Chapters
Shownotes Transcript
Yeah, I've just been coughing the last like two days pretty hard yeah I Think when the power went out it I don't know what it was but like that night when I woke up I felt like shit as oh, I'm sorry. How long was your whole day? Yeah, I've got some cough drops in my pocket that way
Because I know I'm going to laugh. And then just like die. We just muted everything. That's the episode. Caleb dies and we're like, well, we've got an hour and 20 minutes left. Caleb died pretty early. We're going to finish this one off. No, we keep it rolling. That's what I mean. We're going to finish this podcast. I'll just then back. I get back up again. I think I'm okay now. Did your power went out though? Yeah.
Dude, we were out for, what, 18 hours? Yeah, it was midstream. It was like 9 to like 7, something like that, the next day. Like 9 at night and then came back on around 7. Oh, at least yours can't. See, ours was like, oh, we'll go off at like midnight and then come back on. I was like, okay, dope. And then it would tease us. It would kind of like come back on for like five minutes and we'd celebrate and then it would come back off. And they scheduled a fucking power outage. Like, we're taking down. Never came back on. 8 a.m. till midnight the next day. We had videos to edit.
Yeah, it was great. That's so crazy. My power went out and then three minutes later it came back on and that was it. That's great.
I literally told him, I was like, wherever Batty keeps moving, we need to move with him because he always seems to have power. - I never have issues whenever anything bad happens. Like my place is always like, I'm good. Everyone's fine. - What's going on? - I had the heat turned up way too much. It was great. I was like, just in case, you know, it goes out. - I'm getting really sweaty. - Yeah, you're sweaty. - Yeah, I'm nice and wet. - I'm gonna stand outside real quick, guys. Ugh. - You're opening the door. - It's kinda too hot in here. I need to go outside for a while. - I'm gonna crack the windows. - Oh God, what?
It was just heating up everything. I'm not gonna lie, it was real hot. It was pretty, yeah. I was eating gummies and it was great. I was having a great old time. Thanks for the invite. We appreciate it. I lost a toe. Yeah, he did. I invited. Some fingers. My whole penis fell off. Yeah.
I forgot to put on my turtleneck for my penis. I forgot to wrap it up. I want your turtleneck for your penis.
It's called a condom. It's called foreskin, actually. I'm trying to think what your penis is called. Foreskin, actually. It's too early for foreskin. You just put a piece of bologna back over your penis. You style your foreskin. You can cut it to whatever shape you want. I'm going with a little side opening. Welcome to the Instagram podcast as
- As always, we have Eli Don't Tap, myself, Batty, and our two wonderful, amazing, sexy guests. - Batty, don't talk to my girlfriend that way. - I'm talking to Caleb. - He was looking at Caleb, it's okay. - I was looking into Caleb. - Wait, okay. - No, we gotta, let me introduce people. We have Savvy Summer, and of course, Caleb Francis, or Grizzly Buncher. - The chaos is real. - What are you clapping? What are you drinking? - Oh, pineapple, yes. - We drinking now? - Gonna make sure it comes good.
I just triggered my tinnitus. The cum will taste amazing now. I'm gonna drink it myself. Oh man! You're gonna drink mom? What? You down? I'll be back guys. I'm finally gonna try it. His head just dips under the table. Daddy, you okay? Oh, it sucks. Did we? I just triggered, no, it was my clap. I just... It's like ringing in your ear? It's like...
What happened? What happened? Oh fuck. I don't know. Flashbang there, dude. Holy shit. I don't know about tonight. I'll see you in a minute. Okay. SWAT ATF goes in your house. Hey, if anybody in the comments below, have we ever triggered your tinnitus by clapping? Sorry.
I hope so. Fuck you. The SWAT team going to Batty's house, they're just like... They just clap. They just clap and they're just like... This is a whole team of dudes walking in class. They're just giggling. Cutting into Batty's perspective, it's all raining. It's just like grainy TV. What the fuck's going on?
I hate it here, I do. God damn. Welcome back, guys. You're finally back. I know. Comey puss herself. My family watched that episode. I can't wait to read that in the comments for the next three months. And then as you take out a little, that's more hilarious because you're so gigantic. You're like, oh my god. So goody.
Yeah, they still coming to my chair right now and they're like dude tell me why Why? They just were excited to watch it. I told them prior that I was gonna be on my first podcast We ruined that do this time The old book
What are we talking about today? I hate it here. I hope the parents are ready for this one. Parents, do they do anal? You know your mom takes it in the bus. Do they make him eat poop? No! No! He's still. How long has it been since the first podcast?
Yeah, we just fucking plane and go to Indiana
I flew to Tennessee a bunch. Tennessee is pretty cool. It's not great. I've been to Tennessee as much. I've had a pretty good time in Tennessee. They've got some really nice hiking. There's just a lot of really shitty country music. I don't really, I'm not a big fan of country music anyway. So we just went and we got like drunk on the moonshine testing. And then we went to a wine tasting. And they're just like, here, taste all of our wine and all of our whiskey. And then you're trashed.
And then we went and did those professional cowboy photos where you dress up with the whole room and you just dress up as like they have all the cowboy attire. So you went to a Cavendish? Basically, yeah. I was like, I'm not a fan. So I'm not a fan of shit taking cowboy photos. It was hilarious. I was so sweaty in it because I was like drunk. I'm not a fan of country. And you're like, my cowboy.
Fantastic and then yesterday's IG. It's you. Oh, yeah drinking gravy Mustache yeah, we want to die it was so funny Because we filmed a lot of and I had made the gravy prior to it start like congealed like it was still a little bumpy It was still hot underneath but that top layer was like a thick skin and
skin of gravy. So I was having to like shake it around and get it like in delicious. Stir it up to get like and that was it had real bits of turkey in it. So it was like a very you were having lunch. So I was dancing around drinking some gravy is a good time. Whose idea was that? Okay, so fuck you. So I'm friends with Young Gravy and he hit me up. He's like, dude, he's like, my new song just came out. He's like, he's like, I'd love it if you made a video using I was like, shit, too easy.
I was like, I'm going to dress up as a cowboy. I'm going to drink gravy. He's like, that was great. Young gravy. I did it. I can't wait to meet him. I really want to meet him. Oh, that's what. He would come out here if we like.
What's up? He's talked about hanging out. He's like, dude, if I come through there, man, I'm getting you to the concert. We got to hang out. He's like, I want to hang out. I was like, yeah. I was like, dude, we got to get you out there. I was like, we'll do some cool shit. We'll go to the range. We'll do a podcast. We'll blow stuff up. I figured you guys would be into that, too. Tell him we know some single moms, too. Yeah. Stop! That's his thing. He's really into it. No, no, I know that. Oh, yeah, that's the guy you showed me. He loves single moms. Yeah.
No, I'm always bumping gravy. I got him on a little radio. I like gravy really well, yeah. It's fun. Yeah, he's a cool guy. That's, okay, that video makes way more sense now. I thought it was just a separate thing. No, no. With just gravy. You know, I'm all night drinking gravy, yeah. I mean, it's like, it's ridiculous, but Dave came over. Yeah, it's on my video. Dave came over because he had to be there anyways. And I was like, hey, can you help me shoot this really quick? He's like, yeah. So he filmed it like, you know, really well. So it like looks good and good transition. Everybody's like, what the fuck is this? They're like, I love this.
I was like, it's so dumb, but it was enjoyable because the music lined up perfect. You were just having a good time every time you're videoing. It took us 20 minutes to do, too. And he edited it in no time. I was like, fuck yeah.
I just like, that's what I love about your content. It's just off the wall. And it's like, you just have whatever idea. Yeah. And I love that you laugh at the end of some of your takes. You're like, why God would I ever do that? Yeah. Cause a lot of it, I try to just like,
Say it like I don't like I usually don't have like a general idea of what I'm doing like I you try to Just riff it so sometimes I'm like, oh that was so fucking stupid I like crack up myself
But yeah, yeah, that's how most of them are outside It seems like people like to see the little breaks in characters out like I usually leave like at least a little bit of it in it sometimes especially if I do it I think it's Speak on your intrusive thoughts. There's a lot of success in that. Yeah. Yeah, it works out a lot of intrusive thoughts all the time man all the time. I mean I forgot we did that for the
People were talking about the messed up shit. They're like, man, Maddie checked out when you guys were talking about the last portion. I was like, what? And they're like, with the babies on the ground. I was like, what are you talking about? It's like, as a male, as a seahorse, I was like, oh my God. I was like, oh yeah, the baby's popping out of Caleb's belly button. You're blasting them into it. And they're hitting like that first one. Oh God. Oh God.
Oh, that one's dead, but once they make a pile. Next up, just let these two sit next to each other. The strong will survive. And then you fall on your side and they just crawl to you. It's like a meat candy episode. I'm dizzy and I like fall down and they just like only fall like an inch. Well, you remember? And then the last one pulls out the udder. Oh, yeah. It's attached to it. It's like the last cord is attached to the other and it pops it out. Yeah, and then they feed on you. What's hard is I'm in between you two, so I'm just like trying to keep up
with her whole... It was like a hundred nipples. Okay.
A hundred others. I'm going to go out on the record and say a hundred nipples is too many. That's a lot. That's way too many. Imagine the sound it would make. Like two, three even. It's like... It's an accordion for some reason. You know how that little dangly thing on the door of the doorstop? It'd just be like a hundred of those. I like that they make that sound. That was so long.
Those babies need to be able to crawl and get it. This isn't normal human nipples. This is udders. It's like just long nipples. Just long. Yeah, like these are pinky sized at least, dude. Give those babies something to suck on. Yeah, they're trying to really suck upon it. It needs to be in the back of their throat. Yeah, they gotta gnaw on it with their jaw, dude. It has been 12 minutes since
Guys have nipples, babe. Yeah, sure
We do. For boy milk. For boy milk? That's a nipple. That's a big nipple. Boy milk? You've had my boy milk.
This boy milk is rotten. What's wrong with this boy milk? It's hot. It's spicy. He's just eating Doritos and Mountain Dew and he's just like acid. You're just looking down with like Dorito dust. What? What? What are you talking about? God, it burns.
The boy milk's gone sour. The boy milk's gone sour. Sorry, babe. Are you okay? Are you all right? Why are you gagging? Why are you crying? I don't want to add to this. Yeah, you should. Don't, Sav. Keep going. Keep going. Let's hear it. No, it's okay. Keep going. It smells bad. My intrusive thoughts almost took over. That's what we want. Yeah. That's what we're here for. This is the intrusive thoughts podcast. I might need another shot.
I had to get rid of my address
Why did you just scream so- I didn't scream. It's so breaking. It's breaking news. Can you open the box? Open the box. Let me say, I have a beard here. You don't have a beard. You pull your beard out. Okay, so comb, brush. Give me- No, stop. Just give me the whole box. You're gonna read. Give me the box. Okay, I'll do this. Give me the box right now. Okay, but I want the conditioner. Here. Oh my god. Oh my god. That's right!
They're once again revolutionizing men's grooming with brand new Beard Hedger Pro Kit. I really like the box it comes in to. I used your brush. I just brought this as your kit, not my kit. I used your brush. Thank you. We'll trade brushes. There's red pubes in there now. I mean, I'll still use that brush as you continue to use my brush. There we go.
From the technology behind that Beard Hedge Pro Kit allows you to shape your signature beard look.
products to make your drapes match your carpet and use it and use it for 20% you have a beard and you need a comb and a brush some kind of bristle brush I cannot stress this enough this is nothing to do with manscape I love you manscape but you need these to take care of your chin pubes I
I just got the carpets and the drapes got me. Oh, it's got beer shampoo. Dude, your carpet. By going to manscaped.com and using code UNSUB and saving 20% off and free shipping. Look at that. I contact the entire time. Entire time. You're using my scissors now too? Is that your kit now?
Talking points! It's my favorite part of the ad when Eli reads the talking points. We just apply this. I really enjoy this product. This is beer conditioner. I've never used a beer conditioner. You got a white spot on your face. It all starts with the beard hedger. This thing is the juggernaut of fixing faces. Batty, fix your face.
First off, this cordless trimmer has rotary wheel that gives you 20 positions of precision, all with one guard. So no more messy drawers full of extra add-ons. That's right. Face grooming doesn't need to be hard. Get 20 different lengths in just one guard. Actually, I really like, can I see that? Everything in the box? You really do have a white spot on your cheek. Yep, there you go. You got it now. Wait, how does this work? Guard. Oh, it goes straight into it. Oh, that's actually dope. Watch.
Oh, and it moves it on its own. Okay, that's pretty cool. That's pretty cool. Oh, I've always looked for this in a freaking trimmer because I always trim short. So this is actually real cool. It's one piece. It's cordless, but you have 18 different clip-ons that change the length. It just raises or lowers the guard. Yeah, so you have an individual one. You just rotate this. It gives you the, I'm guessing, centimeters or meters. I'm going to let you guys know. Yes, this is for beards. You can use it on your pubes too. Yeah.
Dude, okay, Manscaped, that's dope. This by itself, I'd do it. And it comes in that nice thing, boom. I mean, that's the only time. That is my selling point right there. That one thing, I don't know about you, Batty. I hate a hole brush. Yours is the brush in that thing. You need a good beard brush. People don't get it. I have a beard. Look at my beard. You need a beard brush. You don't have a beard brush, your shit's going to fall apart and it's going to be gross. Dude, and they got it.
- Beard conditioner. I've never used beard conditioner. - I do. Beard shampoo and conditioner. - Yeah, but you have like a soft one. I have like bristly. - No, mine is not soft at all. - Oh, yours is like mine. - It's like hard, angry. - Coarse Mexican hair. - Yeah, straight up. I have coarse Mexican ginger hair. - The Pro Beard Kids also with three free gifts. The beard brush, a comb, and scissors, which use all three of my gifts. - You literally use all three free gifts. - Your gifts work. - Yeah. - I checked. - With your DNA on them.
So get 20% off and free shipping. Use code unsub at manscaped.com. That's 20% off free shipping at codemanscaped.com. No, codunsub at manscaped.com.
Got you guys. There's my mixer. Do you need a mixer? It's a shot. I'll do a Normie shot. A Normie shot. I like it straight, no chaser. Okay, ready? Straight, no chaser. To the beautiful TikTokers. Yeah, yeah. I love you guys. Cheers. And to all you beautiful people out there. Yeah, fuck them. Oh, that's vodka. Oh, he's vodka.
I pace myself. That's not a shot. I mean, I'm patient up on a shot. I'm small. I'm disappointed. Last time I took three shots. We talked about coming pussy. So what are you talking about? Can you say it louder? So they were not. So anyways, so the, with the first thing I was like, okay, this is going to,
take place and they were super excited and they watched it and they were like, you didn't warn us. They didn't warn me. They didn't warn me either. This is a naughty podcast. They just kept skipping it until they thought the coast was clear and they were like, okay. They scroll forward a little bit and it's like, you like this. They're like, why are you doing that on the podcast?
Why just like scrubbing through it? It's like, well, your dad's walking in and just throwing the baby out. So your dad's throwing babies at the wall. He's coming everywhere. What? I know. Dad, don't watch this podcast. Oh my God. Have you thought about all the fucked up shit that's been on this podcast? No. I don't want to know.
It's pretty good. People are always bringing up stuff like, remember this time you said this? I'm like, no. I leave this house and the thoughts... It's here. Do you guys actually check out like you don't remember anything when you leave? I forget a lot of this shit. People ask me about shit in the chat too and I'm like...
It's like, I don't think we said that, bro. They say it for a little bit longer. I'm like, oh, okay, yeah. And then they'll hit me with a time stamp. I'm like, ah, fuck. And then I look at the table and it's just covered in white claw and there's a vodka bottle tipped over empty. I'm like, that's why. I get it. But the next morning after H last night, they're like, yeah, you slept with that person. You're like, huh?
You sure? His name's Eli. I'm right here. You slept with that dude. She's still like, I keep her drunk the entire time. I just keep her... Yeah, she doesn't know it. She secretly has like a shitload of vodka. She finds me attractive. She's asleep. She like wakes up when there's like natal spots on her ass cheeks. She's like, what the fuck? You've just been injecting vodka into her ass. I'm like, baby, you were drunk last night. You've just been doing this the whole time. Don't worry about it. Vodka injections? I have to be an ass cheeker.
It's a great time here in San Antonio
Yeah, I think they do. I used to go damn near every couple weeks. Yeah. Yeah, they're all over your internet. You would go all the freaking time. You'd just be like, time to load up. Expectation.
Not only that I found The IV bar was really helping my migraines like getting like vitamins because you can get all sorts of crazy shit in the actual IVs and Get like b12 shots all sorts of shit in the IVs and my migraines fucked off for like a solid month while I was getting you know vitamins
I swear I really do you eat vitamins yeah every fucking morning actually today I only took one of my three because I ran out of there - I gotta order those a picture there Flintstone
I really wish I could be like yeah I eat flintstone gummies because that's funny as hell I don't I take some flintstone gummies every now and then because Katie gets them for the girls They're good! They're so good! Sometimes I'm just there when she's giving them to me She's like you want some? I'm like yeah sure Can't be bad Kids' gummies are way better I need a flintstone gummies!
Yeah, I hate it up until it's a goo. Is that just Robitussin at that point? Pour a shot into it, it's like Robitussin. I want to make like a nerd's rope out of them. Gummy nerd's rope, but it's like all vitamins. You could do that. You're like, I'm going to turn into a super hero. Hard cut, do you have a giant tumor? Yeah.
My eyes are big. Oh my god. Oh, I should have done that. You're sliding right over. It was a bad idea. Too many evenstone vitamins.
- You're Flintstone kids. - You have really callous feet though. - I hate that image so much. - Huge Flintstone feet. - Just to be very clear, don't eat the entire bottle of Flintstone gummies. Too many good vitamins is bad, that's a thing. - Very bad.
Anything in surplus is bad for you. Yeah, like four advils great except 30 advils a hospital trip Money also and vagina what I don't know too much vagina might be bad. That is yeah, you get there's like a bunch of vaginas Oh a whole bunch of like a bunch of vaginas Smacking on you at the same time that would get annoying. Yeah. Oh you drown. Yeah, you were drowned in this house. Oh
Sounding terrible just like smack it could be a wet clap in your just wet clap breaking your nose and stuff dude a break in the nose and you're bleeding and it's just clapping weird wet sounds I Hope I die via too many vagina that sounds pretty cool. It's a good way to go He got smashed by 100 vaginas a hundred go by Henry Cavill's dick than a hundred vaginas. I feel like oh
Ooh, that would be a hard one. Henry H is D. I love him. But what are you going to die by? Can I choose Pedro Pesco? We need a Papa P fucking. I know. Pedro, you want to come on the podcast? You want to come for the podcast? You want to please come in me? Come in me. I'll make a million montages. We're going to make a wall of dad. We got Big H. We got Ryan Reynolds. I just sneak in the house all the time.
Sav's in here just fucking pocket pooling his ass. Fucking Pedro Pascal and the boys. I have daddy issues, okay? Yeah, we know. Well, I...
Why are all the cardboard wet? They're just like falling over because the bottom is soggy. My face is so red. Why is the floor so fucking wet? The cardboard's getting soggy. Okay, I want to be clear here. Was there a slug crawling up there? Blood marks? Snail trails? Yeah, snail trails just up in the air. I'm assuming I'm a squirter. It's fine. I never said that. Sam, no!
There's a snail trail all over. This snail trail. I love Papa P too. As long as it's not just me. No, I am right there with you. Are you getting the fan edits on your TikTok right now? What's crazy is I didn't ask to be there, but I want to be there now.
Check the security camera sounds like
Like I'm possessed and I'm just like you're literally
- The exorcism of her fucking-- - What is he like, what is that? - I think she squirts. - Her pussy's holding.
That's your fault I just
He like acknowledged it - he's like call me daddy I'm like
Did you send me the call me daddy thing? Somebody sent me the interviewer. He was like, yeah, I'm the new internet's daddy. She was like, do you know how much of a hunk you are? And he's like, yeah, you can call me daddy. I was like, I love that man. It's like, yes, daddy. I guess I will. Let's be real. Y'all need help for Valentine's Day because you're like us. Sad, lonely, and depressed. So odds are...
You could use a little help. Eli, what do we have to help our wonderful viewers today for their Valentine's Day sadness? Well, now this is a completely different ad thing because I was going to say, maybe you guys are going to get laid this week. And if you want to, but now Batty wants to go this route, which I'm completely fine with. Say 50% right now at adamandeve.com on your favorite blow-up doll. Maybe. Your favorite?
That's what you're going to need. You're going to have to head over to Avenue.com and probably buy something there for yourself. Whether that be a plug. Can we say a plug? Yeah, you can say whatever you want. Maybe. I don't know. 50% off on Valentine's. You can have that spicy sex with whomever you want. I don't care.
Get whatever toy to put in them. You want to fill your holes? This is the website you fill your holes with because Adam and Eve.com is freaking dope. Plus, I like kinky stuff. I don't like my holes filled particularly. That's not my thing. He does. But maybe you do. And that's awesome. I'm more of like an S&M guy where I dominate.
Camera punch in. Flick. Punch in again. One more time. Now add camera shake. So make sure you guys head over to AdamandEve.com and use code UNSOCKED for your Valentine's need. And free shipping. Is it free shipping? Yeah, free shipping as well. Yeah, it's free shipping too. I love... I'm all about... Man. What are the things called that you drink on? A tissue? No. A sock? The thing you buy from AdamandEve.com? A flashlight.
A flashlight! That's what you all need. Go buy some flashlights. They got booty hole flashlights. They got box flashlights. They got mouth flashlights. They got fists that you can put in your holes. They got all sorts of cool stuff over at admin.com. Head on over. Code on sub. Save for a percent. And free shipping. Make your Valentine's Day way less sad and depressing than it already is going to be. Hey, maybe you don't look like this.
And if you don't, your Valentine's Day could go many ways. Him. Him.
He's not going to have a problem. 60 seconds. We're done. We're done. We're done. Okay. AdamEve.com. Code unsub. 50% off and free shipping. Thanks, guys. Spice up your night and life. Do you know how he got the role for Game of Thrones? The Red Viper? Was that the one? He did the interview. Was that the one where he forgot he got it? No, that was Last of Us. That was Last of Us. Did you hear about that? Last of Us. He didn't know he got the role. I told you that one, yeah.
I watched the interview for that. So Pedro Pascal got the call that it was super late at night because the producers are in the UK, right? Yeah. And he got the role, but it was like fucking. He took Ambien. He's like, I need to go to sleep. It's super late. He took an Ambien. He was anxious about not getting the role. So he took the Ambien to fall asleep. And they call him. They're like, hey, you got the role. He was like, hell yeah. Went to bed because he was on Ambien. Woke up the next morning like, man, I hope I get that role. He forgot he got it.
Because he took the M in. People were texting him and congratulating him. He's like, what? Do you guys know something? Do I get it? Do I get it? I always forget about the red viper that he was in there because... I won't forget it. And that dick grabbing scene. That ending scene. I'll never forget that. They stand up all the time when they do it. Yeah, I'll never forget that part.
Oh yeah, he grabs some wee-wee in that too? I mean, fuck yeah, he was fucking everybody wasn't he? Yeah, literally everybody. A whole bunch of orgies, yeah. But they had, so for the last of us with the Red Viper, one of his students... Hold on, hold on, you said for the last of us with the Red Viper? Sorry, Game of Thrones' last Viper. Yep.
Game of Thrones last five. There we go. His student, a student came. He was like, Hey, I'm trying out for this role. Can you give me tips? So he like, Oh yeah. Boom, boom, boom. And then the student left. He was like, got it. And then he tried out for the role. He sniped it. That happens in Friends.
With Joey? With the guy he's like training? Have you guys seen that? No! I don't watch Friends. Sorry. Go ahead. Joey tries to steal an audition from one of the people he's teaching. Go ahead. Sorry. Does he steal it? No, he doesn't get it. Friends spoilers, guys! Hold on! The student gets it. Joey doesn't. Good. Go ahead. Fuck Joey. That was a bad move. It's not a good friend move. Same.
Sam's like, I won't be your friend ever again. Rachel. Him and Rachel. Did you say Jennifer? Yeah. Joey dates pretty much everyone. Her real name. Yeah, her real name. Jennifer Aniston. I know that part. I don't know who. Rachel Green. Oh, is that the last name too? What's their address? What are all of their full names? Everybody. Monica Geller is Courtney Cox. Joey Trebiani is...
We'll go with Matt LeBlanc. Thank you. Matthew Perry is Chandler Bong. Is that his name? Bong? Chandler Bong, yeah. Ross Geller is Sister to Monica, and he is David Schwimmer. God, I'm getting so hard right now. Wait, hold on. It's one of my kinks. Phoebe Buffay is...
I remember her name. Lisa Kudrow. Thank you. Damn. What? That's Kayla's crush? Kayla's like, we've always had a thing for Lisa Kudrow. I mean, they're near the end of the seasons. I remember being like, man, she's pretty hot. Because she's always kind of flirty in a dirty way. She plays with everybody. And even if she's not serious about it, she's just a very, yeah. Yeah. I like that. I could probably sing most of the intro to Friends. That's about it. Maybe. I could do the whole thing. I used to clap every time.
Every now and then, every now and then I get in a kick. Your job's a joke, you're broke, your love's life DOA. I could do the whole thing. I'm getting a kick and rewatch the whole thing every now and then. Really? Yeah, dude. The office too? A lot of people don't like it and once they get a little bit into it, they're like, okay. It's a good day show. You start to like them as a group is the thing. You start to like them as friends. You said the thing! And you're like, okay, I like this dynamic. And then you look for that and all friends,
All friendships going forward. And then you start like, dude, I'll catch myself. Are you Elisa Kudrow? I don't know why. The whole time I'm watching it, I'll like catch myself and I'll be like. Rachel Green. The whole time I'm watching it, I'm like. I feel like he'd have
He'd have to know that. Smiling like an idiot the whole fucking time, dude. And I think it's because I grew up watching it when I was little, so it's almost nostalgic, and then it kind of makes me feel like a little kid, but I feel like I'm one of their friends at the same time. So, man, I'm into it. I love some friends. I forget we're the same age. That's probably why we think about it the same way. Yeah. Because I was homeschooled. It's like all the viewers out there are like, we used to make this because we're friends. I have tried watching Friends so many times. Yeah, a lot of people are like that. A lot of people are like that. I know it's a good show. I'm not going to sit here and say Friends is a bad show. Just...
This is the crazy thing about people. We like different things occasionally. And just because you don't like something doesn't mean it's not bad. It's so crazy. Right here. If someone doesn't put that on a t-shirt, I'm going to go. Yeah, put it on a t-shirt. Just because you don't like something doesn't mean it's not bad. It's a lot of words. I understand that. It's a lot of reading.
It's fine. I don't like it. Yeah, I know you don't. I get this constantly. Being on the internet and playing video games. People are like, oh. You like that? How dare you? More so that people who like realistic shooters. Your Tarkovs, your Daisies, your survival games. You bring up Fortnite. They feel like you just asked them to join the cult of Satan. They're like, how dare you? Motherfuckers.
Motherfucker, just because you're not the target audience of something doesn't mean it's not great. Fortnite is an amazing game. I hate Fortnite. I hate it. But motherfucker, if I can't see what is done for gaming, for battle royales, for survival, for shooters, everybody's pulling from that. They've done things so right. Just because you don't like the aesthetic or the visuals of a game doesn't mean it's not a bad game.
Yeah, like so many games have taken so many aspects from Fortnite. Absolutely. And like once we were like, oh, they're just copying Fortnite. But once they're like, this is actually pretty awesome. I'm glad they put this in here. It's like Woe and World of Warcraft.
Became the the cookie cutter paste of every MMO so every let's go I'm gonna let you finish your story then we're gonna come back to this looks like go for tonight is like that where you have him you have World of Warcraft and you have fortnight they are what spawned a Wow Oh, we just gotta copy this to the T and we'll just use everything like this and if time for fortnight other than building aspect But even then a lot of people still had building
It was like oh god do just copy this and we'll just rebrand it and you were good. Yeah. Yeah, you like it though You called it. Whoa, not Wow Make sure every knows you guys a fucking idiot. Whoa, he's tired. Well we What's your favorite position
Doggie this school with me is not my favorite, but I'll do it for you. I thought he was actually asking him. I'm so sorry. Are you filming a TikTok right now? Shut the fuck up. The person comes around. He's like comment one in the section if you like doggy. Comment two if you like missionary. Yeah. Comment missionary the light song.
I need to see something else. I'm about to.
He's called George Washington, Abraham Lincoln. Tell me when you're going to crumb. You're just like this.
You just blast. That's what you do. I'm constantly trying to look around. I'm trying to just make it sexy. So I'm just looking at boobs and trying to look at everything else. It's like this blanket's a really nice thread count. I like your sheets. This is nice. This is really good. Don't focus on the weirdest things. Wait, look me in my eyes real quick. No. I know. Just come. It's a race, and I'm always going to win. Her eyes are a window to my home.
Like that her eyes are a window to my come you mean soul right? Not to come until you come I get it now 100%
I don't know about that.
Yeah, you guys are just making out. You guys are just sitting there watching. You want to make out? You guys match energy. You guys match energy. Yeah, the podcast, they're like, Red X. No. Well, these two start kissing, so we start kissing. What's the old military thing? What is it? Gay Chicken. Gay Chicken, let's play Gay Chicken, but with the group. And so me and him are over here, and you guys are like, who's going to go further?
We're drinking we were all bullshit as a group somewhere I think we're at we were at a party at Shaw show and meet we played gay chicken Neither of us won or maybe we both won both one. I think we both won depends on how you look at it Or how tail according to the entire internet we both won Didn't really win your ginger he got his first ginger I
That's a win for Matt. You're special, buddy. I don't know. You were Matt's first. These are the lines that are dead, and then you stop it. I'm not special. Oh, my God. You're so special. Side note. You're my first one. Side note. Have you seen Babylon?
It goes fucking hard. It is Quentin Tarantino to the extreme without being Quentin Tarantino. It is fucking insane. Is this a new thing? It's a new movie. It's rapid. You said it goes hard and then asked if he was good. It was like a Tarantino on absurdity. You know how Tarantino goes hard on absurdity.
violence like whatever it is he like yeah wait is it tarantino film no but it feels like it it's just the story is not as good okay it feels like they were going for shock value to get a good rating and but what it did is it ruined what they were going for they were going for the cinematic art behind how long hollywood's been a thing and they just shock value after shock value with like nudity bodily fluids and just very my favorite things you think so you think
but until an elephant shits on someone's face, you're like, well, I'm not really about the movie anymore. That's three minutes in and it is a full on elephant, like shitting on a dude. PPs and pussies everywhere. Okay. Speaking of that really quick. Oh boy. So when I was a kid, what's that guy's name that does the Borat movies? What's, what's his name? Uh, Sasha Baron Cohen. Uh,
So I don't know if you guys have ever seen this movie he was in. It's called like the Brothers Brigsby or something like that. Wait, that sounds really familiar. And he's like a...
wherever the fuck places that love soccer so much, but like in the ghetto versions, like a ghetto UK dude who's like walking around like going to pubs. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And it's like, it's super fucking goofy. He's a hooligan, but he was like an orphan when he was younger and his like little brother and him, like they both got adopted by different people. And the other brother got adopted by like,
fancy famous family or whatever and he grew up to become like a secret agent and then he's like nasty hooligan that's like
Got all these kids and they're mean as shit. Have you guys seen this? No. If you guys haven't seen this, you have to fucking watch. It is so insane. And it's like right before movies started having to get really PG again. Yeah. But it's like there's a there's a. The Tropic Thunder era. There's a scene where they're hiding from like there's like this, you know, bad group of like hit men chasing after him and his brother. And they're like out in Africa and they climb inside of an elephant's vagina to hide. And like it shows like they're like these guys are like chasing them.
Yeah, and they're inside of an elephant's vagina. And he like takes his head out to look. And he's like, all right, the coast is clear. But right when they go start crawling out, like a male elephant is like charging towards him. And he goes, oh, no. And he's backed in. And the other brother's like, what's going on? He's like, we're about to, he's like, get ready. And like a giant elephant comes in and just starts like smacking him in the face. And he's like, oh, God. And it's like beating the hell out of him in there. And he's like, we have to jack him off so we get it like so it gets over quicker.
So they're like rubbing its dick and it's like going in and it shows an elephant. It's like, they're inside it like stroking and then he's like, cradle the boss, cradle the boss. You see the hands reach out and they're like holding the elephant balls and then he's like rubbing its dick and it like blows everywhere. Then he goes, ha, hakuna matata, my friend. And then he like pulls it out and they go to get out and it's like 10 more elephants come charging and he goes, no, elephant bukkake party. Yeah.
And then it was like, cut. But it is one of the funniest fucking movies. I know what you're talking about now. Not because of that scene. And like, no one talked about it, but it has so many scenes like that that are so fucking funny and like just so gross that like I laughed so hard at so much of it. You won. Babylon does not compete with that. That's what it reminded me of. Because like, no, every time I try to tell somebody about it, they're like, no, I've never heard of that. And I don't think it did great.
Is there anyone in it? It's a handful. The guy, his brother is famous too. He's in Kingsman. He's Merlin. He's Merlin in Kingsman. Oh my God. Yeah. Yeah, as ever. As a lot of people. He's a very famous. He's like. Yeah. It's got a handful of famous people in it, but dude, it is such a fucking funny movie and it's so gross. Like the whole time. Oh, I forgot about that movie. But it's like,
partially filmed like Borat where it's like someone's falling with a camcorder and then it's like high def scenes and stuff like that. Like, you know, it's not like he's talking directly to the camera or whatever. That's a fever dream. Oh, it's so fucking funny. Oh, it's so gross and so, so bad, but it's really funny. Oh my God. That's how this one Babylon is. It's the drug sex, everything like that on a, yeah.
Heightened scale we're like you do cocaine. Where's the coke at and then the guy walks me? It's like here's this this is this is like what's the man crawling to an old vagina? Yeah, yeah, and then you open a door and there was a woman peeing on a fat guy and then you open another door and then there's Every gender going at each other is just and it's all there for the eyes to see and it was the first five minutes I'm like, here's your
I'm very weird about food. I cannot watch certain stuff while I eat like super weird about it It is like a an ick of mine. I can't like I can't watch this it sounds very weird I cannot watch things like Star Wars while I eat because there are certain characters the way they're made Yeah
I know it's Akbar. You just said it. You say certain characters. It's Akbar. I mean, it's any of the ones that aren't human. It just grosses me out. I don't know why. Oh, so now you're anti-alien? Yeah. Wow. Just because we're not human. This video's going to haunt me in like 80 years when aliens are on the planet and they like enter your world. World capital war. You're not. What is this? She's all back home. She's getting canceled even though she's dead. Yeah.
No, we're still alive because I've come out with no knowledge you buy that we're missing that you know we're missing that no I know it's an extension your life's gonna happen when we're in our 90s which I'm sorry I might you're not we'll see she does that won't even do as per time She's gonna outlive me by a long time. No, that's that's why we made a pact though. We're dying at the same time. Oh
What do we call that? A word we can't say on the internet. That's a Ryan Reynolds fact right there. Just kidding. We made a pact. I died in a car wreck tomorrow. That's crazy. My ghost is like, what about that pact? Where's your pact at now? Oh God, that's so silly. I didn't know it was tomorrow. I was going to make a cake tomorrow. I was going to make
I just got like all the recipe for this dude fuck I'm showing the- Ghostiel I'm showing the pack you said do it now I'll do it like later dude Yeah give me like to 5pm I got some stuff to do Let me make it to 50 I got some stuff to do between now and the next 30 years You were my purpose You watched the episode he's like I was satisfied Well apparently your cake's your purpose now
I died and you're baking cake the next day. Oh, hey, can we talk about that for a second? Is that too much to talk about? That episode of Last of Us? Which one? The third one? The one that came out before us? This one? Oh, yeah, three. Three? We got all three. No, I've seen three. We're all caught up. So what would you guys feel about it? I loved it. It was...
It was really, really good. She's crying. I'm already crying. I really love that. That's just good TV. That was really good TV. I will say I was looking really forward to seeing those scenes from the game.
I really no hate towards this episode because that was a really good episode of TV but I really did want to see a lot of the cool stuff that they did in the game like his fucking church hideout when Joel gets lifted up by the fucking rope and has to shoot everything upside down oh god I forgot about that yeah Ellie's trying to like help him down and he's like shooting all the fucking clickers running at him upside down uh
That's when he gets the bow. So he starts doing cool bow shit. I was like, oh, that would have been fucking cool to see, you know, the whole arsenal inside the church. They load up and go to that fucking school where the military was at to get that battery. See why I didn't put that in the game, though? Yeah, sure. Yeah. I'm sorry.
Yeah, but it would have been like really fucking cool them going to that school when that big-ass fucking monsters in there And you have to fight it in the gym like it was like a lot of really cool stuff because I'm here like being like oh Fuck yeah, oh, I hope this parts there. I hope this parts there, and then I was oh, okay. Yeah Okay, this is you know this is really good and all and this is very sad yeah, I
First off, let's talk about the gay stuff. Beautiful. Yeah. Actually, it was really good. Very sad. That made me want to be gay. I was like, that's a beautiful line.
Love story I've ever seen on TV in a long fucking time. Yeah, it was really really it was just good TV Yeah in general that was a really good episode of anything like you're saying Ron Swanson's wife is the one that gone for him Yeah, she was the one that got me Anna what's her name? And she's also in any
She's an SNL person. I forget what her name is. Maybe she plays an Annie in something that I'm remembering in my head. But yeah, she's the one that got him the role. She read the script and was like, yo, you're doing this. You're doing this, bitch. I wanna watch you. This is so good. That episode, it was... That is shit, dude. Dude! And it's Nick Offerman. Thank you. That's his name. It was a...
It was weird watching the positive and the negative. I'm like, I don't think people understand. First off, he was gay in the game. He didn't know that. Oh my God. Yeah, yeah. It was pretty subtle stuff. Yeah, but obviously. Which they talk about the gay max in the new episode. They show the gay max scene. You've watched it. It's a cut for cut. It literally is. It's like back to the game again. It is, yeah. Cool, yeah. If you hit play, they already did a breakdown. It's like scene for scene. It's like his books that he had at his house.
And then a lot of people when it was like, I want to see the zombie fight and all that. It's like you have to show the it's showing what the world went through because right now it doesn't show it too much. You had just that 20 year period. It's like a jump cut. Yeah. So you're not over. So you're in your head as a viewer. You're just like, oh, OK, it's fucked up now. You're not understanding what humanity went through. And that is what that break that.
that episode is really good at. It's showing humanity, how individuals change it. And you're showing us character story arc through those rough times. You're like, Hey, this dude's isolated. He's all this shit. And then he finds this guy and he's apprehensive. And then it shows like, Hey, the story arc. Now, if you're,
If you're complaining about the, the, the holding the guns wrong and standing out in the open and shooting things without taking a hundred percent agree with that. Yeah. That was kind of goofy, but like whatever. Yeah. Yeah. I was, but everything else was very well done on a story. Fair, but I've seen fuds that would do that. Yeah.
I'm pretty sure the what was the timeline 2003 the world ended. Yes, somewhere around there. So four years later 2007 teacupping was a thing still. Yeah, that was one argument and I saw I was like, holy shit. I didn't even think about that. Think of the timeline. This used to be normal. Oh, wow. And is that is the before the age of YouTube. So you're not going to have a whole bunch of training videos. Yeah, he wasn't a trained like marksman. He was a dude who he was a prepper. He was a FUD prepper. Yeah.
He was a Y2K prepper.
He left the fucking episode without taking any of the good guns. Yeah, that was goofy as shit. I was hoping he would at least put it. He had a pickup truck. Fill that bitch up. You get a shotgun there, right? Is that where you get one of the shotguns in the game? I think so. At least he would have got a shotgun. That would have been cool. The wall of AKs. Yeah, man. It was everything. I wished. Near the end of that episode, I was like, okay, he's probably not going to kill himself. And then this is going to be when he gets really crazy. And that's what the next episode is going to be.
when they go and then he's crazy version of bill and that's like the game so that's cool they did like a cool backstory but then he just like is dead and i was like what damn it i was like i was hoping i was totally like the episode was great i wished that they would have expanded done more i wish they would have the ellie meeting bill yeah but didn't ellie hated bill right each other the whole time and then you know the same way that she is with everybody they kind of come around to each other at the end like they're kind of joking around at the end yeah but uh
Yeah, yeah. Story pacing, I can see why. I'm sure they did it because of pacing. They're trying to push through it. It's literally like every episode is like a chapter of the game, basically. Yeah. It's doing really good. Oh, I'm so happy with how... Hey, Ryan Reynolds, are you ready for the biggest Sunday in sports?
Not talking to you, Big H. Not talking to you. Uncool. Uncool. What's that, Ryan? Why, yes, it is. DraftKings Sportsbooks? I am talking about them, Ryan Reynolds. How did you know? An official sports betting partner of Super Bowl 57. Big H, I'm not talking to you. Just hold off, bro, okay? You can talk about it later.
It's right. It has all the action you need and new customers can bet just $5 and instantly get 200 bets for free. High five Ryan. Plus all customers can get in on Superbowl 57 excitement with DraftKings happy hour super boosts. You know what that means? Big H shut up. Make sure you check the DraftKings sports book app between 6 p.m. to 9 p.m. Eastern every
to see what prop bet will get boosted. Good question, Ryan Reynolds. What bets do I have going into Super Bowl 57? Well, I will be betting that the Chiefs
We'll have seven points by the end of the first quarter and the Eagles will have 14. Boom. Download the new DraftKings Sportsbook app and use code UNSUB. New customers can spend $5 on Super Bowl 57 and get $200 for free instantly. Only a DraftKings Sportsbook with code UNSUB.
Got it. Minimum agent eligibility restrictions apply. Void in Ohio. See show notes for more details. I am going to call this now what we are going to see in the next few years is an influx of video games. Guys, Eli's calling something. Yep. Video game developed films or shows. But the main thing is, is going to be studios be like, hey, let's just follow the storyline. It's like Marvel and Marvel did Iron Man and all that.
Because I was watching the backstory on that entire sequence of how Marvel took off in the way it did. And it was one dude that was actually a huge fan of Marvel. They made him the head producer and he's like,
Our executive producer? He's like, got it. Hey guys, there's a script that was made 40 years ago. It's got pictures. Let's do this. Imagine sticking to the actual storyline and seeing success. It's crazy. Do y'all see stuff where Henry Cavill will get so pissed off on set? No. Yeah, because he's a huge ultra nerd. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Down Witcher. Yeah, so he's a big Witcher. He loves all the books, loves all the games, plays them all regularly.
And they were coming to him for advice on the show. Yeah, I remember this part. They were like, I forgot what scene it was. They were trying to do some whole scene that was like nothing like any of it. He's like, no. He's like, I'm not doing that. He's like, that's not in any of it. He's like, it makes no sense. He's like, we're not doing that. Oh, wow. They were like threatening to fire him or whatever. And he's like, well, do it then. He's like, I'm not going to make this like bullshit when it's like nothing like it.
like really yes it was like that's cool i love to hear that i just didn't know they were like so they like started just coming to him like every time they're like so what do you think about this okay well i want to do it like this and they were like all right cool yeah so they like kind of like let him like help direct it basically because he was such a big fan yeah that's pretty fucking cool and that's you're gonna see an influx now because of the success of last of us studio execs are gonna be like
Oh wait, let's just follow this. Then we won't make Halo again. Let's not talk about Halo.
I wanted to like it so bad. I tried so hard. Everything I saw of it just clips. I was like, ooh, no. You know, I will say, wardrobe was dope. I never even watched it. They did so good with that. Visuals, some of the visuals were fucking awesome. Absolutely. And then immediately it was fucking wretched. You're like, Master Chief's like, oh yeah. I'm going to take his helmet off because I need some pussy. Yeah. And then he's sleeping and maybe he's like, oh yeah. That's all I remember. And then they chose the cop from the Orange is Black. No offense against him, but I just did not see him as Master Chief. Yeah. Sorry.
I like him as an actor. No, but just not that role. I don't see Master. I just didn't want to see his face, period. Why didn't you take his helmet off? Mandalorian only took his helmet off a split fucking second. Dread, Mandalorian, Dread was so good. And that's why Sylvester Stallone's Dread, his thing in the conscious, I'm not wearing a fucking helmet. So that's why it's like 1%. Whereas,
Dread the movie. Oh man. Who's one of the old one new one. There's one. Yeah with the guys and the boys Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Oh, well he was fucking name butcher fucking butcher. I was talking with an accent The one he always says I can't say that. Oh, yeah, that's a bad word funny. I watched a movie a couple nights Yeah, have you guys seen I mean it's old. It's a teacher Keith urban. Yeah
Not Keith Urban. Carl Urban. Keith Urban is a country singer. Keith Urban is like, we got there. I was close. Carl Urban. But I watched a movie called Pete's Dragon a couple nights ago. Have you guys seen that? It's a kid's movie. It's really good. And I was like, oh, I haven't seen that. And I watched it. And he's in it. And I was like, oh, what? There's like a million famous people in it. But I guess I should have expected that. Pete's Dragon? Yeah, Pete's Dragon. It's like a children's book. It's Disney. It's Disney.
Is it Disney or Pixar? I think it's Disney. The old one. It was the same thing. It was like 2016, I think, is when it came out. The book is old as shit. It's like a children's book from like the 70s. Is it Pete the Magic Dragon? Pete Pott. Of the Magic Dragons. Damn it. Yeah, it's an old one. No. Yeah. Wait, what? I was whispering about. Disney owns Pixar. Oh. Yeah, Disney does. Yeah.
But their intro is different. If it's a Pixar movie, it's a Pixar intro. It's like a different team or whatever. But yeah, okay, that's all I'll say. It was just differing that. Because I'm, yeah. Pixar, there's a little, there's a lamp intro. And Disney's the huge castle. And it's in its own. The Pixar universe is separate. It's in its own self-contained universe. Yeah. Which all of them are in the same, right? Yes. The pizza and the batteries and everything.
Right this is where everyone leaves the podcast is boring as fuck right now I want to talk about come back no Baddies come batty what's your come smell like these are good questions. Let's mill it right now. Yeah get it on the table Okay
- Batty, not on the mixer either. - Before we left the house, we were talking about that one subject. - That one subject? - The most embarrassing thing that ever happened. - That you're willing to talk about. - Nah. - No, Batty, what is yours? - Just one awkward moment involving one other human or maybe a group of people or... - Yeah, Batty, what's yours? - Batty, you have to have some, what's maybe your second favorite? - One that you can talk about?
Or a favorite to talk about? One that you're okay with discussing. Maybe one you've already talked about. On the podcast that I want to talk about for the next seven months every day. Yeah. That's great. Which one, Batty?
Pull up a chair. Is he in the middle? We make him crisscross applesauce. Yeah guys, let me just throw it on the... We move the cans. Crisscross applesauce. Just a spotlight beams down on him. All the lights black out. We're just like dark in the back. Baddie starts shaking. Sad music goes on. My uncle. Go on, Baddie.
- Gee, you guys have nice lighting in here. - Baddies. - Okay, Saf, start. - Me? - Yeah. - Why me? Don't make me start. - You brought up the topic, Saf! - I thought it was a good topic, 'cause everyone has multiple, okay, I have like 10 embarrassing stories. - Maybe we don't know what the topic is about. - I'm willing to tell like two. - Okay, tell the top one. - I'm not ready yet. - Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, this is fun, isn't it? This is real fun. Eli, go. - My most embarrassing? - It's your topic, you fuck! - It can't involve me.
- You can Bobby, that's weird. That's so weird. Now we have addictions, it's not about baddie. - Well I talked about mine on the Christmas show when I poop myself. - That's actually very embarrassing. - That's your most embarrassing story? - That was really embarrassing.
When he told me that, I was... We're men. We shit ourselves. It's a thing. You shit your pants. You don't shit on yourself. The big difference. You're like, maybe you shit yourself. You don't wake up and your clothes are perfectly clean and you're covered in just shit and doo-doo. There's a big difference. Shit and doo-doo? Yeah. The toilet paper had doo-doo on it. I don't even know how...
Which means you just passed out midwife. He told me this on our fourth date too. That's how confident he was that I wouldn't run. It's not that embarrassing. Would you tell that on a fourth date? No!
I shouldn't have done that. I told her I had pooping problems like before I pooped. Pooping problems is different than I shit all over myself in the walls. I like to be open and honest. If you got like a problem then they're like sure. But it's not a problem. No it doesn't just happen. You don't just shit on the walls. Well I didn't shit on the walls. I shit on the floor everywhere else. It's just not in the toilet. That doesn't just happen. Well it does Maddie. Otherwise it wouldn't
I woke up on my toilet like four in the morning. Just like sitting there. I like wake up naked On your hands
I look at my clothes, they're perfect. I'm like, oh no, what happened? It's like on my legs. I'm like, my bed's ruined, I bet. So I had to like scoop the poop up on the floor. Put it away and clean up. Put it away! I didn't flush it. You put it away. I put it in the drawer. I put it in the drawer.
That's probably my most embarrassing story. That's a good one.
It's not embarrassing, we're laughing. Because he's come to terms with it. You know what it takes a couple years for some stories to get more comfortable with it. This happened while you were alone, so it's not like it's only embarrassing for you to yourself. Yeah, if that would have woke up around people. Yeah, if you were there with a lot of people and they walked in and you had shit all over you, they'd be like, what the fuck? You'd have a whole nickname. You'd be the poop guy. You'd be the poop guy. Like at a Denny's.
Public bathroom This isn't a super amazing just fighting submitting a public embarrassment. I remember being pissed drunk I Remember being pissed right? It's a weird thing to say but I got early 20s probably I
At a bar, a real dive shithole up in Vermont. And I remember doing a bunch of shots because that's what I did. I was stable. And I remember like, I'm going to vomit. Oh boy. Walked into the bathroom and there is a dude washing his hands. And there's a dude pissing and the stall is locked. So I go, watch out. And I just, I project like, like we're talking like,
Exorcist levels of like cone spray like out of my mouth into the sink is this man is washing his hands. He's like ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhilllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll
It's just like some darting. You know like the shitty bathroom sink in like a shitty dive bar and it's just like a tiny sink? So it was like. They're usually dark and there was at least dark in there? No. No. It was bright. I'm sorry. And me and this man, there was a, you know, after he vomited, he's just like, and he's just like, there's vomit on his hands. You got vomit?
- 100%, 100% got vomit. - I would never have covered. - I mean, I had vomit on me, he had vomit on him, and he washed his hands. - Kid, that's how I met your mother. - He washed his hands in the vomit sink, and he just, I remember going,
- What the fuck bro? And he just walked out. - I got you all now. - And there's a dude pissing who just turns around me and like, nah, he walked out. The guy in the stall didn't leave the stall. And I had to wash my pukey hands in the pukey sink. And then I just walked out, I did more shots. - Dude, hypothetically that guy's name is Keith. Keith is laying in bed scrolling on TikTok and he finds you're video. He's like, it's the vomit guy.
I hate that man. There you are, motherfucker. I'm trying to remember the name of the bar. And you'll forever be the vomit guy to help. It wasn't Reroz. What was the name of the bar?
Yeah, we do. Sputis. Rasputins. I don't know if you still live in Vermont. Go to Rasputins and puke in that sink. It was Sputis. We all called this Sputis. Go puke in that, bud. That's what you're telling our viewers. Hey, you want to check out this dope bar? Go puke in there. It's not a dope bar. They lost their liquor license like twice a year from serving to minors. It was that bar. Oh, yeah. I used to be a bouncer at a bar like
It was the bar you had to go down the stairs into the basement to? Yeah, that's what my, the one I worked at was called The Cellar. Because that's where it was. But everybody called it, it had a name that stuck forever called The Slut Dungeon. That's my favorite. Yeah. You were the gatekeeper to The Slut Dungeon? I was a bouncer in like the back bar. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Because it was like the main dance floor, big bar there in the back that was like more of a chill area. And then it was like the entrance to the bathrooms, there was two bars there. So I kind of hung out back there.
Watched the bars cuz that people would just steal shit like yeah, oh sure what learn that reach back like still whole bottles and shit What fuck oh, yeah, and I have to be like hey no no no no Like I had to like walk into the bathroom now because it was just one Intrude to the bathroom women were over here on the left men's was on the right like it was like a little wall but like there was no actual divider like you could like just look out and like see dudes dicks and
Nice. My dream. So, like, the girls were, like, all stalls, and then it was just, like, a bunch of dudes. But, yeah, it was a fun time. That was, like, the funnest year of a job I've ever had. That's awesome. Yeah, it was a lot of fun. Did you get some old shitty dive bars, man? Oh, God. It was funny because, like, I mean, I'm not, like, I'm, like, an average-looking dude, but, like, because you're... You were your own worst enemy. Don't even. But, like, because you work there, like, the girls are, like, yes. Like, they're, like, oh, if I...
flirt with this guy. We feel safe with bouncers. I'll get free drinks. This guy will watch over me. But it got to where there was a lot of foreign exchange groups and there was so many hot girls in each one. There was one from UK. There was one from Australia. So many hot girls would come. And they would be like, Caleb, my mate! Buy me shots and stuff. You got international pussy? No, but it was awesome. It was a lot of fun. But I'd have to...
It was like very cliche shit would happen all the time. They'd be like, hot girls would go to the bathrooms. They'd come out like they're like skin tight dressed and they're high heels. And they'd always have like toilet paper trailing from their shoes. And I'd be like, oh, wait, wait, wait. And I'd like step on it and like roll it back and like sweep it to the side. And they'd be like, oh my God, thank you. Oh my God.
Like I just like saved their life. You saved them from their embarrassing story. And it happens. It happened like multiple times a night. Every night. Oh, man. Girls would come in like with their high heels just like toilet paper trailing behind them. And they'd be like, let me buy you a shot. Let me get your number. Let me like, just like, like a...
just was the best dude in the world. You are. You are the best dude in the world, Kelly. It was a lot of fun. I got to like drag people out of there and like, I never did like beat people up. You never beat people up? I didn't beat them up. I would choke them out. Oh,
Yeah, I was like beating them up. Yeah, because I'm not like, so the other guys, man, there was a lot of guys there that were, they worked there so they could beat the shit out of people. And they would like, those are the good kind of people. They're not. Don't be that guy. Solid concrete floor, dude. And there'd be sometimes like, kids would like, drunk guys would be in an altercation. And then like some of those bouncers would sneak up behind them and fucking suplex them, dude. Like, just be like, boop.
Bam! Head right into the concrete. Not trying to de-escalate it. That's how you kill somebody. That's how you kill people, dude. A lot of those guys got fired. A lot of major problems happened because of that.
because one one guy was like the governor's son he came in he was like underage and and that's like that that bar's name changed like all the time same reason because yeah it was the only bar up there the 18 and up bars oh god yeah i forgot those exist yep so it was always an issue dude but i had like a lot of the main get your wristband or your check mark on your hand you they draw the x if you could drink or the oh yeah or the x if you couldn't drink
Sorry. It was, it was a lot of fun. I never like people like, yeah, a lot of those other bouncers did, they would be, they'd be going for knockouts. Like they would like sneak up behind someone, boom, boom. Like just like beating the fuck out of people. And I'm like, Oh my God. But if I ever had like issues, I would just like walk. If they, they wouldn't like, should I be like, Hey man, it's like, we got to go. And they'd be like, no, no, fight me or something. I would like just twist them around and like, and lift them up and like just drag them out. And if they like passed out, I would sit them down and yeah, I would just like sit them down like next to the wall. And then like,
Watch them piss themselves. Don't be a violent piece of shit. Yeah. No one wants to hang out with you if you drink and get violent. Yeah. Real fast. No, no. Yeah. Like drink and piss yourself or something. Yeah, sure. But it was a fun time. It was a fun job. It was like exciting every night. Yeah.
I could not do it. Imagine doing that at your age now. Oh, now for sure. That was so... I mean, there's still a lot of those guys that were there. They were managers or whatever. They were my age now. They were dudes who just their life was they went to college until they were 35 and they worked in these bars until they eventually became owners or whatever of the bar. But most of them were pretty chill, pretty cool guys. It was fun though, dude. Always something crazy going on. Literally, people would just get...
completely naked in there. It was like, wow. At the bar? It was more of like a club. People get naked at a club? When you're like a fucking 18 year old and you get fucking wasted, like on their birthdays, dude, they would get so trashed.
And they would just get like fucking naked because they had like stripper poles and shit in there and like they would be did it was gnarly There'd be plenty times like other bouncers were coming like dude. He's like I'll sit back here for a second go do a lap around the bar I'm like, okay I go and then oh it always be something you like those either somebody was naked somebody was fucking in the corner somebody Like was like by and like it was just like crazy. She always what state was the same, West Virginia? I
I'm moving to West Virginia. This was in Morgantown. So it was like the number one party school for like six years. So, yeah. And that was like the only 18 and up bar in Morgantown. So it was like always fucking like. Family reunions got crazy. They did 25 cent pitchers of beer. Oh my. Yeah, dude. Yeah. I remember pit dude, pit.
They did. They did dollar pictures. Yeah. Dollar mixed drink, 25 cent pictures for like the first two hours. It was stuff like that, like all the time. And it would be like, all right, we need you to work tonight. Cause it's, you know, sink or swim or whatever we call it on Wednesdays. And it was like two, two hours of two hours of this 25 cent, uh,
fucking gallon of beer basically. What the fuck? So like the floors were always completely soaked by the end of the night and stuff. I've never experienced any of that. It was pretty wild. Really? I only went out to that stuff like every now and then with like my roommates and stuff but I like worked it so I like I'm jealous. Was there working and it was like a different way to see it but it was like it was fun because I wasn't like
I was like, watching people be idiots. I was one of the idiots. That was me. Dude, you paid like $10 cover because we had 10 cent Tuesdays at Neon Cactus and it was 10 cents for a...
Yeah. And people would get fucking... We'd each buy our own pitcher and we'd be just like... That's what they do, man. They would be walking around the whole bar. Oh, excuse me. Like their big pitcher of beer, like just drinking out of it and stuff. And then the bar is like, how does this happen? How is it such a mess? And you're like...
You've never experienced this ship you go to it You guys can like grind on each other. It'd be so cool. Just go get like trash Okay, like you're like going out on like a day like my like I do have an exciting night is cooking like tacos and then watching We had a place called oh it was world something I don't fucking remember doesn't matter I
Tacos, Tecates, and tequila shots, $2. Oh, that's pretty cool. That was just every week. We'd do that lunch break. That does sound pretty good. Oh, man. Yeah. Dude, I forgot all of those. Those are, babe. See, I don't know any of that stuff. Yeah, I'm not taking you. I'm fucking old. I'd be in hell. That is my hell. If I woke up, I would think I was dead. There's nothing wrong with that.
Hangover from fucking Bud Light and PBR. That's a rite of passage. I feel like everyone needs to experience that. Yeah. So you know that you don't want to do it because it's like if you've never done it, just like people that idolize the military, if you've never been in, you're like, oh, I wish I had joined versus if you just did your four years right out of high school, then you know. Yeah. Everybody's like, no, you
But I was homeschooled from elementary to high school and then got married early. You dumb bitch. That's stupid. You fucking, trust me, that's dumb. You don't want to do any of that. I remember one time, like my friend that would try to get me to go out on the nights that I was off. There's always one of those, bro. We're downtown, dude. Are you coming down? No, man, no.
No. So you guys are going to do this. You guys are going to like find a bar local that does. Let's go to Austin. Fuck it. Let's go to Austin. That'd be fun. Like if we all went and done it. I would love to do that. That would be more fun because it would be like more chill instead of just like. It wouldn't be chill. But at least you're with a group of people you trust. Safe yes. Chill no. It'd be more safe because you're not going to just die. Eli's not having fun. He doesn't like this idea. He's like I'm not
You remember Dallas? You remember the old lady that was trying to with her boyfriend? I was just walking back. But it was fun. I guess. We both kept getting picked up by other people. I'd be like, oh, we're
I was like you and your friend are having a good time. Oh, he's just the front your boy Like you were so cute and Eli was like oh I was like oh your boyfriend in you are you how long this is just a friend of it and then they got
We walked away and us two started arguing. What are you saying? We've been together for six years, what the fuck? We're just friends. We live together. We got engaged. He makes out pictures. Yeah, the chance. Their names. Their names. He's just like, I mentioned like, what? We have seven kids. You dumb bitch. These are my parents. And I'm just like,
*laughter* That's what we did. I'll take one shot please. *laughter* I didn't like him. That was so hard to watch. Dude, that dude's reaction, I was like, and you're like, oh, they started fighting me. He turns around, there's just one tear. Oh god. Just the friend, he's like, I'm her friend. I'm her friend.
The ultimate wingman, your husband. You guys have the same last name. Be chill, babe. I'm trying to get laid tonight. Yeah, be chill, babe. I'm trying to get laid. What? Wait, what? I don't... Oh, boy, that was my job. I'm right here. Look at him, though. Oh, look at you. Look at you. Now look at him. Oh, what?
You shut the fuck up! You're being such a buzz kid! Stop being a cock block babe! Stop being a cock block babe! That is a shirt right there! This is why we don't go out. Oh god! This is why we stay home and make tacos. Fuck off! I get it, Sam. I get it. Dude, just fucking look at him. He walked away because of you. Yeah, he walked away because of you. Fuck, you just smell needy, bitch. Shut your bitch.
- Savi, are you sure you missed this? - I've never experienced it. - Good. - You can. - Well, don't experience the single part, just the-- - The college part? - Yeah. - See, I didn't go to college either, but I got banned from colleges. - I did one semester online. - That could possibly be my most embarrassing story. - What? - I got banned from a college campus I didn't go to.
And then I got a permission slip to drink when I was underage. That makes you look cooler. You got banned from a college campus for farting. I'm pretty sure laying on the floor vomiting everywhere constantly. Oh, you were vomiting again? Yeah, it's a common trend. I'm a puker. People, that becomes a cool story to most people. Yeah. It was funny for a while. He got banned from here. Being banned from somewhere is kind of cool. I mean, I told that I got pissed off my curtain story. That's a good one.
I got banned. Oh, you got the puke on? Oh, yeah, I got banned for jailing kids. No, I'm showing a bunch of kids my dick. We are not the same, bro! Oh, hell yeah, what'd you get banned for? I got kids. I always got you two drunk, and I was getting crazy. You got banned from a school? Me too! Which school? Mine was a college, I got drunk. Mine was an elementary school, I was jerking off. I was jerking off to the playground. We are not the same people. We are not the same people!
You
I just drink a little bit. You like little boys, dude. As I said, same. Don't you like to drink? Yeah, I like to drink too. Well, I don't anymore. I fucking hate drinking. It was crazy. This muffles my ears and it's still so fucking loud. We're loud. This podcast is loud. If you're watching this episode at work, I'm out of comments. And little boys in both
Don't put those words together, babe. Y'all did. No, I said J.O. I never talk about making him come. The amount of people that tell me that is a mess. I don't know if I'm old enough to come here. I don't know. I didn't realize how much flog edits out of the podcast until I filmed a video with him and he started talking about someone was asking our age difference and they referenced 30 to 40 years and he was like, I don't know any eight-year-old boys. What was it? With ropes of cum. And I was like, you can't.
So we don't film together anymore. Yes, we will. I know. Don't run. We're not the same. You know my favorite word when we met was gosh darn it. I never cursed. She did not curse. I grew up religious. It's hard coming out of that. I mean, I grew up like in church twice a week until I was like 13. Wait, what? I was like, I grew up in church like twice a week.
Yeah, like my whole life Yeah, did you used to turn the picture around when you j-ode I used to Look over geez like
Why Jesus just stared at me like, Angel of God, my guardian's here. I don't remember the rest of the verse. Wait, the first time he invited me over, we go to his bedroom, and he just has a picture of his kid on his thing, and I was like, and I just turned around. I was like, no. You spun the kid photo? You can't do that. Let the boy watch. I'm not going to show you my respect for the person I have met today. Let the boy watch. It's out of respect.
Out of respect you want your family like you that family photo and they're all like this do you want you want them watching you like that? I make eye contact with the photo Thank you for watching the end of the script podcast this is I double tap myself batty and our two amazing wonderful beautiful hot sexy powerful guests Savvy summer and caleb francis savvy where can we find you? everywhere
In your room. What? On your roof. Oh my god. In your basement. I don't know my camera to lie. Why are you there? I'm always there. She's Savvy Summer. Figure the fuck out. Caleb, where? Everywhere at Caleb W. Francis. Twitch is Grizzly Puncher. Grizzly Puncher. I love that.
Oh, thank you for watching. Oh, stay tuned to the episode. After. Stay tuned for the up the app. What? You know the one. The dirty one. The after party. Now we get dirty. Yeah, now we talk. Head over to the Patreon if you want to watch the after party. Good luck. Watch Savannah squirt. We're all going to squirt.