I DATED YOUR GIRLFRIEND! -You Should Know Podcast-
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Welcome back to the Usual Podcast, episode 120. Round of applause, please. Thank you.

Yep, we are back. Hey everybody, welcome back to the You Should Know Podcast, episode 120. If you're new here, if you're not already, look below, you should subscribe, but if it's pressed, you're wrong. If you look even more below that, you see that compensation is fulfilled with your name. Guess what? Even more wrong. Go and feel that out. Get your good karma. We have one show left on this summer tour. A round of applause for every single city we've come to on this summer tour. Yep, yep, yep.

This tour has been everything and more. Y'all have been so supportive, so nice, and we have one left. Houston, Texas, I have a call to action for you. That intro when we walk out on that stage, that outro when we leave the stage, and all the time in between, I need the most energy. You should know podcast team needs the most energy because we're not touring again for a year, so let's leave on a great, great memory. Also, we have another thing to celebrate. While we were out in Vegas...

The day of the show, actually. We hit 600,000 subscribers on YouTube. Round of applause for 600,000 subscribers on YouTube. We're on the road to 1 million subscribers, and I feel like we can get that by the end of the year. So please share this with your friends, your family, your lovers, your haters, your grandma, your grandpa, your mommies, your daddies, your unkies, and your pappies. We love you so much. And on to the rest of the episode. The You Should Know Podcast. We got co-host Cam Rowe.

Get in the studio. Let me see it. Let me see it. Tag team champions, me and Coach Cam. Yeah. Oh. Oh. Oh. Already. Not going to lie, Cam. How was your week, Bubba? Champion of the world.

Yes or no, is I playing with my own nipple with my ring finger? How you doing? Good morning. So have you tried the nipple play? Have I tried the nipple play? With yourself. Not with yourself, but on you. Oh, no. Oh, then what are you? Oh, ew. I don't want to hear about that. I have a wife. Hello. Good morning, too. Cameron. I love my wife. I need to take that from you. I need to take that from you because you're going to play with it the whole episode. That's called ADHD. How we doing? Well, CJ, quick edit, huh? How we doing, bubba? How you feeling?

How are you feeling? I've seen you so much recently. I'm feeling great. We've spent a long time together. I love every second of it. I hope to God you do. I know you don't, but I hope you do. I do. Our week was a fantastic one. Fantastic week. Fantastic. It started off in Phoenix. Hot. Hot as dog shit. Hot.

You know, there was multiple people in the meet and greet that said, we simply asked, what do you do for fun here? They said, oh, we don't go outside. We don't go outside. We'll melt. I said, why do you live here? Yeah, exactly. I don't even care if you were born here, your family, your whole legacy's here. Leave. Yeah, I said, so like what, y'all don't do outdoor activities? And they said, no. That seems like a miserable existence. Remember those...

Remember those at the end of the show? Love to death. They were sweet people. We go outside. It's like 99 at like 11 o'clock at night. They're like, oh, this is fantastic. This feels great. Oh, yeah. I'm sweating through my thong right now. I said, I'm sweating like a church talking about this feels great. I need to get inside. And two men at the meet and greet tried to bed me. Oh, no, they did. They said, come to the bar.

I've never been grabbed like that before by a man. So let's take this picture. I said, God bless thee. Oh my God, I didn't even tell you. What happened? Oh, you talked to them? No, in Vegas. Oh yeah. I did tell you. In Vegas. Two girls tried to bed me in Vegas in front of my dad. Yeah, it was nut work. I'm actually going to retract.

Oh, you don't want to say it? You're going to tell me off camera? I'll tell you on the extended. Okay, but there's one thing I want to say, right? Let's hear it. Okay, so we— First off, my week, though, it was really good. It was back to me. My week was fantastic. Phoenix was amazing. Van Buren Theater was great. Your security's expensive, but I'm telling you— It was? How much did we spend on security? Way too much. How much? I'm not going to say it. Go like this. For what? Yeah, for Adam. For Adam! Cool guy. It was him! It was him!

He didn't have a crew. He didn't have weapons on him. What does he drive? He has to have like a Mach of a Maybach, a Hellcat, and an SRT. He has to have an amazing car. He's getting that on two, three times a week shows. Yeah, no, that guy's making money. He didn't even have an earpiece. He was Captain America. He had a security meeting with CJ. Yeah, he said, oh, you're going to go through this exit. Pops off.

Pops off like you with the rate we're giving you you better have flash bangs and claymores at every door There's no way someone should be able to come in here with what we're paying you and if that's the going rate

It said you had a show the next day. He's making more than Steve Jobs. It is unbelievable how much that young man's making. He's Adam Bezos. Yeah, Adam Bezos, Adam Jobs. It is unbelievable. Oh, my God. Power to you, and you have a hell of a handshake. Oh, my God. Hurt me. It started in the Van Buren. The week was fantastic. Fantastic week in the Van Buren. Great week. Looks like a dog. Anyway.

Fantastic week. Yes or no, did we watch the presidential debate in our green room an hour before the show? Oh my God. Not going to even touch too much into it. It's good to get a couple giggles off before you get on stage. It's always good. Very good. Very good giggles. We are in a beautiful country.

Enough of that. I love this country. So, Van Buren's fantastic. Again, you already know the full-blown details and everything, all the funnies, all the behind-the-scenes. That'll be on Patreon. On Patreon. Link in the description. The link's below. The actual link is below now. Go on over there.

It's not just words. I'm just kidding. Link in the below. It is hot. Okay. Full recap there. Boomer went to Vegas fantastically. Before Vegas. Before Vegas. Yes. I saw something. Hottest dog ass. It was. Before Vegas, we had to get on an airplane. That's how you get places. The man that threw up in the bathroom. No. Oh, okay. No. Okay. There was a man that threw up right next to me in the bathroom.

Explain. He was about 80. I walk into the bathroom in Phoenix Airport, whatever the hell that's called, and I literally hear... And I turn around, and this old guy, standing at a whopping 5'3". God bless him. He doesn't have to lean over for the sink. His head's just in the sink. God bless him. Yeah!

Shit was coming out. Throwing up in a public sink is wild behavior. Oh, my God. You know what's worse, though? What? Throwing up on a plane. Hey, Liv, my wife threw up 35,000 feet in the air. She does get motion sickness. And Ashlyn's sick ass. She needs help. She's in there holding like a teddy bear. Oh, my God. So we land. We land. We get a text from the groomess that says, Cam, your wife threw up on the plane. Because Cam didn't see the text yet. I look back at Ashlyn. Ashlyn has a double gray Walmart sack, and she's going...

Like it's Halloween night. She said, Ashley needs therapy. Let's put that out there. She's not well in the head. We love her to death. She is a nurse in the ICU and she's way too comfortable with things that humans shouldn't be. Yeah. Like she, nothing phases that woman. And I'm starting to be scared for my friend. We were walking in Vegas. This guy's like, Oh,

almost borderline calling it quits on the street. Like he had something was going on. I don't know if it was a heat stroke or something. She's like, oh, double tracheotomy. He'll be all right. He'll probably be down for a couple months. Let's keep it pushing. I said, what are you talking about? I said, how do you just look at him and know that? She's like, no, let's go to the fountains. I'm like, there was a point when I used to get scared. Like when Ashley used to go out to clubs, I used to get scared when I would get 3 a.m. texts from Ashlyn. She would text me at 3 a.m. when she was leaving a club, and she'd be like,

I swear to God, this is a real text I got. She goes, I helped, I saved this guy's life. He got shot in front of me and I put a tourniquet on him and put my thumb in his leg. What, Ashlyn?

And then sends me a picture of it. Literally. Guy gets... Okay, not going to go into too much detail. It's a federal investigation. But guy gets shot. She literally whips off belt, tourniquets his leg, puts pressure. She sends a picture of bloody hands. She's like, yeah, late night. Got to clock in tomorrow morning. Saved the guy's life, though. Fun. Tequila kind of ran out of me as soon as I had to get sober. I go, what? No, yeah. Pray for our friends. BetterHelp. Yeah. BetterHelp.com slash YSK. But...

We were leaving Phoenix. We were going to Vegas, right? We did. Go to the airport. There's a question I have, and it's a very strange thing I saw, and I need somebody to explain this to me. I don't know what you're about to say. You know there's these little marts in airports, right? You can go get your chip. That's a remote. They call those remotes. You can go get a chip. Chip. You can go get a drink, a beverage. A drink beverage. Ibuprofen. Ibuprofen Tylenol. Tylenol. Yeah.

Books and magazines. Books and magazines, Kit Kats or Snickers. Exactly. Careful. Can't do ants. Snickers. At least say Snickers. Snickers. You can get Kit Kats. Stop! You can get Kit Kats. Stop! God. Okay. Well, I was also... I was looking at the array because I was getting my medicines because I have a...

We're not gonna get into it, but I think you need help as well. Let's just let's get into it. Let's get it. I was saying I was getting my medicines for the plane. Yeah. What all you take? None of your business. Oh, okay. They call me Dr. P. They call you ODP. That's what they call you. They call you ODP. ODP. ODP. ODP. You know me. You know me. I'm ODP. Yeah. Okay. You need help. Why the hell they sell condoms in the airport?

They sell condoms? They sell condoms in the airport. And I have questions on who is the intended market. Are they promoting sex on the plane? Flight attendants. They get off the plane, they have a couple hours, a little, what is it called? A little downtime, a little...

My layover. Oh, they're not going to a hotel. They got Sky Lounge. Oh, my God. It gets freaky in the Sky Lounge. They go in there, get smoked old-fashioned. They say, hey, Craig, knock me up. I got a six-hour flight back to Birmingham.

What's good, dog? What if a girl said that to you? Hey, knock me up. I'm getting back on a flight. I don't like it. I didn't know what to do in college, so I became a flight attendant. Come on. No, I'm just saying. No, I didn't mean that in a rude way. I'm saying that's – if she's saying that, that's a problem in my – If a girl says that to me, that directly? Yeah, she goes, hey, guy, you look good. Put it in. I'd be like, ah, it's too late. It's already in my pants. She goes, ain't nothing to do. Ain't nothing to do, but – No, I'm saying the job is done. Okay.

If a woman is that direct with me, the job would be done. I'd be like, I almost got myself pregnant. She blows a kiss and you just go, oh. She's like, hey, hairy boy. And you look like that. She goes, hey, electrocuted man. Go ahead and stick it in before I get back on the plane. And you just go, oh. This is a wild start. Okay, but no, dead ass. Because I was looking. I was like, are they promoting the Mile High Club? And ew.

Who's out here doing Mile High Club? I can't walk on planes, let alone make sex. How can you make a duo pound? Let me see that one more time. How can you make a duo's pound? One more time. How can you make a duo's pound? I call that the butt clench stroke. I pass out. Here we go. That's efficient. Let's say, right? Inhere. Let's say. Inhere it.

You want a regular guest or a flight attendant? Flight attendant. Frisky on 120! No! No, no, you can't say that! Hey, let's go into DC. Mute it, mute it. Alright. Let's just say. What's your name? Okay, let's say. Let's say we get on that plane, right? We're on it. 20,000 feet in the air. We net 36,000, but it's close enough. We're still ascending. We're ascending. We're still ascending, right? They start bringing out drinks. Put your tray tables up.

Phone holders must be stowed. Phone holders and seat backs have to be stowed. It's like, it's tough to be normal. Just say put this shit on. Yeah, just say put it up. Okay, gather with me. I'm not going to lie, the flight attendant asked me for rubbage before we landed. I said, where are you from? Scotland? Rubbage? Wait, wait. Rubbage? Or rubbish? Rubbage.

Then that person was just f***ing with you. I don't know what rubbage is. Rubbage. Rubbish. That's rubbish. I think it's rubbage. That's rubbish. Is trash rubbish? Yes. You got rubbish? Yeah. Oi, whales. You got rubbish? Rubbish.

But you know what I was talking about. Okay, so we're on the plane. We're ascending, right? Up in the air. As soon as we hit the flat thing, bing, bing, seatbelt signs undone. They're coming around with drinks. We now know because we're now a part of the Mile High Drinking Club. We felt it. Two Jack and Cokes and we were in the Mile High Club. Oh my God, just imagine a poot up there. That's what I'm saying. So let's, a what? A fart? A front poot. A queef? What are you, a front poot? Did we queef?

No, no! If I could queef, I would queef everywhere. I would queef on it. I would queef so much. Would you rather have a million dollars right now or the ability to queef for the rest of your life? Turn that f***ing fan on, it's hot! Alright, stick with me, stick with me, you're a queefing bastard! Dirty. A man queefing. For the sake of f***ing... Where did it come from? Like your sack in the shaft, it's like... It just hits together. Alright, relax.

What are you- what was that? What are you extending? The You Should Know Podcast.

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Alright, plane, damn it, relax, cut that back to it. Okay, here we go. On the plane, we get the drinks, we're two drinks in. Yeah. Flight attendant comes up. Yeah. She goes, hey, I saw that video that you were talking about condoms, who's the target? Yeah. I'm the target. We got two hours till we land. Nice. Meet me in the back bathroom. I need two minutes. It'll say...

Two hours, who am I? Lance Armstrong? Who the f*** am I trying to impress? You know what I mean? Give me 45 seconds on a good day.

golly you know what i mean that's not even the thing listen she tells you right she tells you hey you are blazing hot you are attractive as i like you and all your dandruff and your scruffy beard okay she says that to you and she goes what's that smell like that beef jerky i think that's my queef sorry she goes yeah i'm gonna be in the back employees only thing bathroom it's gonna say locked you're a big guy it's gonna be a tight squeeze

She sees the wink. She goes, there is a 50% chance that we get caught and you're on a no-fly list and I lose my job. But there's also a 50% chance that this will be the best four and a half minutes of your life. You flipping that coin or you staying in 24F? What does she look like? Seven out of 10, but because we're in the sky and two drinks in, she's at 8.3%.

8.3. It's too high. She's got that little ascot. She's got a name badge. It's too high for me. 7.5. Lower. 6.5. Lower. 5.4. That's where I like to stay. I like to stay around. She's a 5.4. We're in the sky. She's the 6. Two drinks in. 50% chance. Heads or tails. No. No fly list or fantastic five minutes. No, I wouldn't do it. You wouldn't do it? I say all this for jokes. I wouldn't do that. Genuinely, I wouldn't.

Now talk to me when we land. So when you land, she has a three hour layover? What are you doing? What are you, like, are you getting your little fantasy off on me? No, my fantasy is my wife and she would slap me. She would slap me if I asked her. No, I'm saying you have fantasies about me. You like to watch me. What? What? Through the glass. I'm like this, I go, this is bad. Alright, back to reality. Hey, let me say something. God. The roof of my mouth has been, okay. Okay.

I ate like a pound of pork rinds last night. And this part of my mouth is literally sore and stings. You ate a pound of pork? That's like a whole bag. A pound of chicharrones is crazy. Of who? Chicharrones. Is that the brand? That's Spanish for pork rinds, pig skins. Chicharrones. Chicharrones.

You ate 16 ounces of chicharrones. Chicharrones, yeah. Oh, your shit was screaming for help. Oh, my God. Did you bleed? Oh, I can't tell if it's from the chicharrones or my gingivitis. I think it's from the gingivitis. Typically, when you eat sharp chips, you bleed. I've noticed that.

I've noticed that. Is that you that I smell on every plane ride? Is that you? No, I'm tired of you saying that. I'm not gonna lie to you. I'm tired of you saying that. I'm tired of you saying that. Every single flight... Oh my... I think it is you. No, it's not. Because every single flight toward the descent, you'll wake up, you go... You're like...

And right when you wake up, I smell beef and cheddar every time. It's like a creamy, it's like Velveeta and Jack Link's. And I smell it every plane ride. And at first, I thought it was that one flight attendant that she ate that buffalo sandwich in the back when we were going to D.C. It's not her. Because it's the same smell. And I'm deductive reasoning. I'm like, okay, we're on a whole different plane. Hell, we're on a different airline. Hell, they're not even eating now.

Hell, it's got to be someone buying me because I'm smelling it every place. It's the same smell. It's like Velveeta and beef jerky, dog. Velveeta and teriyaki Jack Links. Was it the same flight where you couldn't access your tray table? Let's use deductive reasoning. Okay, no, it's every flight. That one, I could have blamed it on her. But outside of that, no, I literally couldn't use my accessible tray table. I couldn't use it. I said, excuse me.

I was having to hit her way to get it. It was bad. It was bad. Is that you? What is that? Okay, no, no, no. Because it's not there when you're asleep. But the second you wake up, I'm smelling the beef jerky. Yeah, no, yeah. No, yeah. No, yeah. What? No, okay. Fart, breath. No, it's because I have medicine in me, right? And that already dries me out a little bit. Can we talk about that? No. I want to see the comments that say, no, let's do it. No, I can't. No. Okay. No. Just know he takes medicine. I take medicine before the fight. Real medicine. No jokes. No jokes.

A lot of it. A lot of it. No, I don't. CJ, is it a lot? No. Okay. Is it a lot? No, it's not. I'm 6'7", 210 pounds. And you're taking enough that can tranquilize a deer. That's why I always get knocked out at the same time. He's asleep before we even take off. Every time. He'll literally be like, dude, yeah, isn't it crazy to dispose? And then I'll listen to one song. I'm like, hey, bro, look at this. He's like...

He's my dad. He's literally like... No, it's because I have Cheez-Its. Hat down. You're just like... It's because I have Cheez-Its on the plane. Oh, my God. Your Cheez-Its. Oh, my God. I didn't even know. I didn't even... Not even the smell. CJ, not even the smell. You had... Okay. So, this is a fairly new thing. There's Cheez-Its, right? Yeah. But then they sell them toasty. I've only seen that a couple times. It says toasty Cheez-Its. They're a little burnt. Yeah. This man to my right...

had Cheez-Its extra, extra toasty. And I said, is this even real? Or is this like a third-party brand? I opened the bag. They are brown. And I said, why are you even enjoying this? I had a handful. I see why. I see why. It's like they're on a smoker. Yeah, and then wood pellets. The old-ass flight attendant lady was like, she was like, I haven't seen those either. I was like, hey, Gladys, no one was asking. Yeah, yeah. So you sit in your seat, Helga. Put the seatbelt on.

No, but it was good though. It was decent. I only had seven. I can't imagine having that whole bag. You know what's weird about you? You buy your snacks too big. You buy snacks too big. Let's just cut the bullshit. Every time you buy a snack, it's enough for a family of four going to a movie. I swear to God.

No, because... You buy snacks of like the... Not even family size. It's like value size. It's like you buy it in bulk. Okay, yes or no, my big snacker, though. Big snacker. Yes or no, do you ever finish them? Yes. Oh, my... We landed in Phoenix. CJ, we landed in Phoenix. No. After we came back to eat, we said, ah, we'll probably be hungry at night. What did I grab? I grabbed a singular bag of trail mix. CJ grabbed like a candy bar. He grabbed four bags of Doritos. No, no, no. Sun chips. Four bags.

Four bags of garden salsa, sun chips, and a water. Who are you? Why so many chips? Because chips is easy for me to digest. I'm a snacker. I'm a big snacker. You're a salt guy, though. You don't like other snacks. What was that? What'd you just do?

What did you just do? Did you just see something in a fourth dimension? You literally went, you were looking at your camera and you went, yeah, I'm a big snack. You saw something and then came back to reality. That kind of spooked me. No, you, watch, you were like, I'm a big snack guy though, aren't I? Then you came back. Sorry, that was creepy. No, okay. Okay.

Oh, no. No, bro. No, you need a break. Okay. No, you always snort. Okay. He's gone. Okay. I can't eat meals. We know. I can't eat meals very well. We know. But snacks. I could kill some snacks. I ate a pound of chicharrones yesterday. What? What? What?

Okay, for our Koala Club members. Okay, when we were shooting the Micro Center vlog, when CJ went to go see Micro Center, Peyton came along for the journey, all the fun shit, right? Boom, we buy everything, we come back to the house, it's time to build it. He goes, oh, y'all got that shit, I'm gonna watch your honor. We're like two hours into building it, and I see you with this fat ass bag of popcorn.

watching your show. I'm hungry. Me and CJ are working. I come over. That shit was like I was chewing on a fruit roll-up, and it was popcorn. It was so stale. Guys, this is like a two-pound bag. It's like one of those. It's like a carnival popcorn. It's like three-fourths filled. Huge bag. He's just laying on his stomach, eating it. Nasty feet are out. Hair crazy, watching his show. I come up, get a handful. It literally was like this.

like rubber and i go what the hell are you eating he goes oh just some stale popcorn i look at the expiration date it was like like four months expired no okay four months expired okay so i got that as a housewarming gift when i moved into my house which is like over a year ago and i i needed snacks for your honor i have to watch my shows with snacks oh y'all payton what

Peyton, you got that as a housewarming gift. Do you know when you moved in? November? October or November. Okay. We did that last month in June. Yeah. So that shit probably expired around February. You know what I'm getting sick and tired of? Is y'all always telling me what's wrong with me and my body. I am sick of it. Yes, sir. Okay. I have eating problems. Yeah. I'm not gonna lie. And we're not shaming you for it. I just...

Okay. I'm a sideline. I'm a coach. I'm not in the game with you. I'm a coach. Would you rather be like me and nibble on food, or would you rather be a fan?

dumpster rat like Cam, right? I'd rather be healthy fed dumpster rat. I have seen Cam walk in restaurants when we're leaving and ask people if they're done with their fries. I have never done that. Cam, yes or no? Cam, yes or no? Have we walked by empty tables, right? Before the cleaning, the table buses get up there and you have eaten people's shit off their plate. Yes or Cam? Cam, lie in front of me and Jesus. I have not eaten shit off people's plate. Come on! I asked for the salsa, but that salsa, that was one time. I asked for the salsa, they never touched it.

The waiter brought out new chips and sauce. I said, hey, y'all mind if I get that real quick? I've never eaten off someone's plate. Cam, you've looked at me and asked for approval, but you knew I would ridicule you, and you said, okay. Oh, no.

What was that word? Ridicule? There you go. There you go. It was a fat tongue getting in the way. What did I say? You said, and you knew that I'd ridicule you. You said it weird. I can't even mess it up. I've never eaten off somebody's plate. Don't believe him for half a second. I did ask for salsa. I did ask for salsa. Your suitcase is on your stairs. Your suitcase is on your stairs. Well, he's on one today. We've been back for 48 hours. You brought it up?

Okay, guys, we've been back for 48 hours from Phoenix and Vegas trip. Fat suitcases. We got some more stuff while we were there. A lot of stuff, right? It's not even in this room. It's not... Oh, my God. You got butt-ass naked and changed in front of me today in your kitchen. No, it was not the kitchen. It was the laundry room. Which is connected to the kitchen. It's in the kitchen. Okay. I have...

your clothes, not in your bedroom. Okay, I got to admit something and I think it's getting worse with age. I have a bad ADHD problem.

Thank you for admitting. So I can't, I can't like, if something's not done, I can't begin a new thing, but I can't also go back and finish that one thing. You know what I mean? Welcome. Well, Hey, he's a brother in arms. So like, welcome to me and CJ's life. So my room is disgustingly dirty. It looks like a tornado came around there. Earthquake. There's shit everywhere. It's awful. I don't want to bring new clothes up because I still have clothes in my room that I unpacked from Colorado. Um,

Like, my Colorado shirt is still on the floor in my mirror. Like, in front of my mirror. And I have, like, Whataburger canes, chips, like, all that. And I can't clean it, brother. Yes, you can. I can't. I can't do it. And it's starting to make me a little sad. You know what? I'll pay you to come clean my house. I'll do it. I'll take it. Cam, you lied to me. You were supposed to cook for me. I was going to pay you. I'm not going to tell how much I was going to pay. I also said after the tour, did I not say that? Because how are we going to? A year ago.

You weren't even here. You weren't here. Yes, it was. That was like two months ago. No, Cam. He wasn't here. I didn't even know who the hell this little roten was. He said that was a week ago. He's stretching. That's a stretch. That's a stretch. Okay. It was like literally two months ago. Literally. Cam. It was 100%. That's not true. That's not true. We've been talking about this. It was before the

the Markel episode or is before episode 100. Kim, we were talking about this. I asked your sister to do it. I asked you first and I asked your sister to do it. No, you asked my sister. No, I asked you first and then you didn't ever do it so I asked your sister to do it. I was going to pay you to be my chef. And I still will. No, you won't once the tour ends because I'm going to start meal prepping again and I got your guys to see you on it too. I don't want your nasty ass food, bro. You spent money yesterday getting gym clothes. That shows you're prepared and I love that. I did, I did.

Hey, he's getting back in that mode. No, it's because I went to the gym in a $120 t-shirt and I said, this can't happen again. This is absolutely not allowed. Back to your Colorado shirt. Being in front of your mirror, you have to clean it. I'm not going to lie. You're hiding something. You're hiding something. I'll pay you to clean it. How much? How much you want. It's a reasonable rate. I'll clean everything. I'll start laundry.

I'll clean everything. I'll get it in your hand. Do I know how to do laundry? Oh, actually, I don't know if I want you to do my laundry. Do I know how to do laundry? Cam, because after your laundry and you put on those shirts, you smell like a school bus. Peyton, my laundry smells fantastic. No, it doesn't. My laundry smells better than yours. Oh, my shit. No, it doesn't, Cam. That's why everybody says you stink. It's me that smells like yellow. No, because you showered. You showered. Bro, it's me. It's not the clothes. You showered. And then you came back to soundcheck.

And you had the same shirt on and it was the shirt that smelled like the color yellow. The shirt that I sweat in for hours. But you smell like yellow after laundry. It's something. It's not after laundry. It's me. I need Botox, alright? I need a procedure. Okay? You want to pay for that? I think it's like something right here too. It's like, do you have glands here? Yes, you have glands here. My glands are fine. Your glands protrude like yellow yeast. What?

My glands do not secrete any liquid. If anything, it'd be you, fat-tongued Phil. Oh, really? Oh, really? Bad hip Billy? Yeah, it would. Okay, you want to go? It would, you scruffy McSteven. Oh, yeah, huge head Henry. Oh, huge head Henry? All right, you feral-looking wolf. All right, ADHD Andy. ADHD, oh, you're Dr. Seuss. I'm so sorry, CJ. Dr. Seuss. Okay, rich boy Richie.

Not too fun, is it? Huh? Not too fun. Not rich. Oh, you're not rich? No. Oh, speaking of, round of applause for Mama Harden retiring last week. Big round of applause. Let's take a one-minute monologue. 30 seconds for you, 30 seconds for me. I'll go first. I'll only take 15. You can have the extra 45. Mama Harden, I absolutely love you. I've loved you ever since I met you. Hope that didn't sound weird. But...

You've always taken me in. You entrusted me to take in your boy. We did it. I cracked him of his little shell. We have blossomed this amazing brotherhood, and it is a big thanks to you for everything that you've done for us. Love you so much. You worked so hard, and now I'm glad you're done. Hey, congrats, Mom. Thanks for working longer so I didn't live on the streets and believing in me. I hope you enjoy the gift I gave you.

You're so sweet and you give good hugs. You can't cook very well. Hopefully you can pick that up in your off time. Now you got plenty of time to pick up a cookbook. Remember that one time we were kids and you set the oven on fire trying to heat up taco shells? Maybe you can learn to do that now, mom. Love you though. She did not deserve it. Oh my God. Oh my God. The You Should Know Podcast.

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above the rest. Hello. Get started with a $13 trial set for just $3 at harrys.com slash Y-S-K. That's harrys.com slash Y-S-K for a $3 trial set. Now on to the rest of the episode. The You Should Know Podcast. All right, we're back. Mic stand broke a little bit. Fixed it. Bob the Builder. Bob the Builder. What's the guy? Wreck-It Ralph. Hello. I have a golden hammer. You do. More like a pink fluorescent one.

My genitalia is not pink. It reflects out of a cat, spikes and all. Did you know pink is opposite of green? Never been one for the color scale. I failed that in art class. Okay, I wasn't going to say anything, but when we went... What'd you just say? I failed art class. Okay, that's awful. They held me after school. I wasn't going to say anything, but when we went down to 7-Eleven before the show... One of my favorite restaurants. At first, you interrupted me, but what'd you just say?

I like 7-Eleven. Oh, no, no, no. You can like it, weirdo. You called it a restaurant. Okay, we're not doing this tit-for-tat shit. It has never been a restaurant. Ever in its single day in its existence. What is it? Okay, it's a gas station. Some 7-Elevens don't sell gas. But guess what all 7-Elevens sell? Food. That doesn't make it a restaurant. What classifies a restaurant? A restaurant. They only sell food.

Oh, no, that's not true. Oh, you can buy t-shirts at restaurants. Okay, that's merch for the restaurant. That's... Okay. I don't see 7-Eleven merch unless it's worn by an employee. Cam, so it has to be... So you're saying... They sell magazines. They sell tire fluid. They sell... Fantastic restaurants. A convenient-ass restaurant, I guess. Okay, I understand. No, I know. I get it. And I'm not trying to argue, but I am. You get me?

Peyton. Kim, listen. What classifies a restaurant? They sell food. They're made for food. They only sell food. They don't only sell food. They might have merch, but that's it. 7-Eleven is not a restaurant. I don't care what you say. You don't even like the food from 7-Eleven. Those dry ass wings and the nasty cheesecake bread. They're one for a good hoagie. No, they don't sell hoagies.

Holy shit! 7-Eleven doesn't sell hot dogs? They don't sell hot dogs? Hot dog isn't a hoagie? Oh my god, what is a hoagie? A hoagie's a whole sandwich. A hoagie roll. Oh, is that fact? Yeah, you don't know your sandwiches, you don't know your gas stations, shut your mouth. Okay, deadass, deadass, Cam, how is it not? Peyton. How is it not? Because there's no menu? Oh my god. And actually, 7-Eleven does have menus, it's on the wall. Oh my god. There's a menu on the wall at 7-Eleven? Yeah, I guess you never knew. Maybe a quick strip?

Is Quick Trick not a restaurant? 7-Eleven has a busted AC and jacked lottery tickets. Okay, just because it's not a nice restaurant doesn't mean it's not a restaurant. If they sell food, you're a restaurant. They sell fused vapes and lotto tickets. That's what 7-Eleven sells. They sell four locos and Uncrustables. What classifies a restaurant? You order food, you get food. You can sit down. You can dine. I've seen construction workers sit at 7-Eleven and dine. Yes or no? Have you not seen that? It's not a restaurant! Why, Cam? Why?

I hate you. Okay, exactly. I won. Just say I won. No, you didn't win shit. Okay, then how? It's not a restaurant. Okay, explain how. A hundred out of a hundred people. You are the only... You're a... Oh, my God. You are... You want to be different. Your life's goal is to be the shepherd, not the sheep. I think outside the box. I like this comment section. There's no box. Okay. There's no box. But do you understand? Do you understand that your only argument right now is it's not a restaurant? It's not a restaurant. Say something. Say something. Oh, my God.

Oh my God, your eyes are getting big. You like to say things to where I can't. I can't necessarily. You think you're a lawyer. Oh my God, you want to be Harvey. Exactly. All you can do is personal insults. Talk about the argument. You want to be Harvey. Exactly. It's funny how it is, Rushon, because they sell food. They sell food.

Okay, so... You order food, you sell it, you can eat there. They have a menu. You can eat there. Let's go with that basis. Quick Car. They a restaurant? What the f*** is a Quick Car? Quick Car. You're gonna get your oil changed, get your rotators rotated. They don't sell food. Really? I've bought a Snickers. That's not food. I'm talking about food.

Oh my god! Can you eat a Snickers? Okay, you want to do your argument? What classifies as food? What's food? It has to be hot. That's a snack. I'm talking about food food. What are you doing? Entrees. They sell entrees. Thank you. Okay, that's better. There we go. They sell entrees. That's better. So no, dumbass. Five oil is not a restaurant. So hospitals are restaurants.

Yes, they have restaurants and hospitals. Yes. Yes. Yes. They have hospitals in a restaurant. Is a hospital a restaurant? Because you can get an entree. You can get an entree in your room. No, because the main point of the hospital is to get well. It's not a point to get food. The whole point of 7-Eleven is to get food and beverage. There's gas at this 7-Eleven? Can you get gas there? No, because it's in downtown. Thank you.

What does that mean? It's not a restaurant. That's a restaurant. What is it then? What is it? Matter of fact, what is your definition of restaurant? You can buy food and eat it. You have a menu. You order food. There's not a menu. Yes, there is. There's not a menu. It says up on the thing. It says we take EBT. You should know about it. That's not. Oh, I don't know anything about that. I didn't mean that in any sort of way, but that's not a menu. They literally give you a glass pane to look through their cheesy gordita rollers. That's all it is. Kim, yes or no? There's not a menu. Is there a menu? Yes. Is there a waitress? Yes.

Goodness! There's a waitress at 7-Eleven? I was saying yes to the menu. I was saying yes to the menu. Whoa, my God, you're going to 8-12. You're going to the bougie 7-Eleven. One step up. Slow down and listen. Slow down and listen. It says $5 wings, $2 chokitos, $1 pizza slices. That is a sticker on the glass. That's not a menu, you jackass. What's a menu then?

Who are you? I mean, you has what we're- Are you a time traveler? It says what we're serving- What do you mean, what's a menu? It says what we're serving and how much it is. Yes or no, is that a menu? What's the difference between a menu, Cam? Cam, okay, so you're saying place it with a QR code and you pull on your phone, it's not a menu because it's not on a paper plate laminated, you stupid-

No, it's a whole, there's a whole menu. There's a whole menu. That is a whole menu. So size matters. It's not about the ocean or the motion. No, that is a singular sticker that says you can get a roller with a Coke for a package deal. That's not a menu. That's a sticker. What is a menu?

things it's the whole shit 7-eleven doesn't have a menu you're not winning this damn yes i do i'm gonna die early and it's not my fault dog i swear to god i'm gonna die young and it's not my fault how am i resting heart rate right now is 173 yes or no when you go to 7-eleven can you just go grab your your wings can you grab food yes no you holy shit you got to get the you got to get the dude behind the counter to get it for you you go to these rank ass 7-elevens are you

At 7-Eleven, you can't grab your own hot dog and make it. Some of them, I'm sure you can, but it comes in a little half cylindrical tube and the guy behind it. Where are you hoping it? No, there's no doors on it. Are you crazy? So they don't have a whole tongue section where you grab your rollers, you put it in your bag. At some point, that's where the hot dogs, the hoagies I was talking about. It's not a hoagie and that's majority of 7-Eleven. Majority. Okay, regardless. Is a buffet a restaurant? Yes. Do you grab your own food at a buffet? Yes. So shut the fuck up.

Do buffets sell leaded and unleaded and ethanol? No, they don't. Neither does the 7-Eleven across the street. Because it's a downtown 7-Eleven. A 7-Eleven is not a restaurant. Is it a 7-Eleven? It is a market. It sells snacks and goods and magazines. That's what 7-Eleven sells. You can literally buy a bottle of wine, a freaky magazine, and a Lunchable. That's 7-Eleven.

You like to bring... I think I won this one. CJ's looking at me like I won this one. You like because you're a lawyer. You're wearing a suit right now under your shirt. I'm wearing the weekend. You... Oh, my God. You belong in Harvard Law School. You...

You have a way with your words. You're a serpent of the tongue. You like to walk little verbal laps around me, but you know you're wrong. Let's cut the shit. I don't know. 7-Eleven's a gas station. I understand that I say certain things to invoke reactions at you, but I still believe that I'm saying it right. But no, before you go. No, you are wording it right. You're wording it right. Let's just do this. If you Googled 7-Eleven, if you looked at their stock, if you looked at anything, 7-Eleven Corporation itself...

What is it going to say? If you had to put your life on it. I don't know. Is it going to say gas station? Is it going to say convenience store? Or is it going to say restaurant? I don't know. I'm guessing either A or B. Gas and... It would probably say food and restaurant. It would probably say food and restaurant. Food! You didn't even say gas! You said double food! Food and restaurant? For 7-Eleven? Yeah. Yeah. You know what I don't get about restaurants too that I'm starting to question? You know what I don't get about restaurants? I need to go to the penalty box. What? What?

I don't get why they don't make you pay. I don't get why restaurants don't make you pay before you get the food. That seems like a liability on all fronts. I feel that. But at the same time, it's like I feel that, but I don't because you don't pay for things until it's done. You pay for the service oftentimes. Some places you pay before. Sometimes you pay after. I don't think that's true. You have to pay before you get your house built. That's a house. It's an enchilada.

It's different. Why would you pay and then nothing comes to you? Okay, but think about it. You can order as much shit as you want at a restaurant. You can just order, order, order. And I eat that. As soon as I eat that, or I can just take your plates and go. Exactly. That's a big-ass liability. But it's 50-50. You don't pay before your haircut.

You pay after. You put it up front. You have to pay up front a little bit. That's to secure your spot. Exactly. So they don't know that you're wasting their time. Exactly. And that's only in some places. But you don't pay. If you walk into a Great Clips, you sit down. First off, good morning to you. This is more your field because you got a haircut at the back of an Ulta. I got my haircut at an Ulta. If you walk into there, you get your haircut, then pay for it. Because if it's not what you asked for, you don't pay for it. If you go to a tattoo place. You have to put down money. That's to secure the spot. Why don't you secure your spot at a restaurant? Why don't you secure your spot at a restaurant?

Because you're already there. It's not a seven-hour thing that you're booking ahead of time. You can be at a restaurant as long as you want to. Sometimes you do put down money at restaurants if it's a nice restaurant. Where? I've had to put down money. I've had to put a deposit. Oh, you're rich. No, me and Olivia. All this little frugal Frankie act. Me and Olivia went to a nice restaurant, a five-star restaurant. Wow.

Wow. Five stars. For our anniversary, and I had to put a deposit because people of that high stature, when it's going to be that much money, they make you confirm your position. You are rich as shit. Still didn't pay until the food came out. Okay, but that is strange to me. It kind of is because you can always dine and dash. You can always dine and dash. I could get free meals for the rest of my life. Why is that? Why do you think that is? I want to open a restaurant one day. Okay. Okay.

You motherfuckers are paying before my servers come and bring you your enchiladas, right? See, but then what if you bring the shittiest enchiladas ever? You chose to come here. You're an evil business. You ate that motherfucker, didn't you?

This episode of the You Should Know podcast is brought to you by friends at BetterHelp. I say it all the time and so does P. Comparison is the thief of joy. That's a fact. And it's easy to envy other people's lives. It might look like they have it all together on their Instagram, but in reality, they probably don't. Facts. Therapy can help you focus on what you want instead of what others have so you can start living your best life. Therapy is very important. You know, I'm a very big advocate for therapy. And I think, especially in the social media day and age, a lot of people

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Stop comparing and start focusing with BetterHelp. Visit BetterHelp.com slash YSK today to get 10% off your first month. That's BetterHelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash YSK. Now on to the rest of the episode. If you had to eat my left leg or Ruby, just which would it be?

We're talking about eating. I just had, I have thrown a curveball. 86 mile an hour curveball, bottom right corner. Hello. Strike two. You're almost out. If you had to eat my left leg or you had to eat Ruby. Two survived. You have to do it. Your dog. My dog, Ruby. Your niece, Ruby. Why your left? My right one's better. I'm right-handed. Do you want me to answer? Well, yeah. Well, tell me. If you had to eat my entire left leg or all of Ruby. Can I eat your middle leg? I don't have to.

You ain't getting that, Emma. That's staying in the old construction belt. You have to eat my leg or eat Ruby. I don't know. I don't want your left leg. Okay, but are you eating my left leg or are you eating Ruby? Pick. Eeny, meeny, miny, moe, you cannibal. Pick. Your left leg. I knew it.

I knew it. You are a sick, sick individual. Why? You didn't question it or anything. You just went along with it. I'm the sicko that asks, hey, do you want to be a cannibal or eat your niece? Who's the sicko? You didn't once say what for. Do

Do I have to? Is there a get out of jail free card? He said, dog or leg. Give me the leg. You didn't once question. It is a Wednesday. That's the type of person you are. At 2 p.m. But you didn't try to negotiate. You accepted making me an amputee. Because my butthole clenched. Or you would have killed my dog. Honestly, I should have taken your dog. She has six months left. My dog has about eight years left. I saw a video of Ruby. My dog has eight years. Seven to eight years. You are wildly delusional about that dog. How old is Malcolm?

15? 15. Ruby's 5. 5 plus 8 is 13. Malcolm has never seized once in his life or lost breath once in his life. Okay, she's a small breed. Her nasal isn't big enough. Malcolm's knees never popped out. She has luxating patellas. She's never... Okay, she never got stiff as a board. I've seen that net go. Oh, she was... Yeah, exactly. And I saw a video of Ruby literally yesterday, and her whole face looked gray. She was tired. She looked like Mace Windu. You know what I mean?

That's what your dog looked like. He's drooling a little bit.

I love a good comparison. Mace Windu, she looked like a bald Samuel L wearing a robe. Oh my, no, that picture of her where she looks like a Saudi prince. Yeah, it's so cute. Oh my God. Honestly, Kim, can we talk about your dog? Let's talk about it. Your dog doesn't like you anymore. Dude, okay, we came back from the Vegas and Phoenix trip. It was six days. We came back. Ruby acted like she didn't know me. It hurt my soul. Yeah. She stayed the night with Ryan. Mm-hmm.

I took her off Ryan's bed, put her on the couch with me, tried to play with her. She went... Told me no. Ran back to Ryan. Oh, my God. Dude, it's bad. It was hurting my soul. You know, I'm going to make you... I'm going to dig in a little bit. I'm going to take that knife and stick it in a little more. Because think about it. Dogs have no idea of time. They have no idea how time is. So that...

How long were we away for? Two weeks? Six days. Six days? You don't know time. How long were we gone? A month? It was a long day. I have my suitcases on the stairs. I have my new clothes. We were gone for six... Expired popcorn.

We were gone for six days. We were gone for six days. She could have thought that was two years, bro. Okay. She could have. They have no idea what time is. I hate people like you. They never know when you're coming back. I literally hate people like you. Think about that. You close that door and she never knew you were coming back. She thought Papa left her. Okay. That's one. That's not true. How? Two, they completely understand time. Dogs know. Oh, it's been an hour.

Dogs know that? They don't have a Rolex to check, but they understand time. How? Because if they didn't, why would they go to sleep at night? Because their body's on a clock. Exactly. I hate people like you. Because you force them that lifestyle. Nope. What do I punch her in the face and knock her out, put her to bed, give her NyQuil? No, but since she was a little infant-ass dog, they look like an alien gulag character. You were like, hey, mom and dad are going to bed and we're going to

grab you and put you in the bed and she's like, oh, they're asleep. And dogs sleep eight hours a day. They're naturally sleepy dogs. Oh, so they don't understand time, but they understand English. Mom and dad's going to tuck in. No. Go get a warm bottle and suck on that nipple. No. They understand. I hate people like you. Oh my God. You know, every time you leave your dog,

because a dog year is seven years to human years, so when you're gone for one hour, it's really like seven hours. No, I'm not even saying that. So when you're gone for a day, it's like you're gone for a week for them. I'm not saying that. I'm saying they don't know what an hour is two hours a day. They don't know that. No shit.

Okay, you keep arguing me? Tell Ruby to be here at 3:30! Tell her! She's gonna be like, "Okay, 3:30!" She doesn't understand English. She understands time. Dogs understand English more than they do time. No, they don't. Oh my ******* Cam, yes they do. Dogs understand English more than they do time. They understand repetition and fluctuation of voice! Yes or no? Have we done that to Ruby? No, we haven't! My God, we haven't gone, "Minnesota?"

You like skateboards? She loves Minnesota. She's never been. She's never been on a skateboard. She's never smelled. Because you treat her like a prisoner. You treat your dog like a goddamn prisoner. She's not the cute friend you with a helmet. She can't get on a skateboard. She's too crooked. Her legs aren't good. You think she has eight years? She has plenty of eight years. Her heart and vitals are good. Her legs are like that.

Dogs do not understand English. I also hate people that say that. Dogs don't understand English. They understand repetition. I'm saying. If you called a treat, if you named a treat from the beginning of your dog's life, laminate. Yes. You want to laminate? It doesn't matter what you're saying. That's not true. Repetition. That's not true. So, okay. Go to Ruby right now. Go to Ruby right now and say laminate. Okay.

And what is she going to do if I do that? Listen, listen, listen. And they go say, treat? What is she going to do? Because we've programmed the dog. Exactly. She knows English. She doesn't know English. That's my point. I can go laminate and hand her a treat. She hears laminate and gets a little chewy turkey bite 700 times in a row in her beginning years for the rest of her life. That's how learning words works, Cam. That's how you learn words. No. Understanding English is being able to read, put words together, form sentences.

You can't talk with Ruby. Ruby doesn't know your struggles, dog. She doesn't. You think you're connected. She's not a licensed therapist. She doesn't have a clipboard. How do you know it? She doesn't take notes and she doesn't wear glasses. She's not helping you. She's your stress relief, but she's going like this. She's just sitting there, dog. How do you know what a bed is? Because I sleep on it. Okay, how did you learn what a bed was?

A bed? Yeah. I know what it is because I can read bed and there's a definition. How'd you learn it? Because I slept on it. Because when you were young and your mom was like, how is this kid's head so goddamn big? And then she was like, hey, Cam, go to bed and showed you what a bed is. Exactly. So Ruby, you showed her treat and showed her what a treat is. If you went laminate to Ruby right now, she wouldn't know what that was. But if you said treat to her, she wouldn't know what that was.

- Human. - That's English. - But as a human, now that we're older, right? Say my mom said, "Go tomato, go tomato, go tomato."

and I realize a tomato is a red ball that doesn't taste good, and that's a bed, I'd go, my mom's a lunatic. My mom's a lunatic. I've been sleeping on fruits and veggies. That's what would happen, okay? The dog, from the dog's first breath, if I said Wisconsin and handed her turkey, Wisconsin, and I handed her a dog pup roni, she thinks the state of Wisconsin is a treat.

She doesn't know English. Repetition, fluctuation of voice. That's the same thing everybody learned. You moron. Just because her frontal lobe doesn't develop to learn more later, they learn English. Oh my God, frontal lobes, all right? Dr. McDreamy, frontal lobes? You're kidding me. My dog can't even breathe right. And you're talking about her frontal lobe. What's her SAT score next, huh?

Huh? She's taking pre-AP next year? Who do you think your niece and my dog is? Who do you think she is? What is she, German 3? That's why she doesn't trust you. That's why she doesn't love you anymore. She loves me today. It took her 24 hours to reset. My dog doesn't know English. She's as dumb as a box of rocks. She's a loyal creature. That was funny. Dogs don't know time. No, they do know time. They don't know English. So you think they know time more than English? Bro. Yeah, you're an idiot. If they don't know time, if they're really, oh, this seven year shit, what people say.

Then why the dogs why I know that hurts I know that hurts that hurts so bad. That's not what I was saying. Why? That's not what I was saying. Why the dogs Why? Why the dogs go to sleep? You broke the couch. That's not what I was saying. My core hurts. Look at my look at my knuckles. My moose knuckles out. Oh my god, you cut skin. You are a savage.

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Did I tell you how I almost shit my pants ordering a cold brew at a Dunkin'? Did I tell you about that? What? How'd you already have to shit before the coffee? I almost shit my pants ordering a cold brew at a Dunkin' Donuts. Tell me the story. My wife wanted to try something new. That's dangerous. Very dangerous. She heard cold brews were more like...

Like more uppity than like a warm sugary drink. It is true. She goes, go in there and get me a cold drink. You said yes, ma'am. I said, of course, ma'am. Anything. So I go out. I get inside the Dunkin', right?

I'm talking. I'm talking to like a old, not older lady. Like she's in her 40s. Does it matter? She's in her 40s behind me, right? The whole time. Overwhelming urge to fart. The whole time. I'm being respectful. I was talking to someone. You already know. If I was on my phone, she'd be right behind me. That shit all on her. Kim's shitting the sound check, by the way. A lot of people are trying to help us. Right in front of a whole sound crew.

I said, we have to have a meeting. They're like, hey. They said, hey, Trey, turn that mic. Everyone went... I said, bro, come on. Yeah, anyway, it's a fart. It's human in nature. But back to the dunking. Cold brew shit and pants. Yeah, sorry. So this whole time I have a fart. And I turn around because there's like probably two people in front of us and I'm just waiting in line. And...

I forgot what she did. She complimented me on something. It was either like the height. You know how moms are. The height. Screw you, you dog whisperer. The height. She said some shit like that. So I turned around and started talking. Oh, you remind me of my... Whatever, you know, that shit. And the whole time, I'm literally playing defense. Like I'm turtle shelling. Groundhog Day if I mess up. Good morning to you. If I take one half lateral step... You could tell on your right calf. Oh, I was in shorts. It'd be on the floor. It'd literally be on the floor. So the whole time I'm sitting there. And then...

You also know me. I like to mess with people a little bit, right? Yes. Say outlandish things for no reason. Correct. Kind of make them think, is this a human being that I'm talking to? I kind of like messing with people. So I intentionally hit her with a nonsense statement. I went, yeah, this is my first time yesterday here as well. And she goes, I'm sorry, what? And I said it again. I don't know what I was on. I don't know if I was tired or whatever. I said, yeah, this is my first time here yesterday as well, too. Nice. Nice.

And she looks at me. Instead of the typical reaction of just like a smile or like whatever, she busts out laughing. So at this point, I'm happy that she's like, she's enjoying it. The second I started to laugh, I literally went... And I literally, dog, I double-cheeked myself. I went, oh! And I grabbed my shit, standing right in front. Literally, I was like this. I said, yeah, that was my first time here yesterday too. She goes...

I literally grabbed my shit. I went, you have a bathroom? You have a bathroom? They went, yeah, right here. You need the key. I said, you're going to have to unlock it for me. I went in there. I absolutely shit in that Dunkin' Donuts. Came out, got the cold brew. Wife didn't like it. Took two sips. Wasted $7. That's my story. Did you go back out of it?

Oh yeah. Is the lady still there? No, she's gone. Okay. I made sure I took at least five minutes in there. I said, she cannot see me again. I grabbed my own ass as if I was a model.

That's how bad it was. It was close. I ain't like a little ass boy, bro. Dude, it was bad. It was close. Oh my God, that was a funny ass story, bro. No, it was bad. You need help with your rectum region. We need a sponsor that helps you close your sphincter. No, it's because honestly, it's in the morning. When I wake up, it's like locked and it's like plunged up there. Oh, your booty goes loose off the way it goes. It's like my internal workers clogged it.

But it takes about a two, two and a half hours. That's why normally we wake up, go to the gym. The second I come home, I'm just like loose. But this time we were going out and doing stuff with the wife. She wanted a cold brew. It was about that two and a half hour mark. Would you say you have a strong sphincter or a loose sphincter? Oh, it's real strong until it's not. It's real strong until it's loose. Once it gets oiled up. It's like Fort Knox, but then when it opens, it's like those old wooden saloon doors. Gust of wind can just knock me wide open.

Pigeon barks too loud in my ear, I go "WOAH!" And I'm just, I'm done, dawg. I am done. Yeah. No, yeah, you- You ever tried a cold brew? Yeah, a lot. I used to drink them all the time. You used to take those Starbucks espresso ones in the can. Not just those, but like a real nitro cold brew from Starbucks. I never got that. Are you okay? Ah, you're doing some spell on me, some witchcraft. I had some weird shit happen to me at a gas station too- not a gas station, I'm stuck in some-

No, no, no. Oh, no. No, no, no. Please don't. Please don't. Please don't. Please don't. Please don't. You're absolutely crying. Yeah, so I was at a Chipotle, right? Uh-huh. And so you go to...

All right, stop, bro. All right, I got you. Be a professional. No, I got you. Deadass is a crazy story. There's literally water on your face, but I got you. Are tears water? I'm the unprofessional. Yes. I'm the unprofessional. Oh, don't believe that one, too. Is that water, too? Piss. It's diluted water. Semen? Semen's just... You're letting a whole continent of kids out. You're just... Go make your own world. It's like a...

Have you ever thought about how tough that one son of a bitch is that makes it all the way? We did that, didn't we? Golly. What the hell do you mean we did that? What do you mean we did that? Like, we were the one. Oh. What do you mean? Like, oh, like I... Like you said, like we were testing it, shooting in Petri dishes and shit. Should we? Watch them under the scope. Should we? Should we? No, like test testosterone. What? Don't you have to... Mute that word. In a cup and then...

And then you go get a test? Is that how testosterone is tested? Absolutely not! Testosterone's just in your blood. Oh, then who was I sending that to? I was wondering, I was like, again? I was like, I'm running out over here. Y'all didn't even pay for the last one. Imagine. Imagine. Say here in a couple years, we're going on a global tour, right?

Oh my god, what would you do? Say we have a show in Finland. We're peeking, we're looking at the crowd. We pop out, the whole first row looks like you. There's 20 of you. Just descendants of you. One's back is extra f***ed up. Oh shit.

I just closed my eyes and the dark void was moving. Dude, I have a fear about my future kids if I ever have them. Probably not, though. If I do, they're going to be really pretty or really ugly. I think they're going to be beautiful. Okay, but Chipotle. Yeah, sure. So, you know the Chipotle by my house? It's like you go through the line and then you've got to finish the line and this is where the silverware is, the plasticware. And then back there is more seating. Yes. Like right by the silverware. Yes. So, I was going and I got my order, right? I was going to pick up a fork and then there was like this table of four.

Odd pairing, though. It was like a 17-year-old boy, like a 48-year-old man, and like a 75-year-old woman. And I said, who's all here? That's definitely grandma, dad, son. Until I heard what they said. So the seven, I swear to God this is a true story. And I overheard it because I love eavesdropping. I love knowing what other people's lives are like. I shouldn't have eavesdropped on this one. Ear hustling is honestly probably my top three thing of mine. So I was grabbing the fork, putting it in the bag. Okay.

The boy was talking to the older lady.

and they were all very into the conversation right and none of them looked like each other we had like an asian we had a black guy like an old person white lady there was no fourth person he said table of four no it was a fourth table for four three people right old white woman asian guy black guy some there was all it was like a melting pot we're playing where was it how did y'all meet right and why is everybody so far from each other right you're no deal and so god bless you take the case the dealer's black did you know that

Do you look black? No, but you had to make it up to make yourself feel involved. I was going to say something. Come on. So I heard as he was talking to the older lady and he goes... The young one. The young gentleman was talking to the older lady and he goes, yeah, and then I never saw my mom again after that. I swear to God on Jesus Christ, that's what I heard.

And I never saw my mom again after that. And he chuckled. And I said, so it's not a sad story, but everybody else was very intrigued. They took everything in me not to pull up that fourth seat and be like, tell that again. You know what I mean? You can't say that in a Chipotle loud. I got time. That's the last. And I never saw my mom again. Yeah. Either he killed someone. Okay, my first question is,

The middle gentleman. Yeah. The 40-year-old black guy. Yeah. He knows it. He knows what's happening. No. No. Oh, in my mind. Oh, in your mind. Okay. He's a part of it or he's already known this. He buried the body. Who's the old woman? Exactly. Because she doesn't know if he was talking to her. And they didn't look like cops or like detectives. You know what I mean? They were like in IT or something. Or one of them worked at CarMax. Like at Cava. And they take the car off the convenience store. You know what I mean? Carvana. I mean. You know what I mean? It's... Oh, wow.

Don't, please don't. Please don't. Just Kleenex, Kleenex, Kleenex. Oh my God, no. Please, Cam. Oh my God. I'm so sorry. And you know what I think about often after that? How many murderers do you think we walk by every day? Dude. Dude. Dude.

Probably a good amount. Every day I'd go not too many, but in our lifetime, just think about that. How many just crack pipe fiends have we walked by? Well, that's normal. I was going down the line. How many homicide victims? Not a victim because they were spending a lot of time in cemeteries. Yeah.

How many murderers? That's what my original question was. Yeah, I got back to it. I went across the bases, came back home. That's a warm wet tissue. Stop, stop, stop. Big ass loogie. Yellowish green. Stop. People eat during this. Anyway, stop it. No, but let's talk about that for a second. Don't you ever want to ask, what if people had to wear a badge? That I killed somebody? You know when people do Herbalife and they lose like 10 pounds and then they wear that badge like ask me how to lose weight? Yeah. What if someone had to wear that? Hey, I'm a killer. You think people would treat them different? Yeah.

I think that's messed up. No. I think it is. Well, I killed somebody out of self-defense or killed somebody in general? If you're self-defense, I'll treat you a little different. But if you just straight up... Badge just says killer. But from outside looking in, you're immediately going to think the worst. See, bro, the world's soft, bro. You got to treat people on what you know about them, on Jesus. Okay. I've been thinking that, bro. I really have for a long time. Why are you talking like that? You're talking like speed.

I have been thinking that though for a minute. Okay, but wouldn't it be like people shouldn't treat other people just because the way they look or because of, I mean, I know that's called racism, but I'm saying like in this exact situation, scenario-based premise, would you rather...

If a guy had I'm a killer on his chest, you don't know if he killed someone because they stormed his house and killed his whole family? I don't want to talk about it. I would rather somebody be like, I'm a therapist. Sorry, I'm not Nelson Mandela, brother. What did he go to jail for again? I didn't know he went to jail for a long time. I thought that was Mahatma Gandhi. No. No, Gandhi lived a peaceful life. No, remember Nelson was in jail, he got out. He was in jail. What was it for? Not a clue. Tax evasion. No, you can't see. You're going to get canceled.

He can't put tax evasion on a world leader that promoted peace. Did he promote peace, Craig? Yeah, I believe so. No, I was dead serious because I don't think – or no, wasn't it like – CJ, you got a phone, huh? Not like war crimes, but I think he was basically going against the government, trying to do the peace and everything. I don't know. Look it up real quick. That's pretty – What did Nelson Mandela go to jail for? It was an opposition to the South African apartheid regime.

Is that a case? It was an opposition to the apartheid of the... I don't know what that means. You're saying such big words to me. Basically, South African wanted to do something. South African, was it government? Congress? Leaders? The regiment of South Africa had an agenda. Nelson was going against it. Because he wanted peace or something. Yep. So they said, go to jail. How long was... He got out before he died. He didn't die in jail. Huh? Damn! Imagine coming back 27 years later, you're still poppin'.

Imagine being in jail for 27 years. Don't put it... Let's not get into it, but...

Could you? Man. No. That's my biggest fear is jail. My butt is too nice. Have you seen my butt? You have tiger stripes. Look at my butt. You got an ass like Tyla. Like a skinny lower back and then it's just a little water. You're going to get in trouble. What? You're going to get in trouble. No. You're going to get in trouble. That's a pretty accurate representation because she's a very skinny woman. If you want to keep it, we can keep it. Yeah, go ahead. Tell me more about Tyla's. Love you, Liv. Anyway, um...

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Okay, think about that. Yes. Think we're grown, right? I am. No, but like we were grown before we were incarcerated. Like I'm about to just listen. Imagine, think about everything, all the progression, technology, law, the way the world works in our lifetime. Yeah. From 98 for me, 99 for you, all the way till 2024. Yeah. Imagine you were behind closed doors and you missed all of that.

For a good reason or a bad reason? Think about what we just said. It doesn't even matter. I mean, I'm just saying in this scenario. Like, we're in jail. Say we got convicted for something we didn't do. Regardless. Yeah. Oh, God. Knucklewood. Yeah. But I'm saying...

could you even like think about bro before you went to jail the cell phone was brand new and it was this big yeah it was big as hell you had to dial up on internet you get out of jail the first thing you see they release you with your little bag and your in your shitty little button-up shirt yeah the first thing you see is a guy talking to someone else in ireland through face yeah insane work that's what my favorite thing to do is rectangle with a glass screen you can see someone else's

There's compilations of that. People getting out of jail for a long time and looking at new technology. It's very fascinating. Big box TV to there's movie theaters that serve you steak nachos while you're watching some guy named Thanos. The size of Oreos.

Probably tripled. Well, yeah, that. How many new Oreos? They have red velvet Oreos now. They do. But you're on an oddly specific... Why are you talking about Oreos? Whataburger has sweet and spicy bacon burgers now. You're talking about food so much. Like, there's not, like, real things. You know what I mean? Subway footlongs. Not $5 anymore. It's about $12.99. Okay. Cars. Let's go to cars. Real shit. Cars. Now there's self-driving cars. There's Bluetooth in couches now. Are we in...

You are fascinated with the little things. Bluetooth in general. Nuts behavior. Bluetooth in general. How does Bluetooth work? How does a camera work? I'm tired of this shit. Thank you. This is one thing I was saying. How the hell does someone point a little black box at me that says Sony? Watch it.

Black box that says Sony. They go, smile, say cheese. First off, what the hell? Why cheese? Because when you go cheese, you go like this. No, I don't. I go cheese. So, cheese. Yeah? This is where it's at. This is my picture face. Cheese. Cheese.

- Cheese! - When you're doing this, that looks like a smile though. - Cheese! - Yeah, see? - Yeah, that's good. - You, I wanna show my kids this. I'm not gonna lie, I'm-- - I look like a feral beaver. - Make that face again, keep it in the camera. - Cheese! - Whoever casted for the movie "It" got Pennywise wrong, look at him. - Yeah, Georgie? - Anyway, let's bust it open real quick. Hello. - Not again. - Okay.

That was a good one. Yes or no? Are you a little chubbed up now? No, I got some unnecessary blood flow. But it was from you, not me. Cam, okay. No. No, no, no. Question, question, question. To hell with you. Please, please. No, to hell with you. No, please. It's about a relationship. I'm going back to the camera afterwards. Okay, afterwards. Because I refuse to let that go. Cam, yes or no? How well do you know me? 10 out of 10. Okay. How well do you know... My right thigh was vibrating, but my phone wasn't in my pocket. No, that's a thing. It's a problem. Yeah. Because you're... It's like a sensory disorder. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Okay.

How well do you know me? 10 out of 10. How much do you know me in a loving, intimate way? How much do you know what I like in a loving, intimate way? 10 out of 10. Okay. You can ask something that's going to have a digital footprint, my friend. You need to be hella careful with what comes out of your mouth next. Oh, my God. I almost had one of your fetishes. You don't know my fetishes. I don't know your fetishes. I don't have fetishes. I could literally draw the things you like, and that would be...

Wait, mouth it to me? I'm so sorry. Mouth it to me what you would draw. Are you nuts? I don't know what you're talking about. Oh, yeah. I love that. Okay. Back to the question. But that's not weird. Okay, sure. But... Okay. You know me on an intimate level what I like. All right? Describe... Please be careful. Describe what you would take me on for my perfect first date.

What I would take you on? Like, if you were to take me on a first date, since you know me so well, what would you do for me? Is it an all-day date or what's my time? Give me a time. Be reasonable. If it's a first date, it's not all day. Okay, that's a bad question because you know I don't want to be around somebody that long. Exactly. So, nighttime. Nighttime? You know I'm awake in the night. You know, Batman. Four hours? Nighttime, four hours? Well, it depends on how the rest of the night goes, but...

But the original dates were out. Oh, so you don't know me. See, now you're already bad questions. You don't know me. I'm saying if I'm taking you out, I'm like, hey, we're going to go blank. I'll save that for the answer. We're going to be there at 7. Like, do we have a time limit? No. Just take me through the night. Take me through the night. Oh, my God. I'm going to get. Okay. So first thing I do, right? Yeah. First thing I do is I try to shock the central nervous system by doing one of your tricks as well.

I spray cologne. I get ready, but then I put some on the palm of my hand. Don't tell them that. What? That's your trick. So now, immediately, off the shake, I go, hey, what's up, babe? How's it going? Oh, don't. Okay. Have a good night. But immediately, you're thinking. Every time you move your hand close to your face, they're going to smell you. You're thinking, oh, my God, he's on the same wavelength as me. I love him already. So, boom. Where are we at seven? Yeah, tell me.

Steakhouse. Let me break it down. Steakhouse. Yeah, yeah. Because I clearly see your pictures and there's no way you're a sober individual. So I take you to a steakhouse and I immediately order four smoked double old fashions. Three for you, one for me. You're trying to get nasty. Hello to you. You're a good looking non-sober individual. Here we go.

I'm just kidding. It's two and two, of course. We both drink one before the meal comes out. Meal comes out, I clearly know you're not going to eat a whole thing, so I only order you an eight-ounce steak. Okay. I, myself, the raccoon, I get a 16-ounce. It's a little turn-off. Because I'm a... No, because depending on how the night goes, you're going to blow up my bathroom. I'll blow it up downstairs and then come up and blow you up. Did I say that out loud? Did that leave my thoughts? Okay, let's start over. So we're at the steakhouse. Steakhouse. Two smoked old-fashioned... Woodside's.

Knowing me. What size? Knowing you. Let me get that garlic mash. Okay. I like a little mash. Garlic mash. Yeah, what else? My boy doesn't like pasta, so we're not getting mac and cheese. My boy's afraid of asparagus, so we're not getting that. It smells a little weird. It smells a little weird. So we're going to go garlic mash. Yeah, give me that garlic mash. Depending on the night. Come on, man. Maybe like a truffle fry. No.

I didn't eat them whenever we had the steakhouse in Vegas. Did I eat those truffle fries, CJ? Thank you. How does CJ know we're better than you? He doesn't. He was sitting right next to you. What would your other side be? Some kind of vegetable. Some kind of steamed vegetable. Yeah, but you don't like anything healthy. Yeah, I do. I love vegetables. I love vegetables. You love vegetables? I love vegetables. I literally shit in the same bathtub as my brother. I shit out corn. That's how much I love vegetables. We already talked about that.

So? Corn's a meal product. Did we? Not declared as vegetable. Yeah. Back to the date. Okay, take me. We get a steak, right? Yeah, yeah. So, boom. The meal's done in about 45 minutes. But we're not leaving. I want to get to know your intricacies. I want to see your douche.

So we're sitting there talking, right? Yeah. Great conversation. I've pre-prepped questions, but all my answers are organic. Okay. But I have certain questions I really want to ask to get to your core. Talking's done. We leave. Okay, where are we going? Here's where it gets spicy. How are we traveling? Here's where it gets spicy. Uber Black. Okay. Uber Black Steakhouse, and now we leave. This is where it gets spicy. So the place I took you is in a very affluent neighborhood.

that has shopping centers. Love shopping centers. So now we're walking, strolling. You like a good walk. I can take a good walk. With a sexy broad like eye, you like a good walk. I'm in heels. I got a nice tight sundress on. It's about 84 degrees and my hair is slicked back.

Okay, exactly. There we go. I know Bubba. So we're walking through now. I intentionally sprained my ankle. Okay, hear me out. I fake it. It doesn't really hurt. So now I have to, I have to put myself on. Oh no, I hate that shit. Oh, you'd love it. I hate having to care for people that I don't know. Cause then you get a little grab of downstairs. I don't do that. And your world is wicked. No, no, no. If you get hurt in front of me, I'll be like, like if we're not comfortable with each other and you get hurt in front of me, it's immediate like,

I don't like that. I don't like that. Okay, I lied. Ankle's fine. So we're walking. Okay. Now, where I take you, it's not Louis Vuitton. Okay. It's not Burberry. Okay. Definitely not Gucci. No. Don't like that. It is a vintage resale shop. Okay. Streetwear apparel. Nice.

cool comic books, bare bricks, stuff like that. Like art pieces, like art, vintage clothes, stuff like that. We go in, we don't buy anything. It's simply to look, separate from ourself. We keep making eye contact. We realize that we miss each other. It's in the date. Here we go. We walk out.

Couple more, maybe like 10 more minutes of intimate conversation before we get in the Uber. I say, hey, I got the Uber. This is your address, right? But I tricked you. We're not going to your house. We're going to my storage unit where I split you open and eat your insides because I am a serial killer. That drink you had, it was formaldehyde. You're down in 20 minutes. Let's go!

Oh, I thought the ankle would get you. Because if you would have let me follow through with the ankle, I split the ankle. I go to lean on you as you go to hold me for Mel to hide right there, right to the nose. You're down in the street, uber black. My boyfriend passed out. Get him in the truck, straight to the storage unit. You scare me sometimes. Nah. You could be. I am. I wouldn't be surprised if there was a newspaper that came out and been like, the Zodiac Killer. And there was an image of me.

Even though it was happening before we were live? No, on a serious note, if I'm not a killer, just a cute broad, cute tall stallion, we do get back in that Uber. I don't surprise you. We go back to the house, but then I give you a very good decision.

I do the old jingle of the keys. I go inside. Hey, is my hoodie still here? It's a good move. Grab the hoodie. As I'm about to walk down your staircase, I have to move your suitcase, of course, because it's right there. So I move all your shit. I move your shoes, your luggage. I move all your trash. There's so many bags of fast food. I rummage through it all, right? I move it. Now I have a clear walkway. And as I'm about to walk down your stairs, hey, I had a really good time tonight. It was really fun. Oh, thank you. I did too. You did too? Yeah.

Uh, would you like want to do this again or something? Yeah, I'd love to. Well, let's set something else. I don't have anywhere to be right now. Let's set something up. Yeah, you want to sit down? Yeah, but I was thinking my lower back really hurts because I have an ass and I am tall. No, you're too needy. Mute the... Wow. My lower back kind of hurts because of these heels all night. Do you mind if we just go to the bed? Probably shouldn't... What?

Well, instead of sitting on your disgusting couch with ramen and stains. So you want to get into my bed with all day on you? No, I mean. Were you born in a barn? I just wanted to sit on the bed. You look like you smell like yellow. Sir, you're being rude. It's you though, right? No. Oh. You're being so mean to me. I had a great time. You know what I would do? You're saying I smell like colors. Your house is filthy. You know what I'd do if I was saying you on a date? What? Food, food, food, food, food.

You'd win the key to my heart. I'd be like, red lobster, olive garden, Texas roadhouse steakhouse. I'd get crab legs, 16-ounce steak, mac and cheese, finish it with some ice cream. Give me those cinnamon butter rolls.

That was great. That's what I would do. Back to the camera. Oh. How does that shit work? This is a great question. You and me are sitting on a couch. Someone holds a rectangle up to us, says smile, clicks a button. And it's there forever. The shit snaps, and now it's...

It's literally caught in time as if someone painted it. What's taking the picture? That's what I'm saying. Just like a telescope with a button. That's what I'm saying. What is grabbing that image and then making it digital? I don't get that. I haven't genuinely looked, so I don't know the actual answer, but I think that the snap and the flash... See, but then it's all discredited when there's not a flash. But I think the flash, I think it's so hot. The flash is light. But there's an internal one when you click the button. Is that a fact? Because I think...

No, it's not. See, but that thing bothers me in itself. How are you looking through a square and you see me? I don't like that. No, it's just a telescope. It's basically going like this. Exactly. But how does this...

Turn into a memory that lasts forever. So look, imagine you're looking through the telescope and you can see it, correct? Yes. There's then a bulb or something that it goes so quick. No. It's frozen there because of the heat and it puts it on the canvas, but there's no canvas. I doubt that. There's a little card. It's called a chip and you put it in and it can hold 10,000 pictures. And it can record. How does the recording work? Where are we?

That shit honestly bothers me. I need to look up a video. Whoever invented the camera, like a recording, deserves like... That's probably one of the best inventions. They have a suite in heaven. They have a presidential penthouse in heaven. Golden crib. Let's talk to... Let's save some relationships. Please, God, because you're about to start a war. Let's go. Dr. P. Dr. P. Dr. P. Dr. P. Dr. P.

All right, Secretary Cam, what do you got for me? So sorry for speaking as you spoke. Yeah, you don't speak before I speak. You're second. You're second. I'm always second. Say it. I go second. I get second. In your voice. There was a fly. I am second. Because you're trash. I'm trash, and I don't show up at Neiman. Here we go. Hey, Dr. P. Hello. My husband and I have been married 13 years. Yeah. Together for 15 total. We're high school sweethearts. Oh, that's dope. We play video games together, and we'll be in parties talking, and then he will tell me, one sec, what's up.

and go on mute. I can hear him in the other room on the phone with a female friend of his, and they will talk for 30 minutes plus at a single time. I feel like I'm slowly losing my husband and best friend, and it's breaking my heart. What do I do? Am I overthinking things here?

Oh, this is a good one. I'm not going to lie. Is it your turn? No, it's never. Never. Say sorry to the doctor. I'm so sorry, doctor. Doctor who? P. The best doctor. I'm so sorry, Dr. P. The best doctor in the world, Dr. P. Wow. This is... First of all, that guy. That guy's sick. The husband's sick. From muting... In the same house. Muting up your mic...

To answer a FaceTime from another female in the same house as your wife? Oh my God, what if his door was locked too? Wait, why are they playing video games like that? Why are they not in the same, that's weird. They have two game rooms? Yeah. They have one game room and her shit's set up next to a bedside? That's a big house. That's a strange arrangement. Okay. She, so she's giving us, let me break, let me give you all the details. Oh wait, hold on, before I lose your thought. Okay, go.

She doesn't want to know. She doesn't. Because she knows. She certainly doesn't. Because to be in the same house. Her poor heart. To be in the same house, to know he's muting up the mic, to talk to another girl and you haven't planted some kind of recording device or gone in there. And you can hear it's a female. Yeah, to not go in there whenever that's happening for 30 minutes, you just don't want to know. You know what's happening.

Two separate rooms playing games together. Mutes Mike at least half an hour on the phone with the female, but she hasn't approached him, hasn't brought it up, but she comes to the best love doctor. What is she doing for that 30 minutes? Like, she's sitting in the lobby? Oh, no, she's definitely still playing search. 100%. Not if she can hear that. Oh, she's playing search. She's dying, but she's playing search. She's not a good Katie on that one. This is what I'll say, ma'am.

You stack up your evidence. I hope they don't watch this together. If you watch this together, hey, bro, just come out and tell her. You're kissing the hell out of that secondary woman. You're a sicko. Yeah. Just put it out. Ask your wife if she can join the relationship. If not, you're done. Because that's what you want. You're a sick bastard. Yeah. But this is what I tell her. If he doesn't watch this podcast or listen to it, you have to start doing your investigative research, man. Keeping receipts.

I'm not gonna... You can start... Should I start semi-crazy and then go all the way crazy or start all the way crazy and go down? Start semi and build up. Okay, semi-crazy. When he mutes up, right? Next time he mutes up, you should walk to that door. Just go to that door. Put your ear on the door. Get that old classic 1980, listen. See what you can get. Secondary option. Put that AirPod in the room. Put that Air... Put it on walkie-talkie mode. Put it on walkie-talkie mode. You listen. Secondary option. Third...

Nest camera go buy a whole camera put it in a put it in baka set it on that desk fourth option Because you already know there's some funny business going around go to your what carrier do you have Verizon AT&T T-Mobile? Y'all are married are under the same plan you have passwords you have access go to that AT&T Go check that bill go to that T-Mobile go check that outgoing call list. Can I print this out?

can you print that out for me i've known i've i've done this in real life well i haven't done it but my friend oh god whose husband was cheating on her oh god i gave that advice she found a lot go up to that go up to that t-mobile if that's not illegal i don't know if it's illegal if it is legal i didn't tell anybody to do anything it's a comedy podcast 100 you go get that call log you have all this evidence you have you have you have your ear you have your walkie talkie you have your nest camera

You have your printed out receipts. Then you go up to that husband and be like, go play COD with her, bitch. Get your stuff out of my house. Go join the... Because this relationship's in the gulag. There you go. That's a great reference. What if she doesn't own the house? What if it's his house? You better pack your shit. Find a motel. Go stay with Dr. P because Dr. P would never do it to you. Dr. P knows how to treat you right. So for final synopsis, you need about $250. You need a quick trip up to Verizon. Mm-hmm.

And you can get your shit done. Honestly, or if you want to be serious, just talk to him. Be like, hey, who is it? That's kind of crazy. If you can't even talk to your husband about this because you know and you don't want to know, it's probably not the best. I'd say, yeah, on the respectful approach, don't swat down the door and bust in and say, I got you.

I'd say you straight up bring it up. He's going to lie. Woman to man. But let him lie because that's even worse. But she can't prove the lie. That's why you get the evidence first and then you prove the lie. But it's why are you lying? How do you know she can't prove he's lying though? I hear a female voice. What if it's as simple as who you're on the phone with. He goes, oh, it's Jim. But she literally hears a female. What if he's not that bad of a liar? He's like, oh, it's his female best friend. Oh, that's my best friend. I don't know your female best friend. She probably does.

Because they've been together for 15 years, it's a female best friend, probably does. And so she'll be like, why are you tripping? She'll be like, yeah, she can just gaslight her into it. You have to get that evidence. Or his dad. Yeah, and that was... Dr. P, Dr. P, Dr. P, Dr. P, Dr. P. Dr. P, let dad play with your joystick.

All right, episode 120. Let Pac-Man eat that. Enough of the game talk. Episode 120. We absolutely love y'all. Thank you so much for coming. Phoenix in Vegas full recap is on Patreon right now. God bless. Go check that out. Hear all the funnies, all the crazy behind the scenes. God bless. God bless. All the gambling talk as well. That's on Patreon right now. Everything else you need to know is linked in the description below.

Patreon, Facebook, Twitch, Discord, everything's down there. We love you. We love all of our people on all of our platforms. And we cannot wait to see you next week in 121. Houston, three days away, last show. It is up to y'all to send us into a vacation and into a year of rest on a great, fantastic note. And to end this first tour once and for all on the highest of notes. Houston, it is literally in your hands.

We cannot wait to see you in three days. We're so excited. Can't wait to see your beautiful faces. I want you on your feet and screaming on the intro. I want the flashlights up. I want the screams. I want all of you to record videos. I want you to tag us and everything. It's going to be a blast. It's going to be crazy. But until Thursday, get your good karma, confuse the casuals with this week's secret code. L-P-E-T. L-P-E-T. L-P-E-T.

L-P-E-T. L-P-E-T. L-P-E-T. L-P-E-T. Light pack extra toast. No, I'll give you a hint. It was very recent. Something we just talked about. Oh, let's play each other's...

Let Pac-Man eat that. Oh, let Pac-Man eat that, baby. Let Pac-Man eat that thing. You know what I'm saying? Good morning to you. L-P-E-T. Confuse the casuals. Leave it in all the comments on every single platform. We absolutely love you. Episode 121 will be next week. And remember, one out of ten qualifiers don't make it home to Christmas. And we will see you next time. No, yeah. Houston's on three days.