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cover of episode Revolutionary You w/ Christina Edwards

Revolutionary You w/ Christina Edwards

2022/1/26
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Woman Evolve with Sarah Jakes Roberts

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Christina Edwards discusses her journey as the first college graduate and business owner in her family, emphasizing the importance of being intentional in her decisions and setting clear goals for her future.

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can't bless who you pretend to be or who you compare yourself to he can only bless you and the lane that was created for you I feel that for somebody you don't need no edge entity you need boundaries what I don't need your likes I don't need your validation all I need is a God fighting for me that says all things all things all things

Let me tell you how January is trying to get up out of here. Okay, did she fly by or what? Did it move at a glacial pace for you? I don't know about you, but for me, it seems like it was just moving and moving and moving. But I do feel like I am getting my rhythm. Okay, if you're asking about 75 hard in your head, you're wondering where I am. Mind your business. That's all. Just mind your business. I'm going to tell you how January is trying to get up out of here.

I am your friend and I cannot wait for us to dive into this conversation today with Christina Edwards. Sis is out here making her family big proud. She's the family's first college student and business owner. Give our good sis a round of applause because she is doing that. If that's your testimony, I just want you to know that we salute you as well. I can understand being the first in the family can be challenging, but look at you trying to do new things and break new barriers. We see you.

As much as we say we want to start something new in our bloodline, it's not always easy. But beyond that, let's see what else is going on in Christina's world. Hello, gorgeous. Hi, beautiful. How are you? I'm doing great. Thank you. How are you? I'm doing pretty good. What made you want to be on the podcast?

Well, you know, I absolutely love the Woman Evolved podcast and I love how down to earth you really are. You know, sometimes when you move up in your career or when you get a lot of followers and stuff, people start to lose sight of themselves and you haven't. And that's what I absolutely love about this podcast. And, you know, it really resonates with my mission for my career consulting business of just helping women get to the next level and evolve in their careers. So I figured what better way to do that than to just

Share as much knowledge that I have and talk with you today as a co-host. Thank you. I'm looking forward to getting to your business and getting to know you a little bit better. OK, we are man. We're almost at the end of January. How has this first month of 2022 been treating you so far? It has been crazy.

I feel like, you know, I don't even remember 2021 and we're already in the next year. So I feel like, you know, with this year, I'm trying to just be more intentional about what I do within my life, within my relationship with God, with my career and everything. But it's been going good so far, but definitely overwhelming with just all the blessings that God has placed in my life. Okay. So when you say be more intentional, how does that actively show up in your decision making from day to day?

A lot of times I used to just go with the flow when it came to, you know, decisions I made within my relationship, you know, within my career and all of that. But now I'm just like, listen, I'm, you know, I'm in my twenties and all, but

but that doesn't mean that God can't impact my life in a great way. Right. So whenever I make decisions, like I need to write the vision down, make it plain and make sure that I have God in my life every step of the way. So that's pretty much what I mean by intentionality. I have goals that I want to set for myself by the time I turned 35. And how am I going to get there? I can't get there by just winging it every day. So that's more so what I mean by just being intentional. I

I find that so beautiful. Last week, I preached a message for Activate and it's called Take Up Space. And in the message, I really spoke about at the end of the day, we have to come to a knowing within ourselves that is bigger than what happens inside of us. But how do I allow it to literally take up space in the territory?

that is connected to my name and my identity and my place in the earth. And that does require some communication and maybe even shaking up some relationships because when we take up space, we're actually taking back space from someone else. And so as you are taking up space, what are some lessons you're learning about just your relationships with maybe your significant other, your friends, your family? How have you being more intentional affected those relationships?

I would say me being more intentional and taking up space, I think it's also inspired other people to be more intentional as well, because I feel like pretty much being positive, being proactive is contagious, right? And so with that being said, I think by...

really just sitting down and talking to my family, talking to my friends, my loved ones and telling them, these are my goals. This is what I want to do. I want to be very transparent with my relationship with God. And I'd love to bring you along the way. Um,

Sometimes I've scared folks where they've kind of taken a backseat, right? But I'm still going to move in the direction that God wants me to go. And the people that are meant to be there are going to be there. And they're going to either support me along that journey and follow suit and also be intentional or they're not, right? But I think regardless of that, God is going to place people in your life for a reason or a season. And so I just have to be open and knowing that while I take up space, certainly

and people may not go along with me and I have to be okay with that and knowing that his plan and his purpose for my life.

That's so powerful. When you said that it's actually inspired more people to be intentional, I think so many of us are afraid of the isolation connected with transformation, that we miss out on the opportunity to be the inspiration that leads to transformation as well. Not everyone is going to be afraid and leave you alone. Some people are going to say, if you're going to do this, I'm going to roll up my sleeves and see how I can do it as well. And those are the people who we find out over time were the people who

who we were meant to do life with, who we were meant to grow with, not just those people who were there for a season. And if you have a large circle of friends, some of those relationships are rooted in authenticity. They're rooted in the ability to grow. So don't just think that every change is going to create isolation. Some changes can be the inspiration that someone else needs.

Exactly. No, I totally agree with you. And that's the reason why, like, no matter what relationship I'm in, whether it's a romantic relationship or with friendships or coworkers and things like that, I always just pray and ask God, what purpose do they serve in my life? Is this person serving me or are they actually hindering me from where you want me to be? And that's what's always kind of helped me make or break whatever relationships I've had along the way.

Now, I think it's worth saying that like you're a pretty focused and intense woman. Yes, you're in your 20s, but you have accomplished a lot. You've done a lot of firsts within your families. Can you tell me a little bit about your story? Yeah. So I'm from Bridgeport, Connecticut, and some people may be like, what happens in Bridgeport, Connecticut? Right.

Um, a lot of folks in bridge for, unfortunately they don't get to see their twenties, right? They may be shot due to gun violence and things of that nature, or they may be in jail or may not even get a degree. Right. And so with me, I wanted to not be a statistic. I wanted to create change and break those generational curses within my family or within my friends groups. And so I was actually, you know, the first person in my family to get a bachelor's and a master's degree.

I had no idea what I was doing, right? But I made sure and I was determined because I know like in Colossians 3.23, it says, whatever you do, do that work with all of your heart, right? And that's something that my parents taught me. So I made sure I found out the right connections to be able to go to college for my bachelor's and master's. And also the first person in my family to start a business. And it's also a business that's

giving back to my community because I want to go back to Connecticut or other communities with other underrepresented individuals that don't know the tools and resources to advance in their careers. And so what way can I advance? And I work hard, but how can I give back to other people as well? Do you feel connected with your growth or do you feel like you're doing it, but on the outside looking in? Oh, that's a good question. Um,

I would say I do feel connected to my growth.

I think I've had so many setbacks where people have, you know, they say life and death is in the power of the tongue, right? People have spoke negatively over me or over my life because of what season I was in. Maybe I, you know, used to get into fights or I was angry. So they're saying, oh, you'll never, you know, you'll never go to college or you'll never succeed, right? And so I felt like

All of those setbacks or all of those negative things people have spoken over me. And I tried my best to intentionally break whatever was was over my life that was negative. Right. And so since I felt every moment and I made sure that I thank God every single step of the way, I would say that I feel the growth and I'm not like on the outside looking and I'm in it all the way.

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That's so incredible to think of the way that your journey has transformed and evolved. And while you've had other people looking in, you've certainly given them just a first row look at what it means when a person really takes the reins of their life and begins leaning into a life that is divine, that is orchestrated, that is ordered. You said that you used to get in fights and now you're fighting literally not...

Not physically, but like fighting, you know, statistics, fighting what's happening in your community, fighting the educational system to make sure that you were able to get those degrees. When is the last time you said, you know what, this is something I'm not going to fight? Because what I have learned about fighters, if you are a fighter like myself, is that

is that we sometimes sign up for fights that we have no business being in because we are so used to fighting that we feel like I can fight any and everything but just because you're a fighter doesn't mean that every fight is assigned to your identity and it takes wisdom to be able to say this is not my

fight. Maybe I could fight it and win it. Maybe I could come out on the other side, but at the end of the day, I have to make sure I'm harnessing my energy for the fights that are exclusively assigned to my name. So, Christina, when's the last time you put your gloves down and was like, I'm not even supposed to be in this fight. I quit. I'm out of here. Okay. Yeah, that's a good question, too. I

You know, it's crazy because and this is me being vulnerable, fully transparent. I'm a career consultant, right? I help people get higher paying jobs and that they love. Right. But for me, I have been like interviewing for a full year trying to get another job. And I'm like, Lord, I want another job with better pay because I work full time in my nine to five. But in my five to nine, I have this business. Right.

have not gotten not one job. I've made it to the final round of every single thing, but it wasn't sticking. And so after a year of interviewing, everyone said, we have nothing negative to say about you, but you're great. But we just picked an internal. It was always something, right? I said, Lord, I'm going to put my gloves down because maybe this is your sign to me that I should focus on

my business, something that you woke me up in the middle of the night and called me to do. Maybe I should stop focusing on that nine to five so hard and trying to get to the next level there. If that's not where you destined me to be in the longterm in the first place. And so that's something that I would say more recently, uh,

I, you know, I felt that imposter syndrome of how am I going to help other people get jobs, but I can't do it. I was fighting with my pride. God was working with me on my pride and telling me just because you help other people do it, it's not your season. Focus on what I called you to do. And so that, that's something that honestly, and being vulnerable, I,

I put my gloves down. I said, Lord, I'm just let you have it with my future and what my purpose is. And I'll let you take it from there. Man, pride. Pride is the reason why we stay in fights that we are not necessarily assigned to. But because we just want the victory, we're used to winning, we're used to progressing. We find ourselves being led by our pride. How would you define pride? I, you know, pride.

I would say that pride is really just not being able to just take accountability for different things or not being able to just compromise or not being able to be the wrong person in a situation. Like you always want to be right or you always want to one up somebody. Right. Or you always want to be the person on top, no matter how many people you're hurting in that process. Right.

And so I see pride as something where you're more worried about yourself than about your impact and how that lands on other people and like other decisions down the road. So it's a very like selfish thing, you know, when you when you have

pride. And that's something that, you know, I have been trying to work on in different aspects of my life. I think I'm very selfless, but there are, everyone has pride in different areas of their life that they can work on. For sure. I definitely have a lot of pride. I've discussed this all the time, how I struggle with saying I was wrong. I struggle with apologizing because I feel like if you understood why I did it, then you would know that I did it for the right reasons, even though what I did may have been wrong and hurt your feelings.

But I really do think pride is based in fear. Fear that someone will change the way they think about me. Fear that I'm not as smart as I say I am. Fear that you don't think I am as smart as you say that you think that I am. And so do you know what your pride is rooted in? Do you know...

Yeah. And actually, I just talked to my therapist about this last week.

I watch your podcast and how you advertise BetterHelp and honestly, it's great. So one thing I would say that I've noticed within pride within myself is rooted in defensiveness. It's rooted in me feeling like I always have to stick up for myself because I feel like I'm going to be misunderstood or it's going to alter my reputation in any way.

I think that's definitely rooted in, you know, when I was in high school, I used to like kind of what I was saying before I got into a lot of fights. I was always suspended. Like there were definitely like people that just didn't like me because, you know, of whatever reason, who knows to this day.

And I always had to defend myself. And I think even that 14, 15, 16 year old girl is alive in me today sometimes when it comes to just being defensive when I get into an argument about something completely unrelated, right? Or just being defensive when it comes to my career or when it comes to different relationships and things like that. So I would say that sometimes I get prideful

and just making sure that I'm always holding myself to this high standard. And I look like I'm just so great. And I have to defend myself to maintain that reputation that back in the day, folks have may have tried to tear down. And so I kind of like stilt

live that and deal with that to this day. Okay. So Christina, you, you said that you got into a lot of fights and the only people who get into a lot of fights are the people who got them hands. When did you find out that you can throw hands? Like when did it become like, you know what? Christina is not the one because people who get whooped don't get into a lot of fights and they try to avoid them. When did you find out you had them hands? I mean, you know, see,

My daddy taught me to have hands at a young age. I was birthed because my parents did not raise punks. They said, you know, you've got to stick up for yourself. You've got to defend yourself. So it's not just me. It's my sister, my brother. We all make sure that we have hands. It's a family of hands. Yes. It's a family of hands. I love to see it. So you know.

our hands down now. Amen. Amen. No, we only lay hands on people. We laid our hands down and we're building careers now. There we go. Amen.

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I really didn't understand how Truebill could help me until we decided to save for a very large home purchase. Go right now, Truebill.com slash woman evolve. It could save you thousands a year. Truebill.com slash woman evolve. Okay, Christina, we have an advice question. It is a little lengthy, which I personally love, but you know, turn your listening ears on. You may need a notepad and a pen because we're going there. Okay.

Okay, here we go. Hi, SJR. A little backstory. My grandfather is a preacher and he practically raised my siblings and I. My grandmother, his wife has multiple sclerosis, which has disabled her ability to move, speak, feed herself, change herself, and anything else you can think of. She

She's had it since 2000, but it's progressive, so it gets worse, unfortunately. Although our mother was still in our lives, he raised us for the most part of our lives. And let me say this beforehand, I love my granddad. And I truly do appreciate his sacrifice and willingness to take on such a demanding responsibility for the last 20 years, especially while being a caretaker for my granny. However, when we were growing up,

We heard things along the lines of your mom ain't doing nothing for you and y'all don't have nobody and I don't have to do this. When we were younger, it didn't mean much, but as we started to get older, it started to hit a little different and we started to look at my mom as a human and not this perfect

♪♪

He recently threatened to kick us out if we didn't get the COVID-19 vaccine when we already planned to get it. It was just a matter of timing. He is very manipulative and he seeks to start an argument about everything. He's burning bridges with everyone that we know. I'm going to do a little bit of skipping down to the trauma has gone on in our house has definitely trickled down from my mom to my uncles, my siblings, and even myself.

Yeah.

He called me a liar, which turned out to be a complete misunderstanding that he won't admit to. He said that if she told me, he wouldn't speak to her or do anything for her. She's 17. Luckily, my brother is in therapy. I'm starting therapy soon. I'm in the middle of building a promising career as a news anchor, getting internships, making connections.

But to see my grandfather, the person that introduced me to Christ, preach one thing but live another is saddening. And I know that he's human and makes mistakes, but it feels like a little bit more than mistakes. I thought about talking to my pastor, my bishop about it, but I don't want to make things worse. I've never been disrespectful, not as a child and not now. So I know that it can't be me, but it's hurting our family. When I'm away, I feel free and at peace, which is terrible. Home used to be a place that I couldn't wait to go to. So my question is,

What should I do? What would you do? How do I save our relationship? What advice would you give? Christina, you want to kick it off? Child, your face is giving child. All right. All right. So this.

This isn't 100% related to what I've been through, but there were little bits and pieces. Just to give a little backstory, my dad passed away almost three years ago. And, you know, he was very sick. My mom had to kind of take care of him and stuff. And he was the one that introduced my mom and introduced my family to God. Like, he's the one that talked about God.

that loves God. But my dad got a temper. Remember I told you the family of hands, right? So my dad has a temper on him. And as he was getting sicker and everything, he still just had like a hard heart a little bit. And he would kind of lash out on people and, you know, just kind of be accusatory and things of that nature. And, you know, it took a time where like my sister and I, we've had to have talked to him like,

You love God. You introduced us to God. You tell us, you know, these are the different things that Jesus has done and we need to be more like him. Do you think that your anger and the way that you lash out at people that are trying to take care of you is something that Jesus would do? Right. And so I say that because in this situation, she's dealing with her grandfather that's taking care of someone. And her grandfather is the one that, you know, is...

is angry, is being just disrespectful downright, right? Making people feel uncomfortable, but yet he's the one that talks about God. He's the one that loves God. So it's contradictory. So what I would recommend is kind of doing what I did, because I know my dad went home to the Lord because he softened his heart. He got right with God before he went home. And so I would say the same thing of sitting down with your grandfather, like face to face,

And letting him know the different things that have happened and how that's affected you and saying, you know, you taught me about God and to be and to be more like Christ. But some of the things that I'm seeing right. Right. May not be Christlike. And I and I love you. I want to be there for you. But I want us to have a better Christlike relationship.

you know, and kind of seeing what he says from there. But if you come from a caring place and not like this defensive state or coming aggressive, then he may be more receptive to, to listen when you kind of provide those examples. That's Christina. That's so good. I, um, I'm going to say something that's dangerous and probably requires a lot more unpacking than this podcast can really give, but there is a difference between disrespect and

and holding someone accountable. There's the difference between disrespect and creating boundaries. And a lot of times in our family environments, we struggle with keeping people accountable or creating boundaries because we don't want it to come off as disrespectful. I have

to let them talk to me a certain way because if I say something that's being disrespectful, I have to let them treat me a certain way because if I don't, then that comes off as disrespectful. But when you come to a place where you understand where your triggers are, what damages you, and you take responsibility for your own soul, it's not enough to know your soul if you're not willing to show up and protect your soul. And so it sounds like this relationship and other relationships like it within your family

really need boundaries. You need accountability. You need to be able to say, you can't talk to me about my sister. You can't talk to me about my mother, that I'm not willing to engage in this conversation. I love you, granddad, but I've got to go. Call me when the sweet potato pie is out the oven and we can talk about that. But what we're not going to talk about is what happened with my mother. And there is nothing wrong with

creating boundaries and accountability within family and establishing those even if no one else in your family has them and yes you may be acting funny and yes they may think she's somebody now and yes she may be uppity but you know what else she is whole you know what else she has peace you know what else she has her whole mind because I have

to protect me at any cost. When the people who are charged with protecting you end up damaging you and then won't be accountable for helping to create a safer environment, then you can no longer enable them to be responsible for protecting you. What you have to be willing to ask yourself is not how do I change them, but how do I change my boundaries so that who they are no longer affects who I am?

And that may mean distance. And that may mean I have to see you on the weekend. And yes, you can communicate that to the other people in your life, but it is not to get a permission slip sign. It is to let them know this is my standard. This is where I live. This is where I vibrate. This is where I think. This is where I

I am striving towards. And if you can't meet me here, it is no shade at all. But I'm not going to shrink in order to go back into that person that makes you comfortable at the expense of losing myself. And I think that's exactly what you're going to have to do is be willing to create those boundaries.

Yes, that was good. That was good. Because there is no award for the most stressed out person. There's no award for the most complicated family, right? And so it comes a time where after you had that heart to heart, you had that talk and it still doesn't work. Yeah. Then I'm going to leave

Boundaries down, because at least, you know, my intentions are clear. And if you can't meet what, you know, my expectations are and just having a healthy relationship, then that means you don't respect me. And I have to do what I have to do for myself. And I'm willing to unplug. Christina, before we go, do you have any questions for me? Anything I can answer about my life, my journey, what I'm learning?

Yeah, I actually do have a question for you. So if you ever find yourself discouraged, what are some things that you do in order to keep you motivated, like to keep you going, even when you know that you're discouraged because of all like the trials or tribulations that you may be facing? I really ask myself, what is discouragement trying to communicate to me about my purpose, about my worth, about my identity? I try not to just...

work on top of discouragement. I try to break down what discouragement is trying to communicate to me so that I can reject those thoughts or I can process them and connect them to an insecurity or connect them to an opportunity for growth. Maybe there's some conviction in

and discouragement. But for me, I do get discouraged. I get discouraged all of the time. And most of the time when I get discouraged, it's because something that has happened that is an echo of an insecurity that I'm still working through. And so I allow myself to be human enough to say, okay, that's that 13-year-old girl who heard that. That's that 19-year-old girl who heard that. And she's bleeding from hearing that. But I let her

I sit with myself in that way, but then I let this grown woman say, okay, now it's not true. And it's okay. You're better than that. And yes, you're still learning. You're still growing. And I pick up my own hand and I say, let's move forward. And so I think it's dissection. I think it's self-compassion. And then I think what...

the end of the day, the affirmation that can only come from heaven, allowing that to rest and then get me back up. And sometimes showing up again is not showing up in beast mode. It's showing up in humility. It's showing up in vulnerability. It's being able to say,

Maybe when I'm preaching, I'm like, I need this word for myself. So be patient with me while I try to communicate it to tell your friends and your family, like I'm here, but I need you to pray for me or I'm here and I'm not the life of the party today because I'm going through something. But allowing myself to not live up to this previous expectation in a present moment of pain has been one of the things that helps me in moments of discouragement as well. Oh, yes. That was good. Thank you. My pleasure. Thank you.

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Explore your creativity on Skillshare.com slash evolve and get a month free trial. Christine, I can't wait to see what all you're going to do in the world. It is obvious that it is going to be remarkable. It's going to be life changing and it's going to teach us all how to throw them hands. And we cannot wait to get in the boxing ring of purpose with you. Thank you for doing this with me. Oh, thank you so much for having me. God bless you and all the work that you're doing. I really appreciate it. Thank you. Take care.

You know, I have to thank my amazing co-host, Christina, for holding you down with the kids. This is a light. She is going to shine so brightly, not just doing it for Bridgeport, Connecticut, but she's going to do it for the globe. I cannot wait to see all of the amazing things she's going to do. Delegation. Okay, listen, we have quite a few co-host requests and advice questions rolling in. And guess what? We're going to do it for the globe.

We've still got time for more. OK, so send us an email to podcast at woman evolve dot com. I'm fresh out of notes, so I guess we can stick a fork in this one because we're what done until next time. Holla back and hallelujah. I'm a good lawyer and I want to win. I think I killed G.T.

She needs someone who's going to fight for her. If we don't follow the right plan, we lose. The hit series Reasonable Doubt, now streaming on Hulu. She was defending herself against a monster. Starring Emma Yatze-Coronalde. I'm the best lawyer you have ever worked with. And Morris Chestnut. I'm not gonna stop.

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Hello. From Wonder Media Network, I'm Jenny Kaplan, host of Womanica, a daily podcast that introduces you to the fascinating lives of women history has forgotten. Who

Who doesn't love a sports story? The rivalries, the feats of strength and stamina. But these tales go beyond the podium. There's the team table tennis champ, the ice skater who earned a medal and a medical degree, and the sprinter fighting for Aboriginal rights. Listen to Womanica on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.