148 - War Stories & Communism ft. Veteran With A Sign & The Fat Electrician
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- Are you guys unhappy? - Salafi, this. - Okay, shut the up. - I'm not scared of you white boy. He is just plowing this animal. - I love you, but I didn't realize that battles that you were in had their own Wikipedia pages. - Oh dude, I like this, watch out. - I think your accent's awesome.

Y'all, the shows are almost sold out. Thank you all so much. This is an amazing experience. If you haven't got a ticket yet, go in the links below. Come check us out. We are looking forward to this. And a surprise announcement of the guests. Angry Cops, Chris and Wes, The Magicians, Caleb Francis, and one to be determined.

Go check out the tickets below. Also, launching a brand new business, 8xconnect.com. Go check it out. We are stress testing the site right now. See if you like anything there. Unlocking local advertising through the peer-to-peer model. Through 8xconnect.com, you can make money on a local level. Been working on this business for a year, so go check it out. Truly appreciate y'all. That's 8xconnect.com. Dream it, links. That was good. I just got to get that test one in.

What do we have to crack open? We got to get a claw to crack too. Bush lights. So you grab that whole box of, yeah, thank you. Thank you, show. We had a white claw too. Yeah, you guys got to do white claw. You do double for me. I walk a different path. It's all right. Oh, you're straight edge? It's just much more, you know. Oh, yeah. I don't have self-control, brain injuries. You know what I'm saying. You get it. What's a brain injury?

Something that makes you interesting. TB something? TB. I don't believe in TBIs. Oh, there's a shirt. I don't believe in TBIs. Please don't talk to me. I have a TBI. It would be a good one. It's like this podcast is Tibbis and Tism. Tibbis and Tisms. TBIs and Tisms. Stacking them. I didn't graduate from high school. I got a GED. Did you? No. No.

I'm the only one that has the good enough diploma. You had a GED? Yeah. Good. I'm the only one. If I could go back knowing what I know now, I would totally get a GED at 16, move on with my life. We had people in the Navy that didn't even get a fucking, the GED. They don't need that anymore. They just made a rule.

You don't need a GED. You don't need a diploma. You can sign up in the U.S. Navy. Enlist today. Look, all I'm saying, every time there's major global conflict, there's an economic depression. Whenever the stock market crashes, just go sign yourself up for the draft because they're coming for you. God, I didn't know that. They're just like, hey, you can just... Man, that means recruit numbers are on an all-time high when they're just like...

They're preparing for something. What was the reason they're starting to show white guys in army commercials now? So it's like, oh God, we're doing something. Something's happening. Oil's back on the menu, boys. Welcome. Welcome to the Unstriped Podcast. I'm joined today by Eli DoubleTap, Nick, Fat Electrician, Veteran with a Sign, Zach,

Donut operator. My boy, how y'all doing? Hi, welcome, Mr. Zach. You're finally on the fucking show. I did it. I did it finally. Where's your sign? I don't have a sign, but it worries me. You have one job. Fuck this. I'm out. It's all right. I wanted two hours of you writing your answers. He has a whiteboard. He's like, come on, Eli. This isn't funny anymore. I don't care.

Did you see that podcast? Which one? With Dana White, where he walked out on Howie. He's like, I'm so fucking tired of podcasts. Was that staged? I don't know. I don't know, but my buddy Ginger Billy was the other guy in the room. He was like, oh, that was Ginger Billy? Yeah, that was Ginger Billy. Because he didn't know what to say. He said he'd come on here. I'd love to have him on. No, he's awesome. Dana White would be awesome.

Oh, Gingerbread. Yeah, he's fine. Both. I'm joking. Do both. Do both. I don't think he does podcasts anymore, to be honest with you. He could walk off on ours. I'd be fine with that. We'd be like, yeah. Bring in the cutout. We just put a Dana cutout there. We're fine. We're fine. It's the only five-minute podcast we've ever had. It's a short. We just upload it as a reel, and that's it. We never explain the backstory. It's like,

Well, shit. Zach, welcome. How you doing? How you been? You've been wanting to come on the old podcast. Yeah. And we're glad to have you. We ate. We had a good time. Now we're doing fucking just boy stuff this week. Just dudes being bros. Real quick. We skipped out on the bill.

I thought you... No, I talked to him. I thought you went inside to pay. And so I was like, all right. So when we got up and walked away, no one paid the bill. And they were texted. They texted Brandon. They don't know my number. They texted Brandon. Brandon texted me and went, oopsie. None of us paid the bill. None of us paid the bill. Whoops. Where they're like...

Can you, what do we do? Just send them. No, I went back and paid it. We drove back by, but yeah, we hit it on the way back. Yeah. But we, we totally walked out on that because they texted Brandon. It was like, so are they just skipping out on the bill today? Yeah.

It's the beginning of the villain era. It's the villain era. The unsubscribe. Yeah. Side note. Uh, fucking, I don't know if we were going to say that we won't say the name cause we want that place to continue. Yeah. Don't do that. But you need a loyalty card. And like after 10 times we get a free meal cause we spend a good free meal every 10 days. Yeah, exactly. They wouldn't be able to sustain it. They make their money off of us. Yeah. Yeah.

Like them. It's just like when we go to, when we go to, it's like the owner brought Heather a nice bottle of mezcal.

And it was like, oh, if we spend $50,000 here, we get a bottle of mezcal. Hell yeah, dude. It's shit like that where I wish it was like we could pull up a real life, like the Skyrim stats sheets to see all the different shit you've done. Like, how much time have we spent at brunch? Oh, God. How many drinks have we had? It's magical. How much money and booze? That's what I want to know. No, then we're going to have...

No hosts because everyone ended their own. We see how much time we've wasted and money. We're like, medical professionals call this a problem. Speaking of veteran sewer slides. Sewer slides. We had a fantastic time with Brandon getting. Where is he? Is he not like there's a lot of veterans here and not a lot of Brandon. I didn't want to be the guy to bring it up, but.

Seems like he's not a big fan of veterans these days. Oh, Jesus. It's weird that all the veterans are here and Brandon's not here. I don't want to be that guy. Break out the sign. Where's Brandon? Where's Brandon? Hang on. Hang on. The new Waldo book's got to be wet. It's just a where's Brandon sign. It's weird.

It's weird. Actually, G-Man, that's the thumbnail. Just cut that out. Yeah, just... Yeah, get that. I'm just saying it's kind of weird, right? He loves veteran soap not that much, you know?

And then we'll use that as the cutout. That's perfect. Someone say he doesn't love four veterans. I'm not a mathologist, but... Dude, he got... Again, I don't know if we talked about this last time, but it is the idea of just... Oh, yeah, we did talk about it on the last time, but it is so stupid for that battle he chose. And now, I mean, there's so many... Twittersphere, I know you wanted to talk to Cody about...

Oh, Cody being fucking hilarious on Twitter? Yeah, I want to talk about it. This made my week this week. Just watching...

Cody is you're the boys and you're not butcher. You're Cody's ranked. What's your number for most influential person on Twitter? 11th and sorry, X formerly known as Twitter, the 11th most influential person ever. And some hell yeah. Somebody posted an article trying to slander Brandon. Oh shit. Wait. Oh yeah. Like 18 hours in.

Refreshing. What did he even say about Brandon? He just brought up the whole thing where it's like he's celebrating, or not celebrating, but you know, he's making fun of veteran suicide. Yeah. Which is the opposite because... Of what happened. Yeah, he took a seven second soundbite out of a three hour podcast and like...

I don't know. Tried to slander Brandon with it. And Cody, I click on it. First top reply, a billion times more likes just completely ratioed. And it's just, Hey, is this you? And it is a chat of this dude talking to a 16 year old child about being. It was, it was, yeah, it was grooming. Like he was a grooming, this kid. Holy. He was 15, 16. And then every comment underneath donut is just gifts of fucking wood chippers and

Basically threats. And I don't know. It was just really funny to see somebody be like, I'm going to talk shit on the Internet. And like, oh, no. Now half the United States wants me to not exist. And then his account was privated. And then three hours later, it was deleted. That man deleted his whole account, his whole account. And as a Congress are running for Congress. What's that? Yeah, he was running for some kind of Congress. I don't remember. It was it was like a he's not running anymore. Like a county seat or some shit. But like, I don't know.

Yeah. I don't know. We look out for our boys. Yeah, maybe don't get on the internet and talk shit if you're, I don't know, been established and known for grooming children. It might come back to bite you. All the bros that you're going to try to pick on or start shit with, this group is not the one you look at and be like, what?

Pussies. Yeah. Like, I would never look at any of you guys and be like, this is the battle I'm going to pick. Go through their Twitter history. Go through how they look. I'm like, well, they could do me. They can just hold me down and do what they want. We're definitely not like, it's going to be okay. They won't have a crazy response or overreact to it. We're going to overreact.

Fucking Homelander comes in. Yeah. Cody's just beaming the eyes. Yeah, he's like, Ashley, look at me. Cody tweeted. You know what it was? It was a scene from fucking Austin Powers and Goldmember when the fucking anonymous henchman comes up to Austin Powers' dad and you're the dad. What are you doing?

Look at you. You have a name tag. Just go lay down. The dude releases Twitter. Just erases himself from the internet for you. Yeah.

Oh, one thing I did want to talk about. Did we talk about the acorn? I don't think we talked about it. No, bro. There's like the acorn. Cody, fill in on the acorn situation. It was a DV, not even a violent DV. Domestic violence. Cop put the guy in the back of the cop car. He was walking back to the cop car to get a form. An acorn fell on the cop car.

And he took that as suppressed fire from somewhere and did two combat roles and like mag dumped into the back of the cop car where the guy was sitting. And so the female sergeant on scene saw him mag dumping into the back of the cop car and he started screaming, I'm hit, I'm hit. They're in there. So she starts shooting the cop car. I was like, God damn, you got to set my channel back like fucking six years. And the poor black guy inside was like...

Just screaming as rebels are like slow motion just blasting next to him and afterwards he's like

He was completely okay, wasn't he? He was completely okay. He was awesome. That's the best case scenario. He's never going to have to work again. Yeah, he's snot. He's paid. His PTSD. He has more PTSD than me. Holy shit. He had to have buried himself down underneath the seat. Yeah, just wedged himself all the way down on the floorboards. Yeah. Unless he was cut. He's just like...

Yeah, because he's sitting there. Because they already searched him, too, so he didn't have any weapons on him. That's what killed me the most. I was like, you put... He's behind his back, and...

Well, yeah. Oh my. And then everyone was like, well, PTSD. Well, well, and I remember I replied, I was like, bro, PTSD doesn't make me do two combat roles getting shot at. I've never done two combat roles ever. You know why? Cause they don't teach you to do combat roles when you're getting fucking shot at ever. And then someone replied and like the Marines teach during for hand to hand combat, you know,

You know, Marine Corps martial arts. Hey, yeah, it's real, dude. What are you saying, man? It's totally real. No, that's real. I'm just saying, you know. No, it's not real. He's got a purple heart. He's not about to spam the combat roll button. I've never seen anyone do it. If I saw him do it, I'd be worried if they started like combat rolling, especially if you're a National Guardsman that never deployed, which I think is what he was. Isn't that what he was? He'd never seen combat and he screamed medic.

He said, I'm hit. I'm hit. He did all the things that he wouldn't do. His legs gave out and he thought he got hit in the leg or something. That's not how it works. I'm hit, I'm hit, I'm hit. Bro, that adrenaline dump for him, that was his fucking 9-11. Was that three seconds of not combat. And now his life. I guarantee...

After that went viral, he just turned his phone off. He's like, sweetie, we have to move. We have to move. We're starting over. We have to leave the country. We're starting over. Canada's beautiful right now. Ecuador. What do you think about Belize? It's just anywhere away from what the fuck we're doing. I see all of us. This room combined has the most PTSD in the world. Yep. And you're walking up to your car and an acorn falls on it. You'd be like, oh, okay.

Can I say something that's right up there with fireworks for me? Remember the people that made millions of dollars off the firework signs? They're from Texas. I made it. Actually, one of my first internet videos was making fun of that shit. What did the sign say? It says something to the effect of, please be aware that a combat veteran lives here. These fireworks can be triggering to the veteran, which...

I don't know. You mean the veterans of Chihuahua. Yeah. They're not like thunderstorms or 4th of July. I mean, I've never confused a sparkler with an RPG, but that's just me. And like this guy, this guy and his wife had this huge con. They never gave it away to anyone. Yeah.

Like, oh, what was that? Was that a Roman candle or incoming? No, it's a fucking Roman candle. It's not that complicated. And they got like four million and they gave it to veterans, which I don't even think they were veterans. They just kept all of it. But yeah.

We did our part. Yeah, we helped. I feel bad for you guys because I only did 21 push-ups today. It's okay. We noticed. We're going to end the podcast that way. We noticed. Well, it's on Cody. After these messages, we'll be right. The congressional candidate's best friend makes a joke about the election. Da-da-da. Da-da-da.

Oh, my God. Well, Mr. Zach, it's fucking fantastic. I know you. Well, you're a Marine for people that don't know. Mr. Marine. He's a Marine. First to fight. And then you had a big push into...

The war? Yes. But where in Afghan was the huge... I can talk about it. Yeah, so I had two combat deployments to Afghanistan. One was in a town called Garmzor in March of 2008. And we were like the first Marine Corps unit that had been there in a while. It was kind of cool. It was whatever. But the big one is I inserted into a town called Marja. It was a Taliban stronghold, yeah. In 2009 to like July 2010. You were the closest to...

When did you get in 2007? 2007, yeah. Yeah, like he's been the closest other than like Tyler and those guys. Everyone else is like, I got in in 2016. I'm like, no. Fuck, man. Yeah, you're old as fuck. Old as fuck. You're so old. It throws me off. I got in with M82. I got in with Woodland. Jesus. Jesus.

I was issued woodland. Everyone thinks it's cool. You guys issued woodlands? They're like, we don't know where we're going. Bro, he was issued an M1 Grand. Pretty sure. It was fucking... I didn't... Talking about trench warfare and boot camping shit. Woodland is now the cool gear. And I fucking... Everyone just

It's so retro. Fuck you guys. We fucking disliked slaps. I fucking hated that shit. We were so happy with ACU and now we hate it. Did you have black boots? They're definitely not worth it. You used to dress your boots? I let you iron my clothes. The black boots thing sucks, but the camo itself. The camo fucked, yeah. Forever better than ACU. Oh, yeah. 100%. Cam's the worst.

Who sold that contract? They're like, we're going to make soldiers... Oh, I found it. A billion dollars. I did that in my... I did a video on it. It's great. I don't want to be that guy. The Middle East isn't great. We did a billion dollar study on different urban camouflages that would be the best. Hell yeah. And then they just came out of left field and they're like...

We want this one. And ACU Digicam wasn't even in the study for like five years. They decided on the multicam pattern from this billion-dollar study. And then they just came out of left field and were like, nah, we're going with this one. It looks futuristic with no fucking background whatsoever. That's like the worst camo pattern of all time is the navy blues. First off, have you ever watched them? Oh, yeah. The navy blues. Because if there was ever a time that you wanted to be camouflaged, it was when it was like a man overboard situation. Yeah, like you'd fall in the fucking water. James, no! No!

James is gone. Cody belongs to the sea now. Bro, that fucking navy, that camo pattern was so bad. Is it true? Somebody told me if you fell in the water, it would turn orange. No, that's not fucking true. They tried to tell you, that's the same shit as like, if you pee in the pool, it's gonna, the cloud of color is gonna fall on you. That would be hilarious because the fucking navy seals. You wouldn't be able to wash the clothes. I know, it's just what I was told. I was like, how does that

work. They told us that we literally took our new uniforms and went down to the ocean, dumped it in the water. You're a Marine because you just asked if that was true. I mean, it was like a thing and I saw them and I was like, surely the Navy didn't make digital blue camouflage for the fucking ocean. Just imagine Navy SEALs going on a mission and they're sweating and they're like, whoo!

Good the new like lime acid green color that they have The army uniforms Navy

Navy green uniform? Navy's going green again? We've discussed this one time, but Tiger Stripe's still my favorite. That's your favorite of all time? I fucking fuck with Tiger Stripe. I just saw, I got a chocolate chip hoodie from Americana Pipe Dream. Chucky chip is so nice. It reminds, I remember seeing it on TV for the first time. We were kicking ass in Iraq, dude. And I was like, fuck yeah, chocolate chip. It's such a good hoodie too. My buddy has DC. I was like in with DCUs. If you were overseas and you'd be back.

into BDUs when you got back stateside. Oh, that's the Marine Corps one, dude. No, that's the Marine Corps digital pattern. They gave that to the Navy guys when I was in. Oh, yeah, that's the original. Yeah, I saw it. Yeah, I was there, bro.

It was there, man. It was there. I don't know. I like multicam the best, to be honest. Multicam's the best. Is that M81? That's multicam. That's like branded and actual multicam. Now, multicam tropic, I fuck with. That's the M82 color, like the woodland, but...

It's a brighter green to it, almost like lime. It really does fuck. I like black multicam also. I know Grand Thumb hates it and makes fun of me for it, but I love it. Hats up on Bunker. These hats. Fair. I mean, only fucking losers wear multicam hats. It's not like I've worn that in every video I've ever filmed ever, but you know, it's fine.

Always, always wearing it. But no, because I was National Guard, so we had ACUs the whole time. And like multicam came out like six months after I got in. And I was like, those are fucking dope. And I spent the next six years being like, I want my unit to get the new uniform. I want my unit. We got it like three months before I got out. I got to wear it like once. I was pissed. Do we? So we got our ACUs in 2006 or 7. What the fuck was that? Oh, God.

God, you scared me. Oh, my God. I thought that was a hard one. Acorns! I just thought it was a good one. Yeah, let's go. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Was that a Roman candle? Whoa. We start combat rolling around the table. All of us in a circle. I'm going to hit it. I'm going to hit it.

Duck, duck, goose. You start giving tourniquets to yourself. Fuck it. We're going to make it. You're going to make it. I'm here. I'm here. The show's like, wow, they're gay. Blimey, they're gay. Oh,

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What is it like coming from Ireland and then being friends with us? I literally just asked her that. I asked her that. I was like, when you grew up, but we last overseas, we were like, one day I'll move to the Americas and I'll hang out with a bunch of creators. Morons in Texas. They'll have their channels. They'll talk about the war. They totally won't talk about... Imagine...

I'm sorry. I don't want to shut on Ireland, but imagine living in a country where you're not allowed to own a pocket knife and then moving and being friends with fucking Brandon Herrera. I can't imagine a more drastic change. Wait, you didn't own a pocket knife? No.

It's for your safety. You can't own pocket knives in Ireland or Britain or have you not? Have I not shown you the zombie knife shit? That's what they call anything that's like over like four or five. So in America, we have ghost guns that people are freaking out about in, in England. You can pull up news where they're like talking about zombie knives and it's just like shitty gas station knives. It looks scary where people are getting stabbed and they're talking about them the same way America talks about ghost guns. It's hilarious. Yeah.

Yeah. It's literal machetes. Idris Elba has like a full campaign against it. He's like, we don't like zombie knives. He did a song. Yeah. He has a whole song. He did a whole song about zombies. Zombie knives are bad. We aren't glad zombie knives or whatever. I don't know what is the whitest rap I've ever heard. It sounds about right. I mean, I don't, I don't know. It's like a legal loophole too with the zombie thing. Yeah. So the zombie knife, a loophole in England is, uh,

the, the way that they define it's just like American gun laws where people are just fucking stupid, don't understand what they're talking about. But the, the rule with the zombie knives in the UK is it's only a zombie knife. If it has a writing on the blade, uh,

So like if it has any branding on the blade where it says like zombie hunter, 5,000, you know, all that dumb shit, the gas station knives say it's a zombie knife and it's illegal. But if it doesn't say that it's completely fucking legal. So people are just ordering shit off Amazon and having it delivered in the UK government's trying to shut it down. It's fucking wild. Probably all say that then they probably all have branding on it. Don't they?

No, they don't. Because if you have branding, it's illegal. If they don't have branding, it is legal. That is literally... It's gun laws. It's like... I want you to do a video on all the UK police that have... Have you... I know you.

I know you shit on UK police. All the pictures of dudes that are like, kind of like how American police will pose when they bust like a semi truck full of drugs and they, you know, pile it up into a pyramid and they pose with it. Like look at all the drugs we got off the street. UK police are doing it with like some dudes fucking knife collection and there's like fucking kitchen knives and shit in it. And they're posing. Look at all the knives we got off the street. It's fucking wild country. It's like chef's blades. They have to register chef's blades or some shit like that.

Yeah. So like you're working over there as a chef, you have to like go through some licensing process to have chef's blades. When the fuck did this start? I don't, I honestly don't know how my $200 tax stamp. How are they ever in charge of anything? I just want to cut celery. What the fuck man? Is that blade over 10 inches? Yeah. You got a license for that. Can't be putting beans on toast with that blade. Oh, we saw, we saw a Christian Craig head yesterday. Speaking of. Yeah.

Our beautiful boy. Yeah, Zach and I went and toured the Staccato facility. The new facility is amazing. Incredible. And my God, the craftsmanship that goes into that stuff is cool. But yeah, Christian Craghead, Obi-Wan Nairobi himself was there. It was really cool. I haven't gotten to meet him yet. I want to meet him. He doesn't want to meet you. I'm going to ask him. I'm going to see if he can be the first person that's still alive that I do a video on.

I already talked to him. I know. Okay. I want to, you can ask him too. He's such a dude too. Like he's slowly like becoming American because he's got his visa and he lives in Texas now. And he's like, he's like USA, USA, USA. He walked up to us and he's like, Hey Zach. Hey Cody. And then he turns to Heather and he's like,

hello darling and like touched his heart and I was like dude please save some pussy for me like god damn dude Jesus Christ dude anytime he like he like he loves Sav and he's like hello Sav it's good to see you cause that was that was cleavage up so he's like fuck me dude the British better not be coming like this is my distraction this is how I'll beat you Craighead I'm like titties surprise titties like

He's such a gentleman, too. He's such a good dude. That's awesome. Oh, yeah. We were fucking... I love our tangents. We were like, Zach, you joined the military. Yeah, yeah. Here's your bad experience. KMO? Yeah. Fucking Christian Christ. Sorry. No, it's fine. It's fine. I've watched. Yeah. Finally. No. Jesus fucking Christ.

No, this is great. I really love this, and I love all of you, as everyone knows. We love you, too. So I can't believe I'm here. This is so great. But yeah, I was in Marjah. It's like a big fucking deal. People talk about it. There's a video from my company, Gunny. He gives this speech. He's like, John Glenn, first Marine to orbit Earth and space. And everyone's like, oh, that's so fucking cool. They weren't there. I was there. It was my company. And then an hour later, we did the largest heli-borne assault since Vietnam.

And it was fucking insane. What helo did you come in on? 53s is what we had. The CH-53s. The sea stallions. The ones that fall out of the sky all the fucking time. You know what? Transformers 1, the one you see in the middle of the desert. The ones with the pits. Those are the Ospreys. No, Ospreys scared the shit out of me. They barely fly. I've done Blackhawks and Little Birds. It's just a big bird.

Oh! Yeah. Is that the ones that look like the face? It looks like a hind. It looks like a hind. Yeah, it's fucking huge.

Huge slow moving... What's a Russian gunship doing here? Yeah, no, it's basically that. Like we flew in, we dropped in, and like every day we were just out there moving and shooting. It was a fucking infantryman's like wet dream. Like literally operating out of like... We'd go take over a place, we'd clear out the village, and then we'd like set up a patrol base, which is code for knocking holes in walls. 24-hour OP. 24-hour, yeah, but we would just stay there. We would just make patrol bases and then just fucking...

shoot, move and communicate. It was awesome until it wasn't. So that's how combat is. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It was, it was a lot. It sounds so dope. How do you feel about the Marines getting rid of tanks? And we couldn't use them.

Yeah, over there. Yeah, we didn't have... No, I mean, not over there. I mean, like, because now, like, the Marine Corps just doesn't have tanks, period. I think... Because, like, they're kind of changing, like, how the Marines have... They're getting... Basically, they're gearing up for a different type of warfare than what GWAT was for the last 20 years. It's weird. It seems like they have a plan in place. Is that what you're saying? Well, no, I'm not saying they have a plan in place. I'm just saying, like, I feel like... I feel like I've seen some people really upset that the Marines are losing tanks, but on the other side, it kind of makes sense because, like, the whole Marine shtick is, like...

We're ready to be whatever you need us to be at a moment's notice. And tanks are awfully inconvenient to fucking move around quickly. Yes. Well, it's, it's, it's, I guarantee Zach can speak to this. You won't have, you're dismounted a majority of the time, even especially in urban environments.

Bro, we always considered the striker a coffin. We're like, nope, get me the fuck out of that coffin. I don't want to... It can be on the main MSRs. We're dismounting. We're walking through. We're doing everything. Hey, we got a mission. How far is it? Fucking 1.2 miles. I'm like, fucking walking that bitch. And I would remember leading routes. I would get so nervous when I had to lead a route. First off, because you're in front. Chance are you're going to be the one shot. Yeah. But also, I just like...

And I would just count out in my head how many roads I had to pass and then take a left and straight and then take another left in my head. And then everyone would be like, are you sure we're on the right way? I was like, yes. Yeah.

You're giving so many... My autism's just like... So many viewers have PTSD right now from what you just said. You said MSR and my arm got a little tight. I was like, damn, I haven't heard this language in a minute, dude. I'd just be like... You were a point man? Fuck yes, dude. That's what I'm talking about. Team Wedge Squad Column. Let's get out there. Fuck.

Dude, hey, hey, man, no. Hey, but yeah, you don't use vehicles a majority of the fucking time. No, we had like MRAPs and stuff, and they were like Humvees on my first tour, but we just never saw them. Afghanistan, where we were, was so far. We went out so far one time, we came across this guy on my first tour, this dude who had like...

Maybe four fingers on one hand. And it turned... He yelled at us. He yelled at us and he goes, I'm not fucking scared of you, white boy. I was killing Russians before you were born. And I was like, good to go, sir. It was a fucking local. Mujahideen is what he was, dude. Jesus Christ. And we were like, all right, dude, we're good. I was killing Russians before you were born. It's cold as fuck. Yeah. I mean, I...

Obviously, he went a little heavy, a little too heavy with the ammonia nitrate once or twice. But he had my respect. And I was like, good to go. We'll see you around. Do you watch World Rainbow Three? Yeah. God. But he was just like out on the outskirts. And it's just crazy because when the Russians left, they literally left stuff in place. There was this one field we came across where there was a battalion of tanks.

just left of vehicles. I don't know exactly what they were, but they were like literally just left there. And like over the years, they've been eroded by like some guy having like a plasma torch or coming across. And so you would see like sickle and hammer doors or like weird metal, like put all over the place that they had taken from all this stuff that was just left there.

This is beer bong. That is a tank. It's so, yeah, it's weird. And then I don't, I don't know. It's, it's hard to even think about, but yeah. So the tanks question is one, um, they would erode the roads in Afghanistan. They were so small. Um,

I think the Marine Corps does better when it doesn't have all that stuff because they're supposed to be like a pioneering force. Like, that's the whole idea is they go out and drop in. Shock troops. Shock troops, yeah. And the Army comes in and backfills and holds and sustains because of the size and scale. The Army, like, at its peak was a million or something, and then the Marine Corps was like 250. So, and I actually have a tank story from when I was in. The barracks of 1-6 at that time, we had, like, left in a –

We had like, we were like this and tanks was across the way. And like every now and then we would scream out, fuck tanks. Like we would just literally scream out, fuck tanks at these, at this whole barracks of tanks dudes. And one night we all got into the biggest fucking brawl in the middle of the quad. Just dudes being like, oh yeah, fuck one six. And then like doors start opening up.

And then, like, we all met in the center of the smoke pit, like, where the smoke pit was, and just, it was a fucking ordeal, just us banging each other. Our marine... Is an orgy of banging each other? Well, no, fighting. Sorry, sorry. That was later. Sorry. We were fighting. Sorry. Sorry. Are marine tankers, like, ridiculously fucking enormous, too? I don't know what it is about, like, the army. Army tankers are the biggest fucking people per capita I've ever seen in my life. It's like a clown car.

Just the biggest humans ever getting out of a fucking Abrams. Oh my God. Ridiculous. They're huge. Shot. Fucking. I never thought about that. Shoddy. One of our buddies, man, he's one of the most jet. He was,

They're huge. Farmer boy. Just farmer. Corn fed. Yes. Corn fed that just can just bench 315 and rep it out. Like naturally without lifting. Like just nothing. And he's just walking around like this. It's super nice, but you get out of the tank. Like you say, the tankers are huge. They were huge. Like they're not like Jack. They're just like big fucking humans. You're like, Jesus fucking Christ. Holy shit. It's like a clown car. Every time they open the tank, the army tankers is like,

Yeah, they were burly. They were all like full back size. They were made for tanks. It looks like it's manned by Ninja Turtles. Yeah, basically. It's ridiculous. Why don't we just put armor on them? It would have worked better. It would have worked better. I just picture Big Tees walking around with his armor. You shitty Iron Mans.

Iron Man. We don't want to spend much money. Give him a lock. He'll be fine. Dude, I watched that movie in Afghanistan when it came out. So we were there. We were at a British base. Something like it's called like New Delhi.

And Prince Harry was there. That's what everyone said. They're like, oh, you know, that's Prince Harry. That's what they said. I don't know. They all look the same. They're not American. You know what I mean? And we like all went and we got in queue, which I didn't know what that was for the longest time. Like get in queue. And I was like, what do you mean, dude? And he's like, get in queue. And we got in queue, which is line when the chow hall and they put in a TV that was like this big. And some like Russian dude had cam filmed Iron Man.

And apparently Prince Harry came in there and we're all like, it was the greatest movie ever, but it was really surreal watching it in Afghanistan being like, fuck, dude, I don't know how to build a robot suit. Like we're fucked. Like that's Tony Stark. He barely made it, man. I'm not making it. Fuck. I better do it. Like hard cut. You wake up. It's like, okay.

I'm just like looking. I'm going to melt some crayons. I'm looking at like water bottles being like, okay. He's like, I'm still mad. They're just full of urine. Yeah. There's one bottle. Dude, I can pee in any bottle. You find me a bottle, I can pee in it to this day. Running, walking, anything. It's the weirdest talent. It didn't help me get a job. Why do you pee in bottles? You just turn around and walk backwards while you pee. I'm just saying I could do it. It's called tradecraft, Nick. Oh, all right.

You never know. I was walking P backwards. That's what I always did on rock marches. Your poor friends. Just you turning around, just hosing them down. I was so far behind. You were in the front. I was at the end. You were in the front. Nick's in the front. He's just leading the formation. I was just leaving evidence. Just calling cadence. Left, right, left. Yeah.

Do we follow this? Start zigzagging. Believe it or not, I was actually fucking in shape once and good at ruck marching. I fucking hated that. You probably did. Brother, he's speaking my language. I would get behind some dude who's like 7'2 on a good day and then like his strides like this. I'm just like, why am I not up front? Like I should be up front and he's in the front. It's a nightmare. And that's the dude Habich again. Fuck you. He was like, it's not that hard.

six foot six. And he's like one. And I'm like eight strides. Like jogging strides. And he's like, why are you exhausted? I'm like, and I was a buck 40 at this point in my life. I was running. Motherfucker. Yes, yes. That fucking sucks. Yeah. Eli, wake up.

Huh? I know that the GhostBed pillow is super comfortable and has cooling technology, but we're shooting an ad right now. You mean this GhostBed pillow? That one. Cooling technology? Cooling technology. It's hot in Texas, but that's cool. Eli, I know you're cooler than the backside of a pillow, but with GhostBed, you don't have to turn the pillow over. It has cooling technology. Every mattress has a 20-year warranty.

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off everything if you use the code unsubscribe click the link in the description or go to ghostbed.com slash unsubscribe that's right ghostbed.com slash unsubscribe and get 50% off right now going back to OPs so when you do your OPs yeah yeah I've told the story to you Santanos I want to say so we did it wasn't Santanos came to us afterwards he was part of AECO BECO and everyone did a huge push through Moctadilla

And this is like fucking weeks of fighting. Yeah. And in every day's a firefight, blah, blah, blah. So they clear out the bad part in Moctedilla. I'm not part of this. Sant as Santos falls asleep. You know the story. So he falls asleep. My buddy falls asleep. They're clearing. So we're doing a break. So it's like, OK, hey, we just did a big push. OK, now we're going to the next market and we're going to do another big push. So he's like, OK, hey, fucking everyone nap up, sleep, get some sleep.

Santa's fall asleep. So, naturally, what his buddies did were like, eh, he's asleep. Okay, take his gun. Take his gun. Take his gun. Okay, we got his gun. There we go. Everyone dress up as fucking Middle Eastern dudes. And...

This is in our war zone. Oh, God. So, okay. He starts saying his general orders. Two turfs go up front. So now everyone's in fucking balaclavas, covered up, nothing showing. And then he's getting, by the turp, getting kicked. Speaking fucking whatever over there is Arabic to him, kicking his feet. And they have AKs because we gave the turps AKs. And they're like telling the git, they're like, what the fuck? So he wakes up, he's like,

Guns gone. They're yelling in Arabic at him. He has no fucking idea what's going on. He's not thinking he's going to be on LiveLeak. Yeah. Don't you let me get my head.

And then he's like, he's like freaking out. He gets up to like fight and then they take off. Like, dude, he's like, fuck you all. I thought I just got captured and you all left me. He just thought he got left. He almost got bird dog. You might have PTSD. Every night he goes to sleep and he's like, it's fine. I'm safe. I'm fine. Nope.

No fucking way. I'm not risking it. Not again. Not again. Caught me once. You ever seen Body of Lies with Leonardo DiCaprio and Russell Crowe? We're like, they keep telling each other, make sure I don't get my fucking head cut off on the internet. That's what he was thinking, man. He was like, oh God, oh God. I was like, man, that is so fucked because I would have been absolutely... That, like, waking up to that when you've just been in, like, harsh combat. Oh, but... And you think your team just left you? You're just like...

Oh God. Oh God. Oh no. Oh, fuck my life. I thought it was a lighthearted, like we put his, we put his rifle behind the shitter story. No, it's something like, he hit his gun. He, he, like you're like, no. Now everyone dressed up as terrorists. Well,

He started screaming at him in Arabic. He's kicking him. That's so great. Welcome to the U.S. military. Jesus Christ. Welcome. You can't have thin skin, dude. No, you can't. It's a war zone. Well, it's a war zone. You never know what you're going to see. And I, yeah, there's so many different things that happen from like weird trauma to like, all right, I'm going to tell a story that I promised I'll only tell here and on Joe Rogan. And it's about my friend Matthew Gorskiewicz on his 21st birthday. If I could tell the story. This is going to be good.

Okay, so we're in a town called Garmz, Afghanistan. Wait, you've never told this before? Not publicly, no. No, wait. I love you, Christy. Please turn this off right now. Please. You already know what I'm going to say, and I love you. Better than what you signed divorced. No, I mean, here we go. So...

Children, too. So here's the thing. We're on our first tour, and, like, you're on what's called post. And for anyone who doesn't know, it just means you're looking out of a hole, and you're, like, trying to stay awake. So we're in a town called Garmzor. No one had ever been there in a long time. And, like, we had done... So you do, like, the initial insert, and you, like, see some... You clear, and then you seize, and you hold and build. That was the technique we used in Afghanistan at that time. And so...

We're like there, and I'm talking to Matthew Gorskiewicz. It's his birthday, and he's like, I'm turning 21, and I was 20, and I was like, this is fucking cool. We're like talking about like dumb shit that we're going to do when we get home. Is there anything I can't say? No. Okay. Do you have a lime wine?

Now, I'll give a lime one. A lime one, please. And a bush. I want both. Yeah. Dude, hey, no. Hey, get a Bud Light for Shane Gillis. Get a Bud Light for Shane. Shane's one of the boys. Shane is a boy. Is he coming on? Dude, there's so much. I want to talk history with that guy. Dude, I bet you, if we were to lock you two in a room, it would be like an infinity symbol. It'd be the worst fucking history. It'd be like, he's like talking about, well, Napoleon did the French war. It'd be the worst history podcast ever.

But, uh, fucking autistic communism sucks. Yeah, no, it'd be great. Bouncing. But so we're on post and we're like tired as hell.

And we can't really do anything but talk to stay awake. You're like saying, I'm going to do this, I'm going to do that. You're just saying whatever. And we were watching this main road, and we put pamphlets out. We talked to the locals. We told everyone, hey, don't fucking walk down this road. Whatever you do, don't walk down this road. People are moving ID materials up and down this main thoroughfare. If you're on this road at night, it's bad for you, right?

Cool. Sitting there watching and he's like, oh, dude, look at that. And two guys come out, two bros, two bros and a donkey. Military aged males. Military aged males. Excuse me. Thank you.

Two military-age males and a donkey start moving down the thoroughfare. It's not that unusual. It's like 130 during day in the shade, so they'd move around a lot at night. You hear goats and shit. I despise the weather. Yeah, it's a fucking nightmare. It melted a watch I had, actually, like one of those fucking garments that would give you dope and shit. It gets to 140. People don't believe this. On rooftops, if it's like...

It will get to like 142 on concrete. It's like 148. It melted my watch. My watch that could go deep to the bottom of the ocean. Whoever doesn't believe that's never been on a rooftop in July. Yeah. Anywhere. And they'd put that on hell because that's like Iraq's like the sun. Yeah. And then the ground's exploding and then there's bullets everywhere. It's a bad fucking place, dude. Not heaven. Yeah, not heaven. No. No, it's not. Um,

But we're like talking, and so we see these two guys come out, and we're like, oh, fuck yeah, dude. They're on the road? Fucking get down, right? He's got a gun. I got a gun. We're waiting. So we call up to the COG, the Corporal of the Guard, and go, hey, COG, COG is post one. Two military-age males and a donkey right here out in front of us. Roger, what are they doing? And I'm like, no, they're just kind of standing there in the middle of the road. Roger, I'm coming in. Fuck it.

He comes over and he puts his head through the thing and he looks and he goes, Roger, yeah, two military males. They start doing anything, you fucking let me know. And by this, so we're living in the same area where we have fucking...

because it's a small building, and people were, like, kind of moving around a little bit. And they're like, what is it? And they're like, it's two fucking guys. So he's on a 240. I'm on a 240. Like, we're going to saw these dudes in half if something happens. And they just stopped moving. And so now more and more people are waking up, the whole platoon. There's, like, squad leaders, team leaders, and all these people are like, what the fuck? You know, they're, like, looking out the hole, and it's just...

all right, cool. What are we doing? And then all of a sudden they just stop like dead center in front of us. And he's like, if they fucking like pull out any materials, you just fucking drop them. Cool. Roger that. And they stop. And then the one guy looks around and he, he walks to the front of the donkey and the other guy looks around. He walks to the rear, the hind quarters. And, uh,

And everyone's like, what's going on? I was like, they're just standing there. One's at the front, one's at the back. And the first guy takes his shirt and he puts it in his mouth like this. And then he just starts fucking the donkey in front of us. So what happens if they pull out a dick? No, he just starts fucking the donkey in front of us. And so all you can hear in this room is, holy shit!

And so he is just plowing this animal. I'm so sorry, show. He is just plowing this, just slamming. And his friend, his bro, his obviously really good friend, has it. You would probably do it. You'd probably be really good at this. Has him in like a choke. Yeah. And he's just like, he's just like holding the donkey right there. He has the donkey in an R bar. The donkey just burns.

The donkey's just like, and he's just slamming it. And it's so, he's like rubbing it. It's the weirdest part. He's like trying to caress it. Like it's going to like smooth it over. Be like, it's okay. It's okay. It's okay. And he's just, he's slamming the ass of the ass. He's slamming ass and slamming ass. And then like, everyone's like, we're waking up the Lieutenant. And he's like, what the fuck's going on? And we're like, they're fucking donkeys, sir. And he's like, no, they're not. And he like pokes his head. He goes, holy shit. I got to tell someone this.

So we report up that there's a guy fucking a donkey. And he's like, what do I do? You can't just shoot a donkey that's being fucked by a guy. There'd be common donkey everywhere. Nobody would believe you. And so he's just slamming this animal. And then he stops. And it just comes to an end. And I'm like, thank God. Thank you, Lord Jesus. And then...

Whatever you write this in. And then he looks at his friend and they fucking swap. And so his friend takes the donkey because he's their good friend. And then his friend starts fucking it. And I'm like, sir, please let us kill this fucking donkey. It doesn't deserve this life. I just... It's the worst moment ever. And Gorshkiewicz looks at me and he goes, this is the worst birthday of my life.

You've been telling me the entire time I've known you, I need to come on the podcast and tell the donkey story. And if I would have known that you were just going to ruin Shrek for me, I wouldn't have come. Dude, they did. They both did. They came. Jesus Christ. Imagine. Donkey. I was just like, there's no way we're teaching these guys how to vote. Like.

Their favorite activity. Like, if it was us, we'd all be fucking a donkey. Democracy's not going to work. We're like, how do you guys feel about elected officials? I don't know. Do I get to fuck a donkey? No! No, stop fucking donkeys!

And then they left. That's the weirdest part is like they both, they came out, they fucked a donkey in front of us and then they left. I think they established dominance. So I think they own us on some level. I just picture the dog. It's like a movie scene. You have a sniper rifle and the zombies or the donkey just looks. It's like, man,

You see the eye? It's like, end me. It's like, please. Please, God. Do this. I just want to know how they determined who was first. You know, were they like rock, paper, scissoring over there that day? Just like, all right, who's going to get old girl first? Going in the house, that's what they did before. It's like...

Yeah. Two out of three. That's right. Before we go fuck the donkey in front of the Americans, we should settle this first. Who's going to fucking put it in a chokehold first? It was the weirdest. And I was just like, man, this is too much. Like, please just let the ground explode again. Please let them shoot at us again. Anything but this. Dear Lord, please. Hard cut to the donkey in a shower. Sitting there in cold water. Sitting there all day. Crying. Yeah.

I always like to imagine. Eddie Murphy voice. It's something in the wind. Poor donkey. I can't listen to Smash Mouth anymore. I can't watch Shrek with my kids. Thanks, Dick. I told you it was a good story. Jesus Christ. You ever heard a story like that? You gonna talk about that on Fat Electrician? The Fat Files? Today on the Fat Files, we're talking about the donkey sodomy that happened in Afghanistan. You gonna do that one? Yeah. Today we're gonna talk about...

I'm preoccupied. I'm talking about the Fury movie and chickens. Boom! The year's 2024. Do you know what that means? A new look for you. Biscay has the 5.0 Lawnmower Ultra. That's right. The Lawnmower 5.0 Ultra is a man's cheat code to looking good.

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Fury movie. Yeah. Oh, okay. It comes out tomorrow, so this will be way after. What do you want to know? I can...

So this guy is a fight the fury The fury movie is like semi based off of a real person The final battle scene is actually based off of Audie Murphy, which is the most decorated soldier in World War two But the rest of the story is based off of a guy named Lafayette Greenpool. He was a twin He had a twin brother him and his brother right after high school tried to join the military in 1937

And they both tried to join the Navy. He got kicked out or he got rejected because his eyesight was bad. And then a couple of years later, the draft got instituted. And I think September 16th, 1940, as we were getting ready to go to war. And he...

Goes in and he's like, well, the Navy knows that I have shitty eyesight, so I'm going to go try to join the army. He joins the army. He fucking cheats the eye exam and gets in. He becomes a tanker. Wait, rewind. Don't tell. The story. You had me dying when you explained it. What was that? This story of the eyesight is fucking amazing. Which one?

When he's just like... Oh, no. That was Lost in Red Ramage. That was my last video. Oh, okay. So I don't know what it is, but every fucking war hero I cover was initially rejected for having shitty eyesight. So there was this dude, Lost in Red Ramage, the first submarine commander ever to win the Medal of Honor. He was rejected for having shitty eyesight. That's a whole video series for you. The bad eyesight of heroes or something like that. Hell yeah. So...

Lost in Red Ramage, rejected for eyesight. You're not allowed to work in a submarine because your eyes are bad. You're in a fucking submarine. Who gives a fuck? You need to see far in a submarine. So he was rejected. And then he had Willis, Augustus Willis Ching was his nickname, Lee. Is he Asian? He was Asian-American.

And he was I should. So his eyesight was bad. This is a video I'm going to do in the future. His eyesight was bad because when he was a kid, he was in like seventh grade and he was chewing tobacco. Right. The teacher got mad. This is like 1920. The teacher got mad at him, took his fucking chewing tobacco and threw it in the wood furnace in the corner because that's how they heated the fucking school at this point in time. And he's like, cool, do it again, bitch. Showed up the next day.

and filled his fucking chewing tobacco pouch full of fucking black powder. And he was like sitting there chewing and the teacher confiscated it and threw it in the wood burner and fucking blew the entire thing up. And he was so close. It ended up like burning his corneas and causing eye damage. So he had really bad eyesight for the rest of his life.

But he was... His dad was a doctor, and he was, like, really gifted at shooting guns, but he had glasses, so it was fine. He ended up going to the fucking Olympics, winning, I think, eight or nine gold fucking medals for sharpshooting in the Olympics. And then he goes to join the Navy. They're like, your eyesight's too bad. He's like, motherfucker's got eight gold medals for sharpshooting, and you're not gonna let him join the fucking Navy? So he joins the Navy. He ends up being literally the greatest battleship commander the world has ever seen. He ends up being the only...

Dude fucking slayed. He was the commander of the USS Washington, which was the last battleship to sink another battleship in battleship-on-battleship warfare. It was fucking dope. He sunk the Japanese Kirishima in World War II. So that was a huge deal. Anyways. The ice, I think. A quick synopsis of it is like, Homeboy accidentally went through... This is the same guy with the bad ice. Goes under, is in formation with everyone. He's like, yo...

Yo, they don't know I'm here. I'm a fuck show. So he's just like walking. He just blended in with everyone and just started fucking everyone up with it. Everyone. And then they couldn't shoot because they had tankers. Oh, you're talking about Ramage? Yeah. Yeah. So Ramage, he was a submarine in World War II, and he was initially...

Basically, he had went out. He was at Pearl Harbor when it happened, and he was like a radio technician and a sonar technician at Pearl Harbor. So he was fucking there, and he volunteered to go out on a submarine. And they went out. They sunk a sub, and then they decided to give him his own sub, the USS Trout. They went out. They ended up sinking. I think they sunk like three ships over three. They call them war patrols, like three big missions.

So Pearl Harbor was his, like, hero arc. He's just like, oh, they want to do this? Dude was fucking ready. So he goes out, like, wanting revenge. And at this point, the plan with submarines was basically, like, send them out, go sink enemy ships, period. Like your lone wolf operation completely. He ends up sinking three ships. But he shoots way more torpedoes at ships than he sinks. But the Mark 14 torpedo was, like, notoriously shitty. So, like, he had shot...

He had actually shot the Kirishima, which Willis Ching Lee sings later. He had shot it with five fucking torpedoes and all five of them were duds. That's how shitty the Mark 14 torpedo was. Accuracy by volume. The politicians were like, oh, this, the torpedoes are fine. You just have bad aim. He's like, I watched him fucking hit it. They just don't blow up, which is like well supported now. But at the time they're like, nah, you just have shitty aim. Shut up. Military.

Hands up getting he does like three war tours and after three war tours in a sub, you were basically kicked out of that sub because they were worried that you'd become too conservative or too reckless.

at that point. So he got kicked out and then he got sent all the way over to Maine where he got to like oversee, oversee the construction of his new submarine, the USS Parchee. And then he sailed it all the way from Maine to Pearl Harbor. And then he went out on a mission again. And by this point in time, it's like 1943, 1944. And they had adopted a different type of warfare, whether you're not just going out lone wolf style, you're going out with like three other subs in a wolf pack. So they were going out in this wolf pack and they,

They encounter this huge convoy. The other members... One member of his wolf pack ditched out because they had damage to their submarine somehow. The first wolf pack guy, like, pops up, dumps his torpedoes. I think they had six in the front, four in the back. Ten torpedoes. Right? Like, shoots all six torpedoes, does a U-turn, fires the four. He bounces. Ramage is fucking pissed. So he fucking goes in. This dude's by himself. He, like...

Because the first dude had shot his torpedoes, they end up abandoning and all the security forces on this Japanese patrol like fan out looking for subs.

And he does this evasive maneuver where he basically does a 270 degree turn. And he fucking pops up and he's in the middle of this Japanese fucking convoy of boats. And he's like in the cargo ships and all the military ships. He's like in the middle of the cargo ships that are being protected by the military ships. And he's like, fuck, what do we do? It's nighttime. The Japanese don't fucking have radar yet. They have no idea he's there. He's standing up on the deck of the submarine like, oh.

He's like, fire at that one. And it fires and they fucking miss. Everybody's just like, and one of those guys is like, bro, they got aircraft carriers over there. She was like, okay,

So they like penetrate. There's like 30 fucking ships in this cargo formation. So they penetrate deeper into this formation trying to sink these aircraft carriers. They get up to them. They're not aircraft carriers or tankers. Right. But that's still a huge, huge objective. Like big ship. Very Japanese. Japan is already struggling with oil. It's a big deal to take out an oil tanker. So like, all right, we're going to take these fuckers out.

So he fucking fires like a bunch of torpedoes at one oil tanker and then turns, does a U-turn, fires a bunch more. And at this point in time, like once you fire your torpedoes, like that's it. Like you submerge and you leave because you can't just reload mid-combat. They're fucking, they're 20 feet long and they're 3,000 fucking pounds. Like there's cranes and winches and dudes getting hernias involved with reloading these fucking things. They're like, nah, we're staying on top of the water. Reload the tubes. And he's just fucking dodging torpedoes

gunfire and shit as his crew's trying to reload the tubes. Cody, imagine you get that call. You're a private and you're like, hey, get one to the front. You're like, what? No, sir. What? Why? And then you're just like this. Like you and your buddies are like, fuck, don't drop it. You're not fucking dropping it, bro. And this is a tight area. So you're just like red lights. It's shitty. And you're just trying to get it in the fucking hole. What does the server want to do? What the fuck is happening? It's backwards. We got to go back, turn it around.

We're in the center. Does he know we're in the center? We're so fucked. Oh my God. Yeah. He ends up firing like 19 fucking torpedoes at one time, reloading multiple first submarine commander to ever reload torpedoes in mid combat and fucking keep fighting. Six, five Japanese ships takes no fucking damage, submerges and gets away. He ends up getting the medal of honor is,

Pretty dope story. Dude, I want to fuck this. Cut this. Let's go to a fucking recruiter right now. You don't need a GED. You don't need anything. Dude, let's go to the Navy. Let's get some subs up, dude. The gang goes SF. Oh, we're doing it again. The gang got turned away for age. Oh, man. I'm not going to lie. I've been waiting for the military to get a hold of me for a PSYOP contract. That hasn't happened yet. Fingers crossed. I'm hoping for it.

That dude, that story goes so hard. Oh, but with the eyesight, he just memorized. Oh yeah. So he like, he goes in, he fails the eyesight exam and then they're like, you fail. And he's like, all right. So he comes back the next day and he had memorized the chart, but it was the same optometrist. And the dude's like,

I remember you from yesterday. So he goes up and changes the board. Ramage is like, fuck. And he's like, all right, cover one eye. So he covers his bad eye first, and he reads all the fucking shit. And he's like, all right, cover your other eye. And Ramage goes, I reread all the shit. I didn't get to win with this. So he ends up joining the Navy, becoming one of the best submarine commanders ever.

It's such a dope. Like that one. I remember texting you at like 2 a.m. I was like, I just watched that video. So fucking bothered.

But yeah, no, then, uh, the fury movie, it's same thing. Dude got fucking rejected. So his brother joined the Navy. He ended up going to college. And then after that, he ends up, uh, joining the army. He cheats on the eye exam right out of the fucking gate to get in. And then, so this is a funny part. So I haven't, cause this video is not out yet. So nobody knows this dude ends up training for like three years from 1940 through like 43. He's training and, uh,

a tank. He trains in Pennsylvania. He trains in Louisiana. He trains in the Mojave desert in California. And he assembles like this bad-ass crew gets shipped off to England. He's training in England, getting ready for D day. Cause he's going to go in right after D day and a fucking tank. And, uh,

Fucking while he's in England in 1944, like early 1944, like January, February, Joe Lewis, the world heavyweight boxing champion. Yes, the boxer. One of like the greatest, one of the all time greatest, one of the everything like amazing boxer and also joined the military. Right. So he was there doing a fucking tour going around every day, going to a new unit, boxing an army guy, just like for morale shit, right? Beating the shit.

Come on. He's being cool. He's being cool. Are you guys unhappy? I just saw a German guy fuck a donkey. I don't want to get beat up. Lafayette pool war. Daddy had been boxing his whole life at this point. He was fucking 40 and Oh, in boxing. He got put in to go up against Joe Lewis. And he's like,

Previously to this, while he was in the Mojave Desert in California, he had won the California State Golden Gloves Championship and had the chance to go to Chicago for the national title. But he's like, nah, I got to stay with my fucking dudes. We're going to war or whatever. So he he turned it down. He goes to England like six months later. Now he's got a chance to box the world heavyweight champion. So he's like, here's my shot. Right.

Lafayette pool goes in Joe Lewis being completely cool. He's boxing a new dude every night. This is a glorified sparring match to him. He's not trying to hurt nobody. He's being cool as shit. It's a little dog and pony. Yeah, he's just doing Lafayette pool goes in and fuck just throws a haymaker and connects it staggers him. Oh my gosh. Joe Lewis locks up with him and

leans in and is like, I'm going to teach you a lesson. And then beats the fucking shit out of Lafayette pool for the rest of the match. But he doesn't get knocked out. So everybody's like, huge win. Yeah, huge win. By Joe Lewis. That's incredible. His face looks like a pumpkin. And he's like, we won. Joe Lewis got like a 95% knockout rate. And he didn't get knocked out. Huge win. Right? Damn.

And then literally two months later, he's on the beaches of Normandy. Two weeks after D-Day, he goes into World War II. He's in combat for 81 days. He goes from Normandy, drives all the way through France, through Belgium, up to the Siegfried Line. And in 81 days, this dude fucking is credited with taking out over a thousand German infantry soldiers. Yeah.

12 tanks, 200 some odd armored vehicles capturing over 200 POWs all in one tank. Complete fucking animal. And then at the Siegfried line, at the Siegfried line, his loader, so John Birdthal from the movie Fury, his loader, Jailbird. Yeah. I'm not dumb. His brother was a tanker and his brother had died in combat. So because of that, he had been sent all the way to the rear for like an eye exam and

which was bullshit. The command did it just to get him out of combat because he was the last son in that family and they didn't want anything to happen to him because like they were two weeks away from getting sent back to America because they were the best tank crew America had and they were going to send them back to be heroes and sell war bonds.

And so they sent that guy to the rear and they sent Lafayette pool had been spearheading all of France, all of Belgium. He was the first fucking tank in, and they finally set him to the rear. And that night, a German tank unit snuck past the line and ambushed them. And they were the first fucking tank they hit. And the fucking first round, this Panther tank fired, uh,

Fucked up. Their tank was called In The Mood. It wasn't called Fury. It was nicknamed In The Mood. It was the name of their tank. It's a porn title. That's why they named the movie that. It was from the song. Dude, you're a fucking wealth of information. What song?

In the mood. In the mood? Yeah. It's just like... You know the song, In the Mood. I'd play it for you, but it's copyrighted. I don't know it. You would know it as soon as I played it for you. In the mood. I don't know music. Anyways. I'm in the mood with my gal. So the dude that replaced Jailbird ends up... Oh, he's music. Bull orders fire. They return fire on this German Panther tank, and then he orders fire again, but this new guy that they just got fucking fumbles, ends up jamming the gun, and then

Just like in the movie. The panther tank gets a second shot off on him and fucking fucks up the tank. Pool gets ejected from the tank and his leg is just fucking shredded by shrapnel.

And he lands. He has a, you know what a morphine syrette is? It's like a single serving morphine dose they had in World War II. He fucking injects himself with a morphine syrette and tries to cut what's left of his leg off with a pocket knife. Holy shit. Yeah. And the other American tanks start hitting this Panther. They knock the Panther out. Poole is fucking trying to cut his leg off with a pocket knife, yelling to get back to his tank. And another tank crew commander runs over to him, hits him with another morphine syrette,

and then calls the medics and pools trying to get back to his tank the medics come hit him with a third morphine syrette and he passes out he ends up fucking waking up in a hospital in texas and dude spent 22 months in the hospital didn't get out till 1946 is wild damn god yeah dude that those wars were so like that level of combat i cannot envision in my head because jack knows you you were the you

Your unit lost, like, I was like, holy shit. 10 guys, yeah. I think 10, 12 guys. I would have to look at it. And that's crazy. It's crazy. For reference, Zach, like, having 10 guys to 12, it's insane for a battalion, right? Yeah, battalion. Battalion to lose that. Because it is a very rare thing for battalions to lose that many guys. With Zach said that, I was like, oh. It was a different era of warfare, though. Oh, I know. And that's why you're losing entire battalions.

Poles unit. So when they first landed in France, they had what was called hedgerow warfare. So the German crop fields, or not German, the French crop fields were basically separated by what they called hedgerows. It was basically like bushes and trees and shit separating the different fields of who owned what. That's what's in Afghanistan. Right. Literally. Yeah. So they were going through that. And in...

They were in theater for six days before they went on their first mission. They cut through, they went through like the first couple of fields and they got ambushed by a German anti-tank unit with a German 88 anti-tank guns and Panzerfaust, which is the, uh, early, basically an early version of an RPG. It's, it means armor puncher, tank puncher. It was the one with the giant shield, right? No, it just looked like a big fucking, it looks like a fat man. Fuck. It looks like an RPG. It's like an ancient, an antique RPG basically. And, um,

I know what you're talking about. They walked right into this fucking ambush and Poole's battalion lost 25% of 177 dudes and 18 M4 Sherman tanks in like eight minutes. That's war is so different. It's fucking gnarly. Because 10 is like 10. 10's a lot. 10's a lot. We lost, I mean like, so what happens in Afghanistan in particular is- Stays in Afghanistan. Yeah, well, it's the graveyard of all empires. It's

It's a great empire. But 70% of the world's opium comes from there. And so they would harvest it. And so what I would do when we would walk through a field is I would squeeze the poppy plants to see how close they were to being harvested. So if they're hard, they haven't bloomed yet. So you got two months. And then if they started to get swollen, kind of like an orange, you got another month. And then if they start having scratches on the side of them, you're going to start having problems because they've already taken the opiates out of it. But-

it was, uh, the spring offensive and all that dope would go out and all that cash would come in. And it was, it was, it was rough. I mean, we had the ANA there, they were worthless. Um, they were just, they would like walk off all the time. That was a big thing they did. No, no, there was one time, I think the time's up on it. Uh,

I did commandeer a Toyota Hilux once. That was pretty cool. I'd use that to drive down the road and pop some rounds out of a Dushka. I'm not allowed to own one because of chickens. It's incredible. I own one. I don't know why you don't have one. I can tell you. I didn't know Toyota was a big sponsor of the war, but they are. They might need to look into that. They're really upset about it, actually. They're really mad about it.

I mean, they're- Why are these competitors using our vehicles? I'm telling you, dude, like, my bolo list was, like, be on the lookout for it. It'd be, like, Toyota Corolla, white, Toyota Corolla, red, Toyota Corolla, brown, and then every color of a Hilux that was available.

The Hyrix. Yeah. The Hyrix. Hyrix. Dude, it was... Hyrix. You can do it. I'm not doing it. I'm not doing it. Not here. I'll have a real unsubscribed situation if I do that. I'll start floating there, dude. I own an 81 Toyota Hyrix. Yeah. Every time I look at it, my hands start to sweat. I just go... Where are the Taliban? It's just...

Start asking where they are. But no, it's I mean, it was it was a gnarly time. I got to do a lot of different stuff there. I mean, we even took so many casualties that they had to reorganize our whole company. And I ended up becoming a squad leader because of it. So I finished out my last my last tour the last three months, roughly as a squad leader. So what rank did you leave at?

Um, Corporal, E4, and then I got in the IRR in five. E4 Mafia for life, dude. E4 Mafia. But then it's God, like losing, again, it's, it is, I will just, I want to stress this. Like 10 people is...

You don't realize when a battalion or anything like that loses that many individuals and how much that is. Because a lot of units are like, oh, we lost one or two. And then, like, we had 16. You had 10. The second you said 10, I was like, holy fuck, you probably had a bunch of purple hearts. Because it is. If you're losing dudes, you are losing usually. It's not like, ah, one or two. It goes from, like, one or two to, like, 10 to 30 guys. Just go.

it is a huge difference on your combat zone and where you're going. So when you hear that, and I guessed, I was like, you probably had like 40, 50 Purple Hearts. He's like, yeah, 50. Oh, yeah, we put them out there. Yeah, there's a few of them. And like the thing was, it wasn't because of like incompetence or anything like that. It was just a lot of war. War is like a number of game of, it's a game of numbers. So like the more patrols you do, the higher chance you are that you're going to get hurt, get injured. And then just like increase, we were doing two patrols a day.

Like, it was fucking gnarly. And, like, we were out there and, like, just making it up as it went. I remember, like...

But like it was so fucking weird. They sent us these girls that were called lionesses. They're called like female engagement teams now, but we called them lionesses. Wait, you had what? So they were for like if you came across like women or children. And so according to like their culture, so we wouldn't touch them or get them like literally tossed out and stoned by their community. So they got attached to us. And so like we took them out.

It didn't go well. They only went out with me once. They got really scared and like, I don't know. They just didn't know what they were doing. Did they shoot somebody in an apartment? No, that wasn't mine. Thank God. Jesus Christ. Did they mag dump three times? Yeah. Well, like they, I was told, my CO was like, hey, Zach, you got to take these girls out. And I was like, I don't want to do that. It's fucking dangerous. I don't know anything about them. I'd never seen them before. And I'm not going to take them on a fucking patrol on God's most austere environment. And he goes, I'm the fucking company commander. And I go, good to go, sir.

I will take them out. Hoorah. Yeah. Hoorah. We say hoorah. Hoorah, big, big.

Yeah, you're a sir. So I took him out, and they're like, this one speaks Pashto. Don't worry, she'll translate for you. And I'm like, cool. I go to this elder. I've known him for a while. I come in there. You know, I peel off a few, you know, Ben Franklin's for him. He's like, yeah, Talib, they're over there, bro. They don't like you. And he would tell me, give me information. Mister there. You got mister? Yeah, we go, Talib, Talib, whoa. That is right there. Yeah, yeah. So I go up there, and I'm trying to talk to him. And I'm like, hey, send me so-and-so up here. Send me...

whatever lance corporal jones whatever her name was and uh i get up there and like he starts talking and i've got enough like lingo or he's like blah blah blah over there in that village i'm like all right cool and then he's she looks at him looks at me and she goes i don't know what he's saying and i go what do you mean you don't know what he's saying she goes oh i that's a weird dialect i go it's not a weird dialect that's what doesn't like fucking speak around here this is posh too

She goes, I don't know that language. I go, what do you mean you don't know Pashtun? She goes, you see, Corporal, I only know the language of the Navi.

And I was like, what the fuck did you just say? She goes, Corporal, I only know the language from the movie Avatar. I go, I know where the fuck it's from. I swear to God, I was like, I'm going to sound retarded and I'm going to get mean, but is that the people from Avatar? She goes, yes. I go, didn't you go to language school? She goes, yes, Corporal, for three years. And I go, and all you picked up was the language the guy who made Titanic made up? She goes, yes, Corporal. I'll get in the back of the fucking patrol right now in language.

They sent her back after that and like the rest of the day I had to talk to like four people in my chain of command. They're like, Belle, what did she tell you? Well, you see, sir, she told me she only knows the language of Avatar. And he goes, the fucking blue people? And I was like, yeah. I'm going to stop. Because I got a nod.

That was what she told me. We were covered in sweat. We had just been shot at for an hour. And she's like, I don't know what he's talking about. I know a lot of you right now is like, he's making that story up. This is wartime military. If you think they gave a fuck on what they were cycling in. I've told many stories of the people that got let into the infantry with me. That is 100%.

Oh, 100%. Dude, I was so mad. I was like, I can't leave her here. But all she's going to do is be like, my name's Jake. I'm a Marine. She was a spook? No, she was part of this female engagement team. And she allegedly, the other two girls were actually pretty cool. But her thing was that she was the language person. So they sent her to the military language school for three fucking years. So she was an Afghani national? No, she was an American.

We had dumped like hundreds of thousands of dollars into teaching her Pashto, but on her off time, she was just like learning language that was probably on Reddit version one in 2009 being like, ah, whatever the fuck it is.

Tax dollars will spin. They needed females to interact with the... With the women and the kids. With the local females because men aren't allowed to touch women. Yeah, if you touch them, they'll get fucking ostracized, taken out of their culture. Right, yeah. They'll get fucking stoned to death. Side note, I will give a shout-out to the females that had to be because you had females and males at the only thing that I would never do, which was checkpoint security, and I'm glad I was on missions all the time because that was the only time I was like, that is...

Like, you are either having a V-Bid pull-up or you're a sniper target. Because you are sitting there, Cody...

It's like you are sitting there letting vehicles in, checking the vehicle, letting them pass. Yeah. Out in sector. Yeah. So, so every, every time you're like, is this my day? Is this my day? Holy shit. There's a story of the two guys who I got one. Yeah. Holy shit. I forgot about this. Uh, this was, uh, I want to say this was Wajanowski alphabet. I think this was you. We were doing a sector clear. What?

went to, there's a vehicle lock. We were just going through each sector. It's like, oh, there's a bad guy house. Well, ah, so he fucking opens the trunk. It's locked. We're like, fucking get it. Like the rest of the guy, you won't open it. Fucking get trunk. We'll open it. Like what the fuck? So he just shotgun clears, opens it. Veeam it. It's just 200 pounds of explosives. He was like, ha, ho, what the fuck? It's just run, run, run, run, run. Yeah. Yeah.

Oh my god, yeah. We have so many stories like that. Literally, he's like, trunk open. Someone call Jeremy Renner. Someone call Jeremy Renner. We're good. We'll just mark it on the FBCB2. Speaking of Jeremy Renner, well, you don't like... No, I have a friend. You don't like Hawkeye? I have a friend. He's actually a really popular influencer. I can't say who he is because he'd be fucking furious at me because nobody knows he was even in the military. But I have a friend that was...

You said it in the military. It's obviously fucking Brandon. I have a friend that was Marine EOD. Brandon? In 2003. Brandon's like, shut the fuck up. I probably know who it is. No, you don't. I bet I do. I bet you don't. General Mattis? No. Fuck, that's all I got. Anyway, he was Marine EOD in 2003, and this is when EOD was not a refined science yet. No, it's not. Yeah.

He talked about, you know, the shit he, I asked him about Hurt Locker. He said it was one of the most realistic movies he's ever seen in his life, which Hurt Locker is pretty renowned as being one of the most unrealistic veteran movies ever. And he's like, no, for an EOD guy, that's exactly how we got. He's like, we were allowed to do whatever the fuck we wanted. Nah.

Not in my time. Maybe back when Eli was there and the M16 was 15, but in my time, we had a little more refined rules. Leaving the gate with one vehicle. Yeah, he leaves at one point and he's like, fuck it, I'm taking a local and take someone hostage. And he's like, I take bombs out of the fucking ground. You can't leave. You can't do that. We had to have eight people. You had to have vehicles. How many vehicles are in this combo? One, two, three. Because you have to check out.

when you're leaving a FOB, unless you're in a COB. And he wasn't in a COB. He was in a fucking FOB. So when you're like, hey, you drive up. If you pull up in a Humvee with fucking one of your bros and be like, eh, they'd be like, get the fuck back in the FOB. You would have just turned around and ran back. Because, again, all the dumb shit. When they pull up and there's just abandoned Humvees in that movie. Because they just pull up and they're like, the Humvees are abandoned. And then they walk around the corner and the soldiers are there. I'm like,

You don't abandon vehicles. Ever. There's just too much technology as a serialized gear. I mean, like, the only thing all my UD friends told me about that movie that made the least amount of sense to them is, like, putting on the bomb suit. They're like, dude, it only protects you up to, like, five pounds of, like, regular dynamite or something. He's like, fuck that. He's like, if I'm going to die, I'm going to die. Yeah.

R.E.D. techs were fucking gnarly in Afghanistan. They were crazy bros. And so the way it works is one guy looks for the bomb and then one guy like sweeps around it. And like this one, I can't remember his name. Let's just say his name is Sergeant Smith. He's like, you want to see how this is done? And I was like, fuck yeah, I want to see how it's done. He takes out his knife and we have an idea where it is. And he just starts fucking digging while his like a team leader guys just sweeping around them because they're looking for a trigger, a charge and then trigger charge and then a power source.

If you find one, you can find all three. And there was no science other than him with the fucking K-bar just, like, scooping it up and just cutting wires. And I was... I'm pouring sweat, and he's just talking to me. He's like, yeah, just fucking... You just look for it, and if you hit it... Whoops, there it is. And, like, he just kept going. It was insane. Have you seen the Filipino EOD guys that are still, like, unearthing landmines from World War II? Yeah, fuck that. Those dudes are out there with a fucking...

What's the fucking shovel? Yeah. Fucking swinging at the ground. Dude, they're like hitting a landmine from World War II. Just grab it, throw it over their shoulder like it's no big fucking deal. It's crazy. How much are they getting paid? Not enough. Sandwiches. Sandwiches. Anyways, this guy...

He basically said that he had like he got he got blown the fuck up. He's got one lung anyways, but he Jesus. Yeah, he got blown the fuck up bad, but he was there in like 2003 like super early on and he was at a fucking bar on his like on leave and whoever was manufacturing all the fucking bombs in his area met him at a bar and knew his name and knew who he was. He's like, it's the scariest moment I've ever had in my fucking life.

Jesus Christ. The bar like overseas. Yeah, no, it was like in theater, but it was like in a city that was like safe or whatever. The green zones were fucking huge over there too. And he's like, he just like came up to him at the bar and was like, Hey, and like said his full name. And he's like, what the fuck? And he's like,

Literally just like I know who you are basically and he's like it was one of the weirdest fucking things ever happened to me But he's like they had a conversation It was like some dude that was a fucking not at not a chemist But like an engineer that had been like trained at a college and like now he was building IEDs It's like the craziest conversation. He's ever had Holy what do you call broken beer bottles when you stab someone with them? Weapons of Opportunity I

He's like, I was on LinkedIn one day and now I'm here. It's good to meet you. So Battle of Aqaba, that was our last fight. Last fight in the deployment.

Enemies killed 382. This is just my battalion. 382 enemies killed, 100 detained. That was the last few months of my deployment. Jesus Christ. I was like, wait, what is this? I love you, but I didn't realize that battles that you were in had their own Wikipedia pages. Oh, dude, mind us. Mind us. Mind us. Mind us. I was like, whoa. Because we, like in Iraq and...

in what year is this this is the surge jesus yeah of 708 this is you guys didn't even have an up armored humvees you're just like rolling out aluminum foil out the window you're just like remember what i said earlier when i said hey there's always a major economic crisis before a big war you remember when i said that yeah you know what you know what happened right before world war ii what the great depression what was what was what was that surge you did

What year was that? Oh, really? What happened in 2008 in America? When I got out of the military, the economic collapsed. Oh, yeah, exactly. Literally the day I was sent. When I got out. You mean the housing crisis? If you wake up and the stock market crashed, we're going to war again. I'm just throwing it out there. Get those shares back. Yeah, watch the big short if you guys haven't seen it. Such a good movie.

But yeah, I forgot about all, like, I never, like, wars that we tell them every once in a while, but it is always to that level. I always forget. I'm like, wait, what is the battle of like Mokhtadiya? Like all those areas. I'm like, oh yeah, we did war. Like four corners, war, war. And Mokhtadiya was probably the lighter compared to Baghdad because we lost a majority of our dudes in Baghdad.

back. That was a firefight every day. Every day. And I forgot because I always say, I'm like, did we have a firefight? I called my buddy Ennis like last week. I haven't talked to him in years. And he's like, man, we were getting shot at. It was like once we did a firefight once a day for like at least 90 days on that break-in period. Yeah. That was our break-in period. This is war. I was like, huh. Oh yeah, that was right. Yeah. That's pretty fucking cool. Yeah. And because of all of you guys like that's one of the final pushes that like made me want to enlist.

was because that was such a weird time in the world, like 2006, 2007 era, because I was getting ready to enlist, but all that shit was going straight to LiveLeak. Like, it's like, what's the war like? Dude, LiveLeak enlisted more people than the fucking War Bonds tours in the 40s. It used to be like...

And he would like pull it up, Baghdad. He'd be like, guys with like bad taste in music would like upload videos and be like, dum-dum-dum, dum-dum-dum. Killing in the name of. And it's just me like this, putting in a dip, being like, hell yeah, dude. I fucking turn on Toby Keith and I'm just fucking working out in my garage like a psycho. Metallica murder. In high school. Trying to pass. Trying to get that diploma. I'm ready for this.

Dude, LiveLeak was like the best website ever. It was literally, and then it took, I don't even know if it's still around anymore, but it. Cody has a story for that one. No, they just, they shut it down. The guy said, I'm like, I think the founder of LiveLeak came out and was like, I'm sorry I ever made this website. Yeah.

But now we have Twitter, so we're fine. Yeah, Twitter's fine. We're fine. AKA Chinese people getting fucked up in machines. I lost track of the running total of seeing people die on the internet between X and Instagram, but it's been a while. Every single day. It might have been better when it was on websites like LiveLeak. You knew where it was. It was kind of like a door if you opened it.

You knew what was going to happen, but now you're just like, I wonder what Cody's doing on Twitter today. And then it's just like death, death, death. The worst one I've ever seen is there. It's gone now, but there used to be a subreddit called RR, how it feels to chew five gum. And it was just people getting fucking murked. It was bad. Jesus Christ. That's a great name. Because it was every time anybody uploaded anything, it was like dude getting literally blown into nothing, right?

How it feels to chew five gum from the fucking commercials. It was horrible. Dude, I think r slash people dying is still around. Oh, I know. And it's like the Chinese factory incidents where you see the LiveLeak logo in the corner coming down. You're like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Just getting spun around machines and shit like that. There's one that's our real combat footage footage.

That's one that still exists. I mean, I don't know. I don't know if it's good to have these things. I kind of liked it there, but it heavily influenced me seeing guys like Eli literally on rooftops just winging it with deuce gear and they're running around shooting RPGs and grenades. It was fucking gnarly.

Yeah, I think the leading people for that now is like the Funker guys, Funker 530 guys. Funker 530 is so fucking cool. They got their own app. Yeah, it's so good. I love all that stuff. They're always botting people in the comments. It's pretty epic, actually. X. A lot of that U-word country going into that now. Dude, X is wild on the content that gets fed to. Well, mine, I'm like, cool.

I'm like, oh, there's bullying. Cody's bullying. I love it. I get a lot of Fight Haven stuff. I got the Fight Haven guy, the fucking creepy.org. Cody just bodying people. Brandon bodying people. I know. I have like my friends. I'm like, yep. Yep. Okay. There's somebody dying. Yep. Somebody dying. And I follow...

I'm very bad. I still need to learn X. I've said it before. I have like 37... I'm following 37 people because I'm just bad. But still, my algorithm is nothing but my friend bullying people in death. I really need to figure X out. Yeah, we all need to learn from the master. I don't have the temperament to handle being on that app because I'm going to see... You bully your fucking high schools or your college. I bully... Bro. The people you're in college with. I've spent the last 48 hours of my life...

fucking just raging communism simps because we just haven't done it right donald trump had that fucking comment about how like oh russia beat the nazis and now it's it's weird because like donald trump right but like communist sympathizers left and now all the communist sympathizers like yes russia beat the nazis by themselves and i'm just shitting on all of them and it's

I can't handle being on there because I'm going to get canceled if I go on there and have to argue with these fucking people. What is it? As you're saying, it is this quick history lesson. You're going to see. Yes, Russia threw a fuck ton of bodies and help stop the war machine that was not Germany. Yes. But if your claim to fame is we had the most people die, that's a really shitty stat. I'm sorry. Like, imagine if I was in the...

NBA finals and LeBron dunked on me the most amount of times and I was like, I deserve to be MVP because I gave up the most points. No, no. That's fucking stupid. Do you know about the NBA? That's impressive. It's more like League of Legends or Call of Duty, like Warzone. It is you and your three buddies are at the top and that fourth person on that team has a KD of .006.

He's died 80 times. Bro. Got one kill. He's like, this is my fucking water. You get all these fucking dudes to simp over. Did you know the USSR actually manufactured more tanks in America during World War II? Oh, did they? Did they really? You're scaring me. Really interesting. That's cool. Who did America send to the Soviet Union in, I don't know, like fucking 1929 and started their entire industrial revolution when he founded the Stalingrad tractor factory? Who?

Oh, it was Albert Kahn, a.k.a. the architect of fucking Detroit. Literally, America started your entire manufacturing capability. You're going to sit here and try to flex on me like that's a fucking big W for communism. How much fucking money did America give to the Soviet Union in the early years of World War II? Like, what fucking what? $11 billion? You're like, oh, that's not a lot of money. It's like fucking $246 billion-ish. What's fucking, what's Russia's military budget, right?

now 86 billion oh you gave them 30 times the annual military fucking budget and you're gonna come to me and be like oh communism's the fucking best yeah when it's funded by fucking capitalism sure it is why the fuck wouldn't it be okay the same reason you hear everybody like no did you know that fucking cuba has the best health care system in the fucking world and the only reason that cuba isn't a communist fucking paradise is because america put an embargo on them and refused to do business on them

Yeah, maybe, but explain to me in logical fucking reasoning why it is that a communist fucking utopia can't exist because capitalism isn't going to work with them. It can't exist on its own. They need capitalists to fucking work with them for them to fucking survive. Okay. At the end of the day, I've never seen the fucking capitalist trying to build a fucking raft out of shitty broken fucking tires to swim across shark infested water to make their way to Florida to fucking escape. Okay. Yeah.

Get over it. Communism fucking sucks. You're never going to convince me otherwise. You're fucking wrong. If you think that the USSR single-handedly beat...

the Nazis in World War II, you're fucking wrong. Objectively speaking, I can't fucking help you. Okay? Did they help? Absolutely. I'm happy to admit that they contributed to beating the Nazis. If you think they did it on their own, it's because you're breathing through your mouth and you're objectively fucking retarded. Those are the only fucking reasons that you would think that. Okay? Furthermore, the only reason that World War II even fucking...

Yeah. Yeah.

up i can't fucking handle it like i got two sons and people are like oh you do jujitsu you're big fucking tough manly man you are what if what if your kids grew up what if one of them was gay i don't care at all they can be gay all they want it's not going to bother me at all but if my child grows up to simp over the ussr or the german military i'm going to consider myself a fucking failure as a father because my kids objectively fucking retarded okay yeah that's not acceptable to me

I fucking hate it. Dude, going to college with you must be a fucking nightmare. No, try being the fucking professor. Your teacher's like, this is college algebra. We just asked you to help us with the problem. So this is art 101? Bro, that's terrible. Everybody in your class is like this.

You guys should see the fucking diatribes that Nick writes. And he sends us. Like, arguing with college kids. He bullies college kids. That's your Twitter.

Yeah, you do in-person Twitter. You do Twitter and IRL. Like, oh my God. What's the last battle you've been in on your college frontier? It was that, actually. Somebody was like, actually, you know the Soviet Union?

more fucking tanks and it was me just going off. Like actually, the only reason they could manufacture tanks is because America sent their best fucking engineers to the USSR to teach them how to manufacture tanks. Furthermore, your tanks are shit. Also, America gave you like 4,000 fucking Sherman tanks and 400,000 trucks. Did you know that in 1945, over fucking three quarters of all the vehicles that the USSR military had were

were fucking manufactured by America, go fuck yourself. If you're gonna sit here and be like, communism's better because it can manufacture more shit. Only because America's funding you, okay? The only reason that you motherfuckers were running proxy wars in Afghanistan in the 80s and 90s were because America taught you how to do it because we did it to you in World War II. Go fuck yourself. Communism sucks. Jesus Christ. Just some kid like this, just being like... I get it.

What was the response? That wasn't real communism. Oh, fuck. I'm sorry. Okay. Every problem you have with capitalism, that's not real capitalism. Go fuck yourself. Get out of here. We just haven't done it right yet. Yeah, exactly. Fucking bro. Like fucking one, two, maybe three, three tops, three more genocides. And we're going to hammer out this whole camp communism idea. Okay. Look,

Communism is fucking stupid. Communism is perfect on paper. Okay. It's the greatest way to live that's ever been devised. The problem with having a perfect work of art is you're trying to apply it to an imperfect canvas, and that is humans. Humans are greedy, arrogant, stupid assholes. Everybody is at some point during the day. It's just a matter of how often you are that person. Everybody's a stupid, arrogant, greedy. This is why fucking roundabouts don't work, right? Right.

Roadabouts are basically communism, right? They're the communism of road structures, okay? Are they better on paper?

paper absolutely they're way more efficient except for janet is in her fucking minivan trying to hand little tommy fucking cheetos while she's trying to take a fucking roundabout at 65 miles an hour and it doesn't fucking work okay it's the redistribution of payments are dumb and you have to take it into account when you're trying to build a civilization i'm sorry but that's just the way it works god i love you nick i fucking hate communism have i brought this up i don't know

Roundabouts or communism? Yes, I love that. 100%. That's a shirt. And now I get it because people stop it. You have people that go through it. They're like, oh, no one's coming. I'll go. But some people will yield and they'll just stop. Just sit there. Go. And you are right. It is the individual. It's perfect on paper, but people fuck it up.

Yeah, it's exactly like returning your fucking, your cart, your shopping cart back to the little fucking stall. You can't rely on everyone to do that. No, you cannot. And it gets that great internet video that one dude throws. No, it throws fucking stickers on people's cars and shit. And they get so pissed at it.

He's still out there, right? Isn't he doing something? Fighting a good fight? Dude, he gets so angry. And then you get fucking... And then you get fucking Tucker Carlson going to Russia being like, oh, fucking Russian grocery stores are so great. You have to put 10 rubles into the grocery cart and then that incentivizes you to return the grocery cart back to where it was. Yeah, fucking America does that too. It's called Aldi. We invented it in West Germany in 1940 fucking...

Right after World War II. Yeah, we do that too. I literally wrote a paper on that in business school. It's the most successful grocery store chain in the world. Aldi's the greatest grocery store on the planet. I did a case study on it for like a month. You want to know the number one consumer rated best grocery store in America? It's Aldi. You want to know the number two store? H-U-B. It's Trader Joe. Guess who owns Trader Joe? Aldi.

Aldi. Okay, because the Aldi brothers were two German soldiers right after World War II. I want to open the grocery store. They started their own grocery store. Okay, do you understand the fucking... Let him cook. Do you understand how hard it would be to open a fucking grocery store in West Germany in 1946? Yeah. They're playing on fucking hardcore mode, okay? They founded a grocery store. It worked great. Two brothers. And then in the 1980s, they're like...

I want to have cigarettes. And the other brother's like, I don't want to have cigarettes. And they're like, cool, let's separate. You run half the Aldi's. I'll run the other half of the Aldi's. And then we'll just have two separate businesses, but we'll work together. And that's what they did. And they had Aldi North and Aldi South.

Germany right then German then they came to America you can't have Aldi and Aldi in America due to trademark so they're like fuck it will be Aldi and Trader Joe and that's fucking what's going on in America right now they're the greatest grocery store divided in the middle ever they divide right down the middle divided it's like it's like they couldn't help themselves Germany was very it was like was there a wall or something there was a wall

Yeah, the Berlin Wall, they had East and West, like capitalism, communism, hungry, fed, that whole shtick. But then they had North and West, which is Aldi North, Aldi South, the two brothers. One had cigarettes, one didn't. One became Trader Joe's. The other one's just Aldi. It's the greatest grocery store ever. No big deal. Yeah. I mean, it's the number one thing that you studied in business school about a company and understanding scale. It's literally – I studied all the economics of it. Everything he says is right.

That's insane. I didn't know there was two brothers who were like, hey, we're going to start both of these. Well, they started together and then separated because of cigarettes. Brothers, they want the tobacco. We have to give it to them. Nah, I'm not buying it. You have a master's in what? Master's in business. Oh, okay. Debating. Who is the individual that, what are the, Tumblr, what are the new? Yeti. Yeti's.

Who's the guy? This is Stanley Cups. I don't know. That dude. Right? Stanley Cups? Stanley Cups. Those are the ones that are hot right now, yeah. Yeah. That is the same dude that did... Crocs. Crocs. Yeah. This dude has two. He made Crocs fucking awesome. And if you are our age, you remember when Crocs were the dumbest shit possible. So he was like, this one individual...

became CEO or marketing of that company. Yeah, he was the head of product, I think it was, at Crocs. And, like, Crocs was actually started by, like, guys on fucking fishing boats. Like, crab fishers, because it doesn't slide or whatever. And then someone's like, I can sell the fuck out of these. So he marketed it, and he crushed it. And then Stanley...

They hired him. He's like, I can make that cup popular. This is non-existent. And this is just like, I got you. And within a fucking year, he turned that company into a multi-billion dollar company. Marketing's fascinating. Are we talking about the burned car situation? Yeah, they did that too. Yeah. There's no way that fucking thing survived in a fucking burned car. No, no. I saw that it survived in the burned car. Oh, I bet it did. They actually did test. Solid chunk of metal.

It is. So it didn't keep the one thing, but he just, and that was one of the marketing ploys. That is the burn cars. Yeah. It's been burning customers cars. They show up and they're just like, but he took opportunities over sweating right now. She's like, you better get this right. I love my Stanley cup car fire show is huge on the stand. That's how we pay her. She gets an allotment each month.

Damn, dude. There's a full secondary market on that. Yeah, we send her $200 a month, and she's good $300. My fucking wife. So Stanley Cups had the limited edition collaboration with Starbucks, and my wife was like, I want one. I'm like, cool. I'm going to show up at fucking Target 8 in the morning. I will stiff arm a middle-aged woman to get one of these cups for my wife. I showed up. Those young moms, man.

My wife had no idea that I did this. I'm in there just fucking like, oh, trophy fucking stiff arm and middle-aged women. We get up. I'm front of the line. I was like, where are the Stanley cups? They're like, I live in the middle of Iowa. There's like, there's a, it's like the one target. And it's like a 50 mile radius before the next fucking target that has these goddamn Stanley cups. I just fought a bunch of,

Mostly nurses and CNAs to get to this fucking spot in line. Nick's just a monster in there. He started at the back. These poor nurses are in scrubs on their way to work trying to get this fucking cup. I'm like, nah. Anyway, so I get to the front of the line and they're like, we fucked up and our new employee accidentally put out all the Starbucks Stanley collaboration cups last week and they sold out before they were even here. So I didn't get one for my wife. So that was...

That was unfortunate, but I went to three targets, had a very similar situation. Yeah. Cause it's dude, if you, if you come home, especially it was for your wife, it was for my wife and two daughters. Yeah. God, you guys are way better husbands than me. I need to step my fucking game up. I am so sorry. I didn't, I am now a better president than I need to be a better man because watching you guys. Nah, just play. They got lead in them. They're good.

I knew that. I cared about you. Tell her that. They've already got a bunch of Stanleys, all three of them. They're like, my grandfather's rolling over in his grave. Yeah, no, this one's special. My grandfather used to make one every day before going to work construction. Now it's just something my daughters have like color coded to their outfit. So the whole premise was like, if I show up, if I show up with three of these things, I

I've got like a good year of getting away with whatever I want. I'd be like, yeah, I fucking fought through like a sea of Lululemon just to get these for you. But like nowhere had them. It's absolutely insane. They were going up on, I think one sold for 15 grand. I saw one for eBay. Cody, one dude did this. This is one guy. The same dude that did Crocs is the one that took over and did Stanley Cups. That's fucking marketing. Marketing is wild. Yeah.

Yeah. And you have one dude that just comes and he's like, bet I can help you all out. Bet I got this. He put a handle on it. He put a handle on it and he made it fit in cup holders. And then sent it to influencers. But he put it in cup holders. It fits in cup holders and cars. He's like looking at it and he's like. Make it pink. You guys thought about handles? And they're like, what the fuck? No. What? What? What? Hey. There's that. Get Jeff. Get Jeff.

If you thought about hand... We're making... We're fucking... Make them hand... What about if they fit in a cup holder in your car? Holy shit, it's him! The prophecy's real! It's the guy flying out the window. Yeah! He's just like, that'll be four million dollars. And like... Like, John. Yeah, just...

Approved. Yeah, they're so big, they literally are a weapon of opportunity. That's what I've been teaching my daughters. Someone gets too close, boom, boom, just fucking let them have it. I've been talking so much smack to my wife about the Stanley Cups. Well, easy. I've been with my wife forever, and I'm five years ahead of whatever trend she's about to hop on, and I talk so much shit about it.

Like I was we were when we were first together. I was like, Lord of the Rings is the best the best movie series. She goes to college three years later. Her roommate loves Lord of the Ring. Guess what my wife loves? Fucking Lord of the Rings now. OK, everything that I've loved my entire life is just five years ahead of the fucking trend.

Carhartt. Been wearing Carhartt since I was in eighth grade. Dude, it bothers me. You're talking about shit that bothers me right now. You're talking about shit that bothers me right now. Yeah, we were talking about this earlier. Yeah, every, like, when I was poor, my father's name, his preferred name was Bubba. Like, his father and his father before him. At one point, they called me, like, Bubba Jr. That was, like, the nomenclature that's passed down with my trauma, my pack of Marlboro Reds.

and drinking at way too young of an age. But that was, I was being cool. But like everyone I knew that had- I hate I can picture you walking around. Bro, you have no idea. Bro, you're dying for best friends. A little doctor smoking a red. I was 10 years old the first time I had tobacco. Like I was so fucking cool. I lived in trailers. Like best part about living in- Oh, fuck. Best part about living in- I was so cool. Best part. We all lived in trailers? We all lived in trailers. Trailer!

Dude, you can play Nerf guns in a trailer. You can be in one bedroom and in the kitchen just fucking sniping a guy off. All this stuff happened. All this stuff that poor whites did. And now it's fucking fashion and it makes me insane. If I see one Bass Pro Shop hat and that motherfucker can't tie a fishing line, I'm going to take it from him. I was...

Carhartt, all of it. They're stealing our culture and we've got to take it back. Hating colors before it was cool. You said that. You said that. I was talking with him and he's like, man, my dream car is an F1. What was it? Yeah, McLaren. Oh my God, this conversation is amazing. Jesus Christ. My dream car, McLaren F1.

He's like... I love a McLaren. It's my dream car. It's an Eli dream car. A fucking... An ultra car... Super car? Ultra car? Ultra car. Mega, mega, super ultra. A fucking race car. A mega car? How much did those cost? $37 million. He's like, yeah, that's my dream car. And I'm over here like, fuck. What's your dream car? Nick, what was your dream car? My dream car has been an 87 Monte Carlo since I was like 10. I'm like, I am... Fuck, am I wearing trash? I was...

I was like, look, I want an 87 Monte Carlo or I want like a 2003, 2004 Monte Carlo. The Dale Earnhardt Intimidator Edition. That's what I'm talking about. That's what I'm talking about in my life. It's like, shit, I got to up my game. The number three pulling out like 180 horsepower. Hell yeah, dude. Isn't that the training day car? Huh?

I think it is. I think that's what he's driving. A Monte Carlo, yeah. An 86 Monte Carlo, yeah. Yeah. I love that car. We just become best friends. Fuck it. I want it. I've been trying to find it forever. But have you seen the Dale Earnhardt Intimidator version? Because it's fucking... Bro! Dale Earnhardt Intimidator 2003 to 2004 edition. Monte Carlo, Dale Earnhardt Intimidator. That's the fucking trailer park ultra car. Black, the number three car.

It's fucking hot. I was like, I was joking with him. I was like, you guys are all going to buy your drink. You're going to have an F1. You're going to have your fucking badass truck. I'm going to pull up in a fucking Fiero. It's got a motor in the back and a truck in the front. It's the same fucking thing. It's got an Iron Duke with 180 horsepower. It's got the same motor as the fucking the mail truck. Sure, it's going to catch on fire, but it

It'll be fine. It'll be fine. It'll buff out. Best job I've ever had. Best job I've ever had.

Dude, I remember just being excited growing up. Cars had air conditioning. I remember when my mom had a Thunderbird that my grandfather gifted her and had air conditioning. I thought technology had fucking peaked. Man, fuck you guys. There's Brooks and Dunn on the radio and AC blowing out the stuff they don't... What is it? The one that's bad for the environment, allegedly. Oh, the Freon. Yeah, it would come out and it would freeze everything. Dude, Freon was so cold. It was so awesome. Dude, it was like 100 degrees outside and 30...

Inside, you could get your cube of...

R14? Is it R14 or R13? Because it's 134A now. It's fucking shooting pollution that erodes you. With the wood paneling on the side, if you don't have wood paneling on your station wagon, I was so embarrassed as a child, I would have my parents drop me off a few blocks early and then walk to school. You know how much those things are fucking worth now?

That's all Fred Durst posts on his Instagram is fucking wooden panel station wagons. Is this Fred Durst? Yeah. Yeah, you want to know why? It's because of fucking chickens and Lyndon B. Johnson in 19... You boys ever heard of cafe standards? Are we getting into this? I want to hear it. Let me tell you a story. You ever notice how trucks are, I don't know, fucking enormous now? Yep. You want to know why? Why? It's because emission standards are like, hey...

We gotta save the environment. Your vehicle's only allowed to emit CO2 and pollution.

in relation to how volumetrically large the truck is. And the goal that the government had in mind was like, okay, they're going to make the vehicles more efficient. But what actually happened was the government was like, all right, hear me out. Let's emit the same amount of emission and just make the trucks fucking huge. So that's why all the American trucks are fucking huge now. That's why the Tacoma is the size. I'm not shitting you. The Tacoma and the Ford Ranger are the same size as a full-size truck in the 1980s.

And those are considered a mid-sized to small-sized truck now. And a fucking full-sized F-150 right now is like retarded large compared to one truck in the 1980s. So that's why. I agree. It is better. Is that what we're saying? What? What does that have to do with chickens?

I don't understand. Is it because they used to run them in chicken? Let me tell you a fucking story. It's fine. It's fine. Don't yell at me. Don't yell at me. Don't yell at me. Don't yell at me. Chickens. Chickens. You ever heard of the chicken tax? Wait, real quick. Real quick before the chicken tax. It is. How many? The vehicle size, if you look at why American trucks aren't over in Japan and Europe, it is because how fucking massive.

Yeah. They don't fit on the roads. They will take up. You cannot park them. That's fine. They don't deserve them. That's why I have to listen to all the. You don't fucking deserve it, dude. America doesn't have anywhere near as much public transportation as Europe does. It's like, yeah, because Britain's the size of fucking Michigan and Michigan's like what? The 38th smallest fucking state. Get the fuck out of here. Yeah. Who gives a shit? Oh no. I don't sit next to homeless people. Oh no. Like.

Oh, my God. What is it? Ukraine's the biggest country in Europe by, like, a lot, and Ukraine is...

almost as big as Texas. Get the fuck out of here. The UK is six. If you go the longest amount of distance that you can drive in a straight line in the UK, it's six hours from fucking tip to tip. It's six hours in a car. Let them cook. I can leave right now, drive six hours, still be in Texas, sleep,

Drive another six hours, still be in fucking Texas, sleep, drive five more hours, and I'll just barely be in Oklahoma. Get the fuck out of here. That's why we don't have public transportation. Well, they also, people for the live show, they were like, it's a live tour and you're in Texas. Yes.

Each fucking city is goddamn six hours. Yeah, I'm flying there. We're not driving because it's six hours, six hours, three hours, three hours. Joe, Joe, Joe, you're you're pan. How insane sitting? No, I mean, well, you know.

Goddamn bad. How ridiculous does it sound if I say that, like, my commute to my job was an hour and a half in a car going 70 miles an hour? From Ireland. In, like, in Europeans' perspective, how ridiculous would that be? Yeah, calculate that in European time. In Ireland, if someone was like, oh, man, I just drive, like...

If Tweek was like, gotta go to work, it's an hour and a half away. Would you be like, babe, you need to quit. You're driving to the other side of the country. Gotta go to work. That's Max. 30 minutes, Max. She's saying 30 minutes is Max. First of all, show some respect. No, I like her. If you're going to make fun of her and her accent, at least get a little shit off your shirt. And that's it.

I hate you. I hate you every time. It happens. God damn it. Ah!

I was waiting for it. I was like, wait, that's why I was like, you switch now. That's the only reason I said switch. You fucking got me, dude. You fucking got me, dude. I'm so upset right now. Do you know what I was on for? I know. Two hours ago. All this bullshit about chicken taxes was just leading me down the road. Oh, no, the chicken taxes. Please, God, no. Don't yell at me. I'm not the problem. I'm not the problem. I like veterans. I'm not Brandon. Please don't yell at me.

In the 1960s, after World War II. Brandon hates us. We get to United States. America was really good at making cock, right? We had so many chickens. We were so good at making chickens. We were so good at raising chickens that we could raise chickens in America, slaughter them here, ship them across the fucking ocean, and it was still cheaper than Germany and the rest of Europe could make chickens. So they were eating all this American chicken, right? And then one day, the Europeans were like,

This is fucking up our own economy and our own chicken farmers are going bankrupt. Yeah. We're going to tariff the American chicken. 25% tax on American chicken basically ruined the American chicken market. Right. And this was like that. This was then we killed a city or this was the pinnacle of American politics. The chancellor, the president of Germany was like,

Bro, I had more conversations with the Kennedys about getting us to buy chicken than I did about the pending nuclear war with the USSR. He literally said that. He's like, you guys were so mad about this. Lyndon B. Johnson gets an office and he's like, we're going to try to settle this normally. And they're like, no. And he's like, fuck it, fine. I'm going to put a tariff on you guys for a

potato starch, dextrin, and fucking some other food product. And then cargo vehicles, cargo vehicles is defined as two seats or less and holds cargo, right? The only reason he did the cargo vehicles was because the president of the UAW, the United automotive workers was mad that Germany was importing so many type twos, which is the love bus. Remember that fucking thing? Oh,

Oh, yeah. It was the love bus. The love bus, yeah. They were super popular in America. It's all over San Diego. And the UAW was super mad about it. So they're like, hear me out. We're about to go on strike and cause a major economic fucking problem when you're about to get reelected. Because he became president after JFK was assassinated. And he's like...

After he had him assassinated? Or if you can figure out how to quit getting so many German Type 2s imported into America, I'll make sure we don't go on strike. So he did that. In exchange, they tariffed all imports on cargo vehicles, and that's what basically led to the love bus going extinct because we weren't importing them anymore because it was too expensive. Because...

Germany wasn't buying enough chickens, so we retaliated by taxing cargo vehicles, which extends to pickup trucks. And that's why I can't get a Hilux because it's a 25% tax on fucking anything imported. And it's like still to this day, all the other things we were taxing, fucking potato starch, Dexter, all that shit, all that shit went away. It's just we're only taxing cargo vehicles. And that's why I can't have a Hilux. I'm really mad about it. You can buy my Hilux if you want to.

Yeah. Is it manual or automatic? I'll just give it to you. It's manual. Yeah. 81 Hilux. It's fucking hot. It's fucking sick. I want a new one now. It's already got a fucking Modus mount on it. I just want to be able to fucking buy a new Hilux. Why? That's all I want. What are you going to do with it? Huh? What are you going to do with it? Nothing. I'm from Iowa. Just to have it. Well, it all started because of... Goddamn chickens. Have you seen the Toyota Champ? Eh.

It's a flatbed manual. Oh, no, I have seen. I know what you're talking about. It's like 10 grand. Yeah. I was like, that's the guy in my gym. Like I have a forerunner. That's what I like to drive. Like, it's fine. But then like, I was like, I need a truck to do truck stuff. I also don't want to buy a new F-150 for fucking $85,000. So I just want this flatbed piece of shit for whenever I need to haul a piece of furniture because I don't like calling in favors to other grown ass men because then I owe them a favor and my wife doesn't understand it.

And it pisses me off. God, we're so... Oh, that's why I get along. None of us ask each other to move. I think for... That's the worst. That's for that reason. I will never ask my friend to help move because I'm like, I will fucking... Then I owe him a favor. Yes. I'd rather pay somebody to ask my friend and be like, hey, man, you got a pickup truck?

Can I inconvenience you for two days? My wife is always like, why don't you just call your friend so-and-so? And I was like, because then I'm going to owe him a favor. And then when I have to repay that favor, you're going to get mad at me and ask why I have to go help him move for a whole fucking weekend. It's because I owe him a favor. It's kind of your fault. I am to that T2. I won't even call you the owners, the other co-hosts for this podcast to do ads because

Because I feel like I owe you a favor if I ask you to help do an ad read. Because I'm like, nah, they're probably busy right now. They don't want to do it. Fuck. That's my brain set for that entire thing. I'm like, nah, I don't want to do this. I know what my next vlog is going to be about. It's going to be like giving Nick my Hilux just so he'll be happy. Yeah.

It's funny because I talk smack about you in particular in that video. Goddamn millennials buying all the transit vans and trying to live in them and I can't get a work truck. Well, and the Hilux or the Toyota. I've shot a few Hilux. What? Well, the official truck of warfare. Brother, they blow up real good. Toyota, let's go play sponsor for war. Mostly.

But they had, if you haven't seen the video we talked about on the drive, here is the Top Gear episode of watching how durable those fucking, it's the Hilux, right? Yes. Yes, they're way too durable. This vehicle, they dump it into the ocean. So I didn't remember how long it was in the ocean. How long? Eight hours. Eight hours in the fucking ocean. Pure salt water. Pulled away and then it floated back. Let the tide bring it in. They love the tide.

bring this fucking vehicle back in. This mechanic fucking blows it out with an air compressor, puts more oil and coolant in it, and gets it started in 15 minutes. It's insane. That's all you need. Fuck, we can't kill it. What else can we do? They jump it through a RV and do nothing to it. They drove it through an RV. They drove it through a building. Still started. They're like, fuck. They light it on fire. It still started. They're like...

Fuck it. Let's put it on top of a seven story building and then control demolition the building with this truck on top. They dug it out of the rubble and the motherfucker still started. It had a broken chassis. It cracked the chassis and it still, they're like, can it move? And he's like, it's broke and it still drove off the fucking rubble. It's our curse for the portable stars, man.

Could their battleships get submerged underwater and make it? Absolutely not. After that, they figured out how to make a truck do it, though. Let me tell you. God, imagine if they just did fucking... That's what we see. Their supercarriers and their battleships are just fucking giant Toyota Hiluxes out at the sea. They're just 2,000 feet. Oh, no.

They're like, no, no, no, no, no. That's why we want to get all the fucking people on the internet. Wait, wait, wait. The Chinese military is better than America. They're going to win in a war, blah, blah, blah, blah. It's like, I mean, we're probably not going to have to fight. We're just going to have to, like...

Give Japan like, all right, fucking go ahead and do it again. It's all a fun of games until you're going up against the IJN Hilux battleship here, Ilus. That transforms into a Gundam. It's a goo-goo-goo-goo. Damn, that's kind of cool. It's like, boom, just beaming across China. You'd see American sailors would be like, holy shit, it's a Gundam. What the fuck?

I don't care. That's why I like the 4Runner. It's like 4Runner or Tacoma. Tacoma's made in Mexico. 4Runner made in Japan. I'm buying the 4Runner. It's indestructible. I don't care what you say. That thing's going to run forever.

Forever. Dude, I just picture their entire military fleet. It's just the high leaks at the front and the rest is whatever. It's like a supercar. It don't matter. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. It's a tank after the helix in the red. This is what we do now. Stamp the Toyota. We're fucking golden. Toyota's so good. So people fuck goats.

Yeah, no, I saw that too, actually. But the main one was the donkey. There was... If you're a hooved animal in Afghanistan, I'm sorry I didn't kill you. I'm so sorry. I tried my best. I tried my best. You had no good life. I mean, if... It's the worst class to be a human. If you're a hooved animal... Hooved animal, Afghanistan, bad time. I always think about, like, the guy... They're watching this podcast mad. Yeah.

raging right now no they yeah it was it was rough yeah that was um it's just good stuff but yeah

Yeah, that's what happened. I'll never forget it. It was my friend's birthday. It was a good time. It's a big takeaway from this podcast. Like, don't be a hoofed animal in Afghanistan. Don't be a hoofed animal in Afghanistan. Chickens are preventing good automobiles. But I think, Cody, is it time to close this out and move to the after show? We'll close this out. Guys, please check out the after show on Patreon. Ooh.

I am ending the unsubscribed podcast right now. Like I said earlier, I'm joined by Eli double tap, Nick fat electrician, veteran with a sign, Zach and myself donut. Thank you so much for joining us. Go to Patreon. Zach, where can we find you at? You beautiful, sexy mofo. Oh,

Uh, veteran with the sign everywhere. I've also got a YouTube page, which I'm trying to launch and I have a podcast on there after action podcast. It's really fun. It's hard. I interviewed the cop who took down the school shooter in Nashville and Christian Craighead is my most recent episode, but yeah, it's fun. It's after action podcast on YouTube, uh, uh, Spotify, Apple podcasts, wherever it can go.

So yeah. Thank you all. This is fun. This has actually been great. Where's Brandon? Brandon. We miss Brandon. I love Brandon. Brandon! Brandon! Brandon! Brandon!