Ep 180: Nikki Glaser
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Yeah. Have you seen him on stage, too? He's so, like...

I know. It's like... He's weird and bouncy. He's like rubber. It's like being John Malkovich with a marionette. Yes, yes, exactly. We can keep that in. Fuck it. I was watching him on the TV, and I'm like, what is he doing? I hate it. It's just his normal movements. I don't get it. I know I'm super stiff, but he's like too wiggly. I know. It's like the car lot, inflatable. You know? So weird. Rubberman. Here's a peeve of mine.

I heard a comic get, someone said, I saw you do something well. And the comic goes, oh, thanks, man. He goes, oh, thank you so much. Oh. Thank you so much for watching. Yeah. Be a fucking human. I hate that. That's like not a human. It's like you're faking what a person would sound like. Right, right. But you're doing a bad impression. Yes, exactly. They touch their heart. Oh.

Oh, it means the world. And they start hugging themselves. They start jacking off. Oh, fuck. I came. Yeah, that's the worst. Yeah, the touching themselves. Yes. Oh, thank you. The prayer. What are you, a yogi? You're a fucking comic. I know. It's bad. There's no more checking. Checking is out. You know, we used to have Patrice O'Neill at the cellar. He would sit at the table and go, what the fuck did you just say? And that's kind of over.

Yeah, because now it's the industry. Now you can kind of be that way to the industry. That's true. Because they're kind of powerless. But you can't be that way to comics. Not anymore. Because that Patrice guy would be like, well, can I get on this? And he'd be like, you called me a pussy for nine hours. Yeah, true, true. But that was part of like DeRosa would get his ass kicked, you know, verbally. He used to stand straight. Yeah.

It turned into a shrimp. Yeah. Well, there was a big Netflix party, and it was killer. They have a back bar at Netflix. So immediately, every comic's like, let me go to the back bar and hide. And then night two, the industry figured out about it. It was all a bunch of suits. Brutal. We never went to the bar again. It ruined the whole bar. Ah.

It's a lot like, hey, Tiger, what's next? What are you working on? I hate what's next. I don't know. I'm at a bar. Next is a tequila shot. I don't know. What's coming up for you? What's down the pipe? I don't know. The suits finding out about the bar is kind of like when your mom first got on Facebook. You're like, it's compromised now. We were having a great time. Yes, exactly. I know what you mean. I know. My dad's in my OnlyFans thread. It's ruining everything.

No. No, but your comic hangs are so much different. I mean, they're so much low pressure. I know. I know. We're all hanging out. We're busting balls. We're talking. We're making fun of each other's outfits. And Shane's got me in a headlock. And then, you know, Sam Jay's shitting on me. And then some guy comes in with a polo on and it's all over.

All over. How was that fest? Was it fun? It was fucking great. It felt like Montreal eight years ago. Damn. It was just great. We were so badly behaved at those festivals. Oh, forget about it. Yeah. We'd just get hammered. Yeah. Open bars were like...

It's like homeless and you walk into an all-you-can-eat buffet. Right. You're like, fucking hand them over. Oh, yeah. Those were great, great times. Every show was full. You got to go to some cool show, like The Roast is happening, and then Seinfeld and Nader at the Bowl. Did you go to that? I couldn't go. I'm such an idiot. Shane's like, you want to go to The Roast? I was like, sure. I'm doing a podcast in Eagle Rock.

What podcast? I said yes to some kid during the road. It's like the metaphor for my whole career. Everybody's at the road, hanging out, rubbing elbows with all these stars. And I'm like, yeah, I write in the shower. You know, I get a lot of shit, get a lot of writing done in my apartment. I got a rec for you. Say the word no every once in a while. I got to work on no. No is big. If I was a woman, I'd fuck every guy. I wish you were a woman.

Just out of guilt. I'd be like, all right, he asked me out. I know what you mean, though. It's hard. You can't deal with confrontation. I can't. I can't. I've got to get better at that. I have no problem with confrontation. I know. I'm jealous. Well, you grew up in this rat trap called New York City. You have to learn it. I've got a good story for you. All right. Well, you were at the fest, which looked fun as hell. I saw some pictures. I was like, man, I do feel a little bit of FOMO. A little bit. And I stayed in the Ondas next door to the store so I could just drink and then just

literally roll into my room. Damn. That's pretty nice. It was dangerous. It was bad news. How was that hotel? Was it nice? Great hotel. It's like right there. Literally next door and the view is incredible and it's a rooftop pool.

So you get the hangover, you just hit the roof and sweat it out. Lap swimming when you're hungover is fucking awesome. Underrated. Because you don't realize you're actually sweating. Yeah, true. In the water. But you're sweating that booze out. Something about your whole body submerged in cold water, I think it wakes you up a little. Yeah. So I was at...

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. And thank God Brunson didn't do it, but he still kind of tried to grab him. Like, get the fuck off, Brunson. Wow. What are you doing? So anyway, Hardenstein, the center, comes over to high-five me because I've DMed with him a couple of times. Really? I'm a big fan. Wow. One of my favorite players. And goes over to high-five me. The same guy, Tommy and Chris, get in the way of the high-five. I miss out on a playoff high-five. God, they intercepted. They intercepted the high-five. Come on.

I'm outside after the game with my brother. I look at Instagram. Hardenstein DMs me. I tried to high five you. Whoa! But two assholes got in front of me. I show it to Chris. I go, you guys are the assholes. That's up there with a cock block. That might be worse than a cock block. It might be worse. It's a jock block. Jock block. Yes. That's horrible. What kind of friends are these? I was furious. Man, what a DM though. But he got a point. He pointed. Okay. My brother was like, he knows who you are. And I was like, yeah, holy shit. Wow.

It was fucking the highest and the lowest at the same time. That's the worst. But then high again. Faux pass since Ron Artest went into the stands. Remember Burr's bit about Ron Artest? I don't know. Dude, he had the best. I remember Burr came to my college when I was like 19 and they let me open because I had worked in with the comedy group there because I was like a bringer, a fucking open mic-er. Sure. But-

I sent the tape they were like we're bringing dat fan the comedian and I was like can I open for him I was like I'll do fucking anything sure of course and they were like we don't know and I sent him a bringer tape where I did well and they were like oh okay you can open at Tulane at Tulane so I open goes really well and they're like okay you can and like I suck but they were I think they were like he's one of our own so they wanted to like me right so I had a hot set

All right. And by the way, he is the winner of Last Comic Standing at the time. He was a big deal. It was packed. Yeah. I haven't seen that many Asians since, all right, let's not finish that joke. But look, it goes well. So they're like, who should we bring down next? I said, Bill Burr. So they're like, you can open for him. So they bring Bill Burr down. It was like right after the Opie and Anthony thing. Wow. And Burr is on stage. It's like 80 people in a 1,200-seater. Oh, wow.

So it's like crazy you think of Bill Burr now. Of course. But he wasn't, like I knew he was great. I was already a big fan of his. They gave me a lot of other names who I won't say and I was like, no, it's got to be Burr, you know? Wow. And... That was 08 maybe? Yeah.

Oh, wow. 06. Oh, geez. Okay. Maybe... Fuck. Maybe 05. Probably 06. All right. All right. So he was already like... I already knew he was a great comic. Yeah. Just from like fucking clips and YouTube. And I think he had one special out. I think so. I think that a half hour. But...

Yeah. Half Hour was great. Half Hour on HBO. Killer. But he had a bit about the fight at the Pistons game, Malice of the Palace. And he was like, I loved it. Which I'd never heard someone enter that bit with I love it. Right. And he goes, because what do people always say to professional athletes? Fuck you. Come up here. He goes, well, they came up. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

That's a great take. That's a great take. And he went against the grain even back then. Yeah. So good. Wow. I saw that live, by the way. I was in college at my house with like eight guys watching that game. We were on our feet like, what the fuck?

You see the fat guy swinging, and you see Coca-Cola flying everywhere and popcorn. Incredible. And you saw the doc that are testing that guy are friends now. Really? Yeah, remember at the end? Oh, yeah. He and the guy he got into the fight with, they're like buddies now. You got a hand of that guy's got balls of steel. I mean, he's like 5'7", and he's just...

swinging with a backwards hat and a gut against Ron Arden. He's a Detroit guy. Oh, he's a Detroit. Okay. So he's like, yeah, those guys are ready to throw down. Yeah. I'll be there this weekend. Oh yeah? Yeah. Some room. I don't know. Fucking great. Love Detroit. Great comedy crowd. What's it called? The

The Midwest is good, man. Oh, yeah. The Midwest is good for comedy. Ridley's. You're not going there, are you? No, no, but I'm just trying to give a... What's the name of that club? Oh, Mark Ridley's Comedy Castle. Comedy Castle. So we played this club for years, Mark Ridley's Comedy Castle, and it's a great club. Great club. Mark's always been awesome to us. Yeah. And the whole staff there is really cool. So you know who Mark Ridley's son is?

Rick and Morty. Yeah. Yeah. So this guy who runs the comic club, his son is Ryan Ridley. He wrote like the best episodes of Rick and Morty. Wow. And then he left and I think he just wrote a movie. I mean, he's doing really well. That's great. How cool is that though? That is so cool. Comedy, keep it in the family. Yeah. Fun story about Mark Ridley's. This is eight years ago. Mark Ridley's, you know, before he could sell tickets, they would always do Thursday was the benefit night. Like, hey, we're doing a women's battered women charity. Hey, we're doing a- Such a funny reason to do a benefit. I know.

We couldn't move tickets. Breast cancer? So for some, I've told this story before, but for some reason I got the Thursday benefit was graduation for seeing eye dogs. So it was a bunch of people. We could have used Winnie. She needs to see an eye human. Right.

That's true. Yeah, you're the service animal in this relationship. But it was seeing eye. It was a bunch of blind people and their dogs. So the blind people are all like looking this way and I'm over here. And they all got the sticks and the dog and the whole thing. And it's a million dogs. And I'm like, oh, my God. All right, whatever. I'll get the blind people. They got good hearing. And I'm bombing. But every...

16 seconds I'd hear I'd be like so uber's weird huh well you know you guys never eat cereal at night huh that's crazy

Hey. It was that for an hour. Damn. And after a show, usually you're the one going home with a dog. That's crazy. Well, one lady started heckling me and I had a line where I said, ma'am, do you realize you're less well behaved than a dog? Oh, my God. And that killed. Yeah. It sucks when the only big laughs though are the like you zing someone well and you're like that's what they react to. I know.

I know. I was like, I want to hit you on the nose with a rolled up magazine. That's fucking good. You're a bitch. You know, just go in. And that was hitting. But that was before anyone filmed anything. Yeah. That could have been a great clip. Damn. I've had some crazy heckles at that club for sure. They're definitely. Oh, yeah. You get that. Yeah. They throw them. Oh, my God. It's a beer city. Yeah. Yeah. The Midwest drink. Michigan drinks. They drink so fucking hard there. Worst time I ever had was Kalamazoo.

Yeah, damn. Opening for Schumer. She goes, hey, I'm going to give you an hour special. I'm going to produce it. I was like, oh my God. She goes, tonight do like the first 20. And I went up and did a bunch of jokes about therapy and anxiety and stuff like that and being an introvert. 20,000 people bombing. Why do you think that happened? Why did you do that? I think I should have gone in and just been like,

Boom, boom, boom, because they didn't know who I was. They were still filing in, and it was bad. It was 20,000 people not laughing. I heard a cough. I heard a queef. I heard a plane go by. It was bad. Comedy keeps you so fucking humble. Yeah, that hurt. She was pissed? She was just like, yeesh. I thought I was going to lose the special, but luckily it was all right. He opened for Amy at Carnegie Hall. Yeah.

That's right. Totally bombed. Actually, the same thing happened to me with Amy because I had done like a full run of... I think we hit all of Canada. And holy shit, I've been doing so well. They're like great crowds. I think like...

Well, Edmonton was unbelievable. Toronto, Montreal, all unbelievable crowds. And then I came back, I think one night we came in the night of and I was like, went down to the Village Lantern for like eight people and ate shit. I knew not to bring people there because I remember my biological father's wife was Lily Tomlin's hairdresser for like years and she worked in theater. And

They were like very, very close. So I met Lily a couple times and we went to see her in Redmant, New Jersey. And she's like, are you going on tonight? Can I come? And I was like, no.

I knew, and thank God I didn't bring her because I ate shit at the fucking lantern. There you go. But I was like, I can't. I can't. I don't want a legend to watch me eat shit in front of me. Right, right. Whatever you're picturing in your head is better than what you will see. Yes. So let's just keep it there. That lantern was a dungeon of bombing. I bombed there many times. That's the only place I ever got off stage and fucking put my fists up and threatened to fight a guy. Ha ha ha.

It's the only place... Because if you break... You will break once. But there was like five people in there and a guy just yelling the whole time, fuck you, you suck. And I just hit my breaking point of like, yeah, fuck this. It's over. I suck. We need to fuck you. Can't you just tell me I suck? Why are you mad at me? I had so many...

You just have so many – you know when you're on the road so much as a young comic that you just snap? Yeah, of course. So you like – and sometimes you'll snap before they – it's like it's almost like you're like a martial artist and someone – you just like punch a guy at the bar before he even did anything because you're so used to someone attacking you for no reason. Right, right. And you're like, well, you can't be doing that but I would snap sometimes and –

I got off stage and I was like, fuck you, you want to do something about it? And he backed down, thank God. I didn't know what he looked like. He could have fucking killed me. Oh, yeah, true. But I just, he totally backed down in front of a friend too. But I think I look so unhinged. Right. And he's probably like, maybe this guy's homeless or something. I don't know.

That's the only reason I, I mean, I could have two on one also. Although there were comics there. Comics would have had my back probably. That's true. Well, depending on the cop. Brad Williams is like, it's you and me. I'm like, fuck. Gonna get us. Right. There was a dance last year that was very popular called Get Sturdy. And this is Lily Tomlin doing the Get Sturdy in the 70s with Dick Cavett. Have you ever seen this? No. This is almost exactly the dance.

The originator of Getting Sturdy. I don't know why they laughing. She done started a whole trend that a whole community of motherfuckers do now. Wow. Well, yeah, I'd love to get your algorithm. I bet you got some wacky shit going on in that timeline. Dude, I was watching old Dick Cavett and it was, um...

Jim Brown and Lester Maddox who was like you saw that one we listened to the song together Lester Maddox the Randy Newman song oh yes got the n-word riddled all in

all in it. All over. It was pretty crazy, man. He was pretty damn racist, that guy. You know, a segregationist and Jim Brown is holding his own. Like, he has so much composure. Really? In the interview, I was like, man, he really kept his cool while this guy is saying some pretty horrible shit. It is 1970, so he's getting some applause on this horrible shit. Really? But

But Brown is terrifying. He's the scariest man on the planet. You don't have to put it on, but he's so calm and he's so – you can look it up. And I really had so much respect. And then I was reading about it and it said he beat the shit out of his fiance. And I was like, oh. So he was taking it out on someone. Oh, damn. You know what I mean? Was she white? I don't know. Oh, that'd be – But nobody's perfect. Yeah, true. But in those moments, I was like, man, Jim Brown is pretty impressive. Yeah, yeah, because he was militant. He was like hanging out with MLK and all that. Yeah.

Yeah. Or maybe Malcolm X. He was part of those athletes. That's why they hated OJ because they were like all doing all this shit for civil rights and he was taking the money. But, you know, it's kind of hard to get mad at a guy like not everyone wanted that. You know, I get it. I don't get it. But you know what I mean? But when they went to him, they're like, you're black. He's like, I'm not black. I'm OJ. I'm OJ.

But it was like Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, Bill Russell, you know, all these guys, you know, look, you're going to leave a better legacy. Yeah, you got the Hertz gig.

Hurts. You know? Hurts so good. That's what Nicole said. What do you got? This song. Oh, we can't play this. What are you doing? It's just legal shit. But yeah, we played this in the car. We were like, holy shit. Wait, you don't want to play this because it's legal shit. I thought it was because of the N-word. No, I'm fine with that. Yeah. He's making fun of racism. Do you want to share the opening lines about Lester Maddox? Sure. This is a TV show.

With some smart-ass New York Jew. And the Jew laughed at Lester Maddox.

And the audience laughed at less comedics, too. All right. You see? That was my point. I couldn't believe that the audience was applauding some shit where I was like, wow, times have really changed. Yeah. By the way, what? Oh, sorry. No, go ahead. Well, it's like when they brought on the Native American lady in the Oscars. She's getting booed. Yeah. That would never happen now. Yeah. They would be too nervous to boo. Yeah. This was an extra from Flower Moon right here. Yeah.

But, fun fact, I took this guy on a road trip where I was like, I'm doing a gig in a casino in Coachella Valley, California. And you forget, you know, he's like, we got to stop. I'm starving. It's a two hour drive. We had to stop and get him food. Then we got back in the car. We get to the gig.

falls asleep in the green room what are you my grandpa i know who falls asleep in a green room well you know we've been built for this shit we've grown up doing it for the last 15 years and then schedules are very different take a new guy out there and he's like i can't hack it i'm like i'm doing an hour up there we're fisting beers and vodka sodas and this guy's

I got a photo of it. Were you becoming a nighttime coffee drinker or you just fucking, you figure it out, man? Oh, yeah. Damn. That fest, though, was a real banger. Yeah, it sounded fun. It was fun. It was like comedy was popping. The city was alive. You know, like the forum got sold out. Burt, Shane, Schultz, The Roast, you know, who else? Segura, you know.

Damn. That's a lot of forum. It's insane. It's a lot of white guys. That's true. Did you see the list, the graph of comedy ticket sales? It's crazy. Somebody posted this. It was like 2003, this many million, and now 2024 is already in the billions. Well, we love to shit on the industry, man, but agents found a way to make a lot of money for us. Yeah, yeah, that is true. They know what they're doing. And the roast, you know, that...

I was on a flight yesterday or two days ago. Eight laptops I saw were playing the roast. Wow. So it's huge. There he is. I took that photo. The shoe's off. That's a Jim Jefferies plug. That's at a casino in the middle of the desert in California. How was that gig? It was actually great. I was nervous. I was like, we're leaving the fest. Casinos, they've gotten better. They got better. Remember how bad... I remember we did a casino gig. It was you, me, and DeStefano. And that writer, Scott Robb, came with us. Remember? Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. From Esquire. Was it Connecticut? Yeah. Yeah. And he was in shock at A, how badly we were treated and we're just used to it. Yeah. And B, how badly we all bombed. And he was like, you guys are funny. We're like, yeah, but this is how it goes. This is it, man. This is it. Yeah. That Rob guy, that was a real awakening for him. A real eye opener. Yeah. Yeah.

He was like, I don't know how you do this every night. So if I can, before our guest gets here, you always ask me at the end of the show if I have anything to promote. And I'm like, no, let's just get out of here. I have something to promote. All right. Sure. It involves you. Oh, we don't want to promote me. Promote it, yeah. We'll make it quick. PunchUp.live slash Mark Norman, right? Yes. We made a short comedy doc called Page to Stage about the writing process of

doing one joke over six months. And can I play just one second of the trick? One second. Ah, what's the best one? Go play it. All right. Who gives a shit? This is me bombing into Queens. All right, this is where it starts to really go off the cliff here. Yeah, I got something. Hey, is this stupid? I killed him. I hope this wasn't Traveling Man. Wait, are we going to do the first song?

Yeah, so punchup.live slash Mark Norman. I'm on there as well. Yeah, I got a bunch of stuff on there. Oh, there we go. Yeah. I said, who am I? A little existential stuff. Punchup.live slash Sam Morrell as well. And Joe List, follow him on there. We're all on there. And I'll tell you the reason we're on there is because you can follow all of us on Punchup because...

you know, all the social medias are now just burying our posts. Totally. We spent, all of us spent a lot of money building followings, you know, clips, all that stuff. And now they're, it doesn't matter. So yeah, getting pretty annoying. It is. Yeah. YouTube, YouTube demonetized me completely. And I was like, huh? So I emailed a guy over there and he was like,

oh i took a look at it totally a mistake you're back up but i'm like but that's what we're dealing with yeah what if i didn't know you well it's a fucking robot that can't detect sarcasm so we can say something as a comic and it's like okay you're taking what i'm saying as how i actually feel this is a joke it's a joke so if if we're doing that if you're it's like the lenny bruce shit where when you're transcribing

comedy it doesn't work so this is all the platforms now they're firing people and also it's just like a robot that can't understand Starcraft and that's what's dictating whether or not a joke works or not or gets buried so I think the one thing if you're a comic right now don't

let your comedy be influenced by this algorithm. Yeah. Because that's, I think could be dangerous for comedy here. And it sucks that this is how, you know, we reach new audience. I mean, it's like how comics like Mark and myself made a career by posting jokes. Yeah. And jokes got shared.

Exactly. It'd be basically like if a foreign Chinese lady was in charge and she didn't understand the nuances of English language and sarcasm. So it's like my ninth grade teacher was in charge of this. I agree. I think the Chinese are problematic. See, now we're demonetized. Are you happy, YouTube? Come on, the weak. Jesus. Damn it.

No, it's an annoying time, but I think you've got to stay just who you are as a comic or else. Totally. Or else we're fucked. And I do think comics are going to try to change their comedy to appease this algorithm. Already happening. Already happening. How many kids have been like, astrology does well. You do some astrology jokes. Also, dating stuff kills it. Well, dating stuff is important just to do the road because you're relatable. That's true. So dating, relationship stuff's always been in the act just because it has to be. Yeah.

Because it's a way no matter what to appeal to any generation. Yes, for sure. Dating, sex, family, drinking. All that stuff. Yeah, all the big hits. Animals, pets, driving. Bestiality. There you go. All the staples. Metaphilia. We both did New Jokes last night. That was great. I think you followed Mark on New Jokes. Oh, yeah. Nice to see you.

Do new jokes at the Comedy Cellar. Did you see my set? Yeah, it was great. Amanda, how hard did that opening joke bomb, too? Do you like Hitler? No, that joke killed. The Hitler joke crushed. Hitler's in right now. He's back. No, I had a new joke that fucking killed around the corner and downstairs. I'll tell you the joke.

I just posted a... And this fucking bombed so hard at New Jokes. I recovered. It was fine. But man, it sucks. I feel like a lot of comics, Mark and I were talking about this. It's a New Joke show. And a lot of comics are playing the hits on this show. Yep. And then I'm kind of like, well, now you're fucking up the curve. Of course. Of course. Because I'm there to really... I need to get work done, but...

just don't do the show if you're gonna play the hits because now it's way fucking harder for us yeah i'm literally this is because that's the one show at the cellar all shows a lot of comics are just bringing the heat and that's fine i mean good you keep the bar high at the cellar but man when you're doing the new joke show and other comics are bringing it man i don't want to have to open on an old joke just right you know but whatever the joke that bombed uh

I say, you know, I posted a picture of my friends and I were to New York pizza place I like. And one of the comments is, fuck you, Chicago pizza is better. Fight me. And I'm like, I got to defend my place's honor now. I can't just enjoy the pizza I like. You have the pizza you like. It's like, just because you beat the shit out of me, too, doesn't mean the food's better. It just means you're stronger. Mike Tyson could be like, drugstore sushi is the best. Fuck you, fight me. Yeah.

You know? And as he's like raining blows, you're like, all right, drugstore fish is the best. You're right. CVS sushi is the best. That bomb? It fucking killed downstairs and around the corner. And then at New Jokes, which is like where this should work. Yeah, yeah. But the curve is fucked up. Yeah. But the difference is I opened on it at New Jokes and I put it in the middle on the other shows. It's fine. It's a whatever joke. But it's like for silence.

Damn. But then I think with Will, Will Silvins who always hosts there, don't you feel like you're always getting new shit? Oh, the best. I got a clip out of that. He's so fucking, me too. He's the best. What's great about it is he talks about the jokes you were just saying. Yes, yes. You can actually build that joke out a little better. And you can fuck with him. He plays dumb.

And you can make fun of it and he allows it. It's great. A lot of the time when I say my friends said something stupid in a joke, I say it's Will. It's just Will. But dude, you're right. Because you realize we used to do this when we bounce bits. We would kind of attack every angle. Right. Because on the show, we just do it now. We'll bounce a bit. But when we used to like really just text or talk on the phone to meet a coffee shop, I'd be like, well, why do you feel that way? And then you just go on and you say something funny. We don't do that enough anymore. Yeah. You got to give a little rope, like kind of yes and it.

Talk to me. Open up about it. But we used to be better about it, I feel. Yeah, for sure. For sure. We had more time. We had more time and I think we got our voices down a little better. Yeah. And I think so now you see an idea and you're like, I know where to go with this. Whereas before I was like,

I was like swimming. I didn't know what the fuck was happening. And you'd be like, maybe this way. And I was like, oh, yeah. It's tough when you're doing new shit at the cellar because I don't have a lot of confidence in it, but I'm not going to stop doing it. But then you'll have one set where you get overconfident and you're like, well, it's not that good. But I hate when a comic I like is in the room and I'm doing an all new set. That's the worst. Because I'm just like –

You gotta do it. You gotta do it. I was sitting next to Rosebud. She was like, is anyone gonna do new? And I was like, oh shit, she's not wrong. Because a couple guys before me did like, hey shit. And you're like, she called it out. And I was like, yeah, she's right. It's pretty annoying. It's a little annoying, but I think that's...

They want to get spots. They don't want to bomb. Whatever. But if it's new as in like two to three weeks old, that's fine. A month or whatever. We're talking like it's in their act. Like it's hardcore in their act. Totally. But you know what? That's so fascinating that it worked downstairs and then the same line didn't work. It shows how important the order is and how they look at you and how you're perceived. That's the part about comedy you can only learn from doing and failing and retrying and trial and error.

That's the hard part about comedy that nobody can teach you. It's like baseball. One guy, maybe he's a good leadoff hitter, but you have him batting fourth. You're like, this guy's not, he's lost. Hey! Look at that, right on time. What are you, a white woman? How are you, buddy? Good to see you. Thanks for having me. Wow, nice blazer. I'm really overdressed for this. Sorry. Not in a rude way.

We definitely don't dress well in the morning. No, why would you? Hey, folks, fume. We might be drunk as we're under a fume. You're out with your friends, and they're reaching into their pockets for that bad habit. Well, not you. You got a better choice. Grab that fume.

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This is ridiculous. I have to go to... Yeah, whatever. It doesn't matter. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. What the fuck? Wow, she's a fan. This is Winnie. She loves you. I'm so excited. Really? She was just saying how well you did at the roast. Oh, my gosh. Everyone's talking. Everyone's barking. You killed. Oh, thanks, man. Yeah. It feels good, right? Yeah, it's nice. Is this your favorite one you've ever done? I think that they've all... Yeah, sure, because it's changed my life. But based on...

The fact that it was live, people knew I did the best. But I have to say, I usually do the best. Not the best, but one of the... I'm always in the top three. Totally. Yeah, of it. So I've always felt like after the roast, I've always felt the same of like, yeah, I showed up, but this one, because they didn't edit it to make everyone else's look good, people kind of tell. We're on now. Yeah, we're on. Go. Yeah, so that sounds...

I'm braggy or whatever, but like, I didn't like, it just felt in line with the rest of the stuff I've done. But I think, you know, it was, it's changed my life. Yeah. I mean, you're everywhere. It's insane. I appreciate you squeezing us in. I mean, and even Josh, Adam Myers, you got, yeah.

You cannot run into that guy. Is that the music one? He's everywhere. Someone just ran into him. I ran into someone today or yesterday who said they saw him yesterday, and I had seen him the day before in LA, but they saw him here. He's literally everywhere. He's everywhere. Yeah. Yeah. Nice guy. Nice guy. We like you, Josh. Hell of a voice on that guy. Oh, that voice. We both have had vocal cord issues. Oh, really? And we both have had vocal cord surgery. Oh, yeah.

Went back. I saw you me and gillis saw you at the red rocks remember that you weren't talking Yeah, I was I was in recovery for like three weeks. I couldn't talk Wow awesome man lucky boyfriend That is funny like all the times my boy like we've been having a little bit of a struggle recently and all the times that he's been like we got to get back to the way it was like he's like you know when we did yoga that time we went to the park and played for his me I'm like

Those were all times when I couldn't talk for three weeks. Every single time, he's like, that's the way it was. Like when a white guy's like, we got to get back to what made this country great.

That's amazing. I was on shrooms that night and you know, comics were all insecure and nuts. So I was like, she hates me. She's mad at me. Oh my God. Isn't that so funny? Because like my biggest concern is that you guys don't like me. Like, you know, like that's what we do. All of us feel this way all the time. Bobby Lee, I'm constantly in fear. He doesn't like me, but he's constantly in fear of everyone else. We're, we're all doing it constantly. But I think,

Who doesn't like Bobby Lee? I know. That's why I was confused. Really? You know. Really? We have one. I can stick with a few. This is going to torture him. Yeah. I think the dog ate him. But she's got a reason for that. Do you have that, Sam? What? Do you worry that people are mad at you and don't like you? I mean...

I mean, no, because my friends are my friends. And then the other people, if they don't like me, they don't like me. I'm more of that now. If I have a right to not like people, they should have a right to not like me. I like not liking people. And it's not fair for me to be like, everyone

one should like me they should be able to not like me too and I can be annoying like and anything you don't like about me I almost am like well I already don't like it about myself you can't like find something new good point like some of the roast jokes that were written about me

I'm really glad they didn't get my jugular. They didn't find the thing that I'm most insecure about that is out there for everyone to pick on if they want, if they look hard enough. I'm sure you guys could find it. Every once in a while you look at a YouTube comment and you're like, damn, he nailed it. Nailed it. And it's a thing you

think only you have like you assume what people say about you but you go I have some things that only I notice and no one else does and sometimes they really get you that's why YouTube comments when I watch anything that I have to look at on YouTube I have to cover it up because now they like

them to you. I know. And they scroll through them. I know. And you can't, like a new one comes up. So I have to watch everything like this. Not that I really ever watch myself, but. Well, remember that old Mulaney joke where he's like, teenagers are so good at finding the thing that you hate about themselves. And he's like, look at that motherfucker. He's high waisted. And he's like, oh. Yes, yes. High waisted. It's so funny. It's so funny. That shows how good Mulaney's life is. Yeah.

He's like, my waist. We're like, you're fine. What are you talking about? He did that Letterman interview show, and they showed his high school. They go back to millennia. It's like fucking Hogwarts. It's beautiful. Oh, really? It's like a white Catholic button-down sweater blazer bullshit. Yeah, of course. What, you think he grew up in the hood or something? Well, I went to public school. It was just a bunch of trash. No. How was that show? You did his talk show. Yeah, it was chaotic. I love a show that you can't prepare for.

You don't need talking points. He's not going to ask you anything specifically. So if you do poorly, which my showing was like forgettable, it's not your fault. I love anything that's not your fault because you can't really prepare. I'm totally hooked on it. Isn't it great? It's the erratic. Do you think they're just going to give him a late night show? Maybe that's like the test. Maybe. If he wants one, he could have whatever he wants after that. Everyone's talking about it. So I think, yeah, I don't think he wants to. It's a lot of work.

Oh, I would never want to do that. Really? Yeah. Questions. And you go, ah, Lunell, how'd you get started? You know, I don't know. Yeah. That's the part that would bug me too, is like being interested in people that you're not interested in. Yes. Like even I'm doing Seth Meyers today and I'm like, I'm coming to the table with stuff, but most people don't. No way. They have a story about getting...

getting recognized earlier that day with no punchlines. Exactly. You have to make something of it. That would be exhausting. I know. And it's on you if you don't make this person interesting because that's your job. Exactly. I remember I did Conan once and I could tell when he's bored with a guest because Jean-Claude Van Damme was on and I could tell Conan was just so bored because he was like, why don't you put me in a move? Oh. I'm like, that's a bad sign. Yeah.

He's like, just choke me out or something. It'll be funny. I'm getting nothing. You're so right. I mean, if you get cool people to talk to, but... But so much of this, like, don't you guys find that when you get a little bit more success and people go, you can do whatever you want, you kind of go...

I kind of like my life right now. Because you're doing what you want. Yeah, like right after this roast thing, the world has opened up. Like it's cracked open for me. Like I could literally do anything I want. And I've never had that been in that position. And I'm like, what do I want to do? And I'm like, I want to keep touring, maybe touring for more people. That's fun. That'll happen naturally.

I like doing my podcast. Like, I like doing this stuff. Just more of this. Like, do I have to want more? Do I have to want to be on a set all day and write a movie and make a TV show and be in a writer's room? We literally wrote a movie. Yeah. But you did it in a way that was fun. Yes, you did it your way. Yeah, I completely agree. I don't know. I kind of just sometimes I'm like, do I need to keep having more, more, more?

And isn't downtime the goal? We're comedians. I want to wake up at noon. I want to have a coffee. I want to write some jokes. Yeah. I want to do a show at night and that's it. But you also don't, once that ball gets up in the air, you got to keep it up and you don't want people to forget you. And that's the thing that you just got to...

But then you think, oh, once I've reached this level, can I kind of take a break and people – I don't need to prove myself as much. Can I just like coast on this? Yeah. And then you go, well, oh, this was – I'm just having all the feelings of – you just can't – you can't even like – at least it's hard for me to celebrate wins. Same, same. Because it goes, oh, they're all going to go, that was really good. Let's look at other things.

stuff she's done. Let's look closer and now let's see. It's not as good. I don't want people to look too closely. I opened for Seinfeld and he was eating between shows and he was like, thank God for comedians in cars. I'm like, what do you mean? And he's like, I'd be irrelevant without that. And I'm like, you have the biggest sitcom of all time. You sold out everywhere. And he's like, yeah, but you got to stay afloat. You got to reinvent yourself. Now he's doing a fucking Pop-Tart movie. Yeah. Keep going. It's scary. You do have to keep going. But I mean, it's...

We also want to keep working. I mean, I don't... Sure. Someone was like... We've chosen something we love. Yeah. The other thing. But agents say it's not enough. I had a big meeting. They're like, what's next? Like, oh... Well, their job is to make money for you. I know, but... And for them to get money. So, of course... I just want to have fun. I haven't... I really...

feel comfortable with the amount of money I have and I know you guys make good money too like does it have to be more than this like are we I don't well if I don't have I don't have kids I'm not worried I'm worried about my parents future I want to get them in a good home home yes like touring like almost like touring colleges like I want them to go to the best

home possible because that's on me now there's no one else and you know they have a little money stored away but that's like my big concern but other than that I'm like I'm kind of alright without being but you always have to okay once you make

you know, a million dollars. Now it's got to be five million, then 10. And then you get into wanting to be a hundred billion. It doesn't end. It's also the road. I think when you're 68, you don't want to go out and do two shows and go to Poughkeepsie and all that. So I think that's part of it too. Like you want to have a show. Some people are never going to stop. I'm not stopping. Bert's going to be a 75 year old without a shirt on. Absolutely. Well, he's not going to make it. Yeah. Yeah. 75. Yeah.

All right, 57. There you go. Yeah. No, I know what you mean, though. I mean, look, I put out a special, I think, February of 2020. Oh, yeah. COVID, right before COVID. And then Mad and I were going on rooftops filming another one. Like, yeah, there's a fear of being forgotten. We're cockroaches. There's a fear that nothing's enough. And I think years of doing free shit

it ingrains that in your head. None of this is enough. And you have to say yes to everything because you don't know if that's the thing that's going to be the set where you figure out that joke or like the set where someone sees you and offers you that thing. Like it's, you just have to say yes to saying no to things as hard. But, and then,

I was on Stern and he was like, why don't we ever see, you know, bikini pictures of you on a beach? I'm like, I don't take vacation. Like, that's why. It's not because I'm like, I just don't. I've never been in a relaxed state where I could be like, I don't lounge by a pool. I like working. And I heard someone else. I guess Taylor Tomlinson was talking about how she just.

That's what she enjoys doing. That's how she feels fulfilled. And that's just the way it is. But I also complain about it. It's hard to take time off. I think we both took like maybe our first ones last year. Yeah, it wasn't easy. Yeah, you went to Europe? I mean, I'm in the Amalfi Coast with the wife and I'm just like, oh.

Yeah. But you made content. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, you got to make content. But yeah, it's- Yeah, I went to Greece. Yeah, but I booked gigs along the way. There you go. Yeah, but then I did like nine days in Greece, no gig, maybe seven days. I did a lot. You're worthless. You're like, I got nothing here. You do. And then you're like, well, give it a few days. You'll get used to it. I'm like, yeah, sounds like prison. Yeah. You get used to prison after a few days probably. Yes. I mean, vacation-

But he was a very nice Greek man. Yeah. But, you know. Old Greek people look incredible. That diet works. Oh, yeah. That's like the right. They look good there. You got a Greek guy in New Jersey. It ain't pretty. But it's our food. It's our food. It is. But, yeah, man. Taking a break is really hard. Yeah.

look, some people need to recharge. I get it. But I feel like the people who are really excited for vacation hate their life here. Yes. And I like my life a lot. When you go on vacation, you have to do so much stuff to prove that you did it and to get the most of it. And that stuff is exhausting. I like to do exhausting things when I'm getting things done. Yes. But like going on hikes and going on tours and, um,

waking up early to go to this place and wait in line to get in. I just don't... I'm not really interested in doing work. And I find that my, I guess, civilian friends, like, when they have days off, they have to go to HomeGoods or they have to do meal planning. Like, they're cleaning the house. They're, like, doing stuff. I don't like...

I'd rather pay people to do all that stuff for me. Sure. And work every day. And is podcasting really working? That's the other thing. It is, of course, because it's exhausting and we all know it is. Sure. But it's hard to claim it as work. I know. I used to be a janitor. So this is living right here. That's right. Yeah, no, I'm on the road like every week. I mean, I've been off for a little bit just because I taped a special, but I was on the road every week for forever and I'm going back. I'm going to start it back up. But it's, yeah, I'm the same way. I don't want to do anything that's not

Either gonna lead to a bit or helping comedy or interesting life experience. Mm-hmm. Yeah, it's just what we like. And I like being on the road. I'm tired of this narrative I've been telling myself because I feel like it's like what I have to say is that it's hard because so many people project that. Yeah. You're traveling all the time. You never get to be home. You're living out of a suitcase, hotels. I'm like, I like it all. I like...

I like living out of a suitcase. I like making my room a mess. It's not even really my space. I like hotel rooms. I like air travel. I like being in an airport. We all did this when we were staying in bad hotels and now we're all staying in nicer hotels. It's amazing. So now we're kind of like, well, how could I complain now? Yeah. Yeah, I'm Kevin McAllister in there. I'm jumping on the bed. I got the pizza. Coca-Cola.

the movie. It's great. And also, I had to fly to Seattle. Then I flew back to New York, then L.A., then back to New York. And everybody's like, six hours on a plane? You want to kill yourself? I'm like, that's downtime. That's my vacation. That's it. I flew from L.A. here yesterday. You take off at 11. You land at 8 o'clock at night. The whole day is just, I was horizontal. Yes. Oh, it was the best. It's the best. And no one can get you because you can always claim that the Wi-Fi is out. And the Wi-Fi sucks anyway. Yeah.

So it's like kind of nice that you feel like you can't really get work done. That is truly my vacation. I think I like flying first class when you can lay down more than – like being in that place more than anywhere else in the world. You don't want the flight to end. Ever. I hate when I feel that. You know the feeling of like the slight descent where it's like you just – and you go tray tables up. Like now we got to go back into it. I love the escape of being on a plane. I absolutely love it. It's like a shower. No one can reach you. Yes. It's either shower or –

Splunking. Or like caving. It's the only other place where your agents are, you know, not that the agents are trying to track me down, but just podcast offers or you need to record this ad read or just that kind of stuff. And it just piles up. Throw one more log on the fire. Please. How about that lounge? Oh,

Oh, I love the lounge. Living in that lounge. They're getting a little overcrowded. I know. You know, they're letting a little too much riffraff in those lounges. This is getting the latest. No, I... Riffraff, he's migrant. I was literally going there, too. No, but, like, you know, the clear line is out the door now.

now sometimes TSA pre like it's it's I now you have to get to LAX like international travel like yesterday I was there with enough time and almost missed my flight and had all the the perks but it's it's getting bad no I do I slowly become more Republican when I'm in the lounge I'm like they just they let anyone in absolutely

I know. Yes. No, I'm with you. This is nice to be around because, you know, I saw my family last week and they're like, oh, what do you got coming up? I'm like, I'm in Michigan and then I'm in Fort Wayne, Indiana. They're like, oh, I'm sorry. And I'm like, I can't wait. Yeah. I can't wait to get to that Michigan. Michigan's great. But you guys do stuff when you're on the road, right? I used to. Those days are over. I've seen everything. Well, I know you bring Anya and you have your friends on the road. I have Gary Vita with me. So, yeah, we try to –

Live at a dinner meal. Yeah, just work Gary so disciplined Gary makes me so much healthier because Gary's like let's wake up at 9:00 hit the gym really like all right That's right that dad rage just lifting weights in there. Yeah, but it makes me feel way healthier when I'm out with Gary's Yeah well I mean that's the that is the best part is that now we get to travel with friends and people who don't bring their friends to open for them and

I don't understand it. Or they just go up a low, like Bill Maher travels solo. Really? Why would you do that? I don't know. Like if you can bring people, I mean, sometimes I bring people, I don't even want them to perform. I'm just like, they're like, what material do you want me to do? How much time? I go, I don't really care. It's not about that. It's about you.

hanging out after. I just want it to be fun. The hang is everything. It's everything. And then sometimes venues kick you out too soon. Yes, that's true. And you just want to hang out. That's true. Do you guys do meet and greets? I do, yeah. Yeah. You do it? That's the hardest part of the show. Wincing. By a mile. Here's what I will say about it because I think fans get sad when they hear that because I know I would if I wanted to meet you and I'm like, oh, he hates it. It's not...

You dread it. During it, it's not horrible. That's true. Right? Do you agree? Yes, you're checking the line towards the end of it, like how many more. Yeah. But they're genuine...

100%. And it's like, it's not horrible, but any kind of work can be complained about. But yes, that part is. It's nice and you meet her and then the- It's awesome not to. You know what? Well, look, I think in theaters it wouldn't bother me as much, but when I did it in the clubs, like I would sell merch and I've just like flashbacks. It's too much.

When they didn't have someone there helping me, I would get cornered by fucking weirdos. And they would kind of ruin it for all the cool people that came out. The one weirdo would just corner you and I'd be like, can someone help me with this? I know. But you got... That's why I do charge for my meet and greets. I give them for free. If you DM me and say I can't afford it, I'm like, yeah, here's a free one. I have to have a paywall because of...

that everyone wants a picture. They don't do anything with it. You can't meet everyone. And there's always those people that wait at the very end of the line. Yes. Because they want to actually... You know what? I don't even want a picture. I just want to have a real conversation with you. This is what it's really about. I'm like, can we please get a picture? This is not what it's really... I have no desire to talk to you. And they think... It's always a guy that thinks I'm going to be like...

wow, you like really want to get to know me. Right. You don't just see me as like some girl you want to take a picture with. Like, no, I don't want you to, like, you have no right to not see me that way. Like, you don't know me at all. And that's like prostitution for friendship. Yes. Paying to meet me. That's weird. Yes. Mark has a peeve that I relate to so much. He talks about this, the friend who says, not a close friend, but a guy who's like a second, maybe like a fourth tier. Acquaintance. Acquaintance. Yeah. And they say, I love you. Oh.

What are you doing? Whoa. That's so funny.

That's brutal. That's interesting. I've noticed it more because someone said to me recently, and I was like. Wait, men? Yeah. Men are throwing that out now. No way. Yeah, I don't like it. Because I know women throw it out a lot. And I'll say it to my male friends. Like, I would probably say it to you guys. If we had, like, a really nice lunch or something. We have, like, history, though. Yeah, exactly. I'd be like, love you. And I might feel a little weird. Like, did I just say something I say normally? But that's really strange. I don't love you. I think it's a forced we're going to connect now. What does it sound like?

You know, like, we'll be hanging out. He's like, all right, man, take it easy. Love you. See you later. I've gotten more intense ones. I've gotten the text. Oh! Yeah, I love your text. And you're like, I don't know how to play this. I don't know what the... Give it a heart. And that's even... That's a shutdown right there, though. It's not a thumbs up. No, it's love. Like, a thumbs up is...

Like, it's just too much, the love. And what does it mean if you're just saying it to everyone? Exactly, exactly. Yeah. It's like the N-word. You got to say it. But they don't know that we know they're saying it to everyone. Or maybe they're not saying it to everyone. Maybe they're just. Yeah. Maybe they love you. That's just fine, but don't tell me.

You need to know we react more to torture and being treated poorly. Yeah. I want to walk away questioning if you like me at all. Not being certain that you love me. No, the person who says I love you, I got the text and I was like, I don't know, I guess I got to say it back. But I gave it like a, what I did was I gave it like a seven hour wait. Whoa. And then I said love you back. Because I was like, that way I had to think about it because I didn't know what to write back. Yeah. Yeah. Who was it? Swartzen? No.

I love Swartzen. I do love Swartzen. You gotta throw Swartzen. I love you. You don't know if it's going to be the last time you ever talk to him. Every time I talk to Swartzen, I go, is this the final? Is this going to be the screenshot I look at for the rest of my life? I love him so, so much. He'll be on the wall soon. This is our dead comment. Yeah, yeah.

yeah oh my god no i'm just kidding behind the wheel i mean yeah i mean he'd probably make the same joke look at yeah exactly yeah yeah he's sending me unhinged sports text lately which i love oh yeah he's such a hardcore minnesota everything's oh that's right the best yeah good egg i love minnesota i was just there that is a great town it is we love the midwest europe love it yeah yeah i

I live in St. Louis. You're like a long line of funny St. Louis people. Yeah. There's a lot of funny St. Louis people. There are. Greg Warren. Greg Warren's great. Cedric the Entertainer. John again. John again could be like...

Mulaney levels right now. Do you agree? Bergazzi, Mulaney levels. And he just was like, I'm going to back in the day. We're like, he just wanted to have a family and be around for them. Yeah. Have you ever related to anything less? No. Bad rod as well. Yes. Yeah. He's St. Louis. Sklar brothers. Yep. Who else got up?

Kathleen Madigan. Madigan, St. Louis? Uh-huh. Oh, my God. J.B. Smoove? Am I crazy? I think you're... I might be crazy. I think you're crazy. All right. But yeah. Yeah, that's a lot of people. I mean, when you guys think about having kids and being on the road, do you go, oh, I...

I'll just have to make it work and bring them on the road or I'm just going to have to fit it in or I'll have to take time off the road. I was way off. I hope to be rich enough. Like, I see Mulaney has his baby in a green room, but he's like a zillionaire with help and private jet and all that. So that seems nice. Yes. Baby in the green room with the, you know, Mexican lady. Yeah. Baby on the tour bus. Yes. Because you don't want to fly with it.

everywhere. No, no. List had to do, List and Sarah did the LA trip with the baby and it's like, hunker down, battle stations, get the binky and the towels and the diapers. Yeah. I just don't, I think it's hack to complain about babies on flights, but when you really break it down, you're like, where does this baby have to go? Like, why does any baby have to go anywhere? And I know it's like, it has to see grandma before she dies. Does it? Just show grandma

Get a baby in town. Rent a baby. Yeah, rent a baby. Grandma won't know the difference. The baby won't know the difference. It just seems stressful for everyone involved. It's a gateway for a child actor. He was a rent-a-baby. Yeah, it totally is. All the babies that are going to abort, make it a rent-a-baby. Rent-a-baby. That's killing what you're going to eat. I made a kid in business class.

Oh. No. The worst. Little legs with those giant seats. They don't hit the floor. Their own seat? Oh, I've seen that. Yeah, I've seen it a lot. Yeah, that's rough. They get their own iPad, too, those rich cunts. They should be ashamed. I know. I don't think I'd be able to let my kid do that. No. No. And I guess they want to keep an eye on their kid, but they're not going to be molested and coat. It's fine. Right.

Right, get to the back. Depending on the airline, but yeah. The beauty of first class is the room. These kids don't need the room. Put them in the middle in 28A. By the way, molested in coach sounds like the saddest molestation story ever. He was molested on Spirit Airlines. Oh, he had to pay $50 to get molested.

Damn. Yeah, I took an Air Canada flight the other day, and I was in, I just forgot to book it on time, so I was in like 29 whatever C, and it was, it's an eye-opener. Yeah. Yeah, it's brutal. I still fly coach, though, a lot. I like curling up. I don't mind. Short flights, it's not a big deal to me, but if it's a six-hour one, I'm 6'3". Oh, yeah, no way can you do that. Two flights.

hours and 15 minutes is what I've told my people. If it's under two hours and 50 minutes, coach over, can't do it. You get the guy walking by going, Hey, Glazer. Um, now a little bit like literally in the next, in the last week that started for me, but now who's the craziest person that like DM do you about the roast or reached out or, um, Harvey Weinstein. Um,

I'm too old for him. I would say Kardashian, Kim Kardashian, shot to me and said, good job, which was really nice because she was there and she was like, I don't know how you do that. I'm like, you did it. Oh, yeah. And you do it every day. You're getting roasted constantly. But so I was that was really nice. But it's just like everyone from like JWoww to Jamie Foxx. Oh, that's cool. Just like, yeah.

Jimmy Foxx is the first one that I'm like, okay, that's really cool. Yeah, that's one where he FaceTimed me yesterday. Whoa. Yeah, I was on a plane, so I couldn't answer it. But that's the kind of thing that's happening. But it's like there's a part of you that goes, everyone seems to care right now and want to be like, hey, what are you up to? Let's work with you. And it's like, I've been here all along. There's a part of me that's like, where were you? But there's also a part of me that's like, no, I'm still the person you –

That is shit that you didn't want to work with. And you'll be there in six months. Yeah. Like it was just a moment where you think maybe I was better than I, I don't know. I'm having a lot of, uh, uh, imposter syndrome stuff with it, but I think that's who doesn't.

That's a good head on your shoulders, though, because everybody's like, I'm the best. Here I am. I finally made it to the mountaintop. But it goes away. It all goes away. You're a real comic to feel that way. I think if you were like, well, it's about motherfucking time. Exactly. It really grosses me out when people are like that. I mean, it's nice to believe in yourself. And there are times where I have spurts of it. But overall, I think I'm pulling one over on everyone. No. And not. It's about hard work. Some people are like,

When you get told you're talented, you want to go, no, it was hard work. And then if someone says you're really hardworking, you go, no, I'm talented. We want both, I guess. Sure, sure. And when one is, I don't know. It's just that's kind of where I'm at. You're both and they met and you had a great opportunity and here we are. But you're not a real comic if you don't have just like,

this much self-loathing you should have like a hint yes well it's true people that like claim to have high self-esteem and they're comedians I just I think they're lying to themselves either they're lying to others or they're lying to themselves you just can't

It's just we need constant validation in ways that other artists don't. We all know this. Yeah, of course. Do you still like me? Do you still like me? Laugh, laugh. Can you imagine just singing a song and wondering the whole time if people give a shit until the very end when they have to applaud no matter what so you know that you can't really trust them? Crazy. But at least with laughter, it's like...

you can't really get it out of people. People aren't going to be nice and just give it to you. So it's honest. Yes. And it's, it's, you need it constantly checking in. So like musicians don't really get a true read of people because you have to applaud at the end of a song, no matter what. Totally. Also, they don't know really till they just do the song. Yeah. Which is also weird because like we can run a bit by a friend like, Hey, is this funny? Have you heard this or? Yeah. Yeah.

But I also realized how much I put on myself. Like I was in a bad mood yesterday. I was just like in a grumpy mood. And then I did three spots of The Cellar and I left in a good mood. I'm like maybe it's not healthy to put that much on comedy. But some nights it's a nice little thing to have. Yeah, because you create it.

You probably did a new joke that worked or something. I'm guessing that was what did it. It wasn't just like your old jokes killing. Yeah, yeah. Because that wouldn't do it for us. That wouldn't do shit. And I think people misinterpreted that like, oh, you could have a great set. But if it's a great set of shit that's already been working, no thanks. Exactly. But if I've done something new, found a new way to make people laugh and validate that I'm like clever and funny and smart and hardworking, then yeah, that's where I feel like... I just... All I have to do is like work on something, have it be good, like...

reaffirmed that it was good and then I'll feel good about myself but for some reason it's so fucking hard for me to sit down and write new stuff even though that's always I mean it's not you guys are so fucking prolific you just did an HBO special yeah and that's out now yeah and now are you back to zero no I taped an hour 45 so I have 45

to mess with right now. I've never related to anything less. Your special was so fucking smart doing like 45 minutes. I thought she was calling my material smart. She's like, it was so short. Are you kidding me? No. You know how I felt about your special. Brilliant. I mean, you guys are two of my favorite, like most brilliant actors.

minds going and everyone who listens to this podcast fucking knows it. But... Mattel did like 38 in his last one. It's so smart. It's great. I really... That's my goal for the next special is to whittle it down to like I want no fat on it. This one's a little longer than I just taped but it's like, yeah, it's not...

So how long is the actual special you put out? An hour. You know, like exactly an hour. But, you know, on the road I've been there was times where I was doing like an hour and a half and hour 20. And like and then my tour manager was just like, I think we need to get it down to 65. And it was like a really kind way of being like people just get exhausted after a while. It's not that you're not.

Doing well. But I think that's it's too much. I agree. Especially now with the tick tocks and the. Yeah. The new 80. Who am I to. Yeah. Demand that much attention from people. But meanwhile, movies still are long, though. So long. Like who was the flower moons like three and a half hours. But they're like comedy. Thirty eight minutes. Yeah. That's a little weird. Yeah. That's. And when are there was some someone made a point of like, when are you supposed to go to the bathroom if you go see it in a movie?

movie theater you are definitely going to miss something I peed during Oppenheimer miss the nuke get the fuck right but you still miss something I could do that for a Taylor Swift heiress tour that's what I do for people like I've been to 12 shows and so I like Taylor Swift joke in the roast yeah I did I squeeze with it because there were a lot that were pitched to me of like

Kind of disparaging her a little bit. And I was like, I would never. And not because I, you know, not only because it would be dangerous to do so, but because it's just not how I feel about her. But I was able to finesse it in a way that made it like pro her. But yeah, but that's a tricky thing. It's like a moss. You can't fizzle her off. It's so true. You can't draw her either. Yeah.

They came after Barstool Big Cat, remember? Oh, did they really? And he didn't even say anything bad. It was like crazy. I forgot what he said, but it was like nothing. Yeah, we're insane. He doesn't get her due for helping the economy. She's bringing in so much money. Don't bring it up. It's crazy. Oh, she was just in Paris, and Paris is hosting the Olympics, and they're like...

We can't do what we just, it's, the Olympics will not top what just happened in our town for four nights of her here. They're already worried about it. It's like, it's helped their economy even more than they predict the Olympics to. So it's next level. I was in Philly the same night as her and my family went to go see her. Oh, fuck.

No, I've seen, I went to see her 12 times this year. I just toured and went, I just would fly to cities. If I had the weekend off, that's how much I don't like to be home doing regular things. I was like, I'll go on tour with her. If you would have done, if someone,

12 tour dates in a year, you'd be like, that's a tour. Like I went on tour with Taylor Swift. Wow, that's great. When I added it all up, I was like, Jesus Christ, but I just, I, I, Did you get a deal on the tickets at least? I ended up getting one eventually, but at first I was shelling out, like I've paid $7,500 for seats. Whoa! To each, me and my mom front row. Whoa!

Because I was like, it was the same, like around the same time. That's how I feel about like Knicks tickets. So I would, I would follow. You know what? Yeah. I mean, it's, it's relatable. I feel like to people who really care about sports or, or deadheads, you know, Phil Hanley. I mean, so just he's seen and it's just the way it is. But, but yeah, I, I, you know, decided not to freeze my eggs or do any kind of like stuff like that. And that was going to be $30,000 to spend at just Walgreens in one fell swoop to get

fat for a couple months and have some eggs frozen that I'm never even going to use because their only reason I would ever use them is if I end up with a guy who won't adopt.

Like that's kind of, that was my thing. You think you would adopt? Yeah, I would adopt in a fucking second. Okay, here's my pitch on adoption. Don't talk her out of it. No, no. Kid that needs a home. Yeah, but that's the great thing is that if the kids are fucked up, like they're not smart or they're not that cool or they're ugly, it's not my fault. Like I can relax a little bit around it. Like I think we have trauma because we are extensions of our parents and if we showed any imperfection, they're like, stop.

that you're me and it makes it puts a lot of pressure on a kid but if your parent is just like yeah you're fucking dyslexic because you know it's your birth mom or what you know like I'm not gonna make you feel dumb about it it's just you can be more relaxed about it I like this good angle and I of course I want to see myself in in a kid like that's the narcissistic thing like I want to see what I want to look like I see myself in a kid all the time laughing

But yeah, no, I deserve more. That was good. Yeah. But I do. But I do. The reason I was doing it was I was I'm in a relationship and he would adopt, too. But I was like, if we break up and I end up with a guy who doesn't want to adopt because I know most men don't. That's like the worst thing to raise someone else's child. Like it's ingrained in you to not do that at all costs.

So I understand my men. That's literally a bit I have right now. Really? The bit is, the start of the bit is basically the premise is like, I heard a kid complain about his stepdad and I just want to walk up to him and be like, guess what? He didn't want this either. That's no one's plan A to be like, someday I'll raise the kid of the guy who came in the woman that I love. Absolutely. It's true. And it's like you are- I'm a stepdad, so I know. I mean, it's, you know. Like if you have, are being raised by your stepdad, you're more likely to get beat, killed. Like it's- Really? It's because it's biologically like-

It's a waste of your male resources to raise a kid that is not going to pass on your genes to be tricked, to be cuckolded, to be like it goes against everything. So I'm not even mad when men are like, I don't want to adopt. I used to be like, oh, because you want you. It's like, yeah, it's ingrained in us. Yeah. But I think I don't know for me. I just I think I'd be OK with it because I think it would make it an easier job as a mom. Because it wouldn't be me. Yeah.

I would take whatever they give me. Nice. Come on. I really would have to do whatever they give me. Because I feel that way about rescue dogs. Like, there's a part of me that's like, I want to rescue, but I want it to look this way. And it just makes me so sad to think that I would pass – a dog would die because I'm like, but it doesn't look cute with my outfit or whatever. You know? You just want it to look a certain way. So I'd probably – but of course I'd prefer just – I guess a cute – a cute – like, yeah. Yeah.

I don't want to be Asian. I go Asian. I think Asian too. Yeah. Great on a flight. What? Great on a flight. Great on a flight. He might invent something. A Samoan is too big. They eat all the shit in your house.

But it's just – yeah, I think it's funny when people make excuses why they don't adopt because it's always just like – it's just – it's so hard and it's costly and like all the things. It's like that's what having a kid – like it's all hard. The red tape, but it's really like they just are like –

I just wanted my kid to be white. Like, that's really what it's about. It's like, you just want them to look like you, but you have to make it about like, it was so nice, noble that you do it. I could never. It's like when people go, I could never live in New York. Right, right. You could. You absolutely could. But also for the guy, it's like nothing really. I mean, adopting is actual, like maybe paperwork. Sure. Background check. But if you're a guy...

And you just come in a woman. That's all you had to do. It's so easy. And that's why I'm trying to work on a bit about it too, about how when I talk to my male comic friends about this, you know, we're at the same age where we're like, what do we do? Like career or family. And when you guys say things like, I think I want to be a dad. I'm just like, this is it.

There is something to it. Like, I would, too. I'm not mad about it, but it is easier to be a dad. It just is. Oh, 100%. And it's just the way it is. It's like, I think, I'm trying to change the vibe, the tone of it being like, why don't men do as much as women? It's like, we don't let you. Like, mothers don't even let you. There's not a chance to. So it's just the way the gender roles, like, go. I could totally be just Kirsten and be the...

Right. Kind of husband, father figure of a lesbian relationship. But as a woman who's straight, I just, I don't know if I'd be attracted to a man that wants to fill that role even. Stay at home dad over here. Good for you. Gross. So easy. Like when, uh,

All you have to do to be a good dad is carry something. People are like, you're a great dad. Yes, yes, that's so true. Meanwhile, she's carrying the baby. It's a lot more. And speaking of coming, we have to try not to come in a woman. That's also a challenge. It's not just we get to come in a woman. It's hard not to. What do you mean? Like to not have a kid? No, no, meaning like it's so easy for a guy. All we have to do is blow a load in a lady. And that's actually challenging to not do it.

Like I'm saying, I have to think of baseball and my grandma. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or I want to shoot it on the tits or whatever it is. Yes, it is. Yes. So it's actually a challenge to not...

That's another bit I was working on. I don't understand when women want to be moms. I get the biological urge and stuff, but when you logically look at how much it changes your life and how thankless it becomes and how lonely you get and how your friends kind of drop off and everyone's excited when the baby comes, but then they kind of forget about you. Being a mom is a really lonely thing, I think. And the really only reason I could, when someone's like, oh, I'm going to have a baby, the only reason where I could be like,

I can see why that's a good idea. It's like, if they're like, yeah, it just felt good to get cummed in and abortions are hard to get. Like, that's the only reason where I'd go, okay, that makes sense. You're having it because it does get, it feels so good to get it in you. Does it really? Yes. And no, I don't think people talk about this a lot. Is that a bad sign that neither of us knew this? No, I think it really is a novel thing, but yeah, it really, it feels, it feels good because it's obviously, it's supposed to feel good because you're trying to make a kid and that's what's, but it's,

And there's nothing wet on you. It's inside. The cleanup's inside. Good point. How do you know it's happened? You can kind of feel a little bit, but like you feel maybe like the more, the tensing of the penis. Ah.

And like that kind of like thing and the sounds they make. Yeah, I think it's more that. But I don't think you like feel it. No, I don't think you like feel a squirt inside you or anything like that. But yeah, I think that does feel satisfying. And it sucks that you like can't do it unless you're on the pill.

Oh, right. Or in a condom. Or the IUD. Yeah, the IUD. I got that taken out. That was horrible. You feel it, right? Yes. It's sharp. And it hurts to get it put in. Like women, I blacked out in pain when I got it put in. And then they have to take it out. And I was getting horrible migraines from it. It was terrible. Yeah. I'd rather just plan B, I guess. Yeah. If you think it might have slipped or, you know.

You know. A borscht? Borscht. Yeah, yeah. My lady had the IUD, got it out. She was a weirdo for like a month. Yeah. Headaches? No, just like weird, different bodily stuff because it has to... She had it for years. So I think your body has to like come back to normal. And if you meet a guy and fall in love with him when you're on the pill and you get off it, you can like...

become disgusted with him because it changes like what you're attracted to. Have you heard this? That explains it. It's not... It's so true. Like your hormones can make you completely repulsed by someone that you... Because when you're on the pill, your body thinks it's pregnant and you're putting out hormones that you're pregnant, which is like attracting a different kind of person. And so, yeah, it really throws you off. Whoa. But...

But luckily I'm getting to the point where it's like not, I'm about to be 40 and it's kind of, you know, you can have a baby until 45 kind of if you're rich enough. Totally, totally. So I'm excited to like age out of this like you could still do it kind of thing because that's a shitty thing where it's like,

Do you feel pressure from your parents? No, not at all. They're like, my sister had kids, so I provide them with, like, I took them to the Rose. They come to Kimmel with me. Like, they live the best life through me, so there's no pressure. You might have one of the best comic parental relationships of all time. I really do. I keep a nice, healthy distance. Yeah. They're in New Orleans. I don't let them come here. I barely go there. It's a buffer. Yeah, mine are really supportive, and it sometimes makes me feel like

Maybe I'm not as good of a comic because my parents like to support me too. Like I it hasn't but it is a rebellion, you know like I'm talking about Gangbangs on stage and my dad has to like kind of it is it is do I don't think you describe you as a comic who's up there with fear ever. Yeah. Yeah I mean that it's cool that they support all that. I feel like my parents are pretty supportive too. Yeah, there's definitely some bits my mom's like did that really happen? Yes, unfortunately That's the other thing

there is, I think. They're worried about my safety, I think. Oh, interesting. When I do something stupid. Yes, yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I have a joke about blowing my head off and like really being like, that's the plan at some point in my life. And my mom literally was, saw me do the bit and she's like,

You stop Satan people don't want to picture that that is horrible like her concern was like other people's enjoyment of Making other people feel like blowing my head off then the realistic truth Which is your daughter wants to maybe blow her head off right? She's like people don't want to picture that shit and then her response when she comes to see my show She's so supportive, but is I can't believe all these people love you Wow like that's her like she's just in all like people love you

Yeah. And she's excited about it, but there is this like, she cannot believe that I've, so then that feeds my imposter thing of like, like she's kind of like, how did you trick all these people? Because I know the real you, you, you're great. I love you, but how not, not on this scale. Did you see the Steve Martin doc? Oh,

No, I haven't actually. Oh, I got to see that. His mom shows up and says the same thing at a show. Right. It's very relatable. Yeah. I want to check it out. But they're learning. I've coached them now on like what to say and what not to say. And so they're really just like they're perfect stage parents. And, you know, after the roast, my mom literally went up to Tom Brady. We were not supposed to like be able to meet him, but he was leaving as we were coming backstage. Yeah.

I'm Nikki's mom. Wasn't she great? He's like, I don't even know who Nikki is. Like I just learned her name and I'm going to forget it by the time I get to the car. Like, yeah, he was, but he was a little shell shocked after that. So it was just a, and yeah, but just having my mom, hearing my mom, cause I have already walked away and she's behind me and say, wasn't she great? Making Tom Brady have to go. Yeah, she was great. It was just, oh God. One of my favorite parts of the roast is when, uh,

because you see so many cutaways to just random people. Just random famous people. Totally. But for some reason, I think my favorite cutaway was you did that joke about I would join a lottery. I would sign up for a lottery. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what? And then... I would shoot my boyfriend in the face for a lottery ticket to suck your dick. Amazing. And it cuts away to Todd Glass like a loop. No.

to see a comic that just that happy and laughing that hard he was the best laugher for some reason that was like for some reason seeing Todd Gillespie just made me happy so satisfying yeah yeah I love him you were so tight on that cause like Jeff Ross is obviously you know a great roaster but he was kinda a lot of this and like how about I give it up for that and you were just like machine gun I loved it yeah I've uh

I didn't want anything to happen that I didn't have control over. So I didn't want to give room for anyone to get up and come up to the mic and say something. And I had worked it out so fucking much. You could tell. That it was like I was going – I didn't need the prompter. Where would you roast it? Where would you work it out? Laugh Factory, Improv, Comedy Store. Like all – that's –

I would do like six sets a night. Were certain jokes crushing in the room that didn't do quite as well there or vice versa? You know, there were a lot of jokes I pulled because...

You know, well, you had to set the stage. So like the audience of Laugh Factory on 11 p.m. show on a Wednesday night don't know who Drew Bledsoe is. So it was like, okay, so Drew Bledsoe, so you understand he is the reason we know Tom Brady. He was in like you have to give all this backstory. So you're like, is this going to work if I don't use the backstory? And then you have to describe what people look like. I'm like, Sam Jay is a black lesbian with short hair. And that's all you need. There's more to her. But that's all you need to know to understand that joke. Totally. And so there were.

But the stuff about, like, I want to suck this guy's dick and how hot you are, like, that's a little wonky because you're talking to a person that's not there and you're trying to, like... And they kind of sense that it's a performance rather than in the moment. So I will say, like, I think it's the...

It's the hardest thing to do because you just can't plan for what it's going to be like in the room and when those people are sitting there. And it's live. And it's live. It's still number one. I was just saying I was on an airplane. Eight laptops were watching the road. Yeah. I was on it yesterday. It's everywhere. The fact that it was live was terrifying, but I'm so glad it's over. Don't you just think that?

I keep saying that and I think people who care about me and me having a good career are like, stop saying that you worked hard and that you're glad it's over. And I'm like, but that is the truth of it. Of course. I did well because I worked hard and we don't get... We went all...

I feel like we want TV stars and things like this just be naturally. That's just the way they are. But like, we don't mind athletes working extremely hard and that's like, Oh, that's how they got it. And that's why they're great. But I did work extremely hard and, um, and I'm fucking so glad it's over because it was so much pressure. And did I have fun during it? No, no. Did I have fun as soon as I sat down? Yes. That's why I was begging to go up soon because I didn't want the whole, my whole time up there. Like, ah,

And like looking at the prompter, making sure other jokes of mine weren't being done. I mean, poor Andrew Schultz. I'm the immense amount of anxiety that you have watching the prompter and just to see if your joke comes up because your jokes already locked in and there's, it's a live show. There's no commercial breaks. There's no like, Hey, uh,

someone did my joke can we take it out of the prompter you just have to like do your act Kevin Hart did one of my jokes whoa and he said that Tom's dick got CTE from like fucking so much after Giselle and I had a joke about masturbating to Tom that my clit got CTE and I thankfully had a tag that like made it different but it

It was the same joke, and I was like, how did no one catch that? What else didn't they catch? I didn't catch that. Yeah. Well, thank God. But Clit is different enough, I think. It was different enough, and there was enough time in between us that it was perfect for them to forget. But this is all going on in your head while you're sitting there. And I'm kind of talking to my loft mic like, I have a joke that's the same, but I don't have an in-ear. No one's getting back. I can't. And so Kim Congdon, who worked with me on my set, is sitting front row, and I'm just looking at her. I go, what do I do?

and like Jeff Ross is at the day so I'm like laughing and I'm like

And she just goes, just do it. Just do it. And I was like, yeah, just do it. And then I said – It's so helpful to have that there. Because there was no one. There was no one else. Jeff sat down afterwards and I go, Jeff, Trevor and I have the same joke as me. And he goes, which one? And I explained it. He goes, just do it. And I was like, okay. That's all I needed. But it was – yeah. And I kind of – I really got lucky, as you guys know, of like –

The amount of time that an audience can subconsciously forget. They won't laugh as hard at that joke. There's no chance because they've heard it, but they don't know that they've heard it. They won't be able to place it. So it was the exact amount of time that they could forget. If I would have been up five minutes earlier, it would have been confusing to people. Exactly. And that's stuff the audience will never understand. No. Just experiment. Yes. Experience of doing comedy over and over. Yeah, but there's so many things when it comes to a roast set that I think...

I didn't really even consider. I think when I first was doing row sets, it's like, just do the funniest jokes. If the joke is the funniest, put it together. And then you just have a bunch of jokes that are kind of non sequitur. But so many jokes are like, there was one about, um, Tom Brady's diet and how, um, uh,

his refrigerator is a lot like Kevin Hart, empty inside. And it's like, that works if you know Kevin Hart is kind of soulless and just says yes to everything. But most Americans just think Kevin Hart's like,

He loves what he's doing, and there's intention behind it, and there is. And I come to find out he's not as empty inside as I thought, but he actually is a thoughtful person. But that joke, I was like, okay, it'll work, but now we have to have two jokes leading up to it that kind of present that idea. So every joke you make, you have to kind of tell the audience. That's why jokes like saying things like,

you know uh when i go andrew or or you know julian you squinty eyed fuck boy like it's that's setting up how i feel about him other than like just doing a joke about him being a fuck boy and so that was like a device we we kind of found but there's so much it's edelman was great he was so great he's i used to do a podcast with him he's my buddy that's right i knew he was gonna kill because i he was sending me the jokes before and i was like

You know, just give my two cents on it. But he was like so fucking nervous. And I was like, I don't know if people are telling you this. Go up at the comedy store. And he did. He did. He did. He was the only one because I was out. It was like me and Jeff. And then I Andrew was Schultz was here. He was doing stuff in New York. But I go, where's Tom Brady going? Like, you have to run this somewhere. You have to say it out loud.

Other than on your private jet to your two agents. I saw Randy Moss. Tough spot. Tough spot.

Tough spot. He had to follow you. And he was adorable. He's like, I got to say I'm nervous. It was cute. So adorable. I was like, I love this guy. Yeah, I really... Everyone came off great. Gronk was hilarious. I just felt like it was such a... Gronk was hilarious. And also, these guys like Gronk and Edelman, I think, and Moss, I think they're very humble guys. Because they're so fucking... They're all so great. But Moss was like one of the best receivers ever. But like...

And obviously, but Edelman was another like late pick. He was another like late. So he wasn't supposed to be this and he knows it. And that's why he's such a humble, nice guy. Yeah. And he's 5'10". Yeah, he worked his ass off. Oh, yeah. Yeah. That's the thing. These guys are, that's like the whole thing about Taylor Swift dating Travis Kelce and people are like, why is it working? It's like, because he's secure. He like knows, he's not like this like a tortured artist who's like insecure. I feel like athletes are like,

They have championships. They have stats to document how great they are. It's not just hearsay. Black hole of insecurity that we can't fill. There's just a lot of security around it. So although I saw Gronk before the roast, and he seemed really calm, and I go, are you calm about this? Because I'm nervous. And he's like, no, I'm freaking out. He was like, this is worse than...

Super Bowl, like the way I'm feeling right now. And someone said the same thing about Tom Brady. Someone said that Tom Brady was pacing around and someone very close to him said he was pacing around in the bowels of the Kia Forum in a way that they've never seen him before before a game. And that they've like it was that high level of a performance. And it makes sense because he's never done it before. But but I thought that they just all were so charming in themselves. And like the

Just how cute it was, which we've all been there where Gronk is like, and I wrote that one. Like, you know, like he felt what it's like to write a joke and have that response. Like you kind of saw him understand how great it feels to write jokes. Yeah, it was really cute.

I did a private event with Gronk once and they literally paid him to just go there and get drunk with them. Yeah. And I had to do a set for like the worst fucking, the people that got drunk with Gronk. Right. The worst fucking crowd ever. Yeah. And he was so cool. He was such a nice. He's so nice. Yeah. Humble.

Yeah. Are you, are you guys still doing, are you doing a lot of corporate private gigs? I'm doing corporates and I'm bombing every one of them. But the money is so ridiculous that you can't say no. And you can kind of get in and out because if you structure it the right way, like a meet and greet, I do it before the show, before they've lost hope in me. Yeah. And I don't, if I,

bomb then I don't have to be like fake nice and be like that was great because sometimes you want to eat with you and drink with you that's the hard part but I did one in Toronto this guy was a layup he's like I'm a huge fan you got to do this bit that bit I know your whole act I was like oh it's going to be a layup I get up there I'm bombing and he's in the front row going what are you doing by the way my act I'm doing the

I'm doing the jokes you handpicked. It's so great. Because you don't understand stand-up. Yes. It's almost like I always, whenever I do like those morning shows, I always describe it as like a bank robbery where you're like, I need the car waiting for me when I get out of there because they're going to hate me. Same thing about the fucking corporates. I need a car because this could be, I need to make my getup. You're so right.

After those news appearances, I'm undoing my mic as they're outroing me. I'm ready to flee because I just don't want to have to face anyone after it. Yeah, Matt Lauer would be less awkward.

Where is he? What do you think he's doing right now? He's planning a comeback, I think. Is he? Yeah, I think he's ready. I think we're ready to get him back. A decade, right? Yeah. A decade? No, I think it's probably been about seven years. No, me too was like seven years ago. So it's got to be like seven. I mean, he had the lock on the door, though. Yeah. Okay. Wow.

Wow. Yeah, I think he's ready to come back. He was loved. He was. And what did he do? Yeah, he had the button on his desk. Yeah. But who knows? Because some people say a lot of offices have that, so I don't know. Oh, interesting. I don't know enough about it. You can lock it from your desk. That's not a rape lock.

That is just like, but if you're in the room, I heard he called it a rape lock though. That's funny. I don't know. I know nothing about it. Yeah. No, it's like, that's the way it goes. That's the way it goes. Like we, um, do you ever feel like you're waiting for the, like, I'm always waiting if I get over, like right now with the overexposure and I'm doing too many things, I'm like,

people go from really liking you to being like, she's annoying. It can like, that can. I can't think about it because everyone is, if you're doing well and you're doing this, you're going to do this at some point and then you'll do this again. I mean, fucking Sinatra fell off for a while. I know. Everyone's going to fall off. That,

It sucks. That's why I don't let it in too much because I know it's going away. I don't want to have that withdrawal. Right. Right. Like I'm not getting high on this. Like my friends and family are all like, you're not letting this in enough. Like this is amazing. And I'm like, I'm not like being depressed about it, but I'm just like, yeah, it's cool because if I get it, it's going to go away. Yeah. But that's the same reason I don't want kids and I don't want to be in a committed relationship because I don't want to love something so much and then it will die. Like that's what I'm really. You are in a committed relationship. Yeah.

Yeah, but we're not getting married. And it's like we've broken up a million times. It's like committed, but it feels very flimsy. I hope he's not listening. But that's why.

But it's a little flimsy. He knows what it is right now. That would be an awesome wedding, actually. I love this relationship. I'm jealous. Well, actually, my relationship feels like a marriage because people are like, because I go, it's really hard right now. We don't see each other and we're just like disconnected. And people go, that's like a marriage. I'm like, well, then I'm not interested. Why is that? Just because then I don't care for it. But I like our relationship because there's always this feeling of like,

You'll always be there, right? If like nothing else works out. And I'll be there for you, right? Like we got each other. That's beautiful. But we don't stay together during the hard times. We just break up. So we always have this idea we can get back together, but we date other people. So it's like a marriage, but we don't have to be together. How often do you break up? I love this. No, it's been,

about three years since our last breakup. Before then, it was like pretty often. It's been 11 years of breaking up and getting back together, but three years this time. It's almost better to break up every few years. You get a few meaningless fucks out of your system. You get sad and then you go back to the person and you're like, I missed you. Oh my God. This is the few, I think. He might...

I don't mind when my partner has a steamy encounter, like a flirtatious encounter. It makes me feel competitive. It makes me feel like I have to still earn him. It makes me feel like, oh, other girls won him. Look at this prize I got. It charges me up. I don't get jealous. I don't care. Because if someone's with me, they're with me. I'm not insecure in that way at all. The problem is I think ladies can flirt and almost orgasm.

Guys are like, we flirt to get to the bang. No, we flirt so that we can go orgasm later to the flirt. Oh, okay. In a similar way, I think. Do you think you're okay with him doing it because you just want him to be okay with you doing it? No, no. Because he's not okay with me doing it. And I really only, like, I could... Because if I am in a relationship where I'm...

feeling really satisfied and we've been on shaky ground so I kind of only referencing this because we've been on shaky ground and it's kind of like okay if I end up single again what else is out there so maybe I'm kind of more in tune but when things are good I don't really care and honestly I realize after this roast I'm so competitive way more than I thought and I like winning things and I like a man who is in high demand who I am like winning every day and like and

Well, where are you going to be? We don't want to take too long. Oh, I'm going to be in Salt Lake City June 7th at Kingsbury Hall. I'm going to be in Boulder, Colorado. A second show added at the Boulder Theater on June 8th.

Then I'm going to be in Cleveland, Indianapolis, D.C., Connecticut. I mean, on and on. I'm doing a Vegas residency with David Spade at the Venetian. July 19th and 20th. Plan a trip around that. I mean, it goes on and on. You can check NikkiGlazer.com for tour dates. And my special is out now on HBO, Someday You'll Die. I have a new song out called Someday You'll Die that I wrote for the special. People are calling it, you know, the song of the summer. Ha, ha, ha.

There it is. There it is. How was the Venetian? Is that fun? It's great. The shows have been great. It's just a big enough venue, and I get to be with Spade. Oh, yeah. There you go. One of my favorite comics ever. Oh, my God. Thank you. It's flattering. You got to turn that music off. It's making me uncomfortable. I know. It's too confident. But that's why I don't want to do like... I didn't want to do like musical comedy because then it's like...

it's the opposite of confidence. It's like, I gotta make it funny. That's because comedy is not confident. It's like, do you like me? And then music has gotta be like, you gotta kinda think you're badass. And so I had to like, play that character. Unfortunately. I know it's so cringe. I'm sorry. You don't have a ukulele, so we're alright. Ha!

531. All right. Palm Beach, whatever that place is called. Raymond Kravis Center. Okay. Performing Arts. Some other place in Fort Myers. College Street Music Hall.

Botch Center and the Schubert Theater. That's fun. Sous Show, Atrium, Health Amphitheater, whatever. Charleston, Philly, Munhall, I think that's Pittsburgh, Seattle, Spokane, Baton Rouge, Pensacola, Sioux Falls, Cedar Rapids, MarkNormanComedy.com. Get some Bodega Cat. Watch Nicky's special. Watch the roast. Pray for Winnie. Lexington, Kentucky. I'm building back a new hour, so starting back up. Yes. Starting from scratch here. Lexington, Kentucky, St. Louis,

We got Brea, California in June. Good room. I love that room. I love that room. We got Atlantic City. That's with me and Chrissy Chaos, Chris and Stefano together, June 22nd at Caesars. What a show. It's going to be fun. And we got little Gary and James Madden coming with us. Nice. Rochester, New York.

the 28th through the 30th it looks like and then we got yeah Miami Improv I'm adding Baltimore in August as well more coming I'm slow to get back up here because we hit it so hard last year but it's all coming theaters probably hopefully in like early next year but I gotta write an act first so samorel.com or punchup.live slash samorel get yourself some bodega cat listen

Get Bodega Cat Whiskey. Bodegacatwhiskey.com should be at the cellar by the time this comes out. Really? Finally. Oh, that's great. We're very excited. And New York places, you want it, hit us up. Or who should we hit up? Matt Herman? Yes, Matt Herman. We'll send his website. We'll figure it out. We're bad at this. Yeah, so hey. Thank you, Nikki. Thank you, guys. Special congrats on everything. Thank you. It was so fun. Try to blow her boyfriend. I dare you.

Okay. No, we can't do this. Now you've addressed it. Hey, that was great. What a punch!