204 - The Gang vs 1 Navy SEAL Operator ft. Mark Coch | Unsubscribe Podcast Ep 204
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And come jokes. Live at CPAC. E4 Mafia's back. Undefeated. And the last thing that goes through your head before you die. I was just really disappointed. I was like, f***, I'm dead. Their twist off. This is going to be like a biblical tale. We cut Mark in half. We share him. I call his a** a dick. No, don't cut him that way, Eli.

What's up, everyone? We have the new...

Desert Knight camos, pans and the greens so you can decide which you like the most. Chubby Electron guy did want this design so we got it knocked out and they turned out amazing. And again, a giant thank you for all you amazing people supporting the brand and making stuff like this possible. And oh my God, do we have such dope stuff in the works coming up? There's a remake of a video game coming up.

that has different camo patterns, which we will be rolling into shoe designs. And remember, hey, you're pretty good. Love y'all. We got it.

Oh my god, we don't have white claws or booze to crack right now. It's okay, I have coffee. Yeah, we all have coffee. That's what it was. No one knows what we are. I was definitely drinking coffee at the White House earlier. Cody, we're on the podcast now. Oh, shit. Hi, everyone. Welcome to the unsubscribed podcast at CPAC. I'm joined today by Eli Doubletap, pad electrician, Brandon Herrera, myself, Donut Operator. Thank you so much for being here. Thank you so much for having us, CPAC.

We're going to see how this plays out. Yo, a big shout out to Sarah, like the Veraldo group for putting all this. We didn't know anything we were getting into. No. We had like the Pentagon slated and then everything else just unfolded. I wish we could just tell you guys that like directly in front of us is the stage that Elon Musk is speaking on. And about three booths down is Newsmax. And we are treated like legitimate media here, which is...

A mistake. I have a badge that says media. It's kind of funny. Should I go on this too? We've had a wild... This is the first gang episode since we've done this entire thing, which we didn't know, again, what we were doing. So we got to go to the Pentagon. Oh, yeah. That's right.

That happened. And we got to go to the White House. I wore this tank top to the Pentagon. And the White House. And the White House. Dude, all the dirty looks they were giving you at the Pentagon wearing your tank top. I don't give a... I've come to one conclusion during this experiment. Everybody that actually matters thinks it's hilarious and asks for a picture. And all the minions that are charged with walking around behind them getting their coffee orders and sucking their dicks.

Is disgusted that I'm here in a tank top and I'm more important than them. I don't care. You're in the, if you're worried about getting in trouble in the Pentagon for wearing a fucking tank top, all you need to do is keep a pocket copy of your DD 214. I don't, I loved it.

It was great the entire time. Also, I have the official memorandum stating that Unsubscribed Podcast is authorized to drink redacted amount of redacted cans of alcohol in redacted areas of the Pentagon.

It's pretty great. Do we- do you actually have a copy of that yet? We have it on the way. Oh, fuck yes. I was really hoping we could get a copy of that. I'm framing it. We better. A hundred percent. Let's print out a couple. This is peak E4 mafia, because like, Cody, E4, me, E4, Eli, E4, and we just got authorization to drink at the Pentagon. Oh, not only that-

Peaky for a mafia. Where were we? Whose desk were we at? We walked in to the Sergeant Major of the Army's office and took a picture with me sitting in his chair and Eli sitting in my lap and took a family picture in the Sergeant Major of the Army's office after each drinking three White Claws in the Pentagon, which...

I can't stress to you enough the amount of people that were like, "How the fuck do you guys have alcohol here? This is like really, really big no-no to have alcohol in the Pentagon." This is like every command sergeant major. Every command sergeant major was like, "I was gonna come chew you guys out and then..." You guys had a memo that was signed off by the secretary of the fucking army. Is that not the best E4 mafia story ever though?

It's like, yeah, maybe we didn't do it back then. But look, E4 Mafia is back. Undefeated. Undefeated. My favorite part was all of the people that were like, oh my god, they had three White Claws apiece in the Pentagon. It was so cute.

"Wow, you guys are drunk in the Pentagon." Like, "Ooh, these guys are all tipsy." We're all walking around stone-ass sober after three white claws like, "Sure, I guess." Cool. They'd have put up the white claws. It's like getting hit with a Nerf dart and it's like, "Ooh, do you need a tourniquet?" No. "You okay, buddy? You're bleeding out." "I think I'll be alright. I'm fine." Dude, and they had to...

Like even disposing the white claw was a process they had to go through. Like the level of steps Finn dressed up yesterday, not today for the White House. We'll get into that. Oh, you mean Finn showing up in an M81 Vietnam era field jacket wearing the whitest white slip-on Vans I've ever seen in my entire life?

Honestly, I'm in a tank top. Usually people are glaring at me. People are glaring at him like he was a homeless Vietnam veteran that wandered into the White House. What you said in the fan was the funniest shit ever. What did Finn say? He said, I couldn't find dress shoes at Walmart. We're like, stop. We're like, pause. Brother, we're heading to the Pentagon. I stopped by Walmart. I couldn't find dress shoes. Why did you think, huh? Of all places, I need to get...

The, uh, well, my favorite part was you said, because he's got, like, just the pure white shoes. They were brand new. M81 woodland jacket. You're like, you look like Lieutenant Dan in heaven. You look like Lieutenant Dan got to walk again. Ha ha ha.

Jesus, Finn. We're bad people. No, he did have a dope jacket, but he did also look like the homeless guy that we picked up off the side of the road. Oh, dude, homeless and living his best life. Everyone's jealous. If you guys don't know, Finn is our videographer. We walked into the Pentagon with him wearing a giant M81 coat and Walmart slippers. Wow.

Honestly, it's truly a testament to M81 being the Lord's flannel because straight up, I'm wearing a tuxedo tank top and everybody's like, wow, you went to the White House and you wore a flannel.

Tank top and then they would immediately turn to Finn and be like, I fucking love your jacket, bro. Like that's how awesome M81 woodland camo is. It was so funny walking behind you wearing your tank top. Bro, you want to see some evil eyes like. Yeah, because you had you had colonels, generals, majors. You had the top tier walking like by us and they were eyeing you like they wanted to knife hand you so fast.

Yeah, this is being a sword. They can't yeah, you're being a score. I'm being a colonel in a major. Yeah, like no, he's under control somehow I don't know what's going on And this is the top that like here your tank top is glowing like a like an orange legendary item and nobody can figure out why I Like to coat like stressing what you're saying Cody is I

this is the top brass of the army. Like, General George, Chief of Staff of the Army, was down there to meet us before we filmed. Like, hey, wanted to give Nick and I haircuts. Oh, yeah. Everything else. But he's just like, hey, what's up? Great to see you guys. We're like, oh, man, hey, what's up, man? Everyone. Everyone. I don't.

I don't know what's going on. The Joint Chief just hugged the guy in the tank top. I feel like I think I'm having a stroke.

I have achieved ultimate shitbag status. It's the peak of my entire life, to be honest with you guys. Dude, P4 Mafia for life. Even the Sarn Major that was next to Sarn Major Weimers, he was like so confused of what was going on. I was like, hey, 2ID. And I was like, oh, from this year to this year, he was like, good to f*** you were at... He was like, I was there in 07. We deployed together.

Yeah, instantly me and that dude, besties. I was like, can we get a photo? That's what I was like, what would make Wymir the most annoying or whatever? Imagine you see him in the field, though, one day back in 2007 or whatever, and you think, like, in the back of your mind, you just get this thought, next time I see him is going to be in 15 years in the Pentagon. At the Pentagon. At the Pentagon.

Bruh. Life's fucking weird, man. We both ended up in the same place. We took different paths. Very different paths. We took the road less traveled, I'll give it that. Path of least resistance. Slow is smooth, smooth is fast. Path of least resistance where I drive my McLaren here. I'm a professional. We are professional. No, I'm not. I had a weird moment here today.

Which one? I've never ran into a Navy buddy. And I ran into someone that I was in the Navy with in 07, like 08, 09. How'd he run into you? What were we doing? We were doing, what were we doing? A fucking little stand. What were we doing? A live? I have no idea what that's called. Yeah, we were just doing like a little like side panel here at CPAC. Yeah, just a little panel. Talking about social media and stuff like that.

I didn't want to say sideshow. Well, we are kind of a sideshow. We are a sideshow. If anybody fits the description, it's us. Yeah, we're doing a little panel. May I just compliment? We said we weren't going to say that many bad things, and the guys did.

pretty decent. You can swear here. We did all of CPAC. We did 30 minutes on CPAC. We only dropped the F-bomb three times, okay? That was proud of us. And Cody only made one cum joke, which the audience did catch on to. That was so funny because you're just like, well, uh...

'Cause they're full of sh- uh, they're full of poo. Poo, 'cause I can't fucking say- *laughs* Immediately catch yourself on sh- by saying f-. Cody's that accidental comedian. I said poo because I couldn't say S-word because I'm behaving. So the poo fuck- Yeah. Everyone pauses. He's like, 'cause his poo bags were f-ing, uh, like-

I keep trying to look at you guys because every time I look forward, I realize that we're in a giant hallway at a major convention and four nuns just walked by in the middle of an unsubscribe episode. You know what's so hard about this? Our voices fucking carry. Like, when we're in our studio or an enclosed place, we can hear each other. But here...

Like, it's really hard to hear each other. So we could just people watch and, like, do this whole thing. Not only is it hard to hear each other, though, but everyone else can hear us. So when we're talking about f***ing and cum jokes, live at CPAC... You guys want a cup? That cup, sure. I don't know if this says one for each of us and Nick gets three Bud Lights. Oh, okay, we got options. Oh, shit. Hell yeah. Hell yeah. Okay, we can crack it finally. All right.

Okay, ready? Three... Three, two, one. Welcome to the Subscribe Podcast. We're gonna people watch and make fun of everyone. We don't have a camera facing the other way, but... Just gonna have to take our word for it. It was pretty funny, like, literally, like, walking here to our booth. We walked by Javier Millay.

Argentinian president? That just rug pulled his entire country. Which I had not heard about. I have no knowledge of this. Allegedly. Allegedly. Allegedly, he tweeted out a meme coin and like a hundred million dollars worth of investment flooded in. He deleted the tweet and then it was a huge rug pull. I don't know what degree he was involved with it. I don't even know if it's true, but that was the word on the street as of right now.

Honestly, W. Jesus! I'm kidding. That's one thing that we've always, like, avoided. We've had an offer for their, like, would Unsub do a meme coin. Do you guys want to have Cum coin? No. I've been offered, like, a million dollars up front.

to do basically an obvious crypto rug pull and I'm like dude go fuck yourself no like there's no content creator worth a damn it's like yeah this is gonna pay out this time this time's gonna be different and we're gonna convince our audience

Well, it's basically free. What's the cost? Your entire reputation. So, speaking of that, I don't even know if it's technically a meme coin, but we were hanging out with Gordon Ryan last night. Oh, yeah. Best jujitsu guy on the planet. And he is like the shining example of a way that you can actually... I don't know if it was technically a crypto coin, but I believe it was. But he did a crypto launch, but...

The benefit of buying it was if you buy this coin, you get all of his jujitsu instructionals for free for the rest of forever whenever he makes an instructional. And it was actually one of the few times where it was like, oh, that worked out and it wasn't a rug pull and he didn't fuck everybody over. So it's like you're turning, basically. It's like...

Crypto Pepperbox for Jujutsu. It would be like if we gave you a lifetime subscription to Pepperbox if you bought into, like, Kumcoin or whatever, but I don't think we're going to go that direction. Is it really? Oh, no, that's been a thing. Yeah, shitcoins have been... Kumcoins valued at $3,000. Hey, dude, I'm still holding on to my Hakutua coin. One of these days, she'll come back. Believe me, she's had enough cum on her back. Hey, dude.

All right, Andy from Parks and Rec. If you put the ball on the tee, I'm going to hit it, okay? That girl went through.

The funny part is with that whole thing is I went on Zach's after action podcast like two months before her crypto coin bullshit happened and Zach released the episode like a day before she had her rug pull event and in the podcast I was like I feel like

She had her 15 minutes of fame and she's getting taken advantage of and somebody's gonna f*** her over and all the comments on Zach's podcast like, wow, his comments aged really, really well. Like he saw this coming a mile away. Still one of my favorite on sub moments is when we're talking about how much administrative fees Wendigoons Appalachian Rebuild Project took. I'm like, oh, how much this is going to... Who has the tokens, Hayley? Yeah.

Wendigoon is rug pulling his entire audience. You should pull out of that immediately. Your son. It's a fake charity. The religious rug pull. Let me poop in peace, Connor. I'm not playing a game. Hi, Eli. We'll be needing this with today's sponsor, Tushy. How will I clean my butt? No. So do yourself a favor and get a bidet by... Eli, pay attention to me. Come on, we've all been to the void.

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Guys, this is the weirdest studio I've ever been in in my life. I know. Random people and...

Make America Great Again hats are just stopping and staring at me. Before we move on, I feel the need to clarify. This is a joke. Wendigoon's a very good friend, and you should absolutely donate to his charity. Wendigoon's the nicest person on the planet. Guys, if you can't see behind us, there's about 400 fucking people just walking the hallways. Show the other angle just with that. And so the other media people are just walking up with full-on $12,000 camera rubs and shining it at us. And I don't know who they are. Filming us.

We did have people stop during- Genuinely very funny because there's people walking around with $20,000 cameras and I'm just like sitting here I'm like we're four retards on a bench and we're gonna get like ten times your views. I know. My favorite part is you guys wore the same shirt today. I did not. He's wearing his jacket. I'm wearing my jacket. That's actually- that jacket's from uh what was it? The Last of Us. Yeah, The Last of Us dude. Trust me. They're slightly different.

They're like, they got defensive, they're like, "No, we're not wearing the same jacket." "It's not the same." "His has buttons and mine has pearls." "Yours is gay, mine's not." "Listen here, you're gay." "You're gay, not me, you're gay." "Oh my god." "You didn't coordinate, so you f*** men."

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I think my favorite part of this whole podcast so far is watching Cody's old buddy from the Navy desperately trying to figure out what the fuck is going on and why his friend is a famous retard. He doesn't follow any of us. That's a funny part. Oh, wow. So this is a...

He literally just like ran into an old friend and got blindsided by the fact that you're your top 1000 YouTubers on the planet right now, aren't you? 871. You're the 871 most followed YouTuber on Earth. Yeah. Which is like doesn't sound impressive, but it's actually a lot of really impressive. A lot of people who don't know YouTube will probably think like, oh, wow, that's like way lower than I thought. All the people who do YouTube are like, holy fuck.

You crested top thousand? Holy shit. I mean, how many gold play buttons are out now? It's like over a hundred thousand, right? Oh, it can't be that much. Over a hundred thousand gold play buttons? Yeah. No. Over a hundred thousand channels with a million subs? Absolutely. Wait, for real? Oh, for sure. No. Yes. Maybe a thousand. No, definitely not. I'd say maybe ten thousand. Definitely not. Uh, fifty-nine thousand. Fifty-nine thousand. That's way more than I would have thought.

Man, I don't feel special at all. 59,000 people have achieved the same thing as you. Brandon, go fuck yourself. Ah, no no no no no no. They achieved a million. I'm like four times that now. You don't get another play button until 10. Yeah, I will never get that. The sweetest thing that I've heard this week is my dad said, "You should start a... You should do a game show as a YouTuber." And I said, "Dad, MrBeast has that." He said, "Who's MrBeast?"

He's the biggest YouTuber of all time. My dad says, I thought you were the biggest YouTuber of all time. Aww. In Papa Donut's heart. That's so sweet, Dad. But no. You know he's been telling all his friends his son is the biggest YouTuber ever. Oh, absolutely. I don't want to be gay about this. I don't know of another two people on the planet that I think I have a closer relationship with

formed on a smaller amount of time than your parents. I've probably been around your parents cumulatively maybe seven to eight hours ever, and I legitimately think I could call your mother and she would fly to my house to babysit my kids if I asked her to. She legitimately treats me like her son. You have the nicest parents on the planet. Oh, dude, they'll take care of you all day long. I know. I'll be having a bad day.

And your mom will just text me out of nowhere, say like, I love you. If you need anything, let me know. I'm just like, she can sense it. Yeah, she's got the mom sense. Fuck. Hey, Brandon, you're sad. Is Cody all right, though? Is she all right? Hey, that fat electrician, he's doing sad things. I'm going to go fly and see him. The sweetest mom of all time. Brandon, you can't do that.

yourself yet. It'd be bad for Cody. I swear to God. Don't put the shotgun in your mouth. That'd be really bad. I'm going to hit your mom up. I'm not even going to tell you. I'm not even going to invite you. I'm just going to invite both your parents out to Iowa to stay with me, be on an episode of Fat Pews to shoot guns and hang out with my family and not fucking invite you. Our parents would do that too. I know. 100%. You should invite Eli's mom too. Yeah, she'll show up.

She's dead. You might have to go remote. FaceTime a grave. I would bet money. I'm sorry. Eli's dad would show up, though. He would drive a Harley. He'd show up a couple days late because he rode his bike there, but he would show up. Oh, 100% my dad. I'm mildly scared, though, because your dad's going to show up and start judging my house and all the things that are wrong with it. Be like, what the fuck?

"You guys are livin' in Pittsburgh, you gotta fix all this shit." You get woken up at 5 o'clock in the morning 'cause Eli's dad's doing the tile. I know! Just Mexican as shit. My brother had to yell at him 'cause he tried to fix my brother's brand new lawnmower. He's like, "The blades are dull!" And he's like,

Dad, they're brand new. Stop. Why do you take them off? My dad had disassembled the lawnmower to sharpen them by hand. Oh, my God. Yeah. Just old school Mexican. They put it together wrong, though, because it's new tech. Only time in unsub history I think I've almost cried is when Eli, seeing your dad see you do unsub live in Dallas, was like, I'm not going to cry. So I'm not crying.

I gotta go pee. Dude, that was the easiest. I was like, "Oh, this is my first. My dad's never seen this." I was like, "Oh, Jay caught that on camera." "Well, I'm drunk too." "So I'm gonna make a live video of me crying and then I'm gonna pull all the guys together and cry in front of them." Me, Kenny, was so confused. Papa Mew was like,

Fucking Papa Meat sat next to me at the Gundy's this year in Las Vegas. Oh, yeah. Like our live show there? Oh, yeah. No, no, no, no. At the Gundy's award show. Because he walked in looking around. It was me, Zach, and Hannah sitting there. And Papa Meat walked in just kind of like blatantly not knowing what's going on. I was like, yo, hey. He sat next to me.

You want to talk about trying to not appear like a f***ing asshole? Papa Meat leaning over whispering in your ear with all his voice interpretations and shit of like...

I'm already seeing it, Eli. Everybody at the Gundy's is like super deep into 2A shit and they understand everything that's going on. But like, it's like a level 30 meme on the internet. You know what I mean? But also everybody who's won a Gundy is basically a caricature of some variety. Oh, for sure. But like...

Some like that, you know the sponsor would come up and they'd be like we're really we're really pushing and spending a lot of our money and effort into having Concealed carry reciprocity across all of the United States and Papa meat is like I don't know what the fuck was Concealed carry reciprocity even me and he's just doing his caricatures in my ear the whole time I'm desperately trying not to laugh out loud while there's serious conversations going on. Yeah, it was awful. Do we have another mic?

Do you want, hey, I'll stand up. Do you want Mark to tell a story? Yeah, we'll scoot over and then we'll focus on this side. Get over here! On that note, can I introduce our guest with us tonight? Can I say your full past? Sure, man. Okay. Whatever you know of it. 25 years on the SEAL teams, eight years with a gold team on Team 6. A great person, wonderful human being. We would just love to hang out with you and hear some stories from you.

All right. Cool, man. What do you want to know? I mean, name. He was just saying. Introduce yourself. Oh, sorry. Come on. Random seal, man. Sorry. Yeah. Random seal just showed up. No, I'm Mark. Mark. Nice to meet you, Mark. He said not to say my last name, but everybody's name is Mark. So my last name shortened is Coach. So that's what people know me as, Coach. Nice. Do you know how hard it is to find a seal that doesn't have a book? Yeah.

Yeah, Mark, what are you writing your book, dude? Yeah, that ain't ever going to happen. Sorry. Mark's new book. They fucking heard that. They heard you were never writing a book and they flipped your trident.

It's like you almost have to create a writing and get through buds these days. It's an elective. It's part of Hell Week. That's Hell Week. It's like you have to write a poem. You're doing a haiku. The tide was heavy. That's too many syllables. Come on. You're struggling with a haiku. Knuckle dragging frog man here. The amount of people that don't know what a haiku is. I did all the time.

I knew it would. I know. I also love where we're explaining the intricacies of Hell Week and haikus while Ted Cruz walks by. Yeah, there goes Ted Cruz. Literally Ted Cruz. Oh, fuck me. Why not? Yeah.

He looked at us appropriately like a bunch of retards. Dismissed us immediately. Retarded. We can say that now, right? Not like we ever stopped, but now it's... I saw that on... I was on X the other day. Elon was talking to... There was this one guy who was just talking about all the social security stuff. They're talking about all the fraud that's happening with that right now. And somebody's like, oh my god, I can't believe Elon doesn't know how to use SQL.

And Elon replies, this retard thinks the government uses SQL. Dude, seeing that, I was like... From Elon, current Elon. It's like, oh, retard is so back. Is he on stage right now? I think so. I tweeted about that because they were like, Elon doesn't realize that the reason that they're 150 years old collecting Social Security is because of the coding method used is C-ball. And...

And C-Bowl is like literally one of the first coding types ever from like the 1940s. And I was like, wait, does social security still operate on C-Bowl? Like it was literally out of date by the 1970s.

That's like using vacuum tubes. No, 100%. That's like opening up the nuclear football and it's, do you want to play a game? It's like, oh, fuck. That was the 80s, dude. Apparently it still runs on that. Dude, Mark, we had, I mean, you have...

I mean, you were the only one that joined before I was born. Yeah. When you told me when you joined, I was like, damn. Now I know what the guys feel like. Did you fight for the North or the South when you got in? Yeah.

What year did you join? 84. Which you look fantastic. Like, brother, I never thought 84 is when you joined. That's why I told him, like, after I left dinner, I was like, wait a minute, how the f***ing old was that guy? He didn't seem like he was that old. How old are you? I'm 58. Jesus. I'm 59 in June. I misheard that from this side, because, like we said, the acoustics in here are, like, dog shit. But I thought I overheard you said you were 84. I'm like, he's f***ing with us. Like, there's absolutely, I'm like, I don't f***ing know.

That's when Brandon has that. He looks in the mirror. He's like, I'm aging terribly. I was going to go up to the hotel room and pull an Anthony Bourdain. Let me help you. I'll have my moment of honesty here. Whenever I watch an old AK guy video, I was like, that's not Brandon. It's not the same person. How did you get...

I'm 30% darker for no f***ing reason. Texas. Since I've known you. Texas. This Mexican came out. I try to spend more time in the sun. Como estas? Like, I went back and I was like, I'm going to watch all the original AK versus AR guy videos. And I was like, that is... Well, people don't realize when I first started doing that shit, I was like f***ing 19. Yeah. Yeah.

It's been 10 years, homie. Jesus. Brandon was a baby. I remember watching AK guy versus AR guy, and it's like baby Brandon. I remember seeing that video and being like, oh, holy shit. I was like, that doesn't look like 10 years. I'm like, well, it matters which 10 years because 19 to 29 is a huge jump. Especially depending on how much drinking you're doing. Well, yeah, there's also that. Papa Eli. All right.

This is coffee for the record. Some of us went to bed at 10 o'clock last night. Hey, I... No, we didn't. Nobody did that. I was talking about Eli. Yeah. Hey, Brandon, you ever wake up in your bed feeling like you just fought in a war?

All clear? Yeah, what do you ask? You ever wake up and feel like you slept in a sauna? Yeah, I believe that's called night sweats. Means you got a trash mattress, Brandon. Why are we talking like Macho Man Randy Savage? Because today we're talking about our premier sponsorship, GhostBed.com. GhostBed mattresses are built with cooling technology. So you're not sweating through your sheets like some street bump.

You stay cool, comfortable. Most importantly, you sleep through your night. I got you for three minutes, but I got ghost bed all night. You know what's longer than three minutes, Brandon? Any sexual experience I've ever had? Ghost bed's 20 to 25 year warranty. And you've got a 101 night free trial to test it out.

Ooh, yeah. And you know what, brother? They don't just sell mattresses. They have bases, pillows, sheets, the whole empanada. Just pick your mattress and grab them.

bundle. Right now, GooseBed's giving you 50% off everything. Just use unsubscribe at checkout and save 50%. Head over to ghostmed.com slash unsubscribe. That's ghostmed.com slash unsubscribe.

Unsubscribe. Use code unsubscribe. I'll show up under your bed and make ghost noises until you do. Go now. I just want to reiterate, none of this was in the script. I don't know why we started talking like random times.

I get sleep. I'm the only one that took a nap. I was like, where are you guys at? We were talking so much shit about you when you left. We were at the bar and Eli's like, I'm going to go take a nap real quick. And all three of us are like, I don't know how the fuck.

he goes and sleeps for an hour he does his siestas you know they do that is it possible to learn this power yeah please i'm trying to get my girlfriend to teach me that not from a gringo family even sav she was thrown off at like turkey day like noon we're all asleep and she's like you were not

around like your entire family passes out for an hour and then a wake wake up and look oh my god let's drink more let's party till the evening one of my favorite parts of American history is there was an entire battalion during the Mexican American War that was a hundred percent Irish like Irish Catholics that came over as immigrants and enlisted in the Irish army and they fought in the Mexican American War and they were like wait

Wait, these guys are... These guys are Catholic?

holy shit, you can put potatoes in a breakfast burrito? And then they're like, we're switching sides. They straight up switched sides during the Mexican-American War. There's a full community of Irish Mexicans in Mexico to this day because this entire battalion of Irish immigrants switched teams during the middle of the Mexican-American War. It's really funny because when we were talking about getting Sho her citizenship at the Pentagon yesterday, just like, just f***.

around joking around. They're like, "Listen, we need a favor. There's this person we know. She's a potato Mexican, but that's beside the point."

She's living her best life. So we went to the White House and it was a big deal because show the White House show is not an American citizen. And apparently it was a big deal for like a not American citizen to show up to the White House and get a tour or whatever. So show had to have like a different designation than the rest of us where she needed a guided escort the entire time. And.

So Sho shows up, knowing this already, she shows up wearing a black trench coat, a black shirt, and sunglasses. She looked like a spy. I'm glad you dressed like a fucking spy after you were already on the radar. She just needed a big wide brimmed black hat. You know what? I should dress like Carmen Sandiego the entire time.

The driver went to go start the car. I went... You're not blending in, show. Fuck, man. Mark. Mark. Hello, sir. What's up down there? Can I hear about your background a little bit? My background? Uh, well, sure. Wait, this is... I love this. This is a reoccurring theme. You...

Didn't know what Navy SEALs were. Thanks, Mark. When you joined. I'm kidding. Navy SEALs, this is one thing that's like you didn't know what they were. Nobody knew what a SEAL was in 1984. Yeah. I mean, it wasn't out there. It wasn't on the internet, yeah. Yeah, nobody knew what the hell was going on. Can I tell the pretext to how I figured this out? Sure.

So like total watch nerd, my favorite watch is a Tudor Pelagos. I was like, oh, the dude across the table from me has the same watch. And I like brought it up in conversation. He was like, yeah, I mean, yeah, kind of, sort of, not really. And he shows me his. Mine's a little different. And on a Tudor Pelagos, it says Pelagos in red on every Pelagos, period. And his is in gold. And he's like, yeah, there's not a whole lot of these. Yeah.

Go ahead. It goes back. The Tudor company and Frogmen go way back, right? So one of our guys, we were looking for a squadron watch, and he had a connection through his father who was a watchmaker or whatever. I don't know the whole story on that. So they made a deal with Tudor, and they made squadron watches for us. And mine says it's in gold because I was gold squadron. The red guys are in red. The blue guys are in blue. Silver and silver.

Imagine you're in Red Squadron and you just get a regular Tudor watch. You're like, fuck. Yeah, but it's still a little different. There's something else that's... Yeah, so I mean, how many of those Pelagoses are in existence, if you had to guess? Like 30, 60, maybe, ever? There's probably...

Oh, these with the gold one on it? Yeah, with the gold Pelagos. With the gold Pelagos, it's probably $100, $150 maybe. Yeah, ever. Maybe. And you got to be like a special person to get one. It goes even worse than that because the serial number on this one, it's attached to my name. So if this shows up on the black market, some gray market, Tudor will be like, what the hell? Because I can't sell it.

Can't give it away. So you're not allowed to sell it, period? Nope. Oh, no shit. No, I can't sell this. That's kind of cool. Yeah.

Watches are more regulated than like Super Bowl rings and Olympic medals. It's kind of wild. I mean, some guns. You have a unique thing that you can't give away. Can't give it away. I suppose my kids could inherit and whatever, but I'll probably just, you know, will it back to the team and give it to, you know, another guy. Thank you so much. Thank you so much. That is so honorable. I'll cherish that forever. Yeah, we'll frame it.

That is a very, very funny comparison now that I think of, like, super American moment. It's like, hey, hey, brother, can I buy that watch? Nah, sorry, I can't. But would you like this MG42? Yeah.

Yeah, if you don't live in California. So, Gold Squadron, SEAL Team 6? Yeah, we can say the number now. When I was there, you didn't say the number. So, I mean, you were actual SEAL Team 6. Yeah. Two of you now have been here. Talk shit to Terry. Tell him he sucks. New guy. Like, Terry was a new guy when...

Yeah, he's like two years after me. He showed up. I think he was green team 97 or 98. That's why I was like, holy shit. He's like, you mean new guy, Derek? I was like, bro. And I think I'm aging better than him anyway.

Anyway. I mean, to be fair, when Terry came on, so we had to film two podcasts that night and it was the day before our big range day and Eli didn't brief me like an asshole. So Eli is like, so we filmed our gang episode and now we have to go to, we're going to go to the pre-range day party for like 30 minutes and we're going to come back and we're going to interview Terry. I was like, cool. Quick question, who the fuck is Terry? I was like, oh, it's that guy over there that showed up with Kevin. I was like,

Terry, I love you, but he's like this tall, like normal, average, blue-collar-looking dude. I was like, maybe he was an electrician for 50 years? I have no f***ing idea. And Eli is like, he was the guy that saved Captain Phillips on the ship. I was like, oh, shit, Terry, okay, yeah, I'll come back for that, for sure. Yeah, absolutely. It's always fun. It's like half the unsub guests, because we don't usually pick the guests. It's usually just somebody that is anointed to us

And then I find out ten minutes into the episode, I'm like, oh shit, they're cool as f***. I find out with the audience. We're asking genuine questions.

The guys are figuring out on spots. Like, wow, this is amazing. That's cool. Christian Craighead. Here's Terry. Here's some exceptions, but you know, even with like the Pentagon episode, it's like, oh, hey, real quick. We're going to just like streamline the top five sergeant majors in the entire army through your podcast real quick. And it's like all five sergeant majors. If they were outside of uniform that clearly showed like all their accomplishments, they

Would not be intimidating human beings at all. And all five of them are like, oh, shit. Homeboy's combat scuba and halo jump expert. I'm going to go sit in the corner. Dude, Rob Haney sat down, and I just looked at his stack. I was like, holy shit, bro. You are stacked. He was like, what? And then Brandon, I'm like.

I'm like, yo, there's a bit in the podcast where I literally just like tap Cody on the shoulder and I just lean back and I point at his stack and Cody just goes, what the fuck? Like one of the most physically unassuming guys ever. And it's like, holy shit. Sergeant Major. And he worked through all three bat ranger bats. And he was like, oh yeah. And then I got combat diver and a halo. But when he talked about,

What was his combat diver story? They don't, you don't drown. He was, he said, and I quote, I didn't technically drown. That's so fun about CPAC. I just had too much carbon dioxide in my brain and I passed out. That was it. That's how he did it. It's all right. Yeah, I've done that.

How was your, like, how many, you probably experienced? Oh, yeah. Yeah, I got to do that in BUDS, actually. We were obstacle loading. And so you've got obstacles. We're doing the whole UDT thing where you, you know, put bombs on underwater obstacles. And, you know, we still do it because it's... Yeah, like, for example, Russian pipelines and things. Well, I'm not going to expand on that. That's crazy. Technical difficulties. Yeah.

No, but I got down there and you got to tie in your explosives to the trunk line so they all go up at the same time. And I'm down there tying the knot and there's all this surge. And I'm holding on, hanging, and you start chicken necking your...

And then I just didn't have to breathe anymore. I'm like, wow, that's kind of cool. And it's like everything is relaxed. And I'm like, wait, something's wrong here. But now your brain is starting to shut down. So I was like, what's wrong? I'm not sure. Holy crap. So I'm sitting there thinking about it. And I blew some bubbles. And they went up. So I kicked up. And the next thing I know, I was on the surface. I passed out on the way up. But I was buoyant. What is this?

I guess what's your background, but like background as far as like where did you grow up? How did you grow up? Oh, I was a latchkey kid, you know, Pismo Beach, California. You know, aware of that place. It's a really nice town now. Back in the 70s, it was kind of much smaller. We grew up poor up, you know, in a bunkhouse place.

Me and my four brothers and, you know, just goofing off and running around, jumping off of things and, you know, just doing stupid shit, you know, climbing the hill and sliding down on fucking cardboard and just be a boy. I'm just amazed that my brothers and I made it out of childhood with sight in both eyes and all our fingers attached. I'm going to be honest. I might be one of, if not the foremost leading expert on war heroes in American history, but

Not a single f***ing story starts out with, like, this kid comes from an affluent family. Like, not a single one is like, dad was rich, had a lot of money. Love life as well. You love at a young age.

Well, I mean, I joined the Navy. Exactly what Mark was saying. Yeah, I joined the Navy because both my folks were high school teachers and like, you're going to go to college. Of course, we don't have any money, but you're going to go to college. So I'm like, well, I'll figure it out. So I joined the Navy to get money for college.

Had no idea, you know, what the hell I was doing. I get to boot camp, and it's so fucking easy. It was just stupid easy. I'm like, what the hell? Just for the record, this is 1987 boot camp. 84 boot camp, yeah. When they're still allowed to, like, hit you. Yeah, a little bit. Yeah, yeah, that's easy. Come on. The drill instructor can't hit as hard as dad. It's hard.

It's funny, 'cause I was thinking about that, you're like... Drew Sarno is like a bitch. Not a single American hero comes from an affluent family. It's like, yeah, you never do hear about those Medal of Honor recipients, like, "Well, life started out when I was captain of the polo cross team." There I was. No, it's a lot of Sean Strickland stories, not a lot of those.

So I just, I was like, well, what else you got? I'm like, well, I got this UDT SEAL thing. I'm like, what the hell is that? Well, I get to jump out airplanes, shoot things, and blow shit up. I'm like, cool. Sign me up. So I was just doing it for the challenge, basically. And, you know, I didn't really know what a SEAL was until I was one. I was like, wow, that's what we do. Cool. Pardon my ignorance, but how long had the SEAL program been around before that? 62 is when they started it up. That's the crazy part to me is like,

I don't know. I like, I have this mental block where I can't grasp because like I grew up in middle school watching, like making the cut and like, so everybody had a great grasp on like how insane special forces, Navy seals, green berets, 75th range, right? All these guys, all their training was like, I can't fathom talking to her, a recruiter and just like having no idea what that meant and be like, sure, I'll do it. And then just going into that program blind, um,

It seemed like a good idea at the time, you know, I mean what the hell I mean, what I was what 19, you know, it was 21 went through buds. So yeah, I was you know, you're young and dumb and just figuring shit out How many years did it take for you started at your like what seal team? Did you start at and then how long did it take to get to? Yeah, so I started off at seal team five. I was there for five years and

Did four deployments in five years. And this is pre-war. I was just getting after it. I wanted to be out there if something happened. I wanted to get in a fight. And that didn't... Well, I mean, I had a couple shaves, close calls. But I worked for Ronald Reagan. So, you know... Jesus Christ. That's actually a crazy sentence now that you put it out there. You ever catch a trickle-down ass whooping? Yeah.

You were the tip of the spear on the war on drugs. Well, yeah. Well, there's a little more to it, but yeah. There's always a little more to it. I still don't want to, you know. It started as a joke, and then I thought about it. So at what point were you like, when you got to...

Dev group or what was your worst actually? What was your worst day at like buds? Oh worst day at buds. I would been right Wednesday or Thursday night when all my toenails fell off Jesus

Yeah, well, so the breakout is on Sunday night. I'm sorry, did you just say all your toenails fell off? Yeah, they turned black. Jesus Christ. I'm more important. He said Wednesday or Thursday night. It was very highly specific remembering the date. Well, I lost my socks the first night, okay, at the Steel Pier. And I didn't get a new pair of socks until Wednesday. And so when I pulled off my socks on, I think it was Thursday, I

toenails came with them. Well, not all of them. I had to pull a couple off. They're hanging.

Oh, yeah, that's not too bad. I'm glad you're not laughing like a psychopath. That was a long time ago, man. I mean, what the hell? I only had two more days left. The fuck else can you do? Jesus. You should pull it off. Well, and then the same time we have these health and, you know, they look and make sure you're not, you know, nursing anything or that you got, you know, open sores or whatever. So you strip down naked and they, you know, look you over.

And I had this huge blister. They're twist off. I just booped you without booping you. Fuck you, Eli. The angry electrician. He's like, Hulk smack. Is anybody else on nicotine, actually? I was like, what the fuck?

It's your earlier Nick. Some are, some aren't, okay? I booked you at lunch. Just catching you up on what's happening right now. Elon is in the next room giving his speech. We're out here doing our retard shit. Infinitely more interested in Mark over here, to be honest with you. I don't... Oh, dude, I know. I'm so excited for Mark's stories. I can watch that on Twitter later. Can't do this later. Not on YouTube. Not without Mark.

Well, I mean, well, the ironic part is I literally can. But I need to do this part first. We have to live in the moment. In the moment. Dude, thank you for joining. You're like...

A couple down working with Smith & Wesson. Yeah, that's my new gig. I'm the director. New gig? How new? I moved there in October. From? From San Diego to Tennessee. What were you doing in San Diego? Well, for the last 13 years, I was a contract buds instructor teaching firearms, weapons. So, I mean... God damn. It's got to be a hard gig in San Diego. Bait...

Basically the hefty majority of all seals in operation right now were taught by you. About 4,000 of them, yeah. Jesus Christ. Bro, so you've shot like 500 bullets? Yeah, one or two. Oh, I didn't catch the implication on that. I was thinking civilian size. Mark shot one person maybe. Maybe. Maybe.

Holy shit. So you were just training on the contract. How many rounds did you train? Like at your peak, how many rounds were you shooting a day? We had like Tyler Gray when he was on last. He was doing like 1,000 rounds a day. He was like, yeah, it was like 1,000. About 5,000 a week is what we were shooting at Damn Neck pretty much. And that was pretty much year round. 5,000 a night? A week. A week. Oh, oh, oh. That makes it better. What the fuck? Yeah, we can't hear you down here. Sorry. 5,000 a week.

It wasn't like just doing mag dumps. It was like you're training. Yeah. What was that? That was dev group training, like 5,000 a week? Yeah. Fuck me, dude. How can you hear us? Have you had your lead levels checked? Oh, yeah. They tested us once, and then we asked what the results were, and they're like, I think we need to recalibrate the machines. So they just...

Yeah, they just gave you chemo. I don't know. Like here! I used to have a really thick head of hair, okay? For no reason, they just gave you chemo? Yo, God! They shoot you with so much stuff. Mark's immune to x-rays. The machine's not working right, that's weird. I literally, when I had my fight last year, or God, now it's like almost two years ago. Yeah. That's horrible.

I was getting all those tests, like they make you do like an STD test and everything, because you're gonna be, you know, spilling blood and shit like that. So they make you get all these tests done. I threw in a lead level check in the mix, because I was like, "F*ck it, I should probably know that." I was like, "Oh, that number's not too bad." It was like a nine point something. Like, "Oh, that's not bad." "Well, that's red." "It's red though, I should probably..." And I googled like, "Dangerous starts at like six." I was like, "Oh, that's f*cking cool."

Who might have to look into that? I don't know. Really, you probably should. I don't know what the fix is, to be honest. What do we know, Mark? What do we know? I'm just going to keep doing what I'm doing until I'm done. You know, the hell. What was your favorite platform name? Rocket Surgeon? Fuck it. Rocket Surgeon? Fuck it.

What was your favorite weapon to train with, like, as you got new ones integrated into the system? The one I was most excited to start training with was the MP5, just because it was the coolest thing, you know, going. But, you know, and we did for years. That was the... Any self-respecting counter-terrorist unit in the world, after Princess Kate happened, you know, with H&K up front and center, that's what you had. So, that was...

That was probably the most fun. But honestly, the M4, you know, the shorty version of the M4, that's like the most practical thing. It's more effective. You know, MP5s get out to 50, maybe 100 yards. And yeah. When did you get out? I retired in 2010.

Did you fuck around with like 300 blackout or anything before you got out? That was just kind of starting to come in. Oh, geez. We were looking at it when I was at Warcom in like 06, 05. They were, you know, trying to figure out. They were doing the 6.8 SPC, you know, thing. Oh, it's whatever. Kevin's a friend. Kevin. Kevin.

owner of Q. 300 blackout dude that created that. The honey badger and everything. 300 blackout is an awesome freaking round. But it's specifically for a short gun. And,

and to be subsonic because 5.56 subsonic sucks. Yeah. And it's stupid. You know what I mean? Shooting a .22 at somebody at that point, right? Because, I mean, the whole purpose of 5.56 .223 is that it's traveling at 3,000 plus feet per second. It is out of a 20-inch tube. Yeah. But as you cut that barrel down, it gets...

It goes a little slower, and then it doesn't yaw as fast. Plus, they put a tighter twist to make it more accurate. The original has a 1 in 12, so that thing's barely stable. So as soon as it hits flesh, it turns over, and it does just amazing things to flesh. Have you ever fought the new 8.6 at all? No, but I want to.

Calm down, man. You come out to Iowa, we got you. No, no, no. Fat Pews is there. Pewdew is there.

Iowa so you can have a one-on-one dinner date with Nick before you can come down with the rest of us You get to hang out with me and my kids. That's fine. You're not gonna scare me God damn it. Hard cut. Nick's crying. No. He scared me. He scared me. San Antonio San Antonio. Oh hey, I dig me some Texas too man. Hell yeah brother. Dude you'll love that that 8-6 like tear it

Watch, text Terry about it and ask him about it because that round is... We've all talked about it. You have a four-inch barrel and you're fine. It's a one to three twist rate and the all subsonic and when it hits, it explodes shit. Yeah. Wild. I wonder if they can hear the random increments of bass that just come from the actual auditorium. Dude, it's wild.

It's more weird as people, like, when I was readjusting the cameras, they're like, hey, these people are coming through. Do you want them on your podcast? I was like, no. I saw that. Some of the people they were asking about, I overheard that. It's like, who the fuck? No. Yeah. Oh, thank you so much. We're going to move the needle. It's like, would you like the college conservative party leader of El Salvador? It's like, not really. No. Yeah.

So what do you like? You done... What was your most, like, the best part of your military career? Especially in gold team. Oh, well, being a solter on gold team was... That was like... That's the pinnacle. You know? We get... We did three months in Afghanistan with a second group over there. And we're still trying to figure things out. You know? Going after...

Elvis sightings is where he started calling them because, hey, he might be here and whatever. Elvis wasn't in the building. He's saying, Cody can't hear you. We were going down there. We were like, what? Yeah. And even if I speak louder into this thing, you're not going to hear anymore. Just got to sound off, dog. That's the motherfucker about it. We could people watch and just sit here and have a good time. They were doing Elvis sightings in Afghanistan. Yeah. Just looking for the man. Yeah. And he wasn't around.

The man, the myth, the water burial. Sorry, too hardcore. I love you. I mean, we were still going in hot, you know, still going, you know, as if something was there, even on, you know, you don't know it's a dry target until you check it out. And the last mission, I got injured. They advertised, TF-160 advertised a 20-foot fast rope. I'm like, cool.

and I was like the last guy out and I'm looking down and there's it's 110 foot fast rope and there's maybe 10 feet of it on the on the deck I was like well that's a little more but because it was a they advertised a short one I had my you know little shooter gloves on I didn't have my fast rope gloves on so I went zipping down that thing as I'm looking out I was like the last guy off the plane I'm looking around go this doesn't look like the pictures you know and um we were on the wrong target um anyway so I just zipped down there and I I hit

Oh.

Yeah, you know, on nods. And just, so I fall back. And the last thing that goes through your head before you die, I was just really disappointed. I was like, fuck, I'm dead. As I fell, you know? And then I start hitting you, boom, boom, boom. And then you stop falling. You know, you come to a stop and you're like, fuck, I'm not dead. And then you got to figure out, all right, what the fuck's going on here? And there's this animal in this pen made of sticks that's like going nuts. I'm like...

This cow's gonna come out here and stomp me to death. So, no time to wait for the backboard. So, I did a quick systems check. Animal way better than a bunch of Arabic-speaking dudes. Yeah, well... So, I get up. The animals think that, too. Yeah.

Thank you for that beautiful bucket. Swipe off the T. Yeah. It turned out that we're goats, so, you know, that's, you know, anyway. Holy shit, thank God. Thank God it's an American. Yeah.

Well, I got my shit back together. My back was hurt and my leg was f***ed up. My nods tried to poke my eyes out. But I had clear eye pro underneath. That's the only reason I've got eyes to see you with right now. Because it would have just knocked me out. So, I picked myself up and I can't move real good. My back's f***ed up.

pinching me. But, you know, one of the guys told me later, when they saw me go off the edge, they looked down. When I hit, my camelback was full of water. It burst. So they see me laying there in a spreading pool of black liquid going, well, okay, coach is dead. How the f*** are we off this building? You know, off this roof. Jesus. So I got my comms back on. I'm like, oh yeah, I'm not dead. And I just kind of found a place where I could see them on the roof and kind of de-conflict. How far was the drop? It was...

Two stories. I hit the top of the second story. Jesus Christ. Off the second story, I hit the edge of the first story, the top of the animal pen as I hit, and it just kind of spun me around and landed me in the yard. There's no depth perception. Oh, yeah. I mean, it wouldn't have mattered at that point. I mean, I stepped backwards into nothing. So frogman luck, right? If I'd gone off two sides, I would have landed on the next deck down.

Where I fell was two and then that side over there was a hundred feet before it would have touched anything So I really would have been dead had it been just 90 degrees off so Luckily that camelback probably saved a lot of your fall too. It might have. I mean you got body armor on you got a helmet and all you know, I crash tested the helmet That's a word

Yeah. And then I had this big, like, meatball on my shin, big hematoma that came up. So, like, eh. When the sun came up, they medevaced me and one other guy who fell off another roof. It was a shit show. Wait, two people fell? Yeah. Yeah, but he fell on the one story and just fell on his back. Yeah. There you go. Yeah. He only fell one story. In the middle of the night when full kit. You did the entire evening? Yeah.

I finished out, yeah. And then, you know, in the morning, Hilo came in and, you know, I couldn't do, you know, dynamic clearance, obviously, but I found a useful job, you know, watching a... Pulling security. Yeah. Don't trust me. I know, bro. You get zero shit out from me. You're like, I don't know. 10 to 2. I'm good. I'm good. Yeah.

I got you. Because I told him I can't move. I'm just going to stand here because I wasn't really mobile at that point. Professional mag dumper. I'm going to watch it right here and that's it.

I'll kill anything though, right here. Done. Yeah. Yeah. Watch out. I know I own this, right? Um, yeah. So they made it back to me and, uh, went to the, uh, the hospital and they kept me for a couple of days and they wanted to operate. And I was like, we're going home in a couple of days. Fuck this. I'll just, you know, wait till I get home. And so I got surgery. Um, when, when everybody else went home,

We landed and I went to the hospital to get my leg worked on. Jesus. And then my shoulder was jacked up. I couldn't... It was just impinged because, you know, in the fall, whatever, slap tear and some other stuff. And...

When we got back, we found out we're gonna be the guys that invade Iraq. I'm like, I'm not going under the knife now. I ain't missing that. So they shot me with the... Cortisone? Yeah, Cortisone. Yeah, whatever, Cortisone. Oh, lidocaine or Cortisone. Oh, yeah. And it was like, it didn't hurt. I just couldn't get my arm higher than this. And then they shot that and I was like...

It's not supposed to do that, but I can do it anyways. So we trained up for a couple of months and they gave me another shot on the way out and said, that's the two you get when you get home. We got to do surgery. So that was the, you know, so I got to go, you know, invade Iraq, which is cool.

Oh, dang. So you were... Man, it's so fucking loud here. I wish they would... I wish this giant conference would close their doors and be considerate of our five-man podcast. Yeah, Elon. Shut up. Shut up for a second. I can hear what Mark's saying. Was that actually Elon up there?

Nice. Fuck yeah. Oh, God. So at dinner last night, he brought up Osama and Clinton. How inconsiderate. Yeah. And I kind of brought it into like, oh, if he didn't have a reason to hate Clinton, the dude I just did the whole 90-minute video on, Billy Wah, he was sent in to Sudan, I think. Wow, what an expert. In like the 1990s.

So it was like the 1990s. He got sent into Sudan and was basically put in charge of like trailing Osama bin Laden. He was like almost 70 at the time spying on the guy. And he comes to the conclusion of like, he's like a religious leader on top of being a regular leader. We should just take this guy out now and not worry about it in the 90s.

Plot twist: he does it. 2001: the towers fall anyway. You go back in time and save flight whatever the fuck and then the towers still fall? Yeah. Like, "Ooooh." Those loose change guys got something there, huh? No, so he ends up, like, tailing Osama bin Laden for a while and he's like, "We should just take this dude out," and he writes up an op order for the CIA and he's like, "Hey!"

I kind of just want to kill this guy and then we're going to throw him over the Iranian embassy wall with a flashbang grenade to get news coverage and blame it on somebody else. And it makes it all the way to Bill Clinton's desk. And Bill Clinton's like, no, we're not doing that. Please don't ask about this again. So they pull him off the case and Osama bin Laden is basically allowed to grow Al Qaeda for another 10 years uninterrupted. And he's like, one of the biggest regrets he writes about is like,

If I had known what he'd done, he's like, I had an apartment overlooking his compound. I took pictures of him daily. I could have absolutely gotten a shot off. He's like, I wish I had taken him out right then. Back when it was still Tim Osmond. Yeah.

Do you know that this is the guy that caught the jackal? Do you know this story? Yeah, he was telling me last night. I told him last night at dinner. It was a wild story. It's like Carlos the Jackal is the most notorious assassin, and it's the same dude that caught that guy. Went in, caught him in like a month. Dude was on the run for like nine governments for 18 years, and they sent in Billy Wah, and he's like, yep, found him. At a market? Rented. Huh? At a marketplace or some shit? Uh, he...

So he put in an order for a new bodyguard and they intercepted it and Billy Wall, like, tracked down the new bodyguard, found the bodyguard, went to his apartment, found out where the guy lived, paid off the landlord to buy out the apartment directly above him and was spying on him. That's why you always tip your landlord. Brandon Herrera, tip your landlord. No, no! And, uh...

So he's spying on the guy and he's like, oh, he has a toothache. And then they pay off the local dentist to give him a call and be like, yeah, we're offering free checkups, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, and get the jackal to go in for a free dental checkup because he has a toothache. And they're like, oh, yeah, you need a root canal. You want that done now? Oh, sure. Why not? Hit him with laughing gas. Motherfucker wakes up on a plane headed to France in handcuffs, still in jail to this day. Did he ever fix his teeth? No.

I don't care. Fuck him. Holy shit. Speaking of the Clintons, it was very funny this morning to be walking past... I don't know if anybody else thinks like this, because it's just very funny to me. Walking past the very desks that Clinton and Monica Lewinsky... Yeah. Yeah.

It's apparently a big highlight of Trump's personal tours. You want to see where Monica Lewinsky had a book deal? Do you want to see where the blue dress was minted? In the words of Dave Chappelle, "You ever been so famous that somebody could suck your d*** and then they're famous?" You got sexually transmitted fame? It's insane! I feel like if anybody's got its POTUS, you know...

Meanwhile, I'm walking through- we're walking through the West Wing this morning. We're getting like a very private, just like a little tour, like very quick little run around. And we're going through, and my brain unfortunately works in cinema, like I know yours does. So we're walking out the West Wing toward like, I guess like where the presidential entrance is, past the Oval Office. And I turn to Cody and I go, "Dude, this is where that firefight from Civil War happened."

He's just breaking that down. You remember that? Oh, yeah. The last firefight? Yeah, oh, yeah. Brandon says that, and I turn around, and I'm like, oh, yeah, this is it. It was like a kid in a candy store. I say this to Cody, he just goes, oh.

Because I'm such a fucking cinema buff. I turn around and I'm like, oh, this is it. Breakout, breakout, breakout. Where the dudes are going down the corridor going to the noble office. We walked down that hallway and I was like, oh, that's the thing that happened in that movie. Dude, that was a wild experience. From each location, from the Pentagon to the White House and then how they walk you through the White House. Also, cold as balls in D.C. Yeah, it's not that bad.

Fuck you, man. Okay, tank top man. I hate you. Right now, Texas is in the middle of an apocalypse because it is 28 degrees right now. With wind chill, it was negative 34 when I left my house. It was not a big deal. You should man up. God hates Iowa. Also, wild experience to be like for the White House today. None of us knew anything going into that. So we were just like, and then we had to talk. No clue.

And they were like, "Woo, uh-huh. Hi. Okay." We had a talk. That's all you can say? Yeah, like, we had a talk. Yeah, we just went in there to say hey to everyone. Yeah. And then, uh... Yeah, that's what happened. We had a guide through the whole thing. Yeah, big shout out, uh, Seb Gorka. A good friend. Sebastian Gorka took us through the entire thing. That was... Randomly just texted, like, "Hey, dude, I already... I have a meeting in, uh, the Eisenhower building today. Like, can we just, like..."

Do you have like two minutes? I know you're super busy. He came in, like fucking took us on a whole tour and everything. It's just rad. Because did you get to watch that switch too from like full war where I guarantee they were like, here, do whatever you want. And you're like, uh. The longer you're in a situation, it's like the frog in the boiling water, right? It's like the ROEs change just a little bit and they creep up on you. And next thing you know, you can't do shit unless you're calling up, you know, hey, can I shoot this guy that he shot at me?

Yeah. And then the bad guys, they learn this stuff. You know, they take a couple shots, they drop their gun, and, you know, they're standing in a field. You can't shoot them. Save on Cox Internet when you add Cox Mobile and get fiber-powered Internet at home and unbeatable 5G reliability on the go. So whether you're playing a game at home... Yes, cool! ...or attending one live...

And we talked about...

I always say when we went into the last AOE, it was a Mokadilla. And they're like, hey, if they're suspicious, shoot them. We're like, oh, this is a real bad dude. I was like, we've never had this ROE before. I'm like, that is a crazy statement. If they look suspicious, yeah. Yeah, I was like, that's a crazy statement for us. Okay, well, here we go. But then it was like anyone with a cell phone, you think it's just a bad dude. Fucking bad dude, no matter what. Yeah, well, when we did the Jessica Lynch raid...

You were on that too? Yeah. Yeah. Terry was on that too. Yeah. Is that how you met new guy? No, he'd been around for a little while, but you know, this was 2003. So yeah, he'd been around for a few years, but yeah, what they did is they basically changed the ROEs for on Nazaria. So all these guys that were running around thinking that they're good to go, all of a sudden the snipers along the river just were smoking military age males. Like it was, you know,

first day of hunting season. Because these guys had no idea. Like, oh yeah, I'm too far away. I can't, you know. Ha ha ha. And then, choo. Ha ha ha. Just dirt napping him. Yeah.

I know one guy got 30. Really? Oh, yeah. It's like they didn't get on the phone and talk to each other. Oh, man, keep your head down. Smoking them. So that caused a little fight there at the bridge. And so when we went in, we coordinated the assault that the Marines were doing on the bridge with our takedown of the hospital. And we found there was like 300 people.

the Saddam Fidein jackasses that were using the basement of that hospital as their... That's where they planned everything. They knew it wouldn't get bombed because it's a hospital. So they were in the basement doing all that shit. And they went to go fight the Marines at the bridge. And we came in. No one was home. And, you know, we landed. Did a little run around. I mean, we had some intel on the place.

And, um, yeah, we, uh, we found her in six minutes and, uh, we're flying and she was flying away in 16. I, I have a friend that has a Fedayeen helmet. It's one of the funniest things to me on the planet. Do you know about the Fedayeen helmet? No. If you look at a Iraqi Fedayeen helmet. Wait, is that under the sabers?

No, like the, it was his like special forces. Those are Iranian helmets. Oh, okay. So that was like his special forces or whatever. The Iranian Fedayeen helmet looks shockingly like Darth Vader's helmet.

And it's because it was modeled after Darth Vader's helmet because they were a huge fan of Star Wars. I'm dead ass serious. Like, look up a Fedayeen helmet. It looks like Darth Vader's dome piece. And it's because of Darth Vader. They're just like, that's dope. Yep. Let's do that. Pretty cool.

So I wish our military was like, that's dope-ass armor. Let's roll that. That will scare the fuck out of people. The funny part is, like, I identify with the bad guy. You know what I mean? What'd he do? He nuked a whole planet? Fuck. Let's model after his helmet. For sure. Nobody will have sympathy for me when I die. 100%. You know? How'd he get one? Huh? How'd he get one? Redacted. Don't worry about it.

I remember the saber ones, like, we gotta go there once, I was like, oh, these are, what are the f***ing, all these helmets right here? And then they explained, like, oh, it's Iranian, yeah, I was like, oh, I had no f***ing clue on that one. There was supposedly a million of them, a million Iranian helmets there, you know, all baked into the monument. The two f***ing weird sabers? Yeah. They were both Saddam's hand, apparently, or, I don't know. Here you go, Eli. What? Holy s***, that is straight up Darth Vader's f***ing helmet.

Yep. What? It was modeled... The Iraqi Fedayeen helmet was modeled after Darth Vader's helmet. That is 100% what that is. Also, I'm sorry. I went to use the restroom. How did we get on this? He was there. Well... That tracks. We were just talking about, you know, Iraq. According to this, Saddam Hussein was a huge Star Wars fan and wanted his special forces to look like Darth Vader.

It's crazy. Hitler was the same, which is why he wanted all of his officers to look just like the imperial elite, you know, admirals and such. Well, and so I wasn't on this, but our guys hit either Uday or Cousset's house, and he had a big, big video collection, right? And he had this one shelf that was like favorites, and one of his favorite movie was Navy Seals, baby, with Charlie Sheen. Really? Yeah.

I got a picture of Rosie holding up going, you know. Navy SEALs with Charlie Sheen? Yeah. Jesus Christ. I was hoping you were going to say Hot Shots Part 2. I... War. It's fantastic. So we talked about this earlier, but during CPAC,

You know Jake McNasty, the guy that had the mohawk during DJ? I've seen your... So, yeah, at the end of his career, they raided Herman Goring's castle. And Herman Goring apparently was really into, like, equestrian fucking horse racing.

So whenever they would raid a country, like all the top breeding racehorses got brought to his castle. So when they raided it, the 101st Airborne had all these elite level breeding racehorses there. And the 101st Airborne is like, fuck it, let's have a rodeo.

I don't think I said it in the video because I was fairly new to long-form content, but uh, they ended up like running some of the horses to death, unfortunately, but um, they were just dicking around having a rodeo with these elite level racehorses. The survivors went on to become owned by Glock. Pretty much. I say that as a joke. Elite level German racehorses

Lineage-wise. European in general at that point. Fair. Plenty were probably originally French. So they stole all these racehorses and they were just basically dicking off in the 101st Airborne Division, having a rodeo for the townsfolk. And then Jake McNasty ends up f***ing the daughter of the guy that led the German youth race.

in that area. So basically just fucked, you know, the closest thing you could find to a Nazi princess. Yeah. I mean, like the Hitler Youth? Yeah. Oh, shit. It was like the leader's daughter is who Jake McNasty was hooking up with while he was racing or having a rodeo with equestrian elite racehorses. I'm sure there wasn't any alcohol involved. That is the definition of... Zero. None. Flag over a conquered castle. Come on. Yeah.

Meanwhile, and then he shows laughing now Nigel Farage just passed behind us. Yeah, who? Farage Dude, it used to be a prime minister fan of the EU. Yeah. Yeah. No, he was the one who led the whole brexit. Yeah Yeah, it's just wild to just see the random passerby's here. I'm not gonna lie I forgot for like the past hour we were in the middle of a fucking hallway with thousands of people walking by We didn't I did

Cody, you're a slur. What's up? Nooo. Are we slurring now? I'm back. We need to do some slurs. I'm drunk enough. Go for it. Uh, Eli's using the restroom, I believe. Ooh, that means I can slur now. Do you know how hard it is to find a Burger King crown in DC on a Thursday at 5:00 in the afternoon? I know shit. I don't know if I've ever told this on the podcast. I bought a 10-pack of them on eBay.

Specifically for our live tour. So... Why? Why? You know why. Okay.

I was gonna f*ck- I was gonna give 'em- There was five locations! Why did you need a tin pack? 'Cause I was gonna give it to one of everybody in our crew, and we were just gonna board the fucking plane at once with Burger King cats, and those flight attendants would be so f*cking scared. Either that or they knew they were about to go viral. So hey, by the way, why did that plane go upside down? Uh, yeah, the one in Canada?

I'm watching it. I've seen it comes in. It looks like it's making a good landing, and all of a sudden it just kind of flips. I mean, it looks like it's going a little fast. Maybe. In my unexpert opinion. Yeah, I'm not a pilot in any means. They said something about landing gear not fully deploying or something, but it looked like it slapped the runway pretty good, and that's what snapped the wing, I guess. It was deployed. Yeah. I've seen a plane land before a couple fucking million times.

I have no idea. It's weird. I wonder what they haven't announced who the pilots are yet. Who was flying the plane? I believe it's Coulter's Law. This is the hardest podcast I've ever done because I can't hear shit that you guys are saying. Oh. I can pick up on Mark a little bit. I got to sound off higher? Done, Cody. I got you, bro. Yeah, we can't hear shit down on this side. No, it is like...

The audio is really good though. Like we have so good audio, which is insane. That's bananas to me. If I can turn the camera around, it is. That mic probably sucks. Like terribly. That mic's definitely unusable. Yeah. Yeah. We should just cut in on that mic right now. Just so people know what this sounds like. Even directed this way. It's weird. Like I don't even know. Okay, we're good. We're good. I was like checking my time. What is going on? Dude, and then the people stopping me in the bathroom.

You're getting stopped in the bathroom? Yeah, but they're wanting to talk to you. Oh, Eli. Big camera. Hey, do you know Brandon? His hair is so nice. That's all they said. Wait, who? Cody, what? I don't know who that is. Which one? I don't know if there's a big camera.

See, that's the crazy part. Nobody knows who that is. Nobody knows. They have a very big camera, though. They're European or something. Shit, it's like YouTube. You can sit in front of a fucking webcam and make millions of dollars. Though, on the positive note, people are, like, looking at this. They're like, are you doing the podcast out front? I was like, yeah. And then, you know Brandon? I was like, yeah. I've met him once or twice. Once or twice. We have a...

Cross paths. I'm like, oh, okay, okay, okay. I was like, yeah, talk to him, though, if you want to. We're going to finish this up in like... What are we at? What are we at? No idea. I want to say 11.29, 11.30. 15 minutes? Yeah, sure. It's too easy, dog. Too easy. Dude, this is... Brandon, are you going to do the politic thingy again? What do you mean? Are you going to do the politic thingy again?

You almost got it last time. We came very close. I'll say this, I'm very proud of my team. They did a fucking amazing job considering we were outspent 12 million to one and came within 400 votes of an entrenched incumbent. That was really cool. I was really proud of that. I have no desire to be in DC. I'll tell you that. This is probably one of my least favorite cities in the world.

I really like my job. I like my friends. I like what I'm doing now. So if I decide to do it again in the future, it's not going to be because I need it or want it. It's going to be for... It's greater good kind of shit, but I don't want to be here, man. I hear you. Yeah. I'm sure... I don't think anybody here really likes DC, to be honest. I haven't been here much. Unsub still non-cold still. Yeah, it's...

We don't do politics. So Brandon's done politics and everything, but as us, as a whole, as a team, it's just like, eh, we'll have fun. We'll talk about what you're doing, but we're not. We're not really apolitical. No. We're pretty pro-gun and stuff like that. Things that are just inherently political, but we don't just sit there the whole time like, have you seen the news? We don't do that shit. It's the shit we love. It's like, hey, we like shooting guns. We like being able to...

Say retard. Freedom thing? Yeah, we like freedom. Crazy concept. The country was kind of built on it. I don't know. Is that political? A bunch of guys wrote a letter a long time ago that seems like it was pretty important. Yeah, they drank a lot. Yeah, a bunch of 1930-year-olds. Yep. We were talking about that last night. The 55 gentlemen. Yeah, what they drank, though. I've seen that bill, yeah.

How much was it? It was like 55 gentlemen and they spent like 20 grand modern time or something stupid? No, I think it was like $18,000 modern. Which is still a while. Yeah. That's a good night out, man. $18,000.

Bro, you're waking up after... You don't know you made America when you wake up. Here we go. You wake up and you're like, holy shit, we made a nation? I've got it. The bar tab of the 1787 farewell party for George Washington. The Founding Fathers drank 54 bottles of Madeira.

60 bottles of Claret, 8 bottles of whiskey, 22 bottles of porter, 8 bottles of hard cider, 12 of beer, 7 bowls of alcoholic punch.

There were 55 attendees. Bro, eight bottles of whiskey? Okay. Eight bottles of whiskey with 55 people is already kind of like, all right, everybody's going to have an okay night. I think it was one of you guys that said we should have 55 of our friends over and we do that same thing. Try to recreate like the Founding Fathers. Oh, dude. The Founding Fathers party. Oh, the game does the Founding Fathers? I like. Maybe not that title, but. Don't worry, man.

Oh, you will. Yeah. Yeah. Gang bang the founding fathers. Switch that one out. The gang drinks a lot. All right. Eli's over here thinking of like the fucking constitutional equivalent of Debbie Does Dallas. Oh, I would hate that next day. You're coming. Oh, that's going to be fucking awful, frankly. 55 of us and we have to finish it all?

Oh, that's the bit. We have to finish it. Oh, we have to. 55 of our closest friends, and we have to finish it all. Just as the founding fathers intended. Yep. Dude, Finn's camera work is going to get terrible. Then we defeat an empire. Finn's trying to blur which project. And then I hear there's a boat full of tea coming into the harbor. Yeah.

Holy shit. The camera's doing what the people are, and like, the further you get in the video, the more that the vignette just like closes in. The frame rate goes down to like eight frames a second. Yeah. Dude, like, just double. I'm trying to do the math. Moments of lucidity. Hey, you good, bro? Yeah, yeah. I'm here. A bottle of whiskey is... We do that with like five of us. It's like Jack. I think it really matters how long

the party is. Because there's a difference between consuming that in three hours versus like

10 hours. Well, it was the bottles plus the seven bowls of alcoholic punch. How big is a bowl? They didn't really say. They didn't specify. It's definitely going to be like... We don't want to put you out on the Founding Fathers. No, no, no. Punch bowl. Punch bowl. Go to Walmart, buy a punch bowl. That generic Mark 1 motto punch bowl. We're going to need more. Oh, God. I wish we had more than 55 people because that's a heavy order.

Dude, we are, like, all of us are hurting. That is... And we have to record the podcast after. Oh my god. I would quit. Do a piece of it every, like, hour as you go along. Oh, that's actually a really funny idea. Hour one, hour two, hour three. Hour five through ten is us passed out. We have not moved. Yeah, it's just us.

That's actually really funny. It looks like Johannesburg. We should... Oh, I've got an idea you guys are going to hate because it's going to lock us in on it. We should do this for the 4th of July. I wish I was younger. Brandon's... Eli, you're not getting any younger. You wish you were younger. We make a list for 55 people and then we do the drinks. Your hangover is going to suck so much. Oh, Mark's coming. He's coming. Oh, yeah. I'm there. You're formally invited to our 4th of July party.

55. I'm formally accepting. Oh, beautiful. I'll be there. Nick, we have a... Nick, you're gonna love this. Remember the 55 gentlemen thing where we read off the bar tab of the Founding Fathers? Yeah. We're doing that for the podcast on the 4th of July. I'm game. We're inviting 55 friends and we have to finish how much they finished. I agree.

including overthrowing a nation. We're gonna overthrow. I already have a trifle of hat. I'm ahead of the rest of you guys. We overthrow the UK again just to fucking prove a point. Just in case you guys were feeling uppity.

Nick, you like this idea? I mean, they're not allowed to own butter dives. What could they do? No, I meant the drinking a whole bunch. Let me get that too. I was like, Nick's going to naturally know I'm talking about the drinking, not the overthrowing. It's the British. What are they going to do? You know that meme? It's like that cartoon where the guy forgets he's got a revolver in his carry-on.

And then he's like, "Huh." And then it's like, it cuts to hard cut like seven days later. He's like a king on a pile of fucking gold in the UK with like several slaves. Like, "Ah, I think I own this island now." This is mine. Dude, I think on that note, Cody, you want to close us out? Guys, thank you for joining the unsubscribe podcast. I'm joined today by Eli Doubletap, our friend Mark.

Mark Coach. Mark Coach. Fat electrician. Brandon Herrera, myself, Donald Operator. Thank you for joining us here at CPAC. We love you all. Where can we find you, Mr. Mark? Yeah, I'm in Smith & Wesson now. I'm the director of the academy, but I got to build it first. So maybe next year. Yo, hit us up. Oh, hell yeah. He's already coming to Iowa. I've already solidified this. Texas. No. It's not where we film Fat Pews.

He can do both. I might yell at him. I don't know. This is going to be like a biblical tale. We cut Mark in half. We share him. I call his ass a dick. No, don't get him that way, Eli. Thanks for watching. Jesus.

You won't let me. Please stay. You won't let me.