Ep 6: Old Fashion and White Russian
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One more drink, one more drink, and for sure we gon' stink around. 5 a.m. you pricks, the bar keep round. This is what we do, catch up for a few. We'll riff and talk some shit and then we'll sleep till 2. Talk some shit and then we'll sleep till 2. Hey, hey folks, here we are. It's One More Drink with Mark and Sam. Good to be back. It's...

Feels like it's been a whole month, but it's only been a week. A lot's been happening, man. It's good to see you. You too, you too. I was just watching the, I don't know why, I guess because I miss stand-up and I miss the clubs in New York. I was watching the roast of Rich Voss. Oh my God, that was a great roast. It's on YouTube, and I'm only halfway through because the whole thing is like six hours, but Norton murders. So many, yeah, he killed it, Quinn murdered, everyone murdered.

Everyone at Florentine had an unbelievable set. I haven't gotten there yet. That's what I keep hearing. He's the breakout. He's the standout, but I haven't gotten there yet. And man, I'm just loving it. Just the camaraderie and the inside jokes. It's bringing me back. Yeah, it's classic. That's a great roast. Check it out on YouTube. Voss is also amazing at the end, too. It's great. I'm excited. I'm excited. But yeah, so much to talk about. First of all, what are you sipping on there, fat man? What am I sipping on?

Oh, that looks milky and gay. What is that? It's not what I call it. I go by the white Russian. Oh, classic. A.K.A. the Caucasian. Yes. A little Lebowski mood. You know, I was reading up on this. Fuck the Eagles. Fuck the Eagles. I was reading up on it. It started as the black Russian, and then they lightened it up. It was like a black drink, and then they became white and stole a lot of the thunder. They should call it the Elvis. Ah.

Nice, nice. Don't die on the toilet. So wait, why was it black? Because it was just Kahlua and vodka. They didn't put any cream in it. Well, you know, I guess much like rock and roll, white had to come in and fix it. I'm joking. But white people did invent basketball. All right. But yeah, that's interesting.

But why Russian? I guess vodka. Okay. It was created in Belgium. It has nothing to do with Russian. I don't know why it's called the white Russian or the black Russian. There you go. Well, that raises the question, is the Danish from Denmark? It's all over the place. It's another question for another episode. What are you sipping on? I love a white Russian, but again, two of them and you're like, all right, all right. Yeah. I'll let you know.

Old-fashioned. Ooh, you did the orange peel, too. Oh, yeah. I threw in a little garnish. Not vermouth. Bitters. Yeah. Splash of water. Bourbon. Ice cube. Yeah. Did you do any sugar in there or no? I didn't do it. I don't want the sugar. All right. So it's not really an old-fashioned. It's like a bourbon with bitters. Yeah. All right. All right. I guess the sugar, though. Who needs it? It's

I like it if it's a Manhattan. I feel like because of Mad Men, everyone was like old fashioned because Don Draper's cool as hell. But I'm all about a Manhattan. I like the vermouth, man. Manhattan is a superior drink, I think, for sure. The old fashioned is like, I'm going golfing. You know, I'm in seersucker. I'm at the country club. It's like a mint julep. Yeah, fuck it.

Yeah. Dude, speaking of Lebowski, one of my favorite movies. I feel like everybody loves that movie. It's a cult classic. Check out what I got. The movie was based on Frame, baby.

Whoa. Wow. Look at that. Howard Hawks. Yeah. The big sleep in French. Yeah. Pretty cool. Don't love the movie, but the poster is so cool. I love the book. Old posters are amazing. I don't know why we kind of lost that. Now it's like explosions in the rock. Oh, dude. I was all about posters. And I was like, could you ever just go through like Blockbuster and you like swipe poster to poster? Oh, dude. They even had posters at Walmart. Like,

Yeah. Remember there was like a poster convention or like a rock club. What do you call those places with like records, posters, black lights? That's why I got this. I got is like a place in L.A. where it's just a record store, but they have classic posters, too. So I was in heaven just scrolling through these men.

Yeah, we had one of those in New Orleans called The Mushroom, and it was like a big deal. You could get a new weed pipe, you could get a tie-dye shirt, a chain wallet, you know, shit like that. Weird stuff, like brass knuckles, rolling papers, you know, and it was so, we're going to The Mushroom, it was like a big deal. Brass knuckles, I've been there. Isn't it on like, fuck, it's near Tulane, right? It's right on Broadway, right by the boot. Yeah, I've been there. Oh, there you go. Yeah, it's hilarious.

Yeah, those old posters, man. Like the Vertigo poster, it doesn't get any better than the Vertigo poster, the movie. Oh, that is a classic. Rear Window, too. Psycho's a cool poster. Yeah, that 60s graphic design. Great quote from The Big Sleep, which is like, you know, obviously he's always drinking on the case, such a cool PI, but he goes, you can have a hangover from other things than alcohol. I had one from a woman.

Or from women, it says, but I fucking love that. That line sums up your whole act. Wow, that's a perfect blurb. That's hilarious. Another one, it looked like a nice neighborhood to have bad habits in. That book has some class. That's like the one if you're going to get into Raymond Chandler, you should start with The Big Sleep. They're all great, but that's like the good start off one. You watch those movies just for those lines, let's be honest. I don't care about the plot.

I just want to hear some cool ass lines. Give me the lines. Oh, that's the best. Speaking of plot and noir and all that, I finished Third's Party, by the way. Oh, yeah? How many episodes in? The whole show? I'm about to finish it. I'm on season four in the middle. Oh, I'm only on season two. Oh, jeez. I'm blowing past you. Are you loving it? I'm loving it.

It's great. I got to tell you at first, I was like, eh, it's a little hipstery. I don't know. But then I realized, oh, they're making fun of them. Yes, they're making fun of the hipsters. And then I got into it. I love it. I love any PI-type show doing it. That's why I love Lebowski. It's like a PI thing, but done with a dirtbag hippie sleuth. I love that it's like they went the different way. I love that. And I don't know if it caught on out of the gate. I think Lebowski was...

It was like it did okay in the box office, but then when they hit DVDs, it went nuts. Well, it was that and Kingpin, I think, like the same year. I think they were like, it was like two bowling comedies at the same time. And people were like, all right. It might have been the same year, but it was around the same time. And yeah, I mean, I remember seeing that in the theater and just like loving it, even though I didn't fully, I was too young to fully get it.

Which one? Lebowski. Yeah, yeah. No, totally. I mean, the rug brings the room together, the robe, the white rush. Yeah, it was a lot. Fucking John Torturo. When you're a kid, you're like, what the hell is this guy doing? And then John Goodman just going eight-year-olds, dude. Like, it's amazing. And as a kid, you're like, I don't get this. But it's fucking, I mean, you just get that he's, it has cartoonish enough elements that a kid can laugh. You have John Goodman just being loud, like, shut the fuck up. And that's funny to a kid still.

Totally, totally. Yeah, shut the fuck up, Donnie. But then the scenes where Jeff Bridges is floating to the Bob Dylan song, you're like, what is it? I mean, that's complete Coen Brothers. It's going, we're doing what we want. Oh, dude, the Kenny Rogers thing is insane. Yes. When he gets roofied, oh my God. Sam Elliott. They always have to have that God character in there that narrates the whole thing. Yeah, I loved it. Fuck, dude. Fargo is still my favorite Coen Brothers movie, but that's number two, I think.

Yeah, Fargo is up there, but no country. Hard to beat. It's in the mix. They've made so many good movies, though, dude. I know. I know. Even their OK movies are great for something. It's almost like a Carlin special. Even if you don't like the whole thing, there's something in there you can grab. I like True Grit, man. I just like their movies.

Love it, love True Grit I liked Hudsucker Proxy I loved Oh, I never saw that one That's Paul Newman, right? Oh, dude, it's great Paul Newman, Tim Robbins It's all about the guy It's all about an entrepreneur You gotta see it, it's great I gotta check it out 50s, Art Deco Wait, so what are you drinking? Oh, I told you Oh, in old fashioned, I'm sorry That's already hitting me, sorry

Wow, that's a bad sign early in the episode. I should clarify, I'm going to New Orleans bars now. I realize, look, I'm from a town that's covered in dive bars. I might as well... This is my whole childhood. I'm embarrassed, by the way, that that just happened. Oh, you're fine. It's a drinking show. Yeah. Shocking it hasn't happened more. I'm going to have to get used to it. Yeah, but this is Snake and Jake's. Did you ever go there? I did, yeah. Of course. Okay. Opens at 3 a.m.

It's at Snake and Jake's Christmas Lounge. It's in the middle of a residential area uptown New Orleans. It's a good place.

Everything's cheap as balls. They still sell Schlitz in the can. I mean, you end up there. You're doing blow. You're fucking an old lady, and you're befriending like a jazz musician. She's going to rob you at the end. It's an experience. I love it. Fist fighting, rootin' tootin'. Great, great, real alcoholic's dive bar. I remember Friar Tuck's in New Orleans. I remember I nearly had an incident.

there i remember uh this woman mouthed help and i was like oh fuck like some creepy guy was really in her shit and i'm like i'm young enough to be confident enough to be like i could help so i got over there and i was like why don't you leave the lady alone man he like looked at me and he was like a scary looking dude but i was so confident that he was just like all right i was like damn that was insane that worked for you that's worked for me twice i'm never gonna do it again

Well, you are a tall guy, and you're very brooding looking. You got the eyebrows, the dark. If I'm rocking a jacket, they can't tell that there's nothing going on under here. You know what I mean? If I have something puffy on, they're like, all right. But if they see any of my actual frame, they're like, oh, you're fucking dead. Bag of coat hangers over here. But wait a minute.

Did she I hope the lady Was appreciative And gave you a number Or something She was I don't remember If I got a number But I do remember Yeah Yeah she was appreciative I mean shit I was also just young And be like That's chivalry man Woman asked for help You fucking step in Right What was the second time? Second time Um

Fuck. It's blurry. I was pretty drunk, but it was in the Lower East Side. And I was going home with a girl. And I was going to drop her off at home because we were going uptown. I was going to drop her off.

And this guy got in front of us and she goes, he's stealing our cab. And I was like, I fucking hate when people do that. She was, I hate when people do that. So I said, I'm going to say something. And I said, hey, man, we were already here. You know, I was very polite about it, even though I had a few in me. And he goes, fuck off. And I go, what the fuck do you? I got like angry. I was like, what the fuck? Because she was there. I was like, what do I do?

So I was like, what the fuck did you just say? And I go, you're a little fucking bitch. I got in his face. And he's with a girl, too. And I could tell that he was like, this guy's nuts. So he just fucking ran away. Wow. And we got the cab. And I brought her home. It was like, that was the thing.

Good for you. And she was like, that was she was I feel like I could tell she was bad because she goes, that was incredible. And I was just like, well, this is not a good this is the woman who expects this shit. Right. And I can't deliver this regularly. This was like, I'd say twice in a lifetime thing. Wow. I bluffed. I went all in. I went all in with a two and a five.

But, hey, you won the pot. I won the pot. You took it home. Yeah. Man, that's amazing. Good for you. He probably had two eights, but he had no confidence. Right. Right. Wow. That's so cool. I mean, even though, look, we're not violent guys. We're not tough guys. No.

I'm drinking a fucking white Russian. Yeah. I was at the cellar one night, Mike yard, you know, tough comic, funny dude, but he's tough. I mean, he's been shot. He's like, you know, from East New York. And I remember we're talking about, he ordered a Bailey's Irish cream on the rocks. And I was like, Ooh, tough guy. And he goes, I could still kick your ass. And I was like, yes, you can't. There's nothing you can say. There's nothing you can say when someone says I can kick your ass. You're like, that's the end, I guess.

Yeah, that's it, because he probably could, and nobody wants that. But yeah, no, but even when you did that to that guy with the cab, how good did you feel in that cab ride home? I felt great, but I had this image of Terminator 2, Robert Patrick just fucking running behind it, and I'm just like, ah! I would have shown my true colors. No, I felt good for that moment, but I also like,

That's the dangers of booze Is you get confident And there's also people like that Who are like You want to go And the guy just like Gets into a fucking Muay Thai pose And they're like Oh fuck Does a crescent kick That's a new thing Yeah Yeah like You don't know who knows Fucking Jiu Jitsu Or who went to summer camp With Chuck Liddell Or whatever the hell it is You know So like You never know It could be the scrawniest Pipsqueak guy And he knows how to do Muay Thai It's crazy It's almost like In New York You kind of felt comfortable Like

talking a little bit of shit because this was like pre-MMA craze. And like New York, you know, most people aren't carrying guns here, you know? So, but then you go to the Midwest, that's why everyone's so fucking polite.

Yes. Bless your heart. That's because I don't know what the hell you're packing. So true. And that's the thing about New Orleans. Where I grew up, every guy's wearing a polo tucked in with shorts and a woven belt, boat shoes, sunglasses with the weird dangly rope thing. And they got the swoop haircut. But these guys, they go fishing and mudding. These guys will kick your ass and be happy to. Kick your ass with a cigarette in their mouth. Sure.

There's nothing worse than getting the shit kicked out of you by a guy in a Vineyard Vine shirt, you know? It's brutal. Yeah, exactly. He's drinking a, what do you call those, a Sazerac, and he's got a seersucker blazer on, and he beats the fuck out of you. He's got his class ring on. Brutal. Class rings, really. Who thought those were a good idea?

I know. I remember I asked my dad, like, should I get that? He goes, oh, and I go, all right, all right, I'm not getting it. Oh, yeah. When your dad is like a loser, you're like, all right, all right. Yeah. Anytime you see someone, no one's ever been like, cool class ring, dude. Like, no one's ever gotten a compliment on one.

No, never. They're huge. They're big and gaudy. They're horrible. They're like 300 bucks. And you graduated high school. You didn't win the NBA finals, dude. What the fuck are you doing? But that's the same guy who goes three touchdowns in the game to win the game against Holy Cross. You're like, all right, we got it. Al Bundy. Yeah.

What's going on? Give me a pet peeve. Oh, well, mine's not great. And I don't know if everyone's going to agree with me on this. Because I think some people will like the guy who does it. But I hate, and I hate it when a friend does this one. You know, you go, man, you just missed it. This ambulance went by. I was like, woo-hoo. And your friend goes, what'd it do? And you go, woo-hoo. And then they all start laughing. I hate when they do the what'd it do.

I don't even know this. You've never seen this?

And they go, oh, a cell phone rang and the movie theater was like, beeper, beeper. And your friend goes, what was it like? And you got to go, beeper, beeper. Ah, it crushes me. Because you're a written word comic and you're watching that same dude as the one who buries you on stage without any writing. Exactly, exactly. Yeah, some Joe Schmo can just go, what'd he do? What'd it sound like? And you have to repeat it and now you're the idiot. Yeah, fuck. Ah, kills me every time. The sound effect guy. The police academy guy.

Yeah, but he makes you the Police Academy guy because he makes you repeat it. It's a pretty cool move. It is a cool move. Yeah, I haven't really experienced it, to be honest. Well, I guess I'm trying to paint a picture, so I really up the sound effect, and he nails you on it. I knew it was a bad one, but it happened to me earlier. I'm trying to yes and you, but I don't know it enough. I have an angry one. My pet peeve is angry. All right, please, please. So someone took an old bit of mine...

And it went like viral. Some fucking British hack did my bit verbatim. And he claims he's never seen it, but it's like literally every word is verbatim.

Wait a minute, is this the video game thing? Yeah, yeah, yeah I saw some on Twitter about this Yeah, yeah, so okay It's got like one And people just keep resharing it So it's like one guy posted on TikTok It's like 4 million views Another guy posted on TikTok It's like 4 million views So it's like millions and millions of views And then I get worried I'm like, do people not know that I wrote Like, I don't want people to think I'm a fucking thief If I, you know Right So, this guy I did some detective work to find this guy

And he's a real prick. He's a real piece of shit. And he's like, they always say the same shit to you when you bust these people. They're like,

I've never heard of you. Like they want to neg you on top of it. They go, I'm not familiar. And I'm like, well, you did it verbatim. Like it's a 35 second bit that you didn't miss one. You threw in an um, but other than that, it's all. And, and it's really like these talentless morally bankrupt motherfuckers that don't understand that we put work and

And hone material And try it out and write it And then go back and try it again Until it's where we want it And they're just like, oh yeah, no, I want to like Fuck you Exactly, wait, so what is the video Is it him saying it? Yeah, it's him saying it It's him saying the joke I don't know if he's using laughs from someone else Or if he's telling it on stage somewhere else I don't even know how he's doing it But it's him doing my material So I find this guy

The funniest part is when you're like, you piece of shit. And they're like, I'm 15. I'm like, all right, fine, whatever. So anyway, I get to this guy. Man, he goes on and on. But I say, you're despicable. I write, intellectual property theft. I'm throwing some words out there. But I go, you should have a good explanation for this. And he writes, nothing is ever achieved by being rude. So perhaps consider a less confrontational and accusing message in future.

None of us have ever seen the Joker film. And I did in the Joker too. It's my, it's in my fucking hour special for comedy central positive influence. And it's in the Joker. I'm like, you've never seen the Joker. Okay, fine. But like it's verbatim. Yeah. Jesus. Uh, the way we run our content involves a weekly live stream where we allow our viewers to submit their favorite jokes. It's like,

I don't understand what this is. Okay, but it went viral and you're using my shit. They don't understand how jokes work. Like if you didn't come up with it, you don't get to just steal it like it's your joke.

I know. And all you got to say is, I like this comic. Sam Morrill, here's his bit. And then it's then great. Now it's viral and people hear it. And I'm not trying to shit on all these like Instagram meme guys, because there's people out there like Tank Sinatra who are writing their own shit. Those memes are their own. And if they use someone else, they credit them like they're actually putting original content out there. There's good people like Tank. And then there's people like Fuck Jerry or the Fat Jew who are just like.

morally bankrupt. They're bad people who are just like, I'll make money. I can build up a following doing this and make money. Yeah, their talent is actually seeing what's funny and then marketing it as if it's theirs. That's their talent, not actually comedic talent or creative talent. But Tank's great. Love Tank. But that's the problem with these 15-year-olds is they grew up with the internet, so they just think it's this fucking playground and this grocery store. They can pick and choose whatever they want.

But it had to come from somewhere, you queefs. Somebody had to write that shit. Yeah, it really, it sucks. And it's like, I try to be good about it. Like when someone takes a photograph of me, I try to find their Instagram handle and credit them. Like people, these are careers for people. So you're just stealing, you're stealing their work without crediting them for their work is what you're doing. Right.

You know who's really hating this conversation is porn stars. They're like, oh, do people enjoy your shit without paying for it? Welcome to my world, bitch. That's my whole life. I haven't paid for porn in 10 years. Maybe 20. 20? Yeah, I haven't either. But here's the difference between porn and what we do.

Anybody can go fuck on screen. You get it in one take, Jake. You're done. We got to rehearse this shit, do the road, write it, replay it, say it again, listen to it, bomb with it, tweak it. So it is a little different. It is funny you say porn stars because I was about to go on this rant in my head. I was like...

You know how like this like based culture, that dopamine rush has brought up, I think, ugliness in us because especially the same with you think of Twitter, how people just pander. Because like remember when Twitter first started and it was all about like just telling a joke and getting likes. And then it became like this has got to stop. And you're like one hundred thousand likes over. This has got to stop. You know, so I was going to say like this like based culture has.

Really brought about a lack of originality, ugliness, pandering horseshit. Yes, delusion. I'll say one good thing. It's brought a lot of ass pics on Instagram. Nothing wrong with that. Nothing wrong with that. A lot of likes going that way, but for the most part, it's bad.

Yeah. Yes. Yeah. They earned those ass pics. They did squats where they were born with a gift. But yes, I completely agree. Maybe they got the implants. All right. Either way, you're really dedicated to your art. You put your body on the line. Yes. Here, here. And no, I don't follow you or actually like it because I don't want anybody to see my paper trail. Thank you for you. You're doing the Lord's work, dear ass lady. But...

Oh, I forgot my point. You got me thinking about fat, juicy asses. Well, what I was going to say is that these people, it's like they're stealing...

It's like they're stealing drugs and selling. They're like dealers. They're like drug dealers. And they're like, what did I do? I'm like, well, you're stealing and dealing is what you're doing. Yes, exactly. Oh, yeah. But we're jokes. You're so right with the likes, though. It creates this weird thing where that's what people are liking. We'll just go that direction. So integrity is so lost these days. It's just like, oh, I know I've never cared about activism before, but now it's popular, so I'll jump on it. And you're like,

Then you call them on it. They go, no, I've always cared about this. So you're like, are you lying or are you delusional? Which one is it? Right. Because we haven't changed. We're the same idiots. It's so bad. I mean, we've talked about it a million times, but just the idea of not being face-to-face, man, just putting shit out. You don't think. And it's not just in terms of cruelty, but it's in terms of being who...

Like, was that who you really are behind the keyboard? I think who you really are is around people. Right. Right. Because none of this shit is real. So you become this person on Twitter where it's like, oh, I'm just like, you know, this is how I feel. But it's like, but you're alone with a gadget. Is that really you? Did you think that through? Twitter should have an are you sure button like it should have a send and then are you sure?

Yes, I completely agree. You're 100% right. And I've always said that Twitter is like a laser pointer for a cat. We just get all engaged. We get all worked up. The heart rate's going. And then before you know it, you're like, oh, this is nothing. There's nothing here. It's not real. And now you're just climbing the wall because you think there's a red dot on it. It's not even there.

I like it. I think we're making some interesting points here. Should we shout out the emails? Because people are sending us a lot of emails. Please. I probably read 50 of them tonight. Oh, man. We are ahead of May. I should say that our Patreon will be coming out this week, so keep an eye open. Patreon.com slash OneMoreDrinkPod. That's Patreon.com slash OneMoreDrinkPod. And you can email us at OneMoreDrinkPod.

Mark and Sam at gmail.com. And also make sure you subscribe to us on Apple, but there's two, someone else, I guess, help this out before we got our producer, Harry in the mix and Harry uploaded us. So you can stop doing that. We got, we got someone doing this. So one more drink with Mark and Sam. That's the one you want. Not just one more drink, one more drink with Mark and Sam. That's the one you want to subscribe to an Apple. That's us here. Here. Wow. Well done. Leave us a review.

Yeah, and thank you for all the emails. I mean, they were sweet and funny and thoughtful. So I appreciate you guys because we know the email address is about three pages long. So just typing all that in, we appreciate. You want to do one and then I'll do one? Sure, sure. All right, let me pull it up here. I picked two I liked for different reasons. All right. Let me know if you want me to go or you to go. You go. All right, all right.

Now I want to say it was hard to pick because there's so many good ones, but the two that jumped out and grabbed my taint for some reason was Adam Lambert, Adam Lambert, one Oh nine at outlook.com. I don't know if I was supposed to give that out, but you don't give the email with that. Sorry, sorry. Beep that there, Harry. Uh,

By the way, first, can I just say we got some from Iran. We got some from Ireland. We got some from Belgium. We're all over the road with these emails, which I love. I love it. Australia. Hey, guys, huge fan of the podcast. Do I read the whole thing? I don't know if it's too long. How long is it? It's about a paragraph and a half. I'll summarize. Huge fan of the podcast. Wouldn't mind a commentary on a joke or two I wrote. I'm so lazy. It's just going to be...

The last two I wrote in my notes. I'm trying comedy nowadays. I was a former child star. Yeah, I was in adult films. I just happened to be a child actor. That's funny. All right. Here's the joke. Kids hate going to school, but two types of kids were probably pissed about doing school at home online. And the two types are soon-to-graduate prom kids...

and would-be school shooters. I knew he was going to school shooter. Yeah, I knew he was going to school shooter. Had to do it, but here's how he connects it. This is why he's good. So we got the two types that are missing out on school because of online classes, graduate prom kids and school shooters. It's the same thing. It was supposed to be your special day. You'd remember it forever, and you were finally going to get Jessica. It's dark, but I like it. I like that he connected them.

Yeah, so you're like a prom king and also a school teacher. That works. That's funny. Yeah, pretty good, pretty good. Get Jessica is not a bad little connection there with the third punch. There might be some connection to Carrie because you're covered in blood. Yeah, yeah. They're all going to laugh at you. And then he said, doing stand-up at 27 too late. I've done like three mics. No.

No, it's not. Just do it. If you want to do it, just do it, I say. Don't worry about it. And there's no too late. Do what you want to do in your life, man. I mean, if you love it, you'll know in a few years if it's working or not, you know? But I think if... Do this if you love it. Yeah. I mean, you're not going to make it anyway. Getting out of... But it's so tough that, you know, just if you love it and it makes you happy, do it, you know? Yeah. All right, you hit me there. All right, let's see. David Kilbride...

Good morning, gentlemen. I haven't read this one yet. I have a hard time knowing if something's a one-liner or a premise. Here's one. Let me know if it's hacky. Women who participate in gangbangs are the ultimate people pleasers. That's not bad. I like it. That's fun. Believe it or not, it's tough to Google a gangbang joke to see if it's been done before. I can imagine. Love the show, David. All right. That was nice. Give me another.

All right. All right, Dave. Even that tag is funny. It's tough to Google gang. That's a good tag. Tough to Google gangbang. Yeah. Maybe the thing is I Google gangbang and I never finish the rest of the joke. Ah, there you go. Something like that. All right. You got that, David? Write that down. This guy, Benjamin Johnson, he gave us some jokes that just have the beginning but not the end. But I think there's some stuff here. Fighting sleep is like trying not to cum.

All right, that could be a bit. That could be something there. Fighting sleep is like trying not to come. You're in bed. There's a lot of similarities there. Yeah. Both of them put you to sleep. I don't know. Fighting sleep is like trying not to come. Yeah, there might be some way, especially if you're in a relationship or something like that. Right, right, right. Especially at your parents' house. Yeah, fighting sleep is like trying not to come.

All right. Country music doesn't allow swearing, but it has cunt right there in the name. That's cute. That's cute. People like to complain about planes taking off late, but have you ever thought about what the world would be like if it was made up of a bunch of people just like you? Most things, including planes, wouldn't even have been developed because we're not even as close to as smart, so we really have no right to complain.

Ooh, that's kind of heavy. That's interesting. Yeah, I mean, I definitely, I've had that thought, and then I've also traveled enough to be like, no, I'm right. No, I agree. I mean, we take a lot for granted. That's a good point.

Well, it's kind of similar to Louie's bit about, you know, everything's great and nobody's happy. You know, he's on the plane. He's like, oh, the plane was 20 minutes late. He's like, oh, yeah. Then you sit in a chair in the sky, you know? Yeah, it's so true. Yeah, it is amazing. Like, you ever just like if I'm fucking pissed about a flight, it's more about me like missing a show or something. If it's just like. Right. But.

Or if it's like feels like it's the airline being incompetent. I'm never like, well, I could have made this airline. That's never the issue. That's a good point. It's also like they're like, oh, we oversold our flight. I'm like, well, that's that's the shit that pisses me off. It's not. Yes, it's not really the oh shit. We need to like thaw off the wing or something like that. You know, I get that.

It is sad when the things I've said to, like, make a flight go faster. I'm like, but I'll be fired. The club won't use me again. I've made up all these lies to, like, somehow think they're going to be like, all right, we'll start the plane up. I go into, like, rich white lady mode. The Toledo funny bone might bump your weekend. We have a first class ticket right this way. Yeah, exactly. But I sold out a show. I swear to God, I have merch. Yeah.

One more from him, and he said, people would call someone gay for watching trans porn, but it's actually the straightest porn there is. You watch dudes fuck chicks, but trans porn is a hot chick fucking a hot chick. Still a dick, but no man face. I think regular porn is gayer. Here's my rebuttal.

My rebuttal is the dick is so that I have like a, it's like a, it's like a video game. I'm like, that's my dude. That's like, it's like a first person shooter. You're like, and they give you a dude that's better than you. It's like, you know, it's like, it's like Halo or Call of Duty. And you're like, Jack, you're like, that's me. That's who I get to be in this scenario. I can't picture being a chick with a dick. That's just not me. Good point. Yeah. I don't mean to poo poo this premise here. I'm just saying that's where I come in.

I'm not looking at the dick like, sweet dick. I'm looking like, all right, that's my character. Sweet dick is the worst whiskey out there, by the way. But yeah, you're right. That's true. The dick is you. You take that guy's form. That's why interracial porn is tougher because you're like, that guy's so not me. I'm not worried about the interracial part. I'm worried about the, I can't fit into that.

You know, I can't be that guy. So we need to make our own whiskey and call it Sweet Dick. Yeah, which raises the point. You bring up video game. Here's the bit, Benjamin. This is the bit. Yeah. Avatar for porn. You got your video game guy. You can create a guy with curly hair and bad stubble and whatever. A shitty voice, you know. Graphics aren't good enough.

When you're ever watching those things and you're just like, cause they do those before a porn. Sometimes it's like a trailer and you're just like, this is fuck. This is avatar. It's not, this is the movie avatar, not an avatar. This is ridiculous. I mean, you know, so they have like the woman and she's so fake that you're just like, all right. I mean, at this point, I mean, this is like adult leisure shoot. Larry, remember that fucking God, do I Jesus?

But I'm saying you can create your own player for a video game. Wouldn't it be cool if you could create your player for a porn? It would. I just think like better. Like, I think like when they already have sex robots, if you're in that world, you're going to be like, I'm going to take the sex robot.

Yeah, that's a good point. And also, there's like Seinfeld porn and Simpsons porn and all this shit. I was like, oh, this will be awesome. I love Simpsons. But it's just you're like this lady's fucking in green and yellow paint with the Marge wig. What am I doing here? Oh, it's also when they have like the cartoon one. You're like, you're like, hell yeah, take it, Miss Krabappel, you fucking whore.

Yeah, Lois. Stewie's fucking Lois. Yeah, what are we doing with our lives here? It's too much. It's too far. Porn, that's the other thing. We're talking about the young kids with their likes. What are they going to be like with this porn? It's going to fuck their brains up. I know. I know. It's crazy. I can't even imagine.

And look, we played with fire. We're flying too close to the sun. Because if you say if you told you at 11 or 12, do you want free porn on your basically on your computer all day, every day? Go. I'd give my left asshole for that. What are you getting? I pay a million dollars. See, it's how could they know?

It's crazy, and it's also like, we are flying too close. We're flying too close to the stepson, is what we're doing. Yes! No, we're really, it is, I mean, like every comic's made this fucking joke, but it's the most obvious thing. It's like, you were a kid in school, you took out a calculator, you did 8008. You did boob. Right. You thought that was fucking funny. That was how horny we were, is that we're like, boob.

You know what I mean? Now it's like kids could, kids can literally go to the bathroom and jerk off. Yeah. Yeah. They got porn in their pocket and women have no idea how glad, how lucky they are that they're not. Women aren't really into porn. I don't think. I mean, there's a select few. I don't think so. Not like us.

Yeah, I think we go darker. I also think, like, doesn't it just kill your innocence? Like, if you're a kid and you're in a, like, dark shit. Like, I remember the first time a girl touched my penis. And it was, like, over my fucking sweatpants. And she just, like, touched it a few times when I came. I was like, oh, my God. And it's like, now these kids are going to be like a woman touches. He's like, all right, now spit on it. He's like 13. Joke me. He's like, now stick a finger in my ass. Right, right. Call me a homo or whatever it is.

Yeah, you got to keep upping it. You're right. But here's the rub. Here's the irony. No pun intended with the rub. But here's the irony. Hey, that's a good name for a jerk-off place. Here's the rub? Here's the rub. But here's the irony. You get barbecue and then you get a hand job. That's the spot. You don't want a dry rub. But here's the irony is they did these studies. I don't know who does these studies, but kids are having way less sex than they used to.

A scientist who's about to get fired. He's like, guys, I just found this out. We're going to use the data, but you can't work here anymore. Yeah, exactly. That's good. That could be a bit. But my point is, I think they're not doing it because they have it. They get it so easily. Like, oh, I didn't get laid by Susie Q in sophomore year. I'll just go to the computer.

Yeah, you're right. I mean, it's all making us more antisocial. Like we talked about it. It's like the crave for the likes and the crave for the attention. But it's like it doesn't make you better. Yes. Like not working for it is good. Working to get laid is good. You have to have a meaningful conversation with a woman. You have to prove that you're not a scumbag. Right. You have to prove that you're able to listen and connect. Right. Right. So.

You bring a sex robot in the equation, you're losing that part of your brain. You're like, well, I don't have to try to be a person anymore.

Yeah, exactly. I mean, it's the same with Instagram. Hey, I can have a meme. I don't have to be funny at a party or make someone laugh in person or have timing or come up with something. So, yeah, I mean, a lot of industry now is creating anything discomfort based. We figure that out, like how to get rid of that. And then people buy it because they go, I'd rather have a package delivered than go to the grocery store or go to the mall. So, yeah, give me Amazon. But some of that shit is necessary. Yeah.

Yeah. That discomfort, like small talk or meeting people or seeing people or going out, going to the store, seeing all the groceries, grabbing the produce, sniffing the tomato. That's all part of our biology. And we're, we're taking that away. It's a good point. It's also like one of the things where like, if we have grandkids ever, first we have kids, but if we have grandkids, I mean, I think we're pretty good storytellers. We can, we can tell a tale here or there, you know, as opposed to a regular, you know, compared to a regular civilian here. But, uh,

Are our grandkids going to listen to us? Are they going to give a fuck about what we say? Are they going to be like, I remember I used to do comedy with this guy, Mark Norman, right? And they're going to be on their phone like, uh-huh. Yeah. Uh-huh. Exactly. Then they're going to be like, Grandpa, you're an elephant. Get in here. You're an elephant. Yeah.

Yeah, but you're giving it – you've got to go give it way more technology. He's going to have like one little microchip in his eyeball. He's going to go, whoop, whoop, whoop. I've watched three movies. I saw Breaking Bad and My Dad Blew Me while you were talking about the war. So yeah, it's going to be horrible. They're going to come. I think that's going to be a thing. It's going to be like VR, and they're just going to not even have to touch their penis. They just like come. Yeah.

They're at the table with their family. They're like, stop humming at the table. That's true. And you know what we had to do to get cum? We had to jerk ourselves in a rapid motion over and over. Like, geez, what am I, an aerobics teacher? What are you, Amish? Jesus Christ. Yeah, exactly. You did manual masturbation? You drove stick? Come on.

You're right. It's going to be that. We're fucked. We're so fucked. You know what else is fascinating? See, we sound like two boomers. Callback Smile. One of the guys, I was like, you guys shouldn't be stealing bits. And he was like, he wrote, one of his friends wrote DM me and called me irrelevant. That's the one they love to do. You're irrelevant. Irrelevant? Using my shit. How irrelevant can I be? I'm irrelevant. You're stealing my material. Exactly. And first off, I know I'm irrelevant, but you're still stealing my shit. Ha ha ha ha.

Right. Oh, shit. I forgot what I was going to say. Boomer. Boomer. Something about boomer. Oh, I lost it. Man, you are a boomer. I'm getting old. Damn it. What was it? Hold on. It was good. Oh, my memory's gone. Man, this fucking white Russian goes down easy, I got to tell you. I'm a little jealous. This thing sucks. Does it? Well, you don't even do, you need the, you're not making a cocktail, you're just throwing some bitters. What kind of bourbon are you using?

I'm using that larceny bourbon that I got from Jamie Lynn. Back-to-back weeks. And it's good stuff. Yeah? I got the rind in there. I got the circular ice ball. Love a circular. I got the square. I got the square ice ball. Nice. But yeah, it's just, you know, it's okay. It's just not my cup. Yeah, I like that we can switch this up. I kind of like, I love this show.

Oh, yeah, it's great. Damn it. What was I going to say? God, it was good. What were we holding? Coming at the table, manual masturbation, Amish, driving stick. Oh, it was something. What? I came. No, no. Ah, shit. All right, it's gone. Gone. All right, shit.

Boy, we went off on that. That was interesting. We went rolling, man. Should we do one more email or should we move on? Oh, yeah, sure. Let's do another email. Okay. I didn't look at this one. Let me see what we got. Okay. Hey, guys. Digging the cast is from Jacob. Thanks, Jacob. One pet peeve. People announcing they're going to say something in a text instead of just saying the thing.

I've got something important to tell you or I have a question for you. And then just not saying the thing. Just say the thing. It's like clickbait to get me to respond to the text and make me anxious. That's a good point. Also, comedy, but idea. I'm not a comic. I mean, there's something there, too. I got a new sports watch. And when I masturbate, it thinks I'm running. So it's like, wow, I don't remember taking 3,000 steps at midnight last night. All right, that's cute. But I think that there's something interesting about the idea of the people, the drum roll text, as we call it. Yes.

Good way to put it. You kind of have to do that now with like, you got to present like, hey, I got something here. You ready for this? Because some people get mad when you don't when you just say like, hey, can you do this or whatever? And they're like, how about how are you? Hey, right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't mind the you ready for this or here's I got one for you. Not gonna believe what happened to me. I don't mind that. I feel like it sets it up.

Yes, I get that it could be a pet peeve. It's a trailer for the movie text. Yeah, and it also grabs you. It gets your attention. You're like, all right, hit me. It's like you don't want to just come in and go, I was robbed. You go, you're not going to believe this shit. I was robbed. Well, maybe his friends are not giving him good stories. Maybe that's the problem. Maybe they're going, I got something to tell you. And you go, what? He goes, I just went to the ATM. And you're like, I don't give a fuck. Maybe that's the problem. Yeah, yeah, that could be it.

I got a second pet peeve, by the way. Oh, hit me. Can I do a second pet peeve? Please, because mine sucked, so you got to make up for it. I don't like places not serving breakfast. Like places that could serve breakfast all day just being like, I'm done with breakfast. So I wake up late, so I don't deserve eggs. Interesting. There's a place down the block from me, and I love it. I go there all the time. This is okay, I guess, but it's an extra dollar for an egg sandwich if you go after 11. And it's like, hey, guess what, guys?

The punishment is I get less daylight, okay? It's winter. It's dark. Why are you punishing me here? It's a good point. It's only a dollar, but it's kind of like... It's more the message they're sending. The principle. Yeah, no. I don't like it because it's the same oven. It's just...

You made an egg at 11.58. You can't make an egg at 12.01. Like, get the fuck out of here. What is this? I hate it. I'm a late riser. I'm a late riser, man. And it's like, you know, sometimes I'll do a show and I'll wake up late. I think night workers deserve the same respect. That's all I'm saying. Good point. Good point. I'll give them the, hey, it's four. We put the eggs away. We put the hollandaise away. We put the bacon away. I'll give you that. But...

This dollar thing, that's fucked up because now you're just charging me. You're making a sale off of my sleep schedule. That's fucked up. That's abuse. That's using you. I'm not asking for hollandaise here. I just want the fucking eggs. Just give me the eggs on some toasted rye, maybe some cheese and avocado. That's my fucking go-to order. That's all I want, a simple egg sandwich. Yeah, no, no, I feel you. What's your go-to breakfast, by the way? Ooh.

I mean, I'm a simple man. I like pancakes, eggs scrambled, sausage. You do pancakes daily? No, no, no. What's like your daily? Are you a breakfast guy or no? Oh, daily. Are you talking about a diner or at my house? Either way.

At my house every day it's oatmeal, blueberry, and peanut butter whipped up in a mug. Love it. Every day with a banana on the side. That's good. It's a good wholesome, good breakfast. You want to start your day. I never got people who do a really unhealthy breakfast. I understand for me waffles or pancakes, that's a 2 a.m. diner order. That's not a fucking 10 a.m. diner order. I'm not trying to fucking start my day with that shit.

Well, who are these people who don't realize that a waffle covered in syrup or pancakes or French toast? I mean, you're just eating birthday cake at 9 a.m. That's all that is. But they disguise it. Even a muffin is just basically a cupcake.

I love them, though. It's all the same shit. My grandma used to crush, man, blueberry muffins. They would be the best thing you ever eat in your life. Look, I get it. I love them. I love them to death. But they're just eating these horrible sweets in the morning, and they call it breakfast, so it's okay. Isn't that crazy? I was watching Kramer vs. Kramer the other night. I don't know why I've seen that movie so many times. It's such a sad movie, but I love it for some reason. Yeah.

I mean, it's Hoffman and Meryl Streep. What's not to like? It's incredible. I feel like your TV is stuck on Turner Classic Movies and you can't get it off. You're like, ah, shit, the remote's broken. I guess we're stuck on TMC. Well, there's one scene where Dustin Hoffman and his kids are just eating like Edmund Chocolon donuts for breakfast. Yeah, donuts! I get that he's going through a divorce, but that's an aggressive breakfast for such a slender frame. I was surprised.

Yeah, you ever think about how great it was to not know? Why did no one knew that donuts were bad for you, bread was fattening, sugar was bad? They knew they were bad.

Well, I don't know. I mean, maybe they did, but like people are like, I smoked a cigarette. I ate two eggs every morning and six pieces of bacon and pancakes. And I went to work at the mill and you're like, and I lived to 104, but they didn't know about carbs and sweets and simple sugars and fatty acids and all that shit. That's a good point. Yeah. I think they were probably more about moderation. They're like, well, I just had like a little donut. That's how my grandpa was. He's like, he just said to my mom, he's like, well, you eat so much, but you're like so thin. Yeah.

And she's like, well, I'm eating fruit. I'm not eating like you're eating like one big donut. Yeah. Yeah. Glazed donut. That's insane. But then again, people died at like 63. I miss a donut though, man. You ever just hit up like the donut pub on like 14. They did that Louie episode. Remember? Okay. So the kid, that's a New York kid who bullies Louie in that episode. Yeah. He's on the Sopranos too. Mikey is a friend of mine. He's a friend of my friend, Dan. He's a great guy. But like Louie would always go there, that donut pub.

And I remember like, you know, Stav and I would go there. Rachel and I would go there. It's like you just go there. You get a night coffee. Yeah. A shitload of dough. You get a bacon donut. Like, all right. For me, for me, that stuff is like the best. And I just can't start my day that way. But end of the night, I'm all in. I'm not judging anyone's lifestyle choice. Well, yeah, you're already drunk. You're hammered. It's a sinful time. The lights are off. You know, you're smoking again. That's what it is. We're judging sin in the daylight.

Aha! What, do you open your fucking morning banging a hooker too? I mean, shit. Yeah, yeah, there's a difference between sin and cinnamon. Wait, no, I fucked that up.

Forget I said it. Ah, jeez. That was bad. But no, you're right. It's morning, and you're having a fucking stack of flapjacks with liquid sugar and butter. What are you, nuts? It is good, though. Damn. A blueberry pancake, though, man. Those are... What's your go-to? Are you a chocolate chip pancake guy? No, no, no. Blueberry. Chocolate chip is overkill. It's like, dude, it's already sweet enough. What are you, crazy? Blueberries. That's like a speedball. Yeah. Yeah.

You need heroin and speed? Just do the heroin.

But yeah, no. Nothing better than a diner. And that donut, it's open. I went with Salicus last week. And just that wall of donuts, the bar with the round stools. Oh, I love it. That place is special. That's a New York classic. There's like a few New York classic places where you're like, oh, this is like a classic donut coffee place or something like that warms your heart. It's very, there's something like very welcoming about it. Where you're like, I just sit and eat my donut and I have my coffee. And I feel like I could write jokes in here.

Could write jokes. It's quiet, but it's not quiet. It's perfect. It's like a donut library. You got all of them up on the wall, and the lady's got the old cashier, and me and Salicus were making fun of Hilaria Baldwin, and it was like a classic New York moment. I'm talking to this Brooklyn guy. We're talking about Hilaria Baldwin, and the cashier was Hispanic, and she goes...

We all make fun of her in the Spanish community. I was like, oh, shit, like she jumped in. It was great. I love a jump in. I love when you're kind of shooting the shit and you get a stranger with a good ad lib. I love that. Yes. That feels very New York to me, but I'm sure it happens everywhere. No, no, definitely New York. But the worst is when you get a stranger...

chime in and it's negative. You're like, hey, who invited you here, Dickless? We're trying to have a conversation. He's like, that's not true. Actually, it was 1971. You're like, get out of here. I love that Annie Hall scene when he's just in line and he's just listening to that fucking imbecile blather on it. You're like, oh, that's such a great New Yorker. The loud asshole who thinks they're right about everything. And you're like, well, you really lack awareness enough to be a loud asshole. Clearly, your opinions on things are going to be shit also. Yeah.

Brilliant scene because then he has the professor come in And prove him right I love it That's such a great What's your number one Woody Allen Give me your top five Woody Allen right now Top five They don't even need to be in order Just give me your favorite five Out of the gate it's Crimes and Misdemeanors And Hannah and Her Sisters are the top two for me We're on the same page But you gotta throw in Annie Hall Just because it's Annie Hall Probably the best romcom of all time Or up there

I love Take the Money and Run. Just so many great jokes. Fuck, I love that that's in your five. Manhattan is good, but I like the comedy ones, maybe. Well, Hannah and her sister isn't that funny. It's pretty funny. I love Deconstructing Harry, too. I like Match Point. I like Vicky Barcelona. I mean...

I'm all over the road here. So where are you? So you're at Take the Money and Run, Crimes and Misdemeanors, Annie Hall, and what was the other? And Inner Sisters. And Inner Sisters. And then I need one more, so I might go Manhattan. Manhattan's great. I'd probably do the same thing, but I swap out Take the Money and Run, and I go Bullets Over Broadway. Ooh, that's good. That might be like my top five comedies. It's fucking perfect.

That's a great movie. I mean, that diner scene with the fucking old Jewish comics is... Oh, no, it's Broadway Danny Rose. Oh, what am I... Oh, you're talking about the gangster one. Yeah, yeah, that's a great one. It's just... Diane Weiss is just brilliant. I love her. She's great. She's great. She scared the shit out of me in Superman 2.

I don't remember in that. I never saw that, I don't think. It's horrible. Don't even bother. Richard Pryor's in it. Or maybe it's three, but it's a mess. She, yeah, apparently I used to play with her kid in the playground when I was like a baby. My mom was like, she loved you. Diane Weiss loved you. Oh, wow. I was like, that's my, she liked baby me. That's your in if you ever meet her. I used to play with your kid in the playground. Yeah, don't say the age. Just be like, oh, I used to play with your kid yesterday. That is my in, yeah. Yeah.

I was 31. What's your rec? Are you going to Surge Party this week or do you have something else? No, no, you already did that. So my rec is going to be, so there's this new documentary out on Netflix called The Night Stalker. Ooh, is it good? It's amazing, but that's not my rec. You should watch it. I'm kind of doing a double rec here, but it's incredibly done. But this guy, Tiller Russell-

is the director and he's a documentarian, but he adds his own spice to it. Like he makes the music and he cuts it up beautifully. He's almost like the Tarantino of directors of documentaries. And he did another one called operation Odessa.

Unreal. I mean, watch it tonight if you can. It's on Netflix. The story is so unbelievable. What it's all real is footage. You don't believe what you're seeing. It feels written. It's too perfect. Damn, I just looked it up. All right. Interesting. It's basically these three gangsters. One's a Russian gangster who opens a nightclub in Miami. He meets a foreign car salesman, like Lamborghini, Ferrari salesman in Miami. They all do blow, and they meet this...

uh south american gangster and they buy a russian sub when the soviet the what do you call the ussr fell the soviet union and everything went cheap so they bought a russian sub and packed it with coke and they would ride it back and forth for i mean it's unreal and they're all over the top they're all crazy characters i gotta watch that all right i'm gonna watch it i'll watch it tonight

My rec is... What do you got? So I told you, like, for whatever reason, my focus has been shit since the pandemic started. Like, my ADD is already terrible, but then, I mean, I feel like... I'm talking to, like, a close friend like you I can focus, but...

I mean, just in general, if I'm reading a book, my anxiety, I have such bad anxiety. I'm depressed. I'm just, you know, I'm doing my best to just focus elsewhere. So noir is such a good escape for me. I was reading short stories because I feel like if I finish a short story, I'm like, all right, I completed something tonight. So I read a bunch of these in this book. It's called Manhattan Noir.

It's a short story book, Manhattan Noir. There's also an L.A. noir that's very good. And there's also a Manhattan noir, too. But one of the ones I love in Manhattan noir, I'm going to give a spoiler for one of them. So I'm sorry, but it's just very cool. So the plot, it's a short story, but the plot is basically that this guy keeps killing people. This guy just like homeless people just keep winding up dead. And these cops are like, who the fuck is doing this? Like, who keeps killing these homeless people?

it's like, they're like, we don't know. So they keep winding up and the cops kind of put together where it's happening and they kind of find a pattern. And one of the cops decides to go undercover as a homeless person to bust a guy. So he picked, he finds this guy and,

He's just laying there and this guy walks up to him one night and goes, oh, you look like you're not doing well. Do you want a cigarette? It's like a creepy looking dude. He's in boat shoes like a rich asshole. The cop goes, he's a homeless guy. He basically says, yeah, yeah, I'll take a cigarette. The guy takes out the pack and he notices when he opens the pack, one of them is the wrong way. He hands him the one that's going the wrong way and he goes, you smoked that one.

And he goes, what are you talking about? Why? And he goes, I think you should smoke that one. And the guy goes, I don't want to. And he takes out a gun. He goes, smoke that fucking cigarette right now. And the guy is like quivering. And basically he puts, he knows that he's poisoning people.

He knows he's poisoning people with a fucking... And the guy starts crying and he's basically just like, I feel like I'm helping them. I'm trying to put them out of their misery. They're homeless. And it's this dark shit. And he puts a gun to his fucking head and says, smoke the fucking cigarette, you piece of shit. Because he's murdering people. And the guy smokes it. And then he takes off his clothes and puts the guy in the homeless clothes. So when they find him, they think it was just another homeless person that was murdered.

Whoa, so he's like a vigilante. Yeah. Wow.

Fucking cool though. Isn't that cool? That's super cool, but let me ask you, because you read a lot more of these than I do. Do you think that guy came up with that and said, I got to write a story around this? Or did he come up with the hobo? That's what's so fascinating to me about that. I'm not a murder mystery writer. What the fuck do I... I don't know how they write this stuff. I don't know. I mean, like, how do you come up with a bit, right? Yeah, I guess so. But man, that is such a great ending. Yeah, maybe. I think some of them, I would guess...

know the ending and write backward would be my guess, but I have no reason to know that. Because if he wrote anything before that and then came up with that ending, I mean, that would be too impressive. That's a good point. I just thought it was such a fucking badass turn. That is a great turn, a great twist. I mean, just to think about the cigarette thing, man, that's really great. It was badass. I love cool twists.

All right, how about a news story? Any good news? Oh, shit, yeah. Yeah, you go first. I got to pull mine up here. So I got, I don't have anything good, but we do have to mention that Phil Spector died. I think that's like big news. Yeah, crazy. That guy's a piece of shit. Murderer. Yeah. Do you like his work or no? Well, he did all the George Harrison stuff, right? I fucking love All Things Must Pass.

I mean, one of the best albums of all time. He did all the Wall of Sound shit. Yeah. Yeah, he did the worst Leonard Cohen album. He did Death of a Lady's Man, which is like, the album is dreadful, and Leonard Cohen wanted nothing to do with it.

And same with the Ramones. I think the Ramones were also like, fuck you. We want nothing to do with you. But Leonard Cohen was like, I hate this guy. He would like take out guns during recording sessions. I read this in his book. He was like, he would take guns out during recording sessions and be like, and just put it on the table to fuck with them. Like he was a piece of shit. Whoa. But then all these other people, like he's a genius. But Leonard Cohen,

Basically when the album was done He was like I want nothing to do Imagine putting out an album Being like I disown this I want nothing to do with it But I will say this Throw on the song Death of a Ladies Man 10 minute track by Leonard Cohen It's insanely good Really? The lyrics are just like fucking insane It's epic It's almost got like a tune to almost like Man and Me By Bob Dylan But it's 10 minutes And yeah give it a listen

All right, will do. Death of a ladies' man. Yeah, and also the one thing I'll say about this, Veronica, Ronnie Spector is his ex-wife. Uh-huh. Phil Spector's ex-wife. Veronica Bennett of the Ronettes.

So, you know, he made all those Ronette hits. Yeah. But, like, that's, like, the downside of taking a murderer's last name is now she's just Ronnie Spector forever, you know? Yeah. It's like if your last name is, like, Simpson or, like, fucking Kennedy or something. Right, right. If she's like, well, my middle name was Chappaquiddick or something like that, you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. Susie 9-11. But wait a minute. Yeah. So...

What was his genius? I mean, obviously he had great taste and he had a great ear, but like, you know, Jimmy Iovine and all these guys, they're like, they discovered Metallica. They discovered Dr. Dre and all this shit or whatever it was, Fleetwood Mac. But what did he do? Okay. So I don't know music like a lot of like, so I feel almost guilty trying to explain this. Cause I, people are gonna be like, Sam, you're a fucking idiot. But I think due to my limited understanding of Spectre, I think it was that he was able to combine like almost like darkness and

In a pop way where he could where he could like bring about it was like big. Everything was he did one of the I think he did Let It Be by the Beatles. But it was like it was like a bigger sound than it would have been. And I think Paul McCartney was also like, fuck you. It should have been less. I think they he's another guy who is not thrilled with how it turned out. But yeah, I think he made things sound way bigger.

And I think that's probably why Cone didn't like it. I mean, this was like pre his synthesizer phase, which also was like not my favorite of Leonard Code phases. But I think the shit just sounded big.

Yeah, interesting. But also he would do it with dark music. But then he also did it with the Ronettes, which isn't dark. Those songs don't seem dark to me, you know? Yeah, yeah. I just never know what those guys do. I know David Geffen used to go down to the Troubadour back in the 70s and be like, this guy's going to be it. It was like a young Elton John, you know? But other than that, I don't know what these guys do. So that's interesting that he changed the sound. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, no, people that work with him like swear he's a genius. But then you also hear stories like that where they're like, he's a fucking horrible human being. I mean, clearly he is a horrible human being. He's a murderer. He murdered an innocent woman. He got drunk and then he killed her. He shot her in the head in a chair. And then he went outside and I think he told his driver or something like, I think I murdered someone. I mean, he's insane. He's an insane person. Jesus. Was he on a date? I think they got drunk and they just went back to his place is the story.

Wow. Well, he's got to do everything big. All right. So I don't know if you heard. This is a true story. This sounds like a setup for a joke, and it's a real news story. The wealthy, sweet, and low magnate leaps to death from NYC apartment. Hmm.

And so, I mean, the bits in my head were just ringing like a casino, like a slot machine. So the one I went with, I'm not going to sugarcoat it, but the one I went with was After Death, We're All Equal. Ooh, that's good. Yeah, I think that's how you post it. That's funny. How about Sad and High? He had a real sugar crash. Oh.

But there's so many, but I went with we're all equal, and it got about 200 retweets, so I feel pretty good about it. That's good. That's funny. All right, what do you got? Should we do a bit? Is that your news? Yeah, I feel like we just had to touch on Spectre. We're going long anyway. Oh, okay, okay, okay. Let's do it. Should I do a bit, or do you want to do a bit?

Hit me, hit me. I got a couple and I want to pick the one I like. I have a thing about how I have like really, I've talked about this, I have such bad ADD. So I think I like women who are emotionally fragile because they keep me engaged. You know what I mean? Like I have a hard time paying attention if someone's crying all the time. I'm like, all right, I'm locked in. I get that. It's like someone talking about their day doesn't feel urgent. But if someone starts shrieking, I'm like, this seems time sensitive.

Right, right. Yeah. You're watching an action movie. When they're talking, you don't give a shit. But when that car explodes, you're like, all right, I'm paying attention. I'm back in. Yeah. This is speed. This is something like that. Yeah, there's something like that there. Yeah, yeah. That's good. Yeah, there's something there. I have a lot of bits about that. Carmen Lynch has that bit about you ever listening to a story and it's boring, but then there was one good part and you're like, could you repeat that? Could you go back? You have to pretend like you were listening. Yeah.

I don't think that's that similar though is it? Completely different I'm just saying you don't want to tread in that area I won't go there I love Carmen Today's her birthday believe it or not Oh shit If you haven't seen the hilarious Carmen Lynch Give a YouTube search to her Letterman sets She's a killer Such smart deadpan jokes And I'm sure she's got albums out there too She's got an album I think that just came out Check it out

She does, yeah. A couple of Lettermans, an album. She's done a few things. I think she's got a Colbert. She's done it. She's done it. Yeah. I think like cordon. She's done a ton of shit. Yeah. Yeah. Check out Carmen. Good egg. All right. Is this, this is completely raw. Maybe a horrible idea. Maybe you can help me with it.

So I had a thought about church. You know, all these people are like, I want to go to church, but it's COVID, blah, blah. And I thought, isn't church weird that it's all about Jesus and God, but they're not even there? You know, it's weird to go, like we do Zoom because we can't meet up, but people go to church. It's kind of like a God Zoom.

because he's not there. So it's like you're going to a concert to see this guy who's not even going to be there. He's like Axl Rose. You're like, where is he? Shit. Yeah, yeah. No, he's coming back. You're like, well, when? But it's weird to go to a show with the guy you're a fan of and worship isn't even there, but the publicist is there. He's going like, this is what he said. I'm delivering the news.

Yeah. I don't know if it's funny, but I thought that was interesting. You're going to see a show with the guy who's not even there that you work with. He's like, yeah, he's your hype man. It's like seeing Public Enemy, but it's just Flavor Flav. Yeah, yeah, exactly. And he tells you what to do. It's almost like wave your hands in the air, except it's get on your knees and, you know, read this psalm. Yeah, it's not as catchy. Right. Why not just pray at home? Why do you have to go to the place?

Yeah, maybe if you do the Guns N' Roses angle, it's kind of like Paradise City, but you better be good or you're not going to go there. Right, right. Yeah, maybe heaven is the after party. Yeah. I love the angle that God is not even there. What a great idea. It's like doing a public appearance thing and he's like, ah, I can't make it. Can you cover it for me? Right, right. And he's such a big celebrity that...

you still keep showing up. You feel like if you like Ariana Grande, you wouldn't go to the concert 15 times. You'd be like, all right, she's not coming. Fuck it. It's basically a tribute band. Tribute! Kiss is so big, you're like, I'll go see someone play Kiss. Right. That's interesting. That's what it is. Tribute band is the angle, I think. That's good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not Jesus. It's Pastor John or whoever.

Yeah, and I like the idea that he can't... Because the thing is, you know he's not going to make it. Right, right. Yeah, that's true. We're just playing his hits. You're playing his hits because you're singing all the songs in unison with the whole other churchgoers, and that's kind of like the greatest hits. Yeah, you're right. I think the angle is like a concert, where it's a tribute band, it's a concert, and

It's almost like, this is maybe a weird angle to go, but like someone who's, it's like if you did like a Michael Jackson type thing, because it's like, he's gone anyway. You know he's not going to show up. You're like, but these are fucking good tunes. Right, right. Yeah, yeah. I still love Michael Jackson, even though he's dead. Problem is, problem is, maybe you should go Prince, because Michael Jackson's got that guilt connected to it. Well, then you get the kid fucking connection, though. That's fucking true. Ah, Michael Jackson, good call. He was more than just kid fucking. Ha ha.

Now we're getting somewhere. This is good. I think we got something here. Something there. Hold on. Let me think back to your bit. You like an emotional lady because you're only locked in when she's crying. Yeah. I like drama. I don't want to admit it to myself, but I like a little drama.

All right, all right. I mean, it's almost like I'm watching myself watch a show, and you're like, it's like, what would you rather watch, fucking Downton Abbey or the fucking Sopranos? You know what I mean? I want shit to happen. Yeah. I wonder if there's a parallel with sex. Like,

Dude, you got a black eye. I need to be hit in bed or I can't get off. And it's the same with a woman. You need to be yelled at or you're not paying attention. Not yelled at. I just need something to be roped. And fuck, I don't like putting this info on blast here because I don't want to keep attracting that. Yeah, but you're going to attract it anyway. I mean, that's what you're into. Yeah, there's something about needing. I think it's also like needing to fix. I think that's also what it is. There's a need to fix. I almost feel like

I almost feel like a mechanic sometimes if you bring me something and it's, and I'm like, yeah, it's fine. What do you want me to do with it? You know what I mean? Right. It's something that's got to be a little off. Yeah. Yeah. It's like you're, you're flipping houses. You want the, the, the, the, that's not the intent. I'm not trying to flip it. I'm trying to keep the house, but then I'm like, well, I think the house is going to leave me. So I got to flip it. Good point. Yeah. Cars is better. You want to fix her upper and then you drive the car.

But every now and then that oil valve is going to go down. It could be an apartment because you're kind of like, here's the thing about the apartment is that

You could be like, well, you're like, how did I get this deal? And you're like, ooh. Then you move in. You're like, the last guy did a number. That's how I did. You know, or something like that. Right. Or you do something along the lines of like, I always like the idea of like apartments versus like dating apps where it's like the pictures are a lie. But then you get there and you're like, all right, I'll give it a shot. And then like two months in, you're just like, the sink doesn't work. The heat doesn't work. This fucking, the lighting's not good. And then they're like, yeah, I lied. It was a lie. Right. Yeah. Yeah.

Zillow and Tinder are very similar. Street easy. That could be a good prostitute app. I think you're right. The apartment thing could lead into this. Yeah, there's a lot there. I mean, there's a lot to play with. If you want to get married, you could buy. You're renting now, but if you want to make it serious, now you're buying. And your friend's like, you're going to buy with that? The pipes aren't even working. You're like, I know. I'm going to fix them.

All right, all right. This is getting too heavy. We got some stuff. I mean, this is a hot... We went long. We always go long on this show, I feel like. No, we go long. There's no set time, so there is no long. There's no long. That's a good bit. What do you got coming up? Oklahoma. Oh, my God. Some gigs. I'm scattered all over the place. Oklahoma City. Be careful in Oklahoma.

Oh, yeah. Lots of love. Lots of love to OKC. I'm at Stress Factory February 4th through 6th, rather. Oh, great. It's outdoors, but heated. Yeah, I'm pumped. Such a great... You've been there. New Jersey. I went there once just to pop in because I was doing a show in Jersey already, but I haven't done a weekend since the pandemic there. But yeah, I'm pumped. All new material. So unless I start bombing, then I'll break out some of the oldies.

Well, yeah, it's a hot setup. It feels like a real club. List likes it better than the old one, which is hilarious. That's hilarious. I like performing. I like doing low jersey action. Oh, yeah. New Brunswick's all right. I'm also there in February 2. I don't know. I think maybe February 3. Then I'm at Soul Joel's again in February. Oh, that's incredible. 16th. So, yeah, a lot of gigs coming up. Royer Shred PA.

Shout out to soul Joel, the man, what a great thing he's doing over there in PA. He's great. Love, love soul Joel. He did a hilarious thing to me, by the way. Uh,

Came over to me when I was there and was like, man, ever since Big J got punched and dragged off stage, it just blew the show right up. And I'm like, you shouldn't be bragging about that. That's not something you come up to people and are proud of. That's a fucked up thing that happened to J. Of course. But I will say, in this fucked up, wacko circus of a business we're in, if you...

Have some kind of Like Bill Burr That Philly rant Kind of broke him Jim Jeffries Yeah but a rant Got punched out on stage And adapting to a horrible crowd Is different than being assaulted I agree I agree I'm just My point is And also it's hilarious With a guy who runs a show To be like

You notice these numbers are pretty good, right? You know what happened. Hey, it's tough out there. These guys will take any help they can get. No, I hear you. And he's done a great job. He's done a great job for sure. Done a great job. And he's a good guy. This business is weird. Any kind of exposure you can get. I mean, sometimes getting canceled in a weird way can help some people. I don't know. I'm just saying. Let's not get carried away here. Really? I'm just saying. There's positives sometimes to a negative.

Jim Jeffries punched out on stage, went viral. That's true. That was a big one. Bill Burke still to this day says, I thought that Philly thing was going to ruin my career. Oh, it was incredible. I remember being blown away by it and just thinking he had like the most balls of any comic ever. It was just, I remember being completely like, oh, that's, that's a dude I love forever now. Yeah. And also for giving love to Dom Herrera, who they booed off. Fuck that shit. Disrespectful.

Yeah, yeah. Now, he's the man. He's a killer comic. But screw him and come see us.

Not joking. Don't screw him. Just trying to end on a bang here. No, this has been hot, man. I love doing this. We'll keep it going. And remember to subscribe on Apple. One More Drink with Mark and Sam. That's the one that's us. We'll keep it going. We got a producer now. Keep emailing us at OneMoreDrinkWithMarkAndSam at Gmail. And subscribe to the Patreon.com slash podcast.

One more drink pod. Subscribe to that because bonus apps and you can email us and we'll read those on the Patreon. So thank you for supporting and we really appreciate you guys. Thank you. And tell a liquor company, God damn it. Let's get a sponsor. Let's get some sponsors. If you work for a liquor company, hit us the fuck up. We'll promote your shit at a cost. Here, here. Toodles. Thank you. Bye.