cover of episode Esther Calling - Four Affairs, Four Divorces. Why Do I Keep Doing This?

Esther Calling - Four Affairs, Four Divorces. Why Do I Keep Doing This?

2024/6/17
logo of podcast Where Should We Begin? with Esther Perel

Where Should We Begin? with Esther Perel
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Esther: 我已经结婚四次，每次婚姻都以离婚告终，原因都是我出轨。我童年经历坎坷，父母疏于照顾，这影响了我对爱情和亲密关系的认知。我的四段婚姻中，我总是扮演着母亲或女儿的角色，而婚外情让我体验到作为女人的感觉，获得自由和性解放。我总是选择与前任形成对比的伴侣，并对爱情抱有不切实际的幻想。当现实与幻想不符时，我会感到失望，并通过疏远和停止性行为来保护自己。婚外情是我的逃离策略，让我在过渡期不感到孤单。 治疗师: Esther的四段婚姻中不变的因素是她自己，需要她去反思自身的行为模式。她的婚外情是症状而非原因，需要关注她在亲密关系中发生的事情以及她如何突然结束关系。她需要反思自己为何总是逃离关系，以及内在驱动力是什么。她对爱情的认知来源于书籍和电影，而非现实生活中的体验，这导致她对爱情抱有不切实际的幻想。当现实与幻想不符时，她就会离开。她需要反思自己为何总是与相同类型的人建立关系，并陷入同样的境地。她需要处理童年创伤，特别是与母亲的关系，这影响了她对爱情和亲密关系的认知。她需要学习如何在失望和受伤时处理自己的情绪，而不是总是逃离。

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The speaker reflects on her pattern of leaving marriages through infidelity, questioning why she repeats this behavior despite her desire for a stable partnership.

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Four affairs and four divorces later, she is searching for answers as to why she can’t stop leaving in such an abrupt way. Despite longing for a life partner, she questions her ability to maintain a healthy and stable relationship. Esther seeks to uncover the root of these issues and help her forge a new path forward as she embarks on what she hopes is her final relationship.

Esther Callings are a one-time, 45-60 minute interventional phone call with Esther. They are edited for time, clarity, and anonymity. If you have a question you would like to talk through with Esther, send a voice memo to [email protected].

Want to learn more? Receive monthly insights, musings, and recommendations to improve your relational intelligence via email from Esther: https://www.estherperel.com/newsletter)

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