178 - Fire Bats, WW2 & The Fat Electrician Vs History Of Everything | Unsubscribe Podcast Ep 178
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Four years. That's how long it took Democrats to ruin our economy and plunge our southern border into anarchy. Who helped them hurt us? Ruben Gallego. Washington could have cut taxes for Arizona families, but Ruben blocked the bill. And his fellow Democrats gave a bigger break to the millionaire class in California and New York. They played favorites and cost us billions. And Ruben wasn't done yet.

We'll be right back.

Carrie and the Republicans will secure the border, support our families, and never turn their backs on us. Carrie Lake for Senate. I'm Carrie Lake, candidate for U.S. Senate, and I approve this message. Paid for by Carrie Lake for Senate and the NRSC. They cooked the dog alive. They cooked the dog. They were asking for it, dude. Here's the thing about hearing you talk. Oh, we're going to fight. Oh, I love this. What are you doing, step nomad? Does your wife know you're autistic? I have to ask this. What the f*** did we get here? Ah!

What's up, everyone? We have an announcement to make for you all. I'm pregnant. It's my baby.

Just kidding. We're actually doing a whole new round of live shows. He's not kidding. It's my baby. We are doing seven shows across the United States. We're coming everywhere. November 14th, Nashville, Tennessee at the Winery Theater. November 15th at the Norfolk, not Norfolk, Virginia Attics Theater. November 16th in San Diego, California at the Observatory North Park. November 17th in Dallas at the Granada Theater. Ooh!

Me, Kenny, and Rich were there. That was our favorite last time. December 4th in Atlanta, Georgia at the Variety Playhouse. December 5th at the Wilbur Theater in Boston. December 6th in Buffalo, New York at Asbury Hall. And every show will have two guests, and we're really looking forward to it. Seriously, if you missed last time, it is a blast. It was a pleasure hanging out with you guys last time. We appreciate our audience so much, and we are looking forward to seeing you again. Go check out the links below. We'll provide them in the YouTube description or wherever I'm pointing.

And good luck. Quack bang out.

Ha! You guys are like, "Where the f***? What the f*** happened?" "What's going on?" The other boys had work to do. Brandon had to serve his military. He was in a mission of some kind. And Cody had to do police content. And now we're gonna pop these ti- Wait, f***! We did it backwards again! Oh! It's fine. Don't worry about it. It's fine. Don't worry about it. It's fine. Don't worry about it. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine

Wait, does he need one? So we just need to... Countdown on the countdown, and then we pop it at the same time. Three, two, one. Hi, everyone. Welcome to the Unsubscribe podcast. Once again, I'm...

I'm joined by Eli DoubleTap, the fat electrician, Stephen of the History of Everything podcast, and I'm Donut Operator. Did you do that twice or am I that fucked up? No, you did. This is a different kind of DoubleTap that we're doing right now. He literally did it twice, which is even better because it all stays in the episode. Stephen, if you think we're cutting that, we're not. We're not. No, I get it. It's fine. Hi! Hi!

Hi! Well, dude, this is going to be a history heavy. Welcome to Learning by CBS. We're excited for you to have this journey together. We're going to talk about communism, war, fish, and psyops. Your camp counselor touching you.

Whatever comes up. Okay, listen, we're not talking about the repressed history at this point. Oh, right. We're talking about the normal stuff. Yeah, exactly. That's a great name for a podcast. Huh? Repressed history? That's actually a really solid fucking name. I'd steal that before someone else does. We start out with Anne Frank and then just get progressively more depressed.

This is the high point of this podcast. Episode one, the Tuskegee experiments. Oh, God. Gets into psyops and theoretical physics.

I did not see it. It has a huge following, though. Very loyal and autistic. It's great. Hi! Welcome to Texas. Have you watched... How much of the content have you watched? I've never seen a full episode. I've seen clips everywhere across because I do a lot of stuff with TikTok short content, that kind of thing. So I will consistently just be scrolling through and there'll just be random clips. And it's usually, usually, you going on a rant about communism. That is one of the most common ones that we'll see.

And then there will be other things with guests that I'll see that pop up, but that is easily the most common one that pops up every time. I call those the low lights. Why? The editor likes to capture me at my most unhinged and be like, you know what? This will sell it to everybody as normal content that they'd enjoy. Just like where I need the most understanding and compassion of like, oh, he's been drinking and gotten wound up for two and a half hours straight. No, just that's how he is all the time. Is the impression that it gives off.

It does well. Same for trout. Is that why you wore your fucking commie watch today? I think I didn't notice. The first thing I sat down for breakfast. What makes it a commie watch? It's made by communists. It literally was for communist China. It has the red star. It is. China sent a Chinese guy. So this is cultural revolution. Yeah. Oh,

Oh, nice. It's a chronograph, which actually, if you don't know a lot about watches, means that it's an automatic watch. So it recharges itself automatically as long as you're moving, provided. And then it's got a chronograph, which is basically a stopwatch. So you could track how long it's been since you've been starving your innocent civilians to death with your shitty ideology. But there's only second increments. There's no way they could calculate nil seconds. They don't live that long.

The bullets get 'em before the hunger. I don't know if you guys have noticed, but the sparrows have been eating a lot of seeds. And I don't like them! Get rid of the sparrows! Little do they know, I'm an immigrant. Hey Eli, did you sign a waiver before we came in here? You think fairs have waivers? Remember me, John. That's a pop! You'll get those from time to time! I'm just trying to light a fucking cigarette, bro! *music*

Side note, did you see the fucking birds from the China military? The Chinese bird drones? Dude, those are terrifying. Yes. I have seen stuff for it, yes. Yeah, where the Chinese special forces guys rip it up on fucking razor scooters.

Yep. They're like, yep, I forgot about that part. Yeah, because my first thought, I saw that full video, they throw the bird drone and then they like rip it up on fucking razor scooters and I was like, I can't wait to blast some Chinese nerd on a fucking scooter. I'm not happy about World War III. It's gonna happen, but... Just skeet shooting from the back of an electric shooter with a shotgun. Don't trust the birds. The birds aren't real. Ha ha ha.

I'm glad we didn't have those or the segues during patrols. It would have been nice, don't get me wrong, not having to walk during a patrol, but God, you are not a feared individual. Just an Iraqi yelling. Exactly. Why do they say that every time? No, I'm cool. I'm very cool. It's like, fuck. The most powerful military in the world. No, you're gay. Ha ha ha.

Just dismounting the striker and segways, like the fucking hatch drops. Weeeee. Oh, I thought that was gonna be way harder. No, no, on the back of each one it's got the little turret from Portal. You ever seen that here? It just immediately aims at the top and just starts shooting like a navy turret. Like, oh shit! The D-Day landing, saving Private Ryan where the guy picks up his arm and tries to put it back on, but he has to back up on a segway.

It's missing a wheel now, so he's trying to lean to the side and back up at the same time.

John Segway hit a mine. He survived. I love Chinese propaganda. Oh, my God. Speaking of Segways. The amount of times that I have been sent the fucking Chinese knockoff of the Mark 19. It's a grenade launcher, but it's like a sniper rifle instead of a machine gun. And everybody's like, oh, this is terror. Have you ever seen it? The Chinese have a fuck. It's a grenade launcher.

But it's a sniper rifle. Hold on. Before the fuck you continue. Before the fuck you continue. Are the Chinese expecting to just yell Kobe and yeet that shit from like halfway across the stadium? I swear to God. Yeah, that's their strategy. It's the dumbest thing I've ever seen in my life. Why not just fucking use a mortar? You basically made a mortar on a sniper rifle. What is the fuck?

This is my point. Yes, exactly. It's they want to look scary, but they know that they don't have the logistical capacity to make enough grenades to have a grenade machine gun. So they're like, we'll make a sniper rifle instead. We'll make the grenades count because two things that should never go together. Grenade sniper rifle, precision instrument, fucking grenade. No. What is this? A cod build? Have you ever do it? So it's got so much recoil when they fire it.

The fucking scope. They had to put the scope on a shock. Because it would break it. No, because they had originally, they had this, it would recoil and 80 pound communists trying to operate this fucking thing would get pirated because the scope would punch him in the face. So when you watch the dudes shooting it, the scope comes and there's like a big, it looks like the night optics for like a machine gun, like a 240. You know how you have to like push your eye into it and opens it up.

It looks like that, but it's just for recoil. So, like, the scope literally punches these dudes in the face. It's hilarious. Wait, what's the... Okay, so if you don't know what a Mark 19 is, we've talked about it before, it is a fully automatic grenade launcher. Machine gun. Machine gun. Boom, boom.

machine gun. It's the thugger. A grenade machine gun. If you ever see a bunch of Humvees rolling up and you're like, why is the barrel on that M250 Cal a little bit shorter? It's because it's extra spicy. It's the closest thing to Warhammer where you actually have a bolt gun. A bolter. Where it is an actual bolt. Essentially. Yeah. They're fun. I have stories I can't tell. I've told you guys about them. Send a warning shot. Fun!

Not good for warning shots. Well, good for warning shots. I get the message really quick. Shooting near something that counts as a warning shot.

It just so happens the area that it encompasses, if they lose a leg, it's just a leg. They're still alive. It was a warning at that point. Yeah. So what is the max effective range of this fucking thing? It's literally no further than a Mark II, than a Mark XIX. Like a Mark II, what? Sorry, not a Mark XIX. A Mark XIX. It's no further because it's limited by the grenade, but their excuse is like, oh, it's just more accurate. No.

I'm not going for accuracy with- your volume of fire is what those were for, just FYI. Dude, why would a slime- unless you have someone who's already in an entrenched, hidden position to fire grenades secretly down into... I don't know, what? An alleyway? Why would you have someone positioned in that position? Exactly. And even then we barely use like... Let's pull it up. Dear God, holy shit! Yeah. You see him punch him in the face?

chase hold on i'll get you this video chase this gun punches this dude in the face you see his homie's got a fucking concussion right now that didn't even hit his eye that you could see his cheekbone push in and shift as it goes like and he's like oh watch me hit this six foot by six foot target 200 yards away just use a fucking mortar wait is there i want to know what the holdover is or if that's actually shooting that

It's not lobbing it? Wait, oh. No, it's not lobbing it. It's shooting it. Okay, that's actually pretty terrifying. So that's why it recoils. There's no... It's not lobbing like a Mark 19. That is just straight, like, big-ass bullet go at target and hit it. So you would... Well, you would have to have a direct line of fire, which if you were in that situation, you could just use a rifle. Or... I mean, literally, if you... Yep. Welcome to my point. Yeah. Welcome to my point.

There's a group of people. It's cooler. That's my point. Do I want one? Fucking kinda. Is it stupid? Yes. That's the whole point. That seems like a special weapon that would have been equipped in Helldivers. Not an actual practical weapon. That's like, oh, we're not actually trying to fight a modern military. We're trying to fight giant bugs. That is what the purpose of that gun is.

The Chinese are super ready for that war. It's the only hypothetical scenario I've ever envisioned where we team up with the Chinese. The funny part is deep somewhere inside whatever the Chinese version of the Pentagon is, the trapezoid, whatever the fuck they got going on. The Americans are fat. We need a really big gun if we go to war with them. Get the grenade launcher from 40K.

Every single weapon needs to be explosive. That's all that it is. It's got to be able to hit a target. 180 pounds. That's Japanese.

The Japanese accent is slightly different from the Chinese accent. Yeah, let me hear your best Chinese accent. Easy way to tell, generally speaking, if they're in the same room, one of them has a sword, the other one doesn't have a head. Never mind. Sorry. It's a good history segue. Okay.

It's insensitive, but it's not wrong. No physical competition to be more horrible at this point. Was that your segue to the consensual sex of Nanking? That way we don't have to bleep it. YouTube's rules and that's how we stay in it. The Japanese are like, oh, we can call it that. That is a stronger name.

Oh my god. Did you see how China was addressed? They were asking for it, dude. Holy shit, that's so bad. It's been 13 minutes. It's just like that, the season is over. Thank you for joining us, everybody.

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Feel the weighted, cool design. Oh my God. It's almost like it's made to fidget with. Like it calms anxiety through the use of magnets and things. Which of the core flavors is your favorite, Brandon and Cody? Crisp mint. I like orange vanilla. It's like a cream stickle. Fumas served over 300,000 customers. And you could be the next success story. For a limited time, use the code UNSUB to get a free gift with your journey pack.

Head to tryfume.com, that's T-R-Y-F-U-M.com with code UNSUB. Or scan the QR code on screen right now to get a free gift with your order today. Anyways, Emperor Hirohito. Oh my god. The man of many chins. Watching your, um... It's like a Chinese phone book, really. Dude, it's crazy watching... Did you watch his latest video on the Chinese, um... Whoa, sorry. It's, it's...

Watching his newest video on the Japanese and how much that tide has turned from like what they did to Nanking to what it is now and they're just like fucked because all legality and then how they're doing. I forget what was that article? Article 9. Article 9. Literally Article 9. And just how many restrictions were in place and how that had to change over time. And it's literally just a matter of if you go back into say this is going to sound dumb Confucian ideology

It's about arguing the exact opposite stances using the same passage over and over again. And that is how legal arguments were done for thousands of years in Asia. So the amount of times that things would be twisted into new meanings or doing something, it's like, ah, yes, this is self-defense, just preemptive that we're doing now. And that's how it is that Article 9 would change over time to allow the Japanese to remilitarize all in the name of defense.

Oh, they need to be able to deploy their troops to this region now to defend beyond the home islands. Oh, now they need to be able to fire if someone is attacking them for defense, naturally. Oh, well, if someone is attacking their allies...

We can attack them because if we let our allies get killed, that means that we could theoretically in the future be at risk. Therefore, we're defending ourselves hypothetically for a future event. Preemptively. Preemptively. Yeah, that's like how the animal kingdom's like, I'm going to kill all the young males so they don't have to get to breed with the women beforehand. What were the Chinese doing that led the Japanese to believe that was the case, that they were preemptively defending themselves?

Well, we know no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no

Literally naming. That is literally all that it is. So the word tank in and of itself is something that was specifically created in order to misconstrue or misidentify to make the Germans back in World War I think that it was literally just a fucking water tank. That is the origin behind tank in the first place. But they changed the name here again so that Japan does not utilize tanks. They use special fighting vehicles. SFVs. That are tanks...

But they're not tanks. They're special fighting vehicles for the purpose of defense. Even though legally, they're not allowed to have them. And that's the whole point. I just like to like, oh, we changed the rules right here. And it's okay.

This is the Japanese Defense Force? This is the JSDF, yes. Didn't the legislation just change like a few years ago that allowed them to re-militarize? Is that what you're talking about? It did. So there have been a number of different changes. Like as an example, it was in 2018, if I recall correctly, or 2019, that they issued a bill specifically that put like 50-something trillion yen to go and— Seven U.S. dollars.

Now, basically, that's the fucking problem. So, spoiler alert from that video that I put out with it here, the whole plan was Japan remilitarizing itself, even while it's having to increase the age of, not conscription, but like for a maximum allowable age for volunteers. It raised by like a full 10 years. Did you think he was going to say age of consent? No!

We have a problem? Me and Nicolay's looking at each other like, whoa! The age of consent! Sorry, they were ready to read the age of conscription. The age of consent for a young man or woman to willingly want to make someone else bleed.

Seeing what's going on on YouTube lately, I mean, it just made eye contact. We were like, what the fuck is this guy about to say? So they increased the age because they have a naturally aging population. It's becoming a very big problem where like 30% of the population, I think at this point is above the age of 50.

- It's not good. - It's not sustainable. - I'm pulling out the numbers out of my ass in the first place, but it's gotten to a point where the largest increase in crime has been recorded specifically for elderly population in Japan from people who are committing crimes to go to jail because like what you'd see with homeless people in the United States, they're trying to commit crimes to go to a place where they at least get food and a bed. - Church's original recipe is back. - You can never go wrong with original.

Still tastes the same like back in the day. Right now, get two pieces of chicken starting at only $2.99 or 10 pieces starting at only $10.99. Churches. All for valid and participating locations. This is like the Japanese. So people, the children will not report their dead. When a grandparent dies, they will not report it and collect government assist. And then old people back in the day and even modern times, it's like walk into the woods and do the honorable thing and just fucking die. Yeah, that was normal.

So, like, you got to an age, you walked out into the woods, you passed. A more, uh, an even cooler or heroic version of that, though, was after, um...

What was the Japanese nuclear meltdown? Wasn't there one? Fukushima. Fukushima. A bunch of elderly people volunteered to go in and clean up all the radioactive stuff because they figured they'd lived out most of their lives. Which is fucking awesome. That society is so good. Did you see the quote from the interview from one of the guys afterwards? The quote, and I shit you not, I am paraphrasing when I say this, but almost directly it stated, eh, we're not going to live too much longer past this anyway. Might as well give the younger people a chance to do something.

And then they just went. America, we would not do that. They'd be like, fuck no, dude. I hate collectivist societies. I'm an individualist. My life is the most valuable thing to me. I value myself. Not above all others. I love the people I love. But I'm not going to sacrifice my life for the collective good. Hammered

down the fucking nail that's sticking up. Watch me get King Trout pissed off. If that would have happened in America, the biggest issue would have been the boomers upset that they couldn't rent as much housing to all the young people that died to save them. That would have been the entire news cycle with all the young people

People dying, the boomers are going to lose their reinvestment. The rental market is collapsing. We don't have enough buyers. Yeah, no shit, Sherlock. They died. Where do we jump from? From Japanese remilitarization? Anyways, yeah. Japanese military remilitarization? Yeah, no, I like it. It's my favorite thing. You know, I just kind of feel like

China getting a little spicy, you know, let let Japan off the leash again Bring out its new fleet of Toyota Hilux division wait till China finds out about Japan's new plane the Mitsubishi one

It's an improvement from their last one. We started with a zero, and now we're here. I didn't know Mitsubishi just makes all... They make fucking everything. I was like, oh, that's their military. How familiar are you with Japanese industry? Or just the industries as a whole? Because Japan and Korea have a very similar system. Or had one. You're the Zaibatsu in the shape of America. Yeah.

So essentially what they would do is create super conglomerates where everything would be consolidated under one go to ease whatever you need for manufacturing, for selling, for everything. And that way they would be able to sell well below standard market price to dominate essentially everything. No, there are like seven super industries in Korea. You can just start at late stage capitalism right out of the gate. They fucking did it. It was government. That's interesting. Yes. Yeah, you're just like, all right.

Here's my game genie check code. You just entered all money. The South Korean prime minister was like sponsored by LG. The Korean families are the most crazy shit. And they're just supposed to marry within the other big families. That's never worked out bad. You're rich. No, you're not.

No, yeah. I just brought that up earlier. When you go to get married in Korea, because there are a lot of Kims in Korea, but there are like eight different Kim families, if I'm remembering correctly. But when you propose marriage in Korea before you can have your marriage certified by the state, they check your genealogy to make sure that you aren't related within like eight generations or something. Oh, so it's Kentucky. Yeah.

Except they check it. My wife is beyond this here. When we got married, we had to fill out on my wife, cousin. I don't think you're related. Going on a whim, I don't think you guys are related. We're going...

For anyone who has not seen my wife or anything here, my wife is Indian and Haitian. She does not look like me at all. Really tan. Yes. So when we got married, we had to fill out, the lady handed us a form and I said, oh, what is this for? This is to verify that you two are not related. And I just looked at her and I went, ah, yes. Hello there, cuz. You got a lot of the recessive genes. Yeah.

No, I kid you not. For the first couple years that I was dating my wife, her mother, who's Indian, by the way, I need to stress that she is Indian. She referred to me as her black son. What? Yeah, I kid you not. I don't know why, but that is what she is. She is not African American. She is Indian. That's what she referred to me as. And so that's... Who are the whitest guys I've ever met, dude? You think? Oh, my black son. You text your mom, tell her she's canceled.

Your mom just got canceled so hard. She puts on 50 cent when you walk in. I want to make sure he feels at home. I have Kool-Aid for you. It's like, Mom, stop. Please stop. My brown-haired, blue-eyed son wearing a Mario shirt. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Absolutely. Man, actually. Oh, man.

I don't know why, but the short of that is we go there, have to fill out the form to promise, "Hey guys, totally, we're not related." Wink wink. Yeah, no shit. God, I love this podcast. We cannot stay on this podcast. We're like, "Ehh, turd." Tell me about Emperor Hirohito. How do you feel about him? Okay, Emperor Hirohito was, I mean, he was a goddamn puppet. I have controversial opinions. I mean, he was a freaking puppet. Here's the thing. Here's the thing about Hirohito. Oh, we're gonna fight. Yeah, we probably will. I disagree. No, no, no, no, no. Here's the thing. Here's the thing. He was weak-willed as shit.

I disagree. He was. No, no, no. No, I agree with him. From every single documentation that comes out, he specifically did not want war. He did not want conflict. But once he signed up, once the whole military was into it, he basically was the weakest.

Position you could have of well, fuck it might as well ball. I disagree. What do you mean explain that I? Completely think that he was complicit in the militarization of Japan the entire time the military Do you have any idea what's going on over the course of some of the first Sino Japanese war heading into the period with Manchukuo?

army navy competing disobeying orders the entire time i completely think that that's fabricated no 100 have you ever read the book book on it by bix no he has an entire book basically saying that hirohito hirohito orchestrated the entire thing and played it off like he didn't that everything afterwards would have been fabricated yes tear me out i don't see that hear me out look

Okay, so the entire argument is that he doesn't have power and he's a puppet of the Army and the Navy, right? No, not that he is a puppet. It's that he basically became that afterward. Because here's the thing. That never happened in Japanese history. What?

Literally, that is the entire fucking thing for Japanese history. That is one of my big points. Nobunaga is like, he was like, went to the daimyo and everything. The entire point of the Japanese emperorship throughout all of history. Do you have any idea how little power? Do you know when the last time the emperor actually had real fucking power in Japan was? Defined as what? 720 AD with the Nara period.

Not according to the Japanese constitution during World War II. What is supposed to happen? What is supposed to happen? Doesn't actually mean it fucking does. I'm listening. Oh, I love this. Who determines the documentation on what did happen? All of the people that would have sworn to defend the emperor? Uh-huh. From the same people that tried to fucking coup and like to keep the war going? Right, but why would you coup a guy that didn't have any power in the first place?

If he was just a puppet that had no power, why would you say, holy fuck, we gotta kill him to overthrow him? Because if he makes a public announcement that that's to the entirety of the people, that's the point. So he's not powerless. He is technically not. That's the thing. But legally, for what you'd be able to do, the amount of precedence that has to go into changing any single action within the government...

It takes a lot more than that! It sounds like he just needs to get on the radio and say what's up. He needs to, however, have you ever tried to get a Japanese person to say what it is that they actually fucking feel in a scenario, instead of repressing it and holding it down? So he was powerful. Yes! And no, it's quantum fucking physics at this point with Hirohito. It kinda sounds like you're just like, "Look." Oh, I love this. I could beat up my sister, but I'm not gonna. Fight! Fight!

That's what it sounds like. Like, could I win this fight? Absolutely. I'm just not going to because I'm an okay person. Well, I'm just saying. The final vote on whether or not Japan was going to surrender was cast by the only person that directly answered to Hirohito on the council. Hirohito decided to surrender. Yes. Okay. Hirohito also sanctioned the attack on Pearl Harbor.

Okay, yes. Okay, that's my whole point. He's way more powerful than everybody plays him off to be. No, no, I'm sorry. He was the son guy. I understand that. Okay. But it's not a matter... Okay, look, when we're talking about this, it's not saying that he was completely fucking powerless. That's never the point. Okay. It's just that people either think in terms of absolutes that he was either the one who was directly in control of everything or the one who could absolutely do nothing but sit by his helpless...

There is no arguing that he was not complicit in all the shit. Okay. That's the thing. The reason as to why he was let go in the first place was specifically because of a thing to save Japanese honor and also to make the occupation afterwards easier. That is the entire purpose as to why that was done and why he was spared. Okay. We're also not being on the same page. Exactly. Otherwise, he would have been tried. Because here's the thing. Just because you may have been forced into something, if someone...

gave you a gun and held a gun to your head and said, "Hey, kill this person," and you killed them, you still fucking killed them. You still committed murder when you could have tried to do something to get out of that. - Oh, I don't even think it was that bad. I think it was compli- I don't think they put a gun to his head. - I'm giving it as an example. - Was the Pope complicit in the Crusades? - Actually, yes. - Fuck yes, you kidding me with the first one? The Pope directly as- - He really knows medieval. - I say this as a person- - Chase, zoom in on my face right now. - I say this as a person, born and raised Catholic, all right?

From the first Pope to call a crusade, specifically the action done in an effort to strengthen relations and ties with French nobility and garner power around himself to secure his own position within Italy and also the power of the papacy.

You don't think he was countering Islamic influence across Europe? He was! Yeah. Because guess what? Here's the thing. Here's the thing that bothers me with history that happens with a lot of people. It's not fucking black and white. No matter what anyone says in this here, it's multiple levels of grays that overlap. And so someone can do something for guess what? Guess what? Oh, you're the best. Multiple fucking reasons. Oh man, I would say that's objectively good. So, uh,

I'll tell you why I care about this so much, because every time I end up getting... Because it was a direct response to Islamic aggression. Yes, it was. It directly was. And I would say objectively that's good. And then he looked at this and went, okay, this is bad, and I could also make this pretty good for myself. And that's the whole point. Hell so.

You do know how tenuous Lockheed Martin. Yep. Basically, do that postdoc went up? No, no, no. You have the crusade. That postdoc was, you have any idea how tenuous of a position the papacy was for the first like 500 years after it was established.

Doggy style is lit.

The popes were exclusively chosen from local Italian nobility, not even local Italian, within Rome. And that's what it was. Once you started getting papal influence from outside powers, like those tied to the French, those tied to the Germans, those tied to others, they had to build their own power bases in order to allow them to be able to get anything done because the entrenched politics of Rome would basically go, yeah, fuck you. No, we're not allowing you to do anything. You're going to do it this way or we're going to have you disappear.

And that happened with multiple reformers. Every time that happened. Trout. Counter-argument. Oh, I want to go back to Japan. We want to go back to Japan. I'm going to argue with anime about you. That's about it. And cameras. No, I agree partially, but I...

i'm so happy with this episode i don't feel i don't know i i guess the politics of the time yeah trout's entire stance you're right but also based i get on the hirohito argument because i always end up getting stuck on um arguing with people on the internet about the atomic bombing of japan and

And the amount of misinformation that people fucking believe about that dumb shit. Like, the amount of people that believe that Japan tried to surrender beforehand and we said no just because we wanted to do it for funsies is fucking insane. No, no, no. Because what they offered was not even a surrender. No. They offered a white piece, basically.

Do you guys want to stop and we're going to keep all of the government that just tried to take over the world completely intact? And most of the land as well. Let's not forget that. It wasn't even just keep our current regime. It was basically, yeah, this is the guy in the middle of the boxing match, pressed up into a corner, arms broken in three different places, blood pouring out of an eye and going, yeah.

I think we're in an equal position. You want to call it a draw? We can call it a draw. And Japan, again, was not a peaceful. This is a warrior society at this point. Like a warrior society, which the ideology, which I think Americans have a really hard time. All the same people. What is, like Kamikaze. It was imperialist. That is normal. It was imperialist.

Everybody likes to make that like synonymous with like Western European culture, but like Japan was a hundred percent imperialist trying to take over the fucking planet. And they were doing a fantastic job. It was a hyper militarized. It's almost what would happen if you combined, let's say that you combine Spanish colonialism with Prussian militarization. That is the closest thing that I could possibly associate with it because their entire ideology behind it was we want to be a member of the big boys being colonized.

The colonizers, they wanted to do that. But that was the whole idea behind the East Asian co-prosperity sphere was that it was they were the biggest brother that was going to be taking care of all the little Asian brothers. And that was their point. So everyone else was going to be subservient. They were all going to be one big happy family, but we're the big fucking brother.

And just so you know, if you mouth off to the big brother, you get popped. Very brutally popped. They controlled the most. Yeah, they controlled...

If you go by geographical landmass and territory, I think it's the biggest empire that's ever existed. No. Mongolia. So it's close. I think the stat they're taking into consideration was like sea rights and shit too. That doesn't count. No, that doesn't. Because Uber was going to ship off the ocean. It's oceans. If you want to count the sea rights, the British Empire is fucking high.

would beat that fucking ass out by a million miles. Well, there was a giant sense of racial superiority, too. I don't know if this came out. That never went away. Yes, there was. That never went away, either. No, I know. I don't know if it came out. But, yeah, the Japanese considered themselves racially superior to all the rest of the agency we were talking about. It's the big brother. It's the biggest brother. They were the ones who were on top. The consensual sex of Nanking.

No, there's like this really funny short of, I don't know if he's like a Japanese historian or whatever, but he's like in the traditional Japanese like robe formal outfit. And it's like, it's the snippet of Joe Rogan on his podcast explaining that the Japanese were such this badass warrior culture that the Mongols showed up and the Japanese fucked them up and they left. And this, it just cuts to this Japanese like historian dude laughing hysterically. He's like, no, bro, it was a typhoon. It was a typhoon.

Three typhoons. Point of interdiction here, it was both. Because the fucking thing is, they did actually make landfall and there were multiple battles on land. Tsushima. Here's the problem. Tsushima. Yes. Literally. Not even just Tsushima. They landed on the mainland. Mainland too. And they did fight battles. Here's the fucking problem. So this is the whole thing when you actually look at Japanese history and the whole point with how the samurai were structured in the first place.

So the samurai fought in almost the same way that the Mongols did at that time. They were horse archers. That's what they were. The whole sword is bullshit in the first place. Like the sword was never actually the common weapon. It was the spear and the bow. It never is. No, with the bow being the number one. And that is what they utilize. It's why if you look at old samurai armor, they have these gigantic pads. Think of like a football pads on steroids where they're just gigantic squares that are right here. And the whole purpose of that is to block arrows. As I...

While riding a horse point back here. I have a giant square shield on my shoulder that is protecting my face and that's the whole point So they're fighting the Mongols with almost the same type of tactics against honestly not Mongols that point It's mass Korean levies that are enforced into the battlefield by the Mongols, but they win The problem is the samurai government almost immediately after this fucking collapses from winning Do you know why it collapses after they win?

Because their entire society was based off winning not only honor, but money and land after winning a battle. You don't get new land after winning a defensive battle. So what ends up happening is that all the samurai go, well, what the fuck do we fight and die for? We didn't get any new lands or anything. We get to loot some of the dead bodies, but that's it. And so they rebel against the government and take it over.

God, I love it. Because they didn't get any land. I got four skulls. They didn't bring gold here because you're not traveling. With anything of merit, you're just coming to take everything. Most of the treasure and fleet and whatnot went down to the bottom of the fucking ocean from the typhoon. They didn't have anything worth taking. And Mongols, I know you've done different beats on it, which we will get into it because it's one of my favorite pieces of history. Mongols didn't give a fuck about...

or any of that shit. They were a roaming tribe. They're the steep people. At least in the beginning, yes. Yeah, when it was Genghis, like Genghis was very big and then the generations fucked that up. But when they went to Japan, it was just like, hey, conquer shit. Time to kill. Yep. But,

By the time it got to the Yuan Dynasty here, because at that point they were established, it was a proper empire. It was no longer the steppe nomads. They were largely utilizing levied Korean and Chinese forces. What are you doing, steppe nomad? I'm stuck, steppe nomad. I'm a typhoon. I'm stuck in the South Korean sea. I'm a typhoon.

It's a fucking Genghis Khan movie. Just butts out of the water. Just the captain standing on the boat, which is currently being impaled on a sharp rock. Oh no, I'm stuck. Tell me, tell me. Oh, it's going to be an unsubmerged movie.

Just getting his confidence ass out. Yeah, dude. Step nomad of stuff. He's aggressive. All alone? Time to trim the old pubes. Hey there, beach babe. Are you ready to soak up those summer vibes and get the perfect beach bod? I don't have pants on. Yeah, I noticed. Well, you're in luck because our friends over at manscaped.com have you covered from head to toe. With the Performance Package 5.0 Ultra, they'll have you looking and feeling good this summer.

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Oh, no. I'm not offending anyone. I mean, that basically was what happened with the establishment of the Qing Dynasty in the first place. So the Manchu people to the north got fucking invited in because there was a rebellion in the north and one of the governors of an entire, I forget if it was a province or a city, and he just went, ah, yes, I can use these step nomads in order to be able to fight the enemies against the central government. So he fucking invites them in and you know what they do?

Yes, it's a good thing. Well, your defenses are no longer here. I guess we're in charge now. Chase, add the Pornhub sound. Dun, dun, dun. Yes!

And that's how the Manchu under the Jurchin tribes ended up coming in and taking over fucking everything. Jurchin. My tribe. There's tribe all over the place. Yes, they did. Especially the Mongols. Yes, they did. The Mongols. Go on. That's why I care so much about the misunderstanding of the power that Hirohito had. Because a lot of people don't... You're kind of looking at it as like...

Jeff Bezos is in control of Amazon, but also there's like 800 people below him making decisions that he never actually gets to see. No, no, no. That's still associating too much. Here's the thing. No, no, no. What you're saying from my belief, that's too harsh and definitive of a stance. Here's the thing. Again, I say that he was a guy who ended up being used. He is not innocent in this. I have never made a statement that he is in that sense.

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The thing is, he did not have as much power to organize how things were done on the ground and for specific actions that led to as many war crimes. Because here's the thing. He can say, hey, I'm going to pull the trigger. And then after he pulls the trigger, the fucking person controlling the bullet ends up splitting it off into three different directions and going after an orphanage. That's my point, is that the generals and those underneath...

We're significantly worse than anything he ever had in mind. It's like the idea of like, hey, yes, you can attack China. But then the repercussions of that. Then they turn it into the competition of 100 heads. Yes. Yes. Okay. We're still close enough to being on the same page. I'm happy with it.

Everybody plays it off like he was literally like... Everybody plays it off like he was fucking off in the corner playing with koi fish and had no clue what was going on whatsoever. It's my argument. That's what upsets me. It's when everybody was like, he was literally just like a halfway disabled kid playing with koi fish in his pond in his palace and he didn't know anything. No. He's a five foot two fucking... But that's why I care so much about like, no, he had way more power than you think and he was complicit and he's a big...

a big part of the reason that they didn't agree to surrender at Japan earlier, because the last stipulation before them surrendering that, cause they kept like lowering their expectations for surrender, like three or four times. And then finally the last stipulation was okay, well,

you can't try the emperor for war crimes and we're like okay fuck it fine and that was it that was the surrender so like that's my whole point of like well if he was truly nothing all along why the fuck would that even be on the table spiritual again it is actually a big thing even if he was responsible for a lot more is spiritual importance because the so it was mandatory that he made that speech for the people because he was revered as a

God. A living God. That's the whole point. A lot of Japanese citizens had never heard his voice. No, they had never. No one did. That was the first time it had ever been on radio ever. No one outside of the immediate government that was right there had ever heard his voice. I'm going to blow his mind

that is that is essentially that is essentially like for america it's like jesus coming over yeah it was literally okay we're giving up and everyone's like well i was gonna say people people knew the radio transmission was coming they were dressed up like they were like the equivalent of going to church like people also was like people were dressed up like the formal occasion just to hear the emperor's voice over the radio it was kind of crazy that's

have you ever heard of marcus mcdilda yes yes i was just about to ask this oh my god holy not off the top of my head guys get ready for this this is my favorite story this is gonna be a video later uh i have a like a very very detailed timeline that i've been working on for a while between like the relationship between the ussr and japan and all the events that led up to the atomic bombings and what happened and how the decision finally got made to surrender because i'm so sick of people on the internet

Just making shit up. Trust me when I say on this, before you continue, the first controversial video that I ever did was me specifically talking about the necessity of the atomic bombings. And I had a lot of, and I kid you, I'm not saying this is an exaggeration because some people in the internet will say, oh yeah, it's the fucking communist. No, I had actual communists coming after specifically me and my family because of that. Bring it. Yeah.

Anyway, continue. Go ahead. Anyways, so during, I don't know if you know this, but like, I don't want to say hugely significant, but like more significant than anyone realizes. A part of the reason that the Japanese council, it was, was it three and three with the tiebreaker? Yes, it was. So it was three and three. They had met multiple times after the first atomic bombing.

right? And the understanding at the time, a lot of people say that Japan didn't have an understanding of what an atomic bomb was, which is bullshit because they had an atomic weapons program in 1938. They did, but also here's the funny thing about that when it comes to the atomic program, it never came anywhere close to even the theoretical stage of an actual explosion, much in the same way as the whole point with the

Germans never even really came close. This is one of the key reasons why they focus so much more on biological warfare. Correct. But they were working on it. 100% right. But the reason, the reason they had no science spaces for it. The reason it's relevant to this conversation is that they knew what it took to create it. Correct. That played a huge role into them not believing that America had done it. Yes. So they had an understanding of how difficult it was to create this type of weapon. So they didn't, the six dudes in charge that were making the decision were

Some of them refuse a refused to believe that America was able to accomplish it. And if they were willing to like, accept that maybe America had pulled it off, they were realizing that, okay, well, even if America did do it, they don't have many of these weapons because they're so insanely hard to create, which is true because we didn't, we only had three.

Yeah, but we had more than we had. We had a line coming of more if we needed them. What was the estimate? I can't remember the number. What was the estimate that they were supposed to have? I remember they were supposed to have, I think, like five more by 1946. Yes. Like they were coming. They were getting like one or two a month and they could recreate them. But like at the time, we only had three. So they were kind of partially correct.

But a big part of the reason that swayed the council into surrendering was that after the first atomic bombing, the very next day, an American pilot by the name of a P-51 pilot, I believe, got shot down over Osaka and he was recovered by the Japanese and they interrogated him and they were torturing him. And they're like, tell us about these crazy ass atomic weapons.

And he's like, I don't know what the fuck you're talking about. He's just a fighter pilot over Japan. And they keep torturing him and they keep torturing him. And the way the story goes is like the officer in charge pulls out his sword, bends him over like he's going to cut his head off. And Marcus McDowell is like, those atomic weapons. I know all about them. And just starts lying his ass off about the entire thing. And he's like, they're talking about science and.

And he's like speaking English to people that only speak Japanese. And he's like, as you know, there's a lot of pluses and minuses, like referring to the charges of fucking...

Like electrons and photons. Neutrons and electrons and thosatrons. When it's getting translated from a translator to a Japanese officer, they're like, oh, fucking this guy knows what's up. They send him to, where was he? Tokyo, right? You said Osaka. Right, but Tokyo would have been the main. He was based out of Tokyo. Okay, so they sent him to there.

And they interrogated him further. And that's where they had the head dude of their nuclear program previously with a translator. And this dude eventually came to the realization like this guy literally has no clue what's going on whatsoever. He's just lying his ass off. Mr. Dudo is making a shit up. In the time that it took for him to get transported there and get determined that he was full of.

the japanese government had already heard that america had or the japanese had recovered an american pilot that knew about the weapons and he told them that america had hundreds of them on hand and that piece of information got reported according to macarthur's reports that got like information got spread throughout the meeting of the council that america had hundreds of weapons and was like a pretty decent sized part of their reasoning to surrender because they thought america had

Oh, shit. Holy shit. We have a five city. Well, not to mention that just about every fucking city. Remember in the first place that all the cities were made out of wood. That's why firebombs were more effective. Correct. They did way more damage. Why firebombing was so incredibly effective because it was all so packed together. We're going to talk about the bat bomb. Paper and wood. What do you know about the bat bomb? I know about the firebomb.

about the fucking bat bomb here and that whole program that they spent millions on that ultimately ended up not being able to actually function. It was awesome. Here's the thing. Theoretically, it did work. In tests, it worked. In practice, it didn't.

Do you want to tell the story or should I? Let's, we'll do it together. You start. Okay. So everyone knows back in World War II, there's a lot of fucking weird weapons. There was a lot of different ones. And there were many different cases throughout history of people utilizing animals. And what they discovered was that, oh, hey, so the majority of Japanese homes all over the country are made of wood and paper and they are all.

glued together because the half of it was that they most of the time didn't even use iron nails to nail any of this shit together. They would literally use wood joinery. Exactly. And stick that together with paper, which is fantastic. Carpentry is hell. It's beautiful. But problem with that is that it makes it remarkably easy for when a fire breaks out for everything to go to shit. So they were using varying different incendiary bombs. But the problem with incendiary bombs is that they are all,

The moment that they get dropped and utilized, this means that someone is able to go out and start fighting the fire immediately. So the idea that they came up with, or one guy came up with here, and I can't remember the fucker's name. Bro, do you know what his job was? No, I can't even remember what it was. No, this is the best part of the story. I don't remember his fucking name either, but he was a dentist from Kentucky that fucking hated bats.

He was super religious and he wrote in detail that he firmly believes that God had created such a biological abomination for one sole purpose in human history. To burn the Japanese. And it was to strap napalms to, to burn down Tokyo. Yeah.

It was like, God made this wretched flying rat for one reason. Kill the Japanese. He was an inventor. He'd invented other things before. He also held a patent for the fried chicken vending machine. He had a patent for a device he strapped to a mouse to fucking kill Filipinos. Anyways, so he ends up, he went to like college or some shit with FDR's wife.

Eleanor Roosevelt. Eleanor Roosevelt. He sent a bunch of letters into the government. He wrote the letters directly to her. That's how he got through the screening process because she knew him. And she wrote letters directly to Eleanor Roosevelt. And she's like, fuck it, honey. My college side piece wanted me to give you this. And FDR is sitting there in his chair like...

I mean, fucking in my work. There's a signed like letter from FDR to his like joint chiefs of staff saying this man is not a lunatic. I think this is a plausible idea. We need to investigate it.

The amount of times that animals have been used in varying different degrees of warfare is scary for how many times it's actually worked. One of the queens that had a revenge story was the birds. Yep. The birds. And burnt down a whole fucking... It was Katarina. Olga of Kiev. Yeah, Olga. Burnt the city down with that. Also, with animal weapons, one of my favorites is when the Soviets were strapping...

to dogs. To the dogs? To be anti-tank? No. They were training dogs to be anti-tank weapons. So they were training dogs to run and hide under tanks and then they would blow up. Well, the problem was is that the dogs can't really differentiate between a Soviet tank and any other type of fucking tank. No, that wasn't even the problem for not being able to differentiate. All the training because they didn't have captured German panzers. They were using Soviet tanks before the training. What?

But my point is, I love this story because dogs are man's...

best friend their man's best friend this dead dog story and they killed all the soviets which proves my point that communists aren't people anyways i will say this on that note for it here half the trainers refused to ever actually do any of this stuff in the first place so the program was half a time a failure the other problem was is that they when they trained the dogs they didn't do them in live fucking combat situations they trained you only get one chance with the

Dogs, bud! With the gunfire! PTSD for dogs! Fucking right! So here's what happened. So the initial training that they have is first off, not a German tank, they would have a Soviet tank stationary and they would train the dog to run under it. And that was the whole point. So that it could blow.

Problem was, in real combat situation, it's not just individual tanks that are on the outside. They have infantry that are moving with them to support and shoot at anything that moves in the first place. So the dogs, when they brought them into the battlefield, were getting scared as shit. They didn't know where to go. So the dogs, with timed explosives strapped to them, were running back into their own lines to their handlers for safety and were blowing up their own lines. I hate this so much.

How does your dog do during a storm? Still counts for man's best friend. They sent a dog into space? I hate commies. No, they didn't. They sent a dog's corpse into space. Because it died within, what was it, 20 seconds? Because the heat protection failed. Why do they want to murder dogs so much? I hate commies. Why do you think I get so mad at communists?

They kill... Her name was Laika. It was a dog that they took. And then they have the balls to be like, actually, you know, the Soviets were the first one to put a living animal in outer space. No, you didn't. You sent a dead dog into outer space, you fucking pricks. Like...

She died? Immediately. Well, I know she died eventually. They planned a thing. So the whole point, I forget how many days, it was five or seven, but on the fifth or seventh day or whatever, the food that was supposed to release at that time was supposed to be poisoned in order to, because it was too expensive to fucking bring the thing back to, you know,

'Cause why would they waste the money on that at that point? They didn't value any of that shit. We need to nuke the Soviet Union. So they- so they did this. The problem was, the initial shuttle that they sent up was so shoddily designed with its heat protection that upon launching it failed instantaneously, turning the entire shuttle into a fucking oven. So it cooked the dog alive. They cooked her? They cooked the dog alive. They cooked her? Yes.

Trout's having like an existential crisis coming to the realization. I hate communists. Communists don't care about dogs when they don't even care about their own people. That's going to be, the dog needs to feed. I don't give a shit about people, but they're dogs, man. We didn't know what initially happened because for decades afterwards, the Soviet propaganda

would say, no, we did this. We were the first ones to send living animal to space. We did this. And then of course, Soviet Union collapses. All the stuff comes out here for things getting declassified. And then in the 90s, they look at this and go, oh fuck, no, they didn't actually do any of this. The dog died instantly. Per usual.

Do you know about the underwear database? Wait, the underwear database? Yes. No, not off the top of my head. You don't know about East Germany's underwear database? Wait, we didn't even finish the backstory. I think we'll get there.

We'll get there. It's going around, okay? I know, we're like, left turn, we're in space now, and right turn, we're talking about underwear. What was the name of the East German secret police force? Not NKVD, but... No, that was the Soviets. No, that was the Soviets. No, I know what you're talking about. Why am I drawing a blank on this? I'm only thinking Spetsnaz right now, which is not right at all. That's their special forces. The Stasi. Stasi. The Stasi. We're like...

You know, all these fucking people are trying to escape from our communist utopia. They don't realize that they have high literacy rates while they're starving to death, these stupid fucking idiots. Anyways, we need to make sure they stay here, is what the Stasi was working on. So they're like, here's the thing. If they do escape past the wall and the sand pit and the barbed wire, we're going to kill the guard that let them go. But we got to catch them. The way we're going to catch them and track them down is with dogs. Dogs need a scent. So we're going to go door to door.

through East Germany and all the major metropolitan areas. And we're going to confiscate people's fucking underwear and we're going to label it and we're going to keep them in jars. And then if you really did that, yes, if you escape East Germany, we have a catalog of your underwear in a jar that we're going to be able to give to the dogs to track your ass down.

They went, there's like an underground government facility just full of jars of fucking underwear in East Germany. It's hilarious. What the fuck? Yes. Hold on. Oh, listen, I've covered a lot of dumb events in history. I have never once done that. I love that Nick's like cheese. How the fuck have I not covered that?

Again, the things that started me on social media was specifically dumb events in history. That's where I got started. How the f*** have I not found this? I mean, you even know about Mr. Dildo with the nuke. This is our... McDildo? Yeah. McDildo. Dildo. McDildo. Sorry. A, not an O. That's why I

God damn it. I'm going to have to... He's looking at communist underwear right now and it's just pumping on. It's just like boxer briefs with stars on their dick. It's literally just that. He has a hammer and sickle in their cock. Want to check out my sickle? I got a hammer.

God I love When Nick has a raging hard on for hatred against communism and it's just underwear pictures popping up It's like fuck I should have searched something else I know it's upsetting Oh well

You're gonna find it. I have to ask this. How the fuck did we get here? Oh, this is... Welcome to Unsubscribe. This is a podcast. My tangents on my own show. Back to the Batmoms. Where were you? Everyone comes here and they're like, what the fuck happened? We don't know. It's called Alcohol History. You want another White Claw? No, I gave him one and he refuses to open it. Because I've already

on this one and this one and this one. You were talking shit. You're like, alcohol doesn't affect me, guys. I've never been hungover and I'm 30. Which one of those is most empty? And I'm going to grab it. I'm going to drink it right now. Wait, the whole... Don't drink the whole thing. Yes. No, Nick! I don't want my... Stop. I need you to sign out this form really quick. It's called a liability form. No, he's just going to the bathroom. Stop. What are you...

Yeah, I agree with your wife. We'll do a shot. Do not. Don't do a shot. Wait, is that the nice one? I don't know. Wait, is that the nice one? No, I put it up on the shelf. Okay, I was like, wait. It's what I had a shot of earlier. We'll do a shot of the nice one. Yeah, we'll do a shot of the nice one. No, he's claiming he'll chug the remainder of that. I don't want you to die. And don't do that. Your wife is saying to not do that.

You're one of those drunks. It's true. I have three of those friends. You have different categories of drunk. His wife right now is being sweet. She's like, he pees in random places. No, no. This is going to be a thing in here now that's going to be revealed to the fucking world here. A week and a half ago, so I peed in a towel warmer.

So you know how you can get those... Hold on, hold on, hold on, stop. What's it...

Okay. How much money are you making on the History of Everything podcast? I don't even have a towel warmer, let alone an abundance of towel warmers that I feel comfortable pissing on. Not as much as you. I can promise you fucking that. I can definitely promise you here. So the towel warmer, it's literally just a metal tube that you throw a towel in, hit the button, it warms it to like a toasty temperature. Not hot, but like a toasty temperature that when you step out of the shower in the middle of winter and it's freezing in your bathroom, you get to put a nice toasty towel around you. That's awesome.

It is. It is nice. That sounds like white people. That was his idea, right? No, it was not my idea. Don't you fucking dare say that. It was yours, and you got it as a Christmas present from a friend. I didn't even buy it. It's just she was talking about wanting it, and a friend bought it for her as a Christmas present. That's what it was, and I peed in it.

Into it? Into it. I didn't even know. Here's the thing. I guess- It's usually how it goes with alcohol. See, thing is- So, here's the thing. We- Tell him properly. We've been drinking over the course of that night. Here, don't- Okay, fine.

This is his white wife. Yes, my white wife. This is my cousin. This is my cousin from Kentucky. Allow me to introduce her. Yes, hello. No, okay. So I wake up and I'm like, why is my towel warmer uncovered? It's uncovered and it's on the ground. Like everything's on the ground. It doesn't smell like asparagus. No, literally. So he wakes up and I'm like, hey, what did you do to my towel warmer?

And he's like, I didn't do anything. The cat must have hit it. So I'm like, okay, whatever. Sure, the cat hit it. I'm thinking it's a fucking ghost. So I pick up the lid to put it on and I look in there and I'm like, did the cat pee in the... I mean, it is a big towel warmer and there is so much fucking pee in here. I don't remember doing it. That's the thing. And I didn't black out when I went to bed. Like, I was fully conscious of everything. I remember all the details. But apparently at some point in the night, I woke up, went into the bathroom and peed in the towel warmer.

Good. I love my friends that do. Dude, oh my god. Oh, fuck. One of my favorite military stories. Well, I'm saying names. Pete, he did the same thing. Always the best way to start out a story. Yeah, he would just piss...

When he got drunk, he would piss. So he was pissing and Garrosek was laying on the floor. Garrosek's asleep. We're all shit wrecked. Garrosek just passed out. And he just feels water in his face. No! We'll call him Alphabet. You already know. Alphabet's just standing there pissing. And then he just stops and lays back down on the couch. And Garrosek's like, what the fuck? Alphabet. He's shit wrecked. He doesn't... Next day...

We had to explain what happened in the middle of the night. I was like, ah, infantry dudes. This is where we are. God bless your soul. Oh my God. Anyways, the battle... No, I wasn't even drunk. No, that's the thing.

How was the bat bomb a failure? Because I disagree that it was radically successful. No, no, no. Here's the thing. It worked from all practical tests. Yes. It did not actually work when they tried to utilize. I don't think they ever utilized it. No, that's the thing. That's why, because the program got shut down before. Oh, okay. So we're on the same page. I thought you were saying it didn't work. I was like, no, it's highly effective. We just decided not to. It worked in all the practical tests. It's just in the end, they didn't actually use it. Do you know the official reason why they never actually used it?

God, I can't remember. I covered this like three years ago. I don't remember. They didn't have enough time to round up enough fucking bats before they were going to finish the atomic bomb was the reason that they abandoned the project. They're like, by the time we breed three million Mexican dovetailed bats, they'll have finished the atomic bomb and we won't need them. Oh, I'm sure we lose the cost of atomic bomb.

In 1945. What was it? $300. $4... $20 million. Okay, so they spent $2 billion on the project in 1945 as a whole, which is the equivalent of $30 billion in 2023. Like, that was the atomic bombing that cost in here. If I recall correctly, they only spent a couple million dollars on the Bat Program. Ooh! Ooh! Eli! I'm a ghost.

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Right now, GhostBed is offering 50% off all their products. Just use code UNSUBSCRIBE at checkout or go to ghostbed.com slash unsubscribe. Please buy some ghostbed.com slash unsubscribe. I'll be under your bed if you need me. Do you know the story about how the bat program got continued? Wait, what do you mean continued? Like into Vietnam? They almost canceled it the first time.

And then it got pressed into actually becoming a finished product that they ended up abandoning because they couldn't get enough bats. Yeah, sounds like military. After the first test. Because it worked, but they killed the bats that they used the first time. Right, but they tried to abandon it. They were like, fuck, now we got a billion bats and we don't know what to do with them. I tracked down the actual, I tracked down a book. Oh, we're fucking doing this. We're fucking going hard. Okay. Oh, you need to wait? It's okay. No, grab Steven another one. He'll deal with us.

Yeah, no, he's immune to alcohol. Cheers. And then we tap it and then we shoot it. Before y'all did that, I had already drank the other one of those. That is some of the best we've done. They were going to have the very first test of it. Show thank you. This was an army project at the time.

So the army was heading up this project and they were going to have the test of it. They did the test. It ended up almost burning down the entire airfield. Yes, because it wasn't just the airfield. It's like specifically where they were located. The barracks and everything. Where they were stored. Everything got lit on fire. Like San Diego? No, they were like out in the fucking desert. So like there was nowhere for the bats to roost. Except for the...

Buildings that they had built for their operation. The very wooden buildings. So they like burned down the entire airfield and the army is like, well, this doesn't fucking work. And there was one Marine Corps general that showed up because he thought it would be funny and wanted to see it. And that one Marine Corps general was like, what the fuck do you guys mean? This isn't working. That worked exactly how it was supposed to. It was a working demonstration. You guys are just dipshit. It didn't work.

So then the Marine Corps general took it up and the Marines ended up finishing the program because the army didn't want to anymore. Damn, these bats that we trained to burn shit down burned all our shit down. Their estimation.

Their estimation is that a bat bomb was going to be 20 times more effective than an incendiary bomb. Yes. And the incendiary bombs were more effective than the atomic bomb. Correct. So like by all accounts, America had an even superior super weapon that we could have deployed on Japan that was way more effective than the atomic bombs. But we didn't. Shouts out Dresden. What's up? But there's a beautiful reason as to why. So.

So we think of fighting fire, you think of fighting fire with water, right? You douse it, that's what you would do. The beautiful reality of why this would have worked so much more effectively in comparison to a standard incendiary bomb is that the best way to fight a fire is to create breakages in the fire's path in order to stop it, like you don't give it fuel. So when a firebomb hits an area, it hits a concentrated area, and then from there it spreads out. So if you can destroy enough of the area surrounding it, it will have nowhere to spread. It nullifies it.

But the Bat Bomb...

The bats spread out throughout the entire city. And so when the fuses go off, every single place around the entire city will go off at the same time, meaning it will be a conflagration that blows out instantaneously. They all blow off at once and you have a thousand fires all over the city. Then you have a thousand fires that you can't create any breakages. Well, it was literally this week I learned how carrier pigeons work because Olga? Yeah.

Yeah, Olga of Kiev. Yeah, Olga of Kiev. No, she's Sparrows, according to the legends. But it is, I didn't realize it was the idea. Like, hey, you go to the place, you grab the pigeons from where they're located at, then you move them. When you let them go, they fly back home. Home. Yeah. That's a name. Homing pigeons. Yes. I did not know that. I was like, wait, how the fuck do they send messages like this? And you'd have a dude that lived in that city, grab that bird, walk all the way back. It wasn't just homing. They would use pyrotechnics.

pairs so they would typically use mates so they would always fly to each other that was the whole point so the boy pigeon knew where to tell the girl pigeon to fucking go no that's why you used pairs is you used mated pairs because they would mate and then they would they would search each other out and just fucking burn down cities here you go

You're proud of that one. That was a good one. No, that wasn't pride. That was, ah, I'm going to get canceled.

It's a good thing that 97.9% of my audience are all men. And the other women that watch it are married to men that think I'm funny. So it should be okay. We've met them. They were cool people. Shouts out. Unsub Live Tours coming soon. November. My favorite part about meeting a fan in public is when he's with a significant other.

And I like, I say hi to him. He's all excited. And then the wife is there. I'm like, Oh, hi, how are you? And they're like, yeah, I watch your stuff too. And I go, no, you don't. Do you actually watch my stuff? Or do you just tolerate hearing my voice in the background as your husband laughs? And they just go,

yeah yeah it's on the living room also there's a lot of women that don't recognize me when their husband freak out and then i start talking to their husband and then they know who i am because they've never watched the videos oh my god that guy fuck him see that happens for a lot of things where people don't recognize because i look like a lot of standard white guys that's the thing

You are a very standard white guy. I do. I am a standard white guy. My wife has actually referred to me as standard white guy trademark. That is what it's referred to. You are a default skin. I'm Annie game. It's like number two. I have a fairly distinct voice. So what ends up happening is that we'd be in public and someone would look at me, kind of question themselves, and then move beyond. Then they would hear me speak and that's when the double take would happen.

Because otherwise, there's nothing else they would recognize. He looks like that one white guy I know. Yeah, oh, he's like that one. Yeah, it could be literally anyone. Let's just go pick it from a bucket, because I'm sure there's gonna be a dozen more. That one white guy that's had f***ing shit all over his shirt the entire time. Oh, he's f***ing done! Oh, he has remained undefeated. The fat electrician!

15 and 0! I've been wearing this shirt since 3:30 in the morning. I firmly believe there's probably some kind of stain or something on this shirt. He just shoots you. Blood splatters my face. Seriously, there's a cum right there. I didn't even look down. I'm looking right here and you just pulled up anyway. Trout's just like, "Ugh!" I can do it. I can do it too. He does that. My favorite was...

No, oh, oh, Windigoon. Definitely my favorite. Definitely not my favorite. My favorite wasn't even caught on camera. I think I've told this story before. Which one? When I tried to do it to Chuck Liddell. Oh, that's dangerous. I met Chuck. I knew I was going to meet Chuck the first time I met Chuck. And I was like, I'm going to fucking do it. I told myself I was going to. I chickened out.

I told myself I was going to do it the second time because I met Chuck and drank with him and he's really nice and he's super cool. And I was like, I'm going to do it. I chickened out again. And then the third time I met Chuck Liddell and I'm like, fuck it, I'm going to do it. And I go up to Chuck Liddell, the ice man that I grew up watching as a middle schooler just put people in coffins for a job. Like, I thought this was the baddest man on the fucking planet. Punch people in the face. And like, just watching him on Excience commercials and Spike TV. Yeah.

And I walk up to Chuck Liddell and I go, Chuck, you got shit all over your shirt, bro. And Chuck deadpan looks me in the eyes and goes, no, I don't. I do that dumb shit to people. And I immediately went, I believe you. And he goes, he goes, here, watch this. Turns around and then does it to somebody right in front of me. It was the fucking best experience I've ever had in my life.

It's one of, like, literally one of my core memories. One of the favorite things ever happened to me ever. I don't know. Wendigoog dog. Wendigoog gives you like this. And I was like, no, like, you're being for real. They're shit. And then Wendigoog's like this. Your mic's been off the whole time. And then we are, this is, there's, it's a six or a five person episode. So it's everyone there. And Wendigoog finally looks down. Yeah.

Just make hits him. And then the crowd of we've been bullying, talking shit, drunkish. And then we're like, just immature boys. Yeah. I'm going to be the best one caught on camera is probably you to be fair. Oh, the first one was good, dude. I just like your reaction though. When you're like,

I got third grade. It's the funniest fucking reaction I've ever gotten. And then randomly the light falls and hits you. Dude, we had this at the old place. There was a light on a stand. He does that. And then like 10 minutes later, the light goes, what? I'm like, fuck you. I was like, you've never got me. Huh? You've never got me. You've attempted twice. Give it a second. No. Go on.

You touch your fingers to my chest all the time and I just stare and I make eye contact with the camera The trout doesn't want to take the bait Yeah, he won't give me a joke I can tell yeah, okay. I'm segway. I'm gonna get it. No. It's gonna get I'm gonna like we're gonna do like a scientific experiment with conditioning I'm gonna I'm gonna get it

Just give it time. Yeah. No, I'm going to sneak Viagra into your drinks from now on. And I'm going to time it when I know it's going to affect. And then I'm going to touch your chest and then you're going to think you're into it.

after i touch your chest and then we're gonna condition you to be able to do it no he's gonna wait until after a night of drinking and eating and then just start putting like hot sauce and mustard and just like actually putting shit on there so there is something to look down at and then get him he's just gonna punch him in the stomach he's gonna be like oh look down uppercuts his nose but got him fuck you

Trout's going to happen. He's going to get you. We're trying to main character the camera right now. Stop it. No, I was just having a conversation. Chase, don't cut to that shot. I was just having a conversation with the audience. The camera now just ignores Trout. What a weird thing to say that they just said. So speaking of segues,

You used to be like big on like medieval history and then now you've moved into like modern history? No, I do literally everything. Post-evil history, if you will. So here's the joke here. Literally everything. So this is the problem in that every time I create something so that it's going to sound a little like a fucking story for how this all started out. So the History of Everything podcast, right?

I started the podcast specifically because people, yes, you have. It was a very fun episode where we talked about stupid military shit that have happened, dumb guns and things that were invented. You're the one that set this up. Yeah. Thank you. I was like, did Joe do this? I always, I never know the guest links because they're like months in advance. And I'm like, me and you came up on TikTok. Because it was us on TikTok. Like within six months of each other, I think we both blew up on TikTok. Pretty much, yes. I think there was like overlap of like, people thought we were the same person for a half a second. There was weirdly enough. White guys with beards. Yeah.

But whatever. We're in the same vein. Yeah. Because a lot of the stuff that I would do is dumb events in history, dumb inventions in history. And I would go into a lot of military tech that didn't pan out. And that would go right hand in hand with stuff that this guy was covering. So it would be very common. And so I started the History of Everything podcast because people were wanting long-form content of what I created. So I started making that. And the whole point with the History of Everything is that I literally cover the history of everything because I have no specialization.

So if someone, like this is the thing that I tell people all the time, that if you want to launch into a debate with me specifically about 18th century French politics or some shit,

I will be able to talk to you about it, but I will lose to a person that is trying to debate me on it that that is their specialization for. Easily, of course. Because my thing is that I cover literally everything. The first episode we ever did is the history of potatoes. Which, the audio quality of that, I'm saying for anyone who goes and listens to it right now, is f***ing shit. Because I was using a Yeti mic that was bought secondhand.

And it had an echo problem. It was really bad. But I used that, and the joke is it's from potatoes to crusades. Literally anything and everything, because everything has a story. So I would go into all the weird history of all these little details. Military animals, potatoes, which, by the way, on that note for it here, did you know that potatoes, people believed, cause a disease called scrofula? Joe, did you know that? Tell me more. I didn't know that.

Okay, do you know what scrofula is in the first place? Scrofula is tuberculosis. It is the same bacteria that causes tuberculosis, except when you get the infection in a place outside of your lungs.

So, exactly. People think tuberculosis is just the lungs. Strafula is when you get that same bacterial infection, but like the arms or the face or the groin or some shit. Wait, what the fuck does that do then? It will literally rot you. It will kill you. Gross. So it's way worse than tuberculosis.

No, tuberculosis in the lungs is the most deadly. Easily. But the problem is, it propagates, you will survive a lot longer suffering with scrofula. So the thing is, they believed that potatoes in the early days caused this disease. And the only way to cure it was to be touched by a member of the royal family. God, I love old science is my favorite. I'm not kidding. So there would be a ceremony called the King's Touch.

Where the king of a respective country, and this was very common in France and England, the king had a medallion called a, I shit you not, this is the actual name, a touch piece. That's what my uncle called it. Yeah, there you go. And upon their coronation, there would be a ceremony where they would take this touch piece and they would touch the peasantry.

While prayers are being recited over them. And that whole thing was supposed to cure the peasants of Scrifula. Because that was the belief. That is that by touching them, you would believe this. Or that you'd be cured. So going into the 1700s, I can't remember the exact name of the king who it was. But it was in England. It was like one of the last examples. And I can't remember the exact king who it was. But at his coronation, and for anyone who's watching this right now, they can look it up.

He, when asked if he was going to perform it, he said yes, did it, and then wished upon the crowd that had gathered after praying over them and said, may God give you better health and better sense. Like, tell them that they're a bunch of superstitious ass peasants and they need to grow the fuck up. I shit you not. That is the exact- Dude, all kings just don't give a fuck. So-

That's one of the big stories. To this day, it's my favorite episode that I ever created. But the story of it, with everything, is that the history of everything is literally everything. Potatoes, crusades, modern geopolitics, whatever it is, it has a story. And that's what I talk about. Isn't that the worst? Because me and you have very similar backgrounds. Well, no, it sucks because there's a lot of videos that I did and it's like...

Man, that's a fucking 45 minute hilarious video. Good thing I covered it early on in my career in three minutes with horrible fucking audio and video quality.

Exactly. Glad about that. I'm sure you have the same feeling. The amount of comments that I also get to talk about, it's like, man, this guy, this is an interesting subject. Um, the amount of times that he says this could be an entire video in and of itself is getting annoying. And I'm like, yes, because every fucking time I talk about something, it could spawn eight other videos because we could talk about anything else. That's the problem with the history of everything. You could cover everything, but it's super interesting. Like go, I will say going through yours, uh,

I was like, well, okay, this is a harder one to take notes on. Where do we start? I was like, I'll just do rough notes on this one. I'll listen to a handful of episodes and then we'll go from there. Hey, this piques my interest. Nick, this will pique his interest. Mm-hmm.

- God, I was not thinking of you being in this episode until this morning. - Hey, I'm here. - And Vic sent me a text and was like, "Hey, you wanna be in this episode?" I was like, "That's a great idea." - I feel like you started on medieval history.

To a degree. I want to talk about crossbows. To a degree. That's why I'm trying to get him into medieval history. Okay, I can. What subject? What are we talking about? Genoese? Pavise? Are we going into the bands? Are we going into the people and relations with them? What are we talking about? I'm doing a video. Are we talking about Chinese? No. No. Europe. European. Only solely European. Okay, are we talking about the Bible study? Imagine you.

That history. Two people are talking at me right now. Okay. Are we talking Genoese and the Italian ones? Are we talking the later Roman ones that were used by house guards? No, English ones. European, England. Okay. Everyone knows. I'm drowning. All right. So many words. Crossbows. So death of Richard the Lionheart. No. Okay. There. Got it. We've locked in.

There are so many people talking right now. Okay, this is the whole point. When you cover everything, you gotta go, okay, we're gonna need to gradually shorten this down until we have a frame to work with because you could literally talk about anything and everything. No, but that's, like, this is the category of...

Like your shorts that introduced me to you. It was like, like I would, I would be scrolling through my shorts and I would see something about, you know, Knight's armor and you would be like, Hey, listen, here's this thing. Blah, blah, blah, blah. And I'm like, oh, all right, cool. Yes. And so now we're, we're honed in on that. Richard the Lionheart. Yes. We're talking 1200 AD. Yes. Yes. Okay. Go on.

Okay, specifically about his death, about how he was killed by a peasant who he promised who would get his... I'm doing a video about snipers, and this is the first sniper kill in history is the angle I'm going with. Wait, who the fuck... Okay. I am now the audience learning something. I'm going to stress something here from the very beginning. Richard the Lionheart is one of the most famous kings of England. Like, this is the guy that if you've ever seen... This is going to sound dumb. This is going to be a fucking flashbang for anyone who remembers this. How many people remember the animated...

Robin Hood, where it's a fox. He was the lion. I thought you were going to say A Knight's Tale with Heath Ledger. No. That's what it's based off of. The animated Robin Hood, where he is a fox in that shit. Okay, so in this point, you have King John, who is taxing people, while Richard the Lionheart is off in the Holy Land, who is the big hero of this whole story. And throughout a lot of English history, Richard the Lionheart is the hero, while his brother John was trying to usurp the throne and all the stuff at home. When brother John was trying to...

Take care of the country. And also the reason he was taxing people was because he was trying to raise money to pay for his brother's ransom because his fucking brother decided to insult the Duke of Austria while in the Holy land, get his ass captured and then held for ransom until he could get released because he

Hold context behind the story for why this happens in here. This is how clocks were made. This is the bullshit that happens. They're in the Holy Land, right? They're laying siege to a castle. And when they're doing this, Richard the Lionheart shows up with his forces, takes command of the entire thing, and...

leads the attack on it. The Duke of Austria had already been leading an attack in it for the entire time in here, fighting off or fighting to take this castle in the first place. When they take the castle, they start planting their flags on it for the big thing for victory. And they all plant their flags. The Duke of Austria plants his flag and Richard basically goes up to this and goes, "What the is this shit?" Takes it, throws it away and goes, "You're not a king."

You don't get to be with us here in the big boys, which as you can imagine, royally pisses off a noble. So by the time that Richard is on his way back from the Holy land, he ends up getting his ass captured and gets placed with the Austrians where they're being held. And this same count or Duke who got his, you know, horribly embarrassed at that time in the Holy land was like, ah, yeah, you're my prisoner now, bitch.

and holds him for ransom until he can get paid. So when King John, the evil king, is taxing all the peasantry, it's to raise money in order to pay for his brother's ransom to get him back. That's the context of that story in the first place. They get back, and here's the thing, Richard the Lionheart, most popular king, or one of the most popular kings throughout all of English history, fucking hated England.

Hated it. How so? He spent over 90% of all of his life, not in England, but in France. That is what he loved. He spoke French. That was his primary language. He specifically wanted to live in France. And he is quoted as saying if he could sell the English crown, he would. Yeah.

Yes, that was how royal families worked back then. Yes, so he specifically, he would rather be a duke in France than a king of England. So a lower rank. He would much rather do it. So he spent all of his time fighting in France over the territories that he believed that he should rightfully control because the English and the French fucking hated each other throughout all of history. And while he was besieging a castle in France, he gets flogged.

Sniped by a crossbowman who, as it turns out, according to the stories, was a kid who was just up on the battlements and managed to hit him with a crossbow. Based.

Richard, that's according to the stories. No, I understand. I'm growling at what Nick said. There's a lot of things here. He called forth, he told his commanders that were leading the army, he was dying, because at first it was going okay, but it was going septic. He calls forth to that child who had hit him and said, please come to the camp. I promise you your safety, and told his commanders...

You will do no harm to this child. He has done a great honor in taking out a great enemy. And that was his final wish as he lay dying was that he gave a pouch of gold to this kid for killing him. That it was an amazing thing that he managed to do.

Do you know what the actions were from its commanders as soon as the king died? Killed him. They fucking flayed the kid alive. Oh, base, base, base, base, base, base. They skinned him alive, basically. That sounds about right. Suck dick, dude. And yes, as you can imagine from the whole point of this long-winded story is that he did that with a crossbow because that was what was all over France at the time. How far was this shot?

I don't know. So it was as he was, if I recall correctly, he was checking on the sappers. So the way that you would take down walls at the time is that you would dig underneath them because walls were secure. So it took a long time to do, but you would dig a trench line leading up to the castle wall, and then you'd have a mine shaft that would go underneath the wall. You would then use post beams supported underneath the wall that you would...

put a bunch of hay and other stuff in there, light it on fire, and then as that conflagration would take hold, it would cause all the beams to simultaneously collapse, the loss of that support of which would lead the entire wall to collapse in one go. And that was how you created a breach that allowed you to storm a castle wall. I love that sappers are still used into this. Yes. So he was investigating the front lines when he got sniped. Could you imagine how long Lord of the Rings...

the two towers would have taken if they had used that method instead of one asshole orc with a sparkler. Or, hypothetically, you build a beautifully ornate horse and you give it as a gift to your enemy and I can use the bathroom. I'll be back. Get it. Get it. You hide a lot of your friends inside of this beautifully ornate horse.

And you give it to them as a gift. Is that what I sound like when I talk about World War II? No. Oh, okay. Oh, yes. Listen. Horse. Horse.

Which is also really crazy that worked. Trojan horse in general. That is like, you're like, ooga booga. They leave horse. It's one of those things that says, oh, thank you for the gift. I would be like, we're shooting it and then blowing it. And then everyone's like,

imagine that is your commander pitching you this idea to get in a fucking wooden horse and be like, bro, they're going to let you in. That's the funniest thing about history is like, you're just reading it. It's like, how did they not see this coming? You're like, oh, this is the first time it ever happened. Like, this is the OG idea. Like, this horse snores. It's like, it's like reading,

This horse farts and burps. If you read the art of war, you're like, this is the most generic, stupid, obvious shit on the planet. You're like, what if we attack the enemies when they weren't expecting it? Fucking, what do you guys think? This was revolutionary at the time. Make sure in the enemy eye they not see it coming. Unprecedented.

Oh yeah, and also send your own spy and send them in. They poison people, you know? If at all possible, try to attack the enemy when they can't see. Wow. Ground breaking. Oh, if you're in a trench, you win every time, you know? It's like...

I'm gonna take these notes. This is a book, okay? He's like, what if you just kill the other guy? Oh yeah, that's a good note. Okay, you kill other guy, you win. Okay, next one. Wow, thank you. They're just pitching ideas. He was just the first guy to write that shit down. If anybody...

Unsub's about to start a B channel. The Unsub Side Projects. We're going to have the entire audio book of Eli reading The Art of War in that voice. In that voice? I'll do a Chinese voice. He said Chinese voice. Okay, you know. But no, I wanted... I like the...

I just did like an hour and a half long video on Carlos Hathcock. And I kind of like talked a little bit about the initial like crossbow being the OG sniper. Yeah. Why that kind of got brought up. Oh, it was common. The whole thing with the Genoese. So here's the funny thing when it came to the crossbow and how it was used. So within the Italian city States, it was one of those common things to have crossbow men that that was the defensive guard. That is what was utilized as one of the primary mercenary forces. Genoese, Genoese,

Piessen, Milanese, these cross women were one of the most common mercenaries that you could possibly have and they were high quality because they were used for city defenses. The problem was is that theoretically they weren't actually legally allowed to leave the city to fight for another country. It had to be negotiated by the city itself in order to allow it. These men were trained almost in the same way that you would have for, um,

English longbowmen. But it's a fucking lot easier to train people to crossbow than anything else. So they were constantly used in so many foreign conflicts and wars that they were elites, basically. I don't have to wait for the anatomy of their bone density to change for them to be able to draw the crossbow. No, that's what a witch is for. You just fucking pedal it until you be able to turn it.

chronologically would have been what like the 14 ish hundreds technically yes but you're talking about a period largely where it's used from the 1100s is one of those common going all the way into the 1400s yes okay so because past that point you have the era yes because past that point you have different groups of italian mercenaries called the condottiere

And the condottiere, they are the ones that would be used to compete with, like, you have the varying different Swiss mercenaries. You have the landsnacks that would appear later. It's that period. Careful. That's a slur.

Jesus Christ. Chase, bleep that. Don't. Keep it in, Chase. Good. We just keep everything Trout says. He's like, take it out. Chase, keep it in. He's like, no! Do you know who Carlos Hathcock is? Off the top of my head? No. The famous Marine sniper with like 93 confirmed kills. Oh, yes, yes. I do, yes. So, like, you know how he always has like that legendary story of shooting through a scope? Mm-hmm. Nobody's ever been able to redo it, including Mythbusters.

I redid it. Yeah. I got it in like a hundred thousand frames per second. We shot, we shot straight through, uh, me pew view and, uh, high, uh, ballistic high speed shot straight through a Mosin Nagant scope with a Winchester model 70, 30 out six round caught it in a hundred and a hundred thousand frames per second. It was fucking awesome.

That's nice. That is really nice. When's that getting uploaded and where's that? I think either tomorrow or Friday. So August 15th or 16th. So probably before this gets out for sure. Three weeks ago. Three weeks ago. Still dope as fuck. Because it is. You sent that video. It was like...

I don't know why we still say it in the group chat. We're like, don't show. Yeah. We're like, don't send this. We're like, we've ever uploaded each other's content. We're still just okay. Here's the high speed footage though. It looks fucking gangster. It blew like all the internals of the scope into the dude's brain.

Like, we ripped it apart, and there was, like... Did you use, like, one of the ballistic heads and everything? Yeah, we used a ballistic dummy with an actual Mosin-Nagant scope, and, like, we pulled out a handful of just metal shards and a bullet that were in this guy's brain after the fact. It's like, yep, that's possible. God, the Chinese don't even need to do anything with their sniper. Just fucking shoot through scopes. It's that simple. Create your own grenade. Super simple. Oh, yeah.

This story I've never been able to tell as good, and we've discussed it a couple times, but I know you did a piece on that. I want you to explain it to the audience. It is the Mongol Empire going against the Russians when they first invaded Russia and how they fucked. Like, Russia was just like, what the fuck?

Just happened. And then how much PTSD it cost for a long period of time. For the invasion of the Kievan Rus. Okay, so here's the thing. Before Russia was ever Russia in the first place, it was divided into a number of different principalities. These are the Kievan Rus peoples. The majority of which the leadership is actually based off of Scandinavian origin. So it was the Vikings, specifically the Swedes, who had come in and had largely taken over large regions of the Slavic territories and then taken control, creating their own little principalities.

So you technically speaking had a Grand Prince of Kiev and the whole thing was a loose federation where you had all these varying different principalities that technically owed allegiance to the Grand Prince, but for all intents and purposes, they were basically independent kingdoms.

The Mongols roll in after their conquest, and they sweep across the steppe. The thing about the principalities is that they never had to deal with any kind of actual threat from the east, because who the fuck would go through Siberia? No one would ever do anything like that. But the greatest problem that armies had to face at that time was logistics, and with the Mongols...

They didn't have to fucking worry about that because all of their supplies they just took with them because they could live off of horses. It was the standard for a Mongol warrior that you were able to live off of mare's blood and milk.

So they would actually get a large part of sustenance on the march, specifically from the blood and milk of the horses upon which they rode. No wonder Demomath's so jacked. Yeah. It's mare's blood and horse milk. Yes. And not only that, people think, okay, so you're going to bleed your horse for sustenance. That's going to weaken it over time. Yes. But each Mongol warrior was expected to have at least three spare mounts.

And at least there were many that would have a dozen. So you're talking about you have a horde of 10,000 warriors leading with them like 100,000 horses. Sorry, I'm going to sidetrack you, but does this have anything to do with the origins of the mythology of vampires? Because it sounds like it might. No, that's a whole thing with Transylvania. Sorry, I just heard blood-sucking horses. The horse into your house. No.

Completely different story. So they would subsist off of it because they would raid pillage. And the problem was, is that no one could use burnt or scorched earth tactics against them because they moved so fast that they would reach a place before they had a chance to actually burn supplies. So they would take whatever it is that they wanted in the first place. You couldn't really scorch earth against them. So the Mongols move in and the tactic that they simply had was basically surrender to us.

Or not only will you die, the land itself dies. That they would burn every single thing to the ground. This is where salt... Like, we... Like, salt... That is where that statement came from. They're like, we're fucking... No, that came from the Romans. And that came from the Romans because the fall of Carthage, the quote from Scipio Africanus, the conqueror of Africa, was that they would salt the earth so that...

Carthage would never rise again. No shit. So Carthage, like Northern Tunis, this was a very fertile region in the first place. They salted the earth so that a rival could never pop up there again.

Because that was for almost the entirety of Rome's history until the rise of the Parthians and other peoples to the east. There was never a challenger like Carthage in Roman history. And they guaranteed that wouldn't happen by destroying the possibility of any rival in the land that they took. Nick, thank you for this. Yeah, I told you. Thank you.

Thank you. So that's where that comes from. I pick good podcasters. So the Mongols move in, and because of how fast they move, they conquer everything. The nobles end up rallying under specific leaders because the way that they work is they rule under boyars. Boyars being the equivalent of a knight, count, duke, etc. It's a local lord that is the one that controls the serfs, and they lead forces into battle, whatever.

It's generally pretty small armies, but led by these local elite retinues. They don't have a strong mercenary or middle class or anyone that can actually stand up to them in comparison to what you typically see in places like England or others. So the boyars go in and they attack the Mongol encampment. The Mongols initially retreat and then the boyars...

Yeah, I love this. Greedy little fucks that they are decide, hey, these Mongols have been looting and pillaging and burning and taking everything for this entire duration, so their camp is absolutely stacked with loot. We're going to start taking stuff from it because now it's all these riches that we're going to be able to enrich ourselves with. Mongols double back, encircle them, do a counterattack, wipe out the entirety of the Boyar elite.

And at that point, it breaks pretty much all resistance. This is their entire military. Basically, their entire military from here. They can rally around several other princes that try to raise forces in here, but they don't have an actual strong class of warrior to draw from besides the boyars. The greatest strength, defensive strength that they ever had was the fucking environment. And the Mongols just completely skip past that in the first place because it doesn't matter for them. And they start conquering everything.

They burn every single... So they go to Kyiv and they burn it to the ground. They burn every single city that they come across if they don't immediately surrender.

And the whole point is if they surrender, the local elites are allowed to stay in charge. They're allowed to keep their local customs. The only thing that they have to do is they have to pay a tax basically to the Mongols and also give them men for their armies. Literally worship whatever god you want. Do you? Because Genghis Khan as his is like, I just want every god or anyone to...

be happy with what I'm doing. Correct. So they do all that and they just move on and on and on and on. It gets to a point that they've conquered pretty much the entirety of Kievan Rus and then something happens. And this is what always ends up happening, ends up stopping the Mongols. The Khan dies.

So the problem is, is that when the great Khan dies, they have a, I can't remember the exact name. It's like a cool tie. It's something along those lines where it's essentially a semi-democratic process where the great war leaders. Semi-democratic where the toughest guy gets to rule next. Pretty much. Pretty much.

And female in this time, which is crazy, is female had a lot of power. They did. A lot of fucking power. So they would all go back to Karkurum, which that would be the one permanent settlement established in Mongolia. And from there, they would vote for who is going to be the next Khan if a heir had not already been designated. And so this means that the majority of forces were left Karkurum.

And the Khanate, the Great Khan Empire, then splits into multiple parts, where you have what ends up controlling large parts of Eastern Europe there at that point is the Golden Horde, under a descendant of Genghis Khan. And for the next hundred odd years, the Golden Horde is essentially the kingpin of the entire region of just steppe nomads living around northern Crimea, going into Ukraine and others that are, if you...

"Don't f*cking pay us, we're gonna come in and burn all your shit to the ground." Until under Muscovy, which, recognize the name? Muscovy? Moscow? The Grand Prince of Muscovy ends up uniting all the varying peoples, and then is able to take the fight to the steppe nomads and drive out the Golden Horde. And from there, that is what establishes the state of Muscovy that would eventually form Russia.

I love this shit. I'm so happy right now. I'm so happy. That's the phrase step nomad. Yeah. Step nomads. We're bending everyone over and fucking them right in the rear. Yes. Step nomad is now a new shirt. We're definitely doing that. You do that on my channel. I'm going to have a shirt that says step revolutionary.

So that is how that whole thing went down. What are you doing, step rebel? I just love that that was what was going on between the Mongolians and Russians for thousands of years. Yep. And then Western Europe. Oh, it wasn't even thousands of years. It was just a period of a couple hundred years because the Mongols swept out of the East, almost basically unchallenged, and they reached all the way going down into the Middle East until the Battle of...

Ayn Jalut. That was the battle. It was the battle of Ayn Jalut in which the Mamluks of Egypt... The Mamluks? Does your wife know you're autistic? Yes. Okay. My wife fully acknowledges and knows that I'm autistic as fuck. Speaking of which... You know what we need to get? Learning.

Have you watched any Minions subs, have you? Clips. Okay, so you don't know about this. So we have our own superhero group called the Offenders, similar to the Justice League or the Avengers. Here's the deal. You get to pick your superpower. Don't tell me. We get to pick the offset. So for example, Eli. I am crime cook.

I can travel at the speed of the flash. I just can't interact with any object for five minutes after I've... He exits super speed. Cody! Cody has my favorite because Cody, he has the power of flight.

As long as he's yelling racial slurs. I have Professor Magneto, but it's only for the 15 to 30 seconds after I come, so I'm like post-nut clarity man. Xavier. I have the power where I can travel through time and space and switch places with anyone or anything, but

but every other time I take the place of a sex toy. So we need you. And I do agree with the amazing community out there. Got a drink. Community. A community. That, uh,

We can start at, there's too many powers and like people can just say one. We just get a new offset. Yeah. I like that. Pick any power. Okay. It's going to sound fucking dumb in here, but one of the things that I've been called as an insult in the past is a Wikipedia historian. Okay. So I, I would say, and if I can provide a little bit of an impetus here for the offset of this is that I would have basic knowledge of every single thing on earth and

But even in regards to modern events or anything when it happens, it's almost like a 2020 site. It has to be with... I don't get that knowledge until 24 hours after it actually happens. So I wouldn't be able to help if something has happened instantaneously. Hold on. So what's the superpower? All the knowledge. No, you guys understood. So you pick a power. A power. Just a random thing for it to actually be a power. We pick the option. Okay. All right. Any superpower you would like.

You said the knowledge of anything in the world. Yes, literally knowledge of anything in the world. Almost like telepathy of like as something is happening or something that has happened, I can sense and read it. You're like the smartest human in... I can sense it. I can read it. I can understand it. Just knowledge of history? No, no. Literally anything as it's happening. Think of like Charles Xavier where it's like almost the whole thing with telepathy where it's like he is able to... But yours is knowledge. Like anything written down or that's happening. I can literally sense, know, and understand anything. Okay, I like that.

Okay. At all times? At all times. Like, as it is happening, like, I could sense that something is happening and be able to read it. It's like a thing with telepathy.

It's in braille. It starts popping up as a rash on my body and I just have to touch myself. I have to just be touching myself until I read it. I was gonna go way more aggressive. Let me hear yours. I was gonna say that you're incorrect exactly 50% of the time and you blame the wrong... Wait, turn your mic. There you go. Sorry, let me fiddle with these. Oh my god, no, you have it.

No, no, you have to 80% of the time. It is right. Oh, mine was getting worse. I know, but I like it where everyone trusts him that much more and tell he's wrong. Cause then it's way worse when it is at 80, 90% where they're like,

Ah, man, he's like a really good superhero, but that 10% really fucking sucks. Yeah, exactly. Fuck! For the telepathy, like, I can read someone's mind and it ends up being something completely different. Like, it was a false memory of a dream they had rather than their actual thought. I was gonna say you were 80% correct. Like, you were 80% correct.

correct but never mind i'm not gonna say no here you go jace cut it no no i'm not gonna i'm not gonna finish do it we'll finish that foot no i'm not no if he's helping us he's like well this guy's this this this no and then there's that one piece of information that is very wrong you don't understand you don't know where to trust him you're like from you just want like us as a group

Where do we trust him? From videos between my wife and I here, right? One of the big things that got us big in the first place was her asking me questions. The amount of times that we were accused of like setting up something of her just asking something and it's like, oh, I already had a pre-rehearsed answer.

They have no f***ing idea how many videos she would ask something, and I would just go, I don't know what the f*** you just said. I don't know what that specific thing is. So we'd only post specifically what that is. But there is no guarantee, since all that is off the cuff, that what I have said is technically speaking correct. It's only the immediate knowledge that I have at that exact moment pulling out of my ass to answer the thing from the camera that has just been shoved in my face. You never know. I feel like...

I like 90% of the time he's right, because he's gonna kill us that 10% of the time. And it is detrimental when we trust him, and then we stop trusting him. I know the offset. Hold on. I know the offset. You know everything. Okay. But it's only after Gabby asks you. Fuck. And she's mute.

So you're playing fucking the board game where she has to act out the question for you to be able to get the information. No, it's charades. She has to do charades? She's doing charades where you're trying to get the question. Wouldn't it be the counter being that I'm mute?

Wouldn't be the counter be that I'm mute. So I have to like act out whatever is fucking going to happen. What I've seen. You're both mute. She, you have to understand what she means and then we have to reinterpret it. She's mute. He's blind. She's mute. He's blind. Then we can't, he can't see like sign language or anything. She's just signing to him and he's like, I do.

Do it again. I can't see. And she can't communicate with anyone else. What is the movie? What is the movie? It's Eddie Murphy and the guy that plays Willy Wonka.

Gene Wilder? Yeah, he's Gene Wilder who plays that, yeah. Hear No Evil, See No Evil? Have you seen that movie? Oh, yeah. It's so good. That, that's you guys. That's your superpowers. I love them landing together. I'm like, fuck, this is gonna be a while. He's so smart. We're just fighting. Jesus Christ. How do I kill this bad guy? You guys are trying to figure it out. Playing.

Charades the entire time. She's making fucking license plates for Braille. He's feeling it out. I don't fucking understand that. Kill. Oh no. That was a murder.

That's not how he sounds. We can't understand him. So it's a third layer of, we're like, what the fuck did he just say? I'm Anne Frank, but with telepathy. I'm glad we've doubled back to me saying something much worse than the original joke. He knows everything, but he can only write it in a diary that nobody finds for 40 years. I don't know.

I'm Anne Frank, but with telepathy. Awesome. Great to know. Come on. You know everything, but you have to be in an attic. Not even yet. Better yet. I'm in a fucking insane asylum strapped up inside this here. I can sense anything and everything that's going on around me. Can't interact with the world. Just like a little attic he's stuck in. Shit.

Holy shit. This has been a great episode. Very happy with this one. It's certainly been something. This is peak. Do we close out and go to the after show? Yes. Alright. Closes out with Mr. Trout.

Once again, thank you for joining us for the Unsubscribe podcast. I am joined by Eli Doubletap, the fat electrician, Steven from the History of Everything podcast, and I am your hero, King Trout, donut operator. That's right. He served in the military. Fish operator. And we're going to give him a veteran. Trout nut. I broke my spine. Going to be a Navy SEAL.

Just adding more into it. Make sure you check us out on the after show where you're going to talk about, I have no fucking clue, but it's uncensored way more fun. We're going to fight about here. Hey, no more. Well,

Wait, hold the fuck up. Where do we find you at? In your own voice. Oh, literally anything from in here. So I have two channels as it is. Snakuyi when it comes to TikTok. Spell it out. S-T-A-K-U-Y-I. That is what I originally got started on when it came to TikTok. And then also I do a gaming history channel when it comes to that here that's on YouTube. So it's a lot of Paradox titles. Wait, what the fuck's that about real quick? I do a lot of alternate history and I utilize gaming. What ifs?

Yeah, gaming is a medium to answer what if. So like, what would have happened if X happened? And I use gaming as a medium to explain that for alternate history. And then simultaneously, the History of Everything podcast, which on YouTube is now stemmed into a lot of modern geopolitics and explaining, okay, how the fuck did we get here? Like the whole thing with Japanese remilitarization, which is one of the most recent things, or the latest episode that I posted, which is why the fuck the Taliban is probably going to cause the first ever water war in modern history.

We're going to talk about that because what? Yeah. Join us on the after show. Kisses. Kisses.

You're gonna love it.