#2581 RHOC S18E13: Uninvited and It Feels So Good
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Well, hello, and welcome to What's With Crabbins, a podcast for all that crap we love to talk about on Yale Braves. I'm Ronnie. That's Ben. Hello, Ben. Hi, Ronnie. How are you? You know, so great, guys. I mean, what a day. I woke up. The world was still turning. Things were still happening. Buzzsaws were still selling. I thought...

What a time to be alive. How's everything going over there with you, babes? It's great. Shout out to my parents. It's their wedding anniversary today. So shout out. Wow. Carolyn. Yeah. I think they're on 54 years. Isn't that wild? That is crazy. Yeah. I know.

that is a long time to be putting up with someone's bullshit so shout out to my parents um shout out to orange county for having another fun episode shout out to i don't know i don't know what else to shout to literally everybody in the world shout out to johnny j and fun lexi fuck the two of you and

Enjoy your fucking karma, you idiots. Also, I want to nip something right in the bud because I don't want this to go on for a week because I know it will if it goes on if it goes unmentioned. But we have a call from the Office of Corrections.

which is two things, two dumb mistakes from yesterday's recap of Salt Lake City. First, I'm sitting there talking about, oh, I love watching basketball. I mean, I haven't kept up with basketball in a while, but I'm acting like I actually am a sports gay. And I'm sitting there the entire recap calling Giannis...

Giannis. Giannis. Giannis, I think. It's Giannis. Yeah, but it's, it's yeah. So I apologize. I definitely messed that up. Second of all, we also talked extensively about the song by the Jets. That was all you. That was all you right there. This was me. Because you said the lyrics and I just copied you. Yeah, I said the lyrics were, I found out I've got a crush on you. But someone did remind us

that the lyric is actually you found out i've got a crush on you i love going off on shit and then being completely wrong and just going off for like 10 minutes you know because we both minutes we were like how do you just find out you've got a crush on yourself and we did a whole thing about it and it turns out you didn't find out you have a crush on yourself you someone else found out they had a crush on you got a crush on them

That's how we roll. I will want to take credit for both of us for something, though. We finally knew something about a vagina because we knew that the vagina is not where peepee comes from. Well, I knew. Well, I'm going to take it. I knew that peepee did not come out of the vagina. It comes out of the urethra, which is not the vagina. Right.

And I knew that that sounded fishy to me, no pun, and I looked it up and I was correct. And you know what? I'm just so proud of us, man. It's been a long time of us just bungling vagina stuff. And finally we got one. And that just goes to show you that comments do teach us things. So feel free to keep commenting. We learned about vaginas, the Jets, and Giannis. Now, I'm not going to even say Giannis' last name because I've never been able to say it, but we've learned things. We

We've learned. Here's what I know. He is Greek. He is Greek. And what we do know is that, uh,

we are now talking about Orange County and not Salt Lake City. We are sunsetting that discussion. And now we are moving forward with Orange County. Another fun and wild episode. Hilarious. Also, again, gotta give props to this week's silliness in the post-production department. I don't remember when it happened, but at one point they split the screen into like a jigsaw puzzle and then they had a giant bubble float across the bottom. Did you see this? And then the bubble popped and then went bloop!

did you see that but i know but i saw the one where the the little statue said something yes and on top of that they were they were going to their tea party and they played like hip-hop while like hip-hop music while they're going to tea party and then they at one point the song is like yeah and it cuts to a statue and they put lips over the statue that went yeah

They are on tracks over there initially. Well, yeah, I guess it was like the Alice in Wonderland tea party they were giving a nod to, or it's just like you're tripping. But that shit was funny. Okay, so this is called You Are Codely, Not Invited. Real Housewives of Orange County, Season 18, Episode 13. This episode starts at Katie's couple's dinner last week. Tamara has just had a fit and walked out because her takedown did not work. Okay, so

You can't try and outshade a shadester. And Ryan is shady. I don't know what is going on over there, but it becomes very clear in this episode that whatever it is, his ass is shady. And Tamara tries to outshade him. You can't. Yeah. He's going to win. He's shady like worth millions of dollars. So he's going to win.

Also, I'm starting to believe that he was telling the truth last season about all the dick pic stuff and all like the everything like with their relationship because I

When he has to lie about his fraud situation or his bookie situation, he lies so badly that I'm like, oh, okay. If you were lying about that other stuff, we would know because this is you lying. He did lie badly about that other stuff. I think we're just used to it now. I was badly upset. It was pretty bad. Like, Brian, you sent a dick pic. What? I did? Yeah, Brian. You think you did? Well, it was, I mean, if I did, it was to you.

No, but I didn't get it. Well, it was, I mean, it wasn't hard. It wasn't even a hard day. It was like a joke. It's like, what do I do? I do it to people. I just do it to my friends. Okay. And that was very much them. Because Tamara screeches out of there. She's like, and leaves and then falls as she leaves and then slams the door in the producer's face because she's made an ass out of herself. And by the way, Eddie just stayed at dinner and chilled. He was like, thank God.

Thank God. The nuisance of the party has left. Now can we fucking party, all right? Listen, it doesn't need to be like this. They're all like, yeah, well, it's Tamara. It's what she does.

And so Katie goes after Tamara to check in on her. And Tamara's in the SUV like... So Katie is checking in on her. And Katie's like, hey, girlfriend, why'd you leave? Also hearing Katie say, hey, girlfriend, is hilarious because...

I think she's never tried it before. Yeah. Hello, friend of mine who's a girl. Could be a man. What do I care? Friend is a friend. But a girlfriend is a special kind of girl and a friend, is it not? Jacket on fleet, girlfriend. Also, when she leaves, Matt goes...

my wife always goes for the one that leaves. I just love that that's your personality trait. There's so many people that can storm in. There's my wife just chasing after him. I

I really, honestly, in my life, I rarely have anyone who ever storms out of any situation. We do. I just don't have storm out situations with my friends or my family. So it's funny that Katie actually has like that has been, there are enough people that go storming out of whatever room Katie's in that she now has a reputation for going after them.

Yeah. Katie, maybe Katie's an instigator. You know, she just gets people so mad that they storm out. I don't storm out. I dig in. I sit my ass down and just get louder and louder until everybody else leaves. I don't consider it a successful freak out until the room is empty besides me.

When I'm pissed, I want everybody else to leave. Why should I get up? Why should I leave the fucking food on the table? You assholes leave. You're the ones who made me this mad. I'll eviscerate you until you all leave. I'm staying with the chips. That's a good strategy. So Tamara's like, I am not going to put up with that shit. She knows he's a piece of shit. Ask her about the FBI. And now they have this lawsuit going on from the FBI about legal gambling. And Katie's like, shut up.

Yeah, it's disgusting. He's a horrible human being. Well, look, here's what I have to say about illegal gambling. It's legal in some places, just like marijuana is. So why is your shady, your thing that used to be shady in other places, not shady, but his shady thing that should be, I think gambling should be legal. You know, stupid people want to waste all their money. Let it be legal. So don't come to it from a moral place. Give me a fucking break. Yeah.

And Katie's like, oh my God, shut up, girlfriend. She's like, it's disgusting. It's a horrible human bad body. And she's like, there's an account on Instagram that broke down everything. At first, it was hard for me to concentrate because his eyebrows were just so amazing. You want to talk about Aunt Fleek? Giorgio, come to me, Giorgio. And then we see a clip of Giorgio who, I mean, literally the best eyebrows in the business, Giorgio. Every time I see him, I have to watch his videos two times because

Because I have to like look at his eyebrows. I mean, that's a Middle Eastern person, I'm assuming.

maybe italian i mean giorgio is probably italian but i don't know he looks like he could be one of my cousins and i just look at his eyebrows and i think god damn it giorgio how do you fucking do it every time and there's he makes a lot of videos and there's never one where his eyebrows aren't amazing they're always good and his hair this time i mean girl whatever it is share with a bitch because well you look so good george he really made a splash he really made a splash on this um

on his Orange County debut. I had never seen him before. So I was like, who is Giorgio? And I'm not saying that with any shade, like I didn't know her, not like Mariah Carey like that. Like I had not seen him before. So I was like, oh, oh, oh, wow. Well, Giorgio says, and he's like 590,000 was paid to Ryan and Ryan's company, Lion Time Incorporated. And when Ryan was asked where that money was coming from, he just simply couldn't remember. Allegedly. I was like, wow, like move over in Nightline. Giorgio's in town. Giorgio's on it.

So then Katie goes back inside, and then Tamara keeps telling us. She's telling us that—

Which isn't that crazy, as anybody with a business would know. If you have a partner, why wouldn't your address be? Now, listen, I'm not trying to sound less shady because I think whatever he's saying is shady. It's just the public takedown of someone being shady by someone who doesn't know how shady they are. And currently, Tamara has had to apologize, I think, twice to Ryan because he was going to sue her ass. I mean, we talked about all this somewhere. Where did we talk about all this?

Probably like every day this week. Maybe it was on Jeff or maybe it was just here on this podcast. So after Tamara went on Watch What Happens Live and said that Ryan has stolen a bunch of money, he sent her some kind of a threat of a lawsuit or whatever for defamation. And so she had to publicly apologize to Ryan. That's what happened this week in this news. So

Yeah, I mean, I don't know. And if it was defamation, that means none of this is technically true because it's not defamation if it's true, right? So I don't know how any of this is working. Well, Katie comes back and she's like, yeah, hey, Eddie, I think Tamara's ready to go. So he like stands up and he like very slowly makes his way around the table, giving hugs and shaking hands. And he gets up to Ryan and.

And you're like, oh, here we go. More frostiness. And then they shake hands. This is like such a guy thing. They just shake hands. Then Ryan pulls him in for a hug. And Ryan's like, sorry, brother, let's get, let's get past it. And he's like, it's okay. And they're like, yeah, they're friends again. But also Eddie has probably wanted to tell Tamara to shut the fuck up that way for so long. Um,

And he just saw someone else do it and kind of stay calm and still win the argument. And Tamara ran away. So I think he was like, you've earned this. Here's an Eddie hug. I think a bird shat in his eye. He spent so much time looking up at the sky during this dinner party that a bird finally shat in his eye. And he's like, it's not worth it. You need to get over it. Emily's like, this can be golf course friends. And then they cut to, they cut to Katie. Oh no, they cut to, yeah, it was Katie. And that's because it's like golf. And,

And then, um, so, and then Jen goes, okay, Eddie, take care of that for me. Take care of that. Okay. Help me with that. With Tamara. He's like, yeah. Okay. Oh,

We're so close, me and Teddy. And Eddie, I just wanted to say thank you so much for listening. Thank you so much. And thank you so much for keeping an eye on threats from above. That was really nice. I noticed you looking at the sky that entire time. Thank you, Eddie. Thank you. You did such a good job here today. You know what? I heard they're renaming it from SETI to SETI. So thank you. Thank you, Eddie. You're doing great work.

So then one month earlier, so Jen's like, after how far Tamara and I have come? And then we see Tamara saying, I'm so happy Ryan stepped up for you. I'm really going to be a good friend for about two weeks because we just need a break. Otherwise, it just gets monotonous. Now, how you doing, pet? Tell me you're being a fan. You want to go shopping like a couple of girlfriends? Do you like Tupperware? What do you think about Tupperware? Jen's like, I love you so much. I'm so grateful. You have no idea. I'm so glad we're friends again. Thank you so much.

So Jen's like, I would love to sit here and say I'm blindsided by this behavior, but it was a matter of time. It's like, are you talking about Tamara or are you talking about Ryan? Hmm. All of the above, I suppose. So she says it's hard because she really loves Eddie, but Tamara's not loyal to anyone. And certainly not me. So Katie's like, well, guys, it's official. Tamara's very, very upset. I know. You know how I know? Matt, you want to tell them?

She followed her out. I followed her out. I do it every time. Always follow the ones who leave. So, yeah, she's mad. And so they're asking her what's up. And she's like, well, she did say ask him about the FBI. So now they all look at him like we are going to ask you about the fucking FBI. You think we're not? You think just because Tamara chickened out that the rest of us will? What about the FBI, fucker? So Ryan goes like this. He goes, oh, gosh, that is so funny.

Interesting. So I thought he was just like winding up to make a joke, but he was actually speaking. That was like a sincere lilt in his voice. And he goes, yeah, one of my closest friends is going through something and has been since September.

And I mean, she must be talking about Matt. I think he said that. Like, she must be talking about that. I don't know if his name is Matt. And then his eyes are just bugging out, you know, like really wide, trying to stay calm. And Emily's like, okay, excuse me, excuse me. Innocence Project coming through. Excuse me.

So do you host people in Vegas? That's a crime. Or is it not a crime? Is hosting people in Vegas a crime or not a crime? What's your opinion? And he's like, well, one of my closest friends, Matt. Yeah, it was Matt. Sorry, I corrected everybody. But I go with him to Vegas often. But, you know, I host. Do I host anything? No. I mean, Jeopardy, what? I don't know. What are you talking about? I don't know. Nope.

So, but like, isn't that what he was doing though? No, I don't know. I just, hold on. I just called up a go daddy. And last I checked, there are no servers named Matt. So I don't think he's hosting anything. He has never walked up in any, ever walked up to anybody and asked how many people were in the party. I can tell you that much. I can tell you that much. I just, I just went to Matt's restaurant. It was empty. And as far as I could tell, he's not hosting anything right now.

Why did the FBI... He's like, oh, you know, Matt, listen, Matt's a pro. Oh, here's what you're... He's a professional gambler, okay? And he has a bookie business, you know? And they're going through tough times. So, you know, I shouldn't even talk about his situation except to tell everybody his name is Matt and he's a bookie. But do not ask him for a good table. Well, the best is that, like, he... We're watching him come up with a lie in real time because when Emily's like, why did the FBI come? He goes, well, Matt is a prof...

Excuse me. It takes like 10 seconds to decide what he's going to say next. It's like, he's a professional gambler?

And that's why he was there. Come on, Ryan. You got to have your excuses ready to go. Well, especially because this was all over the internet. It's not like this was new information to Ryan. He can't be surprised that they're bringing this up. And especially that Tamara's bringing it up. So he should have definitely had a better answer ready to go. But I think that he was also weighing what he could and could not say on camera. Because he probably wanted to say, I really can't talk about it.

But then that would make him look like guilty, like he was in part of a bigger scheme or so he wanted to seem casual. Like, it's no big deal. Like, whatever. Just like, I don't even remember. Like, what? What is he? What does he do? He's a whale. I'm sorry. Hold on. I'm gonna have to go to his LinkedIn. I just don't. We're friends. But I mean, what is he? I think he's a shirt folder.

You know those people at The Gap who fold the shirts in the plastic square? I think that's what... Ah! Bookie. He's a bookie. Anyway, I can't talk about it. Can't talk about it. So then Katie's like, um, are bookies illegal? And Jen's like, yes! Way to go, Jen. And Ryan goes, oh, well, in California they are. I'm like, okay, well...

You realize you're in California and business address is in California. So you guys are killing it. Yeah, I'm not really sure what they think they're doing here, but it's not looking great.

So Emily's like, but I thought you did the same thing as your friend. Don't you do the same thing as your friend? If your friend jumped off a bridge, would you jump off a bridge? And he's like, no, gosh, gosh. Listen, you know how I'm being honest? You know I'm being honest? I'm saying gosh a lot. Gosh. Gosh, guys. Well, I don't know. I mean, I would see you together going to Vegas and stuff, so...

Look, now they're great friends of ours. So of course we go to Vegas with them together. We collect money together on behalf of other people's bets together. It's just what great friends do. I don't see what's so crazy here.

So Emily has heard of it, but she doesn't know the details. She doesn't know, you know, but she does keep questioning him. She's like, so you just went with him to Vegas. And he's like, listen, we all like fruits of going with friends. Right. So like we love fruits and, you know, we're unfortunate to enjoy the fruits. So I'm enjoying fruits, big fruit enjoy over here. He really should. He really should apply to be, um,

like a spokesperson for the white house. He's just killing it. He's doing such a great job. He lies about as well. That's for sure. Just fruits. You know, we're just fruits. Uh, it's enjoying fruits of our friends, labors. That's fruit. You know what I mean? Come on. War. What war? We're not in a war. You crazy fuckers. Oh,

Ryan goes to Vegas like it's his job. I mean, his career is going to Vegas. I don't know what else there is to do in Vegas besides gamble, go to shows, drink. Oh, and prostitution. That's legal. It's time for a commercial. It's time for a Crappin's commercial.

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So then the next day, Heather goes to a furniture store called Backyard Expressions. You know what? This is crazy. I thought this is where the mimes came from my parties. Actual furniture. Where you throw garbage at the servants. Now, isn't that a Backyard Expression?

So this is where people buy furniture. They don't have it made. So how do you know how big their living room is to put a couch the correct size? Standard size. You know, it's amazing how many niche markets there are. They keep on saying retail is dead, but look, a whole store dedicated to furniture for maids.

Wow. This is so cool. I love your story. I'm going to meet a friend. I guess we're looking for outdoor expressions, if you will. Look, I can do an outdoor impression. This is me as Wendy Malick. Hi, I'm a bitch.

Hi, I only got cast probably because I slept with someone you didn't hear from me. I'm only Wendy Malick. Hi, I'm Wendy Malick. I was on the show Just Shoot Me, which is named after everything her assistants ever said.

So Shannon comes and Heather's like, there's a birthday girl. Oh, please. I just, please stop. Let's not talk about it. Happy birthday, birthday girl. No, I couldn't possibly have this moment in the spotlight right now. No, it's too much. It's too much. Camera slide sequence. We're going to lunch.

London! Oh, sorry. I jumped the gun on that one. Did you see that? I saw that meme on Faith Reality 16. She put Shannon. I hate attention. Also Shannon. Ripping open her coat to show her secret dress for London in the middle of the restaurant.

Come on, Shannon. It's a new decade. It's a brand new decade. You're in your 60s. You're a little old lady, Shannon. Shannon, you are past your prime. Why are you crying, Shannon? Did I make you cry? Did I make you cry, Shannon? Shannon, I just want you to know for this year, you are in the age bracket that is the least likely to find a man. Isn't that good news? No more Johnny Chase for you. Ha ha ha.

She's like, well, here is a birthday gift. It's air. Enjoy. I brought you a salmon-colored pleather leather jacket. Someone roll in the rack. He's like, wait a minute. Wasn't this in the scene where you tried to get Gina to dress better last year? Oh, sorry. Okay, get rid of that. Bring in that ugly wedding dress from Long Island.

I just wanted to bring you to this shop so you could see all this beautiful outdoor furniture. Like, look at these pillows. These can be outdoors. They're weather resistant, sun resistant. So you can tape them to the side of a house and your car can crash right into it without even making a dent.

So, Shanna's like, well, I need space for a sofa on my front patio. So, that's what I'm looking for now. And What's-Her-Buttons comes to help them. Katie comes. And they're looking at different little pieces of patio furniture. And Katie's like, I love these little wicker things, but they're a spider trap. And Heather's like, oh, yeah, this is why I don't like IVN houses. It looks like rat ladders.

And then Katie and Shannon both at the same time go, it is! Well, I do call them Tamras. That's okay. By the way, were you sad, as sad as I was, that they did not show footage of Shannon's birthday with David Bedore many years ago where he took her to the gastropub? I think it was when they, unless I'm conflating two scenes, took her to the gastropub and they served her short rib with a sugary sauce and she got mad. Yeah.

Yes, because when she said she wanted something low-calorie, she's like, I'm on a diet, and I need something low-calorie in this gastropub. I will have the short ribs. What's she wearing? She's wearing short ribs. A sauce of sugary. You took me from my birthday to a place with sugary sauce, David. Oh.

Yeah. Anyway, that ladders. So, you know, they're going over stuff and everything Katie picks out, Shannon's just going, no, no, no, no, no. And Katie says, well, I've got great style, but we are 20 years apart in age and that might play into the style. You know, you know how that goes.

I mean, is it so wrong that I want a house that looks like a colonial from 1731? I don't think so. I don't think that makes me old whatsoever. So I want to look like a boat. I want my house to look like a boat that Jackie Onassis is the captain of.

No rat ladders. So they are, they're just like hanging out now. Now they're talking and Shannon's shooting down all of Katie's suggestions. So Shannon talks about her show, the trace of me guys and stuff, but she changes the subject to the trip. Let's talk about the girls trip.

And Katie's like, well, it was good. I mean, Jen's house became a shit storm because something happened with Alexis, but she wouldn't tell us what it was. And, you know, she went to the bathroom. I followed her, but she'd locked the door. So that was rough. I said, I'm the one that follows. Please. Oh, well.

Well, it's because of their PR stunt. John gave People Magazine the lawsuit. And I'm like, what do I do? This isn't about the money. It's...

It's about him trashing me. So then we see the flashback to all that. So Heather says, well, I assume that what he thinks is going to happen, he'll cite a disparagement clause. And then Shannon will continue to talk shit about him for the rest of the season. Except it was a mutual disparagement clause, which I'm surprised that Shannon didn't add in to this.

Yeah, but I still imagine that the show, like if they do that non-dismaragement clause, the show still has to air. So it's still going to all come out.

So Katie is like, well, Katie, you know, Katie's like, yeah, well, that's what Alexis is thinking is that like Johnny want Johnny J wants to respond to all the allegations. And Shannon's like the sole purpose of John and Alexis putting this lawsuit in the hands of the public is to hurt me and try to make me look bad. But little does he know, I already have 10 years under my belt and this is nothing. Yeah.

I looked bad before you got on the scene, and I will continue to look bad after you've left. Thank you very much. Please roll the gif of me in the sombrero. Thank you. Which they actually do later, kind of. Okay, so Shannon's like, well, I'm going to move on with my life. I cannot wait to talk about John Jansen never again. So do you have this in the color Johnny J? Bring it over here so I can put it on.

By the way, when Johnny J broke up with me, he had a statement ready for People Magazine as well. So who do you think you are? You need to tell the world. You need to tell People Magazine. So Katie is like, well, anyway, I had Tamara and Eddie and Jen and Ryan and Shane and Emily at my house for dinner. And it was, well, that was interesting.

Wow. Why was that? I'm surprised to hear the word interesting when you arrange the most boring people in the cast together. So then we go to Gina's house where Emily and Gina are hanging out. And

there uh we get to see another tour of gina's house this is so weird that every time gina has a scene she's like you want to see my house no not really it's a shoebox with a curtain in it with rooms that are getting smaller every episode every episode literally getting smaller because you're subdividing them we put up a mural so it makes it look like he has a wide open view oh my god

You know what I mean? It's totally tricked at. The kids just keep walking right into the wall. They're like, ow! Did you guys walk into a wall again? It's a mural! It's not really outside! And these rooms are tiny, and she put a fire pole in the middle of one of them, because you could take a fire pole down from the bunk bed. And it's like, I guess that's fun and everything, but it's like...

create some space lady give them some give them some space in their room don't put a pole in there also the one who's stuck on the bottom bunk really is gonna hate the one on the top bunk because every time that kid has to pee you're gonna hear also we've seen the trajectory of many of these kids on orange county so you know maybe put like not a pole in there

How about a bookshelf? How about that? I'll talk to you later. So they play around on the stripping pole and it's Emily and Gina. So they laugh at each other a lot and make a wacky scene and the rest of the audience just kind of watches it like, why are they laughing?

Why are they laughing and I'm not laughing? So Emily's like, oh, I could be a stripper. Why isn't there like a golden, like a golden girl strip club? And then we could be like old people stripping. Like, well, I need to take some ibuprofen. No.

you know what I don't think I would even be worried that you have a stripper name like that shit is like too much work and then the producer's like well so if you're lazy you could be lazy Susan she's like oh no my mom's name is Susan she already took the name so it could be lazy cock and Snyder lazy cock cider Kirk cider what's her name Kirk and cider Kirk will cider Kirk and it could be cockle cider Kirkland Snyder

i don't know it's not a stripper i mean it still would turn people on people love kirkland that's a great brand the condo brand gina's like oh my god so i saw tamra and she said you what oh you all went to katie's or whatever with all you guys and she goes oh yeah and then we see a flashback of tamra you know talking about it and everything and emily is like tamra was all out of sorts

Yeah, well, you know what? She can't keep on doing this. Just because you're in three martinis, you can say things that are awful. I'm like, oh, see, Tamara, it's coming for you. You drink too much. The Wheel of Fortune...

is now landed on the Tamra wedge. Yeah. Karma's not only a bitch, it's a drunk bitch. Okay? And it's going to come back to get you. So now let's go back to backyard expressions. And Katie's like, yeah, you know, Tamra started calling Ryan a little bitch and then Jen started screaming at Tamra. Wait, screaming? Jen was screaming? Yeah. Yeah.

Well, what did she do? She went like this. Tamara, please don't talk about me anymore. Ooh, that is screaming. That is screaming for Jen. Huge. That's huge. That's violence. Jen chose violence. You know what? They all have a long history, but sometimes not everyone has to be friends. Like with me and Rat Ladder over here. Hey, that wasn't nice. I'm sorry. Anyway, no one needs to all be friends. Ha ha ha.

I don't like either one of you. Okay? I'm sitting here at a place called Backyard Expressions. I don't like backyards, and I don't like expressions. And here I am sitting with Shannon Bedore and whatever this person's name is. You see, miracles can happen. Listen, if Wendy Malick can find a man, I can hang out with Katie.

So Shannon's like, how did she not find a man? Talk about something that backfires on you. I spent all of the eighties calling her Wendy Manlik. It actually worked in her favor. I don't even know who this person is. I'll be honest with you. When I invited you to the tea, like to the tea on the group text, let's have a flashback of me inviting everyone to tea. So we have a flashback and Katie's like, Hey everyone,

Shannon invited all of us. So Katie is like, Katie was, Tamara had said she wasn't coming to tea, but Katie is like, no, she was just emotional because there was all this fighting at my dinner party.

Yeah. And she says, I think she was just heightened, which means she was shit-faced. Yeah. So here, enter the Tamra's drinking too much storyline. I know. Because we have, I mean, one of the pictures being passed around the most of this entire season is Tamra having that martini while Eddie is looking on horrified. It's such a great shot. People are making paintings of it. It's on t-shirts.

So, yeah, I think this is the next storyline. And then she's going to have to go back into her Christian mode where she's like, I was drinking too much. I was mean to Shannon. And now I found Jesus again. Jesus. He's all about not drinking. Well, except for wine. I can still have that, right? Jesus did it. Jesus, you alcoholic bitch. Bitch.

Chad, I realized the reason I was so mean to you was because I was angry at myself. And I was taking it out on you, but it was me who had the drinking problem. I mean, your drinking problem's worse, so you should probably get that checked out. But mine's bad, too. So... It makes sense with drugs, so yours is way worse than mine. But still...

Yeah. So then we go back over to Gina and now Gina is, she's like worried about this tea, about seeing Heather. You know, she's like, you know, Heather's pissed at me and she treated me the way she is. I mean, she's like so angry. And we see that Heather is angry at Gina because when they had that fight at Jenga night, that was,

that gina left with emily and heather was not happy so we see that gina texted heather hi i hope you're doing okay felt the best thing was to leave so it didn't get worse but i love you both feel weird to not to text so i'm just doing it heather goes i am incredibly upset on so many levels we will talk on monday or tuesday i guess hashtag adjudicated hashtag admonished

I woke up furious. I went to bed completely wrecked. Can't wait to see you in a couple of days to talk about this on camera. She always, she always texts like, you know, something went wrong with a client in corporate America. I am extremely upset. We need to have a meeting right away. So, um, Oh gosh. Okay. So then we go to Jen's thank you dinner. Uh, thank you. No person. Um,

Wrote down because I was calling it. But thank you, Tanner. Thank you guys so much. Thank you for coming over. So then we get a flashback to the Emily argument. Emily versus Heather. And the, I didn't do anything to you, Emily. Well, I started to say I wanted to say you were pissed. Oh, I didn't ask you. Shut the fuck up, Alexis. That whole thing. And Gina's like, oh my God. I wasn't like, fuck you, Heather, as...

As I was leaving, I'm like, I'm in trouble because like one friend took your side. I mean, come on. And then we cut back to Heather being like, well, what side were you on? And Katie is saying, well, I can see how she wants to herd, but I can see how the night got away from her. And at the end of the day, when I go to bed at night and close my eyes, your terrifying face is the one that keeps me up till 2 a.m. So I'm going to go ahead and choose Tamara's side. Mm hmm.

And Emily, meanwhile, is saying, she's talking about Heather and she's like, you know, she told Tamara I attacked her and I didn't fucking attack her. When I walked up, I was crying and said, why don't we sit down as friends and talk this out? She put her finger in my face and she said, no.

Oh, well. And then we go back to Shannon and she's like, well, how did you leave it with Emily and Gina? She goes, terribly. Absolutely terribly. I mean, gosh, you spend so much time with a poor person, you expect a thank you note. Didn't even get that. Shannon's like, oh, well, have you

Have you talked to her? No, I'm busy sending letters to Drake. We're getting very close to becoming friends. I will tell you this much. I was so defeated that I ended up eating my feelings because I too am a woman who understands eating issues. I ate my feelings. Thankfully, they are invisible and imaginary and don't really exist. So they don't have... That's not what eating your feelings means. It means when you're hungry, you eat a lot of

terrible ice cream and bread. Oh, no, no. I don't understand that. I thought what we were talking about. If I'm angry, I just go to Nobu and I eat one piece of tuna and then throw out the rest.

So Katie's like, they're still just like talking about this. So Katie's telling more about the situation. Heather's like, wait a minute. So Emily has talked to everyone about this, but me, I'm like, she literally was trying to talk to you.

And you wouldn't hear it. That's why she's had to talk to everyone else. You were where she started. And so she's like, I would have loved the opportunity to have talked with her. Maybe thrown a Jenga block at her face. I don't know. Did we have a chance to do that ever? I don't know. I would have loved to have made her feel better. I would have said something like, listen, Emily, I know I may have triggered you, but you have to understand you have a parasocial relationship with me. I am a celebrity and you're not. I would love to have the chance to sit her down and say,

Emily, how did I upset you by calling you the size that you are? Really? So Emily's like, all I needed from her was actually be a human. Well, I mean, you know what? You got to meet people where they are. Literally, no one should sit down with Heather Dubrow and say, you know what? I just need you to be human right now. I mean, what are you going to try and fuck a Siri next?

Yeah, no. Heather Dubrow is the robot in the science fiction tale who finds out that she's a robot and all this time she thought she was a human and then she's actually happy about it. She's like, oh, thank God. Right.

Thank God I'm not a fucking human. Robots are always crying. Like, but I thought I was human. Oh, I want to be a human. The robots are all very Emily. I just wanted to be human. It turns out I'm a robot. The humans are like, how much plastic can I inject into my face? And how many bionic parts can I get? You know what? The grass is just always greener. Whether or not you're a fucking machine. Yeah, that's true. The grass is always greener.

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See, Emily talks about how it's really hard for her because she gets constant commentary on her body. And it's super hurtful. And sometimes it messes with her. And people are always commenting like she'll post something where she thinks she looks good. But then people are like, oh, my God, you need to work out more. And it hurts her feelings. And, of course, who wouldn't understand that? I mean, that's terrible. The Internet is full of monsters. Yeah.

Yeah. And then we go back to Heather who goes, I am a very good listener and I really want to sit down with her one-on-one and I want to know what's going on. But if you want to come after me with something I did to you, it's really hard for me to not answer back. Now, anyway, what are we doing here in this shop? I needed a couch for my porch. Remember that part where you said you were a good listener? I'm sorry. What's a porch?

Is a porch, is that the place? Is it a torch for poor people? When the electricity goes out because you couldn't pay the bill? Is it that thing you push your maid off of in the summer times? I don't even know what that would be referencing, but no. It's not. You should have a guardrail anyway. You shouldn't be able to push it. They come with railings.

Okay. So then Emily goes to the tailor shop and she's like, I'm bringing Anthony to shop for a new suit. So she is doing an innocence project. Hey, Anthony, how many hips have you, how many new hips do you have? None? Oh, you poor guy. Who did this to you? Sit down. So this guy is, he's been exonerated. This is one of her innocence project scenes. And,

And so she's talking about how it's hard to integrate, reintegrate people back into the world. So she's here to help this guy get on his feet and get himself a nice jacket, you know? Yeah. And so she's brought him to this place and there's a guy named Jason who's the clerk and Jason is one of those people that

Who talks as if he's playing a chord on the piano. He puts all his fingers onto the counter in front of him. He's like, okay, so you want me to get that for you? And all five fingers are doing a little tent on the table. He's one of those finger tent people. And then he's...

And then he's stuck having to pretend like he cares. I mean, the story about this guy is really sad. Basically, his half-brother not framed him for murder, but his half-brother committed murder, and then this guy was the one who took the fall, and the half-brother never said anything because the half-brother was like, well, he's innocent, so obviously the system's going to work out for him. So he will be acquitted, and then he winds up in jail, and Jason has to sit there and listen. He's like, mm-hmm.

And Jason doesn't give a shit. So, but it's overall... Jason doesn't, and it gets so cringy because the guy's telling the story, and it's, you know, he spent 18 years in prison. 18 years. And he finally gets out, and then Emily's like, yeah, so we want to get him a suit jacket. And then Jason's like, I'm just so...

glad that i get to be a part of your suit jacket journey well it is i keep practicing your cords they're like jason it is an oversized suit jacket though because we think it's hip and edgy he's like how could you so antonio you're going back to prison you fat shamed me

So now we go to Katie and her family and they go to a Korean barbecue. And it's just a cute scene. Like nothing really happens. Katie has no idea about anything Korean. And she's like, wow, look at us, me in a Korean restaurant. This is so exciting. Let me tell you, I'm learning so much about being Korean. I am obsessed with kimchi. Kimchi.

this is the pickles is that what it's called matt matt where are you going matt kaylee's like um mom stop it she's like um sam you got okay he was like i'm sorry anyway it's a cute scene she's talked uh katie is going to be going to um south korea because she located her birth mother and she's talking about how that's going to like really fill a void in her life and her son bandon uh

What a charmer. This kid, when he, when he, oh my God, when he talks to the waiter and he's like, how's that? He said again, come Samida. He's like, come Samida. And it's, he's like, has this big smile. And then he, and then, oh, the end of the scene when he like asks Katie and he's like, he's like, what's your, like, what's your Korean name? And she's like, young. And he goes, I love you. Young. I was like,

Let's get an Oscar. Yeah, it's so cute. So then Gina is in her master bedroom. I mean, her closet. And she sifts through her clothes. What a thing. Nightmare. No color in my wardrobe. We're going to just have to make it warm. And then we go over to Emily's getting dressed. And she's showing her dog Togo boudoir photo of Shannon.

It's actually an amazing photo. I think it's a fantastic photo of Shannon. And she basically, she framed one of the photos that Shannon took during Emily's boudoir photo shoot. And Emily's like, I mean, the woman has gone through hell. I just want a reminder of how amazing she looks and how strong she is and to memorialize it and give it to her, you know, before we tear her down again. Yeah.

You can't actually tear down an alcoholic, so I'm hoping we give her enough confidence to not be as much of an alcoholic so we can rip her to shreds again. Yeah. So then we go to Katie's house and, you know, she's talking to Jen about how Jen did not have her alcohol.

Dress shipped from Amazon. So now she has to go buy a fucking tea dress from the mall. And then we get to Shannon's birthday tea party at the tea house in Los Rios. And so Shannon is talking with this tea sommelier about they're sort of setting up the party and everything. And she's saying she's going to be like,

I'm going to have a surprise for everyone. And she goes, 60 is a milestone. It's also the number of positive thoughts I'm having right now. It's a year of change for me. I don't even have my children here to celebrate with me because they elected to move to different parts of the country instead of staying near their mother, who knows how much longer she'll be on this planet. But you know what? If you want to go to Paris and live out your artistic dreams, even though you've never shown any interest in art before or fashion or French or

Or if you want to move to New York with all the liberals and suddenly be a quote-unquote fashion designer, okay, Diane von Nostenberg. Or if you want to move to Texas and just disappear from the earth, that's fine. Leave your mother alone. But what I'm trying to say is that it's a wonderful, wonderful day for me. And I'm really very excited. The theme of my birthday is Shannon is 60 and she's alone. So a spinster of 60.

I'm fine. Even my fun shannons are slowing down, are they not? Let me redo that again. I want to speed up the fun shannons.

I think I'm going to be no longer fun Shannon. And instead Shannon who sits on the sofa for three people, but it was only herself on her porch. Shannon, Shannon, Shannon, the spinster Shannon got thinster for who? No one. Wow. To be thin and alone. If a Shannon gets thin in a forest, but there's no one around to call it thin. Did she ever get thin? Was there ever a forest? Yeah.

I pretended like the vase in my living room had loaned me $75,000 just so I could get into a fight with it. Just to feel alive.

Okay, so people start arriving at this little tea party thing, and Emily and Gina – you know, there's a signed seating. Emily's like, oh my god, look at the picture! And Shannon's hiding because she wants to make a big entrance in her JFK funeral outfit. I mean, it's very, like, you know, first lady in the 60s funeral outfit.

And so they all get together, and Jen is like, whoa, how many drinks do you have? Emily's like, I got a Diet Coke and a pomegranate mimosa. I dare anybody to say I'm drinking too many drinks. Go ahead, do it, Jen. Oh, no, actually, that sounds really good. Oh, all right, never mind. I'll save that fight for later. Where's Heather? So Heather walks in. She goes, hello.

Hey, Emily, can I talk to you? She goes, no. Yeah, very quickly. I need to run through some lines. There's a Tide commercial I'm up for. Listen, Emily, whatever stains you've got, I just want to get them out. That's all I want. I want to soak you. I want to give you some time. And then I want to toss something into you just to make sure the colors don't run. Do you understand what I'm trying to say? No.

Okay, Emily, you pretend to be the woman who has the generic detergent that never works and is the sad one in the commercial, and I'll be using Ty to get the stain out. Go. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Emily, why are you eating the detergent? Emily, waiter! Sorry, that was improv. No more Ty Pod. You really got away from me. No more Ty Pod for her. I'm in character, Emily. You can't be mad at me. Get mad at the art, not the artist.

Okay, wait, let's improv this scene. Oh, no, Emily, looks like you spilled your sundae on your shirt again. That's typical. Oops, I got a crumb from my low-fat wafer on my blouse. Thank God I have tied. Emily, you spilled your sundae on the pants I was supposed to provide you. Please bring your own jeans. Are you mad about that?

Emily, the reason why I had you bring your own jeans is because you don't use Tide, the leading detergent. And if you'd gotten a stain, like usual, on your pants, it would have been unforgivable. Therefore, you bring your own jeans and I'll bring Tide for my designer outfit. Okay.

So Emily's like, no, I don't want to talk right now. And she's like, and Gina says, Heather now approaching Emily just feels very calculated. She cannot just be in the moment. She has to remove herself, step away, come up with the perfect thing to see, and then come back and say she wants to have a conversation. Yeah, that's called maturity. Yeah.

What the fuck are you talking about? It's called how humans should react if you are infuriated. She's like, Emily does it right. She gets wasted, calls you names, screams right in your face, and kind of spits at you, and then goes home and gives Shane anal.

Last time I checked, Gina, you're the one who screamed at Jen in a coffee shop without even eating your croissant about Jen's rent. And now you want to talk about how you should just live in your moment, speak about your emotions. And it's like weird to step away and come back with a different emotional thought. When then you yourself came back like a few episodes later and was like, I feel bad. I'm just going through a lot right now. It's like what humans do. It's what the show does. It's not even to stick up for Heather. It's just mostly calling Gina a dummy. Because Heather, I don't even think that Heather needed...

to go away and come up with the right response. Heather actually has to be explained to why she's a terrible person. People have to make her understand. They have to be like, no, Heather, this was wrong. Why?

Well, it hurt her feelings. How come? Because you called her a size 12. She is a size 12. Okay. But you understand that you put her in the same hour as someone who's not a size 12. But Alexis isn't a size 12. Okay. But you understand how that would hurt her feelings? No. Okay. Well, she was crying. Does that burn calories? Heather. Okay. Is that wrong?

She just doesn't – she has no concept that she's even doing anything wrong. And it's hilarious because you see her through this whole scene being like, well, okay. And Emily's like, no. And then she just says, mm-hmm, mm-hmm. And just – she looks at her like, I'm listening. But her eyes are like, what the fuck are you talking about? Yeah, it's like, how could you – how would you accuse me, someone who was on stage at the Family Equality Project, promoting –

proper treatment of individuals and you're going to accuse me of making you feel lesser than at the same time? That's what's going through her head instead of just listening to Emily. Which is totally not the takeaway that she should be having right now because that's actually not what Emily's even saying in the first place.

So Heather's like, can we just have a few minutes? Come on. I am a working actress. This is ridiculous. So I was like, Oh, all right. So they go, they go, they hold hands. I'll be enough to go sit in a different part of this tea place. And Emily is like, well, first, let me just say, I was so excited to be in your fashion show. I,

Even though it was not in a city that's known for fashion shows and was barely a fashion show at all, I was very excited. And I'm just going to get upset because it's very triggering for me. I hear you. They said I should say that. I hear you. She's looking down at her notes on her phone. She's like, I hear you, Emily. No, she's like on BuzzFeed's 12 Things to Say to Someone Who is Hurting Right Now. I hear you. Your feelings are valid.

Okay, so when you hang two dresses next to each other and one's really small and one's really big and I get the big one and Alexis gets the small one, I feel badly. Okay, okay. Okay. Here you are. You...

Your feelings are valid. We see... Your feelings are solid. I'm sorry, valid. God. That's right. So we see a flashback to the fashion show where Heather's like, you're going to wear this dress and it's going to look fantastic. You and Alexis are wearing the same dress. You like it? Good.

Why are you crying? Okay, cry into this. She just hands her a Ben and Jerry's and walks away. Okay, and then the next is you gave me an oversized jacket. You have to understand, in my mind, what do I think? Hmm. Why are you giving me an oversized jacket? Exactly! God, I'm killing this today. Wow. I'm really good at this contrition thing. I better land this tied commercial. Um, and...

And she's like, you know, and like, it's just like, I know you didn't do it on purpose, but you have to understand my viewpoint. I don't believe you have a viewpoint, but go on. Well, no, I do. I don't know if you've earned enough money to get a viewpoint, but that's fine. That's fine. We'll just pretend. Not a view, a viewpoint. Well, how do you have a view without a point to stand on?

I'm pretty sure there's no panoramic view at your house. I've seen your patio, Emily. I believe it's called a porch. Whatever the kids call it these days. Well, you just have to understand my perspective. I'm not even going to say it, but my psyche. And I just feel like maybe you didn't see that I'd lost 40 pounds over the last year. And Heather goes, ugh.

She says, wait, do you understand? She says, that is so crazy. She says, no, listen, this is me. She says, no, look, I know you. I think, you know, I think you look fantastic. All I've said to you is how great you look. And she's like, well, I know you do understand this, but it's really hard for me.

And so back at the table, they're talking about edible orchids. Yeah. Or something. And there's like an edible orchid and Katie tries it and it's disgusting. And he was like, what does it taste like? Like gross. So Tamara shows up and she's like, hey, what's going on? Emily's not here. They're talking. What's going on? And they're like, yeah, yeah, they're talking. So we go back and Emily's like, I just felt like maybe you didn't see that I'd lost 40 pounds. And Heather's like, ugh. So...

So Emily's like, I've just been made fun of and I've been called names and it always hurts to feel like you're bigger than everyone else. And so for once, I thought I got to not be that and just felt like that again. And Heather's like, wait, hold on. Hold on. I got this text from my kid who says I should say this. I hear, how do you say this? You? And so that's all I needed out of her.

And so Heather's like, what I learned today is you can't negate someone's feelings, even when they're stupid. So throughout my life, of course, I've struggled with body issues. I'm a woman. I'm in Hollywood. I'm a working actress.

So she doesn't want Emily to think she would ever do anything to make her feel other than fabulous. So next time I'm going to be launching a hairline and I don't want you to actually wear any of the hair. I just want you to come out wearing one of the haircut robes that you have to put on when people get their haircut. I hope that works for you. Alexis will be in the same one. Hey!

So Tamara's like, at the table, Tamara's like, Jen, I want to apologize. And you know I'm sincere because I'm going to do a lot of little nods. I want to apologize. I want to apologize. And Jen's like, doesn't say anything, just stares. And Tamara goes, I know we need to talk more about it, but I just want to apologize. I want today to be fun. And thanks for Shannon. I just want to say I'm sorry.

yeah i just don't want to be awkward i don't want to not be able to make eye contact make eye contact with me make it make it with me and jen's like i'm so interested in resolving this it's just i've done this so many times i'm just i'm just exhausted i'm exhausted by this pattern i mean wow what a pattern so then um we go back to emily and heather and um heather's like can i tell you my side and

And Emily's like, absolutely. No, I have sides for the commercial. I need to run these lines. Seriously. Actually, I was going to say salad instead of French fries is my preferred side. And that's just a tip.

The only reason I chose you and Tamara to wear the oversized jacket is because it's a badass jacket and you two are bad asses. And the reason why I had you and Alexis wear the dress is because you had the best figures. You're both tall. You're both curvy. You're both voluptuous. And at any moment you weren't happy, you could have just told me and I would have whipped something else out.

See, Heather is doing, this is where Heather always goes wrong. Because I think we all agree, we don't think that Heather was doing anything malicious here. And like Emily, I think all of Emily's insecurities totally make sense. They're very heartbreaking. And she just wants Heather to acknowledge that there are triggers. And she just wants Heather to be more aware of what triggers she could be sending off despite her good intentions. And Heather's takeaway is, but you look good.

Why do you have triggers? And her other takeaway is, well, you should have told me. It's like that. Don't say that. Say, got it. I will be more aware in the future. Right. Yeah. I mean, like, I think it's hard because sometimes, you know, I think you said it earlier, but Heather feels like she's being attacked, right? She's being called a non-sensitive person when that's her whole storyline is trying to pretend that she has feelings, which everybody knows she doesn't. So she's feeling attacked.

So she's defensive. And the other half, I think, is logic because Emily's argument is silly in a way. If you're not Emily, when you're Emily, I get that you have these feelings. But if you're not Emily, it's like, well, why would you put me in a size 12? You are a size 12. But why would you put me in the same dress? Because she says at one point, I want you to see me as like a size six or something.

She says, I don't want you. But you can't choose how people see it. There's no logic in it. And I know as someone with these issues, there is no logic in it. I'll catch myself thinking stuff that I'm like, well, that doesn't make sense. And it's not that person's fault that they made some little comment or they talked about my weight. Even when it's losing weight, when people act like,

Oh, my God, you've lost so much weight. You look amazing. And they act like you've just been cured from cancer. It's like, well, what was it before? Was I like so horrifying? You know, like there's so many little triggers that you have to remind yourself. This isn't necessarily logical. But the point is, if your friend is telling you they're hurt and they're triggered because of weight issues and insecurities, all you need to say is, oh, my God, I'm so sorry. How can I help?

What are your issues and how are you feeling? And it's not like make me feel better in this situation. You, whether you did anything technically wrong or not, you are wrong in this situation. So just, and it doesn't matter who's right or wrong. Just,

Talk to your friend. Yeah. But Heather's like, you know, I get it, but we are friends, Emily. And if you're upset with me in the future, will you please just call me so I can just not take that call and then laugh with Terry? Thank you. Nothing is more like a hug from me than getting an iCal invite for Zoom with one of my assistants for the podcast.

possible future here let's try it out right now call me right now okay yes okay see my phone is ringing hey does my name say poor person whose name begins with a e or something like that on yes poor person sorry e or something call me from your mint mobile phone okay wait a minute is my name size 12 on that phone sorry emily

I didn't know this mobile was an actual phone. I thought it was just a candy bar.

I was going to offer it to you. So they make up and then they go back to the table and Heather's like, why is the birthday girl so late? Well, because she wants to make an entrance and because you guys are taking up time for your private scene. Shanna's probably sitting back there at the bread station like, oh God, what is this, a torture chamber? She needs us. Laughter

So now Shannon walks in and everyone's like, "Oh my God, Shannon, you look great, you look great." She's like dressed in black, like you said before, like she's going to a, she's Jackie O at a funeral.

And Jenna's like, well, I am so excited that you guys are all here and I have a little gift for you. So I'd like you to open up the gift now. So they open it. Did you see what I got you? I got you a gift! Okay, Emily, okay, that's wonderful. No, I want you to see my gift! All right, Emily, well, we're all opening a group gift. It's a sequence of events, Emily. What you don't know is I'm wearing two layers of clothing and I'm getting very hot and a little bit faint. So if we could just...

Put a pin in your gift situation so we get done with my thing. I have just 45 minutes in a bread basket station. Can we please just open my goddamn gift? I was just kicked out of the sesame roll region, so please just... They said I could no longer touch the pumpernickels, and I...

I just would like to get along, get on with this process. Okay, Emily, yes, the painting's very nice. Oh, thank you so much for that painting, Emily. She's like, oh, okay, great. She said it looked like a madam in a brothel. Well, I want madam. So then Gina tells us, Shannon looks like a madam. That's prostitute. Why did we need to have this interview of Gina...

Gina reminding herself what the term madam really means in this context. She's like, yeah, I mean, things are not the most funny in the house.

So Heather's like, okay. She would not. She'd be like, okay, so which one do you choose here? Oh, you choose Mabel? Oh, well, I'm glad Mabel fit your standards. Apparently I don't. You're not going to try with the madam. Well, that's sweet. No, enjoy Mabel. Enjoy. Mabel, go with this very nice man with no taste. I'm sorry. I didn't mean that. Have fun, Mabel. Mabel. Excuse me. I have a question about this gift opening process. My box does not say Hermes on it. Was there an error?

So they all open it, and Jen has a little tea box. It's a double-decker bus tea box. And she goes, well, it's a tea box because we're going to have a brilliant time in, I want you to go to, and she rips open her dress, and it's the sparkly Union Jack dress. And she's like, no.

This is absolutely a... Bonjour! This is... Shannon, this tea box is absolutely adorable. I didn't even know they made them in the shape of the vehicle we bring all the maids in with. That's just wonderful.

So, Santa's like, oh, gosh. So, Heather passes down her gift, and it's Hermes Oran sandals, and they're $760. And it's like, oh, Heather, God, this is just too, too generous. Well, they're sandals. So, you know, next time you get pulled over for anything, they'll work out for you because they're gorgeous, but they're hard to run in. So...

By the way, I forgot that when they were all talking about London, because they're all like, I've never been to London. I've never been to London. I can't wait to go to London. And Heather's like, I've been to London. And then we see, she goes, many times. It's where the West End is. And we just see a photo of her in a phone booth. Like, hello, I'm television's Heather Dubrow, and I'm bringing a new show to the HD network. It's called Inside a Phone Booth, starring me. It's where I act out monologues by such luminaries as...

Tennessee Williams and the woman who wrote the Sisters Rosenzweig. Thank you. And Tamara's like, yeah, we're going to have fun. We're going to have some tea. Maybe some Spice and Dick. It's like, wow, really taking Alan Cumming jokes from Traitors. And then Gina's like, I love Princess King. I love Harry Potter. And I'm on your night. And I love

that's all i can think about in london of course gina does the poorest london accent she's like i love governor has spare spare across the bread for me i was like of course gina like at least their dream at least try to do a posh accent so then she can't afford it so then um we go to oliver's like oh poor thing

So now, um, Gina's like, oh yeah, she loves Ferragamo's as well. And Heather goes, yes, she does like Ferragamo's. Heather, uh,

Heather's like, yes, she does. And Shannon goes, by the way, Gina can tell you, I showed her the receipts for every single thing. And they go, okay. Everybody's like, okay, Shannon. Okay, no more. No more of this. But we see a flashback to Shannon with receipts, actual receipts, circling things and showing Gina, this is where I bought those loafers for John Jackson. I was going to launch a

a hilarious tagline that said receipts proof timeline, but some bitch in Utah stole it from me. Hmm.

So then we go back to Alexis finding out this information and going, I'll write a fucking check to Shannon right now for those $400 shells. I don't know why Alexis is suddenly talking like this, but it's cracking me up. She has developed a Michigan accent. Remember the story I told you about when I went to the airport in Detroit and the gate agent was like,

Paging American Airlines passenger Mary Bearheart, please come to Detroit. Oh, yeah. Yes, going to Dallas from Dallas to Detroit to Dallas. Mary Bearheart, come on, please. Yeah. That's what Alexis is talking like now. She's like, paging Mary Bearheart to Johnny Jansen is Alexis Foligno.

So then she gets a delivery. Dun, dun, dun, dun, dun. And it's flowers. And I'm like, oh God, Marge. This is fucking Marge. You're disgusting. Happy birthday. You're a disgusting human being. I hope you die in your sleep. Thank you, Marge. Classic Marge. But it's not. It is from Alexis Bellino. And Shannon's excited because you know she's probably thinking, oh, well, maybe it's from David. Or maybe it's from Andy Cohen. Or

Or maybe it's from one of my children, if they had remembered that it was my birthday. And she's like, oh, let me open up this card and see who sent me these kind wishes. Oh, I see. I see what's going on here. Her face is just like so serious. And Emily's like, oh, mom.

And everyone's like shocked, you know. And Shannon reads it. Happy 60th. I genuinely hope this olive branch can bring us a fresh start as you start this new decade. May God bless you with your happiness and good health on your milestone.

Wow, she wrote in a terrible accent. She also said, go biedgers, and I don't understand who the badgers even are. And she even goes, wow, that's literally an olive branch. Yeah.

It is. It's like an olive branch in the tree. And so I'm like, what are your thoughts? And so I was like, well, I appreciate that. I just don't want to spend any more of today talking about that. But it's nine weeks too late. And there's been a lot of unkind things. And I've been bullied. And I've been tortured. And now I'm going to London where I'm going to be very happy. Top of the morning to you. I will be dreaming like this. It feels like bottom of the night to me. Not top of the morning.

So, Emily's like, I mean, how many peace offerings does Alexis want to offer Shannon while simultaneously being involved in a lawsuit and talking shit about her and making her life hell? I mean, give me a fucking break. So, now, she's like, wow, I'm sure her coach had her do that. And then we see a clip of her. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah, you say something about Johnny J being the coach. I can't wait to tell her that. So, you know, Tamara's like, well, we're going to blame it on John. That's what Shannon does. Why can't Alexis send Shannon flowers to be nice? Shannon's exhausting. Yeah, Alexis. That's Alexis. So nice. One day talking about a press release they're planting about what a dick Shannon is and how they're suing her. And the next day apologizing so she's not cut out of...

a scene on a TV show. What a, what a giver. So Shannon's like, well, I have to create boundaries for myself. Oh, like those,

low wall things on the porch, right? You were talking about. Yes, very good, Heather. You are remembering concepts. So I'm kind of, you know, I'm out at this point. I am out. Things just keep happening. And I know you saw what came out in the press on Friday. And it's just mind boggling to me that I offered everything he wanted. And his answer was no. And Tim was like, well, I tried to call you that day on Friday. And then you butted out me. That's it.

I told everybody you were making that a moment. Hilarious. You were crying. Well, because they said, People Magazine, they said, do you want to make a statement? And I said, absolutely.

cream cheese belongs in salmon and they said no about your situation so i said well can i give you 30 minutes because i'm in the middle of a dr moon situation here on my own toilet if you know what i'm talking about and they said okay that's too much information i said well i'll tell you too much information john jansen and then i get a text five minutes later saying they're not even gonna wait so yeah i was a little upset because i offered him what he wanted and i don't need to

So she says that they wanted 30 minutes and they said, no, she wanted 30 minutes and they said no, that she has to answer them now. So I just love the idea that this is her on the phone with people. Yeah.

They're like, no, Sammy, you need to answer now. She's just breaking down on the phone with whoever's talking to her about it. So Alexis, you know, we see Alexis being mean to her, a clip of Alexis being mean to her. And then Emily's like, oh, I have a question. Are you going to send a thank you note? Oh, fuck off, Emily. Well, no, I'm just kidding.

Okay, well, here's what I did. I pre-wrote a text to Alexis. Okay, I wrote to Alexis and I haven't sent it yet, but only because I forgot. Here we go. This is what it says. It says, hello, Alexis. It's Shannon Bedore. I am hosting a trip to Europe with my friends and I just wanted to make it clear that you are...

Not invited. And everyone's in shock except Gina. Gina's laughing. And Katie's like, oh, do you want maybe someone else to tell her? She goes, fuck it. Okay, fine. You guys tell her. And she goes, we can tell her. She's like, I'm not going to stand by and let people come and hurt me. That is for sure. Well, I think maybe we should say something like, well, you know, we're not on good terms. So maybe. There is no maybe. There is no maybe. You be quiet.

And so she goes, I am drawing strength from myself. What do you think of that? Because I know I'm a survivor. I'm in a tweed suit, for Christ's sake. I'm not a victim. It's my 60th birthday, and I'm a spinster. I'm a spinster with a gun. Well, figuratively. I don't really have a gun. I'm not threatening to kill anybody. I would, but I won't. That's not my style.

It's not my style. I've got a sofa with some umbrella fabric and that's more than enough for me. So Shannon's like, you know, I'm fucking sticking up for myself today. That's what I'm doing. Ma'am, we need to know, did you put three dinner rolls in your purse? I did. You can take them.

Thank you for calling me out on that. You just really saved me a rough night. Pick and choose your battles. I'm standing up for myself, but I'm also picking and choosing my battles. My battles are not against dinner rolls today, so...

Watch out, everything else. So then. So they're like, you know, I don't know, Shannon, maybe that's worded a little harshly. Fuck off, everybody. She can. That's not harsh at all. And she has every right. She's being sued for $75,000. Do you know how many households that could buy Gina?

Yes. And so, so Jen is like, Oh, me and, uh, me and Katie are going to navigate this for her. We just need to talk to Alexis for her. So then everybody goes around the table and shares her favorite memory of Shannon. And you know, they're all, of course, when they're shit faced falling over. Maybe we'll be found in the pool. We,

We're double overlapping. And then we see them falling in the pool. My favorite was when we were riding a pinata in Mexico and we see them falling over on a pinata. My favorite thing was when I gave you the Hermes gift five seconds ago. God, I'm a great friend, aren't I? Aren't I, Emily? God, I love seeing clips roll back of myself being...

about your weight loss and insecurities about your body, Shannon. Wait a minute, that was my storyline. I'm sorry. Can we get a dessert menu? My favorite memory, Shannon, was when we got drunk and talked shit about our friends. Flashback, please. And

Oh, that was a great night. So now let's go to Alexis's house. The girls come over. It's Katie and Jen coming over to talk to Alexis. And Alexis is like, oh my God, this is amazing, girls. I can't believe you're here. This is like so great. You're in my house. Like, come on in. Like, what do you want? Some drinks? We're just having fun as girls. Yeah, let me get you guys a couple of bleeds. Yeah, we're going to have, what's happening, girls?

So they're like, she's like, yeah, she's like, yeah, it's a great time. You know, Johnny J's upstairs. Oops. I wasn't supposed to say that part. So Katie is Alexis is like, so she's like, so how did you see it? Did you see my flavors? Like I sent a bouquet. He was really cute. Did you like it? Like, oh yeah, no. Who

It was really gorgeous. It was really gorgeous. It didn't work, though. She said it should have been eight weeks ago. She goes, wait, hold on. Why? I was extending an olive branch, and I'm still fucking getting always shit on. Everyone's shitting on me. Oh, you're the victim? You're the victim? Oh, get the fuck out of here, lady. She's going to sue Shannon to be reimbursed for the flowers. She's like, you know, that was my last effort.

you know, extend an olive branch. And unfortunately I keep hitting a brick wall and I just, you know, I want people. As that's what Shannon literally just did. Well, um, she did, she does have a text message for you. So you might want to check your phone, uh, because she said she's, she's actually out in the car. She said, she's going to text you as soon as we walk in the door. Okay. Good luck. Good luck. It's fine.

So she has to go upstairs to John's bedroom to get her phone. So she does. Or to her bedroom. I guess that's her house. And so she's like, John, do you have my phone? And then they're like, oh, my God, John's here. What? What? What? John's here. And then Alexis is like, Shanna sent a text. This is awesome. This is going to be awesome. So Katie's like, oh, my God, does she even know about the trip? I don't even know if she knows. Oh, my God, what's happening? So Alexis reads it. It says,

Hello, Alexis. It's Shannon Bedour. I'm hosting a trip to Europe with my friends, and I wanted to make it clear you're not invited. You know what?

Jenny goes, well, we did encourage her to soften it a bit. And she's like, that should be quite understandable given these circumstances. Thanks for the flowers, but I'm not interested in an olive branch. You know what? I tried it, girls. And now I'm fucking doing. Like, what is she so hung up on? It's very hard. You just called People Magazine. Like, are you fucking kidding me? I think it's because of the lawsuits.

You're actively suing her, you know, litigation, legal fees, things like that. And they're trying to tell her, yeah, like if you were just moving on and then Alexis is like, but this is her actions that caused this. If she didn't borrow the money and she paid it back, we wouldn't be in this situation, would we? No. And you also wouldn't be in it if you weren't trying to shove your way back onto her show with her man and her dog. Yeah.

uh trying to make her storyline even the storyline of running into a brick wall thank you very much you wouldn't be in this situation getting uninvited from a cast trip you goddamn leech go find your own fucking life

And then in the shocking twist of the episode, we have a sit down with Johnny J and Alexis side by side doing an interview. And he's like, disgusting, you garbage pail version of fucking Al Gore and Sam the Eagle. He's like, I didn't want to take illegal action, but my hands were tied. They literally are not tied. It was

who's days away from crossing the statute of limitations on being able to do anything legally. He's even licking his lips like a little snake. And the producer says, so was she under the impression that this money was a loan? And he's like, she 100% knows that there are loans. I have proof of it. And Shannon sent me an email admitting that it's a loan. So the comments about these being gifts are patently false. And Shannon has an interesting relationship with the truth. Okay.

But why are you saying your hands were tied? Like it's literally, he's saying my hands were tied that I had to do it at this time. Your hands were not tied. You could have just not filed a lawsuit and moved on with your life because we all don't believe you whatsoever. So Alexis is like, now you can see in the tabloids, it's a legal battle. And Jen's like, but how did it get to people? Was it you and John that took it to them? Here's what happened.

Okay. John said 70 and she said, sure, but like you have to have a muzzle on, but like, we're not putting the muzzle on John. Okay. Cause that's not going to happen.

I'm trying to figure out if that's even true. That's a very short statute of limitation. I know, it's very short. That doesn't sound right. And all I can find in just a quick search is California Court Self-Help Gov. After that period expires, they can no longer sue. This time limit is called the statute of limitations. The statute of limitations that apply to most debt cases, a breach of written contract, are four years. So...

I mean, in case, obviously, that's not very deep searching, but I don't believe this fucking guy with his loose relationship with the truth. Fuck off, dude. I think he got... I just had to do it right before filming started so my girlfriend could get on the show. And I just happened to have to call People Magazine about it to get into more press while I was doing red carpets in the shoes she bought me. You fucking loser. Yeah. So the producer asked Jen if she thinks that Alexis leaked it and...

Jen looks like she wants to say yes, but she also looks like she doesn't want to get into a mess. So she goes, no, I don't think so. And the next question. Yeah. She's like, next question.

and yeah they obviously think that she's she did it right but they're both trying to be like oh we're supposed to be nice to alexis in this scene and katie definitely does not want to get into another thing of like i know that like she told the paps basically so she doesn't want to mess with us they're both like don't don't don't ask don't ask us these questions yeah so then um alexis goes you know what

I won't be around this group. And they're like, no, that's not fair to us, Alexis. I'd love getting to know you. And she's like, no, this is unbelievable. You know what? No, I'm not. I'm done. I'm done. This is not happening. I'm done. And she goes and she kicks him out of the house. I am done. I am done.

You girls. Like, Alexis has been bullied by all the girls, and she's just taken so much that she's finally leaving the group so she cannot be bullied anymore. Let's un-bullied you now. Door hit you with a good lord split you, you twit.

They're like, are we being kicked out? And she goes, thank you for being the horrible communicator of this horrible news. And they're like... And she goes upstairs sobbing and throws herself on the bed. And meanwhile, Jen and Katie are outside like, wait a minute. She just kicked us out? Jen goes, I have never been kicked out of... Well, actually, I did just get evicted, so...

So funny. So that's the end of that episode. She's just crying saying that. So yeah, sorry. That's the end of the episode.

Yeah, that's it. So fuck those two. Glad their evil plan didn't work and everybody has turned. The audience has turned on them and it's not working. Great to see it. Everybody, we sure love you. Thanks so much for being with us this week. Check out our bonus episodes. This one's going to be a real humdinger this week. Why? I don't know. We haven't recorded it, but there are things going on, Ben. The Amazon Prime Day is coming up and there's a pre-sale right now. So we might be able to do a little shopping. Yeah.

I'm so excited. I'm like really annoyed because I've like bought lots of little trinkets this week. And I'm like, I should have waited. I mean, big trinkets. So I don't know. Check it out. We'll be over there for a video of this and every episode that we do. If you'd rather watch than listen, go to YouTube or when to get them fresh when they just come out, go to Patreon, Krappens, patreon.com slash watch what Krappens. Okay. Bye everybody. We love you. Bye.

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