was at their business. So today we are going to talk about our lifestyle, right? Yes. And the boyfriend's scar scenes. Yes, right now I'm having boyfriend troubles. I don't think I'm the only one. Yes, you are not the only one. Let's go with...
What's happening right now? Right now at this moment? So at this very moment I am drafting my breakup meeting with my boyfriend Let's don't get to this conclusion It's just a talk It's just a talk But like you know when you're like I just want to talk things out So you are in a bad like some hint
Yeah, and like the hints are all coming from me is the problem. No, we'll bring up you some information background, okay? Mary's having boyfriend which the boyfriend is like for two months, right? For two months only text a little bit, very less and they even don't meet up.
Like very less, right? Yeah for two months we did not meet up at all and maybe only texted for like one week in those two How many sentences like 10 or over 10 sentences? Girl, like if we got to send sentences like It was like barely there That is so strange Anyone who's in relations so they can't
They can't leave each other, I think. For a single moment, they can't leave each other, right? Yeah, and it's like, for me, you know, he was going through a lot, so I'm like, I'm okay, you know, you're an individual. You need your time sometimes. But after, like, two months of needing your time nonstop, it's kind of like, is it a relationship? We are not talking about two days or two weeks. It's two months. I know, and it's like, you know...
It's hard to express but it's like if something is important for you, you either make the time for it or you communicate
Like, "Hey, I still have this going on so I still can't make time, but I miss you." You know? Like... Right? A little text doesn't cost you any time, I think. It's very convenient. You just need to use your thumb to text. Maybe I can tell that maybe this guy has some personal issues going on, right? Yeah, you are nail on the head, completely correct.
What's he's been going through? Is it okay to say? I think it's okay to say. I won't go into detail. But basically, like, he got a new boss at work. And I think that you really empathize with this. But he works as a salesperson. And they used to be judged as a team. So you get a bonus as a team. Or your salary goes down as a team if you do very poorly. But in this case,
He got a new boss a few months ago who decided everyone is judged individually. Yes, separately. Separately. So all of a sudden this team that used to be very good friends, very close, nobody's talking to each other, everyone's competing, and your salary goes up or down based on your individual performance. Yes.
And that's where this is killing him. Yeah, it's like and I feel bad for him, right? Like I wouldn't wait for two months for someone because I think they're a dick, you know?
I like him, obviously. Yes, I can understand what he's been going through right now because in China, most of the company was like everyone has his own performance to achieve. Everyone has it. So basically, I think in Japan, no, maybe in his company,
has this thing going on so he's has a lot of stress or pressure something like that yes i think that is very normal for the chinese people i think oh god everyone's going through it all the time yes yes in china everyone's competing competing with each other competing like even with
Theirselves. Oh no. And that's just so bad because over these past few months, I've seen him turn from this happy, energetic, open person into this shell of his form. And I'm like, everyone in China is going through that. Canada, I think most of the people are having these problems. So where did you meet this guy?
Oh, dating apps. Yes, dating apps. Yes, that's Japanese saying "nachin apuri". Oh, everyone noticed that. If you want to find a guy, go there. I know. Because I mean like also, I don't know how you feel, but when you meet a guy, is it like natural in person or is it through apps? I'm a person who is first love at first sight. Love at first sight. I love this for you.
It's Kelly Minogue. So like you go into a bar and you're like, oh. Yes. Hi, cutie. I see your eyes and I love you. Yes. I love, I love. No, but like what happens? Like, like, cause for me, right. When you're on a dating app, you're like, everyone is looking for love. So it's very like convenient to just be like. Sorry, it's a dating app or a booty call app.
Am I too strange? I mean they're both. Depends on what you are looking for. Exactly. And you can kind of be like in your profile like looking for a serious relationship or you can put in your profile you know like looking to have a good time. Chill and relax. Netflix and chill. I know, come over Netflix and chill.
Okay, so this guy is looking for a serious relationship, right? Looking for a serious relationship, allegedly. Allegedly. Okay. So in his profile, he says that I'm looking for a serious relationship.
Okay, so this is where the story gets more complex. Okay, let's go. I'm sorry, are we going to go into this? Do you want to? If you don't want to, we can skip this part. It's okay. No, no, no. I'm actually completely fine going into this. And I feel like, I'm not sure, but I feel like anyone who's used a dating app might really empathize with this. No, doesn't matter. Yeah, I feel like everyone empathizes with, like, failed relationships.
If you want to listen, just listen. If you don't want to listen, just go away. I know, yeah. Feel free to tune out at any point. Yes, whatever. I'm sorry to disturb. It's okay. It's okay. Yeah, no. So like, his profile was like...
very seriously put together. Like he didn't say he was looking for a serious relationship, but he didn't say he was looking for just a fun time. Ah, it's like unknown. Unknown, exactly. But it was like very carefully put together profile. Oh, that is so typical. Is it? Is it so typical? It's a little bit. Really? Yes. Oh no, tell me. Okay, you can go on. Just go on. Okay, but like later I need your expertise. Okay. Like,
Okay. But yeah, so like anyways, anyways, um, like getting him to date me was also like...
little bit of a struggle I guess to make it official because like when we started going out like he was always the one planning the dates he was always very like everyday messaging me this is before we were like officially boyfriend girlfriend yes yes yes yeah because the straights have a very beautiful ritual of like you have to go on some dates and then you like the guy proposes to the girl
like please date me you have this this whole thing yeah it's almost like now that I think of it it's like miniature marriage but like that's a different like that's the social issues podcast yes that's social issues podcast yeah but no like when we first started like dating he was very like
Gentlemen. Very gentlemen. Like genuinely. Gentlemen as heck. And then when it came to like about the time where we've been on like our fifth date or so and like all of our dates. Fifth? Yeah, fifth. Like five dates. And like all of our dates have been either all weekend dates or like eight hour dates.
Okay, how why what age or weekend is why like not specifically those numbers But just like if we hung out we'd be spending like a ton of time together Okay, I got that. Yeah, so he wasn't like oh, yeah. Oops. Look at the time You know, I need to leave like he wasn't like that at all. He was very like
Very generous with his time. Enjoyed the time with you. Yes, exactly. And I really enjoyed the time with him. So you have really good memories, I think. Yeah, really, really good memories. Before the whole company thing happens. Yeah, before the whole company thing happens, nothing but really good memories. That man is so fragile.
He's working through it. He's working through it. There's more than just the company issues. Yes, lots of things happened in one time and he cannot handle that. So he has emotional breakdown. Exactly, exactly. Yeah, so it's just like I've seen him when he basically has emotional bandwidth, when he has emotional space. And just a lovely person. Just such a lovely person. He is a lovely person.
People are so confused, why? Why? I know, exactly!
I know they're just like wait, so this is a wonderful man Who's been very caring and gentle. Yes, what happened? Yes, what happened? And and I have to say that you are going to help him actually you helped you helped him a lot on this issues You want to talk with him you want to solve this problem together? Yes, but he doesn't want to or refuse to do this. Yes, and it's like it's very it's
Yeah, because for those two months he didn't proactively communicate any of the things that were happening to him. And if I reached out and just said, "Hey, I'm a bit worried about you. What's going on?" No answer. And it's like, you can help someone if they want your help. Yes, if he doesn't want to help, this is so bad. He may need some...
Meditate I think or go to the doctor. At least go to the doctor to see some problems you have. To solve the problem. We are going to solve the problem, not leave the problem there.
No, but you're exactly spot on. And it's like when you're looking for a partner in a serious relationship, like you're expecting this to be something that maybe lasts for years. You're looking for a partner. Yes. Right? Yes, not one night thing. Right. Not just if it's one night or whatever, whatever who you are or something like that.
I want to know you, I just got into, I want to involve you more with all the things. I think that is a relationship I understand. Yes, yes, me too. Oh my god, why am I saying that? I'm not that person. Wait, wait, should we get into that? No.
Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Wait. So like, have you ever had a relationship with someone? Yeah, I had for like half a year. For half a year. Six months. Like,
That's about the time that my relationship is right now falling apart at. That's my first love. Not first love. That's my first serious relationship. The first serious relationship. Yes. Oh, man. Six months and it doesn't work out at all. Because I don't think we are on the same page after we live together. It's become more and more complex. And he wants to stick with me all the time. Needy. Very needy. Oh.
Yeah, so you were basically like, "Hey look, we're in a relationship. I want to be partners with you, but we're still individuals." Yes. "I need my own time. You also need your own time." I'm his world. You're his world. Oh my god, that was so stressful. I was like, "Oh my god, what? Why am I here? I want to go out and have some drinks." Because he doesn't drink. He hates drinks.
Yeah, oh no, and so not only are you like put in this really difficult position of like someone's entire life revolving around you. Yes. But also it's like, okay, one of my favorite hobbies we can't do together. Yes, we can't do together. Because another, and very much more differences become more and more weird after that because I don't eat spicy things. He loves spicy things. Ah.
And I have work at that time, he doesn't have work that time. Oh no. We're so different actually. We shouldn't be together. I tried, I tried. Yeah, and it's like it's important to try, right? And you saw something in him that made you want to move in with him, that made you want to pursue a serious relationship with him? Yes, speaking of that, he didn't pay the rent. What? What? Oh my god, that's my ex-boyfriend. Yeah, that is.
Yes, why? Yes.
Do we have the same one? No. I know, like did you date a man? He's never gonna listen to this. Did you date a man called... I'm just gonna call him Bob for privacy's sake. Okay. In, you know, Wisconsin in the United States. Is that right? Yes, yes, I know, I know. Oh my god. Lao Wang or Bob, something like that. I know, small world. Yeah, small world.
Anyway, your ex-boyfriend was like this? Yes, and when I say ex-boyfriend, like the person I'm setting up breakup talks right now with. Mm-hmm.
And I mean like who knows maybe there will be a surprising positive outcome of this that is not a breakup but unlikely But yeah my ex before him like I was in college how old were you when you met your like last year's boyfriend? I was in the company I think I was 28 Okay yeah still 20s I feel like in our 20s Our 20s was like oh my god miserable I know
I know, I know. Meet bad people. Jerks everywhere. I know. And just like everyone, and even if they aren't trying to be jerks, like you're at this place where you don't know who you are. Yes, you may be the jerk sometimes. Yeah, no, absolutely. You may be a jerk sometimes, but you don't know. Yeah, you know, like so everyone listening to this, watch yourself. You really don't need to warn them.
They're listening to this podcast. It's a lost cause. Just be cute and be yourself. Be individual. Everyone, even if you're in a relationship, I think you need to be individual, I think. Yes, 100%. And I think that's part of why, you know, back to current boyfriend, I've had so much trouble with like, should I, you know, how should I approach this? It's because it's like, I respect him as an individual. Yes, you're very kind. You're too kind for this. I said a thousand times. You're so sweet.
Thank you! We don't need to say that he talked ass. Oh, okay, whoops, whoops. Forget that I just said that. Yeah, no, but like, you know, he's an adult. Yes. He's a grown adult. If he doesn't want me to help handle his issues, he can handle them himself. You know, if he doesn't want to communicate with me about what he's going through,
He's an individual, he's got his own stuff going on, I respect that. But at the same time there hits like a breaking point of just like, to a certain degree if you want to be in a relationship with someone you have to include them in your individual life as well. Not let them take over it like our exes did. Yes. Where they like, "You are the center of my world and I don't exist without you." Yes. You know, have your own hobbies. Yes.
Right? Have your own life, have your own friends, go out, do your thing.
But when you're going through something serious, don't just ghost someone for two months and just say like... That is so not right. That is so not right. It's another side, I think, we're talking about this whole thing. It's not right because nobody can hold on for two weeks, two months. No, no, no, no, no. For me, I think two days. Yeah, and honestly, for me at the beginning, even two days of not hearing from him, the first two days was so difficult.
I know why, because you are so sweet at the beginning. You are so sweet. And suddenly it's gone, it's disappearing, right? It's gone. It's gone. And... In Chinese, sorry. What a sign. I can know you are rolling coaster, you are going to the high point and you are going down and you are going high and you are going down.
Yeah, and it's like, I just please give me some stability like communicate. That's awesome. Just one normal person who can communicate. I know like and honestly like I what I'm looking for in a partner like if I if I were asked on the spot right now, what am I looking for in a partner? You know, please feel free to ask me. Yes. Hmm.
What are you looking for in a partner, Aisin? What I'm looking for in a partner is someone who is emotionally available for a relationship. You know, who can be affectionate. They don't have to be affectionate in the way that I want them to be, but who can express love, is emotionally there for a relationship, and has a basic sense of responsibility,
hobbies. Like I'm just looking for another adult who's looking for another adult to share their life with. I think this is a normal adult should have the quality. Yeah. Right? Right. But not most people have this. It's so hard to find. Yes, it is. So hard to find. From the beginning, I think most people don't have the responsibilities or they don't have the emotional things.
Or they're just jerks. Yeah, oh my god, yes. To all of that. Especially the jerks. There's a weird amount of them too. Like the ones who are just out to emotionally devastate you. And like, you know, my boyfriend right now has emotionally devastated me on accident. Like he didn't intend to do that. But like there's so many people who are just out there like, you know, Miley Cyrus wrecking ball. It's just my approach.
Miley Cyrus rock and roll I think I have a point, man Maybe one side, he's really really going bad things Yes Emotion breakdown Yes Second side, I think he's meeting someone else, bitch I've thought about it Because I'm like
Someone's not interested. Everyone has some... Yeah, and I'm like, if I get to the point where I genuinely start to think, rather than the random suspicion, like if I genuinely think he's found a new girlfriend, I'm like, I'm not having a breakup conversation. I'm having a, you know, have fun with your new girlfriend, goodbye. Uh-huh. You know, because if you don't trust someone, why would you be in a relationship with them? Yes, yes, yes. I have a question for you. Oh, talk to me.
What is more sad for you? One, he's really depressed. Yes. He's going through something. Yeah. Two, he has a new girlfriend.
What makes you so sad? I would be so happy if he had a new girlfriend. Really? Oh, I would be fine. Because in that moment I know that he's just trash. You know, because someone who gets a new relationship while they're in a relationship but then doesn't properly break up with their previous partner. If he were the type to do that... That's totally fine for you.
Yeah, I would break up just like, you know, on the spot. I would feel refreshed, like you would see me, I would be like five years younger. Like, oh, thank God. Yeah, no, thank God. Please have a new girlfriend, Riku. Actually, please make it easy for me. Yeah, yeah, yeah, make it easy for you. Yeah, because like, just imagine the emotional like, difficulty. Yes, I know, I know.
of breaking up with someone with just depression who can't handle it and who just hasn't been handling it for months. Like, cause then I feel like I'm being a dick. No, don't say that. You're not a dick. You cannot... You are not responsible for this. And you cannot cure this. He needs doctor. You are not a doctor for her. Or for him, I think. Thank you. Thank you for saying that. Like, it helps to hear it from another person. You have helped. I mean, you have willingness to...
giving to him that if you want to talk to me, you can talk to me. At least I can solve part of your problem. I think at least 1% is okay. Yeah, I can at least give you like the smallest amount, potentially the smallest tiniest amount of emotional support. I'm giving this willing and I can see if you are willing to take this one, that would be really really good conversation, I think. Yeah, yeah, I think that's really spot on. And like I know that we've both had issues
Is it okay to say this on the podcast? Yes. We've both had experiences with depression, so we know that it's hard. We aren't looking at a depressed person like, "Oh, why are you being like this?" or something. No, we understand. Yes, we understand. Depression really needs medicine or a doctor to check on you. Do not, do not, we should say do not, but
You know, just one pop star just died. Oh no. That's Coco Lee. Oh no. She was depressed since coming to suicide. Oh no. Because of depression. So everyone recently is talking about depression since. Yeah. You really need to go to the doctor to find some help. Do not fight by yourself. Yes. You are not alone. Yes, you are not alone. And like...
you can live a better life you can be happier yes you can be happier you leave you have chances yes yes you have chances to get a better recover from this illness i think do not go to the other side do not never never go to that side if you have problems you can talk if you don't want to talk just
meditation or dance we have tons of ways to get better yes yes and you know like i don't know how to put it but a lot of people even nowadays still view depression as like this person is weak or this person is just making it up yes you know but like don't listen to those people don't listen to those people it's very very well documented that this is a very real disorder people experience
And also that it's a thing that you can get help for. Yeah, so if you're out there, you're not alone. Please don't mistake this conversation as me being like, "If you're in a relationship, you deserve to be dumped." Because that's not the point. That's not the point. So what we have updated here right now
is Mary is planning a date with her boyfriend to talk about this serious relationship, right? Yes. And to be like, "Hey, look, I know that you're going through a very hard time. I respect that you're going through a very hard time, but I need to know what we see as the future of this relationship." Yes, at least in two months, I think, what we'll do next month. Yes. We need some plans. Not just like this. Yes.
This is no different than a long ride. Yeah, because we're not talking, we are not meeting. I have no idea when we're next going to meet. He promised when we met two weeks ago for the first time in two months, he promised that he'd message me when he can meet next.
and just didn't message me. You are waiting days and days and days. Yeah, and it's just like, you know, like when you're depressed, you let things drop. So if this is depression, then, you know, maybe you need to get help and I can try to help you get help or something like that. Yes, yes, we are here. We are here. We are listening.
Yeah, and if this is... if this is... if it's not depression but you just don't feel like you want to be in a relationship right now, that's also okay. You know, just tell me. Just tell me. Yeah, just let me know it's okay. Oh, this whole thing is what we are updating right now. Yes, thank you for letting me update the internet. Let's keep it like an episode. This is first episode, so we'll get more next time.
Is it okay? Absolutely. We'll keep you updated. Okay, guys. So much for today. Thank you so much. I gotta say it tonight. Now, pick my hand and come with me, girl.
We should make it last a while. You love to drink. Drink. Bring them to me. Bring them to me. Now everybody put your hands in the air. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Let me see your hands off the book up. Watch me turn it up. How did we hear the party song? I wanna, I wanna see you tonight. Well, I gotta, I gotta, I gotta, I gotta see you tonight. Tonight is the night.