#2582 SLOMW Ep 6: Let The Chippendales Fall Where They May
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Hello and welcome to Watch For Crappins, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to talk about. I'm Ben Mandelker and joining me today is the hilarious and lovable Ronnie Karam. Hi Ronnie, how's it going? Well, hello Ben. How are you? What a lovely day to see you. What a lovely day to see you too. In fact, I just saw you in person because we both recorded...

An episode of Jeff Lewis Live, although by the time you hear this recap, it may be many days later, but that was a very fun experience. And now we are here to talk Secret Lives of Mormon Wives, Episode 6.

big controversial trip to Vegas. And also, by the way, Ronnie is recording from the middle of a construction zone. So you may hear a drill or a hammer here and there. And know what? Don't hold it against Ronnie. Yes, guys. I know it's unprofessional. Here's the thing. I would have gone to Ben's house today, but they are doing some brickwork. And if you mess up brickwork, you're fucked. What are you going to do? What's the brickwork?

Is it a walkway or is it a wall? The fireplace. Oh, yeah, you just said that like a million times. They're bricking your fireplace today. Bricking the fireplace, and I'm going to put the TV on the brick above the fire. And I know that you're not supposed to do that. I know you're not going to like it. You hate that. But you know what? I have to put it somewhere, and that's just where it's going to go. So everybody just calm down. The point is it's going to be noisy. But actually, guess what? It's not going to be noisy. Guess who just came back with Subway? His name is Jose. You're my hero. All right, Jose is going to come to bed.

We've got an hour. Let's knock this out. We've got an hour to talk about Mormons. Okay, everyone, let's just skip the small talk. Well, we are going to dive in, though. It's episode six, the first book of sin. And we are back in Provo, Utah. And we're at Conrad Whitney's house. And they're getting ready for church.

And Whitney has put on her most daring pioneer dress yet with bigger shoulder puffs than ever before. And Connor is doing that thing where— I mean, are you trying to get into heaven? Is it an outfit for Heaven Day? What are you—and don't tell me you can't make fun of someone's religion. I'm not making fun of someone's religion. I'm making fun of the fact that someone is cosplaying as a wagon-riding, you know,

pioneer. What'd you call them? Pioneers. I'm to your call the Sarah planning hall front. Yeah. Let's stop acting like you just arrived on a donkey, you know, after five months of travel, I'm not buying it lady. Okay. And you don't get away with all your shit just because you're dressing religiously, whatever. No, whatever you're doing. No, God would accept. No, God would excuse those sleeves. And also Connor. It's like Connor's dressed like that kid who,

can't get dressed. He's wearing a tie. It's like the tie is popping up from behind the collar, the back. It's like, have you ever even put on formal clothes before, Connor? Well, he's cosplaying. He's always dressing like something different. Maybe that's the thing. Maybe that's their kink. He's like, today I'm a student in school on picture day. And Whitney's like, great, I'm a pioneer lady who just came over in the wagon. Let's do this.

Yeah, they very much are doing that. And then we see Taylor in Dakota. Taylor's getting an ultrasound. And the ultrasound tech lady says the baby is getting chunky cheeks. Well, which I would hope. I mean, I don't know if we see too many babies with high cheekbones. I'm so sorry. Your baby has chunky cheeks. We were really hoping for a little Johnny Depp indent, but unfortunately. Would you like us to remove the buccal fat before the baby's born? Yeah, really. Yeah.

Your baby's in the fetal position. Would you like us to slip a tiny little back brace up there? You know, you don't want a baby with bad posture and chubby cheeks.

And now we wind up at Jizz Styles, which is Jesse's hair salon. And Jesse and Jen and Macy and Layla and Michaela and Demi, they're all getting their hair done. So Layla announces that they're there to get their hair done. And it's honestly so nice having a best friend that owns a salon because I take full advantage of the fact that I don't have to wash my hair on my own. Yeah.

I don't want to say that. I'm like, it's okay. You guys are in her salon every other episode. We know what this relationship is all about. So Jesse is to blame for all of this because here's what I can say. All of these girls are going to have neck problems. That is too much hair. There comes a point where you have to say, this is too much hair on my head. Nobody is going to believe that you are wearing a full cast of Muppets on your head. I mean, how much does shit weigh? How are you guys walking around with that on your head? It's ridiculous. Yeah.

So Michaela says,

And basically no one's talked to her whatsoever. And Macy's like, I'm really happy that Whitney came to the event because I want the group just to be happy and whole. But I'm so glad she came to try to make amends with Jesse. But MomTalk just wouldn't be MomTalk without Whitney.

And Demi's like, um, yeah, just be like you're a bitch and move on. Like, why can't we just do that? Find common ground. Figure it out. Move on. They're like, yeah. And Jus is like, yeah, well, she hasn't blocked me yet, so. And everyone's like, oh my god, wait, what? Who'd she block? And Jen's like, um, let me see if she blocked me yet.

Oh my gosh, she didn't block me. But guess what, guys? In this two seconds I've looked on my phone, I can tell you this much. She's unfollowed every single one of us. No! She did not. That's crazy. She still follows Ben Affleck, though. Wait till she finds out. That's a huge lie. Jen's like, she left a group message. She unfollowed us on Instagram. It's actually...

ridiculous i'm like actually what will be ridiculous is gonna happen later on in the episode and involves you and your husband but that's fine so demi is like oh my god she unfollowed me again no she did not that's wild did she not tell you that she did that oh my god this is why i don't believe you guys this is crazy and macy's like oh my god like i knew that she was impulsive but like i'm following everybody i've never known her to be this impulsive before like can you get it

Can you get a WD-40 on someone who's this impulsive? Because, like, seriously, I'm going to call one in on her. You're going to call in on WD-40? I always forget the numbers. Get the dust blown off of her? Like, we have some dust particles on electrical circuits. Can we call in on WD-40 on Whitney? Isn't WD-40 oil that you put in the creaky door? I think WD... Oh, maybe it is. I thought WD-40 was that little can so I could... Air in a can. Yeah.

That would make more sense. Were you talking about a 5950? Was it a 5950? Whatever you call when people are kind of losing it and you have to have them institutionalized for a bit. So Jen is like, I mean, I'm sorry. Are we in high school? I'm like, you're 19 years old, practically. I mean, you guys are acting like you have a few decades under your belt from high school. You guys, I can still smell the mortarboard on your head. Yeah.

You're all giggling together, washing your hair together, and looking to see who's unfollowed you on Instagram. So, yeah. I don't think any of you are going to win the adulting awards today. Yeah. Your life is based off of doing little cute dances on social media. So let's not act like you're out there getting a Rhodes Scholarship. What a life. And I love that this is such a workplace comedy. Whenever they're like, oh, my God, here we are. But we also work, guys. Guys, let's do an elbow dance. They're like, elbows. Elbows.

We're grown-ass adults. We're mothers. Unfollow? And Jesse's like, but is she, like, just gonna, like, not talk to us? Mace goes, yeah, I have, like, no idea what she's gonna do. I'm like, wow, we've got a lot of stuff going on. And Mikayla's like, whatever. I don't even want to talk about it, because she probably enjoys us sitting around here talking about it. I was like, oh, okay, Mikayla. Until you see her, you're like, hi. Hi.

how are you i'm gonna have it all the evil things you say about other people so then um they're they're just overweight me so then we get the blue jacket opening and the dead you toxic and now let's go to jizz academy for jesse's party

I am, like, so excited to bring all the girls together tonight. And, like, I am hosting a party in honor of something that we are saying goodbye to. And I'm really excited to see all of their reactions. So they all, everyone's showing up at, say, there are a lot of mocktails out and about. And there's, like, drinks. There's one called, like, the Pink Pussy. Oh, my God. And it's, like, really scandalous already. Yeah.

And I think this was like committee because one is the pink pussy, which is like super dirty. And then the next one is labialicious, also dirty. And then peach on the beach. That was for Jen Affleck. Yeah, she's like, my husband's going to get so mad at me if I have a labia drink. Can I have something more innocent? We had to name one of the mocktails peach on the beach because otherwise Zach was going to divorce Jen if he found out that she drank a labialicious.

So they're going to have a painting party about vaginas because mom talk is all about sisterhood, femininity, and unfollowing bitches you don't like. So let's talk about Snipping My Vag. Okay.

And they're like, oh my God. And yeah, she's going to get a, Jesse's going to get a labiaplasty, which I mean, naturally, if you get a labiaplasty, of course you gather eight of your closest friends and make everyone draw a vagina to honor the end of that lip. So it makes sense to me.

And she's talking about what it is. And it's basically like the lips, I guess, get too big or something after two kids. And so you like snip them and put them back into place. I just want my neck done. Can I just get my neck? Can I just get my waddle off? Can I get a labiaplasty on my waddle?

You never know. So, Jessie's just talking about, like, how... She's like, "You know, I just thought it'd be, like, really cute if you guys each drew what your perfect vagina looks like to give me inspo. I just think it'll be really fun." Okay, I'm not gonna lie, this is just an event to make Jen uncomfortable. So, everyone just look at her right now. Yeah. So, they're, like, drawing their dream vaginas. I drew my dream vagina. It was a penis.

just to play along with the ladies. Turns out to be a penis. So that was fun. It's a fun game. Glad I came. I love it. Yeah. So Jesse is talking about... Basically, they're just literally...

talking about a vagina for a very long time. And Jesse's like, yeah, like my meat curtains, they just like hang low and they're just like, you know, low. And then Mikhail is like, what is a meat curtain? You guys crazy. He's like, is that not the term? Is that not the medical term? Like, you know, your lips, I mean, all your lips. Oh my God. Now she's calling them lips. You guys. Yeah. And I never really understood the term meat curtains because,

My friend actually was called that, which she was so upset, which once I found out what they are, I mean, that's rude to call that, to say that about somebody. And then she looked them up online and showed me. I just, I think there should be like a nicer name than meat curtains. I mean, that's more. Or draperies, meat draperies. Just not meat. I mean, meat curtains, I think of like shows where they walk into the butcher's fridge and there's like lines of like dead cattle hanging up there. It's like a meat curtain, you know? Wagyu curtains. Yeah.

No, how about just like lengthy labias? How about that? Just something simple and descriptive. What about something like a fleshy canyon? A fleshy canyon? I guess that's more of like the entire region. How about like... What's a droopy flower? What's a flower that droops? Do tulips droop?

Which are the ones that are kind of like, I don't know flowers. I'm not a flower gay. But I think they're tulips. Well, tulips. I think they say that. That actually comes up. That does come up at some point. Yeah, the tulips. She's like, I got you tulips for your two lips. And you're like, oh my god, tulips for the tulips. They sound the same. Is that funny to anybody else? Because tulips sounds like tulips. And that's a flower too, you guys. Is it just me? Yeah.

I also brought you two ribeyes for your meat curtains. It's like, okay, well, thanks. So she's talking about this a lot. And then she's like, yeah, and since Whitney started on following us, she's not coming to Vegas. I think we have a chance of having a good time now that we're cutting out the meat curtain that is Whitney. You see what I did there?

Layla's like, I'm excited, but also a little nervous because Vegas isn't a typical place where I feel like LDS people like to go. It's just like partying, drinking, gambling, which are things that typical members don't do on a daily basis. Or at least they just don't tell you, Layla. Maybe behind closed doors, but I'm just buckling up and hoping for the best.

Also, though, fucking Jizz is a sinner from hell. Okay, here's the thing with Jizz. She's trying to get you all into the outer darkness. First, she showed up to the hot tub with her boyfriend trying to put liquor onto everybody. Even when you guys were saying no, she's like, really, really? Don't you want liquor? And Barney Rubble's like, hey, don't you want some shots? We need shots for this.

And now she's taking you all to Vegas, and now she's going to try and get you in trouble at a Magic Mike show. Jizz is a plant, and she's working for a person named Satan. Do not listen to Jizz if you want to go up into the planet with all the other people in your family or whatever you all believe in. Don't listen to Jizz. She's taking you to hell on purpose. She comes from the outer darkness. Beware.

So then they're joking about like, do you guys have a name for like your, your man schlong? And then Jen, it turns out Jen has named Zach's dick poncho. And I was like, poncho. And then Demi's like for the whitest man ever. And then they're all like laughing and giggling. I'm like, you're going to get, he's going to divorce you now. I guarantee you, you said too much about Zach's wee wee.

And I don't understand why you would call it poncho. I mean, ponchos are comforting. You know what I mean? I don't see that in Zach. Yeah, I definitely don't see that in Zach. And I definitely don't anticipate that he has enough of a dick to even really fit into a poncho. Based on his energy. Based on his energy.

So then now we get to see everyone's paintings. Jen's is, her vagina is called Mother Vulva. And it has like a Lady Teresa vibe to it. Yeah. And they all have these vagina paintings. Some better than others. Which is also what my mom said about my sub-sac recently. This is also what my mom... My mom goes, oh, I've been reading your sub-sac. You know, some are better than others. I was like, what?

What does that mean? Which ones suck? I don't know, but it was my mom's way of saying I didn't like the last one. That's why I suspect. You know, some are better than others. I can tell which ones you had more time for. Thanks, Mom. It's like a warm hug.

Yes. My mom is like the filter is just completely gone, you know? Yes. So anyway, they are showing these paintings and everything and it's just, it goes on for a little bit. It's funny. They put up like text on the screen to make it look like it's like this, the, the, the placard that goes next to a painting in a museum. It's all very clever and amusing. Yeah. So it's just like a bunch of paintings of people,

Like, I know it's there, but I've never been there. And like, it's just, it just seems like so much trouble to go there. Yeah. So now probably, but it just seems so difficult. So now we move out of this scene and we go to Taylor walking up to her mother, Leanne's house and Leanne opens the door and she's like, oh, so where's Dakota? And she goes, um, he didn't want to come. So his loss, she goes, oh yeah, really? I was about to,

Pull out some extra Totino pizza rolls for him. So truly his loss. So what's going on, honey? She's like, same shit, different day. Yeah. And Leanne has that look of a completely unsurprised mother. She's like, well, can't wait to babysit another child while you guys are fighting. Thanks for coming by. And Taylor's talking about how vulnerable she is. And the fact that she has to still argue and bicker with this guy when she's like a second away from delivering, like he has no sensitivity whatsoever.

We all know this, and really, we all know the only solution to this, and that is getting in a car and walking away. Well, you don't walk away in a car. You know what I mean. You drive away. But still, we all know that that's a solution. I get that you're young, you're pregnant. It's not as easy as just getting in a car. I'm not going to badger the woman, but God, just please figure out a way. You're going to do it eventually. Just do it now. Rip off the band-aid.

Truly. So Taylor tells her mom, he's like, I want you to give in to me. I want you to surrender. And like, why would I surrender? I don't even trust you. And Leanne nods and is like,

yes honey when just let me know when i should shame you for having a baby with him so she goes she says like you know there's definitely pressure in the mormon community of getting married especially when you get pregnant out of wedlock but like dakota's like you're pregnant with my child and you still won't like give me this like yes so like if i won't give a child like if it's so in his head if a child won't do it then what will so they're going in circles obviously on this point

And so Leanne's like, oh, my God, he's texting you right now. Call him. I want to talk to him. I'm like, oh, I love this Leanne just wanting to confront everybody that has a problem with Taylor. It's like my mom going to tell off one of the kids who was fucking with me when I was a little kid. She's like, if you ever fuck with my kid again, you're dead. You got it, bitch.

So Taylor calls and it goes to voicemail because she's like, he's not going to answer. And Leon's like, no, he'll answer. But it goes to voicemail. So Leon goes, okay. Oh, no. Then Dakota texts and says, I'm not going to answer. So then Leon says, okay, well, say I'm going into labor. And then he'll call you right back. Texting that. Come on. Say I'm going to labor. I was like, you are a monster too. Yeah.

Of course. Of course, Lee. Of course, Taylor's mom is a disaster. It's time for a commercial. It's time for a Krappens commercial.

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So to recap, we're cutting the price of Mint Unlimited from $30 a month to just $15 a month. Give it a try at mintmobile.com slash switch. $45 upfront payment equivalent to $15 per month. New customers on first three-month plan only. Taxes and fees extra. Speeds lower above 40 gigabytes in detail. So she texts, I think I'm going into labor. Your loss. And she's like, oh my God, he's calling me. It totally worked, Mom. Guys.

That's the worst. This is not healthy. This is not a healthy way to build a relationship. Taylor's like, I just don't know if I can trust him. Okay, by the way, I'm going into labor. Just kidding. Thanks for calling me. I just needed to get you on the phone. Yeah, I know. That's what I do on my Uber site.

So they get him on the phone and he's pissed when it's really Leanne. He's like, oh my God. She's like, why aren't you answering the phone when your wife is pregnant? He's like, dude, is Taylor going to labor or not? I'm with my bros right now.

And Leon's like, well, I don't know. I'm just trying to call you and you're not even answering. Like, that's like, that's not cool. Cause yeah. Well, you know, the story, the boy who cried wolf, right. And they're like, not familiar. I haven't heard of it. You know, you know, the boy, the wolf. And now, no, we don't read. What's that? What's it about? Well, it's a guy, it's this boy. Who's always like, there's a wolf. There's a wolf. And they always come to save him. I'm bored. I'm ready. I'm bored. It's a book. Sorry. Could you do this in like Tik TOK form?

Yeah, well, okay, I'll try. Oh, I see that elbow choreography. Oh, mom, you shouldn't call because if you call with an emergency too much when it really is an emergency, he's not going to believe you. God, that's actually really good. The things a box step can tell you.

And Leanne is like, she's like, no, well, I'm, but it's not boy who cried wolf because I'm only doing this today. It's like a one, it's a one-off boy who cried wolf. And he goes, okay, I just wanted to make sure you knew that story. She's like, yeah, well, I know the story of the deadbeat liar. Who's not here for his wife or his wannabe wife when she's about to drop the baby. He's like, well, it's your daughter's fault. Cause she didn't want me to go. So why would I go? She doesn't want me to go.

Well, I want you to come here. I want to talk to you guys. Both of you need to work on this. But, like, I just, like, I want to be all in with her, and she doesn't want to be all in with me. So, like, I'm going to be all in, but she's not going to be all in. Like, what am I supposed to do? Be all in alone? I can't just be all in alone. Like, who does that? Yeah.

Well, it's just it's not about you and Taylor anymore. And I tell Taylor this just as much. It's about you, Taylor and me. OK, and I guess the baby and you guys need to do things, you know, for your baby and try to work on your relationship and your family and everything that comes with having a kid, you know, like, I don't know, maybe do some exercises so your eyes don't bulge quite as much. And he's like, but I've been like working so hard to see the job.

I'm not sure. Why do I feel like he does not have a job? Why do I feel like I get not have a job vibe from him? Because also, well, I don't know. I was going to speculate on facial hair, but I'm not sure. It just seems like everyone else is so clean cut and he's not. So I don't know what that means. I mean, I'm sure maybe they have some blockbusters around there. He could work. Yeah.

It works fine, but keeping it current, guys. Let's keep it current. So he's like, I want this to work more than anything in the world. And it's like, you guys need to get your crap together. This is just a mom doing tough mom talks. See what I did there? That wasn't even on purpose. I should totally get a vibrator deal.

And Dakota goes, yeah, well, you just tell your daughter she needs to either commit to me or just end this because I can't keep doing this. It's like, or you can just be patient with this girl.

because she's pregnant and she has other things to deal with than your tantrums and taylor says i'm just like not ready to marry dakota but at the same time like i don't want to be divorced be the divorce single mom so i just feel like kind of torn in the middle i'm like frustrated i'm exhausted i'm tired i just like don't have the tolerance right now so um again my god it's better to be uh mary you know and it's better to be a mom with like

Another child like this guy is not gonna do you any good having this guy around when you're frustrated You think he's gonna get up and take care of that baby a doubtful doubtful. Yeah, you don't want to be a divorced single mom single mom Again things to think about people I cannot stress enough. I

Think about your decisions, okay, before you go too far down a path. So now we go back to Jizz's house, and she's had her labiaplasty, and so now Jen and Layla are going to come to visit, and they're like, how's your cooch doing? And she's like, oh, it's good. It's really good. And she also got a breast reduction while she was there, so she could just sort of do a one-stop shop sort of situation. These girls just give them everything, Ben. I like it. Like, here's my list, you know?

So they did. And she goes, yeah, you know, now I only have to go under anesthesia once. So got them both done. And they're asking her about recovery. And she's like, oh, it's like having a baby, you know, six weeks of like bleeding. But it hasn't been super heavy. I mean, what are you going to do? Am I right?

Jen's like, how long do you have to wait until you have sex? Oh, like four to six weeks. Really? Zach would divorce me if it was anything longer than two weeks. But yeah, well, it's just like having a baby. So anyway, Jordan's just dying. He's like, so the doctor said four to six weeks, but what did your dentist say? Okay, Jen, just think about it. I can see you're confused. Give Jen about 10 seconds. Is it plaque?

Well, he said I would get a plaque for my service, if that helps. Oh, got it. Nailed it. So then she's like, it means a blowjob, Jen! Jesus Christ! You've got a lot to learn to get to the Outer Darkness. So then Demi's like, whoa, I was knocking for you to open, but then I realized that your vagina's gone, so you probably can't walk through the door. Oh!

She goes, yeah, it's out. It's gone. I don't have any more. And this is where Demi brings out tulips. She goes, I got you some tulips for your two lips. Oh my God, I can't believe she would make that joke in front of Dakota. Like Dakota's gonna be watching this show and he felt so uncomfortable when Demi made that joke. She is so awful.

So Jesse's like, wow, it was a brutal. They talk about her surgery and like how much it hurts. Okay. So then she's like, oh yeah, but that aside, let's go to Vegas. No, listen. Oh my God. Just drop the camera guys. But we're going to Vegas.

And Jesse's like, yeah, I mean, I'm going to be on painkillers for a few days, but so are half the people in Vegas. Am I right? I mean, I think this weekend will be like really okay. So they looked at like an Airbnb and everything. It's going to be like really fun. And they're going to have a fun time. And it'll be Layla's first time ever going to Vegas. Yes, there's no way that this is going to end well. Oh, my God. No, don't do it. So.

So then Demi is like, can you believe it? Like, she just literally became legal last year. And Jesse's like, yeah, getting divorced in the church is kind of like having a scarlet letter. And Utah can be very suffocating. So Vegas is the perfect place for Layla to let loose and have a little fun.

But what about Taylor? So they're saying, like, Taylor is going to come and Zach is... Jen says, oh, by the way, Zach is driving with Dakota. And they're like, yeah. A man coming on the girls' trip. This is classic Housewives no-no. I cannot believe they're allowing this. Come on. Like, I will... I actually will give...

annoyingly a pass to Dakota because Taylor is super pregnant. And so like, I get it. If he's like, I just want to be around in case she goes into labor. That makes sense. Zach makes no sense. I do not understand why Zach is there. There's no good reason for him to be there.

Addiction. So Jesse's like, this is bullshit. And they just want to be there to see their women be in check, like keep their women in line, you know? Yeah. Probably true. But also, one of them we find out has probably a gambling addiction. I don't know if we can find that out, but it seems like he has kind of a gambling addiction. And the other one is...

Psyched for any chance to go to Vegas? I don't think any of us are shocked. The other one is a disaster. His pupils have already been living in Vegas for years. I mean, his pupils are essentially roulette wheels already. So let's just look at them. There's just...

Bad on black, bad on black. So, yeah, then Jesse shows everyone her new vagina. They're like, wow. And one said that they look like hot dog buns. So that could be it. Like, Ronnie, like your butt. Like your...

Hot dog buns. That's nicer than meat curtain. That's definitely the most attractive way I've ever heard a vagina described. It's like, it looks just like a wiener schnitzel. Boom, I'm in. Have me some mustard. I'm basically a heterosexual male. So now Demi is packing, or Demi. I keep calling her Demi, but I think it's Demi. And...

I honestly don't remember. And they're just like getting ready and everything. And she's like laughing with Brett, her man. And then Macy's packing. Everyone's just packing and getting ready. We go back to Brett and Demi. And Brett's like, my only question is, why would you go out looking for hamburger meat when you can have steak dinner at home? And she's like, yeah, but I'm not looking to take anyone home. And he's like, well, do whatever you want. I'm not worried about you. Just go with your gut. So he's like a good husband because he's like,

Whatever. Well, he's the old one. He's like, girl, you're 20-something years younger than me. Just please go have fun. I'm literally exhausted. Okay? I'm going to be here sleeping and watching Kathy Bates and Matlock. You go have a good time. So then we go to Jen and Zach's house, and she's like, so how would you feel if we went to Magic Mike? And he goes...

What would you want to do that? Is that what you want to do? She goes, no, I just think it would be funny. He goes, oh, yeah. Being divorced and taking care of two kids would be kind of tough, though. So I guess that's your decision.

um oh really uh you're gonna be paying for your own school is your dad suddenly coming through with some money for you to pay that school i mean you don't get to use someone and then also fucking control and bash them this guy is such a piece of shit oh my god and it's amazing how these shitty guys you can call them from a mile away isn't it like yeah this guy's this guy is just awful he's like

I mean, the way he is so threatened by the mere idea that she would go to this show, which is basically like a show. It's not like... When it comes to like...

strip clubs that men go to magic mike is so rated g like it's like hot guys dancing around but it's basically like a dance show and the fact that he is so threatened just is so repulsive i don't even think it's that he's threatened i think that he's like wow you know that that would be something that i would consider a sin and not like and the fact that you're blatantly asking yeah you know

Oh, it's just such control. And listen, I know it sounds like I'm saying like controlling abusive man a lot in these recaps. Guess why? If you're in a position where you're like, you know what?

I'm going to just go ahead and go with the thought that a man has control over me and that only the man has all these powers and rights. Yeah. You're going to get a lot of controlling asshole men because that's what we're raised. That's how they're raised. They can get away with this shit. It's absolutely fucking disgusting. I want to, I don't even want to go save Taylor anymore. I want to go over there in a fucking minivan and just start loading them in, you know, just like, just fill the car with some girls with names off of a white girl, key chain rack at a,

at a park and just start taking them in. Like what the hell?

Yeah, these guys are terrible. And the fact that Jen also, she has to immediately hedge when she's like, how would you feel about going to Magic Mike concert? And he's like, why? And she goes, oh, no, I mean, I thought it would be a funny thing if we end up doing it. I was like, why are you hedging? Just say, oh, because we're in Vegas, we might do it. It's not anything real. Don't get all bothered about it. It's like nothing, but I'm just letting you know I'm going. Because I'm being respectful. I don't even have to tell you I'm going.

Yeah. So then all the other girls are talking about it. And Demi is like, well, Taylor's going, and then Dakota, you know, Dakota's going to come. And like, he hasn't been very happy in the past. And then Macy and Jacob are talking about them. By the way, Jacob's so cute. Here's what I want from a husband, Jacob.

Nice, supportive, and quiet. Okay? Very cute. Looks good in a sweater. That's really all you need to be. All the husbands who are wondering, like, what can I do without being called a fucking abusive asshole? What this guy's doing. You just stand there, you smile, and you say, whatever you need, honey, how can I support you? That's how to do it.

Then we go back to Jen and her man, Gary Abusey. And he's like, Jen, I want to show you some of my outfits for this trip this weekend. Did you call him Gary Abusey? I did. Oh, my God. That's funny.

Emotional. Emotional, not physical. Because he really does kind of look like Gary Busey, like young Gary Busey with those big teeth and that blonde hair. Yeah, I've seen people call him Gary Busey, which I think is so funny. Because there's so many things. Any bleached, blonde, white guy, it's like a Draco Malfoy or the guy from... Targaryen. The Targaryens, yeah. But Gary Busey takes it to a new level. Wow.

One little vowel can do, you know? Yeah. One bell can change a world really can. So, so he's like, yeah. Oh, by the way, like, yeah, you're not allowed to go. You're not allowed to go to a theater with,

500 other women and sit a respectable distance from naked men. Anyway, I'm going to go gamble our money away because God would like that. So this is my lucky poker sweater. You can zip it down when you're just playing. And if you're hot, you know, if you're hot when you're playing, but then if it gets like really intense and if you're super white like me and like the one drop of blood gets close to your head and your entire neck turns red, you can zip it up so no one can tell that you're really excited about your hand. And she's like,

Who said you're playing poker? Well, I mean, you told me that you were going to give me a bankroll so I could play. How are you not embarrassed, sir? How are you not? Especially in this culture where it's like, oh, the man takes care of everything. The man does everything. You're being supported and now you're asking for allowance and it's to sin while you're being a hypocrite about her going to like see other people sin. You are such a little piece of shit. And she's like, well, um, uh,

So the producer's like, so there's that gambling situation. Is it okay to talk about it? And she's like, well, sure. I mean, I guess it's like, as long as we make sure we're not talking about it like he's an addict or something.

He has a lucky poker sweater. He's an addict. And he's like Googling how to not show his vein on the side of his neck throbbing as he loses. Yeah, he's an addict. I'll tell you that right now. His face is already turning red at the mere thought of playing poker.

poker poncho was sticking out of the pants just by just by saying full house so uh john's like okay well i'm gonna give you twenty five hundred dollars and i'm gonna be really pissed if you lose it he goes if i lose it then then you can never gamble again he goes well then i won't gamble for the rest of the year so see you're out this guy's got a fucking issue uh-oh done done done

So then Jen's like, yeah, I'm having a hard time in the relationship with her. And then we see clips of him just being an absolute asshole. She's saying, what is this? Cut to a clip of her saying she would appreciate his help. And he's like, sweetie. And then pulling her shirt up in the middle of the conversation, like her shirt was too low cut. Oh, God. And then she's like, oh, my God, I'm so sorry. I'm wearing too low cut of a shirt. Oh.

I hate him. That can be a bit controlling, but to be honest, I don't think I've ever met anyone who loves me more than he does. He only controls me because he loves me. And it's my fault. I'm the one who sets him off.

Yep. That's like the typical thing we hear over and over, you know, for people who've been around a long time. If you're just hearing this kind of stuff for the first time, you're going to hear it a lot from dicks like this because they all follow the same playbook, you know? Yep. I only hurt you because I love you that much. No one else would even care if you were out sitting. You just make me so angry sometimes. So Zach is saying...

This is his first time gambling in six months. So, yeah, that's also a sin to lie to your wife like that. Here comes one right now.

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So then we go back to Macy and Jacob talking about it, and they're annoyed that the guys are coming. And Jacob's like, well, if you need me to go down, I can, because if I can go, then I can just make sure that they're behaving. She's like, no. You need to stay here and box up the prenatal gummies. Maybe mama.

Baby mama needs to get packed. So Jen and Zach... Oh, so we're back at Jen and Zach's house. There's a knock at the door and here comes Taylor. Taylor, who it seemed like she was not going to come on the trip. So she shows up. She's wearing the same outfit that she wore at her mom's house. Not sure if this is the same day or not. And so...

And Taylor's like, oh my God, we got into a pretty big fight before we came here. Can we close the door? I'm like, hold. So anyway, he's like always pouting. So I'm like, I just feel like it's so repetitive of like making him feel better. And if it's like not today, it's like in two more days, just like there's nothing I can do for you anymore. And he's like, well, you just don't care. Like you're not even helping me through this. I'm just like, I don't know how to help you.

Yeah, basically, she's going to have a baby any second, and he's walking around like, I'm depressed, and pouting. And she's like, hello, I'm the one who should be explaining here. I'm the one with more hormones than usual right now. I'm the one carrying a baby. So she finally just left his ass. And they're like, oh my God, you left him? That's hilarious. And Taylor's like, yeah, I said, get out of my car. And then I was like, come get your stuff.

And Jen's just looking shocked, like, oh, my God. How in the world did you get away with all of this, right? So then she's like, he did send me a text. And he was like, I'm sorry. Like, I don't know what's going on. I just feel so broken and lost right now. I don't know how to control my emotions. So I don't know.

So, yeah, because Taylor threw all the shit out of her car, which goes to show that she's been like very chill on the show. But we know like trash box Taylor are still there, which, by the way, deservedly so. This is a good use of trash boxing. I want to say Taylor's Dakota is a piece of shit. So Taylor is just saying that she's really fed up and she's really pregnant. Like, how are they still fighting like this? Like so far along into the pregnancy. So then Dakota shows up.

And then they, like, Jen and Zach are like, okay, well, do you guys want to, like, do you guys want to, like, go, we should hit the road, right? Like, I know you guys are having a fight, but, like, we're kind of behind schedule. And Zach says if he doesn't get onto the craps table in four hours, he's going to just...

divorce me. So can we please get this going? Thanks. And now is officially a pattern where these two are just in it for the attention from every single person around them. This is one of those couples that

I just can't. I can't with people. They need an audience at all times. She's like, I left him. So then he shows up. Now they're like, yeah, now we're going to fight in front of you guys. Like, fuck off, you guys. Do this at home. Like, it was ridiculous. Stop taking every group event to be about your fucking drama. It's so annoying.

Yeah. So then they have a talk and Dakota's like, well, you know, obviously I have a lot of frustration inside of me and the way I feel is like I'm just getting really lost and confused and I just don't feel like I should feel confused. And she's like, well, what are you lost and confused about? And I was like, oh, it's like I don't want to feel this way. Like I feel like I shouldn't have to feel this way and I just feel like we have each other's backs and we're like on a team. And Zach's like, ah, we'll give you guys some time. No, sit down. Here's the playbill.

I just really need you, you know? Like, I'm just so broke down, you know? That's why I broke today. She goes, okay, well, I understand you're struggling. It's like, yeah, because, like, obviously, like, I've got frustration because, like, when it feels, like, lost and, like, confused, like, I don't think I should feel confused. Can I get a special? Do you guys have any, like, lighting in here? Because I really feel like this isn't working for me. Okay.

Can I get a spot? I'm about to do a thing. I just don't want to feel this way. I feel like I shouldn't have to feel this way. I want to feel like we have each other's backs, like we're on a team. And sometimes it feels like we're not teammates. We're just not teammates. She's like, well, but I don't know what else you want from me.

I don't know. It's just I want you to show me that you care. Oh, fuck off, you wuss. And a teammate would say, you know what? You are about to pop with my child. I'm going to not fight with you for a while, even if you're wrong and I'm right. How about that? You're a terrible teammate, okay? That's why you're not mom to me, sir.

yeah and she's basically like taylor just reasserts that she just wants to wait until she's ready because she has all these issues and she says like you know i feel like we have good days and then we start over and there's something new it's hard to like give into someone when you're just going to backtrack every few days it goes well then i don't know i mean i don't know and then zach and jen sort of come back from downstairs like yeah so uh

We really need to get to Vegas. So we've decided that we would be willing to listen to you guys fight in the car, if that's okay. And as long as Jen, as long as we get to put Jen in the way way, way back. Is that okay? Is that cool with everyone? Zach's like, don't worry, guys. You got a lot of time to hash it out. Okay? And then we're going to run some blackjack. Okay.

So, um, blackjack drills. Have you ever done those? No. Do that next time we go to Vegas where you learn, well, there's a certain way to play where you learn what to hit on and what to stay on and all that stuff. It's like a formula. So you have to do drills. Like, okay, you got an ace 10. Keep it. You got a, you know, King 10. Keep it. You got a three, eight. Keep it. You got a five,

Four. Don't keep it. Hold on. See, I'm trying to find it. Is this a blackjack drill or is this an advertisement for Ira Madison III?

I'll keep it. That's funny. Keep It podcast starring Ira Madison. You love him, you know him. Go give it a listen. Hi, Ira. So Dakota, they basically are going to jump in the car and everything. And Dakota's like, I love you so much. And that's like my whole issue that I care. I care way too much. Oh, what a hero. You know, Ronnie, if I had realized all along that Dakota was just...

a hero i probably would you know what it's just because he cares like he cares this whole issue like the whole reason he treats you like is because he cares too much you know it's rough to hear this and also the template of people needs to change it's just like so obvious at this point you know like we see it every time the same exact guy behavior

So then Jen's like, oh my god, their relationship started off rocky and I don't want to jump to conclusions. Well, I don't really want to jump. I mean, unless Zach tells me to, of course. Yeah, I definitely think there's a lot of pressure on them to get married. So now they're in their car. Jen is like, basically Zach is driving. Dakota and Taylor are in the back seats. And then there's like a crate of chickens and like, I don't

I don't know, like stacks of Costco items, some toilet paper, like an old mannequin. There's like so much. And then in the way, way, way, way, way back as Jen, like her head popping up over like an egg carton. And she's like, hi guys. Yeah. I just, I'm, I'm still on the trip here with you guys. Yeah.

So they keep talking about their fighting and stuff in front of them. And Dakota's like, Taylor says, you see how we fight? And then we're good the next moment? Like, is that normal? And Dakota's like, no, it's a cycle. Like, we just need to break the cycle. And Jen goes, yeah, that's called a toxic relationship. I'm just kidding. Was that my words again? I'm so sorry. Zach's trying to teach me how not to ever use that. God, just let that go. God, I'm so sorry, guys.

So they're just saying that they're just hoping that they can break the cycle. So now the girls are arriving. The other girls are arriving at their Airbnb, which looks like any one of their houses. And they're like, oh, my God, like, this is like so nice. It's like, oh, my God, this is so cute. There's like a living room and there's like a refrigerator. This is like so cute. They went so far to find another farmhouse.

Another modern farmhouse. I was like, oh my god, you guys found another open kitchen with white oak. This is crazy. So they want to put a sign up on the door that says, pussies only. Or no, how about vaginas only? Exactly. Labias only. I'm sorry. Can we put peaches only, maybe? You know, Jen, don't want to get in trouble, Zach.

So, yeah, they just are like, don't want to have those girls there. I mean, the boys there. So they put up a sign that says labias only. And Jesse's like, I just think it's really disrespectful that I planned this girl trip. And they like didn't even ask me if they could come. They just invited themselves. So like no boy is allowed in the house. Like that's my one rule. So this is my trip. I'm like, okay, enjoy that as the boys come into your house in three, two, one.

Yeah, and of course, Dakota is like, hey, what? Labias, I'm going in. That's ridiculous. I still get to go in there. Like, what did I do? I'm just trying to come in because I love you so much. Someone sounds like they're knocking down the door with timber.

oh but i love you love you guys because i care so much so jesse's like okay all right let's okay ground rules so i think girls only no boys like not no rules but like we we want to have fun right so like we all want to let loose with like a non-boy environment hey it's us

meanwhile zach and and dakota they get in there and they start eating all their sandwiches that the girls bought for themselves yeah immediately just start eating the heathens these guys and so uh layla's like uh you guys wait i don't know so oh they're like uh so wait they start talking about jen because jesse's like no just females here okay just kidding

Yeah, and then Zach is like, there's no... Because, like, Jesse and Demi give these rules. Like, what the... I see. Jesse's saying, like, no boys allowed. And Zach goes, no male strippers, though, huh? And Jesse goes, no, just, like, female. And Zach's like...

I'm just kidding, Zach. Yeah, Jen can be the stripper, right, Jen? And Zach says, you're a big girl. You can do whatever you want. Pound those streets in your sneakers looking for secretary work while you're trying to take care of two children and no husband at home. If you want to, that life could be yours.

And Taylor's like, wait, do you mean that she could do whatever she wants? He goes, no, not at all. So Macy's like, you know, they're basically like, well, it seems like whenever Zach is around, he tries to be cool. Like, yeah, no, cool. Jen can do whatever she wants. But we all know that like when he says just kidding, it's like, no, it's not just kidding. Yeah.

So then the boys leave, and then Jen's like, sorry, I mean, sorry we were here late, guys. Like, something's happened this morning. And Taylor's like, guys, she's looking at me because it was me. It was me, guys. I had drama. I'm really sad that Dakota left. Actually, he has a really good song to kind of...

Explain it to you. It's called, have you ever heard the story Boy Who Cried Wolf? It's such a good song. It makes my mom cry. He cried. But I have a really good 11 o'clock number. It's called, I'm going into labor. Just kidding. It's a very upbeat 11 o'clock number. Here comes the reprise. He cried. He cried, Wolf, but only once.

Oh, wait, here comes the closer for Act 1. I care too much to let you make decisions. I only gamble your money away and control you because I love you.

Wait, why is Zach in the musical? We just felt like it was a good role for him. Listen, he was there. He was there too much, so he became part of it. He got absorbed into it. We felt like he was a necessary part. Sorry, I was singing as the wrong controlling asshole husband. The story really worked with Zach. We liked it. We needed more douche in this story, so we brought Zach on.

So anyway, so Taylor's talking about how she and Dakota have been fighting and Macy got a front row seat. And the producer asks Macy what she felt during that fight. And Macy goes, so I have a secret that I've been holding in for a little bit on

And Taylor is telling her story and Dakota's like fighting. And like, at this point, I feel like I have to tell somebody else or I'm going to die inside. Oh, I hope this doesn't destroy their relationship. So Jen is talking to Taylor and she was like, yeah, you know, like I get it. It's hard for you in this situation. Cause like, you must feel like you have to walk on eggshells. And you know, I've gone through the same thing, you know, with Zach, when I say I've gone through, I mean, I go through every second, you know,

Yeah. I mean, it's just like every two days they're coming to us and I was like, yeah, every time it's something else. She goes, yeah. And, you know, people think they're being controlling and protective, I don't know, abusive. And I guess it's kind of their fault for acting like that. But let me tell you what, they just do it because they love us, right? They really, really love us.

Yeah, I just think that you guys need to go to therapy if you want to make it work. I mean, that's what Zach and I have done. Well, by therapy, it's more like he throws tinfoil balls at my head and he goes, how's that for therapy? And I say, it's great. I feel healed. Oh, man, it's just been a game changer for us. The only therapy I want to see you in is divorce lawyer therapy.

That's it. There's no therapy. You can't fix a broken problem. That's a broken man. You cannot fix him. He doesn't even know he has a problem. What are you going to go to therapy for and be like, oh, my God, can I just get better at letting my husband control me? That would be great. Thanks. Can I just be in a better mood about that? I'm just, you know, it's so weird. I'm crying every night. Can you fix that? Yes, you can fix it. It's a Southwest plane ticket.

is all it's going to cost you. It's cheaper than therapy. I'll come get you. Well, I know Zach has a lot of flaws. He can be a bit controlling and a bit judgmental, but I think his issue is that he loves and cares too much. Like, okay,

All right, you're a lost cause. Please. It's just so fucking sad to watch this, you know? And then you put it in the context of what we know about abusive relationships and stuff like that. And it's like, you know, part of me thinks like, well, if they're saying that this is the culture and the religion, is it bad to be dissing it all the time and calling it abuse? No, I don't care if it is, okay? If that's your religion, then your religion is fucking abusive. And that's it. You need to leave your whole fucking religion.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. It's crazy. I hate that. Sorry, I was sipping from my straw. You're not allowed. I'm like, no. So now everyone's getting ready, and Jesse's like, guys, I got everyone tickets for something. It's my labia. Y'all have a ticket to see my labia. Oh, my God. I've been requesting curtains. I didn't know they were that kind. Mm-hmm.

So they're like, is it going to be like, is it okay? Are we like, well, are we going to be going to hell? She goes, yeah, I'll be fine. And Jen's like, but will our husbands approve? And Jesse's like, well, in the eyes of God, you should be fine because, well, you know, God invented the thing that we're going to see. So therefore, it's got to be okay in the eyes of God. Just remember that. Oh, my gosh. So where are we? Are we at the Whitney scene yet?

Now we arrive at Whitney. Now we cut over to Whitney because Macy's saying how Whitney's really like, she really wished Whitney had made amends with the girls. And now Whitney is doing something really fun. She is going to experiment with homesteading.

Oh, my God. Did you run out of puffy sleeves? She's like, you know what? I need something even more rustic. Take me to an actual farm. Okay? So they go to this farm, and the producers ask her what homestead means. And she's like, Connor is like, like in one sentence. Okay.

I'm sorry, sir. Are you in this? We don't have anybody with a mustache and sunglasses and a poncho on this cast. Oh, it's just Connor. You just never know. You look, Connor. You just never know who's going to see you. But yeah, it's sustainable living, and it's up to the individual or the family to decide how far they're going to take that. Is it a couple of chickens?

Is it a few roosters, chickens, and other people just raising a whole village of children that aren't even ours? We don't really know yet. We want a farm. A farm with some chickens, some horses, some vibrators. And there's just been so much drama in our life because of this mom talk group and our loveless marriage. And I just want to get away from that. I mean, no, I...

I know people are going to accuse me of saying, like, you always are running away, but I'm not running away. I just want to get away from that, which is different from trying to run away because I'm just getting away, not running away. You understand what I'm saying? Listen, I'm running away because we don't have, you know, other kinds of transportation on the farm. We're doing this in a very rustic way, right? I'm riding away. I'm horse riding away, okay? Right.

So Sarah, who works at this, they basically go to a homestead. They go to a little farm. And Sarah. Whitney just, every time she has problems with people, just makes a complete move. Like to Hawaii and then to a farm. Like, girl, how much are you guys making with mom talk?

She vehemently denies that she runs away from her problems, but she literally just says right now, I just want to get away. So Sarah, the farmer is like, oh yeah, farming. It's every day. It's 365 days a year. It's very rhythmic. You know, it's only like an hour a day. You know, you feed the horses, you feed the chickens, you feed the chimp that you hide in your basement. It's pretty easy stuff.

yeah it's like yeah but you know you get used to it oh you are gonna smell like the poop though day in day out yo and connor's like whoa why did i think it would take all day so the rest of it i can you can spend together connor's like oh why did i think it would take as long as it does for me to build an erection for whitney you know all day oh my god

Am I a cow? I can't be the only one having to squeeze their udders all day just to get through this marriage. Am I right? Okay.

Okay, moving on. So the producer asked why she doesn't go to Vegas. And she's like, um, everyone clearly saw how my conversation went with Jesse. And like, they're all clearly talking shit behind my back. So why would I want to hang out with those girls? And like, I'm hurt. And nobody called me after I left the group. Nobody called me after I'm not coming to Vegas. Nobody called me after I completely antagonized everybody. I mean, I just don't get it. Fuck those.

What does Whitney do? Can she do like the splits in the air? What kind of TikTok dancing does she do that she feels like she's this fucking important? Girl, everybody's replaceable, even on MomTalk. Yeah.

so now we go back to vegas and um they are uh they're they're getting ready and um like macy's like very anxious like everyone's like nervous about what's what they're gonna go see what are they gonna go see because they all sort of just like suspect that they're gonna go see male strippers and they're just like all very very nervous about it and um uh

And they should be. And furthermore, this is shitty of Jessie to do. Do you think this really rubs me the wrong way that Jessie is like purposely going out of her way when she knows this is going to cause problems and everybody's like, should they have more, you know, control and power over their own lives? Yeah. But, you know, this is going to do nothing but cause them hardships. Like, why is that fun for you? I think that's a red flag as a person.

personally. We'll see how it turns out. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, I can't tell if it's shitty because I feel like if I were someone like Jen, if I was in that relationship, I'd be like, why would you do this to me? You know, I'm already fighting for my life with this guy. But if I'm Jesse, I'm also like...

It's just male strippers. It's like fine. And also Jesse's like 10 years older than Jen Affleck. Don't forget. And so she has all of them. And like, you're having them do it on TV. It's like, it's like you're personally putting them in the position where like, they're not cool if they don't do this, like,

ultimate sinny thing with you on national tv and that can affect their lives like in the church and in their in their circles we see how they talk about their social circles and the sinning and all of this now do i love the social circle and the fact that that's how it's all set up of course not i don't but i just think that jesse is purposely putting them in a bad position and i don't think a good friend would do that yeah i i don't know where i land on this one to be honest

I have to think about this one more because... It's okay. You don't have to land it. I don't know. I see what you're saying, but I don't know. I don't know where I... My brain is not at a place where I can really come to make a definitive stance on this one, so I won't. Not required.

uh but anyway so mikaela and macy are talking and macy's like like okay wait oh come come closer come closer so you know how i do those like anonymous confession things you know they'll just like break the internet every time you know it's like i gotta get this i got this confession about dakota so macy tells us that like she has a thing called sinner sunday where people can anonymously write in their confessions and so she got one about dakota

And like some confessions say, like, I love giving neck when I'm hooking up with someone. My boyfriend calls me the throat goat, LOL. So like, these are real confessions, guys. The throat goat. This is, I'm sorry to be the police right now, but this is also wrong. I mean, I know you're not a preacher, but you're not supposed to go on with people's confessions. I mean, she posts the confessions. Oh.

I just, yeah, no, she, it's like, it's like, you know, answering questions on Instagram. No, no, she shares them. But then there was one that she got about Dakota that she did not share. So she's like, so, okay, Demi, get close.

A month ago, I got this confession. You know how I do those anonymous Q&A confessions? It's like, yes, Macy, you've teased us. Okay, before we go any further, I just want to double check. We're still on board. You guys still remember the confessions I do on Sunday. I know. She's like, don't forget to follow. Okay, Sinner Sundays, here first. So I got this confession because I do this thing on Sunday. It's called Sinner Sunday. And this confession says the following. Thank you.

Thank you so much for doing that thing on Sunday. It's called Center Sunday. I'm like, come on, Macy, say it. She goes, okay, okay. I accidentally slept with Dakota before I knew he and Taylor were together. And then it says, I only met Taylor once and I'm terrified to tell her, but I know she has a right to know. Help. And then there's like a shrug emoji.

So then we see the screenshot. And Michaela's like, oh, my God, do you think that was from Jenna? And Macy's like, look, it says who sent this. But then if you click that, they're like, oh, my God, you didn't show Taylor? She's like, I don't know. That's why I'm asking you. Like, should I say something to her? What should I do? Like, it's anonymous. It's a confession thing. I do it on Sundays. It's for sinners. Yeah.

Demi's like, I would tell her. So Macy's like, I will tell her. I will tell her that I'm doing Sinner Sunday on Sundays with confessions. I have no idea who sent this anonymous confession, but I have an idea that it could be Jenna. She is a girl that Dakota dated before Taylor and him were together, but he was also seeing Jenna and Taylor at the same time. So that's why there's a contention and issues in their relationship.

So then this is the girl that he went to hook up with. Dun, dun, dun. And to me, it's like, well, I mean, she literally just said that if there was something going on, then she'd definitely break up with them. She would definitely 100,000% break up with them.

Well, it's just, you know, it'd be one thing if she's like, I don't care about the past. I really don't want to know. But like she said, she'd break up with Dakota. And this is a situation where like if she finds out and the baby comes and they get married, she'd probably divorce him. So you should probably tell her

Before she gets married and loses everything. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a good idea. So she is going to do it. So then we go to the farm, back to Whitney and the farm. I don't know. This is like the saddest storyline ever. Whitney's like, wow, I just got on this show. Everybody hates me. I'm the biggest villain in the world. Nobody's calling me back. And they went on a group trip without me.

And now I'm at the farm with Connor, who dresses like someone new every day just so they can pretend they're meeting me for the first time and they don't have to listen to all of my problems. I know all the girls are in Vegas, but there's been so much drama in our life. I just want to get away from that, but I'm not running away. I just want to get away from that. I'm just going to say I want to get away from it multiple times and then act like I don't want to run away. Okay.

And then the farm lady is like, yeah, you're going to be smelling like shit every day. Okay. I hope you're excited. It permeates your hair, your clothes. You can take a shower. Your shower smells like it. You're never going to escape. Do you like to run away? No. Well, then good. Cause you're never going to run away from the smell of horse shit. You know how like your mom always looks like she's smelling horse shit. Well, now you actually can smell like horse shit and it makes sense why she's making that. It's not just your personality anymore. Oh, okay. Well, that's a nice upside.

And she's like, look, these rakes are made for actual horse poop. And Connor's like, wow, it's amazing. It just scoops it right up. Are you guys influencing for horse poop scoopers? What is going on today? I'm going to do it. I'm going to take the horse pooper scooper deal.

So the producer asks Whitney what she thinks of everyone saying that she always that homesteading is another version of Hawaii. You know, I hate that people say I'm running away. Okay. There's a difference between running away and just like removing yourself from a toxic environment. I am not running away. I'm just getting away. It's very different. There's no running. And then we see a horse poop. Horses really poop.

why is nobody shaming horses about how they poop do it somewhere else like they just poop everywhere and they poop in this way where their whole butthole comes out and then poops like do you really need to like poop out your guts and then poop like at least make it a way to poop it's just so gross so green it's very green it was like it was really and i'm also hulu did we need to see it

Like it was like a long extended shot of a big thing of poo horse poo just coming out. Like we didn't need to see all of this. Yeah. That's a lot. Like just got through Tamara's plastic surgery and now we have to watch this. Yeah. Basically the same thing. And Whitney is like, I mean, Connor's like, Oh my God, did you guys just see that horse's butthole close? This is the most animated we've ever seen. Connor.

Yes, he's never been more excited, at least not in front of Whitney. So now we're back to Vegas and everyone's like taking photos and everything. And they give Layla birthday sash and everything. And it's all fun. And Jesse's talking about they planned a surprise. They get into a party bus. Everyone's like, oh my God, it's so fun. And Jesse says, well, hopefully husbands don't kill me when they find out. But I think it's going to be a fun thing for all of us to do together.

And they're like, oh my god. Jen's like, well, I'm nervous. I think my husband's nervous. And Jesse's like, yeah, 100% the husbands are going to be nervous. That's for sure. They're like, what? She goes, oh my god, I'm nervous they're going to hate me, but it's going to be fun, guys. They're like, not a strip club, guys. She's like, no, it's not. It's a show. It's entertainment, guys. It's the Chipmunks. Oh my god, Rescue Rangers, we're not allowed to watch cartoons about chipmunks. No, not Chip and Dale's like that.

This is the outer darkness, Dales. You guys are fucked, every one of you. And then this is also the follower mentality, which we should know because these girls are all on the same TikTok. And like, I don't know, that's literally where you have to follow each other to like stay in rhythm with the dances. Like all their choreography is basically built on being followers. But yikes, if you guys don't want to do this, say no. I'm not fucking going in there and you're not going to make me and stop trying to make me, you asshole. I don't want to.

Yeah. So Jen's like, of course, Jesse would freaking plan all this. I should have known. I should have known. Oh, my gosh. I'm screwed. I'm screwed. All that planning and plotting just to get in with the Afflecks. And now it's all going to shit. I'm going to be alone on the streets. Girl, listen, this might get you out of one Affleck, but it would totally help with the other Affleck. And he's way more important.

So then, yeah, they show up at Chippendales and it's like, oh my God, don't look at them. Don't look at the... But of course, this is a reality show. It's not just, oh, we're going to Chippendales. They then go backstage. So they're meeting these strippers. And of course, they have amazing bodies and like...

now it's really, this is a tough position for them. And Jesse's like, well, since Layla's birthday party is this weekend, I thought I'd get like a VIP package and we can meet the boys just ahead of time. So they're talking to the guys and then the guys are like, oh, we need to get oiled up before the show. So Layla's basically just like oiling up all the guys and Jenna's like trying to look away and like look at like the rafters and be like, if I don't look at these hot, hot men who I didn't know they could be this hot, who,

these are really hot guys that don't exist. If I don't look at them, they don't exist. Yeah. So like the center crew is like putting oil on the dancer. And then Jen's just really uncomfortable staring at the floor. And she's like, girls, we're married women. Why are we rubbing on these men? Oh my gosh, I can't. Oh, but of course, like the center girls are like, and this is amazing. Sin. We love sin. We love it.

So, and then they have to take a group photo. So Jen is so upset. And she's like, oh my gosh, for us to go meet the male strippers themselves, just standing there, I'm already feeling guilty. And now we're taking a picture with them too. And they're just like, oh my God, that was awful. That was so bad. And Jen is like, I'm shaking. I'm like literally shaking right now.

And Demi is like, are you freaking out about Zach? And she's like, well, I mean, it's just worried about being associated with them taking pictures. Like, yeah, because you know that fucking Jizz is going to get those pictures and put them all over Instagram and probably tag the husbands who are going to be annoyed by it.

Meanwhile, Zach is over at a casino gambling away the $2,500 that Jen provided for him and probably then some. And she's sitting here freaking out because she's merely in the same room as a shirtless guy. It's just so backwards. I'm sorry.

you know what? It is. It is. It is kind of like if I were Jen, I would probably would not be friends with Jesse after this because of the position that she put her in. And it's very uncomfortable. But honestly, I don't think Jesse's a bad friend. I think that, uh, Jen is with a bad husband and making Jesse look bad. Hey, this is not an either or thing. I, it,

he is a horrible human being and a horrible husband and, and at the very least a controlling emotional abuser. I'm not even arguing that I'm just separately. I'm saying that,

I feel like jizz is putting people in a really bad position. Like she's like literally putting someone that she knows is with a really controlling, somewhat abusive kind of person into a situation. I just don't, let's just grow. It just has nothing to do with, it's not like, oh, he's better because he's off gambling. I'm not saying that. He's still a piece of shit. This has nothing to do with him. I'm saying,

It's just, you know... Well, I will say in this very low stakes debate, I will say Turnabout is also fair play because the one who was the shitty friend initially was Jen, disinviting Jesse and Demi from that baby shower. So Jesse's like, okay, bitch. Ugh.

Okay. Well, then if it's that, then I would at least respect it. You know what I mean? Jesse was playing the long game. She was very nice. Okay, all right, so we're sinners and Zach doesn't want us near the baby because we'll be bad influences. Okay, well, I guess if we're a bad influence, we're going to see how bad of an influence I am. Now I support Jesse, now that I thought about that. You kind of talked me into it because I think you're right in being like, oh yeah, who's the sinner now? B.

- Yeah, Jen was the truly shitty friend first.

And so I think now all that's gone. And again, it's something else that Jen was like, it wasn't even her. It was her husband. So it's like influenced again. She can't, she, you know, she's just can't make up her own mind. Other people are constantly telling her what to do. Like he did that. She could have said, no, that's my friend and I want her at my party. And then she could have told Jesse, no. I mean, at the end of the day, we're adults and we have to like stand up for ourselves. You know, sometimes I just have to remind myself like,

You know, they're in their 20s. They're not an old, old battled queen like me who's learned boundaries. I didn't necessarily always have them, but that's why it just makes it sadder. You know, you just want to help. Yeah.

So anyway, Jen is spiraling and she's like, I'm fine to do this whole thing and do it all for Layla and have fun. But the moment they try to make me go up there and dance, I'm out, okay? Because I will literally be a divorced woman. I'm not even kidding. I'm not even jokingly saying that. I'm literally telling you, Zach will literally divorce me over something like this. And Taylor's like, yeah, Dakota's mad. So Jesse's like,

oh no, like, what did you say to him? You just told him like what it was. And he's just like, oh, is it, it's Chippendales. And he goes dumb. And I was like, it's just a performance. And so Jesse's like, oh my God, I feel so bad. Everyone's going to like be in trouble tonight. Thank you. Thank God you've got about 45 pounds of hair to make your head feel nice, light, not headachy at all. But Taylor was like, well, whatever. I'm in trouble every day. So that's my point. It's like, fine. She was like, it's fine. Bring on, bring on the hot dick.

So, um, uh, so Michaela is like, by the way, I've been talking to Jace and I didn't realize he'd be so upset. And just, he's like, why? I don't know. She goes, Oh, men do nothing but cause problems. Seriously. So then Jesse's like, Oh my God, it's mind boggling. Like these girls are just listening to their husbands and being perfect. Stepford wise. Yeah. Do you know your fucking friends? Yeah. Seriously. You're in like, what did you expect? Yeah.

So then Jesse's like, guys, why don't we do a TikTok? And they're like, no, no. But I want to do something where it's like, no boyfriends allowed, girls trip. And they're like, no, we can't even be seen. If someone realizes that this is the wallpaper of the backstage area of Chippendales, we are going to be roasted.

let's do it right now that i know everyone's in trouble with their partners i've caused huge fights let's do a tiktok for millions of people right in front of the chippendales poster please don't please so then they do this tiktok and it's like girls trip no boyfriends and jesse's like that was so good good job everyone and that was literally all it was girls trip no boyfriends

And so to me, it's like, yeah, when it comes to Jen and Zach and their relationship, it's like alarming that he wants things to be traditional, especially about the church. Like they think their women owe them doing things a specific way to prove that they're only that man's wife. And it's so strange to me because like, like you should be able to like be out with your girlfriends and have fun. I mean, yeah.

Yeah. And then, sorry, this is where we see the TikTok, which actually has a little bit more content than what I originally said, which is girl strip definition. No boyfriends, no bullshit, food. Like, wait, does that mean no food or that there is food? Or it's all about food? Come on, girls, stick with the trend here. Stick with it. No boyfriends, no bullshit, ceilings. There will be ceilings. We'll be in rooms with ceilings. Yeah.

So Jen's like, why are we getting upset? Oh, so now is she talking to her husband? She's like, why are we getting upset? It's a TikTok. And they're like, yeah, exactly. And Jen's like, well, I just don't know what to do. Should I walk out? Do I just go along with everything? I don't know what to do. Maybe I should text Zach. Just let him know what's going on. So Jenny gets on the phone and we only hear her side. She goes, don't worry, nothing's happening. Babe, I'm like, literally, it's like a joke. Like, Macy went with her mom to this. It's...

I don't even know. I didn't know until I got here. Can you just stop for a second? Just like think of me as a person, my character. What, you said you were going to hit me? Oh, you said hit. You're playing blackjack. Sorry. Okay, please. Can you just like think about me? Please, please. Can you just think about me as a human being? I did nothing wrong in this situation. Nothing. Yeah, this is...

So hard to watch. Do not like this. She's sobbing and he's obviously berating her on the other end from the poker table. Just disgusting. Like she's literally doing, I'm sorry. She's doing nothing wrong. She did. It wasn't even her choice to come to this thing in the first place. It wouldn't even matter if it was her choice. She didn't touch anyone. She didn't cheat. She didn't do anything. And the fact that this guy, while he's spending her money gambling is going to shame her a bullshit.

So, um, she's like, he's saying he doesn't want to be married to me if I do stuff like this. Oh my God. Like he really does want a divorce. Like what did I do? Yeah. Okay, good. Take it and, and get that sweet surgeon. What are you going to do? Get that sweet surgeon payout. Please go, please. Just, this is so fucking terrible. You need to do the surgery. Cut out that little malignant albino. Fuck.

Sorry to the albino people. I'm just... Just describing. As opposed to the albino. I know, like... There's so many... Sorry, I just meant... No, it's just that there's multiple malignant fucks on this show, so we had to designate. Yes, albino people are generally malignant. What's wrong with this show? It's crushing my brain, okay? This is hard to watch. Either way, this guy's a fuck, and the fact that he's like...

Honestly, at the very least, he's just doing a power play just to ruin her time. I sincerely believe that. I think he actually just wants to make her cry. And... Honestly, I think this is... Yeah, sorry, go ahead. No, I think he's trying to make her cry as a punishment for her doing something fun on her own, like without him. Yeah. But then if she was with him, he'd be having a fit too because he just wants to play poker. So...

It's like he doesn't even want to really be around her. He just wants to be a controlling piece of shit. So she's crying and she's like, I don't think this is even about Chippendales. I think it might be about something deeper. Yeah. And it's going to keep being this for the rest of your fucking life with this person. And by the way, people like this are not fixable.

They can improve their behavior. You can maybe learn how to get them to talk a little bit differently, but people like this don't just suddenly become good people. Sorry. Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but it's only going to get worse from here. Rhyme. Rhyme. Nerf. This guy's garbage. Nerf. By the way, it's backwards day. Rhyme. Nerf.

No. Yeah. He's garbage, but the show is not. The show is hilarious and great. So another entertaining episode. And thanks everyone for being here. We sure do love you. And we will catch you on the next episode of Watch What Crappens. Bye.

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