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If you just found this show, you're going to want to start at episode one. This is the true story of my life. I changed some names and details to protect the innocent. It is marked explicit. Proceed with caution. I'm still dating, and so it's really hard for me to trust anyone. But for you, this is your co-worker that you became good friends with. You probably think this story is about you. I'm Brittany Ard. This story is theirs. ♪
Sarah and Kanan worked together for about two years. At the beginning of our relationship, they were still very close. Kanan talked about her and described her as his work wife. I was giving a training at work and he was one of the participants that came to it. Sarah worked in healthcare. Kanan came into her workplace, got a job,
Her specialty was in this illness that his ex-wife suffered from. So his ex-wife also had that illness. And so she had committed suicide because of her diagnosis. And so he felt really near and dear to his heart because he had a direct relation. And he said something about he felt guilty, like that he didn't do enough to help her. And that's one of the reasons she might have committed suicide. And so he wanted to work with that population as well.
After the training, there was a job opening that happened at my work and he was one of the applicants. Sarah was one of the people that originally interviewed him when he got the position. He actually told me that the reason that he wanted to work for...
because of the training that I did that he thought it was so moving and I was so vulnerable and honest with like how like my own trauma and everything and he really liked that and he really wanted to work with somebody like me and so that was what motivated him to apply for that position.
He brought up like how strong of a person he thought I was and how I've been through so much and how like amazing that was and how amazing it is that I'm all these things and really validated that trauma and told me that he just thought I was doing so well with everything I've been through and that he really loved like how I didn't use it as like a negative thing, but I always made positives out of it. And like.
Kanan did this with all of the women. He would hone in and make them feel very secure around the issues that they had in their past. He always validated how I felt and what I was going through.
One of the things that was really unique about our jobs is we had to work directly with each other and we traveled with each other. The three months that we were traveling with each other, we had like 30 overnights. And so we'd go out to bars together and get dinner together. Like first impressions, I just, I thought he was a really charming, like great person. He's very charismatic. He's super friendly, very talkative. And I found him funny and he seemed really genuine. I really enjoyed my being around him.
Like I was able to be 100% myself around him and I felt seen and like validated and just like I'm married and I have a husband and I felt like he saw me more than my husband did. I was able to just be my authentic self and be appreciated for that. And it was really refreshing and it was really nice to have a friendship like that. Yeah, I think that's a superpower. It was really intoxicating to have somebody that is paying attention to you
not just your presence, but your emotional needs and your physical needs and your mental needs. He told me that I was his best friend. He told me that when he gets married, I'd be the best man at his wedding.
No other women did not like working with him. There was at least two other women that felt really uncomfortable like him and that he didn't like women. And I defended him to them because I had such a different experience with him that I was like, no, no, I swear, like, he's really great. He's like really nice. Like you just talk to him about it. And these women had challenged him on things and they felt like he was kind of like a bully or that he was being manipulative. And I felt
defended him tooth and nail. I would not allow them to say something bad about my best friend, basically. They became very close, very fast, and he definitely manipulated that situation so that he could get the job and maintain this illusion that he was capable of doing that job.
There was a few things that, like, as we worked together that I realized he lied about that he had experienced in, which he didn't have experienced. And so when I would, like, call him out on it, he'd kind of deflect a little bit. I think that's one of the things that led to...
what happened with him and I because he realized I knew the truth about him and he was scared that I was gonna mess up his his thing I feel like a lot of people came to me to complain because they knew how close we were so they thought that I could like help I had a lot of co-workers that would complain to me about not doing his portion of things once I started bringing up concerns about like that kind of stuff to him he like churned on me really quick
I started having some issues with our manager and he was telling me about the things that she was saying about me. He was telling me that she was asking for information about me, that she was concerned I wasn't doing my job. So he would be like, "It's driving me crazy because she keeps asking all these questions about you." And was always telling me that like she had this problem. He was my confidant in that situation. Then we were supposed to go on a site visit.
Part of their job required them having to visit clinics around the area. And a couple days before the site visit, he was doing something wrong at work.
Kanan had told them that he had experience with certain software necessary for them to complete their work. And it became very clear to Sarah that he had no idea what he was doing. As soon as she talked to him about getting training on it, he became very defensive, lashed back. And that's when things really took a turn in their relationship.
He was one of my references for a promotion I was supposed to be getting. He totally botched that for me. And so when it came back, they said that because I didn't get along with the people I work with, that I have to work closely with, that they're going to have to move me to a different position, which is completely out of my scope. My whole career has been around this illness that I worked with, and they put me somewhere completely not that successful.
Suddenly, I found out that he had been making up lies to me to my manager and actually she never was having an issue with me. He was trying to pin us against each other.
Sarah ended up filing a complaint against him with HR. I asked to see the report and all these lies are on there and I could not believe it. He once slapped my ass at a bar and I yelled at him, predator. Like I was, I was a little drunk, but I was like, predator. I was like, do not do that. And he's like, whoa, whoa, whoa. And so he would say that I would constantly make scenes and make him uncomfortable. And so I reached out to him over text message. I was like, I can't believe that you would say all these things about me.
There was one instance where he says that I berated him the entire drive home because he rejected me sexually. And so I berated him the whole way home. And that was on that trip. He exposed himself to me. He dropped his pants and showed me everything. When we stopped at this river for like he was peeing, he says, but he completely to his ankles dropped his pants. And I...
Was like, "Whoa," and went back and sat in the car. And then we just, and I was like, when he got in the car, I was like, "What were you doing?" He's like, "Oh, I was just thinking it was funny, I need you to send my dick." And I was like, "You can't be doing that." Set a very clear boundary with him.
So I said, "This is what happened that day." And so my work was like, "Oh, well, he committed a crime. Like, that's sexual harassment." They forced me to file a sexual harassment complaint, which I was hesitant to do because I've been not believed in the past about things like this. But I did it. I gave everything that I had as proof of it. They came back and said that I made up all up and that I was just retaliating against him because of the information that he gave about my job.
He now has my old job. There's information that you've provided to your work that says that the stuff that he told in his interview was a lie. His work history, not just his personal, but his actual work history is a lie. And they just disregarded all of that.
I showed people, like, the proof to people that currently still work with him, file complaints against him about lying about that because it says if you lie during your interview, you're subject to termination, and they did nothing with it.
Aside from the different versions we have of his wife's death, we all have different timelines of when she died. Kanan told Sarah that she had died in 2009, which for marriage records shows that's when they got married. He told me his wife had died around 2017. I have found out that she is still alive and well and not living with that illness.
One of my coworkers, when they, because when I started telling this, they started digging and stuff like that. And they're like, I don't even think that that's actually his like biological son. Might not be true, might be true. I don't know, but I have heard that too. That's the first I've heard of that. And now I want to dig more. He had told me that his son had his last name and then changed it when the son's mom died to honor her. But that doesn't make sense because she never died. Because she never died. Because she's still very much alive.
When Sarah and Kanan's relationship turned, Sarah had done a deep dive as well. I think like we all did when we started realizing what the depth of his lies were. And so she kept finding things confirming that the wife was not dead and had not been an addict and was not living with that illness that he had said she was.
Sarah also contacted me through that same social media group. I wasn't alone and I'm not the only one. I frequently think about this. Like I don't think a week goes by where I don't this and pop into my head because I feel completely manipulated and used and just like it. Like, how did I allow this to happen to me? And so when I found that support group, I...
Yeah, it was really validating, but I was also really mad. Like, how can somebody get away with this? Like, how can this be okay? Like, how could he do this to so many people? And so that's why I wanted to like share my story and like also like commiserate.
Even like in that group, they had the wrong name. They had the wrong employer. Like I had all this wrong information about him. And I actually knew the truth about those things. And so I felt it was important to share that. I will say that somebody in that group told him that I shared that information. And so my work found out about that. And they said that was me harassing him. And so I got written up because I was harassing him.
Coming out of a relationship with someone like this, you have to accept that pretty much everything, every conversation was a lie. In Sarah's case, she still had to go to work every day and see him. And the impact of his lies...
And that relationship didn't just affect her emotionally. She didn't just lose her best friend. She also lost her career. And he was so vindictive in how he handled that situation that she ended up having to change her life plan, her goal for what she wanted to do for a living to avoid him and
maintain a job.
There are a lot of women that I've talked to that didn't want to come forward and share their story. The experience that I had with Kanan was essentially positive until the very end. There are a few of the women whose experiences were not. And the relationships that they had with him included anger and fighting and anger.
on such a grand scale that it took them a long time to figure out how to move forward in their lives. I never saw that side of him
My daughter Brianna and I have been free hashing and catching up on all of the stories that we've heard over the last year and a half. Because we work out at the gym three days a week and it's first thing in the morning, it always seemed that every time I would come in,
There was always something new coming out, and it was my new episode. Every time I showed up at the gym, I'm going to learn something else that happened the last night or in the last couple days. Every time we thought we had a handle on what we were dealing with, something new would come up. There was always another rock to be overturned and something happening.
So the most recent woman that contacted me was Kanan's oldest relationship that we've learned about. Oh, yeah. I remember this one. He was living with a woman and totally involved with her family and all the roots, all the ties. They were planning their future together. She ended up getting pregnant and he was traveling back and forth to work. Oh, yeah.
After she got pregnant, a woman from San Diego contacted her and said that she was pregnant with twins of Kanan's. Not the best time to find that out. Kanan has also told almost all of the women that he has a vasectomy, and he still keeps impregnating women all around the country. So the fact that her getting pregnant was already crazy, and now there's three babies...
Seems like someone's lying here. Which I still don't know if he really did have a vasectomy. Like, you could have had a little brother or sister. Another one. Oh, great. I need more brothers. I could have maybe given you a little sister. The woman in San Diego ended up...
getting an abortion because Kenan had talked her into it. The girlfriend that I talked to ended up miscarrying because of the stress. You just had an idea that you might have a family with someone that now... Your entire future is gone. And so she had a miscarriage and it's been a lot of years. Thankfully, she's healed and moved on and sounded great when I talked to her, but that was a rough one.
The first one that had proof and had had sex with him and had sort of all the receipts. All of the things that made it very obvious what was going on. Because she was the first one to comment, you know, he was in my bed last week. And with a smiley face emoji. And I'm like, what is this? What's happy about this? I'm confused. This isn't funny.
And they weren't exclusive. Like, she was dating, but it was moving towards...
Felt like it was moving forward, not... He was like, as soon as football is over, you know, it's gonna... Then I'll have more time and we can really date. But she's the one who he went on a date with after he dropped me off from the road trip. Oh, yeah. When you... So he was like texting her while he was with you. Yeah. They first started talking on the app in August. So they had been talking online for like a month or two months before they planned a date. Yeah.
One of the last text messages he sent me was, you know, I haven't matched or messaged anyone on the apps since August. And every time I read that, I'm like, okay, sure. I have a little bit of... Is that boy math? He told me he had moved to the Northwest about six months before I met him. After meeting with these other women, he had actually been in the Northwest for about two and a half years.
He had dated Sophia for two years. It was kind of on and off. She had started dating him two years before he told me he had even moved to the Northwest. She definitely questioned him a lot and paid more attention to the things he was saying. Sophia saw paperwork at his house for child support that had his son and a daughter on it. And that's how we found out that there was a daughter there.
With Sophia, the wife was alive but had struggled with addiction. This relationship with Kanan really altered how she viewed herself and her confidence in trusting people. Kanan was very aggressive with her, especially when he was drinking. Kanan rarely drank with me.
They had gone on vacation and some of his military friends were with them who seemed to be very aware of his behavior and tolerate it. At one point, Kanan and her had had sex against the window of their hotel and apparently all the military buddies were outside and could see them.
And she didn't know this until he butt dialed her later. Oh, yeah. And he heard them talking about it with his friends and that the friends saw everything, which was just like horrible to hear. And they're laughing in the background about, you know, all of this. And she...
Was thinking it was a good moment between her and her boyfriend not to be used as like humiliation for his friends. But it also shows how his friends are because they're all were involved in that very much so. And we're OK with it if they're sitting there laughing about it afterwards. Willing participants in his manipulation. Yeah.
Karen is the one that we found out about, I don't know, this spring. And she was the one who they had broken up around the same time that I broke up with him. But he broke up with her and was just like, I'm focusing on other things. And she was sort of mourning the loss of this relationship. Just a breakup, going through a breakup. Yeah. But they had been together for like two years. And I...
like, was looking on her Facebook profile page, there's all these pictures of, like... Them together. Yeah. And then...
She didn't find out because of the social media group until like six months later. Oh, so way, yeah, way after they had already broken up and then you're finding out that your relationship was a lie. That, yeah. I mean, it's, so not only do you have to grieve the loss of a relationship, but now you have to re-grieve because the whole relationship. Your grief was wrong. Like your grief was misplaced initially. It wasn't looking at the right issue. And I would imagine initially you feel like
some of it's your fault or you did something wrong or you weren't good enough. And then in the end, it ends up being that he's, you know, just a piece of shit. Yeah.
So I wasn't a penguin for him, but a lot of these other women were penguins. Allura was one of the ones that was his penguin. It's been really rough on her. I think the last four relationships were with men that were almost identical to him. Yeah, kind of seeing the pattern and having one that's just so ridiculous and over the top. This wasn't the worst one. Oh, no.
And then there was the one that he had dated for three years before he moved here. Maya is, first off, like, badass. He seems to have a type. He definitely does. But this woman came in. While they're sleeping, she snuck into the house, into their bedroom, and started yelling and screaming about the, like...
You're, you know, you lied. To the house that they were living at together. There's a girl here. I know you lied. You know, you're obviously, this is a thing. Like, I wouldn't walk into Maya's house unannounced. Somehow, Kanan got this lady out and then gaslit Maya enough that she said it never sat right, but...
She was able to put it out of her mind because he kind of convinced her enough. Because it was so crazy. Like, it's such a crazy thing to have happen. They were like, there's just a crazy lady here. Yeah, because he told me a few times that there was this woman that he had to block because she was crazy. She wouldn't leave me alone. Yeah.
And that was after he had proposed to Maya. She said no, thankfully. But they were buying a house together. Like they were out house hunting. They were ready to like settle down. Like had looked at houses and talking to banks with like, because when I first contacted her, she's like, yeah, what financial information would you like to know about him? Because I have all of his records. Oh, like all, wow. And I'm like, if you're going to fuck with women,
Maybe don't do that. Yeah. Don't give them the power to fuck you, we'll back over. Right. The way he would study my responses to the shit he would throw out, even the initial story about his ex-wife having died by suicide. He waits for your reaction to then figure out how he's going to tell a story moving forward. If he would have told me that story and my response would have been,
have had people in my life you know that have died or were close to me or the boys' parents died and I adopted them like this is this is all really close to me it probably would have been a whole different a different attempt or different way that he then presented the rest of the story right
Which is probably why every woman has a slightly different version of the story is because it's more about what he thinks they'll react better to. Well, it's perfectly tailored to who they are. I mean, he is really good at reading people and then tailoring himself to fit within what you need. Yeah. Yeah.
Not all of these women were dating him at the same time I was. Some of these women were past relationships, and it's been now a decade of women that I've talked to that all have the same experiences.
After I had met with one of the women driving back home, we passed his exit. So we pulled off the freeway. It isn't far. He is at a dead end sort of street. And so it's not like you can just drive straight past. We had to drive past, circle back and drive around. And I was in the back seat as we got closer to the house.
I thought it would just be, you know, driving by the house, no big deal. I mean, obviously I'm not going to hang out the window and, like, wave. It makes me want to steal his dog. His dog is the sweetest dog in the whole wide world. And he lies. I'm so surprised that... You're only the second woman that has ever met. Oh, God. And I think he told that to all of us.
As we got closer, I started to panic and got lower and lower in the back seat. Turn left. Then the destination is on your left. The green one. If you take a left, so it's right past the RV. It's going to be right past the RV on the left, and it's right on the left-hand side on the corner. And then as we passed his house, it looks like it's all the same. Okay, so he is there. He's still in the area. All right. We'll have to track him down. How are you feeling? Okay.
I was way more anxious than I thought I was going to be. I was more affected by this relationship than I realized. I wasn't just going through this process of meeting these women and connecting with these women to help people, but because I needed help.
You probably think the stories about you is a production of large media. That's L-A-R-J media. Our executive producer is Brittany Ard. Our showrunner is Sid Gladue. Creative direction by Tina Knoll. Our associate producer is Kareem Kiltow. Sound engineering by Chris Young.
and Sean Simmons. Graphic design by Najella Shama. Opening theme by Youth Star and Miscellaneous. If you want to know more about Britt, follow her on social media. You can find her at Brittney.ard on all platforms. If you like what we're doing, don't forget to hit that follow button wherever you're listening to this podcast right now. And also, give us a rate or review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify.
