cover of episode Humor and Heart with Damona Hoffman

Humor and Heart with Damona Hoffman

2024/10/22
logo of podcast You Probably Think This Story’s About You

You Probably Think This Story’s About You

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B
Brittani Ard
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Damona Hoffman
播音员
主持著名true crime播客《Crime Junkie》的播音员和创始人。
Topics
Brittani Ard:在过去的恋爱中,我预设了童话般的结局,这导致了问题。我倾向于与年龄较小的男性约会,但他们大多数想要孩子,而我已完成生育计划。我曾与一位在许多方面高度兼容的男性分手,因为我们对生育问题的立场不同。我过去曾过度关注约会对象的回应,但现在我直接表达自己的想法,这帮助我节省了时间。在约会中,我关注的是伴侣是否能够提升我的价值感,以及我与他们相处时自身感受如何。 Damona Hoffman:人们沉迷于童话般的爱情观念,而现实中的恋爱关系远比童话复杂。识别恋爱中的危险信号需要基于个人需求和期望,而非普遍标准。一些普遍的危险信号包括:欺骗迹象、言行不一、故事版本不一致等。我成为约会教练是偶然的,源于我作为约会者的挫败感。我最初的约会经历让我意识到,需要运用营销策略来提升自己的约会成功率。我通过撰写约会资料帮助他人获得成功的第一次约会,但意识到需要更多技能来支持整个约会过程。我的约会指导方法注重发掘客户的内心需求,而非改变他们的外在形象。我提倡接纳真实的自我,并以此吸引合适的伴侣。我帮助客户明确恋爱目标,并找出真正重要的品质,而非表面特征。我总结了长期关系兼容性的四个支柱,并将其与常见的恋爱误区联系起来。我建议客户首先明确恋爱目标,因为压抑真实愿望只会导致心碎。我认为个人的生活方式和金钱观能够反映其价值观。电影和小说中描绘的“一见钟情”并非长久关系的可靠基础。我建议将“一见钟情”视为一种警示信号,而非积极的恋爱开端。真正的化学反应是随着时间的推移逐渐建立的,而非一蹴而就。我与丈夫的感情随着时间的推移而加深,这证明了真正的化学反应是建立在深入了解和信任的基础上的。在一段关系中,应该关注伴侣是否能够提升自身的价值感。在恋爱中保持自我,而非为了取悦对方而改变自己。我提倡“慢速恋爱”,以便更好地了解伴侣,并避免忽略危险信号。一段健康的恋爱关系应该让人感到安全和自在,而非焦虑和不安。在一段稳定的关系中,不必追求每天都充满激情,重要的是伴侣能够在生活中给予支持和陪伴。处理创伤经历对恋爱关系的影响,建议将身体感受作为判断恋爱关系是否健康的指南,关注身体和情绪上的反应,并寻求专业人士的帮助。

Deep Dive

Key Insights

Why did Damona Hoffman become a dating coach?

Damona became a dating coach by accident, after finding success in online dating and helping others write dating profiles. She initially worked as a casting director and taught actors how to market themselves, skills she applied to her own dating profile.

Why is it important to identify your red flags in dating?

Identifying your red flags is crucial because it helps you recognize when a potential partner doesn't meet your needs. Red flags can be universal or unique to you, and they help you avoid blowing through stop signs and making the story fit, even when it's not right.

Why is it important to be specific about what you want in a relationship?

Being specific about what you want helps you find long-term compatibility. Many people list superficial qualities that don't matter in the long run. Instead, focus on core values and how you want to feel in the relationship.

Why is it important to have open conversations about goals and values early in a relationship?

Having open conversations about goals and values early on helps avoid emotional investment in incompatible relationships. It's better to address deal breakers early to prevent heartbreak and wasted time.

Why is it important to focus on how you feel about yourself when you're with someone?

Focusing on how you feel about yourself helps ensure you're not pretending to be someone else. You should feel valued, heard, and safe, rather than trying to fit a certain image or expectation.

Why is slow love important in building a meaningful relationship?

Slow love is important because it allows you to understand and read the signals in a relationship better. When you take it slow, you can check in with yourself and ensure you feel safe, heard, and valued, rather than being driven by initial chemistry and momentum.

Chapters
Damona Hoffman's journey into dating coaching began with her own frustrations as a dater in the early days of online dating. Applying her marketing skills, she successfully found her husband online, leading others to seek her advice. This eventually blossomed into a full-fledged career, driven by her passion for helping people navigate the complexities of modern dating.
  • Damona Hoffman's journey to becoming a dating coach started with her own dating struggles.
  • She used her marketing background to create a successful online dating profile.
  • After finding her husband online, she began helping others with their dating profiles and eventually became a certified dating coach.

Shownotes Transcript

Brittani is diving into your Season 1 questions with experts specializing in dating, scams, deception, and the legal consequences of manipulation.

In this episode, Brittani sits down with dating coach Damona Hoffman to explore real issues like recognizing red flags and navigating dating norms. They discuss the effects of trauma on dating and share practical advice for making the most of dating apps. Damona's book, "F the Fairytale," tackles common dating myths and offers a straightforward approach to building meaningful connections. Join the conversation for insights that can help you create your own dating story.

Listen to Damona Hoffman’s podcast, The Dates and Mates Podcast)*, *and check out her book, F the Fairytale).

Season 2 of You Probably Think This Story’s About You is about YOU. Share your story with Brittani).

Sponsor information at https://brittaniard.com/sponsors


 *Some names and details have been changed to conceal the identities of those who wish to remain anonymous. 

 

*Suicide & Crisis Lifeline Call or Text 988 *

https://www.988lifeline.org)

*Childhelp Call or Text 800.422.4453 *

https://www.childhelphotline.org/)

National Drug Helpline call 844.289.0879

https://www.drughelpline.org/)

*National Domestic Violence Hotline *

www.thehotline.com)

*HelpGuide *

Narcissist Abuse Resource

https://www.helpguide.org/)

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