cover of episode Vol. 067 走出困境,要允许自己做个“坏”人

Vol. 067 走出困境,要允许自己做个“坏”人

2024/11/15
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真空世界

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#moral dilemmas in love#relationship dynamics and dating#emotional healing#self-awareness and introspection#healing from past relationships#self-liberation#psychological liberation#inner child healing#emotional scarcity and abundance#coping with relationship pain#overcoming self-doubt#self-love#personal growth and self-discovery#self-discovery and growth#self-care strategies#emotional resilience and self-care#authentic living#emotional validation#navigating personal boundaries#ideal relationship expectations#breaking free from societal expectations#societal influence on relationships#personal freedom and expression#intimacy and distance#love People
雨晨
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@雨晨 :本期节目探讨允许自己结束一段不合适的关系,允许自己做个“坏人”,即主动结束关系,不执着于被爱。通过分析综艺《再见爱人》中葛西和刘聪的例子,指出葛西看似强大独立,实则内心脆弱,渴望被爱,却无法狠下心结束不合适的关系,这反映出许多人都不允许自己做“坏人”,即主动结束关系的人。许多人无法结束一段关系,是因为他们不允许自己做那个主动离开、不念旧情的人,他们更倾向于成为受害者,等待对方狠心提出分手,而不是自己主动结束,这是一种将幸福寄托于他人许可的模式。人们过于执着于被爱,这会限制个人成长和幸福。人们常常将自己不喜欢对方的事实转化为“对方不喜欢自己”,以此逃避责任和避免承担负面情绪。要允许自己有时是自私、冷漠、疏离的,才能做出符合自身需求的决定。葛西的故事说明,即使拥有强大的逻辑思维和个人成长,在感情中也可能因为不允许自己做“坏人”而痛苦。结束一段关系,损失是双方的,不能只关注一方的付出。受害者叙事虽然能带来同情和道德优势,但在某些情况下并不适用,成为强者需要承担更多,但也能获得更长久的幸福。不要将自己的幸福快乐建立在别人的允许之上,要学会自主选择和表达自己的需求。通过猫咪妮妮的例子,说明从小缺乏爱的人,会习惯性地寻求他人的允许,不敢表达自己的真实需求,这与前面提到的在感情中不敢做“坏人”的现象类似。不要把快乐寄托在别人是否爱你上,要学会表达自己的需求,并为自己的幸福负责。

Deep Dive

Key Insights

Why does the speaker emphasize the importance of allowing oneself to be the 'bad' person in a relationship?

Allowing oneself to be the 'bad' person means taking control of one's own happiness and making decisions that prioritize personal growth and well-being, even if it means ending a relationship. This is crucial because waiting for the other person to make the decision often leads to prolonged unhappiness and emotional stagnation.

What does the speaker learn from the relationship dynamics in the show 'Goodbye Lover 4'?

The speaker observes that one of the participants, Ge Xi, appears strong and independent but is internally fragile and struggles to end her relationship despite recognizing its flaws. This mirrors the speaker's past experiences of being 'strong on the outside but weak on the inside,' highlighting the difficulty of making tough emotional decisions.

What is the significance of the 'Swiss roll incident' discussed in the podcast?

The 'Swiss roll incident' illustrates how people often seek permission or validation from others, even for small decisions like eating a cake. The speaker points out that this behavior stems from a lack of self-assurance and the need for external approval, which can lead to feelings of委屈 and frustration.

How does the speaker's cat, Nini, exemplify the need for permission and validation?

Nini, the speaker's cat, constantly seeks permission and validation before acting, such as waiting to be invited to sleep near the speaker. This behavior reflects a deep-seated need for love and approval, which the speaker connects to broader human tendencies to seek external validation for happiness.

What advice does the speaker give about expressing one's needs in relationships?

The speaker advises being clear and direct about one's needs rather than waiting for others to guess or give permission. This approach fosters healthier relationships and ensures that one's happiness is not dependent on external validation or luck.

Shownotes Transcript

葛夕的故事我的故事瑞士卷的故事猫咪的故事,我们在多少事情上都在等待别人的允许

允许别人狠心却不允许自己狠心的人啊,永远在等待着别人的宣判

不允许自己做先退出的、不念旧情的、薄情的、希望自己能够更好的人啊,又搭进去了些什么

从不坦率表达自己要快乐全靠别人猜不猜得中的人啊,得到了自己要的了吗

为什么我们总是在等别人狠心,这能为我们拿到什么好处

可是这个好处背后藏了哪些代价和隐患

从猫咪身上看到总是需要“被允许”是多么让人心疼

从不被允许就没法开心自得延伸到看见背后的缺爱

以及缺爱的一些表现

【About】

聊天的人:雨尘swanheart(小红书:万雨尘SWan,微博:@万雨尘)

封面:MIKI KIM

文案:雨尘

后期剪辑制作:Swan Choice 工作室

小助手:Msswanheart (添加微信并备注听友群)

shownotes,

00:20 允许自己在感情里做个“坏”人

05:50 强大的人才不在意“你爱没爱过我”

09:30 允许别人狠心却不允许自己狠心

11:35 太执着被爱是会把你困住的

12:30 说“ta不喜欢我”,其实是我不喜欢ta

16:15 主动做 “坏”人,体会能量感

19:05 看见受害者叙事背后的好处

23:40 不要把自己的幸福快乐赌在别人是否允许上

27:05 从不坦率表达自己要快乐全靠别人猜不猜得中

34:10 什么都要被允许背后肯定是存在创伤的

39:00 幸运强求不得,强大可以练习

【音乐】

雨声

Hero -- Family of the Year

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