50 - Demo Ranch's Darkest Secret ft. Demolition Matt
01:34:27 Share

Okay, we got black cherry don't let you like pour that Matt you do it why what's he gonna do? I'm just gonna be nice to batty again today. This is why I don't this is I was I was a hero I poured a little baby shots. We'll go right to the line. It's okay, man. We'll get you an uber home

Yeah, you don't have to teach kids soccer. You want to see the reptile room? Batty, give me a new shot glass. There's a bug in mine. Drink it. Welcome to Batty's house. What is this? Oh, that looks like a bug. Yeah, it's 100% poverty. I mean, it's been in my shot glass tub. I don't know. Have you not heard of dishes?

Why is it bugs living in your- I'm not doing sh- I use like three shot glasses. I don't need forty shot glasses. You're not- you're missing the point of why bugs are living in your shot glasses. Cause they've been sitting on top of a cabinet in the back with the dust for... four months? I don't just periodically go through my old- There's a bug float in mine too. Dude, I think there's two bugs. Wait, was that- Yeah. Look.

Oh, God, what is that at the bottom? Oh, there's two? Is that dust? I got two bugs in front of me. You have Demolition Ranch Matt here, and you're like, here's my fine silverware. You wrote out the good China. I have four brand new clean ones in my dishwasher right now, but I grabbed the other ones. Welcome to episode 50. Things are real good. See, I didn't feel like.

It's racially ambiguous, baddie. That guy's fucking ridiculous, don't know. It's harder to rhyme, but he's a really nice guy. Welcome to Unsubscribe. Hey guys, thanks for watching the Unsubscribe podcast. Make sure wherever you're listening or watching, whether it's on YouTube, Castro, Spotify, Apple, Google, Amazon, Podbean, Stitcher, or...

That's all of them. Please leave a comment, like it, thumbs up it, give it a rating of five stars, whatever you do. It helps the podcast out immensely. And Donut and Eli will be very happy if you do that. And we want to make Donut and Eli happy today. Yeah. Five stars on everything and a comment if there is possible because we need to be at the top. Donut, say something motivating.

And that's where the... That is... Come subscribe. There we go. Protein. Protein. That wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. That was all right. Hi, everyone. Unsubscribe podcast here. Uh-oh. We're on. What? Did we...

Hi, everyone. Unsubscribe podcast here. This is officially episode 50. I'm joined today by Batty Streams, Eli DoubleFap, and Dimwish and Wunch. Hi. That's it. That's all I got in me. Now I'm not talking to Batty for the rest of the episode. 50 episodes. We didn't get canceled yet. That's pretty good. That's weird. What a great episode, guys. See you next week.

That's all it gets uploaded for episode 15. They're like, what the fuck? It was a minute and 20 seconds. One minute of them just yelling about Batty's poor... I have bugs in my body because of Batty. This is what kills me. What happened to the fire? An STD. Get the bugs out. It's a joke. Don't tell Mare. What?

She already knows. I'm going to baddies place. She's like great. We're a condo. I forget that I regret hanging out with you guys sometimes.

He said, yeah. Okay, sweet. I forgot. Betty, is your AC not on? It's cranking right now. Is it? Yeah. It is warm. It feels like the heat is on. It was 70 degrees in my house. Do your cameras get above the waist? Can I take my pants off? Yeah. 100%. Please. They're already off.

Yeah, it was 78 degrees when we came in the house. The AC is cranking right now. Why wasn't it on before we got here? Because I didn't sleep last night and I forgot to turn it on before I left. You don't have an automatic? No, you are perspiring. Yeah, I'm sweating my balls off. That fucking head is freshly shaved. And it is...

Beating sweat right now. I got the quotes for our warehouse for the studio today. That's great It has AC we have AC in our new studio, and it's gonna look really really cool You bad at your living is gonna be so empty when we take all this stuff Here you only had two dragons on this one I know I hate dragons, but it's looking sick. Thanks man. Yeah dragons do what?

Dude, what? I mean, you hate animals, is what you're saying. No, just make-believe ones. Okay, let's just calm down. There's literally a dragon skull right there. Oh, never mind. Take it back. How are his ears still? They have bones in their ears. It's like a stegosaurus. Those are fake, too. What's a stegosaurus? Dinosaur. Ears? They don't have ears. No, but they had spines on the back. It's the same shit. Why can't that be the same shit? They were wings, actually.

Jurassic period I just know What's clockwise he was like left I was like cuz if you rotate the clock

Clockwise is which way now go clockwise

Which direction is that? The same as clockwise. It's left! It's right! It's left though! You never talk about the bottom. The thing is called left! When you're driving. I got it. Counterclockwise. Steering wheel. You're on a steering wheel and you say turn left, which way does the wheel go?

The clock isn't moving the fucking hand is moving

You're not gonna win this battle. Even though you won it, you're never gonna win it. This is bullshit. God, I hate to be married to Batman. Yeah, so did my ex-wife. If this was one of the arguments. No, it's going left! I want it to fall back! I hate you!

Fuckin' G. How you been, buddy? You been fuckin' doing good? Yeah, what number was I on before? Do y'all remember? 25. So like halfway? You made that up. 100%. It is our most popular podcast. How does it feel being able to crush every single other person? Episode 30.

See, it was close. Yeah, it was pretty good. The one I wasn't on. The one that Donut wasn't here on. It was really good. Now for our next test. Donut, can you leave for five minutes? We're going to see if there's a spike in the viewership at this moment. Am I ever really here? That's the question.

Between PTSD moments and not talking to bad am I really on the podcast? What's going on with this not talking to baddie you guys be fin or what? No people just pointed out that like I don't talk to baddie I said so people realize that the beef is happening. Yeah, we put his hand in between

Matty, can we build a wall of claws here? It would be funny. It would be like a stick so I don't have to look at you. So does Matty talk to Donut? Yeah. Okay, so it's a one-way thing. It's like a marriage. Can we clarify? Are we being mean to Matty again? No! No, we're not!

being mean to baddie those episodes when you were mean to baddie they started going down how they did it except for the Leon one that one Leon you sucked bro you are our least performing episode what a terrible guest you were just now shit on it was such a good podcast too but it did not do good no it was a funny ass podcast I want to watch it I love Leon Lush you watch episode 30 and that's it right I watched episode 30 and part of Drewski's one whatever he was in

That was the one where you showed up at Batty's and no one was there. No, I was there. I was past the fuck out. I was still sleeping. Yeah, we were like, hey, Drew, come to Batty's. We got a podcast for you. Okay. And then Batty was asleep and no one else was there. Got him. Dude.

He also didn't knock or ring the doorbell. You good, man? I'm actually surprised I'm not sweating more. I usually sweat a lot. No, I look over at Matty. I just see glistening on the side of his head, bro. Sweating my left nut off. God, bro. I'm losing weight, guys. Is that how I do it? That's how Matty works out. I just sweat. He doesn't turn his air on. I don't eat or I sweat. It's a great diet. Also, depression and white claw. Probably a little bit of caffeine. Yeah.

A little bit. Oh, yeah. Not sleeping. It's the best diet. He is set. Oh, my God. Okay. So we have a list of things to go through. Oh, no. I got to tell my story first. Oh, okay. Story. Story. Okay. Story first. It's not super long either, so it's fine. Can I just say that I don't...

You haven't said one. They have not told me one thing that we're going to talk about today. Yeah, we don't ever know. Okay, we kind of make it up. This is probably the most prepared we've ever been for a podcast, actually. Eli's got an entire list of shit, and I had two things I wanted to talk about. Okay, let's hear your story. I was like, was it Mark from Cumalicious coming on? I'll prep some questions. We'll be good to go. Cumalicious. Welcome to the Cumalicious, guys.

They discussed changing their name to that. Technically, we have two days to make this shirt possible. Why? This comes out on Wednesday. It'll just be the new merch line. I'm going to slow it down. The presses are broken. You sabotage your own company.

Fuck these guys. If you guys didn't know Bunker Branding is his and that's who makes our come subscribe shirts and they're on our front page apparently. They were. They're not anymore but if you buy a bunch right now we can get them back on that front page. Let's get that number right. You know what's so hilarious? When we first released them guys if you didn't notice if you go to BunkerBranding.com A nice family website. Come subscribe. It was so cool.

And it's not subtle. No. It's not like a tiny hit. It's like a giant white cum. In Doom font, which is even better.

It's literally the doom font so you're like yeah, we have to figure out as a company like where to draw the line and Too far too far the come alicia's here. No, I just want to see how many people wear that to your events I will not sign that can

Can we use your likeness? No. Can you look in that camera and just say... No. You have our... Just his face like... Just one of the thumbnails. Oh, God. You have no idea. Batty has a story that we're going to listen to. So, the other day on stream, we were talking about, I don't know, 69, like the sex number. Cody, can you hand me some logs? This is going to be a long one. That's rude.

Why are you rude already? What? You were so mean to me today. I was not even hard. I was barely mean. I was normal mean. Is the story going? So one of

One of my mods in my Twitch channel was telling us about his ex-girlfriend or some shit and how 69, you know, the two consenting adults do the thing where... The thing. The thing. The sex number, right? The sex number. Nice. It sounds like you've never had sex. I don't think you're explaining 69 to everyone. I've had so much sex, right?

Probably more than anyone else ever. Guys, I've done this sex live. Three times. At least. You got the trophies. You got the sex trophies. You only use it to rope it. I don't know if you've done it as many times as me because I've done it three. How did you? I approve. My three children. With a girl. Yeah. So he was talking about how he used to always 69 on his girl, but

She would never ever be on top and he's a bigger dude. This is a smaller. I got this conversation So I'm aware of this going, okay? Just like that why wouldn't she be on she didn't like it? She just heard of this hole in her face more. I just I just like think about just the whole time I

Right? Just balls slapping on her forehead. And a butthole in her face. That's it! Like, dude buttholes aren't cool. No, it looks like a fucking- oh. So like, you know, as a bigger dude, sometimes you're on an elbow, right, on some sheets and you slip. That's dangerous. Oh, he could've killed her. He could've killed her! And I just like, who the fuck-

And then she got mad at him. She got mad at him because apparently a ball caught her in the eye. And this turned into like a big argument. And he showed me the text of her. They're fighting over it. Oh, yeah. There was a fight over an actual like ball in the eye. So what do they say? How do you argue? Are you mad? She was mad that she got slapped in the face by a ball. Apparently, maybe. Is she fucking Isaac Newton? I just I just needed to share this with the world because it just doesn't.

Be on top! The fuck? Have you seen the mountain Thor? Yes. Oh, oh my god! It's not... It's... I don't know how that happens. She's 400 pounds and she's 100. Remember how we showed the bad dragons the other day? Yes. Like a top. It doesn't make sense. It doesn't... Oh, there was a meme about that. It's like, she's like the tiny little USB stick. It's like...

It's like a giant... It makes zero sense. It's not right. I'm assuming they do 16 in the exact same way. I just now am super happy because his photos yesterday was family photos at church for Easter. And now he's immediately back. He's like, gotta tell a story. I regret. Never again. This is the last time.

And I'm done. Episode 100. We'll see you at 100. I will never be back. I just, I needed to share that. I knew Eli would enjoy that as much as we're arguing right now. How do you feel about, are you like a bottom 69 guy? I can't talk about it. See, here's the deal. Like,

Like, I am... Guys, one in chat, if Matt is a bottom 69 guy or two if he's a top 69 guy. Like, my channel, we don't talk about this kind of stuff, obviously, because it's not right. And my kids talk about it. But, like, I get loosened up on this because I'm like, my kids are never going to watch this. But still, I can't discuss this, guys. No, you can't. You know what? I'm going to be married for 14 years in, like, a couple months, so... Congratulations. You know why? Yeah.

Cuz you're number one. Cuz you don't stream cum on your videos?

Oh man, how have your videos been doing? Pretty good. Yeah, nice. We saw the mansion pictures this morning. Dude that house is looking... Oh god, it looks nice. Yeah, I'm gonna get y'all to come up there for a party. Ooh, the shit, the new HQ looks really nice too. I was just watching that yesterday. It just got painted too on the inside. Oh, I just saw you had the foam and stuff out. It's painted black and dark and Dungeon-y. You would love it. Dungeon-y? Put some dragons in there. So wait, you're saying for Halloween...

Yeah. Haunted. Haunted. Haunted warehouse. Dude, let's make a haunted maze. For who? Just us? I mean, yeah. Sure. Fuck everybody. Four guys. Four adults. Punch the kids that try to use it. Get that second child. I can't go trick or treating, John. I'm going to the haunted adult maze. Get rid of kids. Fuck you. I'm going to be the chainsaw guy in there.

Nice as long as it was like white claw at the end of the puzzle like I'm game Yeah, or at the beginning to throughout it. Just can I carry them the whole time? We just not make amazing just go drink white claws. Yeah Great sounds like a social experiment with baddie now. It's like put a white cloth into something I'll figure it out Mice have been trained to do a lot Who knows what I can learn? Marriage didn't help but maybe my claw will do it

Okay. Are we doing a list? Oh, yeah. We're going first. When's the last time we had a list? Dude, I know. It's been so long since we did. It's been like 20 episodes. I never do these. Usually we did what? Video game questions last time. You did decent. About 50% probably. Yeah, you were at a 50-50. You were better at old school Nintendo games than Nintendo 64, which you claimed was your bread and butter. I was wrong. Yeah. I thought I'd be good, but I missed Perfect Dark. Yeah, it was perfect dark. So good. First question.

Superpowers. These are questions or just topics? These are topics. Superpowers. We're going to start early on this one. Superpowers, because I have the... Do you know how the offenders work? No. Betty? Donut?

So the offenders is like the Avengers, but a little different. We have superpowers, but in order to use your superpowers or for them to work, you have to have an offset ability. Like I can fly, but the only way I can stay in flight is if I shout racial slurs. Okay, cool. And did you pick this?

How did you become a... I don't know how I got to that. I think I picked the offset. He suggested you accept it. You said, I will take it. Sure. I just picture low-income housing and he's going to fly and say... You're like Mexican. I'm going to section 8 housing. And I'm like...

Go on, Donut, save him. Go on. Fly and save him. I'm sorry, ma'am. So mine was super strength, but I cum whenever I eat. Somebody made a suggestion in the comments that was actually pretty good. They said I should be able to get painfully loud voice shit. That makes sense. So you're saving a school bus of children? But like...

They're hearing my vinegar strokes miles away Wars have started real quick. I'm gonna make a quick You know change there, yeah, I like it. What is the superpower? I can go fucking so fast. That's your power. Yep travels the speed of light. Oh, but I

Well, in real life, I'm Asian and I have lactose intolerance. And then my stomach's super irritable anyways. So I shit anyways all the time. So in order to activate this power, I'm like a banger.

Brown streak. Everywhere. You'd be able to travel all over the place. Just shit live everywhere. Where's he like? Follow the fucking line. That way. So I don't know how to pick the bad part. No, I got the bad part. You're good. Do I have to pick the good part? Teleport.

Oh no one's teleporting! Oh my god this works so much better! Oh my god! Shit! It works! We know what his offset is. What's it gonna be? We talked about it. So you have a belt. I pictured this as like Batman's utility belt.

I don't mind a brown sack either, though. A sack's really good. A brown sack makes sense, I think. Because that's actually pretty hilarious. So in order to activate your teleporting powers, you have to euthanize a kitten. Every time in order to do this. So you're like... So I have a sack full of kittens? Yeah. Or a utility belt of kittens. Chicken's real bad. You start swinging the bag. I need to kill like four for this one.

Yeah, I mean I would only use it if I needed to if I could save a human life I'd kill a kitten sure but every time every time I save a human. Yeah, what's the guy on x-men that can like poof? Yeah, it's gonna be like that but it's but every time he does like a somewhere he has to like Just pop that flashbang roll Is that a glow stick?

There's a glow stick that can tell the kitten's life. There's like a bunch of kittens in a burning house. So instead of a big puff of smoke when he leaves, there's just a dead kitten. That's his trail? You just see a kitten's dead body. I'd like to welcome you officially to the offenders. I like the idea of slowly euthanizing.

I just like, you're just like the needle. Sorry. You have to think of the news too. It's like you show up to this burning bill. News is like, damn, I was here to save them. And you're like, God,

You take out one kitten and you're like, I gotta get up there and tell that building. Yeah, move! The needles just hurt. Just injection. Teleports. He's gone and his dead kitten's just there. All right, here's the deal. What happens when I pull up and there's like a burning tree and there's a kitten in the top of it and I'm like, which one? The fire department

He's just like, I'm late for dinner.

You're abusing it for the... God, I really gotta go to the bathroom. I don't want to get out of bed. Oh, the traffic. The traffic is terrible today. I'm gonna be late for this meeting. I hate this podcast.

I like it because it gets normalized so much. You're just like... It's like, oh, there's another one. Right off the fucking side of the... I've got like 40 more kittens and I just don't want to sit in this traffic all day. One less kitten. Come on. You have a couple extra kittens. You're like, I guess I don't need to open my truck, dork. Into the house. You're laying in bed in the remotes across the city. You gotta... That's two kittens. One to get there. Exactly.

Family vacation. Let's form a circle. Everyone hold hand. A little kitten's like meow. So there's five people in my family. Is that five kittens? Is that one? If you do it one at a time, you psychopath. Yeah, Jim was like, wait, I can touch people in a group. I said, yeah. He said, oh, man, I killed lots of innocent kittens. That's a real fucked up learning curve. You're just testing kitten biology.

I'm going to the local shelter like, it's so great that you adopted so many kittens. I'm like, yeah, I'm great. Put them in his brown sack. That was a little too old. That probably won't work. Brown sack? He's like, oh, that cat is 14. You might not have my favorite power. What's Leon's?

Oh, his was good. Telekinetic. He's got, like, he can read minds. Yeah, you know, he's got telekinesis. He can control people. Yeah. The offset was his spouse or any future spouse can read his mind at any moment. So no matter what, they're always... Yeah, that's good if you're good, but if you're a man... Even good guys still... We have thoughts! Why are you wearing horse blinders? Nothing? You don't even wear... You're just like...

I never can see again. I'm fine with this. Me canyons was pretty good, too. Oh, God. He came up with his negative real quick. He came up with this. Are you OK? He can stretch. So he was like, I can stretch the girl. Yes, because he's like as an obese man.

That's your go-to not like the Fantastic Four who is a girl I just watch Incredibles and Incredibles 2 and it's awesome. Oh, okay. I was so good. It was three's alright I haven't seen that one yet. Let me see it. Is it out? There's some incredible story I think they made any crow maybe I'm wrong. You have children so I don't know but I love the Incredibles They're really good serious. Okay, this guy can stretch. What's his what's his whatever you said bad one? Me can is bad one. He can stretch cuz

I just liked his picturing stretching because he was like, I'm an overweight guy. So I think it's hilarious. Cause then you have my stretch marks also like wrapping guys up. It's like the map of the Missouri river. That's what he called it. And we're like, what's your office? He's like, Oh, that's easy. I have to beat the shit out of my wife. Jesus Christ. He's like, I need two black guys in a chip tooth in order to activate my power. And you're like, you,

You came up with that very quickly. Like really quickly, bro. I've been trying to activate my powers for years. Holy fuck, man. Not working yet. Oh, man. So yeah, that's the offenders. We're going to eventually get a big piece of art with all. Yeah, we're going to have Nick Cannon. He's actually dropped. He's going to be holding a dead kid in his hand. Yeah. He's just going to be like.

Just head in one hand body twisted. What was your outfit? We gotta give him a tell like the teleporters in X-Men they both have tells. There's a red one and a blue one. There's a little devil tail. There's a red one.

The red one was the evil one when it showed the howl. Oh, it was where Magneto got started when he's hunting down all the Nazis and killing them. Origins was they did all the origin stories. There was the X-Men first class. That's when they started. They revamped it and they did first class. Yeah, but they had the red guy and he had knives and he would just teleport and be like and just fucking kill everyone in the room. That's what I would do. What would be your outfits? But

Like you wear a Dill militia shirt a come Alicia come Alicia. That's y'all not me Just like him a period like devilish like I don't know a kitten died for this to happen Yeah, would people ever like to see your fans show up with kittens for you like? Can you take me to a real what's the fan base? It's just like

It would not be PETA. I've always wanted to go to Disney. We're at brunch and Matt just pops out of nowhere and we're all just like, God, Jesus. We know what you did for the Ascenders HQ. Come on, man. Matt. You have a truck. That would have taken me 20 minutes. Matt, we're in downtown Bernie. It's a four minute drive. And I have a cage full of kittens. Shut up.

He just has like Matt with just a thumbs up and a crate of kittens behind him. I just have the brown sack like... You want paws out of the brown sack.

I'm thinking we show up like you guys like hey we need to assemble like there's some bad stuff happening we're like okay and I just show up and I've just got a crate of kittens like what are we doing today? Everywhere we go. Oh man. Forgot about Matt's power. This sucks. This is gonna be terrible. Matt's gonna make the kids cry. Batty's gonna make him cry cause he's gonna be coming. I'm coming loudly. I know.

At least that high school was saved. That elementary school. There was some movie like that where they all had terrible superpowers like 20 years ago. Oh, it was the Smash Mouth did the song for it. Really? Oh. Somebody wants. Yeah. Yeah. Fucking. But like one guy farted a ton and like it was like. What was it called?

Fuck and the one guy could go invisible, but only when no one was looking at him. It wasn't been stiller It's been stiller was the main character. Yeah, he was like super angry, but why can I remember you? Yeah, you're right Was it called because they were actually in the music video the smash mouth? Yeah vendors smash mouth

God bless that band. It was called The Offenders. You guys stole this whole idea. Did you look it up? I just looked it up. Wait, let me find... Anything by DC. Ben Stiller, superhero movie.

Is it 25 years ago? Mystery Man. Yeah, Mystery Man. Yeah. There it is. Nice. When did it come out? Dude, 1999. Oh, my God. We're old as fuck. We are so old. I mean, that's 60%. Is that passing? Read their powers. I don't know if we'll have it listed somewhere, but... The one chick could throw bowling balls really well. Her dad's skull was in the bowling ball. How do I remember this? Oh, yeah. They can control it, too. Betty, you've never seen this? William H. Macy was good with a shovel.

I mean, if it was 25 years ago, I was basically a child, so... Yeah, I was...

Remember vacationing in Orlando and I was 14 when that came out listening to the same smash mouth song We're leaving it all in okay, so

The offenders? Check. The offenders. Done. The people needed to know. That was a good question. See, this is what I'm talking about. Now, this is a good one, too. Okay, this is going to be a mixture of fucking this. I already know the comments. The offenders and 69. I know. You know it does get good because people flip the fuck out of it.

When you wipe your butt first, do you stand or sit? Second, do you fold your toilet paper or scrunch it in a ball? All right. How do you stand and wipe your butt? People do that? I think Batty's a standing wiper. Really? Nah. Are you a hovering wiper? No, dude. That's weird. Dude, it's like a 50-50. It's big lean, bro. Just big lean. Yeah, I lean and wipe. It's a 50-50. You're a cripple? I know I should fold, but I don't. I don't fold. You kill kids and you kill trees? Jesus Christ. Yeah.

I know, like, I was younger. I was a crumpler. I even tried to fold, but I'm like, I don't have time for this. How don't you have time to fold? No, it's, I just gotta get out of here. People who stand and wipe, like, who does that? Why do you do that? No, we can ask him why he fucking crumples. We'll get to that. You're obviously a stander. We're all sitters here. I sit and wipe. I actually didn't know anyone stood and wiped. That's like a 50-50. It's actually crazy. Like, you just do that? Yeah. That's just uncomfortable. That's weird. You just go, boop. You just...

Do we go into like another one? Just keep adding ones into. So I remember being like in this is an army, a veteran thing going to like any kind of shitty post. You remember when the stall there was no stalls? It was just the holes on the bench. Yeah. And you had to shit with all the guys and you'd be like leaning into each other. Like, sorry, man, that's a thing. Sometimes you got to go and there's like three dudes, just three stalls and you're just like thigh to thigh. So there's my stalls. You mean holes? There's not actually wall. It's literally a

Bench crazy three holes in it. He's kind of shit next to you. Yeah, there's like a roll of toilet paper Just sitting on it like it's not Interesting you remember how uncomfortable everyone was like the first day of boot camp who's never been naked around another dude like you didn't play sports or something by the end of it you're just shit on a log next to you but you go in there and like dudes are like wearing their underwear in the shower and it's like yeah, so it's awkward you're just like

Show us your dick. Hard shit right there. Just fighting fine, man. Just sweating somewhere down south. But you get to see, like, yeah, standing and wiping, standing and sitting are like a 50-50 in Christmastime.

Crumpling really 50/50 on that. Yeah, it's a fucking thing ask this on Twitter do a poll Oh, yeah We were streaming when I was like nobody watch do it right now. It was like they're like yes stand and you're like what the fuck Why there's so many people to stand and wipe he's gonna ask on Twitter right there. I think it's more It's not like a stand you're not like it's a hover. It's your weird leaner, but both cheeks are off. Oh, yeah off

the seat. That's wild. It's a weird fucking, it's a weird thing. I'm not gonna lie, I've tried it. I hate it. I'm gonna try it now. Have you tried folding? I've tried it, but I know I should. Do you use normal toilet paper or wet baby wipes? No, normal. Really? You're not even on a wet wet cup? I'd say sit or stand. Because it gives that like

Cheeks on or cheeks off the toilet seat? Cheeks on, cheeks off. Yeah, cheeks on, cheeks off. So I'm branching out. I got a bidet. Nice. That's great. I tried it one time. I can't use it because my toilets are all... That was good. All my toilets are broken right now in my house, so I don't want to hook it up and ruin it, but I have one. I have a bidet story. Oh.

So I went to my friend's house one time. Okay, you need to start this different. What's his name? It was actually his parents' house. It was his graduation, his college graduation party. We go to his parents' house in Houston. Oh, so this was a minute ago. Yeah. This was in the early heydays of bidets in the U.S. Yes. It was one of those electric seats that goes on top of a normal toilet, but it's got the little bidet thing. Okay. So I sit down. I've never seen one in my life. It has a keypad next to the toilet. That's kind of what mine looks like. And I'm like...

oh, dang, like, I've never tried this. I have to try it. I didn't need to go number two. I needed to just pee, but I was like, I gotta try this. So I sit down and it has levels. It has, like, the low levels and then, like, it gets higher. You turned on the fucking pressure washer. It starts at, the lowest level is feminine wash and the highest level is turbo enema. Turbo? That's cold.

It says Turbo Enema. So I'm like, all right, I'm going to go easy first. I'm going to try Feminine Wash. So I like, boop, and then here. And I'm like, oh, God, what's going to happen? Turns out Feminine Wash just goes a little more forward, so it just sprayed me right in the balls. I mean, that makes sense. Okay, that makes sense. I was like, all right, that checks out. Okay. I'm going to need 30 more minutes on this thing. I was like, well, I've been in the bathroom too long now, so I'm just going to go ahead and hit Turbo Enema. Let's crank it up so I can get out of here and get back to the party. Oh, God. So I hit Turbo Enema.

And I tightened everything. Everything I had. You are not winning this battle, toilet seat. Anyway, it blasted me, got me all clean, and I went back to the party. But that was pretty much it. Who won the battle? It did not penetrate. That verbiage. It blasted me, and it got me clean, and I left and went to the party. That was a very detailed story right until it wasn't a detailed story. You and Matt. Yeah.

And then I flexed real hard and I walked away. I'm still, I'm still. I have, you've seen my wife and three kids.

Totally just love my wife with three kids. But anyway, that's the only time I've ever tried a bidet. How is it? I can't use it. All my master toilet and my spare bathroom are broken right now, and I don't want to hook it up. Is yours just a top that goes on a regular toilet, too? Well, you have to take off the whole seat and everything, and you have to actually hook it up to the water intake and everything, but it's a fancy bidet. Is the water warm? I don't know. Yeah, if you've never been in Japan... Was that a kitten? That sounded like a kitten.

You run off and just boop, boop. He walks and he teleports right at the parent back. What'd you do? Nothing. I did nothing. Don't go in that room. Do the kittens teleport with me or do I leave them behind? You leave them behind. It's like it's your calling card. You make a great villain, dude.

I just I'm very excited to set up a bidet. Cody have you ever used a bidet? No, I never had a bidet. I just I'm sorry I just thought about him like teleporting into a burning building and there's a little girl sitting there with her kitten And Matt's like "Oh no" And he's like "Sorry little one" Let me mess with your kitten first You're like "Don't look crunch" I've never used a bidet though

Have you? Oh, in Japan, that's every toilet has a bidet there. That's the standard. Japan has, I will fucking always complain about this. Japan's toilet systems are the nicest. They have alcohol wipes and everything for when you have your, in the bathroom next to each stall, so you can clean your fucking toilet. So you spray down. They have ones that rotate, so it's just a little machine. Clockwise or counterclockwise? Left or right? Left.

It's a little machine that just goes around the rim of the toilet scrubs it real quick and says left with our arrow pointing, right? It's just those clock like what the fuck and And then it plays the music like a tropical storm or whatever so you people can't hear you shoot Yeah, you have music settings so people can't hear you dumping out or whatever so you choose that and then Japan does it fucking nice

Clean and I were talking yesterday about doing a Japan trip with all the boys. 100%. Take a couple camera guys and like make some really cool content. It's a blast. Like we go to Koenji. That's like out of the...

District that a tourist so it's actually in the community in the tourist district, please don't take me anywhere else No, you want to like that's where I ran into the Yakuza people. They were like fucking gangsters Yakuza's it'll be great. They would stop everyone walking my our place was down in the alleyway shit out of you. It'd be great Thumbs up because they started knowing I was the tattooed American dude walking by and like good tattoos nice guts ooh guts ooh and

Just walk by their little that's who means Yeah, no pal come on like and I'd walk by their little prostitute things and then yeah because it's legal they will have their call actually I'll go Six

Have you 69'd ever? It's when two people they- The guy's on top, are you- Have you ever watched a hamburger? One of us rotate clockwise. Left. Hi everyone, out of regs here. This is our water-based pomade. It's good for your hair. It's good for angry cops, bald head.

He liked it for some reason. It smells really good. It's like adult play-doh, this flavor. And you have your own. Don't have a bad. We have surprise news. I was just going to wait here. We're getting Batty his own beard cream, too. We're doing that right now. We're announcing that. Yeah, we're announcing it right now. Yeah. It's like a movie trailer. We don't know when it's going to come out. I'm getting a beard. I am so. This has been. So since I've become a streamer and I have a fat beard, I was just like, I want like a Batty fucking beard. Looks nice today. Fuck.

I got a haircut today like tomorrow. It's gonna be a messy. I wanted my god, but it's probably sweaty. Oh

It's like so smooth. No, go down. You gotta go down. I know but I wanted to feel against it. I like feeling the sandpaper. Yeah, I like when you feel it too. That's why Matt likes 16. I just sold him the meme, right? He's probably cheating on me and we're sitting here like, "Oh, Batty!" That's so cool! My boy's sweet! Sweet! Yeah, Batty's getting his own thing so we're gonna be working on designing his little color or his... We'll probably use the exact same shit you already have and that will be your can design.

Make it loud or whatever. And then we just get to choose. I'm so excited to put myself in my beard. So get your donut mustache stuff. And then you got baddie beard stuff. Baddie stuff out of regs.com. Use promo code unsub, unsubscribe, unsub20. There is so many now because Joe just adds them. He's like, you guys literally have people just typing because it shows. Whatever you say will give you 20% off. Yeah, they just type it.

He's like people just type in random fucking shit to try to get you guys don't see on regs Please type in come Don't lie come come 20 20 just so we have to make that a discount code now. What's the last video game you played? Oh my god. This is a good question. I call it duty. Oh

Like during which charity stream? That was when we all played together, wasn't it? That was seriously the last time we played video games? No, no, I still play sometimes. Yeah. Wait, like you will just... Yeah, just for fun. Like not streaming or nothing. Do you play with your kids and just stomp them in it? No, I just play... Alone. ...at night. Yeah, 11 o'clock at night. What game do you play?

Just war zone? Why have you never hit any of us out? No, I don't play war zone. I play the other one. What's it? It's like the actual Call of Duty. Yeah. Modern Warfare. Do you do single player or just like matches with other people? Matches. Yeah. Yeah. Do you know what they're called? Do you know what? No. He's like, I go on the internets. I just shoot things on the internet. No.

No, yeah, I go play. Have you played through the single player like the night missions where you have to kill Osama bin Laden? It's got the dopest single player really map. So yeah, especially when I started when it first came out I did a few of them and then I never kept doing it. Oh, you gotta I should do it You gotta do the Osama bin Laden killing. All right, I'm doing it's so fun. We've talked about I think we got his first dub on pub G Probably yeah, we were together. We were playing that I remember that was fucking I'm so happy right now video game box check for that one

Maybe? It was years ago. We played Tarkov. You remember playing Tarkov? Oh, yeah. We talked about this last time when you weren't here. Him or him. You killed Eli. I was the only one left at the end of it. It was like, what happened? Who died? I just wanted to see if I could kill Eli or something, and I could. Yeah, and most people can't. No, I killed him when he was on my team. He didn't know I was going to shoot him. I was standing next to him. I was like,

This is still on operator Drewskis channel by the way guys if you wanna check that out. Oh is that where it was? Yeah, yeah Drewski put it up. It's getting hotter in here. I think it is. I'm starting to sweat now. Yeah, I'm not sweating anymore. Yeah, I know my body's just like

We're probably at like a solid 71 now instead of 79 when you came in. It takes like a solid 40 minutes. And this is central air. Yeah, I need to get my new thermostat. I have it. I just don't know how to install it.

I can't find the breaker shut off the power. Yeah, there's no breaker Electric is hot all the time Dangerous there's one wall that I can't get to turn off no matter which breaker I shot gonna go shoot the power line down to shut the power off Texas we melted the fuck We did we melted some some cables last time I

The AC's on. Batty, you just poured ice in buckets in the corners of your room. It's circulating. I'll show you guys that after. It's going to be cool. It'll be so nice. Okay. Zombies. You've heard of them. Yeah. Shot a few, I think. Killed several. What would be your go-to fucking zombie gun?

And then who is going to be the first, like, what house are you going to first? Are you staying home? What's like your first like three people you're grabbing for the Zombalix? That's not fair. It's cheating. Can't pick what? No, Nicholas Irving. His name's the Reaper. That's not fair. He would be really good. He would be great. Yeah. No. No, I think an AR in 223 would be what I'd go with for sure.

Yeah. Any special one? No. That new one you just created. What? The pump one's super nice. Oh, gosh. I killed that one. That was dead dead. That was rough. That video needed to happen, though. It really, really did. That was funny because I posted on Instagram and I was like, destroy this or pimp it out. And I thought everybody would be like, destroy it. And they were like, pimp it out. And I was like, oh.

I was like, oh, man. Like 75% of people said pimp it out. So I was like, we have to. So we spent like $4,500 on just attachments for it. What is it? It was a Troy Pump AR. So like every time you shoot. Why would they even make that? California. It has to be. But it's not even California compliant. It has a threaded barrel and a pistol grip. And it's an open. Troy makes like.

Sometimes - so like that's yeah, that's a big mag. Yes the mags come out So I don't I don't know who I don't know why they made it but it was stupid So anyway, we pinched it out my whole video pimping it out, and then I made a whole nother video just destroying it As it should yes, and it's good. God you took all that shit off there perfectly balanced. Oh

Before you destroyed it. Yeah, we put like a d-ball on it. I mean it was nice It actually was like once I did it those kind of cool It works really good before on top and like dude. It was actually I was like man. I kind of like this now Okay, we're fine now do be you three guys got your AR you got your Gucci one or not Gucci doesn't fucking matter just three one eyes

That we are taking just me and those three guys are going to fight zombies? End of the world scenario. And I can't pick Nicholas Irving. You cannot have Nicholas Irving. Probably another sniper or two. Yeah, I'm just going with you guys just because that's easy. No, fuck that. All right, I can't pick y'all either. Come on. You can pick two of us. Let me have this man. Dude, did he abandon? Maybe he picked you over Cody. I don't know. We don't know. He could.

I'm just saying I'm the only one that's been in combat. I've been in urban combat. Oh, see, he's been in some... Batty's has a failed marriage. Fourth place. Oh, my God! Whoa! Fourth place in the National Cypher competition in 2012. That's combat.

Failed marriage? I think all of us combined makes like one Tim Kennedy or something. Yeah. Yeah. That's what I was going to say. I think I'd take Grantham. Good. Smart choice, honestly. Mine's a good choice. And then...

Shoot, I don't know. I mean, Tim. Yeah, Tim. Tim Kenny would kill any of y'all. So, obviously, Tim Kenny. He'd blink and we'd die. And he can fight the zombies with his hands. Who else? Who else? Oh, Tim got bit. He punched a zombie in the mouth. He was punching zombies again. We told him not to.

Tim just shoot him. Who would y'all take? I don't know. I think Garand would be an excellent choice. He's a survival guy. He's just smart. He's cute. He's really good looking. Charismatic. Huge penis. Fighting an apocalypse and going into day 69 on the bottom. If I had to pick my three... I'd want a day serial counts. You what? What?

I didn't hear it. I was trying to figure out if in this scenario do I have my kitten superpower or no? No. Okay, cool. You're just killing kittens. You're just warding. I just pictured a zombie apocalypse. Matt's just euthanizing chicken kittens. He's killing the zombies. I'm like, I forgot that it's not real. He goes crazy because it's an apocalypse. He goes around euthanizing kittens. Matt's like, what are you doing? I'm like, this will teleport eventually. This is the start of the supervillain arc. I have hit the level.

There's a threshold. Are you getting XP? There's experience points happening. It starts after the thousandth kitten. You've already passed the mark, Matt. We've been over this. You've passed the thousandth kitten. I've killed so many kittens. Not only kittens, cats. Cats. Oh, okay. Any small marmot.

In a zombie survival situation is amazing One point of entry and they can't scale up like the sides of it. Who's your third though? You haven't picked any of us, which is great feeling I don't know. I really don't know just the curving. Can I just pick? Nick?

Pick like a cook. Jet Teela. Jet Teela. Jet Teela. I'm just saying, if you were going to see a world I'd like to eat good. Oh, can I say a shout out to Jet? He was in the final, the season finale of Tournament of Champions last night. Oh, shit, yay. But he lost. He was one of the people that got out on there. Shame. But we love you. Jet. And we know you should have won, Jet. You make Thai food. Baby, this is delicious.

Soga. Soga. He can't pick baby Jesus. Is that an option? No. He can teleport probably. Can Jesus teleport? I think we went over this. I think we talked about Jesus can't teleport. No, he has the superpowers though. That's how we started this. Jesus is superpowered. That's right. Jesus was the worst superhero. That was the name of the episode. Oh God. Welcome back. I formally apologize for being on this podcast again.

Now, what's the most offensive meme we can make? Matt naked on the cross. That's just the thumbnail. He's like, why did we do this? I don't know. We were just trying to get clickbait. And it worked.

So we need you to pose naked for us. I'm already pretty hot. I'm trying to look for an excuse to take my shirt off. It's fucking warm in this fucking house. Oh yeah, my plan is working. That's why you create the heat. That he wants a 69 on top. It's the sound.

Like, you just hear this in the background the whole time, just balls slapping a forehead. Last one? Come on, you gotta pick one. One more. You just pick picnic, it's fine.

Yeah, Nick. It's fucking Nick. He's coming to film a video tomorrow. What did you say? Tim Grand and Nick? That's such a power team. Who else is filming in the video tomorrow? I don't need to talk about it. I was just making sure because I know. Nick's coming. Crispy will be there. You're not picking Crispy for survival. Negative.

He's not the fastest. Well, oh, zombie camouflage, though. Guys, that's not real. I killed Critt and it didn't work. Crispy was a zombie. He was alive. He was screaming at you to not kill him. You just shot him four times. He literally screamed, don't shoot me. I'm not a zombie. I'm not a zombie. Well, look at him. Ha ha ha.

I'd like to formally apologize for you. You just apologized 80 times on this podcast. This episode's gonna be called Matt Sorry. My wife, sorry. My mom, sorry. Crispy, sorry.

Chris, are you still getting picked last for the zombie apocalypse straight up? Like, you're behind me on the list. That's rough. That dodgeball picked you? I'm sorry, bro. Fuck! Batty. Oh, man. Is Crispy shaped like an airplane?

Last week we were talking about jumping out of airplanes because we did the skydiving shit. Getting acers. I saw Matt last week and he was still hurting. He stood up like this. So he was a torn ACL. ACL meniscus though. Sure. I'm just saying. He was in his knee too? Yeah. I didn't know that. I thought he was standing up because his butt still hurt. No, he actually tore something. He has to have surgery. Oh, jeez. Oh.

Yeah, yes that surgery so he was avoiding going in when we last I don't know what's wrong. They're like yeah, you tore it you had that surgeries like motherfucker This is why I'm fat like I'm good. I got a little cushion if I fall you know what I mean like I'm not getting that hurt Yeah, that's gravity though. It's a great look cushion. It's a great looking. It didn't help 30 miles an hour is 30 miles an hour I mean I dumped a bike going almost 70

He didn't like break his tailbone or anything? No, apparently he was bruised. It looked like that was broken. That zombie saved him, man. Fluck, let's see that again. Oh, shit. Oh, I saw.

That meme is the funniest yeah, I'm laying in and it's so many different videos are on that same audio And it's so we can like every time beamed somehow. It's when the big pause like some and you know it's coming one I was like all this for dude cuz I landed I

And then the instructor's like, fucking awesome landing. Sorry, comms got fucked up in the sky. You made it down. Matt really got hurt. And I was like, what? The first thing, it was like, Matt got hurt. He landed right before me. I was like, what happened? He's like, ah, the comms stopped on that one too. I was like,

Maybe we need to work on the calm situation when this is our first jump ever. We don't know how to pull. No, it's pulling and landing. There's a full cycle period. They tell you when, right? They're supposed to, right? Yeah. They're supposed to be like, pull now. Flare. So mine was they tell you when to get in a proceeding or final approach, and then you take your left, left, and land or right, right, depending on your final approach because you have to land towards wind. So at 1,000 feet.

Thousand feet you take your final approach then you turn left at 700 your then you're gonna watch it says all this yeah Yeah, you're always looking and then 300s are your last left turn when you turn you dissent really fast So when you turn you drop out the two really quickly so like my gets fucked up, and I'm like okay I'm here. I was like. I'm getting zero calm. So it's like a thousand okay I just got a left left. Can you talk back to them - no it's a one way so I was like oh

Okay, left final approach thousand good thousand seven hundred good turning and I'm like 350 I'm like, okay I'll do my last turn here in a second and they're like Eli we need you to do a hard right and I was like the other way I'm the left it should be where I'm like and they're like shit 360 so I scrubbed literally a hundred feet instantly when you do that and

And they're like, oh, just, oh my God, oh, ROG comps, go towards us. And it's like...

but now i'm the other way and i land boom walk it out with uh that guy right in front of him almost hit the target and he was like ah we're so sorry we didn't know that was you we thought you were someone else and then matt's they were like mad a large uh hard hit i didn't even see it his comms didn't work so they didn't flare him i was just like i'm a good ranger i just listened to instructions

Earth is one foot away. He was like, I was like, he didn't like break his legs though. So that's cool. Oh God. Yeah. Oh man. There was. Yeah. So how'd he tear his knees? Did his legs hit too? Yeah. If you watch the video, but well, I told them a week before person came in first time jumper. So you only do one tandem and then you're jumping. Yeah. First time. First time jumper came in and boom,

did target fixation. So he stared out where he shouldn't have. He hit a fucking con Xbox going 30 miles an hour. You just watch his leg snap and he dents in the conics, bounces off and slams into the ground next to her. He doesn't die. Shatters femurs, tibs.

Everything and they're like yeah, this happens sometimes I'm like oh skydive oh I gotta drive out of the plane I wanna go somewhere I'm not doing it with you anymore He just said don't just say he would skydive with me and then you ruined it Then Eli said you break every bones in your legs The day we The day I left No biggie The day I left Lady fucking uh

She hit a gust of wind so she flared. Oh, she died right? Yep. She flared she did a fucking and that told me that freak out flare But but she was old as shit. Yeah, it's fine. I mean most people are not gonna be is 40 feet of fall Because of your parachute doesn't instantly inflate when you flare install. It's like and shoots like got it crumple And it just crumples and you like we know you want to skydiving. Oh

You want to go Rocky Mountain climbing? How about riding a bull for 2.7 seconds? Is he named Fu Manchu? Yeah, I would do it. Are we singing country music right now?

I bet Matty's never heard that song. I don't know what we're talking about. It's an actual country song. I thought you meant actually climbing mountains and then riding a bull. I was like, that sounds kind of neat. He was actually like falling in love. I knew what he was doing. Matty's falling in love. I used to climb mountains and I was like, man, ride a bull, that'd be cool. Matty, it's just a great day to be alive, brother. Then Matt said Fu Manchu and Eli's like, it's great.

We're gonna do the wind tunnel you want to join us on that for sure do that soon That's gonna be fun. How do you have to like watch those kids today? No, we could go Take care of that one family that you take care of that one family that you take care of

I try to keep the plausible deniability around this group.

You guys keep fucking it up. Let's go to Dona's Twitter. He's only on there saying the F word. Check in with the toilet thing. I went with sit or stand. I bet it's 70% right now. Yeah, I think so. 25 minutes ago, it's got 4,500 votes. When you wipe...

65%. Stan is at 35%. I would have thought Stan was at 4%. I told you. That's still weird. Out of 4,500 people, 35% Stan. I told you. What are their comments saying? Obviously, they have to explain.

I don't wipe. Oh, that's cause to have Justin Chandler says, buy a bidet. You savage. I'm so excited for my bidet. I'm going to have the cleanest ball ever. People stand, right? Dude, it's like folding toilet paper. People freak the fuck out. As a non-American, I find wiping extremely disgusting and disturbing. It's very unhygienic. Versus bidet. Why are bidets not a thing in the US? They're really not. I can't wait. I'm going to have the cleanest ball ever, man.

I love clean bows. Same, honestly. Oh my god, you guys want to know what new tattoo I'm getting? That's the squad. Oh wait, one second. We gotta figure out why bidets aren't a big thing in the US. That's the next question we ask. We should start a bidet company. Yeah, we could do unsubscribe bidets.

You guys wonder why your business failed you put millions into but days Take off one day

What do you got, Batty? I'm going to PAX here in a couple days in Boston. PAX East. He was too. I was too. Donut is leaving us. He was 80% last podcast. He's like, sorry, I can't. My son has his birthday. How many has he had so far? How many more is he going to have? Fucking at least 90. You can miss one. I'm a good dad.

This is his birthday party. There's a tattoo artist coming to PAX East as well, and she's going to tattoo the inside of my lip, and it's going to say, I eat ass.

I'm really excited about sounds like one you'll never regret having never I mean I got tribal on my shoulder like baddie. Why is it infected? Why's your tattoo have pink talking about getting this tattoo she's like you know you can't eat ass for two weeks after this right I'm like two weeks you're like

What? Wait a minute. It was just like a row of question marks. Don't you have that tattoo? Yeah, for sure. Is it going to be written like when you pull it down? So when I show it, yeah, when you show it, you can read it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't need to read my lips. This is on his lips. On the outer lips. Backwards. It's just I eat ass right here. Very visible. I don't know. I don't know how lip tattoos work. Is that how you get big-tittied goth girls? Try it. Just walk up to them and go, don't say anything. It's the chair you want to be like.

Take a seat! What should your first tattoo be? Yeah. You were supposed to have one. He's got a smiley face! No, I know his first tattoo face. Are we doing the gang face? Yeah, we all got the smiley face. You need the gang face. You need to get your one. Yeah. I got one of the OGs. Eli's got me on his toes, so I probably should get a tattoo. I got all y'all on my toes. I still need to get my... I got all y'all on my toes.

Y'all on my toes samurai tattoo. I gotta finish that what is a Mexican samurai? I? Can't wait to see that it's a does he have a mustache with a sombrero? It's gonna be a shitty samurai wearing a sombrero like it I get Katana. I'm like this, and I also have a leaf blower Weeding a rice field Hey

Never been done. It's done. Your yard is done. I'm going to go up the street now. I want to do a skit where we were talking about Home Depot on the last one. It's like, we need somebody to weedy to rice field. And Eli's like moment to shine. See? Okay. Well, it's just, it looks like shit right now. See?

I got it. We can do the next question. How many Mexicans worked on your mansion? I'm joking. I learned Spanish. You are actually... He's fluent in Spanish. No, I'm not fluent. You speak a lot. I'm 50%. Uno mas tequila por favor. Por favor. Yeah. Por favor. You speak a lot. Yeah, I speak a lot of Spanish. Do you really? Yeah. That's super cool. Okay. I didn't know that. I actually got really into it. So I worked like...

a ton on the house with this dude from Mexico and he's fluent in English but I was like don't talk to me in English because he's from Mexico but he's lived here for like 20 years or something he worked in California for a while and then he started working on my house and we worked like he's a framer so I like framed with him all the time and it was cool so you did a lot I did a bunch of the early stuff like once it was like stuff you would see

Then I was like, we need real people to do this. But all the stuff that was in the walls that you would never see, I did that kind of stuff because I like that kind of stuff. Are you still going to shoot sniper rifles in the house down the hallways with Nick Irving? We should. We already did when it was a shell, but I do want to do it when it's finished. You got to do it when it's finished, right? You got to try to catch that bullet, though. So maybe some bird seed. I actually have a bullet in my arm from the last time I tried to do that. Wait, what? I have a bullet fragment in my arm right here.

I have it on video too, I was filming. Wait, what is this story? There's a video... God, what is it called? It's called like... Shooting a sniper rifle in my house or something. Yeah. And I started small, like 22. 9 mil. And I built this bullet trap out of random body armor panels. So I built this bullet trap and I'm in the apartment of the old house.

And I am 12 feet away. It was bad. And I'm like, I was just working up. And I got up to like 5'5", 6". And I was like, that was scary. Like I fired a 5'5", 6". In a living room. It's loud. Oh, yeah. And I like. No. There wasn't any major walls set up, right? It was a skeleton still, wasn't it? No.

No, no, no. I'm talking about when I shot it in my old house. Oh, shit, yeah. That's when I got the bullet in my arm. It's loud. And it's loud. And so I shot 5.56, caught it. Shot, I think, like, 3.08, caught it. And then I'm like, 300 wind mags. Jesus Christ. And then I was going to go to 50 BMG, but I caught a 300 wind mag in my arm. Like, I was laying on the ground so I could have, like, the smallest... Profile. Yeah, smallest profile to catch bullets. And I shot, and I was like, pew! And I was like, ow! Ow!

And I look down and my arm is- my arm is- I'm like- I shot myself. But in the video it cuts as soon as I shoot.

The smoke alarms went off and I was bleeding all over the floor. And I was like, oh man, that was dumb. And so I went to the vet. I was like, I'm sure it just like hit me. I was like, I'm sure it just hit me and bounced out. So I went to the vet clinic like later that night and I took an x-ray of myself and I was like, oh, there's a piece of metal in my arm. So I still got that. I did not go to 50 Cal. I decided 300 went back. I was good enough. You called it weird. Yep. Called it on that one.

So what you're saying is if one of us gets shot in some way we can just go to the vet clinic? Yeah, it's way cheaper. Do you charge us like based off like kitten prices or horse prices? Do you guys do IVs? Cause the IV bar is a little expensive. Especially when you're on twice a week. Oh, do you want to tell them about how we accidentally got shit wrecked the other day? Oh yeah, you're fucking... Okay, I missed out on this. I know the story.

Vaguely, I was not partaking in this. This was just me and me and Donut Yeah, we will we were we had say driving us. We're safe when we go do things like this We yeah, we went to we got a couple mimosas brunch. It was over the limit And we're like hey, you know, we're probably dehydrated Let's just go to the IV bar and get some vitamins pumped into us. And so we go and we do that and

And we're like, I'm feeling good. I'm feeling great. They gave us some B12 injections. And it's like, man. Banana bags. I've never been to one of these. This is just for people who have been drinking, right? It's not just for drinking. So I've got a few times completely sober because it actually helps with

me and my migraines actually. You get vitamins put into you. They make special ones for migraines. They have migraine cocktails. They have the banana bags. Just if you think you're crazy, your vitamins, it's wild. It's pretty cool. So we're like, yeah, let's go there and get this done. And we're feeling, we're feeling fucking great afterwards. We're pretty, yeah,

Pretty hard tipsy that we got there. It was like, damn, holy shit, going from drunk to sober. Yeah, we were like sober. And yeah, I sobered up super quick while we were sitting there for the 45 minutes getting IV. But we're like, I don't have anything to do today. Let's go back and get some more meds, right? We're back to brunch. So...

I guess because, I don't know, you're the doctor here. I guess because we had just gotten the IVs and our blood was flowing pretty well. Still the exact same percentage. We drank like, what, two, maybe two more mimosas? Sure. A number. Forgot everything. Forgot everything. We blacked out. We got home.

And it was like, I blacked the fuck out. I don't remember what I took. I ended up taking a nap. I don't, there was a whole, I lost like five hours. Yeah. I made Heather chicken wings and I don't remember making her chicken. And it was like five days later, me and donut were sitting at brunch and I'm like,

man, did you get a little more drunk than you should have been the other day? And he's like, bro, me too. I woke up with no hangover. No hangover whatsoever. But I fired up my Traeger and I tossed some honey sriracha wings and made some wings for Heather. And your memory did not record any of it. Nope. And this is not, we don't do this all the time, guys. But like, I think because of the IV, it just like,

It was wild. You guys had... You think you're good. It was like NOS added to your gas tank. You're like, let's just hit that button. Yeah, you're like, we feel so much better. Let's go back to eggs. Why did we black out? Weird. Vegas, you had a great...

Love Matt when Matt has some drinks. I would never Everyone went downhill real time you bought everyone you sees or the other time the last time last time What drunk eating pizza?

Pizza you were at that one boy. I was serving very yeah, this is fucking we were in the food court of the We saw the food court like two hours pissed and there was a guy we didn't know sitting with it You made a video vlog with it You so proud of it drunk

She's never heard this one before so clever Never heard this joke before Yeah but I gotta make the joke on the channel Everyone says in the comments fuck all of you I did it

Yeah, SHOT Show is just like every other SHOT Show. It's like you go and walk the floor for a couple hours and you just go drink a lot. Everyone is having a good... Everyone buys drink shots and then you just get to watch everyone's downhill progression. People are going to SHOT Show less and less though. Did you even go on the floor much?

I was on the floor for an hour. Yeah. Maybe the least amount I've ever been on the floor. I just, I was like, I don't want to go anymore. Like I, I definitely was in the casino the majority of the time. How much time were you on the floor of shot show? A few hours. Absolutely. Okay. Yeah. No, I did a few hours. Cause I mean, Eli did one day where we both walked around for a while.

We did a few hours. Yeah, it was about max that only do one day. Yeah I was alone, and I just kind of walked around I've ever been on like I'm and I feel like that was with everybody like same like the black rival guys are all like We're probably not even go on the floor three hours well a lot of us black rifle wasn't supposed to be there and we had the show like it was last minute for everything everyone was like what's going on okay, we'll just make this work

Let's go actually gamble. Donut gave me a hundred bucks. I lost a hundred bucks. Then I gained way more than I lost way more. Yeah. I actually came out even this year. I think I don't remember. I was just doing that $500 bets on roulette. I was like, it's going to, yeah. I was like, it's going to win or it's not. It's like, and now I was like, cool. Next one.

Cool, and now and then it was a downhill progression. We had Arab out and he- Oh yeah Arab was there. Motherfucker just watched us. That piece of shit. This dude came out and just watched us gamble for like seven hours. Yeah, he's just hanging out with us. Arab, the streamer guy. Yeah, his name is actually Arab. He has that as Twitter, Twitch. I didn't know that. Arab. Just Arab.

He was like, I just put like a thousand or a hundred. It was a hundred. He came to the roulette table, watched us gamble for five hours. Why is he an asshole?

No, he comes up and he does the one on 20 bet. The one to 20 bet on roulette. He's like, two on a 14. A hundred on a 14. Yeah, wins five grand. But he does it fucking again. He did it a second time right after that. Yeah, he got two. He got two. One on one to 20 bets on the roulette table. He's like, I guess I'll do it again. I want some money. Won another like three or four grand. And just walked away. I was like, fuck.

We've been sitting here for the past four days. I just do big bets so that way I know my money's gone or it's not. That's smart. I shouldn't waste your time. No. I wasted so much time. I lost a lot of money. I was like, well, this counts for all the...

The time I made money usually, that was the first year I lost money. You always just showed up and won. You were a piece of shit too. Yeah. Until I killed your streak in the 2019 SHOT Show. My bad. 2020. Was it 2020? Yeah, it was 2020. Because that was the beginning of the end. Donna went to gamble on all the same bets as me. Like, losing. I'm like, stop it. You were winning the entire game. I was like, Donna, go. Stop betting on my table.

Just a downhill prize like no can we tell your gambling is bad story? Yeah? Okay, you gonna. Tell it. No you tell I just I were I I kind of remember it you were gonna make a video about how gambling is bad Yeah, go for wise gambling terrible like shot show I just go there to make content because it's just like I don't know it's it's I

I don't need to go like meet all the companies and everything. I just like going for fun and having fun. Like I can make some content while I'm there. And so we decided I'm going to make a whole vlog about how gambling is dumb. So I had like, I think we had like a thousand dollars for this experiment. We're like, we're going to get a thousand bucks and we split it between five of us and we're all going to go gamble and see what we ended up with.

We ended up with like $2,500 and it was the funnest night of my life. Did you have somebody give you money? Yeah, so another gun company was there and they were like, we'll throw in some money too. We just made tons of money and they were like, if we win this, we put it all on red on roulette at the end of the night. We're like, if we win this, we're going to go buy Yeezys and

We freaking won. And then we went and bought Yeezys. And I made a video about how dumb gambling was while I won like $1,500 and just ended up with stupid shoes and like extra money. And I was like, yeah, but anyway, kids, like gambling's real stupid. Just remember. Oops. It's a chance. Yeah. Every one of your crew had Yeezys? No, we bought three pair of Yeezys that night. But they were clean. Oh, so clean. I still got them. Clay's. His son had Yeezys. And then he went and played in mud. Yeah.

Yeah, that was really cool. I got mine. Very cool, John. I went and squished chicken poop with my Yeezys. I will say, did you watch Whistling Beagles? I actually saw those shoes the other day. He was in Florida when I was there and

He was wearing them. Dude, those shoes stood up. Matt, have you watched? What were those shoes? What were they? The Nike. No, they were the Air Jordan $12,000 pairs. The special. They weren't Air Jordans. But he used them as work. They were the Nike's.

I don't know. But he, like... They were 12 grand. He used his work boots, got them all dirty, and then he put them on an excavator bucket on one of the teeth and, like, dug in the ground with them and then pulled it back out, and they're just fine. He ran them over with, like... A steamroller. A steamroller. And then they just, like, they bent in half, and they spring back, and they're fine. He washed them a thousand times. He was just... He was dirt biking. He fucked these... He threw them in a washing machine, let them roll, throw them in a dryer. Yo, Whistle and Diesel makes me uncomfortable. I love his shit sometimes, but other times, I mean, he just...

He was surprised. He was surprised. He was like, yo, like no stitching problems. He was like, this is the first shoe. Yeah. Yeah. 12,000 stupid on shoe. He's like,

I'm not even gonna complain because these held together through every single thing. They did. Stitching. It washed right out. Come back to natural form. No folds, no creases. Damn. He beat the fuck out of these shoes. They were Jordans? Yeah. Special Jordans. They weren't Jordans though, were they? I thought they were Yeezy. No, they weren't Yeezys. They were Nikes, but...

I don't know shoe faves. I thought they were Whistler. I wear shitty flip flops and slides. So like, I don't know. I wear Vans, man. What do you want from me? Air Dior's. Dior's. So they are Air Jordan, but they're the Dior. Is that what it is? I didn't know. Yeah, they're the Dior brand. But yeah, he... 12 grand. Like Batty here, just for a reference so Batty can see...

So this is my favorite part of the podcast where Eli pulls a video out. I know we can put it on there! It's just for us and no one else. Batty, you see how those shoes are? Yeah. He beats like when he does this, Batty, he is. That video has three million views, though. Yeah, he runs over him with like like homeboy beats the fuck out of these shoes. We'll have Fluck put it up. All right. Keep coming.

Like this stop it. I'm crushing that say here Jordan D yours. Yeah, okay, so bad and that's one of many fucking tests Yeah, 25 minutes of him just fucking ruining fine, and then he watches them This is after everything like all of that washing him a thousand fucking times. So those are Jordan's I don't want to get some air Jordan D yours now and they stay he lights him on fire and

A lot of them on fire! And now he apparently wears them all the time. Like, he was equally surprised. He was like, "Holy shit! Uh, nah, I'm actually surprised these didn't fall." Yo, I get mad if I ever spend more than 70 bucks on a pair of shoes. Like, honestly, I get mad. I'm just like, "Oh, bullshit." Man, when I had to spend $60 on a pair of flip flops. We went to, uh, Florida for Cletus and Cars again, like you and I did. And it was another race.

um and whistlin was there and the prize this time last time it was el caminos you know yeah two el caminos this time it was a lamborghini oh my gosh lamborghini murcielago that was a big step up but it had been it had been ls swapped so it had a chevy engine in it but still it was a it was clean still um and whistlin diesel said if he wins it he was going to destroy it on site but he didn't win but who won who won uh

Some race guy. Brian Deegan. Why don't you... An actual racer, yeah. Bring me to these. I race. All right, let's go. I will fucking... I didn't know I was going to that one the year we did it because it was a Crown Vic race. Yeah. Bill of Mullets. Bill of Mullets. And then you and I...

wrecked so many cars. They stopped giving us cars. It's like, no, you guys can't have this thing. I'm done. I got 7th place out of 20. So I was happy. I finished the race this time, which was good. That's good. Next year. It was 100 laps. Next year. So it's those two next year and it's me and you next year. He needs to hit a 5. Cletus. Him and his... We were on a closed circuit road

Oh, Jesus Christ. Totally professional racetrack road. Super windy in his. Yeah, I was like trying to try. I was in my 140 horsepower girlfriend's car. I'm on his bumper. He's like, can you? He's like, can you? When he follows you, he's like, can you not drive so good? He's like, I was like, oh, don't. It's like, and he has this blue SUV mini fucking thing. It's like.

Just like staying on there 140 horse power. Eli did this to me with his Volvo. Like, right when I moved to Texas, we were leaving the BRCC ranch. It's kind of like, it's got a kind of a dippy wind around. I had my fucking Raptor. I was like, sport mode. And Eli's got his fucking Volvo. This dude was so close to my bumper, I couldn't see him. And I'm going like 70. The speed limit was 75. And I was going 75. Like, I was flying down this fucking, Eli was, I was like,

I was afraid that I was going to hit my brakes when I go around this corner for a second, and Eli's going to disappear. Eli's going to make that pass. Eli is a good driver, and I hate it. I hate it. It's my favorite thing. What's your race car background? Because I know you were a race car driver. We did karts growing up, so then karts, tag, shifter karts, which you'd learn everything on how a car feels. And then we did...

Formula Mazda, a couple Corvette. Spec Miata was my favorite series. That's the one I ran all the time was Spec Miata series. And then now I just fuck around on iRacing. All those racing sims I can still hop in a car like...

Be BJ. We used to borrow our buddy's mom's minivan at three in the morning when she didn't know. Same thing. Same thing. Same exact thing. It's weird when you go from like, like racing, racing, because I can throw a car around and I'm like, oh, whatever, like blue car. I'm like, it's at its limit keeping up with you. That car was like, oh,

Just sliding in corners look it's fine. It's 140 horsepower. I got to keep the RP ends up so it continues the speed I have to keep a thousand horsepower for this Scary man that was wild with no sound you go from fucking zero to a hot whatever yeah, that thing's gnarly no sound is It's just me like I

I don't like it. I wanna do it. On the day we've had less white claws. A day with no white claws even, one would say, huh? Oh! So after this podcast... Guys, I know a closed road. If you just park my truck in front of the road, nobody can get on it. It's a closed road. Yeah, that's true. And it self-drives. We just turn it on self-drive mode and drive down circles. Go faster!

I mean, that's pretty much it. Batty, do you have what question? Batty, have you asked him anything yet? Who? Him. Why are you guys not talking? We've talked so much. Get out. Start the basement right now. I got to look at our survey. Oh, yeah. How are we doing on these? We have 7,000 votes. And still at exactly 35% standing. That's over 1,000 people that are standing. Cheeks are clenched. Who?

How do you loosen your cheeks when you're like you gotta like pop it? You know like what like why don't you lean? I don't understand leaning seems way easier your butt cheeks close Maybe they're trying to get a workout in their squat and you know, like your butt cheeks close when you stand That's what i'm saying. So you're not standing you're like they're the bro the poops You're quasimodo in that shit, dude. You gotta lean and you gotta like stand and haunch the poop squashes

Instantly when you stand. Sound like Caleb Branson. The poop squashes. The poop squashes. The basis from Lamb of God said polarizing content. The basis from Lamb of God. The Lamb of God. Polarizing. I love the internet. God bless the society we are now.

Good news, guys. I'm not hot anymore. No, your house after an hour is... I'm still a little hot, but it's better. You're not profusely sweating on this side of you. No, I was hot when we got here. It was just like... I got a freshly shaved head and it was glistening.

The camera got it all. I'm excited. Our next podcast is going to be in a restaurant. Can I just say this was my idea? No. Here's the deal. I told them, hey guys, you guys got to step it up a little bit. This is amateur hour. I think you guys can be better.

Did that was why we never do that this morning? This is how we started he was like guys You know I got to 10 million subs on my main channel 11 million innovation killing innovation killing kittens This is what I did you think I stopped you guys doing this in this poor ass batty house Think bigger tiny ceilings and dragons touch the ceiling real clean it everybody can touch the ceiling except for you Yeah, you're the only one that's like a centimeter

Let me put shoes on. We'll touch that ceiling so quick with shoes on. We're sitting at brunch and he's like, why don't you guys just do the podcast here at brunch? We were at a really cool place. We were at a cool place and they had this little separate room that we were all looking at and I was like, y'all could do the podcast in the corner over there and there'd be the kind of background noise of people getting orders and eating and everything. The hubbub. He didn't say it this nice. He's like, I watch an actual successful podcast.

Do what they do. So what they do is they have a restaurant. You guys do have something really cool here. Like, you guys are all really funny. I mean, like, we, like, laugh the whole time. I watch your other podcasts. Like, no, I don't watch the whole thing. I don't watch the whole thing. No, no, no. You watch one episode and a half. You've said that. He didn't even watch one whole episode. He watched parts of one. I clicked on Leon Lush's, and I watched 10 seconds of it. And y'all were laughing. And it's funny. I just pictured Demo on his own episode. He's like...

It's like a Meat Canyon episode. He takes his shirt off. Yes, man. Did Meat Canyon take his shirt off during this? No. How he would draw you watching your own episode. He'd draw you like I watch your episodes. I don't really know who Meat Canyon is. I've seen him on y'all's thing, but I've never watched his stuff. Don't. Okay, I'm not. I think you guys... I know that's not true. I think...

I think you guys got a good thing going here. And so I was just giving a little advice, and I think it'll kill. It worked. They literally said yes. Yeah, they asked the guys in the restaurant. They're like, go for it. The manager or owner was like, when do you want to book it? And y'all were like, oh, we were just wondering. We're just pitching ideas out. It's the operating partner. He was like, you want Tuesday or Tuesday at noon or what?

Oh, you said yes. We're idiots. Bring out a lot of these knockout punches. Bring in a lot of knockout punches. A barrel of knockout punch. Well, it's a good thing because it is... We always eat...

Breck Brunt lunch brunch lunch brunch lunch before with our guests every time this is like the go-to and then you cannot talk about anything that we want to talk about really annoying awkward lunch yeah baddie like three times like oh I had this funny story I should save it for the podcast I just wanted yeah that was the one I was so excited to tell that story I really was I loved it and then we just these guys know what brunch means to you guys

1 p.m. Yeah. Brunch is like, Donut came to my house one time or it was through the range and he was like, sorry, I was at brunch. And I was like, it's 3 o'clock. Yeah.

Yeah, you guys just eat eggs at 4 p.m.

It's so true. Who's down for brunch at 4 p.m.? I just want pancakes for dinner. Brunch. We call it brunch. It's the Principal Skinner meme. It's like, no, it's the kids who are... Yeah, we're not wrong. Batty closes the...

Thank you for watching the unsubscribe podcast. Of course, as always, we have Donut Bopperator, Eli DoubleFap, I am BattyStreams, and we have our very, very special guest, Dr. Demolition Matt. Demolition Ranch here. Thanks for coming out and...

Being the cool kid that hangs out with the idiots for the day. Thanks for having me, guys. Plug yourself. Number 50. Number 50! Go check me out, yeah. Where can they find you? Instagram, Dr. Demolition Matt, and YouTube, Demolition Ranch. Come-a-lisha, everyone! Come-a-lisha! Done.