184 - How A Career Criminal Changed His Life ft. JD Delay | Unsubscribe Podcast Ep 184
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I mean, there's f***ing in prison, but it smells like s*** and it comes with a kickstand you gotta push back. Oh yeah, why trash s***? It's a medicinal wood chipper. He's cured! I can bend over, squat, and cough with the best of them, brother. He is a refugee. Super kind. You guys want to do this later? The gang plays hide-and-seek with J.D. DeLay. Everyone, are we ready? Get that thing ready. You fingernails. There we go. Three, two, one. Oh my god.

Oh, fucking peach. Just a disappointment. No, we got another one. Wait. Do we have a non-peach good size? Non-peach, Katie. Non-peach. Mulligan. Redo. That's a boot. And drink. Wow, is that sanitary? I know. Connor, I can't drink this. It's leather. Sorry. It's bubbling. Hammering in souls.

It's the manliest version of knitting available. Geppetto lives here. Hi, everyone. Welcome to the Unsubscribe Podcast. I am joined today by Eli Double Tap, Nick the Fat Electrician, JD Delay, and myself, Donut Operator. Thank you so much for tuning in and watching all of the things that we do. Hey. Holy shit. Nick's the one that... Yeah. You got brought up a couple times, then magically just...

You sent it immediately afterwards. Like, Hey, perfect. Yeah. I've been like feveringly hounded to try to get on your guys' podcast. Like we have a lot of crossover, I think. And, uh, people just asked me repeatedly, like, when are you going to be on the unsub podcast? And I'm like, let me just hit them up. Cause I have everybody's phone number. And then I went and looked on Tik TOK and Nick was actually following me. So immediately I hit him up. I'm like, Hey buddy.

And here I am, poof, as if by some form of magic, I am at your table. Dude, and you get to hang out with the guys, see the chaos. You watched Cody cook today. Yeah. Yeah, I feel like hanging out with you guys for like a couple of hours was like watching the Boofing Olympics. Dude.

I did put a grilled cheese in my ass. Yeah. I think he took the gold. Yeah, we did it. Okay. JD, what are you known for, man? What are you known for on YouTube? So like, look, man, I was a career criminal for about two decades. Uh,

I was a drug addict and today I am a recovery coach. I help people get out of that same lifestyle and that misery and that cycle of addiction and breaking generational curses. But mainly I'm known on YouTube for yelling at my cell phone and having weird nipples. Okay. Are they weird? The last one? I mean, they're pretty weird. They're not weird. Is this going to screw up the monetization? No.

We'll blur it. Yeah, just blur out those nips. I was hoping they were weird, like one inch long and they curved down. Gravity effects. I was like, those are weird nipples. You're printing through your shirt. So like, look, I can hang Christmas ornaments off of them, but I can't hang like coat hangers with like a Burlington Coat Factory coat off of them. I've tried. We've done the science. The science works every time. So you still got that like fish wear thing.

in the garage. We're going to find out how many pounds. Yes. What the fuck? What? Here's a cheers to our boy for coming out, being on. We appreciate you taking the time out. Boom. Hanging with us. Cheers, gentlemen. Oh, tequila. Okay, I made the right choice. I'm trying to wake up. I'm like, oh.

And for those at home, I'm drinking an energy drink because I don't drink alcohol anymore. Which is smart. You're killing it. We've had like now three, four guests that don't drink and they stick to it. Even Gary from Nerd Roddick, he was big on like, yeah, no booze for me. He stays it. He does his journal entries like positive thinking and all that stuff because he also went to prison, did the exact same thing. His was running drugs.

and then turned his life around. Now he does YouTube nerve videos. - Yeah, I super don't want to go back to prison. I'm not like the biggest fan of showering with other dudes. I've legitimately seen like probably 10 times more dicks than Jaina Jamison or any OF.

model on the planet. Miles. Miles and miles. It's just not something I'm trying to, I don't need any more miles of dicks to be able to do. You know, and also there's lots of fun stuff like having to ask cops for toilet paper. No offense to the cops in the building, but I wouldn't give it to you. I know you wouldn't, you son of a bitch. So, you know, it's just, it's much better out here where there's **** at stake.

I mean, there's in prison, but it smells like shit and it comes with a kickstand. You got to push back. It's just not my thing. It's okay. It's okay.

Bro, what? Prison sounds like shit, dude. Connor is not cobbling anymore. Would you like some toilet paper? That toilet paper gave me a tingle, boy. Oh my God. So how long ago did you get out or last time you did your stint? And then when was that...

turning point for you? It's like, ah, I'm going to try something else. So I'm Irish. I got it tattooed right here when I was still drinking. So I wouldn't forget, which means I'm a hard learner. And also I have an extra medium size. We're not going to talk about that. And I can't dance, but the hard learner thing. So I went to prison in 2006, got out. I graduated in 2010. And you'd think that like going to prison and having all these horrible things would be enough for me to like learn things that I should avoid.

Not really. I did good for a couple of years and, uh, you know, went right back to the same stuff. Ended up getting in trouble. I was a fugitive for, uh, about nine years. I had to fly out of the state of Oregon to the state of Florida because there's no extradition. Oregon and Florida don't do business. They don't like each other. So, uh,

hung out there on the beach for nine years instead of going to prison for 10 years. And eventually the secret service and the SWAT team blessed me with the desperation and the willingness to change my life. I got a really awesome opportunity from a judge.

who told me, you know, I'm going to let you out of jail to go straight to treatment. And if you screw me on that, I'm going to bury you. And treatment really changed my life. It was really a game changer. And I embraced recovery wholeheartedly in 2019.

I took that opportunity and I just, I fought for my life because I knew where I didn't want to live anymore. And I knew who I didn't want to be anymore, but I didn't know how to do any of this legal shit that I do every day. You know what I'm saying? I didn't even know how to be okay in my own skin without something in me. So I really spent like six months hyper fixating on what is fucked up in me and how do I fix it? And how do I be a better person? And then I started focusing on how do I help other people?

And so I became a recovery coach, a peer support recovery specialist, a smart recovery facilitator. I started two community outreaches, one where we distributed Narcan during the pandemic because the overdose epidemic in the area in Florida I was in just skyrocketed because people couldn't get to their meetings. People couldn't socialize. People couldn't have their support. So we were able to make a little dent in that in Volusia County where I lived over there in Daytona Beach.

Shout out to Sheriff Mike Chitwood who helped out with that. Chitwood's awesome. Yeah, dude. No. And like, yo, they investigate his office investigated me for over a year and ended up not getting the charges they wanted on me. And still, when I hit Chitwood up and I said, hey, I like I'm trying to distribute Narcan to the places that no one else will go.

he hit me back. He's like, is this the delay that we've been? I'm like, yeah, that's me. And he's like, I'll help you with whatever you need. Um, and, uh, you know, I was able to prove myself COVID really saved my life. And I feel terrible about saying that because I know it was so catastrophic for so many people, but for me, it bought me 20 months where there were no in court, like in-person court appearances. And they're not going to like

cuff you up on a zoom hearing. So all it was was zoom hearings. It bought me 20 months to be able to prove myself and change my life. I became the go-to person for the local news when they wanted to talk about overdose or fentanyl or, you know, recovery and addiction. So, you know, by the time I went back into the judge, uh, he was like, what, what are we going to do with you? And

And I was like, look, I earned prison. I 100% deserve prison. My, my actions bought that ticket. I'll ride the ride. Or you could give me house arrest and you could let me continue to work on myself and the community. And, uh, he gave me that opportunity with the stipulation that if I ever came before him again, he would bury me like full exposure. He'd run everything, uh,

you know, to the absolute max and he'd stack everything. And he said, you sure I'll give you two years prison right now, or I'll give you two years house arrest and two years probation. And I was like, I'll bet on myself. Um,

And I did go back and see him. I ended up going back and seeing that same judge. His name was Matt Foxman. Really cool dude, man. That judge saved my life by giving me the opportunities he gave me. But I ended up being a court liaison because I worked for two different treatment facilities and I would get to go in there and

and propose to Judge Foxman that other people get the same opportunity that I got and say that we had a bed open for these people and get people out of jail so that they could just come and do treatment. And, you know, sometimes it works and it sticks for people and sometimes it doesn't, unfortunately.

Is it when you see what sticks or what works? Because treatment has what percentage of actually like, hey, this guy stuck to the program after finishing it. I don't like statistics because it can be really demoralizing to people. You know, when I when I went and sat down, they told us, OK, so look to your left and look to your right, because one third of you are going to make it. And, you know, the other two thirds are either going to be in prison or more than likely they're going to be dead.

And I've seen miracles happen in people that when they walked through those doors, I absolutely did not believe that they were going to make it. And I've seen people that I absolutely thought were going to make it fall off and not even make it through the program. So it really just depends on where you're at with your own self-seeking. Nobody stops before they're actually ready.

And it sucks because if you've got a loved one, it can be just agonizing watching your loved one beat the shit out of themselves and have these horrific consequences. And like, you're just, I've been on both sides of this thing, man, you know, but nobody's going to stop until they're ready. That's crazy. Cause we got like your lifestyle is completely different than mine.

what we encountered. Oh, Cody, you're doing Leo for how many years? Uh, three years, three years. And then you, you would see, well, you just on the other side of arresting, but one big thing you, uh, preach as helping the community. It's you're not enforcing like dumb shit. Yeah. Community oriented policing, not just arresting everyone for dumb, like using that officer discretion to not just throw everyone in jail.

And I've had it both ways, man. I've had cops that were super cool. I've actually trauma bonded with several Leos because they, you know, I had to call 911 because somebody's overdosing. And, you know, sometimes the officers get there before the paramedics do. And I'm sitting there, you know, Narcanning somebody and doing rescue breathing and they've

They've thrown up all over themselves and, you know, they've shit their pants and it's just me and an officer in a tiny bathroom just trying to save this person's life. I've had officers give me awesome opportunities and I've had officers cuff me up while I was on the ground and kick the shit out of me. So, you know,

The thing with me is that I always took accountability for my actions. I knew when I was out there, there used to be an old school gangster type of street code where you owned your shit. It's a game that you're playing and you're either better than law enforcement at that day or you're not, but you don't blame it on another man for being better at his job than you are. And I think that's kind of a dying breed type of thing, that old convict code. So I was going to ask you about that because I watched another one of your interviews and I thought it was...

It was interesting to me because you were talking about like you were running from the cops and you were driving and you were talking about civilians implying that you're, you're not a civilian.

So like you kind of fully adopted the, like I'm the copper, the robber in this situation, everybody else's innocent bystanders. It's him getting me. I'm playing the game. And that's kind of that old convict code. Yeah. 100% man. And like, you know, part of that convict code is that you don't, you don't leave, you leave civilians out of it. You know what I'm saying? Like hurting women, children, the elderly, uh, disabled animals, that type of thing. Like that's like the number one rule. You leave them the fuck out of the nonsense.

Um, and you know, then there's no snitching beneath that, but like, just like, I think a lot of people these days listen to too much rap music and it's rotting their brains. And they think that like a civilian can snitch, like somebody who's not a part of the game can't snitch. And there's no way to snitch on somebody who's a child predator.

I've had people call me a snitch because I 100% I work to get child predators off the streets. I work with law enforcement to do it. I'm involved with that right now. We've, we've got a dude who's a human trafficker who's he's literally got a lifelong restraining order from the boy Scouts of America that he used to work for. Like, do you know how fucking hard it is to get a lifelong restraining order? Like it has to be pretty nuts, but that's how I found out that the boy Scouts of America have Sam insurance.

Abuse and insurance so that that's a thing that churches and private schools and the Boy Scouts apparently have where you get this insurance. And then if something happens, somebody, the kid, they come in and they pay like a big amount to keep it quiet so it doesn't reflect upon their reputation in the community. So, you know, like child predators, it's always game on.

Oh, you just got a nice, beautiful new tattoo. Oh, I did. Yeah. The old wood chipper that says feet first. And that's the MPAA for make afraid again. That's kind of my merch is to make afraid again. The whole Uncle Chippy. Yeah, buddy. Hell yeah.

I actually posted it to a community post to my YouTube so that anybody in my community could get it because the people in my YouTube community just who are savagely loyal, by the way, and they're awesome. I don't consider my YouTube community to be a channel. That seems very one-sided. We have to drink. You said community. So I posted the outline to it so that anybody who wanted to get the pattern done could get the pattern because they started calling themselves the wood chipper tribe.

So there's like a bunch of hellions out there getting this wood chipper tattoo and it makes my heart so happy. We're the wood chippers. So you're getting like, you just people mad that you have the audacity to not like, Oh, I know you do. Yeah. Which people, people tell on themselves in my comments like that, but it's usually on Tik TOK.

It's not usually on YouTube. Usually I'll get people on TikTok that are like, it's map. Minor attracted person. Oh God, that sounds like TikTok. That sounds like TikTok. I just ask them to post their address. I'm like, post your address. I'd love to talk about this with you face to face. Just post your address right here in the comments. This episode is presented by Underdog. Turn your takes into cash by picking higher or lower on your favorite athlete's stats. Underdog is available in more than 30 states, including California and Texas.

Brandon, who you got on that? Tupuri versus Holloway? Tupuri is probably going to pull it off. He's favored to win. I'm just throwing a quick 20 down on Holloway knocking her boy out. Brandon, you're going down. And of course, Whitaker knocking out Jemima.

Yes, I'm only throwing 20 down, but I walk away with $379 if I win that. Done. I like the punchy sports, but what I like the most is eSports. You can even put money on Counter-Strike. All my yen is on Japanese bug fights. My boy Senshi's got this next one in the bag. That's not even a thing. Well, tell that to his last opponent, Shin Da Bagu. He did this to him in 30 seconds. I could do that to you in less.

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Well, it was crazy is hearing your story while in prison with one of the interviews you were doing. The guy said that they're protected in certain areas for you. Like it's a hate crime. Protect the crime to beat up. You're talking about California. They are protected class in a lot of states and the states where they are protected class tend to be the newer states.

And the red states, they don't get those same protections. You know, they'll put them right in general population and they get fucked up and you're not getting no hate crime. The cops are over there high fiving each other behind your back on it. And, you know, it was like that back in the day, back in, you know, when I was in prison in Oregon from 2006 to 2010, it feels like it was a little bit of a different era. You know, the CEOs were just letting shit slide.

quite a bit. And some CEOs were hella nice and cooperative. Like they'd be like, Hey delay, uh, dude in cell 13, you might want to go check his paperwork. And I'm like, you want to open his door for me? And she'd be like, I got you. And then I'd slide in there and, uh, you know, you slide in there, close the door behind you, ask him for his paperwork. The second he starts stuttering, you just beat the shit out of him.

Get his paperwork, take all his commissary and just yell pop number three. And you know, they're getting it bad in there. They get treated really bad in prison. Everybody always asks me, why did he make it out breathing? Well, I was doing 39 months. I didn't want to catch the death penalty. It didn't seem like the thing to do. Cause if you killed someone in prison, then that's what they were doing. They're handing out the death penalty, but we make sure that they live in fear in Oregon. Yeah.

It's treated as, as you were saying, like it's just a hate crime or how are you describing on that one? Okay. So a lot of states, this is a newer thing where they're a protected class. If you, if you assault them because of their crime against children, it's considered a hate crime. If you judge them for their actions. Yes. Yes. Yes. It's like being born with a certain complexion or gender or anything like that. So, you know, you can't discriminate against people for kids. Okay.

it just, I guess, is what it is. Protected class? Yeah. Jeez, dude. Here's the workaround. It's fucking wild. Wild. I am a reformed criminal, but I am still a convict. My felonies did not magically disappear, so I'm going to tell you the workaround right here. What you do is you go, did you just call me a bitch? And then you hit them and you do whatever you want to them. As long as you voice something as a motivation, you know,

for the crime outside of their crime you could still beat the out of them you just have to do something like that so you could be like no man i i thought he called me a punk you know what i'm saying i thought he was trying to take my leather cheerio your honor this wasn't a hate crime what do you mean i didn't even know he was a gerber baby groupie so so basically the the the

you know, in prison, you just, their lives weren't very comfortable. No, no, they can't, they never are allowed to have anything off canteen. Um, they get beaten on, they get shit, uh, smeared into their food. Um,

You know, any type of awful thing that you can do to them. Like literally there's chemicals down in laundry that people can soak clothes in instead of like washing them. And then when they start to sweat, the moisture will activate those chemicals and it gives them chemical burn all over their skin. You know, it's just actively, it was like a competition to see who could make these dudes the most miserable. Yeah.

God, that is just so really good. It's like, please, not just with the death penalty at this point. I have 40 more years of this. All right, get in the pod. Here's the problem. At least in the state of Oregon, you're going to get more time for doing property crimes or drug crimes than you're going to get for hurting kids. I know that when I got sentenced to 39 months in prison, and I want to stipulate this, I'm not complaining about my sentencing. I feel like I got a really good deal.

Um, I earned every single day of that. I deserve to be taken off the streets. And honestly, if they hadn't taken me off the streets, I would have hurt myself or somebody else in a way that I would not be able to live with today. But the dude who got sentenced before me had two forcible.

On a four-year-old, and he got six months in county jail and six months probation. He got less than you? I stole three Hondas, and I got 39 months in state prison, and I believe like 12 months probation after that. Yes, and the judge told him, the judge gave him 60 days to get his affairs in order before he turned himself in, which is why when they arrested me and I went back, I didn't get to beat him up. I really wanted to beat him up.

But he got to walk out the courthouse that day. I asked for 60 days to get my affairs in order. They're like, absolutely not. The judge told me that I was going to go to prison and I was going to get out, do more meth, and that I'd end up dying that way. And my mom's in the background just crying like, ooh. And the other guy was going to quit assaulting kids? Yeah, it's like he's not going to go back out there and just start f***ing kids again. Which I have a very high ratio of.

They're not going to stop it. There is a 100% effective treatment for and it is the wood chipper. Just so everybody knows. Why Gary? Why? Yeah. He had a very effective manner too. You know, you can just put, just double tap them just to be sure. And then they're not going to hurt any more kids. What do we do if a dog brutally attacks a kid? That dog generally usually gets put down. Why are we doing that to grown ass people?

- I have no arguments against that. - I know. - I was like, - Yeah, yeah. And it's awesome to hear that it's like, just going back a little, it is, you still own your mistakes and that's how you really push through. And now you're, I mean, you're fucking crushing it. I guarantee, YouTube was probably a big surprise for you on like new income and this new opportunity to grow. - Bro, I've been blessed way beyond anything that I ever expected for myself. I was stoked just not to go to prison.

I was stoked to wake up and not need to grab a meth bong and hit a torch and, you know, get myself right every, you know, hour, you

And the freedom that I have, like, honestly, I was so slaved out to little bags of substances that I felt more free in prison, clean and sober than I did on the streets, strung out doing crimes. And I had all the, I wasn't one of those people who's like, fuck, where am I going to get my next fix? Like I was very good at crime. Like that's why I was a prolific criminal. I was, I got, I made money.

But, um, you know, for the catalytic converters, he took the whole car. Yeah, no, absolutely. I don't know. I've been so entirely blessed, bro. Um, it's been such a wild ride. So part of the getting house arrest was,

Was that I had two years to just work and focus on myself, like after all the treatment and everything. And like, I worked really heavy in recovery, but like really, I was only bringing home $300 a week from working at a treatment center. So I started my own recovery coaching business, but-

taking people out of the bushes outside McDonald's and helping them get clean isn't super lucrative. Like it's just not. So what I ended up doing was I always had to have a job that supported my job helping other people in addiction.

And for a long time, it was a moving job in the state of Florida. And the state of Florida is hot. I don't know if anybody's ever been there, but they only have two seasons, hotter than hell and hurricane season. And hurricane season is still hotter than hell. So don't let it fool you. And, you know, it was a brutal job, you know, working 15, 18 hour days and

But it supported my lifestyle of trying to help other people. And I just started making content because I was on House Arrest. And, you know, I was trying to promote an album that I made that I recorded while on House Arrest that wasn't all that good. But I liked it. And I was trying to do that on social media. And then I just started posting some random videos myself. And all of a sudden, oh, shit, that video has 1.5 million. And I have 150,000 followers on TikTok. You guys don't like TikTok, too. Yeah.

How many subs do you have on YouTube right now? YouTube, I'm at 1.2 million. When did you start YouTube? You got that really fast. 18 months ago. For a million, that's really fast. God, that's big. We're almost three years here. Half a million. Bro, honestly, I'm really blessed that so many people have been able to vibe with my content. When I first started on TikTok, I wasn't even talking about...

My first viral video was I was on house arrest in the state of Florida. Super cliche already, but we were jamming out to Limp Bizkit and I was getting tattooed by a dude who was fresh out of prison with a gold grill. And I'm like, this is the most Florida moment ever. So I grabbed my phone and held up the monster. And I'm like, if you ain't in Florida on house arrest, getting tattooed in your living room to Limp Bizkit, where the fuck you at?

And my tattoo artist is in the background going, and it was just the most Florida moment ever. And I woke up the next day, I posted it, got tattooed for hours till I just passed out in like a, you know, blood and ink and woke up the next day. And it's like, oh, that is 1.5 million views. And Fred Durst commented on it and little Aaron and nothing nowhere. You had Fred Durst commented?

Like I've been a fan of his forever. I went to ladies night in Cambodia tour on nine hits of acid, bro. So I was like, this is dope. And so, yeah, it just took off from there. And, you know, somebody suggested to me that I move over to YouTube because I had gotten my account banned three times. Oh, I bet. I think the last draw was it was a couple of months before October. And I was like, hey, everybody, if you want a great idea for Halloween decorations.

in your yard now. And by the time Halloween hits, they'll be just spooky enough. And they were like banned. So, you know, I, I had to keep doing my accounts over and now I've, I got banned like right when I hit 1.1 million on the main account, but I just weapons grade harassed them. Like, like honestly, bro, anybody else would have got a restraining order and it would have stuck, but I kept emailing them 15 times a day. And then all of a sudden my account popped back up.

But I built a backup account during that period of time. So I've got one with 1.6 million and one with like almost, almost 600,000 for a backup. But YouTube was the absolute game changer.

It's that change in content. That's what Nick started going to YouTube after coming down the first time. He's like, okay, hey, do long form. He did long form. Immediately blew up. And we're like, god damn it. Now he's dwarfing everyone on viewership a month. You guys murder it, bro. You guys are doing great. Well, this is like you said. It's having a loyal community. Yeah.

I know. If you have a loyal community, you can do a lot more because then they're actually sticking with you through everything. Like, holy shit, they want to do X, Y, Z, but it's involving them and then probably what you guys do. I guarantee you involve the group of people that watch you and they tighten it, Discord, anything like that. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. I've got the best mods on the planet. Love you guys. And they also run my Discord page.

super cool people. It's crazy because I've got a lot of demographic, a lot of my demographics in the U S but I've also got a lot in the UK, a lot in Canada, the Netherlands, like South Africa. I never thought somebody who used to like spend hours at a time peeping through the blinds in some crappy roach motel because I'm high on meth and I think the cops are in the bushes. I never thought that I would be reaching people on a global level. Like that shit's pretty wild.

That's quite the contrast. There's millions of people listening to me. No, really? Now it is true. Now it is true. I literally can't count the amount of times I've heard an officer say, bend over, spread your butt cheeks and cough. Now turn around and lift your boys. Now run your fingers through your gums. Like, bro, you did the reverse order. That's not how we do this. I'm not putting my fingers in my mouth after going through the shrubs down there, bro.

Speaking of gums and meth, I want to ask you something. A correctional officer told me this years ago, and I've told this story a couple of times. People who are really deep into meth, they go into prison, they have the scabs, and they'll take the scabs and they'll give them to other people to use them as dip in their gums because the chemicals are still there in the scabs.

I was a tweaker for 20 years and you just taught me something. I didn't know my friend. That's amazing. Dude. I had a correctional officer. Tell me that. So like, like every, every tweaker gets a hyper fixation. If you've ever seen somebody that's on meth, you know, all the cliches about how, Oh, dude's out.

in his front lawn mowing the lawn with a vacuum cleaner at four in the morning and he does it every day or there's other people who will dig through the carpet and they're just digging for hours thinking that they dropped some lost shard in there and there's people that pick their face a lot of those people who pick their skin think that there's shards growing out of their skin

But I don't get that weird delusional thing. Like I'm super ADHD. So I grew up on, on Ritalin and a drug called Siler. They stopped giving to kids because it was like, it's gone now too. Yeah. They're like, oh shit, that's way too high of an amphetamine to give to kids. And so like for me, I seem high when I'm not high, but if you guys saw me on meth, I would just be like calm and calculated. And I would be thinking about how to make money.

And all I do is take another Honda. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I would like to think that I matured as I've matriculated in my criminal career past prison. You know, I matured into fraud, you know, a lot more selling of drugs and counterfeiting. I was I was a bit of an artiste when it came to counterfeiting. In fact, I gave you guys all a lesson in the kitchen earlier about. Yeah, my son was over there writing down. I saw that. I apologize. He was like.

He was like, which thing to clean the money? Okay. Like John stop. Yeah. So that was my, my latest bust. Um, the one that really got me in trouble in, in the state of Florida was, um,

You know, it was a sales and math. Somebody did a controlled buy on me. It was the dude that I really liked and trusted. I considered him to be a really good friend and my dog hated him. Always trust your dog guys. My dog knew that he was on some weird shit. But I got, you know, that sales and meth, they hit me all at the same time because they'd been investigating me for like over a year and they hit me with the counterfeiting, the organized fraud, um,

It was just a little stack of charges. So, you know, as soon as they hit me on one thing, they just sort of dropped it all. Like I was literally like I bonded out and 30 days later, they were like SWAT team was at my house trying to get me on more charges. And the SWAT team is not very good at getting me. I've been told I'm slippery. So one time I was actually hiding under a bunch of dirty laundry. Like I literally had dirty socks and underwear everywhere.

over my face and I could kind of see through and the SWAT team's like roaming through the house and I don't know how they didn't find me under there. I'm not a small person. Professional hide and seek. Yeah. We missed them boys. Next time. Skyrim I have maxed out stealth. Where'd he go? Stealth 100. I kept peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and white monsters in the attic in case I needed to hide out from them.

J.D. Frank, ladies and gentlemen. The worst time, so the SWAT team raided my work. I was bartending in an axe throwing bar. And I was the person who gave people instructions on how to throw axes recreationally. And I got really good at it. And when I would work at this place, I'd wear a kilt.

So I'm in here, not incognito at all whatsoever, big ass tattoo dude, you know, and I'm teaching these, these dudes that are on leave in Daytona beach, like right on the tourist strip, how to throw axes. And we're over there just getting it. And one of my coworkers runs up and he goes, bro, the SWAT team's at the front door and they got a picture of you and you need to get out of here right now. And my boss comes over and he goes, go out the back. I'll tell him you're at the other bar. So I'm running down the tourist district. It's called Seabreeze in a kilt from the SWAT team.

And they ended up not getting me that time either, but I would always turn myself in. I just wanted to pay my bondsman first so I could do the eight hour walkthrough.

That's the most like main character in Grand Theft Auto. Which one was it? The one dressed ridiculous. You're just a random. You hit create character random. Okay. I'm currently in talks with them about having me be a character in GTA 6. They're not aware of it, but I've been talking to them. They haven't responded, but hey, think about it, Rockstar. Me? Hmm?

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All lowercase. Go to shopify.com slash unsubpod now to grow your business, no matter what stage you're in. Go to shopify.com slash unsubpod. So I don't know if you want to say it. We can bleep it out. Do you have the stats or a rough idea of how many cars have gotten stolen? How many high-speed chases have we been involved in? How much...

So I, Johnny has been counterfeited. I don't know. I'm going to, I'm going to opt out of the, how much money was counterfeited because the feds declined to pick up those charges. And they were only state charges. Cause I believe the threshold is $20,000 and they can hit you with federal charges and they were not able to assess that much money. So I'm just going to not,

Do you have any estimates? $500. That's crazy. Go on. What's up? They found way more than that in the hotel. And the weird thing was that they, they got us in the parking lot and everything was inside the hotel. So it should have been constructive possession. And I totally had it all worked out because I'm a jailhouse lawyer. If you ask me, I'll tell you, I learned all of this shit in prison. And I knew how to approach this to be able to get out of the charges, but I,

But one of the men that was my sponsor told me, how did it work out the last time you beat a case you were dead guilty of? And I'm like, I was high within three days. He goes, yeah. So do you think that you can continue to try to build things off a lie and shaking your accountability? And that's why I went and changed my plea and pled out to the judge. And I just open plead. I'm like, you can literally, he could literally give me whatever he wants.

Um, so it was, it was really jarring, but as far as high speed chases, nine out of 11, and by the way, two is the number two is what sends you to prison. Uh, the other one, the other one, I wasn't driving, but they still hit me with it. Um, so yeah, nine out of 11 high speed chases. As far as how many cars I stole, I'm, I couldn't. No idea. Yeah. No one knows. That's great. It's just that, that God, I can't.

terrified. I don't even know how to say it. It's like that weird, I'm going to do this. High speed chase tips and tricks. Yeah. I know you got a couple. You, you might be, depending on what type of car you're in, you might be able to outrun them, but like probably not. And you're never going to outrun the radio. The radio is that shit. You're never going to outrun. Now, some places will bring out the chopper. If they bring out the chopper, you may as well just do everything you can to ditch whatever you need to ditch. A lot of the times when I would do high speed chases, I,

I wasn't even as worried about the stolen car as I was, I got to get rid of this gun. I've been a felon since I was 23, but like, I didn't stop carrying guns, bro. What the fuck? So I'd have to ditch the gun and ditch the dope. Wait, I thought those rules worked though. Oh yeah. Gun control absolutely works. That's illegal. That's why I have a felon in possession of a firearm charge. You had a gun? What? What?

That's crazy. You put the law. Yeah. Don't get me started on gun control. Like when I was a criminal, I was all for gun control because then the people who I was like stealing their cars aren't going to run out on their front lawn and shoot me in the face. Like I.

deserved bro now that i'm i'm i consider myself a law-abiding citizen i'm 100 for everybody having full rights to protect their property and their family and their person from scumbags like i used to be so um oh yeah tips yeah you're knocking out run the chopper get rid of your get out of the car as quickly as possible try to hide under some if they have thermal readers or whatever you're you're probably cooked but

Um, if they don't bring out a chopper, you're not going to beat the radio. So what you got to do is have they brought out the chopper on you? I've never had the chopper brought out. Okay. Oregon, like Eugene doesn't deploy chopper. I was going to ask what's, what's that feeling? Like as soon as you hear the chopper over your fucking head, never, never had the chopper deployed on me. Thank goodness. Let's knock on wood because I'm not dead yet. But, um, yeah. So, uh, the main thing is that you're going to have to out crazy them.

Uh, because there you're never going to beat that radio. But if you make yourself enough of a liability, like they take, they assume liability at a certain point. So you out crazy them, you go down one way streets, the wrong way you get, uh, you know, into bike paths and sidewalks and you run red lights and they, they pull back the chase because at some point, uh,

you're just becoming too much of a liability. You gotta play chicken over who cares less about civilians. Yeah. And, and like, here's the thing is I care heavily about whether I hurt anybody else, but I have like zero self-preservation for myself. That's why I ate a lot of dairy earlier today when I'm super lactose intolerant and did war crimes on your guys's bathroom in here. Um,

That's every lactose person on the planet. Yeah. Every single one. Zero regard. Nobody with lactose intolerance takes it serious. None of my friends can eat fucking dairy, I swear to God. I can. I proved that today. Thank you, Nick. Look at me. White. Don't heart check me with cream cheese, good sir. Guns. Guns. Oregon, I think that...

organs like in the process of potentially allowing felons to like regain gun rights. So they actually are giving felons gun rights back. Even if you haven't gotten all of the felonies off your record, you can apply to get your gun rights back.

And it's really all about what you're doing in your life, how long it's been since you've done any crimes, what types of crimes you had. So if you used a gun in a crime, they're less likely to give you your gun rights back. I think that makes common sense, which is crazy as fuck for Oregon to do that. But yeah,

Yeah. So there's a potential for me to actually be able to get my guns right back, gun rights back on a state level. The feds absolutely not. How does that work? Like in, in Oregon, you're good, but you just couldn't carry outside of Oregon or are you potentially at risk in Oregon still? So I would be potentially at risk anywhere. And if they give me my gun rights back, my gun will not leave my home.

Now, my wife is not a felon and my wife can carry. My son is not a felon and my son, uh, 1000% carries. My dad lives right next door and, uh, he is a, uh, PTSD full combat Vietnam Marine veteran who is armed to the teeth. I am not armed and there's no guns in my home, but if they would allow me to have a gun in my home, I would 100% keep it there. And I wouldn't be carrying out in public. No. Can you, I don't know if you even can talk about it. If,

If your wife, can you have one in the home since your wife legally can have one, but then you cannot. If it was in a safe that I do not have access to, but if they wanted to push the issue, see, I don't, I don't even Jaywalk anymore. You know what I'm saying? The sketchiest things that I do is, uh, you know, this, this, this podcast, you guys, uh, puts me at great risk. There is literally an officer over there. I'm on probation. Uh,

We talked about it on the camera. I was like, do you want to see my probation travel? Richard's just been sitting there with a baton, slapping his hand, just waiting for him to fuck up. The hall monitor. Get him. I don't know what you're doing. You hand your concealed carry to him. Hey, check this out. Got you.

Now, if the feds were to come to my house and want to talk to me about some of my content, which I've been seeing a lot of footage of FBI agents wanting to come talk to people about, you know, you posted this, you, you posted that you wanted to put a wood chipper and we found a that was a chum the other day and we wanted to talk to you about it.

I don't see that happening. You know what I'm saying? So I don't really see them coming to my house, but while I'm on probation... I'm a medicinal wood chipper. Fuck off. He's cured! This is a blob. While I'm on probation...

While I'm on probation, I've asked my wife to abstain from having a firearm in the house. I like to stay in full compliance with the law. Smart. Yeah. So here's my thing. Here's my consequences if I do anything wrong. And that includes just even having negative contact with a police officer. Like, I don't have to be charged. I don't have to be arrested. I literally, you know, I have to report any contact with a police officer to probation. Okay.

And if it's negative, they could potentially violate me. But I'm on an interstate compact from the state of Florida, living in the state of Oregon. So they would transport me all the way across the country. Like as far as this continent reaches with a little black box,

Have you ever seen how they transport inmates? - Yeah. - It's pretty interesting. So they put a chain around your waist with a little black box. And so your hands are chained to your waist and then it goes down to your feet and your feet are chained and you can't lift your hands higher than this. And so they throw you sack lunches that generally have like an old bologna sandwich. And like they have these oranges that are genetically engineered to be tiny and suck.

They're not the cuties. The cuties are amazing. And we don't, we don't chastise cuties, but, uh, and they'll throw that to you and they'll be like, here you go. And then you're like, you're in a white jumpsuit and you're like, I can't reach. If I could do this, I'd suck my own.

And you're just stuck trying to eat these sandwiches. And then like, they'll stop at every little like prison or county jail along the way. And they drop people off and pick people up. And, you know, sometimes they'll be like, okay, sleep on this cement floor until, you know, the next transport comes.

It would be miserable. Like a seven day event. Yeah. And they like, dude, like, so when I was on transport just from one side of Oregon to the other, when they sent me to gladiator school, there was your own white jumpsuits. And there was a dude, you can't, you can't get your jumpsuit off in this getup. And so when they stopped to let us go to the bathroom, this dude was like, bro, I really have to take a shit. And they're like,

hold it hold it he couldn't hold it so he on the bus in a white jumpsuit and we still had like hours on this on this bus ride and it stank so bad and then the ceos were like what the fuck's wrong with you you couldn't hold it and he's like i tried to tell you like i'm like we're the ones sitting back in the back with him you got what the

- Oh, they don't care. Rewind to gladiator school. - Yeah, so they call Snake River Correctional Institution gladiator school. It's way out in the middle of the desert. So it started off, Oregon tried to have PC

where they would send all the pee-pee touchers, bro. They were trying to send all of the playground extraction specialists to one place where they could keep them all so that they could keep them safe. So they made the nicest prison in the state, way out in Ontario, Oregon, in the desert, and they called it Snake River. And then the...

Filed a lawsuit suing the state of Oregon for discrimination. You guys are discriminating against the state. Yeah, that was a mistake. We're the least. So, uh, suing because the fence is keeping the wolves out. Okay. This wasn't for us. All right. Yeah. They had this beautiful, it looks like a college campus and it's really nice. And so then they sued and they started integrating, uh,

You know, sending gang members. Sending out and sending like straight. At first, they just started sending gang members there, bro. They're like, fine, fuck you then. You sued us. They sent straight gang members in there. I spawned on the special level. It's extra fun. Which was super fucked up at first, too, because everybody in prison starts seeing these gang members that are, you know, on good charges get shipped out to the place we all knew that they only sent.

Oh, yeah. And they built two more complexes out there. So it's like one of the biggest, I think it's still the biggest prison in the state. I think it holds like over 3,000 people. So they have three complexes. And the original one that they built is the nicest. And that's honor housing, which is where the majority of the Chomos go because Chomos never break rules. They're just trying to survive. But it turned into Gladiator. Chomos. Chomos. Oh, okay. Chomos.

Yeah. It turned out, it turned into gladiator school because it's way out in the middle of nowhere. Nobody ever gets visits. Like nobody, it's mainly people from the Valley. So it's like, you know, your people got to ride nine hours out there to see you. The only way you're going to get drugs in there is through a CEO. And most of those CEOs out there are, you know, from Ontario and they're, you know, they're big redneck dudes that, you know, if you do good business with them,

If you've got the money, if you're going to help them make a forward payment that they couldn't afford before, you might be able to get some drugs in there. But, like, there's not an overabundance like there are in most prisons in the state of Oregon. So people just get feral. And they just start fucking people up, bro. I got shipped out there. The first time I walked on that yard within probably 15, 20 minutes of walking on that yard, I watched a dude get stabbed repeatedly in his armpit. It hit an artery. I don't remember the... It's a fast bleed out. Break heel. Break heel, yeah. So, and he...

he didn't make it until medical got to him. And he was a way bigger dude than the dude who stabbed him. It was a little gay kid that they kept, they kept making fun of him. They kept calling him a fig and telling him that they were going to make him pay. And he was eventually, he had just gotten tired of it. And he ended up getting a knife and,

And he shook the dude's hand with his left hand and lifted it up and just got in there and got the dude. And the dude didn't make it. And that was like my first day on the yard. You're all going on lockdown. So...

But for me landing there at Gladiator School, it was kind of like a family reunion because I walked into my unit and there's like three dudes that I know. And I'm like, yeah. And they're like, hey, bro, you've got big feet, but we have these old ass Nikes for you. I'm like, I'll take them. And so it was pretty cool. So with that's what you look for. Yeah, that was dope. I got some dirty Nikes. That's pretty cool. I mean, I didn't expect three ply toilet paper, but at least I got some dirty ass dad Nikes.

With the stabbing, I feel like TV and movies, it's like every fight in a prison.

is immediately stabbing. Is that even remotely true? I feel like there's a pretty big escalation of violence between like killing somebody, stabbing them multiple times and just getting your ass kicked. It really depends on where you're at. Okay. And I'm going to, I'm going to say that like Oregon prisons are fairly soft compared to prisons in other places. And there's way softer prisons than, than Oregon prisons. Like West coast prisons are pretty bang and they're pretty active, but like down in California, there's yards that, uh, they're, you know, they're no hands yards.

Like, so that basically means if you, if it's worth fighting over, you're stabbing that motherfucker and you're in violation. If you fight with, with hands, it's supposed to cut back on the drama and the nitpicky. So we're only escalating all the way zero or a hundred. If it's not worth stabbing somebody, if it's not worth catching a life sentence for, then you're not to be doing it because what happens if you, if you do some dumb shit and

You could get people on lockdown. You could start a gang war. You can start a race war. Anything that puts people on lockdown disrupts operations. And you've got heavy organizations in there that have going on like selling drugs or whatever they've got going on. Is that fairly effective in those that you know of? Having that policy of like, if you're not willing to kill somebody over it, don't fucking do it. I really think it cuts back on a lot of the dumb. Yeah. The reason I ask is because like, that's fairly...

Like, it's kind of the same mentality behind, like, gun rights as far as, like, if everybody has a gun, nobody's going to do anything stupid unless it needs to go all the way stupid. Here's the issue with that is that, you know, prison, much like our communities, is full of people that are variables and liabilities because of their mental health.

So you can't blame the gun for that. Like people need more mental health services. People need more resources. We need to be keeping better eyes on people. We need, you know, mental health. It's actually like approaching it. And you had that flip side. I know you talked about it on one of your episodes was,

Going in from like the 12, the young kids, that's the terrifying or the other individual you're interviewing said it was the children or those juveniles that were the scary ones that those would just escalate immediately because they don't have the idea of repercussions. So it immediately escalate to stabbing or trying to kill somebody. First off, I swooned a little when you said you've watched one of my episodes. I appreciate you.

But yeah, no, juveniles. So, you know, the juvenile, the JIT camps is what they call them over in Florida. Them JIT camps stay popping. Yeah, you got to say it with a little bit of Florida when you talk about Florida, boy. If you don't live there for a little bit, you know. Ooh, that picklewood. Ain't that JIT over there? So, yeah, no, the JIT camps are popping. Like, that's where...

It's kind of like, have you ever heard that old analogy about snakes, like venomous snakes? You know, if they're young, they bite you and they just sink all their poison venom into you because they don't know any better. It's kind of like that. They're all out there trying to make a name for themselves. You know, they're, they're all trying to prove who's the biggest and the baddest. And that's part of what I hate about minimum custody prisons is there's all these people who feel like they need to prove something there.

And then they get to a maximum security joint and it's like somebody sits down with them and they're like, look, if you act like this, we're going to dig around in your intestines with a bone crusher. You know what I'm saying? Like you need to chill the fuck out.

When you're on a real prison yard, it's calmer, it's quieter, it's more respectful. And that's even with no hands-free policy. It's just so much more respectful. When I was at OSP, I don't know what's going on there now because it's been 14 years. But when I was there, they were pretty much like they left us the fuck alone.

Like they were not coming into our cell and tossing it, looking for tobacco or weed or shanks or anything like that. The only thing they really cared about is are they beating up COs? Are they stabbing COs? If they're going to fight between each other, you know, as long as it's a fight where you don't do it in front of us and make us do paperwork, we're straight.

So I thrived in that environment because I'm like really chill with not doing things on front street. Like I'll go take somebody into the cell or, and this is going to sound weird, but you could take people down to the showers was a place where people used to fight a lot. Cause there was just a blind spot down there by laundry. There was a level of that in Tekken. Yeah. Yeah. So the showers at OSP are such a trip because it's just a long cement hallway and

with shower head, shower head. And this is the distance between the shower heads. You see my shoulders?

So I'm like, there's, yeah. Yeah. And it's like, when you go to turn, it's like, do I hit this dude with my dick or do I turn and expose my ass to him? But there's a dude on either side. So either way, you're fucked, bro. Prison showers are so awkward unless you're like a twiggy twink. That's way rich. What's the worst military showers? Cause like our basic at, I mean, at Benning wasn't too bad. You had like a separator, but it was still wide open. It just felt like a, the range, the range.

at Fort Sill I vividly remember was if you had to take a shit and another dude you were touching triceps while you were oh it's back to back oh no no no side to side it was another big dude and me and another big dude over here just shitting on our triceps touching wiping was awkward

- Oh, yeah. - That's when you like go to check and you hit your buddy. - There's no checking. - There's no checking. - I'm so sorry buddy. - So look, here's something I wanted to discuss with you guys. Like it seems, 'cause I have a lot of people that are either, you know, active duty or veterans that are in my community. I love them. They're some of my favorite people. I hung out with a lot of vets while I was in prison as well. They acclimate perfect to that type of environment.

And they've talked to me. Yeah. They've talked to me a lot. That's our autistic people. They've talked to me a lot about all the similarities. So there's, you know, uh, you guys have Jody's, we have Jody's, you know, it's whoever's keeping, it's whoever's keeping your old lady warm while you're in there. Uh, and, uh, so you guys had strict structure and routine. Your guys's mess halls. Uh, you, how was your guys' experience with the food?

Okay, so the perfect segue for this, the food, horrible usually, at least at basic and stuff. But at least when I went through basic training, and Rich has gone through 12 years of being a drill instructor, I'm sure he's seen it a ton. I'd love for you to yell at me while I just pinch one nipple. Just yell at me. Just demean me.

Call me, mate! That's why it'll never happen, friend. Oh my god, I found Rich's crypt and I finally said it out loud! You might have done it! It's this... the chow's made by the same companies. It's Sodexo. They make s- Really? They do all of it, yeah. You didn't know this, but when I was in military training, man, we were both eating the same lunch. Hey, that's what's up! I knew we were best friends, dawg! The only real difference between prison and the military is everyone in the military has a gun. Yeah. Yeah.

And some places that I've been have Aramark. Aramark, they wash shitty laundry and they make shitty food. Aramark is a blight. So there's so many similarities. Oh, it's the same thing, for sure. Yeah, you guys are considered government property. We're considered state or government property. Like my dad told me that he almost got written up for having a sunburn once.

for damaging government property. And the same thing almost happened to me at Snake River when I first got out to the yard because I was pasty. I'd been locked up with no sunlight for a while. I went out there and I got a really bad sunburn and the nurse was like, we could literally write you up for this. You've damaged state property, Mr. DeLay. And I'm like,

Can I have some aloe vera? She's like, no, there's ibuprofen on the canteen. Order it now. It'll be here in two and a half weeks. Ibuprofen. Yeah. Yeah. Change your socks. Clean socks. Clean socks. You didn't get those. No, they give you clean socks. They've been worn by many other men. You don't get new socks or new underwear. Bro, you should have told them it's a peen of the sun, you know? It's a peen of the sun? Yeah.

It ain't my fault. I'll suit against the sun. No, when I was in basic training, a bunch of people got addicted to menthol cough drops because that was literally the only thing your family members were allowed to send that was any extra anything. So you just had people sending like 20 bags of Hall's menthol cough drops and that was all anybody could have. But everybody had...

pockets full of Hall's menthol cough drops. Now, but you guys were allowed like tobacco and shit, right? Not that's like it's kind of it depends. Basic training. No, pretty much in

Not since, yeah, never. Basic training, not at all. AIT, once you go to, so like it's basic training and then like your job training. So like I went to medic school. Medic school, you could have tobacco. There was a smoke pit, but you could only do it like after the work day was over. Okay. So you can get it eventually, but that first three months, basic, right? Ish. Basics, 10 weeks. 10 weeks, first 10 weeks. Wait, now, is it, I thought it was nine or 12. 12.

Wasn't it 12? I thought it was 12. I don't know if it was 12, but it's just over 10 weeks now. Oh, shit. I've seen dudes do such desperation plays to get tobacco in there. Oh, we saw it for sure. We had a CO that everybody was like, that dude is cool as shit because he would chew and then he'd take his chew out of his lip and toss it at the wall so it would stick and dudes would go over there and scrape it off the wall and they would dry it out and then they'd roll it up in Bible paper and smoke it and they'd be like, yeah. I'm like...

A lot of the tobacco, if you're in a minimum custody joint, the tobacco that you're smoking came in in a dude's ass. One time it came in in my asshole, and that's how I met Dr. Corndog Fingers, and that's a really bad story. I would not smuggle in anything. Do you know how big the fingernail would be on a corndog? Bro, I'm just saying, if it's bigger than a turd, don't get it. Oh, man.

I have a question. How many unsub episodes have you watched? About six. About six. Have we ever done the offenders on any of them? No. You know? No. Do you know about the offenders at all? So the offenders is our superhero group. Okay. So think about like, you know, Marvel, the Avengers. Yeah. We're the offenders. Okay. Okay. So we all get, we all have one superpower. You get to pick your own superpower. Okay. We get to pick the offset. So for example, Cody can fly, but in order to fly, he has to fly.

I have to shout racial slurs. Makes flying less cool. I'm post-nut clarity man. So I'm like Professor X, but only for like the 30 to 45 seconds after I come. Okay. And then Eli. That's a lot longer than it takes you to come. I know that. My utility belt's got like some orange juices and Viagra. It's a whole thing. Anyways, go ahead. I am a crime cuck. I travel at the speed of light.

Like the flash, but then I can't interact with an object for five minutes after he leaves hyperspeed. Yeah. So he just kind of has to show up and witness the crime for five minutes. Yeah, you just show up and watch. That's pretty lit right there. So what's your superpower? Is this a thing where you pick your own? Yeah, you pick a superpower. No, you pick your own superpower. And you get a pick. Now we've had to change it because everyone... So we pick the offset. Okay. Hmm.

I'd like to be uncancellable. Is that a thing? Is that a superpower? You can't be canceled. No, that's not. You gotta be a superpower. Nobody's making a movie about the guy that can't get canceled.

I mean, that's... I just picture it's a white dude movie title. How do you get away with that? Okay, so I would like my nipples to be able to do some sort of projectile just like rocket nipples. Rocket spikes out of them? Yeah, bro, because I mean, they're definitely there.

People tell me in every comment. Our superhero, high beam. I just like, okay. So you have like Cyclops power, but with your nipples. I can do double pulse. So you can't aim them really. I mean, we don't have an offset. Your nipples are like this. So you're just kind of guessing where your lasers are going to hit. You didn't say effective super power.

He can fly, but he has to do drive-by shoutings and cave people's feelings in. You know what I'm saying? Don't move her. She gets it. She dies? Fine. You get to be high beam. High beam. Anytime you want your powers to work, you're stuck in that prison transport position. Oh, yeah. I feel like that's how I would have to aim these things because they're cockeyed, bro. So you get them...

and then you get some actual true aim. - I feel like you just gave me the setup, bro. - I feel like your superhero is the opposite. - I know, it's like that's it. He doesn't need an offset. - I can bend over, squat, and cough with the best of them, brother.

It just has long nipples. That's the offset. They're just six inches. Cody has to have his finger up your ass for your power to work. I don't know. Oh, man. I've been waiting for this my entire life. We're flying today. Congratulations. You're Cody's deadly hood ornament. His nipples are flying everywhere. Quick, push my on switch. He's going to make me his human finger puppet. Oh, no.

JD, not again. Let me ask you guys this. If God's real and he loves me, why did he put my G spot up my asshole? That's what all guys ask. If God loves me and he exists, why couldn't I come on opiates? It seems like it would be really fun to come on opiates, but I could not make it happen. Looking trout right now.

Playing chess by himself. I know, dude, I was looking at that earlier. I was like, first he was cobbling boots, and now he's playing chess by himself. Well, I'm sorry, heresy is occurring. I just picture Trask like, oh, good move, Connor. I didn't see that one coming. Do your next move.

I love this. Oh, no. Cody, on your side of things, this is also with Rich, but with this, hearing the other side of

Like just that mindset and crime and everything from the police side where you're like, God damn it. I didn't think that way. Or you had a pretty general idea of how criminals thought in your, like when you were solving crime, what was your question? How, how is it hearing this now? Sorry. How was it hearing like this side of it in an interview setting, sitting next to him was with as much respect as he treats me, man. And that's always how, like always how I treated people. I arrested. I think rich can agree, uh,

Yeah, you just treat people with respect, they'll treat you with respect. Except child predators. Except the... Yeah. And fucking child predators. No, they don't get the respect. But if a dude like him was like, yeah, I fucked up. We're cool. I'd be like, yeah, I'm cool too, man. Let's...

Let's take a ride. Let's go to jail. I was just kidding. Let's just go to jail real quick. I got a good bondsman. I'll be out in eight hours. What's your favorite song? The Gang Goes to Jail. Can you get me down there in time for bologna sandwiches? Love them shits. That sounds terrible, going to jail. Prison in jail just sounds like...

Oh, that's a good question. You said when we were driving here that you would rather go to prison for 13 months instead of county jail for six months. Anywhere but probably the state of Florida, yeah. In the state of Florida, I would rather do my time in county because most of the county jails that I've been to in the state of Florida are air-conditioned.

And it's miserable being locked up in like an aluminum room with no air conditioning. But, you know, most places, county jail is miserable and it's designed to be miserable. Like it's very little access to anywhere. First off, they're lumping everybody there. So you could be in there in a lot of county jails. You could be in there on like petty theft and you could have like a hardcore dog.

on one side of you and like a serial killer who wears skin masks on the other side of you and you're like there for like yeah you know it's like my eighth time getting caught shopping at target i keep stealing tampons for my girlfriend because she never goes off her period um and you know so it kind of it's a sucky place but because of that and uh you never get off your unit

So a lot of the time it's like 23 and one lockdown in a lot of places, which basically just means you're in your cell 23 hours a day and you'll get like an hour access to be able to go out and take a shower, make phone calls, read the newspaper, whatever you do out there, socialize. I didn't like socializing in jail because I didn't like most of the people that I was surrounded with. Crazy. Yeah. Yeah.

Odd, right? Odd. But I definitely enjoyed taking showers. That's in fact, one of my biggest complaints about prison, like OSP, you only got like two to three showers a week. And like, I, I wouldn't say I'm an exceptionally stinky person, but you know, I don't like not getting showers cause I'm working out every day. That's what keeps me focused and makes me less punchy. So that's a good thing to do in jail. Um,

I would, and they feed you less food. Once you get to prison, you've already gotten convicted. So like when you're in County jail, they feed you less food because you're more likely to take a plea bargain if you're starving. So they'll, it's a tactic that they use. They give you just the absolute amount that you need to be feeding people for it not to go against like the Geneva convention codes.

uh in there and not a bit more and they they do it up they'll put giant scoops of butter on your tray so yeah there's a bunch of the calories and i don't know about you but i don't eat giant lumps of butter not not castigating anyone who does but damn yeah that would you just this is terrible i just sounds terrible i was about what go ahead sorry i can finish mine you know the majority of prisons and jails are privatized businesses

Oh, yeah. Sorry. It's great. That's the wild part. And the amount of money that gets dumped into that system is

You know, I was actually in a county jail right before it went privatized and then went back and spent five months there after it was privatized. What was going on when I got back? They got this director who had been kicked out of the Department of Corrections in Arizona, like for inhumane treatment, went to Department of Corrections in the state of Florida and was fired for inhumane treatment. So then this privatized county jail hires him to be the director there. And they started having a.

epidemic because the conditions got so bad that people were just like, fuck this. I'm, I'm checking all the way out. Right. Yeah. And so what his answer, instead of like making things a little better or getting mental health help was he would take the people who tried to themselves and he would four point restrain them like hands and feet laid out across a cement floor.

uh, slab where they should have a mattress, but he would say the mattress was a, uh, a security concern. And he would lay these people out on these things like,

down for days at a time. And they were supposed to be able to get up every hour to, you know, move, circulate blood, circulate blood and use restroom. But like, yeah, but, but legitimately they were maybe getting it twice a day. And they would, they would defecate on themselves. And the reason that I know this is because he started the other thing that he implemented was inmate observation. They called it eye knob where they just force inmates to watch other inmates and

both in the watch area and in every single unit at night, they would have somebody going around with a flashlight. That's fire. Every 15 minutes. That's fire. Yeah. That's fire watch in the military. Yeah. So you're just walking around shining a flashlight. So dudes are trying to kill

themselves because they have bad mental health and we're going to send dudes around to wake them up every 15 minutes with a light in their face because that'll definitely help their mental health out. It was wild and surprisingly, shockingly, he got fired from that place for inhumane treatment and might be facing charges. So some of those places are so horrifically bad, man. Those privatized prisons are gnarly.

Big money. Yeah, absolutely. Fucking getting their money, dude. I was going to ask you because I did a video on that unkillable Marine. And I talked about it briefly in the video, but it was a Navy punishment exclusively for the Navy break. The bread and water. Had you ever heard of that when you were in? I'd never heard of it. Yeah. Yeah. Bread and water is a thing.

But the way that you explained it, they can, they can get out of that by every once in a while giving them, right. Right. Yeah. So like the rule, what they changed it in like the 19, 1914 or 1918, like early 1900s, they changed. It used to be just like, they'd throw your ass in jail and you'd get two slices of bread and a glass of water three times a day. And that was it. And then they changed it to where you could only have that's bread and water. That's a punishment.

while you're in like solitary confinement. You get two slices of white bread and water three times a day and that's it. And that's like the punishment. And then in the early 1900s, they changed it so the maximum sentence was seven days.

but then they just kept doing it. And the way they got around it was they'd only, you do five days straight and then they let you out in their equivalent of a yard for like four hours and give you one normal meal and then five days back on bread and water. And they just keep doing that to you. So technically you never did seven days consecutively because you got one full meal and you got to go outside and fucking stretch your legs. Dude. Watching, um,

other countries and how their prison systems work because you have extremely nice ones but also the bad ones though there's one in Mexico City where it is four person cell boom boom there's eight to twelve people in four person cell and this is like the bunk beds are almost touching from the wall and they it's like eight to twelve people in that and

And then they are not allowed to leave the cell. When you're in there for your six, max six year stint to be there, you have to not, you are never allowed to leave the cell. Like ever, period. You're not walking in the yard. You're never seeing light. For that six years, you are with those individuals, but the Americans that they fuck up or something happens and they go to that prison, there's like Marines in there. There's one that was like a veteran or a Marine. He says, I don't know if he was actually,

Mexico, it's difficult to say. It's like, oh, you actually committed a crime or you just got screwed in the system. You didn't have enough money to bribe the guy. Yes. So this dude's like, I'm looking year two. I have four more years and I don't... This is my life. Do you know who we should get on the podcast? What? I think he just got home, but that guy that went to... Is it Marx and Kankos? That Caribbean island nation and they had banned ammunition...

And he was like a hunter that went on hunting trips across state lines. And he had his, he had his luggage and his luggage had like two rounds of 30 out six in the bottom of the bag that he had stuck in there. Yeah. Just like at the bottom of the bag. And he went there, did his vacation with his wife and kids and they caught him at security going home. And he was arrested on the Island for eight, him and his wife were originally arrested. They let the wife and kids go and kept him for eight.

while he was on, I think it was eight months. It might be wrong, but it was a long ass time while, while he was potentially facing 15 years in prison for smuggling ammunition into the country. It was like two rounds of ammo or something ridiculous. He like just got home, but that's crazy. And it's not a nice system. I guarantee that prison. Fuck. You're going to put a guy in prison for 15 years over two bullets, two significantly smaller bullets in this.

That he didn't have a way to fire? Literal accident. But then you have the other side of prisons, foreign prisons, where you've got literal prisons where they give you college education and job training. And I just got back from Nashville where I went into a prison and it was sort of based upon that. It's not as nice. You're still in a dorm full of dudes, but

But they give you things like job training. You can become an electrician. You can get, you know, construction, like even robotics and engineering. And they teach these dudes this stuff. And then towards the end of your sentence, if you're good towards the end of your sentence,

They put you in an actual work release while in prison where you go out into the community. They help you with job placement. You know, everybody's making 20, 25 bucks an hour and they charge you. If you're, once you're employed, they charge you $3 a day for,

to stay in the program and for your accommodations. Cause the state says, if you're employed outside of the prison, you have to pay something. And I did an interview with the warden. He's like, this is the absolute lowest. They'll allow me to charge them. I want them to save their money. He's like, we have gentlemen who are sending money home to their wives and kids and their parents actually trying to rehabilitate. Yeah. Yeah. Incredible. And so we were talking about his, his,

recidivism rates. And he was like, I asked him about his recidivism rates. He said, I'd rather talk about my restoration rates. He said, I'd rather not talk

you know, stigmatize people like by talking about how many people fuck up. Let's talk about the people that succeed. He's like, we have, you know, over, over 70% of our people get out and we never see them again, unless it's in our community doing good things. And, you know, there's Tennessee has really high rates of failure. The recidivism rates are high, except this one place that's doing it this way.

And so it's like little places like that. I've also gone into a county jail in Arkansas where they're doing this drug treatment program that's really restorative and helps people. Their recidivism rates are astronomically low. That's like Lone Oak County, Arkansas. Anytime I get the opportunity to go into an institution and speak to people and share a little bit of hope and a little bit about recovery and just understanding

Let them be seen as human beings and be acknowledged. I always start off my speech with, hey, thank you for being here. I know that you're incarcerated, but your time is valuable. You are a valuable human being. And I know you probably don't hear that very much being in here. But let me tell you, you are of value and what you do and who you are matters. So, you know, I'm not going to waste your time. Let's let's talk about the solution here.

And I love being able to do that. That's something that, that so strongly set in my heart to be able to reach back to those people. Nobody ever, we didn't, we never had anybody do that for us, but you know who I did the majority of my time at Oregon state penitentiary. It's the maximum security place in Oregon. Jelly roll just went in there and played a free show for those dudes and was in there hugging those dudes and shaking their hands and signing shit for them and

uh it was really incredible to see that now when you have rehabilitation is a really good point now do you see at most levels it's a fantastic idea so you don't have you're not recommitting the same crimes and you're setting them up for success you're giving tools they can learn they can then manage their emotions way better and then also job opportunities leaving the prison is where would your line be it's like okay you're

Is it depending on their sentences? Like murderers, you're like, hey, this person also deserves this same opportunity. Or how do you feel on that? So like, look, man, there's a lot of factors. I'm not a judge. But, you know, to me, like the majority of the people in there, they're coming home.

At some point, they're going to be back in your community. Who do you want living next to you? Somebody that you fucking tortured and treated inhumanely, treated like an animal because of their crime, which was probably animalistic. But do you want them to get the help before they come back out or not? And I don't think that offenders should ever get out. I think that unless they're chemically or physically castrated, they should never fucking get out. You know, I don't think that should be an optional thing. If you...

If you're convicted of a heinous crime, you know...

Either, you know, give them the pill or give them the snip, chemically castrate them if they reoffend, because a lot of the times these people are sick in the head. And even if it's not about sexual gratification, it's about conquest. It's about power. If they reoffend, it's instant death penalty. You know, give them give them one appeal. We don't need all of these crazy fucking appeals and death penalty. Somebody is given the death penalty. That's an extreme crime. Give them one appeal and let's express lane this.

so that we're not having people on death row for 40 fucking years why are we paying all of that and then executing them that's why it's more money to do death row costs more than life in prison yeah and they're talking about like crazy they're talking about like oh we have to get these humane meds and people you know there's a waiting list to get these meds bitch how much fentanyl do you see i don't know when was every month just put them down dog put them down fix the problem

There's not enough oxygen for people that like this Wade Wilson dude, bro. Like he brutally murdered two women and the jurors decided he should be put to death. He should get one appeal.

And if that appeal doesn't, you know, go his way and if he gets anything but the death penalty, you know, like give him the death penalty. Just get it handled. It sucks. Second video on that. It was the because then he or his appeal was based off of if he had TBI or not. Correct. Yeah. And that I didn't look more into that. I know I was just watching yours doing. Yeah. So they found nothing.

He didn't have like severe brain damage or anything like that. And, you know, here's the thing is that case is interesting because there is a high chance that he might get life without in, in appeals.

Because they made that law allowing. So the way that it works in Florida now is you need a eight out of 12 majority for them to be able to give somebody the death penalty. Before that, it had to be unanimous. Florida, the same law that they used that if you.

child under the age of 13 you are eligible for the death penalty they also that's when they made it so you only need eight out of 12 you don't need it unanimous because a lot of people don't want to vote democracy they don't want to they don't want to be like man you know this dude but killing people is wrong they want to be able to so previously it literally could have been like one crazy

that was just like, I don't agree with the death penalty. I don't care what they did. I'll never agree to do it. Yeah, one crunchy granola juror can mess it all up. And then, you know, so... I don't believe in that. Well, the other 10 of us do. So we don't give a fuck. So, but they changed that law while he was in county. Because he's been in county since like 2019. So they're trying to grandfather him into...

Less strict rules. Yeah, so part of his appeal is based upon that. But if he gets the death penalty again, dude, why are we paying for him? Why? Let's fix it. Fix it, Jesus! I want to know if you... Did that answer your question? What was your question on that? His name was Wade Wilson? Wade Wilson, yeah. Isn't that Deadpool's name? Not Deadpool. I know it's not Deadpool. Sorry, that was my only question. No, yeah, that's why it...

you see it and that's what I caught. I was like, what the fuck? Why is Deadpool? I was like, Oh, it's just magically. He looks like quite the character though. Yeah. He didn't have all those swastika face tattoos and everything before he went in. Like he, he went and did that to himself and women still, he has a horde of women fans and they have donated $90,000 to his getting an appeal attorney. And,

And his wrong with you and I'm going to be around like nine cents or one of his not a seven fiance's is in charge of that money. It's it's fundly. Uh, and, and she's got that money and she's just been spending all this money and, uh, she's probably facing charges. This story just never ends. It keeps giving us golden nuggets. Sorry, go ahead. It was, um,

One story, I don't know, have you watched the Menendez Monsters? Or is it Monsters? Have you watched the Menendez Brothers? I haven't had a chance yet. That is one I would love to hear your take on because psychologically it is an extremely interesting case because you have these dudes killed their parents. Spoiler alert. It's a crime. You can read about it. They murdered their parents.

And then they went on a spending spree. They made it look like a mafia murder did it. And they blew a lot of money. It's like, oh, see, you're good. We didn't do anything. But they got arrested. They tried all that shit. And they're like narcissistic, all this behavior.

then and they hid what was happening to them they wouldn't talk about it until finally it came out it's like oh yeah our dad used to ever since we were five years old and on and then one brother said stop and then it just went to the little brother so they were just screwed like mentally psychologically they're screwed but they're they're still in jail and this happened in the 90s and that's where it's like

What do you do on that situation on both sides of it? Because they killed it, but they're not even trying to rehabilitate them.

And at that age, are they able to be rehabilitated? Like from your perspective on this stuff. Look, man, I have a. Because you have trauma of your own. Yeah, yeah. No, I'm like, I was when I was six years old and it definitely manifest, you know, not being able to process that trauma in an appropriate way, manifest itself in a lot of bad behaviors. And a lot of it was based around me numbing out and self-medicating. And I did a lot of crimes, but I take accountability for all those.

crimes bro i i did those and if you're out doing crimes you know people say it on my videos like they're winning the game or something but they say do the crime do the time bitch i did

I'm still property of the state of Florida. I'm on probation. I'm still doing my time. Like, I'm with that. Like, 100%. I knew when I was going in. Are these dudes trying to get out now? Are they trying to glean sympathy because they got... Like, you're still responsible for your actions. One just turned 18 and one was 20 when this happened. So they killed their parents. This was in the 90s? Yeah, this was 89 or 91. They were...

And this is from five years old, tell, like, five months before the murder. Five months before the murder. Their father would murder them their entire lives. And they would do things. Force objects into them. And they were going through the brothers. And so...

Then the mom knew, which was... Mom knew. There was no way not to know. Like, it goes into graphic detail that I can't share. No, but that's what... It's that weird... They would do things to try and lessen the burden of being by their father continually. Yeah. I don't know, man. Like, I'm all about... The way they killed him was execution style, like shooting him as they were running. Yeah, because they came up with it. It's like, oh, we're going to do this. Let's do this. And then... But it's that hard part because they're in jail. Like, they're in prison prison. But...

But then it's that flip side. It's like, fuck. Okay. Like they, it's expected for what they went through. They executed their abuser. Yeah. Oh yeah. Yeah. Both of them. And then that's, but then afterwards they were like, well, what do we do? Oh, oh yeah. So, I mean, it's just, it's,

It's a little bit crazy that they went on a, like a, you know, they were rich. So they, and that shopping spree, they were rich, rich. Like their dad gave him like $20 million. Like they lived. And again, that was an extravagant lifestyle because what the dad was doing, he would be like, look, Oh, look, look what I'm doing for you though. Money, money, money, money. So it was this weird thing. But now you have these kids that are like, I don't know what the fuck to do. They were highly groomed into accepting that type of behavior and everything. Yeah.

Yeah, that's, I mean, that is a complicated situation and I'm never, ever sorry or sad when somebody's abuser gets executed, you know, when somebody's abusing kids and they get taken out. Yeah. But I just, you know, I know that there's...

better ways to handle that than what they did, but also how old were they when they did it? - One just turned 18, that brother was 20. That's what's crazy. - One of the first people that I got sold up with when I went to prison was I believe 17 years old when he had found some pictures on his uncle's phone of stuff that was inappropriately happening to his sister.

He went to the police. He tried to get help. Nobody would help him. He went to his dad. Like nobody was stopping what was going on. So he took it upon himself and he buried him in multiple locations. It's been a while since I read his paperwork. I don't want to get his story wrong, but he was doing that to defend his little sister. And you know, there's really something to be said for the progress that he's made. Like,

His brain wasn't fully formed at that time. You know, he was, he was 17 years old. You're not fully developed. And, you know, he was doing things to defend himself. I don't, the Menendez brothers, it seems like they were full grown adults and this was just a revenge thing. And there was probably a better way to handle it. But also you have to understand that trauma does fucked up things to people. So, you know, I don't know that I would,

That's not weird. It's just complex. It's super complex. And it's, it's that one of those few times you're like, ah, well,

There is no win in this situation. They got screwed no matter how you look at it. Yeah, for sure. So are they, they're doing life? I think. Yeah, they're doing life. They had reason to believe their parents were trying to execute them as well, which is why they had the plan to kill their parents. And that's what kind of set everything into motion. And they also had evidence that the dad was still the youngest at the age of 18 on a private plane on the way to like business stuff.

It's crazy. Oh, why are they locked up? Dude, that's the crazy... What the fuck? Yeah, it is. It's the 90s and they made them look like crazy privileged kids. Yeah. It's crazy story to read. And they're still in. Yeah, their whole case is just like the...

and the abuse is kind of like secondary. So they're in California? Yes. Yeah, because I'm doing an interview with a dude here very soon who was locked up with them and he wants to talk to me about some of the, you know, what their daily life is like. He was actually a dude that was a shot caller for the GBG. Do you know what the GBG is? It's the Gay Boy Gangsters. It's a California prison gang.

It's a gang of gay dudes that got tired of getting picked on and shit like that. A lot of them are dropouts from gangs like the NLR, the Nazi lowriders, or the Aryan Brotherhood that got caught doing stuff with other dudes while they were locked up. And so they got kicked out of that gang and they ended up joining, forming this other gang.

the gay boy gangsters. Um, and they are on yards that like aren't active yards, but they're still gang members. And this dude was actually on an MSNBC show about like, um, NBC, uh, MSNBC lockup. And I'm going to be interviewing this dude about what the Menendez brothers life is like on the inside. So that'll be really interesting for me to hear. Yeah. Read their story. Watch the series too. So you get both sides of it. Hi, Mr. Rich. The other police officer. Yeah.

Did you just reach for a gun? It wasn't a gun. It was a gun. No, it's weird. It's weird. The professionalism of my job gets not brought up, but when you guys are talking about the Menendez brothers and assaults to children and stuff like that, which I'm involved in investigations now, and Cody's like,

you want to switch with me and say some stuff and i'm like ah i mean all of its kind of downer stuff like you saying that like you were you know assaulted when you were a kid like the odds of you not you i'm sorry that's that would seem i don't want to be rude the odds of somebody that's being assaulted assaulting somebody else is like it's like 25 or like 30 and so the people that i deal with uh

that are adults that are assaulting other people, whether it be another adult or a juvenile or a child, is almost guaranteed that that had happened to them when they were younger or at some point in their life. Psychic behavior. Yeah. It's extremely... Basically, it's one of those moments in your life where it poisons you and a lot of people for the rest of their life and can result in...

like that repetitive behavior of somebody then assaulting somebody else. Not saying that that's an excuse to do it because once you become like 23 years old, even though you had a traumatic experience doesn't give you the right to start doing that to somebody else that's just as innocent as you were when that happened. - This is, I mean, you're started now for, if you didn't know Rich, did you go into what you do now for police work?

No, we just, we talked on the car a little bit when we were bullshitting about you being on parole. Cause I was like, Oh sweet. I didn't say, did you make him ride in the back? Yeah. Yeah. He cuffed me and he gave me, he didn't give me a cavity search, but he gave me a good pat down. Like dude, one of the hardiest pat downs I've ever had. So it was nice. I'm still moist. JD. I like just in the short time that I've known you, just like us both.

Right? You take jokes really well. And I say really offensive things because the absurdity is sometimes... Because he means it. I was biting my tongue so bad while you were sitting in the back and we were bullshitting because I was like, I don't think he knows me that well and I don't want to be a jerk. But I straight up wanted to be like, yo man, you want papers?

I have my travel pass with me, dog. My PO signed off on it. But you were sweating and you were like, I want to tell this joke so bad. It says not easily offended right here. It says Irish, but it's the same. When my woman was in the front, and you were like, you know,

Coming up to the car and you're like, hey, what's up? I was like, hey, get in the back, crim. I wanted to laugh my shit off, bro. I got to ease into this. I don't want to be like that guy where all of a sudden he's like, the cops are all the same. I loved that. You were talking earlier about being good at hide and seek, which I love as when I was on patrol was playing hide and seek. And I do it now as a detective and it's different because

But when you're like, yeah, I hid under like this massive pile of clothes and I used to see piles of clothes everywhere. Right. So I always jump on piles of clothes. So when you said that, when you said that, he was like, yeah, I hid under a pile of clothes and the SWAT didn't find me. I was like, that's why I jump on piles of clothes. So here's the thing I didn't say about that. Because if it's squishy noobs around.

There's a dude there. Here's the thing I didn't say about that is there was two rooms and one of them was our guest room that was for my roommate's dad. So it was a very masculine room and it looked like it would have been my room. And I lived in this like Barbie pink room that she had had as her second closet. So it was super Barbie pink, which like I'm, I'm cool. I'm a modern man. I can, I can fuck with pink. My favorite things are pink, you know?

vagina yeah yeah it took you a second and I'm proud of you you got there I've just discovered myself but oh never mind vagina so um yeah so like I was in that room and I think that they kind of like automatically didn't look at that room the same so it might have thrown them off in their defense uh I don't I'm not saying they were bad at their job but I am better

Dude, I tell you what, dude. I go into the non-obvious rooms all the time because I do, I look for the stuff. So, I mean, when I would search a house for a guy, my, um, I would start in the basement and then we would work our way up. Secrets don't make friends. You wanna, you guys wanna do this later? The gang plays hide and seek with J.D. DeLay. We can't get angry. We can't play hide and seek with J.D. DeLay. Woo!

You have an hour to hide, bro. Why is there a pile of clothes on the unsub table? Why did you give him the kiss of fingers? She's hot.

I would search basements first. I learned it from an old head is I would search basements first because once you search the basement and go to the first floor, there's nowhere for a guy to run because they can only hide up and then you're either jumping out of a second or third attic window, which we've had happen before. Oh, yeah. But you get them.

Get him with a broken ankle down there. Those videos of him jumping out like a three-star, like... So get up and run, and you're like, okay. I'm gonna steal your thunder. You remember that video that I did where the guy jumped off the fucking fifth story? Dude, that... Death before handcuffs! Fifth?

Yeah. I'm going to take his shoes off. No, he bounced. He bounced. Oh, no, that's not the one that ran. He just bounced. Yeah, dude. There was a...

There was one that like, hit and gets up and runs and you're like, how the fuck? That one just bounced. Yeah, he just fucking bounced. We had a bouncer one time and it was similar. We went into the projects because a guy came out with like a samurai sword or a machete and like cut his neighbor in the projects. And so he runs up to like the third and a half floor because the first floor was like five feet above the ground and then he was in the third floor. And

They're like, hey, man, the POs that got there first... Because at the time, I was a housing cop. And the POs that got there first were like, hey, we stood in front of his door at the apartment. And he's on the third floor, so he's not jumping out that window. So he's definitely in there hiding. So we're like, oh, okay, cool. Let's just put somebody back there just in case. And I go back there and I look up and I see his windows open. And there's like a string hanging from it, like shoelaces, like a shoelace string. And I'm like...

That's weird. And I'm shining my light in it. And I'm like, I'm kind of talking shit. I'm like, dude, just get out of your apartment and answer the door. But we get a warrant. We get the keys to the projects. We go in it. He's not there. And I'm looking out the window and I can see that he tied like two shoestrings together. Little knots to put his feet. Dude. And they're hanging out the window. Shoestrings? Is this a tiny little man? You know you like to say that in 2024? It's like...

And I look down and it was nighttime at this is very dark. And, but the street lamps are shining on towards the, uh, towards the projects. And I look into the grass and there's a PO just kind of like standing there looking around with, you know, his flashlight. And I go, dude, move up like 10 feet. He's like, what? I go shine your light right there and then shine it away. Just go like this. There is a man size dent in the dirt from where he went and just stuck and then got up like, okay.

And then we got it like the next day. He knew who he was. He turned himself in. But homie jumped off and let a crater, a crim crater in the middle of the freaking yard. A crim crater. I just like it. Wait, hold on. Like, yeah, it's like a Looney Tunes. It was literally the side of a human body, like the arm deeper in and the shoulder. And you're like, that looks like a human dent.

a human dent in the ground from above this window where two Nike shoelaces are tied. - I was just like, he tried shoelaces. Like the thought process is, this is gonna hold my body weight. I'll be fine. - Plus I'll have the,

The strength. There are some criminals out there that are intelligent people. They just got caught up in the wrong thing and everything. I've noticed that a lot of people who are out there actively breaking the law are not the most intelligent people on the planet. I tell everybody we only catch the dumb ones. That's it. The smart ones have a method and they know what to do. And then we always have odds on our sides too because when you were saying...

can't outrun the radio like that's an old cop trope and the other one is like you got to get lucky every day all i have to do is get lucky once yeah dude like over over the course of 20 years people are like oh you were bad at crime well you know over the course of 20 years i had you know the time that i was incarcerated and like maybe a couple years where i was actually doing good other than that i was doing crimes all day every day that's my hyper fixation on meth is like i've got to stay making money and i'm doing horrible things that victimize my community to do it

So there's definitely rules that help you from getting caught, you know, that like it can be passed down and everything. But like the odds are just against you. Eventually, it's not an if you're going to get caught. It's a when you're going to get caught and how you're going to ride it out when you get caught. You knew what you were doing at the time, unless you're a complete and total mongoloid moron, you know what?

what you're doing you know that it's against the law and you know that you're probably going to go to prison just stand up take your fucking lumps man you know what i'm saying stand up just say lawyer you know what i'm saying and then it's you know you've already lost your portion of the game and then let the lawyers deal with it don't fight the cops when they're trying to arrest you i've never had any like never had a resisting arrest

If you got me, you got me. I might run before you catch up to me, but I'm not going to fight a fucking cop, bro. It's somebody doing his job. I'm a little scumbag out doing dumb shit. We had a dude that would run from us all the time. And, uh,

But like the second that you, and until you got handcuffs on him, it was him trying to just like claw for freedom. But the second you got handcuffs on him, he would turn into a gentleman and be like, ah, man, the cuffs are on. You got me. You got me. I wait until they pull the guns. I would wait until they pull the guns. And when I would hear them, you know, when they would, the guns would come out. That's when I throw my hands in the air. I go, I was just playing. Let's go to jail. Let's go to jail. Because, you know, one thing about West Coast cops is, you know, they won't do,

Do the type of shit that Florida cops will do where Florida cops will just, they'll pull you over and they'll just straight from the gate, start violating your constitutional rights. But if you give them a reason, West coast shot cops will absolutely shoot you.

They'll absolutely fucking shoot you. So I have a I have a question. Yeah. Oh, this is stuck. I can't move it. I can't lean back. OK, so there was a social media post and I made a comment on it and everybody commented on my comment and said, tell me you're an East Coast cop without telling me you're an East Coast cop, which I am. And it was and tell me if you've noticed this as well.

West Coast, they do the felony car stops. The lights get out the door. Weapons drawn. Sir, driver, get your toss of keys out of the car. Open up the door from the outside. Put your hands up. Back up. East Coast, it's a bum rush. The second that that car stops, especially if it's a car chase, we're sprinting after you because we never have time for a felony stop because the dude's always bailing and bolting.

Yeah. Have you noticed it as like a West coast, East coast kind of thing? So I haven't ever really done a lot of crimes in, in like New York. The only East coast place I've been. Yeah.

I feel like the state of Florida isn't comparable to anywhere else on the planet, except maybe Australia. Like, Florida is like baby Australia. But it's so f***ing wild out there, man. You know, like, they...

The cops out there in Florida, they'll, they're aggressive and everything. They're 100% aggressive. They do not care about your constitutional fucking rights. They'll figure it out in court later and they'll lie. Like they'll 100% lie. Locals or statees are all of them. Cause like there's always a difference between city cops County and then, you know, the depths and then statees. Yeah. So, I mean, I think it just depends, you know, County to County and local to local, you know, from my experience in Volusia County, uh,

They'll lie on you. They'll break your constitutional rights. They'll do all that shit. The Sheriff's Department, like Chitwood is in charge of the Sheriff's Department out there. And Chitwood makes sure that his people are super trained. You know, they've given de-escalation. They're giving mental health training. They're giving Narcan training. So...

And he holds them to a higher level of accountability. I don't know if you guys saw recently, but he had a dude that was on one of his deputies that was out using his car and his uniform to women. And he like went after the dude full tilt, like,

He wants him prosecuted to the full extent of the law. And then he went and had the dude's badge melted down. He's like, this badge is tarnished. It'll never be used ever again. This man is a disgrace. His family's a disgrace. Like went hard on him on the news. And they had the badge melted down in front of all of their new recruits.

that were coming up, he made them all watch and he said, do you have any questions now? And they're like, no, sir. Like, so it just, it does depend place to place, but it just seems like Florida is a climate of like real wild West. Like, you know, they're coming for you. It's the wild West lawmen down there, like Sheriff Grady Judd and, and,

you know, all of that. Tell me the positives and the negatives of the Wild West. Because, like, I'm not trying to, you know, I love playing devil's advocate because I like to see where people's brains are. And I like to kind of just see it from, you know, both sides. So, I mean, there's got to be, from a law enforcement side, a reason why the Wild Wild West exists.

is happening. So I'm going to get called a snitch and a boot licker and shit like this. But like, now that I'm a law abiding citizen, yeah, yeah. Shut up boot licker boots. So, uh, since I'm a law abiding citizen these days and since like these.

younger criminals that are out there, honestly, bro, they're just mentally deficient and they have no code. We call them retarded. Yeah, yeah. No, that's accurate. We call them retarded. We got a book about it, actually. Don't get me started.

These dudes are out there just committing crimes against whoever they can victimize that's vulnerable. They'll go after the elderly. They'll go after women. They'll go after just whatever the fuck. And it's not like how I was brought up with the convict mentality and the street code that we had

um you know i'm i'm leaning more and more towards the side of law enforcement man i don't want to see people victimizing their communities i don't want to see people continuing these generational curses of passing down the lifestyle to kids i don't want to see kids getting victimized anymore and the wild west shit is good like i want citizens in this country to be able to defend themselves by whatever

means necessary. But like, can you give me, you don't have to give me an example, but like, if you can, that'd be great of like the positive and the negative. The positive of those wild West sheriffs out there is that they'll, they'll 100% let and congratulate you.

on shooting someone for breaking into your home. Whereas in Oregon, like you, if you shoot somebody for breaking into your home, you better have shot them in the chest and not the back. Otherwise you're going to get charges. You better have like, I recommend to anybody who has to shoot someone in defense of their home and their family in, in the state of Oregon or California defecate.

Shit your pants. So when you go into court, you can be like, your honor, I was scared so bad. I pissed my pants and just bullets started flying because I knew he was going to kill me. You know, but real quick, is there a duty to retreat in Oregon?

There's one in New York. It says, like, stand your ground, castle doctrine. I believe you have a duty to retreat if you can retreat. I think that you have to do that. I think if you're, like, pinned in your own house, there are... There's a certain extent to which you can defend yourself with lethal force, but I think you have to exhaust every other option. Like, they want you to, like, run out your back door if someone's breaking in your front door. Fuck that. That's wild.

Like you value, you value somebody else's, you value your possessions over somebody else's life. No, first off, they valued my possessions more than they valued their own life when they came in their house where I keep my wife and my kids and I'm going to fix it so that they don't make that mistake with somebody else who isn't armed. You know what I'm saying? That's the attitude that I like about Florida. The, the sheriffs come out and congratulate you. Like Chitwood came out and congratulated that dude who came home and the neighbor was

his child and he beat him into almost a coma. The dude was unrecognizable. His face, he looked like that alien dude off of American Dad. Roger. He looked like Roger.

Um, and by the time the dude was done with them and he was going to kill him in the kid said, dad, please don't, you know, the dude was an ex con. He'd already been to prison and he called and he said, Hey, you guys better get an ambulance over here. This dude's going to fucking die. Uh, and sheriff Chitwood went in and investigated it and said, yeah, that dude's facing no charges. I, he made a public press statement saying, uh, fathers have the right to protect their kids by whatever means they think is necessary in a situation like this. If you find somebody, your kid, uh,

handle business call us we'll come clean it up and that's how i think policing is done right um you know just from my opinion like as a father are you a father not yet no not yet okay that's going to be an epic journey for you um as a father like your your ultimate duty your sacred duty is to protect your kid yeah you know that's the number one lowest fucking set bar in

In fatherhood, like, which is one of the most, you know, primordial things a dude can do. We've got a few primordial urges where we have to survive. We have to eat and we have to procreate. You know, that's eat, sleep, survive. That's it. Right. So but once you procreate, your job is to at bare minimum take care of that child. So if somebody is harming your children, there should be an instinct that kicks in.

Where you do whatever it takes and we should support that. If somebody, if I walk into a room and somebody is hurting my kid, I should be able to take that motherfucker off the planet. And they support that out there in Florida. You know, in the state of Oregon, you're going to do time.

I met a dad who was in prison when I was in prison for, I think they gave him involuntary manslaughter, so he only got seven years or whatever, but his nephew was watching his son. He came home and his nephew was watching his son.

His son and he grabbed the nephew and started beating on the nephew. The nephew pulled the knife and ended up, the knife ended up going into the nephew and the nephew died and they gave him, they still gave him like seven years. He was protecting his son in his son's bedroom. Dog, that dude should have been given a medal. And, uh, you know, they, the state should have paid for some counseling for his kid, you know, some, some trauma counseling for his kid, not taking his dad away and putting him in fucking prison for that.

So I think there's definite pluses and minuses of that Wild West type of outlook. Richard, were you talking about how police officers handle crime for a Wild West approach? Is that what you were saying? Like, hey, the police officer is responding to something, like responding to crime? Yeah. So, I mean, the other side of it is that sometimes... Let me give you a hypothetical, right? Okay. Hypothetically.

I mean...

Who really cares? It's some shoes. You know what I'm saying? So then what would be a wild west thing that a police officer would do to you? If I was a cop and somebody made me run...

Yeah, your barefoot. Your feet. Don't make me run. You know what I'm saying? Don't make me do extra paperwork. I never did that. I was like, Rich Red, I'm going to give you a hypothetical. Rich is up here taking fucking Nike Airs and he's throwing them into the storm drains.

Just saying, I never made you run, Rich. Is this why all the power lines have shoes on them?

It was an old East Coast thing to do. And I heard it from guys in Baltimore. And they were like, you on feet, man. Or, hey, you ran. I guess these shades just aren't good enough for you today. That's a highly specific thing. That's kind of some convict shit to do. Because in prison, if there's somebody who's down on a sex offense and they have any shoes that aren't those state issue...

Bobos, that's the first thing that comes off them. We make them walk back onto their unit off the yard in socks. And it's the walk of shame. You're never going to be able to own any shoes that aren't Bobos. And those things are hell on your... They're bad on your feet. They're bad on your back. They suck. They look like Chuck... No idea what Bobos are. They look like Chuck Taylors, but they're even flatter and worse put together.

the state is issuing prison shoes, but you can buy shoes off canteen. If you, if your family puts money on your books or you've got a hustle, but a sex offender is never going to be in anything. Like we'll never, ever let it happen. And it doesn't, they could be the gnarliest. Like somebody could give them a hand-me-down pair of shoes that have holes all in them. You know, you're just not wearing them because fuck you. That's why I got another question for you. Let's run it. So I love, like I said, I love adult hide and seek. Yeah.

If you're comfortable, if you're comfortable, what was a great hiding spot or hiding spot story? You don't have to tell us what was in it that you were able to stow that the boys didn't find. I mean, I got like, uh, I got two ounces of rolling tobacco and two cans of chew into prison in my.

Yeah, but that's like, wait, say that again. Say that again from the beginning. Yeah, so you take it out of the can and you put it in a bag. Okay, okay. Wow. Sorry. I was like, who has bigger things? You're like, I got two cans. I'm like, I thought he was going to say like, oh, I like Impala's have like this little knob you can pull out and I put like two ounces of crack in there and then I cover it up. You're like, I put like two things in my poop chute. I wanted that to be your superpower, by the way. Yeah.

Yes. You like had an unlimited prison period? Well, no. It's like Mary Poppins bag. Whatever you need, he puts it out. JD, give me the gun. He just bends over. He wins the chance.

He's already on utility belt. He's got an AT4 in there. But the offset would have been like, you feel everything come out. Richard drives his car out of his ass. I damaged my prison pocket in a medicinal way. Here's the thing. I only put stuff in my ass one time to bring it back in. It was right before we were going on Christmas break. I had somebody who was doing drops in the parks, and I was on the parks crew. And I knew that I wasn't going to get through

the holiday break unless i stuffed my own because i i was giving everybody else packages and they were giving me half of what they brought back in and i was doing the math and i'm like fuck this i need to get as much in as i possibly can or i'm gonna run out of cigarettes and chew and you literally got as much in oh yeah you could yeah no i made myself a monster and i'm looking at it i was like you know i could do this and then i'm looking at it and i'm like thinking i

think this is bigger than any turd that I've ever made. This is gonna suck. And it did. But I went out, I went to the guys that I'm like, so where's the Vaseline? Because we had some Vaseline to lube up packages before they went in our, you know what I'm saying? And they're like, the Vaseline is gone, man. And I'm like, well, what do I do? Just spit on this? Yeah, that's probably not going to work. So they're like, one dude was like, Hey, I think there's an old packet of mayonnaise that was open on the back of the truck.

And I'm looking at it and it's got a green tint, right? But I'm thinking in my head, I'm doing my, because I'm not super good at biology. I'm like, it's not going in my mouth. It's going in my ass and poo comes out of there. So it's not going to make me sick. It's not going to make me sick if I put spoiled mayonnaise in my ass. Well, not, not the whole can, but there was definitely about, you know, four ounces of tobacco in my ass. Um,

- Shove that can of cocaine up sideways. - So I lube it up with the green tinted mayonnaise, which was a mistake and I'll admit that. - How does it stay together? - And I- - Put it in a bag. - Oh, so you put it in bags. The chew has to be in a separate bag than the rolling tobacco.

- It looks like a magician's sleeve? - Well, you take the bags and you sort of form them into a shape that's kind of turd-like. And then you take a latex glove and you cut the fingers off and you wrap one and tie it at the end. And then the other way you wrap it and tie it at the end. That's how you make a prison pocket package when you're on a work crew.

And then, you know, you have to lube it and you push it as far inside yourself as you can. Cause there's a huge chance that when you go back in, they pull over like 60, 50, 60% of the people. Every time you go back in for, uh, you know, the bend over squat and cough. And this is the first time I've ever done this. I'm like, I, is this going to fly out of me? I don't know. We're going to try and see. So, you know, I'm like, I lube it with this green mayonnaise and I take it all the way. Like it's,

that thing up there as high as I can. And I'm like, holy fuck, this genuinely hurts. This is genuinely uncomfortable. And I have to wait like 40 minutes for the crew boss to be ready to leave. And then it's like a 35, 40 minute ride back to the prison. And I felt like he hit every speed bump. This thing's up inside of me. So he hits the speed bump. I'm like doing Lamaze breathing. Like,

You know what I'm saying? Like just trying to breathe this thing out. We get to the prison and of course he's like, he's breathing right now. Zach right now is uncomfortable. Zach's like, I just look over and Zach's staring.

- He's bleeding heavy. - I don't think the mayonnaise was green either. I have so many questions. - I think oxygen exposure, I think it was spoiled. - Yeah, it didn't get better. - No, no, definitely, it's not one of those things that ages like wine or cheese. - Yeah, no, it's milk and dairy in the sun. - Yeah, yeah, so that gets important later. So we go to the line and he's like, "Delay, search time." So I have to get booty ass, right? I have to bend over, I have to spread them, I have to cough.

And I make it through and I'm like, I go directly to the toilet and I'm like, right. Everything comes out. And I'm like, I just got away with the crime of the century. I got this in and I'm super stoked until like about six hours later, like my inner.

is hurting all the way up. I feel it all the way up my lower spine, right? Like all the way. It's like, I feel it from like, Mike, my, my geish hurts. My spine hurts. Like, I'm like, Oh fuck. Something really bad is happening. Geish. You know, you know, like your, your prostate. Okay. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. The old tank. Yeah. I feel my tank and I'm not,

I had never felt my prostate before. It was never something that had felt uncomfortable or, uh, you know, all of a sudden I know exactly where my prostate is, brother. It's not a good thing. So I put in a triage kite to go to medical. Uh, and,

And the next day they call me down and I go down there and it's this giant Indian doctor, not Native American, but Indian doctor who is going to be important here in just a minute, had huge corn dogs for fingers. So everybody in prison seems to have massive fingers. This dude had massive, massive fingers. You're hired. So what? I'm out.

Sir, what are your credentials? Well, I'm not a doctor, but I was the glove model for Hamburger Helper. You have the job.

hole is fucked up and he's like what did you smuggle into the prison and you're like nothing he's like are you letting dudes ball you out I'm like no and he's like all right well I got to get in there and see what's going on I'm like I just have an infection can you just give me some antibiotics he's like no I need to finger it out and

And so he actually said, yeah, yeah. He tells me to, he tells me to drop trial and grab the counter. And I'm like, at this point, I'm like in so much pain, I'm not going to argue with him, but I'm pissed off that he's going to go on my soul. So I do it defiantly. I like drop my pants in defiance and grab the counter angrily. And then I look back and he's moving up two fingers on a gloved hand, brother. He's doing this. And I'm like swooping. He's, he's putting swooping scoop dripping KY on this shit. And I'm like,

two fingers and he goes, don't worry, I'm a medical professional. And I'm like, you're a medical professional with corn dogs for fingers. What does that even mean? And he goes, take a deep breath and just boom. And boom.

And I gave him attitude. I almost came out of my skin, bro. And he goes, does this? Yes, that hurts. And then he drags his giant knuckles. Does this hurt? Yes. And then he drags his knuckles again. It all hurts. Get out of me. Right. So he's like, yeah, I've heard that before. Yeah. He's like, it seems like you have a swollen prostate. It's probably from an infection. We're going to give you some antibiotics. I'm like, oh, the shit I asked. I wish I knew that earlier.

gutted me like a thanksgiving turkey thanks friend totally his fault not yours for putting mayonnaise inside your stomach yeah let's blame the doctor what an asshole were you lactose intolerant before this incident or after yes i was lactose intolerant so look look here's the thing this this will make sense why i'm angry at this dude a little later in the story okay because

I go back to my unit. I'm taking this shit. The antibiotics help after about four days. I'm literally laid on my bunk just shivering like...

My inner soul hurts. And so after about a week, he calls, I'm better. I'm fine. I'm out there. We're on winter break from work crews. I'm working out every day. I get a call back down to medical and I'm like, absolutely. No, no, not doing it. Right. Go down there. And he's like, Hey, so I need to do a checkup. I'm like, I feel so much better, doc. Thank you. Appreciate you. And he's like, no, I need to do a checkup.

And I'm like, dude, I'm not letting you back inside me. And he goes, well, look, either, either you participate in this or I'm gonna have to write you up and you're going to go to the hole. And I'm like, so either you're going to my hole or I'm going to the hole. Somebody's going to the hole. And he's like, yeah, that's basically your options. And if I go to the hole, that means I'm going back to OSP. And I kind of like defiantly dropped my pants again without being told this time. I'm like, come on, let's do this and grabbed it. I look back. He's only lubing up one finger.

And I'm like, how come now that I'm not in pain, it's one finger. But when I was dying, it was two. He goes, cause I like you. You're a funny guy. And, uh, yeah, yeah. That's why I say Dr. Corn dog fingers was an asshole.

So I just want to say one thing, JD. When I asked you that, like, what's, you know, the best place to hide stuff in a funny story. You didn't mean like that. I meant like, did you have an Arizona iced tea can that was a fake safe that you put meth in? Not like, how much tobacco did you shove up your...

one day and then get sepsis because of it. I was like, 20 minutes later, there's a spot in like a Chevy Malibu which you can pop out and you were like, there's a spot in your ass that you can fill up. And I was like, okay. That was cool. I'm sure that you've seen the fake decks, the fake car audio decks that are hiding spots that have the little safe in them. Yeah, so those are always cool. Um,

I like this is after. Oh, you meant that. Yeah. I have a hidden story for you after this. Big gliders. Big gliders. Yeah. I had a heroin in big gliders all the time. We'd get bindles of heroin in big gliders. I mean, you can't really do that much with them, but my number one go-to was always magnet boxes.

I don't know if you've encountered magnet boxes. It's like the hide-a-key ones, but they can be bigger. Yeah, they're bigger. They're big enough to hold like a scale and drugs and baggies. And, you know, that way it's up underneath the car. And you have a much better argument at being able to say, well, you know. It's not yours. That's constructive possession. I'm not the one who put that there unless they fingerprint it and get your fingerprints on it.

you've got a pretty good chance at being able to build an argument. Well, a good attorney would. So those were always my favorite, but I had a couple different times where they would fall off the bottom of the car if you hit like a bump or something. And like, I've run over all my own dope before and had to run out in the middle of the street and like, fuck, my dope, what the fuck? Are you okay, sir? Don't worry about it. Don't worry about it.

Just kind of trying to refuge a little bit of the two ounces off the pavement. You know what I'm saying? The only reason why I know about the lighter one is one day we were searching to do that. They would always sell on this one corner and we got them. We saw him do a hand to hand and we jumped out on him. We're like, that's our PC. We saw you do a hand to hand deal. And then I'm saying hand to hand just does something to me.

Finger to butt. We saw him do a finger to butt deal directly from the hole. And we jumped out on him and we're searching him and he's got a lighter and I would always flick the lighters to see if they worked or not. I don't know why. It's just like a, like a, like a, just a thing I would do. Like, Ooh, like a little tism. Yeah. So I had like a little tism where I'd flick the lighter. I was like, flick, flick. This doesn't work. It's bullshit. Boom. And then I was like, why are there heroin packets all over the room? Wait, yours is an accidental discovery? And I was like, you son of a.

lighters how many lighters did you have on and he had three or four lighters and one of them was real and the other couple ones had heroin in them and I was like that guy was like it's gone

What's your funny story? When I was in medic school, I think I was the first class when the medic army 68 whiskey program was switching from open bays to dormitories where it was two guys to a room. So they were brand new buildings. So they were super strict about everything. We weren't allowed to have anything other than water. You couldn't have a Gatorade. You couldn't have food. You couldn't have shit in your room. And they'd come through and they'd do like...

inspections every once in a while. And I was a complete shit bag. I went to sick call once the entire time I was in the army and I went in and told them that I was a vegetarian and that I felt weak and that I needed proteins. I got a profile to have protein powder in my

Dorm and I made a deal with my buddy next door that I'd work out with every day after we got like go or whatever His name was his last name was coffee. I remember I think was Brandon coffee Anyways, coffee like the dream our deal was uh, I'll supply the protein you supply the pre-workout Don't care how you do it figure it out. I've got the protein you get a foot You're not gonna profile for pre-workout. Fuck you figure it out. I

So he went and he got the C4 brand at the time, but they were like the stick pre-workouts. And he was hiding them in his room. I don't know how. And somebody recovered some nine millimeter rounds. So they tore every dorm down.

apart. I mean, we're talking taking the felt off the bottom of the lamp, undoing the fucking outlet covers everywhere. This is AIT? This is AIT. Okay. And coffee had showed me where he was hiding. Coffee had went and spent like an entire paycheck on Under Armour socks, the expensive ones. He had his closet or his dresser drawer. You pulled it open. It was the entire dresser drawer was socks and

Ranger rolled into a baseball three deep hundreds of socks. And that's where he would take one stick of pre-workout and roll it into a thing of socks and hide it on the bottom layer. And I hit, they tore through my room. They're like, what the fuck is this? I'm like, here's my profile for it. And he's like, you're a piece of shit. I'm like, I know. And he's like, whatever, not ammunition moving on. He goes into coffee's room and I'm standing outside my dorm again. And inside is here. The sergeant go, Oh,

"Why don't you just tell me what's in these socks?" I just hear coffee's like six, five big deep voice, "C4." "What?" - Oh no! - And he goes, "No, workout!" And he goes, "Why are you putting pre-workout "in your socks, specialist?"

We're not allowed to have food in here, and I like working out. You're a fucking retard, and he just stormed out into the next room. Oh, C4. The whole, it was the quietest moment of my life. All I could hear was just, like, tinnitus. It's just like, eh. C4, what? You ever do that? You ever give, like, a cop a rabbit to go chase, and then you've got the other.

Like, you'll be like, hey, you got anything on? And you're like, I've got this ounce of weed. I know I'm not supposed to have it. That's good. I can get me trouble. And they're like, is that it? You're like, yeah. You're like, all right, man, I appreciate your honesty. Here you go. And you've got like two ounces in your pocket. So one time I saw that these cops were coming up on us and I knew we were about to get pulled over. We were in a hotel parking lot at like probably 345 in the morning. Oh, I would definitely say hello to you. Yeah. Weird. Like that.

- I was not this healthy light in the eyes type of JD I am now. I look like JD fresh out of Auschwitz, right? - My life literally going up to you, 'cause I've done it so many times, I would sneak around, 'cause you'd probably be like, pre-whatever with some other bullshit. And I turn my lights off and I park and I get out of the car and I knock on the window and I literally go,

Hello, friend. And the amount of times I've gone, hello, friend, and see them go. So I know that they're coming up and I know pretty much the rundown. Anytime I get pulled over at this point.

I'm getting pulled out of the car. I'm getting handcuffed. Yeah. Like that's just, that's what time it is. There's going to be more units pulling up with my record. It's not like a nice conversation between me and you nowadays. I don't, I don't know. I haven't tried it in a while. I haven't been pulled over in, in many years. Try it. Could be fun. Uh, yeah. But you know, with, with my, with,

With my criminal history, what's likely to happen is that there's going to be, you know, three or four and I'm going to get, you know, handcuffed on my back. I knew that was happening. So I had about a half ounce of dope, which is a trafficking amount in the state of Florida for meth.

14 grams. And that's my real issue. And I know that I've got other little bags of dope or whatever, but I put it between my waistband on my underwear and my, where my belt on my jeans are behind my back. Cause I don't have time to get rid of this and get it off of me. I'm in, I'm in a van and you know, they take me out, they cuff me, my hands are behind my back. And so I start an argument with the cop.

because they're, these are big shards and they're, I'm like, he's going to hear these hit the ground. Like these are big chunks of crystal meth and I'm dumping it out behind my back while I'm making eye contact and yelling at this cop. Like, I don't even want to yell at this cop. It's not this cop's fault, but I need to distract him and I need to be loud right now. So loud noises and shit like that. And I'm dumping it out behind my back. And,

In the car? In the parking lot. Oh, okay. And I'm like trying to stomp out the shards to where they're like not noticeable. And he had me up against the back of my van and I stuffed the baggie

uh, sort of behind the license plate, just a tiny little bit where it was sticking out. So there's like all this shard on the ground and shit, but I'm like yelling at him and he's yelling at me and we're like, spittle is flying. And then as soon as I get it to where I'm like, okay, I think I just got away with that. I was like, you know what? I'm being an asshole. I'm sorry, man. Like, let's, let's talk like, like gentlemen, go ahead. You can search my car. It's fine. Cause I knew he was going to find some.

And he did. He found a small amount, but like that... It was like use amount and like whatever. Yeah, that trafficking amount, bro, is like, you know, that's like 15 years. I'm not trying to do 15 years in prison. I'll go sit for, you know, a few months, but if I can avoid the 15 years in prison, yeah. So that's kind of like doing the rabbit thing. I had, um...

It wasn't me. I don't know who it was. I think we know who it was, but I was driving around in a car one day and I always check our cars and our cars had like the hard plastic seats in the back so you couldn't hide shit, but it had a lip. So guys would like go under the lip and lift up the lip and try to shove stuff in it. Everything and anything. If it's loose, somebody will try to throw it and stuff shit in it.

And so, you know, every time when I go start my shift, we look in the car, there's nothing in there. We like, you know, swoop the chairs and make sure there's nothing in there. Then we get an arrest, you know, or we just put somebody in the back and you check it every time they come in and out. Right. So we get an arrest and we take the guy out down at cell block and we're looking through the back to see if there's anything. And we're like, and it wasn't our normal car. Right. And we're like, okay, cool. There's nothing in here. And then my partner and I are like, Hey,

The seat that's supposed to be riveted in at this one part, right where the back of your bent knees would go, it's kind of loose. There's a rivet missing. Let's pull that shit up, because that seems kind of loose. You could definitely fit some shit in there. This much coke.

Somebody left. And it wasn't our guy. It wasn't our guys. We patted the fuck out of it. Like we search guys before we put them in the car. Now we're not in your pockets every time unless you're under arrest. But he, this guy was under arrest. So we went in his pockets. Right. But even if we don't put you under arrest and you're detained, we'll do the cursory search outside. And then if we feel a bulge, we're like, what the fuck?

is this you know and then we'll figure out the cop way to like get it so it's not thrown out but somebody put a dude in a car and he was able to find that little spot lift it up enough and throw in like a couple ounces of fucking coke so let me ask you this have you ever done coke no you've never done coke no have you ever done any illegal drugs uh marijuana marijuana okay

like i don't think that that we should be giving you a rest rich like i think maybe maybe maybe 12 times like i can literally count it on my two hands like yeah i'm not done with that much i'm not like i'm an alcohol guy but i'm not i've smoked everything out of me i've smoked loads of weed i can't do it anymore it gives me the fear after i came out of prison like if i smoke it i'm like

They're bringing the dogs. They're about to raid the cell. They're going to search us. Get that up in your butthole, brother. The dogs are on their way. Oh, no. Get the mayonnaise. I don't think that we should be giving people felonies that are going to stay on their record for their life for possession. That was my very first felony was a possession of meth. And then I was like, and this is the wrong mindset, but it's stigmatizing. So anytime I ever go fill out for a job application or housing, I'm

You know, or, you know, when I tried to join the military and they're like, go fuck yourself. Yeah. I had one felony and it was just for like a minor possession of meth, but it was a felony that lasted on my, my record forever. One thing I do think Oregon has done right. They decriminalized all drugs and they didn't get the treatment in place. They fumbled the.

ball. They could have actually done something, but they never actually execute the plan the way the plan is supposed to go. And it ends up fucking people up. Oh, the government? Yeah. Never. We talked about that the other day was like, they spent a huge amount for legalization of drugs, needled, uh,

the places where you can get free needles. - Dispensaries. - Or dispensaries and then them to inject for you. And then it was supposed to have also, hey, we have this in place now in order for this to work, we need the rehabilitation centers. - The treatment, yes. - Yeah, the treatment centers. And they're like, oh, well, we don't got money for that. So then Oregon became Portland right now. - Yeah, what we did instead is we just started giving people boxes of crack pipes

and cases of needles and it's not even a one-for-one exchange so needle exchanges work and they really help uh to stop like blood-borne diseases like you know the transmission of hiv in a place like florida where it's illegal to go and buy clean needles is astronomical compared to like places where they have one-for-one exchanges but

Do you know, give people, you know, a box of needles and when they bring a full box back, they get their next box. So every needle is accounted for instead of giving out cases of fucking needles.

and not worrying about where they go. Cause where do they go? They end up in the streets. You know, they end up in parks, they end up in bad places. There was just zero accountability and no focus on treatment. And that ended up hurting us. The one thing I do agree with that they did was when they went to recriminalize it, they didn't make it a felony. They made it a new level of misdemeanor where they can hold people for long enough for people to dry out and, you know,

still be physically going through withdrawals, but it's not a felony that's going to stay on your record for the rest of your life. Yeah. So I, while I have both of you here, I have my,

I have a question. I don't understand. This sounds so sexual. No, I mean, well, no, I mean, I have Cody who would know and then I have you that would also know the other end of the spectrum. So I just like, um, you had me at Cody. I was going to, I keep flying to Texas for a reason. Let me tell you. Vanessa's competition. No, so I don't, can you get a felony? So like, how do I want to word this?

I always think about like gun stuff, like gun laws. So I, cause you can get a felony if I were to like carry concealed carry a gun in the state of Illinois, because I don't have a concealed carry permit and it could be a felony, even though that's a state law. So I don't understand how states can impose felonies on

at different levels or am I just fucking that up? No, it's crazy. So like even things that are like, like should be constitutional rights. You know what I'm saying? Like second amendment rights, for example, there's, I believe in the state of Texas and don't quote me on this. Cause this is my first time here and nobody screamed at me. I'm very sensitive. I'll come, but like, I think in Texas, like felons are allowed to have guns in their own home, like a gun in their own home for the protection of their own home.

The state of Florida, a felon can't do that. In the state of Oregon, there is a process for you to be able to get your Second Amendment rights back, even with felonies still actively on your record. And most other states don't have that. But voting rights is a prime example of state-to-state shit that does not work.

Makes sense. There's certain states that let you vote while you're still in prison. They're bringing you your ballot. There's ones that let you vote as soon as you get out, whether you're on paper or not. Some you have to wait till you're off paper and some Tennessee will never, ever let you vote again. If you have a felony in the state of Tennessee, like, you know, jelly roll can speak in front of Congress, but he can't fucking vote.

Because he has felonies in Tennessee. So we, I kind of touched on in the car and then I want to end the conversation. I wanted to add smaller fingers and corn dogs. But like, I want to ask you on the podcast. Cause so like with the gun laws in particular and the voting, like, I kind of feel like if you're out and you're through the entire probation program and like you're reintegrated in society, like,

shouldn't you just have all of your rights back? I mean, we can have a little bit of gray area where like, okay, well, if you were involved with a crime with a gun, maybe you shouldn't be allowed to conceal carry anymore or whatever. But like, if you're reintegrated into society and you've done the time, why are you treated differently still? I think that, I think that you're 100% right on that. I think that if I have done all of the work to pay my debt to society and I'm actively a part of, you know,

law-abiding citizen. I should have all of my rights given back to me. But there are certain stipulations like if you used your penis in a crime, we shouldn't let you have a penis. Like I said, chemical castration, physical castration,

And I know they don't actually cut the penis off. Right. Yeah. Just sit down. A little off the top, but you know, like if you, if you used a gun in a violent crime, do I think that you should be automatically restored to your, your second amendment rights? No, I don't. I,

I don't think that's reasonable because you're, you know, you're a higher risk with that. Do I think that there should be some way to be able to work towards that in the future? Even if you used a gun in your crime? Yeah. But I think you should have to do a strict criteria and it should be up for review. Well, that's what I'm saying. Like, I feel like you shouldn't be done with the rehabilitation process unless you're

fully rehabilitated. But there's no emphasis on rehabilitation in the criminal justice system, in the Department of Corrections. Case by case. To a degree, yeah. In my opinion, if you get busted for white-collar tax evasion because you're a sketchy accountant and you do your time and you go through rehab and everything, it's like, eh, well. Do you know a sketchy accountant who will do some tax evasion for somebody?

First of all, it's tax avoidance. I agree with JD on that one. If you commit a violent crime with a gun, maybe you shouldn't have your fucking gun. Maybe you shouldn't have a gun. But as you're saying, if you're a dude that got a felony because you skimped out on taxes and shit. Or you're a dad doing seven years because you beat up your son's attacker. Yeah. They should never have any rights ever again. They should be killed. Mm-hmm.

But yeah, let's say you fucking, you sold a pound of weed and got put away for five years. Yeah. You should probably, you should probably be allowed to have your fucking rights reinstated. Yeah. Yeah. Your rights reinstated. Once you get out, I guess that's just my point. I feel like the stigma of like felon in not all, but most cases last too long to where it's like, okay, well you're here. Yeah.

Go forth, rejoin the world, but also you're a second-class citizen, but not really. Here's this that's going to always stick with you. Yeah, that's what I mean. I feel like that would absolutely influence me to at least be resentful, if not drive you to crime again, being treated like a second-class citizen all the time. For me, this is the most, and I regret having this mindset at the time, but 23 years old, I get my first felony.

And I know that I'm stuck with this for life. It's like, it doesn't matter if I have one felony or 58 felonies. I still have to check that box. And now here I sit with 58 felonies on my record. I look like a monster on paper. And I was, but like, but most of those applications are, are you a felon? Yes or no. It's not how many. Yeah. So it's like one 58. Yeah. You have 58 felonies. Damn. Yeah.

I almost got the federal retirement plan bro that almost I was real close to catching that 30 in the feds can we can we film a skit where Rich and Cody arrest you and you call for backup

What? Do I have to be wearing pants? Holy fuck. 58. I'm still taken aback by that, but I think it's very... Look at what you're doing now, which is...

Like my favorite part of it, it is look where you can be, but where you are now. And no one has excuses of why they don't turn their life around or why they can't have a successful life. You are like the embodiment of like, Hey, this is terrible. You guys would not have let me into your homes six years ago. I promise you, you would not have let me into your homes just by looking at me. You would have been like, absolutely the fuck not get off of my lawn. But,

But, you know, that's part of the whole thing that I try to impress on people so much because there's so many people out there who don't know that they can change. They don't know their own potential. They've been selling themselves short and undervaluing who they are as a human being because you are all worth it. You all have value to give as long as you're a person, not a person. Like if I could do it, anybody can do it.

Anybody can do it. It's hard work. You can't be a fucking and beat addiction and beat your, your generational curses and your mental health issues. But the hard work is so 100% worth it. And the person that you could be is so much more than you give yourself credit for. And literally I was as fucking bad as, as an addict can get, you know, I've done everything except use a needle to get high. Uh, you know, uh,

poofed, smoked, snorted, mayonnaise, green. I just want people to know that there's, as long as you're still breathing, there's hope. And also people whose loved ones are out there, man. There's so many people whose parents have been,

in this cycle of addiction their entire lives, whose kids are stuck in this cycle of addiction, you know, whose loved ones are out there and they're just watching them deteriorate. And like, I've been on both sides of that fence, man. I left my fucking mother crying in a hotel parking lot. She hunted me down, found out where I was and I came walking up just vibrating high on meth and

And she told me like, and I love my mom. I've always loved my mom. I have such solid parents, bro. They've rode out with me the whole way. And she told me, if you keep doing this, I cannot be involved in your life, please. I've got a bed at rehab. And she's like crying and like everything in me wanted to just hug my mom and say, okay, mom. Okay. But I wasn't at the steering wheel anymore. That's part of the nasty animal that addiction is. And it doesn't just hurt the person physically.

who has the addiction, it kills everyone around them. I left my mom crying in that fucking parking lot and went back to the hotel room that I was at and sobbed in the bathroom because I didn't have control. There was one time where I knew that I had, I was, I had a suspended sentence for prison time. And, uh, this was part of what led up to my 39 months. Uh, my PO had scheduled me for a UA and I

I knew three days beforehand, at least I had to stop smoking meth because it was going to be in my system. And then I'd go to prison. And so, you know, that, that first day of the three days, I was like, I'll just drink extra water, like the bargaining and that this is going to work out somehow until finally it's the morning, like,

10 minutes before I need to go in to see my PO and get a UA. And I'm like, I have a big bag of meth and I'm just smoking as much as I can in the parking lot. Cause I'm like, if I'm going to go in, I'm going to go in as high as I can. But like knowing that like, I'm not in control. This owns me. I'm this shit's bitch. Um, and luckily like I walked in and he didn't UA me that day. It was the weirdest thing. I think he knew that I was just higher than draft. Yeah.

And he was like, I don't want to send this kid to prison. Like, you know, and I'm not sure really how that worked or why, but you know, there's so many periods of my life where I just knew that I was just out of control and it was as bad as it could get. And I was able to turn it around so you can turn it around. Your loved one can turn it around. As long as the person is still breathing, there's always hope. What was that? And what was that moment for you where you're like,

Fuck. Secret service comes out of the bushes with the SWAT team. It's, it's SWAT team, uh, secret service operation. The SWAT team's in the bushes in this parking lot in St. Lucy, uh, Florida. Um, and they've got automatic weapons pointed at my head. Uh, they've got, you know, the, the masks on, they're wearing camouflage fatigues and they're coming out of the bushes pointed at me. And most people would have like an, Oh shit moment.

I just threw my hands in the air and put them on my head. And I like breathed a sigh of relief. I had tried to myself twice within the 30 days ending up, you know, leading up to that. And it wasn't like some cry for help because I didn't really tell anybody. I was just like, I felt like I was asking the universe permission to just leave because I didn't want to be here anymore. Then when they came out of the bushes and those guns were in my face, I just knew it was over.

I knew it was over. And I was like, I put my hands on my head and I breathed a sigh of relief. And I said, please don't shoot my dog. Like my dog's not going to like you. She don't like police, but she's not going to bite you. She's like small. Don't shoot my fucking dog. One of the dudes from the secret service came over and this dude, like I didn't, I did not think this dude was law enforcement. He was yatted the back and he was wearing Dickies. And you know, he looked like 100% looked like somebody that I would have

hung out with if I wasn't a strung out piece of shit. And he came up, he's like, bro, I'm a dog lover. What's your dog's name? And he took good care of my dog. I ended up getting my dog back. Like he made sure that my dog came back to me once I got out of jail. Um, that was my turning point, man. That was my turning point. Cause I realized that I would do anything that it took to stop this cycle. And, uh,

And, you know, I just got opportunity after opportunity. The judge offered me the opportunity to go to treatment. You know, I was given the opportunity by Florida Sam H., the substance abuse and mental health. They gave me a scholarship to get my training that I couldn't afford because I was making $300 a week working in treatment.

And they wanted me to get my peer recovery certification. And they paid for my shit. The state of Florida paid for my shit to get certified. Like just so many people went out of their way to try to help me. And I always try to impress upon people.

If you get into the right circles, go to a meeting. If you want to know how to fucking quit, there are NA and AA meetings in every city, in every town, all across the world. And whether the 12 steps is something that ends up being your final destination or not, there are people there that will help you. I know a lot of people that have aversions to the 12 steps.

because, you know, they can't get around the whole higher power, the whole God thing. There's smart recovery out there, but you have to start somewhere. Go and find some people who have been where you are.

And they found their way out. And those people want to help you. I promise you. They want to see you succeed. We don't hate addicts in those rooms. We are all addicts and we don't judge you. We don't look down on you. Go in and ask for help and people will fucking help you and you can find a way out. But it takes asking somebody who's actually been there because there could be somebody with every degree on the wall that's prevalent to what I need to be able to save my life. And I won't be able to hear it from someone

Ned Flanders, the way I'll be able to hear it from somebody who's been in the fucking gutter or on that prison yard, you know, it's, it's, there's like PTSD in any general. It's how you reflect and how you, you share a bond because you know, they went through the exact same thing. Service members need, need peer support from people who've been through it. That's literally what peer support is. People that are in law enforcement need to have peer support from people that have been through it and lost, you know, uh,

Kindred souls. Law enforcement. Yeah. You know, first responders, it's, I don't think that there's nearly enough peer support for first responders right now. I think that that's something that we need more of an emphasis on because imagine going to work every day and you see the absolute worst of humanity. You see kids getting, you see kids getting killed. You see the elderly getting abused. You know what I'm saying? You, you see all of this horrific shit and then you're hated. That's your first.

reality and people people you know a cab you and people degrade you and people you know it's fucked up man like it's a thankless job it really is a thankless job and you know

There are cops out there who abuse their authority, but also imagine, you know, just after an amount of time that has to wear on people. You're only doing what I'm saying. You get to see somebody else's worst day of their life. Every day. Every day. Yeah. You have maybe like 10 minutes between calls. If you're lucky, you know, you might think a cop's an asshole when he's on a call for you for trespassing or for, you know,

you know, disturbing the public. He might've just come from a fucking dead kid, bro. And not had time to be able to process that. And then you come at him with attitude and you know, you're getting attitude back and you're like, Oh, well you should be professional, bro. Fuck you. Respect is given and received. You know, it has to be a two way street. It's my new best friend. I know dude, watching Cody's like just demeanor. He's like.

This guy gets it. Yeah. A dude with 58 felonies just described what police work is in like two minutes. And that's why you're so important. I think like, and I want to say thank you from all of us. Thank you so much for getting past your trials and tribulations. And now you're, you're doing God's work. You're helping so many different communities at the same time.

And it's a rarity. And I will say thank you. 58 felonies. I would have never guessed that. But hearing that fucking number and then seeing where you are now and the success, you're still growing because you're dude, you're just like you're at a hill right now and you're going to keep growing, which is amazing to see an experience. So thank you. Fucking thank you for that. Honestly, bro. God put me into places that I had no.

business being in. I've gotten grace way beyond what I deserved. And that comes with an inherent responsibility to respect those blessings and reach back and do whatever I can for others. So like being your friend for a while, one thing you always harp on is like officer discretion. I've heard you say it 50,000 times. And it's like, he just described getting discretion from every different level of the criminal justice system. And it

got him to where he is today to a certain extent. I mean, you continue to make the right decisions after they gave you the chance, but it all was possible because people kept giving you the opportunity to. And that small discretion is now you are the one that will change lives. Right. And that because you

You get to see how far you can fall and then where you can get even after that, if you don't go up and you follow the steps for whatever you're going through, but also like, Hey, I'm going to follow the law. I'm going to follow my steps. I'm going to beat addiction. And now success is like the moon's the limit, which is.

I fucking love it, brother. Love it, dude. Cody, you get to see Cody. Seeing Cody, that reflection on Cody, he's just like, we're silently, he's just like, this dude fucking gets it, bro. You just spoke. You opened up to it. You connected with a cop without... Gets it, dude. I've trauma bonded with multiple officers and even...

Bro, even while I was out there and I was absolutely lost, some of the times that I was arrested, it was a fucking rescue mission. And those cops were there to, uh, involuntarily save my life, bro. You know what I'm saying? I know there's times that I would have been dead if, if officers hadn't shown up and taken me off the streets, they saved my life. They probably saved other people's lives by taking me off the streets. And, you know, it was God working through them to intervene, to make sure that,

I could be here today. So I have to assume there's a reason and I have to assume that it's to help others. Dude. Well, as we close this out, before we go to the after show, uh, where, where can we find you? You amazing human or can the people find you? I should say. So if anybody wants to find me, I'm JD delay 51 50 across all platforms. I'm on YouTube, Tik TOK, uh, Facebook,

Insta soon to be Patreon. And I will be with these guys. Anytime they call me out and ask me to be here. I will be with these guys because this has been one of the greatest days of doing content and making new friends that I've ever had. I appreciate you guys for having me here.

Cody, close us out, you beautiful son of a bitch. Everyone, thank you for joining the unsubscribed podcast today. I was joined today by Eli Double Tap, Fat Electrician, JD Delay, myself, Donut Operator, and you can catch us all on Patreon on the after show. We love you. Kisses. We're going to go play hide and seek now. ... ...

You won't know me. You won't know me.