Ep 8: Lemon Truly & Manhattan
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Yeah, you look like a little ski bunny out there.

I had to turn the heat off in order to not interfere with the audio here. So, yeah, I feel like a ski bunny. Yeah, you look cute. I like the puffer. Is that a New York bar you got there? It's a Subway Inn is behind me. It's an old New York classic. It's a real dive. Many stories there as a young'un. Midtown? Well, it was originally on 59th and Lex, right by the Subway stop. But...

It's now, I think it's on like York or something. They had to move it. Oh, wow. We had a lot of weird nights in here and days. Yeah. If it gets my drift.

Well, when you go that far east in Manhattan, it gets—chick, it's dark, you know? Like, the streetlights aren't on, and the river's right there. I used to make love to a woman who lived on York, and it felt like another borough. It's so different over there. It was cool because, yeah, we'd get weird stories. There were weird nights. I remember one time the bartender just grabbed a friend of mine and just stuck his tongue down his throat.

And it wasn't even like a sexual thing. It was like, I own you. It was that type of vibe where we're like, holy shit. All right. Yes. And he worked there and he was a customer and he was like, I don't give a shit about you. Wait, it was a lady? No, it was two men. What? Oh, wow. Yes.

Damn, that's crazy. I own you. I don't know. That's a new one for me. It was a power move. There was a lot of power shit where we'd be hammered and they'd be like, all right, free shot. I'm like, oh, I'll do whiskey. He's like, you don't get to choose. He would just dump tequila, put in hot sauce, and he'd be like, take it, you pussy. I'd be like, all right. All right, it's a free drink. I'll take it. For sure.

Yeah, I was going to say, I thought it was a lady. And I remember when I was 18, 19, 20, there was a lot of cougary, milfy ladies who were so sexually aggressive that nobody talks about. They would be like, grab my tit, you pussy. And you're like, okay, okay. I guess because they were so repressed with their limp husband or whatever that they would always grab your ass or grab your dick and go, there's nothing here, bitch. And you're like, oh, I'm sorry, Mrs. Susie. Yeah.

Did you ever have those? Of course. Smoking, raspy voice, bad skin on the neck. You thought aggressive older woman was strictly like a Creole southern? I thought it was a voodoo queen. It's like New Orleans law. It only applies in fucking Louisiana. Yeah, I get it. But man, yeah, there was a lot. And I dug it. I wasn't against it. No, it's fucking hot.

It was a thing, yeah. Just old birds with a leather jacket on and bad jeans with rhinestones on the back, you know? Kind of trashy. I used to have an old bit about a woman in a bar. She goes, I could be your mother. And I was like, I'm pretty sure you're not. My mom doesn't get hammered in dives on Tuesdays, so I think we're safe. Right, yeah. So true. I mean, if I saw my mom playing video poker at one of these New Orleans dive bars, I'd kill myself.

That's the saddest thing. She's got her own chair. That's my stool, bitch. She's got the quarters and the cigarette pack, the American spirits next to the gin and tonic. Video poker is a perfect... That's like a line. There's got to be an L-punch line there because it's so perfect. It's such a fucking hilarious image. Yes. Or what's the other one? Top golf or whatever? You play the poker game.

Top flight or whatever Top golf or I mean Big Bug Hunter was the ultimate That's a fun one though That's a good That one's actually not sad Yeah, it's kind of cool Top golf was cool too But there was always the guy who was too good at it You know, and you're like You gotta get outside Go play a game of golf You need some sunlight Just that It was too much How about Were you ever into like the drinking bar games? Like would you get in a beer pong Or like flip cup or any of that shit?

Yeah, I mean, I lived in a house with five guys in college, so it was like we had a pool room, so it was just pool table. Then we'd turn into a beer pong table, a ping pong table. We'd play poker every Monday. We'd play, like, Guts and Kings and all these drinking games. It was a wild—it's funny, Tom McCaffrey has that great joke about, like, alcohol is the only drug you play games with. Yes. No one's ever like, crack pong, you know? Yeah.

It's true. It's something about those games where I do kind of miss them because they make you feel young again, but then you're like, oh yeah, I don't play this shit at this age for a reason. You're drinking so much beer when you do that shit. Do you ever do it with hard alcohol? I've done it before. It's a puke fest. It's always a mistake. You don't think it's that much. You're like, yeah, well, it's just like a tiny thing. But then you're like, did I just drink six shots like that? It's crazy. Exactly.

This is next level dirtbag shit, but do you remember Power Hour? How did that go again?

Every minute for an hour, you take a shot of beer, which you're like, oh, I can do this. And then after like 17 minutes, you're like, oh, the minutes are flying by and just shooting beer. You end up drinking like 12 beers in an hour. I was never. Yeah, it was more of like a game guy, like flip cup. I wasn't really a power hour. Or we do like if we're watching a show or something, we turn into a game. Like every time he says this, you've got to do a shot or whatever. But I wasn't a power hour guy. No, it's bad news. By the way, you mentioned.

games drinking games with that people do that with this show somebody told me every time i do this they drink and every time you say you said something like baby that's it baby they drink so that that was kind of flattering

That's awesome. I love that. I love this. And, you know, and then I saw we had a lot of tweets and stuff, people mentioning that like they're sober and they still love the show and that like like they appreciated us shouting out sober people because that that is hard, especially this year, man. Holy shit. Yeah. I mean, we couldn't do we're not that strong. No, God. That is it. It's a strong thing. It really is. Yeah.

I'll even try it, like, I'm not gonna drink this week And then your friend's like, oh, you want a beer in the fridge? You're like, alright Like, it's that easy to turn me It's such a funny thing where, like, I remember old movies Like Casablanca, I'd watch growing up And be like, Bogart, that's a man You know, internalizing his feelings And drinking himself to death in Morocco That's a real dude, you know So true, yeah, I mean, it was romantic It was romantic, but then you get older And dealing with shit is actually more manly It's more difficult

Great point, great point. I mean, like Don Draper and Ernest Hemingway, you know, the rocks and the whiskey, it just looks so... It almost looked classy, and yet it's actually fucking a sad... What do you call that? Vice. Yeah, Hemingway was a man, though, let's face it. Oh, what a man. I mean, he wrote like a man, he was in the war, he...

He was such a manly dude. I mean, holy shit. And he killed himself. It is kind of a manly way to go. Yeah, with a rifle, by the way. Damn. Pretty crazy. That was one of my first jokes ever. My English teacher said I was going to be like a young Hemingway. And I was like, why? Because I'm a great writer? She goes, no, you're an alcoholic who's going to kill himself. That was one of my first. That's a great, dark joke. David Angel had that funny joke. He's like, you know...

Ernest Hemingway actually wrote in a moleskin He used moleskin, you know And he's like, I believe it Because every time I pay for one I see the price, I want to kill myself He had some great ones David Angelou is hilarious He lives by me We took a walk the other day He's a fun dude Oh, nice Talking about just a comedy character Great writer, weird guy, funny voice The whole thing Man, he's got a joke I love He goes, I went to private school And kids are always beating me up for my brunch money Ha ha ha

He had another one I love. He goes, yeah, when I was a kid, we were broke. We had a black and white set. So every time the Incredible Hulk got angry, I just thought he turned into an Italian. Because, you know, Bruce Banner to Lou Ferrigno. That's an older reference. He's so funny. And then to say Italian, not Italian. Italian is so much funnier.

Yeah, my cousin saw him at a show at UCB and he was like, do you know this guy? He's so funny. And I was like, oh, yeah. It's like very like up his alley, kind of like weird, but very clever. Yeah, he's great. Great joke writer.

Yeah, great. He wrote for Fallon for like 10 minutes. Daily Show now. Oh, okay, great. He's like the one kind of fringe conservative in the Daily Show room, keeping them semi-sane, I guess, and probably driving him nuts, I'm sure. Oh, dude, he's an angry... I mean, his Twitter alone, I'm like, oh, I hope this guy's okay. His Twitter's great. I know, I love it. If you want a great follow, I think he's hilarious on Twitter.

So funny, so funny. I like watching people lose it on Twitter. It's fun when they get honest. It is fun, but there are always people who are like, fuck, don't lose it too much. I want you to have a career. That's true, that's true, because it's real easy to pull a Roseanne, pop an Ambien, have a red wine, and say a black joke or whatever it is. Have you ever done a sleeping pill and then done morning radio the next morning and you say shit where you're like, oh, I fucked up?

Because I sure should have. I've definitely been hungover. But I take sleeping pills every night, so. Every night you take a sleeping pill? It's a problem. I got to come back to life. Yeah, I just, I need to get sleep. I can't. To me, it's the falling asleep. Once I'm asleep, I'm good. I just can't turn it off. Damn. What kind of sleeping pill do you take? Well, I went with the melatonin. Well, that's not a pill, though. That's.

Well, this is just the beginning I was taking four, then you take five Then you're like, well, this is done Then you start taking CBD oil Like, oh, this is helping Then that's not doing anymore So then I do a Tylenol PM But then you're like, I don't need the Tylenol So am I hurting my liver? And after a while, I would do Ambien Damn, you can't do Ambien every night I kicked Ambien every night Because I was falling asleep like sitting up places It was really embarrassing I was pulling like a grandpa out

The problem with me with melatonin is I already have nightmares, and it for some reason makes my nightmares so vivid. Interesting. Do you know that's a thing? That's why people do weed, I think, is because it actually will help. I think, I don't know which one is it, indica, the one that helps you sleep? I think that one helps with nightmares, they say.

Oh, that's fucking bad. Boy, they've really, these scientists, man, they really mastered the weed. I know it's a hacky joke now, but it's like so impressive, these strains. This one makes you hungry. This one makes you sleepy. This one makes you less anxious.

Yeah, they have. I mean, it's like, it's crazy where it's come in our lifestyle, lifetime. I mean, I remember like getting into a car to like, get, you know, get weed from a stranger and like, man, that's fucking weird as a kid to do. And now it's like, you know, sodas got that bit like how they're like Somalias. It's crazy.

Yeah, they are. That's such a great point. And the funny thing is these guys are in a lab coat. They're scientists. They're botanists. But they still keep the names funny, which I love. You know, it's like, you want to get Maui Waui or Anal Fisher? Or do you want the Squirter? Or do you want, you know, whatever the hell, Bobby Flay? There's always some fun name. Anal Fisher.

They could have held off on the names, but they hung in there. Annale Fisher, I think she was on Boy Meets World, wasn't she? Topanga, huh? She was hot. She was hot. Oh, yeah. I looked her up not too long ago. Did you? These kids today have no idea what they got with the internet. They can see any child star nude. They got an OnlyFans. They got Google. I mean, back in our day, if she did Playboy once, you were lucky.

Terry Hatcher's doing Playboy, you know. Did she? Oh, yeah. Jenny McCarthy, Anna Cole Smith, you know. Jenny McCarthy, man. I remember that was like, that was a good time to be a hot chick because they were like, yeah, we'll give you a comedy show. Like, that's how low the fucking bar was. Yeah. All you do is pretend to fart or like, you know,

Squeeze a tit and you were a comedian if you were a hot chick Yeah, she wasn't funny MTV really was throwing shit at the wall They really were like Jenny McCarthy Occasionally they'd land back in the day Right Even like Singled Out back in the day You're like, oh shit, that was kind of crazy for what it was I loved it Yeah Young Chris Hardwick, right?

And Carmen Electra, talk about the 90s So hot We sound like real boomers right now I think we're technically millennials, but I don't feel like a millennial Yeah, I don't either It's weird My friend has got this great joke, he's like, man, I used to make fun of millennials And I gave it a Google search, and he's like, I stopped making fun of them Because he is one, and it's so true, like, millennial is 80 on, I think Ooh

So we're definitely in there. What's the one after that? Gen Z. And when does that start? 90? Really? I think so. 95? I could be wrong. Call in if you know. What are you drinking, by the way? Oh, good question. Well, as you know, don't buy the background. I'm in a Hilton Garden Inn in Omaha, Nebraska. Not bragging. And so I realized I went to the club, I did a show, and I came back and I said, I gotta do a pod, but...

I forgot to bring a cocktail, so I went down to the little market in the lobby. All they got was Lemon Truly. Oh, man. So I'm going to be that guy. Lemon Truly. I'm like a hot chick at a Kentucky Derby over here. That sounds like a homophobic dad calls his gay son, you fucking Lemon Truly. That's what Hemingway would call me.

There it is, folks. I love it. Sorry about the background. I love it. I got a little, I got a Manhattan going. I'm on original. Went back. I was going to do a, a bold VDA or whatever they're called. It's when they do sweet vermouth, bourbon and Campari, but it was kind of like, eh, I'd rather do, they have another one. I'll do it another week called an old pal, which I like better. It's, it's dry vermouth, bourbon and Campari. It's fucking good.

Can we just go out on a limb and say that might be your favorite cocktail? Yeah, I like a Manhattan. It's a cocktail. It's strong. It's got a little sweetness. It's got a little tart. I love it. It's perfect. Perfect cocktail. It is great. It's not too much of anything. It's not too tart, not too sweet, not too strong, but it's got all the flavors. Gives you a nice buzz, too. It makes you just feel... It's a good drunk for me. I've been doing wine a decent amount, like a little red wine in the winter, scotch in the winter.

But man, it's cold out snow in here, man. That's why you're stuck in Omaha, right?

I know. I saw the photos, or I saw some news reports from New York, and man, it is coming down. It's like a whiteout out there. And I had a flight at 6 a.m. It's a nightmare getting out of Omaha. 18 layovers and a bus and a train and a tram and all this shit. And I got a text today. It's a canceled flight, so I had to reschedule, and I'm sure that'll get canceled. So tomorrow's going to be a whole airport day. I can already feel it.

Damn, I hate a stressful travel day, man Nothing worse Nightmare, nightmare It's brutal, I mean, luckily, you know I got a phone and Wi-Fi so I can get some work done at the airport But it's just, you just can't relax the whole day Then you finally get home at like midnight And you got an Uber to your house It's a nightmare Yeah, I don't miss that I haven't been on the road in a bit, like flying in a bit But I'll be back at it soon, I'm sure Yeah, I miss it

Yeah, it seems like it's starting to open up a little Yeah, I think it's going to open up a little I mean, it's like people are getting the vaccines and stuff I think the numbers are going to go down I know January was like the worst month But I think it's like, it's the worst right now It's going to go downhill, I think

Yeah, yeah, I think so. And, like, my mom has the vaccine, my dad has the vaccine. Same. Girlfriend's mom has the vaccine. So, like, it's getting around pretty good, I think. I know people are bitching about it, but if my mom's got it, that's a good sign. What, uh, any good recs? Oh, man, this is gonna sound weird, but, uh...

I was flipping through my cable package, if you know what I mean. I don't want to get too into it because I don't want to get yelled at. But I was flipping through my shit there, and I'm a big documentary guy, as you know. Saw a documentary on Lynyrd Skynyrd. I go, yeah, you know, they're a popular band. I've never really gotten into them, but I'll listen. Sweet Home Alabama. Amazing doc. Really? Blew my mind. I couldn't believe it. Damn. Give me some highlights.

Well, it's called If I Leave Here Tomorrow, and it's just so crazy. We've all heard the band story. These guys meet up. They play in a garage. They do drugs. Then they all of a sudden hit it big. But these are redneck guys from Florida. I thought they were from Alabama because of the song.

They live in a shack on a river. They're all fucking alcoholics. Their dads are fucking rednecks and idiots. And they kill alligators and do LSD and have long hair. And they all fail out of school. And they just kept playing guitar all day long and drums. One guy was writing a song, in and out of jail. They all get shot. They're all crazy. And they just clicked. Damn. And then I can't remember how they got bigger, but one guy signed them.

And then they opened for The Who, and then they just blew up. Oh, shit. But they're so cool because they're like redneck hillbillies, but they're all about progress. And if you listen to the songs, they're like pumping in. They got that song in Sweet Home Alabama called

Birmingham had a governor Boo, boo, boo Apparently he was a big racist Damn So they're like sliding in all this subliminal woke shit In their hillbilly tunes Everybody thinks it's like bar room drinking and uh Oh, there's a bit in there, dude Oh, maybe Like just modernizing that Like that's so fucking funny

Yeah, I mean, they have a whole song about how guns are bad, and they've all been shot, they all have friends who have guns QAnon had a message board, QAnon, I don't know, something like Politicians are all pedos, pedos That's fucking awesome, dude, I love it It's good, man, it's really good, and you fall in love with them, they're so sweet, and they're so humble HBO or Netflix, or what is it?

Oh, that's good. I think it was Showtime. Oh, Showtime's got good shit, man. I remember you turned me on to that Kobe doc, Muse. That was pretty fucking incredible. Loved it. And the Ron Artest one on Showtime's incredible, too. I don't know if I saw that. Oh, it's incredible. What are you working on? I got a good rec. I just read this. You know, noir is like my escape right now. It's always been my escape, but there's something about...

About noir that's like It takes me to a different world And the language is so fucking fun And the dialogue I read this book called It's a classic, I've never read it It's by Walter Mosley called Devil in a Blue Dress Yeah, of course I never read it, I heard it's a classic I've never read it either It's fucking great, it's incredible Oh really? They made a movie about it with Denzel

But he was devil in a red dress, wasn't he? No, devil in a blue dress Denzel plays Easy Rollins Who's a detective Don Cheadle is like his breakout role Is like his tough friend And it's a great fucking book, man There's so many good lines in it It's basically like a Philip Marlowe Type detective story, but you add in The racial tension of like the late 40s Post-war He served in the military, so he's got all this anger You know, but then

so much these are the colorful villains where like there's a scene where uh he's working for this shady white guy dewitt perfect fucking white perfect white guy name at that time dewitt and southern uh yeah it is oh no no no no no it's in la but they're like houston and like louisiana guys so yeah it is so it's got like a southern element for sure and uh

There's a scene where he's like, you know, a tough guy served in the war and he could fuck shit up. He called himself a killing machine, but these young white kids are fucking with him. And he's like, I can't, he's like, I can murder all of them with my bare hands, but I can't do shit because I'm a black man or whatever. And this guy DeWitt comes in, he goes, are you fucking with my associate? And he says to the kids, get on your knees and suck his dick. And,

And like that type of show, he pulls out a gun, suck his dick and the kids are crying. And then, and, and he basically said afterwards, he was like, you would have thought that gave me some calm, but like, if he's willing to do that to one of his own kind, what the fuck would he do to me? Like good ass lines like that where you're like, oh, this is, and there was a like shit, like, you know, missing, it's about a missing woman, devil in a blue dress. Right.

And this guy goes, look how pretty she is. He goes, yeah, if she weren't, you wouldn't be looking for her. Like shit like that. I love that. Wow. So smooth. Yeah. So good. You know what I love about noir is because it's fiction, but it's urban. It's all in the city. I love the city shit like Chinatown with Jack Nicholson, all that shit because

Sci-fi, Lord of the Rings can blow me. Harry Potter can blow me. I hate all that shit because I can't get into it. I love New Orleans. It's in the city. I'll fuck with good sci-fi, though. Dude, Ex Machina is brilliant.

Oh, okay, well yeah, that I can get on But they're not on a spaceship, they're in a guy's house in the hills, you know I can still, it's technology I'm down with good sci-fi, but I'm with you Like, I prefer, noir is more my shit than like a good sci-fi I mean, I like the original Star Wars and shit, I love that stuff Yeah, yeah, that's good, that's a hero story I can get on board with Star Wars, it's so good But Star Trek I hate Really? Yeah

Yeah, it's a Klingon What's going on here? We're stuck on a spaceship, it's so limited I'm just not that into it, I'm sure we'll be hearing from Joe Mackey about this I hear Battlestar Galactica is like the best show ever I've never seen it, but people fucking go nuts People I really trust, the South Park guys say it's like the greatest show ever Oh, I trust those guys for sure And our close friend Joe Mackey also Like, fuck him Yeah, he's an idiot, but yeah

No, I get it, and it's impressive, and they have to create this whole world in their mind, and that's all cool, but The Matrix, I'm on board with because it's somewhat based in reality, but when you got Talking Trees and Lord of the Rings, I'm like, eh, that doesn't exist. You heard the story of Will Smith turned down that role for Wild Wild West?

I did hear that. What an idiot. That's crazy. Because he got to sing a song for Wild Wild West, probably. He was so hot with music at that time that they were like, you get a song. And they were like, he probably asked the Wachowski brothers, he's like, can I have a song? And they're like, fuck you, you don't have a song. Can you imagine the Matrix in the world? Like, we're fucking red pill, red pill, blue pill. Right, right. Yeah, that's a good point. He had a couple of Jiggy with it was another rough one. Men in Black.

Men in Black was kind of fun Men in Black's a good movie Good movie And that was a graphic novel Or something like that Was it? Yeah Dude that movie is funny That movie holds up Funny Barry Levinson I think

Yes Yeah, that's a great movie That was back when a black guy and a white guy was still like Whoa, they're partners, holy shit Look at these two, oh my god Like Rush Hour, another 48 Hours, Men in Black Yeah, but like the difference between Men in Black and 48 Hours is like 47 slurs That's true You rewatch 48 Hours and you're like Does Nick Nolte, can he cool it for like a minute? It's just crazy

I know, I heard half of that was improvised. Joking! But he looks like that guy. Like, when he's saying the N-word, you're like, oh, he means it. He's got the bad suit, he's blonde, old blonde guy, you know? Yeah, that was...

48 Hours is a great movie though I mean that was like a movie where like Where like the violence felt real Like that character who was in trouble the whole movie That bad guy who was just trying to like save his girl or whatever Like that was a dark storyline So like that balanced some funny ass shit With some real stuff, you know? Right, it still had some grit on it But it still had like a lightheartedness too It's really well done

Yeah, man, Eddie Murphy fucking rules. He really does. I said it before, I'll say it again. I don't think he should come back. I mean, he can do whatever he wants, obviously, but as a stand-up, it'll never live up, no matter what.

So it's, it's, that's the weird thing. Like we've talked about guys like, like the legends who die young and you're just like immortalized. Like it's not just comedy. Like you go to Cuba and it's like Che Guevara's pictures everywhere, you know, cause he went out in his prime and then you have fucking, you know, Fidel Castro lives forever. You know what I mean? Right. It's like, you go out at the, you go out at the peak. That's who you are forever. Like Bill Hicks is Bill Hicks.

So true. I mean, he even has a bit about it. Like, what if you saw Hendrix now doing like an AT&T commercial or selling fucking Depends or something? How sad would that be? And he epitomizes that with his early day. Died at what, 33? Yeah, well, Bill Hicks. I mean, think of all the greats that died around that age. I mean, Jesus aside, you've got like Bruce Lee. You've got like you mentioned Hendrix. You've got fucking Janis Joplin, like all these legends who died super young.

Cobain's a big one too Yeah Because like How he could have changed maybe I know I know Turning into a dad And all that And Becomes like a Fox News guy Yeah He'd have a podcast About you know How much Pearl Jam sucks Or whatever Oh Bill Hicks would be He'd be a podcast He'd be like Jay Leno did a fucking Doritos commercial He sold his soul Then cut to like A minute later He's like

Which reminds me, Adam and Eve is having a discount sale on... I know, that's so weird to think about, because he would definitely have a podcast, and it would be huge, but you still got to do ads. Yeah, well, can I tell you who gave me a phone call last week? Oh, I'm excited. You teased us a little off air, so maybe catch everybody up. All right, so I was telling Mark that a comedy legend gave me a call last

Weird to I mean you've had this with Seinfeld You had Seinfeld Hit you up And be like I'm a fan You hung with Jerry Yeah oh yeah Highlight of my life You text with Jerry Yep still text Every now and then I don't want to overdo it But yep That's fucking amazing It's The whole thing is bananas Just from watching him In New Orleans With my parents And must see TV To sitting on a couch With him At the Beacon I mean the whole thing Doesn't make sense But

That's also a guy though that your parents like get to where they're like, why can't you work with Seinfeld? That's like the name they would say. Yes, exactly. Like you tell them you got into the comedy cellar, which is like the biggest accomplishment ever. And they're like the who, the what? It's a cellar. It's a basement. Okay. Well, how much are you get $30 a set? Oh, cool. Uh, they don't get it, but then you tell them I met Seinfeld and they're like, Oh, okay. And we got something now we're talking. Yeah. Well, that's a, that's a big one. Uh,

Yeah, so I'm doing a thing on Friday. It's like, you did it too. I think it's that Comedy Central roast thing. You know what I'm talking about? Yeah. Where we're like, you know, doing, it took forever to set up in my apartment. Like, move this bookshelf, move that bookshelf. So I'm like moving shit around. I'm doing, it was fun. I ended up having fun doing it. But a lot of movement. My reps are texting me, Jay Leno is trying to call you. And I'm like, I just got, I got like a missed call. And I'm like, what? What?

So I'm like guys can we wrap it up I want to talk to Jay Leno Oh my god Is he a fan did he see your set Or give me the whole thing So he watched my special I got this And he was like I loved your special I just wanted to tell you I watched with my wife And I talked to him on the phone for a while He couldn't have been a nicer guy great guy

I mean, this is so, I love Jay Leno. Me and List always talk about Leno because biggest misconception is that Letterman is cooler than Leno. Leno is the cool one. You think so? Oh, yeah. I mean, look, Letterman had the better TV show, obviously, better late night talk show. But Leno still does stand up, by the way. Yeah. Letterman gave up stand up a long time ago. We talked about that. He mentioned that. He said he's doing Zooms. He's doing Zoom gigs. What? Yeah. Oh, my God.

And also you do Letterman. He's ice cold. He doesn't talk to you. Leno comes in your dressing room. He goes, how are you doing? What's going on? What have you been up to? And then like, how long have you been doing it? Where do you get up and all that shit? He wants to talk to you. And he like gives you notes and he compliments the tags. Whereas Letterman just goes, all right, see you get out of here.

yeah my agent told me that he hits up some comics and he's cool but he's a cool guy about that and then uh yeah he couldn't have been nice from the phone we talked for like i don't know 15 minutes or so and he was super nice and he was just like i don't want to take up your time i'm like

I'm like looking around. I'm like, do you know what I'm fucking doing right now? Yeah. But no, he's hit it. He had a cool line where he said, I said, well, you know, it's on YouTube. So a lot of my, a lot of my views are just word of mouth. You know, it's not on Netflix or anything. And he was like, well, you know, word of mouth is big. Lyndon Johnson had a quote where he said a handshake is worth 250 votes. And he got it.

Well, I'm going to tell a lot of people about your special, and they'll tell a lot of people. So, you know, pretty cool. Very, you know, made my day, to say the least, you know? Totally. What a mensch. Cool guy. Great comic.

That is so odd. Did he, did he quote any bits or did he, uh, I'm trying to remember. He said one. Yeah. He said, well, maybe I'll see you around sometime. He didn't need him like no hard plans, but, uh, weird time to make plans. But, uh, he said, you know, uh, you guys are doing a pod together now. Well, he said, uh, he, he quoted a bit about how I said I can't drive. And he thought that was really, he's like, I laughed out loud at that. Like, you know, I'm a big car guy. I was like, Oh, I know. But, uh, but yeah, he said, I'm a big car guy. And, uh,

And he said the fact that you can't drive You really can't drive He's hip to shit Where he's like where do you film at The comedy cellar I'm like oh I mean that's cool that he just knows that Yeah totally Salt of the earth regular guy I read his book when I was a kid I read Leading With My Chin when I was a kid Definitely a cool thing for sure Super cool wow I said it before I'll say it again

So the great thing about stand-up is the lack of pretension. You know, like some barroom guitar guy is never going to meet Mick Jagger. And we could still meet Seinfeld or Leno or whoever. Super cool. Chris Rock, whatever it is. Yeah, no, it's pretty crazy. And that's one that I told my parents. My parents come, my dad, my dad, it's weird that my dad calls me. He's like, what did he say? Yeah, yeah. With like that type of shit. So I was like, oh man, that's pretty cool.

That's fucking awesome. And it's hilarious that you missed the call, too. Hilarious. Because I'm fucking moving shit in my apartment. I'm like, is this good for the shoot? Yeah, yeah. I'm doing that on Tuesday. I'm not looking forward to it. It's fine. It's like the setup is excruciating. I'm on no sleep and I was a little hungover and...

And they're like, it was like an hour of like, move this book the other way. So we don't have to deal with, you know, copyright stuff. I'm like, all right.

Is it, is it all, did you have to prepare? Is it all riff? I wrote a few bits for it, but I also, it was funny when you, it's funny when you're doing like, so for those of you listening, don't know what we're talking about. If we weren't clear enough, it's basically like the top 100 roast jokes ever. And they had comics like me, Mark, Roy Wood, Yamanika, people like us, like just riffing on the jokes. So it's funny when I have a bit where I'm like, that's a good line that I wrote and prep. And then they'd be like, so how did this roast joke make you feel? And I'm like,

You want me to be like, here's why this is a good joke Yeah, yeah I want to be like, I want to make bits I'm here to be, anyone can dissect the bit I want to tell jokes, you know? Yeah, yeah So, what does that have to do with Leno? How did Leno come into that? Are they just two different things? What do you mean? Like, did Leno, is he doing it too? No, no, no, no I think he just caught it on YouTube I think it came up as recommended or something

Oh, that's amazing. Yeah. Fucking Jay Leno. It's hilarious that he watches. I feel like we're out of the loop because our shit's on YouTube in a way and not on Netflix where it's like, I feel like the stars, why would they even think to look on YouTube? I told him on the phone, I was like, you know, I got brought up on stage this summer at like a parking lot gig. And they were like, this next comic's got a YouTube special and it got a fucking laugh.

Yeah. They kind of laugh. And he laughed really hard at that. He thought that was hilarious. I'm like, it got a laugh that people are like, oh, clearly that's a joke. I'm like, no, this is what we have to do now. Right, right. Yeah. He seemed like, look, I like Jerry. I know Jerry, but I feel like Leno feels easier to hang with. Jerry, I'm still on kind of pins and needles the whole time. But Leno, I feel like you could kind of let your guard down a little bit. I think part of it is kind of like, this is how I look at it now.

Like my friends are my friends. Like you're my friend. I have my friend group, you know? And then those guys, it's like, it's all house money. It's like, whatever. It's, it's great. It's awesome. It's almost like cool to just say you've talked to them or met them. But like, I put no, you know, I put no major stakes in the, in the conversation. Cause I'm like, if it goes, unless it goes horribly, which would suck, but like, right.

Of course. That's a healthy way to be because I put way too much and I'm devastated. It's almost like a hot lady I'm texting that I am in love with. So that's way smarter because I put everything – I put all my chips in and it never pays off. I just think it's great that we have these stories and we get to tell these stories and stuff. And it's like –

These legends Like I remember like Jeff Ross would tell me stories About like Buddy Hackett I'm like To me that's fucking cool But That's so cool But yeah it's another thing Leno said He's like these old school comics He was talking about How much he hated Like Last Comic Standing Because We have to He's like They're like be funny in two minutes He's like that's not comedy

That's not comedy I'm like oh it's cool to hear guys like that say that But he's like that's not He's like I forgot who he brought up But he said someone who would take like He's like go up and watch this first comic It takes like a minute and a half to get to the first punch But the punch destroys He's like that was how comedy was And now it's like And I think he likes punchlines But he's kind of like the hunger Maybe the appetite is off I don't know Interesting Yeah you can tell he loves it I mean

For the people who don't know, I'm a big Leno fan, and he would go back in the late 70s when there weren't a ton of comedy clubs. He had to get good and had to get repped, so he would go to a bar or a strip club, put $50 on the bar, and say, let me do a half hour. If I bomb...

Keep the money If it goes well I get the 50 back Damn So you don't have to lose any money And they would go Okay And then you know A couple times he did okay Kept the money A couple times he lost it It's like a pool shark man Yeah I mean What a badass move Like I just gotta get up Well he knew he had material I saw him once go up at the improv And he was funny It was good material Mmm

Really? Yeah, it was cool. It was probably like four or five years ago. He goes up in a blazer. It looks like old school, but he got him. I mean, it's cool to watch a legend just go up and do his thing. I was like, yeah, this is pretty sweet.

He's a pro, and he's great on pot. He did Rogan. He was great. He did O&A back in the old days, and he zinged everybody. He was running the tables on these. He zinged Opie and zinged Jim, making fun of how Jim looks and how they're not real men. Jim's like, oh, I can't change a tire. He's like, oh, Jesus Christ. Yeah, I'm eating here. It was so funny. Do you see when Louie was on panel with him, and Louie goes at him, and Leno went back?

It was a great exchange Great exchange It was like two dudes who just are like Just at the top We're fucking quick, we're good Clearly they liked each other It wasn't malicious, but it was fucking like Louis came for Leno and Leno's like Nuh-uh

I just watched that recently. Louis had a great line because he goes, well, Jay, I mean, you're insane looking. And then Leno's like, what? What are you talking about? He's like, well, you've got a crazy face. Like, if you told a sketch artist to draw your face, he'd go, come on. And that kills. And then Leno, after a huge laugh, Leno goes, well, you know, it's just it's not easy having a full head of hair. And Louis loses it. It was

I mean, it was great. It was great. It was funny, yeah. No, they go back and forth. It was a good time. But yeah, man, fucking comedy. At least we get good stories and shit, you know? Yeah, hear, hear. You know, everybody. All you hear now is it's being censored. Oh, what's that? Sorry. Hey, to a new beginning, baby. Drink up. Hear, hear.

That's a new segment you mentioned Yeah, I think a toast is fun We could come up with funny toasts That'll be our next week, that'll be our homework We'll come up with it I got one already, I already texted it to you But I'm toasting the GameStop guys Good for them, those fucking nerds on Reddit Who beat the system, hear hear Good for the people that got in and out early The rest of you, it's a pyramid scheme It's gonna fall But to the early people, well done

Well done. Well done. I mean, I think that rocked the foundation of finance as we know it.

Yeah, we'll see, I don't know We'll see, we'll see I don't know, but it's fucking, it is hilarious I'm not gonna act like I didn't see that and laugh my ass off, you know? Ah, I love it, I love seeing the guys on like MSNBC and the tie The old guy with the white hair like, this is unbelievable, this is inappropriate or whatever the fuck And you're like, ah, shut up, you got billions GameStop is fucking just a, it's a hilarious one to pick Cause it's like, it's blockbuster, but for video games basically, right? Exactly, yeah

The real loser are the GameStop employees, the fat guy with the zits who's like, wait, I don't get anything. I still work a fucking nine to five shit job. You mean my hourly wage didn't include stock in the company? This is bullshit. I know. Exactly. He's got to go back home to his ferret. And, you know, the whole company's through the roof, man.

Is Electronic Boutique still around? That was one, too. They all crumble, I feel like. I mean, I feel like everything like that, like,

It's just like borders. Think of like anything that you go to get. That's a big, like going to Barnes and Noble feels like visiting a dying relative. You're like, you're like, this is not going to last long. Let's just enjoy the time we have together. This is so on its last legs here. Barnes and Noble is cool too. I like the, like the coffee shop vibe. I like being able to, I miss, to some degree I miss blockbuster. Like I missed the experience of going to pick a movie.

Yeah, same. I mean, it was a great date thing. You go to Blockbuster together, you can comment on all the cover. I worked at Blockbuster for like three years. Did you really? Yeah, I was just such a movie douche. And I was obsessed with movies. I was in Louisiana with nothing to do. So I said, hey, let me get a job at Blockbuster. Horrible job, by the way. I thought it was going to be like movie job, but it's just you just work in a library, basically. You know, you're just putting shit back on the shelf in alphabetical order.

And everybody's got late fees, and you're like, hey, you owe Wizard of Oz from 1949. He's like, fuck you. I'm like, hey, you owe 10 grand. The guy's like, ah, so it was mostly that. 10 grand. But, uh...

But yeah, it was, I loved Blockbuster. That was super cool. And then like, remember, what was it? Kim's video or what was that one in the village? St. Mark's legendary. Yeah. Yeah. That shit was fucking awesome with the posters and the CDs and the movies. They had everything you could add, like fucking Asian movies and snuff films and all this shit. Classic. So much is gone, man. So much is, so much of New York is, I mean, of everywhere. I mean, like that's, you know, cool indie shit doesn't last long.

No, I was, you know, I'm in Omaha. So there are 10 years behind out here. But I went to the mall and you're like, oh, yeah, Hollister. What the fuck is that? Hollywood video. Yeah, it's like PacSun and Spencer's and the fucking what's the one with the high tech gadgets? Yeah.

They always got the armchair with the cushion and the foot rub. Oh, sharper image? Sharper image! That's still here? You're like, wow, it was like a throwback. Damn, that's hilarious. Yeah. Ten years behind. Yeah, maybe 20. But it's weird. I mean, it's sad, but it's true. But I like going out. That's why comedy is great, because you gotta go see it. You gotta go. I mean, you can see our specials, but...

We're doing crowd work and you're riffing on this and that And talking about the town Entertainment, luckily Is pretty much mostly live It's incredible I hope that it's not replaceable Because you think about that I remember we were doing those rooftop shows In the summer in New York Thinking no one would come out And people came to every single one Because people want shit to do And I think they're hungry for things to do Especially right now with like

Dude, it's a fucking tough year for everybody It just really is Of course, and I think it's just human nature Like you need to connect, you need to interact You need to see things That's why I hate those boxes of food You know, what is that, like fresh You know those boxes of pre-made food No, no, I thought you were going to say fresh direct Don't knock fresh direct That's legit, I know what you're talking about though Like the pre-made shit where you're like, what are we doing here Yeah, it's like, hey, we're going to send you a box of chicken cacciatore And it's like little individual Uh

you know, like sealed bags of Parmesan and then a little red roasted red pepper. You're like, wait, what are we doing here? Like, let's go to the fucking grocery store and see the produce, smell it, feel it, get the chicken, pick it up, go get the salt, the pepper, whatever it is.

I think that's just better for your brain. I agree, man. As we're fucking killing our brain with alcohol. This is what's good for your brain. But that's why I feel like I'm not going to stop drinking, so I do need other shit. You need a break from other things. That's why showers are one of the last places you have. That's why cooking is still important. You chop in garlic, you can't look at your phone.

Uh-huh. Right? So you can listen to a podcast or something, I guess, but it is valuable to have that time. You're holding shit in all day. You're internalizing stuff. And then you go and you do your thing and you're like, oh, shit starts flooding out. Premises start flooding out. Yes, so true. I live in the West Village and there's a little wine shop by my house and they do a thing where you tell them your last name and you have an account with them. And it's so stupid. You get like two bucks off every $800 you spend or whatever it is, but-

It's cool. I see this big Greek guy. He's got hairy forearms. He's got a bad accent. And he's like, this is a good white for this, and that's a good red if you're cooking with pasta. And I'm like, I get to interact with the guy, and I'm learning about a wine, and you see all the wines. You look at the labels. I mean, it's better than just clicking something and waiting for it. Yeah, there's something about an interaction that is nice. You talk. You're talking to a stranger. We've talked about this before, but forcing yourself to have to interact with a human person

It's an important part of life that I guess the next generation will know less and less about. That's true. It's sad, but true. Louis used to have this great point. I don't know if it was a bit, but he used to talk about how you go to a bookstore and you could sometimes get laid. Like you go to a bookstore and you see a lady talking or reading, kind of like leafing through Tolstoy and you're like, oh, you got to read this one. And she's like, oh, really? You like that? And he's like, we should go get a glass of wine and talk. And then boom, you know, so like.

Or how about Blockbuster with the Jeff's Picks? Remember that? You got to check out Jeff's Picks. And you're like, boy, Jeff loves Carrie Elwes or whatever the fuck.

The idea that you're using Tolstoy to get fucking pussy is so funny to me. Tolstoy. By the way, some people tweeted me that my bit from last week, Louis had a similar bit. It's dumb. It's dropped. I appreciate you guys. It fucking happens. It happens a million times. Yeah. That's why you ask. That's why I ask. Yeah, it happens all the time. Oh, man. Louis is fucking... He's got so many. We were like, God damn it. Even that premise is hilarious. Just getting laid in the bookstore is so funny.

Yeah, yeah Fuck, yeah How about Any Pet Peeves? Oh, you never wrecked Did you give me a wreck? Yeah, yeah Devil in the Blue Dress by Walter Mosley Incredible Just like a classic I'm going to read more of his stuff It's like a classic noir I loved it It was It's just a totally If you're looking for an escape It's another world It's fun to just go into another world Yeah, totally Alright, I love it I remember seeing the movie Like in a hotel room Years ago I hear it's good

It's good, yeah I think they changed it to make it southern Because I remember a lot of moments where Denzel would have like the sweat stains on his button down And then he was fucking one of the ladies And she was like, oh, Lordy B You know, you're ringing my bell That's what she kept saying And it felt very southern, so maybe they Fuck, Denzel's so cool, man Oh, the best Yeah His new movie looks pretty rough, though Oh, what is that? I don't know, it's like a cop movie It doesn't look good I think it's on Netflix

He's in so many He's getting a little typecasted if you ask me Yeah I think once you're in so many fucking hits It's like Tortured, tough guy, cop, serious, angry kind of thing Do you like Training Day?

I own it. I love that movie. It's good. But I feel like that was the beginning of every character had to be like, my man. It was like that type of dude. We were like, all right. He's incredible. I'm a fucking big fan, obviously. Incredible. What's his best movie, you think? Didn't know you liked to get wet, though. PCP, primo. Let's see.

Oh, man. Malcolm X, he's fun in. I forgot that's like a three and a half hour movie or something. It's crazy. Spike Lee, yeah. He's a bad dude. Delroy Lindo shouts out to that great underrated character actor. Love that guy. Great in Get Shorty. Oh, Get Shorty fucking rules. Great movie. And what a cat, like a young Gandolfini's in that. And Dennis Farina, is that his name? I just recommended someone Midnight Run where Farina just like. Oh.

Oh, that guy's a beast. That guy's great and everything. He's great in Snatch. R.I.P., man. Yeah, Deferino was a fucking legend. Ex-cop in Chicago. What? Yeah, dude, he's a bad motherfucker. I love Deferino. Get Shorty, one of my favorite lines, is fucking R.I.P. Gandolfini, too, the greatest. But when he goes up to Travolta, and Travolta goes, this guy a stuntman? He goes, yeah. He grabs him by the nuts and throws him down a flight of stairs and goes, he's good. Ha ha.

It's so good Wow That movie rules That was back before Travolta had the massage table incidents And you can still believe the fact that he could throw a guy down some stairs Although the nut grab is not Has anyone had a weirder career than Travolta? Like the ups and downs and just like So crazy I mean, started out bangers It was like

Saturday Night Fever and Grease and all these huge hits And then Look Who's Talking Then he went to hell Then Pulp Fiction Then Michael I mean it was just like this phenomenon Michael is such trash It's so fucking bad I saw you tweet about it didn't you? It's so bad I watched a little bit of it because I was just like I just want to remember how bad this is And like I love Andy McDowell but like God it's a fucking turd man

Holy shit is it bad They were just trying to ride his charisma All the way to the bank And it's like look he's likable But no one's pulling this shit off dude No one's pulling off the angel Who's like just got a horseshit dialogue Horrible It was trying to be like kind of a ghost thing Where they had like the sappy music And they would like slow dance alone And she would shave him Ghost is way better though Ghost is great Whoopi Goldberg was fucking funny in Ghost

I think she won an Oscar for that. She was good. Comic. Starred as a comic. Yeah, Whoopi was funny. Yeah, she was funny. The view is a bummer, but she was funny. There's just no way you're making that show. That show's just not going to be good. No, no, no. A bunch of koozes sitting around a semicircle talking about the bullshit of the day. It's like, all right, all right. Kooze is such a good insult. You fucking kooze. What a great insult. I love kooze.

It's the polite way to say cunt, basically Or not polite, but TV clean Alright, Pet Peeve, here we go Let's go I'm howling over here You're howling Pet Peeve, I did a podcast with a guy And nice guy, but he said, can you meet me in the park at noon? I said, yeah, you got it, you want to do it face to face? You're the nice guy, you're the nice guy

Well, yeah, he was very convincing. So I'm a guy, you say noon, I'll be there at noon. It's 11.52. I'm walking there and he goes, hey, where are you at? And I go, oh, I'm heading over there. And he goes, oh, all right. I thought you were late. Like, I got eight minutes. And he's like, okay, just I thought you were going to be late. And I'm like,

You said, dude, you called me at 1152. I was so pissed. I don't know why that pissed me off. Like you're yelling at me and I haven't even done anything wrong yet. Some little dick shit, some insecurity right there. That's some, what he's basically doing is being like, I'm, I'm nervous. You're going to blow me off. And I'm putting that on you before you even get there.

Yes, yes, exactly. And it really rubbed me the wrong way. I called him out when I saw him. I got there at like 11.56. But I'm like, I'm still early. You should have looked him dead in the eye and done another lap. You should have said, I got four minutes, you prick. Right, right. Because to me, a minute is a minute. Like, if you say noon, I'll be there at noon. But I don't want to get there at 11.50. I don't want to get there at noon.

I'm very punctual too If I'm going to be late I was like four minutes late to a Zoom the other day And I gave a huge apology I said I thought this was an hour later I'm very sorry and it was four minutes But it was Zoom so you should be on time to a Zoom But I try to be punctual You're fucking with another person's time And I think it's very rude to be late And there are some people who just live to be late

Oh, yeah, that will fuck you in life. Being early or on time is, you get a huge leg up if you're on time. The late guys, you just don't trust them.

There's all these Hollywood stories about people who just showed up. They would show up like 30 minutes early to meetings and just make sure to like walk, watch them walk in. It was like a power mood. Like they're already there just sitting there, you know? Yeah. Yeah. I was at, I had a pitch with Netflix. This is 64 years ago.

And I show up and I was kind of running because I didn't want to be late. And I was a little sweaty. And I show up and in the lobby in a t-shirt, basketball shorts, and flip flops was Adam Sandler. Oh my God. This motherfucker is 20 minutes early looking at his phone, dicking around, scratching his balls. And I'm, I'm like barely making it. So I was like, I got to get my shit together. And that's why he's where he's at. Not where I'm at. And other factors, but yeah, he's the coolest. He's the coolest guy.

Worst dresser on the planet. That adds to it. The fact that he's rolling into fucking Netflix meetings in basketball shorts and slippers is fucking legendary. I know. With socks, by the way. Like...

My gal, she's always like, that's so hot that he dresses like that. I'm like, that's hot? She's like, yeah. That's what's so complex about women. They look beyond the thing. I see a schlub and she sees a guy who doesn't give a fuck. Well, here's what it is. If you're successful and you dress like shit, women are like, he doesn't care. If you're a bum and you dress like shit, they're like, you're a fucking loser. That's a great point. That's a bit. It's all about who you are. She thinks that's hot because he's hot.

Adam Sandler is a fucking, it's like when women are like, I like a guy who's a dick. It's like, no, you like a fucking successful dick. You don't like a dick cashier at Walgreens. That's so true. You like a dick fucking guy in a suit who's drinking a martini at the bar and pulls in 12 mil a year. That's who you like. Exactly. Yeah. It's like the creepy guy at the office also happens to be ugly.

You know, the guy giving you the weird massage, you're like, oh, Greg looks like he's bald and all this and fat and old. But if Zach with the fucking gel in his hair and the Armani suit giving you a massage, you're like,

I'm in. If Joe Biden sniffs your hair, he's a creep. If Tom Hardy sniffs your hair, you're wet. All right? Let's be fucking real. Come on. Yeah, right. Hear, hear. If Tom Hardy sniffed my hair, I'd be wet. I mean, he's a talent. He's great. Have you ever seen the movie Lock? Lock? No. Dude, all right. Highly recommend it. It's like a 90-minute movie.

It's the entire movie takes place of just him and his car. Every other character. It's insane. Like, I love movies that are like, we're going to do it this way. I know it sounds insane. They pull it off, dude. It's like it's literally Tom Hardy just taking phone calls the entire movie, but it unravels his fucked up plot. And he's dude, he is so good. I love that guy.

Well, he's such a great actor that he's enough to carry it. Exactly. Phone booth with Colin Farrell didn't really have the same cachet. He was in a lot of stinkers, and then he won me over big with In Bruges. In Bruges is so good. No one talks about that movie. That movie is amazing. Masterpiece.

And weird And quirky And funny But dark And a little different I mean That was a really Who's that director? He's done a few good things Marta McDonagh Genius Fucking genius Playwright Genius He wrote this play called The Cripple of Anishinaabemowin I'm probably butchering the pronunciation of that city But like It's

The funniest thing you'll ever read It's like the dark He wrote his classic as Pillow Man That's the famous play He had all these great plays But his big movie was Seven Psychopaths was the next one It was good, it wasn't as good Then he did the one with Francis McDormand That was super divisive and polarized And it got Oscar nominations Three billboards I liked it, people hated it But I thought it was cool I mean, I love the cast I think...

The first one's the best, In Bruges. Yeah, yeah. The cast is great. Rockwell I love, and Francis McDormand's a great actor. But yeah, I felt like that one was a little forced at some points, but I thought it was good. Dude, his brother did a movie called The Guard. Have you ever heard of that? No. It's Brendan Cleese and Don Cheadle. It's incredible. Really? It's like In Bruges vibes. It's really fucking funny, and it's really...

I mean, Brendan Gleeson is like the coolest. He's just the coolest. I don't know that guy. He's in, in Bruges. He's the fat guy. He's the, he's the main guy. Yeah. He's great. He's great. He's incredible. His son is this big actor now too, but, uh, you know, Dom Hall Gleeson is in everything. He was in Brooklyn. He was in, um, star Wars. He was in, um, that's right. You know, literally every movie.

Is he British or Irish? Irish, I think Irish Or maybe Scottish He's like an Irish Donald Logue Remember Donald Logue? He's a great actor You don't hear about him, look him up Give him a goog if you don't know him He was in every TV show You ever see that movie, The Tao of Steve? No That was like his breakout movie He was like a fat ladies man It was funny Oh wow, alright He's a great actor, that guy

Great actor, funny, great comedic actor, really good. See, we know about all these guys that don't get any love. We respect quality. I think they've had good careers, though. I think they made money, and I think to be a working actor is so hard and to beat the odds. I think he is probably still working, I would think. He's so good.

Yeah, I'd hope. And then you always forget about this Broadway, this off-Broadway, there's all this like summer stock and Shakespeare that we forget about, but that's quality work for an actor. True. Yeah, no, he was fun. He's great. Everything he's in, I think it was on Gotham. I think it was like a recurring on that, which is like a big show. So I think he did well. All right. Yeah. I hope he is because he's a talent.

Yeah. I'll give you my pet peeve. I did a podcast and a woman called me. She's like, comics, you guys are the bravest. I'm so sick of people calling comedians brave. We're not brave. Enough of this shit. Two things I hate when they describe comedians, brave and truth tellers. Two of the things that bug me the most. Brave, Navy SEALs are brave. All right? We're telling jokes. If it goes badly-

I have my legs. You know what I mean? Like, let's be real. And as for truth tellers, we're joke tellers. We're truth explorers. Truth telling is, it sounds so pretentious. If you're only seeking the truth, you're not seeking a joke.

Yeah, I completely agree They always say that about Pryor He was so honest I'm like, well, anybody can be honest Exactly I'm honest, but it has to be funny You know, like, I can go up and go I used to wet the bed I think that lady's ugly You know, whatever It's easy to be honest You've got to make it funny Exactly So that bummed me That annoyed me And, yeah That's fine, I'm with you It just, I mean, like, I'm flattered That people think what we do is brave But it's like, yeah, it's like we can buy

We all think different things are brave, but like, let's, let's not lose the fact, like we're having fun. It's a pretty, it's not,

The idea when people are like, it's so courageous, it's like, come on. We're fucking, we're telling jokes, we're having drinks, we're having a good time. This isn't... Right, I got a Budweiser up there. You know, how brave am I? But I will say there are parts of comedy, and it's the part that nobody thinks about. Everybody's like, you're telling the truth, you're a truth teller, you're brave, whatever. That's not it. The hard part is when you're sitting in the green room going...

I'm hungover, I'm depressed, I got anxiety, and I gotta go be funny for an hour and kill. That's the hard part, when you're like, I was on a fucking six-hour flight, I had a layover, I'm hungover, I wanna kill myself, I'm on two hours of sleep, now I gotta go kill for two shows an hour each.

Well said. Yeah, I think it's the idea that like finding a partner who's down with this lifestyle is so challenging and finding someone who is who's like, okay with it. Like, they don't get what it is on paper. Like, I've said this a lot, but like, dinner is a sign of stability to a partner. We don't give them dinner. We give them a lot of breakfast and lunch.

but there ain't going to be dinner a lot. I mean, sometimes, but like, you know, so that's one thing. The other thing is just, you know, you, you nailed it as well with having to subdue that, that anxiety and having to internalize a lot of that, that pain where I remember one time with the seller, Esty, the booker, the seller who, who I miss. And I remember,

I was going through a breakup, but you could just see I was not well. And the host runs up. I think it was Will Silvans runs up and was like, Sam, you're on. And as he just looks at me, he gives me one of these.

Ah Ha ha Smile Fuck her up Yeah Damn But I kind of She's Israeli It made me laugh I laughed really hard Like That shit will help When someone gives you A little fucking bump You know I'm like alright I'm with you Doesn't work the other way When a guy says Hey how about a smile honey Ha ha ha But if a lady does it Alright Ha ha

But no, it's funny Telling me to turn it on was pretty funny Dude, yeah, exactly Esty's lived a much harder life than we have Oh, no doubt about it Serving in the Israeli military You know, that life She's a tough broad Tough broad and a nice lady And giving, and she's done so much for all of us Yada, yada, yada Yeah, yeah, miss her Miss all the cellar people Miss the comedy cellar more than anything Holy shit

In the words of Gary Gullman, it's not just a comedy club, it's a lifestyle. You go there to eat, you go to the right, you go there to see your friends, you go there to work out, you go there to hang. I mean, it's Thanksgiving, Christmas parties, all that shit. It's just, you know, I've texted Liz, you had a podcast with the fucking manager of the place, right? I miss her, man, yeah. Yeah, same. Yeah, good people. Vegas. Good people. All that. The best. Yeah. It'll be back. Good people. We'll be back. Good club.

Yeah, shit, you said something and it made me go off on a thing in my head, and now I lost it. Going up when you don't want to go up. Oh, yeah, that's the thing. It's tough because I think the most exhausting thing, and maybe it's because we're a bunch of introvert dweebs, but the most exhausting thing to me is...

being on when you're not feeling it like that's why day jobs are so taxing because you got to go hey rick cold out how the kids doing oh is it only tuesday another day another dollar and like you want to shoot yourself in the mouth because it's so phony and it's so much work to be that phony where you want to just go i hate it here i fucking hate the fluorescent lights and the bad coffee and the the clock ticking and all that but like

That's the hard part. And that's why doing those shows when you're on empty and you got to be on and funny and quick. That's a good point. Yeah. I mean, as I just mocked that this is like not just truth telling, but like there is an honesty in our field. Like when you work at a bar,

You're drinking There's like this kind of calm reality That we've all kind of agreed upon We're like yeah we're not going to bullshit each other The same way you would in an office And that when You do tell each other shit that you probably wouldn't tell in an office Where you're like yeah I had this bad breakup Or something People know shit is going on Where they might not know otherwise And a bar setting makes it all kind of Less weird Also the fact that we work at night I think something about like

Night is almost like it brings more of a reality to it. It's the end of the day. You're kind of like, who gives a fuck? It's over. The morning, it's weird to be real in the morning. Yes, yes, completely. But at night, you're kind of like, yeah, it's the end. I can tell you what's going on. It's the end. That's a funny way to put it. Yeah.

Yeah, so it's weird to be phony. So I think these people know more about us than they would like otherwise. Like our coworkers, it's beyond coworkers, it's friends. Like we will have a drink. If you had a drink...

At an office, you'd be closer with your coworkers You'd just be like, ah, I fucking love that guy We'll have a drink Like, if you were getting fucked up with your boys at, like, Home Depot on the hour You'd be like, that's my fucking dude right there Exactly And look, truth tellers is pretentious, but

We do get to be honest on stage, and it's just such a better way to be than the whole, how was your weekend? Another day, another dollar. If you go to fucking Youngstown, Ohio, you can go on stage and go, well, this town sucks. And it gets a laugh because it's like, yeah, it does. And you're some outsider from New York saying that.

So like that's nice You don't have to sit there and go How you guys doing? You feeling good? Like that would That'd be a bad comment I forget where Trump was in Pennsylvania But his opener was like Look I would never be here otherwise And it got a huge laugh And I was like that's what we do That's why he's bad for comedy Because he's taking our shit Exactly, exactly I feel the same way Yeah everybody's like he's gonna be great He's horrible for comedy Biden's good for comedy Yeah because we can get back to escapist shit Yeah You know Yeah you make a good point

I do fucking miss a club. All my jobs were labor. Labor jobs. Because you can turn the brain off. I'd rather move around, move muscles, than be phony. I had like a couple of those jobs. It was mostly office type shit. Look at these fucking hands, dude. Come on. Yeah.

Yeah, dude Construction gopher, janitor, furniture mover The janitor one shocked me Because you did that one for a little while That was your last one though, right? That was about three years, yeah But, you know, mopping Cleaning bathrooms was a nightmare I mean, somebody would always blow it up With diarrhea somehow on the fucking walls And you had to clean that up But it was still better than

Oh, Friday, finally, or whatever the fuck you said Right, right What was that bit again? You had that great bit about it Oh yeah, I was mopping the floor, it was like a big deal, they told you to mop early So the place looked good, but everybody showed up early So I'm trying to mop while there's like guys in business suits going in and out, like

Grand Central Station, just in and out, in and out. So guys would be like, whoa, and slip all the time. And I was like, shit, sorry, they tell me to mop now. And I'm mopping one day, and inevitably, one guy just slipped hard. And he goes, Jesus, if the floor is wet, you got to put a sign down. And I'm like, I'm mopping in front of you.

I am the sign. You know, like, you know, the little guy on the sign doing that. That's me. But in 3D, that was the big bit. That was fucking funny. That was a classic. I did that on my first TV set. So that was a big moment for me. Yes, that's right. That was fucking Comedy Central back in the day.

Yeah, when it mattered. It was me, Che, Lawrence, St. Germain, Emily Heller, Shang Wang. Oh, dude. That's a great show. Great group, yeah. Darren was the headliner. Damn. Yeah, that was cool. Che was trembling. It was so cool to see Che...

Because he was brand new We were a couple years in We had some shit under our belt But Che was like a year in or two years in Wow And he just got picked because he was so charming or whatever And he fucking murdered Yeah, I mean he was good out of the gate He was a phenom But he had to have a beer backstage Because he was like shaking Damn, do you ever do that? You do that a lot? Nah, I never do that

Never drank before a taping? No, I did it in the beginning, like in the old days, like open mic days in New Orleans. I was trembling. I was so nervous. But I got really drunk one day and I said, I'll never do it again. On a taping? No, just in general. I try not to drink before a show. Not even one? I'll have one maybe as I'm walking on or on stage, but I won't like pound a few in the green room. Yeah, I'm the same way. I'll do like maybe one. But yeah, I'm with you.

Interesting You do it on a taping? I have I remember like I did a Conan I think it was my second Conan Yeah, I had a couple whiskeys in the green room What? And it was probably my best set I was like I fucking crushed There you go It was like a one-way I was like, wow, that was really good I was so loose and confident Was it I need a few whiskeys Or it was just there and you had one?

uh it was just they i said oh i'd like a whiskey and they said oh we'll get that for you and they did and i had i had one that was like i'm gonna have another and then i just felt loose and that was like back in the days when i really like ran late night sets in the ground i mean we got to a point we got too busy to do that right well like i'd run it but i didn't have a chance to run it like i mean i used to it used to be everything to us those late nights oh yeah it's funny how these late night sets the views are just fucking shit now

I was just talking about this with somebody. It's these... The credits at a comedy special or a comedy show are, like, so in limbo because, like, a late night sounds good, but it's meaningless. You know, it's almost like a resume thing more than it is an exposure thing. You know, but, like...

You can go viral on a fucking TikTok and way more people see it. Isn't that fucking weird? But yet, it's not impressive. But yet, a Tonight Show is kind of impressive. Is there some clout to it, I guess, because you have to get picked? Maybe that's what it is.

I guess, yeah, you're right, I mean, also really bad shit will go viral, you have to remember that, where you see something, you're like, you'll look at something and you're like, three million views, this is so unfunny I know, I know So I guess that's part of it, but you're right, it's not like, it's not like doing the Tonight Show with Carson anymore, I mean, shit No, no, one Rogan or one viral video, all that shit is way more helpful Your last Fallon was fucking great, though Really? I felt like that was one of my weaker Were you talking about the boat or before that? Oh, I love the boat

Oh, all right, thanks. It was so weird and unique. I love weird kind of different shit. Sorry for the rapper there. I'm pouring myself another drinky. Ooh, is that brand new? Yeah, this is our friend Jamie. She came to my gig the other night in Chelsea. Yeah, a little Manhattan action. I'm mixing it on air. No ice in this one, though.

Jamie Lynn, shout out She gave me a bourbon and you a scotch She's like our sponsor I'm loving it, man This is nice stuff It's funny how it's a drinking show That's a good name Sounds like a British butler Abba Feldy Chop chop Give me any good news stories I don't know about good But it did pretty well on Twitter What do you got?

So I got a couple zingers about the... First of all... Well, I'll save that one. That one's not ready yet, really. But they're doing anal swabs in China. And so my three jokes that are working on stage were anal swabs in China. Luckily, I hear their swabs are smaller. Also, swabs are...

I feel like Corona tests are starting to sound like a bored husband. Like, I'm done with this. We need more holes. You know? And then the last one is shit. Oh, damn it. I lost it. I had three zingers on the anal swabs. Oh, it was. Look, I'll take a nose swab. I'll take an anal swab. But Jesus, just do the nose first. All right. All right. That was it.

That's funny, that's good Oh, I should also shout out, man, our fucking email Keep emailing, we're getting all these great emails Yes And our email is Still one more drink with Mark and Sam at Gmail One more drink with Mark and Sam at Gmail We could change it, but we already got a bunch of emails I feel like you guys figured it out, we're good Yeah, and that's better than the old one, too It's nice and short One more drink or we might be drunk Or whatever it was

With Mark and Sam Wait, this is the same one Yeah, no, it's one more drink with Mark and Sam Do you want to change it? Wow, I feel like we got to At some point We'll change it Yeah, we get a lot of emails though I do like that people are sending us emails And that

Like the people that send in this subject Pet peeve Recommendation Joke I like that Keep doing that For you guys doing that I love that What we know we're opening That's kind of cool And you know The animations and shit It's hilarious The photoshops are incredible We loved all of them They're so cool All that And we'll eventually post all that So whatever you If it's quality We'll post it We don't give a shit

Yeah, and can I read one? Let's read one just to encourage people to send in Hit me And then I gotta hear your news story I don't think I have one actually, I fucking forgot one Let me see Oh, okay I don't think I have one, I got a bit, I'll do a bit But Alright Let's see, Angie G, from Angie G Hello gents, I had one pet peeve for a few years now And I hope that you'll agree When people rapidly self-announce themselves as empaths What does that mean? Like they have a lot of empathy

Oh, okay. Did I mispronounce it? Empaths? Empaths. Empaths, sorry. I think it's a huge sign that you're talking to a douchebag.

I completely agree, Angie

I agree, yeah It's like people who are like I'm my own worst critic And we're like, are you? Let's fucking give it a It's annoying Yeah, because I hate you way more, I bet You know But it's like I completely agree Yeah, and people that are like I'm very empathetic I remember I went on a date with a girl once And she was like nonstop Like she's like, I fucking I gotta go to She's like, I'm gonna go to Africa I'm gonna like really I wanna see human suffering I was like, you should look at my face On this date That's human suffering Exactly

Yeah, yeah, just do it, enough with the talk The talk is overcompensation Because you know you don't do it Why do you think people do that? They're just like, I need to announce that I'm a great person Yeah, yeah, they just want you to think they are Because I think they know they're not

So they can maybe convince you that they are. It's like the guy who's like, gay guys are gross. They're going to hell. And you're like, I think you're blowing dudes. Why is there so much energy behind that? It's because there's something internal with you. Yeah, I think you're right.

I think that's what it is. It's like, it's a weird thing where you're like, I don't even know if they always know though. I think they're kind of like, I think sometimes they're just like, no, I'm like a healer. I think being a healer is like something people are very, I'm like, I know. I'm like, I get, I feel pain in other ways. And it's like, well, you don't feel my pain and you're talking to me. So I don't know if you know, if you were feeling that much pain, but. Exactly. It's like that old joke from the show Seinfeld where George is at the diner with Jerry's like,

Like, yeah, you know, one of my talents is I can sense the slightest human suffering. Yes. You getting anything right now? Fucking perfect. Perfect. Perfect. So true. Yeah. But just don't announce. Just do. Enough with the announcing. Just go. My brother went to the Peace Corps in Africa for two years helping African people in a village learn French and math and all these things. Never brought it up. Never talks about it. Never posted about it. Just did it. Yeah. Yeah.

I think that's how you do it. Although that's not the way anymore. I mean, think about it. The amount of posting people do, the amount of like, it's just posting and boasting, man. Like, look what I fucking did. And it's all about like, I'm a, I'm a great person. That's what it really comes down to is like it, it social media has the addiction of likes has really brought out the worst in us, which we've talked about a million times, but like, it's brought out to the point where you're like, this is a brag sheet.

Yes, yes, exactly. And we don't even know if you did do this or you actually do feel that way. This is just what you're putting out. This is how you want to be perceived. I don't even know if you're... I mean, it's the old adage. I don't even know if it is old, but I might have made it up. It's like, if you do a good deed and don't post about it, did it happen? You know? Yeah, that's true. I don't know. There's like that woman...

There's that fucking viral video of that woman, that really hot white chick who just gets out of a car, takes a photo at the Black Lives Matter thing, and then just gets right back in the car. Yeah, with the drill on the plywood. Like, that's the most...

telling 2020, like, this is who we are as a person summed up in one piece of shit video. I could tell it was extra bad because I am a great empath. So I could tell that it was awful. Yeah, there you go. That's so true. Yeah, it's like the model. There was that model in Manhattan who went around with a BLM. It's like onesie on and she looks super hot and like all these black people are like, fuck you. You're not helping. Get out of here. It was great.

It's so That person gets That person just gets Yes anded Every day of her life I know If you're a model It's just all day Like you're the shit You're great So it's like It is funny Like when the big group Be like No boo Fuck off That's the only time You get like that Cause one on one No one's gonna Fucking tell that I mean maybe A couple people But like You know

Yeah, Chelsea Handler, do a documentary about white privilege. Great idea. That'll click. People will enjoy that. Meanwhile, we send our specials to Netflix, and they're just like, here, let me just pour some fucking diarrhea on your fucking tape right there. Let me just dump some diarrhea on your special. Exactly.

That's good stuff Oh yeah, you got a bit? Let's try a bit Should I try one that I'm like I can't crack, one of them I can't crack And one of them I'm like, I just came up with Which one should I try? Hey, I'm down to hear both Alright, I'm down Alright, let me try the first one I just came up with It's like, so This woman heckled me the entire set You know, drunk, annoying Heckled me the entire show And of course afterwards slid into my DMs

And my friend said Do not have sex with her She doesn't deserve it And I was like, oh yeah I like that you're assuming that sex with me is a reward I like that you think I've never pulled my pants down and been like It's your lucky day Feel free to collect That's part of it And I was thinking That's something there And I think there's something more about the idea of I get With a joke or fucking afterwards I get the same sound I get a wonk wonk

That's like maybe a tag But the first part is like I think there's some meat in the idea of like Definitely Yeah, this is not This is not a reward for Like this is not good for her Yeah This is further punishment I like going the other way That's what I was gonna say This is more of a punishment than a reward So like I will fuck her Because she heckled me the whole set That's how I'll get back at her By fucking her And you know Not getting her off or whatever it is Not satisfying her Although I don't want to give her Too bad performances in one night

Well, if she stops interrupting, it could be good That's the other thing, it's like, you were bad at my best You think she's gonna be well-behaved while I'm fucking her? She's gonna be on top of you, like, you suck You know, you're not good at this, I'm bored I'm like, can someone throw her out? I'm like, fuck, it's just me, alright Right, right

No, that's great. And also there's something to the fact she's heckling you and then wanting to fuck you. So you're like, God damn, that's weird.

Yeah, what the hell? You were mean to me. You were rude to me. You ruined my show. And then you're like, it was only because I liked you. It's like a kid at a schoolyard punching a girl on the shoulder. And the girl's like, what are you doing? It's negging. He likes you. That's what women do. They neg. I mean, young people do. Women will neg you now. I had a bit about it in one of my specials. It was going to be hard to top because it was like fucking boom, boom, boom. But there was something about, for me at least, but there was something about...

There's something about like nagging I remember talking to this girl and she was like I feel like I'm funnier than you And I was like oh okay Like I'm just like alright whatever She's like cause I feel like I'm like Like I feel like I'm funnier I was like oh okay do you And she was like yeah so far I think I am And I'm just like

What do you think? Do you think I'm just like, this isn't last comic. I'm like, how do I wow her in two minutes? You know what I mean? Like, what do you think this is? How unbearable would I be if I was just like, I'm on. Yes. Good point. And also, I don't know if you feel this way, but when a woman is nagging me, I'm like, this is a dumb dude move. You should be better than this. You've seen idiots hit on you your whole life and you're going to pull the same horse shit? Yeah.

Like you should know better. You're a lady, you're a woman, you're, you guys are smarter and you guys are, or whatever you want to call it. Like you've been hit on more. So you should know the bad moves and now you're doing the bad moves. It sucks. You're totally right. I mean, it's, yeah, it's one of the things where it's like, well, they're just shitting on you. And they're just like, Oh, uh, like, what are you thinking? I'm like, what are you thinking of a joke? I'm like, no, I'm thinking of like a polite way to say that your, that your opinion is not important to me.

And I don't care if I see you again That's what I'm trying to find A nice way to say I don't care for you, I don't know What do you say? It's a tough spot It's hard as a comic in that way Because look, we're flattered this girl's trying to talk to us It's cool, we'd like to talk to a lady But

When you're kind of being like, why aren't you funny now? And be funny. And you're, you're, you suck. I'm funnier than you. You're like, I don't know what to do here. Should I just insult you? But that's going to ruin it. It's, it's a weird spot. I want to be nice, but you're also annoying. Tell us the second we get off stage and it's like, why don't you do your job? The second you finish your job.

Yeah, right, right, yeah, exactly I don't think any other job has that Yeah, it's one of the things where I'm like I'm talking to you, I'm being polite I don't know what to do here It's been 11 seconds, what do you want from me? Another act? Should I juggle? Come on

We're talking here It's so weird Also like you've seen our acts We're not like fucking We're not Jim Carrey We're not like You know we're like Fucking kind of like These are bits We're fucking trying to Observations or thoughts We're like You know And like you'll make the act You just won't be around To see it You know That's good

And the easy joke is like, well, what do you do? And she's like, I'm a date entry. And you're like, all right, well, how about you type some, you know, whatever. But like, why can't, why can't I just have a moment? I still got to be funny. And like, also I am funny, but now you're, you're putting me on the spot. It's like saying to a stripper, Hey, I met a stripper at the mall after her set. Then she's not wiggling on a pole, you know, like that. I actually, that I do take issue with actually that I find to be no, but, uh,

Yeah, no, you're right, man. What do you got for a bit? Well, no, that's really interesting, and I'm excited to hear how the date went. But now this one is a little spicy, so hang with me here, folks. True story. Bring it. So the whole point of the joke is I hate when you make a joke about a specific person, and they think you hate the whole group.

You know, like you make an OJ joke, you're like, what are you, racist? You're like, I'm making fun of a murderer. You're making this a black thing, you know? So this trans woman came up to me after a show and she's like, you suck. You're not funny. I hate your act or whatever she said. And I was like, geez. So I was like, well, I was pissed.

So I was like, you look like a man. And of course she, she flips out and she's like, you're transphobic. I'm like, no, no, no. I just, you hurt my feelings. So I knew that would hurt yours. You know, it has nothing to do with your group. And I was like, do you hate all comedians? She was like, no, just you. And I'm like, well, that's how I feel.

Ooh, did that hit? That gets a laugh. But it's true. It's like, I don't hate all trans because all trans aren't as mean as you. You're fucking mean. How come you can be mean to me, but if I'm mean to you...

You know, I hate the whole group You went straight for the thing you thought would hurt her the most Yes, that's it I don't mean any ill will towards the group What was her first line again? Say it again Like, you're not good at comedy You're not funny Something in that world We both went to the first thing that we thought would hurt the other person the most Exactly I think that's the angle Because that's interesting to me Where it's like, you're like Will you identify as Identify as a woman? Why identify as a comedian?

Yes, as a funny guy As a funny guy To me, that's the angle We both said the shittiest thing possible Right, right You can call me ugly or stupid Or gay, whatever But comedy, I care about Just like you care about Transitioning or whatever the fuck You should say I put a lot of work into being a comedian I put a lot of work into being a woman You go, 15 years? Exactly Ha ha

That's great, that's great I'm using that Use it That's great, yeah Have you been on one of them on TV? I mean, I know you're not transphobic So I think to me it's like funny The idea of like going after a particular person I think there's more even there It's like, that's progress When I can go after a particular person Yes And mean nothing malicious to a group That's progress No, I don't care about the group I'm worried about her

And she's worried about me She doesn't hate all She likes comedy She just hates my act And that's how I feel So yeah, you're right I went for the jugular Because she went for the jugular Yeah So I'm treating her equally And there's some line to be had about a jugular Yeah, that Adam Zappel could take a hike too But yeah, so She went for my jugular I looked at her jugular Looked a lot like my jugular We had the same jugular Yeah

I met one person you make it worse right but you're right I think it could kind of because obviously it's a dicey bit and it's a touchy subject sure trans stuff because I get they go through a lot of shit and sure nation and all that so like I get that that is I'm walking a tightrope here but the point is like you said it's about the jugular I'm just trying to hurt you because you hurt me and I'm treating you

Just like a regular old person Not like some weird thing That sounded bad Trans bits Trans bits are always tricky Like they always You walk that line of a groan And then you also walk that line of like Did I get too hard of a laugh? Like I think that's You know what I mean? Where you're like Oh they're laughing Right? So you're kind of like Is this worth it? I think if you make this enough about you It's worth it You know what I mean? Right Where like I remember at a bit Where something like

This woman was like, oh, it's tough for a woman like me. But she had a beard. And I was like, but you're a guy, though. It was years ago, whatever. I didn't know as much about them. And she was like, excuse me, I'm a woman. And I was like, oh, I couldn't tell. I'm sorry. And she was like, yeah, well, you fuck. And she kind of got really pissed at me, blah, blah, blah. And then I was like, all right, I can see that you're a woman now because you're furious at me. And I have no idea why. So I can tell that you're a woman. And that bit would fucking kill or it would get...

You know what I mean? I'm butchering the setup, but you get what I'm going for. I get it. Yeah, I get it. I'm into it, but yeah, I can see. I feel like times have changed so much that that's a different joke now. Exactly. This was years ago. I also had a thing where it was like, I remember I met a woman after a show. I said tranny in a joke. It was probably like six years ago. I didn't know it was a slur. This woman came up to me after a show, and she's like,

That's we have a trans kid. It's, you know, show is really good. She was so cool about it. I was like, she was like, yeah, it's just, you know, it's a, it's a slur. And like, you can probably pull that joke off without saying that. And I was like, cool. Like that. You don't get like feedback like that often where they're like, Hey, just a heads up. Show is good.

This is like, here's a little tidbit. And I'm like, perfect. Got it. Yeah. And we want to know too, because we don't want to sound like Bobby Slayton out there. You know, we don't want to sound like some fucking bigot or something. We, we'd like to get a laugh and this goal of like offending people. I don't get, I want everybody to have a good time and get it and whatever. But like,

So that's a helpful, constructive tip. One of my favorite Bobby Slade moments is he was on, I was listening to him on Marin and he told this story about how like, he is like talking about how he'd do this bit where like a woman would get up and go to the bathroom and he would grab the stool and sniff it. And Marin was like, yeah, I feel like a lot of comics have done that. And, but Bobby goes, yeah, but I was the first one to guess the year. Like it was a bottle of wine.

That's hilarious. That's the part he's proud of. That's great. That's great. Made me laugh so fucking hard. Guess the year. I guess the year.

Sniffing vagina is like a dying art thing Remember the finger sniff The panty sniff The stool sniff That was like a big part of comedy and humor It wasn't a thinking man's gag No, no, no Definitely not Mort Saul wasn't doing a stool sniff It did make me laugh I'm not going to act like that gag It's funny That gag is not Yeah, I mean shit This is comedy gold I don't care who you are

You know, you see Charlie Kaufman do that. You're laughing. Fuck. Charlie Kaufman's such a genius, man. Oh, genius. Genius guy. We watched Being John Malkovich recently and like, it's just fucking good.

You know what he's got? He's the best at... You know when you're really high or when you're in some kind of zen meditative state and you're going into these crazy chasms of your brain? You're like, keep going, keep going. He's got that. He can go into these crazy creative chasms and then still write it. I go in those chasms and I slip out of it and I go, whoa, what the fuck was that? He can still hold on to it. I'm with you. I think I get scared. I think I get trapped. But yeah, it's something about...

How he goes to these Like that Some of those holes Like also the fact That he's just like John Malkovich is just like Boys with Charlie Sheen In that movie It's so fucking random And funny Like That movie just rules It's just so Fucking weird But Yeah Oh man Catherine Keener In that movie So hot Sexy So hot Sexy

I know. I wonder what that was, because she's not hot in other things, really. But she is, though, kind of. She's a great actress, so she just knows how to be whatever she is. She's just always amazing. I saw her on a flight once, and I just panicked, because I got out of the bathroom, and she was right there, and I go, I love you. And she goes, oh, my God, thank you. I was like, oh, you're the best. Sorry. And she's like, what? Bye.

She just seemed like a nice person Yeah, yeah, she seems like a real person More than like, you know, you meet I don't know, like Carmen Electra, we mentioned her I feel like if you meet her, she's gonna be like, oh jeez, alright Whatever, yeah, thank you, she probably gets it all day long But Keener feels like a real person Yeah, I mean, Carmen Electra, anyone who fucked Dennis Rodman We're like, you probably are not gonna be as easy To hang with Yeah, you guys are demons Yeah

Shit, man Part Native American, by the way Carmen Electra? Yeah, I feel like anytime somebody's really hot There's like a Native American thread in there Interesting That's an interesting theory Oh, they're just so interesting Look, I've been doing a deep dive on Native Americans on YouTube Because I watched that new Tom Hanks movie Is it good? News of the World

It's okay, it's a little different than I thought it would be I went in thinking this and it was that But it's good, it's good, it's a western type I heard the book is really good I can see the book being better It feels like eight different movies in one And they had to make it work So it's heavy, but it's good Fuck, Tom Hanks rules, man Oh yeah I feel like the last great western I saw The True Grit remake was solid, I thought That was a good movie Yeah

I'll tell you, 310 to Yuma's amazing. Never saw it. Oh, dude, you would love that. The remake or the original? The remake. Okay. And then Tombstone is great. Tombstone's cool. Unforgiven is great. Unforgiven. Yeah, so there's a couple great Westerns out there. Wyatt Earp is pretty good. Didn't see it. Pretty good, pretty good. But yeah, Native Americans, man. I think we have a weird, warped kind of perception of Native Americans. What do you mean? Well...

First of all, everybody's like, oh, we wiped them out, we killed them, but it's like, yeah, that's true, but they also killed us all

all the time randomly. Like, if you lived in Texas, it was just kind of normal that, like, oh, my baby was kidnapped and my wife got shot through the head with an arrow. You're like, all right, well, we should move. Or we should, you know, like... So they were nuts, but they would also kill each other. And that's the other part no one talks about. Like, we act like they were these peace-loving, pipe-smoking, you know, TP chanting, but they would kill the fuck out of each other, too. So, like, some of them hated...

Some of them And they would hang out with us Like we gotta watch out For those Choctaw They're fucking wild But we'll hang out with you And we want you to protect us It's pretty interesting This podcast took a turn man Well I got no beef with them I'm just saying It was a wild time You know for sure Dude We gotta do a Patreon too Should we wrap up? Yeah Oh sorry Yeah we're going long here We're going long But I mean I could talk to you for Alright I've been drinking here

Yeah, yeah, let's do a Patreon Well remember to subscribe on our Patreon as well Which is just patreon.com slash we might be drunk pod Follow our new Instagram at we might be drunk Follow both of us on all the socials and shit Watch our specials I'm in Jersey this weekend, Stress Factory February 4th through 6th Mark, what do you got going on man?

I'm doing a Soul Joel coming up. Oh, nice. If you've been to Royersford, PA, it's one of the better outdoor situations going. It's great. Yeah, really fun. I got some good nights coming up in Raleigh. That's in a few. Funny Bone in Dayton. So if you're in Syracuse, Funny Bone, that's going to hurt. That's going to hurt. I'm doing a whole Funny Bone run.

What's that? It's going to hurt your soul. I know. I'm not looking forward to it. So good people come out. We got to drown out the fucking weirdos and pill heads. No, we're grateful for it. And we're grateful for all the listeners to this. I mean, I feel like this is like new, but people are listening and people are liking and that's great.

Yeah, it's hitting a nerve and there's a lot of drunks out there and a lot of ex-drunks. And we love you all and keep drinking, keep listening, tell a friend, get on the Patreon. And email us at OneMoreDrink with Mark and Sam at Gmail. And remember to label which one you're throwing us, a wreck, a pet peeve, a joke, whatever. But man, I'm loving these, so we really appreciate you. And yeah, follow the Instagram. Cool, man. Thanks for listening. Thanks. Thank you.