Jesse Lee Peterson Insanity w/ Ryan Sickler | Your Mom's House Ep. 735
01:46:04 Share

- This week on Your Mom's House. - I don't love it though, everybody works so hard to do their shit that we just shit all over. That's the best. - Like the flying thing with Charo that I-- - Oh my gosh. - And I could hear her screams, you know, "Think about your father!" - Imagine your girl having to become the first lady.

People put dick bulges on you everywhere you go. You're the president's wife. Welcome. Welcome to your mom's house.

Mom, Dad, I humbly suggest you save some money and shop Amazon for back to school. It's for my growth, meaning my body's growing at an alarming rate. And clothes you buy me this year will be very small very soon. Plus, the clothes I love today will be out of style tomorrow. But at least your wallet doesn't have to be my fashion victim anymore.

Happy Thanksgiving! Aye, mate.

This is the week you gotta deal with your dumb fucking family. It's the worst. And the same goes for us. Yeah, and can I tell you what I will be most grateful for? What? Is taking a shit. Because I'm on these antibiotics right now. Here we go. And I gotta tell you, it is a drag. Can I tell you what I've done so far? Just hold on. Can I talk to you for a second? Yeah, man.

I've done the fucking Metamucil cookies. I drank Miralax last night. I ate cream of wheat, which usually makes me shit within an hour of eating it. None of that happened? No magic, Brown. And then I fucking exercise. I drink two coffees, espresso shots, no shitting. Jesus. It's the Z-Pack, bro. Sounds like you need to get in the cold plunge. Will that make me shit? Mm-hmm. That's the secret. But that would make me clench up. And then when you get out?

You release it? Release, yeah. Everybody who cold plunges shits well. And do you ejaculate after too? Sometimes make your balls constrict and then they expand. Yeah. Are you still cold plunging every day? No, I haven't done it in a few days, but I'll do it today. My body hurts. And it helps with the pain? Mm-hmm. Okay. Yeah. All right. It sounds terrible. It's great. I gotta be honest, full disclosure. No, it is terrible. I don't want to act like it's fun. It's not fun. It's horrible every time. Every time. But also...

You know, you feel good afterwards. Do you feel a sense of accomplishment? I guess. You just feel an intense relief. You're like, I'm not dead. That's the relief is like, oh, I thought I was going to die. No, you really go, you're forcing your body into fight or flight mode. Do you know why I don't like this then? My whole life I've been in fight or flight mode. So then it should be easy for you. Like literally 20 years of therapy to get out of fight or flight. You'll be fine. Do you know that, yeah.

Yeah. I'm not comfortable when I'm just in a calm state of being. Yeah. Because I'm not like jacked up on coffee or drunk, you know? Yeah. Just being calm is very weird. Calm is weird. You're like that. You like being calm though. I do like it. You're not jacked up on adrenaline or anything.

It's associated, no. No, no. I seek the adrenaline. Oh, that's true. Yeah. That's where we differ. You're like, I want to fuck my shit up. And I'm like, life is scary already. Enough, enough. Like the flying thing with Charo that I- Oh my gosh. But what gives you the joy? Is it just knowing that you're torturing the mother that you really don't like? Yeah, I really do. I never really thought about it on a psychological level until recently. Yeah.

why I get such joy out of torturing her. Yeah. I know. I mean, shit, but I never thought of those reasons. I just thought, Oh, this is something that makes me laugh. Yeah. No, you hate her guts. I mean, on a certain level, I really feel like what it is is you feel like you're getting back at someone. Right. Yeah. Yeah.

The video you showed me. Yeah. You're literally torturing a 78 year old bag of bones. On her birthday. On her birthday in the back of a helicopter. Her body is like, like lurching up. Her bones can't even handle what's happening to her. And you're laughing. Look at you. I've never watched it without laughing. And I was laughing so hard in that flight.

that uh you know i was wiping tears away and i could hear her screams you know i could ski that's what but that's what you like the best i could hear her pleading uh she talked about my dad she talked about god like i could hear screaming and think about your father yeah i know she was screaming to jesus and like please and suddenly the screams just kept growing can i tell you something yeah

This, you make me almost want to have a relationship with my dad because now I can do stuff like this to him to fuck with him. Oh, yeah. It's really fun. Go on a helicopter ride with Tom. Yeah. And will you do this to my dad? Sure. If you, yeah. Maybe it's time to reconnect. Yeah.

It's the hardest I've laughed in so long. And then I got her in the cold plunge, which I knew she would hate. And you saw how hard that made me laugh. She hated it. But you know why she does it, though? It's because she just wants your attention. Even if it's for like five awful minutes, she just wants you to pay attention to her. That's why she does all this stuff. You think so? No, I know so. That's what she said to me after the cold plunge, after she was shivering and she couldn't move her feet because they cramped. And I was trying to help her mom by putting towels on her to warm her up.

And I go, well, why did you do this? You knew this would be bad. And she goes, it's the only way I can get Tommy to pay attention to me for a few minutes. Really? I never heard that. See, I never heard that. Oh, well, there you go. Yeah. She just wants your approval. Yeah. Well, she gets it when she suffers.

It makes you like her more. It does. It does. It's like she repents. It's like a penance. It is. It is. It's like, yeah, I dealt with all your shit for a lot. So here you go. Here's a few minutes of suffering. Yeah, this is what it felt like to grow up with you. Yeah, this is for all your gaslighting bullshit. She's a real gaslighter. She still is. She still is. She can torture you. I actually, you know, can I tell you something? This show.

has helped me in that regard in showcasing her because I feel some validation from the audience. Yeah. Like when people will be like, Oh, I see it. Like some people don't see it. They just see, cause we all have our own lenses. Yeah. So some people watch it and they're like,

They only see like how funny she is. Oh yeah. But that's. And I go, and she is, she's super funny. She's great in that regard. For five seconds. Yeah. No, she's, she really is. So they get the entertaining part. But then when someone was like, oh, I see what's making you crazy. Yeah. And you kind of feel validated. And the craziest moms and the craziest parents are the ones that all your friends are like, what are you talking about? They're the best. I always think of, I don't want to say his name, but my, my friend,

From high school. Yes, I know exactly which dad you're talking about. Whose dad is like that. And he's always like... Yeah, big personality, life of the party. But then they torture you behind closed doors. It's torture at home. Now, a fun thing is that Charo does have a really fun side to all this. She does, yes. Which is like, even with the chopper, you know, when she got out, she was like, we are going to the mall. Yeah. And you are going to pay for this. Yeah. I want the iWatch. Yeah. Like, she's still, you know, it's not like...

a hatred it's just like yeah you have to fuck with someone back you go you fucked with me I'm gonna fuck with you yeah yeah then my next thing I want to get her into is because she really hates it is a race car okay can you get her into one that's the hard part so it's frail once she's in she's fucked but what but like I can if I can get her into one and be like no just be like casual ride and then I'll take her like 200 miles an hour Jesus Christ I can have her like that like that's what I want to do

Well, you better hurry. She's not getting any younger. That's for sure. Maybe we could do it when we're in Florida for Thanksgiving. Yeah, maybe. Is there a track you could do? Yeah, I'm sure there's something around there. I have to look into it.

Well, it's good that she's game to do all this. And the irony is, it's like, that's all the activity she does. That's it. She doesn't do much else. No, that's it. She eats candy and then just sits around all day. Yeah. But at least you're getting her to do stuff. Yeah. That's cool. It's the only time her heart rate goes up. Seriously. Yeah. Literally, yeah. It's good though. Just moments where she thinks it's the end of her life. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, it's so twisted. All right, let's start the show. When she finally goes, are you going to turn this on me? What do you mean? Like, who will you torture when she's gone? We'll see if you're lucky. Here we go. Opening clip. This week, Captain Jason, what weather might be the story this weekend? Yeah, this weekend really is going to feel not even like mid-October. It's going to feel like late October, dare I say, even the N-word. What? Who is that? Don't bring anyone loving to this. Mom, where the fuck is Dad?

What? Mom Segura. Christine. Christine. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. yeah.

Go, go. Open and close. Do your dance. Do your dance. Do your dance. Mommy can do your dance. Do your stuff. Make that air dip. Jack off into your mouth.

Dare I say even the N-word. What season is in the N-word? November. Oh, that was his N-word. He's like, mid-October, late October, or dare I even say the N-word, which I've never heard somebody refer to in November. November. That's the N-word. That's from now on, that's what we're going to refer to. That's what we're going to call it from now on. The N-word. November. The N-word month. Thanksgiving always falls in the month of the N-word.

I smell another t-shirt in the making. Yeah. Celebrating the N-word. That one's not going to fly. But it's November. Right. You know what I mean? It's like people like pumpkin spice lattes. I'm listening to the pitch. Go ahead. You know what I mean? Pretend I'm the board of Starbucks. Tell us your idea for our new ad. What is it? It's like making it positive. Positive spin on the N-word, you know? Uh-huh. November. November.

Yeah. It's like you used to be. Drink a pumpkin spice latte this N-word. That's right. That's right. Two pumps for the N-word. We're sold. That's a good idea. I didn't really think it through about the pitch. Yeah. But that's cool. The N-word, he said. The N-word. It's funny because he didn't know there was another one. Yeah. Yeah. Something tells me he knows that there's more. I would love to see the moment right after this clip ended. Yeah.

He's like, uh. We're his colleague to his left. What was that? I'll tell you. The D word, the N word, the F word, February. Speaking of words. Don't forget that coming up very soon. Oh my gosh. The presale will begin for 69 minutes. The YMH Studios News Magazine show that tackles all the important stuff going on in the world. We have been working very hard on this.

We have an incredible cast of people involved in it.

Stavros is in it. Mateo Lane is in it. Joe List, Brian Sickler, Brian Simpson, Danny Brown, ourselves. There's incredible pieces. Charo is in it. It's going to be, I'm the most excited about this. Brian Sickler, too. Yeah, I said that. Oh, sorry, I wasn't listening. I wasn't paying attention. Yeah, that's cool. It's the N-word. I'm too excited about it. Yeah, the N-word is very exciting. The N-word is...

But it's something we've worked really hard on and it's going to debut December 15th here at YMH Studios. And we couldn't be more excited. And the trailer will be out soon. Can't wait to show you guys. So just know that we are working hard on it and we're looking forward to it.

to showing you that. I'm pumped, bro. It's so funny. It's such a good thing. Yeah, it's great. It's so good. It's really great. We spent so much money on this one too. A lot of production. It's a million dollar production. Took a nice trip to Jude Org Titties. Yeah. In the hopes of reconnecting with one Robert Paul Champagne. We'll see how that goes. See how that goes.

Go to your happy place for a happy price. Go to your happy price, Priceline.

Summer is supposed to be an opportunity to slow down, but when you look at your kids, you can't help but notice that your kids are growing up fast. Help them build independence as they grow with Greenlight. Greenlight is a debit card and money app for families, where parents can keep an eye on kids' money habits while kids learn how to save, invest, and spend wisely. It's the easy, convenient way to raise financially smart kids. Get your first month free when you sign up at greenlight.com slash spotify.

I just watched the Beckham documentary. I think the word is we. We watched it together. No, you didn't watch the documentary. I fell in and out of sleep and I watched it. You didn't even watch the last two episodes of it. I caught the gist. The hot guy. Hold on. Hot guy playing football. Football. Yeah. And he goes to Spain and he kicks the ball around in Spain, in London, and they yelled at him because he fucked up once. He got a flag.

Victoria is very pretty. Okay. So it's really well done. I think it really gives you great insight. And also, I think, you know, for me, it's like I remember, obviously, he was a global, still is, superstar. But the details of things, that's the thing, is like I never really was in plugged in enough to realize what his hardships were as a player. Like how fucking hated he was.

for that World Cup incident, you know, where he got the red card. The red flag. The red, yeah. And like how they just completely turned on him as a nation. It's wild. It's wild. To have the entire nation turned against you. There's people that think, that were thinking like, oh, this is the last couple of days. And it just, it didn't end. No, years it went on. Yeah, it went on all the time. And back in those days,

to be walking down the street and the paparazzi are just mobbing you and you've zero privacy. And it's a huge story. People were hanging him in effigy and stuff on the street. See, I did, I saw some of it before. Yeah.

You know what I really liked about it? Is that you get to know Posh Spice. Because I really didn't get to know her. And then I got to see a little bit. And you know what I like about her? What's that? Is how much she likes David. She loves him. She really loves Davey Beckham. Yeah. And she's like, I don't like football, but I like to watch David play. And that's how I think about you, too. Like, I don't like comedy, but I like watching you do comedy.

But I like watching you do stuff. You know, I don't like cold plunging, but I enjoy watching you cold plunge. I like watching you do your silly, you know, piloting and everything. Yeah. It's cute. Thanks. Yeah. Thanks. I feel the same way about you, man. You feel like we're posh and becks? Well, we're definitely not as attractive or thin. I would challenge that.

The whole documentary? The whole documentary. Because he's 47 now. And I mean, you know, he's in with Manchester United at their youth program since he's 15. And I guess he's probably a pro at like, I don't know, 18 or something. Like that's when he's on the pitch playing for them. But they reconnect in the doc with...

players that he played with at Manchester United, at Real Madrid, the national English team, AC Milan, every single player. And these are players from England, Brazil, Portugal, Spain. They're all like talking about when they first met him, they all go...

So, you know, he comes in and we see this beautiful man, most beautiful. They all are like, I've never seen anyone so pretty and so handsome. Like, they just can't stop talking about it. And then you see the footage from them and you're like, Jesus Christ. Like this dude is. Yeah. He's really like, like designed. It doesn't even seem like a real person, you know? I know. And I remember in the 90s. Because haircuts would be news. Seeing him. Yeah. That's him. Yeah.

With Posh. And I remember even thinking about it. I'm like, yeah, that guy's playing fucking soccer or whatever, dude. Yeah. This guy's too hot to be doing that. Someone kick a pretty face. Fuck up his face. Pretty face. Dang. But they're both so cute, dude. They're both so cute for each other. I love it. He, you know, he's also, I think when we see celebrities, you assume, so like, so I always, you always see him really well put together, like his outfits and everything. And then in the doc, like,

There's one part where they walk into his bedroom and,

And there's a rack and the, and then there's clothes on it. And the guy's like, what's this? He goes, this is my, these are my outfits for the week. Yeah. Weird. Like what? He goes, yeah, I pick my outfits out for the entire week. He picks them out or his stylist. He does. He does. Cause here's the deal. He's very, very organized and very meticulously. Yeah. Cause the thing is, is I go by what I, what I wear is how I feel that day. So how do I know what I'm going to feel like on Thursday? If it's Monday. Yeah. Do you feel that way too?

Every day I change. So how can I know what I want to, how I feel on Friday? You want a little talk? Well, I think he has some idea of what he's going to be doing. Oh yeah. Like that one you just passed by, that was a whole era of hair. Oh my gosh. You know what's crazy is that he looks like a whole new hot guy. Like this looks like a different hot guy. Yeah. And then now he's just like an older, different hot guy. Yeah. Because he's had so much work done and stuff. Yeah.

- Yeah, there's a different hot guy there. - Look at their faces. They're such weirdos together. I love how they have bad matching outfits in this early time with them. Like their wedding, they wore purple while everybody else wore black and white. And then I saw it today on TikTok. - Their wedding outfit was ridiculous. - Posh was, yeah, they're wearing purple. And the kids, their babies wearing a purple cowboy hat. It's so stupid. You're like, "How many drugs were you guys taking that you thought this was cool?"

And then they wore it to the Versace party matching black leather onesies. Yeah. And she's like, I couldn't move my trousers. My trousers couldn't move. Yeah. And you're like, yeah, there it is. There it is. Like, look at...

They're so funny. Yeah, they have... They had fun together. They had fun. It seems like they had a really good time. You know what, though? I wish you would do... Would you do matching outfits with me at Matchy Matchy's? For what? You're so funny. Do you know that you never want to do Matchy Matchy's? You never want to do couples massage. You won't even do a Halloween costume where, like, we're a pair. I'm not retarded. A bonded pair. What is that? Is it because it's unmasculine? I don't get into that...

mentally ill stuff. They like each other. It's just what people who love each other do. All right. Would you do... Can we do like a couple's Christmas outfit for the card, a Christmas card or something? Sure. You and I dress alike? Yeah, sure. Yeah, I'll do it. What? I got some stuff coming. What stuff? Cool stuff to wear. For Christmas? Yeah, yeah. What is it? It's this thing where Santa Claus looks like he got shot.

For the kids? No. No, you can't do that. It's got all these gunshot wounds and stuff. What are you doing? No. No! Okay. I'm not doing that. All right. So can I tell you...

I was walking through an airport. Yeah. And I saw a really broken looking flight attendant. Oh, Jesus. Sometimes you'll luck out and you'll see a flight attendant who's like on her off day. So she's standing in security line with you. That's how you know. And they're just jumping on a flight. And she looked broken. Well, here's how I know she looked broken. Yeah. She was wearing makeup.

Oh, bro. First of all, it was like the pink breast cancer awareness month, like rare uniform that her airline gets to wear. And then like... But wait, that doesn't give it away. Yeah, it does because it's a very attention getting... But they're all wearing it. Nope, they're not all wearing it. She was the anomaly. This is what I'm saying. She wanted the attention. So she's wearing the pink dress and...

And then the makeup is just like, she's going to Burning Man. Yeah, the makeup is usually a giveaway for Broken. That's how I knew who to target. Oh, so much glitter and stars and shit around her eyes. And then she even had the bridge of her nose was like a glitter run. And I was like, this chick's fucked up. I'm going to talk to her, you know? Because game recognize game. I know how mentally ill she is. Yeah. So I'm walking. It's a nice long walk.

And I start to chit chat with her and I go, can I ask you some questions? Because you're off duty. And she's like, yeah, sure. I go, first of all, do pilots fuck anymore? Yeah. And she goes, well, they used to fuck a lot more. But now the airline discourages it so much so that when you have an overnight, you know, they make the pilots stay in a separate hotel. As the flight attendants. Yeah. That makes sense.

I get it. The whole world's changed, you know? It sucks. But it used to be. If you want to move in, you can move in, but you got to fuck people. Yeah. I mean, why be a pilot if you're not going to fuck hot flight attendants? Now, here's the other problem. Yeah. Flight attendants, not hot anymore. That's the real bummer. That's, I think, why? That's making society sad. Seriously. Yeah. And I asked her, I asked her, I was like,

First you had to say, well, you're hot, but how come the rest of them aren't? Yeah, of course. I was like, you look amazing. At first I tell her how great she looks and I wish I could dress like her, blah, blah, blah. And then I was like, so do they even weigh flight attendants anymore? She goes, no, they're afraid of hurting somebody's feelings now. And I go, yeah, all this fucking weird shit. She's like, yeah, they're so afraid of- There's a bunch of fucking, I mean, most flight attendants look like warehouse workers now. Parable. Like they just fucking move boxes all day. They're just-

Yeah. It's a mess. It's a hot, the airline, we've seen it. You have to go international. International, it's a whole other game. Especially if it's subsidized by a government. It's normal. Yeah. Then you're just like, oh, these look like models. But every other nation, only America are we celebrating fatness and obesity and being out of shape. And by the way, this is the only country, this is the only place in the world. I think the hot flight attendants that these international airlines have, I think it puts everybody at ease. Everyone's like, oh, this is nice. Yeah. It's a good experience. Yeah. You're like, well, cause it's pleasant. Cause you're like,

When Barbara comes down, she's like, you want a drink? Everyone's like, that's not good. But when a pleasant, good-looking person. Yeah, you feel safer in the world. Yeah, you do. You feel better about the whole thing. Because then you're like, oh, this airline's healthy. Everyone's going to take care of me. I feel like...

For a minute here in the States when they were still, they got bought out and everything changed. But Virgin was kind of doing that. They were just like, no, higher hotties. Virgin was the best. And then they played cool music in their terminal. The check-in process felt good. The food was great. Of course, it must have not been profitable. No, they didn't do enough routes. That was the problem with Virgin America. But man, that Branson knew what the fuck he was doing. Wait, hold on. I had another fucking thought for you.

Yeah, they're not allowed to tell the fatties they're fat anymore. Any other insights she gave you?

Yeah, just that they're so, the corporate culture is so terrified of backlash that they won't even say like, hey, you're, you know, a flight attendant, you weigh 250. Yeah, you're gross and it's upsetting. Well, not just that, but, you know, even you and I have taken smaller flights and they tell you like, hey, how many bags are you bringing? Because there's an allotment for how much weight can be on this plane. Like, you mean to tell me that commercial flights don't have the same issue? Yeah. There's only so many, you know, aren't they losing money if the stewardess is taking up

the weight of five fucking luggage. Yeah, I mean, I was on a flight where they made me check my bag because one of the flight attendants was so fat. Is that right? I don't know. I don't know. They just were being kind. You got so mad. Yeah. Yeah. Why not? Not judging you, Bex. I'm on your team, David. Yeah. I admire everything you do. I'm like Victoria. I love it. When you get all fired up, I just eat the popcorn and I watch. Well, I mean...

I think I had actually pretty, I forgave her. That was the big lesson. A lot of times afterwards, people were like, oh my gosh, this is so crazy. I was like, yeah, but I forgave her. Yeah. That's the thing is you have to get to forgiveness. You're a forgiving man. Yeah. I agree. You're a sweetheart.

Oh, I should say this because I haven't even mentioned this. We've already announced that my new tour is on sale. My new tour is on sale. The Come Together Tour. Oh, hey. It begins in January. It's a great name. In Tokyo. And it goes right now. We are announcing the first leg that's through June. If you haven't gotten tickets to it, it's at TomSegura.com.

And I'm very excited. It's a totally different structure than the last tour. But if you don't see your city yet, believe me, we're going to hit your city. It's probably going to be...

in the second half of the year and the tour will continue on through 2025. So don't you worry. We'll get to your city. Okay. I too am touring in 2024. So far, I've only added Manfriend Disco, Meat Rattle. I'm going back to the Neptune Theater where I taped my very first comedy hour, Mother Inferior. I'll be doing the Neptune again. I'm so pumped. And then I'm doing... The Neptune is where I did Mostly Stories. Oh, that's right. We all do. Ridgefield Playhouse, Ridgefield Comnetic Hunt.

Okay. Yeah. And then I'll do the Gramercy Theater. I forgot to put that in the announcement at the top. The Gramercy Theater. Again, where I filmed my second special, Mom Jeans. Oh, yeah. And you're doing the Palace of Fine Arts in Fran Man Disco. In Man Fran Disco. I can't wait. So Jew Dark Titties, Man Fran Disco, Meat Rattle, and Ridgefield Comneticon. All right. Yeah, big time.

That's awesome. Yeah, we're both going to be on tour. Come try it out. Try it out. Check it out and try it out. Try it out. May I share? You want to share? Sure. May I? What do you want to share? So the other night, I went through my journals from when I was 14 years old. Because this was a... Anyway, I was 14, and I was just writing up a storm. And...

I found a photograph of myself at 13 and I brought it in because like there's no pictures of anybody taking the ladies. This is 1989. I know that little bitch Taylor Swift claims the year 1989. This is really what 1989 looked like, you fucks. Okay? Okay. It was cool as shit. I was wearing a dope ass blazer I stole from my mom's closet. I just learned to smoke cigarettes this year. Very cool. I got a mouth full of braces. And no, I'm not stoned. Somebody just caught me mid-expression. Yeah.

And, uh, yeah. It's very pretty. You look very cute. I have great hair. You have great hair. So much more than I do now. But anyway, I was looking at the themes and how I write when I was 13, 14. Mm-hmm.

It's crazy that you're just the same motherfucker. Like I'm the same person, but I wasn't even sure. Like, you know, you have thoughts at that age where you're like, yeah, man, the fucking government sucks and this and that. And you're not even sure if you know what you're saying. And then you're 47. You're like, no, no, she was right. This girl was spot on. You know, like life sucks. School is hell. Everything sucks. You got it. You got it right, girl. Yeah. There she is. There she is.

Right. Cause weren't you saying that when you were writing your book that you looked back at a project you had done? I found this binder. I should bring it in. And I found my writing from eighth grade and you had to write and like something, how's this first semester going of school? And I was like,

oh, wow, what a fascinating semester it has been. Gosh, I learned so much. I don't know what I would do without school. It's like really... Yeah, sarcastic. And then I'd write the teacher. I was like, especially you. You're such a gift to all of us. It's such a smart-ass thing to write. And you write it and you're like, oh, yeah, it's the same kid. Same kid. Same shit, different toilet. You know, you want to know what's even crazier? So I have this journal and...

The first, it's like a poem I had written. And then next to it was a picture of John Belushi. Isn't that crazy? As a samurai deli, I was 13 years old and I cut a picture out. And do you know who reminds me of John Belushi? Who? This guy right here. Right here. Yeah. And I was like, whoa, talk about foreshadowing. Like even at 13, I was attracted to like the comedy guy. Yeah. And I didn't know, but there was funny like drawings and stuff. And I was really sarcastic and shitty too. Yeah. Really interesting. Right.

Totally. I don't know. Anyway, you think you're a totally different person at that age, but you're not. Juan Luis brought photos. I got to show you that he found of a trip we took when I was 14. Who? Juan Luis. Oh, your cousin. Yeah. I want to see it. I'll show you the pictures. Oh, man. Me and Bree Bree and him. Yeah, that's fun. That's pretty cool. All right. Why don't we take a quick break and we'll be back in a moment. Oh.

This summer, during the biggest sporting event of the year, Peacock turns to two broadcasting legends for the Olympics coverage you can't find anywhere else. I think they mean us. With an incredible duo sure to take home the comedy gold. Olympic Highlights with Kevin Hart and Kenan Thompson. New episodes Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, only on Peacock.

And we are back and always so excited to welcome back to the program the great Ryan Sickler, everybody. Our brother. You're like a son to me, man. You're like a son to me, man. I'm so pumped you're here. I've been pumped for two weeks knowing that you're going to be here because it's like family, bro. And this is my favorite month. It's the N-word month. Did you know that? Oh, November? Yeah. Oh, okay. I was like...

We also record ahead on these, everybody. It's October right now. So just give me some slack on that. I did quick math. The N-word. November. He's talking about November. I got it. There I say the N-word. There you almost said it. Almost sounded like you said it. November, buddy.

It's great to see you. I was just in LA. I did the honeydew with you. We talked about our dad's

not living anymore yeah um it was great episode it was a great episode yeah i appreciate you doing that and really sitting down and talking about it because i didn't know all that either yeah no i mean your dad's heart stopping for what was it 10 20 minutes that's insane yeah 20 i didn't find out about that by the way like i didn't find out about it until i wasn't there when that happened it was like i was getting on a flight and they called me and told me

They didn't wait until you got there? They told you ahead of time? Was he gone during the window when he was gone, or you're landing not knowing whether he's coming or not? No, I just got a call, and they told me that that had happened. Did you even know you could live if you'd been gone 20 minutes? No, and then I met somebody, ironically, this weekend.

He had a heart attack in Lake Austin like 10 years ago. And he happened to be on the boat with two of his friends who were firefighters. So they pulled him out of the water and they started doing CPR. And when the medics came, the ambulance was like, well, we got like a whatever, the pads. They said that they...

couldn't do it for whatever reason in this moment. And so the firefighters just kept doing, his friends were doing the CPR, not the medics that came and they were breaking his ribs and just, and they did it for 30 minutes. No. And brought him back? Brought him back. That's nuts on manual pumping. And I guess your brain doesn't die.

Cause you're getting, and that's the thing he, you know, that's what I'd worry about. Like, if you're going to bring me back after 30 minutes, I'm a vegetable. You, I'm going to be, I'm going to haunt your ass. He's doing well now. He's doing well. And my, his friend that was telling, well, we were all there. He was telling me, so he's like, the crazy thing is that you're kind of normal. He's like, you should be normal after 30 minutes. Yeah.

I've been on tour. Get your tickets at RyanSickler.com. And after everything that happened to me in the hospital, I started asking people, is there anyone in the audience here that's

Ever been given that, like, hey, it's touch and go. You might die here. In the first city, some guy's like, I actually fucking died. And I was like, you died? And officially declared dead and came back? He's like, yeah. And I have asked every city I've been in, every single fucking city. Multiple people. Every single time. Have you ever had somebody? I got them on my Instagram. Because you have the craziest stories on Patreon. Have you ever had somebody? Because I've seen...

than a couple stories about people who wake up in morgues. Oh my gosh. Those are wild to me. If you're a Patreon fan of mine, write in if you've ever woke up in a morgue. Have you heard those stories? I've heard the stories, but I haven't had a guess. They sit up in the morgue and they're like, what's going on? Yeah, or they were breathing so low they couldn't tell.

Or they get buried alive. That happens. That's the one. That's the one right there. That's it. Fucking kill me. There's that old school Twilight Zone episode where the guy pays the gravekeeper to dig him up and then he lights the match in the coffin. He looks over and the grave digger's in there and he's like, ah, did it.

Have you ever talked about near-death experience? What do they see when they're dead? Do they see a light or anything? No one. Not one person I've talked to has seen anything. A lady named Betty in Tulsa said an angel came in the window

or the eighth floor of this hospital. And that's what she saw. But other than that, no, there's been no nothing. It's just been darkness. For people that also haven't seen Ryan's special, it's Lefty Son is on YouTube and you can watch that. Watch this bullshit. Check it out. How's that guy doing?

We haven't talked about him in so long. What's this? Yeah. The great Dennis Rodman. I don't love it though. Everybody works so hard to do their shit that we just shit all over. That's the best.

Do you remember when he was obsessed with North Korea? Remember when? And Kim Jong-un. That's still his dog. They're still broing down? For sure. Is that where he's been? Where the fuck has Dennis been? Dennis Rodman is amazing. I love Dennis Rodman. So do I. The worm. I miss him. What's he up to? Can we Google and see? What's he up to? Yeah, what is he doing? We don't hear about him. I don't know if there's a news update on him, but he's, yeah, he's doing that.

I want him on the honeydew. Hell yeah. I would love to podcast with him. Oh my gosh. Dennis, do it. He's had so much to talk about. Yeah. Look at him. He's great. Yeah, he's fun. Whoa, whoa, watch this. Wow. Look at the guy in that dress right there. You see him right there in that dress, Christina? Yeah. That guy, that man led the league in rebounds. That guy right there led the NBA in rebounds.

At the same time that Michael Jordan led the NBA in scoring. So what that actually means is there's very few opportunities for missed shots by his team, and he's still going out and pulling boards down off of missed shots from everybody else in the other team and leading the league when his guy is draining everything. He was relentless. Relentless. Nobody wants that. That's how fucking good that guy in that dress right there, that party dress was.

It's amazing. But greatness is, you know what I always think about? The greatest album David Bowie ever recorded, by my estimation, is an album called Low. And he recorded it in East Berlin while fucking Brian Eno on heroin. They didn't leave a room. They fucked for like three months.

had gay sex and heroin and made the greatest album of all time so there's something to this to what to wearing a dress to wear it being weird and wilding out and all this shit creates something good yeah brian you know they're fucking and i love that album low i'd fuck those guys look at them right now i'd fuck david bowie yeah no beautiful about brian you know i don't know who he was do you just said they fucked maybe in the 80s he was cuter though

They had Bowie, bro. Yeah. They had Bowie. I think about it all the time. They're just butt fucking and making good music and doing heroin. All the time. They call that working. Yeah. They're going to work. Dennis Robin puts on a dress and lipstick and is like the greatest player. How's your back?

My back's almost better. I'd say by the end of the year, I'll be 100%. My lungs are finally clear. It took eight months. All the clots are out of my lungs. That's great. Good. And yeah, so I'm back here again, hanging out with you guys. Like you said, you just were out there. You just did an episode of my new podcast. The new one's going to launch. I'm starting a new podcast. It's called The Way Back.

You're old enough to remember the seat in the station wagon that faced out the back window. Yeah, that's where we would sit with no seatbelts. Right, no seatbelts, secondhand smoke, flipping birds, 18-wheelers and all that shit. And it's only going to be like a 30-minute podcast. I don't want to do another hour or something. I just want to talk about nostalgia growing up.

vacations, fireworks, all of it. We had talked about the kids. Yeah, talked about being boys growing up and stuff and

And yeah, Tom's the first episode, but I'm banking a ton on them. I really want you to come on. I know you said you're not going to be out there in a while. I'll do it. I'll be out in April. Come out. I've got Gaffigan, Mark Norman, Joe List. We've got like 15 of them in the can already. Can I tell you what that just sparked a memory of? My mom dated some guy and he had, maybe it was a Cadillac. Remember the bench seats in the front?

With just nothing, dude. I would sit right in the middle of this plush bench seat. And if they took a turn too hard, you'd slide over. You're not buckled up at all, dude. Those car accidents must have been gnarly back then. It's just a lap belt, too. You're flying over. It's cutting you. Cutting you in half and shit. But the car could take the beat. The car could, yeah. That was the thing. You couldn't, but the car could. Now, the car can't. You tap a car, it's $2,500. 20, 30 years before that, when our...

were in high school.

They would show them videos of, like, bodies ripped in half from, like, the 50s and 60s. Red asphalt? Yeah. Just because bodies would just, no more seatbelts. They'd just fly out of the car. Flying out. Did you have driver's ed in high school? Yeah. Yeah. See, they finally got rid of that in our high, well. No, not in high school. No. Really? No, we did not have driver's ed in high school. We had it in the class. No, we did not. That was a class. Yeah, we did. We all had simulators. I got a major car accident the day after I got my driver's license. How bad? Yeah.

I mean, I didn't, here's the rule I didn't know. Because I didn't do any pre-driver's license training. It was a left turn at a light. It was the green light, but not the green arrow. So I just didn't know when to go. So I was just like, I'll just go. And I went, and a car hit the rear, the right side of the car.

rear passenger area like the and split the rear axle split it split the rear axle holy shit dude I don't even think about that I forget that when you're out on the road there could be someone out there that just got their license and doesn't really know all the rules you see it now right though cause you're driving you see people you're like this is somebody I know but that's why I mock them this is a fucking woman you think the student drivers and you're supposed to point and laugh at them and you mock them you know

You know, my friend, you met him, Eric Snyder. So he got his license in January and we got ours in March. So he was driving about a month and a half before everybody else was in our grade. So we would have simulators in the class and they would have that. Like the lady would walk out in the street. Now, if you hit her, you didn't blow her up or anything. It just dinged you on your little thing. Like that's a that's a mark. That's a mark.

So then you also had to go out with the driver's ed teacher. And we had like a Chevy Corsica and it had the brakes, you know, on the other side as well. So he could hit him. And he was a redneck from Kentucky. And he'd be like, guys, he'd always...

If you were in fucking off class, you'd be like, Tom, don't be an asshole, son. He'd say that all the time. That was his thing. And then you'd have to get in the Chevy Corsica with him. I don't want to say his name because he ended up getting a DUI in the driver's ed car. He did? Oh, no. But we would get in and then he would get out at some point when he'd take us to park. He'd say, I'm taking this parking lot. He steps out and then I sit up front with my brother.

And my brother's got a parallel park and he's watching. And I'm just over there pumping that fucking brake. And my brother's like, stop, because it's making him look bad. He knows what I'm doing. He's like, don't be an asshole, son. Don't be an asshole, son. Then we get out on the road and Eric Snyder's already driving. He's got a big ass Caprice Classic station wagon. And all he's doing is getting in front of us and brake checking us with the teacher in the car. And we're like, come on, man. Come on, Eric. We're beeping. And he's like, guys, no, this is what you want.

You want assholes like this on the road? I'm going to let him do it, man. Let him be an asshole. We got to work around Eric. And I was like, you got to be fucking kidding me. That was driver's ed. Yeah, we had driver's ed at 15 years old. Mr. Consolo, and he was also the PE teacher. And he was like, kids...

This is how we talk to us, too. I'd be like, sometimes you're on the road, you see these bikers, these f***ers wearing them shorts. He said that? 100%. Ask Shauna. She was in the same class as me. F***ers wearing biker shorts, you know. Don't hit them. And if you do, let them die in the side of the road. I swear to God, never. You know why? Let them die. Because in California, he goes...

He goes, listen, you think you're helping somebody? If they're on the side of the road injured, you go over, you try to help them, they're going to sue your ass. Don't even let them, don't even, fuck it, drive right past. Don't let them die. I swear to God. Don't get sued.

Just don't get sued. That's a wildlife lesson for the day. You see that? Like how feral. Even just thinking about the toys I grew up with. Do you remember clacker balls? They were like two hard marbles, like this big. And they were strings. String and then two balls. And the game was you went like this. Clacker, clacker, clacker. But the balls were hard as shit. And they would just hit your arm and bruise the fuck out of you. Bring out clackers, Josh Zolo. You got to see this. Anyway, I bought a pair to show our kids.

because I was telling them how dangerous stuff was and I let them do it. Yeah, these. No, but these were soft. The old school seven. There you go. Go up and to the right. There you go. That's it. You know how fucking dangerous those were? Poke your eye out. Beat yourself in the head. Beat your arm out. I mean, it was terrible. Well, speaking of danger. I got them in the house right now. And your back. Have you considered a treatment like this?

Dude, I watch these. Wow, now that right there would paralyze me. Specifically in that spot would paralyze me. That noise is terrible. You should never do that. There's no way that's good for you. No fucking way. Who's doing that? Just Russians.

Oh, yeah. You know what I watch a lot? My new porn is ring dingers. Ring dingers? Look up ring dingers. Houston just got this chiropractor in Houston does ring dingers where he wraps the tap around your head. Oh, I've seen those. That's insane. That's my new porn. Gotcha. Watch if people get ring dingers. Yeah, yeah. I want one so bad, but I feel like it'll probably tear. This redneck right here. He's like, there you go.

chops your legs so you feel this. You see people. Oh, look at that. Afterwards, they're all like, oh, some of them cry. He's like, you're fine. Don't be a bitch. And he chops your knees to show that the legs are still working. He's like, get the fuck out of here. And just one after the other. Oh, my God. Yeah. That's pulling your... So I've had the Y-strap done, which is not as intense as this. Because if you see, you're also... See where the waist is? He's got those pillars. You're locked in place. Yeah.

The Y-strap, you slide with it when they pull you. This, your ass is locked in place and people say they feel their spine yank all the way down to their damn feet. This can't be good for you. I don't know. I want it so bad. I've seen a whole bunch of these. I just have this non-sexual fantasy of being, and I'm sure there's some fucking BDSM person out there, but just being suspended by my arms and my feet and stretched and twisted like a washcloth. Just wrung out. Just snapped and cracked and popped.

I would love that. Remember in the 80s it was popular to hang upside down by your ankles on that thing? Yeah, that chair. Can you get that? Can you get adjusted? Is everything okay for you to do that? I think I'm okay to get adjusted. I don't know if anyone would recommend the hammer or the towel, but I'd be down for the ring. Fuck the hammer, but the towel. That hammer is bullshit. The hammer. That's doing nothing. Okay, I have been fantasizing. Like, my porn has been fantasizing for this moment because we have been so obsessed with

So obsessed. Do you not think that African-Americans played a significant role in building this country? Okay. All right. Well, do you think white people are better than black people? Let's just get right to it. Do you think white people are better than black people? Better in the sense that. Better in what sense? I'm about to tell you. In that they create and black people destroy. Holy crap. Wow. Oh, my God. Black employees. How do they sit here and listen to you peddle this garbage? It's a truth.

So we've been playing this guy's wild. And then I think I just text you about it. Or I don't know if we're on the phone. No, my producer Kirsten saw that you, she's like, look, Tom's found Jesse Lee Peterson. And Tom and Christine. And I was like, oh my God, I got to tell him. And then you tell me, you go, I did his show. And I'm like, what? That's crazy. And when you say this. Go ahead. Well, when you say this, I was like, what are you talking about? And you go, yeah. And it was, I think it was the night before a flight. So.

on the flight, I watched the whole thing on the flight and I laughed so hard because I'm watching you like somebody I know. And I'm seeing like, I'm seeing you being like, like, you're just like, cool is good to be here. Like, you're just like being yourself and just, you know, having a conversation doing like basically a podcast. And then he starts to drop, you know, his stuff. And I just see you, you're like, wait, what?

And having you go like, is this a bit? Are people about to run out? It was so great. My manager sent me that, first of all. I was like, hey, these people are interested in having you on. And all I did was look up real quickly. I'd seen some guests, and I was like, oh, Jordan Peterson. I just saw some people that were reputable in the podcast world. And I was like, okay, I'll go do it. So you didn't know anything. Nothing, dude. Well, we pulled highlights. Hold on. You can play your highlights, but I'll get there.

I'm in the bathroom at the time. I don't know. It's him. I see him in there taking a leak. I just think he's like this little tie. He's tiny. I just think he's like this old and he wasn't dressed yet. Yeah. Like this old engineer or something. Yeah. And then I go sit in this chair and I'm like, like, Oh, there's video. Like I didn't know anything. I came in a hoodie. Like, I mean, not, not a nice hoodie. And, um,

I'm sitting there, and first I'm a bit, I mean, I know I come across as professional, but I'm a bit standoffish because he sits down and he's just being a little bit, and I'm like, what the fuck is this? And then he starts saying the shit he's saying, and I think it's a prank. I 100% thought you or Josh Wolf set this up. You did? 100%.

100%. And I'm looking around and he's looking at me and I'm looking at his producer and his producer at one point goes, like, this shit's real, bro. And I was like, there's not.

And this is out of Los Angeles? This is in L.A. off of Pico, bro. What? Yeah, off of Pico. I thought maybe he's like deep south or something. He's local to L.A. Also, just to give people some reference before I get into yours. He's the best. I gotta go on his show. I played the clip you guys just saw. Here's another one that we played just to get people caught up before we show you. And what made you become a liberal? I got a little older, a little smarter. Oh, you did? Grew out of it, yeah. And you were tired of being a man? I was tired of being an idiot, but...

You woke up one day, you know what? I'm tired of being a man. I want to be a liberal. There are plenty of men that are liberal. Not real men. Men who are liberals are betas. And that's the clip I fell in love with. I was like, okay, you got me. I got a lot of that coming up. You date men too? Exclusively women. Oh, he's a...

Would it be a bad thing for our conversation if I dated men? Well, it wouldn't be bad for our conversation. It would be interesting. Okay. Why don't you date men? I'm not attracted to men. Oh, good. I don't see anything wrong with it, but I know you do. You do not see anything wrong with it? With being attracted to men? Why not? Why would it be wrong? Because it's of the same sex, so it's abnormal. But that's not an argument.

So everybody has their own like, oh, I don't know what, like they're figuring out what's going on. What the fuck is happening? And then July is White History Month. White History Month? Right. Isn't every month White History Month? I hear that all the time, but I don't know what that means. I mean, it is. That's the way they built it. How is it every month? What is White History Month?

Well, we take a pause to recognize the men who found it and created the greatest country on this side of heaven. And because right now they're trying to erase that history and put on a fake history. And so I don't want...

The younger generation to forget real history. Otherwise, they're not going to appreciate America. Yeah, I did not know that was a thing. So this is like, this is towards the beginning. So it's like, I feel like you're like, okay, what's going on here? He's blocked this out. This is so traumatic. You're like, God, I never want to. When I left, I was so, I called my manager and go, what?

Yeah. Did you just set me on? What was that? What did they say? I go, at first, I'm confused. I didn't know either. He didn't look it up either. I go, dude. Oh, that's hilarious. I fucking spent about 10 minutes...

in the mud trying to figure out what's really going on and then after I figure it out that it just gets fucking fun yeah I have two kids my daughter's seven and her brother's my stepson he just turned 19 and are they white my daughter is and my stepson is mixed oh we need white babies oh my god we need white babies we got one we got one

I mean, look at you. That's such a crazy thing to say. He's loving it. Even your posture, when you're sitting like this, you're kind of like, what the fuck? Like, I know this posture. There was a moment where I was like really ready to just be like, all right, I don't have time for this. I'm going to get up and leave. Really? Yeah. Yeah.

I mean, my time's fucking valuable. And I'm like, is this a clown? Like, what is this? Yeah. He said there needs to be more white babies. That's one of his big stances. That's a big stance. But that's not all. He got into so much shit where I finally, I'm like, okay, dude. That's like shit my family says in Hungary. He asked me rapid fire questions at the end real quick. So you got no time to think about it. I want to ask you, what do you think about the attack?

upon men today in America. Men are the most hated species on this side of heaven. And they're doing everything to erase them. What do you think about that? I mean, who's trying to erase men? Yeah. The people who hate men, liberals and some Republican women and others. Republican women, not men. Yeah.

Only the Republican women. What is the purpose of the attack on our men? Why is this attack happening to men? What is he talking about? Honest to God, I don't know where we're going with this. I don't think men are under any different attack than women are. You don't think so? Well, look who's attacking the women. Who? The men. In what way? In what not way. Literally, what is he referring to? What is the far right...

Is it the Barbie movie? I'm still, right now, as confused as I was there, I still am. I don't know what... This is from... Stella was seven, so a year and a half ago. A year and a half ago. Because I'm trying to put myself in your shoes right now, and I'm like, I don't know what the fuck this guy's really talking about here. No, I love seeing the...

Like, it hit you. Because you're being like a gracious guest to start. Yeah, I'm trying. I'm trying, yeah. But I've never heard any shit like this come out of a black man. Give me an example. Listen, for one thing, there's also a part in this one, he's saying shit about black people where...

I don't want, I almost, eventually I do, but I'm like, I want to be like, aren't you black? But I don't want to say, aren't you black? Because if he's like, I'm Creole or some other Cuban or I'm like, then I'm a fucking, I'm as bad as he is. Yeah, yeah. So I'm confused as fuck. Like, what is going on right now? Are you not? Like, what? Dominating.

pillaging, all of it from time till now. Men have been in control. There's nobody stopping men. Who's trying to tear men down? The courts and... The courts. The courts and the men that are being torn down, most of them should be torn down. You think? Not every man's a good man. You think every man's a good man? Of course not. Right. Yeah. So which good men do you think have been unlawfully or wrongfully torn down?

Give me an example. Well, they're trying to tear down the great white hope. Well, hold on. You're switching subjects here. What men have been? Give me an example of a great man that has been torn down that you you say so many. I'm give me one that you feel has been wrongfully torn down.

Well, I know men who have been attacked, but real men, they can overcome that. But weak men, they are able to be destroyed. Like with Donald Trump, if you go there trying to destroy him. Who wants to be? I don't want a weak man around. Do you? I prefer to be strong so they can lead the way.

Yeah, so he's like... But he wasn't really answering your question. No. That's what people like him do. They never answer your question. Right. Just throw it at you. Do you believe that racism exists? Of course. Do you have any proof of that? Yeah. Give me an example. A proof. Proof that racism exists? Right. Are you serious? Yeah. That's what I'm talking about. You can't even be serious. Why not? Slavery? How about we take decades, the 50s, the 60s. I'm talking to...

This is where, right here. You're black, yeah. Right here. Do you believe racism? That's where I saw it. I'm talking to a black man, am I not? And I caught myself like, I better not fucking say that shit. Because he might be Cuban or something. I ain't black, motherfucker. That's true, you don't know. He could be like Indian or something. I'm talking to it.

I had to stop myself, bro. That's the moment where I was like, Ryan, shut the fuck up, man. This might be real. How about we take decades, the 50s, the 60s. I'm talking to... Do you believe racism? No. You don't? What? You don't believe racism? I know racism. He knows it. Wow. What about apartheid? Remember that?

He would probably be like, that's Ferguson. Yeah. How about Freddie Gray? I mean, my God, it's still happening today. I wonder, that's so fun. I wonder what he would say about apartheid. That was literally sister step. Like, yeah, yeah. But he probably, you get in this line, you get in this line, you get in that line. I don't know if it's, I believe he says that, like, I think he thought slavery was a good thing. Cause it, it,

you know, gay people work and regulate. He's of that mind. Work? Yeah. It's wild. Wild. And I grew up on a plantation in Alabama. He says that a lot. You're blowing my fucking mind. That was a lot of cuss on this. You're blowing my fucking mind right now. And I grew up during the Jim Crow era too. How?

How old is he? Is he 100? Different bathrooms, different water fountains, all that shit back there. One other thing, I went to a movie theater when I was a teenager in Alabama once. And we, the blacks, had to sit in the balcony. And the white folks sat downstairs because we weren't allowed to sit together. But it was fun up there because we had a better view. That's not racism. That's so crazy. It's crazy. He's just, yeah, he's...

It gets way wilder after that. Nobody likes the blacks anymore. They've been whining for 60 years now. Whining? Who said nobody likes the blacks anymore? What are you talking about? Who did not tell me what the hell he's doing? This is a comedy podcast. Aren't you having fun? I'm having a great time. Oh, shit. Dude, how did Jordan Peterson do this nonsense?

I don't know. He's actually had some people. He's had very popular reputable people. Probably when they reached out, they're like, he's a pastor. And I didn't get any of that. And then they probably were like, I want to come on and challenge his ideas. And, you know, his thoughts. He's like another planet, though. He's not even like in the stratosphere. That's what I'm saying. Like every time, like his producer finally had to give me like, yes, I think we might be 20. And he's like, yes. What's the producer like?

He's just like this younger white kid that's like a podcast nerd and loves podcasts and wants people to go. There's no doubt you could easily go do that show if you want to. Next time you're in L.A., bro, I can tell you where it is. It's kind of hard to resist. I know. What if you just yes anded him? That's what I would do. Absolutely, dude. Yes. For nothing but trouble. You got it. He wouldn't know what to say. I wonder if he wouldn't have anything to say if you just agreed. He'd be like, okay, next question. Yeah. Let's talk about.

Yes, talk about it. There'd be no let's talk about it. Which women are taking down the men? I want to hear about it. Women suck. I mean, we had a black president. Oh, no. What a mess, huh? How are you going to say what a mess after the guy we just had for four years that felt like 14 years? Joe Biden? No. Hell, he's an asshole, too. I'm talking about Trump. Gray White Hope? Mm-mm. No. No. No, bro.

So you agree then that the fallen Messiah wasn't good for the country? The what? Who? The fallen Messiah. Who's that? The fallen Messiah and Big Mama Michelle. You talking about Obama and his wife? Yeah.

Big mama. Big mama Michelle, we call her. Dude, it's crazy. It's nutty. It's nuts. There are people who really think she has a dick. That's a whole thing in the right place. Yeah, there's a whole Photoshop thing I see online all the time about a dick. Dick balls. So weird. Imagine your girl off to become the first lady.

People put dick bulges on you everywhere you go. You're the president's wife. The female representation of our country. And people photoshop dicks on you. It's so hilarious. It's crazy. Just little nice ones under your clothes, not a big old dick hanging. It's like a little soft belt. Oh, God. It's so funny. He's out of his fucking mind. You guarantee me that the Asians probably make it more than the blacks.

That's my guess. Do you know why that is, if it's true? Yeah. Why? Because of suppression and power and racism. No. Why? Because the blacks are lazy. And they're just sitting back murmuring. I can't even believe it. I can't. That's my B-word. The kid's like, nah, he's for real. That's for real.

That's so fucking crazy. But see, he laughs. That's the only thing. He does. He laughs. He kind of knows what he's saying. He definitely knows he's trying to fire people up. But what's blowing my mind is that he grew up with segregation. He grew up on a plantation, he said. It's insane to say that. And he's like, it was awesome. Slavery didn't exist. You know, there are some people that I grew up around in Hungary that claim that communism was better and they hate capitalist society. And they're like, no, no, no. I wish we could go back to when the Russians controlled everything because...

It's like such regulation. I had a factory job I would go to every day. I would get off at a certain hour. I could drink all day long. It was safer. Just be drunk. Society was safer. And, you know, yeah, I didn't have meat all year or bananas to eat or toilet paper or television, but at least we could walk out in the streets at night. And you're like, dude.

Yeah. And there are certain people on this planet to be like, that's the way I need to live. Because they need to be force fed and regulated. Taking care of. The freedom's too much. Right. They don't even know what to do with it. The choices are too many. They don't know how to build structure for themselves and routine and things like that. So they need that kind of shit. It's kind of sad. Like now watching him talk to a friend of mine and now you really see the humanity of this person and you're like, oh, this poor man.

He's crazy. He's in his own prison. He's kind of like, if you remember, do you remember Morton Downey Jr. Yes. Remember he came on and he was loud. The smoker? Yeah, big smoker. And he would take the opposite opinion just to fire people up. I feel like he's a much calmer version of that guy. There he is. There he is, all the teeth. Look at the teeth. He had veneers before veneers. Hell yeah. That's a lot of teeth. That third picture there? I think Steve Harvey took his old veneers.

He's like, I'm getting the fucking... Look at those. Yeah, his chompers. Well, that was his logo was his smile. And the cigarette, too. God damn, man. He has big teeth. Yeah. Yeah, he was a big TV guy. Him and... Did you ever... Oh, no. Wally George was local on LA TV. This guy. Jordan Peters. Morton Downey Jr. Yeah, he did the show with a cigarette. Yeah. He'd smoke while he did it. Yeah. Yeah.

I miss that. I miss seeing people smoke on television and drink. Remember Johnny Carson used to drink and smoke? It was the best. I used to, when I would write and produce, I would do these old game show network shows and all those hosts back then would smoke. They had Winston was the sponsor on the fucking thing. I was like, God damn, look at this shit. Yeah. Well, remember NASCAR used to have Skoll

Yeah. Used to have tobacco. Like there's no tobacco anymore. There's no Winston Cup anymore. Oh, right. Winston Cup. Yeah, that's right. But that company still exists. I'm sure they're still highly profitable. They're still out there pumping cancer into people's lungs. What's the problem? Let them advertise. Hey, come on. I just want to get on the hood of that 88 car, bro. Well, Budweiser is poison, too. They let them do it. Let's switch it up to something fun.

Fuck yeah. She's right, though.

I like that bikini. Her face is gorgeous, by the way. Yeah, she's very pretty. It's better than a washcloth. It certainly is. Those are great. Yeah.

You know, it is actually, because I always wondered about this. I asked one time a real big dude about wiping. Yeah. You know, how he does it. And he said he uses a stick. A stick? Yeah. He puts the paper on the end of a stick. Uh-oh. Yeah.

How does that even clean? How does it stay on? How does it just smear all around? And then they get into a shower. You gotta do it bidet, homie. Yeah. You gotta wash lit. Bidet ain't covering that. No. It ain't cleaning that ass. She's got to get into her meow. How is she going to reach inside of her meow? Let's see. Not inside of it. I can't stress how important this next step is. And guess what? Every big girl needs to have something that they like there. Yeah, I do that. I was about to say, why is she in the tiniest goddamn shower doing this?

I love her. Yeah. I love her.

But here's the question. Yes, you've showered it. Yes, you've cleaned it. However, the parts rubbing up against each other will create sweat, no? Well, that's why, I mean, this is like a regular maintenance thing. You got to do this all the time. Yeah. I'm thinking that's a three-time-a-day thing if you're that big. Yeah. If you don't want to have any smell, I'm thinking. Yeah. Maybe you put powder in between the folds. You have to put powder in those folds. Yeah. I feel like the skin on skin rub. And that's what I mean. Get you a back scrubber.

She is pretty. Her face is pretty. She's so pretty. Your back is big as shit. I like her a lot, though. I do, too. It's the front ass that's throwing me off. It's a whole front ass. It's a front ass. Yeah. And I can't, like... If you saw that...

front ass in public it would make you stop for sure i just don't understand is that bottom is it even on is it up where it needs to is that where her vagina is down or is it we just can't see because of the folds and she's cleaning she could also have had children and sometimes a woman's abdominal muscles split and then it can create that but i don't know if it's just fat

Because I have, like, when I get fat, when I have a fat stomach, it's just like one tire. It doesn't split off into two. It doesn't turn into a front ass? No. That's a front ass. It is. Yeah. And I see, like, her bottoms, and I see, like, the white lining on the inside, so it doesn't look like it's where it's supposed to be. I don't know. Have you known the girl this big? No. No.

A front butt. Post-pregnancy, right? Rectus diastasis. You're like a doctor. No, I'm not really. Visceral fat, excessive subdermal or external adipose tissue. Rectus diastasis occurs when the seam between the rectus muscles is damaged and stretched during pregnancy and the muscle position is never restored. Sometimes your muscles literally rip in the abdomen and then you can't get them back. It's really fucked up. Oh yeah, she's got a front butt too. Was it always with a bigger woman?

No, it can happen at any you can see it in even very thin fit people sometimes the abdominal muscles never quite go back Yeah, these are very pleasant. Thanks for showing us so many. These are all people facing forward - that's crazy Yeah, that guy's got one. Hey, there's a dude with a front butt front button Friday Trump had front but It's so crazy

Oh, we've been playing this game. So I guess there's, there's people that are locked up that are allowed to make videos to announce that they're available for, for friends, pen pals. And so we have a bunch of them and we'll show you the video and then you can guess what they're locked up for. And I'll tell you. Oh, great. Okay. See some stuff about myself. I like to read. I like to draw. I like to play guitar.

I like to smile. I like to have cool-ass conversations. That's cool. Maybe pursuing Christianity. I don't know. But anything I could be to be the best version of myself. I just took Psychology 101. I'm going to take English 101 next. And the goal is to be a sort of counselor and help some kids when I get out. All right.

All right. Nice guy. Here's one thing I've learned with this game, Ryan, is that the nicer you think the lad is, the worse the crimes are. Interesting. Like this guy has killed people. So you saw what he's like, what his video says. Now it's the fun time for you to guess. And then Christina gave me a hint that might throw me off. Well, yeah. I'm going to go with my gut first on this one. This is a white guy named Chandler Palmer. 111012. 111012. Sounds very white.

Hair is still kind of white. I'm thinking this guy is in for...

Parents probably had money and he got wrapped up into drugs and he's probably in for some kind of drugs. Wow. I like this because I like your analysis of his first name. I like that it's in depth, too. That's good. We know Chandler's a very crackery, waspy name. Palmer's a very white name. Yeah, he's not garbage, like white trash like us. He ain't like Timmy Johnson or some shit up there. You know what I mean?

Yeah, but the nod to Christianity... You're going to tell me he decapitated like a bus of greyhound passengers. Hold on, but he wants to go to Christianity, so he's trying to repent. So he's done something really fucking bad and he wants to repent. I'm going to go for like attempted...

manslaughter or attempted murder. Maybe a DUI crash that killed some people. Yeah, he fucked somebody. He almost killed somebody. This is good. Yeah, he almost killed somebody. Here is what it is. He was driving high on heroin. He crashed into a power pole. After being spotted by an off-duty cop, he drove off, leading to a chase. After driving off, he ended up in a high-speed pursuit. He then swerved and crashed into a car dealership, fled on foot. Cop later tackled him when he tried to jump over a fence. Also, he robbed a Walgreens in 2014.

Also. Heroin. Heroin. It's pills. Yeah, and crashing. And that's how he fucking, I bet his parents had money. He started taking perks and shit like that. And next thing you know, he's shooting heroin like everybody else. Hey, guys. Running from the police. Good job. Good job.

Way to go, guys. Here's the next one. That's Dakota Honeycutt. That's Dakota Honeycutt with two Ts. 1-5-1-3-2-7. I am going to say...

He's petite in stature. He's definitely on some sort of spectrum. I'm going to guess he got in trouble with probably an underage girl. Maybe he was 22, 23. She was 16. Interesting.

Christine? Hold on. I'm going to go. I think I'm going to go different. He likes to find her things in life. He's wearing a chain. He does have a chain. So I'm thinking he broke into somebody's house to rob them, to buy some shit, to impress some bitch. All right. This is why this game is so much fun. He killed his roommate with a shotgun. Yep. And then he threw the gun in the Boise River.

He's eligible for parole after 15 years. This is what I'm telling you. All the ones that look the normal, sweetest. Dakota Honeycutt. Dakota Honeycutt doesn't even look like he knows how to hold a shotgun. This guy killed his roommate with a shotgun. Homicide, yep. Shit. Jesus Christ. I should have taken my own advice. I fucking said it right before. You should have. No one's taking that chain from that motherfucker. Nobody. Round three. Fuck. Oh, I know already.

I like to joke around, read, work out. Oh, shit. And now I got four years left to board, so I'm just looking for some positive people. Those eyes. I was going to say, there's no blinking. Not once. Still not blinking, just looking up and down. Not one blink. Yo. And he didn't seek privacy to do this call. He's out in Gen Pop. He is. He didn't give a fuck about shit. Say his last name, Tom. Kovar Rubias. Ooh.

What is he, Salvadorian? Edgar Covarrubias. I think Eddie, this is, I mean, this is, he's, I don't know, he reeks of home invasion. Yeah.

Probably a murder or two. Maybe all in that same incident. Yes. I'm going with that sort of violent. I agree. He probably robbed a Hallmark store or some shit. Stole some Hummels, this guy. Hummel figurine. Okay, I'm going to go gang. He's definitely in a gang. He's banging. And Edgar got caught up really young because the tats are aggressive already. He's got a throat tat. He's got his face tatted up. So he's been a sorenio since he was like fucking...

12, 11. Just gang banging shit, stealing shit, stealing cars. I got to take a breath before this one. Second degree murder, enhancement for the use of a deadly weapon in the commission of a felony, two aggravated battery charges, enhancement of commission of a felony with the intent to promote criminal gang activity and the infliction of great bodily harm. He stabbed multiple people, killed one on Christmas Eve, turned himself in for outstanding warrants, including second degree murder set to a $1 million bail.

Fuck. Edgar's a bad dude. I like to joke around. I like to read. I read and I joke. And I don't like to blink. He likes to joke around, you see. I like to fuck around, you know, have a good time. You do not, Edgar. What do you mean by a good time? What's a good time to you, Eddie? Michael. Rose. If you're looking for something new and exciting, then tell me where you find it. Because I'm pretty bored in here.

And I should probably say something like slick. That'd be a cool thing to do right now, but it's not really that cool of a dude. But the only thing I'm trying to do is talk to you. Okay. All right.

pretty cool those are tatted up hands his body's covered at least he doesn't have anything from the neck up that i can see i'm feeling arm robbery on this dude i'm feeling arm robbery and uh maybe a stolen vehicle or two yeah some getaway i'm i'm feeling the um car thievery i'm also feeling drugs

I'm sensing that he's self-aware so it's not a murderer. Generally the guys that kill people aren't joke like they're not like that. Doing that at the camp. Yeah. Like there's no charm left. There's nobody there. There's still a person left in there.

Here we go. He was high on meth and the meth was laced with bath salts. He got into a verbal disagreement with his pregnant girlfriend. He started choking her. Then he stopped because in his words, he realized he was hurting the woman he loved. In court, he confessed to doing it on another occasion and was charged with two counts of attempted strangulation. So how long does that get you? It doesn't say how long he's in here. He's 25. So I don't know.

Attempt to strangulation is the official charge, though. That's the first time we've ever heard that charge. Didn't see that one coming. Yeah. We like to throw you curveballs. Yeah, these are all pretty curvy. Hey, what's up? Jesus. I'm going to start this off and be honest with you. I don't need money, but I certainly need your attention. Anyways, I don't care if you're in a relationship or if you're single, and I don't care if you have drama in your life or not, so hit me with what you got.

I'm a Scorpio, so I'm not one to judge because my life's a little crazy anyways, and I want you to get a hold of me if you want to know more. Have a good day. That's Richard. He thinks it's the Scorpio that made his life crazy. He's going by fucking astrological signs. It's not his personal responsibility for anything. Yeah. Well, that's a deep psycho. Yeah, he's definitely killed. I'm going to say he might have wiped out a family. Maybe his own. Maybe his own. That's what I'm thinking.

Definitely murder vibes because he's an older gent. He's been in the system. Shaved side of his head. He's got Hitler haircut. His last name is Hess. He's a fucking racist guy for sure. Ready? Yeah, dude. He's all fucked up. He was charged with trafficking more than 28 grams of heroin. He was caught in a sting operation where he sold two grams of heroin for $600. That's it? Better than I thought, buddy. Yeah, drugs.

That's nothing, man. You never know who you're going to get here. Yeah, that's interesting. See, that's what we've learned. It's always the guy who looks like a psycho isn't. I would have put him for choking his pregnant girlfriend out. There is like a real, he's got something that makes you pause, right, when he starts. Like, I don't need your money. It's a lot of personality coming at you. I think there's crimes we don't know about on everyone. Well, yeah, on everyone.

I'm saying he's definitely killed somebody. Maybe someone's died on that path. Ladies, what's up? I need all you sexy, badass females out there. Stop being shy. Put down what you're doing and holler at your boy. I'm down with all types and flavors. So ladies, get at me. Let's chop it up. Let's see what's up. Hope to hear from you.

Okay. First of all, I don't like the plea. He's doing the dropping the courtship and he's going, I just want some nookie on my face. I don't care who you are. I just want pussy. I don't give a fuck what color it is, what it smells like, what country, what state. I don't care. I just, I need a woman. Yeah. It's too desperate. That being said, it's just, I'm going to go with drugs. All right. Sickle cell. Yeah. I got blink 182 vibes. He's like a nineties guy. I feel like.

All the small things. Try to be cool like a beastie boy holding a phone different. Covering his face. Roby? Is that how you say that? Roby Humphrey, 74049. That's a real white trash name now.

This guy robbed a vet for ketamine and a horse tranquilizer. I'm thinking he probably broke into some places for drugs, dentists, shit like that. Well, he is in the maximum security institution, the A block, but he is charged actually with drug trafficking, felony charge, trafficking heroin with intent to use, carries a penalty of 10 years to life in prison and a $15,000 to $100,000 fine. So it's drug trafficking. That's it? Yeah, that's it. I feel like drugs is not... Yeah. He could do better.

Yeah. These guys have hats and watches and shit. I don't think you're allowed to have any of that stuff in prison. Yeah, how'd you get a gold chain there? Yeah, you got chains on. These guys aren't fucking ripping it off of you and stuff. No, it's pretty wild. And watches, yeah. A watch? Gentlemen of the free world, my name's Willie P. I'm a miner and a mucker, a fighter and a fucker, and I'm a fairly good cook. If I've got a little bit of time to do in this son of a bitch, and I just look for a little company to keep me, uh, keep me, uh...

Hmm.

This is tough. He seems mentally ill. That's a guy if I saw out in the street, I'd tell my daughter, let's cross the street and get away from this motherfucker. Yeah, I agree. He does have... He seems unhinged. Yeah. It's very unpredictable. Yeah. Squirrely. You don't reason with him. No, and at any moment he'd be like, what the fuck did you say? Yeah, yeah. Nothing at all. Yeah, yeah. Nothing. Yeah, yeah. But I do like his rhyming and he does have a good twist of phrase, which is really nice to see on these courtship videos. Yeah, you don't see them really come up with a nice turn of phrase. Yeah.

So I'm conflicted with William because I do like that he put effort into it. He's like, I'm also a good cook. And I'm like, oh, now I'm intrigued because I like to eat, you know? A man that can cook, very sensitive. I think Bill James 139038 carjacked probably some elderly lady, probably pistol whipped her, stole the car, set it on fire, and then ransacked somebody's house. Dang. Dang.

I'm going to go with thievery, but like a weird kind, like a grave robber. Like I want to say like he went in the cemetery and dug up some motherfucker because he heard that he had jewelry on him or something. Like something really dumb. This is good. Like his own grandmom or something had her necklace on. I mean, you both are in the right kind of realm of what we're getting into here. So...

Old William, he was on the run for attempting to murder two sheriff's deputies. And he was trespassing on his mother's property, started shooting at the police. Get the fuck out of here.

He later ran into the woods and hid for a week before being arrested after returning to his mother's property. He's charged with assault or battery upon certain personnel and enhancement use of a deadly weapon in commission of a felony. Jesus. And he won't be released until 2045. He didn't get after shooting at two cops? Yeah. Also, how are you in the woods for a week and they don't find you? Because he grew up there. Yeah.

That's what I learned on these survival shows. It's always the most damaged kids who are abused and they go out into the forest and they learn how to live out there to stay away from their mom and dad. This guy's used to living out in the woods. He's got woods vibes. He does have woods vibes. You'd hate to run into him in the woods, that's for sure. I saw that dude in the woods in a plain green army jacket. I'd haul ass. Like Travis Bickle, totally.

Well, that's all we got. Oh, man. That's riveting. Here's a fun one, though. This is totally different than this is a fun video. I'm here with? Obi. How old are you, Obi? 67. What did you do for a living? I pimped whores across the country.

Oh, all right. If you were 20, would you do it all over again? Hell yeah. In a heartbeat. In a fucking heartbeat. I'm able to go any place in this country I wanted to go and do anything I wanted to do when I get there. The girls did their job and I did mine. All kind of drugs, everything. That was part of the lifestyle. I meet somebody, she want to screw, we screw.

You know what I mean? And I'm gone. That's interesting, man. You don't look like it. Trust me, hustler. When I was in the game, it ain't really had nothing to do with my black ass. Yeah. Trust me. Like I say, fist fight, fuck a run. Bitch, I'll shoot you. Didn't make no difference to me. I just capped your ass. Get in my mobile home and leave. Oh, he's not wild. He's driving away. That's part of the lifestyle.

This is one of those kids who's like, hey, how are you? And then he just meets a pimp. I'm surprised a pimp lives in a mobile home. That doesn't seem very pimp-like, does it? Like, not cool. It's good for traveling the country. I mean, if he's got, you know, his bitches in different cities, he can get on the road and John Madden it out there. That's true. He might not be making enough money to fly. I'm worried about the...

the stable he keeps. Because the hoes can travel in a mobile home. They should, yeah. He's like, we're going to Chicago this week. We're going to Chicago. We're going to Milwaukee. We're going to Cincinnati. We're going to take that pussy all around and sell it. Jesus Christ. Look at him living the lavish lifestyle on a scooter. He's on a pride. I got a pride scooter. What's up, Bim? Oh, finally. It's been so long. Yeah.

All right, it's time for Christina's curations. It's been a while since we've done these. I'm so happy to do them with you. Here you go. Let's see what I've been collecting. So in addition to the guy doing nunchucks in his apartment, I found this guy. I don't know what this is, a chain with some medallion on the end, and he swings it around. And he shows you how skilled he is. I don't know what this is called. What is that?

That's a single dude with probably two cats and no pussy. He should have seen that old fucking pimp. Yeah. Look at this guy with his sweats tucked. He's got his shirt tucked into his sweat. I think that's rolled over to the band is. Well, I think if he leaves his shirt out, the chain will catch it. That's really good. Yeah. You picked up on that.

He has the right attire on for his martial arts display. Is this martial arts? Guys who display their martial arts are just the best. That's a great lane in TikTok. I am in this business, and I should be setting up a camera and doing more, and this guy is doing this out there. I should never be ashamed of anything.

No. Don't you dare delete a video you put up. But it's cool because he does it in his basement. There's the water heater. That's nice, yeah. Oh, it is the water heater. I just figured that was a living room, bro. Some storage there behind him. I just think that's where he lives. Thank you for pulling this one. That's a great one. Thank you. Look at the haircut. Nah. This guy can play with a fart. What do you think? Could you do this?

amazing wow come on guys look at it look at it he's out of breath he had an ab workout on that how many times you think happy birthday ended mid he's like oh man i'm sorry i gotta do something that's really great the one thing i always wear like a wonder about with the farters is like you don't want ladies in your life yeah like you don't want women this is probably past that decision

There's been no ladies, and then they're like, I'm going to fart the birthday on the keyboard. He's not in the mix with ladies and then doing that. This is just ladies are not a part of the equation. But you know from this show that there is a woman out there for that man. Oh, for sure. There's somebody like, oh, this guy's my everything right here. How do I get a hold of this guy? There's a lady out there for that.

There's a cool cat. Is this my tribe? Well, some of these motherfuckers have leopards and shit. Look at it. It's all muscle. No fur. It's disgusting. You remember that one a few weeks ago? Where the guy released a tiger into the pool? He had his friends in the pool and then he put a tiger in it and they all fucked.

They got out in time? So fast. Oh, my God. Like a full-grown tiger. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, if you find that, definitely pull that up. That's fucking... It was unreal. Who's got one to release into a pool anyway? It's in the Middle East. Yeah. Yeah, Middle East and Ukraine, they love this shit. That's nuts. Oh, no! I was taking a nap. Ran right over that lady's face. Who's napping in the garage?

He hit both of them, didn't he? Yeah, he did. He got the kid, too? Yeah, not the dog, thankfully. Oh! Oh, that lady got crushed. She got it bad. She was dead asleep? She was relaxed? She ain't dead. She might die after that. Dude, you'll never sleep again after that. Not after that. Fuck, a car rode over your face? Time to get back to work!

We're fucking around, man. Let's just go. He pulled in on that. Now he's looking at her like, what are you? He's probably saying that too. He's not saying, I'm sorry. What are you doing in the garage?

I have to agree, though. He wouldn't be right to ask. The garage? How do you not see that, though? There's two people laying there. He's just whipping it. You're not even thinking of it, though. Yeah. You're not even conceiving that two humans are laying on a towel in your garage. I can't imagine waking up by being driven over. Oh, my God. I think you would just never close your eyes again. I'd be so terrified. You wouldn't even know what was going on. There's a kid there. He could have wiped out his whole family, and the dog's coming out. The dog's like, what's going on? Yeah.

He probably, I'm just thinking a lot of things. Like, what if he was flying, rushing home because he has to shit so bad. Oh, right. And he pulls in, now he's got a 10 to her and he's shitting himself down there. You know what I mean? He might be like, I can't. I'm sorry.

Wow. Here's more guys doing cool stuff. This guy's throwing knives. With spoons. Oh, spoons. Oh, wow. Breaking dishes. Another guy with his fucking shirt tucked in his sweats. There's a theme with these guys. You got to tuck it, otherwise it'll get in your way. And there's a chick out there who's like, look at this guy throwing these spoons. Oh, shit. He's for me. That's got, he can protect me.

Yeah, I do like... Any restaurant. I like it. Throw a spoon at it. It's not a restaurant. Yeah, Jason Bourne stuff. Yeah. You know what the funny thing is? This guy 100% thinks he's like, I am like Bourne.

Yes. If that moment ever arises, I'm your fuck. I'm your guy. I'm ready. Imagine if you actually are in a real life situation where this guy gets to do something like that. And it works? Yeah. Like he threw the spoon. He would be so excited. Well, I train with spoons, man. I train with spoons. He trains with spoons. I train with my chain in my basement.

I train. Men in the lifestyle. Look at if you're not in the lifestyle. These are five things that are extremely important if you want to play with others, especially in this lifestyle. The first one is deodorant. Nobody likes body odor. Don't cake on the deodorant, but make sure that you're using deodorant. Hygiene is everything in this lifestyle. These are nail clippers. They're amazing. They keep your fingernails short. Make sure that you use them. No one wants to play with somebody with a bunch of gunk under their fingernails or dirt.

or dirty hands. They always say I play with it. Dental flossers. Make sure there's nothing in your teeth. Teeth hygiene is actually really important. Your faces are right next to each other when you're playing. You want to make sure that the other person takes care of their teeth. Another one is a toothbrush. Make sure that you're using a toothbrush. Is this video necessary? I'm going to say this is not for everyone. Not for swingers. If you want to get laid at all, do some of this. You don't need to gas out the room.

Let me understand. To participate in the lifestyle, use deodorant, brush your teeth, floss, put a spray of cologne on, and then you're welcome to play. Okay. Thanks, man. Thanks for the insight. Clearly he does not like the men that are fucking his wife. You know what I mean? He's like, listen, guys, my wife's coming home stinking. She stinks. You don't give a fuck. Yeah. Dirty dudes are just banging his whole body. Can you make that big, Zola, or no? Yeah, are these teenagers they're playing with? Watch this one.

Oh dear. Right down here. Is that a trash truck down there? Yeah. Oof. No. No! Hold on, hold on. Look. Then, back's all the way up. Then the dude's like, ah, shit. No. No! No! No! That's terrible. Oh my. He's dead, right? He died later, yeah. Did he? Yeah. Nuh-uh. Yeah. He really died? Yeah. Yeah.

Are you being serious? Internal bleeding, yeah. How do you know that he died? I read it. I read about it. It was in Columbia. Cool. Jesus Christ. Just throw him right in the back, I guess. We've got to finish our route. Throw his ass in the back. Fucking crazy.

Yeah, that was a rough one. That's a rough day at work. We can't close on that one. No, I woke up to that video this morning. That's how you start your day. That's how you start your day. He's so troubled. That is trouble. Yeah. Oh, Jesus. Nope. Nope.

Hey, I'm just playing around with you. Yeah, it's just nibbling. Oh, Asians. Oh, oh. Back up, back up, back up. And they're like, oh, it's okay, just pet him. Get the fuck out of there, dude. Don't overreact. Just be cool.

Cat's playing with her, right? I'm getting nervous as shit. Right now, I don't know how she's doing exactly. Somebody help. Somebody. Somebody. We get this. Tase it. Yeah. Very good. Any second, any organ, any fucking vein, it's over. Yeah. It's over. And she thinks she's special. Yeah.

Another white person petting animals. This is my dog. Tigers are so cute. Everything's good. That thing could take you and run up that fence right now in a jaw. What language is this? Spanish.

God, I'm in so much anxiety. This is always white people. Yeah. It's always white people. That's true. My brother fucking went to Gator World. I know you know of Gator World. Oh, Jesus. Okay. It's all gators. Oh, no. It's just a park in Florida where it's all gators. You can see them out there swimming, whatever. And then they've got one like...

Herculean dinosaur that's like 200 years old and they tape the mouth shut and then people go and sit on its back and take pictures. Okay. And my brother's like, look at your niece. And I was like, are you fucking insane? Like,

And I look in line. There's a line. 30 fucking 40 people. All white people. Of course. They're in the person with the good tan in that line. It's all white people wanting to go around these fucking animals and shit. Well, it's just like those psychos during the pandemic. Everybody was watching that fucking documentary. The tiger. White people think they're immune to tragedies, I think is what it is. They're like, no, there's no way this tiger is going to bite my leg in half.

I just headlined La Jolla and they told me that the seals, I was like, are the seals still down there? And they're like, yeah, but it's a problem. These two Latina ladies saw me out back. They were a little older and they're like, so what are you doing when you're here with your time? They're probably in their sixties. They were sweet as shit. And I was like, oh, I brought my daughter. We just make the family weekend out of it. I got my sitter. I got the producer. We're probably going to go into the Cove, check out the seals. Are they still there? And I was like, why you say it like that? And I go, well, it's,

It's kind of a problem. And I'm like, what problem? She's like, well, people are trying to pet them. I'm like, who's trying to pet wild seals? And then they just don't say anything. I go, white people. And they both are like, yeah. It's white ladies. And they go down at night. They get them with cameras. Yeah, they're getting arrested. PETA's getting involved. And seals are just. Seals are just fucking. I mean, what are you doing? That seal will tear you up if it wants to. Yeah. These people that pet raccoons and shit. Raccoons will rip your fucking face off. I didn't know that. You know, I didn't know that. They will tear you up.

And they used to come sit up next to me in Pasadena. That was the thing. Yeah. And I was like... You fed them? She was like, oh, they come up and I pet them. I go, are you out of your mind? They would come up... So I was staying in a friend's house in Pasadena. I was 28 years old. I didn't know. I never fucking...

I grew up in LA. I never saw animals really. And these raccoons would just come right up, come right up, sit on the bench next to me. And I'd like, I told her, I was like, you can't do that. I didn't know. Yeah. Can I tell you a raccoon story? Yeah. When I worked at the junkyard, when I was in high school, we had a bunch of feral cats, tons of them. And then one day we're up on the hill and I'm pulling this part and I hear this growling here. Her. And I'm with my buddy Jim. And I'm like,

The fuck did we get a dog? We don't have any dogs. We have cats. And we look over and there's this fucking raccoon. I'm telling you. One solid light blue eye. One solid white eye. And it's just going, and it's got its back hunched and it's all more like, oh, this thing's fucking rabid.

I don't know what it's doing. Maybe it's protecting babies. Maybe we don't know. So we just start throwing rocks at this fucking thing and just trying to pelt it and get it out of there. And it's not moving. We're hitting it. It's just her, her. And then it like charges at us a little bit. We fucking scream. We jump in the truck. We drive back down to the front. We're like, there's a fucking rabbit raccoon up there. We got to handle it. There's a customer at

At the time, Shannon, it's his dad's yard. He goes to his grandparents. It's like a mile away and gets a shotgun. When he comes back, there's already a customer that's been there. He's got a nine with the fucking sights on it. And he's like, can I shoot it? We're like, you can shoot it. So we go up on the hill. This guy fucking sights it. And it's just like, it's still her and he shoots this fucking thing right in the goddamn head and it drops and it gets up. No.

No. Thank God. I swear to God. Like Jason Voorhees. It went. And he went. Shot this thing. Filled it. We were burning stuff that day. We threw it in the fire. Holy shit. Smelled just like chicken. Oh, it's delicious. I mean, just like. Like if I was like, okay, if it's an apocalypse, we can probably eat this thing. Eat this thing, yeah. That's good to know. I've never seen anything like it.

like that. Yeah, you can't fuck with them. People in the, when I was in high school in Florida, people would go into the groves and shoot raccoons with like semi-automatic weapons and shit. Yeah, they'll fuck you up.

I didn't know that. They were just eating trash in their backyard and they would just come up to me. Can you go full screen with that? What's the baby otters? I went to the Long Beach Aquarium. They're cute as shit. And a pro that had been working there 20 years was holding one like this and they said it bit her bottom lip and ripped her fucking face off.

that's how aggressive otters are. That cute little on their back. Yeah. So before, just look at the still frame and there's the big, well, the big boy right here is looking over his right shoulder. Okay. Wait, what is that? So behind him, that's a tiger that's been put in the water. Oh shit. Right there. That's a tiger. Oh no. And this whole group is like, Hey, we're having a good time, you know? And that guy's the first one to see it. And he's like, what the fuck?

Go ahead. No. Fuck that. Look at his big ass rolling. He's like, nah, dude. He just slipped. Fuck, dude. That's a full grown tiger. That's insane. Your friend's like, I got you. I got you, man. All right, get him out. Somebody get him out now. Who's getting that out? Uh-uh. Yeah. Fuck that. We've seen so many big cats in videos in the Middle East.

People have like leopards and shit and cougars in their house. In their house. Yeah. Just walking around. Just chilling on the couch. It's like a status symbol. Totally. Dude, I don't even like big dogs. I get nervous. I'm like, I don't fucking want a German Shepherd. No fucking way, dude. Yeah. Imagine cleaning up tiger shit. Tiger shit.

And whatever they need to eat every day. It's like a gazelle. How do you buy that? I know. Yeah. You don't go to the pet store and just buy tiger food. What about when he gets moody? You know, you have dogs. You have a bad day with your dog. The tiger. My dog doing that shit. A tiger just fucking ripped your arm off. Sorry. Sorry, man. I was chewing on it.

How do you fucking take care of a tiger? I have no idea. You should not be allowed to have any kind of big cat. Not like that, man. You got a mailman coming over or something? It's not a right to own. The tiger hears, or the mailman hears, and you're like, what the fuck's that? Texas will let you do it. Florida. You can't hear. You can own whatever the fuck you want.

want in your house this I'm not sure about but didn't haven't you heard stories like people here own exotic shit you would have to like somebody would have to come out from the state and be like you need like a fucking fortified fortress around your backyard yeah tiger a tiger tiger I don't know if they like if tigers but they do in Florida

remember fucking tiger king and the tiger will just kill for fun too for fun yeah for funsies yeah that thing just jumps doesn't have to be hungry kids head off and then take it up a tree and just lick it in front of you and shit you're like oh we thought it was so cute did you a tiger cub will fuck you up yeah a bear cub that's the other one i see a lot the bears yeah russians so cute and

Let me get out. Anybody that ever wants to go near a baby animal, you're the dumbest because you know damn well they're not like humans where our parents abandon us. That mom or dad is right fucking there. And they kind of want you to come near them, I feel like, so they can just fuck you up and show their kids that's how you do it. That's how you do it. That's how you do it. No shit. Terrifying.

All right, the new podcast, The Way Back, is launching. It's launching in January 2024. Will it be on your YouTube channel? It'll be on my YouTube. It'll be free. It'll be all that stuff. You can watch Lefty's son, his stand-up special that's on YouTube right now. Of course, The Honeydew, weekly show, and the Patreon for the wildest stories anyone's ever heard. Wildest. We just did another recap where I do these highlight episodes every

every now and then. I'd love to have you on one too where all you have to do is just sit and watch what we say. Check this shit out. I'd love to. And they're really fun. That'll be an end of the year episode and it'll get a lot of people excited. But we've done about 30 some episodes with just highlights at this point. And I'm telling you those episodes alone are worth the monthly charge. And we're looking for someone that woke up in a morgue. Please. Or buried alive. Yeah. Either one. Either one.

We're looking. Reach out. Great to see you, man. Thanks for coming. Thank you, guys. Always. Love you like a son. I like that. I really like that. I like that. Cool stuff. Slick stuff. Neat stuff. I like that. I really like that. Let the conversation begin. Here it comes. Yes! Here we go. Come on.

Sweetness.

G, G, G, G, G. Wow, look at that. Juice glassin', juice glassin'. Let's glass, let's glass. Oh my God, look at it. Juice glassin', juice glassin'. Corn! Let's glass, let's glass. I like that. I really like that. G, G, G, G, G, G, G, G, G.

Hey, you just watched an episode of your mom's house. I hope you enjoyed it. And if not, watch another one. Maybe you'll like that one. They're everywhere. Look, I don't know. You place them in like cubes or squares or whatever. Just click another one. Maybe you'll find one you like or someone will get hurt and everybody likes that.

Don't forget to subscribe.