EATING ON THE TOILET! -You Should Know Podcast-
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Oh my god. Oh my god. Our f***ing carpet stinks. And then there's hair right here, but there's no hair like right here. Put your legs down. The You Should Know Podcast. From New York City, we're back. Hey, everybody. Welcome back to the You Should Know Podcast, episode 85. Round of applause. Please. That sounded like war. Hey, everybody. Welcome back to the You Should Know Podcast, episode 85.

It feels so good to be back. It feels like we are home. Guys, if you're new here, if you haven't already, you'll be able to see subscribe and hit the bell. You're wrong. If you look even more below that, you see that comment section is filled with your name. Guess what? Even more wrong. Go ahead and fill that out. Get your good karma. Let's just say something real quick. We need a great, great, great round of applause for the crowd in New York City. One time for New York City crowd.

Yep, yep, yep. New York City. Let me say something to your face right now. Thank you so much to everybody that came October 28th to the Gramercy Theater sold-out show in New York. And that crowd was literally insane. We will talk about it more, but we just want to say thank you. That was one of the best nights ever.

of our lives. Thank you so much for making it so damn special. Everybody we met was so cool, so nice. Everybody that came and wore merch. Everybody came to the meet and greet. Everybody was just in the crowd making noise. Everybody gave us gifts. I'm rocking my tail. As you can see, I was gifted a tail in the middle of the show. I got all these bracelets on from the meet and greet. Thank you guys so much for

I cannot wait to break this down a little more. We're going to talk about it briefly on the podcast, but we have a full, full breakdown of all the intricate stories, and there will be a vlog on the Patreon coming soon. Guys, thank you so much. It feels so good to be back. We have a few more tickets left for December 7th at the Regent Theater in LA, so I'm telling you guys, in the next couple weeks, it will be sold out.

We have a lot of surprises for that LA show because it is LA. We have a lot of friends there, a lot of cool guests that will be there. We can't say too much, but I'm telling you, you're not just getting the You Should Know podcast in LA. So guys, get the tickets. It's the first link in the description. December 7th at the Regent Theater. Now up to the rest of the episode.

Oh coming in oh no oh no New York done took a lot oh no oh no we got co-host Cam back in the studio hippie hippie hippie hippie hippie oh we got a hippie fan in the in the building hey there we got co

Cam with a cane that fixing that hip back in the studio. How you feeling, Bubba? I feel good, Squire. I feel real good, sir. You added a Q, Squire. I don't know if I like that. Because I'm above you now in this one. I'll have this cane. I'll work for no one. I'm not going to lie. That's a sturdy-ass cane. No, very solid cane. It's like a lion's head.

head on it too oh my god the whole time I thought it was a falcon I thought it was an eagle at first impression it's a lion so it's like a tadpole lion it's like a lion with like locks be careful

Come on now. It's like lions after a good lock sesh. Like they use the gel. Lock sesh. Describe how a lock sesh goes. You sit down, your hair's out, pick it out, and then they go through. They divide it, section it. Depends on what kind of locks you want. Whoever the hairdresser is. But who would normally...

You're fishing for cancelable content. You need to stop. Whoever the hairdresser sits down, divides it typically into four regions, and then depending on what kind you want. I have friends. I have brothers. Not that type of brother. My brothers. Damn it. Olivia has a brother that has had some... Gabe has never had locks. Oh, yeah. Thank you.

Yeah, both the uncles too. Shout out to Jerry, Uncle Jonah, Day Day, everybody. That's good people, man. No, this cane is badass. It was given to me at the meet and greet. No, it wasn't. No, it simply wasn't. It was given to us on stage. That's 100% true. At the end of the show, they came from the top balcony. Yeah, someone, was it the aggressive screamer? No, no, that guy was a legend. I was like, oh my God. You scared the shit out of us. Yeah, I was like, that is a very aggressive yell, mister. But,

I think, yeah, no, that's sick work. I'm not petting your tail. Grab my tail. I'm not grabbing. Stroke my tail. That's a raccoon tail. No.

So what does it skunk smells like what it smells like it's gonna. I do you yeah, that's you this was like That's a record do for the people please give it a good pet like it was Ruby It feels great. There's a good little it's like there's a tailbone. It's like yeah It's like a good inside like a don't sniff it. What are you doing? Got to sniff your tail all right before we get in? Getting aware we're here stations before you get into the conversations more than likely a debate knowing us and the funnies and

New York City. New York City! New York City! Nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope,

I do too. Probably shave some other things. Oh, welcome. You know why I did? Why? Because I shaved it before we went to New York. Why did you? Because, do not, do not cane point me. It's because. Put my cane in your mouth so you can say them, but I can't. I have to pet your tail and you can moan, but you can't simply gobble on the cane. Gobble is a sick word. Sick adjective. No, it's not an adjective. It's a verb. It's a verb. I was good at English. I was good at English. I got an A plus on all my bullshit essays. Whatever, guy.

Clap more. Daryah. Dude, my hips. I got my wrist candy too. No, shut up. What were you talking about? New York City. No, but you brought something up. Goblet cane. No, before that. Lower back. You shaved it. I shaved my lower back because there's parts of the show where my shirt might pop up and I was wearing a skimpy shirt.

It's like, I'll be 10. Oh my God. Oh my God. I have to say something about that. What? I did not realize this until the day of the show. Mama Liv was doing an amazing job being the HBIC. She was steaming our shirts in the green room behind stage, right? Yeah. Your shirt fell. I picked it up. This man is 6'7". The shirt was a medium. You have to defend yourself right now. No, it was not. Oh! No, it was not. It was a large. It was a large. My jacket was a medium. The fact...

That doesn't make sense, but it fit you. It looked tailored. And even our photographer, Yomi, shout out to Yomi, she said, Oh, I just want to be clear. There are so many friends, family in that green room. Nobody compliments in my outfit. The person we just met that day. I complimented your outfit literally before you even had it. Make that make sense. Thank you, Liv. We helped you pick it out.

We helped you pick it out. I said that jacket on you would look unbelievable. You left, you, oh, oh! You left said store and three days later you returned to said store and bought purchase jackets. Complete fabrication and lie.

It is well documented because that we talked about when we looked at dates look listen dumbass big head Banking nasty bro you you remind me of an elephant's hooves how you behave that is rude So you're calling me dirty and heavy that's an elephant who dirty and heavy dirty head. No stop Use your cane um oh my gosh, we'll get off this shrink more because it's cold Hello good morning

Top of the morning to you. There you are. Hey. Whoa, I thought you were out of town. All right, go. It's documented on the podcast. It's documented on the podcast. It's whenever I did that. And that was weeks ago. And I got the jacket literally the day before the plane took off. Is it not the same? No, you said three days later. Okay, I lied about that. Oh, so Cam's a documented liar.

And you're not. Oh. What have I ever lied about? Oh, this, the dreadlock on this line is about to go right in between your eyes. What have I ever lied about? That's too long of a list. It would literally be a three-hour episode of just your fabrication. Tell me how that holds up in court. Harvey Specter? That held up in what? No. Shut up. Let's talk about New York. Shut up, Louis Litt.

You want to be Louis Litt. There's a small part of you that wants to be Louis Litt. You got the same grill as Louis Litt. Take out? No, I don't. If anyone's grill, I have the grill of probably Jessica. Whoever had the best grill on that show. Dude, Jessica was beautiful. Jessica was beautiful. Like she's dead. She's her character. Anyway, New York City. I'm going to start off by saying, obviously the show is fantastic. We know that. Amazing show. Beautiful show. Great scenery. It was an amazing show. Girl. Girl.

But the crowd was unbelievable. Bro. Like, it's... From the jump. So the more I thought... We had a long plane ride back. And the more I thought about it, I sat there and pondered. And I was like...

I don't even know if I want to say this, but they might have brought more energy than Home Crowd Dallas Show. Yeah, they did. Like, it was crazy. They did. The New York show was so sick. And you know how I am with every show, even when we record to the live shows after, I'm like, dude, they hated it. Or like, this sucks or whatever. But I knew it was a good show, but I'm always hard on myself and us. I'm just like, uh. But then I went to our tag photos. I was watching all the videos. I was like, bro, this is crazy.

It was unreal. Bro, I didn't realize we didn't start talking until like... Yeah. Literally 35 seconds. They were chanting and cheering. It was crazy. We couldn't start the show. It was crazy. They were nuts, bro. New York. LA, you got...

I don't think they can. I'm not one to, like, all right, double dog dare you. I'm just saying, you got a lot. New York bit off a lot, but they could chew it. So I don't know how. I don't know. I'm just saying, LA. We love y'all. We'll see you soon. But New York right now is like the mecca. The mecca. What is it? The upper echelon. What? No. The climax. Stop it. The, like... Apex. Stop it. When you compare something to something else. The top dog. Shut up with your wolf and sheep shit. The thick, like, the...

The... Pinnacle. Damn you! The, uh... Shit! The... I'm about to hit myself with this dreadlock. Um... The, like... Okay, comparing it. They are the standard. Shit. That was so hard for such a level one word. Yeah, that was so bad. Okay, anyway. Enough of the show. First off, we'll... Deep, deep, like... We'll talk about a lot here, but a deep, full-blown dive on everything New York, including the show, will be on Patreon. Go look at that. But... In the extended of this week's extended episode...

What did you think about New York? I know, first off, before you answer, okay, we were there for four days and we simply did not have as much time as we thought we did. Like, we were expecting like, dude, we're going to go see Statue of Liberty. We're going to go eat at this. Dude, we were just busy. Like, it's crazy how the only thing we had to do there was the live show, but so many things kept popping up. Like, and it was, it was fantastic. We didn't get to be as much a tourist as we wanted to, but what did you think about New York, the place in general?

Before we get into New York, I just want to say, because I know the Dallas crowd is really upset that we just said that. Dallas show is fantastic. 100%. And it will always have the most special place in our heart because that was our first one. 100%. There's like, they all have a, like, I'm getting it made, but there's like a thing in my house of that Dallas show. And it's not like they just smoked your boots out of it. Yeah.

No, it wasn't a smoking of the boots. It was a one and two. One B. I'd say one and two, but it wasn't like first place and eighth. It wasn't like a damn, you know. We got to see how L.A. comes. I'm very nervous to see how L.A. comes because L.A. everybody's cool and like... But that's what I thought about New York. I thought New York just because... Okay,

Any of our followers from not in the South, y'all don't understand this. Southern hospitality is a real thing. Oh my God, New York is so rude. But I don't think they're not actively trying to be rude. They're just born into it. That's just their way of life. So us going into it, we're expecting like, oh, tough crowd. Jokes will land, but it'll just be like a...

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like that type thing. Completely not. No, God, they're so involved. The crowd was crazy. So good. To answer your question, how I felt about New York. Immediate anxiety attack as soon as we left the airport. The second we got off the plane. It started before we left. Your damn bag, that fiasco. Oh, my God. It's on the vlog. It's going to be on the vlog. But basically, you know how whenever you get your luggage, it's on the conveyor belt? Yeah.

You know, your leg is on the conveyor belt whenever you go to pick it up and you leave. Hey, mine was on the floor in the other side of the building. Eight feet away. Eight feet away. One guy kicked it for no fucking reason. Like, New York, what's happening? But immediate anxiety attacks. Like, we got out of the airport to, like, the pickup for our Uber. You would have thought...

There's no words that are spoken in New York, only yelling and honks. And I was like, I can't hear myself think. So busy. The one thing I do like about New York, people can dress. Like the clothing in New York was immaculate. Everybody has just like their own drip. Like there's obvious mainstream stuff that it's like, that would look cool wherever you are. But it's like New York, it's like...

I say this at the risk of sounding like an ass, but I don't mean to. It's almost as if everything's like slightly dingy. Yeah. Or like dirty. It's like street wear. Not like dirt, but like for, you know what I'm saying? Like for a reason. Like vintage almost. Like vintage. Like there's like holes in it and stuff like that, but it's just sick. Like it matches. It literally matches the energy of the city. We were going to, we were driving to some, we were going to go shoot with Rory and Maul. Yeah. And we were driving past a coffee shop. A dude was literally in like a,

$15,000 outfit going to get coffee. Yeah, it was just... What is happening? Not that you have to have $15,000 to look cool, but it's like everyone, just in their own, just regular stuff. Like one guy would have quadruple XL pants, and on me it looked moronic, but on him it looked sick. So cool. Another guy had on jeans, everything's rolled up, showed the sock, showed the shoe, had a little blazer. I'm just like, bro, it's like everyone here is just like, you're born into being rude and having swag. Yeah. And it's just like... One thing about New York is...

I've never seen so many people cry and I've never seen so many people fall. Yeah. So many people touched earth in New York. Dude, that woman in Times Square. God, that could have been horrible. That could have been really... We'll talk about it on the extended, but basically she busted ass. She was about in her late 50s, almost 60s, and she legit could have broke a hip. She didn't, thank God. Yeah, and I'm not going to lie, I've never seen more people have tears in their eyes. Every building I went to, there was at least one person crying because everybody's so sad here.

Honestly, like what? Like hotels, somebody's crying. The little girl got lost. Bad parents. Crazy, crazy place. Okay, outside of that, smelled like piss. The place itself, for being a tourist. So not the crying, not the swag, but just like the way of life, how we walked everywhere, the food, the tourist attractions, stuff like that. What'd you think? I respect it a lot and I get it. Yeah. Not for me. Yeah. I think I need to go back.

simply without working maybe i can get a full because the people our friends that we went with they had a good time like they were out there exploring for real yeah and that looked like fun fun yeah and i was like we just never got to do that um shout out to stadium goods we went to stadium goods they hooked us up with some cool stuff um shout out to rory and maul that was like a like a childhood like thing for me milestone and it's crazy we got to do a episode on their patreon if

If you're not 18 and up, do not go watch it. It's not this. I promise you. It's like very mature. Don't go over there if you're not. But if you are 18 and up, go check out their Patreon. They came to the show. Literally, everyone from top to bottom, their whole crew is just sick. So cool. Just love all of them. Yeah.

just great energy great vibes they're all it's just one big working machine cogs are always moving like it's just it's dope yeah and we're gonna take some of their set and put it on ours their set is insane 100 um but yeah oh one of the things i was like i'm really in new york is we went to starbucks the first real day it was the day before the show yeah it was friday yeah friday friday morning starbucks across the street from our hotel let's go to starbucks whatever get a coffee coffee a little breakfast whatever

It's a group of young ladies coming in about our age. I'm a gentleman. I'm from the south. My mom, I have a black mother. She raised me. You treat women, you know, from the south. You know what I mean? I just move a certain way. I was like, these ladies coming in. Cut from a certain cloth. Exactly. I'm going to hold the door for these ladies. Y'all have a beautiful morning type shit. I open the door for them. They literally looked at me like I spit in their mouth. Yeah. Okay. Not their mouth.

But yeah, I opened the door for them. I said, they literally looked at me like this. They went. Yeah, it's so strange. Like people think it's almost so ass backwards there. Like people think acts of kindness is like you're like spiting someone. It's a strange place. Yeah. But overall, love the people of New York. You should know people. Yeah.

Love that you should know people of New York. Everybody seemed to have fun at the after party except for me. Everybody got fired. As long as the fans had fun, that's all that matters. Y'all had a really personal experience. It was like this. I'm like, it was great. We love you, everybody. And the great thing about the after party. That place fucking sucks. Oh, you had fun?

I'm kidding. Hi, John. Hey, Cam, how was Ludlow House? Do you remember? I was like... I literally was like this. But...

One of the cool things, there were some really cool bros at the after party. There really was, yeah. Dude, they were playing pool the whole time. Pink, you should know, hat. They had this on. They were really cool. I literally handed them a bottle and bro went crazy. Really cool dudes. Everybody was wearing the merch. He's going through something. There was a bodybuilder girl that literally threatened to fight me in the section. There was a correctional officer that showed us her bag. I was like, am I under arrest? What is this? We had a...

So many people had such heartfelt stories too. A lot of hugs and tears. We love... Obviously, the after party is designed for us to go out, celebrate the amazing show that we just had that y'all made happen, made a reality and came to, and then y'all can come as well. We all just like a big party. But at the same time, at some of the... I mean, there's been two, but at both after parties, that's when we can actually talk and...

like you said to your point there was some really like there's some really deep deep like deep stuff there's really just fun upbeat things a lot of just stories that were shared it was sick shout out to the people that came to there was a second show same facts that a lot of people there's two women i forgot their name but they were at the dial show and they made custom shirts um i remember y'all y'all came to the meet and greet shana uh

uh catherine catherine say the one part but yeah with the hippie shirt yeah that was catherine was dope um shana of course just a goat from amsterdam but uh oh uh brooke from the from the discord she's a legend um uh chloe with the tattoo yeah it was so many cool like y'all are becoming like a family eliza was there yeah it was so dope we love y'all um we'll talk about more in new york we got to move on it's 20 minutes in the you should know podcast

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One thing I realized about myself. Oh god, that's always frightening to be honest. If it's a realization that you had, it's gonna be crazy. It's frightening. I don't smell good on planes, no matter how hard I try. There's something about that altitude that does something to my body and my breath. Okay, okay. My breath wasn't hot in there. Your breath smelled like bark. It literally smelled like wood chips, but...

I don't understand that. Me neither. The altitude does nothing. Yeah. No, it doesn't. Because literally, I got prescription mouthwash. I called one of my dentist friends and I said, give me prescription mouthwash because I know how my breath gets on planes. I don't know if it's the Biscoff or the nuts. I don't know what it is.

But I use the prescription of the 13 garden salsa mini sun chips. Dude, that's bro. It's so small. It's so small. I want to be like, hey, give me six of those 14 Biscoffs and silence. On Delta, they have like options. Yeah. Like other planes, it's like nuts or Biscoff or whatever. Delta has like options. It's like granola bar, nuts, sun chips, or Biscoff. And we both go, can I take the lot? Give me all four. But yeah. But I realized. No, no, no, no, no. Why? Why?

I don't know. I used the prescription mouthwash right before we got on the plane. Like, I went to the bathroom. That's why you went to the bathroom again. You sicko. And I was like, I will smell good on this flight. Like, I will in my mouth at least. My body, I can't do anything about it. Are you just angst? Like, is it just pure anxiety? I don't know, but... And I get that film over the teeth. Bro, you're not... It's like...

You're not going to bed. What's filming in your mouth? I don't know, bro. I think it's the clouds coming in from the... It has nothing to do with the atmosphere. It has absolutely nothing to do with... You are in a pressurized cabin. It's the same as a bus. Maybe it's the pressure. It sucks your mouth. Do you ever feel that in your brain? Your brain gets smushed on a plane? No, something popped in my head. It was bad. But there's a point... Because me and Cam, we sync movies on the plane. So we watch the same movie at the same time. It's a little date night. Yeah, it's fun. And so... Liv. And so...

There was one part like there's a great part of the movie and I was like, hey, can we shoot that? I was like, oh, God. I said, yeah, I see it. Now I smell it too. I didn't know we were watching 4D. Yeah, Scratch and Sneef movie. Yeah, I still don't believe in those. It's not real. Well, you don't believe in much. Do you believe in Christ? Of course I do. Of course I do.

Drogon didn't get to make it to New York. We couldn't deflate the little bastard. We tried, bro, like all the way up. I don't know. But I don't know what it is about planes, bro. I can't. No, you do stink. But it's like, I just don't get it. It's like, wake up. Okay, it could be one thing. You always layer up like heavily on a plane. It's cold.

Take it off. Turn the air off. What are you doing? No. You always have double, triple layers on a plane. No, I don't. No, I do not. I wear double. You had a full-blown Nike tech on. Because it's New York. It was 64. I thought it was going to be cold in New York. But the thing I do is I do layer my bottoms because I get sweaty ass syndrome on the planes.

You get sweaty ass syndrome. You get sass sweaty ass syndrome because you have three layers on. No, I could literally be in a thong. My ass will be wet. It has nothing to do like... Okay, you in a thong. Honest to God. Yeah, you'd like it? That is one of the scariest pictures I've ever had to create out of my own imagination. Why? That is terrifying. Why? So long. It's like just so... Hello. Good morning to you. You like your morning coffee? So tall, rather. Yeah, yeah. So hairy. So skinny. Yeah. Yeah.

It's just that's frightening. I think my body hair proportions is weird. Yeah, it is. The back of your knees are baby ass smooth. Look at it. It's just a bald spot. Yeah, it's like bald right here. It's like a knee barber. Then there's hair right here, but there's no hair like right here. Put your legs down. I was giving them a diagram. Yeah, they're about to see a...

That would have been an immediate cut. But yeah, I don't know what it is on planes, bro. You know what I mean? Wait, what song is that? Jungle Beats, holler at me. Sing it. What's that song called? What's the name of that tune? I can't sing it. Be careful. Hot, hot.

That's how I have to sing those songs. Oh, no, no, no, no. Matter of fact, now that I'm thinking about it, to hell with me. You are a sick bastard. You're one of the sickest freaks I know. I'm a sick bastard. That's the one thing I'm learning about you the more time I spend with you. You are gross.

Okay, so I eat a sandwich under a tire one time and now I'm as dirty as you. And use five in one shampoo. That was, okay, I already, I told America, I told the United Nations, I told everyone. It was a one-time buy. Literally used it once, late at night, had to bathe, quick dollar gen was right. No, we were in New York. The first day we landed in New York, we were hungry off the plane. We got to our hotel. We checked in.

We were in New York. Let's go get food. Let's go to a New York restaurant for the first time. There we go. I think it was like Bill's Burgers. Something it was shit. We sit down. We all order our food. The food comes. We're eating our cuisine. Having a good time. We're in New York. Oh my God. New York food. I don't kiss my food. You kiss me when I eat. When I eat something.

I kiss you when you eat something. You need- you need a brain cleanse. You need- you need Christ. I mean, you need a Bible study. You need a devotional. It's gonna be hard? It's gonna be real hard. That meeting's gonna be a long one. Please, Sire! Lord. No, we're eating our food, right? Yeah. We're eating. What's disgusting? We're halfway through our meal, right? Cam goes, oops, I gotta go to the bathroom. Oops. Oops.

It was like a mistake? What do you mean? Cam says, I gotta go take a shit. First of all, why are you announcing that over my green beans? I have to do it. Okay, the announcement, I didn't have to make a PSA. But bodily function, sue me. Do you not know your body timing? Go before. I didn't have to poop before. You're like a little boy.

How am I? I didn't have to poop before. I had to poop in the moment. I poop. So I have to poop. I poop. You have to poop. You hold. That's why your insides suck. Your digestive system is magical how fast it works. You are halfway through your cuisine and now you got to go alleviate your bowels. That is a clean system. That is a clean, well-oiled machine. I kid you not. Halfway through our meal. Cam gets up, bends over the table. Oh, God. Heads to the bathroom. Ten minutes go by. Aggressive shit time. Ten minutes. Ten minutes.

That's a long shit time. I know it's aggressive. No, aggressive would be like a 45 second. You sit down. No, that means that motherfucker was just ready to fall. You had to work for that, John. I did. It was one part. You had to stretch. I had to. You put on a headband for that one. You were sweating. Toes were curling. Shirtless in a restaurant taking a poop. You had to unlace your sneakers. I said, hey brother, can you fan me? I need some help. Cam comes back to the table ten minutes later.

Sits down like nothing's happening. I kid you not. Cam had a burger. Cam goes like this. It's a sip. What are you wiping off? What are you wiping off your hands? I think that was just for presentation. I definitely washed, warmed water, double soap, lather it up. You've never double soaped in your life. You don't know what I do with my soap. You don't know how I soap. You don't know where I soap. Get your cane out of my face. Get your face out of my cane.

Sue me! I had to poop. I go, don't you dare rub your tail mid-sentence. I literally just said, we're not in costume. Get that off you, matter of fact. No, it's my protective blanket. Okay, I had to poop and I can't, what am I supposed to do, just stare at my food? I'm gonna finish it. I paid for it. You know me, I'm gonna finish every damn bite and then I'm gonna finish yours. The fact that you reset your stomach to eat more is criminal behavior. Hello, checkpoint. I can now finish the burger. How?

How come my appetite's done? If I go into a bathroom and smell the smell of my own creation, I don't want to eat anymore. Okay, but that doesn't count because you have the stomach capacity of a small raven. Like, you can't eat a lot ever. You can't eat a lot of food ever. You eat two bites and you're done. And then you get little pecks. You're literally like a crow. You're feral. Like...

I can eat everything. You are on the whole table. You're literally like a falcon. If I have to poop, I'm going to go poop. I don't care what you, I don't care what my wife or the rest of our crew has to say. I went and pooped. I double layered with the soap, washed with very warm water, about 20, 30 seconds, came back, finished the burger. That's like charging your phone before a road trip. You have to recharge your stomach to go eat some more.

Honestly, I could have finished the burger, but did you want to smell my inside sitting at the table? It was either shit down my leg or go shit in a porcelain throne.

What was this move? I don't know. You had shit crumbs on your head. I did not have shit crumbs. You had dingleberry fingers. I did not have dingleberry fingers, shit crumbs, or poop phalanges. None of the above. I think that was just for, I don't know. I was resetting my mind. But the fact is, no one acknowledged you were coming back. So you weren't making a presentation for anybody. That was genuine. Genuine.

Let's get back to it. And then you went like this. If we do burger, you're a nasty freak. Okay. I did that for the queso, not the burger. There was queso under the fingernail. Oh! I had to get it out. What? There was queso still in your fingernail from the first trip? No, bastard. Oh! I just double layered and washed with soap. What did I say? A cuss word when I was six? You did not. You did not. Oh my God. I'm about to debunk you right now. I'm about to debunk you.

It's another GIF. Oh, my God. You did not surgery wash your hands. You did not fingernail wash. Cam, on your dog's life. No, I didn't fingernail wash. So you still have fingernail juice. I ate queso when I came back. I ate queso when I came back. Cry all you want. That wasn't queso. Cry all you want, Lionel Richie. I don't know why I said that. Be careful. Is he dead? I don't know. I think he's dead. God bless him. Bless his soul.

You're a sick bastard. I love that every week we're progressively, progressively finding out that Cam's more disgusting because it's hard. You know what? Whenever I started the podcast, I knew I'm not going to hide. I'm going to be straight direct to the people and tell them all my shit. So me standing up at dinner going, hey, I'm going to go drop a deuce. I'll be back in a quarter. That's not being direct. That's hiding to the people. I would say, hey, I'll have to take a phone call. I'm going to be back.

And I come back. I'm saying to the people, the whole... You want me to IRL stream it to them? Hey, taking a shit at Bill's Burger. All right, guys, let's go back. I'm saying, you try to present yourself as this normal guy that has no weird tendencies, all this. Having to poop... Now that we're over a year in, it's hard, bud. Now, it's your time. No, you're just so distraught with your own disgust. There's a lot of D. There's a lot of D. You are so...

You are so distraught with your own disgust that you just have to pinpoint every one of my normal interactions. That's not normal, bro. It's not normal to factory reset your stomach and then finish a double quarter pounder with fries. We were not at McDonald's. We were at Bill's. I had a Smashburger, I think. No, that was the third day. Let's just say it for what it is. Let's do the Pythagorean theorem on it and let's just break it down. Okay.

Man has to poop. Yep. Open bathroom. Yep. Man poops in open bathroom. Okay. Man comes back to half-finished meal. Man still hungry. Man with half-finished meal. Man eat. But you weren't hungry.

So all of us, so I go from I can eat anything in sight to now I'm not hungry. No, you weren't. Hey, Raven Belly, some of us can finish sandwiches, okay? You go, okay, semi-truck gut. All right? Listen, bubba, you were full. That's why you had to go shit. You literally clenched your colon, finished a meal, wiped hands in front of people, dingleberry fingernails, you chewed on them. Okay, now I'm chewing on my nails?

You were like, oh, that's the corn from before the flight. You just ruined that. You just soiled this moment for us. The corn before the flight. I should bonk your nugget with this dense cane. Oh, my mom was in complete disgust when you spit last week. When you said, I think Lisa's starting to dislike me. Oh, my God.

She was like, why'd that boy spit? Why did I make her sound like a southern gal from like Augusta? Yeah. Why'd that boy spit? I think your mom's starting to dislike me. She loves you more than you know. I love Felisa. That's why you're invited to Sunday's dinner. Family dinner. Thanks to Kennedy's. So I can eat. You're invited every single day. You just don't translate. Yeah, hey, maybe I'll put that on a story. Maybe I'll put that on a story. What? How little you eat.

i do eat little it's it's the anxiety eating around foreigners i can't they're all family and friends i know but i just now got to the point being comfortable eating around y'all i just can't like my mouth doesn't open that wide in front of strangers and and there's a part of the show because i say a joke about you during the show did your mom she did not like that joke i

I mean, my mom, if y'all don't know, anybody that's been to either of the live shows, my mom's been present. You've met her. She said she took some pictures with some of y'all. That's crazy. Literally, Liv's mom...

Your mom was taking big food things. My mother is, oh, St. Teresa. I could sell poop popsicles. My mom would buy 12 packs. Yeah, she'd be like, you got more in the inventory in the warehouse? I can help with marketing. She'll do any and everything for any of us in here. So shout out to you. You're an amazing mother. Yeah. Anyway. But she didn't like that joke. She was sitting there. She said, it's not true. There's 400 people crying laughter. She's like.

I love Lisa. And sorry to all the fans that are disappointed that my family wasn't at this show. They're going to be at L.A. So all the L.A. fans, you're going to get Mama Hardin and Papa Hardin. Hey-o. All of them. No ramps for your dad. No ramps and no drinks for my dad. I'm literally going to cut him.

It's like he falls completely. You see him hit his knee, but then he just gets up. Oh, Koala Club got to see my family this weekend for a live stream and Malcolm. But one of the things about my dad, he's always that dad in sports. He's great. Both my parents were very supportive in my upbringing in sports, and they were at every game and shit. Like, you know,

One thing about my, like, he's still in sports mode when it comes to, like, these events. And so, like, he's like, oh, yeah, competitive. Like, so I remember at the Dallas show, whenever the crowd was filing in, I looked through the curtain and my dad was standing up, literally back to the stage. He was in his seat, but back to the stage and he was literally going, dude. Just like, I am the competition. He's sitting there. You see, he starts slipping punches. He's like, he's pocket watching too. He's like, that many people can't. What?

Killing a Coors Light, a tall boy Coors Light. My family is sick. No, no, no. 24 ounce canned Coors Light is sick. And my mom, God bless her soul, she's so supportive. She acts like, she liked to act like, I didn't want no one to know that I was your mom. And she would literally, she's just proud and she'd be like, that's my baby. Like a whole fucking show. She's like, yeah,

yeah, baby, I got you baby boy. The whole show. She's like, I'm on my heart and he's like, oh, which is great. It's fine. Wait, so they are coming to LA? Yeah. That'd be sick. Yeah. Can't wait to hang out again. You know who my mom really wants to meet? Who? I guess we can say it. Leo Skeppy. Oh yeah. She's really excited to meet Leo. We just got to make him meet her or make her meet him. One thing also, oh, I love this. We're getting into the Cam Sucks podcast. Oh, we're in the Cam Sucks era. Yeah.

It's been a lonely year of Peyton's gross, so I guess I can take a weekend. I went to your house, right? I spent the night at your house. This is true. It was a fun time. What was wrong? The way you control your household is insane behavior. How? You had a fantastic time. You loved every bit, and you snuggled with Ruby. I woke up in the morning, right? To snuggles from Ruby. Right in my crotch. That's where she likes it. That sounds weird, but she sleeps in the crotch. She's a crotch dweller. And so that's me because it smells, and she's like, ooh, septic tank. I like this.

Just like, ooh, it reminds me of the natural outside. Reminds me of where I was born on the side of the road. God bless Ruby. She's such a cute creature. I woke up in the morning, and as most people do in the morning, I want breakfast. I'm hungry. Oh my god. I go, Cam, Cam, I'm hungry.

I said, "Cam, I'm hungry. You got any breakfast for me?" I said, "There's waffles in the freezer." "Okay, there we go. We'll go right there." Cam offers me waffles. Waffles were stored in the freezer. What do you have to do to make waffles? Put them in a toaster. Okay. I grab the waffles. I'm going to Cam's kitchen. I'm looking. I'm surveilling the counter, right? I see an oven. I see coffee creamer somewhere. Cutting bowl. Fucks the toaster.

Where's the fucking toaster cam? I go, Cameron, how do you want me to make these waffles? Y'all don't own a toaster cam. What did you say to me? I'm never going to live this down. It's not even that weird. No, it's strange how you behave. It's not that weird. Where was the toaster? I said, oh, no, no, no. You're stupid, bro. The toaster's underneath the cabinet in the back. How do you have waffles readily available that you offered me, but your toaster's in storage?

Who stores their toaster? And then tell them the explanation you gave me when you said that your toaster was in a storage closet. I have a wife. Okay. I don't know if it's this new age thing, these trendy things. Apparently, countertops are supposed to be... There we go with that movie. Spick and span. Nothing on them. Be careful. Clean. Boneless. I don't know. Hmm.

I come from a household and a manhood of toaster on counter. Because it's needed. Where it belongs. She is like, counter needs to be spotless. Put the toaster underneath behind the Instapot. Tuck it away. I go, I like toasting things. She goes, get used to it. So, happy wife. A toaster is something you need every day almost. More than likely. Most days I find myself bending over, grabbing that toaster, plugging it in, using it, putting it back. Hello. Hello.

How do you offer me something? And then the toasters. Do you not understand that- It took you all of ten seconds to get the toaster. No, no. It didn't. It caused back pain. You know I have a very frail back. You have a very round back. There's something protruding. That image in New York, something is popping out of your back. You have like a- It's like a damn Godzilla. I was in a bag race for three years. They called me Turtle Boy. I walked around campus like this. Okay. Okay.

Do I think a toaster should be on the counter? Yes. Does it have to? No. It's just extra steps for no reason. I agree, but... I shouldn't cut the back of my hand trying to get a breakfast. That's true. But it is what it is. Happy wife, happy life. The toaster's underneath the cabinet. I don't know what to say. Oh, another thing! Oh, yes! I finally feel like... What the hell is going to be the title of this episode? Cam sucks. Episode 85, Cam sucks. Speaking of boneless, because you said the counter should be boneless, Cam doesn't understand the sanctity of wings.

Oh my god. We go to a Wink's spot, right? What are you supposed to eat at a Wink's stop? Say it. Wink's. Wink's. Hello. I say, can I get 10 lemon pepper dry, please? Because I'm a normal person. Cam goes, can I get the buffalo boneless wings? I almost called the FBI. I said, hey, bud, that's a chicken nugget. It's a good wing. Good wing. Boneless wings are chicken nuggets.

Wings with bones are 40% bone, 15% gristle, 45% meat. I don't have time to do a damn mystery puzzle with my tongue to get meat. Sorry you don't have a talented tongue like me. Oh yeah, sorry I don't have a tarmac of a tongue like you too. Wide ass tongue. You have a Hoover damn tongue. Your tongue disgusts me. You have the tongue of a cobra.

And it splits. Oh, it does not split. You know you can cut your tongue and it'll grow back? I don't want to know that. Anyway. Cam, a boneless wing is not a wing. Yes, it is. It's still a wing. No, it's not. Okay, then what's the difference between a boneless wing and a chicken nugget? Tell me. One's a wing. One's a nugget. Why? Because one's called a nugget. Asshole. One's a nugget. Okay. Super close cousins. Maybe even twins. They're definitely fraternal. They're not identical. But...

Okay, if I know the wing spot and they hold dear to me, I can get flats. I'm a flats guy. You've seen me devour flats. I honestly haven't. I devour flats. If I'm going, if I'm going, if I'm going. Oh, don't you dare. You do. Oh, I've been raised. I have been. I know, I know how to eat wings. My friends and family have taught me. A good flat, very lovable. However, new spot, I don't know what they do. I don't know how you do your rub. I don't know anything. Give me boneless so I can just taste it for the pure flavor.

Is that a crime? And, Cam, I don't know if you were raised by the Queen of England. Cam doesn't just eat his chicken nuggets from a wing spot, his boneless wings, chicken nuggets. He doesn't just eat them with his hands. Fork and knife! If they're boneless, why the hell should I pick it up? If I'm not going to stab a bone, if I'm not going to stab, if I'm not going to get off your tippy-toe, Michael Jackson, if I'm not going to stab a femur...

Why should I pick it up? Hey, Princess Diana, grow some nuts, dog. What is that? That scared me. What is this? Some nuts. Oh, sorry, your nuts. Grab your nuts, dog. Grab them two little grapes, dog. Hold them. Raisins. Hey. You are, you're sick. It is eating you alive. Oh, my God. Hey, guess what? There's no bone I can stab with a fork.

I can eat it. I can taste the sauce. Do you understand why people don't have a good time around you now? Do you understand why people resent time with you? Huh? You get that, salsa boy? Huh?

Okay, that's another thing. I like chips and salsa. Just because I ask for my own cup of salsa when we go to restaurants, why is that an offense? Why does that piss you off so much? Because you're a cheap son of a bitch and you still want to split the bill after and divvy up the salsa. Uh-uh, you're in response for 85% of the salsa that was consumed on this table. That's your salsa. Hey, numbskull, empty brain boy.

The purchase is a one-time purchase. They don't refill your salsa in... Oh, that's another 50 cents. That's another 50 cents. The chips is in the salsa. It's called bottomless chips and salsa, you ignorant bastard. From certain places, you do it everywhere, dumbass. Name two restaurants that charge for refills. Get it out, tongue boy. You want tongue boy? Name two restaurants that charge for refills.

I can't- I don't know. I don't know. Because I don't ever have to ask for that because one is enough for me. It's an appetizer. That's right, that's right, because you eat like a small guinea pig. You eat like Shrek, donkey boy. You eat like a piglet, a brand newborn pig that oinks still and has cute little hooves that resemble boots. Really? Yeah. You eat like a farm animal. You eat slop.

Olivia, Google top five smallest stomachs. That's what you are. It's on my favorite birthday page. Oh my Jesus Christ. You just laughed. There was a waterfall of saliva in your mouth. It literally looked like Charlotte's Web. It was a spider web of spit in your mouth.

Oh my god, that might have been part loogie. It was so thick. One thing about me- No, no, no. I need- you need to spit or swallow. My mouth has been getting real wet recently. That's- but it's almost- That's like a condition. You just said you get film on your teeth from two hours of just living. Like, how does that happen? What are you doing? I didn't brush my teeth when I'm back home. I forgot my toothbrush. My teeth have been hurting. She's like, "I can't find it." Did you just say you were in Austin? Yeah.

For like three days? For 72 hours. Yeah. And you didn't brush your teeth. I couldn't. Your shit. I couldn't. Is like this. Golden. Flimmy. Yeah. Engravements on it. Yeah, I realized there was a problem on the last day when I woke up in the morning and I like looked in the mirror and it was like orange. Like in my gum. No, we need a dentist sponsor. We need a dentist sponsor. You need free work. You need free work. God knows you will not go out of your way to fix your teeth. You need a better grill. I'm getting veneers.

Everyone that just heard that comment, tell them how stupid he is. And I don't have to brush my teeth after that. Kid has a good grill. He's just lazy. I'm not lazy. At certain things, you are quite lazy. We all are. At what? Hygiene.

Probably the most important thing to not be lazy. No, I got a lot of compliments in New York about how I smelled. As a single man, you own 17 different colored towels. First off, that's impressive. I've never seen such a strange and unique assortment of towel colors. I've never seen it. First off, they all hurt my skin when I use them. They are all very sharp, very sharp towels. And every single, I swear to God, every single one of them is a different color.

How do I go to your apartment and ask to bathe and you don't have a single damn clean towel? A single towel. You have two rainbows full of towels. Different colors. Unbelievable. Like you have palette colored towels that are sharp as shit and hurt my skin. And you don't have a single one clean. And you don't think you're lazy at hygiene. It's because I don't reuse towels. How about this? When you shit, you use Febreze, right? When I go to your bathroom...

I want you to lie on this camera right now and say you don't use Febreze in your shit. I don't spray my own apartment without my ass. There's not three cans of Febreze any time I walk into your bathroom. And more than likely, two of them are completely empty. Throw them away, you weird ass. I have a hard time. You have a hard time throwing them away. You just dig your ass. What are you doing? You're getting nervous. Your teeth are starting to film. Your body's starting to sway. Your ass is starting to itch. It's that damn time. Oh, that's criminal. You hooked the tail onto the mic cord. What is wrong with you?

You're playing with it. You're looking at me. This needs to end. You need to take a break. Get away from me. Get away from me. You need to take a break. I don't know why all my towels are so difficult. And they're so, fuck, they're so sharp. Your towels hurt me. Like, it opens sores and wounds. Maybe, honest to God, maybe that's why you stink. It literally, you're crying. It scrapes all the soap, everything off. It's all I was raised for. Like, a normal towel is this. His towel's like, it's like sandpaper. That's why my skin's so soft. I guess.

Oh, we were talking about towels. I get into the Kennedy towels. What? Bitches got brown stains on them. That would be that woman right there. It's not poop. It's her makeup. Okay, weird thing. Okay, before I dated Olivia, I was a first... You are digging? You are digging in your sphincter. You're digging in your ass. What is that? Is that a startup bike? I can see your neck veins. Calm down.

I don't wa- Oh, 'cause you've seen me literally dig in my ass with a brand new white towel. 'Cause of her and her makeup! I said the same thing! She tried to, uh... Yes! You wiped me. What?! I wiped my ass and folded like a vampire is what you said. Untuck yourself! You were like this.

You wrecked your ass. With white towels. She makes us buy white towels. And then you roll them and put them there for display. Okay, that's what I was saying. Before Olivia, I never had a white towel. That's a dangerous game. I think that's a danger. Do you bleed after you shower? Sharp ass towels. My butt bleeds. Matter of fact, what do you use in the shower to clean yourself? Soap. And? Water. And? A washcloth.

Okay. You passed. You don't use the fucking one. I use the microfiber thing. I use the thing from Manscaped. Shout out to Manscaped. Shout out Manscaped. Microfiber doesn't hold bacteria. Can't grow there. It's Gucci. You're a nasty boy. Before then, I'm not going to lie though. Before then, I used a loofah and I thought that was disgusting. I didn't even realize. Yeah. That's very bad. I used to date. If you have a loofah, throw it away right now. When I dated a girl, when I go to her apartment, I would use her loofah. I didn't realize. Okay. That's like a different level of gross. Using someone else's loofah. Her dead skin and her DNA is... Yeah. Yeah.

I loved her. Did she say that? What was that? Okay, normally we don't start like this. Yo, you're nasty. So you know what I'm talking about. There was extra in the brim. I had to get it. I literally went like this. I went, Cam went, yo, that's nasty, bro. I'm telling you, you're nastier than me. There was excess in the brim. Relax. I just wore his dirty shorts that he wore to the gym to office.

No, I did not. You do do that, bro. You go to the gym. You literally are making this up. Get on the mic. You lamb on my mic. Idiot. And she rocked my mic in the park.

No, Cam will go to the gym, full sweat session, go to the sauna, even wetter. Wear that same outfit for six hours straight. Doesn't unlace his boots. Nastiest human I've ever seen in my life. If I have to work on something first, I got to work. If I take a shower, get too comfortable, ADHD kicks in. You smell like a German shepherd that's been herding cattle for four hours. Okay, at least I did something productive to elicit that stench. You wake up and smell horrid.

How do you know what I- I smell like fresh off the wake up? You stay the night at my house. You wake up, "Hey, waffles you got? Cam, you got?" It's just like, if it was a cartoon, it'd be like, "Green fog." It would be- That's crazy because every time I spend the night at your house, the first thing you do is wake me up. If Ruby doesn't stay with me, you throw her on me. And then you sit by me. Yeah. If I sink that bad,

So you're gonna make fun of me because I enjoy our friendship. You literally sit by me and you're like, Peta? Oh, I say Peta? You're like, no, wait, girlfriend, let me wake up real quick. Let me get my bonnet off. I don't brush my teeth. Yeah, I know. George Washington Carver? I don't like brushing my teeth in other people's sinks. What if I bleed in the sink? Dog, if you're bleeding from bristle, you need help. You need, tuck your foot.

You need assistance. No, it's too far gone. Toothbrush company, just contact us. Please contact her. No, that would be good. Yeah, hit HBIC up. That would be great to have a... Bro, your ass is built weird. No, but like this, it's built like a P. Hey, that's going to be on the internet forever. I just want you to know, your kids are going to be in elementary school. No, that's a bit much. Your kids are going to be in elementary school in the lunchroom and be like, is this your dad? It's going to be a hard time for them. I'm going to go...

Hey, no, that shit was moving a little bit. That's a little too much. I've never done some shit like that. I'm not gonna lie. You always hit him with the... No, I'm good. But you're just... I'm good at this. You have, like, a coil array build. Like, you have a small... Like, I'm Houston Hottie herself. Make this down. Talk to me. Damn, boy, I was eating them buttermilk biscuits. Cam's built like Yes Jewels. That's a compliment. I understand, Drake. Yeah, I understand.

We're not going to talk about that. No. Should I cut that out? Yes. It's a fact. Everybody knows that. It's a fact. Everybody knows that. She hates hearing that. It makes her cry. He's a loyal man. He's a great... We love his kids. They watch the podcast, I think. I don't think I've ever cheated. Me neither. You're like, what does that say? You're like, one tile, two tiles. No, no. He doesn't. But, oh, one thing about me is I've been snacking a lot. I snack. I'm a snacker. Yeah. Be careful. Don't say it. I'm a...

I love my snack. You don't like full course meals. It scares you, makes you sweat. You take three bites and you're overwhelmed. Sorry I don't eat like a hippopotamus. You're a good cheese it, beef jerky type of gal. You eat like a bear that's been in hibernation for nine years. Okay. You... I'm so hungry.

No, I do need to cut down my rations. I think I'm going to go on a winter bulk, eat more, and then around February we're going to cut. I want to see how much you eat on a bulk. Dude, it'd be bad. And why do you eat so fast? I do eat fast. I think that's school. School indoctrinated me to, like, I only have 20 minutes to eat. Or did, like, your parents, like, did they? No, my dad made me clean my plate. There was a couple arguments when I was young. I was like, Papa, I'm full! He was like, eat your damn plate, boy!

This is how your parents fed you? They like put everybody in one room and they threw all the food on the floor and you had to... That's what I do. That's how you eat the way you do.

Dude, that one fascinating video of the monkeys. I can't say shit. That one video of the monkeys. It was like hundreds of them. I don't know if it was a zoo or just wild. They literally dropped like two coolers of bananas. What are you doing? I'm thinking that the DM you sent me. I was on my phone, like laying in my bed. Wait, which one? And I got a notification. The dad from That's A Raven? It said, CamKindy22 sent you a post by monkey or something. And I said, what the heck? Don't touch me.

I said, "Hold on, dawg. It's Tuesday morning."

Y'all are taking this out of... Why are there so many monkeys on my timeline, though? You just said Ryan, though? Yeah, I do. No, dude, the other day, we ate something the other day. I literally pissed. It smelled like blood. It absolutely smelled like copper. It was bad, bro. I had to check. No, I had to examine myself. Sometimes my piss smells like Thanksgiving. Okay. Asparagus pee is a real thing. Oh my god, Thanksgiving food.

Okay, anyway, can we talk we were talking about food? I was talking about apes. I'm but of course you were talking about snacks Just hold on the monkey there was like a hundred monkeys. They threw two coolers of bananas It was like just like you said what it threw two coolers of bananas But every monkey surprisingly only took what they needed every single monkey took one banana ran away You would not be a good monkey. There was I'd be a horrible monkey, but uh, so scared The nightmares already

Hey, crazy legs, calm down! Dude, no, I want y'all, someone, you know the compilation John make? Somebody make one of his fucking legs. Willoughby Jones. He's literally like this. Is that her name or is that an author? He's like this sometimes, he's like, he's doing this shit sometimes, he's like, that's a crazy shot. I hope my manhood was covered. Anyway, it's easy to hide that. Get him. Get him. I was gonna say something. Just kidding, it would be like a pink fluorescent. A pink LED just popped out them shorts.

Anyway, snack ass, go back Ravenclaw. Go. Alright, Gryffindor. Alright, Hufflepuff. Alright, Venom. Venom. Venom, adrenaline momentum, Venom, don't know it, Venom. I snack a lot. You do snack a lot. There's a crumb on my lip. It tastes good. It's probably goldfish. Everybody relax. This is so loose. My mic is so loose.

Oh my god, no you need to brush. You need to brush your teeth. Oh my god almighty. Gingivitis. Dude, no. You literally look at me and you're like... No you don't. I haven't been to the dentist so I wouldn't know. Yeah, why are you afraid of dentists? Back to snacks. No, I've had a dentist girl talk to me one time and she goes, it's a really real thing, people having anxiety with dentists. No, I mean no, that's definitely a real thing. It's hard when you're looking at bright lights and all you hear is...

Yeah. It's the water and the sucker that I always have a problem with. I love that. It's a weird thing I like. I know you do. I'm just like, I always bite it and they're like, stop chewing. Stop chewing on that, sir. It's like, sir, it's going to be two grand. Chew one more time. It's $2,000. I'm literally like, because they put it right there on my molar. I'm like,

You're sick. Because that's my anxious bite. It's normally the inside of my cheek. Yeah. Dude, when you bled in Academy, that shit, I sprinted. Such a bad day. I sprinted. I found the video on the studio phone of the night of the Tesla. Really? It's like 30 seconds. I'll put that in Patreon. Okay. It's funny. Anyway, I'm a snacker. Damn it. One thing I've realized, I don't know why I start everything with one day I realize. It's because...

Cause there's my- everything is new to me. It's cause you're alone. It's cause you're alone. So much realization is in my daily life. It's good though, for mental health. Like, well, I don't- not mine. But it's good for- it's good for strength. I'm so alone and wet. And hot. I turned on my heater and my fire alarm went off. I have to move. You just suck. Alright, damn it, you snack. God, we're getting into the zoomies. Ooh. Uh-huh. I just had a hard time breathing. I need to shave my chest. I need to shave my chest. Show me your chest.

You can demonetize. Oh, God. Oh, God. All right. I'm a snacker. Yes. I think a sweet and salty snack, a sweet and salty combo is the worst combo of all time. Oh, you bastard. You, the worst? The worst combo ever. Sweet and salty? I literally was about to, I was about to get out of my seat to hug you.

Not like that. You said Sweet and Salty sucks. You are on level zero of creativity. Why? Sweet and Salty is one of the greatest things ever. No, it's literally... I think Sweet and Salty came from Baphomet himself. Like, the devil was like, how can we harm Earth? And they said Sweet and Salty. And you have the nastiest combo of Sweet and Salty I've ever seen in my life. I almost struck you. I almost hit you in public in front of colleagues. I almost just backhanded you right now for saying that. Of course you did. You...

Sweet and salty. You think sweet and salty? Sweet and salty not only is an alliteration, not only is it just fascinating to hear. It is... Simply not. And ruins the alliteration. Still S&S. No. Two out of three words is S. It's not an alliteration though. I was good at English. I bet you were, professor. Anyway. 18 degrees, didn't learn that. Anyway. Sweet and salty is phenomenal. No, it's not. No, it's not. No, it is not. This is the thing.

I've never had a peanut M&M. Never. And I never will have it. Anytime someone offers that to me, I'm like, immediately, you're an enemy. I don't like that. Peanut M&Ms are dingleberries from the Lord himself. See, dingleberries, that's shit crust. Peanut M&Ms are, they are an art. And I'm going to expose you for your sweet and salty combo. Halloween was just happening, right?

What's going around the market during Halloween? The devil's candy. Candy corn. This man, Cam, had a bowl in his house of candy corn. I said, hopefully that's decoration. If not, I hate him. Right next to it, bowl of pretzels. I said, that's not normally what you see every day. I kid you not, Cam, with his paw, grabs a handful of candy corn. I said, that's aggressive and strange. What are you going to do with that? Hopefully throw it away. Nope. Other hand,

Double fisting. Pretzels. This man grabs it together, hits one of these, popping pretzel and candy corn together. I swear to God, my knees went faint. I buckled when I saw that. And I said, oh! You buckled probably because you were hungry. You haven't eaten in two days. Don't knock it. Hey, you're the same creature that puts salt and pepper on fruit. On a banana. You're the reason. On a monkey stick. You're...

Be careful. You're the reason CIA hacks into laptops? Absolutely not. Your search history is on a database now because you did that. You are a disgusting, feral human. 90 out of 100 Americans are going to agree sweet and salty is fantastic. Hey. You are one of the 10. Hey, you took literally the devil's corn, right, and put it with a savory snack as a pretzel, rattled it around like you're eating cashews. I'm going to shoot you guys.

You were looking for a snake eye. You were looking for a snake eye with candy corn. Yeah. And popping it. Yeah. Like cementos. Cam, I almost put you in a half Nelson. I would have got out. Very true. I would have got out of that so easy. Do you realize how nasty you are? Okay. First off. How do you figure that out? Let's break this down. This woman's mother. Okay. Lolly, Chrissy P, whatever you want to call her. Your wife's mother. My wife's mother. I saw her one day do it. She demanded me to try out of respect. I said, sure. But she did it with peanuts.

Okay? Peanuts are fantastic, but we had pretzels in the house. This one is a fan of bowls and shit decor. The holiday, there's random shit on our counters. I'm like, I'm never going to eat that. This time I'm hungry. You know me. I eat a lot. So I did it. Candy corn, pretzels, little jingle shake down the hatch. Let's break down your resume real quick. You eat candy corn by the handful. First of all, under the prison is where you belong. Second of all, you eat parking lot sandwiches. You eat parking lot sandwiches.

Oh my God, our fucking carpets stink. Our carpets smell so bad on your side. I've never gotten off the ground that quick. Lay down and sniff under your- it is horrid. Oh my God. You want to talk about parking lot meat? That is a- dude.

Oh my god under your side of the couch. That smells awful. I gotta get back. Awful. You eat parking lot sandwiches. That's gross. Oh my god. And you use 5 in 1 shampoo. You, you, you my friend are on a most wanted list somewhere. I don't. Oh god you're not allowed in some countries.

The 5-1 shampoo, that is a bullshit. That was a one-time use. I don't know what the fifth thing is. I don't know what else could possibly be in there. Is it mouthwash? I don't know what's in there. Like, what the hell makes five? Conditioner, shampoo, body, what the hell? Matter of fact, what is four?

Condition... Condition... Face wash? Face is a part of my body. No, it's not. That's how I know you're gross! That's how I know you're gross! Body wash is the same as face wash? I didn't say that. That's exactly what you said, you nasty bitch! That was a part of the joke in the scheme, dumbass! That wasn't a part of the joke, you meant that. Hey, Cheech and Chong! Hey, Dumb and Dumber! Whoa, be careful. You don't even know...

You don't know what that is. Isn't that a guy who smokes weed? A lot. A lot of it. A lot of it. Anyway. Oh, he's a fan of my brother's podcast. That's interesting. That's cool. Crazy. That's a crazy statistic. That's a cool milestone. That's a cool accolade. Our carpet reeks, dog. That was frightening how bad that smelled. But no, I don't know what... Okay, fourth is face wash. Obviously, I know they're different. I have a PM and an AM face wash. Don't play me. You know that. Dude.

I don't know what the fifth is. I don't know what the fifth is. Is it ear cleaner? What is the fifth? It's definitely like... Toenail shiner? That's what you clean your tires with. Yeah. It's like go outside. Tire disinfectant. No, no. That was a one-time thing. Now, parking lot sandwiches and candy corn and pretzels, I will die on that hill. I'll die on that hill. That's disgusting. I am absolutely wet right now. Can't you shit in the middle of your feet? I am absolutely wet right now.

I am sweating bad. You brought up full Nelsons, right? How you can get out of them. You brought up full Nelson. I said I could get out of yours because it wouldn't pose much of a threat. Sorry. But it had me thinking, right? It had me thinking.

I think we would be a good tag team against a gorilla. Okay, bro. We need... No. Someone needs to diagnose you. What is your obsession with gorillas? Because they're fascinating creatures. And they're so much better than us. Why? What is your fascination with gorillas? They're fascinating creatures. We have had seven debates about primates and apes. I don't know what... They're a fascinating creature. And they would best us easily. See, you don't have any confidence in us as a group and as a relationship. Okay, you're talking about fullness. We're in a relationship. No, we're not. Two of...

A full Nelson from two untrained guys versus a gorilla. No, it's strategy. It's strategy. Yeah. All right, Julius Caesar. All right, Steve Kerr. Break this down for me, Pop. Break this down, Popovich. How would you and me better an ape? How would we beat him? I don't know, because you're the size of the big show, baby. You got the same jaw. What? What?

Look, he's gonna beat our ass. No, no. Look, say we went into an capture with a gorilla, right? And it was only one gorilla, two of us. One and two, me and you. Us and them. Strategy, I take the legs. You take the legs. Yes. I have a good ground game. Good ground game? Yes. You, no you don't! Yes I do. What are you trained in? Let me, put your feet down. Put your feet down. Down! Move, now move. Okay, a gorilla would go like this.

No. Snap your neck. And that's what you... Oh, because I'm supposed to have the arm. I'm supposed to have the arm. You jump. So what... I jump. On him. I jump on the girl. He's like, oh, big skinny man on feet. Yeah. So he's speaking English. Okay. They can. You seen a monkey do a puzzle before? Read a book. Watch Animal Planet. I bit my tongue. It's so much real estate. I'm telling you to bite. Okay. Let's break this down. They can't speak English. They can do puzzles. You've never watched Planet of the Apes? Okay. Planet of the Apes is a... It is a movie. Documentary. It is a...

Okay, sorry Don't clip that um we would die. No we would die No, listen, okay think positively bro. You're thinking like a fourth-grader. Okay, if one of our have the legs I'll get the arms. What are we gonna do whisper him to sleep? No, I get the legs you get the arms exactly what the hell? What's after that you grab the neck?

So I let go of the arm. You get his back. Oh, I get his back. Yes. Like I'm just going to get him to the ground, put him in a headlock. Bro, apes are ticklish. It's an ape! You have a best friend ape. You have an ape best friend. What's his name? What's his name? What's his name? Congo? What's his name? No. Let's diagnose him. Oh, really? I don't know Sally McSue that's walking down the street, but I know if I kick her in the knee, it will break. You said that Sally McSue was ticklish. You know nothing about this gorilla. Everybody's ticklish, dumbass.

Everybody, meaning humans. Oh, I've seen an ape smoke a cig and take a selfie, dawg! And you tell me that they're not ticklish in the pit area. Okay, I've seen a monkey spank a cymbal and tip his top hat. Yeah. That doesn't mean anything. There are acrobatic creatures! They're in a circus at Main Attraction Headlining! You don't know if they're ticklish! Are you ticklish? No! Give me your pit. You're not ticklish? God, there's so much hip.

You're tight and I felt you you need to go to hell you need to go to hell you belong there Oh my god, bro. We're not doing shit against the ape. Why okay? Let's change your confidence. Let's I do circums we have guns No, we have bow and one of us has a sword compound one of us has a sword We have a sword one of us has a so now we're talking. Okay, I take the legs what now bro You think you're gonna take it its legs? Yeah

You're acting like you're Brock Lesnar. Have you ever tried to walk and somebody twists your big toe? That shit hurts. Have you ever tried to even take a human's leg, let alone a monkey, an ape, a gorilla? I'm saying, if I can get as big... You don't even know how to shoot. You've never wrestled. You've never wrestled. You don't know mat work. You don't know how to warm up properly. I built a WWE ring when I was a kid. You built a WWE ring. Out of a trampoline. And you used action figures in your creepy imagination. I bet you were the type of guy that took the marker and drew red on him.

What? You hit him in the face, now he's bleeding. You drew on your guys. No, I put ketchup on myself. On yourself?! I put ketchup right here. And on my mouth sometimes. So you were fighting with the action figures. Yeah, and I- You are a freak. I would spit it out when I would like have him hit me, I'd go "pfft" and like ketchup blood. You'd have a seven inch figurine punch, hit you with the right hook. No. You'd spit and put, you would put condiment on your forehead. I had a life-sized gorilla stuffed animal I wanted six flags. I'd fight that guy. His name was Konga. Am I a prophet?

I literally said, what's his name? Kongo? Oh, really? Your guy's name was Kongo. Yeah. And he was good. That explains the fascination. He was the World Heavyweight Champion. I bet he was, you little freak. I bet he was, Vince McMahon. You probably gave him the easy matchups, huh? We're not beating a gorilla. That's a deal. If we both have swords and we say... No, just you have a sword. Okay. Actually, I have the sword. Oh, God, no. We've lost. Oh, God, no. I only trust myself with that. You with the sword, no. You'd fuck... You'd cut me somehow. You'd be like, get

And you just decapitate me. And then you're just sitting there one-on-one. You go... I think you would hold us back as a team. You think... Because you have so much fear. I don't. Fear is good. No, it's not. No, it's not. No, it is not. You would literally go... You'd go... Charge! And you'd be running at this gorilla. And he would literally go... He would kick you right in the face. You drop the sword and you're like... And then he walks up...

You know what you would do? You know what you would do? You know what you would do? I'd go... I'd wait for the right time. No, no. You would try... You would size up the ape, right? You would size him up. You try to make one plant, your hip is done. Now you're a liability to the team. Stint. Or on the ground. No, shut up. When you're on the ground holding your hip in pain because you're not built good...

You would try to reason with them because you talk too damn much. You would be like, Ape, Ape, please, please. I have six degrees. Like that means something. I was six when I got LASIK and I have asthma. Please, please. You know what he would do though? He would look at me, right? He would laugh at me because he's about to kill me, right? Then he would take a drink. Ask me what he's drinking.

the blood from your skull. He already has your brain in his head. No, I know he doesn't. He goes, slurps a little. He gets a little brain matter, right? Looks at me and goes, you see your stupid skinny friend? That's when he starts speaking. So he can't talk! That's when he starts speaking. He can't talk, okay. That's when he starts speaking. You see your stupid little skinny friend? He tried to shoot on me like this was UFC. Yeah. Like this was Jiu Jitsu. Yes. Okay, he can't. I'm stronger and better. Here's his head. Then he looks at me, takes the sword,

barely cuts himself to give me a small amount of gratitude, throws the- matter of fact, impales me with the sword, snaps my head off. And now we're both dead. You know what they would do? Actually, they would try to get you first. They would try to kill you for parts. Yeah, no, they would try to kill me because I'm the alpha and I'm the only thing they can protect. No, it's because you're built like a cartoon character and they would literally- I'm built like a cartoon character. They would literally take your head off. They would want that big ass skull and they would use it as a trophy for next Olympics.

For the next monkey Olympics. If we were in a cartoon, there would literally be a dust bubble around you. You'd be walking around, skinny, and your ankles...

Every single page would have a little action bubbles by your feet a dust cloud like that guy from uh, uh, uh, uh Charles Charlie, what's his Charlie Brown Charlie Brown dusty kids. That's you. You know what they would do Take your head right and they'd be like we're gonna put this on a staff and use this for any visitors show how cool This guy's head is cuz it's so damn big. It's like they pumped it up with a basketball thing and

And then they would be like, oh, what a chin. And then they would take that and they would use it for like a headstone. You know, they would use it for Thanksgiving to like cut meat. Your chin. And then they would be like, oh my God, there's so much marrow in his big ass hip. And they would literally eat you for dessert. And then they'd be like, oh my God, that's a toe. And they would put it in the museum of toe. Okay. So for me, they could get use out of me is what I'm hearing. For you, they would...

Annihilate you right they'd go wow this thing doesn't have much meat at all on it's almost a waste But it's so long and kind of sharp at the bottom we could use this as a stick or a shovel They would use you to shovel our grave. Yeah, they would at least eat off of me use my skull as a trophy I would be remembered in the ape community you would just be a forgotten past They would use you for parts like their mechanics. That's it. They don't care about you. They'd go oh One of us rotten us ape don't kill ape

Oh, oh, oh. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I didn't mean that. I didn't mean that. Enough ape talk. You're going to get me. Enough ape talk. Enough ape talk. I think it's time for people's favorite segment. You know what that is? Pop culture, pay it in camp. Pop culture, pay it in camp. Wow. I got a pop culture. I got one too. I saw it on Twitter. You can probably already guess what mine is. I don't care. I saw it on Twitter. And it kind of scared me. Raymond Noodles. Mm-hmm.

apparently they're making them microwavable now. Oh, yeah. And I was like, in the cup ones? Yeah. What the hell were they before? I saw that too. Yeah. The one cups. The one that had the styrofoam cups? It's like in the styrofoam cups. Exactly. That's what all of Earth thought. And they said, we're making microwavable ramen in the cup now. So I've been eating cancer. Like, that's bad. We're all going to die young.

It's like, how else were you supposed to make it over a fire? I think you're supposed to take it out and put it in a pot. That defeats why you sell it in the cup. Exactly. It's stupid. No, yeah, we're all going to die soon. My favorite thing to do with ramen, when I run out of chips, I'll have a stack of ramen. You do eat it dry. And I keep it in the package, and I go, break it down, break it down, put it into a bowl, take the seasoning, pour all the seasoning, shake it up. You're eating chips. It's such a good snack. It's such a good snack. That's just bullshit. Okay, mine...

This is the same topic I've had for about maybe 40 pop cultures. LeBron, Ramon, James. So LeBron, in the fifth game of the season, stop it, in the fifth game of his 21st season, scored the most points by any NBA player in their 21st season. There's only been six to even make it that far. He had a 35 ball. He's the absolute GOAT. There's no denying it. He's probably the greatest athlete that's ever lived. Like, honest to God, if you think about it.

And that's all I really wanted to say. The more this man plays, the more he's just widening the gap, the more y'all get to see. We are truly witnessing history. There's going to be a day where we turn on basketball and he's not playing and it's not going to feel the same. Just know that. Wim Benyamening, Victor, he is living up to the hype. Bro, Rachel Nichols said he has a higher ceiling than Jordan, Shaq, and LeBron.

She needs to relax. I don't think that's too crazy. I think that's very crazy. If he can stay healthy. He's going to have a severe injury by year four. 100%. Knock on wood. I don't want him to. I'm just saying. If he doesn't, but that statement is true.

No, it's not. Yes, it is. No, it's not. He had 38 in his second game. That's fine. Third game. Third game. That's insane, Cam. That is insane. I'm not knocking him. He can literally do anything on the basketball court. He's eight foot tall. If he was 6'11", I'd be like, holy shit. The fact he's 7'4 is incredible and amazing. That's what makes him him. But the fact he's 7'4", name anybody 7'3 or over, tell me they haven't got injured. That's true. That's all I'm saying. Did he now get injured?

yeah Yao got injured what the hell yes I don't remember Yao Ming got injured but like that's all I'm saying I want Victor to be the best he can possibly be

He's not going to be able to play 20 seasons. I saw a tweet go viral. It was like, if he gets Giannis weight, he's going to be the Wilt Chamberlain that everybody's been lying to us about. I saw that too. We all know Wilt Chamberlain's a liar. That's never happened. Yes, it did. He was a fantastic athlete. He didn't score 100 points. It's a fact he didn't score 100 points. That was one of the first viral TikToks. That was. He didn't throw back. So they have footage of him doing everything except the 100-point game just because their circus was in town, so they moved venues. Fuck out of here.

You crazy. And Chuck Taylors. Why are you nuts? Bro. Oh, I got to tell you something off camera about the NBA. Not Chuck Taylors. Converse is cool. They look like clown shoes on me. But anyway, guys, that was episode 85. We absolutely love y'all. If you made it this far, your code this week for good karma, confusing the casuals, and to show us.

That you are true, true day ones. Code for this week. Leave it everywhere. Instagram posts, Patreon, TikTok. Y'all been slacking on it too. And here is SAS. Sweet and salty. Sweet and salty, baby boy. SAS, we absolutely love y'all. The New York vlog is either out right now or coming out later today. The extended episode where we really take a deep dive into New York. Everything will be me, Pete, and Mama Liv. That'll be out later in the week. But...

Patreon Mama Liv is back. Don't point at me. I'll point at whoever I want. There was something I was going to say. December 7th, Los Angeles. December 7th, thank you. December 7th, Los Angeles, Regent Theater. Couple ticks left. Couple left. They actually released more. They released more. They're loving y'all. They were selling out so quick, but they said, holy shit, so here's some more. And those continue to sell too. Link is in the description. Here's some more. Yeah, check that out.

We're not just saying it to say it. We sold out Dallas. We sold out New York. This one will sell out. If you want to be there, go ahead and swag your ticket. Swag your ticket. I almost punched myself. Snag your ticket now. We can't wait to see you a couple weeks away. And we can confirm now that that's going to be our only California show. So if you're in a different part of California, and you're like, maybe they'll come, we're not. Yeah, we're not. At least for another year. Yeah, for now until 2024, we won't be in San Diego. We won't be in Oakland. None of that stuff. L.A. is what's going to happen. L.A.

Maybe in Los Angeles. I feel so at home. All right, guys. Remember, one out of ten koala bears. Don't make it home to Christmas, New York. Thank you so much. L.A., you got a lot to beat. Hello? We will see you next time. Hey, he's in there.