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Welcome, welcome, welcome to another exciting episode of the Trap Nerds Podcast. This is not an episode. I'm pretty sure this is a promo. You know what it is. We in this piece. Trap nerds, trap nerds. Real n****s like you never heard.
We're giving you reliable gaming news with the best movie and TV reviews from a Blur perspective. All things inside and out of Blur culture. Listen to the Trap Nurse Podcast on the Black Effect Podcast Network, iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
What's good? It's Colleen Witt and Eating While Broke is back for season three. Brought to you by the Black Effect Podcast Network and iHeartRadio. We're serving up some real stories and life lessons from people like Van Lathan, DC Youngfly, Bone Thugs-N-Harmony, and many more.
They're sharing the dishes that got them through their struggles and the wisdom they gained along the way. We're cooking up something special, so tune in every Thursday. Listen to Eating While Broke on the Black Effect Podcast Network, iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Presented by State Farm. Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there. Yo, it's Big Bank. Check out my podcast, Prospective with Bank, on the Black Effect Podcast Network. Each and every Monday, Prospective with Bank podcasts will feature individuals, all walks of life, who come together to share their unique perspective and engage in enlightened conversation. This podcast will explore all type of conversations from everyday people, your favorite celebrities. Every Monday, listen to Prospective with Bank on Black Effect Podcast Network, iHeartRadio app, Apple
Presented by AT&T. Connecting changes everything.
Hi, I'm Katie Lowes. And I'm Guillermo Diaz. And we're the hosts of Unpacking the Toolbox, the Scandal Rewatch podcast where we're talking about all the best moments of the show. Mesmerizing. But also, we get to hang out with all of our old Scandal friends like Bellamy Young, Scott Foley, Tony Goldwyn, Debbie Allen, Kerry Washington. Well, suit up, gladiators. Grab your big old glass of wine and prepare yourselves for an even more behind-the-scenes Scandal.
stories with unpacking the toolbox listen to unpacking the toolbox on the iheart radio app apple podcast or wherever you get your podcasts if god is going to tell me yes why do i gotta be the one to tell myself no what you mean is what you say and what you say is what you portray get your life okay it's so many people in jail that need motivation maybe that's maybe that's the next corner that god wants me to touch i don't know
Let's rescue Madonna for being late for two hours. I mean, it happens. Life happens. Another week, another podcast. Hey, you. How are you? How are you doing? Okay, so we are officially out of the month of January, and I can officially say to you, Happy New Year. I don't care. I don't care. I don't care. It is the new year for me now. January, I've already told you, she came in here yesterday.
doing too much. Okay. And I can honestly say that this is the first time in 2024 that I am feeling like 2024, I can forgive you. Let's move on. Let's see what the end's going to be. I'm excited. I worked out twice this week, you know, which, you know, it's when I'm recording this, it's what's today? Today's Tuesday. So that's two...
I'm a fitness influencer. I am a fit. I am. This podcast is me launching my fitness influencer platform. I worked out twice this week. I'm a stretch tomorrow and I may work out two more times. Okay. Slow down. Slow down. Don't start booking me yet. Okay. How have you been? I am taking deep breaths and keeping the faith because I can sense that
That God is requiring me to own who I've always known that he said that I was. Does that make any sense to you? Yeah, it makes sense to me. There comes a stage in our life where we're like, okay, I know who God says I am, but I also know who I am. And one day I'll be who God says I am. But right now it feels like God is saying you are who I say you are right now. Right now. You're an author right now. You're a leader right now.
You're a doctor right now. You know what I mean? Like, right. You're a wife right now. You're whole right now. You're healed right now. It's time for you to stop thinking that it's something in the distant and it's right here in the future. So y'all pray for me. Follow me as I follow Christ. Let me tell you last month we had, Hey, you, if you have not heard our theme for 2024 for woman evolve is surrender.
For the first quarter, we're going to talk about surrendering to becoming, surrender to becoming, which is a process and a journey all into itself. In order for us to surrender to becoming though, we must be willing to figure out what it is that we are laying down.
At Hey You in Dallas, we had this incredible exercise where we passed out sheets of paper and people wrote on the paper what it is that they wanted to surrender. It was fear, maybe it was insecurity. And then we put it in this, it was dissolvable paper that we put into these water tanks. And I had my godmother, Pastor Mary C. Wright, say a prayer over things as they were dissolving. And it was a powerful exchange.
So today, I think we should stay in line with that theme of surrender. But let's talk about surrendering to accountability. I think that the theme of this episode is going to be helpful for those of you who have found yourself not wanting to necessarily own up
to where you are and who you are, even though you know that if you were to do that, it would allow for great fruit to be produced inside of you. Or maybe you don't know that. Maybe you aren't so sure that great fruit would be produced. Maybe it's going to cost you a lot to change from the way that you've always been. That's okay, girl. We're not going to let you do it by yourself. First, let me mind somebody's business. We got this from Hey You, so it's only fitting that we roll the clip.
Hi, my name is Brittany. My question for Ms. Jakes or Pastor Jakes is...
How can we continue to live holy as young people, even though we're surrounded by temptation? What can we do to resist temptation? And then if we do stray or if we do fall into temptation, what can we do to surrender ourselves back to God? And what will he forgive us? Will he forgive us of any and everything or just some of the things?
So this is an interesting question about temptation, especially given the times that we're living in. Oh, my gosh. At the risk of sounding old when I was growing up, you know, certainly temptation was there, but it wasn't like so accessible. Whatever was tempting you wasn't as accessible because cell phones weren't as prominent. But now we live in a day and age where whatever you're tempted, whether it's food,
or relationships or pornography is literally just a click away. And so I think really understanding how to overcome temptation comes down to us having a really healthy perspective on the detrimental effects of what we are tempted by.
You can't overcome something that you're in agreement with. You can't overcome something that you ultimately enjoy. So thinking to yourself about the negative impact, the detriment that you experience when you indulge in this temptation and how you no longer want to experience that is the conviction you need in order to make a change.
And so it's one thing to say like, hey, this person is no good for me, but let's dissect it. Like, why isn't this person good for you? Who do you become when you're with that person? What do you stray away from when you're with that person? What effects and damage does it have on your relationships when you're with this person? When you are watching what you're watching, how do you feel afterwards? What is that feeling?
sense of shame that you may experience as a result of having the drink or doing the drugs or eating the food? What is it that you feel? And is that what God wants for you? Because if you desire to live a life where you want to experience God's vision for your identity, then you must be willing to acknowledge that this is at war with that.
This is at war with that. And whenever I indulge with this, I am giving my enemy access to wound me, my enemy access to hurt me. And so if you are in a situation where you're like, man, I keep getting tempted by this thing over and over again, let's talk about who you become when you indulge in this temptation. What does it take you away from? And then in scripture, it says that there is no temptation known to man because
that you do not have the ability to overcome, I want to give you that scripture verbatim. So this scripture, 1 Corinthians 10 and 13 says, no temptation has overtaken you except such as common to man. But God is faithful who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able. But with the temptation will also make the way of escape that you may be able to bear it. You know how people always say he'll never put more on you than you can bear? Like that is nowhere in the Bible.
It ain't there. But there is no temptation that can come upon you that you do not have the ability to bear. So when we talk about he'll never put more on you than you can bear, eh, not true. But there is no temptation that you are confronted with that you cannot overcome. That is Bible. It's in the Bible because...
It is a constant reminder to us that whenever we have a temptation that we feel is stronger than us, that is a lie. That is literally deceitfulness, trying to tempt you into believing, trying to tempt you into believing that there's something out there that is stronger than the power of God working inside of you. And so in those moments where you feel temptation, you have to be willing to ask yourself, God, please give me strength.
to recognize the way of escape. God, please give me strength to recognize that this is not stronger than me. I may have fallen time after time in the past, but that does not mean that it is stronger. I'll go even further. It was stronger than me before in the past, but because I am combining my strength with your strength, it is not stronger than God. So when you indulge in that temptation, you are either inviting that thing to come in and destroy your life, destroy your identity, destroy your relationships,
Or you can say, God, I'm going to need some backup. God, help me to lean more into your spirit. You may need an accountability partner. You may need to choose what you do instead. I'm going to turn on worship music.
I'm going to turn on this sermon. I'm going to get in my word. I'm going to walk, have a strategy for when temptation arises. It is not enough for you to just be like, I'm going to overcome it, then blank stare. No, you have to know what am I going to fight back with? The weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but they are mighty through God, not through our thinking, not through our believing, just like because we believe we can. They're mighty when our belief is in God. They're mighty through God for the pulling down of strongholds.
My husband talks all the time about how that word translated stronghold means a fortified argument. If you have a temptation that is out thinking you, out running you and out for your destiny, you have to know that it is a fortified argument, but that it can come down. So have a strategy for what tempts you. And remember that that temptation is literally taking you away from God's identity. You have to want who you can become in God's
more than you want who you are when you indulge in that tempting behavior. And to answer the last part of your question, does he just forgive us for some things or all things? He forgives us for all things. And he loves us so much that he doesn't want us to experience the same thing over and over and over again. So if you're really convicted about it,
you really fall down and you find yourself in a position where you've given into that temptation. Jesus loves you enough to say, you know what? Here's another chance. And you ought to love him enough to say, I'm not going to take this grace for granted.
Now, you know, I had to put that part in there about making sure that we realize that God is not just out here giving out free cards. Like we ought to change after something takes place. But there is something comforting about knowing that even when we don't live up to our best, that he still sees the best in us. I hope that brought you some comfort. When I tell you changing your ways is difficult because the temptation be tempting. You understand what I'm saying? The temptation be out here tempting. And
And taking the time to really recognize what is keeping me from changing my ways. Like the moment that I want to do it, what shows up in my life? And
And why do I feel powerless to overcome that thing? And recognizing that whenever you feel powerless, that power moves. So what feels like it may have more power over you can actually be moved. It just takes prayer and perspective to make that change and to see the type of transformation that you desire to seek. I believe that if you are...
I'm going to say past eight years old. You've had a moment in your life where you realize, you know what? I'm going to need to change my life. I'm going to need to get my life together. What are some of the signs? I think shame, regret, pain. In some instances, heartbreak in which people begin to tell us that they are choosing to distance themselves from us or we notice that the retention of quality relationships aren't great.
The thing about changing your ways is that it's difficult to see the way that you show up in the world. It's really weird because on one hand, it's like, I don't want to live a life where I am seeking other people's opinion or validation about who I am.
But there's also the reality that my intentions and my actions may not be aligned. And so the only way that I can affirm or confirm that my intentions and actions are aligned is if I engage with the people who I do life with. So no, you don't need random strangers, validation and approval. And y'all play this for me next time my feelings are hurt over some random stranger's comment. But like you do want to engage with the people around you to make sure that what you mean
is what you say, and what you say is how you're acting. Oh, no, I wanted to rhyme. What you mean is what you say, and what you say is what you portray. Get your life, okay? So what are the types of questions that we can ask the people we are in relationship with? Do you feel loved and supported by me when you are expressing your passion about turtles? Do you feel...
That I am a good listener. Do you think that I make effort to understand where you're coming from? Those are some targeted questions that we can ask to begin to make sure that our intentions are aligning with our actions.
If you want to go even deeper in this, I talk about this, honestly, I guess it is a plug. You guys pre-order my book, Power Moves. But I talk about this first, what are your core values? Who do you want to be as a friend? Who do you want to be as a wife? Who do you want to be as a student, as a leader, as an entrepreneur? Set those goals and then ask the people who are most affected by those goals, whether or not you're living up to them. You may find the confidence and comfort in saying, whoo,
I'm killing it as a friend. And then baby girl, you could be struggling as a wife and that's okay because you're human and you have the ability to change your ways. I am reminded of David in scripture who by all accounts comes out as a hero whenever he's spoken about. But every now and then you see one of those memes and the memes talks about, you know, David was a murderer.
If you're not a Bible scholar, I'm going to break it down for you. So David, this incredible warrior, becomes king. He's king. He's at home when he should be at battle with the rest of the saints. When he's at battle, he sees his friend's wife bathing.
And because he is the king, when he beckons for the wife to come, she comes. They tried to make it seem like our girl Bathsheba was out here being outside, bathing on purpose. But first of all, what was the bathtub situation? Was it granite on the floor? Probably not. It was probably an outside bathtub ministry, but that's neither here nor there. Secondly...
You know, when the king calls, you got to come. There's a power imbalance there. Some have said and questioned whether or not this encounter was one that was consensual because she would have had no choice. She would have risked perhaps death by saying no to David. So anyway, she comes to David. He sleeps with her. After he sleeps with her, she gets pregnant. He kills her husband or has her husband sent to the front line so that he can be intentionally... No, first he asked him to come back home.
The tea is given housewives. He asked Uriah to come home. So thinking that like Uriah will come home and get him some, cause he had been gone. Uriah don't get none. Uriah's like, I'm an honorable man. If my men are still outside, I'm not going to be living like they're not outside. I'm going to be living like I'm outside with them. Okay. And so he was like, dang, we'll go back to the battlefront. But this time getting in front, just staying right in front of all of the trouble and Uriah dies. And then he takes Bathsheba as his wife. It is a mess.
Okay, but then the prophet Nathan comes to David and tells David, like he tells, I'm going to tell you a story. And when he tells him this story, he was like, what would you think about a man who did X, Y, and Z? He lays it out. When he tells David this story, David's like, I killed that man. There wouldn't be no place in the world for that man. That man wouldn't be nothing if I knew him. And Nathan was like, boo-boo, it's Amira. It's you. He had gotten so off track with David.
His heart posture, his role and responsibility as king, the types of values that he espoused, that he didn't even see himself when someone painted a picture of who he is.
There is a possibility that our ways change so subtly over time that we don't even realize that we are so far from who we used to be. But scripture tells us over and over again that one of the reasons why David was low-key giving God's favor is that he was a man after God's own heart. Whenever he found himself out here slipping on his pimping, this is the worst Bible lesson there ever was.
Whenever he found himself outside of the will of God, he made it his priority to seek God, to have his heart searched. Search my heart, oh Lord. I want to know what's inside of me. I want to see what I can't see about me that is causing damage to who I want to be as a leader, as a king, as a friend, as a mother, as a wife, as a sister. What is inside of me?
That type of journey is not one that comes easy, but I promise you it is one that is well worth it. Here's a little secret. Most smartphone deals aren't that exciting. To be honest, they're barely worth mentioning. But then there's AT&T and their best deals.
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Masmerizing.
And yes, Katie and I's famous teeth-pulling scene that kicks off a romance. And it was peak TV. This is new Scandal.
Well, suit up, gladiators. Grab your big old glass of wine and prepare yourselves for even more behind the scenes. Listen to Unpacking the Toolbox on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
I don't think he knew how big it would be, how big the life I was given and live is.
I think he was like, oh, yeah, things come and go. But with me, it never came and went. Is she Donna Martin or a down-and-out divorcee? Is she living in Beverly Hills or a trailer park? In a town where the lines are blurred, Tori is finally going to clear the air in the podcast Misspelling. When a woman has nothing to lose, she has everything to gain. I just filed for divorce. Whoa, I said the words.
that I've said like in my head for like 16 years. Wild. Listen to Miss Spelling on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome to Cheaters and Backstabbers. I'm Shadi Diaz. And I'm Kate Robards. And we are New York City stand-up comedians and best friends. And we love a good cheating and backstabbing story. Welcome.
So this is a series where our guests reveal their most shocking cheating stories. Join us as we learn how to avoid getting our hearts broken or our backs slashed. Listen to Cheaters and Backstabbers on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to podcasts. I'm Angie Martinez. Check out my podcast where I talk to some of the biggest athletes, musicians, actors in the world. We go beyond the headlines and the soundbites to have real conversations about real life, death, love, and everything in between.
This life right here, just finding myself, just this relaxation, this not feeling stressed, this not feeling pressed. This is what I'm most proud of. I'm proud of Mary because I've been through hell and some horrible things. That feeling that I had of inadequacy is gone. You're going to die being you. So you got to constantly work on who you are to make sure that the stars align correctly.
Life ain't easy and it's getting harder and harder. So if you have a story to tell, if you've come through some trials, you need to share it because you're going to inspire someone. You're going to give somebody the motivation to not give up, to not quit. Listen to Angie Martinez IRL on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
I can't help but think that this is the type of journey that Erica Cruz is on. I cannot wait for you all to meet her. Erica Cruz is a boss babe. She is an incredible light. This was my first time having an extended conversation with her. Although we did meet randomly, I'll probably share that with you guys next episode because our conversation was long. I want to jump right into it. But she is a girl from Jersey who has had to
go to the school of hard knocks and yet she has learned so many valuable lessons that even at 29 years old this woman is a queen she's wise she is humble and she's found herself in a situation because of something that happened three years ago where she became someone she didn't even know was inside of her but
the moment that she saw that version of herself that she didn't agree with, she was able to make some changes and to seek God to repent and become different. Now I talk to people from all different walks of life and I am letting you know that she is definitely someone who you are going to love when you hear her heart. And I cannot wait for you to experience her lessons. Um,
Be compassionate. Be empathetic. Be open. You're going to enjoy this. I'm Erica. I'm 29 years old. I'm from New Jersey. I'm from South Jersey. I grew up with my grandparents and they were they're like really just two old sweet people now. But back then they were just two rough Spanish people coming over from Puerto Rico, you know, so they were just having it hard.
And never had a mom around, never had a dad around. And I spent like majority of my childhood just really confused and just lost, you know, just trying to figure out what my place is.
Are your grandparents your mom's parents or your dad's parents? My mom's parents. Yeah, I don't know anybody from my dad's family at all. My dad passed away when I was a child and I just never had the pleasure of like meeting his mom and stuff. So I think that's something that really sits with me, but I'm just not really ready to deal with it at this point. I still just been working through, you know, my mommy issues. But
My mom is a sweet girl, but she just suffers from a lot of different problems. She just has addiction issues and stuff like that. So she's just been always going through the motions. And by the time I was a young adult, I was just in a really, I guess a good word would be just a crazy career. I had a really just promiscuous career. I was a sex worker for years.
And I think that now looking back, I'm like, I'm glad that happened in my life because I learned all the skills that I use now in my business. But, you know, it's still something that's like,
shameful and embarrassing that I'm still working through, you know? So at this stage, I'm a brand strategist and I'm transitioning to being a mindset coach full time. I just love talking to people. I love reminding people that anything is possible, that we can do anything that we put our minds to. And I love sharing my story to just like really showcase to people how possible things really are.
Wow. Okay. So you have to tell me, how did you make the transition from being a sex worker into being a coach? Okay. So it all started kind of like actually with my clients, like with my male clients. I was like, I'm giving up too much. I need to start pulling back. Let me start educating myself on like how I can get more for less time.
And I found out about marketing and marketing just like took me into a hole. Like I was just like, it was so much information that you could learn. And I love learning. I enjoy learning new things. So I was on YouTube university. I done took every course you could take. You know, this is before, um, like course selling was so scary on the internet. I was buying every course you could think of free webinars, everything, everything. I just was like,
Drowning in information and I was loving it. I was like, okay, I see marketing everywhere I go now. I recognize the commercials. I see the advertisements on the buses. Everything started to make sense for me now.
And I started to be able to convince my clients to give me money without sexual favors. Wow. Because I started utilizing, you know, storytelling and I started setting up situations to make more sense. I started to recognize what their real needs were and started to meet them at their needs. Wow.
Because what I realized is that people just wanted somebody to talk to. People really just needed a way to express themselves. And I think that at that point, when men were meeting me, they didn't even know that that's what they wanted. But if we started to build some type of conversation amongst each other and I started to pick at you, what's going on with you? Why aren't you happy? What happened with you when you was a child? Things kind of just started to spiral. And I'm like, okay, now people are paying me to talk. Okay.
This is big. Like, what is this? I'm like, this is like, you know, therapists get paid to listen to people talk. What is this right here?
And I didn't want to help men. Like I didn't feel a burning desire for helping men. Like I wanted to help women, but I just didn't really know how. So I started to just show up in my own city and on Facebook and being like, you know, if you want to start a business, talk to me. I know some stuff. If you need some help, you know, fixing your credit, talk to me. I know some stuff. And I started to share these things with people and it started to work.
So I was like, okay, now Erica, you done built some social proof. Like some people done advanced the credit. Some people actually have strong brand identities now. Some people are showing up on social media, creating content. Something you did worked.
And I just started to, you know, really actually charge people for it. And every single time something worked out for me, like I was like surprised. I'm like, wait, this is really happening. Like this is a real thing. And I think I'm, I actually just was like doing my makeup in the bathroom earlier. And I was just like, I'm finally in the season where I'm not surprised by my blessings.
Like, I'm like, I'm like doing my makeup and I'm like, damn, I'm really about to be talking to Miss Sarah. But like, I don't feel surprised. And I had to ask myself, I'm like, why aren't you surprised? It's because, you know, I pray for this. And of course, God is going to show up for me, you know? So I think really what the gist of it was me believing in myself that anything was possible and just showing up for myself even when nothing made sense. Even when everybody was like, what the hell are you talking about?
Okay, so you said that you were able to identify what your male clients really needed. So I'm going to ask you, what is it that you think you really needed during that time? I think during that time, I needed identity. I needed like just somebody to be. And the easiest person to be was like, you know, the fun, lit, promiscuous girl. I looked good. You know, I had a curvy body, you know,
people automatically identified me, you know, as like a girl that they're attracted to. So because I was automatically a girl that men were attracted to, I just adapted that as my identity. That's really what I wanted back then. Because I just, I grew up in a home where I was nobody, you know, like my grandparents were Puerto Rican. They spoke English.
straight Spanish. I was the only black girl in my family. Nobody was really able to teach me anything, talk to me about stuff. Nothing made sense to them. They weren't from here. And I just was left confused and lost all the time. Didn't know who I was.
And I was like, back then I was proud to be that girl because I wasn't afraid, you know, like I was not scared. I just was like, this who I am. People going to like it or not going to like it. It is what it is. But just after a while, like it just, it just didn't sit right with me anymore. I wanted something different because I knew that that wasn't a long-term path, you know, like that wasn't something you could do forever. There was a time limit on that, no matter who you are.
I totally relate to that. Finding your identity and what comes easy based off of what other people kind of project onto you and where you find a sense of belonging. And so I feel like I've always had a resiliency, but up underneath my resiliency was an uncertainty.
And I think when you have resiliency and uncertainty, you are more willing to take chances because you know you can recover. But you're not as protective over yourself as you should be either because you know that you can recover from things. And it sounds like as you transition from the work that you were doing, now you're beginning to help clients recover.
that you became more protective over yourself as well, like over your body and the way that you show up. Can you talk to me a little bit about the restoration of...
your true identity. Like there's who we pretend to be, there's who comes easy to us. And then I think there's this highest, most divine version of who we are, the version that God saw when he formed us in our mother's womb. And as we tap into that identity, the other identity no longer fits anymore. So can you tell me a little bit about like,
where you are in that season of like protecting this newfound sense of like confidence and identity that you possess? You know, if I'm being honest, I fought it for a long time. Like even like early on in my transition, it still was just so scary to accept the new version of me because all I knew was the past. I was always teetering, you know, I was always like one foot in, one foot out.
And it came to a point where God was like, well, baby, I'm going to force it on you. You know, you play games and you drink water that's not good for you even after they told you not to and you get sick. You know, and that's what happened to me. I got really, really sick.
And during that transition, during all this time of me empowering other people, I still really wasn't taking care of myself. And I was making really poor decisions for myself. My old self was making those decisions. It wasn't my new self because my new self was able to tell other people this great, great information. But my old self was still so deep in my own stomach, so deep into my own core. It was the only voice I was hearing at the time for myself.
And so it wasn't until I had my son,
And really, actually, before I had my son, when I was pregnant with my son, I was already suffering from postpartum psychosis. So I'm pregnant and I'm depressed and I'm scared and I'm worried and I'm suicidal. And I'm saying to myself, how are you going to raise a child like as this person? You know, like this old version of myself was nowhere near prepared to be the kind of mother that I knew I wanted to be. My old version was
I imagined her being a mom like my mom, you know, or like a mom like my grandma, who of course did their best with the tools that they had, but didn't meet the standard that I had for myself as my son's mother. And so I had my son and I just went down like a super, super deep hole of depression because I was in a toxic relationship. We were very abusive to each other. It was never one sided. And I had got some really,
Tough information, to say the least. One night I called my son's dad and a familiar voice answered the phone. And, you know, that got me out of bed and I went looking for him and I found him with that familiar voice. And, you know, something just life changing happened that day. And at that time I thought that it was a curse. But now I look back and I really see that it was my blessing.
I got into a huge accident that day. I hit two people with a car and I never thought that was something that I would do. As fun and wild and lit as I was, I was not a harmful person, like somebody who would physically harm somebody. But
that was me at my very worst of my old self. Like that was it. You know, God showed me that night, like this is where you will be if you do not change. And, you know, the person who answered the phone and my son's dad, they were hurt very badly. And for a long time, I had to like, just, you know, sit with that and think on it. And I spent the night in jail and I just saw like,
If you don't change, baby, this is what it's going to be like. This is it for you. And even now I'm still dealing with the repercussions to those actions, but in a whole new light, you know, I'm able to see that my shift is happening. I'm able to see that everything happens for a reason and that the better I show up for myself, the better the world will feel me, you know, the better my actions will showcase into the world.
And I just, you know, I just take it day by day now. And I'm just doing my best to just still accept all that I had been through, all the mistakes that I made, and still accept that I'm becoming and will be an even better woman tomorrow and the day after and the day after. So I tell this story about after I hit...
It was my ex-husband at the time and he was in the car with someone else and I hit the car with them in it over and over again. They called the police on me. And I had to go to CPS, to Child Protective Services because my kids were at home and I was outside. And I think my daughter at the time, she was like maybe a year old. My son was seven or eight. And I just lost it. Like I just lost it. And I think one of the things that I learned
know now that I'm able to put into language now that I could have never put into language then is that I think the reason why I was so upset was it had less to do with what was happening because that was not a surprise on paper like there were a lot of signs that this is probably the kind of that's what he's on you know but I think I was fighting for what I thought was like my dignity my respect my identity and
And when I was walking out of that CPS office, I just had one thought and that was like, I can do better than this. I think I can do better than this. And that reclaiming of...
my power and my identity from other people and a surrender to God. Like, okay, so now here's my rap sheet, God. Like I've done this, I did that, I did this. But if what they say about you is true, like I want to know what you can do with what I have left. And that posture of surrender, I think is what changed everything in my life. And it sounds like where you are too. Yeah. Yeah, I think so. Right now I feel like
Like I'm living in a multiverse, you know, like I am literally receiving some of the biggest blessings that I've ever had in my life. But I'm also about to move back home, you know, and like and possibly prepare to do some time for the mistakes that I made.
And, you know, just as mad as I want to be at the people who, you know, I could be mad at, I'm really just doing my best to just be thankful that it didn't end up even worse. You know, like a lot of things in life could have just been worse. So just really,
living in a space of appreciation and gratefulness and also just doing my best to explore what positivity looks like for me. So this is, you know, this is the first time in my life where like I've been actively going to church. I've been actively watching sermons because I,
I didn't have an identity. You know, I did not know how to connect with my source. But now I'm just doing this so freely and just, you know, enjoying how it comes in whatever form that it comes. And things are really working out for me.
And if I'm going to be surprised by anything, I'm going to be surprised at how much better things came to me than I expected. You know? Yeah. I love what you said about exploring what positivity looks like for you because I
Sometimes we can get so caught up in what went wrong or how we were wronged or what we did wrong that we think that positivity only has one definition. But to be able to say, what does it look like for me to have a positive outlook with these cards that are in my hand? I feel like that's super powerful. The other thing that I love is what I hear you saying is you are surrendering to the accountability. Because a lot of times it's like...
I mean, we do things, you know, maybe we feel justified. Maybe if someone fully understand what we were working with and our background, like they would be willing to say, you know what, I understand how you got there. But just because someone understands how you got somewhere, it doesn't change the fact that you're here and there are consequences to wherever you are now. And it sounds like you're willing to like really say, you know what, like,
I'm going to eat this plate. I dished it. I'm going to eat it, but I'm not going to let it change me or change my mind about who I am. Yeah. And at the very least, if I let it change me and change my mind about who I am, it'll be the negative things to the positive things, you know? And this is like, accountability has got me very far, you know, as of today, just being able to say like,
You know, they did what they did and I reacted how I reacted and it is what it is. You know what I mean? Like the world is truly divine and everything really happens for a reason.
And so if that did not happen that day, who would I be today? You know, what kind of mother would I be able to show up as today? What, what, how much farther would it have won if it did not happen that day? And so I'm just grateful for that. You know, I'm really grateful for all the grace that has been given to me and really for myself, because the reality is that
I didn't just deal myself these cards, you know, like these cards were dealt to me from above. And, you know, some people say, did you pick your parents? Maybe I did, but I know that I'm not, that version of me is not too far off from who I was raised to be. You know, my mother has spent years and years and years of jet in jail for hurting people, for making mistakes. You know, I remember I was like,
11 years old and my mom went off to jail for like six years. She went to jail, she was pregnant at the time and she went to jail from cutting somebody from neck to neck. And at that time, I didn't even realize it. Before I made this mistake, I didn't realize that that ever affected me. Now, being able to look back and reflect, I'm like, damn, I really was raised around a lot of violence, around a lot of people who could not communicate, who could not use their words, who didn't know how to express themselves.
And the fact that I'm even able to do these things at all. Maybe I'm not the best at it just yet. Maybe I haven't perfected it and I'm not an expert just yet. But the fact that I can even do these things when no one came along and taught me this as a child, I got to give myself some praises for that. And also God, like, thank you God for helping me see that there is different paths that I can take. You know? That's like giving me chills because like not everyone has...
the ability to be compassionate with themselves in such a way that they see, like a lot of times we are upset about the decision we made, but we don't look at the context in which we made the decision. And when we look at that decision in context, it wasn't like I was this terrible person who did something out of the blue. Like this was within my environment. I, you know, I moved to LA, uh,
almost 10 years ago when I met my husband and now we live back in Dallas and being back in Dallas as an adult woman, it's helping me to kind of like relive who I was before I got pregnant at 13. And when I relive who I was before I got pregnant at 13, like I was lonely, I was isolated. My parents were busy. I was angry. I didn't understand God. And I
found somebody who was like, you're beautiful, you're cool. That gave me a sense of belonging. So for me, and then I hear my daughter, she's 14 and the music and I was listening to R. Kelly at 13. I'm like, of course I had sex. Like, why are you
That's what I've been doing. Yeah. It just, it helps me to understand like you weren't just this bad girl and no one, like it was there. It was within your environment. And now that I'm more sensitive to environments, like I know how to protect myself better. I know how to make wiser decisions, but I wouldn't have known that unless I had these experiences. Yeah. And you know what makes it so hard about like having compassion for yourself?
is that one, you can find yourself not being accountable because you use these compassion figures as excuses. You know? So that's one thing. Like just having that fine line between compassion and excuses was always hard for me. But then like...
The outside shame that you get from people who do not respect and understand why you have compassion for yourself. You know, those people who say it doesn't matter how your parents treated you. It doesn't matter how you grew up. You should have known better. You should have did this. You should have did that. And it's just like, is that like scientifically correct, though? Right. Is that is that really true?
The math ain't mathing because everything about math is saying that if you don't have this and you do have this, then this is who you become. Now, yes, we can change that. We can revert it, but we have to be aware of what we're changing in the first place. So, you know, if you don't have compassion for yourself in this world, then you are going to end up
rejected and dejected because in this cancel culture, in this world where we get our giggles off off of someone's failure or someone's mistakes being displayed, like if you don't have, if you don't find a way to love yourself the way God loves you to see yourself,
the way God sees you and to trust that His grace is really sufficient for you, then you are going to put yourself on sale to the highest bidder or you're going to put yourself on clearance because you're going to be performing for other people instead of holding on to yourself. And I think that
What you did, what I did was like at the end of the day, I'm taking my worth back from who I was or what I did. I'm taking my worth back from this relationship. And I'm really going to believe that my worth can become can come from me pursuing a life of wholeness.
intentionality, righteousness, and to be a reflection of God on the earth. That's it. Like I want to serve what God is doing in the earth. If I can do it with these dirty hands and this dirty past and this dirty life, then I'm here, God. And God's showing up and he's using you. And, you know, I think he's using me sometimes. I know he's using you. Like if God says yes, who the hell is anybody else to say no? Yeah. You know, I think like,
People really forget what the words mean. Like if God is willing to forgive us, if we repent, why are we not just allowed to forgive ourselves if we repent? Like, why not? And I think that just in this last year, I have really given myself a space to forgive myself.
I had so many amazing things that transpired that I was able to look and really see God showed up in my life. I was really able to be like, Erica, you was able to do, you went to Paris, you saw Beyonce, you've been to Barcelona, you're on this podcast with somebody that you really admire. Just last year, my best friend bought me a ticket to
to go, she gave me the money to go to your conference and I had to use the money for something else. You know, like I had to, I had to make a good decision and I'm like, it's fine. You know, if I'm meant to be there next year, I'm going to be there next year. It's going to be on God's timing and look where we are today.
Like if God is going to tell me yes, why do I got to be the one to tell myself no? That's really, you know, the mantra that I've been using in my mind. It's something you said just really stuck out to me because it's been a thought in the back of my mind, but I didn't really sit on it long enough. Last year, I had the opportunity to move back in with my grandparents.
And I moved back in and I stayed there for one month. My goal was to move back in, stay there for the year and save some money, pay down some debt because that was a whole nother thing that came with my last relationship, a mountain of debt.
And I didn't take that opportunity. God gave it to me. And I said, no, no, I'm going to move back into another apartment. I'm going to do the Instagram thing. I want to get a luxury spot. You know, everything is about content and being TikTok worthy. And no, I cannot have no white fridge. And now a year later, God put me right back in the same position. He says, listen, I'm going to force you to go back home and deal with the things that you did not deal with when you was a child.
house because it's still the same house. It's still the same walls. I'm going back to the same exact bedroom. And
It's a blessing. You know, when I was a child, I didn't recognize the blessing that I had at kids. I had two grandparents that worked so hard to buy a house in America and give me a life that they never had. Now at 29, I'm able to be like, damn, y'all did y'all big one. Like y'all really did the damn thing. And if y'all were able to do that, what am I incapable of doing? So I think now just being able to go home and really just
bask in my grandparents' energy and appreciating them and being able to communicate and saying, listen, we got to set some boundaries. You know, you can't call me a black girl, don't ask me about my hair, you know, just setting certain boundaries at first and then saying, so tell me more about your upbringing. You know, because I don't know about my grandparents. I don't know what it was like in Puerto Rico. I don't know what it was like, you know, being...
one of 11 other children, like so many other factors came in for them that now I cannot wait to move back home. I'm on vacation right now. I'm going back home the day after I come back from vacation. And I'm just like so excited to really talk to my grandparents and get to know them now and learn like what, who are we? Where did we come from? And how can I teach my son to be as strong and as willful as y'all?
Okay. So you mentioned that you may be up against some time. Like, what are you looking at? What's what's what's happening?
Okay. So my last court date, I kind of, I took like a three with a flat. So like a three with a flat means like you could do one or two months, you know, and get ISP, which is like a, you know, a form of probation. You would do like nine months max if for whatever reason you wasn't eligible for the probations. I've never committed any type of crime in my life. I've never been in any trouble.
So like, I believe I'll be on the lower end of it, but I'm still leaving room for miracles. You know, like at this point, me and my judge have never been in like direct communication, like about my story, about what happened and things like that. And the day of your sentencing, that's when you really get that opportunity. So I'm just staying open for miracles because the way I look at it is,
I do have to go do time. Then I will get just a break from this loud world and I'll be able to do, you know, some more work within that I've been wanting to do. I can write a book. I can work out. I can get rest, you know, like I can really learn how to, how to meditate. I can connect with more people who really need more motivation. Like it's so many people in jail that need motivation. Maybe that's, maybe that's the next corner that God wants me to touch. I don't know.
But I think just for me, like the scariest part is just like leaving my son. Yeah. Just like, I just, I guess this is like my biggest fear, you know, like coming into fruition. Like I'd never wanted to be like my mom. And now I'm being like my mom, you know, by going to jail and leaving my son. But I learned a big lesson.
And I hope everybody who listens to this, like if you don't take nothing else from this, like please take this, like focus on what you do want. Like I focus so solely on what I did not want and who I did not want to be and what I did not want to become. And I swear to God, all those things came right to me. Everything I did not want.
The kind of relationship I did not want, the woman I did not want to be, the financial problems I did not want to have, all those things landed right on my lap because I was so focused on her. And the universe doesn't understand what you don't want. It's just whatever you're putting out there, it's going to bring to you. And so now I'm just really focusing on what I do want. And I want freedom. I want opportunities. And I want to be able to help other people. And so here we are.
Isn't there a part of you that just feels so warm and fuzzy on the inside? If she can show that level of openness and vulnerability and maturity and accountability and hope and faith and optimism in the midst of what she has going on, then certainly we can take some of that today as well. When I tell you all we met in the most random way,
It's going to be confirmation to you that God just God begotten like like no other God. There is no other God above him. And that's on period. Here's a little secret. Most smartphone deals aren't that exciting. To be honest, they're barely worth mentioning. But then there's AT&T and their best deals.
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Hi, I'm Katie Lowe's and I'm Guillermo Diaz. And now we're back with another season of our podcast, unpacking the toolbox where Guillermo and I will be rewatching the show to officially unpack season three of scandal. Unpredictable. You don't see it coming. It's a wild, wild ride. The twists and turns in season three mesmerizing, but
Also, we get to hang out with all of our old scandal friends like Bellamy Young, Scott Foley, Tony Goldwyn, Debbie Allen, Kerry Washington. So many people. Even more shocking assassinations from Papa and Mama Pope. And yes, Katie and I's famous teeth pulling scene that kicks off a romance. And it was peak TV. This is new scandal.
content for your eyes, for your ears, for your hearts, for your minds. Well, suit up, gladiators. Grab your big old glass of wine and prepare yourselves for even more behind the scenes. Listen to Unpacking the Toolbox on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
I don't think he knew how big it would be, how big the life I was given and live is.
I think he was like, oh, yeah, things come and go. But with me, it never came and went. Is she Donna Martin or a down-and-out divorcee? Is she living in Beverly Hills or a trailer park? In a town where the lines are blurred, Tori is finally going to clear the air in the podcast Misspelling. When a woman has nothing to lose, she has everything to gain. I just filed for divorce. Whoa, I said the words.
That I've said like in my head for like 16 years. Wild. Listen to Misspelling on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome to Cheaters and Backstabbers. I'm Shadi Diaz. And I'm Kate Robards. And we are New York City stand-up comedians and best friends. And we love a good cheating and backstabbing story. Welcome.
So this is a series where our guests reveal their most shocking cheating stories. Join us as we learn how to avoid getting our hearts broken or our backs slashed. Listen to Cheaters and Backstabbers on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to podcasts.
I'm Angie Martinez. Check out my podcast where I talk to some of the biggest athletes, musicians, actors in the world. We go beyond the headlines and the soundbites to have real conversations about real life, death, love, and everything in between. This life right here, just finding myself, just relaxation, just not feeling stressed, just not feeling pressed. This is what I'm most proud of. I'm proud of Mary because I've been through hell and some horrible things.
That feeling that I had of inadequacy is gone. You're going to die being you. So you got to constantly work on who you are to make sure that the stars align correctly.
Life ain't easy and it's getting harder and harder. So if you have a story to tell, if you've come through some trials, you need to share it because you're going to inspire someone. You're going to give somebody the motivation to not give up, to not quit. Listen to Angie Martinez IRL on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
I'm going to unpack that with you all next week. But before we go, we're going to try and rescue somebody. I need you all to start offering yourselves up. If you do not want to be on the rescue committee because you don't want your voice heard, you don't want to send us a video, send me a letter. I will read your rescue letter. Tell me about how you out here are.
letting these kids eat cereal. Tell me about how you out here staying in a bed when you said that you was going to go to the party. Tell me about how you out here telling folks absolutely not setting boundaries and wondering if you need a floaty or not. Are you tripping or are you doing the work of the Lord? We don't know until you tell us. Email me at podcast at woman evolve dot com because I want to hear your story before we go. Listen, I think that we should rescue some concert goers. I saw this last month.
that Madonna concert goers were suing her for her New York City show because she was two hours late and they had to get up early for work the next day. And that's on boom. Because if I arrange childcare, I arrange work,
Makeup, I get me an outfit. I get a car. I park I walk and you two hours late and I gotta work tomorrow Somebody ought to pay and it ain't gonna be me Okay, because i'm taking the day off tomorrow and I need pto and they don't have to give it to me I want you to give me paid time off for my time. Oh, wait, are we no cheesy? That's why I stopped doing this. We need to rescue madonna. Who am I rescuing lord? Help me. Nobody jesus do your thing only you lord maybe
I can't even do it. All right. Listen, y'all send me y'all's rescue. I want to rescue y'all. I don't want to rescue randoms. Okay. Please get it. Please understand the concept. Love it. And send me letters. Okay. Cause this is why I stopped doing it. Cause like, what do I sound like? Like let's rescue Madonna for being late for two hours. I mean, it happens.
Life happens, but let's be compassionate. Let's see things the way the Lord sees them. Is the Lord trying to rescue Madonna for me into a confusion? I don't know. You all help me. Send me an email. I love you. I hope you have an amazing week. God, we've been listening to this podcast. We've heard about temptation. We understand what it's like when our ways are showing up differently than our heart.
God, I pray that you would give us the courage to see ourselves, the good, the bad, the not so beautiful, and to love ourselves just enough to change. Love ourselves just enough to say, I can do better than this. To love ourselves enough to say, this isn't what God wants for me, and this isn't what I want for myself. It may be hard. It may be scary. We may think we're too insecure to see ourselves as anything other than who we are right now, but it's not true.
Because the more we see opportunity to change, the more we become more like you. Above all, we want to be made in the image of God. So thank you for the Holy Spirit that leads us, convicts us, guides us, changes us, and makes us better than we were. Bless my girls this week. Bless them in all that they do and all the ways that they heal. And keep them good and safe until next week. In Jesus' name, amen.
Welcome, welcome, welcome to another exciting episode of the Trap Nerds Podcast. This is not an episode. I'm pretty sure this is a promo. You know what it is. We in this piece. Trap nerds, trap nerds. Real n****s like you never heard.
We're giving you reliable gaming news with the best movie and TV reviews from a Blurred perspective. All things inside and out of Blurred culture. Listen to the Trap Nurse Podcast on the Black Effect Podcast Network, iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
What's good? It's Colleen Witt and Eating While Broke is back for season three. Brought to you by the Black Effect Podcast Network and iHeartRadio. We're serving up some real stories and life lessons from people like Van Lathan, DC Youngfly, Bone Thugs-N-Harmony, and many more.
They're sharing the dishes that got them through their struggles and the wisdom they gained along the way. We're cooking up something special, so tune in every Thursday. Listen to Eating While Broke on the Black Effect Podcast Network, iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Presented by State Farm. Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there. Yo, it's Big Bank. Check out my podcast, Prospective with Bank, on the Black Effect Podcast Network. Each and every Monday, Prospective with Bank podcasts will feature individuals, all walks of life, who come together to share their unique perspective and engage in enlightened conversation. This podcast will explore all types of conversations from everyday people, your favorite celebrities. Every Monday, listen to Prospective with Bank on Black Effect Podcast Network, iHeartRadio app, Apple
Presented by AT&T. Connecting changes everything.
Hi, I'm Katie Lowes. And I'm Guillermo Diaz. And we're the hosts of Unpacking the Toolbox, the Scandal Rewatch podcast where we're talking about all the best moments of the show. Mesmerizing. But also, we get to hang out with all of our old Scandal friends like Bellamy Young, Scott Foley, Tony Goldwyn, Debbie Allen, Kerry Washington. Well, suit up, gladiators. Grab your big old glass of wine and prepare yourselves for even more behind-the-scenes Scandal.
stories with Unpacking the Toolbox. Listen to Unpacking the Toolbox on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Meet the real woman behind the tabloid headlines in a personal podcast that delves into the life of the notorious Tori Spelling as she takes us through the ups and downs of her sometimes glamorous, sometimes chaotic life in marriage. I just filed for divorce. Whoa. I said the words that I've said like in my head for like 16 years.
wild. Listen to Misspelling on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
