WWDTM: John Leguizamo
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This message comes from NPR sponsor, Capella University. Capella's programs teach skills relevant to your career, so you can apply what you learn right away. See how Capella can make a difference in your life at capella.edu. From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. Forget pumpkin spice latte season, I'm all the basic bitch you need. Laughter

I'm Bill Curtis, and here is your host at the Studebaker Theatre at the Fine Arts Building in Chicago, Illinois, Peter Segal. Thank you, Bill. Thank you, everybody. Thank you.

Thank you, everybody. We have a great show for you today. Later on, we're going to be talking to actor John Leguizamo about his new documentary series for PBS. The man has starred in 100 movies and TV shows, but he's finally made it to the promised land, public broadcasting. Well, you can skip right to the front of the line and be on the air now. Just call us to play our games. The number is 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Let's welcome our first listener contestant. Hi, you're on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me.

Hi, this is Kevin Teal from Des Moines, Iowa. Hey, how are things in Des Moines, Kevin? Very nice for the summer. Heat wave's gone, so we're getting ready for fall. That's good. You sound like you're from Iowa, and I love it. What do you do there? I'm currently retired, working down that bucket list of things everybody does when they retire. Okay. And I have to say, being on the show today is one of those bucket list things. Great. Okay. That's great. Thank you.

Well, we are honored to make that list. Let me introduce you to our panel. Kevin, first up, she's the host of the trivia podcast Go Fact Yourself, which now airs weekends on Southern California Public Radio, LAist 89.3. It's Helen Hong. Hi. Next is a comedian headlining the Ann Arbor Comedy Showcase October 3rd through the 5th and the Atlanta Punchline October 17th through the 19th. It's Hari Kondabolu. Hey, Kevin. Hi.

And a humorist and woodworker who is the founder of Hatch Space Community Woodshop and School in Brattleboro, Vermont. He can make one hell of a spice rack. It's Tom Bodette. Hello, Kevin. Hello, Tom. So, Kevin, welcome to the show. You're going to play Who's Bill this time. Bill Curtis is now going to read for you three quotations from this week's news. If you can correctly identify or explain just two of them, you will win our prize, the voice of anyone you might choose for your voicemail. Are you ready to go?

Ready to go. Okay, your first quote is from Baltimore Orioles play-by-play broadcaster Kevin Brown. The White Sox have just gone full White Sox-Sox. Brown was reacting to yet another Chicago White Sox loss as they approached the Major League Baseball record for what? Most losses in a season, I think 107, 108 right now. You're very good, yes. And they, of course, are not.

The Chicago White Sox are on track to end the season, if they go according to their current pace, with a record of 36 wins and 126 losses, which would be the worst record in baseball's modern era. Now, for decades, the White Sox have tried to get just a fraction of the national attention the Chicago Cubs always get, and congrats, guys. You found a way. I love this team, Peter. I love this team. You love? Tell me the things you love about it, Harry. I love the fact

they make regular people feel like they too could play major league. Yeah, that's exactly, that was my impression. I was like, I could be on that team. I could do just as well. You know, if you say that one more time, you might get a call from them. These are things that really happen.

to the White Sox this season. A player was hit in the face by a warm-up throw. A game against the Braves was delayed because they couldn't find their first base coach.

What? It's possible he defected. And just this week in Baltimore, three players ran into each other trying to catch a ball. They did not catch the ball. And three runs scored. Oh.

I could play on this team, Hari. I could. The three of us could play on this team. I mean, it comes from the top down. You know, the manager, Grady Sizemore, he's been asked a lot of questions about this, about all these losses. He said, quote, it's not about wins. It's just about competing and playing together as a team. Nah, bro, it's about wins. Yeah.

There's no participation trophies in the major leagues. Well, some traditionalists are against it, but the league will be letting the White Sox hit from a tee for the rest of the season. All right, Kevin, here is your next quote. Bloody hell, my 44th birthday is in a few days.

That was a social science researcher reacting to a new study that discovered we rapidly do what at age 44 and then again at age 60?

I'd say mental health declines. Everything declines, I'll give it to you. We age rapidly at those two points. A new study by scientists at Stanford has shown that most people don't age gradually, as you might have thought. Instead, you have basically aging spurts. The first big wave is at 44, and the second is when you realize that all of your favorite child stars are on TV doing commercials for prescription drugs. LAUGHTER

I'm 41 right now, so does that mean I have like three more years of youth? Yes. So this is the time to go full on Rumspringa. This is the time. No, this is when you start working on your delusions. Okay.

When I was 44, that was still four years before I decided to have two more children. So, I mean, that's delusion. Yeah, that was a poor decision-maker. And the other milestone was what? 60, apparently. It happens again at 60. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, what I really noticed there is like before 60, like you still have your strength, you know. You can still do things. And if something wouldn't go, it was stuck, you pull harder and it would go. But after 60, you pull harder and something in you goes. Yeah. You still have the strength, but it's not connected.

Yeah. It's not the jar that opens. This all has to do, by the way, with the biochemical markers of aging rather than, say, your appearance. Scientists analyzed thousands of stool samples and nasal swabs from people at various ages, and the results suggest that there's a significant leap in aging at age 44 because that's when people realize, oh, my God, I have grown up to be somebody who analyzes stool samples for a living. Right.

I think I'm 69 this year, and I think there's another milestone. It's a mental thing. Like, you know how you're going around the house, you have your phone or something in your hand, you're doing something, you set it down, and then you just can't find it. Where did you set it down? That's your whole life, right? North of 60. But something happened this week where it was a popsicle. Oh, that's a problem. Oh, no!

Now you're on a timer. Yeah. That really raises the stakes. And you can't call Siri to a popsicle. No, there's no, like, find me beep or anything. You just know it's making a mess somewhere, and you can't remember where. Wow. And did you get to it in time, Tom? Yeah, and it was on the bathroom sink, so it wasn't a horrible thing. All right.

Your last quote is from a New York TikTok design influencer named Lindsay Judish, talking about her latest innovation in home decor. I feel like I made a very unintentional rage beat. Ms. Judish worries that she might have gone too far when she helps spread the trend of decorating the inside of your what?

It's in your kitchen. People decorate their kitchen because normally you can see the kitchen, but this is like taking that to the nth degree. I'll give you a... My refrigerator. Yes, the inside of your refrigerator. It is called...

Fridge scaping. Not to be confused with fridge scraping when you remove whatever has been stuck to the bottom of the crisper for the last year. Fridge scapers will decorate the inside of their fridges with matching containers, elegantly arranged vegetables, and mood lighting, sometimes including candles. Miss Judish even does themes inside her refrigerator. Like a British royal theme she calls Fridgerton.

Which is great because no one will disturb the display because now they're too nauseous to eat. I do this. No, you don't. I do. I have vases in my fridge and by vases, I mean old glasses.

jars of spaghetti sauce that I forgot were back there. Yeah, and there's something growing in them, so they're like vases, right? Right, it is. That's our fridge. It's more like gardening than decorating. Are there little paintings in there, too? Like, what is... Well, I mean, you can look at pictures, look in TikTok, where there are, you know, all kinds of these trends. They're basically like, you know, like still lifes.

And, you know, like there's some carrots next to some beautifully arranged asparagus. It's nice. Other themes, people do it in themes. Other themes include enchanted forest, edible flowers and mushrooms, or perhaps the recently divorced guy theme.

Which is eight soy sauce packets, half a bottle of flat beer, and an Ikea Allen wrench he's been looking for for a month. And a half-melted popsicle. And a half-melted popsicle. Bill, how did Kevin do on our quiz? Kevin was so good. He got three in a row, which gives you a perfect score, Kevin. Thank you. Well done. Thank you.

Kevin, thank you so much for playing. You're welcome. Take care. Right now, panel, it is time for you to answer some questions about this week's news. Helen, the Chicago Sky WNBA team recently announced that they'll be replacing their current mascot. That's because their current mascot is a what? Is it a cloud in the sky? No. Is their current mascot a white sock?

What are the chances? Can I have a hint? I can give you a hint. What's interesting about this mascot is that he would not be allowed to play in the WNBA.

Oh, a man? It's a man. No. Yes. The Chicago Sky WNBA team is finally getting rid of the mascot they've had since the team was founded in 2006, a masked and muscly man named Sky Guy, because nothing says female empowerment like an unidentified male watching women exercise. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

Isn't that kind of Revenge of the Cheerleaders stuff, though? I mean, like, man sports. Yeah, I guess so. Well, I mean, everybody does love his halftime show where he comes out and explains to the woman how to play basketball. This guy has unveiled his replacement. It's a new mascot, Sky the Lioness, whose uniform number will be 00, representing, we assume, boobs. Yeah.

This is also just like typical male management thinking, being like, all right, we've got to get rid of the guy. Do we go with the girl? Nah. An animal. Let's just pick an animal. Pick an animal. A predator, though. At least that. Based on the lions, the famous lions at the Chicago Art Institute, the two mascots will share duties through the end of the season, at which point Sky the lioness will eat Sky Guy alive. That's important.

Coming up, clean up in aisle nine. It's our Bluff the Listener game called 1-888-WAIT-WAIT-TO-PLAY. We'll be back in a minute with more of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPR.

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From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm Bill Curtis. We are playing this week with Tom Bodette, Hari Kondabolu, and Helen Hong. And here again is your host at the Studebaker Theatre in Chicago, Illinois, Peter Sagal. Thank you, Bill. Thank you.

Thank you so much. Right now, it is time for the Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me Bluff the Listener Game. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to play our game on the air or check out the pinned post on our Instagram page at WaitWaitNPR. You'll find all the information you need there. Hi, you're on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hi, this is Rebecca from Grand Rapids, Michigan. Hey, Rebecca, how are things in Grand Rapids? They're okay. It's almost fall. I'm just going to comment.

That was not overly enthusiastic. You're not with the Chamber of Commerce, are you? Yeah. Are you from Grand Rapids? I grew up here, but then I spent a long time in Philadelphia and San Francisco. Yeah. And that's where I left my heart.

I understand. As is traditional. I understand. Okay. Well, welcome to our show, Rebecca. You're going to play the game in which you must try to tell truth from fiction. Bill, what is Rebecca's topic? Trouble at the grocery store. Supermarkets have all kinds of problems. There are supply chain issues. There are milk spills. The guy who keeps squeezing the other customers and yelling, not ripe yet.

This week, we heard about another problem plaguing a grocer somewhere in the world. Our panelists are going to tell you about it. Pick the real one and you'll win the weight-waiter of your choice on your voicemail. Are you ready to play? Yes, I am. All right, let's hear first from Helen Hong.

A grocery store in Italy is dealing with a mafia shakedown that's way more adorable than Goodfellas. The Sicilian town of Bendotti has been plagued by a gang of street dogs that are menacing shops into paying them protection fees in the form of

deli meats. A pack of about 20 dogs maraud from shop to shop, and if they're not tossed at least a few slices of salami, they block the entrance, growling and barking at potential customers. Back in the day, we used to have to pay off the mafia. Now we have to pay off the pafia, complains the owner of the only grocery store holding out. Roar! exclaimed one of the gang members. Roar!

Which probably means, why is this guy being so stingy? We just want to wet our beaks. We'll even take bologna. Thank you. You're welcome. Grocery store in Sicily getting threatened by the Poffia, a pack of dogs who demand cold cuts as tribute. Your next story of something mucking up the mart comes from Tom Baudet.

In the Spanish city of Bilbao, police responded Tuesday to a flash mob of hopeful romantics packed inside a Mercadona food store looking for love.

Singles have been drawn to the supermarket chain across Spain after a TikTok video gone viral claimed they can find romance if they visit between 7 p.m. and 8 p.m. and put a pineapple upside down in their trolley. Other items in someone's trolley provide clues about their intentions. Chocolates or sweets mean the person is looking for long-term relationships or something more serious.

A wobbly wheel means you are not paying attention at all and probably came in for pineapple and dates to actually eat, which is the problem. But it's a problem rival grocery chain Lidl would like to have. They've launched their campaign to encourage customer hookups in its stores, but with watermelons. Eggplants, watch your six. A grocery store in Spain overwhelmed by people who come in not to shop, but to...

Signal to each other their willingness to mix using upside-down pineapples. Your last supermarket snag comes from Harikanda Bolu.

Indian supermarket chain Reliance Fresh Supermarkets are dealing with protests around the country after rumors of the return of classic Indian soda Gold Spot proved to be false. Gold Spot was a hugely popular orange soda that was discontinued after Coca-Cola entered the Indian market because, you know, capitalism.

Older Indians ranging from 35 to 80 lined up to be the first to receive new bottles of Gold Spot, holding banners reading, You kids don't know what's good, which is actually quite funny when translated into Hindi. The stores attempting to pacify the angry mobs gave away free cans of orange Fanta, which were instantly thrown back.

exploding like Molotov cocktails and drenching employees with an inferior orange soda. Coca-Cola released a statement saying they, quote, stand behind Fanta during this troubling time and though it's not provable, it's a shame Pepsi would stoop to this. So one of these things happened at a supermarket or supermarkets somewhere in the world.

Was it from Helen Hong, a supermarket in Sicily being, well, held for hostage by a pack of wild dogs who demand their daily cold cuts? From Tom Bodette, a supermarket in Spain that is being overrun by hot young people interested in meeting each other, which they're signaling with pineapples, or...

from Harikanda Bolu, a supermarket beset by protesters demanding the return of their favorite orange soda. Which of these is the real story of supermarket travails in the news? I think I'm going to go with Tom. You're going to go with Tom's story about the supermarket singles scene. Well, we spoke to someone who knows all about this real story. You would grab a pineapple, place it upside down in the cart, and bump into the cart of whoever you're interested in.

That was Grace Snelling, a reporter at Fast Company, who reported on the pineapple takeover at the Spanish grocery store. Congratulations, Rebecca. You got it right. Thank you so much. You earned a point for Tom Baudet, but more importantly, you have won our prize, the voice of anyone you might choose for your voicemail. Congratulations and well done. Thank you so much. I'm very excited. Thank you. Thanks, Rebecca. Take care. Thank you.

And now the game where we ask people to answer questions about things they know nothing about. It's called Not My Job. John Leguizamo came up in the theater and stand-up scenes of 1980s New York, but his first big film role was as Luigi in the movie Super Mario Brothers. And according to him, after three decades of film, TV, theater, and activism, he is just about made up for that.

His latest project is Voces American Historia, The Untold History of Latinos, which premieres September 27th on PBS. John Leguizamo, welcome back to Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Oh, I'm so good to be back. It's great to have you. Thank you.

Been too long. I know. We were just wondering when you were going to call, man. It's so good to talk to you again. And we're so excited to get you now because we've been following your career, obviously, for many decades. And we're so excited you have finally reached the pinnacle of achievement.

Public broadcasting. Yes, an overnight success after 40 years. I know, but was it weird? Because maybe I'm wrong, but everything you've done has been in Hollywood and TV and New York theater and touring theater. Public broadcasting fans tend to be a little more passive aggressive. So expect people to say to you, so John, what did you think of your series? Yeah.

And don't worry, I'm an actor. I'll tell them exactly how much I love myself. So the series, the series, American History of the Untold History of Latinos, I understand was inspired by one of your many one-man shows. In this case, your own personal examination of Latino history, right? Yes, you know, it was based on Latino, Latin history from morons because I learned my son was being bullied and I wanted to give him, weaponize his knowledge and his history of his people.

You know, I didn't know we finished building the railroads. I didn't realize we were the first fighters to create unions in the 1930s. And then, you know, we've been persecuted, but we've also contributed so much. We just reached a milestone last year. We contributed $3.2 trillion to the GDP yearly as a Latino culture. Wow. So I want some s**t.

My son is a huge fan of yours, and by that, of course, I mean because of your Ice Age movies and TV shows. Yes, I'm so happy to hear that. We're about to do Ice Age 6. You are, as you just reminded everybody, Sid the Sloth.

First of all, I gotta ask, did your kids love that growing up? Because they were just about the right age, right? Based on, I think, when the movies came out? No, they were weirded out by their father, you know, the way I look, and then doing that voice, and they were too young. It's weird. You know, a lot of parents come up to me, they go, oh, you know who this is, Sid the Sloth? And I go, sir, it's not gonna work out. And they go, no, do the

voice and I do the voice of shit high and the kids are like freaked out because they see this face they don't get it they don't get it yeah I remember Ray Romano was in the show and I told him the same thing oh my son's a big fan because of the mammoth he's like yeah don't tell your son you talk to me it's just gonna mess him up we read we read so you play for those unlucky not to have seen the 4000 ice age

movies and TV shows and video games. You play Sid the Sloth, a prehistoric sloth, and we read that you actually got really deep into the research for his voice. Is that right? - Oh, you know, yeah, 'cause I did like 50 voices for the director, Chris Wedge, and he wouldn't, he said, "I just want you to do your voice." I go, "I don't wanna do my voice. "I wanna do a voice."

I'm an actor. So I did, you know, Southern Boys for the slot because he's slow. Then I went a little more ghetto on it. Come on, what you want, what you want? And he goes, nah. So then I got Discovery Channel footage and I saw that slot stored food in their cheek pouches and it would ferment and they'd get drunk. And so I started eating a sandwich.

And I put it in my cheek pouches and I walked around the house waiting for it to ferment and it didn't. Then I got slushy in my mouth and I called the writer, Chris, guess who this is? And he was like, I have no idea. Sid the Sloth. I found myself and that's how I did it. Wow.

That's amazing. You do belong on PBS. Yeah. Next time I'm sitting watching the movies with my son, I'm going to say, you know, that's historically accurate. Among the many, many things you do, you've done these one-man shows where you play all these characters, and as you just demonstrated, you're really, really, really good at voices. Have you ever used that power for evil? Yes, of course. I mean, when I was much younger...

It was great because people, you know, when the school would complain, they would call my house and I would answer as my mom. And I go, oh, he, what? No, he's fantastic. Oh, you want to expel him? Well, expel it for me. And I would mess with them for hours and they wouldn't be able to expel me. Really? They tried to expel me, yeah. Did your mother know you were doing that? No. No. Well, now she knows now because you blabbered. Oh.

You mentioned your mother. We also read that your mother to this day sees everything you do and offers a critique afterwards. Yeah, my mom's very judgmental. I think I get it from her a little bit. We both watch PBS too much. Yeah, I know, man. I'm telling you. Yeah.

And she does, she comes to every show and like she sits front row and then she comes afterwards, oh, Joan, that was fantastic, but I didn't really like the punchline. It didn't really hit the way I thought it would hit. It didn't murder. And I was like, mom, please stop criticizing. You're just my mom. Just be unconditionally loving for once.

Wait a minute. You started as a stand-up. You've been doing this for a long time. And your mother actually critiques you in stand-up? She always does. She's like, oh. I go, Mom, you're not a director. You're not in the business. Stop giving me notes. I don't need your notes. Really? Yeah.

I'm 60 years old. Stop giving me notes. Does she pitch you jokes? She doesn't pitch jokes. She just wants to change this, change that, fix this, cut that, kill your darlings. Is she going to critique this? Is she going to listen and go, oh, I don't think you talked about me enough? I'm not going to tell her about this. Okay, yeah. All right. That's fine. That's the only way to keep her away. Well, John Leguizamo, it is such a pleasure to talk to you again. And this time we have asked you to play a game that we're calling Can We Fix It?

Yes, we can. So this year, as I'm sure you know, because everybody's been celebrating, this year marks the 25th anniversary of Bob the Builder. Oh, wow. The beloved kids' show about a British contractor whose trucks are alive. So in honor of that, we're going to ask you three questions about, I guess we'd call him Mr. Builder. Get two out of three right, you'll win our prize. One of our listeners, Bill, who is John Leguizamo playing for? Nora Wing of Ithaca, New York. All right.

Here's your first question. Ready? Go for it. I'll do my best. Bob the Builder is popular around the world, but some changes needed to be made internationally to show there, including which of these? A, in France, they had to add clocks to the background to prove that no one goes over their...

hour approved work week. B, in Canada, Bob always includes maple syrup as a construction material in his projects. Or C, in Japan, they had to add a fifth finger to his animated four-finger hand so that kids did not think Bob the Builder was a member of the Yakuza. Oh, shoot. I'm going to go with Canada and maple syrup because it sounds ridiculous but plausible. So you think that Bob

the builder in Canada, they just cut in things as now to make sure this sticks. Here's some maple syrup. Can they go, hey, sorry, hey? Oh, wow. That was amazing. I thought I was in Toronto. No, the answer was actually C. You see...

As is well known in Japan, if you're a Yakuza member and you displease your boss, they cut off one of your fingers. So a four-fingered animated character would have unpleasant connotations. That's dark. It is. It really is. I didn't want to go that dark. All right. Here's your next question, John. You have two more chances. Bob the Builder is more than just a very popular kids' TV show. Which of these is another example of Bob's cultural dominance? A, Yakuza.

He once went to number one on the UK singles charts with a cover of Mambo No. 5. B, Alexander McQueen had an entire runway show of Bob the Builder-inspired designs. Or C, he had a best-selling cookbook called Can You Bake It? Yes, You Can. Oh, man. I'm going to go with A. You're going with A. You're right. Yes, he did a cover of Mambo No. 5.

Why don't we leave? All right. You have one more question. If you get this right, you win. Bob the Builder popped up at a surprising place a few years ago when people browsing the on-demand menu of Britain's Channel 5 saw a picture of Bob as the image representing what show? A, the season premiere of Britain's Got Talent, B, a documentary about 9-11, or C, the movie Eyes Wide Shut?

Sort of the sexual... Yes, I know, yes. Just imagine Bob the Builder wearing one of those weird masks that Tom Cruise was having, you know? LAUGHTER

I won't picture that, so I'm going to go with A again. You're going to go with A again? Britain's Got Talent. The idea of like, oh, this guy's got talent. He can build stuff. Yeah, he can build things, right? Sadly, the answer was B, a documentary about 9-11. Wait, no, I meant B. Oh, he meant B. He meant B, Bill. He meant B. Let's give it to him. Okay. Okay.

I'm sure, I mean, I thought I misheard you. And of course you were right. I have an accent. I have a New York City accent. Exactly. A-B. Yeah, exactly. You know, apparently if, the way it worked was, if Channel 5, you know, and this is how it works, you turn on your streaming service, there are these icons indicating the shows you could be watching. And with Channel 5, they didn't happen to have a picture to go with any given show. They just plugged in a picture from Bob the Builder. So Bob was the image for this 9-11 documentary and also something called Murdered by My Daughter.

So Bill, how did John Leguizamo do in our quiz? Two out of three.

Yay! Now you did good. Amazing. I'm brilliant. I belong on PBS. John Leguizamo is an actor, writer, and producer whose new series Voces American Historia, The Untold History of Latinos, premieres on PBS September 27th. John Leguizamo, what a great thing to talk to you again. Thank you so much. Good luck with the show. We'll see you next time. Thank you. Thank you. So fun. Thank you. Bye-bye. Thank you.

In just a minute, the one word you cannot say in church. That's in our Listener Limerick Challenge. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to join us in the air. We'll be back in a minute with more of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPR.

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From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm Bill Curtis. We're playing this week with Hari Kondabolu, Tom Modette, and Helen Hong. And here again is your host at the Studebaker Theater in Chicago, Illinois, Peter Sagal. Thank you so much. In just a minute, Bill finally gets around to watching the hit movie Oppenheimer.

If you'd like to play, give us a call at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Right now, panel, some more questions for you from the week's news. Tom, office workers around the world are suffering from a new condition, dead what syndrome? Dead ass. Yes, dead butt syndrome. Yeah, yeah. Yep, yep. Dead butt syndrome is a condition where you sit for so long that your butt doesn't just fall asleep. Your butt muscles actually forget how to work.

What? Yeah, it's technically called gluteal amnesia. What? But that does not mean that you have forgotten that you have a butt. Imagine that. Imagine if that were the case. Every time you'd sit down, you'd be like, oh, what's that thing?

You know, this is a real thing. Apparently if this happens, the rest of your body starts trying to compensate with your core muscles and that can cause lots of pain. It happened to Tiger Woods for real. How does the rest of the body compensate for what the butt does? I mean, how would your shoulders step in there? Right.

Uh, be like, uh, they just get more bulbous. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know. Helen, according to a new study, one-third of people in Britain think that if asked, they could do what? Um, get with somebody really hot. Uh, think they could put out a fire. That's probably true. I'm sure there's probably far more than a third of people who think that. Uh, can I have a hint? Uh, what, you need a hint, Sherlock?

Oh, they could solve murder. Yes, exactly right. They think that they could solve a murder. Whoa! Of course British people can solve a murder, because if you watch any British crime shows... They always get solved by British people. Exactly. And the technique, if you watch enough, it's very simple. What you do is you look around town, you check with the people who knew the victim, and if any of them have ever appeared in a Harry Potter film, that's the culprit. LAUGHTER

But if you think about it, given how many murders that seem to be happening in like every little small parish and seaside town in Great Britain, it's more than likely that a third of Britons are actually murderers. I mean, it's an old country and they've been cooped up on that island together for a long time. And they probably have a lot of murder fantasies. Because they're constantly fantasizing. And so they're confident, like, I know how I would do it.

would do it? - Yeah. So what they're saying is, yeah, I could solve the murder. It would probably be me, given the way I'm feeling. But I can't blame them for thinking they can do whatever they see people doing on TV after watching the Olympics. I definitely think I could break dance. Tom, if you're an employee in Japan, you can now pay a company to do what on your behalf? - If you're an employee, to quit.

Yes. Wow. Wow. To quit your job for you. What? Did you just guess that? I did. It's a new thing. I'm trying to think, what's the worst thing as an employee that you have to do? Well, okay. Let me explain it and then I'm going to ask you a question. So, this is a new company called Exit and frustrated workers in Japan can pay to have someone else call up and quit your job for you. The standard service costs 200 bucks but most employees recommend adding the $100 making a scene bonus package. Mm-hmm.

Hello, I am here to relay a message on behalf of Julie, specifically to screw you, Mark, and screw especially you, Linda. Finally, will someone kindly direct me to the conference room where I have been instructed to take a dump? LAUGHTER

That's an awesome service. That says so much about the Japanese culture and how different it is from American culture. I totally get that. But Tom, you said you would pay for someone to do that. But isn't quitting your job something that we all look forward to?

You know, I never really had a job. Well, that's all hypothetical. So I would have thought it would be really difficult, you know, because you're letting somebody down, you know. No, taking the dumb part is the best part. Right, right.

Maybe I've tried to be a really good employer when I've employed people. No, this is what you do. You go directly into the office kitchen. You put a whole fish in there in the microwave. You've set it on like 14 minutes. Suck it. When my former office manager did that, she was sending me a message. Yeah. I get it. Yeah, people are the worst. People are the worst. You ruined my life. I hate you all.

I hate you all. I hate you all. Yeah, people are the worst. People are the worst. You ruined my life. I hate you all. I hate you all. Bye-bye.

Coming up, it's lightning fill in the blank. But first, it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. You can see us most weeks here at the Studebaker Theater in downtown Chicago. For tickets and information for all of our live shows, just go over to nprpresents.org. And be sure to check out our new sister podcast, How to Do Everything, hosted by our producers, Mike and Ian. This week, they try to help the astronauts stranded on the space station look their best. LAUGHTER

Hi, you're on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hi, this is Alex from Jersey City, New Jersey. Hey, Ali from Jersey. What do you do there? I am a former teacher and now I am a stay-at-home mom with two boys. Oh, a stay-at-home mom with two boys. How old are your boys? Three and a half and one and a half. Oh my God. Wait a minute. Are you my wife? Because I also have a three and a half and a one and a half year old boy. How are your guys doing?

You know. No, I do. Well, Alex, welcome to the show. Bill Curtis is now going to read for you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly, two of the limericks will be a winner. You ready to play? Yep, I'm ready. Here we go. Here is your first limerick. Wearing flip-flops to play is a fickle call. This new upgrade from Reebok should tickle y'all.

For this old people's sport, on an undersized court, these new shoes are a must to play. Pickleball. Pickleball, yes. If your 40-yard dash time is of course not, this is the athletic shoe for you. The Reeboks X Recess Nano.

It's just the thing you need to dominate the court built where children used to have a place to play. These new shoes, we are told by Reebok, are specially made for a pickleball's constant side-to-side movement. It's amazing. I was having such a hard time playing in my forward-only Nikes. I mean, I would buy that just because I don't...

I was playing pickleball like a year ago and I tore multiple calf muscles playing it. And then two elderly gentlemen had to carry me to the other side of the gym. And one of them had a life alert bracelet on. So if those shoes can help, then maybe. What was your choice of footwear at the time? Just sneakers. Oh.

Can I give you some advice about that? Never tell that story again. Here is your next limerick. Our worship group's left in the lurch. For new congregants, we're on a search.

But Episcopal terms make most modern folks squirm. So our church will not call itself... Church? Church, yes, very good. The Church of England is dropping the word church. No. Yes. It's part of their new initiative to bring more people into the fold by...

tricking them. Oh, they just call it, now they just call it England? Something like that. I mean, I'll go. They've built 900 new branches, which is what they call their parishes, in the last 10 years, and not one of them has church in the title. What? Yeah, can't wait to go get some knee time down at the local Jesus hole this Sunday. Wait, so what are the

what did the sign at the door say? They call it like a... Of England? Yeah, it's like religious center or community center, just not the word church. People don't like the word church. If they're really serious about bringing in more people, I have three words, pumpkin spice Eucharist. All right, here is your last limerick.

Not all movies are major sensations made for overly long adulations. The festival crowd is just endlessly loud. Please stop with the standing...

Ovations. Ovations, yes. After a movie got a 17-minute standing ovation at the Venice Film Festival, The Guardian published a plea for people to just start being normal. I mean, yes, we all love Tilda Swinton, but there are limits. A standing ovation should not itself need an intermission.

Apparently, film festivals are suffering from ovation inflation. People are saying, for example, that the new George Clooney movie, which premiered there, must not be any good because it got a standing ovation that only lasted four minutes. What? Right? Which is like practically nothing. Really? That's like, you know, at the end of a regular concert when you know the encore is coming, but they pretend that the encore is not coming. Right. And they're like, thank you, good night. And people are like, yeah.

Even those are like three minutes now. Yeah, I know. And they're terrible. They come right back out and they're like, psych, we're not done. You're like, well, we knew because you didn't play your biggest hit. Bill, how did Alex do in our quiz? Alex, tell your boys you won 3-0. Congratulations. Thank you. Thank you.

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Now on to our final game, Lightning Fill in the Blank. Each of our players will have 60 seconds in which to answer as many Fill in the Blank questions as they can. Each correct answer now worth two points. Bill, can you give us the scores? Helen has two. Tom and Hari each have three. All right. Helen, you're in second place. That means you're up first. The clock will start when I begin your first question. Fill in the Blank. On Wednesday, ABC News officially released the rules for next week's presidential blank. Debate. Right. On Tuesday, a bad economic report led the blank to drop 600 points.

The Dow Jones? Yes. This week, officials in Paris said they were considering making the Olympic rings on the blank a permanent feature. On the Eiffel Tower? Right. On Labor Day, over 10,000 hotel workers across the U.S. went on blank. Strike. Right. This week, a Dutch woman had to leave her Zoom meeting after her cat blanked on camera. Pooped. No, dragged a live pigeon into her living room. According to a new study, better eye health could prevent 20% of blank cases.

Eyeglass wearing cases? No, dementia, believe it or not. On Tuesday, a new study revealed that 1 in 20 people got foodborne illness from not properly blanking their vegetables. Washing. Right. This week, a house in California was listed for half a million dollars despite the fact that it had been blanked.

slid down a landslide. No, chopped in half by a falling tree. After the tree fell on it, the house was left with loose wiring, no ceiling and missing walls, or as a real estate agent actually put it, quote, an open concept floor plan. The listing says potential buyers could start demolition immediately, or if they want to save some money, just wait a while and see if another tree does it for them.

Bill, how did Helen do in our quiz? Good, Helen. Five right, ten more points. Total of 12 and the lead. All right. Good job. Well done. I am arbitrarily picking Hari to go next. Here we go, Hari. Fell in the blank. On Tuesday, Foreign Minister Dmitry Kuleba became the latest member of Blank's cabinet to resign his post. Um...

Putin? No, Zelensky. On Monday, a former aide for the governor of New York was accused of acting as a spy for blank. China. Right. According to officials, the deal for a ceasefire in blank is 90% complete. Does it? Right. On Tuesday, the Vatican announced that the blank had started a 12-day trip

throughout Southeast Asia. The Pope. Right. This week, a British man arrested for grand theft auto was banned from blanking for the next two years. Driving? No, not just driving. Banned from touching any automobiles. On Wednesday, NASA confirmed that a dangerous blank had burned up in the atmosphere over the Philippines. Meteor. Right, an asteroid. Last week, a Navy commander was relieved of duty after a photo was released of him firing a rifle without noticing blank.

It was turned the wrong way. I'm going to give it to you. He did not notice that the scope was turned the wrong way. It wouldn't have been that big of a deal unless the ship was under attack and the commander kept saying, we don't have anything to worry about. I checked through the scope and the enemy is really, really tiny. Bill, how did Hari do in our quiz? He got five right, ten more points. His total is 13, which puts him in the lead. All right. So how many then does Tom Bodette...

Need to win. Five to tie and six to win. All right, Tom. Where's my popsicle? Here we go. Tom, this is for the game. Fill in the blank. On Tuesday, seven Republican-led states filed lawsuits seeking to block the Biden administration's latest blank relief plan.

Student loan. Right. On Monday, the Justice Department seized the plane of Venezuelan President Blank. Maduro. Right. On Thursday, Blank pled guilty in his tax evasion case. Hunter Biden. Right. On Wednesday, the Department of Labor released a report showing that U.S. Blank openings were the lowest they had been since 2021. Job. Right. The German Navy said the British should not look for a, quote, deeper message in their recent decision to Blank. I don't know. Shell, I don't know.

London. No. The German Navy said there was no deeper message in their decision to send a warship down the Thames River through the center of London, blasting the Imperial March from Star Wars. That's what I said. That's what I said, kind of. On Monday, Joey Chestnut broke his own world record by eating 83 blanks in 10 minutes.

It's a hot dog? Yes. Swiss, the official airline of Switzerland, is modifying their new planes because their new first class seats were found to be blank. Too square. No, so heavy they'd make the plane nosedive. What?

I think the Swiss would have thought of that. You'd think. Swiss was forced to add balancing plates to the rear of their aircraft because their new Hyperlux first-class cabins made them too front-heavy to fly. What? And that's just the weight of the seats. Also weighing down, the first-class passengers, of course, are the chains they forged in life. The chains.

Comedy. Bill, did Tom do well enough to win? Tom got five right, ten more points, thirteen ties with you. Well done. That was hard. Thank you.

In just a minute, we're going to ask our panelists to predict how will the Chicago White Sox celebrate becoming the worst team in the history of modern baseball. But first, let me tell you all that Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me is a production of NPR and WBEZ Chicago in association with Urgent Haircut Productions, Doug Berman, Benevolent Overlord, Philip Godeka, Wrights, R. Lemmerix, and probably

Thank you.

will the White Sox celebrate having the worst record in baseball history? Hari Kondabolu. They're headed to space in a shuttle designed by Boeing. Helen Hong. Well, they're definitely not washing their socks. And Tom Bodette. They won't have to because they're going to turn management over to the Chicago political machine and somehow win 32 of their last 20 games. Thank you.

And if that happens, we'll tell you about it on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Thank you, Bill Curtis. Thanks also to Helen Hong, Tom Bodette, Hari Kondabolu. Thanks to our fabulous audience here at the Studebaker Theatre in downtown Chicago, Illinois. And thanks to all of you for listening wherever you may be. I'm Peter Sagan. We'll see you next week. This is NPR.

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