cover of episode Vol.79 都是为你好,我也开始说这句话了

Vol.79 都是为你好,我也开始说这句话了

2024/9/20
logo of podcast 小镇文艺青年

小镇文艺青年

People
小木
桑桑
猴哥
Topics
小木:分享了听友投稿,讲述了因高考志愿与家人发生冲突的经历,以及长大后对弟弟妹妹也使用“都是为你好”的模式,反思了自身在给予建议时的局限性,以及对他人是否真正理解自身好意的困惑。 桑桑:提出角色转换后,理解“都是为你好”的难度增加,可能面临对方并不需要“好意”的情况,引发了对建议给予者与接受者之间认知差异的讨论。 猴哥:从自身经历出发,分享了在给朋友提供婚恋建议时遇到的问题,指出给予建议者需要意识到自身的局限性,避免过度干涉,尊重他人选择,并以书写书籍的比喻说明了建议与他人人生选择之间的关系。同时,也分享了自身在处理与朋友、家人关系中的经验与感悟,强调了保持边界感、避免过度焦虑的重要性,以及尊重他人命运和选择的必要性。 小木:探讨了“都是为你好”背后隐藏的多种动机,例如爱、对自身遗憾的弥补以及对未来的恐惧,并指出这些动机在亲人之间也难以被轻易接受。同时,也分析了农村孩子在成长过程中缺乏建议和支持,导致在社会上更容易碰壁的现象,以及读书学习中学习寻求建议和打破认知局限的重要性。 桑桑:在健身房等场景中,除非被询问,否则不主动给别人建议,体现了人际交往中的边界感。并指出高中生以爱至上的观念,在父母看来可能很可笑,这体现了不同年龄段的认知局限性。建议倾听者在听到“都是为你好”时,应先思考建议的合理性,并尝试打破自身认知局限,从不同角度理解建议。 猴哥:认为人生没有标准答案,要为自己的选择负责。父母对子女的建议,也与家庭的兜底能力有关。兜底能力强,建议的力度会相对较小。分享了自身与家人沟通的经验,指出充分沟通的重要性,以及在沟通无效时,接受现状,做好自己的生活。

Deep Dive

Key Insights

Why do people often say 'It's for your own good' when giving advice?

People often say 'It's for your own good' because they genuinely believe their advice will benefit the other person. However, this phrase can sometimes be used to justify their own perspective without fully considering the other person's needs or understanding. It reflects a shift in roles, where individuals who once received such advice now find themselves giving it, often without realizing the limitations of their own experiences.

What is the danger of giving advice without understanding one's limitations?

Giving advice without understanding one's limitations can lead to overstepping boundaries and imposing one's own values or experiences on others. This can result in the recipient feeling misunderstood or pressured, especially if the advice doesn't align with their personal circumstances or desires. It’s crucial to recognize that what works for one person may not work for another.

How can one effectively communicate advice without being overbearing?

Effective communication of advice involves presenting it as a choice or a perspective rather than a mandate. It’s important to provide context, explain the reasoning behind the advice, and leave room for the recipient to decide how to use it. This approach respects the other person's autonomy and reduces the likelihood of resistance or resentment.

What role does self-awareness play in giving and receiving advice?

Self-awareness is crucial in both giving and receiving advice. When giving advice, it helps to recognize one's biases and limitations, ensuring that the advice is tailored to the recipient's needs rather than one's own agenda. When receiving advice, self-awareness allows individuals to critically evaluate the advice, considering whether it aligns with their values and circumstances before deciding to act on it.

Why is it important to respect others' choices even when they go against advice?

Respecting others' choices, even when they go against advice, is important because it acknowledges their autonomy and right to make decisions about their own lives. It also fosters trust and mutual respect in relationships. Everyone has their own path and learning experiences, and sometimes making mistakes is part of personal growth and self-discovery.

How can parents and children navigate the tension between 'It's for your own good' and personal autonomy?

Parents and children can navigate this tension through open and honest communication. Parents should explain their concerns and the reasoning behind their advice, while children should express their own perspectives and desires. Both parties need to listen actively and respect each other's viewpoints, finding a balance between guidance and independence.

What is the significance of understanding the motivations behind 'It's for your own good'?

Understanding the motivations behind 'It's for your own good' is significant because it reveals whether the advice is genuinely aimed at the recipient's well-being or if it stems from the advisor's own fears, regrets, or desires. This understanding can help the recipient evaluate the advice more critically and decide whether it aligns with their own goals and values.

Why is it challenging for people to accept advice, even when it's well-intentioned?

It's challenging for people to accept advice because it often requires them to change their behavior or perspective, which can be uncomfortable or difficult. Additionally, advice may conflict with their own beliefs or desires, leading to resistance. People are more likely to accept advice when they feel it is relevant, practical, and aligned with their own goals.

How can individuals balance their own desires with the expectations of others?

Individuals can balance their own desires with the expectations of others by clearly defining their priorities and communicating them effectively. It’s important to set boundaries and make decisions based on what aligns with one's values and long-term goals, while also considering the impact on relationships. Open dialogue and mutual respect are key to finding this balance.

What is the role of empathy in giving and receiving advice?

Empathy plays a crucial role in giving and receiving advice. When giving advice, empathy allows the advisor to understand the recipient's feelings and perspective, making the advice more relevant and considerate. When receiving advice, empathy helps the recipient appreciate the advisor's intentions, even if they ultimately choose not to follow the advice. This mutual understanding fosters healthier and more constructive interactions.

Chapters
本期节目讨论“都是为你好”这句话在父母与子女间的角色转换。从儿时不理解到长大后不自觉地说出这句话,探讨了其中的心路历程和转变。
  • 父母常说“都是为你好”,子女长大后也常说这句话。
  • 角色转变后,需要重新思考“都是为你好”这句话的意义。
  • 给别人提建议时,要意识到自身的局限性。

Shownotes Transcript

-封面 / 合影©小木

-主播 / 小木 桑桑

-本期嘉宾 / 猴哥

以前都是父母对我们说“都是为你好”,现在我们不由自主的说出“都是为你好”,我们试图以自己的角度发表看法,这让我们重新思考“都是为你好”这句话,角色转变后,到底发生了哪些故事。

【本期会聊到↓】

  • 我们反思了一下,怎么自己有“爹味儿”了

  • 给别人提建议的时候得意识到自己的局限性

  • 如何跨越认知局限,听取别人的意见

【创作↓】

  • 选题策划 / 小木

  • 视觉 剪辑 运营 / 小木