cover of episode 冲嘴儿 | 关系冲突中“逢吵必赢”的僵局怎么破?

冲嘴儿 | 关系冲突中“逢吵必赢”的僵局怎么破?

2024/10/14
logo of podcast 邱后算账Hindsights

邱后算账Hindsights

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Rocio
邱雨薇
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邱雨薇:在与Rocio的冲突中,我意识到自己可能将个人想法强加于她,希望她能从对抗模式中放松。虽然我作为咨询师应该保持客观,但作为朋友,我希望她能更好地控制情绪。在与Rocio的冲突中,我意识到自己可能将个人想法强加于她,希望她能从对抗模式中放松。虽然我作为咨询师应该保持客观,但作为朋友,我希望她能更好地控制情绪。最近的冲突源于沟通不足和情绪积累。例如,Rocio按摩后失联,触发了我对被忽视的恐惧,虽然我事后自己调和了情绪,但这反映出我们沟通上的不足。在泉州旅行计划中,我的想法没有被重视,让我感觉不被看到,事后理性解释也无法弥补当时的情绪。去鲁迅博物馆时,因为Rocio不回信息,再次引发冲突,我们都处于高度紧张状态。回家后,我拉肚子,身心俱疲,感觉委屈,开始考虑最坏的打算。我主动沟通,询问Rocio是否愿意解决问题或暂时分开。我意识到自己也处于‘战斗’状态,想赢,但过去可能依赖Rocio的退让。我们都不愿服软,因为服软意味着会被抓住把柄。最终,我们尝试了‘互换角色’的方法,站在对方的角度为对方辩解,这让我体会到Rocio的委屈和努力,化解了对抗情绪。通过这个过程,我意识到自我价值感和工作生活平衡的重要性,以及持续反思和沟通的重要性。我们制定了一些新的计划和行动,例如互换角色,用卡片决定一些事情,并向朋友道歉。 Rocio:长期相处容易积累负面情绪,即使当时没表达出来,也会被触发。邱雨薇按摩后失联,触发了我对被忽视的恐惧,但最终我调和了情绪。关于泉州旅行,虽然邱雨薇当时没有明确反对,但事后的反应让我生气,因为沟通不足,导致情绪没有得到释放。去鲁迅博物馆时,因为邱雨薇不回信息,再次引发冲突,我们都处于高度紧张状态。我反感邱雨薇为自己辩解,并认为她成为了我过去创伤的导火索。我的应对模式从过去的‘逃避’转变为现在的‘对抗’,因为自我价值感提升。在冲突中,我意识到自己也处于‘战斗’状态,想赢,但过去可能依赖邱雨薇的退让。我们都不愿服软,因为服软意味着会被抓住把柄。最终,我们尝试了‘互换角色’的方法,站在对方的角度为对方辩解,这让我体会到邱雨薇的委屈和努力,化解了对抗情绪。通过这个过程,我意识到自我价值感和工作生活平衡的重要性,以及持续反思和沟通的重要性。我们制定了一些新的计划和行动,例如互换角色,用卡片决定一些事情,并向朋友道歉。

Deep Dive

Key Insights

What triggered the conflict between the hosts during their city walk?

The conflict was triggered when one host did not respond to messages for about ten minutes during their city walk, which reminded the other of past negative experiences with being ignored. This led to a significant emotional reaction and a subsequent argument.

How did the hosts attempt to resolve their conflict after the city walk?

After the city walk, the hosts attempted to resolve their conflict by increasing the time they spent together, such as visiting Longfu Temple and going on another city walk. However, this approach was more mechanical and did not address deeper emotional issues.

What method did the hosts use to soften their conflict and improve communication?

The hosts used a method where they swapped roles and spoke from each other's perspectives. This helped them appreciate each other's efforts and feelings, leading to a softening of their conflict and better communication.

What are some of the strategies the hosts plan to use to prevent future conflicts?

The hosts plan to use strategies such as writing cards to decide on activities, giving each other three opportunities per month to soften the other's tension, and ensuring they spend more quality time together to strengthen their relationship.

Why is releasing emotional pressure important in resolving conflicts according to the hosts?

Releasing emotional pressure is crucial because it creates internal space for understanding and empathy, allowing for more constructive communication and conflict resolution. It helps prevent the buildup of resentment and facilitates a healthier dialogue between partners.

Chapters
本期节目,雨薇和Rocio复盘了近期关系中多次情绪崩溃的冲突,从过去的“战-逃”模式转变为现在的“战-战”模式,并分享了打破僵局和修复信任的尝试。两人就几次具体的冲突进行了详细描述,例如Rocio按摩后失联、泉州旅行计划沟通不畅、鲁迅博物馆参观时的争吵等,展现了冲突的来龙去脉和双方的情绪变化。
  • 冲突模式转变为“战-战”,带来新的挑战
  • 沟通不畅和情绪积累是冲突的主要原因
  • 缺乏相互理解和共情,导致冲突升级

Shownotes Transcript

本期节目跟大家复盘一下近期我和Rocio在关系中所产生的令彼此都情绪崩溃的冲突。 我们发现随着自我不断地成长,关系的模式也在发生着改变。从过去的战-逃的模式,到现在的战-战模式,给关系带来了新的挑战。 借着这个机会,也跟大家分享一下我们是如何尝试打破这个僵局和修复信任的。 欢迎把你的想法和感受在留言区里告诉我。 【支持创作】 爱发电 搜索“邱后算账” 【互动分享】 欢迎把你的想法、感悟和问题发至:[email protected] 【加入社群】 添加wx:mollyqiuctb,备注:社群+入群原因,即可申请加入社群信息,有机会和更多小伙伴交流相关话题和参与到更多精彩活动中来。 【节目介绍】 主题曲&结尾曲:SEVDALIZA MAD WOMAN 其他收听平台:网易云音乐|喜马拉雅|Apple Podcast|小宇宙 邱雨薇:爱勇不息CouragetoBecome创始人|关系咨询|媒体人 邱后算账:从对话中去探索爱与关系的不同可能性 公众号:CouragetoBecome