83 - Family ft. The Fat Electrician & Nikko Ortiz
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Do we start it with the white claw still? Yeah, yeah, I'll get them. We got to start with one white claw at least which will then turn into 20 I'll do part we could do that. We could share the mini can one at the same We just drink it right now Just like three beers each yeah, it's really not we have to finish that today. Oh

Are we just doing that before we do that? That's the primer. That's the podcast? The one keg podcast. How you feeling? You'll feel better. I think I'm okay. Well, you're going to feel better. All right, I'm on it. Oh, God. What's up?

This this went from this is gonna be nice and short - this is gonna get fucking aggressive We gotta pull it out This is how you get on hungover you defeat it would I don't know what that's called it makes sense

Hey, let's do it around the expensive equipment. It's not a ranch water. You blew a fucking can up four episodes ago. I don't know how many episodes ago that was. I blew a can up. When you popped the fucking ranch water and it literally went everywhere. Yeah, but that wasn't my fault. I thought you were talking about Chris when he blew the cup up on her brand new table. Yeah, that was pretty fucking insane. This table brand new day one. Fucking Chris blows up a mug then Batty's opening beer cans on the side of the fucking table. I was like, guys, it's new. Hold on, hold on.

Is it good? No, it's still Heineken. No, it's Dos Equis. It's Mexican beer. I thought it was Heineken. Those are very different flavors. I saw a Heineken. You just assumed. It's a gender. It's a fucking gender. It's a pee pee sticking out. The little pee pee. Don't we got to still crack? I don't know. I'm not fucking a white cloth. The order of operations. You crack. Just start while you're pumping it. This is so foamy.

The podcast starting right now. It's been on. They're going to get this entire intro of us switching from just coffee water to foam. Let's use my head. They've ever had in their life. Here, Nico, get a couple. I don't know. I don't know what shit Marines don't say. Say hi to Eli. It's racially ambiguous. That guy's fucking ridiculous. Don't know.

It's harder to rhyme, but he's a really nice guy. Welcome to Unsubscribe. Hey, guys. Thanks for watching Unsubscribe podcast. Make sure wherever you're listening or watching, whether it's on YouTube, Castro, Spotify, Apple, Google, Amazon, Podbean, Stitcher, or...

That's all of them. Please leave a comment, like it, thumbs up it, give it a rating of five stars, whatever you do. It helps the podcast out immensely. And Donut and Eli will be very happy if you do that. And we want to make Donut and Eli happy today. Yeah. Five stars on everything and a comment if there is possible because we need to be at the top. Donut, say something motivating. Come on.

And that's where the you come that is come subscribe. Oh great great great. Oh, this is not a new table. That is the lightest beer I've ever had in my life. Yeah, it's all foam. What do you want? It's getting heavy. Get a bigger cup and just get all the foam out. Oh, I saw some actual I see beer in this one. Yes, I got a beer one. No, this one's for me. Damn it. Never mind. You get this one. I can't. Oh, it's dribbling. I can't. This is I'm just letting it dribble. It's fine. Jesus mother god.

Here's the towel, baddie. Guys, this is why you shake your dick after you're done peeing. Otherwise, you dribble everywhere. More fun that way. Bro, that's like what my... Shaking or dribbling. You ever get drunk off craft beer at a brewery? No, I don't drink shit. I hate craft beer. You don't hate it. It kills you.

There's a big difference, but I was like, I hate it. You're allergic to it. There's a stark difference between hating and it kills you. No, never mind. I like craft beers just because I feel like anybody's willing to pay $9 for a beer at Safer. He's like, let me put it on the edge of the table now. You're more expensive shit. It was foamy, but now I want it more foamy. I knew we just set up this entire sick podcast, but fuck this place.

I think Nick just left our guest is gone. You just pour out my phone. I got you another dickhead I can't you gave me a honey mini a dead dose eggies mini keg. I keep someone call a Heineken It's Heineken now. I don't give a fuck This is Vin Diesel's brand of beer right here triple X homie That's three

Just my lore is bad. He doesn't speak Spanish so Very good man is there a sexy Mexico like a yeah dude what the fuck so warm quattro

beer rooms. We were talking about that earlier. Dude, yeah. I told him, I was like, we woke up and I was like, I don't think I'm hungover. Guys, why is the podcast studio always so hot at back desk? It was hot and I was like, I'm starting to feel hungover though. I really feel like shit right now. I can't imagine.

Hungover dehydration or regular D? Fucking degrees in here We have our two beautiful guests the fat electrician and Nico Ortiz Yeah, I put a little spice on that I like it Oh

Is that better? I'll just do it like that. You want back with coffee? You already done with the foam? Dude, it's a mix. I want coffee. It's pretty early in the morning. I haven't had coffee. Eli was kind enough to get me these dope-ass fucking mugs. Where did you buy these at? Do you think I bought those? I went into the video game that they come from. What game does it come from? Bro, it looks like you went to... Nope. Stop. What game? Oh, man. We're going to play Angry Birds. Angry Birds?

Oh my god. Angry Birds. Motherfucker. To be fair, this is in Angry Birds. To be fair, I'm gonna give it to him. I can't get mad other than the color palette's a little different, but that's really close. I'm surprised. It's because we were playing Angry Birds mode at Top Gun last night. That was fun. I liked that one. That one was great. I never played that one before. Nico, seriously though, it looks like you bought this fucking thing from the island of misfit toys. Mario?

Why is it square? Minecraft motherfuckers! Oh, never mind. You got to drink hot liquid out of a fucking square. We're gonna take back our- Okay, it looks nothing like the TNT from Angry Birds. Not even close. 100% no. Oh, I got you. Yeah, not even- I thought maybe it was that, like, radish. It's not even a little bit. You can't take it out. It's a box top actually, isn't it? And it's wood. It's wood. It's wood. Yeah, never mind. You're a fucking idiot. You're an idiot. Stupid. Well, you said Mario.

I'm 13 and I never played Minecraft. But you played Mario. When is Mario fighting TNT? How old are you? Guess. 28. No, that's me. You're 28. Oh, so you're 26. I just turned 27. Oh my God. I could be your dad.

Aren't you like 30? You want to be my dad? I don't know, but I'll be your dad. Betty's 32. Betty's my stepdaddy. Your stepdaddy, Betty. Betty, are you 32? Yeah.

I could be your dad. Your son is, you had him at five years old. You fucking weirdo. Your balls had sperm. Yeah. My balls are super potent. X came to my, he can do it. Batty at five is smashing out 18 year olds. Is that what's up, bitches? I've been fucking since I was little, bro. Let's go. Those diapers were for me. That's highly illegal. It's a cool story for Batty. Very illegal, though.

Do baby dick bad Wait here's something this is this is something weird. I found out that a lot of people don't know oh How how tall did you think I was before you met me? I always thought you were probably I actually thought you were shorter I didn't I thought he was gonna be like 5 10 dude

Y'all got demons Brian sleeping They don't know Nico is six nine he's actually sitting on a five gallon bucket and I'm in a high chair Yeah, you're a tall guy to be honest like my height ish yeah, dude everybody Including like all these web forums now or like Nico Ortiz tick tocker youtuber

5'6 to 5'8. And I'm like, where the fuck...

You film half your content in the kitchen with counters and shit. It shows you how tall you are. You've been through door frames. How do people not like... No, you know what it is? They look at some of the reaction content. Well, you're sitting down and the background looks so big, so we just thought you were like 5'0". And then my community fucks with everybody because people are like, how tall is Nico? He's 5'4". He's 5'4". And everybody says that shit and now it's all over the website. I'm like, God,

Damn it. Do on sale because everyone was like, now I get, wow, you're taller in person. Cause everyone like us, we always play. I'm super short. So people think I'm like four 11 on a good day. So when they meet me, I encourage it so bad. Yeah. Weird. You're taller. I was like, you know, shit. I sit on the same. Yes. It's a high chair.

But I'm on the same line as my friends. You're right I have a butt pad that lifts me up a little bit, but doesn't matter well because before it was Everyone thought I was taller because I was around fucking all the tall guys Matt fucking rock It didn't matter I was just surrounded by six foot two to six with six people so then and I'm in the photos which you can clearly see the stark fucking difference the person

This is when I knew you were like shorter I thought you were like five

5'10" 5'11" Damn! You think he's running pumps dude. You're giving me like two inches I like. But then on the end. Two inches. But then on the old unsubbed. You were talking shit to Matty about it. He was like "Hey Eli touch the ceiling." He was like "Fuck you." Well now I'm not even close to this one. I'll just make him.

- Most people go for a vaulted feeling bat. He was like, what's reverse vaulted? It just comes down. - Hobbit home. - Yeah, Hobbington. - It was cozy, you know? - I want an excuse to never jump.

But no demo has demo finally it changed for the longest time with everything. So when you search demos height, it was six foot nine. No, six, seven, six, seven, seven. Yeah. He was just a tall motherfucker. And we were all like, well, and it would be the internet everywhere. And it was for years. This was happening. He was like, I don't know where it started. And then that's all it was. So then when people would meet him, they're like,

I thought you were 6'7". He's like, no, when the fuck, why am I 6'7"? When did I say that? When did I address this? You would Google and it'd be like, demolition Matt's height, 6'7". And you're like, everywhere on the map. How tall is he? I got the same thing with the fat electrician deal, though. What? You're not fat enough to be called the fat electrician. I'd say you're not enough. Yeah, you're a fit. Fit, not fat. The thick electrician is way better than me.

You're one X he's only thick with one see you gotta do the thick electricians

You get extra C's the more X's you wear. You have three X's, you thick with three X's. Three C's, you know? - Batty, you're at one C right now. - Yeah, I am. - Dude, Batty was a triple C. - I was never a triple. I was the tight double. - A swollen double C. - I can't use the dryer. I have to hang dry all my clothes. - You have to use fucking bedding.

bedding like on the setting is like where you had sheet where you dry your shirt and then you wear it and you just see the little nipples all over your shirt. Oh, you're like trying to stretch it out. Yeah, totally know what you guys are talking about.

It's hot as fuck

Me and Nico have been here for days They've drugged us and gave us too much alcohol turn the fucking thermostat to 75 Made us film seven hour podcast where we said stuff. We didn't mean cuz we were drugged and

This stupid fuck is 77. It is. It's super bad. And I don't know why. Look at that color. Look at that clear color. That's way better. What you at? Let's go. Ready? We got to go. Let's go, boys.

I need more. Most of this podcast is going to be 30 minutes of talking, 30 minutes of filling Dos Equis up randomly. The double X. Oh my God. I can't wait for Fluck to edit a photo of Vin Diesel as triple X as the double X just to see how fucked up he looks. Skinny. Remember Captain America before he got buffed? I want to see that but with Vin Diesel's fucking face on it.

This is feeling good. He's on double I just drop that I was like it was colder colder just put I Know I feel like flock is gonna edit all of us bald and look like Vin Diesel is just gonna say family family family Look at a camera perfect now. You can now you can edit us all bald. Oh Like that. Oh my god. Okay. I wonder what you look like bald fucking terrible. Oh

Fucking, I remember base. I was the basic training. I shaved my head the day before, just before I left. I was like, oh, I got to see what this looks like. I just buzz cut. And I was like, fuck. You showed the fucking wings. You had your satellite ears. That was my big ear. Big ear ears. That was. Satellite ears.

Dude, big ear Eli. That was pre surgery. Pre surgery Eli ears. Hold on, there was surgery involved? Bro. Oh yeah, I had dude my fucking ears were They were like fucking out there. Bro, when I did that gaming video and I saw your fucking ears I was like Dumbo ass. Dude, I had some like I ran wrong, I'd take off. Windy days, take off. Like everything. You had just like flying back and trying to run forward. Dude, windy cold days. I'd be like fuck my ears are red. Because like

With how much you talk about skydiving and stuff now that you're into it, I really wish that you would have got into skydiving before the surgery. I would have gotten into it after because you'd have to relearn everything. A thousand jumps. They're like a thousand jumps. Eli doesn't need a parachute. I've been just training with my ear dynamic. I land, I just up kick right at the end of my body. I just walk it out. That would be funny as fuck. Dude, yeah, I have. Wait, I might actually have surgery.

Yeah, go back 18 years. When was the surgery? Right when I was getting the History Channel show because they were like, yo, you're going to be on the History Channel. Your ears are ugly. I was like, yo, no. I was like, I'm going to be on national TV. And they're like, yeah. And I was like, I know what I'm doing first.

Click click click click. Like, I ain't going on Apple gun. Just bleeding blood. Hello. Welcome to history. I double down. It hurts so bad.

Save them just fucking Google Range 15 Eli's all you need watch. I'm gonna find it where he can no I was gonna show the surgery pics because I was awake during you. Oh, yeah, we got your awake during it man. Look at all these I wasn't Yeah, imagine having an iPhone whoa dude, I'm talking during that like there's a put a stitch in there

They fold the... Dude, they're fucking your ear. They made your ear a vagina. Dude. Yo, let me get in that ear. It looks like jam. It looks like jam. It looks like they just scoop jam in there. But no, they do local. So you're like... And then they just fold the cartilage. They do everything. And I'm like, oh man, that's crazy. And then we're just talking. Like, so what are you doing? Blah, blah, blah. I was like, oh, you know, living the dream life. And nothing. This ear though, they cut in.

They cut in this year and they were working on it. This is my last year. And then I remember the worst, the worst fucking pain ever. Cause I felt like the, the local wore off and I just felt like a, a razor go like this down my ears. Like first it was a small stitch. I was like, is it just cold? I didn't like, no, I was like, ah, that's a weird feeling. I haven't felt anything. And then the next cut goes and I was like, Oh,

And I was like, hey, I can feel all of that. And they're like, oh, my God, I am. Wait, you felt I was like 100 percent. You just got like really down into whatever you cut. And they're like, oh, we are so sorry. Like local, local, local. Two hours later, getting my food and then the local wore off. And then that was the worst pain. Daddy, are you just eating a donut? Well, that's symbolic because he's not here today. We miss it in memory. We remember. Oh,

My god, what the fuck is with this fucking AC? I gotta fix it. Oh, it is a little over here's a little bit. Fuck you guys It is right here. Like we're doing I'm just amazed at how fucking I'm sweating. Yeah same and this says losing weight Hell, yeah, bro, dude. Yeah, it says 67 degrees cooling tube is 77 degrees, right? Fucking hot

The AC might have issues right now. God damn it, Batty. Why is it when you're coming here that your fucking house AC follows you here? Legit. That's 100%. You have ghosts. I said demons, brother. Batty ghosts. You've got like a haunted nose ring or some bullshit that makes me sweat. Haunted nose ring. When are you getting a nose ring? Do you go? But you don't have. I don't think I'm getting a nose ring. I'm never getting a nose ring.

Never getting a nose ring. I know. That's why I was like... Am I the only one without piercings here? Well, never mind. I had huge ears. I wasn't going to draw attraction to it and put lanterns on those bitches. But you can now. Yes, at 38, I should be getting earrings. That doesn't scream anything at all. I just show up to the door. What do you mean? Hey, people. Yeah, notice anything different?

new Feel fucking stupid. No, if you don't do it you stay old. Yeah, I am You get a little 38 yeah, I didn't know that Did you say that's disgusting no I said No

You're done here. Whenever we finally actually do play D&D and record it, you're going to be Graybush the Wise. Hello. I'm Graybush the Wise. You had to start this. You had to start this fucking... You have created my new character. I hate... He hates this voice. I'm like, my name is Graybush the Wise. This is my sex slave baddie. The baddie. Baddie the baddie? Baddie, will you...

At company on my journey, don't forget my prune juice. This is worse than the boop, I hope you know that. I was just going to ask. This is so much worse. The boop probably smelled better. Batty, remember that time I was searching for hot anime dolphins and I was super embarrassed to face it?

I hate when I'm online searching up hot anime dolphins. Me too. It's the most embarrassing thing. You know what? Sometimes you're like, just use incognito mode. I always use incognito mode. That's safe, right? Until the government knocks on your door. Trust me. They can hold up that anime dolphin. You're trying to not turn your pants into shorts. And that's why I use ExpressVPN.

It doesn't matter who your internet service provider is. That's ISP. In the U.S., can legally tell your information to ad companies. They can sell everything you have, even on incognito mode. That's stupid. They know. They're listening. They're watching. They don't care if you're secret. They don't even care right now. ExpressVPN is an app that reroutes your internet connection through their secure service so your ISP can't see the sites you visit. No more dolphin stuff.

ExpressVPN also keeps all your information secure by encrypting 100% of your data with the most powerful encryption available. Most of the time, I don't even realize I have ExpressVPN on. It runs seamlessly in the background. It's so easy to use. All you have to do is tap one button and you're protected. ExpressVPN is available on all your devices, phones, computers, or even your smart TV. It's actually kind of helpful because I actually have used it. It's a Chrome extension. You just boop. Oh.

It's just like how you have adblock or anything like that. You can just turn it on or just never shut it off because I know you're a bunch of degens looking up anime waifu dolphins. I can't wait till that's a shirt. That's a shirt now. Anime waifu dolphins. I hate it. I hate it so much. But hey, now you can safely search the internet, surf the web, look up your disgusting, disgusting

- Dolphins. - That's right. Protect your online activity today with VPN rated number one by Business Insider. Visit your exclusive leak, expressvpn.com/unsub and you can get your extra three months free on a one year package. That's expressvpn.com/unsub. Expressvpn.com/unsub to learn more. - I hate to stop it. You're done. You're cut off. - Get your dolphins today.

Good. Where's my Metamucil at? We're on a mission. Karen's dead. Where am I? I'm just old. I want to play a campaign where I can't remember. How old were you at basic training? 32. No, I was 19. What year?

- January, you were in middle school? - You were at ACU then. - No, it was BDU's. - You were rocking the Lord's flannel? - That's it, the Lord's flannel, that's what we were discussing. That was the shirt, boom. - That's trademarked by me. - Is it? - For sure, 100% when I said it on camera first. - Put in trademark by unsubscribed.

We gotta beat him to the shirt guys. Yeah, dude. It's just a camo shirt that says Lord's Camo Now you got both you know you can have Lord's Camo all rock lords flannel see who sells more shirts

Oh, look at me. I'm a successful person. Is the new shirt live? The Unsub From Life shirt? Yeah, it's out in the car. I forgot to grab it. The comments on Facebook are great. People are super happy. Wait. Wait. Facebook's ass cocked. Do we check our Facebook? Oh, bro. My wife is like, they're getting some fucking heat in the comments section. Oh, we don't even check. We don't have a Facebook. Well, I mean, it literally says, you're like, y'all irrelevant. We don't even check our comments. It literally says, life unsubscribe. I mean...

I'm not saying you guys are saying that I'm saying that it's open to interpretation I don't know my wife was like I just saw it on Facebook and people are upset in the comments Oh my god Life unsubscribe Wait no now I gotta find this on bunker everything That's I don't know It's like everything goes up in the ether and then I have no idea I hope it did good

I like the cum shirt It's a doom font, but it just says come Subscribe so doom fog just as come subscribe just as calm see you him and doom font subscribe Okay, that's hot just aggressive doom font and that was our number one selling shirt still I

We did not expect that. That's a good shirt. Yeah. A lot of people like to wear it out in public. The amount of people that tag us in photos. Look, I found a guy with a Cub subscriber. I'm like, why are you wearing that? Look what I'm wearing to the Grand Canyon. Family pictures. Family pictures. Well, they have that concert. This is a Denny's? Like, what are you doing? They have the concert people now that are going like.

That one band that always wears the cum and then they have the audience shouting come come come and the guy standing there in his shirt. They're just like Yeah, he's Australian they're on Australian. Yeah, they're Australian. I can't remember the name but yeah during their shows they're like shouting come and the drummer was like standing with the cum. What happened to cum? Cum.

Oh, I love these guys. It happened again. Y'all are hard. Yeah. There's people like, please send in your cum photos. No, don't. Why? I want to put them up on the screen. Did you just think of what you just said? In their defense, it's all they've got. Oh, never mind. No. You fucking do it. I got it. Yep, yep, yep, yep, yep. Do it, do it, do it, do it. It just loads on a table. I'm like, oh, I don't want to know about your cum box. Why wait? Did you? I just, I'm still in sh...

He's like no Twitter's a good fucking time right now. I don't I'm the worst leader person ever. I don't use Twitter at all

I'm very like once a month. I might I live on Twitter. I don't even have a Twitter, but I need to get engaged How do you not use Twitter? I hate Twitter. I'm stupid. Does it look like a fucking read shit? Yeah, exactly. Dude. No pictures? Out. There's lots of pictures. Instagram was a hard sell without pop-ups for me. Oh, you're good. Right there. Stop fucking everything up, Nico. I can tell Nico their baseline isn't equal. Hism's going off.

Yeah, my tism's going off. It's fucking driving me crazy because then that camera's going to have one of you blurry and one of you not blurry because you're not on the same focal length.

Like see daddy I am the dad in this group unfortunately Oldest fuck you are. Oh, that's what the show a show you all need to watch now Peripheral now have you heard of it? I've heard vision Huh like the vision?

No, no, this is like a peripheral equipment. Oh Have kids no, how do you catch all these dad jokes? I hate dad's motherfucker couldn't catch a cold in Alaska and you catch every single one of them I hate dad jokes so much. So every time you say what I'm like, I have two kids I just had another one like I can't help it gonna get worse. My kid doesn't understand dad jokes. I

- Why? - He's like, "Father, I do not get this." - That's the computer chicken. - It's lost on his intelligence. It's like, "I do not care about this, daddy." - The Burj Khalifa is. - Yes, 2000. - Like how many is a thousand hours? He's like three days, 14 hours and 60. Which I loved it, Brandon, that one day, I was just asking Ryden time. I was like, "Thousand hours." I was like, "Ask him hours in a year or whatever he's gonna tell you."

To a teen, that was like every fucking like, it's like how many hours are in a hundred years? 14,300. To a teen, you're like, what the fuck? And Brandon's on his phone like doing the math. He's like, right? Yeah, Brandon was like, what the fuck? I was like, I don't know. I don't know how the brain works. He just, he was getting like, Brandon was getting the number faster than Brandon could punch you in the calculation. He's like, what the fuck?

Slow down! It was wild. And he's learning heights of buildings now and you're like, why? What is, what the fuck? It's like, hey, Statue of Liberty is like 315 feet. Dude, he's gonna become like the world's greatest architect. I just like, he's got numbers and fucking heights of shit down there. Or, to the center of the flag.

Yeah, yeah, he could be an assassin bro. That's why I just play rock metal and beat his shins with metal pipes. Just like right become a killer. Just smacking his shins with wood. For advertising purposes, that was a joke. Ben Affleck taught me. Yeah. Ben Affleck. Affleck. Damn.

- What were you saying, Batty? - Have you ever heard of mybookie.com? I don't know if you're a fan of sports bets, UFC betting. - UFC, I know. - Wait, do you watch UFC? - I watch UFC and boxing. - Did you ever bet on those UFC fights? - I might have one or two times. - Have you bet on? - Well, is it just UFC? It's everything, right? - Yeah. - Is it everything? - Oh yeah. Everything, everything.

Trying to think. Wait, what was the two fights? We had the Patty one. Oh, what's his name? Just knocked out because that's a good one. I can. That's an actually. You mean Royce Gracie and Tank Abbott? If you bet on that fight in 1991, you would have won. What about Conor McGregor and Anderson Silva? I don't think.

They're completely different white glasses. What about those other two guys? Sean the Sharkman Shirk and BJ Penn. I thought you made up somebody's name. No, those are real people. I thought you were just like Sean the Sharkman Shirk with Billy the Bebop. No, BJ Penn.

Those are both. I'm pretty sure they fought. No, a bet on Usman versus Edwards. That would have been a giant payday because Edwards was the underdog and he was going to lose. So if you had him on a knockout in the last round, you would want a whole bunch of money. A metric ton. Caught my verbiage right there. Beep it anyways.

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Double dots, line, line, www.mybookie.ag. Go now. Pan to his face. Love you. Peripheral. Good fucking show. Holy shit. It's on Amazon. Haven't heard of it. That was the one that was like, hey, babe, check this out. It's like really highly rated. Fucking, it's VR.

It's like every time you put your hands up now. I think you're doing this shit. You could be pointing at something I just imagine you doing this now. I do it now. I'll be at my desk and I'll be like yeah guys Eli. You just totally at home you're not doing anything and then you're just like watching TV and you're. No no it's always when I'm talking about Eli or I'm like man this is fucking. It's contagious. I caught his tits on.

It's contagious. Everyone's like, "Oh my god." "Itism, it's contagious." Don't touch me! I don't wanna catch anything. Oh shit.

It's way too early to be drinking. I know. Is it though? Is it? We brought a keg. Well, I'm getting on a plane today, so I need this. I know. You guys are all going. I can't wait to get on my plane. I'm not. With Sun Country. I thought it was good. I did research beforehand. Sun Country? Have you heard what he did to me?

And it was great I paid 39 extra dollars for the seat with extra legroom and there was nobody sitting next to me I was like this can be the dopest flight ever this is a few come time this is me the first time I've ever been on a flight where it was me and Nobody like every other flight. I've ever been on I'm in the middle with two dudes bigger than me It was like this is gonna be dope. They're like the cabin is now pressurized. I look up. There's no TV on the headlight The seat in front of me. I was like okay. I have my phone and I have Wi-Fi no fucking Wi-Fi just

You don't have like a game on your phone you can like... No, he deleted photos. I can only play Risk against a computer so many fucking times. I got so bored I started deleting old pictures and screenshots. Like literally 1.7 gigs of fucking pictures I deleted over a three hour flight.

He played half a game in the Monopoly. What? You flying Southwest? Hell no. I don't know. There's a direct flight from Vegas to here. I'm sorry. I did American. I'm so sorry. Eli spent some money on you. No, he got it himself. I bought my own shit. Fuck me. You deserve some country. Eli's like, I'm going to send you an Uber as a fucking covered wagon. A bunch of fucking pilgrims. I'm on Uber too.

I did smoke signals to the Amish. The Amish got the smoke signals, rode in, picked him up. For those of you that don't know, I'm actually a full-time member of the Unsubscribed Podcast. They just only pick me up via fucking covered wagon. I have a three-week journey here and back. So that's why I'm only here every other month. You...

You journey back home, just crossing the Mississippi on a trail. Man, I hope Nick doesn't die of dysentery. Fucking rattlesnakes. He's on family tree. Buffalo hunting. Sorry, cholera. Cholera.

Family three for Nick fuck's sake literally playing work on trail every time you come out here. That's great I didn't know I did the research. No, I didn't yeah, I did because I he was not know how the why would I fly to fucking Iowa? How did you not have you not heard of Sun country before no that's that's your Let me ask you a question you ever buy a gun you've never heard of like the brand name I

Have you ever heard of staccato? Yeah, I have. Did you hear? I've known about it for years. Oh, okay. Eli, if you haven't heard of an airline, it's probably not great. Well, when I read it and Googled it, they said really good.

That's the only reason. You went to fucking Reddit for advice? That was a troll comment. No, it's great. It was Google and Reddit. I literally was like, because my, it looked shady. I was like, I feel like.

- I feel like, I thought it could have been a diamond in the rough. - It could have been a diamond in the rough. - We're getting to the point that I feel bad, like everything about that flight was fantastic except no wifi and no TVs. - Yes, me. - Like it was just, it gave me three hours to reflect on how great everything else was. - You have to unplug your seat. - You have to unplug and just live life. - And my own carry on. - Yeah.

See if you left a review, you'd be like super happy. No Wi-Fi, no TV. Kind of suck. I don't blame. I don't have a good experience. I don't want to be like worst shit I've ever taken in my entire fucking life. I will not be flying again. Man. Put some motherfucking technology on this bitch. I don't care what airline it is. It's always the worst shit of your life if it's on a plane.

I haven't pooped on a plane in a long time. God, it's the worst. I will make myself shit before I leave that airport. I'm too big. Big dudes don't poop on planes, man. It's hard enough peeing on a fucking plane because I pee like this. Oh, that cracks. Your neck just shattered. You were like...

I'm paralyzed. We're wheeling you around. Dude, but being on a plane like this and then like, god damn it, I'm like, can't wait to get out of here. And then you're done and you're like, god damn it. I love being on a plane. It's like a grand hall for me. Bathrooms when I walk in, it's like, it's this studio space when I walk in the bathroom. I'm like, ah. You're like, look at those arms and legs. Dude, I'm like, I jog to the urinals the door closes.

I'm getting like self conscious cause like everybody on the whole plane just watched me go into the bathroom and they're like he's been in there a while and like the stewardess is like did he go in there by himself? No just taking a shit. Just taking a shit. Oh my gosh. And then you feel like you need to

Fuck. Are those beds comfy upstairs? Y'all right? Those are- Those are okay. His neck sounded great, you're right. That was your mattress. He has a very nice mattress. No, that's a great mattress. Okay, then we're good. No, the one that's comfortable is great. Dude, I sleep on the floor half the time in my house. Just 'cause I have an issue like, I don't know why I like like hard- Oh, you got the hardcore PTS, right? Like you just like, "I'm under the bed tonight, I'm on the floor." Dude, I legit would just lay on the floor at home. Bullshit, I got a story about Nico sleeping.

You the Count of Monte Crisco, you just can't find a fucking comfortable bed. Dude, it's like being in the interview, like, man, this dirt looks really nice. What was that reference? Count of Monte Crisco? Did you just... You've never watched that? No, I... That's such an old fucking... I have no idea what the fuck he's talking about. I know you did. You're not old enough. You probably are an old fuck. First of all... That's a fucking huge-ass book first. How did you... It's a book. The Count is on Sesame Street. I don't know what a Monte Cristo is.

Powdered sugar sandwich that was such an obscure reference. I'm impressed one in chat if you're impressed chat one I'm so used to chat still my k chat. What's up motherfuckers? Do count mask Monte Crisco go home and watch it first time. I met you slept in the van

Oh, yeah. Dude, I was fucked up. That's why we got taken out to Salt Lake City together. And that was the first time I met him. And the first night we slept in Salt Lake City, he like apparated in the morning and we're like, hey, what's up? He's a good just woke up in the van. I was like, why? I left the house. Right. I don't even know. It was like two in the morning, three in the morning.

I left the house and I was walking to the other house because my bedroom was there. So I've been in the fucking basement. And then I was walking out and I don't know why I saw the vans we were being transported. I was like, it would be funny if I slept in the back of that tonight. I legit. Did you say that out loud to yourself? I legit said that out loud. I like you like no one was around you like, dude, this is hilarious. It just became an outside voice. Dude, legit, I'm just like this. I'm like.

I slept in the bed. I would be so funny. And I was like, is it open? And then I like put my shit down. I'm like, oh, cool. And then I ran inside, grabbed a couch pillow and a blanket that was on the couch. And I ran back outside and I was like, the back looks terrible. It's just metal in the back. But it

And I had to sleep in a ball because there wasn't enough room. No, you didn't have to. You could have went inside. So let's readjust the word have to. That's a word you didn't have to use at all. You could have slept the fuck inside. When you realize you have to be in a ball, leave. Dude, no, dude, and I slept in there and I woke up and Chris was like, where were you this morning? Because they brought everybody breakfast and I was like, in the back of the van, yo. What?

He's like doing what and I was like I slept there last night Nico's waiting all day for them to laugh about it This joke is gonna hit so hard But like only knowing you for 11 hours you're like bro I slept in the van last night I'm like no y'all were like what are these pillows doing in here? They're like, what are these pillows doing? I was I slept in the van last night my bad. I'll move put them back in the house. I

They go from your character online to meeting you to that I was like, oh he's retarded Retard when I was out with Brandon last night, bro. Oh god, bro. No, they went to a gay club No, we actually did. We went to a different the dude Zeus Texas is like I'm gonna go into the gay club. It's a Sunday and I'm like

Yeah, you can't be... We're standing. Not on the Sabbath. Off the Sabbath. He said, we're not going anymore. He forgot it Sunday. And he's like, I was like, it's a week. Fuck.

But we went to this- Do they all go hide outside? It's like vampires when they're like- They just run into their gay caves. There's strobe lights and- Like, yeah, we're happy again. Bro, when was in Vegas the last trip we went to a gay bar?

Best best fucking bar experience ever do gay bars are the best bars. Yeah Hands down like nothing. Nothing is even close. I had a lot of drinks, but you know, you know, I was debating Dude I was walking you know I

Spiderweb prevention technology

It drains me. It all just runs down here. Keeps it out of his eye. Now that you brought up the van life, I have to show you this image that I sent. Oh, don't say van life. Hashtag van life. Hashtag van life.

I remember growing up as a child watching Chris Farley making fun of people that lived in vans because they were poor. Now you have to have a fucking trust fund to live in a van down by the river. Bro, Vans are slanzo. Because Brandon always says, brother, never let me walk anywhere ever again. And at three in the morning... Oh, no, that's yours. Okay, that was yours.

At 3 in the morning, he's like, oh, God, did you actually manage to get back to the house? And I was like, no, but this grass mad soft. What? What? What is this? Can you screenshot these and send them to me? Because holy shit. Hold on.

- But this scratch is Matt's offside. - Look at the time, look at the time. - Read those texts out loud. - Please, how old is your iPhone? - It's even funnier. - This is a new one. - Smallest little iPhone. - I have tiny hands, bro. - Oh, he does. They're smaller than mine. No, they're smaller than mine. - Eli, no, fuck this. I don't care about you. You're a big dude. Eli, hands. - No, his are smaller.

This is why people think you're small man. That's a hand part-time job. How big is your dick? It's like that but that's why when we've talked about it's like taking a pic with your dick you just use a Barbie hand You're like

And that soft That text message thread is even funnier because Brandon was there in Salt Lake also and knows that he slept in the van So like it's believable. Fuck it. This yards nice Well, guess what the place where Brandon's like I'm gonna get a fucking uber We'll go back to my place. We can like crash should be safe there and I was like, oh

How far away am I from the like the house and I look at my phone 13 miles and I was like I'll catch you later brother I was like I literally just started sprinting across the street. I was like good night And I just was running for like two miles and I leave my phone like fuck I

I was like, I was like, holy shit, dude. You were 12 and you were just deciding to walk home. Yeah. I thought it'd be fun. What is your brain? It's going to be hilarious when I wake up in this hot hard band, dude, I'm 12 miles out. The guys are going to find this funny too. I'm a one run home at 3am. It was funny till it was like three o'clock. And I was like, I, I fucked up. I'm,

I definitely iced that. I'm halfway. The booze wore off? Yeah. I was like, man, yeah. I was like, don't ever let me watch it again. And then he's like, did you make it back? And I'm like, no. I just picture you jogging. It's that two mile mark. Dude, it's darkest. I'm like.

I still have like, I'll call man like this is so fun. I just picture that dark highway road though with lights illuminating it. Dude, I thought I was gonna get hit so many times. Well that's you coming to that stop and you're like, huh, huh, huh, huh. You look up and you're like,

10 miles. You hear a coyote howling. You're like, oh man. I'm done. Dude, I was, I was, dude, cars were like going by because it's like a freeway, right? It's like a. The frontage road. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, and. Yeah, it's a fucking freeway. You were just walking on the side of the freeway. Yeah. Were you walking to Kmart? Like, I've never seen anybody do that. Dude, I was just walking. I'm like, who gonna stop me? Nobody. I hope people weren't driving by their own. Nico Ortiz. And they just kept driving. Dude.

Dude, that dude's hitting it roughly. Just fans are like, damn, homie peaked and he died. Yeah, his TikTok career is dying. By the way, there's no fucking lights on that, like, road. So I'm scared of all these cars hitting me, right? Because they go by and it's like, should I have your PT belt? And then there were no cars for like 30 seconds in the last car on by. And then it was like pitch black. And I was like, what the?

I was like, I can't see shit, dude. I was freaking out for a minute. So it was fun. You just unlocked a fucking core memory. I like almost forgot about PT belts for a second. How did, why haven't you done a video on PT belts? I don't know. Oh my God. Why the fuck have any lives? I know the reflective contraceptive. Dude, I was researching. I was trying to find out like where PT belts came about and like why they happened. I cannot find it to save my life. Uh,

Like man, I had to know like one time. There's a reason actually for PT. But is there really like PT belts is literally just the equivalent of like one person shits. We all got to wear a diaper. One time. McDonald's cup say this is hot coffee. That's fake. Actually, that's a completely different story. Stop it. Don't worry. God, you don't know this. It's a good story. I love that story. Oh, I know it. You want to know it?

So like they created they created an ad campaign that they spilled hot coffee or somebody spilled hot coffee old lady center 70s the whole thing it was uh They didn't put the lid on all the way and they handed it to an old lady in her like her 70s or her 80s and when they handed it to her it's spot on her lap and gave her third-degree burns all over her thighs and genitals and Genitals nice she was in the hospital for a very long time and it racked up all these health bills so she's only to get money to cover her health expenses and

And McDonald's literally said, well, she's so old, we're just going to tie it up in litigation until she dies and the problem goes away.

And then they created the marketing campaign, that marketing campaign type that of how ridiculous it is. So yeah, there's that. They fucked that old lady because she literally was like all I want. So it was the, the coffee also was well above boiling point cause it's supposed to be like 90 Celsius, 92 Celsius. Fuck is that? I don't fucking talk like your country went to the 60 Fahrenheit. I don't know how hot.

Is coffee supposed to be because on my little thingy? Your tea is? I love tea. I'm sorry. Tea is great. What's worse the metric system or tea? It's the same thing. I drink my tea at 202 degrees Fahrenheit. It's just metric leaf water. I fucking hate it.

That's the name. That's a shirt for you. Metric leaf water. That's such a good. But no, they, that lady, she, it was well above boiling point. So they had all those fuck ups. And then as he said, fuck,

Not lit on, spilt on her, burnt her fucking genital, like everything, fused it shut. It was a bad thing. And she was just like, yeah, she had to have reconstructive surgery. And then it was just like target built. Shit fucking just fuses. So, you know, the dust.

And then she won, but she did win money from it because she did just go against. She was like, I just want my bill pays. McDonald's like, fuck you. Like they made the conscious decision to tie it up in litigation, like writing it out until their plan was to write it out and tie it up in litigation until she passed away. Like it was pretty fucked up. Yeah. Yeah. Now people are like, Oh, here's the real story behind that. And you're like, Oh man,

Because I remember little it was just like you just learned it's like this old dumb lady spilled coffee on herself. You can sue anybody for anything in America. I just call it butt knowledge. That's my comment section all the time. I have some butt knowledge too but it's very different. I also have that butt knowledge.

Just tap it just tap it before we would start this ad read this is the ghost bed pillows like bad he's saying right now we want more because

These things are- - Go to bed, send me another pillow. - Bros. - For reals though. - Send me a mattress. It feels so comfortable. You like toss your trash pillows. Now the second my head hits something, I know it's not right. I'm like, Sav, I don't want your shitty ass pillow from Walmart. These though, it's cool. - Dude, do you put yours in a pillowcase? - Oh yeah. - No, don't. - Wait, what? - That's the fucking case. - Wait, for real? - The pillow's inside, it's got a zipper. - What? - Dude, use the outside.

It's legitimately like cooling as fuck. Bro, I'm telling you, just rock that shit. Raw dog your pillow, bro. So nice. Oh yeah, I'll hold it up here. Every match has a 20 year warranty. Some even have a 25 year warranty. You can even try it out for 101 nights. If you don't like it, you can send it back. No hard feelings. Who does that? Perhaps Ghostbed? Is it Ghostbed? The pillows you've been talking about this entire time?

One of our favorite parts about GhostVed is that each mattress has cooling technology, pillows too, so that if you get hot at night like we do here in Texas, because, oh boy, it's warm, this thing's our lifesaver. Fuck.

Now insert your head in the wide. Do that last part. Eli, I've got you buddy. Batty, thanks for having me here by the way guys. I'm totally here. Don't look under the table. Listen, Ghostbit also offers bundles so you can get everything that you need, making it really easy to think about. Just simply go and pick one of their four mattresses and then pick your bundle. Whether you're choosing just a mattress and a frame or maybe you want it all like the cooling sheets and pillows,

GhostBed's gonna help make sure that you get the best bang for your buck. Right now, GhostBed is offering 30% off of everything if you use code unsubscribe. That is the full word. Unsubscribe. You wanna fix that? Perfect. Now they can read. These prices are scary. Boo. That was awful. Okay, Nick. Nico. Oh boy.

Yeah. Favorite video game ever. Favorite video game ever. I just want to know. Fallout 3. The Fallout series and the Assassin's Creed series. But if I had to pick like from childhood that I wish they continued is actually Jak and Dexter. I like that. You have a great choice. I got to talk to you about Assassin's Creed real quick. Go. Go.

You said Jack and Dexter and it like literally unlocked a core memory of me playing Jack and Dexter on my PSP. Did something bad happen in Trials of the Dead? You're unlocking a lot of things recently. There's a lot of locks in your locks. I just want to reflect on how ahead of its time and how fantastic the PSP was. I never had a PSP. Before it died because everybody hated it. I thought it sucked. It was amazing. I hated it. I loved it. All my friends had it and I played it one time and I was like, I have a PlayStation. Fuck this little thing. Dude, in Iraq, the PSP was fucking dope on my downtime. What?

Yeah, no no I had yeah, but I had me in the Porter Johns

Dude, what was the Zune? The Zune Halo Edition. You guys remember the Zune? I had a Zune. I loved it. Dude, this is before your guys' time. This is like the original iPod. Microsoft put out the Zune, which was just the same as the original iPod, but better in every fucking way, but it didn't have the marketing of an iPod, and it failed miserably. No, no, no. It's not that it didn't have the marketing. It didn't have an insane fucking cult that thinks anything that Mac puts out is the best. Okay, that's true. That's also true. The Zune was so fucking awesome. Dude, I beat off for that Zune. Right, exactly. Just like your iPad.

That's the name of this episode, Sticky Zune. Dude, I just would be like, time to go to the Port-A-John, have my Zune. Walk in, walk out. Hashtag sauna fap.

Dude, Jack and Dexter. Did you guys ever play Conker's? Oh, Bad Fur Day? Oh my god. If you like Jack and Dexter, you would love Conker's Bad Fur Day. It's N64. Yeah, it's N64, right? Didn't they remaster it? I feel like they remastered Conker's. I think they did. Do you guys like Jack and Dexter? Yeah, Jack and Dexter was the third one. The first one was very confusing. When they traveled through time, though.

And they were in the future with hovercrafts and guns and shit. And the second one, though. Is that the second one? Okay. I know you're going to hate this. I don't care. After you get to this point, just go back in time and do a cup counter on everybody. I'm curious. Ding.

Yeah, just start putting it. I have to be drinking all day or you guys already know this by now. I will freak out on the fucking planes. Oh, yeah. He's not a freak out on the fucking plane. I have I'm going to have to drink all day till nine when my plane takes off. Yeah, I have to drink all day or I'm going to fucking freak out. I've a good I've been around Nico for about five days cumulative in my life right now, and it's never been dull. He's a great guy.

I love, I know all of your, I can tell your personality trace by you guys just staying here. And I'm noticing that with guests, when they come here, I'm like, ah, I'm telling you right now, like your wife cleans a majority of your house. She's the clean one.

Sure. It's not like, no, hold on. My wife, it is my wife's mission to make it look like I don't exist in the house. Like I have my one office where my computer is. That's where my shit goes. Period. But it's getting fucking heated down the stairs. If I leave my coat on a coat hanger, like your shit is ugly. Get it out of my house. Like I don't want your Carhartt bullshit hanging on the shelf. Your dirty work clothes. Yeet.

Because I was like, oh, like nickel like the coffee maker right now. It's pulled out from the thing and I'm like, why is that pulled out right now? I wasn't sorry. This isn't you being dirty. I apologize. This is Eli's tism kicking. It's flaring up. And I can point out people's things. I'm like, this is what you do at home. Nick left the coffee maker out because it's still on. So I know he's a fucking slob.

Yeah. Nick opened the charging cables and left the open package next to it.

- Yeah. - And then I had to throw it. - Sorry, did you want it? - Okay, okay, pause, Tracy. - No, no, you wanna throw stones. Would you prefer that I opened the garage door over there and threw it into your garage? - Yes, please. - There's literally a fucking ocean of Amazon boxes. I swear to God, the entire two bay garage, completely full, six feet high, nothing but empty Amazon boxes. - He's right, 100%. - Everything. - Truth.

I'm gonna throw it in there. I'll do it right now. I like to cosplay Scrooge McDuck. And that is my coins. When people talk about compartmentalizing, that's not what they meant. They didn't mean just show all your fucking shit in the garage.

We'll take a picture and post it. Because this house is fucking spotless. You go to that garage though, it's like a whole hoarder. You're like moving stuff around. There's a little path. It's a maze. We're opening it with a corn maze. It's just a cardboard maze. Kids can come in. There's four skeletons in there. The bad electric went in and kicked out. Nick! Guys, I can't

Surprise Nico to the sleep in there Smashing cardboard and making a cardboard blanket like Nico no one finds this hilarious Bar with Nico

best experience. Oh, God. Explain. If you get in a fight at the bar and Nico is there with you, he could not know what's going on. And if you get in a physical alter, he's going to come out of left field and double leg drop kick whoever's fucking with you and then ask questions later. Like, he's doing it all the time. We were

One of Brandon's friends and this dude's like this guy just trying to find me I was like where the fuck is this bitch? Take me there right now and then fucking He walks up and he's like so this guy right here, and I looked at him like I'm not trying to like throw a first punch right? Like that's the elite that's where like shit is like that's where the crime happens He's like so this guy the dude turns around and then like I gotta go like this I'm like

Like trying to make sure he sees my eyes, right? So he knows I'm the one who's fighting him, right? And then they like, this dude that backed me up, I was like, oh, he didn't hit, like he's cool. And I was like, hey, what's up, bro? An inch from death. It's crazy. You know how like, you know how, you know how microwaves have a fucking popcorn button? Yeah. Like there's no reading instructions. Nico's got a fight button. Just,

Go! And chances are it's- I'm like, it's sober, that's the scary part. No, it's all the time! It's all the time, bro. I'm just trying to fight all the time, dude. Remember when you were playing Fallout and your, like, companion dog or your ogre or whatever the fuck you had just started, like, attacking a random fucking monster? You're like, no! Like, fuck, now I gotta fight a monster! Dog meat. You're dog meat. Yeah.

My fucking dog attacked a deathclaw and all I have is a pistol. Shit! Deathclaws are running out as a deathclaw came. In the dark, you see something that's like seven, eight feet tall. It's like this. You're like, what the fuck?

So you are a popcorn button that's amazing Chances are it's not gonna work right so it's just hitting people. Yeah death laws got that death clause have that ATF Burke

Extra damage on dogs. Oh no. God, I haven't played a Fallout in God knows how long. This is a good, like, best. We were arguing with Cody and Brandon yesterday. We think that Fallout 3 is the best, and they are thoroughly convinced that Fallout New Vegas is the best. I'll go with 3, 100%. I like 2 and 1. Here was our argument.

He's old guys. He's fuckin' 80. Yes. Did you play in the back of your covered wagon, you fuckin' pilgrim? Jesus Christ. Fallout, I don't even know what Fallout 1 and 2 look like. Sorry. That was seven minutes, baby! Let's sing the song! Did we say something we're not supposed to say?

We didn't crack a beer usually sinks of our beer cracks now, we didn't crack a beer We didn't clack folks gonna hate us for this one you There's a sync button, but we were saying that fall out of the fallout 3 was like the last big game that came out when I

Gaming companies would just release a complete fucking product and not released 40% of a complete game and then sell you the rest as a DLC Come out Let me guess it fallout 3 map is massive The true open-world experience. Yeah, like it's fucking huge an interaction for the entire way 2005 or 2008

Oh man, I hate that. I can guess that. Game is ahead of its fucking time. Man, you guys didn't play. That's why you would have left all one and two. I've seen the gameplay on that. I'm like, this is not for fucking. If somehow you're like an adult and you're watching this podcast, let your kids play RPGs. It's really important when they become an adult because you really learn how to interact with a lot of fucking NPCs walking around in this planet. Very important. People are NPCs. You can tell.

Still an NPC, but like an important one. No, he's definitely giving a question. It's like, I misplaced my three pillows. I slept in a trailer last night. Can you find that trailer? And you're like, why? Why are you sending me on this stupid fucking... I appreciate you not going Decker Kane for that. Good job. That's Nico's voice. What? I don't know. It's not... I'm lost in steak sauce right now. What? You're giving quests. You're an NPC, bro. You give a mission. Yeah, you're an NPC. You're an NPC.

RPGs, but you're like a boss bot. You're like a rich bot you handed out you a quest giver Before we get to you You're an NBC but like you're close giver wise giver no fucking

Fallout 2 was the first. I love the Fallout series. So Fallout 2 came out in 98. It's isometric. Did you have to plug that game console into AC or DC electricity? DC. I'm crazy. Edison come out with it? Edison come out with it?

Fucking hate you for how old I am. You hate me for how old you are. You're the reason I'm old. But for 98, those were the first games that broke. Did you just say 98? Yeah, that game came out in 98 or 97. I was fucking four. Nico was born. It might have been 97. I was three.

It's old as fuck. That was the first game, though. You're old as fuck. Yes, 100%. Marry somebody and then prostitute them out. And that was, again, in the 90s. You're like, what the fuck is this game? And you could kill entire cities. It's Fallout. That didn't change. Oh, in the video games. I was like, what the fuck?

I was like, what are we talking about? I was like, that blackout for a second. I was like, what the fuck just changed? How did you get here? You can literally marry people in Fallout 1 and 2, and then you can prostitute them out to make money. The games are really fucked up, and you're like, oh. And then they're like Fallout 3. They're like, yo, let's make it first person now. Let's...

That was highly successful for the PC market space. Let's make it this. And then it turned down to the fucking fallout series, which is again, fucking cream of the crop because the, the choices you make in the game actually change. It's not like, yeah, it's not the lines of dialogue and like all that. Well, that was in the time of fall throughs in the time of like your, uh, uh,

Elder Scrolls in time of what was the Star Wars one mass mass mass effect? That was all new stuff like making choices and games holy fuck I

That didn't exist. It's still, now I think it got watered down because the new Fallout, they didn't change. You can change the fucking, the text doesn't matter what you say. You'll still get the same line of dialogue. And that's what I hated because the old ones, it did, you're like, you literally, oh,

- A lot of people are complaining about shit, bro. They're like, "Oh, I made a mistake and I wanna go back." It's like, you can't go back. You're like, "No, I wanna make a mistake and I wanna go back." - So Fallout, I forgot about this. Fallout 1 and 2, this is my favorite mechanic that they didn't incorporate. What is the best stats in Fallout 3 for intelligence? Did it matter? - I don't know. Why the fuck would I remember that? - Yeah, fuck you. - Maybe you would. - Eli. - What stats are important?

which is important because i want to be able to carry all my lock picking is always one that i really went for or well not lock pick is hacking hacking hacking and oblivion and skyrim so

Your stats really mattered in Fallout. Let's say you took all your stats away from Intelligent, and then you put it in Strength, you did whatever. In Fallout 2 and 1, if you did that and you put your Intelligents as 1, and you put everything else everywhere, the stats came like this. Your guy in Conversations, it would be like, hey, you are the chosen one. You have to ooga booga, booga booga, re-re-do. Your guy couldn't speak English, so people would be like...

Yeah, that's fucking weird. And you had to play the whole game as a fucking idiot. And it has the best lines of dialogue. Because you go up to the kingdoms and it would be like, ooga booga, doo doo goo. And the king would be like, I don't understand what the fuck you're saying. And your guy's like, ooga ooga, and shoots them in the head. And you're like, ah, this is a chaos mission. I like this so much. Trying to talk to Grim. So...

To talk about changing the game forever, Oblivion was super cool because I remember you could opt

Opt to become a fucking vampire. Yeah, it's just like you can literally only play the game when it was fucking dark outside Yeah, you would gesture in the dark you were like unstoppable the best strength the magic was insane But like you could only play at night Yeah, but and and then you had to dig into the guts of the game to find like the cure The old games was wild. Yeah. I remember I was like what?

Where the fuck do I get onions? No one sells fucking three onions. I need purple flowers. I was like, fuck. And then like the first like sitting there, there's like a bowl of onions. And I was like, son of a bitch. They'd be like fucking three onions.

Because in oblivion Fight a vampire and you would get hit by them and they would pass you vampirism and like if you don't have the cure You can cure it like right from the get like through like sleep or like I

a cure disease, but like right out of the gate. But if it lasted a day, if you do. - Yeah, if you passed up that opportunity, you were a fucking vampire and you had to like do Google research to try and figure out how the fuck to not be a vampire. And you're like, this quest barely fucking exists. The homeless dude in the middle of the woods, he has the cure. What the fuck? - No, that was the thing in Oblivion, which was much better than Morrowind still.

If you caught vampirism or anything like that, it would be like, all right, here's how you cure it, but it wouldn't direct you to how to cure it. No. Like once Skyrim hit, that's when it really put quest markers on every single objective to find every little thing you need. I think Oblivion is better than Skyrim. Dude, I'm not going to argue with you. Shivering Isles was probably the greatest expansion I've ever played of a game ever to this day. God, you're unlocking so many...

- Core memories. - I am, let me get that for you. - Fable three.

Never played Fable. Never played Fable? Fable 3 was dope. Holy shit. Fable 3 was amazing. That was, again, a game changer. The next Fable got delayed like a year again, just so y'all know. I had a buddy. He's the best man at my wedding. You know how you can do blacksmithing to raise money? Yep. And like you had, like running the kingdom, you had choices that you had to make where it was like the kingdom ran out of money and now these people are going to be mad at you because you didn't give them fucking money to do their whatever the fuck. He would literally just go on blacksmith for like

Six hours and like hit combos and he raised like millions of dollars and he like gave everybody all their money and he had like the highest charisma and morale I'd ever seen in the game and it was like a special Xbox achievement and

Awesome do Chris. I always there's my luck. Those are always my stats I pour into games like that. Am I in fable dude? Oh, no luck in the fall. It was another thing to look in most games Yeah, look in that one where you could like speak to people and like you could persuade them charisma charisma Yeah, yeah, the charisma that's so you can great great great question for an influencer to ask Yeah, we're saying when you you like when people over. Yeah

Yeah. Is that intelligence? Which one is it? It might be luck. Oh my god, I forgot. Fallout 2, you could get it. What was the drugs in Fallout? Can you stop talking about that? What's the drugs? Nobody played Fallout 2. What's the drugs?

And Fallout. It's the same drug they've always used. Meth? I don't... It's like the meth drug. It's like Stem. StemPak. Yeah, Radix and StemPak. No, StemPak is the health. The Radix. Radix is like... Radix is like... Radix. Jet is the drug. I never used Jet. I never used Jet.

Damn. So, yeah, Jett's the drug. You became addicted to it, but you had higher adrenaline. Yes, an inhaler. You can't, so in Fallout 2, you would get addicted to it where you had to continue to do it, and then your character transformed into a Hulk weird creature, and so you'd have to do it. Super Mutant? Yeah, I was like, he's literally turned into a fucking Super Mutant. Yeah, you turn into a Super Mutant, and you have to play the game as a Super Mutant addicted to Jett, and you go, if you don't have it, rage, berserk, start hitting you. I don't know.

This is a 90s game. It is fucking mind blowing on the shit they did on it. What did you play either Skyrim or Oblivion as? What class? Or Morrowind. No, I want to know. Like which class? I didn't play them. Person. Human.

Human? Yeah, human or... Which human? That's like four different kinds. Yeah, I know. It's like, were you a drow? No, I wasn't a drow. God, I don't even remember. It was like a Breton or a Nord. Those were the two humans. Breton was the big... And Redguard. Breton. Redguards were magic. Yeah, Redguards had like...

They could sprint, they were very good. I thought they were so human though. I mean they're human, yeah yeah. I was gonna say, you're walking on a roll. I can feel my check mark shivering. No, I played, and then naturally the first time I played through. I was a Khajiit named Chester.

I couldn't do the I was like you can see the dark and you're kind of fast cool Fuck you fireball you're dead bro brands were the way you take more damage But then you just you'd use your star sign to make it to the in Toronto atronachs Whatever the fuck they were so that you would absorb magic half the time instead of getting down by it magic

I remember I was like if I'm gonna play the consideration wizard here, okay? No, okay. I'll let you know in a second. No I was just saying like if it was magic and light armor. That's that's what the fuck I was doing I was like okay. I'm gonna become the gonna be the master fucking mage like let's go here me out. Khajiit max out stealth

Arrows. No, not archer. That's the cheapest. Stealth, melee, and luck. And then you go and you join the Brotherhood of Assassins. You go all the way. The Dark Brotherhood. You get their dagger at the very end. If you hit them with stealth, it's like 900 times. I was literally walking up in Skyrim to a fucking dragon. Dead. Whole dragon. That's why if you did that and then also with the arrows, because I act

I accidentally did that my first playthrough and I was just like, oh, I'm a god now. You're like a dragon can be like, the most powerful dragon in the lands is up on that mountain peak and you're like, arrow. And then you're like, boom! You're like dragon's body. You had maxed out. You could walk up, punch a dude in the face and then squat down on your knees and be like, where'd you go? As you're right in front of him. Where are you? Reveal yourself. Stop, you violated the law. Yeah, so...

I'm sad that Oblivion ended that man. I want the old... Was there any cheats that you guys took advantage of in like Fallout or Oblivion? Nope. That was one of the... Ruin the whole game. I never cheated in that. I cheated my fucking ass off. I would exploit stuff by enchanting maybe, but I would never cheat in those games. That's the most I'm running for office one day answer ever. I didn't cheat. I exploited stuff. Well, you could craft potions. Iron daggers. Iron daggers. Iron daggers. Iron daggers.

- Cool, I got a glass of coke! - In Oblivion, there was this glitch where you could take a bow and you could draw your arrow and then open your inventory and select an item and you could fire and whatever, however many, say you had like 500 fucking apples,

You could fucking open it, draw, select 500 apples, and then select a different item. And then when you let go, it would make 500 of that other item. So like if you had an item that was worth a fuck ton of money. - Oh, you could do gems. - Yeah, gems. - Greater soul gems with a greater soul in it. - Whatever the fuck it was. And it would like, but your game would be like three frames per second. - You could feel your Xbox vibrate. - You could hear your Xbox go,

It's taking off Yeah, completely good I used to exploit a lot Call of Duty that's what we're doing right now clearly wanted me to do this you caught the new modern warfare We found out there's two good exploits to level guns really quick Nico modern warfare or battlefield

Battlefield. You're a piece of shit. The new COD is... I do the old COD compared to this one. The thing that pisses me off is the hardcore. There's no hardcore. They're dropping it, are they? This month, they're dropping it. That's my main issue. I'm weird. I like to go semi with my rifles in Call of Duty. I love doing hardcore. When I have to shoot with 15 rounds, I'm not having fun. Oh, you're just not good. I can be the best player in the world. It's not going to be fun by doing that because I love...

Types of games. I love a realistic aspect to it. Just fucking come play Darko with me. EBRN. I'm trying to learn the game better so I can keep up. It doesn't matter. Just come play Darko with me. Dude, I fall and die immediately. I'll be like, guys, we started. And I'll be like, why is my guy fainting? Oh, fuck, you don't have any water or food. Shit.

Would I would say if my PC sponsor would get me a PC do we rip into? I'm about to just go buy one you should just buy one do the the EBR I will say in the campaign is nice because it is like one shot to the head and they are fucking That's the only time in that game we like Oh even the armor guys if they have full armor you and for it's gonna take at least 30 rounds and

EBR one round the black donk don't get everyone else is I don't play mag or bull mag to the head Do I just like I just wish we could go back to Call of Duty modern warfare 2 That was okay, I like to whatever but like it was it was the best game ever and now it's like fucking I

It X power slide 30 fucking feet around a corner mag dumping. It's just it's jump 17 feet in the air. It's not fun. We have never come back from advanced warfare. Yep. That's the one I quit playing. That's literally the game where I quit playing video games.

And then advanced warfare was the end. Let's add running on walls because Titanfall did it. They literally were like, Titanfall did this. We got to do the run thing. Put him in a mech suit. Put him in a mech suit. And they did. Now you remember there was mech suits. The exoskeletons. And people were like, this actually kind of sucks cock. Let's actually go backwards from where we're at right now. And I do, modern warfare, I do think they...

They turned it down. Like, slide... You can't slide cancel on that shit anymore. It's a little slower. You can't slide cancel, but you can slide. Yeah, dude. I actually... I did slide in combat multiple times getting shot at. Like, if it was up, I'm down, I would actually slide. I would use my knee pads. The only time I'd pull them up from my butt...

My boot sides was if I was like doing that, I'd slide them up. I'm like, I'm probably going to have to do like knee slides or something like that or hit the ground hard. Only time I do it because I'd be like, oh, I'm like, if it's slick grass, I'm like, and I lay back down. Don't encourage people to slide, please. Stop it. I hate this conversation. I used it a lot.

Just if you're watching at home they patched that in real life it doesn't work anymore I don't know it's like a dumbass in a video I just put out because I was like dude I was like oh like I'm making fun of game I was like I ran and I said no I was like oh by the way this is honest I really didn't know I was like oh look cool I slide canceled and they're like like what they're like you can't even slide cancel in this game I was like

What are you talking about? I literally just ran and slid and I ran and slid again. And they're like, oh, you're an idiot. They're like, I was like, I was like every, it was like, it's all a flash of my entire life. And I was like, why did y'all always slide so fast? And I slid so slow. It's because I was literally just run and slide and run and slide. You weren't canceled. I wasn't, I was like, I didn't know there was a separate thing. Hour 15. She's kicked.

I would run slide hit the ground shoot and then let other person bound for sure like a smart person Yeah, I would be like run slide not cancel the slide cuz I want to lay down Return fire then I'm like go buddy. I'll engage firing now rotate It's what happens or it's fun. What a good time in

I really like how you guys don't do in-video ads anymore. You do them after the fact ever since the Outer Regs one that got out of hand. Outer Regs? No, we did them after that in for a lot, actually. Yeah, depending on what's the schedule and the timing. Yeah, it all depends on who the guest is, too. Sometimes they'll be talking and we don't want to interrupt them with...

Put cum in your hair like oh, yeah, you though yours did really good Yeah, give me an outer X pitch. No one just so quick one. Yeah, why do it? I have a beard oil. This is not beard oil. This is fucking pomade You have a pomade doing it for us. It's not for you. Stop it gross. You ain't getting nothing out. Let's hear that Best ad sorry, I'm not either

That one smells good.

That was a great start. Now finish it. Finish me. I'm already finished. No, that was a really good one. I'm here to disappoint. That was like I was having the best sex ever and then it went just south and you gave up. Harder. Nope, that was it. Use code on something. Use code COM20. Nico, let's hear your pitch now.

What's in your hair right now, Niko? Uh, a little bit of water and... No, you're supposed to say "fucking out of..." No, you're supposed to say "fucking out of..." No, you're supposed to say "fucking out of..." No, you're supposed to say "fucking out of..." No, you're supposed to say "fucking out of..." No, you're supposed to say "fucking out of..." No, you're supposed to say "fucking out of..." No, you're supposed to say "fucking out of..." No, you're supposed to say "fucking out of..." No, you're supposed to say "fucking out of..." No, you're supposed to say "fucking out of..." No, you're supposed to say "fucking out of..." Whatever weed killer that person uses in their yard. Out of regs. Untouched, bro. Tastes delicious. Wait, hold on. We got a new... No, it's dead. It tastes like pumpkin. Tastes like pumpkin. Tastes like pumpkin. Tastes like pumpkin. Tastes like pumpkin. Tastes like pumpkin. Tastes like pumpkin. Tastes like pumpkin. Tastes like pumpkin. Tastes like pumpkin. Tastes like pumpkin. Tastes like pumpkin. Tastes like pumpkin. Tastes like pumpkin. Tastes like pumpkin. Tastes like pumpkin. Tastes like pumpkin. Tastes like pumpkin. Tastes like pumpkin. Tastes like pumpkin. Tastes like pumpkin. Tastes like pumpkin. Tastes like pumpkin. Tastes like pumpkin. Tastes like pumpkin. Tastes like pumpkin. Tastes like pumpkin. Tastes like pumpkin. Tastes like pumpkin. Tastes like pumpkin. Tastes like pumpkin. Tastes like pumpkin. Tastes like pumpkin. Tastes like pumpkin. Tastes like pumpkin. Tastes like pumpkin. Tastes like pumpkin. Tastes like pumpkin. Tastes like pumpkin. Tastes like pumpkin. Tastes like pumpkin. Tastes like pumpkin. Tastes like pumpkin. Tastes like pumpkin. Tastes like pumpkin. Tastes like pumpkin. Tastes

Bro, I wanna smell your fucking candy cane. Hey good. Oh my god. Oh, it's just your shoulder. Smell that, smell that. Oh my god, it smells like gingerbread cum. It's amazing. Smell that. Smell it. Lick it. It's peppermint. Oh my god, you just- Stop eating the thing! Stop it! Nico, why are you eating it? I'll put myself in it! Nico! Nico! Oh my god.

Come 20. What the fuck? Why the fuck? What the fuck? What the fuck is going on? What the fuck is going on? What the fuck?

This is the ad read, you sucking on thumbs, fucking eating vomit. Nick starting with a solid fucking ad, you're now picking your goddamn teeth. Batty's offering his thumb to suckle upon. You have so many good flavors. People are definitely going to want this now. So many good flavors. Stop it! Why are we eating your opera head? You guys have spoons out, they're just eating it. Okay.

Oh my god, this is delicious guys! Have you tried Batty cereal? Batty, stop eating your fucking shit! What the fuck?

Think Aderex is gonna hire me to help but we're gonna go ahead we're gonna start a petition that the White House actually has to respond to to let our military grow fucking beards and then you're gonna sell more products. Can't you just be Norse though? It's not like a thing? I'm a Viking. You can but they like they really bully you from what I'm saying. Really? With the Norse? Like NCLs bully the shit out of you. Well I mean why? Why? Who gives a fuck? It's a commander's discretion thing. Yeah. Wait for what? Commander discretion? Every other military on earth gets to grow a beard.

but they're not back-to-back World War champs. They literally are, though. You can say what you want, but Canada, Britain, India, Canada, they're all back-to-back World War champs with us. It's a team effort. How many nuclear warheads did they drop off? Fascinating thing. Thank you.

- Thanks for watching the Android podcast. As always, Eli Double Tap, I'm Matty Streams. We have our very special guest, Nico Ortiz. And the Fat Electrician. Where can we find you? What's up with you, Nick? Where can we find you? - Thefatelectrician.com. - Perfect. Nico, where can we find you? - Don't come find me. - In my bedroom. - Hey, who regret it? - Hey, you guys, we'll see you next time.

We'll be right back.