[Patreon Preview] Ep 41.5: Mojitos
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We might be drunk. We might be drunk. As long as we are hanging out, you know we might be drunk. Raise a glass, let's talk shit. Have peeps, wrecks, and a bit. Maybe drunk. We might be drunk.

- Oh, here we are, Patreon folks. In on the ground floor of the real deal. - You got a birthday present here. - I know. - You haven't even talked to it. Did you do anything special for your birthday here or no?

No, I'm not a big birthday guy. You just want it to come and go. I think you can tell how cool a guy is or how much I like a guy by how little they spend on their birthday. It's tough. When people are really into their birthday, it makes me like, especially giving me someone who's like, it's my birthday week. And you're like, ooh. Looks like I'm coming up with seven excuses. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, especially, I mean, no offense, especially for a guy. Like a girl, I get it's a big celebration. You want to go out with your friends and whatever. It's annoying with girls too, though. When it's like one-off, fine, but when it turns into like eight, and I get when you have to do a family thing, it's an excuse to stay in touch with your family. Sure, that's good. And you can do a friend thing, but anything past that, it starts to get a little crazy. I agree. And then the weird thing is, is like my family will call me, every family member, and I'm like, this is,

The opposite of what I want. You know, so like it's weird. It's my birthday and you're ruining my day. But you can't say that. It's a hard sell. It's a hard sell. Hello, mom. Please don't. Yeah. What do you want for your birthday? Not this. The opposite of this. It is tough. Yeah. You are on your phone all day being like, thanks. Thanks. Yeah. It's like some gift. But then if they don't do it.

- You're bummed. - You're bummed, so. - It's tough. - That's life. - It's life. - Damned if you do. - It's like when you have a big show and way too many of your friends come out. - Yes! - And now you're doing duty on every different friend group. - Right. - You don't get to enjoy it and relax. You have to be like, is this corner okay? Is this corner okay? - Exactly, exactly. - Yeah, it's brutal. - I did a gig, one of my first big gigs in New Orleans when I started doing comedy and I came back from New York and every chooch, meathead, douchebag came out from high school

I'm bombing. I'm sweating. You're already bombing in front of people you know, which is horrible. And then they're like, talk about that time Reggie shit himself. And you're like, I got a bid on Uber. Hang on. And they don't give a fuck. They just want to hear about them. Talk about Coach Hines. Remember Coach Hines? I'm like, yeah. Guess what? You said talk about that. You already gave away the reveal. I know.

And then he shouldn't himself. And I was like, yeah. And you're like, well, that's the punchline. I know. I know. Remember when Carl Carl Johnson beat your ass? I'm like, yes, I remember when he beat my ass. We got it. That's why I'm a comedian. I

I remember the first one I did. It's like, you're at your worst when everyone comes out to support you too. Oh. And then like people come, it's like no one, everyone supports you in the beginning because they're like, he's doing something different. Then no one supports you for like 12, 13 years. Yeah. And then like around 14 years, a lot of them come back like, oh, it's working. Right.

Right. I know. I know. You're like, I was good then, but you wouldn't let me be good. But yes. The first time when they, it's funny. It's like bullies come out. You're like, you beat the shit out of me. I know. And he's like, good set. Yeah. We're grownups now. Like I learned a skill. You didn't. You're still a line cook. All right. Let me open this. Let's see what you got. I think this is for Matt Peters. I assume. Yeah. The producer of the show. Ooh.

- Ooh, wait a minute. - Milk is legit. - Oh, you know milk? - This is Mama Fuco, isn't it? Yeah, this is like the best dessert in New York. - Oh, baby. - Uh-oh. - Uh-oh. - Are these the, what are these, are they truffle things? - Uh-oh. - Dude, these are truffle. - Truffle. - Dude, this is crack. - Oh, you're in truffle. Oh, big truffle in Little China. Wait a minute. What is this? Are these like cake bites or some shit?

Oh, man. Oh, you want one? I think I have to. You have to. I can't eat all these. Thank you, man. This is probably 50 bucks right here, huh? I don't know how much dessert costs. This is, if you're in New York, man, milk bar. They got cereal milk. They got those crack pies. They got all these good. Take a ball. Dude, your balls. Sweaty balls. Oh, baby. Here we go. Oh, my God.

Oh, man. It's like dough. This is crack. Wow. This is insane. Unbelievable. Oh, man. Thank you, Matt. Bring this home to the wife. Put on a few pounds for the wedding.

Remember the whole South Park thing? Suck on my chocolate salty balls. Stick them in your mouth. Yeah. Stick them in your mouth and suck them. As a 17-year-old boy, you're like, this is the height of comedy. It doesn't get any better than Isaac Hayes singing salty balls. It really doesn't, though. You're like, this is fucking, man, South Park's had a run. Oh, yeah. Even remember Alec Baldwin on SNL? Sweaty balls. It was good. It was great.

Yeah, comedy was fun. Should we do some questions? Yes. Thank you for the gift, by the way. All right, what do you got?

Owen Mason. Sam might not get this living in New York. Well, Mark lives in New York too. There's something that's underrated. Bucket hats. Oof. I disagree. What is this guy? A drug dealer? What the hell? Oh, what are you? A parliament funkadelic? What are we talking about here? Bucket hats. Why? Why are they underrated? Are you a fisherman? Yeah. I guess if you're fishing, they could be. Yeah, maybe if you're fishing, they're underrated. Yeah.

Give you some shade. They're good for the shade. They're good for fit. You hang your lures on there. That's kind of a cool thing. But I don't know. Bucket hats. This guy's living in 1998. Yeah. You know what I don't care for either is those like visor hats. Visor hats? You know, the round hats with no top.

Oh, oh, just a visor, yeah. Yeah, that's silly. Join the Patreon right now at patreon.com slash we might be drunk. You get emails, tell us your wrecks, your jokes, your drinks. We'll open boxes. You're missing out, folks. All the good stuff's on the Patreon. Tell a friend.