THE TAXIDERMY HOUSE CAT! -You Should Know Podcast-
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Church's original recipe is back. You can never go wrong with original. Still tastes the same like back in the day. Right now, get two pieces of chicken starting at only $2.99 or 10 pieces starting at only $10.99. Church's. All for valid at participating locations. Get your holidays started with the perfect tree and your perfect style from The Home Depot. Whether you want something that you can assemble in a few clicks, steal the show with over 2,000 color-changing bulbs,

Or a tree with lights that can be controlled by remote or foot pedal. The Home Depot has it all in our huge assortment of premium trees. Plus, get free delivery on over 2 million items this holiday from The Home Depot. Subject to availability, see homedepot.com slash delivery for details. It's a new year, but it's the same podcast you love. Hey everybody, welcome back to the You Should Know Podcast. First of 2024, episode 93, round of applause.

Thank you.

new year everybody we are back oh wow what a blessing it is we survived another year we have another year with the you should know podcast family i am so happy i am so thankful for everybody that is bringing in this new year with the you should know podcast we love you so much we want to just thank you for a fantastic 2023 it was a great year for the you should know podcast in 2023 let's all have a round of applause for the 2023 of the you should know podcast

It was a fantastic year. Fantastic year. But we have so many great things planned for 2024. I want to say this goal out loud. Normally, we just have these goals internally as a team. But I want to say this out loud to the You Should Know Podcast family because y'all are in sole control of it. We want to hit 1 million subscribers in 2024.

Let's do it together. Let's all bond together as a group, as a unit, as a family, the UChino family, and get 1 million subscribers in 2024. And in 2024, we're bringing more shows. We have Tampa, Florida on February 17th. And I want to let you know, it is almost sold out.

Insane. Thank you so much. The whole bottom level is sold out. The top level, it's going to sell out in the next couple of days. So if you are in Florida and you want to come see the You Should Know podcast live the day after my birthday, I have a big birthday celebration with the whole team. Get those tickets. The link is in the description right now. And then we have Austin, Texas on March 1st. Those tickets are going to be coming out in the next couple of weeks. Be sure to follow us on Instagram at PSHA, at CamKennedy22, and at PSHA.

You Should Know Podcast. We love you so much. Happy New Year. I want everybody right now in the comments section to get your good karma. I want you to put your goals of 2024. And we are such a nice, great family that we will all hold each other accountable and we will all motivate each other to accomplish our goals. We can do it together. We love you so much. Thank you for coming back in 2024. Let's have a great year. Now on to the rest of the episode. The You Should Know Podcast.

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Back in the studio, happy 2024, New Year's, same ass! I went for a handshake to start the year out good, you dogged me. I'm not gonna lie, you've come into 2024 smelling bad. Right before that button was clicked, you were scratching your inner webbing for 12 seconds. Y'all wanna hear it? It literally sounds like 40 grit sandpaper on a new countertop. Listen to this, look at that sandpaper.

I don't know if that picked up, but why'd you sniff it, bro? And I stink. Your foot even fucked up. Your foot literally just farted when you sat down. That's not the only thing that farted. Honestly, I've been having bad farts recently. We're not starting 2024 up like this. No. Last night at the basketball game, when you farted in the car. I farted in the car?

You farted in the car. I thought I was getting hot boxed by beef stew. You farted in the car. It literally smelled like someone made a disgusting boil and then spilt the crock pot in my back seat. That's a great description. But, hey, guess what I did today? I'm starting 2024 of right. How are you starting 2024 of right? I washed my hair today. You can't tell. Hey, no, you can. You did. But I put this nasty ass hat on, so it probably stinks again. Dude, I'm not going to lie. I don't know if I... It's a...

What? It was something that sounded better up here. Okay, I'll say it. We're all a family. That hat actually doesn't smell as bad as I thought it would. You smelled my hat? Yeah. What are you saying? The other day you were in your closet, I was in your bathroom. You went in there to pick out a shirt. I picked the hat up, sniffed it. It's because it's brown as can be. It is. I mean, the hat is literally deteriorating. But I said, this shit's going to smell awful. It wasn't half bad. Yeah. It's not my hair. Okay, hair, yeah. I'm like.

It's clean. Clean. Thank you. It's clean. Thank you. I'm very ashy right now. But why? Why? Why does it take a resolution for you to wash your scalp? I honestly didn't do it as a resolution. I did it because I've been... So what happens with me, right? After our live shows, right? I get nasty after our live shows. Last live show was December 7th. Exactly. And normally I have like a bender. You know how after...

athletes win championships and then they're like fat they get fat smoke stoges eat a drink all the time that's take a month and a half off and then get back to it that's me every after every live show and so i just i've been feeling gross i look gross i haven't got a haircut i've been treating myself right and then i was like i should like we're back in we're back in the season of prepping for the next live show tampa florida on uh february 17th tickets available now uh almost sold out already so yeah literally meet and greet just sold out

Sorry, guys. But if you come to the after party, that after party, I'm going to be... Dude, our last after party, the LA after party was... Yeah, fantastic. I have a feeling about this Tampa show, right? I can always tell by how the tickets move. We're going to drown. Oh, I told you about that dream I had.

I told you about that dream. I don't need to say it today. I had a weird dream that the place you were performing was literally connected to the ocean. Oh, yeah. And like the people, it was a dark dream. I must have watched a scary movie. I don't know. Basically, we had a fantastic show. We walked outside. We were all in the tsunami. Anyway, see stinky insides. But I have a feeling about this Tampa show that I feel like it's going to be the best show.

Based on how the tickets are moving. Better than New York? I feel like it has the opportunity to. It has the opportunity to. Let's just set the record straight. There's no fibbing. There's no lying in 2024, right? What happened? We said L.A. was great. L.A. was fantastic. We love y'all as a second home.

New York is still on top. Oh, I think we said that. We might have, but we might have covered it up. We might have been nice with it. You were. I was very honest. New York is still the city to beat. Straight up. The New York show was out of this world. But the LA after party is the after party to beat. After party list? LA, Dallas, then New York. Show list? New York, Dallas, LA. He just spilled 1.3 fluid ounces of Monster. I don't know.

How was your week, Bubba? How are you feeling? How are you doing? Okay, so you already know. Well, hell, I don't know. I don't peg you as the guy that... Don't peg me. Well, I've never pegged you. Let's get that on air. I've never pegged you. I don't deem you as the man that makes goals and takes time to go New Year's resolution. I feel like you're the type of guy that's like, I got that willpower. If I want to do a goal, I'm going to stay inside. I'm going to do it. Yeah. Okay, so I spent this week making some goals. Okay.

I don't want to share them with you yet, but that's what I did with my week. So why do you speak? Because you asked me. You promoted my speech. I would say 90% of the time you talk, there's not much that's gained from everybody that listens. My mom actually told me from a young age, I have a lot of what she calls useless knowledge. Yeah, you have the useless existence. I can tell you exactly when Julius Caesar put in this law to build the aqueducts and get proper plumbing.

Who asked for it? Who cares about it? Do you remember back in 2023? We're reflecting on 2023. I had a question about pipes, right?

And bathrooms. And I said, so there's just poop going down the wall. And y'all killed me. I get killed on the internet all the time. I've been seeing those cool little videos. You're welcome for making your rent. I see all y'all's videos making fun of me. Great. Get your content off of me. I know exactly what you're about to say. And we were at your house yesterday. I know exactly what you're about to say. We're all chilling in the living room. And I heard a toilet flush. And I heard some shit moving. And I said, no one's in the bathroom right now. And here is your work.

And I said, Cam, what was that noise? And what did you say to me? I'm sitting there playing UFC 5, throwing some uppercuts. I was like, oh, someone just sent a shit, a turd down the wall. Yeah, it's not ideal. I'm not going to lie. That's the one gripe I have about sharing walls in apartments. No matter how nice your apartment is, our neighbor flushes and I can hear his fecal matter going down my drywall. Yeah. Yeah.

I mean that's not... It's not ideal. It's not. And it's so f***ing loud. It was like... It was like it was the next door. Yeah, it's not like this little... It's like you can hear every stage of it. Like, oh, he clicked it. Here comes the draining of the water. There goes the turd. Here comes the refilling. It's like... I feel like if we were quiet enough, we would have been able to hear him go... Oh yeah, we definitely could have heard a wipe or two. That's the most uncomfortable thing. That's why I don't poop in public.

People hearing my strains. I don't want anybody to hear that. And don't smell my excretion if we're not friends. That's such a weird, like, animalistic thing. To hear my screeches? Like, I don't want you to hear me poop. I don't want you to smell my poop. Bro, my sphincter is open. I'll sit down in a pub. I'll sit down in a mall. And you'd think I was at the beach in Normandy. I will literally be like. Sensitive times. I watched a D-Day movie the other day. That's a sad thing. Oh, wait, which one was it? Saving Private Ryan.

for the first time uh the first time all the way through i never got past that first scene as a kid bro when they stormed i was like bro's picking up his arm and looking around i was like oh it's a tough thing yeah same for ryan's fantastic but we since we're talking about plumbing we're talking about all this stuff you're talking about my nasty my nasty excretions right yeah i've been smelling horrid i've been smelling like and when i've been burping it smells like burnt tupperware like it's i i've been smelling absolutely awful

That's such a specific. It's like you could say that and I smell it. Yeah, it's horrible. That is a very specific smell. I smell like, what's it called? An assembly line at Ford F-150 whenever there is something that went wrong. That's what I smell like. At Ford F-150. Not making a Ford F-150. At the building, Ford F-150. Right in the heart of Detroit. And so, that's where they make those?

Detroit Motor City. That's where they make those? That's where they make Dodge. Your tongue is purple. Your tongue's wide. You like it. You like the way it feels on you. You like my purple tongue. Okay, this is the thing. I shower, right? I shower, right? I don't know if that's fair. I can't attest to that. I have to take your word as bond, but you've lied to me before. One of the things I've realized about myself is

What happened? I just had a disgusting thought. You naked in the shower doing something. Crazy thought. Doing what? No, crazy.

Enjoying myself? I don't want to. No, no, no, no, no, no. Wait, what? My mind immediately made me think of, is he thoroughly cleaning himself? Oh, yeah. And I imagined you throwing that little right paw right up on that thing and just going to work. That's a sick. Why am I saying this? Recently in the shower, this might sound crazy. This might be a little TMI. I've never had a shower as big as I do now. You've never had a shower with a bench in it either. No. I sat on the bench the other day, but my balls got cold. Oh, yeah. I didn't like that. Yeah.

You got to sit to where they're hanging off the side. And I felt like my sphincter was collecting water. You shouldn't there butt chugging, butt chugging bath water. Some suds. And it might be good for your insides. I was too open for my bidet the other day too. I felt like I started to cough. No, you go, you spit out a stream of water. If your body was that in tune and you, if you were that open downstairs. No, I breathe. Close it. I breathe.

I feel like if somebody... That's why you can jump high. That's why you're good at running. Be careful, what? That's why you can run good. Why? Because you're getting double oxygen. You're breathing through your lungs and your ass. You're sitting there. No, I feel like if somebody were to... If I were to get kidnapped, which is my top fear, and somebody were to put tape over my mouth, I could breathe fine. I'd just be like... So not because you have a nose. I can't breathe out of my nose. I can't. I used to take exercises. Because my mom was like, close your mouth.

That's a fact. There's so many things wrong with you. Bro, there's so many things that could all pile up and add on to your sickness.

P, hello. I don't know about you. I'm trying to go into 2024, clean wallet, and get rid of these dumb little subscriptions I don't even know I have. Bro, I'm not going to lie to you. 2023, I was drowning in subscriptions I didn't even know I ever signed up for. I swear to God, last month, three gym memberships came out. Ask me how many gyms I go to. Probably just one. I go to one, the same one every day. When did I get subscriptions? But these other two gyms are just slicing your pockets every single month. Another thing, name any movie ever. I can watch it.

I have a subscription to every streaming platform didn't know I signed up for those only streaming platforms you actually watch uh let's see one this episode is brought to you by rocket money rocket money is a personal finance app that finds and cancels your unwanted subscriptions monitors your spending and helps you lower your bills I can see all of my subscriptions in one place if I see something that I don't want I can cancel it with a tap I never have to get on the

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I feel like I might start a fire if I keep sitting like this. I'm so dry and so hairy. Dude, you're- it's like I'm seeing a bit- a little too much of the upper thigh right now. A little too- I'm seeing where the discoloration starts to kick in. I have a picture of you fresh out of the shower on my phone right now. Dog. It's not live. I'm not gonna lie, it was 2am yesterday. It's not live. I was sitting on my couch, Johnny Walker. I was drunk.

It's watching Peaky Blinders. And you pull out. And no, I was going on my phone. My beautiful body. I was going on my phone to just like look at something, but I never closed out the photo app. That's the first thing I saw, bro. And I took that joy mode too and it went down. Joy mode. Hello. Oh.

Oh my God. Can I say what I was going to say? You have to delete that. Like, you have to delete that. Oh, I thought you meant from the podcast. No, no. You have to delete that image off your phone. Do you want it? Do you want that picture before I delete it? Yeah. Oh, okay. That's a nasty screensaver. Imagine you... Like, imagine a woman at a supermarket asks you for the time and you go... Right there. And I'm literally just like this. You look like a basted turkey in that. Like, you look like... You know in Thanksgiving... I did look thick in that picture. In Thanksgiving, right before you inject that turkey... Yeah, but don't...

The wings, right? You put that injection. You see all the skin tags? Okay, I don't have skin tags, you asshole. And close your knees, you little leprechaun. It's just the way it goes. Like, that's the actual butt thing. So, since they couldn't see, what does my butt do? Guide my hand. Ready?

Yeah. Okay. So I'm dragging a wagon. I got a hitch trailer. He was sideways holding his man meat and all you could see was like... No, I was sideways holding a towel over my man meat. And all you could see was my V and an ass for days. And you look like a turkey. That's what I'm saying. If we were to be in an apocalypse, I would cut you open. I would be like, give me that right thigh. You literally couldn't get close enough to me with a knife if we were in an apocalypse.

I would live. Good God. Good God. That's my baby. Did y'all take joy mode before y'all got here? What the hell is going on? I love you, girl. Can I get back to what I was saying in the shower? I don't get tummy aches in the shower. I can't shit in the shower. Have you ever tried to shit in the shower? Yeah. What the fuck is wrong with you? Dude, you've tried to shit in your shower. I've...

I've been like, what would be that bad about it? Not a full... A massive, massive turd sitting on a drain and then hot water going over it. No. I know my body. I know what's going to come out of me if I have to poo-poo. It's shit. No, but sometimes I'm like a... I'm like...

I'm like mud when it rains sometimes. Now imagine if that mud came from your lower intestine. Yeah, but it's watery. And it was waste. There might be corn in there. If I had... This is disgusting, dog. This is so... I'm just saying, I don't get like tummy aches in the shower. It was all I was trying to say.

I'm glad you cleared that up. The fact that you've even contemplated shitting in your shower is beyond me. It is beyond me. Okay, but that's the thing about me. You know how I act whenever I get things that are mine. Okay, let's do this. Imagine you had ten plates.

Not for dinner. I don't even have tin plates in my house. Maybe a bowl. Whatever. One bowl or ten bowls? Whatever you can put a serving on. It doesn't have to be a plate bowl. I'll take a plate. Anything. You have ten plates. You shit on it ten times. Obviously, it's not back-to-back shits to where they progressively get smaller. Let's say every time you have to shit, you've got to shit on these magical plates. This is so gross. I want you to sit there and try to visualize your tin poops. Think about how bad any one of those going in the shower would be.

But you're not listening to me when I talk. I don't care if it's liquid. Yeah, if it's liquid, it'll go straight down the drain. I don't care if it's liquid. I've shit in the shower before. You belong in an outhouse. I've shit in the shower before when I was sick. You don't deserve plumbing. You don't deserve 2023 plumbing. It's 2024. 2024 now. But you thought about the shit in 2023. Oh my god.

How was your break? We took a break. We took a break. How was your break? I hate you. You make me nasty. How was your break? Honestly, if I could shit like this, I'd have a good day. You know what I almost impulse bought the other day? I'll answer your question in two seconds. So apparently, we're sitting on the loo, right? We're sitting on the loo. Time out. We are? On separate toilets. Wait, who? You're sitting on the loo.

You sit to take a shit. Doesn't matter if it's you, me, Uncle Bob down the street. When you sit to poop, right? Are you saying this happened? Because we've never shared. It's like we're switching roles today. We've never shared a loot at it. We've never shared a toilet in our existence. I'm saying, like, walk with me in this imaginary. Imaginary scenario. Okay. You're sitting on a toilet. One cheek in it. No, you're sitting normal to take a normal. I'm about to be done. I'm about to skip the story. Are we at home or in public? I'm trying to follow your story. Okay.

You are in your house by yourself, sitting down on your toilet, take a poo, there's no one else there. How do you sit? Give me your stance. You have your phone and all, probably lean forward, looking at the phone, right? Okay. So, this, you just saw yourself, now imagine when you're butt-ass naked. I hate taking a shit naked. Like, it's a necessity, I get butt-ass, and then I go to poop right before I shower. But dude, if I ever just peek up and get a nice little view of myself in the mirror, I'm just like, man...

Bro, okay, there's some things that when you catch yourself in the mirror, you look crazy. Oh, yeah. I'm not gonna lie. I'm an adult. You are. I've had intimate moments in my life. There's a mirror by my bed. No, you're disgusting. Should I not say this? No, you're disgusting. And I looked up at myself and I had on... Imagine this outfit right now, right? With my shoes and my socks and my hat. But there's nothing else on. I had on Air Force's.

My socks and my hat on. And I could just see my back. And I said, what happened to me? I said, how's anybody attracted to me? I'm sorry, mom. Being butt-ass naked, making love in G-Fazos is insane. You're so...

Yo. Oh my God, there'd be so much brown. There'd be so much just light brown, little different shades at different parts, and then just bricks on the feet. Just white bricks. With the hat on. Oh my God. I was like a construction worker that got robbed of his workout fit. I just got my shoes and my hard hat on.

I just thought, like, how intimate can the moment even be if you're in socks, shoes, and a ball cap?

But it's not about that. If you're going to leave those on, you better have a wife beater on or something. There's no way someone should see your little Hershey Kiss nipples, your lower back hair, your leg tattoo, but then you look down and you got G-Fazos on. You got fresh bricks, dead stock. And dingy, oh my God, and dingy 1980s hooping socks. Oh.

In a cap. I'm sorry, mom. Oh, my God. I'm sorry, mom, too. Okay, so how is your back to what I was saying? Okay, the poops. Bro. We've talked for 20 minutes about pooping. We're the worst. How does it always come up? All right. When you poop, apparently. So when you poop, it's not the best on the intestines. Apparently.

You're supposed to hike. Yeah, that's what the squatty... No, they sell stools. I have it. What? At my parents' house. I bought it in high school. Or my Aunt Shelly bought it for us in high school. It opens it up. That's why... Are you serious? That's why I tell you. Remember I told you whenever you were having bad stomach pains and you couldn't shit? This is what I do when I can't shit. Even if I don't have a stool, I'll go like this. I'll put good posture and bring my knees up to me. And so it just kind of opens me up. It's like a tunnel. It's like a funnel.

It's like a tunnel, like a funnel. Like a tunnel, like a funnel. I'm Jimmy Ronald.

Okay, we were just on break. We had a good break. Yeah, enough poop. Enough fecal matter. Tell me about your break. How was it? God, sex and forces is wild. My break. The breaks are always good. There's never a bad break. You went to Austin for a couple days. Boy, did I. I went to Oklahoma for a couple days. Both of us had great times just relaxing. Came back, spent a couple nights together, hanging out.

Dudes being bros, guys being guys. It was fantastic. That was so shit. Dudes being dudes, guys being guys. That was my break. Say something! We played 2K. Peyton beat me two games in a row. We played UFC. I cleared the entire house. I think we ordered pizza one night. Had a couple neckties. You know what I'm going to do? That was not your Christmas break. For Christmas, you did not do anything.

You know what I'm going to do? We went to Oklahoma. I got to see both sides of Liv's family. You know what I'm going to do? You know what I'm going to do? I'm going to go to the YouTube studio app when this uploads. I'm going to screenshot the view duration, and I'm going to show you the bar graph or the line graph of when this story started and the views. I want you to see.

We went to Oklahoma. I got to see both sides of her family was fantastic We ate great dinner played a lot of games put the weird games on my Instagram story I saw that y'all doing a hip flexor exercise with candy canes and my grandpa's and what they doing It was not a hip. It was a game and my quads were on fire. Yeah, it's fine. It's good. I took a break It's good. Are you gonna ask me how what does that move? It's good. I took a break. It's good. I

I can imagine you as a dad. You know what you're going to be like as a dad? You're a great father. You're going to go to your... But your kid's going to hate you in high school. I want to let you know that. Why? Because first... That's not nice. Because first of all, your kid's going to get bullied. Because it's an astro ginger scientist. First of all, I'm going to love that kid. I'm just going to say that's what it is. But, and second of all, you're famous. And social media is taking over. So your kid's classmates are going to pull up on an iPhone...

Every day, be like, is this your dad dressed as Mrs. Claus? And you know, your household has no honor. Your dad dressed as a grandma. And... Yeah, Ivy. But another thing, which you're going to do, though, that it's completely up to you. I can 100% see Cam doing this as a dad. When your kid's in high school. Mm-hmm.

And Kim's going to be a volunteer chaperone at school dances. No shot in hell. And then, not even that, he's going to be the volunteer chaperone at the school dances. No shot. Kids are already going to hate you because everybody's going to come and take pictures with you. No, I would never do that. And then what you're going to do is they're going to play on a throwback. They're going to turn on, God forbid they turn on some gunna.

Oh my god. They turn on the gunner. Cam's gonna be like, oh, y'all know nothing about this. Bitch, I'm big. And then Cam's gonna be in the middle of the dance floor with JCPenney slacks on.

JCPenney slacks a striped button-up tucked in with a nice leather belt and Cole Hawns on the feet. Oh my god. And then your kid's going to be like, Dad! Like, dude, go home, man! I'm just like, bitch, I didn't know where to wear it. Oh, I'd hate myself. I would never do that. That's one thing I vow. I hope I never embarrass my kids. It will happen. 100%. But you're cool, though. Yeah, to my extent. I'm going to try to embarrass them.

as little as i can but if this embarrasses them be like this is how you have a roof over here hey you like this uh i'm gonna embarrass your kids though i'm gonna be the cool uncle yeah i'm just gonna be the uncle that shows up don't okay don't allow me to pick up your kids from school i'm gonna rip the hurricane and blast like looney tunes soundtrack and be like outside like this it'll be like malachi

Come on, big dog. Uncle P is here. Let's get you back to your house, boy. Say huff. The You Should Know Podcast. Heineken 0.0 is an alcohol-free option to the original Heineken that you love. Cam, it's a new year. A lot of people are starting new things.

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I know how your break was. I don't need to know. No, there's something that happened I didn't tell you, and this is 100% true. God. The craziest thing. You're strapping. This is real. How was your break? This is real, and I didn't tell y'all. Because this sucks. This is our relationship now. I can't tell y'all the super crazy stuff that happens to me because I want— Save it for here. I have to save it for here. The craziest thing happened to me when I went back home for the holidays. Dude, every time you start one of these, I start to sweat. Okay. I'm literally sweating. So the—

The podcast has gotten bigger, right? Correct. And now my mom's friends are starting to get involved in the podcast and be like, oh my God, this is your son. And they showed her the taxidermy video, wherever I was talking about, I want to be taxidermied when I die. Put on a wall. And my mom has always hated that video. She gets so embarrassed by it and makes her sad. She doesn't like it. And she brings it up like subtly.

out of nowhere. She'll bring it up suddenly and be like, that's weird. Don't talk about you being taxidermy. I don't like that, boy. Yeah, that's bullshit, baby. Yeah. And so I'm just like, oh, mom, it's funny. It's whatever. I like it. I want to do it. She's always held a certain grudge about that, though.

So my mom, when I went back home, she goes, hey, Peyton, I want to take you to meet my friend. I want to take you to their house. Now, when she said that, I was like, this isn't my mom. She doesn't go to people's houses, and she doesn't want me to go there with her. It's a trap. My mom protects me. She knows she doesn't want me going to people's houses. She doesn't want people meeting me, like that kind of stuff. So when she said that, I go, oh, she's lost it. Why is my mom taking me places? And she offered to drive. I haven't seen my mom drive since 2008, right? No.

and she has a nice car not your mom she's been abducted yeah so i was like what and she was like it's gonna be cool their kids are fans of the videos and my friend has seen the videos she just wants to meet you i go that's not you that doesn't make sense we get in the car she starts driving and she goes while we're driving she starts to say payton you got to be careful what you talk about on the internet you're getting a little too weird you're saying too many weird things i was like what's happening why are you saying this to me

We pull up to the house, right? I'm getting antsy. We get into this house.

House has a weird smell to it. And I'm like, already, mom, I know you wouldn't bring me here with a house that has a weird scent. This isn't you. Okay, so she goes, the mom of the owner of the house, right? Her friend opens the door. She goes, oh my God, nice to meet you, Mama Hardin. Or nice to meet you. He goes, nice to see you, Mama Hardin. Nice to meet you, Peyton. I go, hey, nice to meet you. The whole time I'm having an anxiety attack because I know something is happening. Yeah, this is the setup, 100%.

She goes, just take a seat in the living room. I'm going to go grab some drinks for y'all. The kids are in their room. I'm like, why are we talking about kids? Why are you getting me a drink? It's like, I don't want a beverage. I'm sweating and I'm about to pass out. I'm starting to see dots. You know what I mean? She goes, sit on the couch. The couch has like plastic over it. And I'm like, you're not 84. Mom, are we about to die? And so I'm like, I sit down. Yeah.

And there's a nightstand right by the couch. I'm sitting on the edge of the couch. I put my arm up. I see something on my peripheral. I look over. I kid you not. They have a taxidermied cat on the nightstand of the house. It's going like this at me. I go, holy shit. There is a taxidermied cat right here.

Again, while I'm freaking out about this, I'm looking at the thing, looking at me in an attack position. I'm like, oh, my mom has set me up. But the whole time I'm looking at this, I'm getting that stench over and over again. And I'm like, what is that smell in this house? And why has my mom brought me here? I'm starting to put two and two together. She brought me here because that taxidermied, right?

Beyond scared we're sitting down for about 15 minutes right we're talking. I'm uncomfortable my ass is wet I'm getting a puddle on that plastic couch the cat has not blinked once Marble eyes the kids I'm starting to hear them make more noise in that room the their mom goes I don't wanna say their names they got kids come to the living room one kid comes to the living room

A second kid comes to the living room. These kids are nasty. These kids got dark, like, gross feet. Their fingers are nasty. They haven't wiped their mouths in, like, two days. Like, you can tell... I can tell everything they've eaten in the past 48 hours on their mouths, right? There's one more kid. They got hobbit hooves. There's one more kid. And it's carrying something. If I...

I swear to God, this kid comes to the living room with a second taxidermied cat that's on a wooden plank. Like it's like mounted, like on a plank. And the kid is holding it as they're playing. I'm like, what the hell is happening in this house? Get me out of this house. At this point, I'm looking over at my mom like, you evil. It's like, I know what you're doing.

And the whole time, you know, my mom and her sarcastic ass. She's looking at me like, yeah, she's like, you want to be taxidermy, don't you? I'm like, I need to leave this. Like, I need to leave this house. The conversations are weird. And then one of the kids put the

Put the podcast on the TV. You know I don't like that. I'm watching myself. There's a dead marble-eyed cat right here. And there's a kid playing with a dead marble-eyed cat. Hasn't wiped its mouth in six and a half days. The bottom of their feet are black. Right? These kids are gross. I'm starting to settle in to the dead cats, the nasty kids, and the plastic couch and watching myself. We're almost done with the episode. We're going to leave when the episode is done.

That smell got to a point where I thought somebody was dead inside of this plastic couch. Then I hear like a bell, like a jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle. And it's starting to walk towards me. The sound's getting closer. I look over and there is a cat that looks like it died three years ago and they're just puppeteering it. It's still alive. And I go, what is that?

I said, I said, I said, what is that animal? I could see the concern in your eyes. You said, what is that? I say, and you know you gotta be nice. Whenever you see, like, somebody's animal. I'm like, what the fuck is it?

Like, not, ooh, nice pet. I'd be like, what the fuck is that? And so, you know, whenever you see someone's animal that they love, but it's on its deathbed, you should probably put that down. Like a 16-year-old dog. Yeah, you're just like, oh, it's so cute. Exactly. You're like, oh, hey, what's this thing's name? It says it's 19 years old. Its name is Mittens or something. And we go, once she, I kid you not, this mother of the house says, once he transitions...

We're going to get him taxidermied too. I look at my mom and she goes, your dad just called. We got to go. We get into the car, right? I don't even say a word to my mom. My mom doesn't look at me. She's driving. She goes, told you stop saying weird shit on the podcast. That's how I spent my holidays. That is the most savage shit your mom could have done. Yeah.

I mean, that is a prime example of I'm going to show you, not tell you. I'm going to, like, literally I'm going to scare you straight. Yeah. And on top of that, that entire household deserves an A-10 Warthog to drive by and... Yeah, there's kids in that.

Yeah, there's fucking hobbits. Hobbits playing with board cats and marble-eyed kittens. I said bathe your fucking kids. Dude, bathe the kids. He's petting a cat on a board. It's like Ed, Edd n Eddy, the fucking board friend, and they staple the cat to it.

No, when I say it was a fever dream in that house, I was sitting on a plastic couch. You gotta give me the, what did the rest look like? Some other, like, was it, there was a lot of plants, like a, a grotesque amount of plants and knickknacks. Oh no. No, no. I,

I swear to God, if I wouldn't wait until that section of the house where the kids came from, their little quadrant, there would have been probably a dead human. Oh, yeah. No. Dude, for a second, for a split second, I thought the kids were upstairs taxidermying the cat themselves. That's what I thought you were going to say. I thought they were up there cutting guts out and shit. Kids come down, there's like...

clean their knife off now I get the concern of why y'all had such a visceral reaction when I said I want to be taxed and that's a cat and you were terrified you are 20 times the size of any cat on this earth yeah you would literally take up an entire wall like this

That would be kind of sick though. Oh, what if you got texted in your photo op though? What do you mean? You held the arm like this and you went, oh yeah. People could always come and take pictures. Cam made fun of me. How I take pictures with fans. Anytime there's a fan interaction, it's like, oh, we love y'all. We're like, oh no, we love y'all. Thank you so much. Want to take pictures? Yeah, of course. This is Peyton's every time. He gets his hat and he goes, and it's this stiff, it's the stiff ass shoulders. It's like, he fixes the hat.

If any of you have a picture, go open your phone right now and look at it. He's doing one. I swear to God. I guarantee I'm doing this. He's doing one of two things. This or one of those two. Every photo out there. Every photo. Oh my God. What are you doing? What did you just do? 2024. I had good rhythm too.

Yeah, yeah. That joint must have been your sister, bro. They need a response to the podcast. Oh, my God. Send us some more bags. Oh, shit. Oh, fuck. I have that video of you. Okay. I also have a question, right? I've been really into candles recently, right? Like, washed or not, that is just a rough look, man. That is like, it's hard to stare at, bro. The edges are laid, sliced up.

Like, bro. Golly. I've been having a thing with candles, right? I've been loving candles recently. It brings a sexiness to the home. It does. Oh, candles just make you. Little candles, little joy mode. Joy mode's got a free episode. Y'all got a free episode today. I love candles, right? I've been lighting candles everywhere. I got a candle in every room of the house, every bathroom. I had a question, though, because I was really looking at that candle. I was burning it. I have one of the long sticks. You point the little fire things in it.

And then I was looking at it, right? And I was like, that shit's hot. That's fire. Two fires. There's two wicks in there. So I have two wicks going. Big candle. You know what the crazy part? Super quick side note. When we burp like that, it might mess us up. That's it. If she burps like that, she's literally going to go to the sink and spit out a black solid from her throat. I remember she did that in my parents' house in Austin. That was, I don't understand. Dude, she was spitting brown tar from her mouth.

Like you're a bet like an evil Pokemon or something so this is the thing about candles right and I honestly I want you to I want you to inform me right okay? Hey, and all you other I'm cooking y'all 2024 2024 if you want to get cooked go to patreon

I have a question that I don't know anything about. Shocker, right? I'll try to stay humble and a gracious teacher in the moment. Depending on your response. I don't understand how the glass doesn't set on fire in a candle. Glass is flammable. No. Glass is not flammable. It's glass. Literally, fire is used to create glass. Wait, hold on. What? Say it again. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

Glass is not flammable. There's nothing flammable about glass. There's nothing that can burn in glass. So you can literally put something, like you can put a... So if I were to break my window right in my car, glass falls on the floor of the concrete. Yes. I get matches. And I put that right there. I don't have a fire. Nothing happens. I don't believe that. Nothing happens. Glass can set on fire. No, it can't. Okay. Have you ever seen a house on fire? Yes. Are the windows on fire? No. The window... Yes. Yes.

Yes, it is. You're about to piss me off. I was trying to do better. The windows are shattered, not on fire, dumbass. The power of the flames breaks the window. Glass cannot be burned. You want to start spitting like a little creep in an untied shoe? Let's go, buddy. Glass can't burn. Hence why you can take a lasagna in a big-ass glass pan, put that bitch in a 400-degree oven for two hours. I've set things on fire in an oven. No, you have not. What have you set on fire in an oven? Taco shells.

Taco shells, not glass. Glass can't burn. Why? Because it's glass. There's nothing flammable about it. There's nothing that can catch on fire. It's glass. How? What is glass? What is glass made of? It literally uses fire to make... Have you ever seen them make a vase? They get that shit. It's almost like magma. And they pull it and it looks like a big honeycomb and then they shape it. How does it get see-through?

That's the part I don't... How do mirrors work? That's a fascinating question. How do you make a mirror? That's a fascinating question. Because it's glass, right? So how do you make a vase that you can see through and then make a mirror that you can see through? Even at the lowest form of knowledge in Minecraft, you literally take sand, you put it in the furnace, and it gives you glass. Deadass. Yeah. Is that why sand hurts when you walk on it? It's little glass pieces?

If sand hurts when you walk on it, you have the most sensitive feet ever. I have sensitive feet. Sand feels fantastic. Now if you get a little rocky sand, a couple rocks, a couple shells, twigs, now we're talking about pure sand, I'd pay to walk on pure sand all the time. We should invent a sand shoe. It's too late. We said it out loud. And I would never invest any of my money into that. Oh, neither would I. But wouldn't it be a cool prototype? No, horrible. Imagine you get a boot and it's just filled with sand. You ever wanted to torture yourself? I tried that in middle school. I would go like this. Yeah.

You know what I mean? Oh my god, it gets me every time. You know, we're talking about glass and you just go, you ever want to torture yourself?

Not to like where your life would end. But like I've always... Oh! Okay, I know what you mean. I'm sorry. I've always wanted to hit myself with a stun grenade and see how bad it is. You have said that in a flashbang. Like a flashbang. Imagine something... I wouldn't want that. Imagine something going off. Such a quick explosion of light and so loud. Now you can't see or hear. My dad... I would love to do that. My dad got hit by a flashbang, I think.

See, but in the same regard, though, I would hate to be pepper sprayed. I would never want to be pepper sprayed. I would never want to be. And I guarantee getting hit with a flashbang is worse. But pepper spray is just like, no. Fun fact about whenever I was a kid, my dad had a pepper spray, right? And me and my brother and my dad were in the backyard, and we were just spraying it out. Why? Because it's so like, it's not just like... No, it's like a straight line, yeah. It's very direct. But it was windy outside. And so I hit it. My dad was behind me. That bitch said, my dad said, back!

He's like, ah, my shoulder. He pressed it. He's like, I'll block it. I'm kidding. Oh, shit. Tie your shoe. Tie me. Tie me up. Tie me up and do what you want. Make me serve. But I'm saying like torture yourself to the point where you ever wanted to do the hot coal walks or the glass walks? Oh, that's like not torture. That's like resort.

That's like you're on the edge of a stressful breakup, maybe a divorce, and you walk across those stones and really loosen them. I don't think that would loosen shit. I just think my feet are fucking hot. It really loosens the brain. Okay, what is your ideal of like, this is a big debate I've seen online, vacations. Are you one of the people on vacations that's itinerary based? Or are you like, I want to sit in my bed and just watch a show in a foreign land?

Because I don't know what I'm at. I like a mixture of both, but if I had to choose one, give me itinerary. Because at the same, okay. I kind of knew that for you. Liv is the literal woman that will be like, we could literally go to, we could go downtown Dallas to stay in a nice hotel and watch our shows. I love doing that. Oh, that's cool. But it's like, we're going to go pay $300 to stay in a room. You have it. And watch the same show we can watch. Okay, but that's the thing about you. You put money over like what money can do for you.

But you put the power of that, like having it. That just seems pointless. That seems pointless. The reset of that. That's a good investment on yourself, on your mental, on your relationship. Do you know what else I could do for $300? Yeah, a lot. That's more of an investment on myself. All I'm doing for that. What, to put you in a stock? Yeah. I'm talking about the peace of like your body and your mind and your relationship. That's what I'm talking about. I could go get couples massages and facials for $300.

Would you rather get completely worked on, all your extremities cleaned, all the tension rubbed out of you, or just go watch Suits in a damn 17th story patio? The second, the latter. Well, that's you. That's you. You know her. Boozy. God. No, but in terms of vacations, actual vacations, not like, oh, we're stopping in...

whatever, Oklahoma to go somewhere else. I'm talking like you get on a plane, car, whatever. But if you go somewhere, you're staying there for four or five days, I would definitely want things to do. But I do love, I will point at you very directly. I do love a good like reset day. Like during the vacation. But I can't do that at home. Oh, during the vacation. I'm saying like the first day you get there, it's amazing. You unpack, you go hard. The second day you're like, boom, we have this excursion. We can shop for a little bit and then we're going to this nice ass dinner. And the third day is like,

We got drunk at the dinner. Let's literally sleep in. No alarms. We do what we do. But on the next day, we got this at 9 a.m. And then we got this at 2.30 and another nice dinner at a new place. That's the thing about me. So in 2024, it's one of my resolutions is I want to actually have a vacation. I haven't had a vacation in forever. You can go and do your solos or go with someone else, but we're going on a group one.

Yeah, yeah. I already have been working out. Well, like, I haven't had a vacation in years. Like, years. I don't think like ever. That's literally going to be the hardest part about you, by the way. What? I'm actually going to trick you. To what? I'm going to say, yeah, bro, I got your bag. I'm leaving that bag at home.

We're going to record before, and then I'm going to have to like, I almost want to intentionally but make it look accidentally break your phone. A small part of me. I need my phone. Just to set your mind free. Give me 96 hours. You'll enjoy the hell out of it. We're going somewhere all inclusive. I'll give you your phone, but maybe we set up a screen time, but you don't know the password. Something like that. I want to go to St. Bart's. I literally don't know where that is.

If you know, you know. I want to go to St. Bart's. Or, okay. Or, I think this is what I'll have the most fun doing. Like a, like you know the cabin trip we went on? Yes. Cabin vlog is on Patreon. It is, bro. I want to do that, but like on steroids. I want to bring like weapons. Okay, okay. And I want to like shoot things. I'm saying imagine. Like targets, not animals. Imagine that, but in Colorado. Like the same thing, but the cabin's three times the size. Yeah. There's snow outside. Can I invite you?

As many as you like. They all have to sleep in your room though. That's a headache. They're not going to show up and take my real estate. I will have a bed for me and my queen. No, they can't cook for shit. You rats can sleep outside on the porch. No, it's nice. They're like me, just pretty. You're pretty. Oh, thank you. I have to shit. Okay, let's be transparent in 2024.

Cam's my poop buddy. Yeah. Definitely had to go take the Cleveland Browns to the old Super Bowl. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. And you know our bodies are so in sync. They are. It's like we have a metamorphosis double entendre traction control. We got to stop talking about poop so much. No, we do. It's a weird, it's like a weird just like backbone of this podcast. Always poop.

I want an overall theme of this episode to be like 2024, what I'm doing better, because you suck at talking. Okay. So I'm just going to talk about what I'm doing better. Okay. Thanks for the support and confidence. I'm being honest with you. That's how you get better. You know what? I'll be better in 2024 as well. Probably not. Well, I'll start right now. So this is what I've been doing every day. I've been cleaning my house every single day. And a scent of my house, I've been making sure, because sometimes my house smells bad.

Like science. It smells like I've mowed a lawn inside. It's rained. Threw it in a glass and just watch what happens. So I've been cleaning my house a lot more. That's what I've been doing in 2024. I actually don't believe that. Of course you don't. I don't believe you do it every day. Oh my God. To hell with every day when you clean or whatever.

Something he does, this isn't even really cleaning, but something that you have that could be a cleaning material, it concerns the hell out of me. What? My Tide Pods? Oh, no, no, no. Your Tide Pods are fine. Pods of Tide, they're cool. Don't eat them. However, this man, you have Lysol by your toilet. Not Febreze. Lysol. Are you aware those are not one and the same? Right now. Right, in every, there's three cans of Lysol for your three toilets.

And a small part of me wants to give you the benefit of the doubt. Like, oh, he's really trying to clean, keep it nice. I think that you think you got Febreze. And you grab the lice. Are you cleaning Petri dishes? Or are you spraying after poo? And it's bullshit because you know that it's Lysol. Why do you have Lysol and not Glade?

What? What? He said, I just had an internal realization that that's not Fabrice. That's my toilet. It's nowhere near. It's like, how do you... No wonder I get a little high every time I get in my bathroom. Because you're wiping petri dishes. Think about when you take a poop at my place. It's mine. It's both of ours. You immediately get hit with a little...

Homemade sundae ice cream or bourbon mahogany teakwood. You're like, man, that smells good. You poop at your place? You're like, you need a hazmat suit. Bio-stew. I have like raid mushrooms. That's what I'm... Bro. That's the scent of my house is raid. Okay, this 2024, year of honesty. Did you know that was... That's so bad. It was a mistake.

It's an odd... Just because they're on the same aisle doesn't mean they do the same thing. It's just an oddly, like, similar bottle. It's so not, though. Lysol is so yellow. Like, it is a huge yellow can. And it's probably, like, four to five dollars a pop. But it was limone. Put some limone in it!

That doesn't excuse your behavior. Dude, it dawned on me. I wasn't going to say anything the other night because we were on a good vibe. Everyone was hanging out. I said, I'm not going to crush this dream. No wonder. Every time I leave my bathroom, I have a slight cough. Yeah, you're like... Yeah, that's like my air freshener is Lysol. That's so bad. Hey, you got a clean-ass bathroom. I'll give you that. There's not a single bacteria that can grow in there.

No wonder I've been itchy all the time. I've sprayed it on my bed. Oh, my God. You've sprayed it on your clothes because you thought it was Febreze. You've always Febreze your asshole. Oh, my God. His go to his tried and true method, he'll be like, upper body, cologne, lower extremities. He literally grabs what should be Febreze, but clearly his lifestyle goes...

Oh no, my last week at my new house has been insane. And it's been like a fever dream. I don't know if it's because of what I saw. Oh my god, what happened at your house two days ago? Oh my god. We have to tell. I don't know if we legally can. Can we? Okay, Peyton straight up witnessed crime outside of his house three days ago. Hello! Swallow! You're like, what are you doing? You're like a guppy.

Are you even here? Like, I literally... I'm like, alright, we got this story. And you're... Fucking bubble guppies over here. Like, is this a monologue? What the hell? Your itches... Oh my god, your itches are so loud. Oh my god. He has this weird... You're like not swallowing things now. And I don't know... Okay, I don't... But liquids, drinks, drinks, beverages. That shit...

That shit you did last night We took shots last night I swear to god I take my shot I feed Ruby I go and like zip the trash bag up I turn around and he's like What are you doing? Get off my pants So wrinkled now What are you doing? Swallow when you drink something Why are you picking your nose? You're not bleeding You are not bleeding No you're not You're not I can't help it My leg is bleeding Yeah cause you're fucking Wolverine over here

Edward Scissorhands going into your thigh to help with your leg. Why aren't you swallowing when you drink things? I can't. What does that mean? What are you doing? It makes me scared. I can't swallow. I've had a thing. I can't. And the fact that you just called it out, I've noticed it in myself. It takes me so long to swallow. But why? I can't. I feel like I'm going to throw up. I feel like... What is your fingers right now? You just said, I feel like I'm going to throw up. Oh my God. Are you gagging?

Why can't you swallow? You were wearing panties. You were wearing panties, dog. I just saw sensitive skin. I saw that skin where hair doesn't grow. That's what I saw. I saw that nice little quadrant of meat where it's so soft. That sounded fucking crazy. I saw that nice quadrant of meat. That sounded absolutely insane. I can't swallow anymore.

Why? There's like a thing in me. You literally turned off our TV. You turned off our TV. Relax. You're sweating. You better have undergarment on. Okay, you do. Stop scratching. Dude, you're going to draw blood. Stop scratching yourself. Let me see your fingernails. Clip your fingernails. They're not even terribly bad, but you have some long ass fingers. Oh my God.

Do you ever feel like you're in lava in lava? No, you're the fact that you're you're literally you're tiptoeing you're scratching your head My god, there's black sweat stains on your white shirt. There is black sweat stains on your white shirt. Oh my god You just got up using one leg. The other one was stiff as a board you it bro. It's a bit of thing what? It shouldn't be the thing

It shouldn't been a thing. There's a thing. Let me reclose. I'm just, you're, I'm gonna give you as long as you need. Does anybody have, I'm so, I can't. The second it turns cold here in Texas, Peyton just gets scaly. Back, bro, back to the swallowing. Why? There's been a thing. I've noticed about myself recently. Dog, your shorts, bro. Don't look. You're gonna need a damn sensor bar. There's been a thing recently.

There's been a thing recently where... Shoe's still untied. My god, it's been untied for an hour. There's been a thing where I can't swallow. You know what I mean? No. Like, I've never, I've never known what that means. When I swallow, I get like gaggy. Gaggy? Gaggy. Best word you could conjure, gaggy. When you swallow. Chokey. Dude, I am, I am... I like it when you chokey me. I am on set.

I am on set with like a nervous meerkat. Like you, you are fantastic. I felt my world collapsing. You couldn't see? Visions getting dark? I almost put two fingers down my throat. If you would have gagged yourself on the podcast, I swear to God I would have walked home. You could have kept my car. You could have kept it. I would have walked back to my place. I feel like in 2024 a testicle will pop out of my mouth.

I'm like a big ass baby, though. That's what I'm saying! It's like you're wearing a black diaper, a hat that's hanging on by a thread. Oh my god, Snorty McPiggington. You have a white shirt, but your sweat stains were black. Black! I have a question.

Please. Oh, we can't tell that story, by the way. Yeah, fuck. To hell. I don't even want to talk about the story anymore. There's an ongoing investigation going outside my house. Yeah, that shit was... Now that you've come up for air, that shit was insane. I witnessed crime. Oh, my God. Yeah, we probably shouldn't. But holy hell, it was funny. If we could tell the story, it'd be...

I think that's what happens when you don't swallow. What? You're sitting there just triggering your little throat, just playing games with it. It thinks it needs to swallow. You're not letting it. Then 10 minutes later, you get the backlash. Okay, honestly. Belching. Honestly.

You're about to ask me some sick question. How much money would it take for you to allow me? You have to look me in the eyes the whole time. None. No money. I know this hand motion. I know this hand motion. There's no way in hell for me to grab your throat. We're looking at each other. No, none. Zero. And you 21 jump street me. You have to stick your tongue out like a popsicle. Until I achieve greatness. Until I achieve my goal.

Absolutely no amount in this world. Really? If you had a million cash, I'd do it right now. No, it's less than that. Right now. You'd do $100,000 cash. No. Yes, you would. You said something crazy yesterday. What was it yesterday that you said? What was it yesterday in the parking garage that you said you would do for $100,000? I don't remember. It was something crazy. Oh, you would let a... All I gotta do is take a shower. I got $100,000. You would let a...

For a thousand... I can't talk about that. Yeah, we can't. We can't. That's like ultimate. If you needed to do this for a hundred grand on me, I'd say no. Push it to 250. We're talking. Give me a quarter. Give me a quarter. Give me a quarter. Give me a quarter. Give me a quarter. Give me a quarter. Give me a quarter. Give me a quarter. Give me a quarter. Give me a quarter. Give me a quarter. Give me a quarter. Give me a quarter. Give me a quarter. Give me a quarter. Give me a quarter. Give me a quarter. Give me a quarter. Give me a quarter. Give me a quarter. Give me a quarter. Give me a quarter. Give me a quarter. Give me a quarter. Give me a quarter. Give me a quarter. Give me a quarter. Give me a quarter. Give me a quarter. Give me a quarter. Give me a quarter. Give me a quarter. Give me a quarter. Give me a quarter. Give me a quarter. Give me a quarter. Give me a quarter. Give me a quarter. Give me a quarter. Give me a quarter. Give me a quarter. Give me a quarter. Give me a quarter. Give me a quarter. Give me a quarter. Give me a quarter. Give me a quarter. Give me a quarter. Give me a quarter. Give me a quarter. Give me a quarter. Give me a quarter. Give me a quarter. Give me a quarter. Give me a quarter. Give me a quarter. Give me a quarter. Give me a quarter. Give me a quarter. Give me a quarter. Give me a quarter. Give me a quarter. Give me a quarter. Give me a quarter. Give me a quarter. Give me a quarter. Give me a quarter. Give me a quarter. Give me a quarter. Give me a quarter. Give me a quarter. Give me a quarter. Give me a quarter. Give me a quarter. Give me a quarter. Give me a quarter. Give me a quarter. Give me a quarter. Give me a quarter.

It's 2024, right? There's a lot of people out there that are trying to turn a new leaf with their love life. They need help. Let's start 2024 off with the best lock. You said, let's start off 2024 with the best lock. What are you doing? There's so much hair. Your legs, bro, you're going to have to do the censored bar. And your legs are so white and hairy.

Oh my god, the knock knee, the untied shoe, the wet back of the knee. Please do something for me. No. I'm not feeling your butt crack. You literally have to pay me right now. No. No. It's so wet. I'm not feeling your butt crack. Dude, you're choking, gagging, like, cover up. Okay. Your mom is watching. Who made you? She made this. Anyway, not the best... The love doctor in the world. The best love doctor in the world.

Alright, Secretary Cam. Yes, sir. We don't have anything going on. Yeah, right. Me and my boyfriend of one and a half years. Shake that money maker like somebody's about to pay you. Don't worry about the money. He sat on a nut. He sat on a nut. You popped a ball. I love you.

Me and my boyfriend of a year and a half are long distance. We only get to see each other every five months.

Damn, that sucks. They only get to see each other every five months. Usually when I come to see him or he comes to see me, we hang out and we are good with just each other's company. But recently, since I came to see him for Christmas, when we aren't doing anything specifically, he's on his PC talking to his online friends. I try to tell him, like, hey, I'm here. I don't see you very often. And he seems like he just doesn't get it. Please, Dr. P, I'd love some insight and advice from you. Let me tell you something. How old are they?

Doesn't say, but her name is Toxic Girl. Oh. Well, she's not the one being toxic. I'm not going to lie. Somebody's cheating. Let me put that out there. Is it some or both? Her name is Toxic Queen, so I'm getting that she would cheat. She's flirting at least with somebody else. I don't want to put that on your jacket, but you got to wear that letter, man. You know what I mean?

That's a patch on your letterman now. You got a varsity jacket. Now, but your boyfriend, on the other hand, he's first team all offense. He's an all-star. He's first team all district. I'm telling you, he's on the all-star team. All-region talent. Oh, God. He made the list. He's cheating on you.

when you're away for five months. He's a young man with urges. He's five months, you're five months away from each other or something like that. When he's around you, he wants to play games, doesn't like talking to you. Damn, that hurts. Sorry, it's Dr. P, it's not Peyton. It's Dr. P, he's cheating on you. Let me tell you something right now. We have a lot of people in that age range that are 18 to 24, right? Young, very young. You're at the beginning of your life. Enjoy it. Enjoy it. Don't waste it getting cheated on for somebody that's in a foreign land.

Especially all you. A lot of y'all are graduating high school this year. Let me tell you something. You got that high school girlfriend. You got that high school boyfriend. Y'all are going to go to different colleges. But I love them. No, you don't. We talked about married. I'm going to let you know right now. It's been one month in college. One college party, somebody else is kissing your lover. Don't hate to break it to you. Oh, don't let them be an athlete either. Oh, my God. If one of you is an athlete.

game over sayonara so i riva dirge a and i promise you you spend a year not even you spend a semester away from them you're not gonna think about your high school love i tell you that much right now i'll tell you that hey you'll be like i forgot that that happened um so yeah middle name you're young you might have love for you can love this person have love for this person cool they're they're they're they're

They've spent nights at that sorority house. I'll let you know. They've gone to that frat party. They've gone to that function. Keep going. They've enjoyed a dessert with somebody else. Amen. Keep going. They've split that Sunday. Oh, God. Keep going. He's opened up somebody else's console. Amen. Keep going. Let's see how many you can rattle off. That's it. Okay. I feel like I've hammered home the... I've hammered home the...

I have like insulin you're having like you need bro you need medicine I've hammered western medicine I've hammered I've hammered home the point you're getting cheated on they don't care that much if you're spending like half a year away from somebody and they come back and get on the game something that they were doing yeah bro all right final closing remarks to toxic girl uh toxic girl best way to get over somebody

Get under someone else. Talk to you. No, just spend time with yourself. Be young. Enjoy your life. You're if you're a you're not in your life doesn't start for you like real life. Like you're an adult, adult, adult where you got to get out of your ways to like 30 something. You're young.

If they are 30 and you're doing a long distance relationship, they might have kids with somebody else at this point. They're taking their son that you don't know about to their first soccer game. He's putting on buddies cleats and shin guards saying, love you champ. You're at home waiting for a response.

Enjoy your life. Do your thing. That's tough. Do your thing. Hey, come to a You Should Know podcast live show. You'll meet somebody. There you go. That is tough, but it's a tough truth from the one and only. Dr. P. Dr. P. Dr. P. Dr. P. Dr. P.

Man, oh man. 2024. Wow. Peyton still stinks. I still suck at telling you how my week went. But together, we're bestest friends with you. You right there. Point at him, P. Who is it? You. You. And you. But we absolutely love y'all. Tell them what's coming up in 2024. 2024. There's a million different things going to happen. But the first two things, February 17th, Tampa, Florida. Austin first. Oh, oh, oh.

March 1st, Austin, Texas. Austin 1st. We got birthday show for Uncle P and we got the homecoming show for Uncle P. You're not going to want to miss either one of these two special dates because they are loaded and packed with fun and family and friends and hopefully you. Like we said earlier, like he said, not me, in the intro. Whole bottom section, Tampa.

Don't even think about it. It's already gone. But there's still a beautiful, great view, top section that still has tickets available. You might want to act fast. Might want to act fast. Tickets are flying, going out of there. Austin, Koala Club, you'll be the first to know pre-sale whenever Austin tickets are live. And then about a week later, everyone else will know. So it'll come soon. As soon as we have it, y'all will have it. But we absolutely love y'all. This week's code.

I want you to take a random guess without me saying anything. Are you frozen? Like, did you get stunned? I was going to say that the secret code is something about being taxidermied. So what do you want it to be? Matter of fact, the first secret code of the new year, Uncle P gets to drop the gym on y'all. TTC. TTC. Taxidermy that cat. Taxidermy that cat. Meow. That was seductive. Anyway, taxidermy that cat.

TTC. Leave it in the comments. TikTok. Instagrams. Everywhere. Everywhere. Everywhere. Get your good karma. Confuse the casuals.

I'm going to give y'all a CTA, right? A call to action for those that are not in the business, right? 2024 as a family, you should know. The podcast is elevating. There's going to be a lot of people and there is a lot of people trying to deter you from enjoying this podcast. If you like it, be proud of liking this podcast. We're just two friends trying to make everybody laugh. We're making each other laugh. We're having a great time and we're not going to change that.

ever. So be proud to be here and we are all on a common goal. We all have our helmets on, we all have our shoulder pads on, and we have a walkie talkie and we're all, and we're all going to push together as a UChino family to get 1 million subscribers, 1 million family members. And we're going to do something really crazy for that. We have the hundredth episode special coming up in 2024. That's going to be special. Uh,

We have a lot of cool things planned for you guys. Thank you so much for all those rocking with us, defending us against the mean people. Against the mean bastards. We love you. Thank you so much for rocking with us in 2023. Let's all grow and elevate together as a family. We're not alone. We're all one. All right. We love you. And remember... Bro, are you like a general?

I feel like I could go I'm begging my soldiers to battle I feel like I have a spear in my arm right now and I could go to war taking the soldiers to battle this is the best family in the world we love you remember one out of ten koala bears don't make it home to Christmas and that was a fantastic shoe flip to start 2024 and we'll see you next time you can't believe that

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