Ep 160: Happy New Year 2023!
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Happy New Year! From We Might Be Drunk. We're really doing it. We had a hell of a holiday season and we're not done yet. 2024. Sam's behind the bar. What should we drink? I'm feeling a big fat Negroni. Oh my God. I was hoping for Negroni. All right.

I had one yesterday, and I was like, fucking, it might be my favorite cocktail at the moment. Wow, okay, well. How do you feel about a Negron? I love a Negron, but that's a good point, because cocktails go in and out. Sometimes I'm like, vodka martini dirty all day, and then I'm like, eh, give me a Manhattan, and then I want a fucking eggnog with bourbon, so who knows? Eggnog is like one day a year for me. One day a year, and you're shitting? Fuck.

foam. It's a pure miscarriage with that nog. So as we know, this is one part gin, one part vermouth, and one part Campari. Easy drink to make. Good. This is when I get my gin intake for the year. I'm not a gin guy. You know, good gin is fucking good though. Good gin is good. Is it monkey 47 or 87? Uh oh.

Throw out that horse shit. I thought we used a fake one for Phil Hanley, didn't we? Because we couldn't find it, and we just put the sticker on it. Isn't that what we did? And he was like, I've never seen that bottle shape before. We're like, yeah, it's not real, you fucking idiot. Yeah, yeah, we faked a gin for Phil Hanley, so tell him. He didn't notice the difference. No. Everybody's full of shit with the liquor. I did a taste-off with Michael Che once in Grey Goose and Pop-Off vodka, and he couldn't tell the difference.

Pop off is... It is trash, though. It's trash. You don't tell the difference the next morning. That's when you really know when you're... That was the shit I used to drink in college. That was like... Oh, yeah. When you're suicidal. We used to mix that shit with country time lemonade. The powder. That's like maybe the worst hangover ever. Oh. You ever make like cheap sangria where you're like... Oof. You do like the... This is sweet, right? Yeah. Dude, you do the...

This cheap sangria with like all the... What was the boxed wine? Oh, it was Franzia. Franzia. You know, sangria means blood. Isn't that weird? That's how hardcore the Hispanics are. They're just like, yeah, we're drinking blood over here. Is that what they call periods? I'm on my sangria. Are there the crips and the sangrias? All right. They should put a tampon in for garnish. Ha ha ha ha ha.

Bloody Mary should do that. They got everything else in there. Okra, lemon, shrimp, celery. Yeah, I don't know about in New Orleans. They carried away some of these fucking... Yeah. They'll put a stick of bacon in there sometimes. In New Orleans, they put an oyster, crawfish. Gets out of hand. Oh, we got the big cube. Look at that cube. Oh, I guess it's not a cube. It's a sphere. We got only one left. What do we do for round... We got more in the fridge. I love that goddamn ice circle. I love everything.

That is a beauty. It's offensive to the Titanic survivors. All right. Iceberg, I always say best Jewish rapper name. Iceberg. Okay, there we go. Wow, that's a good looking Negron. And that's a single right there. That's an easy one to make. What's it? It's Gin, Vermouth, and Campari? Okay. They have all these weird... Thank you. They have all these weird variations.

The Americano, that's like Campari vermouth and soda. They got the, what else? Cheers, but let's do a toast. It's New Year's, right? Toast to the New Year. Hey, we never do this. We never get sentimental, even though it's a drinking pod, weirdly. We're good drunks. But another good year.

Sure. Hell yeah. They've all been good, but everybody does that horse shit where they go, 2023, worst year ever. Hope the next year's better. How about you make it better? I love that I'm coughing the second I say good year. The second I toast a year, I get the fucking whooping cough. Sam's got cholera. I get some organ trail illness to kill me. Damn. No, but another good year. We get to work with each other. Yeah. Which is like, I never thought we'd be able to...

Tore off our drinking. That's true. Hell yeah. I thought we'd have to quit at some point, but we actually, I think we've gotten better. We're not like, you either become a decent drinker, you become a problem. Right. Right.

Or you have to quit altogether. Yeah, that's a good point. We had a fork in the road of problem and quit, and we said, ah, we'll go down a new path and just live with it and do good at it. Which is what some people say behind the wheel. New path. Yeah, we're going through the woods. We're going to the playground. Another good year, and next year's going to be better, I think. We got some shit cooking. Oh.

Oh, yeah. We'll see. Big things in motion. Wheels are in motion. This was your best year ever for both of you, right? Career-wise? Ah, well, the marriage took me down a peg. That was rough. But, uh... It was tough to lose him, too. Yeah. No, it was the first year for me in theaters. I think it was your first year in theaters, too, right? Yeah, I think so. Yeah, it was fun. It was, uh... I'm good. I feel secure. Yes. You know, until the kiddie porn disc comes out, I'm good for a while. I'm...

I'm cooking for a while. Yeah, I like how it's still on disc. That's a long ago. I was younger, too. That might save you. But yeah, no, you're right. Goodyear, Netflix, Netflix. My Netflix was here before. Oh, okay. Working on new stuff. New stuff. Still writing. You can see the photo there. By the way, we got a lot of complaints about how the audience can't see the screen. What do you mean? So we're sitting there going this and that and this and that, and they're like, well, we don't see what you're seeing.

Okay. I read the comments. Maybe I'll stop reading them. Yeah, that's a classic, man. This is where it started. This is actually when you started your pod. We went and did this photo shoot. Oh, that's right. That's right. Yeah, that was the old pod idea. Nothing better than a good diner, man. You get your eggs, you get your coffee. Even at night, fucking eggs. Oh, yeah. That was the 4th Street Diner.

Is that what it's called? West Forest. Waverly. Washington. Washington Square. Oh, Waverly is two blocks up. Yeah, yeah. This is the shittier version. Is it shittier? It's an indiner. I like it, but Waverly is a little better quality, I'd say. Can I tell you a peeve already? Out of the gate. Out of the gate. Okay, so I did rush my passport.

You know, it's like the website Rush My Passport. So, you know, the plan is to rush the passport. Okay. Let me get my passport back. It wasn't going to expire until next November, but I was like, let's get ahead of it. I might go do some gigs abroad before then. Yeah. So I do Rush My Passport. Okay.

I tried to go to the post office first because I'm like, fuck it. Who cares? The woman was awesome. She gave me her number. She was like, here's my number. So don't do it yet because I was trying to get it back quickly and I still had to go to Canada or something before this. She was like, I'll give you my number. I text her, call her. I think she gave me a fake number. I think I got a bullshit number from her. I was like, you know, trying to call, whatever. So now I do rush my passport. We go to the –

Wait, where are you going? You leaving the state? The country? No, according to Rush My Passport, I'm going to Mexico. They were like, you should give them a place so they have to really expedite it by December 25th. So I had to pretend. I was like, you ruined my trip to Mexico on the phone today. I had to pretend because they call me and they go, your photo doesn't work.

I was like, what do you mean? They're like, we tried. What the hell does that mean? It doesn't work. Your photo, it's like not our scanners aren't getting your face. We can't recognize your face. And I was like, well, this could be a bit. I was like, well, I, you know, I sent it already. I, you know, I send you a picture and they go, well, we need another one. I was like, what? It's going to be of me again. Yeah.

Same face. Yeah, right. And I shit you not, as I'm on the phone yelling, some guy walks by and he goes, love your shit. And I was like, he recognized my face. Ah!

She didn't know what I was talking about. Yeah. But I had to go and retake the pictures again today. And now I'm worried. I'm in a hoodie sweatshirt because I was just on the street. And I'm like, shit, are they going to send it back to me in a hoodie? Can you wear a hoodie? The hood wasn't up. No, you're fine. You're fine. Yeah. I look angry in the picture, too. With these eyebrows, you don't want to look angry in a passport photo. I look cranky. And the turban didn't help. I was shouting praise a lot, but they didn't hear that.

So I think I'm good there. You know what they're going to have in a few years probably? You hold down on the live photo. Maybe they'll have that on the passport. You hold down and a guy's just like, ah, that guy's trouble. Right. Yeah, some license plates have a hologram. So that'd be kind of funny if you could be like holding a beer bottle or something. Like this? Yeah. Well, Rush by Pep, what are you trying to leave?

No, I just want a passport. Oh, okay. It was like a couple hundred extra bucks, and I was like, it'll just give me peace of mind to have it back. And you never know. Sometimes someone calls up and like, hey, we got a corporate in Canada. Right. Good point. You never know. Good point. So for me, it was peace of mind, but I waited until I got back from Australia to really do it. It's just been one thing after another. That kind of shit is my nightmare. Anything logistical or government run, it's...

Shoot me in the dick. I can't handle it. Isn't it weird that our government, like go on Yelp or any of them, and it's like 2.3? If it was a restaurant, you would never eat.

Oh, 100%. Our government, it's the worst. They don't pay them enough. They're cranky. They're poorly run. It's amazing that you go to the post office, then you go to the CVS, and you're like, this is good service. Yes, exactly. The CVS compared to the post office ain't bad. I know, because they're paying them. It's like FedEx versus UPS. It's night and day. You go to the post office, or the DMV. How sad is the DMV? Bring a book.

Bring a book. Bring a cyanide pill because you're going to want to kill yourself after that DMV. This whole thing could be done in two seconds, but we've got to do the grab a deli ticket, wait for your number. You're in there with a crying baby and a meth head. It's brutal. And that deli ticket, really, it's got range. You're either the DMV or Russ and Daughters. You know, it's like you're either about to have the best salmon spread of your life. Or it's going to smell like fish. Yeah.

I miss this. I miss, I kind of, I like a guest list episode every once in a while. Every now and then, you gotta do it. It's like fucking your wife. Get rid of the third every now and then, you know? Every once in a while. Rarely. Rarely. And every once in a while, you bring in a midget. Yeah, that's a two and a half some. Two and a half men. Um,

Yeah, man. But that, it drove me nuts. I got a movie rec for you. I don't know if I've done this. Stop me if I have. Okay. Have you seen the movie A Simple Plan? Yes. Wait a minute. It's a Sam Raimi movie? Yes. It's incredible. Who is that? Michael Douglas? No, it's Bill Paxton. Oh. Billy Bob Thornton, Bridget Fonda, some other guy who was great. Boy, that's a 90s cast right there. Dude, it's fucking amazing. All right. It's one of the best movies I've seen in forever. What got you watching that? I go through like...

best neo-noir lists online. And I watched another one after this. It was also great called...

fuck what was it called uh one false move and it's also bill paxton and billy bob thornton from the 90s and it's billy bob wrote it wow it's really good really it's another neo-noir it's violent as shit you know who directed it that guy carl franklin who did um devil in a blue dress oh yeah really cool director like it's it's beautiful shots and uh and cool like just cool looking and and

It's cool when you notice the direction, but it doesn't take you out of it. Right, right. But yeah, it's great. And-

A Simple Plan is like incredible. I love a snowy noir. Yeah, like Fargo. Yeah. Which might be a year before this. So, Simple Plan is basically two brothers live in the sticks and they find a crash plane with drug money on it. And how it starts breaking up the family, breaking up the trust between them. And one of the brothers is like slow and something's off about him. It's Billy Bob. He's fucking amazing in it. He had a run of slow characters. Yeah.

That, Sling Blade. You know he wanted I Am Sam. He was like, have I not proven myself? Yeah, exactly. Oh, wow. Look at that. This is a great premise already. It's great. And you know what, though? It's like there's a lot of cliches they could have fallen into with this, and they avoid all of them. It's unpredictable, and it's...

There's just not a misstep. Like, every scene worked and mattered, and the dialogue is so fucking real. It's just incredible. Is this the one where Billy Bob says, think bad and bad's what you get? I don't remember that line. Well, what's great about these movies is they don't really make these anymore where it's just a movie about a story. Now everything's got to have a message or, like, you know, some kind of virtuous moment, lesson, right?

This is just like, this crazy thing happened and it's pretty interesting and entertaining. I think you'll like it. All Mitch Cox suspense. Yes. Yes. And it's like, there's a moral decision. You make usually the bad one and let's see what happens. You get away with it. Yeah. And it's a decision that makes sense. It's a decision that you're like, I could see myself doing this. It's relatable. Yeah.

It's so good, dude. It's worth a watch. I'm hooked. I'm going to watch. Also, another rec. I got a double rec for you, motherfuckers. Oh, shit. I read a lot of noir. For somehow, I never read The Black Dahlia until recently. It's incredible. Really? It's so fucking good. I've only seen the movie. True story. I heard the movie sucks. It was okay. It was Josh Hartnett, right? Yeah, yeah. It's just a weird pick for a hardened PI. He's fine, but it's fucking good, dude.

Really? Yeah, Elroy rules. Oh, there you go. Hey, there she is. Dana Gould's obsessed with the Black Dahlia. He's obsessed with a lot of the shit I'm obsessed with. Like, we bond over a lot of it. He loves Elroy. He got me to read Elroy. I photographed Elroy. Really? What? In the late 90s. And he was dropping, I don't know if I can say this word, racist words. Really? Two of us. Yeah. Well, you know. It was like, starts with a J.

That's a classic. Yeah, old school racist. Wow. Because it's like, you were born with this and you never shook it. Well, he had a crazy life. I think his mom was killed and they didn't solve the murder. So it's like, talk about an origin story for either like a detective or a true crime type writer. Hey, boy, El Roy. Oh.

Dude, it's so fucking good. I highly recommend. I mean, any of his shit is pretty cool. Hell yeah. But that's just like pure noir, dude. That's a classic Hollywood starlet who was killed. Yeah, and you know what? It's kind of like that, I don't want to say revisionist history, but I guess it kind of is where it's like kind of his version of what happened. And, you know, it's obviously an unsolved story.

Yeah. So this is his take on it. Real easy to get away with a murder back in the day. You shoot somebody, you walk away, that's about it. Oh!

You know, there's no camera. Yeah. As long as you got a mask on, you're good. That's why those books kind of only work in that era. Mm-hmm. Because now it's like... Right. Now you feel like there's going to be... We're like a year away from like the TikTok murderer. Yeah. Oh, yeah. The guy's just going to be like... He's like, all right, you looking at this? Oh, shit, let me get it focused on us. All right. Yeah. Pow.

Yeah, well, they had the Tupac killer came out on TikTok, and he got busted. They just got him. They just got him because of TikTok. He was like, yeah, I'm the guy who did it. It's such a lame ending to one of the most...

I mean, it's just one of the most famous dudes getting assassinated. Of course. Of course. Although Rock has a bit. They weren't assassinated. He goes- M2N words got shot. That's a great bit. JFK was assassinated. Martin Luther King. Martin Luther King was assassinated. They got shot. Yeah. That's a great bit. I remember where I was when that Tupac crawl was on the bottom of the MTV screen. Tupac Shakur shot in Vegas. I was in my house in New Orleans in my bedroom with like-

Four guys, we'd just gone skateboarding, and we came back, we were watching skate videos, but we had MTV on in the background, and then it just, breaking news, Kurt Loder. Kurt Loder, remember that guy? Oh, yeah. That was old school. Him and who was the other guy, Matt something? Matt Pinfield? Yeah. Oh.

I was underage drinking in a bar once, and he was in there, and he couldn't have been nicer. He's like, hello, little boy. We were kids, and he was just like fucking... I think he was smoking a joint in the bar. Wow. And I was like, this dude's fucking insane. He was just very friendly. We were kids. I mean, why would you want to talk to an underage kid in a bar? But he was very friendly. Yeah, well, I think I know why. He invited me back to his place. He gave me a kiss on the neck. It was...

He was very cool. He was the heavy metal guy, right? Legendary music deaths. I just heard a story about Kurt Cobain. He killed himself. You didn't hear? The trans community is trying to claim him.

Huh. Yeah. How so? Because he wore a lot of dresses. Okay. So did Rodman. Skirt Cobain. Hey. That's my Norman. I love it. That was great. Oh, my God. I did a joke in Buffalo this week, and I was riffing with a guy, and this woman tells a story about getting attacked in the crowd. She said, I got attacked by a guy with clams.

You know, like he was throwing clams at me on the bus in Buffalo. Not a happy tale. But she goes, clams. And some guy yells out, calamity. And I go, easy, Norman. And I killed. It got a big pop. I was like, the we might be drunkos are out. Yeah. I didn't mean to cut you off with the trans thing. That's all right. Also, in the suicide note, it said, I'm tired of faking it. Oh, interesting. I think you meant happiness and celebrity. I thought so, too. Yeah, I think Courtney might have chimed in about that part. Yeah.

Damn. I had another, speaking of Norman, I told him earlier, but we were at an airport restaurant and this Muslim lady kept yelling at the waiter. And my friend goes, she's a real Karen. And I went, she's Muslim. She's more of a Koran. Ooh, that's good. So yeah, that was my highlight. That's fucking hilarious. Yeah.

Corrine. That's good. Try to put that in the act somewhere, but it's not easy. More of a Corrine. No, there's a way to do it. All right. Well, speaking of peeves, I got a peeve here. Also, Simple Plan. Wasn't there a Cohen, a simple- Serious Man. No, no. That was a good movie. Serious Man. A Simple Death.

I think it's their first movie. Blood Simple. Blood Simple. That's a good movie. That's what I was thinking. Yeah, but that was Dan Hedaya. Yeah. Which guy's that? The lead actor? No, he's a really hairy guy. Oh, okay. Yeah, he was in some stuff. Yeah, he was in a lot of good character actors. Man, who else is in that shit? But I think that's their first movie. Oh, Francis McDormand's in that. Yeah.

Look at that. Wow, good pull. I got some pulls. I could hang in movie pong. Emmett Walsh, that's the guy. He's great in everything. He's always great. He's in The Jerk. He's in Talking About Shit You Can't Do Today. Holy shit. A lot of scenes in that movie you ain't pulling off anymore. A lot of N-word. But goddamn, it works in the movie. Emmett Walsh, he's still alive, isn't he? Oh, yeah. Wow. He has not looked well in at least 40 years. That's true. Yeah.

He's like a great character. Born in 35. Wow. What else is he in? He's in like so much shit. Holy shit. 35. He's in like a lot of classics. He's so funny in The Jerk. Yeah. Jerk. I watched that two weeks ago. Still funny. So good. So good. Just a poor black boy. Blade Runner it says. Okay. There you go. Blood Simple is fucking great. Cone Brothers are...

Legends. Yeah, we need a new one, Coens. Come on. One of them's done, right? What? Why? I don't know. He's just retired. All right, Peeve. Now, this is not as good as the passport one, but just throwing it out there.

You ever get the guy who apologizes for something but keeps doing it? Oh, yeah. So I had the guy on a plane. I'm sitting on a plane. A guy goes, hey, you know, fan, whatever. I listen to this. I go, great. I appreciate it. Hell, yeah. We get a photo on the plane. He's on the other aisle. I'm in one row. There's an aisle. Then him.

And he goes, sorry to keep bugging you, man. But da, da, da, da, da. And then he's like, sorry about bugging you. But and you're like, you're not sorry. That's what pisses me off. You're not sorry because you can't just apologize and then do the thing. You know, you keep doing it after the apology. It doesn't the apology is meaningless now. Yeah, because you're still just doing the same thing. If you were actually sorry, you'd be like, I got to stop doing that.

Yeah, you got to say, I'm sorry I can't stop doing this, but. I guess so. But yeah, he just doesn't care. He doesn't care, yeah. And it just killed me because he kept apologizing. The problem is you got to go, no, it's okay, it's okay. And then he would do the thing. So he gets you with the apology because then you go, no, it's all good. And then he kept doubling down. Horrible people should do that. You're just like a mugger and you're like, I'm so sorry to do this, but I'm going to rob you again.

I'm sorry. I missed something. Give me the watch too. In your pocketbook. Yeah. The English do that. They're like, I feel terrible. But you're a cunt. It's like, why'd you say sorry? Yeah. Yeah. You called me a cunt. Own it. Yeah.

That's a reasonable peeve. Okay. The repeat offender. Yes, with the sorry. Yeah. I'm okay with you if you just keep offending, whatever, but the repeat, like if he kept talking to me, I'm fine with it. I want to talk to the guy, whatever, but the sorry was killing me. Well, the manners are not sincere to you. Yes. Well, they're not sincere in general. Exactly. That's why it bothers you. Exactly. And then another peeve is, do you have a friend who can't articulate? So everything is called a thing? He was like, oh man, I was in the thing earlier and I'm like, what?

thing. And he's like, you know, the, uh, I was like the cab, the Uber, Uber. Okay. Well, you said thing. I don't know what thing is. And he's like, and then I, you know, I had to get my wife to sign the thing. And I'm like, what sign? What? He's like, you know, the divorce paper. Yeah. Divorce paper. You called it a thing.

You've got to come up with your shit before you even start talking. So then I'm holding the thing, and you're like, the machete? He's like, yeah, and I'm trying to kill her. Give it to me. You've got to come up with the words before you start telling these crazy stories. Yeah, that bugs me too. Man, Seinfeld has that great bit. You know the bit I'm talking about where it's a thing. No, Seinfeld has a bit I love where he goes, what was I saying? He goes, oh, so you weren't paying attention either. Right.

It's a great... It's like the most concise way to make a point. That's great. Great, but... He's so good at those little... He's got that one. He's like, if you see Bob, tell him I said hello. It's like, what am I, a messenger in the Middle Ages? Hello from Dave. That's the scroll. Yeah, I think Dimitri had a bit like that too, where he's like, in the age of text, you need me to act as a messenger. Is that Seinfeld? No, that's not him. You know, it's also...

Jerry's just in like a constant state of irritation and that's right it's like no matter how rich he is he's I just watched the episode of Louie he's in it's such a good ep oh I don't remember the country club episode Louie does the Hamptons gig and and he eats shit and Jerry then goes up and trashes him it's like a classic I don't remember that oh it's it's one of the best episodes of Louie really yeah and uh

It's just hilarious. Like, he goes up, eats shit. He shows up dressed like crap, and Jerry's in a tuxedo. Right, right. He's like, oh, come on. Like, really? He goes, country club. Yeah. Benefit. Oh, yeah. I do remember that. And then Louie walks in and eats shit. They put a security guard blazer on him. Yeah. So then Jerry goes on. He goes, well, that was the worst thing I've ever seen. You're right. Like, just completely turns on him. Oh.

It's a great app. No, sorry. What's so crazy about the old Louis and Jerry stuff is Louis opened for Jerry in the 80s in Boston. And Louis was like a year in or whatever, and Jerry was like this big comic. And they were at some banquet hall. It's a bunch of Boston townies, shit-faced, rowdy. The room's half full. And Louis goes, well, maybe we should start at like 8.30 because it's 8 o'clock now.

you know, the room's half full and I'm opening and Jerry goes, no, no, we're starting on time. And he's like, well, there's no one here. He's like, that's why you're the opener. And Louie was like, Jesus Christ. And he never forgot it. Wow. Well, I guess that's, I mean, I wouldn't do that to someone opening to me personally, but, uh, yeah, that's cause we bring our buddies to open. I don't want Gary eating shit in that spot. Right.

Also, it kind of affects your set, too. Yeah, that's what I thought. But I think he was just like, no, no, I'm a professional, so you've got to be a professional. Jerry's a stickler. He's a stickler. Everything has to be organized and to his, you know, whatever he finds to deem acceptable. But it has to be...

I feel like that's part of the irritation. Yeah, 100%. If anything breaks from what he thinks is the schedule, he's like, no. Exactly. And people go like, well, fuck that. I would never. And you're like, well, then don't work with him. I'm willing to deal with that. I'll work with him. It's his show. I don't know. If it was my show, I feel like he would succumb to your dictatorship. I start shows late all the time. I shouldn't even say that because people would show up even later. Well, you want a full room. You want a full room. I mean, goddamn, some cities, like...

Can you show up? Not 30 minutes late. It's like the worst for punctuality. Baltimore's bad too. Oh, they start late. We did the lyric and it was, whoo, here we go. Well, maybe we'll go 7.15. Maybe we'll go 7.20. I mean, we just kept pushing. Damn, was the lyric fun? Killer. Beautiful, right? Beautiful room. Yeah, great room. Great town.

Baltimore downtown is stunning. Yeah, it's beautiful on the water. You go two inches out and you're in the wire. It's also those weird walkways. One misstep, you fall in the water, you're a fucking icicle. Yeah. Everyone talks about the crime there, but I'm like, you could just die a dumb death. That's true. Yeah, you're eating a crab cake. You're like, is that Sam? All right, what do you got? You got the Jerry scene? Oh, I don't think so. I have something, but I don't know. Fucking cock-teased Google boy over here. What the? I don't know. No, this is a benefit. Ooh.

Oh, that's not it. I might have to re-watch Louie. Oh, it's so good, man. That David Lynch arc is so good. Oh, that was great. When he's trying to host something. Man, it's killer. I re-watch it, and I feel like I re-watch it all the time. It's also like my kind of New York. Yes. I just love how he shoots New York. It's...

The way he does it, like the construction guys, like not just banging on his window, but then they're in a apartment just like hitting him. That's very Woody Allen too. I love that. Yeah.

Yeah, you know Louie drove a motorcycle around Manhattan and then got hit by a car? Recently? No, no, no. Back when he was doing sets. No, no, yeah, it's in the show he did something like that. I know that was real. Oh, yeah, true story. Yeah, I haven't seen him around in a while. He's our neighbor. Taking a year off. I saw Flower Moon with him. Oh, nice. And then I walked home and I saw him with a pretty hot lady.

I saw him on the street. Oh, I thought you went to go see it with him. No, I saw it with him. Oh, okay. The Coos. Let me run. I got some bit ideas, too. All right. Going right in. By the way, I saw the holdovers. I heard it's great. I enjoyed it. I enjoyed it, too. Why do you say it like that? Because we have some cunty friends who like to poo-poo every goddamn piece of art. Yeah.

Ronan said he liked it. I know, Ronan. And then he came to me apologetic for liking it too, and I was like, what is Liz doing to people? Well, it is a little, I don't want to say sappy, but it's a very emotionally huggy-feely kind of tearjerker. Alexander Payne's a fucking legend. Legend. I think he's one of the best ever. I love that line. I don't want to give too much away, but they go into the city. It's like a Catholic.

what do you call it, like a private school. Private school kid, they go into the city and he gets into it with a townie in a bar and they go, what's up, fancy boy? And he goes back to Paul Giamatti, he goes, we gotta get out of here. These guys just called me fancy. There's some great lines in it.

I mean, it's really funny. It's super sad. So buckle up. It's one of those where you're like, all right, pain. Take it easy. Because at least Sideways had more comedy than sadness. Yeah, and Election. Election was awesome. Election's one of the funniest movies I've ever seen. But it's good. I like it. But it's a tearjerker. Okay, I'm going to check it out. Yeah, all right.

I'm trying to think what else. Is that a wreck? Is it a wreck? That's a wreck. I'm wrecking it. We just need some movies out. You know, we got Napoleon to shit the bed. I saw Shane tweeted he loved it. Was he drunk? I talked to him about it. I think we both liked it. I still enjoyed it just because it's such an epic. Did you see it with him? No, I didn't. He's in Texas. I saw it here. But it's still an epic. And you're like, oh, my God, it's still Joaquin. It's still Ridley Scott. So it's still a sight to behold.

A feast for the senses. But I just, as a story, it didn't come together. He's such a history cunt that he can't look at something and be like, why is Joaquin Phoenix speaking in an American accent? I'm sure that bothered him. Bothered who? Shane. He said Shane didn't like it. Shane loved it. He liked it. He liked it. He liked it. But it's got a lot of inaccuracies. It's historically wrong in a lot of ways. They added a bunch of shit. But as a movie, it's fun. Also, Ridley Scott's like 86. Yeah. Yeah.

exactly. It's weird to make like a big scale epic when you're like 86. Out there in the snow. Yeah. With cannons and cannonballs and muskets and shit. I mean, he's older than Biden and he's out there directing. That's pretty good. And Biden's in the shit too. He's visiting Israel. So, well, much like Europe, they both fell. All right. What about, uh,

Is it entertaining? Which one? Napoleon? Biden's fault. That's entertaining. Hunter Biden's the most entertaining. No, Napoleon. Is it an entertaining movie? I loved it. I was on the edge of my seat. I saw it alone in the theater, in the big screen. On the road? Yeah. Dude, it's...

It's one of the things where I'm like, has there been a big Napoleon movie before? He's such a great character. There was one in like 1917. It's called Napoleon. 17? In 1917? I mean, look it up. No, there's a later one than that. I think there's a 70s version. So they do one every 100 years or so? I mean, that's fucking... Sounds like it. What was that movie I saw? Me and the wife saw a movie and it sucked. What? Oh, what the hell did we go see? Oh, Thanksgiving. What's that? That's the one with Tim Dillon. No offense. Is Tim good in it? Tim's great.

And he got some laughs out of the audience in the room. It's like a horror movie, right? Yeah, it's just, you know. I'm not a big horror guy. I'm not either. There's no development. There's no characters. There's no nothing. I know, but it's cool that Tim got like a comic book.

He killed it. Killed it. And they cut his head off. I feel like Tim could be like a big actor. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. He's so fucking funny. You watch him on screen, you're like, he belongs there. There was no hesitation. Oh, nice. A genuine sensation. Napoleon in 1927, sorry. 27. Okay, still. So it's a silent film, I'm guessing. Whoa. It actually looks kind of cool from back then. Great. And that looks more like Napoleon than Joaquin does. True. Yeah.

Ooh, we got a Brownlow Restoration. Wow, look at that.

It is amazing that you can... I mean, but it is also amazing to think of what movies were just like 10 years after this, right? I know. Like, Philadelphia Story is what, like 39? That's a decade after this. Right? I mean, it's amazing. Wow, this is incredible. I mean, this is back in this shit. Yeah. It's also amazing when you think of these movies, like, from the old school, like Battleship Patinkin. Yeah. And the influence they have where, like, okay, The Untouchables still wants to fucking rip off a scene in that. Right. You know, it's like...

You can take influence from this stuff, but some of them are hard to watch. Of course. If it's not like Chaplin or Buster Keaton being like, just fall down funny. Some of them are tough. Like, it'd be hard to sit through Chaplin.

A silent film. Totally. But for Scorsese, this is like watching Prior or something. It's like watching old Abbot of Costello or something. But Fritz Lang made Metropolis and then he made the fucking Big Heat. Which one would you rather watch? Yeah. Right? I mean, it's like a badass cop movie or just a silent, you know. True, true. Damn, I had something. I lost it. You threw me off with that. We're fucking movie nerds. I got it back. Pull this up. Hit me.

Speaking of Scorsese, you know the hot lady in Christmas Vacation that's at the mall who lifts her skirt up? Yeah. You know what I'm talking about?

The brunette? I don't, like I remember it a little, but I don't know. I can't place her face. Pull up, hot lady at the department store. Should we do another drink? Yes. Christmas vacation. What are we drinking this round? Same drink? I'd like another Negron. All right. Can you get us more ice, Matt? Sorry, Matt. Yeah, that lady. We just need one more cube. Salakys, do you not want a drink? I'll take one. All right. So let's do two more cubes. Do you remember her, this hot lady? No.

You don't remember her? And I'm sorry for not offering before, it's just you never drink, but I figure it's a special occasion. She was the lingerie girl. That's a Scorsese. What? She is 70 years old today.

that's all yeah yeah wait what are you talking about this woman in christmas vacation who i had a huge crush on as a kid and she's what scorsese i think she's a she's related to martin oh my god i don't know it's a damn she's hot dude oh she's super hot you can see the italian on her mug there for sure but uh she lifts her skirt up it was super hot he goes crazy she looks like a honey bay tan but she's hot yeah that was the 80s jean triple horn which is

Give me some weird... She was a fucking piece. Basic instinct. Really? For years, for decades. Isn't it weird when you're like, check out my girlfriend, and it's just like your fucking mom? Isn't that weird when you just pick someone who looks exactly like everyone you've seen? Yeah. I've done it. There's a lot of that. You see, like, Happy Father's Day, and every girl, they post their dad, and they all look like their boyfriend. Oh, dude, I remember... I used to do a bit about this, about how, like... What? I don't find her attractive. Oh, she... Back in the day, she was a piece, dude. Oh, okay. But, uh...

But I used to have a bit about this. Like you bring a woman home, it looks exactly like your mom, and your mom's like, I don't like her. And your dad's like, I think she's great. And then your mom, you're like, yeah, of course you don't like her. She's you. Right. I feel like my dad would go the other way. I don't like her. He's sick of my mom. But yeah, I'm telling you, that girl's a Scorsese, and she's 70 today. Can I go with the microphone?

He also dated Ileana Douglas. That's why I met Ileana Douglas. I'm an idiot. Okay. Dude, she was great. She's always great. Cape Fear, she's proud. Oh, dude, that fucking rape scene. Jesus Christ. Crazy. Isn't it weird to be dating someone and then be like, you're going to get raped by Robert De Niro in this scene? I mean, that's fucking weird. That is weird. Do we have an extra glass, too? Here, take mine. Oh, yeah. Oh, there we go. You're the best, Matt. Thank you, bro. Can we reuse that?

Matt, do you want a drink? I mean, what are we doing here? Are you sure? You never touch them, Peters. It's New Year's. Whoa! That'd be great if Peters was just on drugs this entire time. He's on acid. He thinks this is Are You Garbage? By the way, I fucked up the name Ileana Douglas, and I'm standing by my thought, though. Look at these pictures. About? They look alike.

Scorsese. Oh! Is that his sister, though? I don't know. You gotta goog that. Fresh Cube? I think we go Fresh Cube. Gotta go Fresh Cube. Ice Cube. Salad Cube. Yeah! Gleaming the cube. You have to name check yourself. Cubic Zirconium. Alright. But Scorsese, Vegas, or Christmas Vacation...

Uh, hot lady. I don't know. Nice lady. Nicolette. That's a hot name. Nicolette Sheridan. Ooh, she was hot. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

um but yeah all right second negroni you got spots tonight three yeah i got a few i got four yeah liz is not gonna be happy with me no i think i'm somebody canceled because i got a few of hers really i got one of hers too 9 10 yeah yeah that's the one i couldn't do oh nice there you go two already it fit perfectly i think i'm like 8 20 8 50 and 9 10 i'm like talking about a perfect night are you 8 20 at the the the

Olive tree? I don't know. Okay, I'm 8'10 at the olive tree. I think we're back to back jacks, baby. There you go. Let's do it. Listen to this run by our Scorsese lady. Nicolette? Nicolette. No, no, wait. Yeah, Nicolette Scorsese dated Antonio Sabato Jr. Wow. And then Sean Penn. Wow.

I bet he'd be a fucking annoying boyfriend. Oh, yeah. Like passionate, intense. I got to go down to New Orleans and sit in a canoe and shoot people, you know, with my shotgun. I'm going to Venezuela this week. Yeah. What next week? Ukraine. Yeah. After that, I'm going to chill in Gaza for a little while. Right, right. Then I got to go meet the cartel in Mexico. I think he actually did meet that guy.

But yes, yeah. El Chapo. Chapo. That's how they got Chapo. No way. Get out of here. Yes. What? He gave his location away in the Sean Penn interview. Whoa. That's hilarious. You think, like, in a moment, you're like, I get to meet Sean Penn, and that just ruins your life. I am Sam. You fucked me. Sean Penn fucking...

That guy, you know what he needs to do is a comedy. Yeah. I'm taking myself so seriously. Well, do a comedy. Well, he started with Spakowski or whatever. Spicoli. But I mean a new comedy. Yeah. Because clearly he can do comedy. I know. He's a talent. I mean, he can do a TARD, a

a bad guy, a good guy, a tough guy. A tough guy. Naming people. A tar guy. Just pointing at things I see. It's like when you're on the phone and you're like, oh, I gotta go. Uh,

Bodega Cat's in the room. Bye, Bodega Cat. I feel like we're making progress, dude. I got hit up by a distributor also, so I set up a meeting. We're fucking rocking, dude. It's going to happen. We'll knock that out. I'll tell you, we're all right, you know? Oh, yeah. I'll tell you, you know, you have a drinking problem when you...

When you find an olive in your urine sample, I'll tell you. I can't stop thinking about that Dangerfield thing you told me about how he didn't go on Rogan in the 70s and talk about Netanyahu. I'll tell you about Nixon. Yeah, that was it. This guy's a crooker, right? I've been throwing that around all over town. Oh, yeah.

i mean that's it's just different times man yeah yeah well luckily i'm an idiot i'm working on a bit about how george santos is actually santa so that's that's the surface level of politics i keep it at 2024 is going to stink uh i hate when people do the year thing

You know what I hate? When people say that next year, this is a bad year. Next year is going to be bad. That's what you're saying? Or next year is going to be great. Or next year is going to be bad. It's like, says who? You can't just throw out. The only people I'll give that to is people who had a particularly bad year. The people who are like, I need a good year next year. Right. I'll give it to those people where they're like, it's like a coping mechanism. Yeah. They're like, I got diagnosed with feline AIDS in 2022. That was a bad year. Like, all right, I'll give you that. I told you that in confidence. It's a little rude.

I'll tell you what I hated when people were like, Prince dies and they're like, fucking 2019 sucks. Yeah, the year did it. Yes, exactly, exactly. God got off the phone with the year and he's like, you got this one? I know, also 2019, looking back, pretty good year. No pandemic, no riots, good times. Oh, that smells good. Ooh, look at you having a cocktail, Dad. There you go. Well, it's Friday. There you go.

Okay. What are you guys doing for the holiday? You going to stay in the city, I guess? I don't have real plans. Yeah. For me, a vacation is not leaving my apartment. That's nice. That's all I want. I don't want to get in a flight. I don't do shit. I want to see some good movies in the theater. Man, my favorite thing to do this time of year, fucking It's a Wonderful Life at IFC, shit like that. I did that last year. You know what? I got a fucking holiday wreck, and the holidays are over by the time this comes out, unfortunately, but like-

You know what's a good, not good movie, but I fucking love it? Jingle All the Way. Never seen it. Dude. Sinbad's in that, I think. Sinbad's incredible. Wow, okay. It's about an action figure? Is it a great movie? No, but I fucking... It's like a weird, like...

It's like a weird... Comfort movie? I was texting with Mike Lawrence, our buddy Mike Lawrence, and he, like, loves this movie. And I'm like, I fucking love that movie. Hell yeah. All right. It's absurd. It's such a simple premise. The dad fucks... It's so relatable. The dad fucks up. He didn't get the kid's toy in time. And Rita Wilson back in this time. Dime piece. Phil Hartman. Incredible. You've seen it, right? It's a fun movie, right? This is a 96? And the kid's adorable. Classic Schwarzenegger. Yeah. Yeah.

96, wow. She was a piece, dude. Oh yeah, she was cute. Yeah, it's all bass. Fucking Phil Hartman kills it. Yeah. There's a Chris Parnell cameo. Wow. Sinbad is great. Oh, he's a mailman. And so is...

It's so simple and stupid, but it's like a calming movie. Yeah. I'll tell you, next movie we write, Christmas movie. Really? Well, they kill it. They all kill it. And it plays every year. It plays every year. You know, like this Eddie Murphy one. I haven't seen a lick of it, but it's doing crazy numbers. People need it. It's like a comfort thing.

Yeah, it is. And you need something to watch. You're with your dumb family. You hate each other. You got to put something on. It's like the Super Bowl. It's a day you know you will hopefully get peace. Yes. You do a classic clean comedy. I mean, we put on Love Actually every goddamn year, and I want to blow my brains out. I don't like that one. I don't like Kurt Cobain. There's like the Christmas classics, like the obvious ones, like It's a Wonderful Life, the great ones. But like...

Bad Santa and Jingle All the Way. That's my rotation. I always watch those. The crazy about Bad Santa is he fucks her in the ass. That's what's great about Bad Santa. They go, what? They could have just had public sex, but he has to go, now let's fuck her in the ass. It's even naughtier. Yeah, he's a bad guy. Yeah, he's a bad Santa. He enjoyed that it hurt her. Yeah.

Yeah. He was not a good man. Plus that little person's great. Oh, yeah. And fucking Bernie Mac and Ritter, man. John Ritter, RIP. Hell, yeah. Man, we just devolve into movie talk constantly on this podcast. I know. You throw a midget in, you can't lose. That fat kid was great with the fucking curly blonde hair. That face. You're like, can't. Let me try a bit on you. All right.

This might be terrible, this bit. Okay, well. All right, this could be a bet. We might have to cut this one. Oh, I can't wait. The hostages, this is my angle, is like it must suck to be one of the ones that doesn't get picked. You know, like we're probably like five years away from that being a reality show.

You know what I mean? We have love is blind. We don't have hate is blind. Oh, yeah. The contestants are blindfolded. Who knows who gets picked? No rhyme or reason. We just know it won't be a man. Is there something? It's nothing. I love the hostage reality show, I think, is great. That might be something. Maybe something with Squid Game.

Something like that. Let's go to a different one. All right, but I like the reality show. So I saw a dog barking like crazy at a white guy in the street, and this black guy yells out, yeah, that's right, fuck white people. And I was like, I'm no psychologist. This might be a projection. I don't know if that's what the dog was saying for sure. Right. And I think the angle was maybe like, all right, two could play at this game. I walked up to a pigeon. I was like, what was that girl? All Lives Matter? Wow. Ha, ha, ha, ha.

Something like that. Yeah, maybe a white dove. A white dove? Yeah. A white dove might be better. But yeah, that's funny. You could just make the animal say whatever you think. Also, that's what a fucking...

What's that guy's name? Son of Sam did. Oh, yeah. The dog told me to kill him. Like, oh, that's convenient. Racine had that funny joke. Who's not going to listen to a talking dog? Oh, it's a great turn. I didn't see that coming at all. What do you got? You got some bits? I got bits, baby. Do some holiday bits. All right. Has this been done?

Uh, I always, me and the lady, we got to eat a lot, you know, as you do as a couple. And I always like to Yelp the restaurant, just like, Ooh, let's see what we got here. And they're always crazy. The reviews are never helpful. It's always like a, just a bipolar person venting. But I thought, wouldn't it be great if there was Yelp for people, uh,

You know, like, you know, your friends like you got to meet Josh. You would love Josh. And I'm like, let me read some reviews, you know, on Josh or, you know, you go further with it. Like you like if you you have sex with a girl and take her virginity, you just write first. That's funny. Like so the joke would be just all the examples. Definitely a laugh. Yeah, that hits. It's I guess there's yell for people, but it's just famous people.

Those are the ones who know where they... Like Wikipedia? Because people were like, fuck that guy. Oh, yeah. Like, publicly. Right. I guess that's kind of what Reddit is already. But there's no scores. I like the idea that there's a score. Yeah, because we get rated on Uber, we get rated on, like, Grubhub or whatever, but it'd be nice if there was just a Yelp for people. It would get ugly, obviously. Yeah.

It would be nice to be on a dating app and you're like 3.1. You're like, but she is hot. Oh, maybe that's the angle. You could rate on a dating app. Yeah. Maybe that's it. I like the idea that you like...

Someone has a score. Because you have an Uber score. Yeah. This is more important. I'm spending the whole night with you. This is a social score. Uber's 20 minutes. Right. I might date you. Yeah. So I'd like to know what I'm dealing with here. Yeah, like the Uber's like, this guy might kill me. So could they. Yeah. It's all fucking night. You treat each other a lot better if you're like, I don't want to hurt my rating. Ha.

Okay. She's about to slash your tires. I don't want to hurt my rating. That's good. That's a good line. Okay, maybe that's something. It's a Black Mirror episode. Oh, you're right. There's an episode of that? Fuck. We just came up with a thing that's already been done. Sorry, Black Mirror. I've seen like one episode. I think I watched the episode where the...

It's a pretty good show. I watched the one where the guy fucks the pig. Oh, that's a great episode. It was good. It's not my genre, but it was well done. I liked it. All right, how about this? How about a building where you can rent books for free? That's the joke. It was a Black Mirror episode. How about that?

What else you got? Okay, all right, all right. Maybe that's a little high concept. All right, how about this? That's a good Black Mirror idea. We just came up with a great idea that Dave already beat us to. Yeah.

Okay, okay. How about this? How about this? So I was hanging out with my buddy. We're going out to get some food. And I go, what do you want to get? Pizza? And he goes, I had pizza last night. I was like, but you're obsessed with pizza. And he goes, I can't have pizza two nights in a row. And I said, well, don't get married. That's what marriage is, eating pizza every night for the rest of your life. And I'll tell you, if you had to eat pizza every night for the rest of your life, you get creative. Some nights you're like, I'll eat it from the back.

Then you're like, I got thin crust at home, but sometimes I pretend it's a deep dish or whatever. I'm just trying to think of other pizza-related sexual innuendos. Yeah, sometimes I'm in a bad mood. I put it in the fridge. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

Yeah, I eat it in the morning. Yeah, eating in the morning is good. I had a line where I'm like, I saw a good-looking taco earlier, so when I got home, I folded the pizza, pretended it was that taco. That's great. Eh, it doesn't really hit. I think it's funny. I think it needs a better way to say it, but yeah. Yeah, man, it's like sometimes...

It's tough. It's funny because it takes what you loved about pizza and now it ruined it because it's so common. I used to fucking love pizza. It was my favorite thing. But now that I have it every day, I'm just like, pizza's not that special to me anymore. Right. Now you look at Pad Thai, you're like, I would fucking kill...

I know. I would murder someone for a piece of Pad Thai. Yeah. I would fucking... I'd murder someone for a meatloaf. You know, I'll take anything. It just sucks. Like, what kind of food would let you not enjoy other food? You know what I mean? That's a good point. Like, you're like...

You're denying me the pleasure of just adventure? Yeah. It's crazy. It's a crazy concept, marriage. Yeah. But, you know. And you see her looking at soul food. You're like, you fucking whore. Oh, that's a good way to go with it. That's good. She's riffing here. She's looking at a kielbasa. I'm like, whoa, wait a minute. All right, I love pizza. You're like, that's a little big, isn't it? She's like, I think it would fit nicely. Yeah. She's like, why don't we put it on the pizza? I'm like, no, no.

Oh, no. All right. All right. There's something there. Now we're talking, I'll tell you. Yeah. What do I got? That's a good way to go with it. What does she want to eat?

Is this funny? I was watching that movie, The Age of Innocence, the Scorsese movie, you know, with Daniel Day-Lewis. It's like old-timey tale of repression. I think one of the angles is like, first of all, it was very classy to have bad seats at the opera. You were in the wings. Yeah, you're in the wings with those fancy opera glasses, like,

Hmm. Yes. Okay. You know, but like think about that. Now you go to a sporting event, you're in like the nosebleeds with binoculars like, oh yeah, it's a nice rushing play, you know, something like that or something like that. That was one angle. Maybe that's nothing. The other angle was, uh, cause it was like being close to the action was bad. Right. You want it to be in a private booth. Oh, good point. Yeah. That's nothing. Here's the other angle.

How they were so oppressed, they'd go their whole lifetime just not acting on their urges. Yeah. Right? But now you think of people now, what's the number one porn category? Stepmom. Yeah. You're like, maybe there's a middle ground. Right. Maybe there's somewhere in the middle. Right. You know, between, you know, never doing what you wanted and fucking someone in your family. Yeah, true. You know? True. I don't know. Huh. Yeah.

Well, something funny about those damn binoculars. They're like less creepy. Like if you got caught doing a peeping Tom with those, you're like, well, at least he was classy. Yeah, that's true. Like some guys in a tree with that shit, you're still like, ah, you know, he's cultured. And he's far away and in the top of the tree. Yeah, he's got box seats. It's in my bedroom. Yeah, huh.

I think the stepmom thing is something. The stepmom thing is something. I don't know. We need a middle ground from like not having sex till you're 40 to fucking your family member. Got to be something in the middle there. Maybe combine them. All right. Let me try one more. All right.

I'm going into a building, this building actually. It happened here. And the security guard stops me. He's like, hey, hold on. What floor? And I was like 16. He's like, go ahead. I'm like, that's it? That's the security? I had to guess the floor in the building. I could have nailed that. Yeah, right. I just guessed the floor. I like that the security is doing the same job as a porno site. Oh, yes, I'm 18. Go right ahead. Ha, ha, ha.

Something there maybe? Yeah, there's something there. Have you read all the, what is it? Do you agree to all the bullshit? Terms and conditions? That's it. Terms and conditions. That's what Pat Dixon had that old joke about the Bible. It's like, yeah, you like the Bible? Sure. Terms and conditions, check. I agree with everything. B never actually read it. What do you got? There's something there too. Like imagine if women did that. All right. How about this?

Yeah. Well, somebody had that joke where they go on a date with a girl, they walk her to the door, and she's like, you're not going to rape me, are you? And he's like, no. She's like, all right, come on in. That was me. Was that you? Oh, okay. You're not going to kill me, are you? I said, no. She goes, all right, let's go back to you. That was a good joke. And I go, that's your screening process? That was it. If I'm going to murder you, you just ask me? There you go. See? I guess I'm retreading my own shit.

Yeah, but this could go a different way. Maybe don't bring women in. You do a certain point in comedy where you just start ripping off yourself. Oh, I've been there. Yeah. Yeah. All right. I'm like, Puerto Rican. There's more meat on this bone. Let me revisit this. All right. So, you know, what's great about being married is my wife is very nice. Comedy will get you down. You can't find a new bit. You're traveling. You're run down. You're beat. You're beat.

And she's like, hey, I get it, but you got to stop worrying about the destination. The journey is amazing. It's all about the journey. The struggle is part of the fun. That's what life's about. And I go, that's a good point. And I always remind her of that when she can't have an orgasm. You know, I'm down there. She's like, what the hell are you doing? And I'm like, it's about the journey. You know, the struggle is part of the fun, but I can't, I need a turn.

So all that hits. I just got no ending. Yeah, that's all good unless you're trying to cum, basically. Right, right. No one's looking for fulfillment in bed. Yeah, we all talk shit about this journey, this magical... It's all about going for it. And don't worry about the goal. It's about this part. But when it comes to orgasming, it's all about the destination. Yeah. That's something funny there. It's not...

I think it could be funnier if you're just like, she's like, Jesus Christ, what the hell? And you're like, it's a wild ride we're on, you know? Yeah. Don't expect it to end today. This is like a 30-year thing. Right. Right. Yeah, yeah. It's just like... We're in for the long haul. Yeah, it's about... You know, she's telling her girlfriends, like, I just, I never finish in bed. And, you know, I'm like...

Maybe your friends are like, yeah, well, that's the Buddhist way or something. Yeah, less is more. Yeah. Yeah, the Lao Tzu. Maybe that's the angle. Like, no one wants to hear philosophical quotes in bed. You know, like, boy, you got a small dick. Less is more. Right, right. Or like, well, I just want a bigger dick. Well, it's not about desires or bad, you know, or something. That's interesting. Yeah, like, for...

It's one thing, but in bed, you just want to come. Yeah, it's primal. It's like, hey, you got to get this done. In bed, it's all about results. That's a good line, results. Yeah, philosophy is all about the bigger picture and the now and whatever. But it's not like you're going to be on podcasts talking about the road to making your girlfriend come.

But you will be talking about like the road to where you got as a comedian. Right. Like that's an inspiring tale. No one wants to be like, there I was. Oh.

Trying to make her cum. Ten years later, I made it happen. Right. Well, because sex is supposed to be a finite amount of time, whereas career and life, it's kind of this open-ended thing. Well, it's like soccer versus basketball. You know, like basketball, there's a lot of scoring. There should be a lot of points on the board. Right. Soccer, not a lot of scoring, but when it does, it really counts. Basketball is good. Take it to the hole. Yeah. It's all about taking it to the hole, where soccer is all about...

you know, passing and relationships with the teammates. Patience. Patience. Okay. This is something. Attacking. Picking your spots. Right. Basketball is just nonstop to the hole. Yeah.

Get in that rim. Get in that rim. Okay, you got another one? Yeah, you know it. I got one more and I'll leave you alone. So I'm flying back from Buffalo. And great week, by the way. Buffalo's great. Good comedy town. Shout out to Mother's, by the way. Incredible restaurant, courtesy of little Gary Veeder who found it. One of the best steaks I've ever had in my life. Really? Oh my God. Buffalo's got great food. We also hit the fucking Swan Street Diner, let me tell you.

Just a great diner. Buffalo, it's a real town. There's something about a boxcar type diner that just puts me at ease on the road. I love it. I love a good diner. I love getting eggs in the morning, getting just cup after cup of coffee. Yeah, same. We also have the best fucking, our fans are so fucking cool, man. Yeah. Yeah.

What's the name of the movie? The Trial. Someone from one of our fans. Paul Newman? No, that's a verdict. That's a great movie too. But it's an Orson Welles movie, The Trial, with him and Anthony Perkins. I think we talked about it on the pod. Someone leaves me that DVD at the club. Whoa. So I just have the DVD now. It was the most generous thing and just thoughtful. It's a thoughtful gift. Yeah.

So I've never seen it. It's Kafka. I've never seen the... Oh, I just watched the trailer for this. Get out of here. It's supposed to be incredible. And it's Orson Welles and fucking Anthony Perkins who are just... That looks so good. And it's fucking 60 years old. Yeah, I mean... Look how cool that looks. It's supposed to be incredible and I can't wait to watch it. But like... I mean, Anthony Perkins, we talked about him. Just like an incredible actor who is...

derail by being gay back then. Yeah. And I think typecast from Norman Bates as well. Sure. But, I mean, dude, he died from AIDS. Oh, yeah. His wife dies in 9-11. Can you imagine? What? I didn't know that. Your parents die in AIDS in 9-11? Wow. That's fucking brutal. Wow.

Wow. He was an incredible actor, though, but he just got typecast because of, you know. Crazy. My wife works at a magazine in the visuals department, and she says this gets brought up all the time as references, being like, can you make it look like this? I can't wait to watch this. Yeah, no, it's a movie I was going to watch. You said it's an Orson Welles? Yeah. Oh. His quote. You know it's a respected filmmaker when the movie quote is from him? The best film I've ever made.

I fucking love I love Orson Welles so much any clip you see of him online is the funniest like I shit you not he's the funniest dude I've ever heard speak I tried to find his book for you today because I sent it to Mark I was in the strain trying to find it I couldn't find it I was in a rush but uh I'm howling on the toilet reading that book it's so funny it's so funny it doesn't mean to be funny dude

Also, it's just so funny. Something about a really big guy who won't admit he's eating is funny to me. Every night at dinner, he'd be like, I'll just have a bite of sorbet, maybe. Then he would go home and at the hotel, they'd be like, he ordered six ribeyes last night. There's something fucking amazing about that. But he's so funny, man. But I can't wait to...

Watch this movie because I've been meaning to watch it and I don't know how it slipped through me But all right, so i'm flying back from united or buffalo

I see a United sign. It says, United LGBTQ. We support equality. And I'm like, as opposed to the other airlines that are hateful? Is this an issue on airlines? I've never tried to get on Delta. They're like, no Jews. No Jews. I'm like, I'm Diamond Medallion. They're like, always diamonds with you people. That's funny. That's funny. Jet Jew. That's a stretch.

But there's something there, I think. Yeah. The thing about, I find it to be so insincere when these companies are like, we support everyone equally. And I'm like,

It is illegal to not do that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You can't discriminate. It's 2023. Yeah, you're not a hero. Well, Ronon has that great bit. What's his bit? His bit is, I went to a hotel and there's a big sign on the wall like, we take everybody, gay, black, white, women, you know, whatever. Is this too close to his bit? Well, his is like, yeah, that was a law passed in 1964. Ooh, okay.

And it makes me, well, his bit is different because he goes the other way. He goes, that makes me think you actually do just think about these things. Like if I went to Red Lobster and like, we definitely don't jizz in the clam chowder. Oh, I've heard that bit. I have heard that part. Okay, so they definitely jizz in the clam chowder. You know, that's his bit. So I think that's different enough. Yeah, yeah, I'll run it by him. But... That's funny. Yeah, he's got great shit. Then you got the Diamond Jew thing is great. Yeah, yeah. Um...

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Great stuff. I highly recommend. Get on it. You're going to need it this holiday season. You saw the Snow White gal came out and she's been harping on this and that and diversity. And now she's like, I think Disney's doing a great thing and all that. Oh, there you go. Wow. Is that your screensaver? Jesus Christ. So in August 2023, I can't remember the actress's name.

I can't either. Very attractive. Rachel Zegler. Yeah, I used to have... I had a bit about this in my last special, about it's fucking... Guess what? It's...

It's 75 plus years old. It's going to be a little fucking weird. Yeah, yeah. That's what happens. Shit. That's what progress is. Shit changes. Yeah. But I think the people at Disney got to her and was like, you're killing your opportunities here. So this month she came out and said, the cartoon is so beloved. It's like a monumental moment in film history. All these amazing things that happened for that film made Disney what it is. There you go. So she's like,

Well, my issue with the Snow White stuff, personally, is that just like, okay, there's a very narrow margin for what works as a hit, I think. Like, this movie, there's a reason it worked, right? Yeah.

Anytime they try to change anything about it, it doesn't work. Look at the remakes. You change anything. You change the race of a character, it might not hit. It's like a joke. You change one word. You change one thing. It doesn't mean that this is good or this is bad. It's just like it worked at a certain time for a certain reason. Snow White has been a classic. So you're in a classic. The next thing you get, the line for...

whatever it is to hit or not hit is so fucking thin. Yeah. This is Disney you're fucking up with. Yeah. And now we deal in absolutes. You know, it's like Willy Wonka in 1978 had little people in it. That's abuse or whatever. And then you're like, well, Willy Wonka now has no midgets.

That's unfair to midgets. You can't. Yeah, they don't get a lot of casting opportunities. Yeah, the rules just keep changing. And then we keep yelling at people as if they're the devil over a decision. And you're like, well, the rules change. I don't know. Like, look at Entourage. You ever watch Entourage? You're like, holy shit, I can't believe this shit went down. But at the time, it was completely normal. And everybody was dying to get on that show. And guess what? Maybe that's like, isn't that your mission? That things change? Yeah.

So, that's great. And if you gotta go back... And I rewatched Entourage and I cracked the fuck up. I think it's funny. Funny's funny. But if you gotta go back and find shit that's bad in 1937, maybe that's a good sign. And guess what? Shit was bad in 1937. Sure. Shit was fucking not good. And then you think about all the stuff that's changed since. Of course, like...

movies and art is a reflection of the society you're living in. Think about who had rights back then. Think about who had a lack of rights back then. Of course, shit is going to be different. You have to, you know, think about how many movies in 1940s don't have black people in them.

You know, we're in 1950s, right? So, yeah, shit was different. You have to, you know, have your blinders on a little bit. Also recognize that we were fucked up. And it's okay to recognize we were fucked up and admit it. Yeah. That's all right. We changed for the better. Yeah. Yeah, but you can't get mad about the change and then go back and go, but. Yeah.

You know, like if a guy goes to jail for stealing a car and then he does his time, gets out, you can't go, but you stole that car. You're like, I know I served 20 years. Right. I'm trying to come out of prison and work at a grocery store. And now you're still mad about the car thing. Yeah. You hear that women quit bringing up old shit. Well, it's just funny that she's trashing it, but it's like, you're in it. I get that. Like, I, it's cool that she's speaking from her heart and being, uh,

You know, honest, but at the same time, like... Is she, though? That's the question. Well, I think initially she was. I don't know. I think she was trying to sound... Oh, you think she was pandering. I think she was pandering to another group then. Yeah, I don't know. Maybe she was. Maybe you're right. Maybe she was pandering. I mean, she's an actor. That's the thing. That's what I'm talking about. Like, actors... Like, there is a weird thing about actors when you reach a certain level...

I think like a working actor is different than like a major star. A working actor has this humility from auditions and having to just work and hustle. All right, last bit and I'll leave you alone. Please.

Tell me the bit. Don't leave me alone. Okay. I could hurt myself. I'm going to hurt myself if you don't come over. Oh, great. Now I'm dying to come over. All right. Yeah, it's a hell of an invitation. Yeah. You're cordially invited to the day I may or may not kill myself. This will be a lot of fun. Can we just watch Love Actually or something? All right. I'd rather you hurt yourself than watch that shit. Yeah, good point. Good point.

You're looking at my notes? Yeah, so I brought the high-res of that photo. So you can actually see what you're writing on these notes from this photo. Sure. Do you want me to share it? Nah, I mean... I mean, it's not that... Fucking set list? I don't know, no, it's just... Oh, races, Beatles, phone, gym, driving...

Self-esteem, Brexit, stripper, crying. Yeah, I think I got a few of those working. Is that a set list or you're working on jokes? That's jokes I'm working on. So who knows if they went anywhere? I did figure out the Brexit one. I know that. But all right. Last joke. I was at the zoo on the road with my friend. So you got to do it on the road. You got to kilt time. And my friend goes, man, these zoos are like prisons for animals. And I was like, well, actually, they're kind of worse because...

At least you have to commit a crime. That panda didn't steal a Camry, you know. And then in prison you can get out on good behavior. That giraffe never hurt anybody. He's in here for life. That's all I got. There's no reward for being good in the zoo. In the zoo, yeah. They don't let you out. They're like, we're keeping you. You're a good elephant.

You know? Is there a petting zoo comparison? Ah, maybe there's a petting zoo. Yeah, there's no comedy in this. It's just an observation, really. Mark's just an environmental activist. I'm with PETA now. He cares about the animals.

But yeah, I feel like there's something there. It's worse than a prison because they just scooped up this kangaroo. He didn't even do anything. Yeah, these aren't like delinquent animals. These are just animals. Yeah, like we got guys who are like, I went to jail for smoking weed, man. What the hell? And you're like, well, this kangaroo's like, I was just hanging out. Like, I didn't even do anything. I don't know. I just got picked up. I got picked up.

Just trying to hang out the brush. Well, that's why you're allowed to pet the animals. Because if it was like a prison, you ain't petting those animals. Yeah, good point. That's true. That's a dog fight or a cock fight you're at.

But those animals aren't that bad either. All right. Maybe it's nothing. I'll play with it. I do have a peeve. I thought that was poignant. Let's cut that out. Let's cut that out. I stink. Peeve is when you're out to eat and the waiter comes by and says, how is everything before you've taken a bite? I hate that. Yeah.

It's the insincerity, because now you have to lie. Right. I'm with you. It's the same with the lying thing. You don't have to lie because I haven't tried it yet. But you've got to do it up a little. Oh, I haven't tried it yet. I'm getting there. I'll get back to you. Yeah, don't worry. We're having a conversation here. Yeah, he's about to fuck his wife. He's like, is that good for you? She's like, your dick's still in your pants. Well, I think New York has fucked me because the service is so direct here. You're in, you're out, moving along, shut up, who cares?

With other places, they're like, how are you? You good? Okay, you need more water. How do you like that water? You're like, how do I like the water? I don't know. It's good. Get out of here. Like with some A1. Yeah. Yeah. Sometimes too helpful waiter is brutal. I love his bit about, he's like, Italians are tough as hell, but they're weird and pussy about some stuff. They're like, I cracked that guy in the head with a baseball bat. I don't give a fuck. Whoa, what is that, yogurt? Yeah.

Damn, that's fucking great. I mean, he's got a million of them. I love his bit about how this is like a Walker City in New York. How we fucking run the city. The Walkers, not the cars. The cars will be driving like, oh my God, I almost got hit by that person. Yes. It's a great observation. That's great. So true, though. How about his bit about he's like, black kids know the law.

Black kids sound like police and police sound like black kids. That's an amazing bit. Police are like, I can't remember what the police say. They're like, yo, get the hell out of here. What the fuck are you doing? Come on. And cops are like, watch out, that's a 618. Or no, black kids are like, yeah, sorry, I fucked it up. I've been drinking. No, it's great. I know we're both losing our fucking steam. Well,

Well, it's like midday. We're not eating before we come here. We're just fucking ate this morning. This is why people love this show. So Peter's set. We had a few comments. You're not drinking anymore. Blah, blah, blah. Pushes us into rehab. Yeah. We're doing the next steps in rehab.

Where the Betty Ford? Super Producer Peter sent us The Drunkies, which is the best moment. Oh, what have you been sitting on this? Yeah. We've been talking Jonathan Mazers for six minutes. I might have other bits, too, but fuck it. Let's just hold on. Well, that zoo thing died. The zoo thing? Yeah, it may be something. Nah, I can't find it.

I'm fine. It's hard. We, you know. All right. Well, what do you got? You got another one? Well, are you pulling this up or what? Are we doing this? Yeah, we're doing it. He's sending me access to the. Oh, you need access, huh? Access denied. Access Hollywood. Is this funny? I love how dumb we're getting. We're going to have to dumb down articles for people to comment. The only way people are going to read articles in the future is if they get the comment because everything's about them. You can see articles like, yo, World War II, are you smashing or passing? Oh.

Is there something there? Yeah, yeah. I don't know. We're done with other thoughts. We're good with the drunkies here. Oh, is there award things? Yes, there is. Or is this just a revisiting? Best drunk moment. I will say that Yamanika episode might be the hardest I've laughed on this couch. I've never seen you laugh that hard in my life. She was on fire. I've known you a long time. She was killing. She was pretty great. I've known her for so long that it just hit me. We might have to have her back at some point. I would love to. So, I'm sitting there...

I know that move. Damn, you're fucking dying, dude. This is a great speech. Keep going, keep going. Hell yeah.

Oh Rex was hammered I saw Simon the other night, he's the fucking- we hung at the cellar, he's the fucking best Just the best hang

He had a spiral after this episode. He said he got recognized by some fucking... Some dude stopped him at a big party. Oh, good.

Yeah, yeah, Oz fucked with him. The mentalist. That shit was crazy. Oh, Rex is out. Punch Rex in the dick. This is crazy.

This is a great podcast. He ripped his cape. God, Ian's so fucking funny. Ian's the sober one, too. I know. We did a ski trip. We're all hammered the whole time. Ian is sober, and we were just dying. It was like having a court jester in the living room. He was just so fun. Such good energy. Such a great guy. Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. Great energy. Great vibe. The mustache. He would cook every night. Where did he cook you? He made fucking Parmesan, chicken parm. He made pasta. I mean, he just killed it. He was great. This is Best Puns. Oh. Matt Peters producing.

That took me a second.

Fucking idiots. I hope you edited that one. Mark's fading. I'm bored. Oh, jeez.

I like how she's passing judgment. I felt bad about that. I mean, look, I want to say it too, but... Oh, man. That was an old-timer. That was an old-timer of Mark's autism. Couldn't take it. That was amazing. I was dying. Genuinely confused. Wait, wait. Are these the best of farts? Oh, no. Nate. That Nate one haunted me. And him. Excuse me. This is best fart.

Alright. What, uh, what episode are we on now? Because that was like 109. This is 111. We gotta do it. Oh, 160. Okay, great. Well said. She was trying to talk about her journey to weight loss. Well, I had to defend her there. Yeah. But that was amazing. I took a shower!

And she kills me. Nate looks like sad. The reason it's so good is because Nate is actually upset. He was pissed. Whoa! The gas chamber. I wonder why we don't have more female listeners. That is fucking disgusting, that fart. That was a chunky fart. Yeah, that had some gurgle.

Alright. I blocked it out. Oh, silent.

I didn't hear it. It's a low moment. That was a bad fart. Watching these, I'm like, this is a good show. I get why people watch it or listen. By the way, I like that our best of is Mark being like...

I know. Our best stuff is a dude just farting. Well, I love the idea of Nate just doing a show with Seinfeld, Gaffigan, Sebastian, and him at the Hollywood Bowl. They just sold out two shows, and I'm farting on him. I feel horrible. He's not happy here. He wasn't happy. God bless you, Nate. Sorry, Nate. That was his Jonathan Majors moment, me farting on him. I'm a great man doing great shows, and I get farted on by Mark Norman. Oh.

Nate, we love you. This is best reaction. Oh, here we go. It's just the same clip? Matt Peter is producing. It's more conversational. It's more whatever it is. Right. Hold on. Wait, it's the same shit. I mean, it is the great reaction.

I mean the head shake that was like when I told my dad I was doing comedy. I had a second cousin who was pretty hot. Would you? Second cousin? Really? I tried. Miss Pat hates us. You buy crazy with an empty wallet.

Oh, the 69! Man, Bobby Lee's comedy gold. It's hard to beat Bobby on the pod. It's hard to beat Bobby. Bobby Reed! What the fuck?

What does this become? I know. Well, the booze is flowing. Sam's color commentating. That's a reaction. Hey, Winnie and the cat. Oh, hey, Sam.

Good referee. We might be a zoo. You might be Herb Dean over there. No one fucks with Wingy. Yeah. Wow, you really protected. I fucking love that old ass dog. Hold on, pause for a second. Instinctual. Is this something? I was giving my girlfriend shit for buying stuff for Winnie. I'm like, dude, she's 16. Stop buying her jackets. She had 12 fucking jackets. Stop buying her jackets. I was like, she's going to be gone any moment. She goes, why buy you stuff? Oh.

Oh, that's a bit. That's a bit. That's almost as good as my zoo stuff. This is best Salicus reactions. Oh, all right. We've reached a low point. This is like the best documentaries where everyone goes to the bathroom. Sound design. All right, here we go. Oh, shit.

Wait, wait, it's got the same, Pete, it reruns already. All right. You're in the wrong folder. Do we have an award for worst audio engineer? Ha ha.

Where's Google, bitch? I heard him. Alright, here we go. We haven't seen Noel Miller yet. That was fucking racist, dude. We're fucking idiots. That was more subtle.

Did you happen to watch that Headliners Only? I haven't seen it yet. Is it good? It's fun. It's fun because they show them on the way up and you can see all this crazy footage of them as kids bombing and stuff.

I mean, I just love rock so much. I love rock. And I'm not... Kevin Hart, you know, he's great, but I grew up with rock, so I'm like, I want to see all the rock stuff. So it's cool to watch. It's cool to see him coming up. I got to check it out. It's fun. Rock's the man. He's the man. And then there's something else. Oh, yeah, there's a World War II...

I'm turning into Tony Soprano. Like, I see World War II shit. I watch it. Yeah. I think we're getting up there. Is that old? Is that old guy shit? Because I just think these were people. These were 18-year-old dudes on the beach of Normandy. Very different lives than us. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

They would sign up for the war because they were, like, bored. Well, it was, like, a point of pride. That, too. I just feel like the country's in a different place. Oh, yeah. When people talk about, like, a civil war and shit, I'm like, shut the fuck up. Stop putting it out there. That's a peeve. People putting it out there. What's that?

I didn't see that. Wow. I think we're moving to civil war. Have you seen this?

I think I'll sit this one out. What is this? 824's movie called Civil War. Oh, Jesus. The blue states die on day one. I'm just like, I have a problem with this war. And they're just like... Yeah, right. Gun ownership is problematic. Well, I have a gun. 824, wow. Ooh, the United States of Puerto Rico. Hey, Offerman. Oh, boy. All right, fuck it. Maybe I'll see it. Alex Garland.

Is he the president? Yes. Well, that's fun. All right, I'm in. California got together. Oh, bad premise. Already not believable. Should have been Florida. The two states that fucking hate each other. Yeah. Oh, Ex Machina. Good movie. And it's in New York. 824 does make good shit. They do. I'll watch this. Hey, Kirsten Dunst. Look at that.

Movies are different than people tweeting it, though, constantly being like, Civil War. And I'm like, dude, you got a lot of followers. Can you cut it out? I know. I know. Can you stop trying to get people to want to have a Civil War, maybe? Well, luckily, we're too lazy. You know, it's going to be like, well, we are. There's some people who fucking live for this shit. That's true. There's some people who are like, I am dying.

to have a civil war. There's the capital storm people. Then there's the people who are like, oh, the Christmas tree was lit at 30 Rock. Let's go protest that. You're like, Jesus, I wish I had your motivation. No, you don't. I guess not. You're on the road. You're tired from traveling and doing gigs. I guess I would use it to go to the gym or maybe... To better yourself and not be a fucking boring piece of shit, you mean? Yeah, do Taibo or write a novel, something. All right, let's be real. None of us are writing a novel.

No. Maybe a novella, a pamphlet, something. You start a novel and then on page 13 you're like, yeah, I'm good. I got nothing to say. I got nothing. Yeah. Hey, it was the best of times. It was the queefs. All right. Cut and print. That's the start of something. All right. We have a start. A tale of two shitties. Hey, there we go. I'll tell you. Woo.

Anything else? Did we miss anything? I think we got some movies. It was a good year. We talk movies so hard here, but I fucking like movies. It happens. And we're going to make a movie, dude. Yeah. We're going to make a movie. That's the plan. It's already pretty much written. We're going to tweak. Yeah, but now we have to deal with the people that take forever. Yeah. Writing the movie is easy. It's getting it made that's hard. So how do you deal with getting notes from people you know that aren't as funny?

We're not there yet. It's coming. But yeah, we'll see. We'll see how we deal with it. I think we'll start a civil war. Yes.

Gay 24. I think we do what we want to do and then just give it to them. And then when they go, well, how about this? How about that? We go, oh, that's very profound. That's a great idea. What if instead of your idea, I wipe my ass with your pages? Yeah. And Mark and I came up with a better joke. There you go. Exactly. I think you just have to yes and. I think yes anding is the move and just be like, oh, okay. But we're not there yet. But I think you just kind of are positive and...

You don't belittle people because that's kind of like a belittling thing regardless. We don't know how we feel about this. You don't. You bring a better energy. Yeah, definitely. You got to placate. You got to rub the back. Go. Yeah. I've worked with shitty people in the past and never again. I'd rather not make something than work with people that fuck up our shit. Yeah. And I think we always have the back.

The card in the back pocket will be like, we'll just put it online. Fuck off. And they're like, okay, okay, okay. Because I think a lot of these streamers and TV, they're all scared of the internet. I think someone's going to make this too. Oh, yeah. I think we're going to be in a good place. I'm not worried. Not worried at all. Cut to Mark and I in battle fatigue. He's like, Civil War. Yeah.

We'll fucking do it. The movie didn't go. Here's to a great 2024, guys. There you go. Thanks to you. Maybe next year you'll actually drink part of your drink. Yeah, I'm sorry I made you such a bad drink, Sal. I thought they were good. I'm going to pop this just for the visual. Tasty. Thank you. But he's got kids to raise. I love a good Negron. But hey, we're not done yet, folks. You're going to pop that shit? Oh, yeah. Is that all right? Okay. Okay.

You're going to break some of the fucking... Pull up a good drinking speech there, Q's, while you're out here. Get Alec Baldwin and Gunn-Glarigan Ross. I'm going to shoot this like Alec Baldwin. Hopefully I don't hit a co-star. All right, what do you got there, Sally? Get Gepicino on any given Sunday. Life is a game of inches. That's what I tell my wife. All right, here we go.

It's going to go either way. I'm going for that middle light bulb on that hanger there. Have you seen Maestro? Is it good? Maestro? I've never heard of it. It's a Bradley Cooper movie. Oh, is that about Lenny? He got accused of Jew face. Oh, right. I think that wasn't real. Oh, wait a minute. Mussolini. What happened to this drinking speech? I wanted to get a Mussolini speech. It's going to be in Italian, you know.

All right. Well, we had a good run. I mean, Matt has been phoning it in for weeks now. This is really unacceptable. All right, what do we got? Okay, so we got a bottle of champagne here to 2024. Mussolini. Can we get a better energy, please? What are you doing here? What the fuck is this? The Italian dictator. Yeah, we should have been more specific than just motivational. Technically, that is motivational, but... For who? What happened to the Andy Given Sunday? All right.

Okay. Al Pacino. You've heard of him. Any Given Sunday. He's a football coach. Hey! How long is it? Four minutes. Great. Jamie Foxx. Pre-stroke. I love Jamie Foxx. Yes. Not to have a baby. Dennis Quaid? Jesus. How old's he?

What year is this? 96? Oh, that guy. Jim Brown. Jim Brown. Scariest guy ever. Pop it. Wow, I didn't know if we were getting somewhere. Is there a hook? Is there a finale? Don't make me do the zoo bit again. For that inch. For that inch. Here we go.

The fucking difference between living and die- Yeah! Between living and dying! Yeah! We should do, um, "Sent of a Woman" instead. We should've done... Take a flame thrower and- I'm just getting warmed up! Pull it up! Okay. We're gonna have to cut all this out, aren't we? Nah! Oh yeah, is that legal? Alright, we'll finagle.

We got nothing out of that. We got a couple of lines. Okay, here we go. I'm sure this will be 18 and a half minutes. It is. What is this, Pacino day? One more. We didn't even get to this one. Slow down. But I say, you are executing his service.

No, no, leave this. He's not a bad man. You hurt this boy, you're going to be bad bums. A lot of you. Harry, Jimmy, Trent, wherever you are out there, fuck you too. Stand down, Mr. Slade. That guy's great. As I came in here, I heard those words. You're a leader, shit.

well when the bow breaks we've lost all our listeners makers of men creators of leaders no no no come on you're killing this if you pull up uh robin williams in dead poet society i'm shooting this right at your face what the and justice for all yeah because i'm gonna get him i've never seen this one i've never seen this either spoiling it

All right, pause it. Mark, pop it. All right, well, I was hoping for a nice moment here. We've gone through four movies and we've got nothing. Jesus Christ. All right. 2024. Just get the kids cheering, for fuck's sake. Something. Give me something. There's got to be a moment. Here it is. Pull up Jurassic Park. No, no, hold on. There's got to be some great... Rudy!

I do like that sound. I've never seen a fun movie. Slow clap. Rudy is too fucking cute. Come on. Just fucking pop it. I'm paying you to get the YouTube premium or whatever the hell. YouTube Red. All right. Okay, so here we are. 2024. Thanks for watching. We might be drunk. Get Bodega Cat. We appreciate you listening. Hit it. We love you out there.

Part of the year. Great guests. Good times. Great times. Great drinking with you. Pop it. To another great year. Hey, to little people everywhere getting their shot. You hear that, Dinklage? And big people. Yeah. And medium-sized people. There you go. And... Oh, I hit it. All right.

We couldn't do it without you. Thank you, everybody. Thank you, guys. And see us on the road. Buy Bodega Cat Whiskey, bodegacatwhiskey.com. I think I got Madison this weekend, Madison Comedy Club, Philly, fucking Dania Beach. Usually Matt helps out with this part, but he's been phoning it in for quite some time. Dude, I'm drunk. Really? We might be.

I don't know where else I'm going to be this month. Oh, Stanford, Connecticut, Omaha, OKC, Addison and Texas fucking everywhere. Salt Lake City, Irvine and the specials in Boston. I believe it's sold out, but I love you guys.

Mark, where are you going to be, buddy? Hey! Happy New Year. MarkNormanComedy.com. I'm using that Punch-Up Live guy. He's the best. He's a good egg, but I'm way over my head here. Yeah, it's a lot. It's a lot. I'm clueless, but I'm going to be all over the road. Tampa, Phoenix, Boise, Idaho, Houston, San Antonio, Charlotte, Lexington, Atlanta, Raleigh, Austin, Tucson, Florida.

Oh, Charlottesville, Charleston, El Paso, Albuquerque, Memphis, Little Rock, Knoxville, Chattanooga, Syracuse, to name a few. Get some swag while we got it. Bodega Cat.

Samorelle.com for tickets. MarkNormanComedy.com for tickets. And BodegaCatWhiskey.com for the whiskey. And great energy. Oh, yeah. The last time I gave Salakus a fucking drink. What the hell happened? He's going to be slitting his wrist in a bathtub in two minutes. We're killing it. We got Jonathan Majors on the next step. I feel bad what I said. I think he's going to beat me up. Nah.

But, you know, been a good year. We appreciate you guys. We're grateful to you guys for listening. We're grateful for you, Matt Peters. Yes, Peters. Even Salamanca for fumbling these Google searches like Tiki Barber before he learned how to carry a football. And, you know, we appreciate all the listeners. We hope you have a great new year. We hope you're safe. We hope you're healthy. And we hope you get...

Get what you want. And there we go. When Harry met Sally, that's a happy ending. Count it down. Who's the count? We had Dick Clark. He died. Who's the, is it Seacrest? And they got Andy Cohen and Anderson Cooper, right? Okay, there you go. Meg Ryan, would you? Yeah, of course. All right. Out of respect. Yes. How about you? Yeah, definitely. Look at that. She's cute. She's cute.

She's goddamn adorable. Yeah, buddy. All right. Well, hey, we're here. We're queer. We miss you already. Happy New Year. Thank you, guys. Thank you. We'll see you next year. Hey, folks, we might be drunk. Really drunk. Hey, folks, we might be drunk. Shit face. Shit face. Shit face. Shit face. Shit face. Shit face. Shit face. Shit face. Shit face. Shit face. Shit face. Shit face. Shit face. Shit face. Shit face. Shit face. Shit face. Shit face. Shit face. Shit face. Shit face. Shit face. Shit face. Shit face. Shit face. Shit face. Shit face. Shit face. Shit face. Shit face. Shit face. Shit face. Shit face. Shit face. Shit face. Shit face. Shit face. Shit face. Shit face. Shit face. Shit face. Shit face. Shit face. Shit face. Shit face. Shit face. Shit face. Shit face. Shit face. Shit face. Shit face. Shit face. Shit face. Shit face. Shit face. Shit face. Shit face. Shit face. Shit face. Shit face. Shit face. Shit face. Shit face. Shit face. Shit face. Shit face. Shit face. Shit face. Shit face. Shit face. Shit face. Shit face. Shit face. Shit face. Shit face. Shit face. Shit face. Shit face. Shit face. Shit face. Shit face. Shit face. Shit face. Shit face. Shit face. Shit face. Shit face. Shit face. Shit face. Shit face. Shit face. Shit face. Shit face. Shit face. Shit face. Shit face. Shit face. Shit face. Shit face. Shit face. Shit face. Shit face. Shit face. Shit face. Shit face. Shit face. Shit face. Shit face. Shit face. Shit face. Shit face. Shit face. Shit face. Shit face. Shit face. Shit face. Shit face. Shit face. Shit face. Shit face. Shit face. Shit face. Shit face. Shit face. Shit face. Shit face. Shit

Comedy.