EXPOSED FOR FAKING EVERYTHING! -You Should Know Podcast-
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Yep, and this is how it's going to go. We're going to be in Boulder, Colorado May 31st at the Boulder Theater. We're going to be in Washington, D.C. June 13th at 930 Club. We're going to be in Philadelphia June 15th at TLA Theater. We're going to be in Chicago June 21st at Park West. We're going to be in

Phoenix, Arizona, June 27th at the Van Buren Theater. And we're going to be in Las Vegas, June 29th at the House of Blues. And we're going to be in Houston, Texas to round out this first leg of the tour, July 11th at the House of Blues. All those tickets are available right now.

And now we are so, we are so excited to get back on the road, finish this first leg of the tour. It's going to be the same material y'all saw earlier in the year. We're going to fully, fully complete this tour. We can't wait to shake your hands and kiss your babies. It is going to be amazing. It's going to be so much fun. And then we have a big surprise for everybody at the end of this tour around August. We cannot wait to show you guys that, to give that to you guys. We love you so much. And guess what?

This is a very special episode. If you look to my left over here, it's a lot of decoration over here. It's Cam's birthday. Round of applause for Cam's birthday. We'll celebrate that when he gets on the podcast.

Guys, we love you so much. Thank you. We have 500,000 subscribers. Thank you so much for that. We're on the road to 1 million. We're hoping to hit that by the end of the year. So please share this podcast with your friends, your group messages, your families. Tell people on the street. Tell your teachers, your classmates, everybody in your worst enemy. We love you so much.

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We got birthday boy co-host Cam back in the studio. Happy birthday to Cam. Happy. That's moving in there, boy. I'm sorry. Happy birthday. No, please. Happy birthday, Cam. Okay. Okay. I need you to hold that. Keep that up.

I really appreciate the gesture. I think if I had to base the price of that on what I just saw, that was worth every penny of 34 cents. That literally said, instead of a confetti cannon, that was like a confetti burp. It was like, it went...

The whole thing broke. The whole thing fell apart. Well, happy birthday, Cam. You're 26. Thank you, buddy. Old man. Old man. Old man. Old man Stan. Hey, happy birthday. Thank you, buddy. Happy birthday. We decorated your sign. Yeah, it's itching on my back. Appreciate that. But Cam, it is your birthday. And you know you mean a lot to me. So I got you a gift. No, you didn't. I swear I did. No, you didn't. I did. Cam? I hear a lot of... I got you a cookie. A sugar cookie. Your favorite.

Is that? Is that from like middle school lunch? Where? Okay. The first thing I've noticed, that's not sealed. I don't know when you purchased that cookie. That could be hard as brick. That thing's not sealed. Oxygen's all up inside. It's not hard. Oh my God, it's not hard. It's soft. So not only did you give it to me, you just mutilated it. Well, you said it was hard. I could have tested the theory with my teeth. Oh. You went, it's not hard. I got you sugar cookie flour.

Happy birthday, Cam. This is a sack of dough now. This is a sack. Let's try it, though. Let's try it. Thank you, buddy. Yeah. That means a lot. Happy birthday, Cam. You got the worst pack of it broken. Ew. I don't think you're doing it right, bro. Hey, this is bomb. You're welcome. Happy birthday, Cam. Thank you, man. Happy birthday, man.

Woo! Adrenaline in my soul. Oh, my God. It's Cody Rhodes. You were literally supposed to say it's Cameron Kennedy. Oh. I thought we were on the same wavelength. I wasn't.

How was your week? No, is it Cody Rhodes' birthday or is it mine? I don't know Cody Rhodes' birthday. But on the level of importance in the world, I would say Cody Rhodes got your beat. I love you, but Cody Rhodes is the WWE champion. He's out here changing lives. I'm just eating mangled sugar cookies with confetti. But Cam, how are you feeling? 26 years old. How are you feeling? How are you doing?

The hips made it another year. Shout out to the hips. Oh my God. We're a year closer to surgery, baby. Isn't it scary to say that's probably a real thing? Yeah. I'm one year closer to having a replacement. And you're a year closer to death. I mean, but that's like always been. Yeah. I didn't always know my hips were going to suck. Isn't it sad to think that every one, count in your head. To what? Just count. By what intervals? Just one. One. One.

Keep going. Two. Yeah. Three. Every second, you're dying. Four. That is insanely sad, isn't it? No. I think it's beautiful. Really? I don't. And another thing that's been creeping me out, and I thought about it when we walked into the studio today, and there's a lot of people here, because we live in the, we don't live here, but we, we work in this big office building. It's fire. It's like 800 feet tall. It's a huge office building in downtown Dallas. Mm-hmm.

There's a lot, hundreds of thousands of people here. A lot of companies, a lot of corporations. I was walking through the hallways today. Isn't it crazy that everybody lives their own individual life? And it is terrifying to me. Like, why is that...

Like my world to me is like, that's sacred. That's the world. It's the only thing that makes sense. Exactly. Like how I smell certain things, how I see certain things. That's what it is. And everyone's different. Everybody's different. Like, I don't know what this person's doing, like what they're thinking about, like what their family's like, what carpet they have, what they do to clean their carpets or their dishes. Do they have a TV at home? Like, what do they watch? What are they thinking of?

What makes them tingle down below? How do we know that? Like, how is it so crazy? And you're not supposed to. Isn't that crazy? That sounds like a you-know-what thought. Oh, really? Yeah. But I don't do the you-know-what. I know. That's why I'm like... But it's genuinely crazy. I think that's actually a phobia. Or not a phobia, but like a theory. Not a theory. It has a title.

I'm sure everything does. But it means something. But I'm saying, like, think about this. My eyes is the world. That's the world. Exactly. Yeah. I don't know what this person, like, do you have an inner dialogue? Yes, we all do. No, not everybody does. Like, not everybody has the inner dialogue. That's a scientific fact. Not everybody has an inner dialogue. That's proven fact. Proven facts for the God to you. Okay, now that scares me. Exactly. Those people are living blind lives. So what do they think about when they're quiet and they're just walking by themselves?

So there's some people that actually don't have anything going on inside of them? No, no inner dialogue. That is terrifying. Now that's scary. Exactly. So, okay. If you... Okay. If someone professes that they have an inner dialogue, I'm like, okay, human being. Yeah. If someone tells me, no, there's nothing inside. That's when I would get scared. That is petrifying. That's creepy. That's like, what the hell do you... So...

Do they only have thought when something's in front of them? I assume so. I assume so. I feel like they're a step below. I don't like that. I feel like they're a step under. Honestly, and that's okay. You're just not as developed. They missed a developmental year. They were sleeping when something was supposed to be cooking on the inside. Oh, my God. And that's something I've done recently. So I've been in the gym a lot, right? I've been trying to get big. I feel like I'm doing good. I'm in the gym often. Give him a flex. Give him a flex.

So I've been doing good. And I heard that sleep is a very important part to muscle growth. One of the biggest components. But I have crippling, life-threatening anxiety. And so nighttime is terror for me. Nighttime is hell for Peyton Hart. So I'm up all night twisting and turning and thinking, this is it for me. Once I close my eyes, there is no tomorrow. That's nightly thoughts for me. But I was like, at the same time... It's so sad. But it's true. And so I was like, at the same time...

I want to get big, so I need to sleep, but I can't mentally. Tranquilizers. No. Oh, that's not... Okay. So I was thinking, and you're the muscle guy. You know a lot about muscles. You say a lot of science words about muscles and shit. And you're like, we have to have atrophy on the tendons and shit like that. And you got to get your metabolic sentiments and shit like that. And so I was thinking...

How does your body know when you're asleep? You know what I mean? So if I'm laying here, right? I was having panic attacks and sweat. I was peeing and pooping on my sheets. This is a nightly routine. Right. Twisting and turning, thinking about you, a lot of blood flow. And I was like, I got to go to bed, but I can't because if I lay on my stomach, it's going to break.

Broken club downstairs. So I was laying in my bed, right? And I was like, I need to get swole, but I can't sleep because I'm panicked. So I was like, I'm going to trick my body. So I just closed my eyes and went, can I, I swear to God, can I trick my body like that? No. Why not? You're not in control. Of what? You're not in control. What does that mean? You're not in control of yourself. Say more words. You don't have enough brain power to be like, no need for food.

No need for water. Sleep now. Some people might, but you don't. I don't think you listen when I talk. You can't trick your body into sleep. I understand what I was saying. You literally said you just went... Wait, can I trick my body for the muscle growth that, hey, he's asleep? Oh, God, no. And why not? What changes from when I'm really calm laying down, damn near just paralyzed...

To mean I'm actually sleeping. How does the body know? Because I feel like when you're actually, okay, I'm not going to just say this. I'm not a doctor scientist, but when you're actually asleep, things are happening. Your body's, it's sending, it's like a big repair. It's like plugging in your Tesla. Okay. If your Tesla just sat in the garage and it was like, Ooh, I'm going to be quiet. Keep the lights off. The car's not started. Battery's going to recoup. Is that going to happen? No, no. It has to be plugged in. Okay. Same things with our body. Nothing ever gets plugged into me. We could be like this.

Super, super still, super just calm. Yeah. But shit's not going to happen as it would if we were actually asleep. Scientifically behind it, I can't give you the words and the phrases, but I guarantee when you're actually asleep, things happen for a reason. Like, I don't know if it's blood, cells, whatever, membranes and mitochondria. I don't know where they're getting sent, what they're doing. They're clocking over time. Maybe that's when they get to clock in. Oh, my God. What happened?

Oh my God. Say it. I feel like we could make a children's book about that. I've thought about making a children's book. But about that specifically. About sleep? Yeah. So the book starts like a kid goes to sleep. Okay. Like it's a small introduction. Okay. Someone goes to sleep and then all the little mitochondria have like hard hats and clipboards and they all check in. They go through a tunnel. Oh, leave that for your science loser ass kid that you're going to have.

That wears big goggles and is ginger and has freckles and no friends. Can't play basketball well, but his dad really wants him to. But dad, I want to make the science fair. I don't want to play basketball. I want to read the mitochondria book. Loser ass kids. You're so hurtful. Bro. Okay. 100% my kid's going to be cooler than your kid. No.

- Kim, honestly, let's be honest. Okay, okay. - Your kid will be cool. My kid will be better though. - At what? - At life. - My kid's gonna be more athletic.

Yes, he is. Your kid's going to be a scientist. No, he's not. And I'm going to love that little ginger freak. In my case, he's not going to be a ginger. He is. No, he's not. He's not going to be a ginger. He might be a scientist. He might be an astrophysicist. Which is great. It's really cool and important. My kid will develop the rocket to leave this earth. Your kid will be like, dude, I can hoop on the moon. I can bring the entertainment stores. I can bring CPAs up to space. It's a CPM. CPM. I'm at CPAs in a calendar.

We've been talking a lot about CPAs. But no, your kid's going to be cooler, probably more athletic, probably look better. Yeah. But I'm going to love my kid nonetheless. Your kid's going to be Ruby. My kid's not. And every single person that comes in contact with Ruby loves her. Loves her. But is it sympathy love? It's like, how did you make it so far? That little baked bean. Yeah, that's Ruby. I can't wait until I'm watching episode 108 with your kid. And I'll be like, look how we talked about you. Hey, my kid.

Are you gonna allow me to pick on your kid? Thank you. I always... I hold that dear to me. Be mean to your kids. That sounds crazy. That sounds crazy. Not mean, but like... You got if...

Thick skin them. Yes. If they don't get thick skin from their most beloved people in their life, bro, the real world's going to crumble. What was that? Crumble them. He said crumple them. It's going to crumple them. It's going to destroy them. So say your kid comes over to my house, right? Uncle P, mother f***er. Okay. That's a bit much. A front kick? A teep kick to my kid's chin? Shawn Michaels.

If you sweet-chinned music my offspring, and then he comes home and tells me, you and me are putting on a wrestling match for our families. But no. In sumo attire. And then I... Oil? First one to insert wins. First one to insert wins. That's crazy. That sounds like the guy off Family Guy. Quagmire? No. The old man. Whoever takes the most pounds on PM.

That's the sickest bastard. No, that's... Never mind. I'm going to save that for another day. Dude, Malcolm is dying. We shouldn't say that. We shouldn't, but it's true. But how do you know? He's shitting the house. He's never shitting the house. Malcolm's never shitting the house? Never shitting the house for him. Even when he's a puppy, he never did. He was always really good at that. To hell with his death. Celebrate that.

I don't know. I don't know if there's another human on this earth that can say, my dog's never shit now. Yeah, he was always really good about it. Because whenever we bought him, they were about to euthanize him. And they were like, hey, if you don't buy this dog, we're going to let him go. And so Malcolm knew. He said, I got to be on P's and Q's from day one. I remember the first day we got him. He was so cute. And now he's on his way to the heavenly gates. He's going to hell. If we know anything about Malcolm, he's killed so many rabbits.

And now it's so sad. I went back. He's the gangest con of dogs. And now it's so sad because he's in his older years and he can't run. He can't really hear very well. Eyes are milky. No, his eyes are fine. He has good eye syndrome. And so we let him outside and he sees a rabbit and his natural instinct's like, I'm going to go get him. But he physically cannot keep up.

And so all the rabbits now know that, so they all congregate in the backyard, and they just kind of run around them and make him feel bad for all the offspring that he's taken. Okay, I'm going to ask you just to hear your initial thought, but you probably can't give your response on the internet. But I still want to ask you a question. Say you go home. You go back to Austin. Pop in the front door. Hey, Mom, Dad, Preston, love you. You go outside. You go, where's Malcolm? He's out in the back. You go out there. Malcolm's standing on your little concrete...

part yeah the porch he's standing on the edge right you look out into the distance 15 rabbits all with wooden twig spears in a perfect line there's one commander rabbit with a cute little helmet on maybe like a sombrero like a cute helmet like a commander general like a chief rabbit and they're all looking at malcolm they're all going like this

Like they're coming for their damn retribution. They are coming for it. What would you do? You know what I'm saying. Yeah, okay. Let's save that for the internet. Save that. The You Should Know Podcast. This episode is brought to you by a good friend of mine and

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Okay, so Cam, how was your week, bubba? Bro, it was fun. It was a taxing week because of certain things. Not going to say on here, but it was very fun. It was good. This already came out after you're laughing at me, but my mind circles. We went to my birthday dinner. We watched UFC 300. Obviously, this is pre-recorded, so we're going to do that in like two days. But that happened, I'm assuming it was a fantastic time.

It was a good birthday. You know what happened this week? What happened? The solar eclipse happened. That was a strange...

moment in time. Very strange. And I found a way to get embarrassed in front of everybody trying to enjoy the solar eclipse. So me and Cam were together and we were on TikTok live and we were enjoying the solar eclipse together in a parking lot of a gym, right? I was itching like a hoe. And there was a lot of people outside, right? Everybody was looking up with their goggles on. It was a whole gathering. It was so cool. And we got the full coverage, right? They got the total eclipse where we were at. Total.

Totality. Totality. Totality. So this is the first time I've ever experienced anything like this, right? So I had questions. So we were outside in the parking lot watching the total eclipse, right? Yes.

It got real dark outside for the solar eclipse. It got real dark. It was pretty sick. It was like 1.30, bro. Streetlights were on. It was like black. Yeah, and so we were making conversation with all the people around us. We were enjoying this historic moment together. And so I had a level of comfortability with everybody. Shouldn't. I shouldn't have. I never should. Should not have. And so it got completely dark outside. And I said, I thought it was going to get cold.

And everybody stopped looking at history in the sky and looked at me and said, what? Yes or no, was I one of those people? Okay, but I genuinely don't understand that. How did it not get cold when the total eclipse happened? And that's a genuine question because at night it gets cold, right? Cold-er. Because the sun's getting blocked by the moon. The sun doesn't get blocked by the moon at night. How does the moon get light? From the sun. Is the moon not in front of the sun?

On the solar eclipse, jack wagon. Not on every other day of our existence. At night, how does the moon get light? Earth, spin. I'm asking you a question. Us, other side. Moon here, sun still far, sun beam on moon, moonlight, moonlight. Moonlight! Moonlight! That's moonlight! That's moonlight!

That's exactly what it is. Not that, wait. Genuine, genuine dead ass. We're going to start from just. What happened at the other side of the earth? Let me tell you. What do you mean? So for the, so the moon and the sun, that's why it's special because the moon and the sun are right by each other. Correct. That's why it's a special event for the solar eclipse. Correct. What happened over there? I don't think they saw it. What did they, where was their sun? It was already nighttime. You got to think. So they had no moon that night.

No, what? If the moon was on our side, getting covered, covering the sun, how the hell over there do they have a moon? Because we can always see the moon. Everyone can see it. Wait, actually, hold on. Oh! Wait. Got him! Put your anime-ass stance down. Hold on. Okay. It doesn't make sense. Sun's here. Moon here. Went perfectly in the middle of the day, so we're here. We're seeing it directly. Us, moon, sun. So on the back side of the earth...

They're looking that way. How do they see? They don't have a moon that night. Was their shit pitch dark? It was dark. Oh, there's a lot of crime committed. Thank you. So now I'm not crazy. That doesn't prove anything you were saying. That's exactly what I was saying. You literally said, I thought we were going to go on the ice stage. If the sun's blocked, why is there no woolly mammoths out? That's what you were saying. You don't think it should have got a little colder? No, bro. First off, that's... How does the moon not melt then? If the sun's that hot, how is it getting right in front of it and not burning up?

Genuinely questioning. What is it made of? Cheese? Is it made of wax? It's a rock, right? A rock! You can't... Rocks aren't flammable? A rock! A rock! A rock's not flammable? You're kidding. A rock? I'm getting hot. You literally put stones at the bottom of a fire and around it to encompass it. The woods were burned. Okay, that's a regular flame and a regular rock.

The sun is there. The sun is 15 billion light years away. I love that. Whatever they say it is on a textbook. Shut up and let me speak. If the sun is that far and is that powerful and can light the whole world from that distance and you put a rock in front of it, you expect me to just be like, oh, a little warm on the back end. Mr. Sun, my back's hot. That's what the moon's saying?

That's what the booze saying? No, you have to understand. First off, light years. That's so far that this shit, the light that we are getting hit has already happened. That might be a curveball for you. Are you time traveling? No, literally. Do you understand? Y'all fucking believe anything and it's bad. Bad. Bad. You're all fucking cheap. Oh, happy birthday. Do you not understand that? No, I don't understand shit that's happening. I don't get any of it.

You're saying there's a moon over here. It's covering this. But the sun is so bright and it's making this moon light up. But if you get in front of it, it's not going to burn it up. And it's light here. That happened two decades ago and we're getting that day. First off, it's so far. That's like saying us. Why don't we burn up?

- Because we're so far. - Sometimes I do when it's hot. - Yeah, sunburn, but we don't disintegrate into ash. - So you're saying our whole planet doesn't just. - So the sun's light years away and we can still. - Millions. - Millions of light years away and we can still get sunburn. But if you put that flimsy ass

Little rock in front of it. It's perfectly fine. No discoloration or nothing. No SPF on that bitch. All it's do- you gotta understand. This is your common misconception. And I have a hot take that I think we could capitalize on. But here we go. The sun, we are feeling its heat from its heat. The rays are giving us the light. That's what gives us the light. We could literally- on the backside of the moon, right? Backside of Earth. When it's completely nighttime. When everyone's sleepy-sleepy.

It's a little colder because the initial rays aren't hitting us, but the whole earth is still heated. That's how hot the sun is. I get that. That's my point. So you were saying when it's blocked, we're still feeling the sun. The light is what's blocked. That's why it went dark. Okay, my question is... The temperature didn't go... It should have a little bit. No, it shouldn't have. If it's getting covered. No, it shouldn't have. Okay, but the big bad moon can't burn up, so it should be strong enough to block something, right? Block some of the heat. It's blocking the light. That's why it got dark. It doesn't block the heat. How? How?

It's a little wall, right? It's a little wall that's blocking the sun. Peyton, if there was a fire right there, initially, right in front of us, if there was a fire right there, we would feel it. Yes or no? A little bit. If we throw up a, not vomit, if we put up a big rock in front of it, do we still feel the heat from the fire? Yes, a little bit.

That's all it is. Now imagine if that fire was thousands, thousands times the size of the earth. The hottest thing we can possibly conceptualize. That's the sun. Just because there's something in front of it doesn't mean we don't feel the fire. The initial flames, it might not be as bright because we put this black rock in front of it. So it might have got a little dimmer, but we're still hot. How does the rock not have any side effects? Because it's not a candle and it's still so far away. Yeah.

It's not. Mercury. Mercury. The closest planet to the sun. That bitch is burnt. But it doesn't go. It doesn't just. It doesn't just. It's not. You don't. Is Mercury made of the same shit we are? Probably not because it's been directly by the sun for years. It's burnt. We are at a. And that's another thing. None of this shit makes sense to me. It's nothing. No. Okay. My hot take. I swear to God. I think you could come up.

with unbelievable like you could damn near be a philosophical like uh like a time piece in history me if you did this okay if you went to like stanford right harvard something like that you couldn't get admitted maybe like maybe the off grounds maybe like the b team yeah yeah like you hang out with people that are in the school but you're not it's like blin yeah like that's what i'll go to blin of harvard go to the blin of harvard yeah if you did that

and then somehow got accepted by this big philanthropist, kind of like an Einstein thing, and you just went on this compound. - Right. - And you didn't have a phone, you didn't have a laptop, you didn't have, it sounds scary for you, you didn't have any electronics, right? You just had several notebooks and a great ballpoint pen. - Okay. - If you, every day, all you did was wake up, drink water, go outside, look at grass, water, nature, and you just wrote your thoughts,

You damn near might find the keys to the universe, my friend. Because you always, the fact that you think outside the box, you're already one step ahead. Yeah.

Nine out of ten times it makes you seem goofy, but at least you're trying. But I don't... Okay, that's the problem. And that's the beauty. The problem is all these people on the internet make fun of me because they're scared. Stop making fun of them. I don't care. They're scared to make themselves look a certain way. They care too much about what people think. I'm so okay with myself that I'm going to be like, if this doesn't make sense to me, I'm going to ask a question. And if your explanation doesn't make sense to me, I'm not just going to accept it because you have a lab coat on with a monocle. Like, who the...

are you like i don't you know what i mean sure you can prescribe me penicillin i don't care explain why that rock's not on fire that's what i want you to do i don't give a damn about your lab coat and your clipboard yeah explain to me why we didn't get cold yeah and that's why you're gonna be great thank you and another thing we argued about this is styrofoam in a microwave you told me to take my to-go order and put it in a microwave and i said absolutely not because it's

That's rule number one in microwave etiquette. You do not put foil or styrofoam in there. Foil, correct. You don't put foil. The second you put foil, you got a Harry Potter spell in there. It's blue. You can use Dementors flying around. You don't do foil. Every restaurant on earth gives you to-go boxes in what? Styrofoam.

Why would they do that if you can't heat it up? Because it's cheaper to buy styrofoam. Then what, glass? What are they going to give you, tub of air? Then probably something that's microwavable. It's cheaper. What is the number one thing that businesses care about? Money. Exactly. Profit gain and loss.

Are they going to give you something that's convenient? Are they going to give you something that is cheap? They're going to give you something that's cheap. Thank you. That's not going to kill you. That's not going to kill itself, burn itself. You know how they fix that? At the bottom it says don't microwave. Liability gone. Bro, you can microwave styrofoam. No, you can't, Cam. Okay, this is this. Okay, go to Chick-fil-A right now. What are the cups? What are the cups they give you? Not styrofoam.

Oh my god, I didn't know you grew up in Bel-Air. Wait, oh yeah, no they are. Well, some of them are, some of them are actually. What? They're like that, it's like that cardboardy plastic, like the old, like the cups from that. No, they're not. Every Chick-fil-A cup you get is styrofoam. That's a lie, when we were in the airport. Remember that cup was like the cardboard one, when we were in the airport about to leave. No, I don't remember that. Okay, but okay, just say styrofoam, right? Yes, yes. So styrofoam. Okay. What the fuck?

Yo, the crazed look on your face. Please, somebody put that in slow motion. I feel like I got stabbed in my butthole. Oh, it was this. What the f*** is this? Yo, I think my hole is bleeding, dawg. It's about my finger. Yo, I'm suing this goddamn company. What is this? Ow, bro, that shit genuinely hurt. Like, I'm not laughing. Yo, that shit hurt.

That is not funny. Bro, you look like taking advantage. You look like you're sheltered now. Bro, it went in me. This shit has bounce to it. The fact that spring just came out of your cow. Dog, this is the shit you can't make up. Oh my God. Okay, back to what we were talking about. Bro, okay. Today alone, this man was running through the studio, rolled the shit out of his ankle. He goes...

That's why one shoe is tied and one isn't. Then we're setting up the lights. He stands up, pokes himself right in the eye with a rod. And now you get stabbed. This is an actual, like this bitch is. Oh, God. It hurts. No, we got to get out of here. Okay, okay. Okay, when you go to Chick-fil-A, right? Yes. What are the kind of cups they give to you? Styrofoam cups. Okay, so I want you to do this. I want you to, would you do this confidently? Would you pour out your iced tea, right? Would you pour the iced tea in the sink?

Put that styrofoam in your microwave and press two minutes. What would happen? If there's nothing in the styrofoam, it might melt a little bit. Maybe. That's what I'm saying. What are you heating? Are you trying to cook something in styrofoam? Are you putting it in the microwave for 15 minutes?

It takes 45 seconds to heat some shit up from last night and eat it. If it's microwavable, it shouldn't matter what it is. If it's frozen and it needs to be in there for 10 minutes, maybe don't use styrofoam. It's probably going to melt to the bottom. If it's microwavable, it doesn't matter then. It doesn't matter the time. If it's microwavable, if I put a plate in there for 10 minutes, the plate's not going to be fine. It's going to be hot as hell. It's going to be fine, though. It's not going to ruin the integrity of the meal or the plate. If you put styrofoam in there, it's going to set on fire, melt, and put goo and chemical toxins in your lasagna.

That's what I'm saying. If you're just heating up leftovers, you're good. It is not microwavable if there is not integrity to the microwavability. That's your fault. That's a you thing. That's a you thing. That's a you and whoever's on your side. Just say you're wrong. No, that's a you and whoever's on your side. Prove me wrong. Every... Prove me wrong. Do you think... How many lawsuits do you think there'd be by now?

If styrofoam genuinely couldn't be in a microwave. Hey, I've already made this point. You know how they get away from liability? The bottom of it says non-microwavable. On every single one? Yes. Does it really? Yes. Wait, so are we not supposed to be microwaving? No. I do it all the time. It is perfectly fine. That's why your hip doesn't work, your toe's infected, your brain is like a pinball machine, and your kid's going to be weird. Wow. Wow.

Sharp fangs. Damn. Wait, it actually says that? Yes. Do not microwave at the bottom. That's bullshit. I microwave it every time. If you put it for six minutes, you're just a stupid idiot. You're just a stupid idiot. Okay, that's fine. The You Should Know Podcast.

This episode is brought to you by our friends at Harry's. One thing you know about my life, Cam, is a lot of ridiculous things happen. Oh, yeah. And life in general can just be ridiculous, but you know what's not funny? What's not funny, P? Getting ripped off, and Harry's agrees. They saw customers getting screwed over by questionable and overpriced shaving companies and decided to go and do something better.

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All right, this has nothing to do with Styrofoam, but something else that happened this week, the national championship game. Do you remember? I do. Women's. Yes, yes, yes. I didn't watch the men's one.

Oh my God. What is wrong with you? I couldn't name you other than the college basketball players that I know. They did have that shit going. Yeah, I can't name any college men's basketball players other than the ones I know. That's true. Okay, regardless. The women's championship game. South Carolina won. They beat Iowa at the end of the game. Coach Dawn Staley, she's giving her interview. Goat. She's very goated. She has swag that Gucci zip up ridiculous. Yeah, she's clean. She's sitting there. She's like,

the Lord that we serve is a fantastic God and we're so blessed and favored. So she's saying this really intimate speech, right? Her players are behind her. One of the girls is like, yeah, man, I was shitting bricks in the third quarter when we were down. Kayla was going crazy. This other girl's like, eh. So they're living it up, right? Bro, so it reminds me of this crazy thing that happened to me in high school basketball. So one day we come in for practice, right? My coach brings me into his office, which is connected to the locker room.

Mean like he's mad at me for whatever reason I walk in he goes stand right there I didn't even get to sit out. He goes stand in the corner So the way the office is set up he's in his chair the window the glass is behind him And that's where all of us are the lock yes So I'm in the opposite corner so I can see him and your teammates it through the glass very important detail Okay, he starts getting off. This is right out of seventh period algebra like nothing's been said to me all day. Okay immediately You're bullshitting around

You're not taking this shit seriously. We need you to play if we want to win. And you're not doing it. Out of nowhere. So I'm like, what the hell? He goes, I see what you do every day in practice. I see how you act in the locker room. You're bullshit. You're playing around. You don't take this shit seriously. You don't love basketball. Peyton. Yeah.

While I am getting a speech about not being serious, I need to be this better captain, I need to lead my teammates, I swear to God, two of my teammates, and I can see the coach and them. Two of my teammates are behind him, naked jumping jacks. But naked jumping jacks, I'm getting yelled at. I don't take this shit seriously. I got two teammates going...

So I'm... You can only imagine. I'm a natural nervous laugher. So you can only imagine. I'm sitting there like... He goes, you got a spit? You want to say something? And I was like, no, no, no, sir. And I covered my mouth. He goes, don't tell me you're sick now. We got a game Friday. He's going off on me. And it just continued. So he goes...

Alright, enough of that. Do I have your word that you're gonna start taking shit seriously? I'm talking, no more layups. You dunk everything. If you dunk, other kids are gonna try. No missing shots, no not touching the line. You gotta lead by example. At the same time, a new teammate of mine took his underwear off, put it on his head, and started going like this.

So I'm, I am seeing shit that you can't even fathom right over this man's shoulder. And he's screaming at me. There's spit flying and shit, dog. And I am literally trying my absolute hardest to just keep composure. And I'm like, I'm like, Oh my God. And there'd be, bro, literally as I was watching on TV, I had like a, like a, that's so Raven, like a pure flashback. And I was just like,

Yo, I cannot believe that. And I forgot all about that. I had to tell you. You're better than me. No. Oh, no, I'm not. I almost got like kicked out when I hit that first. I went, no, you're better. Now you're sick. You're better than me. I would have been like his. Look,

Look at him. He's doing the naked jump. That's what I wanted. I said, butt ass naked. But I was just. Did your teammates knew you were getting yelled at? Bro. And that's why they did it? Or they just normally being weird? The wall was like plywood. They could hear every word. They're like, you're not being serious. Thrust to it, bro. Oh, God. I miss those days. It was. Oh, my God. It was bad. I miss those days. It was so. That was. Oh, shit. That was genuinely one of the hardest moments in my life. Like a.

You want to laugh everything and he's trying to laugh, but you can't. Oh my God. There's moments where I don't know you because you are a goofy guy, but I don't know if there's moments you would be serious. Like this. Did you see that article this Easter in LA? There was a $30 million heist on a bank. God, like real life, real life heist, 30 mil out of the bank on Easter. First of all,

Is it GTA? First of all, is it GTA? Second, doing it on Easter is insane. Smart, though. Banks are close. Decent move, but insane work. How do you get 30 mil out? That's crazy. What bank are they running? Is the Amps not a Chase or a Wells Fargo? They got about a mil liquid, and that's highly protected. You're getting 30 mil. 30 mil from a bank. Yes or no, are some of those bills traced? 100%. 100%. 100%. That made me think. Okay.

I've always wanted to live on the wild side. Okay. Me and you, right? Oh, we'd get away. How much do you think we could get away with at a bank? Like a regular Chase Bank down the street. If me and you went to rob a bank, how would we go about it? And how much do you think we could take seriously? Honest answer? We're not getting 30. We're not getting 30. How much are we? Why? Because you can't even carry a million yourself. So I'm damn sure not grabbing the other 20. If they're in hundreds, yes, I could.

Yeah, maybe one mil. Yeah. That's it. What am I grabbing the other 29? I'm going to be loaded down like Mr. Incredible? Pick your hat. I have a car. You have a car. Okay. So the car, like, holy shit. Me and you pull up in our respective cars. You got to break down this plane because you're the brains of the operation. I'm the muscle. Okay, first thing we do, we wear sleeveless shirts. Very important reason.

We wear sleeveless shirts. After we commit it, we immediately go home, use some of that cash, we go get inked up completely. Surveillance videos, they have naked arms, but the next time someone questions us, we're completely inked. Can't be me. I've had these tattoos for years. Maybe you're not the brains of this operation. We pay off the artists. Just bear with me. Okay? Ski masks, different colors. Can't wear the same ones. Too easy to track. Different colors, ski masks, shirtless. Sweats and shoes, we don't care about. The second we're gone, we burn them. Okay. Disintegrate them. Okay? Yeah.

With the cash. Okay, the biggest thing is we have to spend cash at everywhere we go for the next 100%. With cash, we buy a junk car from a redneck. He doesn't like talking to law enforcement. He's done dirty things himself. Yes. Junk car from redneck traveled to Nevada. Okay. I have a place where you get junk cars. We don't have to go to a stranger. Even better. Junk car, fresh tattoos. We got to get good ointment to where they don't look fresh when we get questioned. And then we just stay low for at least two months. You can't do anything. You can't spend the money. Can't enjoy anything we got. Where do we put the money? For two months. Literally in the trunk.

We're just leaving in the junk car? 30ms, trunk of the junk car. No one's pulling up. No, you're bad. Oh, no. Because the junk car is going to be on. I'm shaving every hair follicle on my body. I will be a naked. I will be a morph suit looking man. No, we got to get a new car. We got to burn the junk car because that's on surveillance. We can't keep the money in the junk car. No, the junk car is our new car. We get rid of our cars.

Actually, no, no time out. There's no... Well, you said we pull up in our prospective vehicle. Well, that's what I'm saying. You're the brazen operation. Yeah, it said. That's where they'd go. License plate. Go to his house. Take his mom. I go, here have the... Okay, junk car. Get rid of it. Get new junk cars. What I meant to say. Yes. Okay, I'll let you take over from here. We're in Nevada. Okay. We have the money. We're both bald as shit. We're wearing weird clothes. Money's in the trunk. Itchy from new tattoos. Okay. What do we do next? With the money? With our life. What's the next step?

I'll take it back, I'll take the reins back, my god! You're in charge for ten minutes, we're in cuffs. Okay, next thing we do, we apply for local jobs.

We have to. Only one of us. We switch shifts, though. Your graveyard, I'm during the day. Your graveyard, one's always in the car. We live out of that car for two months. We get very close, very stinky. Okay. Okay? Oh, can we kiss? No. We're working jobs. We're going to get real. We're on this high of a lot of money, and we're naked close to each other. You don't think we'd get a little... I don't sleep naked. If you sleep naked... You're going to get hot in Nevada. If you sleep naked in a 97 Pontiac, then you're already a different guy. In Nevada? In Nevada. You're going to get hot. It gets cold at night. But you don't want to take a nap during the day? I'm going to get hot.

I'm going to be working. I worked in the day. You got the graveyard shift. So we're both cool. We're both cool, calm, and collected. See, I told you I'm here. I'm here with you. So once we get the job, we get a singular notebook. Composition. I like them better. We write down our new life stories. Kind of like the Ricky Stanecki movie. We write down a plan. How long we've been here. Why are we here. We're lovers and we've eloped. And we have to know that to the T. Two kids. We have two kids. Sure. Two kids. Brian and what? Peyton.

So you get a junior and my son's name is Brian. That's your choice. How about Brian and Steph Curry? Payton Harden. But I do have a, cause you are a cheap guy. So we'd say different scenario, right? Different scenario. Different scenario. How fast do you think you could burn through $500,000? Immediately. No way. Immediately. You think you could burn through it faster than I could? Yeah.

Okay, say we're going to buy on the count of three. No, no, no. But you can only buy things that you actually would want. You can't just spend it on just $500,000. Then I guarantee I'd get it quicker than you. Even better. The things you want? Like actually want daily use things? Yeah, that helps me even more. What would you get? I'll tell you my first thought process. Say yours on the count of three. Hold on. $500,000. See, I already know and you don't. I've already won. I've already spent the money. I've already bought it. Okay. Okay? Can't be an investment.

That's not... Can't be an investment. Like you... Personal fun use only. Yeah, okay. Personal fun use? Yeah, like daily life use. I'll say my first answer. You're probably going to veto it though. Ready? Okay. Three, two, one. House. Boat. A bot?

A bot? Oh, you get the stripper whiteboard robot. You're buying AI. Yeah, stripper whiteboard robot. Okay, I bought a house. All of it, gone. I'd give him $500,000. Immediately gone. Maybe I didn't mean to say $500,000. $500 million. Okay, now $500 million, I'd say you could burn through it more. Yeah. I don't even know what I would do at that point. Oh, my God. I'd buy everything I've ever wanted. You'd have naked AI robots. Everywhere. Oh, my God. I would have a... Cassandra. I would have a brothel of AI. Why a brothel of AI? I would be like... A brothel.

CJ muted. I'd be like, suck. I had to get it out. I had to get it out. I had to get it out. It was killing me. This episode is brought to you by our friends at Fume. You ever tried to break a bad habit and felt like you're climbing Everest and flip flops? Yeah, we've been there too, but there's a breath of fresh air and it's Fume. It's not about giving up. It's about switching up. Fume takes your habit and simply just makes it better.

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Okay, speaking of scenarios, would you rathers, I have one for you. Okay, yes. Pipe down. I like when you hear would you rathers because it makes me feel like you care about what I have to say. Well, I'd like to hear your thought process. Okay. Simple would you rather. Yes. Would you rather never be able to get a haircut again or never be able to shave any part of your body again? That's fine with me. I feel like that one is easy. Look at the back of my legs.

Yeah. Hairy. Hair. Ground beef. Hair. And I've never shaved and I've just been this hairy. I'm fine with it. I would never shave the rest of my body again. You might not be able to see my man meat ever again, but you just put one of those lights on your head and go find it. Just go digging for it. Just go get you some mud. Go get your hands dirty.

Go get what you want. So Brooks, in your lineup, is that valuable to you? Yes. My face is on camera. You're kidding. My whole job is on camera. Peyton, you would look elderly in two years. How?

You can't shave this ever again. That's a part of the haircut. I said all hair. You can't shave any hair on your body. So I can't get a haircut then? No, no. Haircut. That's the only thing that's exclusive. So skull and up. Skull. Here and up. Oh, no. No, but I'd be fine. I 100% I still My lineup is my barber that relationship with it I would to keep my to keep my haircut. I would not. And I'm gonna go shave my body. I don't give a damn about a haircut. That's fine by me. Cam.

What? You would look nasty. I would, but I don't give a damn. For as much as you're telling me I'd look nasty, you would smell horrendous. You would smell utterly bad. Body shampoo. Body shampoo. You'd literally have a bush. A full-blown bush. Not a bush that we're thinking. It'd be a literal garden. And you'd be like...

You'd smell... There might be a couple bugs once every two months, but just flick them off like a ladybug. That is violent. I would have a thong of pubic hair. Your lower back. Your lower back would be the bikini line. No, that would be the only problem is my butt crack. Because it would be hard to...

It would get hard to poop. It would get caught. It would be like a little webbing. It would be like, come here, we got him! It's a spider web. Oh my god, then the critters come out and they eat him. Oh, oh no, golly, oh, oh, oh. I might have a helmet of hair, but that's the beauty on my hair though. Oh no, that'd be bad. Cam, your head is so big. And it never drops. My hair's so thick. Oh my god, you'd have an afro. I'd be a chimp at...

I would just put on a headband and I would do 1970s street ball reenactment. You can finally live out your black dreams. Okay. You'd pick. You'd come back. Finally. I could get cornrows or something. I go, what'd you say? Why, boy? Bro, my hair would. Who are you looking at? I don't know. I thought I heard voices in my head. That's okay. I didn't think about that. What the fuck? I didn't. Stop with these phrases. Stop. I didn't think about that. Yeah. I'm still. I have to shave my body. But bro, my hair wouldn't. My hair doesn't drop.

it would no it would just go like this no no i could do like a co-wash or something live would get me right live would give me right you live would leave you live no you would be you oh marriage is not in your future anymore you would have to become a sarah a symbiotic you have to self-reproduce no woman would touch you that's fine would you touch me

So no woman? If you don't touch me, then we'll have a problem. But if you still touch me like you touch me. I'm not touching. No. It's your birthday. No. It's your birthday, so I know you like to ride. And if you like to mouth. Hit the cameras. Pinch the nerve. You're going home with your ass whooped from today. Oh my God. Okay, do you want to know initially what I was going to get you for your birthday? Okay.

I was going to say, you know, okay. You just turned into someone different. I didn't like that. Okay, fun fact about me. Okay, do you know who I initially get you? Fun fact about me and Cam, right? We FaceTime all the time, and he always sees me naked. Don't believe this is truth unless I confirm it. Cam, do I show you my naked body nearly every time we're on FaceTime? This doesn't sound right. But it's your birthday, so I was going to give you something special. You know how I sometimes show you the rear like that? Yeah. And maybe sometimes I'll send you a picture of a little, like right before the show, I'll be like, boop, I'll send you a little picture, right? We're friends. That's what we friends do. Yeah.

I was going to go to Target. You better watch your next words carefully. This is on, this is out here. I was going to go to the, put some ice in on him. Maybe a couple sprinkles. Send you a picture. Happy birthday, Cameron. If I would have opened my phone and there was a rectangle with invisible ink and I scrubbed that ink off and it was an ass cake of yours for my birthday, I'd delete your number. That's Tres Leches. I got a Tres Leches ass. I do have a multicolored ass.

No, you do. It's like ice macchiato. Oh, you did that for a reason. No, I didn't. I have you fantasizing. Matter of fact, okay, again, my mind, you already said it, pinball mind. My mind is running rampant, but you are a genuine sick bastard. The shit that when I called you yesterday and what you said on the phone, that really, that like pissed me off. I genuinely don't remember. I'm blank. I'm blank.

Okay. I do not remember. Not even story time, just secret time for Peyton. I call Peyton. Be careful because I will cut it out. I call Peyton. Hey, bro. The chicken was frozen. I messed up. So I think we are going to go out and eat. Oh. What was your response? What was your response? I have to shower before we go. Brilliant. You remember so far? Okay. I have to shower before we go. I said, all right, we'll get in the shower. You'll be over in like 15 minutes. Hurry up. He goes, but I'm waiting. For what? He goes, my towel. What do you mean you're waiting for your towel? I said, I'm waiting for my towel.

You said, well, I didn't have any towels clean, so I had to wash a towel and I had to dry it. And I said, oh, so you're waiting for your load of towels. He said, no, I only needed to do one shower. I go, wait, wait, wait. You mean to tell me you genuinely take one towel, start a load, a load of laundry with a singular towel. No. Then dry one towel. And then use it.

Where are you from? You're not from here. Okay, you're not going to do that. You're not going to do that.

That is weird. No matter how you try to formulate and cookie cut this bullshit, that's stupid. First of all, because I'm not a sick, nasty freak like you, you Slavic baby. I wasn't born on the mountains of caucus like you. I can't reuse towels. I can't wipe my genitalia off, put that towel back over the rack, and when I shower again, scrub my face off. I can't do that. So once I use a towel, it's kaput.

until it is washed and dried and put through the funnel of cleanliness. That's rule number one. So I go through towels fairly quickly. So I shower not too often, but when I do, I only use it once. New towel. Right, I use a new towel. Everything's good so far. I've been going to the gym a lot recently. So after I leave the gym, I shower two hours later because it takes a lot of courage to get back up. So we went to the gym, went back home. I wasn't prepared. I had no towels left.

In crisis situations, right? Whenever I need to quickly shower and get dressed, I will wash one towel. I normally don't have underwear. I will wash one underwear. I don't have socks. I don't wash my socks. I wore the same socks for five days and it had tequila on them. You literally had the same pair of socks on with tequila stain on it. That is sickening. Continue. And so that's what I'm saying. In situations where I need to get and go, it takes longer to put a full load in there and I'm not, who am I?

Who am I? Who am I? Am I Laundry Man Payton or am I Podcast Payton? I don't do laundry. I don't know how. Well, I do, but it makes my back hurt and it makes me anxious and it's so much waiting. You don't do laundry? No, I don't. You know I don't do laundry. When's the last time you seen me wear this shirt? It's been a while. Exactly. It hasn't been clean since the last time I wore it. The smell just wore off. So that shirt's dirty? Oh, yeah. I literally had to... There was like crust on it. I had to go like this and like fluff it before I got here. I swear to God.

You have to scratch off your clothes before you wear them. Swear to God. Those shorts. I don't know whose these are. I found these in the studio. I don't know whose these are. Kim, yes or no, before we went to the gym, I said I don't have any clean underwear, and then I went in my duffel bag, and I found the Mack Weldon sponsorship ones. I was like, thank God. I thought you were trying to just be convenient and try them out. I had no other option. I was going to free ball to the gym. Where are those socks from? The Dirty Laundry. Peyton. Are they dirty?

A little black. I can tell you've been walking in them. Yeah. Bro, laundry takes... You didn't see Ruby nibbling on my socks yesterday? Because there was like grass stains on them. They were the same ones I wore to Zilker. In Austin. For our Austin show. Oh my f***ing goodness. Oh my god. That was like weeks ago. Oh, and I got in a debate with my mom about this. And my mom was... She probably wants to kick your ass. She was ridiculing me. Okay, when you go to the store, right, and you buy underwear, do you wash them?

Right before I... Like, when you buy... Before you wear them, do you go... You buy a new pack of underwear, do you go home and wash them? Yeah. Oh. I thought that was weird. It's untouched. But it's like... It's like... But it's underwear. I don't know. It's... Okay, but I bought the... I'm starting to get, like, nicer underwear because I'm tired of getting holes all up in my

Like, it feels like there's a mouth. Have you seen that movie Teeth? Oh, no, no, no. Like, there's a mouth on my... No. And it's like... Come out to play. He's the underwear eater. And so, like, I don't know. Yeah, underwear eater right under my ballsack. And it eats... So, I always have holes right here. Right here, right there. And I think it's going to scratch a lot there. And so...

And so I'm trying to buy nicer underwear, right? But the nicer underwear I'm buying, you can only buy one at a time and it comes out like on a hanger, right? And I haven't been washing those. Okay, that's even, so it's not even packaged? No, no, no. It's out on a hanger. I want you to think this. Yeah. Some low-life desolate creep could have came up and went. I love making people's days. Smell me.

Get a load of me. No, she's 100% right. It's gross? They're not even packaged, bro. I did have an itch. But that's fine. No, that's not. No, it's not. Do you get butt pimples? No, I don't. Yeah. You get ass pimples? What? No, I don't get ass pimples. I get ass pimple. It's always one, and it's really bruisey and hard. Left or right? Depends. Changes. Left or right? It changes. If you had to pick one. Right now, it's right. That makes sense.

Wait, why? I'm like, that checks out. And I got another debate with you, actually. Do you scrub your ass? Like, do you thoroughly, when you shower, are you a clean shower? Okay, genuinely, and this is, I'm going to probably have regret. My digital footprint is insane. Yeah, it is. But I'm genuinely myself, right? As you should. That's good. I don't hide anything about myself. This is me.

Oh my God. I'm going to get ready. So I, I, Manscaped hasn't sent one of their hand scrubber things in a while and I lost it on the move. So it's Manscaped. Can you please send another one? And so I haven't had a loofah in about, how long did I move in a go? Like almost a year. What? When did I move in my new house? November. November, December. Oh, damn.

God, it's just been real desolate and lonely in there. Time is moving gray and slow. So four months, right? I've been without a loofah or anything to scrub. Is that a year? And so this is how I wash, right? I have my hand. I wash with my hand. Now, normally I don't. Normally I have a washcloth, but I lost all those.

And then Manscaped, I lost my hand thing, the sponsor. I lost the hand thing. So I just mean. How did you move? How are you losing all these years? Honestly, you know me. That's true. And so what I do is I'll get the soap, right? And I'll start up top.

Like this. I'll start off top my shoulders, my body, and then my back hasn't been touched in years. I bet my back smells like Narnia. You know in Spongebob when they zoom into things and it's corroded and nasty? That's your back. Probably. And then I'll get my sensitive areas, right? I'll get my pits, right? And so upper body's done. That's as much as I do. This is how quick it is. Right there. Done. Right? That's the top half. Top half is complete.

Because I spend like 45 minutes in the shower, but half of it is contemplating what am I doing? Like, why do I feel this way? Is this regular? And how the fuck is the moon not dissipated? You know what I mean? Like, that's my life. And so then it's time to go to the sensitive regions, the undergarments, right? And so this is what I do. And you genuinely want to know how I wash my ass? I go to my stink spots first. What is that? So I'll re-up on the soap.

Hurry up on this. This is a bare hand. Oh my God. Oh my God. What if you had a nose itch after? What if you went in and you had an itchy nose? I genuinely haven't answered everything. I genuinely haven't answered everything. And I'm being completely honest with you. Dead ass, no podcast shit, no entertainment purposes. I am being completely Peyton Harden right now.

Put it in my hands more because that's a stinky ass region. I'm about to go Uncontaminated right put it in my hands like this and then I get my stink areas my webbing that you know me It stinks in its hole. It's it's sensitive and it burns Oh my god, you have something You have something Peyton girlies don't leave now You need antibiotics Oh my god, you need no, it's just raw

Because you play with it 24 hours a day. And so I'm getting in my... Stop, bro. I'm showing you. That's the question you want to ask. So look, I'll get my webbing, right? I'll get my webbing. And so I still... I haven't washed off my top half yet. I'm letting it marinate. Kind of like a good steak on Thanksgiving. And so... And so... So I'll get here. Get my... He said, I'll get...

You're a sick bet. Oh my God, I believe that. I swear to God, Cam Kennedy. I swear to God. And so I'll bring it up, throw it over the shoulder and then get under it. And so that part's a lie. It barely even touches the belly button. So here we go. Sorry, Mom. My hip. So here we go. Now it's time for the butt.

You want to do it now? I wash my butt? Cam, Cam, Cam. I swear to God, this is how I've been doing it since I lost my loofah. This is what I do, right? Or I'm going to wash my loofah. I swear to God, and I'm so nervous because this is true. I'm so nervous. All right. So all the suds from up top are still there, right? So I'll go like this.

I'll start my thumb on my abdomen and work up to my collarbone. Then right arm, right finger. I'll work my finger from the top of the abdomen. And so there's so... All the way to the back of my head. And I'll take it. I'll go right to the rear and I'll just swipe it off. Right in that crack. And then I'll mush it, mush what? My cheeks. How open were they? I get some separation. I gotta get in there. How?

I'm just saying I'll squeeze them together. So nice. Nice. It's like a Philly cheesesteak back there. Oh, no, you are. You are supremely inadequately clean. And then you're wondering...

You're wondering how I wash my face. And so I'm a jerk. Like, you know, I'm sensitive with my face. Like, I don't want people touching my face. I don't like touching my face. So I have to make sure my hands are clean if I got a nose itch or an eye itch or something. And so I'll wash my hands off with whatever after I wash my whole body. And then I face wash. And I feel like face wash is cleaner. So I'll do one, two, three, four, five, six squirts of the face wash. I'll just wash my hands and I'll wash them in the shower and then dry them off on the towel. And then I'll be able to touch my face again.

Yeah, I bet you are. You do six pumps of face wash to wash your hands to leave the shower. Not even to wash your face. No, no, no. Just to resume the shower. Just in case I want to touch my face. I'm still in the shower. I have like 35 more minutes left. That whole process took four minutes. Six pumps of face wash to wash your phalanges to continue to shower without washing your face.

Not every day is a face wash day. Oh my god, you're gonna get eaten alive. Is that bad? Should I not be saying all this? No? Okay, sorry guys. Doc, I wash my face every morning and night. I think that's bad. It's kind of like shampooing. You're not supposed to do it every day. Oh, no, no, no, no. Face wash is different. Really? We sweat, touch, all sorts of shit, dirt, every day, all day. Oh.

But that's not even what I'm honing in on. The fact you were so open to where it could... That's unbelievable. But the fact you used six pumps of face wash. I'm going to say it one more time slowly to make sure I heard you. Yes, here we go. One, two, three, four, five, six. One, two, three, four, five, six. Pumps... Pumps, it's in my hand. Of a face wash... Yes. To wash your hands... Yes.

to then not wash your face with the face wash? - No, because if I want to touch my face after I wash, I don't want to use the Dove body wash or the Manscaped body wash. I don't want to use any of the body washes I have on my face 'cause I'll break out. So if I do go to touch my face, I want it to be the face wash that is left over on my hands. I just washed my beard for the first time like a month ago.

Because Brooks, our barber, he was like, bro, you got to do something with that. He's like, it's getting nasty. One of you was cutting it and it was like sawmill work. It was like, it was like flying. You ever know you have bad breath and you go to get your haircut? It's so awkward. Oh, no. I have bad breath often.

Why, Peyton? What? It's a task to wake up in the morning, Cam. And you think I'm going to brush my teeth? I'm staying the night. You don't give a fuck. I'm staying the night. You don't care. I'm staying the night. You don't care. I do care. I'm saying, I just... You've known me for like seven, eight years. And you have not come to check on me once. That's not true.

When have you come to check on me? When have you genuinely come to check on me? First off, I call you all the time. If you want me to be there physically with you. You call me because you're asking about something. Bullshit. What do you call me for? This is like the Philly and Chunk shit. No, exactly. But that's nowhere near it.

We talk every day. We talk every day about what? About. You want to. The only thing you want to talk about is your diamond opal bullshit cards on 2K that you bought. That is nowhere near true. You've never called me and been like, how's your mental health? I didn't buy them. Yes, you do. No, I didn't. That's the only thing he cares about. That's all you care about. P, we talk all the time. Fine. We talk all the time. About what? We talked on the way in the car up here. About? About relationship statuses.

And I was asking you questions, allowing you to vent, and I said, I got you, Bubba. I even consulted you, and you said, oh, no, no, I'm not sad. I'm not! All right, then. About that. You said everything else. Everything else is great. No, but I've actually never smelt your bad breath. Like, and I didn't even know you dealt with bad breath. Because when we kiss, I take care of it. Ryan smelt it that one time. He said, P, I'm going to ask you once, dog. Did you brush your teeth this morning? Ryan was spotting Peyton on the bench press. P was like, ow. Ryan said, pfft.

He like moved out the way and Peyton laughed and the weight went on him. That was a hell of a moment. But you, we, you only, you don't, I don't know how much longer I got. What was that laugh? Look, you only, you only talk to me to debate things with me or make fun of something I do. That's not true. In the, one of the things you made fun of me recently and I, I don't give a shit and I won't let the internet tell me I'm wrong. I won't let you big headed, nasty ass, toe wide, hip ass, big,

You're going to have a weird kid. Okay. Just take it easy, buddy. Just take it easy. You can touch me. Just take it easy. One thing that you made fun of me for that I will not go down. I will not go down. Whenever you ask me, whenever I'm supposed to meet you somewhere, you ask me, you're like, P, how far are you? And I always tell you I'm five miles away. And you get on me for that because you want me to tell you the time.

What does it matter? The distance. Everything for us is relevant on time. Five miles in traffic could be 20 minutes. Five miles on a freeway could be three minutes. You asked me how far I am. How far are you? Five miles. In terms of time, everyone, what do I gain from you being five miles away? I don't know if there's a broken bridge. If you're in the middle of a movie 2012, you're dodging potholes. I could be six hours away from you and be down the road.

Exactly. Tell me this. Because if you told me I'm down the road, I'm a mile away. Okay, but it doesn't matter. I would assume you're two minutes away. No, because if I'm two miles away, you can come get me if it's six hours away because there's a catastrophic event on the freeway. I'm two miles away. You can come get me. If I'm six hours away, I could be in Destin, Florida. That's not right. And how many times have I called you and there's a catastrophic event? Every day is a catastrophic event in my life. Yeah, I'm staying the night. But you don't.

Why would you? Okay. How? Genuinely. You know what? Let's blank. Let's blank it. Let's start from scratch. Okay. If we're set to meet somewhere, a certain location. Yes. And I go, how far are you?

Four miles, Cam. Okay. Now talk me through why you would say that as opposed to time. Why does it make sense to you? I'm being genuine. I want to hear your side. I'm being dead ass. Okay. Because it makes sense to me. Because you said, how far are you? I'm four miles away. That's far is a measurement of distance, right? Miles is a measurement of distance. So I'm telling you what you asked for.

So what would the appropriate question be? How long is it going to take you to get here? That's so much longer, but it's what you want. It's twice the length. Okay. But every, every time I tell people like business people, friends, family, Hey, how far are you? I'm X amount of miles away and everybody gets on me and I don't get that common denominator. Maybe every, maybe everyone that we're that bad shit again. We're the sheep. You're the ultra master mega mind Lord, but that, that, okay. I,

I'll agree with you. Mark it down. This is a very rare event. I'll agree. Technically, you're answering it correct. So there's nothing, there's no, there's no pin on your jacket, but it's like, oh, you're shitting me. Do you really think I care about the kilometers of you to the bar? I'm not in the UK. I care about how long is it going to take you to get here? But instead of me saying those 12 words, how far are you?

Okay, but Cam, I'm telling you, I feel like, okay, in a regular instance of life, without any other variables, two miles normally takes two minutes, right? That's how I was taught. Ten miles is ten minutes. Without any variables, that's how far it is. One mile a minute. No. That's literally probably only if you're on a highway or freeway or a tollway. You have to be going 60 miles an hour to be a mile a minute. If you're going residential roads, I just said something new to you. You understand that. That's why it's a mile a minute.

60 miles an hour. Oh my God. I'm listening. Hurry. Oh my God. Before I lose it, keep going. 60 miles an hour. Yes. Means a mile a minute. No, I get it. So what if you're going in your neighborhood at 20? That doesn't resonate to a mile a minute. Do you understand? That's a mile every three minutes. It just makes sense to me because, because if, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. When you look something up, so say we had a business meeting and somebody said, this is where the address is. What is the first thing you're going to look at? What are they going to say?

What are they going to say? What do I say to you? When you put it on there. We just had a photo shoot over there down the street. And you said, oh, where is it? And I said, it's eight miles down the road. Exactly. So that makes sense to you how far it is. Nine out of ten people, when they say, hey, how far is that Chick-fil-A from the football game afterwards? What are they going to say?

It's five miles down the road. You're a liar. They're going to say it's eight minutes. No one speaks in miles beside you. I swear to God. Would you rather say, hey, it's 100 miles away? Would you still want to go?

What are we on a road trip? That's exactly what I'm saying. Would you? So then, you know, answer you would say to me would be 10 miles in. OK, OK. But if it was 10 miles down the road and somebody who drives fast, I'd be like, it's one minute away. No, it's not. Are you? What are you driving? That's one minute for 10 miles. I'm just saying if somebody that drives fast is different, something that won't change is the distance is the miles. That's something that won't change.

You showed a lot of teeth. Because you're pissing me off. Something that won't, time will always change. Distance won't change. Miles won't change. The gravel, the land won't change. But that doesn't answer the question, the true question people are wondering. Miles makes the world go round.

Time is what everyone lives on. People don't give a shit if you live three miles. They care how he's seven minutes away. People don't give a shit if it's a 12 and a half mile drive to the bar. They care if it's 20 minute drive. Everyone goes off time. But that changes. That changes. One thing that won't change is how far it is away. But it's also, but okay, that won't change.

But that's the reason. Because for you, 12 miles might be 30 minutes. For me, 12 miles could be 12 minutes. That's why people want the time and not the mileage. Your grandpa could take an hour to get to the club. You might take 20 minutes. So tell me, is it going to be 20 or an hour? Don't tell me 12 miles. Because the miles won't change, but the time will. No, but if I tell you the distance that it is, you can make your own reference in your brain. Then why the

- But I didn't ask you if I'm gonna make my own presumption. - Because you're asking me. You said how far are you? So I'm telling you how far it is. - Exactly, I'm asking-- - And then make your own presumption based on the knowledge you know of how fast I drive. - If I wanted the distance, I could map it. I'm asking you because it changes for you. It is specific to you. It's subjective to you. The distance is objective. - No, because there's always variables. - There's always what? - There's always variables that can happen. - Exactly, that's what we're trying to figure out. The roads that are gonna change. - But I don't know.

I don't know there could be a 10 car pilot, but I don't know. But you know I am X amount of miles away. So you could presume miles in time. Your Tesla knows the distance. Apple Maps, Google Maps, shitty ass Waze Maps, your little shit map Waze Maps. Waze is the best. You can have the Jonas Brothers tell you your directions. That's kind of cool. They all know the time, but little Peyton doesn't. I'm not little. Big Peyton doesn't. Good morning. Good God.

Bro, why would... I don't give a shit about mileage. I want to know if you're 10 minutes, 10 minutes, 10 minutes, or 10 minutes. Hey, that doesn't mean much because you don't give a shit about me either. Now let's give a love doctor. Shut up. Dr. P. Dr. P. Dr. P. Dr. P. Dr. P.

Dr. P, I think you changed up the beat a little bit. I had to take a breath, sorry. Sincerely sorry. I was running out of oxygen. Golly. What do we got? Better be toxic. This week's is sick. I'm not going to lie to you. Good, good. Dr. P likes the sickness. All right. Dear Dr. P. Hello. So I really like a guy, and I've liked him for over a year now. Try eight with this guy. But he's a teacher, and he was my teacher last year. He's really young and single.

Should I wait till I graduate to go after him? Or should I try to find someone my own age? The guy helped me a lot mentally, educationally. Please guys, stop. And physically. I need help. Oh, let's get into it, boy.

She's got a teacher that's young and single, hasn't even graduated, helped her mentally, educationally, and physically. I can't even joke on this one. Oh, man. You wanted toxic and your secretary found it. I also wanted legal. Your secretary found it. Look, do not engage. First of all, India Golf Niner Niner mission is gone. Let me be completely serious here.

I am very concerned of what you mean by physically. Very, yes. If there is any kind of physical contact with your teacher, you need to talk to somebody immediately. Counselors, law enforcement, parents, now. And that person needs to go under the jail. No, dead ass. That is bad. If there is any kind of relationship there that is not school related, that needs to be brought up. Okay, I'll have a suggestion, Sonia.

Let's approach the rest of this assuming there was no physical boundaries for legality reasons. No, regardless, no. No, no, no, no. We also don't know if it's high school or college. So I don't know. No one says teacher in college. That's true. They're professors. Oh, my God, it's high school. Oh, my God, it's high school senior. No, no. I'm not the doctor. You need the police. You need help. Um...

No. It is okay to have a crush on your teacher. I'm sure a lot of people have. Keep that inside and never tell anybody. Inside, inside. Do not tell that teacher because that is a problem. Good God. You threw Dr. P for a loop. Dr. P is with fun, toxic things. 97 mile an hour curveball right down the pipe. Dr. P is for full legality. Leave that teacher alone. You keep it yes sir, yes ma'am.

No tutor time? No emails? Don't care if you're failing? Fail. You fail if you need to. Yeah, you take that F on the chin. And you pass summer classes so you don't have to go back there. Maybe in like eight years after high school, then you can round about and go see. But no. No, no, no, no. No, ma'am. Wrong. So to answer, she has another question. You close your mouth. Should she wait until she graduates or try to find someone her own age? Yeah.

Yes. Find someone your own age. The latter. The latter. Dr. P wants to go back on his private jet. Keep singing the song. Okay. Oh my God. Dr. P. Dr. P. Dr. P. Dr. P. Dr. P.

Get some help. Dr. P. That was a... Oh, my God. That was a case file. That was a wild... That's not a Dr. P. That is a police thing. Is that top three we've ever seen? That's worst three. That's bottom three. No, yeah. Top three of... Of sickness. Good God. I like toxicity. And legality. Good God. That made me uncomfortable.

Oh, my God. All right. My heart is pounding. Keep going. All right. Get us out of here. Good God. Yeah. Wow. What a note to end it on. Tickets. Get your tickets. You don't come. He is in shock. Dude, I'm uncomfortable. Dr. P, you take a one-minute breather. You know, collect your thoughts. All right, guys. Episode 108. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you so much from the bottom of my heart and Uncle P.

Peyton and Dr. P, even though he's sickened right now, bottom of his heart for 500,000 subs. It's fantastic. We could not be where we are without y'all. And what'd Kobe say?

Job's not done. Job's not done. We're going for a million by December 31st, 2024. We're chasing Millie. We're knocking at his doorstep. But thank you again for pulling up to another episode. Also, thank you for all the happy birthday wishes. I will respond to some. Thank you for the ones on Instagram, everything. I really do love you all. Appreciate it. I got the secret code.

Okay. Secret code. Wait, wait, wait. Use the secret code everywhere. On Instagram, on YouTube, on TikTok, everywhere. Discord, Patreon. Use it everywhere. Confuse casuals. Get your good karma. And you have to spam this one. I want there to be 10,000 comments in this episode. 10 million thumbs ups on this episode.

It's a stretch. But spam the secret code is HBDC. Happy birthday, Cam. In the comments right now. Spam it everywhere. Everybody and everybody comment your favorite Cam win moment. All the clip people post your favorite Cam clips on TikTok and tag us. Can you give me a Cam edit? Question mark for a little birthday print? Nope. I saw a Cam edit the other day. I don't have Cam girlies. It's all right. I have the Cam girl. You have the Cam girl.

She's my beautiful wife. And you have a cam boy. And I have a cam boy. That's my beautiful boy right there. Enough of the sappy shit. Yeah, it's my birthday. 26 years of life. Thank you so much. The summer tour tickets are out now. Top link in the bio. Click that. It's going to have all the links for the different cities. Come see us because we want to see you. It's going to be so, so fun and fantastic. We can't wait to see all your beautiful little faces.

And we're not touring again for a while. We're not touring again for a while. And a big important piece, this is the same show as the first leg of the tour that was spaced out. This is just giving it all to you in a solid little month and some change. So, same show. If you've already been to them, that doesn't mean you've got to not pull up to another one. But it's the same show. Don't spoil it for your fellow brothers and sisters of the You Should Know family. We love you so, so, so, so much. And remember...

One out of ten koala bears don't make it home to Christmas. And we will see you next time. And we'll see you this summer. Tickets available right now. Yeah, you're going to D.C.? What about Philadelphia or Chicago? Deuces!