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That's G-R-A-M-M-A-R-L-Y dot com slash podcast. Easier said, done. From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. My voice is so loud, they named the decibel after me.

I'm Bill Curtis, and here's your host at the Studebaker Theater at the Fine Arts Building in Chicago, Peter Sagan. Thank you, Bill. Thanks, everybody. It is great to be with you, despite having this cold. Last year, Professor Claudia Golden became the first woman ever to become the sole winner of the Nobel Prize in Economics, and I swear to you, this is true. She ignored every other interview request except ours. So we're going to have her on, but...

There is one thing, everybody. When she comes in the air, we all have to pretend to be all things considered. But you know who we really are, so give us a call and play our games. The number is 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Let's welcome our first listener contestant. Hi, you're on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hi, this is Elizabeth. I'm from Georgetown, Massachusetts. Georgetown, Massachusetts. I have been all over Massachusetts, but I don't know where Georgetown is. Are you making that up?

I'm not, but you may not even know if you drove by it. We're tiny. And what do you do there? So I am finishing up maternity leave right now before I go back to work at the end of the month. I have a three-month-old in addition to my three-year-old. So I'm just running around after them. Yeah. Do you also have terrible colds all the time because you have small children? You know what? We put our house on lockdown because norovirus went through the rest of my family last week and I won't let anyone in or out. Oh.

I should have done that. Yeah. Well, Elizabeth, welcome to our show. Let me introduce you to our panel this week. First up, a features writer for the style section of the Washington Post. It's Roxanne Roberts. Hello, Elizabeth. Next, a comedian you can see at the Comedy Attic in Bloomington, Indiana on March 29th and 30th, and recording a new stand-up special at the Bell House in Brooklyn on June 21st. It's Josh Gondelman. Hello. Hello.

And a comedian and writer you can find on Instagram at Maeve in America. It's Maeve Higgins. Hi. So you're going to play Who's Bill this time, Elizabeth. We found some fun stories in the news to ask you about. And Bill Curtis is going to read you three quotes from them. If you can correctly identify just two of them, you will win our prize. The voice of anyone from our show you might choose in your voicemail. Are you ready to go? I hope so. Okay. Okay.

Your first quote is a public service announcement from the city of Miami Beach. It's not us. It's you. That was an official warning from the city telling college students who are excited to participate in one annual tradition that this year they are not welcome there. Spring break. Spring break. Yes. Miami is actually running a series of public service announcements telling people not to come there.

They complain that spring breakers bring rampant drunkenness, misbehavior, and public indecency to that city, to which the spring breakers replied, let's go! I think a big problem with it is, like, this is how extreme the Republican government of Florida is, is that Ron DeSantis considers that immigration. Exactly. Exactly.

If they come, they might get flown to Martha's Vineyard, which is also nice. But the commercial is very well produced and it has all these hip, young, cool people basically saying, you don't get to come because you ruined it for everybody. So you had to change your plans, I'm sure, Roxanne. You were going to go down there. I was thinking about this. I realized...

that I have never gone to spring break in my entire life. I've never been to spring. Have you? I mean, I've stopped working in the spring, certainly. But wait, don't you have to be in college, theoretically? Or, like, it's a week in the middle of March? It is not surprising at all that a bunch of people in an NPR show have no idea what spring break is.

I'm sorry, Peter. I'm a grown-up. I get drunk during the week whenever I want. This is a great time, though, for other cities, not necessarily a spring break destination, to jump in. Like Jacksonville. They've taken out ads saying, our town is actually better if you're blackout drunk. LAUGHTER

Or kids, why not give northern beaches a try? You know, put on a coat, come up to Cape Cob where you can stare wistfully out into the ocean and eat soup. LAUGHTER

That's what my beach body is perfect for. Yeah. All wrapped up in scarves. Like an overcoat, you know. Yeah, and just like the look of emigration in my eyes. Yeah. I love that. That's where I'm headed for this magical spring break you speak of. You rented out a lighthouse and everything. That's how I'm going to flash at this spring break. All right, Elizabeth, your next quote is,

Is the New York Times commenter one of many, many people who is speculating about someone who has suddenly gone missing? Kate Middleton. Oh, wait a minute. Oh, sorry. Elizabeth. Sorry. Stop showing off.

Traditionally, we wait for Bill before we answer the question. How do you know, Elizabeth? Lots of people go missing, okay? Wait a minute. Yeah. You were a little quick on that. Maybe she's in on it. I was about to say. You're going to feel so guilty if someone else disappeared this week. Here we go. Here we go. Here's the quote.

I like the theory that she's letting her bangs grow out and doesn't want to be seen in the awkward stage. So Elizabeth, do you have any idea what member of the royal family... Ooh, top one. Kate Middleton? Yes, Kate Middleton.

After announcing that she was having routine abdominal surgery, Kate Middleton disappeared from public view and everybody is trying to figure out where she went. Obsessive royal watchers say she's recovering from like secret plastic surgery or maybe she's even stuck in a coma while non-obsessive royal watchers point out and also nobody is seeing Queen Elizabeth for months. Laughter

This is what I don't understand. What do you need Kate Middleton to be in public right now for? You're afraid she doesn't get all her reps in in spring training? She won't be ready for the start of baseball season? I know, it's true. Come on, you know, she's got to get in royal shape. Well, here's the problem. They've all disappeared, right? Prince Charles is getting treatment for his illness and Queen Camilla, she's gone. This is true. They had to send Prince Andrew to an important funeral.

And we only know that because the royal family is required by law to notify all residents of neighborhoods that he might visit.

What are you booing for? You need to think about your reactions to the things Peter says. Look within. But if she was getting abdominal surgery, so she was getting her abdomen removed, which is a really cool... That's all the thing, yeah. All the hepatitis.

kids now. So she's going to be shorter. Upper torso joined directly to the pelvis. Joined to their legs. Yes, it's very... So it's going to be, it's going to take a while to come back from that, but she's going to be so stunning. Just ribs on knees. Clanking along. Gorgeous. All right, here, Elizabeth, is your last quote. I want my fridge back. That was someone talking to the Wall Street Journal in a big story about Americans having too many kinds of what?

crowding our fridges. Cheese? Cheese? We were discussing this. Cheese would be the other good guess. But this particular article was not about that. Milks? Milks. Another very good guess. I can just start naming. Can I have a clue? You want us to open up your fridge? Yeah, I have a lot of milk and cheese. Milk and cheese, okay. Must be nice to have that digestive system. You can give

You could give her a hint. I know, like mayo, I'll hint, mayo-eye ketchup on this story. Condiments? Condiments, yes, sauces. Apparently it's our latest crisis in America. Our fridges are overflowing with unused sauces. It used to be like ketchup, mustard, mayonnaise. That's all we had. But now there's Jack in the Box munchie sauce, Popeye's truffle sauce. There's even a Pepsi-flavored ketchup.

As a nation, we are drowning in sauces. Not literally, though. That would be a delicious way to go. Excuse me. Did you say Popeye's truffle sauce? I said Popeye's truffle sauce. Truffles as in? Truffle sauce. What? Are you guys casting aspersions on Popeye's? You think they would not actually go snuffle for truffles? You've never had the Popeye's beef Wellington that I take. Exactly.

Hidden Valley Ranch, you know those guys, recently unveiled a new line of ranch dressing with one that's called Double Ranch. There are too many sauces in our sauces.

But they do last, I think, forever. Right? So it's fine. It is fine. I think it's fine. Yeah. It's more than fine. It's the American dream. Have you ever combined sauces? Just kind of gotten crazy. Just poured it to get a funnel out in a big jug. This is a family program. We can't be having this kind of gluttony. Yeah, God frowns on mixing the sauces, Roxanne. Bill, how did Elizabeth do in our quiz? Champion across the board, Elizabeth. Oh. Good going. Thank you.

Thank you so much for playing, Elizabeth. Thank you so much. Take care. Right now, panel, it is time for you to answer some questions about this week's news. Roxanne, some good news for once. A new study shows that if you want to help the environment, the best food to eat is what? Okay, not beans, right? Not beans, no.

It's going to be something stupid, right? No, it's actually going to be something delicious. And it's also a good way for you to also use up all those leftover ketchup bottles that are in your refrigerator. French fries. French fries, yes. French fries. Wait, thanks. French fries. Yes, let me explain. Scientists behind the study looked at the impact that gravitation,

and cultivating certain foods have on native species, biodiversity. And they found that potatoes have the lowest impact. Plus, the more fries we eat, the more we speed up the eventual extinction of humanity. So, for the environment, it's a win-win.

Does that count for sweet potato fries? Sure, sweet potato fries. You bet, sweet potato fries. I swear when you said, what do you eat for the biggest impact on the environment, I swore you were going to say oil company CEO. That would also help. Coming up, love is in the air and in our Bluff the Listener game. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to play. We'll be back in a minute with more of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPR.

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From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm Bill Curtis. We are playing this week with Maeve Higgins, Josh Gundelman, and Roxanne Roberts. And here again is your host at the Studebaker Theater in Chicago, Illinois, Peter Sagal. Thank you, Bill. Thank you so much, everybody. Thank you.

Right now it is time for the Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me Bluff, the listener game. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to play our game on the air, or you can check out the pinned post on our Instagram page. That's at WaitWaitNPR. Hi, you're on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hi, Peter. It's David calling from Columbia, Maryland. Hey, how are things in Columbia, Maryland? They are fantastic. Really? Yeah.

What do you do there? I work in public health, specifically on tobacco and tobacco use. Wow. What's the verdict on that? Yeah. Have we figured it out? It's good, bad? What do we think? I think we can say it's bad at this point. Well, David, welcome to the show. You're going to play our game in which you must try to tell truth from fiction. Bill, what is David's topic? I would do anything for love, including that.

Love can do anything. It can even make a Subaru a Subaru. This week, we read a story about someone going above and beyond for love. Our panelists are going to tell you about it. Pick the real one, and you'll win the weight-waiter of your choice on your voicemail. Are you ready to play? Yep, let's do it. Let's hear a story of romance first from Josh Gondelman. When a snake got loose at a Brooklyn sidewalk cafe, a stroke of luck helped avert, shall we say, serpent doom.

Frederick Tansfield, age 33, had noticed that a woman's dating profile said she was an animal lover, and he planned a surprise for their first date. The attendant at Just to Get a Reptile sold him a baby water boa, assuring him it posed no danger to humans. The date started off fine, but after ordering coffee, Tansfield reached into his New Yorker tote bag and produced the reptile. His date was, predictably, startled. Apparently, she was more of a dog person. LAUGHTER

The snake, named Scalyrippa, began slithering towards a nearby table where several residents of a local convent were dining. They began to scream, presumably worried the serpent was planning to offer them an apple. Instead, Scaly crawled up the arm of one woman and ate a dinner roll right out of her hand.

Fortunately, a park ranger trainee was eating at the same restaurant. He sprang into action, scooping up the snake in a burlap sack. As the trainee carried the snake away, Tansfield shouted in its defense, "That anaconda didn't want nuns unless they got buns, son!" So a man brings a snake to impress his date, who seems to like pets.

Your next story of somebody going overboard for love comes from Roxanne Roberts. Their first date last fall was at a Renaissance fair. So was their second, third, and fourth. Sandy Russell fell fast and hard for Timothy Lynch, a blue-eyed history buff who fancied himself a modern Henry VIII. When the couple had lover's quarrels, Timothy called her his Anne Boleyn, Henry's fiery second wife.

And it was Timothy who suggested Sandy dye her hair and get a nose job so she could look, quote, exactly like the beautiful Boleyn. So she did.

But the bloom fell off the Tudor rose in January when Sandy developed a nasty rash and bleeding gums, which her doctor diagnosed as scurvy from her limited diet. The final blow came last week when Timothy dumped her for his personal trainer, a vegan who won't touch a turkey drumstick or be caught dead at a Renfest.

Quote, at least I didn't lose my head. Well, I kind of did in a bash, Sandy told followers on her final Instagram post. But now I have a cuter nose and no regrets. YOLO. A woman in love with a Renaissance Faire fan goes all in on the lifestyle resulting in, among other things, scurvy. Your last story of Heads Over Heels love comes from Maeve Higgins.

Someone else's dating life is in the papers for once. Phew, says I.

This week, a retired army lieutenant colonel was indicted on charges of sharing classified information about Russia's war in Ukraine on a foreign dating website. A person claiming to be a female from Ukraine, hey, that's my username, allegedly messaged back and forth with the now civilian Air Force worker. She'd ask him things like, beloved Dave, do NATO and Biden have a secret plan to help us?

So these are your choices.

Somebody went too far for the sake of romance. Was it from Josh Gondelman, a guy who tried to bring a snake on a first date because he understood she liked animals? From Roxanne, a woman who gets all Renaissance for her Renaissance fair fan bow? Or from Maeve, a man who handed over security secrets to a woman he met online just because she was so interested? Which of these is the real story of going too far for romance?

Well, I think I am going to have to go with Meave and the colonel sharing the secret. The love-besotted lieutenant is your choice. Yes. Well...

This story did make the news and we spoke to a reporter who covered it. An employee of the US Air Force was indicted on charges of sharing classified intelligence on a dating site. That was Annabelle Timsett, a breaking news reporter from the Washington Post talking about the top secret spy. Congratulations, you got it right. Maeve was in fact telling the truth. Our nation's security has suffered, but she got a point and you have won our prize. Congratulations.

Thank you for playing. Take care. Bye-bye. Love if you want it. Love if you need it.

And now the game we call Not My Job. Claudia Golden is one of the most respected economists in the world, and last year she became the first female sole winner of the Nobel Prize in Economics, and as it happens, we bribed the Nobel Committee to tell her an appearance on our show was part of the deal. Claudia Golden, welcome to Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Thank you.

First of all, I guess it's not that long ago, so we can still congratulate you on the Nobel. Oh, thank you. Yeah. Now, Peter, how did you... I don't...

I don't know that there's a statute of limitations on congratulations on your Nobel Prize. Well, I mean, you know, it was just last year, and you know, it's still fresh. Can you tell us about the experience of getting the call? Yes, the call arrived at 4.30 in the morning, and I was sleeping in a bed with the person behind me. LAUGHTER

Now, we should establish, by the way, that you are speaking to us from your home and with you and is your husband, Larry. Hello. The great labor economist. The great labor economist. That's right. He's also the father of my dog. Wow. And the call came and you have to just get into action because...

The person at the other end of the phone says, "You have 90 minutes to prepare for a press conference." That doesn't sound like a prize, it sounds like a threat. "Hello, this is the Nobel Committee. In 90 minutes there will be a press conference." That's right. So I knew that I had to fly into action. Right. And what did you do, Professor?

I said, Larry, take the dog out. Now, I understand, I heard this story, and I love it, which is that you were told this news that you had just won the highest prize in your field, one of the highest prizes there is, and that you spent the day doing what you were going to do anyway, which was taking appointments with your students at Harvard. Is that right?

That's right, because that's my job. Right. But you took them from a throne, yes? I mean, so you won the Nobel Prize, you did the press conference, presumably, and now you're having office hours with students who are coming to you for advice and guidance, whatever. Did you just find a way to bring it up? Like, oh, I'm sorry. Oh, yawn. Just a little tired today. I was woken up early by a phone call. Never mind. What were you talking about? I think everyone knew. Oh, okay.

Relatively sure. It's amazing that you went to work. I would have called in Nobel Prize that day. Now, the Nobel Prize in Economics, or the Nobel Memorial Medal in Economics, is awarded separately from the other Nobel Prizes. Who has better parties, the economists or all those lame scientists? We share the parties. You do? Really? Yes. We had one big party, and there was dancing.

Music, things that you would not expect Nobel laureates to do. That's right. That is, in fact. Now, I wanted to ask about your husband, who, again, I just want to let everybody know we have you on screen here, and he is sitting directly behind your shoulder staring at us. He is also an acclaimed economist.

And we recently had, I know, your good friend, Janet Yellen, also an economist, Secretary of the Treasury. She is also married to an economist. Are all economists married to other economists? This is an extraordinarily good question. It's not all economists married to other economists. There are very few female economists in various age groups. Yes. A disproportionate number of those are married to male economists. Right.

But the male economist can't be married to the female economist because there are too few of us. Oh, I see. There would have to be polyandry. By the way...

Answering my question about are all economists married to other economists with a breakdown of the data of the numbers of female versus male economists and thus the different proportions of marriages is such an economist way to answer. LAUGHTER

Now, before we get to the game, we heard that you asked a chatbot to predict what we would ask you about. And, well, what did it say? Yeah, so I said to the chatbot, first I said, what will Peter Sagal ask Claudia Golden on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me in the Not My Job segment? And the chatbot came back and said, I don't know what Peter is going to ask. So I changed the question. I said, what might Peter

Peter asked, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And then it came back and it said, how do you think your career would be different if you pursued your true passion of competitive yodeling?

Where were you on that one, Peter? So the chatbot thought I would ask you about your true passion in competitive yodeling. That's what it said. Is that by any chance your true passion? No. No.

Thank goodness. You're safe from robot replacement right now. For the moment. All right. Well, Claudia Golden, we've asked you to play a game we're calling... Economy? How about first class? You know the economy, but we're going to ask you about a guy who knows first class. Tom Stuker, who is the most traveled airline passenger in history, and he did every one of those 23 million miles in first class.

Answer two or three questions about Mr. Stuker, you will win our prize for one of our listeners. Bill, who is Professor Golden playing for? Laurie Craig of Olympia, Washington. All right. I notice you looking off at a screen. Are you yelling at the chat bot? No, I'm taking notes. Of course. Oh.

That's, people, how you win a Nobel Prize. Now, your husband, Larry, is with you. He is more than welcome to help you. Okay, here's the first question for the both of you. Mr. Stuker started his odyssey when he bought a lifelong pass for unlimited first-class travel from United in 1990 for $290,000.

As you can imagine, having flown farther than any other human being in the decades since, he has lots of advice for travelers, including which of these? A, despite what you've heard, people like it when you take off your shoes on planes. B, always lie to the chief flight attendant that you remember them. Or C, air sickness bags make great hand puppets for the kids. LAUGHTER

B. B. You're going to say B. Hold on. Larry, can you hear me? Do you concur in the choice of B? Yes. Yes. Big nod from Larry. You're both right. Yes. Thank you.

He says that when you meet the chief flight attendant as you walk onto the plane, say, oh, hi, I remember you from my last flight. You were so great. It's great to see you again. Now, they, of course, don't remember you, but they're not going to admit that. So instead, they will just treat you exceptionally well during the flight. There you go. Word to the wise. All right. Two more questions.

Because he has earned frequent flyer miles with every flight, he's also been able to swap those miles for all kinds of goods and services, meaning that Mr. Tom Stooker once used frequent flyer miles to get himself a what? A, an entirely new face from a plastic surgeon, B, a guest spot on the TV show Seinfeld, or C, a majority ownership stake in United Airlines. Whoa. They're working on it.

Slide rules have emerged. They've got their chalk, they've got their blackboard. Okay, Seinfeld. It's Seinfeld, yes, that's right. I feel like Kramer looked different in season seven. I know, yeah. No, he donated his miles to a fundraiser and the prize was a guest spot on Seinfeld. So you can see him in the episode in which George's fiance dies from licking envelopes. All right, here's your last question. Despite what you might think,

United Airlines doesn't mind him costing them millions of dollars in free flights. In fact, they once did what for him? A, they let him pilot the plane, part of a trip from Dallas to Hawaii, but quote, only over the ocean. B, they let him be CEO of United for a day, which is why the airline went from giving people peanuts to the much superior Stroopwafels.

Or C, they named not one but two aircraft after him. It's got to be C. That's right, it is C. Next time you see United Aircraft, check to see if it says Thomas R. Stuker customer on the fuselage. Bill, how did Dr. Claudia Golden and her husband Larry do in our quiz? LAUGHTER

Well, they both may not have won the Nobel Prize, but they certainly both won this contest. Thank you so much. Dr. Claudia Golden is a Nobel Prize winner and the Henry Lee Professor of Economics at Harvard University. Dr. Golden, thank you so much for joining us. I can't wait to tell you what you like. Thank you, Larry, as well. Take care. Bye-bye. Will you fly away with me?

In just a minute, when not to go to the bowling alley. That's in our Listener Limerick Challenge game. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to join us on the air. We'll be back in a minute with more of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPR. Support for NPR and the following message come from Amazon Business. Everyone could use more time. Amazon Business offers smart business buying solutions so you can spend more time growing your business and less time doing the admin. Learn more at AmazonBusiness.com.

This message comes from NPR sponsor, Capella University. With their game-changing FlexPath learning format, Capella empowers you to fit education into your life without putting other priorities on hold. FlexPath lets you set your own deadlines and adjust them if something comes up. And depending on your schedule, you can take courses at your own speed and move on to the next one when you're ready. Imagine how a flexible program can make a difference in your life at capella.edu.

This message comes from NPR's sponsor, Sony Pictures Classics, presenting Kneecap, the riotous and mostly true story of three friends who start a rap group that creates a movement. In this fiercely original comedy that, according to the rap, obliterates the musical biopic, the group Kneecap star as themselves alongside Michael Fassbender, laying down a global rallying cry for the defense of native cultures and getting into plenty of trouble along the way. Kneecap is now playing only in theaters.

From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm Bill Curtis, and we're playing this week with Josh Gundelman, Maeve Higgins, and Roxanne Roberts. And here again is your host at the Studebaker Theater in Chicago, Illinois, Peter Sagal. Thank you so much, Bill. Thank you.

Thank you, everybody. In just a minute, when good rhymes happen to good people, it's our listener limerick challenge. If you'd like to play, give us a call at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Right now, panel, some more questions for you from the week's news. Maeve, the Ringling Brothers in Barnum and Bentley Circus is back after a seven-year hiatus, and they have figured out a way to have clowns that don't scare away all the people who hate clowns. What is it? Child clowns?

I'm just going to say the only thing, and I hadn't realized it until this moment, the only thing more terrifying than a clown would be a child clown. Let me give you a hint. So among many other benefits of this change is they absolutely slash their budget for white face paint.

And red noses. Are they just like not wearing makeup like that? Exactly right. They're not dressed like clowns. They don't look like clowns.

Wrigley brothers figured out the secret to having non-scary clowns is just make sure they do not look like clowns. So they're like kind of business women? Yeah, sort of. They're wearing suits. Sensible pantsuits, I guess. No, I mean, it's like they're plainclothes clowns, which in and of itself is a weird idea because people are like, dude, are you a clown? Legally, you have to tell me.

So the Ringling Brothers completely reimagined the show. They've gotten rid of all the animals, even better, not the way they used to get rid of the animals. They've added more acrobatic and musical acts, and the clowns have no clown makeup, and they wear appropriately sized, comfortable shoes. LAUGHTER

Although it's pretty, actually kind of scarier when a completely normal looking man walks up to you and says, hi, I'm a clown. I'll tell you what, 20 guys with no makeup get out of a car, I'm like, they're here to kill me. Right. Well, actually, that's kind of a problem. If like 30 guys who are dressed normally get out of a car, that's a bus. I'm

Animals were such a cool part of the circus. Yeah, but not anymore. Really? We've changed our opinion about that. We think it's cruel to make the elephants and such. Well, what have I invested in? Josh, please listen. Josh, please listen to these words. Smoko. Fid. Do. Frickle. Gonk.

Those were all from a new dialect of English along with a unique accent that has evolved where? Oh, I think I know this. Antarctica? Yes, that is right, Josh. Antarctica. Yeah!

A new study has shown that during the long, isolated winters on a base in Antarctica, residents develop their own language, and not only that, their own accent. The Antarctican accent sounds something like this. Hello, I'm in Antarctica. As for the words, smoko is a coffee break, furkle is to goof around, and fid, do, and gronk were three of Brett Kavanaugh's friends in high school. LAUGHTER

I get the words, but why would the accent change? Well, that was the thing. They discovered that if you take a group of people and you isolate them for six months, as they are in the Antarctic winter,

they'll eventually, all their accents will start to shift towards a common accent. And it will be different than anybody else's, right? So that's really frustrating that they come back from Antarctica with this new accent and everybody's like, whoa, that's fascinating. We need to study it. I come back from a semester in Paris and everybody says, I'm faking it. LAUGHTER

Do you think if you go down to Antarctica, it's more polite to try to use the language or do you think that just makes them impatient? Where if you're like, I'm looking through the guidebook, smoko, and like, just say coffee break, say coffee break, we'll get coffee. No, but if you go down there, then you're going to change the accents because your own accent's going to be part of the pool to work from. I've always wanted to do that. Yeah.

To be in a group so small that everyone just starts talking a little bit more like me. Infecting them. You know, there's a way of doing that. It's called having children. You know what, then? I'm out. Yeah, okay. Do you find that your children say things that you recognize? This is NPR! That's their first word. Thank you.

Joe's Poop Tooth

Coming up, it's lightning fill in the blank, but first it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call and leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. You can catch us most weeks here at the Studebaker Theater in downtown Chicago, or come see us on the road. We'll be in Pittsburgh on April 11th. Plus, the Wait, Wait stand-up tour is coming to a city near you with five shows in April. If you're in New York City, come check out our Wait, Wait, Late show at Caveat on March 22nd. For tickets and info, go to nprpresents.org.

Hi everyone. Wait, wait, don't tell me. Hi, this is Heather Logan from Maplewood, New Jersey. Hey, Maplewood, New Jersey is not far from where I grew up. What do you do there? Well, I mom a lot. Yeah. And how old are your children? One's 22. She's long gone. And then my last one's still home. He's 16. He's 16, right. By 16, do they stop giving you terrible colds when they come home from school?

Yes, I'm just lucky if he actually comes home from school. Yeah, I guess. Classic kid behavior, just staying at school overnight. I don't think that. Well, welcome to the show, Heather. Bill Curtis is going to read you three news-related limericks with a last word or phrase. Missing from each, if you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly on two of the limericks, you will be a big winner. Here is your first limerick. On my long-distance flight, I feel beat.

Feet. Yes, a feet belt.

The latest wisdom from TikTok is that the comfiest way to sleep in a plane is to pick up your feet, tuck your knees into your chest, and secure your seatbelt around your ankles. It's perfect for anyone whose preferred sleeping position is murder victim whose body is being hidden in a box. Oh, my gosh. Now, it may not sound very cozy to you, but remember that most people using TikTok still have cartilage in their knees. Sounds like advice from someone who's never slept before. Exactly, yes.

He has a vampire pretender. All right. Here is your next limerick. It's a league that is not for the prude. It's for Danny and Walt and the dude. Their skin will be bare for a strike, split, or spare. It's a league where you bowl in the...

Yes, bowl in the nude. This week, Kraft and Lanes in Pittsburgh excitedly announced their all-nude bowling event called Balls Out Bowling. LAUGHTER

Finally, they found a way to leave a bowling alley without your clothes smelling like cigarettes. The organizers of the event say that nudity will be mandatory and that photography will not be allowed, which is a shame because everyone wants to be in a room full of people wearing nothing but rented bowling shoes. And you have to pay to do this? Yes.

When I'm bowling, I already worry enough about how dirty all the balls are. Yeah. And remember, everybody, the little fan, that's just for your fingers. Wait. What? Here is your last limerick. Feline Outreach will never fall flat. It's our library's new welcome mat. Our books are all free. There's no overdue fees. You can show us a pic of your...

Yes, librarians at the Worcester Public Library in Massachusetts are suspending late fees for the month of March for anyone who brings them a picture of a cat. Okay, but what if in my photo it's a cat holding up a sign saying, Libraries suck. The librarians hope this program will help, quote, soften the stereotype of the stern librarian. Yeah, that's another thing people don't associate with librarians is cats. Exactly right.

The library is trying to bring traffic back to pre-pandemic levels, so even a drawing of a cat is enough to remove fines, but we'll earn you a new fine because you drew the cat on the title page of To Kill a Mockingbird. Well, who else is going to kill a mockingbird if not a cat? Good point. Bill, how did Heather do in our quiz? She greased them and won them all, three in a row. Congratulations. Thank you.

Thanks, Heather. Thank you. Take care. Thanks for playing. Bye-bye, Heather. It was so fun. Bye. Bye-bye.

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Now it's time to move on to our final game, Lightning Fill in the Blank. Each of our players will have 60 seconds in which to answer as many fill-in-the-blank questions as they can. Each correct answer now worth two points. Bill, can you give us the scores? Can do. Maeve has three. Roxanne and Josh each have two. All right. Maeve, you are in first place. Congratulations. That's lovely. Thank you.

All right, I'm going to arbitrarily pick Josh to go first. Josh, the clock will start when I begin your first question. Fill in the blank. After only winning one state on Super Tuesday, Blank announced she was suspending her presidential campaign. Nikki Haley. Right. On Tuesday, a widespread outage has affected both Instagram and Blank. Facebook. Right. According to the UN, over 40% of their aid missions to Blank were impeded by Israel. Gaza. Yes. Citing increasing gang violence, the US urged American citizens to leave Blank immediately. Spring break.

Haiti. On Thursday, a mayor in Illinois vetoed an investigation looking into Blank's corruption. His own. Yes, or her own in this case. On Tuesday, Dodge announced that the 2025 Charger will be available in gas or blank models. Electric. Right. On Monday, Jeff Bezos once again became the blankest person in the world. I get an answer, but I'll say richest. Yes. This week, a professor at the University of Cambridge who was locked in her bathroom credited her escape to her deep knowledge of blanks.

No, the TV show MacGyver. After the heavy wooden door of the windowless bathroom latched behind her, the professor drew on her extensive knowledge of the 80s TV show and unlocked the door using only a Q-tip and an eyeliner pencil. It was a miraculous escape thanks to both MacGyver and to the fact that the woman had somehow gone to the bathroom with an eyeliner and a Q-tip.

but no phone. Bill, how did Josh do in our quiz? He's in the game. Six right, 12 more points. Total of 14, Josh. You're in the lead. All right. Roxanne, you are up next. Please show them the blank.

On Thursday, President Joe Biden delivered his fourth blank address. State of the Union. Yes. On Wednesday, the CDC updated their guidelines for blank. COVID. Yes. This week, the governor of Alabama signed a new law aimed at protecting blank providers and patients. IVF. Yes. Following a six-week audit, the FAA said they found multiple problems with blanks production practices. Boeing. Right. This week, hundreds of people in North Carolina lost power after a truck belonging to blank ran into an electrical pole. The governor. No, belonging to the electric company on Thursday. Okay.

A House panel voted unanimously to approve a bill that could ban blank. Tic-tac. Right. On Monday, Ancestry data revealed that blank is distantly related to Emily Dickinson. Taylor Swift. Yes. This week, a man in Spain is complaining after his vasectomy surgery because blank. Because he didn't work? No, because he went in for gallbladder surgery. This is what they think happened, and this is all true. At the hospital, gallbladder surgery day is Tuesday. Tuesday.

But his surgery got postponed a day until Wednesday, which is Vasectomy Day. Oh. Oops. I hate those theme things where you all always have to participate. I know. At least he got it done before Thursday, which is just on the calendar as surprise me. Bill, how did Roxanne do in our quiz? Six right, 12 more points, 14. I mean, she's tied with Josh. There you are. So how many then does Maeve Higgins need to win? Six to win. All right, Maeve.

Baker's dozen, Dave. There you go. This is for the game. Fill in the blank. On Wednesday, Arizona Senator Blank announced she would not run for re-election. Nikki Haley. No. Christian Sinema. This week, the College Board announced... They're very similar. They are not. This week, the College Board announced that the SAT exam was now fully blank. Multiple choice? Fully digital. Saying it had violated campus safety laws, the Department of Education fined Blank University $14 million on Tuesday. Oh!

Harvard? No, not Harvard. Liberty University. This week, the president of Ghana's State of the Union address was interrupted by the blank. The Ghanaian speaker was interrupted? Yes, by blank. I'm trying to think, like, who's there, who's got beef with Ghana? LAUGHTER

Okay, I want to say the Ivory Coast. Cote d'Ivoire. No, it was... The speech was interrupted by the power going out because somebody forgot to pay the electricity bill. On Sunday, Blank became the first NBA player to score 40,000 points. Oh, I don't... I have no idea. You have no idea. LeBron James, New Jersey police announced... Never heard of her. New Jersey police announced they were on the hunt for a man who allegedly blanked. Some type of... I would say he did a crime. Yeah.

Or they think he did a crime. I'm going to say that we needed something more specific, and the answer is he dunked... He married three different sisters. That was specific, but it wasn't correct. What he did was he dunked his head in a store's pickle barrel and, quote, fled in a hail of dill juice.

The police statement began, quote, sometimes there are no appropriate words for the actions one takes. It said the suspect is between the ages of 18, 25, 6 feet tall, and is the perfect addition to a fried chicken sandwich. Wait, I have the perfect words to describe that guy, a New Jersey guy who dunked his head in a pickle barrel and fled. Josh, please. He's Brian Turan. Oh, oh, oh, oh. Wow. I killed over. That's bad.

Tramp like us, maybe we were blind to run. Should I have just sung it the first time? I think so, yeah. Bill, did Maeve do well enough to win? No. Maeve got none right for three total points, so that means Roxanne and Josh won it all. Good game. There you go. We should do it like this. In just a minute, we're going to ask our panelists to predict, now that they can't do spring break, how college students will spend their week off instead.

But first, let me tell you all that Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me is a production of NPR and WBEZ Chicago in association with Urgent Haircut Productions' Doug Berman, Benevolent Overlord. Philip Godica writes our limericks. Our public address announcer is Paul Friedman. Our tour manager is Shane O'Donnell. Thanks to the staff and crew at the Studebaker Theatre. BJ Lederman composed our theme. Our program was produced by Jennifer Mills, Miles Stormboss, and Lillian King.

Special thanks to Monica Hickey and Blythe Roberson. Peter Gwynne fled in a hail of dill juice. Emma Choi is our vibe curator. Technical direction is from Lorna White. Special thanks to Gary Yak. Our CFO is Colin Miller. Our production manager is Robert Newhouse. Our senior producer is Ian Chilock. And the executive producer of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me is Mike Danforth. Now panel, what are college students going to do instead of spring break this year? Josh Gondelman.

Oh, baby, they're planting crops that'll survive that last frost. We're talking broccoli, peas, spinach, and maybe some of them will go wild and plant some kale. Woo! Roxanne Roberts. Since nude bowling is taken, nude pickleball, just to spoil it for their parents. And Maeve Higgins. They're going to go and study women bees to see how they manage to have it all. They do.

And if any of that happens, panel, we'll ask you about it on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Thank you, Bill Curtis. Thanks also to Josh Gondelman, Roxanne Roberts, and Maeve Hicken. Thanks to all of you for listening. Thanks to our fabulous audience here at the Studebaker Theatre and all of you at home. I'm Peter Sagal. We'll see you next week. This is NPR.

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