Ep 58: Lagavulin with Jim Gaffigan
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We might be drunk. We might be drunk. As long as we are hanging out, you know we might be drunk. Raise a glass, let's talk shit. Have peeps, wrecks, and a bit. Maybe drunk. We might be drunk.

Yeah! Welcome to the Comedians Inspired by Jerry Seinfeld and Dave Attell. I'm your co-host. Wait, which one's which? Jim Gaffigan. I don't know, comedy. Anyway...

The more robotic is more like Seinfeld. And then the self-loathing that is, you know, it's going to be really interesting to see what you guys look like when you grow up.

Because it's going to, there's going to be, you're at this point, Jim, should I let you guys talk? I'm 38, so it's not like I'm young. You don't look a day over 37. I'll take it. No, but like, there is going to be a point where in your comedy generation, take it, I'm 74.

And there's going to be a point where you guys go off the rails. You know what I mean? Maybe it's not YouTube, but maybe it's someone where you're like, that guy or that gal was completely normal and now they're bonkers. Oh, yeah.

Right. There's a lot of that now. COVID revealed a lot of that. Yeah. As you said in your special, right? Yeah. Yeah. There's a lot of crazy out there. Yeah. Yeah. And it's getting wackier. I think the social media, the staying at home and just reading horrible shit all day, it changes a person. Yeah. It's crazy. Anyway, that's the episode. Yeah.

All right. Well, we should introduce the show and the guests. One of our favorite comics. Thank you for coming. Coming straight from The View, Jim Gaffigan. I'm coming. Well, I went to The View, then I got my booster. Wow. Which, I mean, obviously, it's all fake anyway. But no, I got my booster. So they were like, can you hang here for 15 minutes? And I'm like, yeah. And so then I just left. Because you know why? Because I don't pay attention to rules. Hell yeah. You're a rebel. And then I fainted in the cab and I was raped.

which was really bad. That's why you got to go Uber. So what are you guys drinking, and what are you trying to make up for? Lost time. So much. Drinking Lagavulin, peaty, nice scotch. It's a special scotch. Seinfeld is a special car for a special guest. We do the same thing with alcohol. Oh, you do a different...

Drink? Oh, we've had Mai Tai, eggnog, bourbon, you name it. Every week. And so how do you decide? Like, do you guys know about booze? You know about different boozes? We know a little and how much to have. There's a little bit of an old soul in both of you guys. You do, I think. Yeah, he's just old. Even when...

I am old. No, but when you were young, too. When you were young, I mean, you're like a pure joke guy. I mean, I remember your first half hour on Comedy Central, and I was like, this is a joke guy. Huge. Yeah. Now, I heard something weird about you, and tell me if I'm wrong. You wanted to be a Tell-ish, and then you ended up being Regan-ish. And Geraldo wanted to be Regan-ish and wanted to Tell-ish. You know, like how you guys are lovers. Geraldo and I were lovers. Ah.

And no, you have these comedy kind of, and I know that there's other people in your group, so I don't want to alienate them. But, but Geraldo really wanted to be like Regan and I really wanted to be like a tell. And there was kind of this shift that occurred and you know, he ended up doing the roasts and, and you know, some of it is like, it's, you find different levels of authenticity, right?

And it depends how it changes and how your heart's broken. Yeah, I mean, I think Bill Burr was clean as a whistle in the beginning. Was he? Billy Burr, yeah. Well, I knew him as Billy Burr, which is really interesting. Like, there was something of like...

I don't know if you've known anyone that's kind of, like, had a gender change, like, where you're like, now they're they. You know what I mean? And so, like, Billy DeVille was a little bit of that. Oh, really? It was like I had to catch myself out of respect. You know what I mean? Right.

But now he's this massive powerhouse. Huge, yeah. He totally found himself. Yeah. But now he's going through all this therapy and he's taking shrooms. Everybody is finding themselves and changing. We're all evolving. Every comic seems to be in therapy right now. Oh, yeah. But haven't they all? You know what's weird? It's like you guys are drinking. I feel as though. This is therapy.

There were, there was less drinkers. I mean, there was always like a tell you always hear about the Coke and the hotels and the hook. Yeah. I mean, but I'm talking about like, I'm not talking about like way back. I'm talking about, you know, cause in my generation or whatever, uh, you know, like, like Geraldo and I would get wasted, but like, and a tell would drink.

But like Louie didn't drink pot berry. You know, like I'm not saying they didn't drink at all. Kevin Brennan, Mark Marin. And it was or it just wasn't in the open. Like the weird thing is, is like in this what we do.

you're performing in a bar. Essentially, whether it's a club or not, and you're like, this is a sweet setup for after the show. I don't know if it's still like that in clubs where you're like, show's over, you got free booze here, let's hang out, right? Yeah. I think that's why I became a comic. I was like 18. I was like, free booze.

Free bar. Yeah, of course. No one's IDing me. We got paid in drink tickets. Yeah. It was just pushing the addiction. But now every comic's like yoga-ing, therapy-ing, kaling. It's all about like Neil Brennan goes on these retreats where he finds his dad or whatever. It's crazy stuff. Yeah, that's pretty interesting. Well, it's this journey, right? We're always...

But for comedians, we're just looking for material. Do you know what I mean? It's like, maybe that inner child has some jokes I could use. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? That's why I'm having kids. You're like, I mean, we're obviously inspired by, you say like Seinfeld and Mattel, but we're inspired by guys like you too because you're so observational. I just watched your new special. It's hilarious. Oh, thanks. But I'm like, how many minutes did he have on bikers that was untouched? Like, how the fuck did he hit that?

I know. You're going to run out of stuff. You milk the shit out of everything. Oh, well, thank you. I, you know, it's like, but as you guys know, you feel like, you're like, well, that might be it. Yes. And then there is, you know, necessity is the mother of invention, right? Right. Is that even the quote? Did I, I kind of sounded smart. I think you got it. It sounds good. I think you got it. I kind of sounded smart. Who's the smartest here? Is it, or one of you is like a closet smart person. Not me. Not you.

you? Maybe. Wait a minute, you grew up in New York City. You're a reader, you're well-read, you're Jewish. We always defer to the Jewish person. He's Jewish, he's smart. It's like the gay person being creative. We're just gonna have to say that. Yeah, the black guy's athletic, the Jews are, you got an accounting degree.

I assume. No. That was... By the way, that... You sounded more anti-Semitic than I did. He said he hated bagels more. I thought you were Jewish. You're not Jewish? I wish. I think that, like, all comedians, because it has such a rich history in Borscht Belt, I think all Gentile comedians...

want to be Jewish. I think so too, yeah. And, you know, us honkies, you at least have a little flavor, a little culture. You know, you're on a farm. You just think like this in my eyebrows. I don't know a farm. I just look like I'm on a farm. But your family owns slaves. That's true.

Still. Still on slate. I know. So your family, you're from New Orleans. Oh, yeah. Born and raised. Your family manufactured Confederate statues, which I think is really weird. Yeah, yeah. You guys suppressed a

poor white people too big time yeah and is your family from new orleans are you guys carpetbaggers they're scallywags uh and turncoats no they're from there they're from there and katrina came and they won't leave they just won't go away so they're and are you cajun are you like theovon are you related to theo are you theovon's dad he's my brother no dad was 80.

That's true. I remember that. I remember we had material about that. Yeah, but New Orleans is not that weird. I mean, if you go, it's like a little city, but then you go 10 minutes outside of it and you're in the Hootenanny. It's crazy. It's toothless. It's camo. But that's New York, too. Go 20 minutes outside the city and you're like, what the hell? But Sam, you grew up in the city. In the city. Yeah. The rough and tumble city. Did you go to Bronx Science or something like that? No, we've talked about this brownie. Really? Yeah.

Oh, yeah, Browning. See, come on. That's smart. That's smart. Rough and tumble. You grew up in Chelsea. And then Upper East. Yeah. Isn't that amazing? I think it's amazing how you have conversations. Have you ever had this with comedians where you're like,

you're like, yeah, we drove to Pittsburgh. Do you remember that? And you're like, yeah, like you should remember an eight hour drive. And you had a great conversation. You did a show, you had a meal, you got drunk, drove back and you don't remember any of it. All right. What's your favorite city to perform in? Oh,

I mean, I love... It also depends on the club. Yeah, I mean, I was going to say comedy on state because of that. That club is just... And you love the owner's daughters. You're very inappropriate. You wanted to get all Chris Noth on them. But, you know...

Chris, this is a friend of mine. I don't know what to say. Ah, Peloton. Yeah. That's tough. So that's a great club. Yeah, I'd perform there. That's a great club. That's classic. Great little town, too. Madison's underrated. City is big. Chicago is just always awesome. Yeah.

Acme in Minneapolis is good. How's the DC Improv? The DC Improv was my favorite club. I've never done a weekend there. Yeah, great room. Low ceiling, tight. I love a club in the heart of the city, like Philly Helium, right there in the city. I hate when you got to... I just did the Milwaukee Improv. Shout out. Great club. Milwaukee has an Improv. Just opened in August. And it's a good club. Staff was great. Is it in the third ward or where is it? Oh, you wish. It is in the 15th ward. It is out by...

I was in Kenosha. I opened for Rittenhouse. It's wild. Be killed. It's way out there. You did those clubs. You've been a road guy for how many years? 40, 50 years. Me and Joey Diaz were out there. No, I did a lot of road stuff. Actually, initially...

When people were doing road gigs around... I only stayed in the city, but I didn't really get set. So it was kind of a... I would do Gladys' Comedy Club. Whoa. Where's that? That was at Hamburger Harry's. Where's that? That was on 45th Street. Wow. Damn. And then...

Where else did I perform? Gotham was the place that really let me go on. The 21st Street Gotham. Yes. That was a cool room. That was a cool room. That felt like comedy in there. But I didn't really start touring until... I middled for a tell when he would do the DC Improv. The DC Improv, and I'm sure it's still the great club, was a great club. It was like the waitstaff was cool.

And it was just, you know, like, I feel like D.C. is one of those cities where people are overeducated and underpaid. So they're like, we can't do anything but go to a comedy show. Right. You know what I mean? Totally. Yeah. Yeah. Great town. Opening for a tell. Yeah. He was drinking, I assume. He was. But, you know, like, the weird thing is I used to...

I used to, you know, like the tell this is kind of goes back to what I said. It's like there's these these aspects of these comedians that is it more mystique than anything? Do you want to hear my larger theory is that comedians are all an identity crisis. Every single one of us.

So in other words, some of it is who we're told who we are. Yes. By the audience and by other comedians. It's just how we come across. Like I come across as very handsome. No, I come across as very white bread, right? Very Midwestern. But the reality is, you know, I grew up middle class. You know, I went to college. But that's not to say that...

I'm not, you know, like the white trash stuff. It isn't far from me. You know what I mean? It's like it is part of who I am. You know, I did collect beer cans as a kid. Right. So, but the thing about Attell is that the Attell I knew, and not that you ever really know comedians, except for you guys have made love, that you never really know comedians that well. But Attell was this workhorse. Oh, yeah. He was...

You know, he might have a beard to unwind, but he was not like shit-faced every night. And he's a cute Jewish guy from Long Island. Yeah. But he comes off as this gruff kind of blue collar. Yeah, but he was... Yeah, so he was like this brilliant Jewish kid from Great Neck or whatever. It's like... But like the kind of like...

uh the bowery boy thing was i felt like it was and i used to go and shit i'm like you're like this smart kid from long island and he's like yeah you're just being nice right but like but he became that in a way do you know what i mean and that's also you know i didn't you know obviously he did struggle with drinking and obviously he smokes too much and stuff like that um

But so I'm simplifying it and I don't know all the details, but it was. Well, you got to have a thing. When we were in D.C., yeah. Like he would he would go out for a drink, but he was like the Attell I knew was like he'd go. And even when he was writing things on comedy at Comedy Central, he he would be like, I'll help you out. You know, just I'll just hang around. And he was he was very kind of.

he would never stay in a place. Like, he'd go to a bar, he'd be like, you want a beer? And I'm like, sure. And then he'd be like, I'm going to go. And you didn't know... It wasn't like he was being rude. He's like a bodega cat. Yeah. He's kind of here and then he's gone, you know? Yes. But, like, one of the... I mean, I think one of the best comedic minds, but also a really sweet guy. Yeah. Totally. We love him. He was not like...

I mean, I don't think I've ever seen him walk by a homeless person and not give money. And there are a lot of them in the West Village. He is the only person still carrying cash in the West Village. Yeah, he pulls out a wad. I've also never seen him eat.

Have you seen him eat? Once, because I used to do the road with him a decent amount. I remember we pulled over driving back, and I saw him take like a sausage biscuit out of a gas station and take a big bite. I was like, man. I've never seen him eat. That's so funny. Have you? Yeah, we went to Keene's with him that time. You've seen him eat. He had a burger. You've seen him eat. It's rarely. I think he put it in his pocket and left. But you guys know, and I don't know if you guys...

But like, I tell there was a time when he would have, I'm not kidding, a new 20 minutes every night. It's unreal. Every night. And he would just like, I remember the second time. So there was back when Letterman was a big to do. And obviously, so like, there's the and I call them classes, but generations like the class right above me and Geraldo and I.

Trying to think of who else would be in there. Ian Bagg, Bonnie McFarlane. They were just...

Like they would decimate and there were these people that were but they were the new comics getting all the spots or getting the the spots when someone would go out of town. But like the reason I bring that up. Let me see if I can remember is that but he would have the this new material every night. So when he did Letterman he did it was a big thing. Like I think that Todd Berry was the first one to do letter really it ended up just working out that way for.

So all these guys were great. Barry, Marin, you know, Kevin Brennan. They were all like of that same and Louis. And so, but like Attell was the one that they, there was a New York Times article that identified him as the new Mel Brooks. Whoa. He was on this 30 under 30 artist list in the New York Times. And there wasn't this...

The journalism that is focused on comedy, obviously we know it's a bigger deal in the UK, the journalism on comedy thing. But there was no journalism on comedy. So they would... The New York Times and the New Yorker, every two years, would send someone out to follow a couple comedians. And they would...

You know, it would depend who they followed. So sometimes they would follow Attell or Sarah Silverman. And sometimes they would follow someone who really wasn't in the scene. Right.

So like, you know, like when you read a review or an article about a comedian, you're like, this person doesn't know comedy. Yes. They're not even they're not even scraping the surface of what an audience responds to to this comedian. They'll follow someone who's like an it kid or something, but they're not doing the work. Right. Or they'll even kind of. Or an actor. They're kind of. Yeah. They're just like, oh, this is just somebody who.

uh, pedals and tabloid stuff. You know what I mean? Yeah. But, um, you could argue there's too much comedy journalism. Like, Hey, relax. We got it. Right. Yeah, it is. It's in, have you guys performed in the UK? Cause the UK it's, it's, um, it's kind of part of the fabric reviews. And, um, they say that Edinburgh, the reviews are what get you seats. Yeah. It's very, it's,

It's weird. It's almost like the UK. And obviously this changes all the time, you know, and I'm sure even in your time doing standup, it's changed. You're like, wow, can you believe this club that used to be up here is now down here? Stand up New York. It's no, or like comic strip or just, you know, like comic strip is where I started. So it is weird to see it kind of do this, you know? I mean, and it just, it,

It moves also with the management of the club and also how that club is run. If it's not a true...

showcase. If there's also just geography of where people live, it can change. You didn't have that with HBO. Remember, HBO was the top tier. You couldn't get any higher than HBO special. Yeah. And I'm not saying HBO is nothing, but it doesn't feel like the most eyeballs are there for comedy. And by the way, I remember HBO was definitely the most prestigious thing, but

I remember, I mean, I was very fortunate because Beyond the Pale... That was Comedy Central, right? That was Comedy Central. And that was during this period where dorm rooms... So, like, when I went to college...

There was maybe something in the common area that had cable, but MTV was on. But during the time Beyond the Pale premiered, that's when everyone had a TV in their room. Everyone had Comedy Central on 24 hours a day. And so people were kind of flabbergasted.

you know forced to be exposed right right whereas now i mean i don't you know it's like look as a comedian you want to be on comedy central you want to you know but it's it doesn't have the weight that it did god do you know what i mean like there's all these swords and all these guys the weight of a youtube special you know you two guys did the youtube specials that like

There is that independence there. Oh, yeah. And so you have to navigate your own path. And in some ways, it's shifting. So even if someone asked you, like, hey, that YouTube special, how'd you do that? What'd you do? It's like...

Even in the year, it's probably shifted where you might be like, you know what? Now I would do this or that or you're going to get some money here or you're going to have to – and you've got your Netflix special. So it's like it's this shifting thing. But that's kind of – I mean I'm glad to be back with Netflix. I'm dying to see how the numbers do.

Because you don't know. You don't know. It's a gamble. I only got the Netflix because of the YouTube success. So then you're like, well, maybe I should just stay with YouTube. So it's this weird juggling act of you're like, I don't know what's more beneficial for my career. It's, I mean, it's a lot of people I really respect. I remember when I did the YouTube special, I talked to people who, you know, I really respect who are like, you're an idiot if you do this, like you're done. Same, same. Who are like, you can't ever give it away for free. Yeah. So, so that was,

But then also it's like, what is a special but kind of a trailer for yourself on the road, right? So I was kind of like, well, I'm done with the material. No one really made an offer. This is kind of what you do, I think. I'm not doing this. I'm doing this because I want to write new jokes, you know? So yeah, I think YouTube has been, it's the number one competitor to Netflix, which is incredible. It's like, it's not Amazon. It's not HBO, for comedy at least. It's so interesting that,

Because I had done a couple Comedy Central specials. And, you know, you're also, you know, you want to, like, people think, oh, it's money. It's never money. It's about eyeballs. Yes. And the thing is, is that, you know, the thing about, you know, like being new also is,

is you only get to be new for a little bit. You got that right. Like, by the way, that's a scary reality where, oh, yeah, that's right. They only want to write articles about discovery. They don't want, I mean, unless you, you know, really kind of, I mean, I've never been a tabloid guy anyway. Unless you do something outlandish or you're,

That'd be great for your next run. You just start doing Russell Crowe-level tabloid shit. I'm just attacking some subset group. And I'm like, you can't deal with it. Jim Gaffigan's edgy trans chunk. Yeah, but it's weird how it's always shifting. And that's the business side of it. And that's not necessarily...

Again, it's not about finance. It's about creating opportunities so that you can continue to do it. Yes. Like you guys did the – you don't even need to tell me. You did the YouTube thing so that you could get asses in seats at clubs so that those people could be like, you know what? I saw this. They can easily share it. There is no paywall. I mean, by the way, when I did –

Amazon, and that's why I'm so excited to go back to Netflix, because my last Netflix special was when they were releasing one every week. Yeah. And sometimes twice a week. It's a lot. And it would appear and it would disappear. And so you could get some bump, but also...

you wouldn't get the impact. Like, you know, like I remember, like I'm, I love Nate Bargossi, but I was like that bastard. It's like his special came out in the middle of the pandemic. Oh yeah. There was not much stuff out there. So there's a lot of value. Yeah. In when things land, like Aziz, it's like even Aziz is special. It was brilliant because he was like,

The first one that they owned, so they had an interest in promoting it. I didn't know that. So it was like...

You know, so there's so many factors. There's some people think it's like one thing or another. It's luck is such a big part of it. It's not just the strangeness of timing. Yeah. It's like our business is all about timing. But then there's a lot of timing you don't have control over. Yes. But sometimes it's bittersweet because some people put a YouTube out too quick. It's like you said, you can only be young and new once. Yeah.

So some people are like, oh, I can put out a YouTube special or an album, and they just do it. And you're like, you could have waited five years. You'd be better off. But it's too enticing. Exactly. The demand for content has hurt quality, for sure. For sure. Yeah. It is weird because...

There is something, I mean, I've changed, and this is like such classic comedy nerd talk that we would talk about if we were just hanging out anyway. I love it. Is that, and you know, by the way, Seinfeld thinks I'm crazy, is that, you know, how long does it take to bake an hour? Oh, yeah. He's nuts about this. But, you know, the English or the British or the Irish and the Australians are

They do an hour a year. Yeah. Now, I think that's inherently wrong. Agreed. But... They all stink. I don't know if they all stink, but I don't know. It's a bit much. Look, whether you liked it or not, and I don't want to get down the rabbit hole of Hannah Gatsby, that special that popped... Nanette. ...was her ninth. Is that right? And I'm like...

So she did nine. And by the way, whether you, you know, wow, I didn't know that. Whether you think it's a artistic piece or super funny, super importance from a socio standpoint, that was a pretty complete piece for her, let's say eighth or ninth. And so like, there is something of like, are we putting, and I'm saying this to two guys that can write like to the people that can't write, I'm like,

That's got to be frustrating. But like...

You know, we're also workhorses, right? Yeah. We are kind of the Atel kind of like grind it out. The joke is the hero. The facilitator is not as important as the material. You know what I mean? And so. I just don't get how other people do it. They go, hey, you're one of those joke guys. I'm like, what else are we doing here? I'm a comedian. Like, it has to be jokes. Yeah.

It's like telling a director, you're in the scenes. Yeah, right, right. I don't get it. Like, what else is what it is? So you sing songs. That's what you do. Yeah, I'm a singer. So you just sing. Well, the thing is, is I think that I sometimes wonder about that, too, is that... You can do stories, but they have to have jokes in them. You have to have jokes. Yes. And some of it is, it's all self-assignment. And we are always trying to evolve. You know, like, when I look at, like...

Like some of these fitness inspirational guys. It's like I wish there were people like that just talking about comedy. You got to come up with another fucking hour. You got to do it. You got to challenge yourself. You got to wake up. You got to go. I'm going to freak myself out. I'm going to say something embarrassing. You got to go up there. You got to embarrass yourself because that's the only way you're going to grow. You're going to sit there and do food jokes for 10 years.

Do that, then you'll be a fat fucking ass. You got to get out there and you got to prove yourself. I dare you to do an act out. Do an act out tonight. Yeah. No, I don't want to do it. We Might Be Drunk is brought to you by sheath underwear. Whether you're worried about having your dick stuck to your balls or your balls stuck to your dick or your legs stuck to your dick, it's time to get sheath. Let me see. You're not wearing it, Mark. Is this not sheath? Whoops. Take it again. This is sheath, motherfucker. There it is. Get some.

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and get 10% off your first month of online therapy, betterhelp.com slash drunk. Get on it. I always see you act like I'd see you even back in the day, you'd work like small rooms. And I'm really not blowing you here, but like you would, I would never see it weak, really. I was curious. It's a good point. Where do you work out?

Where is your open mic? Because I would see you at bars and be like, this new stuff is already polished. Well, that's very nice. But yeah, there is... That's all the wife. No. That's the good stuff. No, it's... Some of it is like I've been doing it for 70 years. But some of it is you... But you can never know 100% what's going to kill. Yeah, you never know. But that's also...

You know, it's the risk and the reward, right? It's like that crypto ad, you know? It's like... That's the fun part. That people are so angry about. But, like, I do think there is... I don't know. I mean, because sometimes...

It's like also I think you guys would agree your writing has shifted completely. Like you bring up my wife. It's like there was a good five or six years where my wife and I were writing together regularly. I mean we didn't have five kids or five kids in three different schools at the time. So it's like you shift and it's like I didn't write on stage at that point. And, you know, like writing on stage, doing longer sets, you know,

is really helpful. So like during the pandemic, I didn't really write that much. I wish I would have. But so when I'm doing longer sets, and I also would say that when I tour and, you know, during the day, I'm not sitting there going, let's meet for coffee. I'm not doing that shit. You know what I mean? Yeah. I'm kind of like, first of all, I'm tired because I've eaten a steak at one in the morning. But,

I'm listening and kind of like that's my writing time because when I'm home, I don't really have that much time. The road. I get a lot down the road. Hotel rooms. I love it. I'm a mad scientist. I love the road. Yeah. Love the road. It's weird. It's just getting there. That's it. And getting back.

Yeah, but there's something about the piece of the road that you're kind of like, my life's back in New York. That's on hold. This is all work. And I bring a friend. I bring like Gary Veeder usually. So I have a guy just with me who wants to work on jokes and we can just bounce bits at lunch. We can go to our room. I love the road. Yeah, I don't give a shit about the St. Louis Arch. I'm writing today. I've seen it. Yeah, done it all. I mean, there is like, it's good to expose yourself to things, but-

It's also...

You know, there is that strange period where you're wasting time when you're writing that you have to put in. Yeah, yeah. You have to sit there. Like, it would be embarrassing to explain how long it took to come up with a tag. I know, I know. I heard Gary Goldman once say, you build a special one sentence at a time. And it's so true. Because you'll do a five-day road stint, and you're like, I got that one line. Yeah.

And then you're happy with it. You know, you're like, that worked. That was progress. It's weird. And when there's a bad audience, I always think it's so weird when, or you're just not, it's just not working. And you're, and then a line just comes out and you're like, wow. Yes. Never thought I'd get this line from you fucking people. But it took their shittiness to bring it out. Yes. Yeah. Totally. It's weird how a bad, good.

crowd can do the same because they're with you so hard you're like i'll throw in another line let's see well i think that's also a big advantage is the familiarity an audience has with your sensibility huge increases the intimacy so therefore you're it's a safer bet like i even think like do you remember when like um

Michelle Wolf got so much shit for that White House correspondent thing. Like, I think that was a classic example of people didn't know her. Right, right. So, like, if they knew her, I mean, they couldn't look at it as a comedian. Like, as a comedian, we're like, great writing, great performing, nailed it. Yeah. But, like, to these people, they're like, who is this person? Yeah.

Yeah. That where if it was Jeff Ross, they'd be like, oh, it's the roast master. Good point. Do you know what I mean? Or if it was Kathy Griffin, they'd be like, it's Kathy Griffin. She's a reverend. Right. That's what broke her. So it's like that's a hard place to get your kind of discovery from a lot of people. You're totally right. It's the unfamiliarity. So when you do perform...

you know in a city that you've been like whether it be chicago or and you have a familiarity they're like yeah let's have some fun let's see what he's come up with lately yeah you know it is weird when people don't make the connection like i did the joke earlier about yeah i'm for written house and people were like you did and you're like what are you fucking nuts i'm joking but they don't know you so they don't know right norm was the king of that he would go to the sps or he did the correspondent whatever and the crowd's like what the

fuck is this this guy drunk is he psycho but the crowd at home is like this is amazing right because we know him yeah do you when you were doing the first new hours you did the half hour but then you're on the road headlining and i know you have fans because that half hour was when comedy central actually like people would watch it yeah but you didn't have the fans you have now so that next hour was that what made you be like oh i gotta flush all this well the the

You know, there's also, you know, like there's, you either get too much respect or none, right? There's no in between. You're either like, oh, I don't know if I should be invited to this. Or you're like, no, I can come in and watch. I'm a comedian. I can watch another comedian. They're like, I don't know who the fuck you are. Yes. And so I would say, so after my first,

My half hour at Comedy Central, which I did the same night as Geraldo. Hey, there you go. Were you on the same crowd? I think we're on the same crowd. No, no. He did an earlier show. I did the later show. But I wonder if it was the same crowd.

I mean, obviously you guys met him, but like he had this likability thing. Yeah. Where it was just like, you know, he got me into clubs on Long Island. Like they'd be like, who's this guy? And they're like, he's my friend. I'm like, I don't know how to talk to people. And but so he did his he did like four half hours.

Because he was in development with Comedy Central. And I was like, I want to do a second one. I want to do a second one. They're like, nah, that's all right. And what they told me is that my half hour...

was doing well enough oh talk about broken logic i was told they're like yeah we don't need it enough people are watching your old one we don't need another one i'm like that doesn't make sense yeah well now we'll air the office uh for 48 straight hours every two days back when they used to just you know like comedy central used to you know like if you had a special on there they would air it

Four times a day. Yeah. Wow. Four times a day. Oh, I remember you talking about those college kids. I was one of them. So I'm like, that's where I discovered you. It's where I discovered Hedberg. You know, like people just getting exposed. And you're like, what? Yeah. And not just seeing it once, seeing it twice. Right. And so...

But so I was trying to get another half hour and they were like, no, thanks. We're all right. And there was no other bets and like HBO. So then I only got the hour because my manager at the time was partners with a guy that had been in Ron White's manager who was part of the blue collar thing. So they were buying these blue collar clothes.

you know, specials. Was that Murray? McMurray? No, Alex Murray's my manager, but McDonald. McDonald, that was it. And so he essentially got me my special. I mean, I got like no money or anything, but it was just to get the hour. Which one was that? Beyond the Pale. Oh, game changer. But so like I do think that even...

the fact that i had and that's similar to letterman like i was the last of my generation to do a late night show back when they were really important and um like i just couldn't get with me yeah i was the last in my friend group i mean i've never been on it but me and i remember being like am i fucking like this is killing me am i crazy yeah but once you got it you were ready once i

First time I did Conan, I look back, I still like the jokes. I hated the crowd. It was tough to wait that long to get on. And my second one was, to this day, the best late nights that I've ever had. That's the thing about those late nights is the crowd is everything. And I feel like Letterman always was hot. Letterman was always amazing. Conan was a gamble.

It was a... Because that was a tourist destination. People would get tickets. I went. And would go to New York City because they got Letterman tickets. So they were... That was the show. They were just like...

They just wanted to be at the Ed Sullivan Theater. So it was like the easiest crowd in the world. Yeah. If anything, you had to stop applause breaks. Yeah. Because there's the applause. People would be like, I got seven applause breaks. I'm like, I think we're going for laughs. Yeah.

You know what I mean? Yeah, but it's funny the juxtaposition of like you go from these grimy bar room, smoky rooms where you're getting heckled and bombing, and then you bring that same killer act to this easy peasy, you know, shoo-in show, and you get to be a star for six minutes. It's weird because it used to be –

um the people i mean now it sounds like i'm making this up but like the people that would go to comedy clubs were not the same people that would go to the letter right right of course now i i think it's become much more um like stand-up comedies become more domesticated i know that sounds like bullshit but it's like it used to be just kind of the weirdos like the comedians

Now it's a middle class occupation. Totally. Before it was like... It was... Degenerates and misfits. You're in a basement all night. Yeah. Yeah, it was weird. Talking about your dick or whatever. Yeah. The late night set. So the first time you did Letterman, how did you get it? I got it because I think I had... God, I mean, it's like... Talk about no respect and then too much respect. So...

I auditioned for Letterman and Conan the same night and they, oh, here's how I got Letterman. So they had this idea. This is back when it was, you know, like Eddie Burrell wasn't there. And they had an idea. They wanted to do a premiere week.

They would do a comedian every single night. So it had to be their network premiere. So because I had never been on a late night show, I had an advantage. Right. So all my friends who had done, I mean, like Ian Bagg had probably done Conan 10 times. Wow. Really? Yeah. And, you know, Geraldo had done all the stuff, all these things. And so because I hadn't done it,

They, um, that helped me get it. And so I remember that week, who else was on? But that week, I think a lot of the comedians bombed. So a lot of the comedians didn't do that well. And I,

because I feel like, I mean, I honestly, I mean, I was so ridiculous. I like after a year, I was like, I should be on Letterman. I should definitely be on letter. I'm better than that guy. Yeah. I didn't say that out loud. Hopefully we all do that. But, uh, so it's shocking how long it takes. Oh,

Oh, yeah. Because you see your progress like no one else does. But you're like, I've been killing. I'm doing this many sets a night. I'm killing. No one notices but me. So you start to feel like a crazy person. Totally. Well, you are a crazy person. It's such an insane pursuit. And you can't explain it to people. They're like, what are you doing? And I used to be like.

I do this and I get paid. When I get paid, I get $8. What are you talking about? The bills are crumpled up. A guy hands it to me in a handshake. He resents me for having to be paid. The cab ride is $10 to get there. I have to chase someone down. They're annoyed. It's...

But we have the luxury of doing it now. Well, not... I mean, we've been doing it 15 years or whatever, but now comics can say I'm a comic at a dinner party and other people go, cool. But back in your day, in the 40s, it was like, hey, what does that mean? You were definitely someone who was mentally ill. Or the question was, have you been on The Tonight Show? Yes, exactly. And if you hadn't been on The Tonight Show, it was the equivalent of...

uh you know saying that you were not you had a novel that you wrote but you didn't have a publisher yeah it's just yeah yeah insane your first letterman did they tinker with the set a lot were they like you can't say this you can't say that did that happen because that happens with us a lot but you know that that that happened later on later so once you were already established they're messing with your set isn't that weird yeah they trust you after a few sets

That was... That happened later on. And then I was... Yeah, no, they did trust... Well, it's like, I don't... You know, like, you don't know what was going on there. But I do know that, you know, Letterman would be like, what the hell was that guy saying? Do you know what I mean? Or if it was they, you know, dealing with, you know, the network criticism of filth. Right, right. I mean, that was...

Like Letterman and Conan doing sets on there definitely made me, again, these were important shows. Like that could, you could sell tickets. Sure. Like people would, I mean, this is before Twitter. You know what I mean? It's like. Crazy. You would, so if you were on Letterman, you could sell out a show at the DC Improv. Wow. You know what I mean? Not all of them, but people would be like, he was on Letterman. Yeah.

And so like the so anyway, so getting on Conan or Letterman, they would be like, well, you obviously can't say blowjob. You obviously can't say like you couldn't say crackhead. Whoa. So you'd be like, all right. So, you know, again, you're like, all right. And what I realized is like when there were curse words in there.

It was... The joke was just not written. Right. Not done. Of course. Yeah. And then... I don't know. It's so weird. It's like this journey of like...

You know, there's some people that should curse. It's so part of their authenticity. Good point. It's like, is Louis Black not supposed to curse? Is Chris Rock not supposed to curse? It's like, of course they should. Yeah. And you don't see Chris Rock on late night. Yeah. Not doing a set. Panel. Panel, yeah. Totally. But it's different. I had to fight to get Boner on The Tonight Show.

Really? And it hit. And I remember the roots laughed. And I remember going to the booker and being like, you see? You see? But boner is a funnier word than erection.

Yeah. I wasn't trying to be edgy. I was just trying to be funny. Yeah. But I feel like now the late nights are getting really curated almost to death. Oh, they are. Oh, yeah. It's worse now. And it's weird because it's like you guys have kind of lost your power. It's like when I work on a late night set now, I'm like, this is time I'm taken away because I'm still trying to workshop it and run it. And I'm like, I'm workshopping it for the lowest ratings you've ever had.

And I could be working on my social media shit, which is doing better. Way more views. I mean, there is something about, you know, it's kind of like different. I'm sure you guys do this. It's like you'll, like I always say this to Ted or Todd Glass. Ted Alexandro. Yeah. Love Ted. And we'll be like, yeah, that crowd was, you know. And then we'd be like, but it's good. It's good to have that.

It's good to have that because then it makes you, you know, it kind of toughens you up for, so like I do think that

Or I used to think when I did those TV sets, it was really... It was kind of like a fine cleaning. Yes, I agree. Of these jokes. I agree with that. A fine cleaning. But that being said, it's... You know, it might also put it to rest a little bit. Because once I would do it on Letterman or Conan, I wouldn't do it on TV again. And so...

You would never put those jokes in a special. I would put them in a special. I wouldn't put them on like... And again, none of these clips ended up on YouTube. It was just like...

occasionally on myspace someone would be like he did the same joke on letterman you're like what yeah i got that from america's got talent and i'm like yeah i'm trying to not get heckled by the judges dude i'm trying to not embarrass myself in front of 10 million people i'll repeat a joke i did on you know whatever of course yeah yeah and that and those people like todd uh barry has a great uh attitude on that it's like those are like

three people out of five million. Yeah, totally. You know what I mean? But we cater to those psychos all the time. Well, it is like, I do think that like people that are passionate about comedy are, they're the most important people, right? I mean, except for your peers, they're the ones that like, come out. That also, you know, you want to have that influence. It's kind of like when you do like,

When I used to tour and you'd do a road gig and you'd bring it back to not even the city, but to Brooklyn, to some hipster room. And they'd be like, really? You're doing that joke? And you're like, oh, shit, sorry. Do you know what I mean? You get lazy. It's really important. I haven't done this in a while, but it's important to do...

Different rooms. Different rooms. Yeah, you got to mix it up. You always have done that. I remember seeing you at Cabin, all those bars. Yeah, Whiplash. And I respect that. I was like, oh shit, he's trying to... I mean, we've talked about this before, but you workshop it everywhere. You see where it's not hitting. You're like, well, maybe I can strengthen it so it hits here too. But I agree with you on the...

On the commenters, how they're important. But at the same time, I do think it's our nature to like, even when you're on stage, you see one person like this in the crowd and I focus on them. Like it is also in our blood to just be like, that motherfucker doesn't like me. Yeah. Oh, completely. And you go, that's dad. To me, that's just like, oh, that's my father pissed and not enjoying it. But there is something about the, but I do think that like you can get caught up in the

You're never going to get everyone. I feel like Kevin Brennan would obsess on people in the audience. He'd be like, what lady? What are you so upset about? I'm like, dude, you were killing. Killing. Not out loud. I'm saying in here. I know what you're saying. Once you start to obsess over them out loud, you're like, well, now you're ruining it for every other person that's happy to be there. And it's particularly in a comedy club environment where they're right around you. I mean, there's also something about...

I mean, I'm totally a nerd about this. Like, where it's...

There are environments that are far more interactive. Yes. Like the conversation, stand-up comedy is a conversation. And if you're on a stage like a Gotham, that's a stage. But if you're at the Cellar, you're kind of – you're like people at a union meeting have more authority than you. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? The stage is this high. You're barely off the ground. And that's not to say it's bad. No.

It's just a different dynamic. So in other words, it's more effective for people that are doing shorter jokes and also for people that are – like The Cellar. Again, I haven't been on that stage in 25 years. I would do benefits. You would pop in. I've done The Underground. But you don't like The Cellar. It's not like – No, it's not that. It's that –

You know, it's like one of those things where, you know, as you guys know, you have to protect yourself from like giving your power away. Yes. And so there came a time where I was sitting there and I was like, how many spots did I get at the cellar? Oh, I only got that. Oh, I got this. And I would see my friends and I would be like, all right, you know what? I just want to develop material.

I want to do it in different places. There is also like the... I knew that like I had done so many... So much hanging out. I didn't want to do the hangout. I want to do my set and leave. And this is before I had kids. I was like, I want to do my set and leave. And so there was a culture there of hanging out. Which by the way, it seems great. I'm not criticizing it at all. Do you know what I mean? But like...

The whole thing of like giving the power away. I didn't want to do that. And like playing the game. That's healthy. Whereas Geraldo is a master at it, you know. And that's not to say that people are kissing ass or anything like that. It's just like...

I don't want to play that game. I want to do my stand-up and then get out of there. You're more of an introvert. I don't think it's a power thing. You kind of just want to kind of... Also, I look at your stuff as like a lot of people that hang out aren't always... I mean, Greg was an incredible writer, but not everyone who does that is...

really focused on writing. Good point. He was the rare case. A lot of people that are hanging out are kind of like the boisterous type where they're kind of, you know, they're shitting on people and that's hilarious and that's great. But you're, I look at you as a very in your head type of like disciplined writer. It's so weird, you know, like Geraldo and I

Like, the fact that he ended up doing roasts was, like, one of the biggest shocks to me. Really? He was so great. He was a master at it. I think he's the best ever at it. He's the roast man. And Jesse Joy, shout out for a lot of those jokes, who is an excellent roast writer. Great writer. But, like, it was one of those things where, again, it goes back to...

You know, look, obviously roasting is an art form. It's obviously... People enjoy it. But if you look at it, it's put down humor. Sure. And now put down humor... Look, by the way, sarcasm is veiled hostility. All this shit, you can make it really nasty. But like...

I remember I saw Seinfeld at...

the comic strip Christmas story, Christmas party. And that used to be a big deal. Oh, we used to go to that. Free booze, free food. Yeah. And like Ray Romano would do movies. I'm going to do a movie. And you'd be like, Ray Romano did a movie. And Seinfeld was like, I'm just here. He goes, you know, instead of doing stuff like this, I just work on my act. And it was just like, which is perfect, Jerry. Yeah. He is this guy.

um king of absolutist yes you know what i mean and so there is something but like the practical side of of roasting is it it seems a little uh waste of timey maybe or you know not to it's like are you bringing light you know by the way like don rickles beloved by everyone

You know, he was the master at that too. But he had an act. But he was also bringing light. I don't know. That's true. There's a clip I just saw of Rickles, I believe, roasting Shirley MacLaine. She was old as hell in this clip. So was he. He must have been in his 80s. And he's roasting everyone in the room. And it's cool to see everyone like, get me. Yeah.

It's rare to see that now. Now it's gotten so vicious with the roast that part of it's like, fuck, are they going to bring up like... Yeah, it was a delicate touch. I did... Bob Saget had this... Bob Saget is like... Has an amazing relationship with everybody in the entertainment industry. He's the nicest person. He's the nicest person. He's a great guy. At this benefit, he had Queen Latifah

A lot of range. Don Rickles. Wow. John Mayer. Wow. And you're sitting there. And I did a set, and I'm sitting next to it. And then some, I don't know, someone who started the movie industry. You know what I mean? It's got Goldwyn Mayer. And so Don Rickles was older. I think it's Orson Welles here. They walked over, and they gave him a microphone. And he just started making fun of everyone. And it was just like...

The best. Unbelievable. I think Geraldo was an incredible roaster. I love it. I do think what you're saying is now with the popularity of things like Roast Battle, a lot of those comics are like two years in. Yeah.

And they don't have an act. They don't have a self-deprecating joke about themselves. But they've got five minutes on some dude they've never met. Yeah. And they're going up at the comedy store. So to me, that's like – But I guess if it's writing, it is productive. And it's a way to get in. And for Greg, it was like the roasts were huge. So that was selling tickets on the road for his act. He was – I have this theory about Greg is that –

what you have to understand is that like, and this is my perspective completely, is that Greg Duranto was brilliant. And I don't say that in a cute way. Like he was a really smart guy. Oh yeah. So he was like, his parents were both immigrants. He got into Regis.

Harvard Law. Harvard Law. Columbia. Scholarship all the way. Worked for like the biggest law firm in the world. Gave it all up, you know, to pursue stand up. He was so pure at this. And what I think the amount of failure and humiliation, he, you know, I don't know. But like it almost was like.

It took its toll on him harder because he's like, all I do is win. And that was not his personality. His personality was not like, I win. It was just the track record. Like, he could go into a club. He was engaging. He was not a sycophant. He had a confidence and a rapport. Whether it was Long Island or the Upper East Side, he could connect with all these types of people. So, like...

And I was there when he got his sitcom deal. And it's more of like how the level of cruelty the entertainment industry is. Like he had a manager, not a manager, an agent that...

was his agent that you know plucked him out of uh uh you know uh montreal and then within two years he saw her at a restaurant and she acted like she didn't know him damn and you're like wow i i got an agent out of montreal and uh he left the company after signing me two months later and i didn't get an email isn't that wild this is this is an ugly business i mean greg

You know, you talk about how brilliant he is and you talk about the cruelty of this business, but like his humility was, you know, that always struck me is that like he could talk to anybody. And like I was like, man, that guy would have been a great late night host. Oh, my God. I was like, when Jon Stewart leaves The Daily Show, who the hell is better than Greg Giraldo? Well, by the way. Who is an unpretentious liberal, which is kind of like what liberals need right now.

With all this woke bullshit, you need a guy like Greg who can connect with both sides of the aisle. I mean, this is a guy who would crush in Cincinnati, in Kentucky, in Manhattan. Like that is necessary to, you know, as an entertainer, but also as a human. Yeah. No, he actually, so his, he had so many pilots at Comedy Central.

that, you know, he had a Friday night show. You're better off having a pilot on Malaysian Airlines at this point. But, you know, this was... You know, Comedy Central had more weight back then. Oh, yeah. But, like, there was also... So he really popped on Tough Crowd. Incredible. I only did Tough Crowd twice. But, like, he really popped. And he... By the way, that's... That was, like, one of those things where...

You know, like that combined with the roast because the format of Tough Crowd was very much a roasting environment. Yes. It was guys being guys kind of thing. Ball busty. Yeah. And so there was they canceled Tough Crowd. Then Comedy Central begged Greg to redo Tough Crowd without Colin.

Disgusting. He asked Colin. Colin goes, fine. He got shit for it. They... So there was that that didn't work. There was also a talk show...

I wonder if I did a guest set on it. But also, like, how fucked up is that? Greg's clearly looked up to Colin. We all look up to Colin, you know? I don't care for him. But Greg clearly looked up to him. He's a guest on the show. Colin... And then you're like, step in and do the show. That's just the stupidity of the business. And this is also like... He's probably got two kids. He's, you know...

uh they're like do this and we've done six six deals with you six pilots but there was a time when he they were gonna do another show he was gonna be the host of it and they tested and i'm like this is it greg's on his way and um that was when the daily show was really peaking

And they were like, they're just going to... And there was also a time when there was a power base in Comedy Central in L.A. and a power base in New York. And Greg was associated with the L.A. group, but the power base in New York was the Daily Show...

And I think Chappelle. Oh, wow. And so the power base in L.A. had less influence, I think. And so they gave that time slot, which is, by the way, Comedy Central has so many time slots. They gave it to Stephen Colbert. Wow.

So it's like that close. Right. And that was a great show. And that was a hit and a great show. So yeah, you're right. It's tough, but it's so painful that you're like, you put in the work like Greg did, you're right there. And there is a cruelty in this business that like, you do have to keep getting up from. Yeah. I mean, by the way, Chappelle was, who was also, uh,

Phenom. A phenom and like would destroy on a kind of other world level had sitcom after sitcom after sitcom that would fail. So it was very weird thing. And I remember like

You know, Geraldo, he was like, I want to tour doing headlining. And I'm like, I don't want to do that. I just wanted to be a writer on Letterman. Really? So it's like... When did that change for you? I think I had done Welcome to New York. And then that experience was so horrible. Like, that's what's weird also about stand-up is you...

You know, you go on stage, you're essentially writer, director, producer, and then you get in these group settings. And you're like, people are like, that's good enough. You're like, but it's not. Yeah. And they're like, don't be difficult. Right. And so I was like, all right, I'm just going to do stand up and try and get acting jobs. And I never got any acting jobs. You're in a lot of stuff. You're the hemi guy. Yeah.

I was not the Hemi guy. Oh, shit. Damn it. But you got to talk commercials. That was the other white fat guy. Did that 70s show help you on the road when you were on that? Yes. Oh, yeah. That's a good show. I was very lucky because there was before, when I was touring before Beyond the Pale, I had that 70s show on.

I had a Sex and the City thing, and I also had... Wow. That was a big show. What was the... I can't remember. You were on another show, My Boys, too. My Boys. That was kind of after the thing. Gotcha. But that 70s show was huge. Yeah. That 70s show was like... I don't know if you've been to a four-camera shoot. It's one of the most boring things in the world. But people would come and hang out.

Like young Hollywood. We were just talking about Kurtwood Smith and Deborah Jo Rupp and saying how great they both are. Oh, yeah. So good. It's like insane how good they both are. They're so funny. Yeah. And by the way, it's like, did you see her on WandaVision? Like she's still going. Oh, yeah. No, I didn't. She's in everything. She was on Seinfeld back in the day. I mean, she's a great character actor. Yeah. And he was also... He was in RoboCop. Yeah. Was he also in...

Beverly Hills Cop? Was that him? I'm not sure. Maybe. I don't think he was in the first one. I don't know. He was... But he's been around forever. I re-watched recently, by the way. It's still so damn good. It's such a good movie. Oh, yeah. Eddie Murphy... What a talent. Like, it's insane how talented he is. It's like, there's the fame thing. Yeah. And there's, like, selling tickets. But, like, as...

An actor? Like, it is insane. Like, I don't get, like, the clumps, no matter what you think of it. Gold. What he pulls off in that, you're like, holy shit. I've said on this podcast, I think he should have been nominated for an Oscar for Nutty Professor. I totally agree with you. Yeah, I think it's incredible. I love Eddie Murphy. I mean, coming to America is incredible. To me, the most impressive performance is Nutty Professor, just because, like,

He's playing so many full characters. It's incredible. Well, he's also... The level of empathy that he creates... Yeah.

Because you know he's this guy with an ego. And he's... Here we are talking about... But he embodies this guy that's... Likeable. A miserable fat guy. And you're like, holy shit! Oh, right, right, yeah. Yeah. I was just watching... Have you seen that show on Netflix, The Movies That Made Us?

and there's one on Coming to America, and they go into how Eddie Murphy couldn't get any airtime on SNL, and these two writers were like, I like, this guy's good. We should write for him more. And they were trying to use him to get bigger, and he was using them to get bigger, and then they ended up writing Coming to America together. Wow. But it's incredible that, I think the through line of this whole episode is the industry is clueless. The industry stinks. Yeah.

We got to come in and write jokes and do whatever. But there's never been a better time, you know, because, you know, sure, it's diluted, but you can put shit on TikTok and YouTube and Facebook and Instagram and anything. So, like, thank God. You can do all those things after you watch my special. Dude, Comedy Monster on Netflix just came out. Norm has got a new special, too. You should watch both of them. I mean, we're working. Sam's not doing anything. I'm taking a break.

I just went to a beach in upstate New York. You're engaged. You got engaged. Congratulations. He got engaged to the Christian, and you're going to become a Christian now. I'm going to be a Christian. Finally. We're going to do a lot more Jesus talk on this pod. I think that's what's missing here. Yeah. I'll go Jew. We'll mix it up. You just want to be a Jew really bad. Everyone. Every comedian does. Yeah. Every comedian does. I love that comedians like us.

Yes. That's nice. That's about it. But yeah. Well, actually, the Christians in America are obsessed with Israel. That's true. Good point. The far right loves Israel, man. Yeah, they really do.

I heard you guys got bombed recently in Israel. Did you see that? That was on this podcast. Hey, you bruh. Let me add, before we got to go, just to skew off comedy, you got 17 kids. Yes. I'm thinking about having a kid. What? What?

This is a bomb drop on the podcast. Well, we're getting older, and who better to ask than the father of nine here? What do you think? Is it horrible? Is it terrifying? Do you hate him? Do you want to kill them? Do you like abortion? Talk to me. I think I recommend it. Really? I mean, it's really hard. By the way, I've got five of them. In Manhattan? In Manhattan. You're the most prolific comic, and you have more kids than special somehow. Yeah.

I don't know about that. No, you're more special. That's close. But it's, yeah, I mean, it's taxing. I mean, I hang out with my nieces and nephews. I mean, life is filled with misery. This is a tough sales pitch for kids right here. Does the joy outweigh the misery? Yeah. Yes. Okay. I also believe that, like, people need to do things to evolve. And I think that, you know,

So you did it for the material. Now I become Jordan Peterson. I think you have to become a monster. You have to. I wish I could do his accent. Me too. It's still high. It's Toronto. Yeah. But yeah, no, I think it's a strange thing. It does make you a better person. Okay. And I think guys have a selfishness. Does it help your comedy?

I think so. I think also it's a very abundant universe. So, like, there's also the fear factor. Yes. You're like, oh, got to make sure that this person's taken care of. Yeah. But, yeah, I don't know. I mean, look, I just did –

Yeah, I was just on vacation with my family and we did Disney World, which I never want to do again, but I keep doing it every two years. By the way, if you haven't seen Jim's Disney World chunk in Mr. Universe, cue that up too on Netflix because that's another... That's one of my favorite specials ever. Thanks. You can write all that off. But now I feel like...

You know, that's if you want to feel like you the symptoms of COVID, just go to, you know, walk around Disney World for 10 hours. So but I do think it's a sad sight over. What else are you going to do with your life?

True. I mean, it's... You could just live it happily and fun. Well, you don't have to get a pet either. You know what I mean? Right, right. You don't have to travel to another country. You know what I mean? It's... You don't have to create more material. You know what I mean? Good point. Well said. I don't know. It's got to be the right person. You know?

to have the kid with. I feel like the only people wearing masks at Disney are Goofy and... That's a tweet. Comedians are children, so is the person that you're going to have the kid with, are they a non-child? No. You know what I mean? She's wheelchair-bound. But other than that... She's not going anywhere, so that's good. I got a broomstick in the wheel. But yeah, yeah, all right, all right.

I like that. I like that. But I hang with my nieces and nephews and the whole, it's beautiful and it's great, but you get to leave. With a kid, you don't leave. Is the road really hard with kids? Or is it great? Great Tom Papa joke. Oh, yeah. You know, he goes, well, you got five kids. How do you go on the road? It must be a miserable. He's like, yeah, the hardest part is trying not to whistle while I pack. Come on. That's a brilliant joke.

Yeah, I mean, there is, I mean, look, there is something of why, you know, not to sound like a piggish guy. That's why guys play golf. Right. They don't like golf. They just want to get out of the house. Totally. That's a side note joke. Get out, leave family. You know, it's the golf. So the... You're drinking while playing a sport. Outside. Yeah. Yeah.

And so the... It is a sport, but you know what I mean. Right, right. You know, it's pretty amazing. Okay. And there's not a single kid that I would trade in. You know what I mean? But it is... I mean, look, it's scary. Of course. It's like you're like...

You hope that the kid's okay. The news, the local news becomes really more important. Do you know what I mean? It's like this nomadic life that we lead. It's not like putting a down payment on an apartment. It's like you're in. You're in. Yeah. You can't flip it in the next two years. You can't flip it and you can't sit there and put it down. We'll start again. But it's part of growing up, I think.

I don't know. Well, Seinfeld has the famous thing of like, I don't want to have kids. I don't ever want to get married. And now he's like, if I didn't have kids, I'd be miserable, blah, blah, blah. So Bill Burr, same thing. I actually heard Jordan Peterson say the same thing. Really? Weirdly, yeah. I heard him say that's like his meaning for getting older. It's like his meaning for life. And it kicks you into gear. I know like Chris D had a kid. He was like, I got to work. I got to get out there. I got to write more. You know, Louis said the same thing. Two kids, it makes you...

have to hustle. And then there's some comics where like I had a kid, I'm moving upstate New York. That's true too. I'll do a road gig every two months and you're like, all right, well, you're out. Yeah. So there's that fear too. Yeah, but I think that, I think you have to, that's where you have to be with the right person that gets who you are. You know what I mean? And that we are children. Yeah. Yeah, we really are. I shit myself. Yeah.

All right, well, shit. This is the best episode of the show ever. I think it is, man. I want to thank you guys for coming out. This is a classic. Thanks for listening to the Geraldo podcast. Watch Jim Gaffigan, Comedy Monster. He's got a bunch of other specials on Netflix. Seriously, one of our favorites. So appreciate you coming on. He says that every week. Coming up next, Wilson Vince, one of my favorite comics. Oh my gosh, he's the best. Really one of the best. Any parting words? Any notes of advice? Any life tips?

hack you got anything comedy better now or then when you start the audience is better educated with about stand-up more savvy for sure um but you know i mean i've been hearing a lot more let's go brandon's in the audience so i don't know how it's gonna go the a you're like you're you're doing i'm rick james bitch but it's but it's you know it's the same it's like it's the that's what she said create your own fucking joke

You know? Yeah. Yeah. But. All right. We did it. I got to go. We did. Well, we love you, Jim. Gigs, you want to do? Oh, yeah. You got some dates? Richmond, Baltimore, Hartford, Sacramento, Beacon Theater in New York. Please come out. Wow. That's in May 9th. That's May 9th.

Wow. I think it's May 7th, actually. But I appreciate it. Pretty good. I didn't know that. Toronto, it's almost full. So please keep moving it. Milestone. Yeah. And Toronto, all that bullshit. Columbus, Miami, Palm Beach. Back to Miami?

Oh, not Miami. Fuck. Orlando. Thanks for catching that. Same shit. Sam Earl dot com slash shows. All right. I'm at Sacramento. La Jolla. I love how you guys have this memorized. Trying. Kansas City, Syracuse, Chicago.

Chicago, some other stuff. MarkNormanComedy.com. Check us out. Check out old episodes. Watch Jim's special. Are you in Chicago when I'm in Chicago? Are you there in April? March. Oh, really? You can tell everyone. When you do press...

Mention my shows. You got it. Just follow Jim on every social. Follow him on Instagram, on TikTok, everything, Twitter. And, you know, see him on tour. Yes, the Hemi guy, one last time. I'm not that. Thank you so much, man. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

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