#2583 RHOP 0901: Wiving Under the Influence
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Hello and welcome to What's With Crappin', the podcast for all that crap we love to talk about on GeoBrops. I'm Ronnie. That's Ben over there. Hi, Ben. Hi, Ronnie. How are you? Hi, John. Welcome to the show. Thanks. Welcome to the show as well. Yes, I had a little crafty weekend, so I have a new little set behind me. Temporary. The new temporary set over here. Still construction world over here. What's going on with you?

I had a crafty weekend also. I sewed myself a sweatshirt, which I was very excited about. It's an oversized floppy sweatshirt. Pictures of it on my Instagram. If anyone wants to give me a follow at Ben Mandelker, shamelessly shilling my own Instagram because I forgot that I'm actually on a mission.

I had so much fun over the summer making those videos for what you call it, those quests, iced coffees. I had so much fun making them. And then I was like, how do I do more things like this? And then I was told I have to get to 50,000 followers. So everyone give both me and Ronnie a follow because if I'm going to be aiming for 50,000, so should Ronnie. So do that so that way I can make more fun videos. Yeah.

I was not expecting you to show my Instagram like that. Specifically ad videos. I want to make ad. I still can make advertising. You always make a creative video. I could always do that. I know, but you know what? I need deadlines. I can't just sit there and be like, what's my creative video going to be like today? Does anyone want to see a video of me being like, hey guys, this is how I eat cereal. But if someone is like, hey, could you make a video about making cereal and...

you know, promote General Mills. I'll be like, I will promote General Mills. Is it really even creativity if it's not funded by a corporation? Big Pharma, where are you at? I'm ready to make a video for you.

Well, we are also funded by a corporation, gigantic one, that sends us things on Prime Day. Well, they don't send it. We have to order it. I mean, they do send it. We have to pay for it. I don't want people to think we're getting some free Amazon Prime Days over here. God, wouldn't that be nice? We definitely don't. Oh, my goodness. Well, we get free Amazon Prime Days if we get 50,000 followers online.

You know what? I believe the answer would be no. Okay, everybody, welcome to the show. Tonight is Crappy Hour. That is our bi-weekly podcast.

live show on YouTube Live. Stream it on Instagram Live occasionally if it works. But we're definitely on YouTube Live. That's 5.30 Pacific time every other Monday. Super fun. We talk to you. We talk to us. We talk about Bravo News. It's a great time. Also, this is a video recap. We do all of our recaps on video now. You can watch them right when they're released through our Patreon, patreon.com slash watchwhatcrappens. And

And you can catch them a week later, the old stale versions over on YouTube. So join us there. They're for everybody. And also, what was I going to say about that? Videos, podcasts, podcasts.

stuff on Patreon. Oh, also, Patreon is where you get our bonus episodes. We will be doing the first two or three, if we need to, we don't know, episodes of Below Deck Sailing. That returns tonight. Those will be Patreon exclusives, so head on over to Patreon if you are into recaps for that show.

sorry, we're not trying to hold anything hostage, but there's a ton of stuff going on. So that's just how it is right now. And speaking of tons of stuff going on, let's go to the new season of Real Housewives of Potomac. Well, Potomac is back. I'm not going to lie. I was a little scared. This is formerly maybe the best show on Bravo.

And, um, or at least top three. And then just had a real, real bad season last year to sort of bad season. You, you, you have nightmares about if you're making these shows and, uh,

It went from top tier to literally the worst show of the year on Bravo. And I was nervous. I was like, oh. But I personally think that the changes they made were good. And I felt like there was a correction. And I am cautiously very optimistic. I really like the premiere, to be honest. Well, that's good.

I like the changes they made as well, I think. I don't know. I was kind of meh on the newbies. They didn't seem to bring much, but then we saw the preview for the rest of the year, and that one is like, they're trying to break us up. And our husband said, they're not trying to break, they're not messing with us. They're messing with God. And I was like, oh, okay. So these people are crazy, so I can't.

So Her Crazy will come out a little bit later. And I'm not sure about the newbies yet. So we'll see. I mean, there's so many. It's like Potomac and Salt Lake City are both doing newbie auditions right now because... I mean, I thought... Cattle calls. They're bringing everybody in. I thought Salt Lake City had a lot of friends. But this one was like...

I don't think I've seen so many Fran Doves in one season premiere ever before. There must have been five. I have to say, when Wendy started the season off by waving around her five fucking diplomas or whatever she does and started talking about how she's going to do yet another business this year instead of her job as an assistant professor, which she quit.

I was like, okay, they've learned nothing. I'm going to watch her do the same thing over and over and happy Eddie walk around in happy Eddie branded sweatshirts. I didn't have a whole lot of hope.

But, you know, I always enjoy Potomac, even when it's bad. I still enjoy sitting there through Potomac. I mean, you've still got Erin acting a damn fool. She's one of the most delusional people on Bravo. And wow, the delusion is at its peak so far this season. Yeah, it's really strong. First of all, I think that like when Wendy is brandishing her diplomas, that is when Wendy is actually at peak Wendy. I think Wendy in some ways is almost like the Heather Dubrow of this cast. Considering this is a cast that's like a little Heather Dubrow-ish in general, like these are sort of like

hoity-toity ladies or like they think that they're hoity-toity but like Wendy's whole thing you know she's like I'm from academia there's like I'm like a little bit above these women and so that's why when she does her like made for TV businesses it doesn't feel right because like her lane is

is to be like academically superior and looking down her nose. And I love that. Like I love that on these shows. So to me, having her start the season, talking about her diplomas again was actually like a comforting hug for me. And I think that what's, what's so good about this premiere is that the, um, the relationship between Karen and Giselle is so special to me. Like it's a very special TV relationship because they are old friends and

And they're also old rivals. And the quality of their frenemyship is so pure. It's such a fascinating thing. And watching Giselle, as we're about to talk about, bring Karen out to some rinky-dink diner. And under the guise of showing care for Karen while quietly airing her dirty laundry. Or not quietly, but sort of...

Politely airing all her dirty laundry on camera. It's just so funny. It is so great to watch. It's just such a more compelling relationship and dynamic than Giselle and Robin.

Yeah, it was nice seeing Robin not there. And they even had the daily Robin phone call, but it was Ashley instead. I don't know. I said it was nice having Robin there, not there. I don't know. I think maybe I would like Robin as a friend of, because I still want to hear Robin on the other line going like...

And she's like, oh, you know, here's what I'm doing. Or she's doing her morning thing. Is that a drag queen thing? They're putting a T after literal instead of every G. I'm like, okay, we get it. You're a drag queen. Hilarious. Get a new thing. It's been like five years. But her good morning. We're going to a restaurant today.

Whatever she's doing. I kind of would have liked to hear Robin on the end. Oh, Karen. Karen got a DUI. Or whatever. And especially since they go to a pizza place and Robin ordered that fake pizza.

to Karen's house to prove that she didn't live in that house. I mean, there were so many parallels that kind of called to Robin that she wasn't here. And also, this would have been Robin's happy time to see Karen get a DUI and get to, I told you so, all season long. So I think I kind of would have liked to see a Robin victory dance. I mean, if she got out of bed to dance. Well, even if she did a dance from in her bed, she could have called on the phone and be like, I'm tired, but you're drunk. I would have liked that.

Yeah, I actually think that there's definitely room for Robin to be a friend of. I think that she just had run her course as a full-time cast member. There was, I think, probably the first half of the series, I really enjoyed Robin. But as she started to become more and more of a liar about Juan, and as she became really more outwardly hostile and unpleasant, it was not cool. And I actually think that if Robin were on the cast...

I don't think the premiere would have worked because I think what was so funny to me was the way that everyone was pretending to rally around Karen while they were all sharpening their knives and taking little stabs and building up to take bigger ones over the course of the season, whereas Robin would have just been outwardly hostile, like, see, you got a DUI, and I'm being supportive of you, but you would be supportive of Juan. It would have been an annoying fight, and I think that the cheery passive aggression of the cast...

was so much more entertaining. Okay, well, there you go. All right, well, let's check it out. So we start... Thank you, Binger, everyone. Yeah, we start with a reenactment like we're watching an Oxygen low-rent murder show. Okay, it's like two days. March 19th, 2024, 11.19 p.m. Karen Huger departs from dinner home. Blah.

Blurry vision! We see a car driving. They're doing a reenactment of a blurry car. I was worried. Honestly, right at the gate, I was like, oh my god, we are starting with fun and games, like silliness. But they actually... I think it was kind of like a half wink and a half...

Like, no, we're presenting this footage in earnest as if this is an Oxygen reenactment. But the fact that they put up that this is a reenactment was so over the top. It was kind of their wink at the audience. And we do see this footage and we see the road. And I thought this was great because for years, we've been recapping this show since it began, since it started. And since the first season, I believe, if there's one thing at Potomac we have always called out...

is the famous Potomac deer. There's always the deer. They always show the deer running around on this show. And here the deer finally got to play a role and it darted out in front of the camera and the car swerved off the road and hit a tree.

Loses control, runs into a tree. The Potomac deer finally got its revenge. We thought for years, we thought it was cute. I liked it because it was like a murder mystery where suddenly, you know, there's someone in the background. It's always the one in the background that you don't suspect. And this time it was the deer. I can't wait till a duck actually like murder somebody.

The duck is next. It's going to show up with a little knife at Karen's door. So then Giselle, it's later. One month later. So Giselle is talking to Ashley on the phone, putting a T on everything. She's like, good morning. You know, I'm feeling like a million bucks out in these streets. You know what I'm saying? Woo, Giselle.

Okay. She's like, a lot of cheese. She's like, I bet you are, girl, because you are a million bucks, baby. And she's like, yes, this morning, I'm heading to Karen's house. And Giselle is saying how basically Karen hasn't been out of the house. So she just wants to check in on Karen, make sure she's doing okay.

Yes. She hasn't been out since her DUI. And she's like, I was in shock seeing that Karen has totaled her car. All the charges. And we see headlines about the DUI. It's like, you know, why wasn't Matt driving? That's actually not a headline. That was my question. Like, where's Matt? You know, where's Matt? Has Matt just taken on too many new housewives to kiss their ass? Like, he's not there to help anymore? Like, where's Mr. Blue Eyes? You know, the guy that she was...

the driver that she was accused of banging all that time. Where's the arm candy? And by the way, Ashley is sure to say on camera over the phone, like, yeah, especially since it's her second offense. That's terrifying to think about. Just slide that right in there for America. Cause I had totally forgotten that this was her second one. Yes. And then it's not, we find out it's not just driving under the influence. It's a lot. So here are the,

And Ashley's like, my heart sank. I don't even understand the magnitude of what has happened. Scroll open. Look at all these charges. Driving while impaired by alcohol. Driving while under the influence of alcohol. Wait a second. How many charges do you get for that?

I mean, not to stand up for drunk drivers, but are you guys just coming up with ways to double it? Come on. You can't just driving under the influence of alcohol, driving while impaired by alcohol, driving to a Wendy's drive-thru while you had alcohol in your system, you know? Driving around a Tito's bottle. Come on, man. So, failure of licensee to notify administration of change of address within 30 days. Reckless...

Wow, they're really going for it.

Driving vehicle on the highway with suspended registration. Driving vehicle in excess of reasonable and prudent speed on highway. Negligent driving vehicle in careless and imprudent manner engaging property life in person. Failure to control vehicle speed on highway to avoid collision. This is a lot of charges that I think they've itemized charges that should be one charge. That's

That's not fair. Okay? I'm saying this to the government, not to stand up for anybody here, but how is, like, driving recklessly but also driving poorly, but also driving fast, but also driving badly? You can't give me a ticket for all that. What is my one ticket? Speedy. Give me that. Well, in order to paraphrase my most famous line, you have to break laws in order to obey laws. Okay.

That's Karen's logic. I could really show that I was obeying the laws to show what it would look like when I break the law, that's all. I only break those laws so everybody could see how law-abiding I've been all this time. It's called the contrast. I learned that in fragrance school. Exactly. So this was my smoky era. My woody era. Yeah.

Okay. Somewhere, Monique is sighing a breath of relief that she is no longer the one who crashed into a tree. Because of a deer as well. I forgot. Curiously. Not only was it...

Not only was it because of a deer, it was also because of a tree. Monique tried to blame everything in nature that day. She was like, you know, the deer, then there was a small tree that I didn't know was a tree because it was so small, but it was a tree. So I hit that, which made me hit a bigger tree. I mean, these fucking trees, man.

Yeah. So Giselle says, wow, a DY, a DWI, a gift card to DSW, unregistered driver's license, an unregistered car. Karen and I have been friends for a long time, and I care about her. I love her. I'm going to be there for her, whatever she needs, and especially if it means...

She needs public humiliation. I will do it for her. Yes. We'll be bullying Karen for the rest of the season, but I love that she's at least starting like this. She's like, remember we're friends now. Let's watch it all go to hell.

Wendy's like, my first thought was, is she okay? My second thought was, I hope none of her degrees get burned in the crash. My third thought was, haha, she doesn't have degrees like I do. And then after that, I was just shocked. Shocked that she made so many headlines. I mean, that's pretty wild. I think we should all be responsible.

And Mia's saying, you can do what you want. Endanger yourself. Endanger your car. But do not endanger the... If you need to endanger yourself, endanger Simon. Just put Simon out. Wait, who's Simon? We're getting crappy already for tonight. And I was just reading Simon news about Portia. Oh, there's Simon and Portia news? Oh, Jesus. Oh, just divorce. He's trying to get shit granted in his divorce. Whatever. Whatever.

So she's like, do not endanger ink. Do not endanger my children. Endanger my husband. Okay.

So Ashley's like, yeah, you know, Karen's gotten a DUI before. But wow, I'm just surprised she's a repeat offender. I just feel so bad for saying this again. Because remember, she got a DUI before. This is so terrible. I hope I never have to say this again because she's also had a DUI before, guys. But you know what? I understand because I'm a repeat offender.

of mentioning that Karen's a repeat offender. So, and then Giselle is, Ashley says, you know, the woman that I know, the mother, the businesswoman, the wife, all those things that she prides herself on, that she does very poorly too. I never thought that Karen would put herself in this situation, but it was very funny, if you think about it. It's time for a commercial. It's time for a Crappin's commercial.

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So then Giselle comes to Karen's, and Karen, of course, answers the door like she's shocked. She's like, Giselle! Ray, I'm going with Giselle. Just be quiet, Ray. Ray, don't try to shuffle to the front door. Ray! Ray is shuffling to the front door. Ray, at least bring a broom to drag behind you so something gets cleaned up as you shuffle.

he's like please leave the house so Giselle you're very beautiful I hope you guys have a wonderful day today we care

And he's like, finally, I can watch the golf channel in peace. I really like that one lady on it. So Ray, they go off. And Giselle's like, well, I'm going to make sure that we're not going to drive by the crash site. Can you drive by? Is it triggering at all? I don't know why that was funny to me. It was so Giselle. She's like, hello, I'm picking you up for lunch. I know that you're traumatized by this DUI. Let's not talk about it on camera.

Are you going to be triggered if we drive past the spot because you got a DUI? Would you not like me to drive there because you got a DUI? Do you want to drive there? Will you say it? Will you cry? Does it make you want to drink? I know you probably don't want to relive this, but...

Do you mind if we take route four? Because I know it's the trauma site, but it's also the fastest way. No? No? Oh, because you're DIY. DIY trauma? Yes? Oh, sorry about that. For bringing it up yet again. And Karen's like, oh, it's not triggering. It's not triggering. You know, it's the car. It's just a space. It's just a place in the world. I'm just... When a deer jumps past them, she's like, now that's a trigger. Oh, I've been brought down by a set piece.

Well, it was pretty scary when that one deer took its hoof and put it across its neck like, I'm going to get you. It slid its neck. So Karen's like, you know, it's the wig I left at the crash side. Now that's triggering. Sinking a deer in my old wig. Get back here, deer.

Since the accident, I've had a lot of time to reflect. Accidents happen, especially when you're driving drunk. And while I cannot talk about things in detail because the case has not been adjudicated, I will say this. No deer shall be safe from prosecution. I have been falsely framed by every single hoofed animal in this county. Yeah. She's like, I understand the value of life more than ever now. Yeah.

She's like making it like, I'm heroic, guys. I've survived this. Where's my purple fucking heart? I cannot talk about it, but I'm the victim in this situation. Now, the fact that she's taking this road is crazy. And I know that they happened...

You know, she didn't have time to watch Orange County before she decided how to shoot this season. But man, Shannon really handled this a lot differently. Shannon was like, I did everything wrong. Nothing I did was right. I am completely sorry. You know, she just took she just came and took full accountability. And Karen's like,

I am being, this is a conspiracy theory. And they're all out to get me, including the deer. So wait for details. You're going to be shocked.

She's basically going to try to get out of this one. And she talks about how basically the only injuries that she has are... She goes, thank God my injuries are not life-threatening. I was like, yes. And she is... Her ribs and her ankle are really the issue here. So they get to a place called the Tally Ho Restaurant. It's like a greasy spoon, which I think is funny that they're going there. And...

and this manager comes by his name's andreas he's like oh yes karen please please order would you like the karen special oh it's french toast scrambled eggs and bacon i was like this could be a little bit more elevated than that i mean don't get me wrong i love all those things but i thought it was gonna be something like it's a poached egg on a bed of lettuce and beautiful sauces and whatever but it's just like

That's a normal order. It's just what Karen orders. Karen's special, basic, something completely basic. So Giselle's like, so, you know, we want to make sure that you're happy because we do need to have a real conversation. Now, let me start out by saying I am very, very glad that you're okay because I could not imagine something really, really happening today.

happening to you. And it took me, you know, it took me, it took me back. I know you well enough to know that you don't do stupid stuff. She's like, I don't, I don't do stupid stuff.

So when I saw all the citations, the DUI, the DWI, the driving while fast, the driving while intoxicated, the driving under the influence, the driving under the influence of not having a license. Yes, yes, yes. The highway robbery, the way that you robbed the car. Yes, yes, moving on, moving on. Yes, Giselle. Yes.

stealing money, embezzlement of cars. We can just say et cetera. That's all right now. But it was uncharacteristic of the Karen that I know.

And she goes, well, it's a legal matter. And she goes, of course. Well, I will say this to you. You do know your friend, and I can't wait for the truth to come out. And you will all see that it was a conspiracy idea that ran me off the road and poured vodka all over my face. And Giselle's like, well, what's going on with that? Because you have to go to court at some point. I mean, there are 19 charges. I didn't even finish them. Kidnapping a dog. Yeah.

Stealing jewelry. Can we get some more special over here? I don't think we need to fill Giselle's mouth with something. So when do you go to court? And she goes, oh, Giselle, you can read. Ha ha ha.

It's not even clear if I'm going to court or not. I think it's going to be up to the deer, apparently. Some say I'm going to face a tribunal of various bucks and does, and I'm going to plead my case there. We'll see. By the way, Karen looks like a computer that needs to be restarted. It's like slow, like the beach ball is spinning. Her eyes are half closed. Did you notice this?

Her eyes are half closed. One eye was half closed the entire episode, yes. And she's just kind of doing that lip purse thing she does, but it's just like... Every time I make this sound, it's when I'm pursing my lips. It's just going like this. Mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm.

She's sort of giving Mr. Potato Head, there's two different eyeballs that have been inserted in the holes. The wrong ones. One's up a little higher, one's a little bit lower. You put the nose in the eye hole and the ear in the nose hole. Yeah, something's a little off. Yeah, I definitely noticed that. It was like her eyes, something went wonky in her face. Something about this accident

cause her facial features to sort of go askew. Yeah, I don't know if it moves the filler around or if she's enzoed out. I'm not really sure what's going on. My friend just got filler, and that is something. You can feel it. It's like putty in your mouth. So I would imagine maybe something like that could move your filler. If you sleep on your face too much, I told him, please don't sleep on your face because then half your face is going to be over here. You're going to just have all this filler left.

and then this side is going to look like weird and gaunt, you know? Yeah. It's just, I mean, she, you know, it's, it's like if you knock over a vase and you glue it back together, it's always gonna be like a little off. And that's kind of, I think what happens. She's back, but she's leaking slightly. Her super glue was like 97% there. So, um, Giselle's like, I'm not being out here. Shady and messy. Uh, no, this is not that. Uh, I,

I really just like trying to be supportive in a shady and messy sort of way. I care about her. I love her. I want people to know that she was driving under the influence and driving with a suspended license and driving a unicycle without a proper permit, etc. All right, Giselle. All right, Giselle. All right. By the way, how is Ray with all this? And she's like, well, I just, listen, I...

Everything that I'm going through. Oh, we're going through a lot, me and Ray, and I can't blame Ray for any of it, can I? But I am blaming myself for not speaking up of what I'm going through with Ray. Have you ever seen him look for a remote control? He literally loses it every five seconds. One minute he has a remote control, the next minute he doesn't have it. Where's the remote control? It's five hours of my day looking for this remote control. I said, Ray, put an air tag on the remote control. He lost the air tag. Mm-hmm.

I'm just asking for a little emotional support. You know, how about less sing the jingle for Safe Flight Repair and more, Karen, how was your day today? And of course, this is Karen. So what does Karen do every time she's confronted or she's in the wrong or she needs to apologize but doesn't want to?

She talks about her parents dying every single time. Does this make her parents dying less sad? Of course not. That is so sad. But girl, you can't use it every time something happens. It's like, Karen, you need to wait for the light to change. My mother passed! No, you can't do that. Yeah, I mean, I feel cruel, but I have to be honest as a viewer.

When she was talking about how she really had not taken the time to grieve her parents, I totally see that as a real thing. Girl, you not only took the time to grieve your parents, you took my time grieving your parents. We've been watching you grieve for three years. What are you talking about? We see you go to the farm. We see you go to Surrey County. We've seen balloons. We've seen the whole thing. Not saying that like, oh, and then that's a tidy bow and you fixed it all. So I totally hold space. I am aware grieving is a long, tough process.

And I don't doubt that it actually does. It was part of the situation, but she's acting like she just has not even talked about it. I'm like,

I feel like we've been processing a lot of this. We've been watching you process a lot of this, Karen. Like, you got a DUI. This is going to be on you. And you're trying to – she's kind of trying to imply, like, oh, I'm not going to blame Ray. But, like, he has been less forthcoming. Right. Like, he hasn't been as loving to me. You know? Oh, my God. Ray is barely – Ray is barely moving now.

The man is a blanket that breathes at this point, okay? So stop blaming Ray. Stop blaming your parents' passing, which of course, yes, is very sad. I'm not taking that away from you. But stop. You got the DUI. You cannot come in here crying about what life did to you. You did this to other people. You need to fucking stop. I cannot believe that no one has told her you need to go in their contrite. I mean, any defense lawyer will tell you,

put on a suit, even if you don't have one, look like, you know, look, you know, look like you care and, uh, just be sad. You know, or say you found God. I mean, something, but the hell. And honestly, honestly, if you have a DUI, like she should be so lucky that she's not causing some other people to have to process some grief. So Giselle is, so Giselle is like, well, you know what is so crazy. I mean, not crazy, but like sort of funny is that you look like you take care of yourself. Uh,

And all the times, all the years, it's like, Karen has got it together. And it's like, cut to Karen with one eyeball in her forehead, one eyeball down by her chin. And she's like, I'm totally fucking...

Karen is together. You're talking out of your forehead. Like her mouth is just up here. Karen is together. I don't want to blame Ray, all right? Karen? Karen is a human word scramble. Karen, I don't know if this happened during the arson, the burglary, the hate crimes, the assault. All right, that's enough. Moving her mouth back. Is it in the right place now? Your eye is still blinking on your ear, Al.

And then we see a close-up of Karen's fingers that have bandages, like little band-aids on them. It's like, well, I do like to present like I've got it together, but the truth is I've been so angry. I've been fury typing for the past three weeks, so now I've got band-aids on my fingertips. It's not like I didn't sustain any injuries. I'm basically my left footing at this point, Giselle. So then a donut arrives, and Giselle's like, how did we get a donut, da?

And Andreas, the manager, goes, oh, well, Karen, she's an amazing customer. Oh, and she comes here all the time. And I just want you to know that this woman has never had a drink here. Just decided to put that out there for everyone here, including the family that's been bouncing around in the background of this entire scene. No one's accusing her of having a drink there, Andreas. They're accusing her of having lots of drinks while she was driving on a road at night. Okay? Fucking Andreas. Yes.

uh glad you're gonna keep your fucking pancake order up i know that would have broken you had you lost that customer but anyway karen high-fives him and then um just goes well you don't serve alcohol sir so how could she have a drink here and i was like oh score and he goes well look at the ladies behind you then and she does they're all like cheers they've all got beer i know fran and genie back there and the baby are all like even the baby's like holding up some beer and it's like little bottle

The baby's got powder all over its nose. It's like, wow, what's going on at this pizza place? It's a baby powder. So Giselle's like, well, you're looking out for the grand dame. I appreciate that, darling.

And she's basically like, yeah, she probably paid him off. This feels like a setup. Yeah. So she's like, on another note, I know that somebody is having a birthday. So I just wanted to have a little lunch for you for your birthday, Karen. Let's have a little lunch for you. What was Karen's birthday? Was it the 5-9? What was her birthday last year that she kept on saying that? I just don't remember. Last year was the 6-0. It was the triple 20s. It was the 20-20-20.

Oh, the year before that was the 5-9. 5-9, yeah. And last year it was the 20-20-20! The triple 20-20-20-20! 20 all the time! Which is funny, because they opened this like Karen was starring in her own episode of 20-20. So...

So Giselle's like, well, I know that someone is having a birthday, so I wanted to have a little lunch for you for your birthday where we could highlight that you're so old and also remind everyone that you got a DUI and a DWI and a D2D and a...

Old lady driving off the road, charged. All right, that's enough listing lists. All right, now here, swing of lists. Give me the list of who are you inviting to my birthday. And we find out that there's, you know, it's the regular suspects, except for the people who quit and or got fired. And then we're bringing Wendy and Jacqueline, okay? And then we're going to invite Vivian because, you know, Karen loves Vivian. So Karen's going to bring in a couple of friend ofs. She's got Vivian and Karen's

May I add, may I add, because Vivian's going to be there. Well, let's bring Stacey. That would be nice. I love Stacey. Surely Stacey will never turn on me. There are so many friend-ofs on this episode, it's about to turn into a Lubega song. It's like literally just a little bit of Vivian on the side, a little bit of Stacey by my side.

Side as well. Two people by my side. A lot of people by my side. It's the Countess Luanne version of Lubega. And just I was like, oh, let me look at my list of other people we've invited. Let's see here. There is hijacking, fraud, misdemeanor penalties, kidnapping.

I see what you're doing, Giselle. All right. All right. Yes, I can invite those people. And we'll definitely invite Stacey. And Karen's like, Stacey and I, I've known Stacey through Vivian for about five years. I like Stacey. The way she said it, I just don't believe her. I like Stacey. No, you don't. I don't believe her. She's ready to murder Stacey because she thinks Stacey's going to take her place. And she's not wrong because Stacey comes on and she's like, wow, I basically exactly like Karen.

We're exactly the same person. But now you have me, a fresher non-DUI version. Babbage! And we see that Stacey was up in Philadelphia because she was working for QVC. I'm assuming she was working for QVC until she got a better offer from Bravo. And I think it's so funny that it seems like every year the way a season of Potomac begins is someone...

Moving to Potomac and they're like, oh, I just got a house in Potomac. I don't know why it's funny. It's annoying. Yeah. And it's just annoying because I don't know anything. I don't know where anything is. You need people from Potomac. There has to be crazy rich ladies in Potomac. Call them, you guys. Mm hmm.

But yeah, they didn't learn their... See, it's Bravo not learning their lesson. This just happened last year, guys. We're not learning. But yeah, they've got her. And then I want to say something about QVC. QVC should be a goldmine because the people on that channel are goddamn liars. And we see an example of it...

when they show a clip of her later or right now, Stacy's on QVC and it's got all, it's like some little rinky dink bracelet with a silver cross on it. And she goes, guys just want to throw that out there. If you're looking for a mother's day present, I would love to get this for mother's day. You would not. That thing looks like it's from one of those claw machines at a fucking Chuck E. Cheese liar. Can't wait to see what you do on this cast, ma'am.

enough talking about me and your DIY yeah yes yes um so everyone's good Ashley's good and just like yes Ashley's good da Mia's on a world vacation and I'm like what's the DJ's name so then they start to shade ink because Karen calls him DJ Applebox because he needs an Applebox to stand next to Mia to be at her height DJ Applebox that's so rude but also isn't Ray a lot shorter than her yeah

Not that hypocrisy is new. Just older. He's just drinking. So Giselle's like, yeah, they never take a picture together. She's like, oh, and what they do, she's behind him trying to make him look taller. Stop. Just stop it.

We see all these photos where Mia is so far away. It's like when you go to a science museum, there's the room that teaches you about perspective, where the ceiling gets lower so you look like a giant. He's so far ahead of her. Are you guys in line for something during the pandemic? What are you standing six feet away? Oh, God, it's hilarious. What?

Let alone he's a shorty and it's okay. Ink, is it? Ink is his name? Ink? Ink? DJ Applebox? And Giselle's like, well, she looks happy. So it's fine. It's just been so fast. You know, you're moving one man out, one man in all at the same time. It's a revolving door. Oh, Giselle, stop with your judging of other people's men. Okay? Don't you have a casting call for your latest? Go do that. I know.

Well, I mean, to be fair, it's one man out, one man in. It's dizzying, like Karen on a highway. So Karen's like, well, I want to know that the babies are good. That's all I want to know. I'm not sure what their names are, but as long as they're babies and they're okay, I'll be happy. They're like, me too, me too, which is funny.

Karen's like, oh God, I have real stuff to handle. And so Giselle says, well, Karen, I have to take you home because you're all being real shady. And she's like, well, this is good stuff. You know, you should have picked me up sooner. If I had known that you were actually going to be nice for an entire lunch, I would have come out and pretended that I knew who you were when you came to my door. I'm sorry I turned the sprinklers on. It's just, it's just a thing. Commercials, here comes one right now.

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So now we go over to Mia, Gordon, the kids, and they're getting ice cream.

And Mia's like, Gordon, we're separated. But having the children smaller back in their life is, like, really important to me. And she basically talks about that they're, like, co-parenting, et cetera. And then they're, like, talking with their kids. Like, oh, it's exciting to have Dad here. And she says that Gordon has moved into the building that she lives in, which is great for the co-parenting. But it makes it hard for me trying to have my sneaky links, you know? It's not really a sneaky link anymore. What?

Yeah. So then they send the kids out to play. And so we see the kids playing and stuff. And Gordon's like, you know, great. Glad we found something that worked for you and me. Doing his mouth working thing as he watched them play. He's obviously upset.

Yes, he is so unhappy. And she's like, well, you know, we've come a long way, but I feel like we're finally in a good space. And I personally feel, I mean, I don't know how you feel, but I personally feel like I gave everything I had in me for our marriage. You know, when you give yourself over to the joint chiropractic, you were basically a hero. I gave everything I could to our marriage. You were literally cheating on him for a decade. Yeah.

Right in front of his face. And then you left him. He would have let you keep cheating. He would have let you keep cheating. You still fucking left him. What are you talking about? You did everything. I did everything to fix this or at least make you not mad about my current affair while you still had money in the account. But now that you know. I pretended like I cared about moving brochures on a desk at the joint chiropractic. That was a lot for me.

Yeah. So then he's like, well, that's your perspective and you're certainly entitled to it. Oh, so you don't feel like I gave everything. You literally took everything. You literally took everything and you spent it on a rental that you left.

yeah and he's like well i think you gave a lot but i don't think you went that last step and she's like well what's the last step because the last step is to separate and not to run to someone else he's basically like you overlapped with ink and you should not have done that so she's like well i wasn't running directly into anyone's arms which she was and he's like what and i swerved

It was a deer. I was trying to walk to you, but a deer jumped out in the road and I just swore and I ended up inside ink. Sigourney's like, you did. And so don't deny that. And then we literally see a picture of Mia in ink's arms. As she's saying, I did not run directly into anyone's arms. That's her in ink's arms. Yeah. So he's like, please hear me. She goes, well, look, he says, if that's your position, I get it. I was mean to you. I admit it. Please hear me. I regret that. And she's like,

Well, it's important for us to really focus on co-parenting our babies. But I know you had mentioned earlier you don't want Jeremiah getting any haircuts with anybody else. And he's like, yeah, no.

He's like, not anyone else. He's like, you said it. And she's like, but that's apparently a parent. He's like, he's not a parent. Okay, that's not a part of it. Okay. And she's like, well, he is not trying to replace you. Okay, he just...

He's more just like a new Gordon, but he's not a replacement, if that makes sense. So, you know, Ink is coming this weekend, almost like you could say Ink coming. Ink coming? It was a joke, Gordon. Can you at least laugh? Come on. A little levity. He's not laughing. And then she's like, yeah, he's not coming, but he's coming this weekend. And the only thing he does want to do is to get a paternity test. Dun, dun, dun. And then we see a flashback to the reunion. Yeah.

where Gordon is like, I'm 100% Jeremiah's my kid. And she's like, well, you actually told him. We come back and she's like, you told the world that I didn't know who the father of my child is. So you started something. So you finished it on camera. We started traumatizing our children on camera and now we're going to finish traumatizing our children on camera. Yeah, this is such a, this is like such a sad storyline. The kids are, we keep cutting to the kids playing and you know that Jeremiah has no idea about this. And you know that this is like,

future therapy sessions. He's just licking his ice cream, literally beaming at the cameras. He's like, look, I got ice cream. What could go wrong now? Then,

This is... I mean, this is gonna, like... This is gonna mess with him a bit, you know? Like, this is gonna require therapy. This is shitty. And he's just sitting out innocent... Like, innocently playing. He's got, like, a little hat on that's got, like, this green thing on it. And it's, like, really sad. It's a... It's, like, a really kind of sad, fucked-up scene. And basically, she's like...

Inc. wants to do a paternity test. And now Gordon all of a sudden is like, no, he's like, he's like, now, are you concerned that if you get a paternity test that it could show that Jeremiah is not mine? And she's like, well, it's only his amassability. So don't, don't think that Jeremiah is going to grow up and say, mommy, who's my daddy? And he's like, just tell him who his daddy is.

And so she's like, yeah, well, he's going to grow up and he's going to potentially come across this. And I don't want him to question it later in life, you know? So she wants him to know who his rightful father is. And, uh,

This is so fucked up. If you really wanted him to know who his rightful father was, why didn't you figure that out when you were pregnant with him in the first place? What the fuck is wrong with you? She's so fucking Looney Tunes. This is not cool to do this to the kid. They've already fucked with the kid by bringing it up one time. Do it off camera. Do it before the season even starts shooting. You have to be like, Gordon, this scene should have started. Gordon, we took the paternity test. We found out you're not his father. That doesn't mean you're not. It just means that

biologically you're not. So yeah, they are using this as a storyline and it's fucked up. You know, like I, you know, I, I like when our real housewives are not afraid to show warts and all, and are like, this is what's going on in my life. But I think when it, when it comes to something like this, that really could be so hurtful to the, to the kid, like,

It feels like Mia is this is this doesn't feel right. So now we go over to Ashley, who is meeting up with her attorney, Maria. Maria is like, oh, I'm gonna be on camera. Let me put out a fresh new spider plant on a table for the scene.

So they are going to talk about what's going on with the divorce. It's been two years since the separation. And Ashley's like, well, before I was like kind of like dragging my feet because a little because I was just like content where, you know, things were. And, you know, I'm just like ready to start dating. So, yeah. So basically she wants to get her divorce at last. Yeah. She's finally ready to go through with her divorce. Still hasn't done it, by the way.

Still hasn't, all these months later. Still not done it. But she's going to test drive some cars, which, of course, she's got to bring up on the Karen DUI episode. And I'm ready to get in as many driver's seats as necessary in order to find the right person for me. Just hopefully Karen's not on the road while I'm doing it. Yeah, exactly.

And so we see that we see Ash on a date with a soccer player named Bill and he's like cute and you know, they're flirting and he's like, am I tooting your horn too much today? I'm like, wow, there's a really a lot of car references. He's like, while we're driving, let's toot that horn, baby.

This guy, Faker, don't date him. He's like, ha ha, tooting that horn a bit too much today. No, calling someone pretty is not tooting it too much. And if you even think like that, I don't want to be with you. You know, like, I tooted your horn enough yesterday. Today I'm going to be a dick. No. He's also an athlete.

So he's a professional athlete, so he cannot be trusted. And then we go to a clip with a guy named Jose, who's a political operations director, also cannot be trusted. And she's like, so have you ever dated someone who's older than you? He goes, I'm 31, 32 at the max. She goes, I'm 35. And he's like, oops, sorry. Yeah. And then she's like, vroom, vroom, baby. Vroom, vroom.

For test driving, I guess. So then the lawyer, Maria, is like, we need a mediation date before Labor Day. OK, it would be me and you in the room and his attorney in the room, the ring in the center of the room. So he has something to distract him, salivate over while we're trying to get what you want. All right. Now we're going to get a retired judge who would act as a mediator between the two rooms. OK, there's going to be a big vat of lava.

Okay, so if he tries to get to you, he could fall down into the lava or he could grab onto the side of the walls because let's face it, he's no stranger to it. Well, a big thing will definitely be the custody. Yes, I'm prepared for that. And if things go wrong, if he winds up getting his hand on that ring, I have a big plan. We're bringing in Katie Ross X, distract Michael with his butt. We're going to get out of there with the ring in the custody. You'll be all set.

So she's like, well, I think he'll give me custody. I'm being optimistic. I put in all my affirmations. And a lady just looks at her like, wow, great. Get a job. How about that? Yeah. Affirmations. They always work so well with force mediations. So then we go to Wendy, who is carrying a box full of various diplomas and awards and photos and basically all her superstar status things. I can't.

And she puts up an award. Here's my awards, baby. Got on my awards box for the first scene of the season. Okay, okay, Wendy. Congratulations. You're doing great, Wendy. Doing great. She puts up one of them, like an award or a diploma or something. And she goes, I will remember this. I'm like, really? So do we, because you mention it every single episode. And he comes in in his Happy Eddie shirt. I'm like, these fucking two. Jesus. The Happy Eddie shirt was the end. It was the end.

It was never really, I mean, it was never a thing with the audience. The audience never was like, Oh my God, happy Eddie, happy Eddie. It's not like Giovanni. Okay. Happy Eddie was a one, one off thing from two seasons ago. It didn't catch on last season. It's time to sunset it like your professor career, but it's the, you know, it's his business. So now he's cause the happy Eddie weed or whatever. So now he's doing it to promote the business every episode, which I get. It's like the tree is the housewives thing. It's like Teresa walking in every episode with the shirts. It's like,

So, I mean, I get it, but it's like, oh, geez. It's just a first scene. It's like, okay, let's remember why this couple is here. To promote stupid shit on one hand and to promote other stupid shit on the other hand. Diplomacy and shit. It's like, wow, congratulations. You're bringing nothing. It's just a huge sign that Wendy is here to bring absolutely nothing. Again, glad you got another note. Go around, Wins.

So Wendy has decided that she is going to finally resign as a professor. It's something she's wanted to do for a very long time. And then she holds up, she's looking at her box and she looks at her diploma and she goes, you know, I haven't known life outside of me being a professor. And they show like an endless montage of her being like, I got four degrees, four degrees. I'm a professor. I went to college. I'm a PhD, four degrees. Yeah.

And then it just cuts to a clip of Giselle going, Arson, robbery, kidnapping. Giselle, stop listing my crimes during someone else's scene. Sorry. That's off limits. You can't just bleed in someone else's flashback.

So Wendy's like, you got to move some of the stuff in this office. And he's like, no, no, no. You said you're leaving. You didn't say you were coming to my office. I mean, what the hell? This is my office. And she's like, well, it's your space, but now I'm going to resign. I need a space where I can go do things. He's like, no, you do plenty of stuff not here. You can do plenty of not stuff not here. Okay. Are we to believe? Do nothing over there. Don't do nothing over here. Are we to believe this couple?

This like highly educated professional couple that went through a pandemic together does not have two workspaces in this McMansion. This was I guess not. So I'm calling bullshit. There are two. They have a lot of kids, too, you know, so who knows? Let me tell you. All those McMansions have those like alcoves and like loft spaces and they're not just all rooms. Yeah.

Let me tell you something. I bet we could go through the footage and find another desk. I'm sure there were other scenes and other home offices in this place. Okay, this is all fake. And then she sits down and writes her resignation email, which I'm sure she had sent off two months prior. But she sends it off saying, Dear Dean and Chair, I've decided I'm going to quit. Even though I have four degrees, which I do have maybe more than the entire history department and government department of Johns Hopkins University, I've decided to pursue other things. I have four.

I'm tormenting Karen. Sorry I cut you off there. I have four points of contention. One, I have a degree. Two, I have two degrees. Three, I could go on. Four, still got degrees. Five, also a trophy because I won something. So I quit. Bye. Six and seven, happy and ness. So then...

I guess I had more than four points. So anyway, so she sends off the email and she's sort of like, oh my God, like now what do I do? And she's basically saying that the one she feels, she feels great about her decision, but she is worried about her mom because, you know, her mom has been the one that's like, you are going to be a professor for the rest of your life. So don't even entertain these thoughts.

Oh, her mom's going to be fine. She just still gets camera time. It's not like she said she quit The Real Housewives. Then she'd be real pissed. So I didn't know you could quit jobs that big like that just in an email. Like, hey, professorship of a giant, classy school.

Yeah, I don't want to come in anymore. I thought you had to have a meeting and have votes and have, I don't know. Thank you. I vote to resign. She probably did have that, and she probably had to send an email as a formality. That's the way it's in writing, I imagine.

So you don't think she just quit by email? I think she did. I think she just quit by email. No, I think she probably talked to the chair of her department and was like, Bill, I want to talk to you. I think that while it's really great working at this prestigious university, it's more fun selling candles on TV. So therefore, I want to spend more time with my children. And he was probably like, really? Not really, but I just didn't know what else to say. I'm famous now and I don't need you. Bye.

so now we go to karen arriving at a store called anya by vivian and uh we meet vivian who's a new friend of there is no anya though so those who are wondering what happened with anya is anya like vivian's franken monster frankenstein's monster like some sort of like some sort of beast she keeps in the closet it's like i've created someone named anya do you think it's like kyle richards aileen too or anya i think so

I'm like, I think so. Yes. So then let's see. So yeah, she goes in to see Vivian and Karen's like, oh, I've known Vivian forever. And we see a clip of Vivian from 2021. They said hello to each other. She's like, we're both business owners. We both raise children. We're both blonde. We're both beautiful. We're both tall-ish. One of us has an eye that is not closing through half of this episode. I'm really sorry. I'm not sure what that is.

We've both been tormented by local deer, the victims to doe activity, and now she has a fabulous boutique owner. She is a fabulous boutique owner in a local mall. At which point Vivian's chances to be a full-time cast member faded into the sunset. I don't think boutique owner at a mall is going to work for Bravo.

Really? Well, they put her on. Also, I feel like that was such a diss from Karen. Didn't that feel like a diss? And now here she is, a boutique owner at a local mall, even a national mall.

Here she is, someone who comes home from a long day at work smelling like the quiznos next door. Because she works at a mall. Strip mall, that is. To see her strive, to see her sell, to see her samaro. I'm sorry, I was getting confused by all the signs I saw next to a store. The adversity that she has overcome. For instance, learning how to paint...

This parking spot is reserved for Anya by Vivian customers only. Aren't that little bump on the parking lot? She's a strong woman.

So she is looking for Pink, and they're going to do some dresses. So then Stacy comes in, the other noob, and Stacy's like, did somebody say Pink? I love Pink. Look at me. I'm in Pink right now. And everyone's like, oh, my God, you're so pretty in Pink. You too. We love each other. We're such good friends.

She's like, I have a gala and I need to look amazing. And it's like, well, that's not hard, Steve.

Now, who are you again? Who is this woman that I just hugged? She's like, I'm the new guest member. So I actually met Karen at an event. Vivian invited me. And as soon as I met Karen, we just hit it off. Well, more like she hit my table when she was drunk and walked right into it by accident. All the glasses shook. It was hilarious. To be fair, she thought it was a deer. That left eye has never been the same.

We're basically the same people. And I lived in Philly when I worked for QVC, but I left QVC. But I'm happy to be back at the DMV where I belong. QVC, DMV. I'm only doing things with three letters. Right.

So can we please talk about this invitation? And Karen's like, well, you have it on your phone. I sent it to you. And we see this, uh, uh, Giselle has done this invitation for Karen's birthday, uh, luncheon with Cal making like beats in the background. And it's like a hat party. And Giselle is, I'm sorry. It's a hatitude. Hatitude. Right. And she's basically, um, uh,

inviting everyone to come to the hat party. And she's saying like, well, if you get in, it's a hatitude party and leave your attitude at home. Cause if you get an attitude, you will turn into a taco head or a banana head. And she starts putting hats on. She puts like a taco hat on and a banana head on. I'm not really sure what she's doing, but here's what I know. Even her hat,

invitations are low rent really the taco hat it's like a dollar store taco hat giselle making that for giselle i know what happened to the days of sending a mime to terrorize her castmates to invite them to good old days right um so then karen's like well the first time she threw a party for me she sat in my birthday seat so you know still holding row back the very first episode of the show my parents ray

Giselle taking my birthday seat in season one.

You know, I was thinking about what Giselle did to me sitting in my seat all those years ago, and I think that's why I swerved off the road. So you see, it wasn't even my fault. It was Giselle who did it to me. So then Vivian's like, well, I guess we'll see how that goes. Let's look at some pink dresses. And then Stacey's like, I just have an important question. When are we opening the champagne? Ha ha ha ha ha. So they do, and they look at dresses and stuff, and then Stacey's like, oh my gosh, wait a minute. Huh?

Are we allowed to drink in front of you, Karen? Are you triggered? Whoops. I know.

Oh, Stacy's going to come for Karen already? I love it. Are we... Can we drink? And she goes, oh, yes, yes, yes, no, yes. I mean, I have... I'm on a medication, but soon I'll be drinking again soon. By the way, where's your ring? By the way, are you alone? Did you get the vault? Did you get dumped? Let's bring that up, too. You have a rock on your hand. What happened to your rock? And she's like, oh, yeah. Well...

I have been separated for a year. Like you and your license. She's like, we are such good friends that you guys didn't even know I'm separated for an entire year. So now we're going to get a divorce. And it's like, Oh, so then Stacy says, you know, a lot of this had to do with her coming home, to be honest with you. So you left your husband to come to a TV show.

That's something. That's a choice. That's a choice there.

Well, I am here for you, especially now that I know that you don't have an institution that could even threaten my institution. So here, here, poor divorcing woman, come into the arms of your sweet, sweet Auntie Karen. And then they are like toasting to friendship and everything. It's not looking good for Stacey. Leaving your husband to come on the Housewives show when you're not really even guaranteed more than the season is...

I feel like they don't like the housewives to be that desperate, where they need the job that much or want the job that much. But maybe I'm wrong. But I feel like we like to see them get desperate over time. Not start out that way. But I don't know. I mean, Sonya Morgan always worked, and she was pretty desperate in the beginning. So now it's the day of the Hatitude Party, and Giselle is at the party.

at the restaurant. She's setting everything up and she brought a bunch of hats and Ashley arrives first. And as she's like, Oh, she's like, do you think that Karen's going to enjoy my bounce back basket? Like I have like a little water bottle for her. Cause you know, she has to drink water. She can't drink alcohol. And I got her some Uber cards cause she can't drive right now. Well, she didn't really drive before, but she didn't stop her, you know? And, um, Oh, I also got her, um, a peanut bird house because she needs something to do. She's saying, yeah,

She got Karen, and she doesn't even say it with a smirk. It's just so shady. She got Karen a birdhouse to paint because Karen is doing nothing but sitting at home. Probably cursing at chickens. So just a dirty bird, dirty bird. This never would have happened had it not been for that dirty bird. So

So Giselle's like, well, I talked to her. She said there's a lot going on with her and Ray. She doesn't want to get into the weeds of what happened that night because she doesn't want to, because she does have to do some court time. So see how that works out. Ironically, she did get in the weeds that night with her car, but you know, that's a different story. Yeah.

So, yeah, Ashley's like, yeah, when's that coming up, all the court stuff? Is it soon? Do you think it'll be during our season? Can we torment her about it? Yes, yes, don't you worry. She told me to read the paper, I think. And Ashley's like, well, I'd rather get it from the source, but okay. Which means that Ashley is now going to be asking Karen many questions about her DUI, too.

And Giselle is such a good person that she invited everybody today, even Wendy. Got it, everybody? And she's like, Giselle is about peace these days, especially since I don't have anyone backing me up for no reason. So last year, my father passed extremely unexpectedly. And these days, I have a little bit more empathy and compassion.

We'll see how that works out. So I guess these two are going to fake it for the year. I love a good housewives faking to have a good season with each other. Yes, exactly. So people are going to be showing up. There's going to be Jacqueline. There's going to be someone named Jassy. I was surprised. Jacqueline, I guess, is back in the fold. Everything is good with Jacqueline and Mia now. They had that big blowout over two seasons ago, and then she sort of came back last season. But it seems like she's on the up and up.

Her ass. She's like a back up Mia's ass. So she's got a solid place on this show. Mia's like, okay, you can come back if you just stick your head firmly up my ass and don't leave it. She's like, okay. Whatever it takes.

But Jacqueline is coming back as second fiddle to Mia's new friend of friend of, which is Jassy. And we find out very quickly why Jassy is like Mia's all about Jassy. It's because she's married to someone on the Kansas City Chiefs, which makes her Taylor Swift adjacent. Oh, they're getting a new WAGs show.

The Kansas City Chiefs, did you hear? Yeah, they made an announcement. They were like, Taylor Swift and Brittany Mahomes announced that they will not be part of the new WAG show. Oh, wow. Can't believe it. I think everybody really expected Taylor Swift to go be on a fumble cast of a reality show. Yeah, I can't believe that didn't happen.

I know. What a shock. Well, Brittany Mahomes, it's funny that she is, well, she's basically riding the Taylor Swift train. So as soon as that runs its course, she'll be on wags soon enough.

Yeah, I was kind of surprised that that lady turned it down, whoever she is. She's annoying me. I don't even know who she is, but I'm annoyed by her. So then Mia's like, yeah, well, me and Jazzy are connected by a mutual friend who's beautiful. I mean, she's beautiful. She's brilliant. She's articulate. She's my kind of girl. I mean, put that girl in front of a stack of brochures and watch her separate them.

And then Wendy is talking about how she feels like the invitation to the attitude party wasn't really an olive branch and that they need to sit down and talk about their relationship. Specifically. Wendy wants a specific apology. She doesn't want a general let's start over. She wants a very specific apology. Yes. This better be worded correctly.

So then they're all at the table and they're asking Jassy about her husband. And Wendy's like, so have you met Taylor Swift? And she's like, I have. She's like, oh my God, we got to talk about that. I'm turning into a Swifty, which is funny. I just would never expect Wendy to really even care about Taylor Swift. I think that she would actually like Taylor Swift. Yeah, I think so.

It's just so basic. I'm not surprised that she's like, I'm a Swifty. Okay. So then she wants to get her candles to Taylor Swift. That's what she's thinking. She's like, maybe Taylor Swift. Oh yeah. She can take my candle for me. Maybe she'll come on my YouTube show. So then we find out Jazzy's man is in the NFL for the Kansas city sheets, as you said. And when he's like, oh my God, they just won the Superbowl. I'm a Kansas city chiefs head.

And then Mia shows up. Or no, I guess they're asking where Karen is. And Mia's like, oh, she's passionately linked. I was like, has anyone checked the ditches? Any ditches? Check the ditches on the way here between Karen's house and here. Anyone? So they're gossiping like, oh my God, Karen's a drunk now. What are we all going to do about it? Who's going to get her first?

And Mia's like, well, Jacqueline said that she called Jacqueline and of course she was drunk. And Jacqueline's like, oh my God, Mia, not for TV. And they're like, and now she's like, what, recently? Recently? And Jacqueline's like, yeah, well, she seemed to be a little tipsy on the phone. And when he goes, I want no pots. So Jacqueline's like, yeah. Zero pots it is. Jacqueline's like, I mean, it just didn't sound like a normal Karen conversation. She sounded like maybe she was

I don't know. She kept talking about dirty birds and deer out her window. I don't know. It didn't really make sense to me. So Karen comes and she's walking very, very slowly to the door. She's like, I'm late and I'm going to walk like this until I get there. Walk, walk. Oh, the deer passes by in her wig.

And also Vivian and Stacey arrive sort of like right behind Karen. And Wendy says, you know, many years ago, Stacey and I sat on the same board. And I don't know that well, but it's always good to meet someone who comes in with positive energy and who's also on TV already. So this is good. No, I don't think it's looking good. No? No. You wonder if what? Sorry, I thought you were done. No, I wonder if Wendy, because she got so much guff.

last season for being like, I don't know who NECA is. Then now she's like, no, here's someone from my past who I've interacted with who I definitely know. I was going to say, I was going to say it's not looking good because this harkens back to Wendy's initial storyline, which is she knew Karen from aboard, but Karen pretended she didn't know her. Remember?

oh yeah i was like a board oh yes i'm on that board i've been on it for you wendy who who i don't know her i was like her whole storyline was not knowing who wendy was even though they sat on the same board so she's like i was on the board and i know the girl so what do you think it's it's a it's a shocking twist for potomac for someone to acknowledge that they met someone on a board previously it's huge they're like what new look potomac

So, um, they're all saying hi and everything and, um...

They all sit down at this long table, and Karen's going to sit in the middle, and Giselle's like, well, everyone, the drinks are here. We have, here's our cocktail menu for this party. We have the Surrey County. We have also a cocktail called the 6-1. 61, that is. That's the age of Karen, even though she looks much older. And also, we have a little non-alcoholic drink called the Grand Dama, for anyone here who happens to be a Grand Dama and is not allowed to drink alcohol.

By the way, you ought to tell Karen to get a drink because she has a D.Y. and a D.W.I. and suspended license.

I've got a few more things on my list. Robbery, domestic violence, manslaughter, arsenal, assault. All right. All right. All right. So Karen takes it pretty well and just winks at everybody like, oh, got me on that one. Not alcoholic, Karen Drieck. Good for you, girls. Good for you. And she's like, I know she can't help a damn cell. She has a disease. It's called mesagesing.

See, by the way, Tamara, take notes, because this is how you torment your DUI friend. You don't scream at them and say, you alcoholic bitch! You get them just like, you just needle them in these subtle ways. You get them a birdhouse, because they can't do anything fun anymore. And you make a menu and you point out that they have to have the non-alcoholic option on it. Like, this is so, I mean, I'm just dying in this scene.

I'd like to order Karen some chips. Hopefully she'll earn her own within time. So the booth starts to arrive at the table and they're making small talk. They're talking to Stacy and Stacy's talking about how she's a QVC person, but she moved back to be on the show. And her child is very happy. She just turned eight.

And Wendy's like, yeah, you know, my kid is going to be five years old. You met her when I was pregnant. And she told me she didn't like my hair when I left the house. They grow up so fast. They grow up so fast. As she left, as she was dropped off to school, I gave her a lunchbox full of Xerox copies of my degrees. So we'll see how she enjoys my lunch.

So then Giselle makes a big announcement. She starts talking about these hats. It's not that interesting, but she does the whole thing. The designer made these hats. She gives a hat to Karen, and the hat's called the Grand Dame. Oh, no, she calls it Hollywood. Hollywood.

The hat is called Hollywood. This is a moment that is starting to veer into some of the last season's, you know, silly onscreen silliness. Like, they freeze the screen. They show that the hat's named Hollywood. I started to laugh. This is like Ben's deer. This is Ben's deer. When this came on, I was like, Ben is triggered. A deer has just run out in front of Ben's car. He was triggered by Ben.

Yes. But you know what? One thing that we've learned is the shows can do this stuff sparingly. And I was enthused to see that it was used sparingly here. We did not sit through a seven-minute segment of people trying on hats. And then they get their name. And then they get a stylized thing. And then everyone talks about why they like the hats and why someone deserves a hat. They did not

It was just like a funny little thing. So you know what? I feel like we're moving in the right direction. You're really coming in with the positivity today. I love it. You know what? I accept it. I accept it. You know? Because I often will come in with negativity. And I thought, it actually feels nice to come in with positivity. Well, there you go. So did she say that these hats were from her collaboration with Ashley that's fused? No.

Giz Fused or whatever it's called? I think that's coming up. So they start saying, oh, you know, basically Karen gets a hat and Giselle says, you can keep the hat. She's like, oh, thank you so much. It's so sweet. All of the hats have red rims like the bottom of a Louboutin. So wow, how creative. Your designer is trying to

infer fanciness by calling to another designer's bottom of their heel. I'm not really sure why they would do that, but that's some tacky shit. Like, come up with your own shit, really? You're going to make a red rim the same as the bottom of a Louboutin. Come on. Yeah, it was pretty derivative. So then...

A local designer from the DMV. Fuck you! So then...

So Giselle goes, well, the ladies were asking me about you, Karen, before you got here. And I told them that we got together and we talked and they had questions for me. Like, what makes a French toast and eggs and toast a special menu item that gets the Karen treatment? Is that really the best you can do? Can't you aim for something higher than just that?

I'm sorry. I started Googling hats with red rims. And I was like, okay, now I'm staring at hats. What did you find? A lot of them. There are a lot of them out there. So then Jacqueline's like, okay, Karen, Karen. Because Karen says, any questions? Ask me questions. If you want to ask questions, just ask me. And so...

Jacqueline starts because no one else will start. Everybody's just looking around at each other. So Jacqueline's like, okay, well, Karen, I'm just so happy and blessed that you're okay and that nobody was hurt and no family was hurt or no child was killed or whatever the case may be. Jeez.

I haven't seen it. It's too traumatic for me to drive by.

Yes, yes. But so I don't feel like anyone here should cast judgment and just, yes, exactly. We don't know the facts of the case. We're still learning. We're seeing if there's any ring cameras that could show anything. So no judgment, please. And they're like, but once we hear about it, people are going to judge you, Karen. She goes, what?

And Stacey goes, well, who are we to judge? I mean, look, some of us get DUIs. Some of us have successful runs on QVC and have just moved to Potomac to start a new life. Who are we to judge? Hi, I'm Stacey, everyone.

I really don't like that saying, like, who are we to judge? Who do we need to be? Do I need a license now? Do I need to go to the fucking government, the DMV itself to stand in line for five hours to get a license for judging? I'm me. That's who I am to judge. OK, I'm a person. I'm allowed to judge. It's my American right. I pay taxes. That's who I am. Judge all I want to.

So Karen's like, well, I'm not worried about judging. So this is my thing, okay? This is hot. Everything I do is amped ten times right now, but I want to know. And I'm just trying to figure out who is my real friend, because there's an opportunity for you guys to swing whichever way you want. And I want to see who the real soldiers are for Karen Yuga, because it's either me or the deer. Who do you draw blood for? I love that she chose this moment to give a speech.

And if you believe in the real Karen Hugo, you stand up. You go to war. You pick up your muskets and you go against the deer, the ducks. Anyone trying to bring us down? I was like, this is not the time for this, ma'am. You need to say what the hell you did on that evening. Hugo!

you may die, run and you'll live at least a while and dying in your beds many years from now, would you be willing to trade all the days from this day to that or for one chance, just one chance to come back here and tell our enemies that they may take our lives but they will never kill all the deer. I don't want any fake bitches around me. Meanwhile, she's got one arm in her ear hole, like just dangling out of there. Errands.

She looks like a take together doll. She's like, that becomes her. So Mia's like, wow, she's quite the gangster of Potomac. And Karen's like, be mindful of how you go so low. And they show a man staring at her. Even he's like, why is there a speech going on over there? Is that the lady who's always ordering the Karen special at that restaurant? Yeah.

Ma'am, we don't have a Karen special here. I think only the diner. They want to know when they can ask more questions. And Ashley is like, can we get a projected timeline on when we can ask questions? And Karen goes, as long as it takes for the wheels of justice, who prevail? Well, unfortunately, those wheels don't go as fast as the wheels on your car. Ah!

So Ashley is like, well, this is the same song and dance that I've seen from Karen before. It's sensitive. Our lawyers advertise it. You know, advising her not to talk. And then we see a throwback to Karen's press conference where she's like, well, of course I can't talk. No answers right now. I have to respect. No for the comment, everyone. I paid my taxes. So then they decide that now is the time where they are going to announce GNA. Okay.

And Giselle is going to have another event and everyone's invited and it's going to introduce the health and wellness to GNA. Get the fuck out of here. You can't even sell a jogging suit. You want me to take vitamins? No, I know. And,

And it's called GNA Fusion. And Wendy's like, Wendy just laughs at the table. And she's like, if GNA wasn't bad enough, now we've done and fused it. And we see last year Giselle saying that GNA is going to be a mixture of Lululemon and Savage by Fenty. And she's like, at this point, the stuff on the runway isn't even on the website. So what are they even fusing? More like confusing.

And Giselle's like, well, okay, so now she's passing out more hats to people. And now they've moved on to talk about ink. Yeah, no one cares about this announcement. It's stupid. So they move on to talk about ink. And Jacqueline's like, well, he's not a rapper, right? She's like, no, he's a radio personality, everybody. So have you shared him with Jacqueline yet? No.

Stacy's like, what? And Mia's like, no, absolutely not. It doesn't play about me. And Stacy's like, they have no boundaries here. This is a lot for a hat party. I'm just saying. So Mia's like, aren't y'all hot? Is it just me? Is anyone else here hot right now? I cannot wear this shitty, shitty hat. So

So, they're just, like, joking, like, oh, well, we love a throuple conversation, and then they're asking, like, because they can see G at all, and she's like, well, you know, I love Gordon a lot, and he needs to lean on me, and he is actually leaning on Ink and I. And...

It's just like everyone. She's still so close with Gordon that like, even when Gordon went out of town, she was still doing his laundry and stuff. And Karen's like, well, ink is washing Gordon's drawers. Is that true? She's like, he folded his underwear. And everyone's like, Oh, yeah.

When he's like, what's happening here? Is he folding the military style? Is he just sort of sorting them out? I want to know, but I really don't. Also, what is folding something military style? I actually don't know about this because I have to fold some more. A little block?

straight. Wow. A little block. So then, um, basically they're kind of giving her shit about that. And so Stacy's like, well, how long were you married? And she says 11 years. And Giselle's like, oh, wow. Long business arrangement. Wow. It's a very long business arrangement there. Because, because Mia is saying that she and Gordon were more like business partners. It felt like a business arrangement or business partners. And, uh,

Karen's like, well, Mia, come on. It's got to be more than just business. I mean, you gave birth. Listen, I feel a certain way about G. And when G shared with the world that your children had seen you in bed with another man. Oh, did I just mention that again for the audience in case they'd forgotten? And Stacey's like, oh, my gosh. She's like, you know, I care for your children, whatever their names are. And you know that. And the fact that your babies were plastered all over the news, it really, really bothered me. It bothered me so much.

That we don't know the father of your child. You slept with a man during your marriage and you do not know the father of your child. That just bothers me. That we do not know the father of your child. Is the host in here? We bring the host to the restaurant and he has to just make sure he hears this as well.

Yeah, Karen doing the old-fashioned, hey, this should be about my drinking, so I'm going to deflect onto somebody else's messiness, right? And she's like, oh, it was so traumatic for me finding out that you've done this to your children that I swerved off the road. I can't say anything more. I can't say anything more. Not to blame Mia, but Mia did have something to do with it. Am I right, Mia? Admit it, Mia. Confess, Mia. So Mia's like, oh, you don't think about it, me, Karen? I didn't plaster my babies on the ground. Their father did.

And she's like, no, darling, I'm not pretending. I'm just asking a question. And so then Mia's like, okay, so you're pretending that's my fault that all this got... I mean...

It wasn't not your fault. So Giselle goes, but Mia, you didn't protect your kids at all costs. You didn't. Because if you did, you would not have mixed ink with Gordon. There was a mix and there was a mingle. There was no mix. And she's like, yes. And I think that's why Gordon went off. No, I love her separation.

Listen, I don't know that they're wrong. I kind of agree with what they're saying, but it's none of your business. Neither one of you are perfect. And why are you bringing this up at a party with a bunch of new people? Tacky.

Yeah, so Mia's basically like, I can't control anybody. You know, you guys didn't know we were going through. And you know what I was going through? Like, you're not the only ones. But listen, does that mean, do I have to stay in a marriage that's abusive? And they're like, no, we never said that. And she's like, no, don't sit here and say I'm not protecting my kids, Giselle. And Giselle's like, well, Gordon was hurt because you'd moved on.

She goes, well, that's really fucked up that you're standing there. She's like, I'm fine. My kids are fine. They had ice cream. They loved it. They had so much fun having ice cream. Show the clips of Jeremiah smiling over an ice cream. And,

And she goes to the bathroom and she's like, fuck up. Fuck you guys. That's so fucked up. So she goes to the bathroom and just starts like sobbing and stuff. And she closes the door on the cameras. And she's like, I don't want you guys here. And I love that. She's her whole thing is like, how dare you accuse me of not doing what's best for my children. Okay. Are we set up for the scene where we're going to do a paternity test on camera? Yeah.

Yeah. So she's stopping in the bathroom and that's where the episode ends. Um, but anyway, um, I, I, again, I liked the episode. I thought they pulled back on the silliness and there's like real storylines going on. And, um,

everyone was just so hilariously passive-aggressive under the guise of caring for each other. It was great. It was great. Yeah, there you go, everybody. Well, thank you so much for being here, for Watch What Crappens. Check this video out and all our bonuses, plus below deck over on our Patreon, patreon.com slash watch what crappens. And we'll talk to some of you at Crappy Hour tonight, and we will see the rest of you tomorrow, or actually later today, for The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives. All right. We'll talk to you guys later. Bye. Bye.

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