2 - We Are Toxic Gamers
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- Bam, what's up? Welcome to another episode of Unsubscribed. This is episode 763 in the docket. - Only the second one we're gonna release, but. - Yeah, but man, we have had some trash episodes so far that we've just thrown away. - The intern died.

I didn't like him anyways. Tragic gay brothel incident. Just spill it on me. Pour water. Pour water. No, I'll take that. It's fine. Oh, no. We got Eli. Donut. Batty. Streams. Shut the fuck up. Just Batty. Just Batty. This is just Batty. All right. Uh-huh. Sure it is. Come on, man. This is how it's going to be. This is how it's going to be. Okay. Okay.

Can I sit in the middle next time? I don't feel great here. No, you can't fit. That's why you're on the outside. I have lost so much weight. I have lost. My feelings are hurt. Just with the jab at Maddie, every episode's gonna be that. I'm gonna jab at Maddie. You're short. Your mustache isn't that good. There you go. There you go. My mustache is beautiful. The soul patch, I'm not sure. Go get fucking kings, why don't you?

I'm just happy this booster set gets me up by the mic. It's kind of crazy how normal height you are. My feet don't touch. You ever had to sit at a bar and your feet actually don't touch? All the time. I hate I'm the average, but in a group of six foot monsters. Yeah, dude, I get shit on in my family for being the run. I'm 6'1". I'm the run of my dad's like 6'4". My uncles are like 6'5".

That has spice to it. Oh, you tried the ranch water. The spicy branch water. The spicy one has spice. Really? I thought you were Mexican. I did, but I wasn't expecting it. You know when you're like, I'll just take a big swig. Hold on, hold on. I'm trying to get... Can you stop ruining everything? There! Oh, man, that ranch water sounds crisp. Ranch water. I'm going to try one of these, too. The original's good. I mean...

We're just drinking. It's not a podcast if we're not double fisting fucking. Do I need to go get the tequila? I know. Guys, welcome to a podcast. So I was told the actual ranch water is like a thing, like a drink where it's just like seltzer and then tequila with some agave. Like that's a thing. So I had to go to HEB to find these because I couldn't find them at the gas station. And I was like, and then I couldn't find it in the grocery store either. And I asked some random dude who was buying it out.

way too much beer. Random guy at HEB, you bought way too much beer. It was like 430 racks and they had a bunch of seltzers and some high, it was, it was a lot. I'm like, boy's getting fucking lit on a Sunday. Should've invited him to here. He hates his relationship. Probably. But, I was like, yeah, have you heard of Ranch Water? He's like, yeah, you get it at a bar, it's tequila and seltzer and this, I'm like, I meant like the drink and he's like, oh, it's usually over near the seltzers and he like, why?

walked me over next to him like oh it's right fucking in front of me he knew exactly what he did did he waddle over you i mean happily walk over so it's usually next to the bud light i don't know where it is let's go check actually by the coronas last week it was there oh there it is oh you drink a lot he drank a lot this one this one is good good the original i do like this one i just have you tried it no dude just do it like go in thinking it's that and do it

I'm gonna close my eyes. I want you to shuffle them up. Okay. I know you're gonna give me the spicy. No, keep them close. Close. Close. Arm. Close. Close. Just keep going. Just keep going. Hold on. I gotta find the hole. I have a lot of trouble doing this most of the time. Big sip. Big sip. Okay, put it back. Put it back.

Okay? Okay? I'm gonna shuffle it again. I'm gonna shuffle it again. You're gonna give me the spicy this time. I'm gonna shu- no. You gave me the original, now you're gonna give me the spicy. No, Batty, I'm gonna mix it up. What did you just open? I'm gonna mix it up. Why did you- I'm gonna mix it up. There's the hole. This is- this one's way more full. This is obviously the spicy. It's a rare- Big sip. Big sip. Oh, I looked. See? I told you not to look. You've just ruined the- The podcast is done now. Give me the spicy. What are we doing? Let me just fucking- Delete. Jamie, delete that, please.

Jamie, thank you. Phew! That's that kick! I've never drank like a spicy drink before. No, that has like that pepper, as you're saying. Peppa Pig? It's good. Can I have my original back too, though? Mm-hmm. Oh, guys, we're not wearing masks. Man, every time it catches me, I'm going...

It's like I'm drinking cayenne pepper. Is there a topic for this one? Yeah. Drinking. We're drinking in what? Ranch water. Ranch water. Hi-ya. Hi-ya. Last week we were talking about. Last week. Last episode we were talking about. 15 minutes ago. Bad. What did you do? I had to try. That's why I can't have nice things. Oh, it's all over the microphone. Sorry.

I just tried to drink through my mask. It didn't work. So for everyone who says you can't get COVID through a mask, shut the fuck up. Sorry. I mean, it didn't work. I couldn't get booze through it. So you can't get COVID through it. Yeah, because those are the exact same things. I mean, it's right. Guys, right? Right. Exactly. I don't know. We're just going to transition. Hold on. Nobody talk.

Definitely not editing that out. I like that technique. I just finger-fucked the mic to get all the booze off of it. You know what you're calling it? I saw a little twisting action at the top there. I mean... I'm getting the fucking lube up. Hold on. Sorry, it's liquid. Okay, he's still getting the booze off. He's still... It's not... You got it all. Stop it, man. It's getting weird.

I figured this week we could just talk about like, and I'll actually say my favorite one this time, PC games. Like what was your first three PC games? What was your first PC first? My first PC? Like the family PC. Because obviously it was your family's PC. What was the first? I was one of the few that didn't have a family PC. How did you, would you steal one? Bruh, this is what Eli did. Okay? Okay? First, had a shitty laptop that I traded...

I was so good at haggling paintball guns back in the day. I used to play paintball. So I traded from a Tippman. You remember old Tippman? 98 Customs? Yeah. Traded that to a... Oh, what were those? The Pig P.I. Carnitas? Carnitas? Are we going to Japan? This is something about pig. What was... Not the Evo...

The spiders? No, it was... Was it an electric gun? It was. It was like that $300 to $500 press wrench. It was between the angels and the... The silver bullets?

Shocker. This was before. Do you remember the silver bullet? Yes. I had one. For everyone who doesn't know what a silver bullet is, it's not just the vibrator. Heather, chill. It was like an old shitty paintball gun. It was like a $300 paintball gun. That was my first one. God, what was it? Shocker. Shocker. There was the shockers in it. God, you remember all of those. My family owned the largest paintball field in North Alabama. My first job ever was working at a paintball course. Fuck, this is going to piss me off now.

It was so distinct on its design. Auto cocker? E-cocker? Oh, that actually... You said it's electric, right? Yes, I do believe it was electric. No.

I don't remember. Fuck, now I cannot remember. It was like Shocker and Angel and then Impulses were the big ones. I remember Impulses. We used to have a bunch. So my first job was working on a go-kart track and a paintball course, a speedball course. We sold, we rentaled, all of our rentals were almost all spiders. We had some Impulses as well, though. Oh, yeah, I did trade. That's what, I did a 10-minute to a spider, the spider then into the...

the whatever the next one i got and i cannot remember i'm gonna go home and look it up and buck there it is there that was the one insert here maybe it wasn't electric it was so god dang it there's no pig there's no war there's war maybe it was an autococker autocockers are the one with the little valves and stuff on the front underneath it like little valves and tubes and stuff into the barrel yes that's not okay so i had an autococker so i traded

All those were traded up to Autococker. I took the Autococker, and then I had somebody offer me a laptop for my Autococker. I was like, yeah, done and done. And that's when I got an EverQuest. Those games. But my first PC I built was high school, and I was the only kid that had a Radeon 9700 Pro back in the day, which was top-of-the-line fucking graphics card. I had an EV.

A Voodoo 4. Dude, I don't remember. That was an old ass... An EVGA. I don't remember what the fuck it was, though. Because I remember my first PC was like the family's... My grandmother actually gave us a brand new PC for Christmas one year for the whole family. And it was an HP Compact Masario. I remember this fucking brick. And it couldn't play Diablo 2 Lords of Destruction. Oh, no.

So I went to Best Buy with all my allowance money and shit, and I bought an EVGA, like one of those fucking graphics cards. And I snuck that bitch in at like 4 a.m. so I could play video games. You know, my parents were like, well, what's this new program? Nothing. It's not porn. But I had to sneak a graphics card into it so I could actually play games because it just couldn't handle anything.

My buddy across the street. So I didn't have a PC. It was in 2000. I was 10, 11. Yeah, I was about 10. 2001. That was one of the two. That time period. I was poor as fuck. We know, Eli. We get it. You're poor. Poor. Okay. Dirt floor. Gotcha. Exactly. Laptop. Internet didn't exist. One bedroom. Only two beds for 14 of us. I know.

I hate that I have a... Growing up as two bedrooms for seven people. Poverty. Poverty. The old PCs was like... The first one I built was high school. Radeon 9700 Pro, which was mind-blowing at that time. And I forget the AMD processor and some other shit. Like 32 megs of RAM.

This is when you had a 5... A gig hard drive was absurd. Massive. 512 was the standard for a long time. So we just ran that. But those first games, it would have been EverQuest Diablo 2. What was the other one? For me, it was StarCraft. I played a lot of Myst back in the day. Oh, Myst. That puzzle shit. I've never been so mad at a game. I was a stupid child, so like...

I mean, I'm still a sleeping child. Nothing's changed. You're just trying to figure out these things. Dude, I was so bad at Myst because I didn't want to look it up. I didn't want to spend 14 hours trying to log into the dialogue because I was going to get yelled at for connecting to the internet when mom needed to make a fucking phone call anyways. So I was just sitting there like...

I'm going to play StarCraft. Offline because I can't get online. Yep. Back in the day. I played actually WarCraft. WarCraft 3? Yes! And you play the mods. They had Battles of Helm Deep mod. I didn't have the mods. Do Counter-Strike. That's what... I played the fuck out of Counter-Strike. 1.6? Yeah, 1.6. That's what I played back in the... Before Steam existed. Yeah. Just Counter-Strike. Dude, my Steam account is 17 years old. Oh, we have...

have no shit yeah do you have like a five digit or six digit account number on it check it out oh i need to those those are worth money really are they yeah mine's 17 years old i got a badge for it being on there 17 years check see what what your people will like straight up buy these old school steam accounts because they're so rare yeah no check i have one of the old ones too because i have like day not daisy day day of defeat day of defeat i have so fun

Your gun you have was my favorite one on there. The carbine? M1 carbine? Yeah, that was my favorite gun on Day of Defeat. Old school Day of Defeat. That's such a cool fucking gun, man. That's wild. So I have a 1943 M1 carbine. Like original matching barrel in chat. It's fucking cool shit.

That's a fun still zero. I think I was hitting that 200 with it with a fucking 30 count. What? It's got like a screw drilled into it and shit where somebody fucking tried to make a sling mount. Like this thing is beat the fuck up. It's so cool.

God bless it. What was your OG computer? Gateway. Yes! Yeah, the box was a cow and they used to have commercials and stuff. I don't know what happened to them. They probably got absorbed into like Dell or some shit. But that was my first one. Yeah, really? Oh yeah, I guess it turned into that. But my first game that I ever fell in love with though on it was Anarchy Online. Oh.

It was an old MMORPG and it was set in space and it had like a lot of Dune themes to it. It was like a desert planet.

Oh, dude, I fell in love with that game hard. And of course, it was back when a lot of people listening probably didn't even have to suffer through the 56K modem days where if someone picks up the phone, it knocks you off of your raid or whatever you're doing important in the game. And then you log back in, you're fucking dead. And those are those old games which it was the golden era of MMOs. I still think that's the golden era of MMOs where it was brutal. You did. I didn't have...

I couldn't get online for most of that. Like, I was... Like, Brood War was my first, like... Diablo II and Brood War were my first games that I was ever allowed to play online. And, like, I was... I had, like, time limits. And whenever I could play, parents were like, you need the phone. Like, it was that shit. So, like, I missed... I didn't really get into MMOs until WoW.

See, there was like those old like Anarchy EverQuest Ultima were like the Tarkovs. They were the Tarkovs. Oh, they were brutal. Yeah, there was no EverQuest, but I just. They didn't hold your hand or anything. You're just like, oh, you died and you left your corpse for 24 hours. All your shit's gone. Delete. You're literally, everything disappeared. Guess I'm playing a new fucking game.

game now because I ain't doing that again. Like Anarchy, how long did it take to like max level? Dude, there was like level 220. So to get to max level, it took a long time and there weren't guides. You know, there weren't many internet websites that had stuff on there. Yeah, cheatcc.com. Yeah.

Just trying to find, because to be straight, most of that site was guides and not cheat codes, because not every, all your online games, your early online games didn't have a lot of cheat codes. No. So you'd go to those. Tech space. To get your guides and shit, and just, you'd be reading paragraphs and essays of how to try to beat like certain bosses and shit. You'll approach two trees with three rocks.

I wish I could have drawn this. It's like, dude, yeah, there's no pictures. There's a lot of two trees and rocks, right? Two tutorials? Yeah, no YouTube. And then sometimes in the guides, they would use text characters to try and do diagrams. The spacing? Yeah. They're like, I see three brackets. And you're like, which one's the tree? Which one's the fucking rock? That one's got a carrot. I think that's the tree. I did a fucking...

To get the codas for Final Fantasy XI, these were like the best gloves in the game for that time period. And they were worth so much fucking money. So only a...

Like the top end monks had it. You knew how to farm it, but I made a guide to farm it. And I literally just took a drawing that I did by my hand. And then I put big birds of where the thing could spawn. And I was like, well, when the big birds start spawning here in this little area, it's a good indicator that it might spawn. It has a closer time period to spawn right here. And it was literally big, big birds. I was like, I think that's good enough.

And then it did good. People were like, thanks for the guide. Appreciate it. Here's how you do that. Literally, before YouTube, it was so hard finding information. Did you guys have a notebook of all your guides and cheat codes and things like that? Oh, yeah.

I had my little Pokemon notebook and it was just like the top of it would be like, well, this is this game and here's all my fucking codes because you can always get online to check cheat CC or whatever the fucking... Or cheat or code breaker or whatever the other site. Code breaker, yeah. The lock. That's the fucking banner to try to remember all your fucking guides and codes and shit. You just...

writing that shit down by hand every bit of it man you print them out yeah i had oh look at you i had a printer i didn't and my friends would now access to the public library yeah and i did that's what i would use dude i remember those old websites this is like early websites like we're not good at building them so if you needed to print something it was like

It printed the whole fucking page. So it's just like, hey, I hope you don't have any blue ink because this website is dark blue. It's printing the entire background. So you'd have to be like, fuck, I got to copy the text into Microsoft Word and be like, print that. But then you'd run out of black ink. So you'd make the lettering like light blue and burn through blue ink, then dark green. Yeah, CheatCC specifically had a gray background. And it would waste every

A bit of black ink. A fucking bit of your ink. I remember it, man. I remember having a binder for Pokemon Blue and then one for Zelda and then one for the Anarchist Cookbook. Oh, yeah. I think we all had that. I was obsessed with that back then. I already got my security clearance. I'm not in the military anymore, so I don't have to worry about saying this. I loved the Anarchist Cookbook, so I had a binder for that. My parents found it one day and was like, how to make a binder?

How to make LSD? Look at the video game, mom! I didn't read that until I was like 22. Oh really? Yeah. I read it when I was 12. I would just make Clorox bombs when I was young. Tin foil and shit! I don't think we can talk about the exact... Not Clorox. What goes into it. Yeah. Yeah, man! It's a lot of beans right here. Yeah. And then they go boom and it was hilarious. Bye, neighbor's cat. Am I right? Am I right? Another guy? Yeah.

What was your first big games? Diablo 2, Lords of Destruction. So fun. I was, dude, I used to sell Diablo accounts. Like, I would power level. Oh, I did that with WoW. Yeah, dude, I powered like, if you could get any kind of account above level, because it maxed out at 99, I believe. But I would usually sell them between 92 and like 96. Because going anything higher than like 95 was like,

Like, it was no longer fun. But I used to... Paladins specifically, your hammered-ins, and just start spinning hammers. I remember doing that fucking constantly. What was that rock? It was the one... It's like the best item in the game that everyone wanted. I think. Oh, man. It was a rock? Fuck. The biggest thing I remember is I always mained a sorcerer, and the biggest set for sorcerers was Tal Rasha. To the point, like...

Tal Rasha's sets were fucking wild. You'd be socketing gems and shit for either magic item drops or fucking vitality or crit chance. Oh, crit farming with fucking meteors and shit. That's what we didn't know about RNG and how that shit worked. Nope. Didn't have a clue. When did RNG come about? It was in those EverQuest. It was. We just didn't know about it. Like EverQuest...

we didn't know how any of that shit worked until recently. Like they released patch notes. It's like, Oh yeah, this is how this stuff works. And like, RNG, that's what this came from. I never knew about RNG until now, but RNG is so deep. I'm like,

A lot of video games. Speedrunning and stuff like that. You get to see how they manipulate RNG to get specifically what they want. Oh, this dude didn't spawn three inches to the right. Reset. Because it's not even worth trying to do the speedrun anymore because that one character isn't exactly where it needed to be. I have no idea what RNG is. Randomly. Random number generation. Yeah. So it is an item. Because everything, it's all numbers. It's all code and shit. Oh, gotcha. Which usually that means when you have RNG...

you can force what needs to happen by control inputs or anything so that's how all like uh your item drop chances like in tarkov everyone's always like fucking rng fucked me it's because that item didn't appear you know you're trying to kill a scav boss or a boss in a game but the boss didn't appear on that raid or you know you have certain raids where at the end they're like oh this one big item i need rng fucked you because they didn't drop that one i'm because it's just but

But now speedrunners with certain games, they know it's like, okay, if I enter this room, I do two steps to the front, one step to the right. This indicates the RNG is now this number. So I can then get into this fight. I'll get the item I need and then progress further into it. And you're like, oh, you guys are fucking,

Like they break down the code. That's like old school video games. Do you remember like Pokemon Red and Blue? Yeah, of course. Missing No. When you'd surf up and down the side of Cinnabar Fuck Island. And you'd get Missing No. And then you could do certain fucking patterns to get him to turn into certain Pokemon. Because he was that broken string of code of numbers. It was the one with the garbled picture, right? And you would go on the screen, off the screen. You would just keep going back and forth. I remember that, dude. That was on CheatCC.com.

Is that a missing number? He made me a level 255 muck. Yep. My muck was just like, I would just fight whoever and my friend's like, well, that's fine. I'm like, okay. My muck's just like, dead. Because you're like max levels 99 or 100 in that game. He was like, I'm broke. Oh my god.

Just standing there punching kids in the face. Yeah, it was always up to 100 and then it would be 255 because that was like the max number sequence in the string. It was 0 through 255. That was just like your numbers. And it would cap you at 100 or 99 and then skip to 255. And if you got a 255 – Your character is so broke. I remember there was also a thing where it would go negative or – maybe it was 256, not 255. Either way –

You would get a Pokemon that was too high of a level, and it would have rolled back into the negative. So your damage wouldn't... You wouldn't be able to do damage, or you'd just die instantly because technically you were in the negatives when you start. It's always those weird video games. When we played... When I was a troll god, I was such a dickhead. Wait, when? Fantasy Star. Fantasy Star Online! That was the one with the little dude that would follow you around? Yes! Like the original Destiny? The original Ghost? Yes! Yes! Did you play that?

I played it on an Xbox actually. Xbox when Xbox Live came out. Yeah, it came out. Yep. That was when I first got on the Xbox. That was when I first got on the Xbox. I loved that game. That was MMO. It was like you had your big room, your lobby. You had public lobbies and then you could go into like fights or whatever with four people. Four. They weren't raids. What were they? Like missions? Yeah, missions because it was four levels. Yeah, but there was public lobbies and that's where you could type. Oh my god. You could type. That was the first chat. You'd be like, yo, any chicks in here? Yeah.

ASL. What's up? I will always remember the character Blackula that was always in all the servers I went to because he'd hang out there. It was just this dude. He walked around. His name was Blackula, and I would always chat with him. But the other people I was a troll because Casey and me figured out how the numbers roll over. If you did GameShark and you did a weird... Casey would just mess with the codes in order to get it to reset health. So you'd heal people, and it would reset them and kill them.

Dude, I have a clap like a motherfucker. I don't have the clap, though. Just a clap. It's a good thing the hospital's right there. Guess who's editing this video to make it sound perfect. I have a clap, though. So, if there's any penicillin sponsors out there... Ranch Water. Ranch Water.

Oh, what game was I talking about? Oh, oh, Phantasy Star. With Aesar Alanya. Yeah, so you're rolling over. So if you healed people, it would kill them. When you die in Phantasy Star, you drop your shit. It's gone. They're just like, bam, bam, bam. So I kill, you kill your teammates. And then you take their stuff.

I thought there was a cooldown. Wasn't there a cooldown before you could take your teammates' stuff? Not OG. OG was like kill their weapon and their money drop. So I just snagged those really quick. And you just heal everyone. So then they're like, what the fuck? And you would be like, yo, come here. Give me my stuff back. And you're like, meet me in town. I'll give it back.

And then you wait, and then once they go into the teleporter and you see them start to teleport back, you heal them again, and it crashes their game so it erases all their items then. You were terrible. I was the worst troll ever. And me and Casey would do this, like, and you would see how people would react to the situation. God, I was a dickhead kid. You're still a dickhead. Nothing's changed. I'm nice to him. Yeah, you're nice to Donovan.

You lost weight. You look good, buddy. You look really good. Yeah, see? We'll just hold it. We'll just hold that last comment and let you dwell on it. No, those kids were like, you'd see them coming. You'd make children cry. Yeah, and then you'd go hang out and you'd see people cry. You kids are fucking brutal. Do you think of the shit we did when we were kids? My son's mean to me.

Did you hear the dead girlfriend line he threw at me? Yes! Oh my God! My 17-year-old Steam account is named after my girlfriend in high school who died in a car wreck. And so, I don't know what we were talking about. I was there. Yeah, it was at brunch, wasn't it? Yeah, it was at brunch. We weren't even talking about, like, we weren't even ragging on him or anything. I think we were just talking about nerd shit. And he just brought up, I remember this time he had a dead girlfriend. Well, he was like, well, at least my Steam account isn't named after my dead girlfriend.

And he just looked at me dead in the eyes. Like a little part of me died that day. He's like, oh, he needs to not hang out with all these guys anymore. Yeah, John shouldn't hang out with me and Eli and Batty and Matt Best and JT. Oh my God. I feel bad for the kids he has to be around that try to pick on him. I know. He just destroys their souls. He's never going to need to worry about being like a bully or fighting kids because he's just going to tear them apart with his words. And that's even worse. Yeah. They'll go home and cry. Yeah.

He tears his old pops apart every day. You're fat, John. Your dad touches you and walks up. How did he know? John's like, you remember Scoutmaster Kevin? Yes!

Oh my god. I got dark. But yeah, those are old video games. Like that, you'd see people react to it because that was before. And they'd come back into the room and they'd be like, hey, what's up? My favorite one was a dude, like I had two. One came back, same username, same character. And he's like, hey, would you like to play a game? I was like...

I mean, I just took your shit. I don't know what you're talking about. That must have been someone else. That's some sweet gear you have right there. That's yours. It's your gear. We should go do a mission together. Nah. Actually, you think this is going to work? Go do this mission with you? And then the other guy was like, look outside.

I called the Sega police. Super serious. My dad owns Microsoft. It's one of those things. My dad works at Nintendo. Kids like, look outside. Sega police right there. If you don't give me my stuff back right now, they're going to arrest you. I used to do that in Diablo 2. PvP matches. You take people, kill people. You step outside of town in a PvP zone and you just fucking murder somebody and then all their stuff was stuck out there.

Yep. Damn. Anytime they try to go get their stuff, you just pop out of a bush, nuke them again. Just a pile of their own fucking ears because that's how you collect in PvP and Diablo. Oh, man. Oh, I was mean.

Starcraft. I was so good at the original Starcraft. When I finally started getting online. Actions per minute did you have? Did you ever see the Korean kids play it? And they do like 400 actions per minute and their hands are just doing this. I'm dumb white ginger good. Oh, okay. Not Asian good. I'm big difference. Eli? I'm not good at that. You're not? Not at that. No.

You didn't do, you weren't into RTS? I was never, dude, like League. I thought League was an RTS until I started playing it. I was like, oh, this is kind of like an RTS. I played, as I said, not Diablo 3, but Warcraft 3, which was fun for the mods and everything like that. But I was never a huge RTS guy. Dude, Age of Empires Gold Edition. Yeah.

That was my life. I played the fuck out of it. It was Age of Empires 2, I believe, was the gold edition. That was my holy shit. I sank so many hours into that dumb fucking game. That's when Gandhi goes nuclear, right? No, that was Civilization. It was the bug with Civ 3, right? Or Civ 4? It was Civ 3 or 4, I think. Where Gandhi, because he was supposed to be super passive for whatever reason...

It was a reset. It was a reset. That's why, because it wound backwards to max aggression. Max aggression. It's always those recent. See, that's how you cheat stuff. Reset the numbers. And then that happens. That's what happened with Gandhi. It was going to be really annoying. That came like with the game. It was just, it was broken. Yeah. We'll make Gandhi super passive and we'll be good. So then it,

You progressed. It reset his aggression because he was like super low until it went to 99. Yeah, and then he's like, I need nukes. And he just drops them on everyone. He just nukes you? Yeah. I think it was Civ 3 or 4. I don't remember. But yeah, that was – Civilization was another one of those games where I – like I still play Civ 5. A lot of people don't like Civ 6 as much, but Civ 5 I've played –

Like, what was it called? Oh my God. The long version of the game where you could turn it up to like, so turns, you know, like a single thing would normally take like five turns. It would take like 300 turns to make something. Jeez. How many hours? What's the game that you sunk most hours in? World of Warcraft.

how many hours oh days and days and days man you're looking at like 30 to 60 days yeah like a lot my first character my first account got banned actually because um i used to you said used to sell what did you do yeah i would sell world of warcraft accounts in vanilla well i would um buy a character to 60 and sell it for like 400 bucks so by botting you know i

I would turn this program on and my character would run around all night and just kill things and loot, kill things, loot, kill things while I'm not even at the computer, which is very frowned upon. And so I sold like, damn, I made like four grand in high school off of selling World of Warcraft accounts. But I made the mistake of not closing my botting software one time and opening my primary account. I had since like day three of Vanilla.

I had the most powerful Shadow Priest on the server on Bloodscalp, highest PvP rank. And I logged on, and I was on there for five minutes, and it went boop. And I'm like, oh, shit. I look at what I have open, and I'm like, oh, fuck, the botting software is open. So my baby account... How old were you? I was 14 or 15. Yeah. Soul ending. Dude, this is...

I'm never going to recover from this. I had the best gear on the server. That's what I get. That was the risk I had taken. I was just stupid about it. That just hurts the soul to even think about. Thankfully that never happened like EverQuest or anything. I never lost an account like that. I give them away at the end. I think we discussed that before. I know my Final Fantasy 7 or 11 dude, whoever got all my shit because there was multiple, those dudes got it.

They got paid. Yeah. Just turn my level to unknown and then just strip my guy naked and just walk around. Like, hey, could you guys help level one? They'd be like, yeah, come on, buddy. I'd be like, what weapon should I get? We'll come to this little thing. I'd be like, where is it? And they'd be like, oh, come here. And they'd follow me. I'd be like, whoa, these level four gauntlets look really cool. I can't afford them. They'd be like, man, here's 3,000 gold. Go buy them. I'm like, okay, thank you so much. Here's 500,000 codas. And they'd be like,

Because they're like the best college in the game. They're like, I can't take this, dude. No, I can't. Why are you giving these? I was like, they're yours, man. And log off. And that's how I just like throw money around. They'd be like, why are you giving me two million? I can't. You just watch the reaction. Like just, thank you so much. I don't know what to say. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Like,

You're welcome. Do the same for somebody else. They didn't. No, they probably just kept that shit. So this is after you were a dick to everyone on Star. I had to redeem that. You had to build your karma back up after killing people and crashing their game. Young Eli needed to redeem himself. I mean, EverQuest, I didn't do too much. No, never mind. I was a shithead in EverQuest.

That cost time and effort in people's lives. That was like, I think we talked about it, like half a bubble of experience when you're in the higher levels is you're looking at like five to seven days of grinding. When you died in EverQuest, you lost experience, right? You lost a half a bubble, which is five to seven days of grinding.

Yeah, I remember this shit. And I was just like, I know I do at lower levels it's not that bad, but it's still work. But I would be like, well, I'm going invisible and I'm going to run by the specters in this low level area. I'm going to train all of them to do the noobs. And you have four specters. I think it was four. These four specters are level 46 because they guard the tower and you're in a level 10 to 20 zone in Oasis. How do you remember this so perfectly? Like, I remember a lot. I remember a lot.

And you just run by Invisible. If you didn't hit him, they would hit anyone else along to try to kill you. So I just run by him and they couldn't catch me. And I'd just be like, where are all the noobs at? You run by him and you have four specters. And they're like fighting these orcs. They're like, okay, Jonathan, heal me. I need... And then a level 46 mob comes and be like, death, death, death, death. And then I just run to the zone and zone out. I'm like, hey, hey, hey.

And then I'd go back and he'd just be like, who trained the specters? Because they can't see you because I was invisible. Oh, man, I loved EverQuest back in the day.

That's how Anarchy Online worked, too. If you go into a dungeon, everyone's in the dungeon together. I was never this bad. Yeah, so I would be like, hey, man, can I join your team? They'd be like, no, go away, noob. And so I was a fixer, and you could turn on speed buffs, and I would run to the very end of the dungeon, pull every mob. I'm talking like 300 mob train, and then run past them at the front, wherever they're at, and be like, fuck you guys, and then run out of the dungeon and instance out.

And so all the mobs would stick at the front of the dungeon. And they would turn. And they would look at that team and just... That's exactly like every quest. You train them to the zone wall. And when you zone out, all the mobs at the zone wall are like...

Oh, right, we forget about death. And they would just start murdering on the way back. Oh, my God. Because they wouldn't disappear. They would reset themselves back to where they were standing. And so they would just walk. So they would go follow the path you took back to where they were supposed to be, passing every single person in the dungeon. Y'all are terrible. Killing everything. They should have let me on their team. And you walk back in and you're like, did you guys die? What happened? Weird. Weird.

Should've let me on your team. I feel like I was the noob that got bullied by you guys. Like, I didn't do anything this bad. Like, holy fuck. Like, Diablo 2 PvP, like, that was something else. But, oh my god. Next level with that. Fuck, man.

Yeah, we used to be, I mean, that was how it was. Hey, man. Noobs would be like, hey, can I have some platinum? EverQuest was frowned upon to ask for platinum. Even to inspect somebody, you would ask to inspect somebody. It was such a weird thing. I remember that. Yeah, yeah. You had to get permission to inspect other people's gear. Well, you could do it automatically, but it was rude. I thought it was a request. Really? It was rude if you did it. So people would back up and be like, yo, what the fuck are you doing? They'd get up and move their character back because you inspected without looking. So you'd always ask permission. It was fucking weird. Really?

So, but when news would come in, they'd be like, I need platinum. You'd be like, oh yeah, fuck yeah. I got a lot of platinum. How much do you need? And they're like, okay. Like, how do I trade? Slash D and my name. They'd be like, D-vid-a-did-it-ter. They'd be like, Joe Schmo challenges you to a duel. Do you accept? Yes. You kill him. Then you're like, there you go. There's your platinum and you walk away. Piss on him. You little bitch. He wants his corpse to leave.

God, that's like as bad as it got for me. Like, hey man, how do I do this in Starcraft? Yeah, I'll F4 real quick, bro. Left the game. Classic. It's funny when kids come into your chat on Twitch and still try to get you to do that. Dude, that joke is so old. It's like I was there when the magic was written, witch. Yeah. I was there when the magic was written, witch. There's the first t-shirt. You are Goa. The Ten Commandments were made for you.

They were handed down to me by my older brother when he gave me his games. It's like we were trolling 15 years before these kids were even thought of. They didn't even know they were trolling. Oh, God, dude. And then Batty just is like, I wasn't even that bad. I was just, like, playing video games. Dude, I wasn't, like...

Even then, we get into the early Call of Duty days. Call of Duty 2, early console gaming. I went from PC stuff to console because I just couldn't afford a better PC to keep up with PC gaming. I got an Xbox. I started working. I did console shit. I had my voice chat bans from all the Xbox Live when I'm being reported. But...

I had some words for their mothers. Let me tell you why. God, I never got like Xbox. I took a hiatus from consoles for like the Xbox 360. I don't think I touched that or PS3.

A paintball gun for a laptop. Yeah. I did too. I traded a paintball gun for a PlayStation 2 though. Oh, dude. PlayStation 2. That was how I got my first PlayStation. Because I always used to borrow or use my buddy's PlayStation to play like Final Fantasy and things like that. Because I was a Nintendo guy. And 64, GameCube. And then I moved over to PlayStation, PlayStation 2, then Xbox, Xbox 360. And it was like...

Man, I was rude. Yeah, we were terrible. That's why I'm glad the internet didn't exist. Yeah. To the degree. Not me. I never said anything that bad. YouTube didn't exist. Yes. Facebook, any of that stuff. God, the emo things I would have posted probably. Dude, my MySpace was like a gold mine for emo pictures. Yeah, I did that too. MySpace. I wish I had them. At one point back in 2015, 2014, I finally went back and deleted it all, but...

For the longest time, man. I remember, because I had my mohawk back then. This was pre-Armian. There was just a picture of me wearing a glove that I'd soaked in lighter food and lit it on fire. Oh, God, man. It was a train horse. Dude, I was. Like, I was trash, man. I was such a scene kid. Like, lip ring that I had done, my mohawk. Oh, yeah. You were an ethot.

I mean, I wish. I dreamed to be. I definitely wasn't, but I wish I was. I don't think that word existed back then. It didn't. There's no way it did. I mean, now I am. I have achieved my goal of being a thought, I believe. I think so, right? Yeah? We all have. I think so. I mean, definitely. You have. You have. Click of the teeth. What do all the hot dudes do? Games, guns, and guys. Here we are.

And Ranch Water. I don't even know what... We had like what? PC, PC, PC. And now the PCs we have are... All of us just have monster PCs so we get to play what we want. Yeah. When we want. Dude. And now we have Tarkov, Tarkov, COD. And then we don't branch out much now.

I'll do the flavor of the week, like, when a new game... Like, I did Cyberpunk when it dropped. Like, Cyberpunk was fun. I had so much... People fucking raged over that shit. I had so much fun playing Cyberpunk. I didn't beat it. I didn't play that much of it, actually. Really? Mm-mm. I still haven't played it. I haven't on my computer. I haven't played it. I had a blast playing it, man. It wasn't a Witcher. Witcher 3 was like... See, you can't... I mean, you're right. Of course it's not. You can't compare a futuristic game to a fucking medieval game. Like, a fantasy versus sci-fi. They're different. They'll never...

Yes, it's the same developer, but it's just not the same type of fucking games. What? I didn't realize that. Shut the fuck up. Hi-ya. Hi-ya. How about that Henry Cavill? Am I right? Dude. Do you know how many times I've watched The Witcher? Fuck. That's the best part of it, him saying fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

It's so good. Isn't the next season coming out this year? I hope so. I think so. No, I'm almost positive. It got pushed back because of COVID, but I cannot fucking wait. It was so good. I've read the books. I'm a book nerd when it comes to that shit. Not like a Dritz D'Ord and Forgotten Realms book nerd. Shut the fuck up, Eli. But just books in general. I read a lot of books. I used to have a library before I moved. I threw away all my books before I moved. That's why I have a Kindle.

I broke my last Kindle. Get another one. It's nice to just have that one book. Literally, it's just this. It looks and feels like paper. It's that nice off-tone. And you can read it in the middle of the night. Do you have a Kindle? No, I have books. Fucking nerd. Real paper.

When you can compress everything into like a small fucking book and it's just down to everything. And the fact that it doesn't hurt your eyes to read. It's so nice. Witcher books. Can you look at hentai on those? I mean, you could read hentai. I think. Manga. The tentacle slowly wrapped around her leg. Oh my god, we need to read

What's it called? Fan fiction? Fan fiction. Like the Sonic the Hedgehog fan fiction. Some of the bad ones are so good. It's like, Sonic has saved Peach. Peach looks down at Sonic's hard cock. Sonic says, why don't you grab it, princess? Like there's actually like fan fiction about this stuff and you're like, what the fuck, kids? I promise I'm not that fast. Exactly. Okay.

Can somebody write a fanfic about me, Eli, and Donut? Thank you. We'll read it. I will read it. Batty looks down at both Eli's and Donut's cocks and gets on his knees and says, I've never had two hot dogs at once. I just never really know that I'm taller than Eli. Ranch water. Ranch water. Ranch water.

Oh, glizzy. Oh, God dang it. But yeah, those old... Fuck, I just went off. The Witcher books are really good. And that's what people were surprised going into the series. They're like, this isn't the video game. This isn't the video game. Which I will say, they did a very terrible job at conveying the timeline. See, I didn't have an issue with the time skips. Because you knew the fucking book.

As a director, you should go in. I have an issue when it comes to watching TVs and movies of overanalyzing shit. Like, I am terrible to watch TV or movies with. Because you've seen me when we watched Mandalorian. I'm like, this, that. Look at these little things. I enjoyed it. So as soon as The Witcher started, they did that first time. So I'm like, that was a time skip. Yeah. Immediately. And not because I knew the lore, but because I am a psychopath when it comes to analyzing TV shows and movies. Which is like... But it was... They definitely...

The Witcher is something you watch twice. Yes, because they skipped it where it was like going in. If you didn't read the books...

And you're like, what are these timeskips? Everyone stays the same age. Because they don't explain, like, witchers, wizards. They don't age like that. They don't age. And then you had Dandelion not aging either. Not much. They didn't show... Dandelion should have been the only thing that they aged more than they did. Exactly. He did, but not enough. But on that series, it's like, oh, this is how many years ago... But there was also, like, fuck everything.

five different timelines that running through and dandelion was in the last two timelines that were close together so there wasn't that much you what you needed to pay attention to what was that the king the the king guy that had that fucked his sister the og one no i don't remember his fucking name anywhere to ranch water banister are we talking about game of thrones that transition right there but yeah game of thrones i'm super excited for

uh season two that is one and coming out anytime now anytime now well covid fucked up filming think about how many good year uh movies came out this year there was or last year no movies came out almost yeah i mean anything creative like video games too man like video game studios were completely it is like i've been sitting on my couch and been like man why the fuck is there nothing new to watch then i it clicks i'm like oh

Yeah, that thing. Oh. Yeah, everything's fucked. Yeah. HBO's releasing like five movies at one time, though. Dune. Dune's going to come out the same day as like a bunch of other movies. I know. Fuck everything else. Dune's coming out. Oh, shit. Yeah, it's a two-part movie, right? It looks so fucking good. I don't remember. I think it's a two-part movie. I think. Dude, the worm in the trailer. Have you seen the trailer for the new Dune? No. Dude. Thanos is going to... Josh Brolin's going to be in it. And like...

Aquaman, what's his name? Jason Momoa is going to be in it. There's a lot of big people in it. It's going to be fantastic. I hope it is because if it's not...

Who's the director? HBO does good work, though. They're not like... They have a good studio behind them. We're not like... Game of Thrones. Yeah. Well, that was those two... Last two seasons of Game of Thrones. That was those two directors that just shit... D&D? Yeah, D&D. Literally D&D. They just shit the bed on. The last episode made no sense whatsoever. I just like you have this slow fucking build-up. The slowest fucking build-up. No. No.

We're not going to end this on a terrible note. Okay, we'll do that next time. No! It was trash. Let's move on and talk about how much Eli loves me. Okay. Well, next episode will be in a week, and that will be a fun one. We'll be talking about anything else than what Batty just said. Brought to you by Ranch Water. Not really, but maybe? I don't know if they officially sponsor us yet, but we like Ranch Water.

No, they just messaged me. They're like, you guys want some free ranch water? I was like, yeah. So do they sponsor us? I don't know after this episode. Especially after the Sonic the Hedgehog fanfic. We just forced a sponsorship on their company. We do not align with their beliefs. BRCC joining. We're also sponsored by...

Well. Okay, you close it out this time. I love you guys. Say it back. Say it back. Love you, man. Thanks, guys.