#2630 RHOSLC S05E10 Part Two: Crash and Hepburn
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Watch what happens. Watch what happens.

Well, hello and welcome to Watch What Crappens. This is part two of a two-part recap. If you're like, hey, wait a minute, I didn't hear part one. Guys, it's because we put out a lot of recaps. Go back and listen to part one, okay? It's before this one. Bye. Enjoy the show.

So now let's go to Mary's crazy party. So we go to Mary's. It's the breakfast at Tiffany's party. And Bronwyn makes the season one mistake of getting to a party on time. Oh, my God. At Mary's house. The worst place you could ever do it.

Yeah, it's like a fun house in there. But Bronwyn explains. She goes, you know, typically I arrive fashionably but not disrespectfully late to events. Per Todd's orders, he likes to say, why have we not left yet? The event starts in 45 minutes and it's going to be a five minute drive. We have to leave right now. If I don't get 15% off my Grand Slam, you're done. Yeah.

But I am reasonably inappropriately scared of Mary, and I do not want to upset the mistress of the manor. And look what it's gotten me, right on time and super awkward. Just me and Eduardo, and Eduardo, the bartender, the barkeep, as he's labeled, is just staring at her like, you wore yellow to this? Really? Disgusting. Can I just tell you, Eduardo is no help.

and feeling good i don't know where they found eduardo i don't know if eduardo's been doing this long but um he also looked terrified of mary because he i don't think i think mary's probably like don't speak yeah i think mary told him not to speak because bronwyn's trying to banter and he will not say anything back yeah bronwyn's like oh wow what a perfect replica this is great what a great party right eduardo and he's just like god our head does not it says nothing

So Meredith arrives and she has so Bronwyn has put in little like little bangs, which look very like it looks very Audrey Hepburn. She looks she looks just like her. Just like her. Yeah, it's weird. She looks great. And then Meredith comes and Meredith has put in some bangs, but she just kind of looks like she's doing a weird like Caesar cut. Yeah.

she looks like a bald guy she looks like a bald guy who's wearing like a little bad you know we've all we've seen this a million times in palm springs on the man

But Meredith, did she take her bun and use like the ponytail part to go over her... I mean, what was it? I don't know. It was the strangest thing. And I remember we saw it during our trailer trash of the season and we were like, "What is going on with Meredith's hair in this?" And now we know it was actually an attempt at Breakfast at Tiffany's. Which is kind of... I love Meredith Marks.

I was cracking up. And so they're talking very quietly. They're like, welcome to Breakfast at Tiffany's. I think we did a good job. Because the house is just so formal and uncomfortable. Yes. And Bronwyn's like, well, there's going to be no fake banks left on the Internet if we all bought the fake banks. Am I right? I'm right. Right?

I thought I was really tricky coming in with this little clip in Audrey Hepburn bags, and then Meredith one-upped me with, well, whatever octopus she put on her head. There, there, it's a choice. Yeah.

and so they make some small talk and talk about Palm Springs and Bronwyn's like I just needed a little break after Palm Springs Meredith because you know Todd sat me down when we came back and he was like is this how you always are with them and is there always this yelling and gutter sniping I was like oh God got a little lecture on my behavior and he was like what's happening you've got to

figure out a way not to do that. And I was like, we'll see. Well, you know it's a hard thing to do because that's not how I'm wired either. I'm not the one who yells. And then you do an immediate flashback. You can't leave! Also, she will be yelling by the end of the episode. So then, so then, I mean, Mary enters

And Mary is saying that like with everything with Robert Jr., she feels like she's lost control. And so she likes to do an event because it's her way of escaping and it leads her in the, you know,

in the right direction. And she's like, anybody can buy fashion, but you cannot buy style. Style's in your DNA. And I loved Audrey Hepburn. Her style was amazing. And I wanted to bring that out of these women. Let me see your style. And what does Lisa do? She goes and buys my exact same outfit and wears it. And we see that Lisa...

Lisa has taken the very literal approach. She's wearing an outfit that Mary has worn before on like a red carpet. But Lisa, I think Lisa saw that it was breakfast at Tiffany's and was like, oh my God, I love Tiffany's jewelry. I'll dress up like one of the boxers. Yeah, she did Tiffany blue.

And so she comes in this jumpsuit and Lisa's like, what? I was front row at the Fendi fashion show in New York when this originally debuted. Mary probably got it off the back of Barb Dorff's. I thought that. So Whitney walks in. Oh, my God. The house is gorgeous. I kind of assumed we'd all show up looking the same because, I mean, when you think of Audrey Hepburn, breakfast at nine.

Tiffany's. You think of the classic black dress, and the gloves, and the bun, and the gloves, and the bun, and the gloves, and the bun. Someone reset Whitney. Ha! But I just put my own flair with a headband, because my worst nightmare is showing up looking like Meredith. Cracked up when she said that.

But also, what are you doing? She's like, yeah, Audrey Hepburn. She's known for bangs, blue hair.

being a whore and smelling pa- I mean, not smelling, smoking. Why did I say that? Also not a whore. That's not confirmed. Maybe she was just lightly call girling. I don't really know. So what I'm gonna do, I'm gonna wear a headband. Those were none of the descriptions, Whitney. My favorite part of Breakfast at Tiffany's is when Audrey Hepburn and Burl Ives wrestled in chocolate syrup to make art. It's like, no, none of that happened, Whitney.

So then Heather walks in looking like she's in the neck brace. I mean, she looks like the girl that got run over by the bus in Mean Girls. Okay. Which is so funny because she's trying to mean girl Bronwyn in this and basically gets hit by a bus in this scene. Spoiler alert. She loses badly in this scene. So she is that chick from Mean Girls and she comes in in her neck brace and she's like, hi, everybody. Oh, my God. Today I had drinks in a bookcase. Can you believe it? I

And it's like being very big about kissing and hugging everybody and then passes right by Bronwyn. Yeah, like a full on icing out. And Mary is like, did you not kiss Bronwyn? No. Does she want a kiss? And she like blows a kiss to Bronwyn. And Mary's like, oh, okay.

So they all are sitting down at the table and there is a place setting reserved for Brittany, of all people. I literally had forgotten about Brittany. And Angie's like, wow, I'm a little shocked to see this name tag here. And Mary's like, well,

i invited her because i wanted her to know i'm not poor and then we see the clip of the first scene of them together with mary being like when i was growing up we just we just didn't have we didn't have enough there was never we didn't have anything and britney's like i get it i was poor too i didn't say i was poor just disorderly

So, um, uh, they can show that to me every day for 10 years and I will always LOL. That shit's funny. It was so good. So then Angie is looking, admiring the plates and she was like, uh, uh, uh, I think the Versace plates will say I'm not poor. And Mary's like, it's called Russian dream. And Angie's like, what? Russian dream. And then Angie goes, Abraham Lincoln had plates with the Greek on it. And they were like, Versace, Abraham Lincoln, Angie, yeah.

Listen, I applaud your desire to bring everything back to Greek culture because Lord knows Greek culture really has influenced so much of the world. But let's stop with the gobbledygook. - Well, Versace, I was like, this is my jiddi, my Lebanese grandpa would do this all the time. He'd be like, "That guy's great. He's Lebanese." He is not Lebanese. He is. Al Pacino's Lebanese. He's Italian. - Nope.

He's Lebanese. They're making him hide it. They're not making him hide it. But Angie declaring that Abraham Lincoln had Versace plates. So funny. And Angie's like, yeah, it was his wedding. It was his wedding, China. And they were pink and they had the Greek here on them. And Lisa's like, wait a minute. I don't think Versace was around when Abraham Lincoln was. I don't think so.

I mean, Abraham Lincoln, when he invented the cars, did he also get clothes at the same time? What happened? What's happening? I felt like he was too busy prosecuting cases to get Versace plates. Lincoln lawyer? Yeah. This is, of all the hills to die on, Angie decides she's going to die on the hill that Abraham Lincoln had Versace plates. That shit's so funny.

Oh, my God. So Anthony goes, let's Google it.

So Heather's like, that's something we don't need to Google. Okay. So then. I agree. I agree with Heather on this. I probably will. So Brittany comes in and she's like, oh, sorry, I'm late. Thank you so much for having me. The best always comes last. Right, girls? It's her or me. And it's me you must choose. Thanks, guys. A little Miss Saigon there while we're at it.

Mary's like, "Yeah, I don't know about that. Best comes last, but thank you." Samaritha's like, "Well, I was just thinking, did Mary send you a different invitation? Because you're not wearing anything that either resembles the movie Breakfast at Tiffany's or the jewelry shop like Lisa Marlowe Tiffany's." And she's like, "No, I got it." Mary goes, "No, she got the same one."

Yeah. Anyway, I want to do a cheers. Thank you all for coming to my home. Thank you for coming in the theme of Audrey Hepburn, or at least most of you, except for Brittany, who we all love, I'm sure. And I just want to say cheers to friendship. We're still here existing. Who is this person? How has Mary so changed in one season? I know we ask it every time, but it is crazy. So Heather's like, Mary...

Thank you so much for the invite. I just love that everyone, I just love everyone here. And I love that we've all been included. And I think that's important, which we know did not happen for the Palm Desert trip. So thank you for the invite. And thank you for including everyone. I appreciate it. Claire, Claire. I love Heather's like,

complete lack of subtlety when she said i you know thank you for the invite i love that everyone here has been included if it were karen huger it would just end right there but she's like let me really spell this out for everyone what i'm trying to say here i was not invited to palm springs okay good i'm just glad everyone made it over there yeah i'm not but to be fair whitney is the audience at the table it's just like i i probably have to spell this out for whitney right now

And she's like, well, this is breakfast at Tiffany's. So I've decided to serve cut fitness right out of the gate. Please spill a drink on yourself again when you're trying this hard, please.

So they are eating some of Meredith's caviar and they're going to start eating. They're just eating and everything. By the way, Bronwyn, in case anyone's wondering what Bronwyn's doing after Heather just basically tells her off, she's doing so much neck and head bobbing work. It's really funny. Like she really is working that little pigtail. She just like puts her head down, like her chin down and she looks at her and she's like, and then you just see her ponytail like bobbing in the back, like just seeing her getting more and more pissed.

The other thing with Bronwyn is she's not only nodding her head, but she's also swiveling her entire torso sort of in a little circle. It's like she's like a spoon in a cauldron. She's like, mm-hmm, mm-hmm, making little circles in my chair. So now Heather, Meredith, has brought more caviar because that's her thing. Baths and caviar. That's her season selling thing.

So she's like, "Now, as Kaluga, it's a beluga whale named Carly that we got the whales off of. Last time you guys had Ossetra, and this is Carly Beluga, Kaluga. Enjoy. Enjoy, everybody."

And then they are, Mary is like, let's break bread. And Whitney goes, this is my favorite bread sauce, which I don't know what bread sauce is, but sure. And Bronwyn's like, Angie, do you want some bread? And Mary's like, don't put the bread in your purse. And Brittany's like. So Bromley's like,

Sabrina goes, it won't fit anyway. So you guys, you guys all look slightly tanner. How many people went on this trip? Like the five of you and your husbands and the three of us didn't? Mary is the only one who invited me to anything this week. And Mary is the only one who actually gave me a call. You were at my house right before the trip, Angie. I invited you to a really special family

night at my house that was like a little strange and a little creepy and a little awkward but I still invited you and I heard nothing from you Angie or any of you

I was greekly honored, which was great even though you brought a bottle of wine. I am not some girl from long ago. And Brittany's like, I mean, if it was just to me, if it was just to me, but we're talking, you're walking into a big church group and you said you know that we grew up as Mormons and to walk in with a bottle of wine, it just seems off. Like, oh my God, this is why nobody wants to invite you anywhere. Just sit down and eat your bread.

i know you wanted to walk in with a bottle of donny osmond's nephew and that's i think way worse than the wine no kidding like yeah sorry yeah so when he's like brittany what's with the bottle of wine though you're drinking champagne right now wait a minute

"Everybody, Britney doesn't like wine, but I think she's drinking champagne right now. Britney's a drinker!" Yes, okay, yes, for—yes, I do, but that's for me. I wouldn't drink in front of my church group! And Angie's like, "Sorry, you're doing three guys, and you drink, and you're claiming to be some total Mormon."

But you're doing three guys. I'm not doing three guys. I have way more than that. This episode made me laugh so fucking hard. It's making me laugh all over again. I was just dying. So then we see a flashback to Brittany hanging out with Angie, and she's telling her, Jared and I, I just feel like we're so good. Okay, let's just keep eating. Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. I have an announcement to make.

I'm getting closer to Aaron, though. Okay. Let's just keep eating. This is so good. Thank you so much. Oh, wait. Hold on. Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. Ladies, I'm also dating a guy named Hal. And Hal's a really incredible guy. He's just so amazing. And then we cut back. And Angie's like, and now you're offended that I bring a bottle of wine to your house? I am not doing three guys. Can we just, like, scratch that from the record? No.

Then Mary says, I don't know all the guys that Bernie are dating, but I do know that Jared keeps sliding into my DMs. And we see a DM from Jared to Mary. Yes. And he's like, my amazing friend, Mary, I hope you're doing well. I really enjoyed what a quality and amazing human you are. What a pleasure it was to meet you.

And another one is like, "Mary, I think you're amazing. You have a blessed day as well. You are one of God's greatest daughters. You can feel it." And then another one. "Oh, my sweet friend Mary, I do not believe any of the drama that came from Bronwyn. In fact, at that dinner that I was at, I defended you. I think you are a very sweet and wonderful woman. I told everybody about my feelings that I had after hearing you. I was immediately connected to you as a daughter of God."

i feel that spiritual connection still you are a solid friend of mine and i will always be grateful for that you and i are definitely in a good space if there's anything that i can ever do for you just let just know i am here my penis is always available and i could use a good spray tan partner yeah and then mary responds with a fire emoji

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This interaction, I don't, it's also funny how formal he is being. He's like, he's like cosplaying as like the town elder, like the, like the, the pastor of the church or something. It's, it's, it's weird. Well, he's like from one religious person to another. Wanna fuck sometime? She's like, fire emoji.

So, he's like acting, I just think it's funny. He's like acting like he is this person who is a man of God, who is going to walk the straight and narrow and be a good citizen. And then he's like posting pictures on his Instagram, like liberal tears, just like mocking people. So I'm like, okay, well, it seems like you're really being a lover of humanity. So Mary is like, she's like, you know, he's nice, but like,

And the producer's like, have you told Brittany? And she's like, no, I don't need that soap opera. I have a lot going on in my life right now. And also, I don't want to talk to Brittany more than I have to. More than I'm contractually obligated to. So Brittany's still going on about the wine. And Andrew's like, well, I said when we pray at communion, we drink wine. It was a bottle of wine. I didn't think you were going to open it for the ward. And when he's like, but Brittany, wait a minute.

Is Britney mad that she brought the wine? Or is Britney mad because she outed the fact that Britney drinks wine? I call for a mistrial. So Britney's like, "Well, it just kind of put me on the spot, and it's just, it's culturally awkward that I drink and I go to church every week. You would understand, Heather."

Girl, it's culturally awkward that you're banging people you're married to and everything else too. You fucking hypocrite. Okay, if you can break one law, you might as well just go out and go on a killing spree. That's what I say. Yeah, so Heather does a whole spiel about like...

Heather does a whole spiel about being caught between the worlds, and it's really tough. And if you're trying to get around the rules, you need to go to the Church of Mormon 2.0, where I believe Lisa is holding meetings. It's funny. It was a good callback to last season about a storyline that not a lot of people cared about, right? Right? Okay, great.

So Brittany's like, I'm sorry, but I'm just on the edge because I just feel so excluded. And Lisa's like, but no, I wouldn't even thought to check on you because I wouldn't think that you would be sad about not being there because you've been super rude about Todd and Bronwyn's life. Look at that. I'm sticking up for Bronwyn. And Mary's like, yeah, it's not OK to talk about people's husbands, you know. And Bronwyn's like, yeah, well, you've called me a gold digger.

And Brittany's like, yes. And you've said that Todd is disgusting. No, I did not say that. I've never said that Todd was disgusting. Well, you said that you said there's no way I was physically attracted to him. You said our relationship is bullshit. You don't believe it. I need to prove it to you.

I did not say that. And when I said it's time to take a break, you said I will not because everyone has said it. And she goes, well, I said everyone's thinking it because they are. And Lisa's like, I don't think that. I don't think that. I think Bronwyn's amazing. And basically her husband is a pinup Brad Pitt. He's better looking than Brad Pitt. Everybody knows that. I'm standing up for Bronwyn.

So Heather's like, well, then why don't you have a prenup? And Bronwyn goes, you know, you got to take a break off the prenup. You really do, Heather. You want to keep knocking on that door and you're not going to like it when I open it. And you see a bunch of Starbucks mugs that apparently you look down on. I don't understand the question. I thought about this. What Heather is saying, if you're not a gold digger, then you...

Would have been fine with a prenup because then you probably would not have gotten anything out of a prenup. But if you, but like, it's a gold digger thing to not have a prenup. The implication is that Bronwyn advocated for there to be a no prenup. And then she would stand to, to receive a lot from like a divorce. Oh, so the woman should prove herself by getting nothing after being married to somebody. Yeah. I don't think this was a, I don't think this was a strong case. Yeah. I don't,

I think it's not a... Yeah, I don't think it's a strong case. It's idiotic. Yeah, I would not blame Bronwyn for there not being a prenup. Hey, let me tell you something. You may not have been the trip, but I hope you had fun visiting the patriarchy. Okay?

So, Heather is like, I just think it's stupid for anyone at this stage of our lives to get into any marriage without a prenup if you have any reasonable assets to protect. For instance, any revenue you may have received from a book called Bad Mormon available in bookstores now.

But why would she think, so now she's trying to twist it that she's saying Bronwyn should be the one that has a prenup, which is just silly, as we all know that Todd's a rich one. So now she's trying to twist what she's saying because I think she feels that she's looking like an asshole, right? At least that's what I'm getting.

So Brittany is like, it doesn't matter whether I have a prenup. And the fact that you don't know my husband and you have opined multiple times on what he should or should not have done. And she goes, multiple times opined. Oh, pray tell Shakespeare. Yeah.

Like, oh my God, opined is really a Shakespearean word to use. Heather is so funny because she is really coming into this in a neck brace, trying to look like a badass, and she is getting eaten alive. Bronwyn is slaying the fuck out of her. She does. And it's almost painful to, I mean, I feel uncomfortable watching it, but I'm also giggling like, oh, you tried it. It's kind of amazing. And you failed.

Bronwyn is in full control of this show, and it's hilarious to watch. Lisa's kissing her ass. Heather is about to start kissing her ass. I mean, it's pretty good. Yeah, I mean, Heather...

Heather is one of the best on Bravo with her words. She can line up. It's not so much a read, but she can do a little speech so quickly on the fly. I mean, I am envious of that. You see the way I get tangled in my words all the time. Like Heather just spews out so wonderfully, but she's also used to being the one that does that. Like that's her thing. So here comes Bronwyn saying exotic words like, oh, pined and Heather is losing her mind. Yeah.

So Heather's like, "Oh, pray tell, Shakespeare, I know three things about your husband." And now Heather's really mad, so she's talking with one eye. She's like, "Three things about your husband, okay? I know that he does not have a prenup with you. I know he collects Starbucks mugs. Roll the footage of that awful moment of my life having to pretend to enjoy that." And we see Heather being like, "Gross, Starbucks mugs." And she goes,

And I know that he's an asshole on couples trips when he wants someone to leave. Okay, Lisa, you can jump in and defend me now. And Bronwyn's like, oh, cute Lisa, you told her that. That's really cute, Lisa. Because, you know, you see what Heather's doing. She's like, okay, Lisa's trying to make up with Bronwyn, so I'm going to throw Lisa under the bus so she can't make up with Bronwyn because I need somebody on my side, right?

And she's like, Lisa goes, "What do you mean cute?" And Mary's like, "But can I just say this really quick? I mean, Bronwyn does care if you get along. And if you don't believe so, I mean, that's fine, but it does matter to her. So it's important that you guys get it straight for her." She's like, "She didn't invite me on the group trip." And so Bronwyn's like, "Heather, I said to you, I wanted you to come and I'm planning for you to come. And I even bought your first class return ticket."

So this explains, by the way, last episode, there was this whole thing where Bronwyn said there was only four tickets available in first class. And I got one for me and Todd. And then everyone else, she put in Coach. And we're like, why didn't you put anyone in those two slots? It turns out she'd already bought a ticket for Heather. So there was only a solo ticket next to that. So Heather is like...

How did you buy a ticket for me? And Brahman's like, well, honestly, I asked someone else for your birthday and your name, aka production, because production probably books all the tickets, right?

Yeah, I guess. Well, I don't know. Well, I don't know because she's saying she has the ticket because she booked it on her credit card. So I don't know. This is all super weird because I thought production paid for all that. So I don't know. And well, Heather's like, ask. And the producer is like, well, what is your birthday? And she's like, none of your fucking business next. Yeah.

So, Bronwyn's like, "Okay, here's the ticket, correct? You see?" And Heather's like, "Let me see! I would love to see it!" And Bronwyn's like, "It says Heather Gay, and it says when I cancelled it. Just leave it to me so I can look. Okay, you know what? I'd love to look at the dates. I'd love to see what this flight is!" She's like, "Well, I'll forward it to you and you can memorize it."

And she's like, "So who took my first class ticket spot that Bronwyn so generously purchased for me?" And Angie's like, "Not us." And Lisa's like, "Wait, I couldn't move myself because there was one ticket available, but by the time John went back in the app, it was gone!" That's so funny. So there was one available, but she still didn't tell Lisa. "I wish I knew how I was getting home. I would have bought my own ticket myself."

And Bronwyn's like, "This is insane." She's like, "Yeah, well guess what, Angie? You weren't exactly thrilled. You be mad at Bronwyn, 'cause I'm not allowed to be mad at her right now 'cause I'm proving that I really like her, but you be mad. Fight my war." - Lisa's like, "I was fine with it." She goes, "No, you weren't." She goes, "I just knew you wouldn't be fine with it." And Lisa's like, "No, you were not fine. You died when you saw your seat number. You died. We gave you a Greek funeral. It took seven hours. You're the one that even brought it up to me."

Like, how are you getting home? Check your ticket. So I'm worried about you. That's like shocking to me. It's like completely shocking. And then we see a flashback, which is not like this at all. And she's like, oh, my God, Lisa, look at your ticket. You're going to freak out.

And he's like, "I am 18c, I've never had such a high number before, what a wonderful day." And so Lisa's like, "Oh my god, coach!" So Bronwyn's like, "Does it feel totally asinine that anyone was worried about it? I flew you guys out there. Just FYI, your husbands got a gift, you guys got gifts for me, I had the house, I took you to Indy, and if anyone gives a flying fuck, pun intended, where they sat for 67 minutes on the way home, this is wild bullshit."

And Heather's like, it doesn't matter where you sit for 67 minutes. Why did you book yourself and your husband first class and them all in coach? And she goes, because it was my goddamn credit card. Dun, dun, dun. So I put myself where I wanted to be. Black annex down on the table and was like, fuck you. I've got a black card, biatch. And then it just cuts to commercial. And I was like, I mean, Heather was trying to make you. That's for sure.

I mean, what part of her saying, I paid for everything. And it's also, by the way, it's also their anniversary. They're allowed to have the first class ticket. It was just such a, uh-uh. You cannot, you don't turn the group against me when I bought all this shit for them. And then you're going to make it seem like I was the one who was stingy. Uh-uh, ma'am. I bought this ticket because I'm stingy.

I wanted it. And that's the end of the story. Yeah. And she nailed it. She nailed it on this. And she tells us, oh, I see what Heather does with the other ladies. She spins them out of control and they forget that she was the one who was wrong in the argument and that they're all having. And I'm not going to be spun by Heather. And

And it's just so funny that she just clocks that so easily because that is what Heather does. And now every time she tries it, Bronwyn just shoots her down. So Bronwyn's like, well, it doesn't matter what I say to Heather because she's just going to say, oh, that's another problem. There's another one. And there's no getting through a problem with you because once I say, and actually I was trying to invite you, you, and she goes, oh, you're just so astute for someone that's known me for how long. She goes, see, every time I say let's get all the way to the bottom of this, Heather changes what it is she's mad about, which she didn't really. But now she's just confusing Heather.

And it's so funny. Heather literally gets that far away looking her eyes like, what? She doesn't know what's happening. And then Whitney is like, hold on, I'll help. So, Heather, I know that we share the same trauma in friendships and trusting people because you never know when someone close to you is going to exploit your vagina.

So now Heather does change it because she's not winning with that tactic. She's like, hey, here's your way out. And it's sad if you have to get the assist. Heather's losing. She's just drowning right now and she will not. She's just trying. She's like, I can swim. She's like avoiding the life raft, you know.

I can swim!" It's like, obviously you're drowning. So Heather goes, "Well, I don't think it's lovely to leave one of your friends out because she's single and then go on a couples trip." And it's like, oh God, everyone knows that's not why she left you out, you know? And so Whitney is like, "But that's different. But Heather, she gave you a chance." And she's like, "I know that I'm coming on strong, Whitney, and I know that I'm angry, and I know that I'm coming on hard, Bronwyn, and I'm changing it again because I'm very hurt."

So then Bronwyn's like, at this point, Heather. Yeah, because now the music gets like sort of like serious. Like they're going to have a breakthrough. So you know it's coming. So Bronwyn's like, at this point, Heather, I am still open to getting to know you. I think you have a very wrong opinion of who I am. And I wanted to show you differently on the trip. And we didn't get there. But there is a part of me that feels like it's not just me in this situation. And you don't want to hear me saying to you, I want you to come. I want to fix it.

So Heather's like, we have had difficult times in our friendship. She's going to make it all about Monica now, right? She's like, yes, this is my family. And they replaced me after I was ditched by the Mormon church. She's like, she's like building that victim cloak way up because she knows she's lost. Now, this is interesting because this is very rare to see on these shows where someone's like,

She's definitely got me beat. So I'm not only going to go down and apologize. I'm going to give a whole five minute speech about it and go down. I mean, it was amazing. She was like standing on the edge of the Titanic. She was the band that was playing as the Titanic went down. She's like, well, I'm drowning anyway. Might as well get some Tchaikovsky in there, you know? So she starts going down and gives this whole speech about what a victim she is and how hard it is to be let.

Hurt by Monica. She's cautious. Guarded by religion. And now she's cautious. No, you were trying to be the HBIC bank and Wells Fargo came in and they were bigger and better and had better rates and everybody decided to go with them. So you were HBIC over there standing there with nobody in your line and you have failed. And now you have tried to get bought out by Wells Fargo.

That being said, so it was a hilariously, it was like, it was the sort of, again, the sort of campy monologue pivot that I love in these shows where someone's going hard, they realize they've lost, they do a whole like, "I'm just my god, I'm just so guarded. I've been burned before. I have no family. My friends are my family. Whitney is my receipts. Meredith is my proof.

Mary is my timeline. You know, like I don't, these are, these are, I, I guard them with my life. They're so special to me. And it's like, so over the top, but like, I also love that. Like, I love like when you fail, you have to give the big speech to the music. And I was like, oh,

I was like, this is why Heather's also a top housewife. At the end of the day, this is why she is in the fairly elite tier because she realized she couldn't do it. So she had to do the dramatic speech to the dramatic music. She doesn't go out with a whimper. She goes out with a fucking guttural aria. I love it. So then she's like... Arias are nice though, right? What are the sad ones? I don't know. So she's like...

She's like, you know, I have a lot of people that love me and I had my back universally in horrible situations. And to be left out like that hurt my feelings. And I'm going to process that. And I'm sorry if that's coming off so mean to you. I will take it at face value that you wanted me there. And I'm sure you didn't want this type of disruption on your life. And I'm sorry for that. And I would absolutely be open to a clean slate and moving forward and receiving a party favor like everyone else got.

And can I still use that first class ticket? You didn't return it, right? So they cheers. And Lisa's like, oh, my God. Yeah, I'm glad we're the center. So Heather's like, eye contact, please. Clean slate. So Bronwyn does and nods very fiercely in her ponytail, bobs up and down. So, yeah, Bronwyn just won that.

I mean, there was some tears. There was some tears in my house. I was like, okay, I'll give it up. Like, that was good. Okay, so then Heather is like, well, listen, Bronwyn and I got off to a bad start, but so did me and Lisa. And then we see clips of four years ago that are just so fucking funny with the double thumbs up thing. You sent me a thumbs up text and Lisa's saying, you know that means fuck you. And Heather's saying, no, two thumbs up is a fuck you and that's a universal tax code.

So, yeah, so Heather's like, "Okay, well, I guess she's here to stay." That was – she was – she really – she really beat me down there. So she's probably gonna stay on this show. So then everyone is – everyone's like, "Yay! It's resolved!" "Well, that was a good episode, everyone. Great work today. We'll see you in a few days for our next shoot." And Brittany's like, "Guys! Guys, stop it! You're all clapping and that's not cool!" And I'm like, "Well, okay, well, Brittany." She's like, "Seriously, what about me?"

Where do I get to have my big moment? Bronwyn, please read me fulfilled. Come on. It looks fun. She's like, guys. And Mary goes, oh God. And Bronwyn's like, get this woman a puppy. She needs unconditional love from somewhere. Brittany's like, now there's this big kumbaya moment all over the table, but not me. And she goes, oh, you are feeling left out. I'm so sorry. You are like pizza on a tray of hummus and grape leaves.

Yes, I don't totally understand the metaphor, but I'm going to assume that's the feeling of being left out because I am so sick of this. And why? How dare you? I just, I want to have the same kumbaya moment. It's just not fair.

So then she tries it. So then Mary goes, well, we're sitting down. Go ahead. You have the floor. So Lisa goes, Brittany, if you wanted a Kumbaya moment, you could have said, I'm sorry. And Brittany goes, okay, Bronwyn, I officially apologize for those mean things that I said about you and your husband. And Bronwyn's like, okay, because everybody told you you had to move on or because you really feel it. She goes, because I feel it. She goes, what?

Okay. And Bronwyn's like, girl, you're a friend of, I don't give a shit what you think. I know. I'm so glad we had this conversation. I really needed this Kumbaya moment. And Heather's like, I need a Kumbaya moment too. Do they have California rolls there? So, yeah. And Bronwyn was just like, okay, I forgive you. She won't even look at her. She's just eating her food. She's like, girl, I'm not even giving you this. Have fun in the pile of discarded Osment bones, you know? And shockingly,

Yeah, no, you go ahead. I was gonna say what you're about to say next with Mary is shocking because I would never have expected Mary to actually be. Yeah, Mary. I don't know who the fuck Mary is. So Mary is like, okay, so maybe we could invite Bronwyn because she's tried to come in, you know, and she's trying to say something's not fixed. So maybe we can grow together because that's the sole reason you're here. Okay, so let's do that because, you know, whatever each other's saying, we should listen. Okay, and then

that's what we should do let's just work it out from this moment forward we work it out so at this point i'm like we're wrapping up the episode because i'm not looking at how much time is left because i'm so enthralled in this this amazing episode and i'm thinking okay it's it's over because heather and bronwyn's like that's the big bad like that's the that's the big fight the feud that's been brewing over the course of the season so we've sort of resolved it we're going to move on but then lo and behold

Um, I don't want to pile on, but I want to talk to Meredith. Oh, well, I'm sure she does. Just when you thought it was over, and just when Meredith thought she was getting out of this meal without an issue, it's time for round three.

I want to move forward with you, but I'm having some unresolved feelings since Palm Springs with this whole podcast thing with Sean. All I'm trying to do was deal with an unresolved issue that had never been addressed before about a toddler in danger. And I just wanted to just feel a level of resolve because this is about my childhood.

And if something were concerning Elektra, I know you would feel the same. Surely, if I said potting plants with your children could be poisonous, you are having them touch poo and they could touch their eye or swallow it and choke to death, you might be upset. Surely, if I had mentioned that a good child would enjoy truffle sauce, you would probably have something to say about that.

So Angie's like, is that... So then she goes, and I don't want to go backwards, because if we're going to go backwards, it's not going to be pretty for anyone. Is that a threat? Didn't I just say I didn't want to do that? So now we get like a five-minute fight about whether or not it was a threat.

She's like, yeah, we're not going to go backwards and I'm not going to go. But I'm talking about going forwards. Well, that's what I'm saying. We're going to go forwards, but we're going to go backwards first. You just said that I'm going forwards. So was that a threat? No, it was not a threat. But if you think it was a threat, I'm going to throw a rock through your window. Ah, a threat. That was a threat.

No, wait a minute. Wait a minute. A threat is when you say you're going to go backwards. That is a threat. I said, if you want to go backwards, we can do it. Because if you're asking to, but I don't want to. You said go backwards. And Merv's like, oh, my God, this is now a threat. Oh, my God, I can't talk. I can't talk. I can't talk. I can't talk.

You said if you want to go backwards, we can go backwards. Yeah, but I just said I don't want to go backwards. It's like being in a car and saying, well, we could go in reverse, but we'd hit a wall. So let's go forward instead. Why are you threatening my car? Oh, my God.

So he's like, I do feel like this continued and I think we are moving forward. I think you like Sean. I think I like Seth. I think you can get along with me. But then something comes up and I think it gets misconstrued. And then what my husband was trying to say, you make it

Crazy. And we got support from the LGBTQ Greek Plus community that didn't like what you were throwing out there as well. Okay, I'm gonna cut this off right now, okay? Because I was honored. I'm still talking. I have a toddler who came out of the womb in a rainbow flag, so I don't want you to tell me about any sort of LGBTQ community. Please don't hit me. I'm done with this.

Please don't shoot me. I'm not threatening you. Please do not stab me with that knife. We're not going to talk about this. Okay, you can sit there. I will cut you off. So Andrea's like, well, she alluded to rumors that my husband was gay. And then she got trolled like hell online. So she's trying to backpedal and saying I would never talk about someone's sexuality because my son is gay, which is what she did. This is true.

I don't know if Meredith was trolled necessarily. Not only she was, people were like, why would you, you can't, yeah, people like you can't do that. I mean, people would definitely get in on the gay rumor about someone's husband. That's disgusting. But also, it was Whitney. This is all Whitney. This is all fucking Whitney. Why is everybody blaming Meredith? Whitney was the one who brought this on camera.

Yeah, so Meredith is like, Angie, I am tired of this. You have a consistent habit of deny, deny, deny. Did you say my husband didn't say these things? Let's play them and let's make it abundantly clear. So Meredith pulls out her phone and starts playing the audio of Sean on the podcast, and everyone's listening, and...

I was like, "Okay, good. They're gonna hear it and then they can discuss it." But then Whitney grabs the phone and I was like, "Why did Whitney do that? That was actually, like, not cool." And Whitney grabs it and then she's on the phone and I'm like, "No, I will hold my phone. I will take my own phone, thank you very much." And I was on Meredith's side about that because you don't just take someone's phone out of their hand like that. You're on mute. That's like grabbing my boyfriend by the moat. By the throat.

You can't just grab that. That's my lover. That's my bank. That's my everything. It's my life. You can't just take my phone. Because Whitney just grabs it. And it's like, this was, I felt like for a moment, I felt like this was going to lead to some resolution where Angie was going to say, this is what he meant by it. She could say, and Meredith might say, this is how I took it. Although, let's be honest, that probably would never happen. So, but Meredith is like, stop scrolling on my phone. I don't want you to delete one of my toddler photos. Yeah.

And Whitney's like, "I'm just turning up the volume. There's no scrolling." And we're just like, "I turned it up. Don't grab my phone." She goes, "Then don't put it in my face." And then it gets to Whitney and she's got a toupee on the top of her head and she's like, "My phone! How dare you!" This is Whitney's best season that she's ever had.

So now Angie, who has made a lot of progress with Meredith, I think it's now all out the window because she's like, Meredith, pull up all your videos. You are hateful. You are miserable. You live to try and expose people because you are miserable.

So now Mary's like, Angie, no, no. And Meredith's like, oh, you're the miserable one. They're like, no, you're miserable. No, you're miserable. And Mary's like, oh, Mary's trying to get them both. She's like, stop it. And Meredith, stop. Angie, stop. And she's like, leave me alone because you're miserable. You're miserable. And she's like, well, if you're not going to listen to me, Meredith, Angie, if you're not going to listen to me, then get out of my house. And Meredith is like, I don't know.

I will. I will, man. I will. I will. I can't believe that. I was asked to leave, so I will leave. I will be the classy person in here. She's like, no, I didn't say. I said, if you're not going to listen to me, leave. It was a conditional statement. No, no, no. Did you not just tell me to get out of your house? She's like, no. I said, if you're not going to listen, let me talk and listen to me. And you're screaming at her. Let's go to the other room and have a break. And I'm going to start to cry. She's like, you were just raising your voice.

I am a toddler at home. Do you know how difficult in history is a toddler by yourself when your husband's in Ohio working for Big Lots? And Meredith's like, I didn't put you out, Meredith. Don't do that. And she goes, I am doing it. I am. I love you, but I'm leaving. And she's like, this is not love. You're leaving. She's like, I love you, but I'm her and I need to process things. And I feel like my head is being squeezed by a hand from above made of hair.

and i have to go so i'm not like i'm in a claw machine and the claw is made out of hair and it's trying to pick me up as a toy

It's literally like the Fisher-Price plastic. And so Mary's like, she's like, so I'm not deep enough to get this straight? You're just gonna leave me? I'm sorry. You hurt me. I got completely attacked for the 8,000th time by this group, and I have to go, Mary. I have to go. Please, don't go. Don't come after me. I must go, Mary. Clearly, you and Angie have had a field day ripping me apart. Continue and have fun. I'll give you free reign to talk about me.

She said, don't go there. Don't you dare talk about me and Angie. And she's like, oh my God, you know, when she walks, that's when it gets tough. That's when she walks. And Mary's like, so then Mary's like, I'm going. Oh God, toddler, Bootsy and Mommy's coming home. And Mary's like, oh wow, thank you, Lord. She took her bangs with her. She goes,

He goes, this is Audrey Hepburn, not the Flintstones. I was like, oh, good. Thank God. Classic mirror is back.

So good. What a great episode. I love this show. I love, I love. This show should be like first in the ratings. This show should be the top of the box office. Like when I look at movies, I just want this show to be at the top. It's just so fucking good. It's so fantastic. I wish everybody would watch it. It changed my life. I mean, that and the Country Music Awards in the same night. I mean. What a night for you. I'm a different person today. Yeah.

Thank you all so much for listening and for being here today. That was such a wild ride of a show. I'm like, I do feel really blessed that we have it. I feel so lucky that we get to enjoy this show. Like for people who don't understand or get housewives, for the people who say like, why the hell do you watch that crap? Because people say that a lot. It's shocking how many times people say that.

I am just so grateful that we understand why the show is so good because an episode like this comes around or season like this comes around and it's like our lives are richer because of it. And people who don't get it, they don't get it and they're missing out. Yeah. Well, good luck non-getters. But for everybody else, thanks for being here. We will talk to you tomorrow. Bye. Bye.

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