96: Holiday Meltdowns..
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State Farm and DJ Dramos from Life as a Gringo, no making smarter financial moves today secures a financial freedom for a successful tomorrow. Now we have a level of privilege that our parents never had. So what do we do with it, right? How do we utilize the opportunities that we have that they don't, right? And a lot of that is educating ourselves, educating ourselves on how to not make the same mistakes they did. Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there. State Farm, proud sponsor of My Cultura Podcast Network.

Is everyone ready? We're ready. You're not talking in your mic. Hi, babe. Talking in your mic. I'm talking in my mic just fine. Welcome back, everyone, to the first Two Hot Takes episode of 2023. We're on the first episode of 2023. Wow. Debut. Honored. Yes. Honored. You guys have had like so, you've helped so much this year with the live shows we've done and you've had some good episodes. Yeah.

Well, yeah, I'm recording in 2022. I'm like this year, but yeah. So, you know, I had to have you on the first one. Well, we're honored. We're so proud of you. You have done so much. So it's been a crazy year, crazy year. And 2023 is going to be even more magical. This year we are going to highlight. Oh, are you leaving? Are you? Okay. Okay. Goodbye.

Goodbye, you little potato. We have a guest appearance, if you're watching on YouTube, from one of Matt and Amy's dogs, Harlem. Havoc will probably hop in at some point, but they have two little mini Aussies, and they're just, they live up to their names. Havoc, especially.

He's earned it. Yeah, yeah. He's good. He's good. But this year is going to be crazy. We are going to be trying to highlight different charities on every episode. Awesome. We'll announce it at the end of this one, the one I have picked out, but it's going to be a good year.

I'm absolutely terrified for it. It's a lot of pressure trying to top the past two, but you're going to do it. Here we go. It's going to be great. Third time's a charm. Here we go. So the theme I have for you guys today, and I'm so bad about this. I don't know how I do this every time, but officially welcome back to another episode, you guys. I'm your host, Morgan. I'm Matt. And I'm Amy. And I'm Amy.

My brother and sister-in-law, and I'm so excited. So the theme that I have is kind of like this holiday meltdown. Some of these people have just had absolute meltdowns because of the holidays. I don't think a lot of us have. I am in that box. I took out our Christmas tree with a pillow. I swung a pillow into it. Probably the most chaotic I've been in years. It's just...

You know, the holidays are a really hard time for a lot of people. It brings out a lot of emotions. That's an understatement. An absolute understatement. But other than me ruining the tree that I had just decorated, it's been amazing being home. I've run into so many listeners in Duluth. It's actually been crazy. I ran into...

Someone at Target who was actually like my, I had to get an eye exam and she was working at the Target optometrist in Duluth here. So thank you. And then I ran into someone at the Duluth Grill who is from Minnesota but now lives in Los Angeles and his girlfriend's from LA, but he's from, it was just like, it was so wild. And then someone drove by me in the Costco parking lot and like yelled out their car window and,

And someone else... You got the best podcast ever! I know. It was so cute. Like, I've never been recognized more than I have here while I'm home. And so it's been magical, except Justin and I shoveled snow off the roof today. And so I'm so, so sore. Well, welcome home. And right after a blizzard, a pretty good one. I think we got like, what, two feet in two days? Yeah. Yeah, it's been pretty bad. Pretty bad. But...

Let's dive in. All right, I'm ready. Let's go. Push her away. She'll leave you alone. No, she's fine. She's fine. She's fine. All right. So up first. All right. You guys have a little elf on the shelf, don't you? We got elf on the shelf. Sprinkles. If you have kids and you're listening in front of your kids, shut this off right now. Shut this off. Shut this off. Shut it off, people. Shut it off.

So how has Elf on the Shelf been for you guys? We only forgot once. That's a record. But we're not very creative. Like there are people out on TikTok, like Instagram, people in the world. They get so creative with their elf and the things the elf does. Like-

It's insane. The most ours does is like- Hangs upside down. Ride like reindeer ornaments or hangs upside down from the chandelier. We just move it every night and we put it somewhere high where the kids can't reach. Okay, but you didn't like make the elf on the shelf do bad things? No. No. Okay. Nope. Our elf is still a good elf because our kids, I feel like they cry at this age still. Yeah. Yeah, your kiddos are, they're young. They're about to be six and four.

So they're little nuggets. Okay, so this one is titled, Am I the Asshole for Throwing Away the Elf on the Shelf and, quote, Ruining Christmas for My Kids After My Husband's Prank. For context, this year was the first time we would try the elf on the shelf with our kids. We have three kids, Lucas, nine male, Andy, eight male, and Claire, five female.

where Lucas and Andy are from our past relationships. However, Miles, my husband, male 37, has accepted Andy as his, and so did I, female 38 with Lucas.

Every Christmas is special for Andy. His birthday is on December 24th. His dad started a tradition where Santa considered him special for being a kid of Christmas. So he feels magical and special. I always try to give him that. Last year, I left Santa Claus footsteps, ate a carrot and grass he left for Rudolph, stuff like that. My

My husband doesn't think it's a good idea I do all of that for him as I'm showing favoritism. So we should shut it down because of my ex's decision to create a tradition without considering my other kids' feelings. I disagree since I do consider the three of them. But he asked if we could do something else like the Elf on the Shelf.

I had no problem with it, but I didn't know how that works. He explained to me quickly, and since he was the one who offered, I let him do it. We bought the cute elf. My kids named it Bob. Later, my husband explained to them that they should behave and never touch or hold Bob if they don't want to be naughty. At first, it was cute to see them spy on Bob and try to see it fly each night, but

Andy was the most excited of all. I found him one night talking with it, asking if Santa still remembered him. But my husband took seriously the, quote, behave or Bob would be naughty part. Lucas was his first victim after he didn't do his chores. The next day, his face was drawn on with Sharpie markers. Then Claire, who's five, who touched Bob said,

Had her favorite onesie destroyed. Apparently Bob had cut some pieces of it while she was sleeping. Oh no. Miles was having fun, but I could see my kids weren't. I talked to him about how he should lower the pranks. He agreed, but wanted to catch Andy since he hadn't broken any of the rules yet. I told him that Bob's supposed to tell Santa instead of being naughty. We argued, but he finally agreed.

Fast forward, it's Christmas Eve and in the afternoon we had some of Andy's friends over to celebrate his birthday. So the kids were playing in the backyard, but my husband looked sus. I decided to look for Bob. It was supposed to be in the kitchen, but it wasn't there. I asked my husband Miles where it was and he told me, quote, no idea. I started getting paranoid, but Andy asked me if we could cut the cake already. I put my best face on and went for it.

The cake was in a box, and when Andy opened the box, he started crying. I took a look, and it's ruined. Bob was covered in all of it, appearing as if he had been eating the cake. Half of the cake wasn't even there anymore. Miles started laughing, and so did some of the other parents. My blood is...

My blood is boiling, and I grab Bob and throw it in the trash. Then I grabbed Miles. We had a terrible argument. He called me an asshole for what I did to Bob, that I've ruined it. How are we supposed to keep the magic with our kids if I wasn't supposed to even touch Bob? Am I the asshole? No. No. What? Come on, lady.

Your husband has got to be the most immature person I have ever heard of. He's unhinged. Unhinged, yeah, for sure. These kids are young. The youngest is five. And cutting up their favorite onesie because the elf and they misbehave. Like, who does that? This is supposed to be a fun tradition. Yeah, and like a five-year-old, like...

That's too young to be trying to teach lessons with a magical fake elf. The eight-year-old...

Having their face drawn on. When you put it like that. Trying to teach your kid a lesson with a magical fake elf. The conceptualization of all that is just like, come on, they're eight. Eight and nine. I'm sorry, the magic of Christmas is still there. They probably still believe in Santa, all of them. Eight, you're in second grade typically. Nine, you're in third grade. I'm not quite sure when you stop believing in Santa, but

I don't know. That's crossing some lines, especially with your five-year-old. And having at that kid's birthday...

Who cares if he's a kid of Christmas? Like, how do you separate that child's birthday to make them feel special and then still have Christmas? Like, that's how you make that birthday special. That's exactly what I was thinking. Where it doesn't just get wrapped in to Christmas. Oh, great, Christmas. And you guys forget about my birthday. No, like, that was how you made it feel special. Miles is a douche. Yeah.

I don't like miles. Me and miles. We wouldn't be friends. I, um, I am pleasantly surprised. I thought you were going to be maybe a little team miles over here. Like, Oh no, I've, I've seen the tick tocks or like, I have seen like clothing, like cut up or whatever. And like, if it's just some random pair of jammies or whatever that had been cut up, who cares? But while the kid is wearing them to sleep and they obviously like that pair, um,

That's a little far for me. I've seen the ones where they take a Barbie and it was Sprinkles Tattoo Shop and now a Barbie is all sharpied and tattooed and drawn on. Again, if it's not their favorite Barbie, then who cares? Or if it was maybe a new Barbie that you went and bought, like, oh, this will be fun. Now you'll have a tattooed Barbie, but...

Yeah, I don't think elf on a shelf. I don't think the elf should become naughty if you're being naughty. Like the elf is supposed to report back to Santa, right? And say, hey, you guys weren't being good. The whole thing is to make your kids be good, not naughty. I don't know.

Well, it really shouldn't be used as a disciplinarian tool, which it seems like that's what they're doing here is, oh, this is how we're going to discipline here. And it seems like, yeah, Miles, the dad, is getting way too much pleasure out of his kids suffering a little bit, like poor kids. I don't know.

There's some trauma there that Miles needs to address. Yeah, and I wonder like what that... No, but I was going to say like I think there are some people that get joy out of like having power over others or making others feel bad to terrorize your own children. How sick are you? And it kind of begs the question of like, okay, well, what did he go through as a child to even find this acceptable? Why would you ruin a perfectly good cake?

That's what I want to know. I bet it was good too. The things I would do for a cake right now. And that is something really... You make a really good point because I think... I have a friend who his birthday is on the 26th. And so Christmas for him has always trampled over his birthday. And people that have birthdays close, it's like, well, I'm just getting you one present. It's Christmas and birthday. Versus anyone else with another birthday, a different time of the year, gets a very separate, very...

a very separate, just a very different experience. And so I think you do make a point where it's like, yeah, he's born on the 24th. So how do you make that special? And it's not like the other kids aren't getting included in the special Christmas experiences either. Yeah. Like it's for the whole family, but like Andy's a kid of Christmas and like Santa knows him a little more maybe because they share that day. Like that's cute. Like, I don't know. I just...

I think it's weird that he came in and was like, you're not considering the other kids and tried to like guilt trip her for that. Yeah. And I'm all for having fun. Like if the kids are on board, like, you know what? We got a naughty elf. And like, if it becomes like something funny or fun with the kids, oh, what did Bob do today?

Well, Naughty Elf, like, I think of that and it's like, oh, he went and unrolled the toilet paper roll or he spilled the marshmallows or, you know, he's not vindictive in cutting up clothing and destroying cakes and birthdays. And, like, that's just too far. Yeah. Too far. So weird. Took it to the extreme and...

I'm not for that. I would never try to make my children that upset, especially on their birthday. Like that's, I don't know. No. It's like a special thing, right? Yeah. Kids five going six. I don't know. It's weird. We do have some, we have some edits. Oh boy.

So the first one, edit. Hi, everyone. So the response has been really overwhelming. I'm sorry if it took me some time to answer. I was kind of avoiding the post since I was conflicted by the possible outcome. I'm going through all of your comments so I can answer some of your questions. I'd also explain things you all have doubts in common.

1. Andy's dad is from Canada. He visits Andy every spring, summer, and on Christmas break. This year he stayed for his job, so he isn't an absent parent. 2. After Andy's birthday, I told Miles to get out of the house, and so he did. He spent Christmas with my in-laws, I stayed with the kids, and all of them slept in Andy's room. 3.

My kids didn't want to leave his brother alone. The next morning we opened the gifts and I made sure that Andy could feel special after what happened on his birthday. So I wrote a note from Bob saying that he is sorry if I scared him and his siblings. He didn't do his job correctly. So now he would be flying back to the North Pole with Santa. And when he asked if Santa still remembered the kid of Xmas, he did. Santa was really happy to see him.

That makes you want to cry. She did a great job. Good mom. Yeah. What a great mom. Yeah. Number three, my kids and I are okay. We are sleeping at my parents' house and we would celebrate New Year's Eve here too. Number four, yes, Claire was using the onesie while she was sleeping. My husband took the idea out of TikTok. And no, Andy did nothing to be attacked by Bob.

It's a pretty big fight considering that they're still sleeping in separate houses at New Year's. And like, I wonder, I'd be really curious to know if there's like other marital things going on beyond that. Yeah. To be like, this is just a stupid elf. Right. And it was a stupid idea. Like the husband should be like, hey, you're right. I'm sorry. Like,

When I don't think he should call his wife an asshole either. Like, does something seems not right here as to why they're so separated five or six days after the fact? This might've just been like the inkling where she's like, no, he's, he's done other things to our kids where it's like,

Andy didn't want to get in the pool. So instead he pushed him or like something like that. So maybe, yeah, the bullying and power tactics. Yeah. We don't have any other comments from OP. The edits and those points are all we get from her. But I am really curious about that. I think there's definitely more going on. Seems like a big reaction.

Like, I feel like if that were to happen, we would just go into our private room and talk it out and be like, hey, yeah, that you took it too far. And even if you disagreed, you'd respect my opinion and be like, okay, well, we'll dial it back or, you know, come to some sort of resolution. Yeah. Yeah.

The top comment on this one is not the asshole, but Jesus, there's something wrong with your husband. Yes. He wanted Andy to do something wrong so he could punish him. Things like destroying their clothes is not a prank. It's a punishment. Your husband is hazing your children. How about holy cow? You didn't do anything wrong, Andy. Like you get a really sweet gift. Santa noticed how good you were. That's like the whole incentive. Nobody asks for their kids to be bad. That is...

That's weird. That's weird. Well, and the thing is, is like, if you're going to use this elf, like it's, you can use it in a really good way where it's a tool, right? You'll get extra presents from Santa. If you're really good all month, like Jolly or Jingle or whatever the fuck the elf's name is, he's watching. Bob is watching. But then to use it as like a punishment, especially when your kids don't do anything wrong, what's the incentive to even be good?

And like this next couple of comments, like they really kind of like hit the nail on the head for me too. They go, he destroyed a five-year-old's favorite pajamas because she touched a doll. That's not punishment. It's bullying. And the next person goes like star abuse. That's not just bullying. It's psychological, emotional abuse.

And that's really scary. Like when you think about it and like, you have to realize something with your kids. And like, there's kind of this debate about where like a lot of parents are like, I'm not giving my kids Santa Claus because when they find out Santa Claus isn't real, that trust that they had in me, I'm, we're breaking it. Like I'm holding up this whole line, this whole illusion. And when my kids find out Santa's not real, what do they think of me and our relationship and the trust that we have?

And I think of this, like going forward, these kids are nine, eight, and five. Nine and eight are really close to finding out that this isn't real. Right. And so what do these kids do when they find out

My dad literally cut my fucking pajamas and drew all over my face. It wasn't Bob. It was my dad. Well, hopefully they think that's messed up. But honestly, they probably won't because it's their dad. And they'll grow up with this misperception of what love is and what it isn't. Yeah. And that's another thing. And so that's even worse and more dangerous, I think, because then that's the relationship that they're going to perpetuate.

and other people are not going to stand for that because that's unacceptable behavior. But it's not that the dad doesn't love those kids, but when you're talking about how they perceive love and what love is, the dad could still love those kids, right? And just be...

making some very poor choices. Well, absolutely. And that's probably why he's doing it because maybe his... Perception of what love is. Parents. Or like pranksters that were not kind or... Yeah. Whatever. But... I'm not sticking up for Miles. No, but I do really agree with that because I think a lot of people...

when they're in abusive relationships, especially on Reddit, they'll be like, hey, this is the example you're setting for your kids watching you go through this experience. And you're demonstrating that this is love. Love is getting yelled at. Love is getting hit. Love is mean. Love is bad. Love is vindictive. Love is all these other things. And you're demonstrating that to your kids. And so I think there is something to be said about that where he's demonstrating to his kids that it's okay to bully. It's okay to...

do this stuff and it's it's a risky uh game to play again i'm gonna go back there's nothing wrong with a prank or a joke i hate pranks fuck pranks you just have to good natured good natured like joking so i'm very picky about the pranks i like like very picky somebody like you're out

In the barn and you're coming out the door and like, don't you dare. Nope. Dead. Dead. That's not a fun one. That's funny. A fun prank is like being like, Oh Morgan, your shoes, they accidentally got covered in mud, but here's a new pair. Ah,

I want presents for pranks. There's something wrong with your idea of what a prank is. I don't like pranks. We took this in an odd direction from where I thought it was going to go. I think it was exactly where it was supposed to go. It was good. Okay, moving along. Moving along. We'll get Havoc up here at some point. I'll get a treat. Hi, booty. Are you camera shy? Come here. Come here, buddy. Come on. Oh, good boy.

Oh, good boy. Panicked. Look at the panic in those eyes. Look at the love. Look at the love. Oh, good boy. Nobody can see him. You can't see. They can see him. He's hiding. Hey there, it's Ryan Seacrest for Safeway. Take care of yourself this summer and save on all your personal care favorites. Now, through August 27th, save up to $3 or more when you purchase participating personal care items like Pampers Wipes.

Gillette razors, Metamucil, Crest toothpaste, secret body spray, and a Swiffer power mop. The more you buy, the more you save. Catch these deals before they're gone. Offer ends August 27th. Restrictions apply. Promotions may vary. Visit Safeway.com for more details. Okay. So this next one is titled, Am I the asshole for calling my brother's girlfriend a gold digger after she Googled the cost of our Christmas gifts?

My brother James has a girlfriend, Lindsay, who he's been dating for seven months. He decided to bring her to Christmas at my house, stay over Christmas Eve, and leave the next day after lunch. I'd met Lindsay at drinks before this, and she seemed nice. When they arrived, Lindsay walked in and complimented my decorations, large tree in the foyer, and asked how much they cost. I was a bit surprised by the question, but I just said, more than I'd like, and moved on.

Throughout the evening, she asked several questions centered around money. She asked my husband how much he paid for our house, my stepdad how much money he made in his previous job, how much my watch cost. She even googled one of our art pieces to see how much it sold for and started talking about how crazy it was that we spent that much, which frankly was very uncomfortable.

My stepdad pulled my brother aside and asked if there was a problem, but my brother just said it was normal for her to do that, but he said he'd speak to her about it. On Christmas morning, we all gathered around to open presents, and thankfully, Lindsay didn't say anything untoward. So I figured James had spoken to her about her intrusive questions—

However, at lunch, we were talking about plans for January, and Lindsay loudly said she didn't know how we could afford to do anything in January as she added up the total we'd spent on gifts and then proudly proclaimed the total amount. The whole table went silent. Does it say how much? No.

And no. I want to know. Not yet. And honestly, I was equal parts shocked and annoyed that someone could be so ignorant. I looked at Lindsay and said, quote, you are the world's most diligent gold digger. Seriously, would you like to be the family accountant since you're already tracking expenses?

Lindsay stuttered out an apology and tried to explain, but my stepdad just changed the conversation and we moved on. She was mercifully quiet for the rest of lunch. After they left, my brother messaged me saying I'd really upset Lindsay and was out of line with what I said. I argued that he had said he'd talked to her and he clearly didn't. Not that someone should have needed guidance to know how crass her comments were.

He is saying I owe both of them an apology, but I think Lindsay's behavior was disgraceful. My parents say Lindsay was wrong, but I probably should have said something in private or they could have, and I shouldn't have said something in front of everyone. Am I the asshole? Well, she accomplished her goal. Which what do you think was? Okay.

Yes. Yes, you were the asshole. Unfortunately, how it transpired and how it played out made her the asshole. She didn't...

have to end up being the asshole, but she opted to call her out in front of everybody. So can I, are you good if I take this and go with it? Sure. Go with the flow here. You're going. People, I just think that people from different walks of life have such a different perception of money and what, how much money, like the value of money and what you can get with money and how you make money and

I can remember, I've always been pretty transparent with anybody that wants to know how much I make in any job that I've ever been in. But I also grew up in a place where I saw both walks of life. I was around poor people in the lower class, right? And then I've seen...

people throughout my life that have been entrepreneurs, that have been millionaires, that have worked. I've seen people that have had to do blue collar jobs. And so I really understand the value of money. But I think maybe that Lindsay was her name, right? Was possibly overwhelmed by the amount of money that she was around and is like,

Holy cow. Like this is a lot of money. Holy cow. This is really nice. Like, how do you, like, what do you do? Like how much money do you make? Oh my gosh, that's really nice. Watch like how much, how much is that? Where maybe she just wasn't taught that it's not socially polite. Like in our social world, like,

from my perception is that it's a frowned upon thing. If somebody asked me how much this watch was right now, I'd tell you, but the majority of people don't feel comfortable sharing that information. And if you're not phrasing, there you go, buddy. He got a little stuck there. Yeah. So if you're not phrasing it appropriately, like, Hey, do you mind me asking? Like, I really love your watch. Like what kind is it? And yeah,

going about, oh, do you mind if I ask like how much that was? Okay. Well, like that's okay. Or you can just be like, hey, I really love your watch. What kind is it? Save that shit for the back of your brain and then go and Google it later. But clearly Lindsay also like stepped out of bounds. Like she hasn't been taught about money and what's polite and what's not polite because then she was like,

holy shit, you guys spent $3,000 on me? Like, how the hell are you going to do anything in January? Maybe she can't think about what $3,000 is to you versus somebody else. I agree that this, to me, when I hear the whole story, it seems like she felt like a fish out of water probably where she came into this new world

completely different from her own experiences. And yeah, maybe in her family, maybe it's like a bit of a compliment to be like, wow, that's a nice watch. How much did you spend on that watch? Because that's a really nice watch. So it could be perceived as a compliment in maybe, you know, how she was brought up and raised versus in their family. It's clearly not. And a little bit of a privilege to not have to think about money. Yeah.

where she's probably grown up always having to think about money and how much everything costs. And I grew up with a mom who's a schoolteacher and a dad who was a carpenter, and our Christmases were very conservative. Conservative?

And I remember going to a Christmas where someone got a horse and someone got a computer and it blew my mind. And that's like my mom literally saved all year. And like we, not every Christmas was like that, especially. So she's talking about us. Yeah, she's talking about us. The first Christmas that I saw. Our mother expresses her love in Jesus.

Yes, that is her love language. Yeah. Absolutely. Always has been. Because my mom grew up really wanting. My mom babysat all summer and Derek mowed lawns, her brother, to be able to buy their school clothes. And my mom really talks about the holidays not having much or not having really anything. Yeah.

And my grandma worked her ass off too, being a single mom basically for three with three kids. So different, different upbringing. And so my mom, my mom literally bankrupts herself for Christmas and like still feels like she doesn't do enough. And like we talked about it this year. I'm like, okay. No presents. No presents. No presents. No presents. Like we're all at a point in our lives where it's not about that for us. Like we really just want the quality time. But for her, it means the world to her to like,

bankrupt herself every year to give these crazy gifts. And so I, I understand like there's so many different ways to do Christmas and, but depending on different means, it's different for everyone. Yeah. The thing that I'm curious about with this story is like, why was Lindsay a gold digger only because she, I don't understand like gold digging. Like she wasn't trying to get more. She just like,

was so wrapped up in how much money everything was. Like, holy cow, that's a lot of money for that. How can you guys do anything? You spent so much money. Gold digging to me is like, oh my gosh, what else are you guys going to get me? Taking advantage of the situation. Which it didn't really seem like that. Which she didn't seem like she was taking advantage. So sister and Lindsay need to have a separate conversation about...

It is. Some boundaries about what's polite, what's not polite. Yeah. So. Well, and even if you're going to be supportive of your brother, and this is who your brother has chosen, and clearly if you respect your brother and his choices and you think, oh, yeah, he's going to choose someone who is, you know, a person who is of character and,

so forth, who's going to fit into the family or just a person who's right for him. You know, it doesn't need to fit into the family, but a person who's right for him, then you need to just have that conversation with your brother and let him decide if he needs to talk to her or not about that situation. And if you feel like that's not getting where and it's really bothering you, then yeah, have a private conversation and say, hey, just so you know, you're, you know, I just want you to come across the right way. You're rubbing, you're,

people the wrong way or you're ruffling some feathers by asking about prices. Yeah. You might want to lay off on that. I mean, there's a tactful way if you're really trying to welcome someone into your family versus, hey, gold digger. That, and I will agree. I'm really in the boat of everyone sucks here. Whether she wanted to or not, Lindsay didn't come across in the best way. And like my first thought, my first thought was like,

Is she maybe neurodivergent and just doesn't understand the social cues and like things like that? Because like she Googled one of the art pieces to see how much it sold for and started talking about how crazy it was that we spent that much, which that to me is a little different than just being like, oh, how much did that cost? How much did that cost? Basically being like a numbers person and you're curious, like who knows, maybe she's prepping for the prices, right? Yeah.

You never know. You never know with people. But to then shame someone for spending that much, I think that's where like the social cues for me really, I'm like-

Social cues. Yes, I agree. But also her concept of money. Yeah. And so I think there could be something to maybe she doesn't come from the same tier that these people are living in. And so there's a lot, a lot of comments from OP here. Everything under the sun from someone asking info. Is she autistic? Not that we know of.

And someone being a fucking asshole and going, not the asshole. And I'd never apologize to this human cash register, which OP just like goes, this killed me. Laughing emoji, like three of them. Again, she wasn't trying to take advantage or get any additional funds. No. And a lot of people are asking like, is she autistic? I am. And I frequently misread social cues. I know better than to inquire about costs or...

of Christmas gifts or your artwork. But if someone hadn't explained that to me, I might not have known. And so people are really asking the questions, not the asshole, but you sound like a wet blanket. They're telling OP that. I don't mean that in a mean way, but you really sound like a total bummer. By the end of your post, I was reading it in Buzz Killington's voice. There would have been a better way to approach the issue, but loudly at the table is pretty funny.

She accomplished her point. I mean, that was her goal. I'm sure Lindsay knows. I'm sure you've ruined that relationship forever. And that's the thing. Especially, too, if she Googled an art piece, yes, it's not politically correct or socially correct to talk about how crazy that is. But if that art piece was even $2,000, it'd be like, how many school lunches could you have bought instead of buying this weird-ass abstract art that I don't understand because...

It looks weird. Yeah. Some people just don't get it. They don't understand how much money is actually out in the world and how people go out and actually get that money. Yeah. Like. I don't. I. Well, yeah, right. We're just saying. No, I really like the concept of money. I'm like really in this like late stage capitalism deep dive right now. And like, it's just like.

It's an invented concept. Like I'm really down this weird rabbit hole of like, what is money? And I'm like, it's just monopoly money. It's just like fake money being passed to people's hands. And like, just, it just, I really have a hard time with it.

Yeah. It's crazy. A lot of questions though, like is Lindsay from your country? Yes. Same country, same culture. Someone goes, LOL, this is so American. And OP goes, we're actually European. Can't you tell by the artwork? They're cultured guys. I've known a lot of people with more money than I have 10 times over. And yes, sometimes I think, geez, how much did you pay for that car? Backgammon set, weird gadget I've never heard of, but I don't say it to them.

Because I was always told that is unconsciously rude. Maybe she wasn't told that. Maybe she wasn't told that. That's where I'm going. Yeah. Somebody asked me how much our fridge was that we just bought. How much was it? $1,500. $500 off. It was a Black Friday deal. Jeez. Black Friday. I was going to say-

That's what I said to that person. They're like, why would you spend that much money? Your last fridge was perfectly fine. But it wasn't. Was that grandma? It was leaking. Was it grandma? It was from 2003. Your fridge is really nice. The cost of stuff has gone through the roof. Our dryer here in Duluth, my mom was like, our dryer is broken. Could you help me get a new dryer? Can we go to Best Buy and look? Yeah.

This was around Thanksgiving, so there was all the deals. And we went and looked at dryers, and the most basic dryer that Best Buy had was like $700. That's expensive. So for anybody out there that is wondering, well, what is the polite way to find out how much something is or how much specifically, like, hey, how much do you make in your career? Because she asked the stepdad that, right? I would approach that as like, hey,

Hey, like, I'm just really curious, you know, I'm just wondering how much does somebody in your type of position make? You can just ballpark it. You don't need to be specific, but I'm just curious because, you know, I'm thinking about X, Y, and Z or, you know, give some context to why you're asking or just say, hey, I'm just generally curious, like somebody in that position, like, what do you make? I'm just like really intrigued rather than, oh, how much do you make?

I once asked a dentist how much money he made. How'd that work? He wouldn't tell me. I mean, it might have been right after I got my wisdom teeth taken out and I was on those good meds. But had you said, you know, I've thought about being a dentist my entire youth, like I'm

Which was true for you. Which was true for you. I legitimately was like, this is a socially acceptable question because I'm thinking about being a dentist, but I really want to know how much money do you make? As an 18-year-old thinking about going to college, this is my career path. And that person has the right to say, you know, I just don't feel comfortable sharing that, but I make a good living. And you just say, yeah, no, that's totally respectable. Okay, I get that. And you move on.

So money, money's touchy. People get funny about money. They do. It's, it is a really hard conversation to have like anything money related, except I think with your coworkers, I really believe that like a lot of places should be more open about what they're making because like a lot of employees are getting way underpaid compared to like counterparts. Like, so there are a lot about that now. There are a lot about that now. I don't know if they existed when I first started working, but when I was 16, I literally was told that it's,

against the rules to discuss your salary and that you could be fired when I was 16. I was told that. They were trying to manipulate you. And this little 16-year-old of me, I was like, oh my God, I don't want to be fired. I've applied to like 50 places before this one person would hire me. We're going down a rabbit hole. I know. Okay. Do you want me to continue on that? That's what this whole thing is. You just opened up. A can of worms. A can of worms.

We got a rabbit hole. This is a rabbit hole. We're walking away, people. There's no winners here. We do have one other comment. It's info. What was the total amount she came up with? And OP responds, an overspend. Yes, an overspend. So OP has a problem sharing how much money. She feels uncomfortable with it. You want to know how much we spent on Christmas gifts for our kids this year? Too much. I'm done.

Well, and that's the thing. But there's like these little glimpses, right? Someone was like, what kind of watch is it? A Cartier one that my husband had customized. Like you're willing to share that. So it's like you like to toot your own horn and have these bougie flashy things. I really think everyone sucks here. The overall vote on this one was not the asshole. People think OP was justified for calling this girl a gold digger and all this stuff. And I'm like, I think one, yes, it's tacky that she asked.

If anyone wants to know how much something costs, download the Google app, go to the lens, take a picture of it, and you'll find it. You will find it and you'll get a price tag. You'll probably get a link to buy your own. Use it versus asking idiots like OP. I think it's rude. I do think it's rude. I think like the rude all around. I just, I think everyone sucks. We'll put it that way. Everyone sucks. Lindsay was rude. Whether she knew or she didn't know. I think she sucks the least though.

I would like to know more about the background. I'm curious. Can Lindsay chime in? Yeah. Come on, Lindsay. Lindsay. Add two hot takes. I hope Lindsay finds this. We have a lot of stories recently that like I did a two-sided episode and I hope Lindsay you're out there and you see this and you write me and you say, no, she's just, they, I don't even think they were specified there. They suck.

They suck. Stepfather was good. Stepfather changed the conversation. He moved on. Yeah. Okay. Moving on. We're moving along. All right. Let's move on. Hey there, it's Ryan Seacrest for Safeway. Take care of yourself this summer and save on all your personal care favorites. Now through August 27th, save up to $3 or more when you purchase participating personal care items like Pampers Wipes.

Gillette razors, Metamucil, Crest toothpaste, secret body spray, and a Swiffer power mop. The more you buy, the more you save. Catch these deals before they're gone. Offer ends August 27th. Restrictions apply. Promotions may vary. Visit Safeway.com for more details. Okay, so this next one is,

Am I the asshole for saying no to my in-laws taking our kids to Disney? My male 28, wife, female 28, and I have two daughters, six and five years old, which is prime Disney age. They're both super into princesses and all that. We've talked about taking them to Disney over the next few years as we know they'd love it.

My wife has never been before, and I've only been once, when I was 10 years old. It was definitely a memorable trip for me, as my family had to save up for a while. We've always known that Disney would be our big trip with our girls.

In July, my father-in-law got diagnosed with prostate cancer. After a few rounds of chemo and some rather intensive stays at hospitals, it's only gotten worse. It's spread across to other organs in his body, and rather than trying to suffer to fight it, he's opted to just not do chemo and try to live with what time he has left. As a result, him and my mother-in-law have decided to make more memories with family.

One of these memories is to take our daughters to Disney and surprise them with the trip yesterday during Christmas. At first, I thought my wife would be against it as well, as we've always said we wanted to get the experience taking them and seeing their faces. However, I found out that my mother-in-law cleared it with my wife last month. My wife didn't tell me because she thought I would be surprised and excited for our daughters.

I sat through all the rest of the night, but when we got home, we had a serious discussion about it. I told my wife that I didn't want our daughter's first trip to Disney to be without us. She suggested we go along, but the trip is in February and booking flights, hotels, and tickets for just my wife and I for the time they're all going is still going to be about $5,000. I told my wife that we have to talk to her parents and decline the trip.

But my wife is saying that I'm being selfish and heartless by robbing our daughters of this experience and robbing them of a core memory with my father-in-law before he passes. Am I being out of line here?

I think he needs to make it happen. He's an asshole if he doesn't make it happen. He needs to make it happen some way or another. I know it sounds like a lot of money, but he needs to peruse those tickets to find more affordable ones. He needs to maybe pick up some extra shifts. I don't know. Join them in the experience if that is...

really something that you wanted to do as a family because i understand that matt and i have talked about the whole disney experience also and we're excited to bring our kids um i think i think five and six is probably at the younger age range bring a stroller bring a stroller if your kids are younger than 15 bring a stroller for them you will thank me later okay

Amy had a bad experience at Benleyville here. It's like a holiday light walkthrough in Duluth. And so, yeah, bring a stroller if your kids are under 15. Their legs will stop working. It'll be slippery. It's going to be slippery. They're going to get cold feet. I don't care that it's Florida or California, wherever they're going. Bring a stroller.

Bring a stroller. Okay. So back to it or rent one. Anyway, back to it. So I understand that whole wanting to experience the magic of Disney with your family and just being your family. But I mean, he has prostate cancer. It's not getting better. His time is limited. This is something that they want to do now.

And maybe then it's bringing it to them and saying, hey, we really want to come along. We're struggling financially. What about, you know, including us? Do you have any extra financial help that you could bring us along or alone? Or again, be creative with the way that you make things happen. But you got to just make it happen. I completely agree. Yeah.

Yeah, I agree. I just, I think from the sounds of it, it sounds like that they have a decent relationship with their in-laws. Like there's nothing outstanding that you'd be like, oh my God, our kids cannot travel with them. I think that really is biggest issue is like, oh, they're going to go on this big trip. It's too expensive. It's like we talked about bringing them on that experience. Yeah.

I think that, again, your father-in-law is dying. Your wife, that's her father. That's her dad. Yes, Disney is a special magical place, but guess what? Disney will be around for a long time. It's not going anywhere. And he won't be. For $5,000, okay, that's a lot of money. Don't get me wrong. It's a ton of money. But man, to build those experiences,

experiences and memories with your father-in-law before he passes. You have to do it. Get a credit card. Put it on the credit card and make payments. Figure out how to do it because at the end of the day, he could be gone tomorrow. And they're paying. Think about how expensive that trip is going to be if you were to do it on your own. Your in-laws are paying for your two children.

And that's a good savings right there. So think of the dollars you're saving. They're saving money. I know people that went to Disney this year, their trip for a family of four was $10,000. That's insane. I mean, for just me and Justin, we live in California. We drive down, we pay the $30 for parking, and we drive back. We still spend $800 to go for the day. Yeah.

Like the tickets themselves are 200 bucks a person. Yeah. Like what? Husband is just not thinking this through all the way. There's something, I don't know. I don't know. Is it truly the money? Is it, does he feel? I think he might feel threatened. Threatened? Inadequate? For me, it seems something of like, like this was supposed to be my experience. And like, also like, I think it's kind of like a little,

Like I, I was like, if this were me and I was the wife, I would be so upset with my husband because not only are you robbing like our girls of time with their grandpa, that they're not going to get back. Like this, like if you think about memories you have with people and like we were talking about this other day, like we have an uncle, Chuck,

And I remember going to the zoo with him all the time. And that's at that same age. I was like five or six. And doing those experiences, you're going to remember these girls aren't going to grow up with their grandpa forever.

But they're going to remember going to Disney with their grandpa. And like you said, Disney's going to be there, but he's not going to be there. Correct. And this is also her dad. And what an amazing experience to be able to take your kids to Disney for the first time with your dad and your whole family as like a last hurrah for him. And to steal that from not only your kids, but your wife, get over yourself. Yeah.

And yeah, it is a lot of money. Things can be financed. I don't know your credit history and the line of credit or what you have going on, but I think there's ways to do it. There's budget hotels that you might have to drive a little bit for. There's options, but to just say no and to steal that from everyone when he's sick. So there are also studies that show that

happiness levels. And like, if you're going to spend money, what's going to bring you the most happiness? It's not on the physical things that you buy, but it's on the traveling and the experiences you have with people together. And so it's,

I mean, maybe we are going to redirect some of the budget. I'm all about budgeting. Everybody should budget. But maybe we need to redirect some of those dollars on those purchases, the fridge or whatnot that you're planning on buying this year. Maybe that needs to wait. And especially since time is limited for his father-in-law, just somehow make it happen. Redirect that money into those things.

experiences and in the end it'll lead to more happiness. He's also forgotten how long those lines are. Think about how many lines he can alternate. Hey, Grandpa, take the kids. Go ahead on this

We're going to go get a drink at Epcot. Doesn't that sound good? I know. Have another babysitter with you at the Disney? Yes, absolutely. The world's busiest place. We plan on bringing Morgan and Justin so we can do just that. We'll alternate. We're going to get the genie, magic genie. We're going to skip the lines. Perfect. But I will just say that's a really good point because-

You also think like he has cancer. He's not going to be feeling well. His endurance and his activity tolerance is going to be probably a little lower. It's not going to be like grandpa hogging the time the whole time. Grandpa and grandma probably going to need to go to the hotel to take a nap. They might need strollers. They might. He might need an electric wheelchair. It might be not like...

a really long Disney day. Like it's not an open to close like me and Justin do. So it's, you're going to still, I think on this trip, like you're still going to get that time with just your kids. So don't like, if everyone goes, it's honestly going to make the trip better for everyone involved. Like truly. I agree. I'm really intrigued to see if there's any additional, like, I want to know what the husband and the father-in-law's relationship is like, because I think of my own father-in-law, if I had the same opportunity, I'd be like,

I'd really want to go for those, like those memories myself to see my kids like embrace my father-in-law. Yeah. So we have no additional edits or info from OP. There's no additional comments from OP overall vote on this one. And this is a recent one. It's three days ago. It was asshole.

So hopefully he's taking it to heart. The top comment was,

It's small-minded and selfish to take that opportunity away from him and your children just so you can be the first to have the experience with them. Do you think if you do this, your wife and daughters won't resent you for what you are taking away from them to satisfy your own selfish need? If you do this, remember someday your daughters will be adults and think about how they will look back on this and what they will think of you. At the end of the day, if I was that wife...

I'd still go. I'd leave him at home. I'd coordinate it with my parents. I'd be like, hey, I'm going to sleep on a rolling cot or bed. Absolutely. And I'm going to make it happen. Husband, man, you can stay home. This would be the hill I die on. Truly. This is one of those things. And granted, I'm a Disney adult. I'm a little biased. But honestly, that might make me more so like, who gives a fuck if it's your kids' first time with their grandparents instead of you? Yeah.

It's what? It's not about that. It's literally spending time with their grandpa who isn't going to be here. How old were the kids?

Five and six young, young little ones. Oh, that's borderline. I don't even know if they're 42, 48 inches. How many rides are they even going to be able to ride on? I know that's Matt's. That'll be good. That's when we go. Matt's measuring how tall our kids are. Dad should think about that too. Like, you're right. You know, they're only mostly going to go on the kid rides. So we can take them again down the line. There you go. They can go on the real rides. And it's probably going to be an entirely different experience. And that's what so many people in the comments start saying. Like,

They're basically like the, all of these have so many awards, red boxes. It's, it's blinding. But the next one is like, it's Disney. They will light up every time regardless of being the first trip. And that's so true. Like as someone that does go to Disney more than the average bear, like it's a different experience. Every time you go, there's different things. There's different characters you see like, and they're at this age where it's going to be princesses and the little kid rides and

As you take them when they get older, you're going to have more of an experience where you might be on their level doing roller coasters and the log flume, the log ride. And like, it's just different. Like, don't steal this from them. Agreed. It really makes me mad, honestly.

Yeah, we're mad at you, husband.

Visit Safeway.com for more details. Okay, this next one is not a holiday one. We're going to end. We're going to bring it back to holiday towards the end. But, you know, I had to give you a little fair balance. I know I said it's holiday, but it's not. This one just like really stuck out to me and I need to get it out there because it freaks me out. Is this the last one? No, no. Second to last. No, we're only an hour in. We got lots of time. Yeah.

Okay, so this one is from True Off My Chest, posted 17 days ago, and it's titled, My Husband Curses Our Baby Out When No One's Around. No. No.

Okay, go on. I'm intrigued. This is brutal. It's not good. I'm shocked as I'm writing this. I don't even know what to say to him. This happened yesterday night and tonight. Also, English isn't my first language. My husband and I, both 30s, had a baby girl in September. We wanted to become parents and he was over the moon when I told him I was pregnant.

Ever since she was born, he's been super involved. He longs for any opportunity to hold her or feed her. He's the one bathing her in the evening as a part of her bedtime routine. We have a baby monitor that we usually turn on once she's asleep. Yesterday, while he put her to bed and sat next to her crib, I was hanging out in the living room when I heard some talking and realized the baby monitor was on.

The volume was quite low, so I couldn't make out the words at first. But when I turned it up, I froze. What I listened to was my husband talking to our baby, basically insulting her and cursing her out. This sweet man sat next to the crib saying things like, quote, I hate you so much, you have no idea. That's right, you heard me, you little fuck.

I don't want this to be deleted, so I won't go into too much detail, but what the fuck? I am floored. Get your baby, pack your shit up while this guy's gone, and move out. When he came to join me in the living room, I asked him if everything was alright, without mentioning what I heard, and he was completely normal. The sweetest guy.

So tonight, I turned the baby monitor on ahead of time, purposefully, to listen in on them again. And he did it again. I'm so confused. The way he speaks to our baby is horrifying. I'm not sure if I should be worried for her safety. And how do I even approach this? You get out. I agree. There's something seriously wrong. There is no world in which...

That is kosher. None. No. I mean, so. I can't even imagine like saying. Hearing. One hearing that. The shock would really. But like I personally as a father, I could never sit there. I would never say those things to my child. Like I'm just trying to think like what would possess somebody to fucking say those things to their child, right?

So here's what, when you first read the title, I was like, okay, here's what I'm expecting this story to be. I'm expecting that the baby is colicky. I'm expecting that, like, it's crying all the time and the parent is not regulating themselves and they're- They're upset about regular, normal baby type things. And I mean- Kids not sleeping through the night. Exactly. And they're sleep deprived. Can't fucking stand any shit so much. Right. Right.

That is not this. This is totally different. This is putting the baby to bed, calm as can be, and whispering terrible things into its ears and into its psyche. And then coming out and being chill and sweet like nothing has happened. Yeah, so I did read some of the comments so far, and...

before we get too down the rabbit hole, like I know postpartum depression is something that comes up a lot for like a lot of parents doing things, saying things out of the normal and males, like people that are non-birth givers can also be affected by that. And so a lot of people were like in the comments, like, Hey, does he have postpartum depression? Like,

Obviously, that's above our pay grade. We don't know. This is like the most bare context we could ever have. But they're like, there's something very clearly going on with this dude. Could this be a possibility? And it's just because, yeah, like this is the most unhinged behavior. Like telling a baby, like, I hate you. I hate you. And your first thought goes like you take this baby away. This is the type of person.

And people with postpartum depression, persistent postpartum depression, like sometimes people do hurt their kids. It's something you should be scared of or at least like, hey, you're this isn't normal. We need to get you help. And until you're safe and you're not saying shit like this to our baby, you can't be left alone with her.

So like I'm trying to think in my brain like as the wife like okay now it's happened twice. So like do I bring it up like hey I just heard this like you need to like explain yourself and then all right let's hypothetically say you know what I'm totally wrong I'm dealing with PTSD but it's really not and then he pretends like moving forward like it never happens again and then your baby's dead.

I don't know. I just, I don't like... This is a heavy one. I don't like that. This is a heavy one. Yeah. I know. And I... It's just such a tough position to be in. I feel like you would need to make sure that that baby is in a safe place and you're in a safe place before you kind of bring it up. And this might be a situation where you seek some professional help before you address this. And yeah, don't leave that person alone with the baby. No. And also...

How are they sleeping? I'm going to take this. Because, yes, the postpartum depression for men as well, I think sleep deprivation is a huge part of that. Is that playing a role? We don't have any of that information. The only information that we have is that this person is a very sweet person at all other times of the day except for this period of time. While he's alone and nobody can hear him supposedly. I'm going to up this. Okay.

If I was a wife right now, I would for sure 100% have something recording myself while I sleep because I want to know what that mother trucker is saying about me at night.

I would 1000% do the same thing. That was my thought actually. I was like, I don't know how you do it. I would go out and I get a recorder. I would stash it. I would figure it out. But can you, I'm pretty sure you can do your cell phone. Just hit record by your nightstand. Like how would they ever read it? No, that's easy. Right. Because like I can see your phone. I can like, if I really wanted to check. There's sleep apps that like for a lot of people that sleep talk or sleep walk. Sleep apnea. Yeah. And so there's an app that only triggers when it starts picking up like microphone volume.

And it's discreet. Like, I don't think the screen turns on. There's apps for this now, but that was my thought. I'm like, I can just picture him if he's willing to like say this shit to a little baby. Right. Like,

I can just picture him like hovering over her in her sleep being like, I wish I never would have met you. I look at you and I just want to strangle the life out of you. See, that's exactly what's wrong with us. No, but she also needs to record that kind of, you know, on her baby monitor. She needs to record that. I would never not have the baby monitor going when they're, when he's with her. Like I would, I wouldn't trust him at this point. This is really scary because it's like, this is such an easy jump to be like shaking baby syndrome. Like,

snuff her out with a pillow. And I've watched way too many ID discovery shows, but like even Lauren, like has had some of the most unhinged stuff said to her. Like there was this guy she was friends with for years, for years. She thought he was a great guy, really intelligent. And he literally texted her one day, maybe his phone call. And he literally goes to her. He goes, I just want to hold you underwater until I see the life drain from your eyes.

Yikes. Some people are beyond just unhinged. Unhinged. And he could be one of them. He could be someone that smiles to your face and said, yeah, babe, everything's great. And then when you're not watching, behind your back with a little knife emoji. You just don't know. And he's proving something's wrong. I don't even know how you go about...

like, breaching that subject. Like, do you go to, like, a therapist first and be like, this is happening? At the same time, I feel like it's an urgent matter that needs to be addressed. I wish that she had recorded it the second time so that she could just be like, here it is. Here's the evidence. This is what you did. There's no debating what you said because here it is. Cat's out of the bag, dude.

What's going on? Yeah. All right. What do the people say? So top comment on this one. This is such a terrible situation to be in. I agree with a lot of comments saying that you should record this when it happens again, if you're able. I have seen some people suggest reaching out to a psychologist or lawyer before confronting him. I don't necessarily agree unless you plan on doing either of those things within the next few days. I wouldn't sit on this too long.

OP, you have no idea if these are just cruel words or if he wishes to harm your baby. And the longer you sit on this, the more chances he has to be around her or alone with her. Record him and yes, do not confront him alone.

Who knows what he might do if pushed into a corner. This could be postpartum depression, as others have mentioned, but we aren't capable of giving that diagnosis. This is why it's important to confront him with a third party and a recording. Best of luck, OP. I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. I feel like we were pretty spot on on that. We kind of...

Yeah, I agree with all of the points. I can't even imagine because like putting yourselves like you guys married with kids before you had kids, you were already together for 14 years. A dozen before we got married. And then you- Now 19. 19.

So your kid's going to be six. So 13, four, you were together somewhere around there. I don't know. 13 ish, 14 years. Math is hard. Yeah. Oh, before we had kids. Math is hard. We ain't math. We ain't math. No. Yes. Yes. 12 married, 14 kids. Okay. So you were together like, and we don't know how long they've been together, but like putting yourselves in these people's shoes, if you being together so long,

heard stuff like this on a baby cam when you feel like your whole world got turned upside down because you're like this is the person that I've loved and I've been with and trusted chose to have kids with for 14 years and like this is so out of character beyond unhinged absolutely shattered there'd be a for sure a sit down and there would for sure be some hey we are gonna figure this out we are setting up some boundaries until we figure it out

It's just so scary. There are some comments from OP. One is just like your husband may have postpartum depression. I would consult your doctor and say his behavior is odd and not characteristic of himself, but not physically dangerous towards the baby. I wouldn't put that out there yet because we don't know. We don't know. You never know until you know, like.

Most baby monitors have the option. So if possible, make sure it's recording audio so we can't deny. And I would not say anything to him quite yet, acknowledging that you know what he does because you don't want him to be more covert.

Um, OP responds, I didn't know postpartum depression was a thing for men. I feel stupid. I definitely want to take over nighttime routine now. I'm really freaking out reading all of the, of the comments, but I also want to record it at least once. So he can't deny it. If I talked to him about it, I don't feel like he would ever hurt her, but I couldn't ever forgive myself if something happened to her that I could have prevented. Yeah.

This is the worst imaginable situation to be in. She can't imagine that he would hurt her, but I'm sure she couldn't imagine that he would say those things before she heard it herself. Exactly. Get the recording. Stay conscious. Be aware of what's transpiring in your house at all times. Get the info and then take the action. Don't let the kid be alone with him without the baby monitor. Yeah.

monitor it at all times. Absolutely. Maybe invite a friend over when you plan on, you know, give him bedtime duty or whatnot so that there's a third party in case things get hairy. Yeah. Invite your mom over or someone that like

This is a heavy one. I know. I know. Why'd you have to bring this up? That's depressing. It's the first episode of the year. We were talking about the elf and then Disneyland and then, geez. I know. But I think OP kind of said it best too. I didn't know postpartum depression was a thing for men. Right. And a lot of people don't know that. So if we do one thing this episode besides traumatize people, at least we're raising awareness that men can also deal with postpartum depression. Mm-hmm.

Yeah. So there's that. I'll be honest. There's that. I'm sorry. I didn't think it was a thing either. Like. Really? That diagnosis. Yeah. I understand that like things can get more stressful. A lot of times it's categorized for men as like a major depressive episode. Sure. Yeah. I mean like. Or adjustment disorder or. Adjustment. Like having a child is like you completely change your entire life.

Everything changes once you have a kid. There's a lot of adjustment. It is stressful. It is great. Don't get me wrong, people. It's fantastic. But there is a lot of adjustment and there's a lot of stress. And sometimes there's just not a lot of sleep that transpires for three to five years. You just don't know. Trust me. I know. Matt's a second little one. Matt and Amy's second little one doesn't like to sleep. I'm actually waiting for him to come interrupt the episode. He's probably going to pop up.

Pop in any time now. Probably. 11, 20 p.m.? We got 40 minutes. He's going to be out. Oh, yeah. We better get rolling. But there are a lot of comments that OP does respond to. Basically, what ton of voice is he using? And is it like, does he have a dark sense of humor? No, that's the thing. He's almost whispering and doesn't say any of it in a cute way at all. Just sort of monotone. It's like it's not him at all.

And that really worries me. Like I do think he, people develop like psychosis during the weirdest times. Like it could be,

You just never know. And so it's better to be safe than sorry. Like having an episode. Or just disassociating during like this time. You never know. People do weird, weird shit. This is where you seek professional help. Exactly. This is above Reddit's pay grade. You got the take that like, hey, this isn't normal. This isn't funny. Nope. Now it's above everyone's pay grade.

Take care of it. Yeah. And there's this one other one where people are like, is he, he's not doing it for stress relief in a joking way. Some people do that. A baby obviously has a lot of consequences that some people are not prepared for. Stress of sleep deprivation, reduced intimacy with the partner. Even if it's not abusive, what might come out may not be good.

And Opie goes, he doesn't say it in a lighthearted way. That's why I'm confused and shocked. Of course, we sometimes joke around, but it's in a different tone. When I say joke around, it's more like we change the diaper and she poops again right away. And one of us laughs and says, kill me now. Something like that.

I have to add, she's my first child, but from what I hear from other parents, she's very calm and no trouble to what some people experience. I mean, we sleep okay. I'm the one who gets up at night, and it doesn't wake him at all. See, all that just doesn't make sense. It makes it worse. Like, okay, seriously, what's going on? Yeah, there's something going on that needs to be addressed right now. I will be sure to keep up and look at this account for an update for all of us, but...

We don't have anything so far as far as updates or really additional comments. I've kind of read all of them. Yeah. I would keep you away from the kids. Thank you. I would for sure. Keep those babies safe. I would keep you away from the kids. They would not be around you.

Yeah. All right, moving on. Hey there, it's Ryan Seacrest for Safeway. Take care of yourself this summer and save on personal care items at your local store. Now through August 27th, get extra discounts when you purchase participating items like Dove Beauty Bar, Dove Body Wash, Dove Men Plus Care Body Wash, or deodorant, Dove Shampoo, Trace-A-May Shampoo, and Axe Body Spray. The more you buy, the more you save. Catch these deals before they're gone. Offer ends August 27th. Restrictions apply. Promotions may vary.

Visit Safeway.com for more details. Okay. Holy smokes. I know. I'm sorry, guys. Can we bring this mood up a little bit? Here we go. Okay. Go on. So this last one is a little bit of a preview for what you're going to get on an episode with just me and Amy that is going to be like medically stories. Okay. And not necessarily like medical, medical, but like it has some context to do with it. Okay. Well,

Good one. Thanks. So this is along those, those vibes and it's getting back to like the holiday horrors, holiday meltdowns that people had. All right. Okay. So this one is titled, am I the asshole for not spending this Christmas in the hospital with my daughter? My 39 female daughter, 16 female has had a sensitive stomach ever since she was a kid.

There are certain foods that will upset her stomach to the point where she's unable to stop throwing up.

We've seen countless doctors, but so far, nobody's been able to give us a clear answer. The only advice we keep getting is to identify all trigger foods and cut them from her diet. We have a pretty good idea of what those foods are. Soda and other carbonated drinks, chips, Cheetos, and other similar processed snacks, anything oily or fried, and most sweets.

Unfortunately, this is exactly the kind of stuff my daughter loves to eat the most. And as horrible as she feels after she has them, she still refuses to cut them out of her diet, which in turn led to her spending a lot of time in the hospital during the past few years.

When she was little, it was easier to keep all of these foods away from her because I simply wouldn't buy them. But now that she's older, I can't always be there to check what she eats. She eats the greasy pizza at her school's cafeteria. She trades her lunch with her classmates. She goes out with her friends and stops at KFC and so on. And it always ends up with her in the ER crying and shaking because she can't stop throwing up.

This was the case on this Christmas Eve as well, when our whole family gathered at our place. And of course, among the many dishes at our Christmas table were some of her main trigger foods, like chips, soda, chocolate, and sweets. Now, mind you, these were far from the only foods available to her. We also had a variety of home-cooked food.

traditional dishes on the table with ingredients that don't upset her stomach, like vegetables, meat, dairy, etc. All of them delicious and well-seasoned.

My daughter herself says she really likes most of these dishes. Despite this, my daughter chose to eat nothing but her trigger foods. I reminded her that they'd make her feel awful, but she said she didn't care because Christmas is only once a year and she just wants to live a little.

Well, this ended with her violently throwing up in the ER a few hours later. She had to be hospitalized for a few days and only just got out of the hospital a few hours ago. And unlike all of the previous times when something like this happened, this time I chose to spend my Christmas relaxing at home with the rest of our family and not in the hospital by my daughter's side.

I kept in touch with her through calls and texts and told her that if she needed anything, I'd ask a family member to bring it to her. But I made it clear that I would not be visiting her during her stay. And well, my daughter didn't take this too well. She cried every time we talked on the phone, begged me to come over, told me how horrible I was for abandoning her there all alone and so on.

Most of our family didn't take my side in this either. And during the past few days, I got called everything from a little extreme to downright cruel and heartless. Am I the asshole Reddit? Maybe. This one's tough. This one's hard. Okay. So go ahead. You got something to say. You got something to say?

This one is hard. It's super hard. This one I think is really hard. Because you're not dealing with... You're still dealing with a child, but a young adult or soon-to-be adult, right? They're not a five-year-old anymore. They are learning how to make their own decisions. They're not fully there yet, but they're learning. And that's part of the process. So...

I think about if this were a true allergy. Like, if she had food allergies and she literally, like, if you eat this, you will die. She would not be eating that food. But I also, like, really kind of wonder...

like this is an undiagnosed medical problem, basically, where she has sensitivities to foods, but that causes her to be hospitalized for multiple days. It's pretty serious. That kind of throws me because, I mean, to be hospitalized for multiple days these days, I mean, you have to be pretty sick. So then to me, that doesn't,

fully translate into just like a food sensitivity necessarily yeah well and it sounds like they've gone to a lot right we've seen countless doctors but no but so far no one's been able to give us a clear answer so and i will say like my friend ali was like this um ali i

Sorry, Allie. Allie has Crohn's and Allie, like with a lot of people that have Crohn's, it goes out. Like it's normally diarrhea and like can sometimes be bloody stool. Like it goes that way. But Allie was a puker. Allie never had like the diarrhea issues with her Crohn's. She threw up. And so like Allie missed like so much, so much school to the point the teachers were like,

They were so... It was terrible. That's a whole other tangent. They treated her so bad. But she was constantly throwing up no matter what she would eat because of her Crohn's. And so I think this is more than just a food sensitivity if you're throwing up nonstop and you have to be hospitalized so much. But they're not... Again, no diagnosis. Kind of like a little medical mystery right now. But...

Yeah, I don't know. There's definitely something going on here. So let's take it beyond the medical aspect here for a second. I know you had something to say, but... Let her say it. Let her say it. You remember yours. Okay, I can wait. I interrupted her, so we got to let her finish. All right, go ahead.

That's okay. So even if we didn't really have a medical diagnosis, then the question is, does it matter that much? Your daughter is hospitalized for multiple days, whether that is self-induced or not. Is there a little bit of a middle ground where you could go for a little bit, but maybe you're not there the entire time? So why do we have to avoid being there for your daughter the entire time? It seems like she's probably hospitalized in her local area.

seems like their home um if she's been in and out of the hospital she probably has her own like medical team of specialists that she probably sees on a regular basis she's a frequent flyer at this point so there's probably some familiar faces why does it have to be all or nothing and if your daughter is begging you to come visit why can't you come visit like i feel like

She's going to learn the lesson with her just being hospitalized. So, yeah, maybe you don't have to miss out on everything because she's 16 and because she can rest in the hospital and be taken care of if she's stable and doing well in general. Like, why?

why do you have to be absent for the whole thing? Why can't you be there as a support figure regardless of whether your child is making the right decision or the wrong decision? That's kind of your role as a parent to be there because they're going to make mistakes. They're going to make the wrong decisions. But your job as a parent is to be there regardless no matter what. Yes, support them in learning things,

The lesson. So maybe you're not there the entire time, but be present. I don't know, Matt, what do you think? Yeah. I mean, I agree with you. Like, I think you should be present. I think that's still your child. Like I can't wrap my brain around not being there with my daughter, but the question that I, I guess the question I have is like, how often are they at the hospital? Is it once a month? Is it twice a month? Is it, you know, what is this specifically? And, um,

Gosh, I've never in my life talked about therapy so much, but like, is there something bigger going on? I understand she's only 16 and like, it's hard to like see your friends go out and eat. Yeah. This types of food and like to have the willpower to say no, but like at what point, when do you start making the right decisions and when do you start?

like realizing that there are for sure, there's gotta be some financial costs to all these hospital stays and massive. There's a lot of consequences that go beyond just ending up in the hospital and having to spend a few days there. I think it's different for different people though. Think about people even with type one diabetes, which is a huge adjustment and you have to eat differently from your peers. And it's a little bit of a medical, um,

I agree with you completely. My question is for the people that have type 1 diabetes, is there food counseling? I don't know, right? Yeah. Somebody like a nutritionist or somebody to help you. But there's also psychological counseling to help you adjust with the fact that you have a chronic condition that maybe your peers don't have. Right. So that may be the hardest part where, I mean, everybody struggles with being different

no matter what way that difference is. Completely. And I wonder, I mean, you think about other diagnoses, like pica comes to mind for me, like people where like pica is more of a mental health disorder where you ingest things you're not supposed to, whether that's mothballs, marbles, whatever, you're eating things you're not supposed to eat. And that's more of a mental health diagnosis. And like

Maybe there is some mental health stuff going on where like no matter what, like she knows she's not supposed to eat this stuff. She just can't control herself. And maybe there is like this is definitely like a time for a therapy intervention because no matter how sick she gets, it doesn't matter. Sometimes as medical though, if you're craving ice, make sure you get your hemoglobin checked. Okay. You could be anemic. There we go. I am anemic and I don't crave ice. I also think that. Sometimes I do though. Yeah.

Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Go on. All right. Here's my last thought on this, I guess, for now, is that as a 16-year-old, like I would say I rebelled quite a bit. And I guess as a parent, I would hope that my 16-year-old, being a young adult, I would have raised them well enough to be like, hey, I'm

It's Christmas and we have family. You know what this is going to do to yourself. And because you're making these choices, this is what is going to happen. And we have family in town and we have obligations to be here in Hollis. So please avoid these foods because it will make you sick. If you want to eat these foods at a...

At a later time, then we can talk about it if you're going to absolutely do this. But like, please, for the love of- Not today. God, not today. Like Christmas is not the day to live a little. Like pick another day. Right. That's, yeah. Yeah. It's just tough, but-

Yeah. You're like half an asshole. Your daughter's half an asshole. I know. I don't know. It's tough. I really... There's underlying things. There is. I really go back and forth on this one. I kind of get what you're saying where you're like, okay...

You know, she's there for multiple days, necessarily don't have to go that night. Little bit of a, oh, well clause, like you need to learn your lesson, tough love. So the first night of your hospital stay, Christmas Eve, no, I'm going to stay with family. Like, I'm not letting you ruin this for me. You do this all the time.

Sounds like this mom is exhausted. Sounds like this is a repeat thing that happens constantly. So I get that. And then I hear you where it's like, okay, maybe don't go into the hospital on admission. Let her go. But she had to get there somehow. So someone admitted her. I don't know. I'm wondering, like, is there also like, where's dad? Yeah, no mention. No mention. Maybe there's not one in the picture. I'm going to get there because I got some math for us to do. But I go back and forth where I'm like,

I know me and I was also a rebellious, stubborn 16 year old that you couldn't tell me. I was my own worst enemy sometimes, despite being a really good kid, getting good grades, doing all these things. Like I just like needed to learn things the hard way sometimes. And I know for me, if I was the 16 year old, if my mom would have came to the hospital with me, I wouldn't have learned any lesson at all. So, and this is just me.

But I don't think she's the asshole for like not going. I think there maybe is a little bit of a balance where it's like, you know what, sweetie? I'll pick you up. I'll come your last day there and I'll pick you up and we'll go pick up some groceries that you can eat and let's meal prep fun stuff that you can still eat. Because you can still get this sweet treat stuff without having this shit. And so...

I would have done it that way. But I think for me personally, like if my mom would have came to the hospital with me the first night, I wouldn't have learned shit. It wouldn't have been any tough love. I would have been like, I can get away with this. I can ruin everything. Here we go. And sometimes it's about knowing your own kid. And knowing if your kid is going to be like Morgan or if your kid needs a little more support. Yeah. Right?

So I think that different people probably need different things. Yeah. And it sounds like she's gotten nonstop support. And the reason why mom didn't go with her at all now is because this has been so constant. And like anytime she does this, it leads to her spending a lot of time in the hospital during the past few years. And it always ends up with her in the ER crying and shaking because she can't stop throwing up.

And I get like wanting to go with friends. Your friends stop at KFC and you want the mashed potatoes and biscuit. I get it. It's really good. But I sure as shit, like if I knew I was going to throw up for hours on end and not be able to stop, I'd

There's got to be that balance. Like you can't do that to yourself and your body. Like that's not even fun for you. It sucks. It sucks that she did it on purpose. It just, it sucks. And so there's definitely a fine line. And like, I'm just glad I'm not a parent in this one, but the math, the mom is 39 and the daughter's 16. 25. 23. 23. Yeah. 22 when she got pregnant. Yeah. Ish, depending on the birthday. So younger mom, younger daughter. Yeah.

Interesting relationship dynamic, maybe, I think. And this is not the case for everyone, obviously. But I do think a lot of moms that are younger kind of have the best friend role. And so maybe this was her last stand of like, I am not coming to the hospital this time, little lady. I'm done. Well, and it seems like she did a lot of communication with her other than being physically there. So she was...

talking with her on the phone she was it wasn't like she ghosted her right she wasn't like leaving her completely alone so i think that that's that's also a positive i know i'm really interested to see everyone's takes on this one i feel like i'm might be a minority it's this is a really tough one it's a tough one it's a really tough one it's really hard it's such a personal problem that it's it's really gray and unless you're there and that parent it's like oh

Honestly, I feel like I'm saying this all the time, but I think therapy is the best answer because if you have and you're growing up with a chronic illness or a chronic disease, like that can be really, really taxing and tough and fatiguing on you and your psyche. And how you deal with that and how you're different from your peers, I think that going through that alone can be really, really hard sometimes.

So having someone who has experience in that and helping you navigate that. Absolutely. Well, and that's, that's a whole other aspect to it, right? Where it's like, yeah, okay, maybe this is a situation she needed tough love, but she clearly, clearly needs other support, whether that's mental health to like really deal with the chronic illness because as a 16 year old, like,

yeah, there's foods that don't trigger you, but there is a lot of psychosocial implications of that where you can't go to the bowling alley with your friends and just get what they're eating. And what does she do? Does she have to pack a lunch anytime she goes to activities with friends? That sucks. The psychosocial implications of something like this is really hard. And so I do understand that. I sympathize with her there, but it also comes to a point where it's like,

Is your health less valuable than that quick social interaction? And that's where she's going to have to really tote that line with herself and what, you know, as she ages and grows up and she's 16, she's trying to fit in. At 16, you're struggling to find yourself and find your groove and have friends and not get bullied. So it's like, it's a tough position to be in. But at a family Christmas party, girl. Brutal. Brutal.

Top comment on this one. Lots of awards, big red box, 43.4K upvotes right now. Not sure if I'm going to be in the minority or get downvoted. Oh, well, but I'm going not the asshole. She's 16 and for sure smart enough and mature enough to know better. As the cliche, the saying is, and as much as it's overused on Reddit, play stupid games, win stupid prizes.

This isn't a case of a seven-year-old that doesn't really know anybody any better. This is a person that will legally be an adult in less than two years. She knows full well what she can and cannot eat, and she made a personal choice to eat things she shouldn't. While it may seem cruel and heartless, maybe you leaving her there, quote, by herself—obviously she's not since there are plenty of stuff with her—

How do we know how mature she is? The whole thread proved that she wasn't mature for her age. I will agree with that. She clearly isn't mature enough to make the right decisions.

And who's to say like, I've met 18 year olds, two years, holy cow, that they're not mature or 20 year olds that aren't mature. 26 year olds, 28 year olds, 30 year olds. And people that make really bad decisions for themselves. So how do we know how mature she is or isn't? No, and I think this comment, this is another one that's, it's the third down from the top. There's a response to that one I just read. OP is dishing out a little tough love in the most appropriate way.

Okay. Next comment. I think she needs therapy. She all caps likes getting sick because she gets all the attention on her right where she wants it. This is about being the center of her parents universe. She figured out how she can have everyone's life revolve around her, which a lot of assumption there, but maybe,

We just don't know. We don't know. Yeah, that's a lot of deception. But there are some people that... I mean, there's certain diseases like Munchausen's that attention is somewhat a part of that, I believe. Right. And regardless, the first sentence, I think she needs therapy. She does. Right. Clearly. It's to a point where tough love and being sick isn't working, so maybe there's more to this. And there is...

No mention of dad, stepdad. You know, maybe that's a part of this. Maybe the attention does play into that. Like, we don't know. We have no idea, but there's more here. And overall vote, not the asshole. I'm leaning towards that way, but this is a tough one. I'm leaning towards not the asshole.

Maybe not the right decision, but not the asshole ultimately. I don't think there's ill will in what you're doing. So I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt. It could just be an everyone sucks too. Maybe I'm a softie, but I'm like middle of the road. I'm not going to call her an asshole, but I'm not also going to call her not an asshole.

So she's an asshole. I'm going to be the mom who's getting played by her kids and I will be at that hospital every single time. Pick a take. You don't have to. Everyone sucks is there for a reason. Everyone sucks. That's probably what it is. Everyone sucks, but dang. That's a tough one. That's a hard one. Well, thank you guys for coming on the very first episode of 2023. Yay!

So much fun. Thank you. It was good. Had a lot of fun having you home. I love being home. And the nonprofit I'm going to highlight this week, you are someone who's dealt personally with postpartum depression. And there was one story we talked about today that is...

Maybe dealing with it, but it is an issue that I really want to highlight this year. So the link will be in the description of this episode for you guys to check out this nonprofit and, you know, dollar.

$5, whatever you want to give. But each week this year, we're going to highlight a charity nonprofit. I'd love to have you guys comment on YouTube or on the Instagram about other good nonprofits that you know are doing amazing work, whether that's small in your community or big. But just let us know where we should be pulling our resources because this is the year of change.

I love that. I know. Really awesome that you are going above and beyond and thinking of something bigger than yourself. I know. I just say. So that's awesome. We got a lot of us out here in our Too Hot Takes community now. So it'd be amazing if we can do something with it. Absolutely. Perfect. Love it. Okay. Until next time, guys. Bye. Bye. See you guys. Bye.

you

Hey there, it's Ryan Seacrest for Safeway. Take care of yourself this summer and save on personal care items at your local store. Now through August 27th, get extra discounts when you purchase participating items like Dove Beauty Bar, Dove Body Wash, Dove Men Plus Care Body Wash or deodorant, Dove Shampoo, Trace-A-May Shampoo and Axe Body Spray. The more you buy, the more you save. Catch these deals before they're gone. Offer ends August 27th. Restrictions apply. Promotions may vary.

Visit Safeway.com for more details. Hey, I'm Ryan Reynolds. Recently, I asked Mint Mobile's legal team if big wireless companies are allowed to raise prices due to inflation. They said yes. And then when I asked if raising prices technically violates those onerous two-year contracts, they said, what the f*** are you talking about, you insane Hollywood a**hole?

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