WWDTM: Tara Dower
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From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm Joshua Johnson, filling in for Bill Curtis. And here's your host at the Studebaker Theater at the Fine Arts Building in Chicago, Illinois, Peter Sago! Thank you, Joshua! Wow!

Thank you. I appreciate that. We really do have a very fine show for you today. Later on, we're going to be talking to Tara Dower, the ultra runner who just set the record for running the entire Appalachian Trail. But first, we want to welcome Joshua Johnson filling in for Bill Curtis this week. Joshua, you were, of course, with NPR for a while, the original host of 1A. So what is it like coming back to NPR just for the day? Did you miss us? It is fantastic. Some of you know I went over to television for a while, and it's just...

It's not the same. They don't give away tote bags. They can't do an 11-minute interview to save their lives. Amateurs. It's amateur hour over there. This is where I'd really rather be. We're glad to have you back. You out there are always welcome on our air, wherever you have gone off to. The number to call is 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Let's welcome our first listener contestant. Hi, you're on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me.

Hi, Peter. How are you? I'm well. Who's this? This is Molly Prospect from West Hartford, Connecticut. West Hartford, Connecticut. I know where that is. It's just west of Hartford. Very clever. What do you do there? I am a stay-at-home mom. You are? How many boys? Two boys. You have two boys. How old are you, two boys? So Patrick is two and a half, and Connor is 11 months, or almost 11 months. Oh, wow. You're just a little bit behind me. Peter is 1,000 months? How old are you? I am. I am. I am.

A little more than that, Peter, actually. Well, anyway, Molly, welcome to the show. Let me introduce you to our panel this week. First up, it's a contributor to CBS Sunday Morning. It's Faith Saley. Hey, Molly. Hey, Faith. Next, the comedian and host of the podcast Fake the Nation. It's Nagin Farsad. Hey. And finally, an actor and writer who can be seen in the acclaimed improv show Two Square at the UCB Theater in New York on November 20th. It's Peter Gross. Hi. So...

Molly, we've got everybody assembled here for you to play Who's Joshua? This time, Joshua Johnson filling in for Bill Curtis is going to read you three quotations from the week's news. If you can correctly identify or explain two of them, you will win our prize. Any voice from our show you might choose in your voicemail. Are you ready to go? I'm ready. Okay. Now, your first quote is a one-word headline from the German news site Zeit Online on Wednesday. Okay.

That was, in fact, the English word, you know it, it starts with an F, that they used to describe what event. The results of the election? Yes, indeed. It's all done. It's all over, including the counting. It's fair to say that the whole electoral process that we went through was incredibly traumatic for Americans of all ages.

every side of the aisle. Well, good news, we won't ever have to do this again. Kamala Harris, her last moment of grace and patriotism, she, of course, conceded on Wednesday. But, of course, she's still vice president, and she has a job to do, including, of course, presiding over the certification of electoral votes on January 6th. And you know what would be really funny? Yes, I'm fine.

What my first feeling was when I found out the news, I was like, my literal first feeling was like that same feeling you get when you see an ex-boyfriend who's doing well and you're like, oh no, I'm going to get, I'm going to start eating broccoli and exercising and I'm going to get six pack abs. This guy does not get to be president and I'm not going to be hot. No, thank you. It's like, it's like having a revenge body, but like a revenge democracy. That's how I,

That was my first reaction. Wait a minute. Hold on. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. I'm a little confused about the metaphor. Are the abs actual abs or the abs represent like a committed civic? They're like a civic commitment. I understand. The abs are a civic commitment. The abs are like being on a local school board. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Exactly. Yeah. Yeah.

My thought was about self-care. I was like, just go get some mani-pedis and some abortions and just... Do it all right now while you can, you know? Can I say something that I feel is... That I remembered that made me feel very hopeful? Which is that, like...

totally responds to flattery. Like, he'll be like, I'm racist and xenophobic and then you'll flatter him and then he'll be like, well, I guess you can have that funding. You know what I mean? Yes. He's just sort of easy to manipulate. That's fun. That is fun. Right, guys? Right? Right?

You know what we have to do? If he divorces Melania and like a super young, very pretty young liberal marries him, he falls for her. And then he'll be like, I was listening to Stephanie and everything she says about trans rights is exactly how I feel. It's impossible. Yeah. All right, Molly, here is your next quote. It is from the musician Jelly Roll. Marijuana. And I'll have a cocktail here now and then.

He is part of a trend that was outlined in the Washington Post this week. He's one of the many people who say that they enjoy certain drugs and alcohol, but they still say they are what? Sober. Yes, sober. According to the Washington Post, more and more people are describing themselves as sober, even though they drink regularly or even use some drugs, making sober the new vegetarian. Okay.

So some of them you might be familiar with. There's California sober. That means you only smoke weed. And then there's Florida sober, meth only. And this one is real, apparently. Nose sober. You just abstain from any drug you snort, right? What? What? Really? That's a thing. Oh, yeah, no, I'm nose sober. No cocaine, as you take another shot. Yeah, I mean, at a certain point. As you take cocaine and rub it all over your nose. Exactly.

At a certain point, it just gets ridiculous. You're not nighttime sober. You're just sleeping. Wait, so this is like a sober, curious movement? Well, yeah, there are people who I think want to identify as being sober because what it says about your commitment to self-improvement, but they also like to smoke a little weed. So they're California sober. And then there's dry.

January, right? There's dry January or sober October where you don't drink for that month. Give it a try. But then there's also, and this is true, damp January. What? Where you drink just not so much, right? And you do not get credit for that. You can't be like, I only cheated my wife a little bit. I'm damp faithful.

October sober is one? October is. That's just like... It's because it rhymes. I'm sorry, reverse it. It's only because it rhymes. It wouldn't be like... It's like gay May. I know. Like, I'm just gay in May. There's so... And then I'm straight the rest of the year. Hey, that's how some of us started. We weren't ready. There's so... But you committed and you followed through. Finally got there. Wait, but I just think this is how everybody's been living for like centuries and now we just name things more. We're like naming obsessed. I mean...

There's different kinds of sober. Apparently, there's also different kinds of drunk. For instance, right now, I'm NPR drunk. That's where I can't get completely lit without your support. All right. Your last quote, Molly, is from the AP.

It's bigger than a king-size bed. Forget your puny 55-inch. A new report says there's a tenfold increase in the number of people who are planning to buy extra-large what's starting on Black Friday. Television. Yes, TVs. They are bigger than ever, and American consumers are snapping up. They've given up on the little 55-inch TVs. Now they want 80-inch, 90-inch, 97-inch wide TVs. That's about $8.

A TV can be too big. If you have to walk several steps to the side to see which friend Chandler is talking to, that's too big. Yeah, any head movement, I feel like, makes a TV too big. If you don't want to spend all this money on this enormous TV, you don't have to. They're actually available secondhand this very week. CNN is selling three 500-inch touchscreens on Facebook marketplace. But they all come with John King. Exactly, they do.

Joshua, how did Molly do on our quiz? She could not have done any better. Three for throw. Congratulations. Very good, Molly. Thank you so much for playing. Good luck with those boys. Took myself down to the TV store. Replaced the set I'd smashed on the floor. Like a lover's quarrel, guess I lost my head. I potted on that sucker till I knew it was dead. Cause me and my TV.

We had a little fight. Me and my TV. I could watch you every night. Right now, panel, it is time for you to answer some questions about this week's news. Peter, hotels are always adding new amenities for clients, but now some modern designed hotels are removing something from rooms to create what they say is a more intimate guest experience. What is it? Beds? No. Turlets. Turlets.

You're getting closer. Am I? It's actually usually between the bed and the toilet. The bed and the toilet. Between the toilet. The ironing board in the closet. No. The little thing you put your luggage on in the closet. It's sort of like an open concept. The wall. What's in the wall that you usually... Drywall. The door? The door, yes. The bathroom door. Okay, sorry. Okay.

More and more modern hotels are doing what they say saves money and space by designing rooms without bathroom doors, right? It began when a designer said, what do people staying in a hotel room really want? To be able to see from the bed straight to the toilet. And no one else was in the office that day. So they're facing criticism because it turns out some couples strangely do not want to watch each other poop. LAUGHTER

Strictly, we don't even admit to... After like 10 years, we still don't admit to each other that we either poop or fart. And I'm very proud of that. Thank you. Yeah. Well, not to be competitive, but my husband...

He is so thoughtful that when we stay in a hotel, and he, I suppose, has to do that, he says, I'm going to go off campus. And he goes to the lobby bathroom. That's how loving my husband is. I don't want to steal your thunder, but I've been dating this woman for three years. I have not...

pooped once. Not once. Out of respect for her. That's a horrible idea. It's disgusting. But one designer of these rooms explained that given space and budget constraints in modern construction, quote, sometimes privacy is just not going to happen. Adding, you got eyelids, use them. That's the door. God gave you two doors on your eyes. Close the doors. Close your eye doors. ... ... ...

Coming up, the truth is out there. It's our Bluff the Listener game. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to play. We'll be back in a minute with more of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPR.

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From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm Joshua Johnson. We're playing this week with Nagin Farsad, Faith Saley, and Peter Gross. Here again is your host at the Studebaker Theater in Chicago, Illinois, Peter Sagal. Thank you, Joshua. Thank you all so much. Right now it is time.

Right now it is time for the Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me Bluff, the listener game. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to play our game on the air. You can also check out the pinned post on our Instagram page, which is at WaitWaitNPR. All the info is there. Hi, you're on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hi, this is Dahlia calling from Waltham, Massachusetts. Waltham, I know it well. Waltham, what do you do there?

I'm a politics and psychology student at Brandeis University. Brandeis University, a famous institution of higher learning there, the alma mater of our friend Josh Gondelman. Well, that's cool. What kind of career do you look for when you have that degree? I don't know. We'll see.

There you are. There you are. Classic college student. I think that's great. Well, Dahlia, welcome to the show. You're going to play the game in which you must try to tell truth from fiction. Joshua, what is Dahlia's topic? I want to believe. Certain things defy our understanding. UFOs, psychic powers, people who clap when the plane lands. LAUGHTER

This week we heard about something new in the paranormal world. Our panelists are going to tell you about it. Pick the one who's telling the truth and you will win our prize, the weight-waiter of your choice on your voicemail. Are you ready to play? Yes, I am. First, let's hear from Faith Saley.

Alexis Mulvihill is an Albuquerque-based medium. People pay her to place her fingertips on her Ouija board and receive occult messages. But it turns out spirits prefer palms to fingers. During a recent deep clean of her home, Alexis came across her old palm pilot from 1999.

You know, those handheld personal digital assistants that helped you schedule when to buy your Livin' La Vida Locator tickets? Well, Alexis happened to place her PDA near her Ouija board, and during her next reading, it turned on spontaneously. Alexis's right hand was forced to grasp the stylus, which then told her client that the client's dead father needed her to vote for Al Gore before it was too late.

Paranormal researcher Violet Cogs-Rubin explains the spirit's preference for the Palm Pilot. In today's world, the dead have shorter attention spans. Letter by letter on a Ouija board is lame. Spirits don't want smartphones, though. They like the turn-of-the-century technology to hang on to a retro vibe. Alexis now has a six-month waiting list for her Palm readings.

A medium goes from Ouija board to reading palms, palm pilots, that is. Your next X-file comes from Nagin Farsad.

The Loch Ness Monster has long been cited in the Scottish Highlands. The fact that the Scottish people also have the highest reported level of drunkenness is unrelated. Loch Ness Monsters are big, they're slimy, and they've got incredibly long necks. But in a recent report from paranormal experts who specialize in maritime creatures,

It turns out they have a horrible anatomy. Years of inbreeding have left them with genetic problems. You know, like how pugs can't breathe because of their short, flat faces, or how chihuahuas shiver when it's 80 degrees out, or how cats...

Behave like cats. The Loch Ness has a trove of weird inbred ailments including hip dysplasia, elbow dysplasia, and most painfully, Loch Ness monsters can't really lift their necks because they're missing the necessary number of vertebrae to make it comfortable. You thought it was because they were being tactical, staying hidden underwater, but no.

It's because they literally can't lift their heads. If you're ever drunk in the Scottish Highlands, in the distance, you'll hear a Loch Ness Monster say, Ah, my neck, my say up, I want monster credibility. And that's how they talk. That is. The Loch Ness Monster is discovered to be suffering from centuries of inbreeding. Of course, it's stuck in a lake. Your last paranormal parable comes from Peter Gross.

If you live in a haunted house, great news, your ghost could die soon. That's right, the dead are dying twice. Brian Sterling Vett, who heads up a research organization called Project Half-Life, told the Daily Star, quote, many of our once famous ghosts could be literally dying, unquote. He claims ghosts are subject to the second law of thermodynamics, which says that energy will disperse and degrade over time, so they're essentially dying again. They're being cooked twice, like a paranormal baked potato.

He also believes that the ghosts currently haunting us are likely under 100 years old, which is good because nobody wants a 100-year-old ghost. By the time ghosts turn 40, they're just complaining about how lugging their chains around is aggregating their herniated disc. And then when they hit 70, they can't stop talking about the show Yellowstone. It's Costner's best performance since Dances with Woo!

At 80, they lose their hearing. And at 90, every other word out of their mouths is some kind of slur. So maybe them dying before 100 is just for the best. All right.

So we heard some interesting news from the world beyond, sort of. Was it from Faith Saley, a medium who found that her palm pilot was in fact an even better medium for communicating with the spirits? From Nagin Farsad, the discovery that the Loch Ness monster Nessie is suffering from inbreeding? Or from Peter Gross, a discovery by a prominent historian

paranormal researcher that the ghosts who are already dead are dying. Which of these is the real discovery from the world of the unusual? I think I'm going to go with Peter's story about the ghosts who are dying again. The ghosts who are dying again. Thank you.

All right, so your choice is Peter's story about ghosts dying again. To bring you the correct answer, we spoke to someone involved with that real story. This begs the question, what is a year of ghost time compared to a year of human time? If ghosts have a lifespan, what is their afterlife? That was Brian Sterling Vitae, founder of Paranormal Rescue, the first ever paranormal emergency rescue service, who was the guy who has determined that the ghosts are dying out. Congratulations, Dahlia, you got it right.

Thank you.

And now the game where we ask people about things they just don't know anything about. It's called Not My Job. The Appalachian Trail is about 2,200 miles long. And every now and then, people see how fast they can run the whole thing. This September, Tara Dower set a new record for men or women of 40 days, 18 hours, and 5 minutes, breaking the old record by 13 hours. We are grateful. It's quite a thing.

And we are grateful that after doing that, she was still able to stay awake long enough to join us now. Tara Dower, welcome to Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Thanks. I'm so excited to be here. We're very excited to have you. Speaking as a runner myself, I am not nearly of that achievement. I'm extremely impressed. First question, did we get the numbers right? About 2,200 miles, end to end, Maine to Georgia, and you did it in 40 days, 18 hours, 5 minutes. Is that right? Yes.

Six minutes. Oh, excuse me. Oh, you are scrupulous. So break that down to travel that far in that period of time. How far did you have to travel per day and how much time did it take to travel to run every day?

The least amount of miles I did in a day was about 35, and the most I ever did was 62 in a day. And every day I was moving for about, on average, like 17 and a half hours a day. 17 and a half hours. Okay. That's kind of amazing. And how much were you able to sleep? On average, about five hours. And at what point, I mean, I guess you ran from Maine to Georgia, so were you starting to hallucinate by the time you were in New York, say? Yeah.

Yeah, well, the compounding exhaustion came around...

I'd say Maryland, it got pretty bad. I remember some little hallucinations I had, like little devils sitting on logs. Oh, my God. I saw a white cat and a lion, and I saw my friend sitting on a log. Oh, my God. So the hallucinations were getting pretty bad around the middle of the trail. Maryland is about halfway through. I wonder if there's people who have hiked it and they'd be like, no, that's just Maryland. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah. What do you do when you know you're hallucinating? Like, what do you do about it?

You just kind of go with it. You got to just go with it. You talk to the devil. There's nothing else you can do. Just keep going. Right. Well, it must be comforting knowing, like, that's not real. There's not a cat and a devil here. Like, I might as well just keep running. There's no threat, you know. Yeah. Well, you know, I've had hallucinations during 100 mile races that I've done. And some of those have been really concerning. Yeah. And I think... Oh, give us an example. I'm lucky.

There was a hunter with a huge, huge, ginormous gun. And he was asking me where I was going and what I was doing. And I was like, oh, crap. Is this real? And it was in the middle of the night. It was at 2 a.m. on a trail by myself. You know, if you ask a hallucination, if they're a hallucination, they have to tell you. That's a rule. Do you eat while you run? Yes. Yeah. I mean, that's... You have to be utilizing... You have to eat wherever you can. I mean, I'm eating...

Oh, I think it was like 8,000 to 10,000 calories a day. So, I mean, you just have to like eat and run. You have to do as much as you can when you run. The only time I stopped during the day was to use the bathroom. They have bathrooms in the trail. That's nice. So when you say you're eating, so you're just like people are coming up. She thought it was a bathroom. You may have been hallucinating a bathroom. It could have been someone's car.

You can't guarantee that was a bathroom. There is a bear in Virginia that is awfully angry. So I'm trying to figure out, you're running along and your friends are with you. You have a lot of support, I know, in order to do this. And they run up to you and they hand you a banana or whatever it is you're eating and you just stuff it in your face and you keep running. Yep, yep. That's about it. Just keep moving. Eat. My favorite was gummies. And I like Rice Krispie treats. And...

Goldfish. I loved goldfish. Right. Wow, that's so unhealthy. Yeah. It's the calories though, right? I was expecting you to be like broccoli and then other forms of broccoli. Let's back up a little bit. So this is, as we've said, quite an accomplishment, 40 days of running whatever, 18, 19 hours a day. Why in the world did you decide you wanted to do this in the first place?

Yeah, I through-hiked the Appalachian Trail in 2019, and that's just like five months and ten days. I just look at that experience, and I love that experience on the Appalachian Trail. So you took five months, and you through-hiked the trail. You went from one end to the other. Five months, amazing experience out there in the woods, in the wilderness, in the towns, in the people. And you said, what...

If this, but with nothing enjoyable. What if I were to do this whole thing, but doing it so fast I couldn't meet anybody, stop anywhere, see anything, or eat anything other than handfuls of garbage? You said, what if that? That's what you did. Yeah, yeah. That was kind of the experience I was looking for, honestly. It's cool, dude.

A couple more questions. First of all, I understand that you said once that you have decided after lots of experiences, negative, positive, but you've just decided that you're done with toenails. Oh, yeah. I got four toenails permanently removed before I went out on the trail, and that was the best decision I ever made. Wow. Wow.

You were done with them. You were tired of them getting bloody and coming off. How did you choose? Were you playing this little piggy? This little piggy gets slaughtered.

Yeah, that was it. We just did eeny, meeny, miny, moe. No, so my big toenails are always the ones during these feats, they always like fall off. And it's very painful and they get infected. And so I was like, that one's coming off. And then, you know, I asked the podiatrist if we could take them all off. And he was like, no, but we can do, we can do two at a time. So I decided on just a random toenail. It's like Sophie's choice with toes. Yeah.

What's next? What's the next achievement? And when are you going to be ready to do it? Yeah, I guess tonight and to see how fast I can get through, you know, a pint of ice cream. There you go. Now we're talking. Now we're talking. Well, Tara, we are delighted to talk to you. And we have asked you here to play a game that this time we are calling Try a Stroll Down These Appalachian Tales.

So you ran the whole Appalachian Trail, but you went through it too fast this last time to hear any of the myths and legends of that particular region. So we're going to ask you three questions about folktales from the places you ran through. And if you get two right, you'll win our prize for one of our listeners, the voice of anyone they like on their voicemail. So Joshua, who is Tara playing for? Sarah O'Dell of Redmond, Washington. Okay. Okay.

Here we go. Here's your first question about Appalachian tails. In West Virginia, they still celebrate the Mothman. That's the mysterious creature that first appeared in 1966 near Point Pleasant, West Virginia. What was the headline in the Point Pleasant Register newspaper the day after the Mothman's first sighting? Was it A, insects seem to be rather large this year, or B,

B, couples see man-sized bird creature something. Or C, annual rummage sale draws record crowds. Oh, I'm going to have to say B. You're going to go B, couples see man-sized bird creature something. You're right. Yeah. Yes. To be fair, it was something. And there is now an annual Mothman Festival in Point Pleasant if you want to go down there and find out all about it. So cool. She's like, it's a hallucination. Yeah.

All right, here's your next question. Now, while Mothman is probably the most famous Appalachian cryptid, he's not the only one out there. Next time you run the trail, you might also run into which of these? A, the phantom trucker who stopped to use the bathroom at south of the border and never returned. B, the lost hiker and angry ghost who died of starvation and demands trail mix from every passerby. Or C, a Bigfoot-like creature called Wood Booger.

Oh, man. I'm going to have to say B. You're going to go for the lost hiker, the ghost that demands trail mix from every passerby? No, it was the wood booger. Yeah. Yeah, he's called the wood booger because he's like the boogeyman. Not because of his, you know, texture. He's a boogeyman. Okay. Last question. If you get this one right, you win.

You've heard of Sasquatch, right? There are stories of Sasquatch in the area. But in West Virginia, there is a terrifying beast that, unlike Sasquatch, walks on all fours. Right? Sasquatch stands up. What do they call this mysterious creature? A, the Sheep Squatch, B, Big Feet, or C, Independent Senator Joe Manchin? LAUGHTER LAUGHTER

What were the first? Squatch, big feet. Seep Squatch, big feet, or Independent Senator Joe Manchin. I would say A. You're going to go for A, Sheep Squatch. That's right, Tara. It's called Sheep Squatch because of its thick white fur, or so they say.

Joshua, how did Tara Dower do in our quiz? Well, normally she just got the two points, but every one of the toes that she sacrificed is actually worth a quarter point. So we're just going to give you a perfect score. Nicely done! Yay! Tara Dower is the fastest person ever to complete the Appalachian Trail. Tara Dower, thank you so much for joining us on Wait, Wait, Don't Call Me. And get some rest. Take care. Bye-bye.

In just a minute, find out what your houseplants really think of you in our Listener Limerick Challenge. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to join us in the air. We'll be back in a minute with more of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPR.

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From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. Filling in for Bill Curtis, I'm Joshua Johnson. We're playing this week with Peter Gross, Nagin Farsad, and Faith Saley. And here again is your host at the Studebaker Theater in Chicago, Illinois, Peter Sagal. Thank you, Joshua. Thank you, Joshua.

In just a minute, it's a classic man versus poem showdown in our listener limerick challenge. If you'd like to play, give us a call at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. But right now, a panel of some more questions for you from the week's news. Nagin, there is a new trend in parenting. If your kids are nervous about going to a sleepover, you just have them bring along what? Oh, is this like Florida parenting and you have them bring some meth? No.

That doesn't sound right. They won't sleep. That's not right, no. You have them bring like a stuffy, like a little stuffy. No, that's old school. This is a new thing. Stuffy's not going to help. Oh, so you have them bring their little at-home robot? No, I'll give you a hint. You can bring matching Kanga and Roo sleeping bags. Oh, so you bring your parent? No, you bring you. Right.

Right. The parents? Exactly. You bring the parent. Yes. Goes to the sleepover, right? So you're nervous about what kind of environment you're sending your kid into at their friend's house? Well, pack your pajamas, your favorite stuffy, and go do some reconnaissance. It's called a mommy and me sleepover. Oh, no. No, thank God. This is why the Surgeon General said that parenting is a health crisis. It really is. Because

of stuff like this. It's not bad because it's a good time because you're friends with the parents. The kids play. The parents chat and have cocktails. The parents need to be child sober. That's what they need to be. Just no children at all. Yes.

I would also dispute that you're friends with the parents. I don't think that everybody... Parents here and across America, are you friends with all of your kids' friends' parents? No. Like, friends' friends? Not really. And all the people who know me, I love you, you're great. But, like...

You're not like sleepover. You don't want to go like sleepover at the house of all these people. Is this, do you actually spend the night or do you come out? Oh, no, no, no. You do. You do. This is, no, it's great. If you're going to do this, if you're going to go with your kid to a sleepover, let me just, word of the wise, remember to ask the other parents first. You don't want to show up at the house and say, thanks for inviting Arlo. He's allergic to peanuts and I cannot abide domestic wines. Yeah.

Nagin, to accommodate aging millennials and Gen Xers, some nightclubs in New York are introducing what? Oh, uh, cots. Close. They're actually introducing, I'm going to give it to you, they're introducing bedtimes. Bedtimes.

Yeah. Bedtime's like... The people who used to go clubbing back in the 90s, they loved staying up all night to party. But on the other hand, have you heard about this new show, Matlock, with Kathy Bates? That's great. So to lure these people back in, some clubs are offering evenings of music and dancing that absolutely end at 10 p.m. sharp, so you can go home. One such party promised 90s music, and they told people to come in 90s-era costumes.

And all the attendees said, hey, people back in the 90s wore flannel pajama pants and stained t-shirts, right? That's a look. Are they selling out like crazy? Yeah, people love to go. Also, it helps because they're starting to offer early bird specials come at 4.30 p.m. and your molly is half off. I feel like I would have loved this at any...

at every age. I mean, you know what I mean? Like, who doesn't want to, like, go out and get messed up and, like, make out with a stranger, but then, like, have a good night's rest and then wake up and go to work feeling good. Well, of course, another reason to do this, to have the older people come in early and leave is so the young people don't have old people at their club. In fact, it's great, right?

The millennials show up. They leave at 10. The young people show up, right, when the millennials go home to go to bed. And when the young people go home at 4 a.m., the baby boomers all come in because they had to get up to pee and couldn't go back to sleep. It's the circle of life.

Coming up, it's lightning fell in the blank, but first it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. You can see us most weeks right here at the Studebaker Theater in downtown Chicago, or you can catch us on the road. We'll be in Detroit November 14th. That's next week.

In Carnegie Hall in New York City, we're coming back on December 12th. For tickets and information, go to nprpresents.org. You can check out our sister podcast, How to Do Everything, this week, how to quench your thirst in the desert. It's both news you can use and news you cannot unsee. Hi, you're on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hi, how are you? I'm well. Who's this? Excellent. I'm Luke. I'm from Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. What do you do there in the beautiful city of brotherly love?

I am an English teacher. You are? Are you one of those cool English teachers? So I recently came to the realization that there's no such thing as a cool teacher, which has been kind of hard to grapple with. Right. Whatever you do, you're just not going to be cool. They have informed you that you're not cool, pretty much. Yeah. It's really unfortunate. Wow.

Well, Luke, welcome to the show. Joshua Johnson is going to read you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly into the limericks, you'll be a winner. Here is your first limerick. I think my hydrangea just cursed me. There's no water here in my nursery. My AI is so advanced, it is translating plants. And they mostly just tell me they're... Oh, gosh, could you read it again?

You get one for free after this. All right, here we go. I think my hydrangea just cursed me. There's no water here in my nursery. My AI is so advanced, it is translating plants, and they mostly just tell me they're...

Blanking. Luke, from one English major to another, it's an approximate rhyme. Okay, great. Yeah, I don't know. I'm coming up blank. It's okay. It's thirsty. Thirsty.

Thirsty. Tell me they're thirsty. This week, we learned about the demonstration of new technology that, if installed everywhere, will allow your plants to talk to you using AI and a series of sensors in the soil. So, right, you can ask your plants, how are you? And the plant will say, I need a bit more water. And then you forget about it, and you leave town for a few weeks, and you ignore the text, and then you get one last text from your plant that says, murderer. LAUGHTER

Of course, once you start letting your plants talk to you, it's a slippery slope. I mean, you don't need to get texts every time your plants are like, dude, I just saw the sexiest bee. All right, here is your next limerick. At the airport, I face too much drama. Good thing Andean beasts remain calmer. Their soft, fluffy fleece gives passengers peace. Now I'm fine, because I'm petting a... A llama. A llama, yes. Yay.

There is now a comfort llama at the Portland, Oregon airport. That's great for anyone who's afraid of flying, but what about a person who's afraid of flying and llamas? Oh, God. I love this. This is in Portland? Of course it's in Portland. It sounds very Portland. Yeah, it's very Portland. Every city should have something that corresponds to it that is in the airport that you can...

pet like in Chicago it would be like a big like cow or something like that like a stockyard in New York it would be a rat in Boston it would be like a racist no it's actually kind of funny this is true

In LaGuardia Airport just this last week, a raccoon fell through the ceiling. Oh, yeah. And the airport attendant was like, no, that's our comfort raccoon. Yeah, people who are nervous about flying can come over here and pet the raccoon. All right, very good. Here is your last limerick.

We vampire bats fly for fun. It's the groundwork that gets the job done. When we drop from the skies, the cows jump in surprise. So we land nearby, sneak, and then...

Yes, run! Exciting slash horrifying news from the New York Times. Vampire bats can run really fast. The article is titled, you may not be able to outrun a vampire bat. Seriously, this was the most alarming headline in the New York Times this whole week. That's not fair, man. It really isn't. And they have guns. Exactly.

I do hate it though, personally, when I go to the gym and all the treadmills are being used by bats. You guys have wings. Joshua, how did Luke do? He did well enough to become the very first cool teacher in the history of education. Two out of three, my friend. Nicely done. Yeah. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

That's actually, Luke, that's actually a good point. Do your students listen to the show and do you think this win might make you cooler in their eyes? You know, I do think Philadelphia high school students listen to Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me regularly. So yeah, I'm sure they'll all get a standing ovation. In honor of your win, they're going to climb up the light poles. Luke, thank you so much for playing. Take care. Thank you. Bye-bye. Support for this podcast and the following message come from LinkedIn Sales Solution. Are you struggling to close deals?

Cold outreach is wasting the time of both the buyer and seller at every stage. Your organization can overcome these challenges with LinkedIn Sales Navigator, the first deep sales platform. Right now, you can try LinkedIn Sales Navigator and get a 60-day free trial at linkedin.com slash waitwait. That is linkedin.com slash waitwait for a 60-day free trial. Let LinkedIn Sales Navigator help you sell like a superstar today.

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Well, it's time for our final game, Lightning Fill in the Blank. Each of our players will have 60 seconds in which to answer as many fill-in-the-blank questions as they can. Each correct answer is worth two points. Joshua, can you give us the scores? I can indeed. Faith has two points. Nagin and Peter both have three points. All right, Faith, you are in third place. That means you're up first. Fill in the blank. Following Donald Trump's win, blank delivered a speech to the nation on Thursday.

Kamala Harris. No, it was actually President Biden on Thursday. She was Wednesday. On Tuesday, Australia announced it would introduce legislation to set a minimum age for using blank. Social media. Right. Best known for his work on Michael Jackson's Thriller, among many other albums. Super producer blank passed away at the age of 91. Quincy Jones. Right. On Thursday, 27 million residents of California were placed on alert as rescue workers battled violence.

Wildfires. Right. This week, a man was banned from future New York marathons after he brought blank to this year's race. Oh, a llama. An entire camera crew on Wednesday. Oregon, Ohio State, Georgia, and Miami topped the blank playoff rankings. College football? Right. On Tuesday, a business in Taiwan became the first ice cream shop to be awarded a blank.

Oh, a Michelin star. Right. This week, a cyclist in Oregon sued an ambulance company, complaining that the ambulance charged him almost $2,000 to take him to the hospital after he was hit by blank. An ambulance. That ambulance. That ambulance, yes. The ambulance made a right turn and hit the cyclist, fracturing his nose, among other injuries, and then offered to take him to the hospital, which they did, and then they charged him $1,800 for the ride.

This is what happens when you make your EMTs work on commission. Joshua, how did Faith do in our quiz? She did very nicely. Six right answers, 12 more points for the moment. You have the lead with 14 points. All right, I'm going to arbitrarily pick Peter to go next. Here we go, Peter, fill in the blank. On Tuesday, seven states voted to enshrine blank rights in their constitution. Abortion. Right. After he failed to surrender his assets to election workers, blank appeared in court on Thursday.

Oh, Giuliani? Right. According to reports, as many as 10,000 North Koreans are expected to enter combat in blank. Ukraine. Right. On Wednesday, Hurricane Raphael made landfall in blank.

Cuba? Right. Last week, a passenger on JetBlue sued the airline because the ice cream sandwich they gave her was blank. Um, um, it was not a Michelin-starred ice cream sandwich. No, because it was way too cold. On Thursday, experts raised concerns that weight loss drugs like blank may lead to muscle loss. Ozempic? Right. On Wednesday, the first satellite made of blank was finally launched into space.

recycled material. No, wood. This week, a woman in England was confused after her cat brought a mouse into the house and then blanked. Put on some Barry White and let it go. Close. The cat fed the mouse dinner. And then put on some Barry White.

I mean, buy me dinner first, baby. The woman said she was shocked when a cat brought a live mouse inside, set it in front of its own food dish, and let it eat as much cat food as it wanted. Even weirder was when, just before he set the mouse down, the cat said, have you ever dined with us before? Well, we do things a little differently around here. Or it's sadistic. It was like, yes, I want to fatten you up before I eat you. He, he, he, he.

Joshua, how did Peter Gross do in our quiz? Pretty well. He got five right for ten more points, 13 points, but Faith retains the lead. All right. So, how much then does Nagin need to win? Six right answers will do it. All right. Here you go. Okay.

This is for the game, Nagin. On Thursday, a new study confirmed that 2024 will be the blankest year on record. Hottest. Right. On Tuesday, the Prime Minister of Spain said the country was working to find those still missing after devastating blanks hit the area. Floods. Right. This week, TGI Fridays became the latest chain restaurant to file for blank. Bankruptcy. Right. On Thursday, authorities in South Carolina advised residents to close their windows and lock their doors due to blank.

Fires? No, due to dozens of monkeys in the loose after they escaped a research facility. After breaking into an electric company in France, a group of hackers demanded their $125,000 ransom be paid in blank. Quarters? No, baguettes. It's France. According to a new study, just five minutes of blank a day could help reduce blood pressure.

Squats. Yeah, exercise. Thanks to increased solar activity, the blanks can again be seen further south than usual. Aurora. Yeah, the northern lights. This week, police in the UK responded to a report of a 60-year-old man with a rusty machete attacking blank. A raccoon that fell through the ceiling. No, an 80-year-old man with a pair of nunchucks. Where was this?

This was in the UK. According to police, the 80-year-old man who had the nunchucks had accidentally knocked on the other man's door, which enraged the other guy, the 60-year-old, so much that he came at the elderly man with his machete. Fortunately, as said, the 80-year-old man happened to be out with his nunchucks, so defended himself...

To see the full story, just watch this week's episode of Geriatric Mutant Ninja Turtles. The UK is like Europe's Florida. Pretty much. Apparently. I love the fact that this 80-year-old guy is like, well, time to go for a walk. Gotta get my cane, my visor, and my nunchucks. And my nunchucks.

Joshua, did Nagin do well enough to win? Nagin got five correct answers for ten more points and a final score of 13 points. So this week with 14 points, your champion is Faith Salie! Come from behind victory.

Congratulations, Faith. Thank you. In just a minute, we're going to ask our panelists to predict after 97-inch TVs, what will be the next giant thing we're all going to buy for our houses. But first, let me tell you that Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me is a production of NPR and WBEZ Chicago in association with Urgent Haircar Productions, Doug of Berman Benevolent Overlord, Philip Godeka writes our limericks, our public address announcer is Paul Friedman, our tour manager is Shana Donnell.

Thanks to the staff and crew of the Studebaker Theatre. BJ Lederman composed our theme. Our program is produced by Jennifer Mills, Miles Grumbos, and Lillian King. Special thanks to Blythe Robertson, Big M Bizina, and Monica Hickey. Our therapy animal is Peter Gwynn. Emma Choi is our vibe curator. Technical direction is from Lorna White. Her CFO is Colin Miller. Our production manager is Robert Newhouse. Our senior producer is Ian Chilock. And the executive producer of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me is Michael Danforth. Now, panel, what's the next extra large object we're all going to feel we have to buy for our houses? Faith Selig.

Really big, long catheter so no one needs to miss a moment of anything they're watching on their giant TV.

Peter Gross. A giant pool of Xanax for people who are pill sober, where you don't drink, but you do take a lot of pills. And Nagin Farsad. A massive jumbo sectional couch is not for more people, just a section for each of your emotions. Aww. Well, panelists, if any of that does happen, we'll ask you about it on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me! Thank you, Joshua Johnson! Woo!

Thanks to Faith Saley, Peter Gross, and Nagin Farsad. Thanks to our fabulous audience who joined us here at the Studio Baker Theatre. And thanks to all of you out there wherever you are for listening. I'm Peter Sagan. We'll see you next week in Detroit, Michigan. This is NPR.

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