Ep 207: Gank You Very Much
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If I can say it, I better be able to spell it. That's my number one rule. Amy's cool. She's not going to sue us. I want to be a cum clean. Buckle up. Yeah!

Let's go. Let's go. Wow. Welcome. We got a hot one. Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot. You're a monster. We got a hot one today, baby. Oh, my God. Dude, we were limping into this one. Still are. Still are. Still limping over here, just trying to figure this out. Yeah. Kyle came with, he's known as our tech guy, but yet he had a lot, a lot, a lot of work.

A lot of tech issues at the beginning. Now he's using his telephone as his microphone. We don't want to bore you with the details, but we're going to. Yeah, we will. For 10 to 15 minutes right up top, please explain in detail for all the audiophiles out there. Okay, everybody out there who knows what's going on, I just got the Universal Audio Apollo Twin X Thunderbolt. Okay, it's state-of-the-art.

Top dog. All right. But what's the state? I guess you have to download drivers or something for it, right? And then you have to like connect the codes and like. Dude, why'd you get that shit then? That sounds that's doo doo. Just don't sound bad. Just use the old stuff. And then it's our audio sounds dope as fuck. We won funniest podcast.

Yeah, we do. This is what makes it funny. Am I wrong? Least organized. Yeah, you're not wrong. But I think what makes it funny is sort of the bad audio that we always have. And the fans are like, I kind of heard that. Right. I'm sure it was funny. And I think that's what our fans loved.

We work in the shadows, which I believe you know something about. I know. You totally did work in the shadows. I really did. Okay. So what's up with this? Is this a 4th of July episode? Is that why you're wearing the 4th of July ditty there, Dursie? Yeah, Durs, what is up? No, I've been known to do the ditty. Let's just say Olympic trials went down this past week. Oh, God. Oh, shit. This is the way. Woo!

Oh, shit. I'm not feeling too good, guys. I think I got a case of Olympic fever once again. Who cares? Yeah, you really do love the Olympics. And the Olympics are just... They're just fine. I think I... That's okay. I always want to like them more than I do. I do like them. What the hell? If you did have to pick a sport that you rock with...

In the Olympics? Yeah. What is it? Track? Swimming? Is it gymnastics? Is it rowing? Probably track. Track. You would think, because I'm such a basketball fan, it would be

basketball but then you watch those games and they suck it's like america has like 180 points and then nigeria has 12 and you're like this sucks yeah but not when it gets down to it bro when it gets down to like the final four or the elite eight like lithuania is balling okay hey and now i know and now i'm excited but also i don't know if you guys have ever watched badminton but it goes fucking off dog is that an olympic sport

Hello is badminton. It's probably the first Olympic sport. It's like wrestling in badminton. Right. It was naked wrestling. The second thing they created. Yes, they found shuttlecocks in caves. Thank you. I'm so glad you said that. I'm so glad you said shuttlecock. I was like, somebody got to say it.

I'm kind of shocked that badminton didn't do what pickleball did. Badminton? It is. It's badminton. He's saying it right. It's badminton. I know. I'm excited that we have a real historian. Yeah. I also say February. It's mitten. Badminton. Not with an N. Here we go. It's with an N? Badminton? Yeah, it's like a mint. Like a mint mobile. It's science. And what do you think the tennis tournament in...

In London it's called. Wimbledon? What do you think it's called? Wimbledon? Yeah, it's Wimbledon. It's a bagel. It's with a D? Yeah. Wimbledon. Wimbledon.

Yes. More like what Blake just said. Wimbledon. It's Wimbledon. Wimbledon. Wimbledon. I mean, what else? What else? Wow. I did not know. Words, man. Words, man. And it's actually karaoke. A lot of people say karaoke. Have you guys ever played like an actual really heated match of bad music?

Yes. In college, me and my boy Tuf, we would go to intramurals. Hell yeah. And just get... We were pretty good. He's athletic and I was at least in shape and tall and could reach and not run out of energy. It's kind of an easy game or... No. Very hard. We got destroyed by these dudes from India who grew up playing. It's not a...

I hate to say it. I don't think USA brings home the gold in badminton. No, I believe Norway is very strong. I thought Vietnam killed it. I thought Vietnam was kind of the spot. I think you're right. Indonesia, Vietnam. Yeah, they really rep it. Yeah, it's the places that don't play the actual sports that people care about. Whoa, okay. I think so. They find their niche. I think you can care about badminton.

Well, I don't think, no, they don't. I mean, some people do for sure. But like as a world in general, I don't think we care about badminton. You're saying this like you don't realize that we invented football because we weren't any good at badminton.

That's what happens. Well, you are the pro on the Olympics. I didn't know. I figured it might have been about soccer. Isn't that what the Olympics are about, though? They're about giving a shit about sports that normally are not given a shit about. Isn't that? Yeah, that's written in like the scribe in like in the stone.

Yeah, that's on some tablets, dude. Yeah. In Greece, they were like, we don't give a fuck about anything except basketball and football. Yeah. But if you want to play badminton and ski and shoot at the same time and swim, then we will. Biathlon. Hey.

Blake, you are so dumb. What the hell? I love it. What are the first? It's wrestling. Wrestling was first and then has to be running, right? Running. Yeah. Yeah. Wrestling and then running before archery? So is that it? The first Olympic event, which is two events. Kung Nei. Yeah. Archery.

I get it. I get it. We're being dumb for dumb sake, but it does get old. It gets tiring. I think for the audience, cause you're like, Oh, what?

What am I listening to? Adam's fed up, guys. I'm fed up. Okay, let's have this be the smartest podcast yet. Can we just have a very smart episode? Absolutely. I know I started it by mispronouncing badminton, which I still think you guys are punking me a little bit. Guys, let's lift the veil. Let's open the curtain. Let's show people that we're actually very smart. We're very smart. Members of Intelligentsia. Yeah, we won't talk until we know it. Mensa members.

Yeah, we know what we're talking about. It's an absolute silent episode. I do want to say this, though. I do love that every four years, the world's best shot putter is on his shit. You know what I mean? And then he just goes back to working at Home Depot or whatever the gig is.

No, it's Home Depot. It's Home Depot. 99% of these people are only training for this. They aren't making a shit ton of money. That's what's kind of like...

It's interesting. I'm not going to say more noble than being a professional athlete in a major league, but it's just fucking rad. I agree. Still going to send it. That is what's cool about the smaller, like the badminton. Steeplechase? What's happening here? Yeah, the shot put. What else is there? There's archery. What is steeplechase? Steeplechase, you run an 8,000 and you jump over...

three hurdles and one of them has water on the other side? You know what I'm talking about? Wait, so where did that game even... What did that even come from? Like, was it like...

How did they invent that? I don't know, man. I'm just telling you what it is. What is it though? Just tell me what it is one more time. What is it? It's a runner on a track for 8,000. And I think there's three hurdles that you got to jump over. And one of them has like a little pit of water on the other side of it. So like if you don't clear, as you get tired, it's harder to clear the water. Your shoes are getting wet. It's a fucking wet mess. And that is an Olympic event. Yeah, I love that. That's sick.

Anna just put something in the group chat here. It says the first Olympic Games held in ancient Greece from 776 BC to 393 AD included sports such as foot races, jumping. Yeah. Cool. Just jumping. Throwing. Jump. This is so good. I said all this. Boxing, wrestling, and pancreation.

What's the last one? Okay, so pankration. You guys, do you know what that is? I do know what that is. It's a combination of boxing and wrestling. I have no idea. So it's UFC. Okay, now I'm in. That's what I was about to say. It's cool that Dana White just stole from the ancient Olympic Games and was like, yo, let me gank that. We'll call it ultimate fighting when really pankration. Bro, you just said gank.

Yeah, I did. Fuck it. It's the smartest episode, Kyle. I say gank. You just said gank? That used to be one of my favorite words of all time, dude. Just gank this shit. Yeah, ganking still goes. Is that the word of the day? I'm not sure. I don't think gank is a real word, so there's no way. Of course it is.

That's what you think until you look it up and it's like, old English, mate. No, gank for sure. E40 made up gank. Yeah, E40 did. E40 didn't make up gank, dude. That's from the bay, dude. Yes, that is definitely from the bay. Gank is from the bay. Nah. I wonder... They might have ganked it from somewhere else. No, it's in the dictionary. It's in the dictionary and it's to take or steal, so...

To rob or defraud someone. People say gaffle. Wait. I like that word too. Why do we have boxing, wrestling, and the mix of boxing and wrestling? Because that's UFC. Come on. You know this. Well, I know. I think. Boxing. You mean in the Olympics, the first Olympic Games? Yeah. Yeah. You would think. Yeah. I mean, because I guess they just ran out. They didn't have arrows yet.

So they couldn't do other things. They're like, we can't figure out how to do other things yet. Let's just combine. They're throwing discs and rocks. I thought for sure they had arrows at the beginning. No. What's up with that? No, there were spears first. Yeah, javelin. Before arrows. Okay, before arrows. Javelin, for sure. Yeah.

Javelin. Yes, of course. Javelin. Yeah, I'll give you that. Javelin. It's the smartest episode. Javelin. This is a really smart episode. Yeah, no. Javelins pre, before arrows. That makes sense. Yeah. Yeah. But I was watching track trials are on now. I fucking love that shit, dude. You love watching running. I love it. I love it. It's something that almost everyone can do. Obviously, some people are not physically able to run because they have no legs. Can't do it. Can't do it. Can't do it.

I can't run. I'm pissed now. This is the thing we can all do and these are the fastest people on the planet at that. Yeah. That's pretty tight. It's fucking sick. I will say though, dude, when they're like, it's the 3600 meter or whatever the longest one is and you start to watch, you're like, all right.

And then you're like, what the fuck am I watching? They cut to commercials. They come back. They're still running. And the guy in the yellow shirt is a little ahead. And you're like, who gives a shit? Let's just cut back into the last lap. But then they give you the backstory about why he's wearing a yellow shirt. He's a school teacher. He represents the students back home. He's raising money for the pencils. That's exactly right. Do they put the best announcers on?

on those events where they're like, you're going to have to spin a yarn because this is such a long event. You're going to have to tell the whole backstory. You're going to have to know the backstory on every person because you don't know who's going to win. So you've got to have backstories on everyone. They start making shit up. They're like, oh, they failed NASA trials. They wanted to go to fucking different planets, but their vertigo kept them on Earth.

See, that's already pretty intriguing. Yeah. Oh, all right. I'm listening. What else? What else, Blake? I'm leaning in, Blake. Keep going. So then on. Yes, and? Hey, Blake. Okay, do your best announcer voice. And spin a yarn. Spin a yarn. Spin the yarn about NASA and running again. That's really good. It doesn't need to be about NASA. Just whatever you want. But you can't say fucking. You can't. You are an announcer. This is on NBC. Bob Collins.

Costas is sitting right next to you. For years, he would run in the Sahara Desert training for the planet Mars and its hot surface. But as you can see, he was denied access to the ship because of his vertigo. So he had to remain on Earth, and that is why he can run in such hot, flat settings. And what you're seeing now is him...

And he's passing the runner from Zaire, and it is happening now.

And Switzerland has taken the lead. Houston, we have a problem. Wow. Hey. That's a yarn. Dude, wouldn't it be Houston we don't have a problem? Because now it's win. Yeah. Houston, we don't have a problem. The Americans are in the lead. They're in the lead at the last stretch. This is incredible. They got Swiss. They got the Swiss. Spunny yarn. Regular Bob Mennery.

Very slow. You spoke very slowly. Yeah, you have to draw it out. It's like an audio book. It's like listening to an audio book. I feel like even the announcers of when it's a longer event, they still speak with a pace and a cadence. I feel like they're not going, yeah, so...

He's at NASA and he was supposed to go to Mars. Maybe they should. Who knows? Who knows? Well, that'd be good on those long-ass races, bro, because then you don't have to use as many words. And they're Googling on their iPhone while they're talking. They're like, so this guy is... How do you spell it? How do you spell it? How do you spell his name? Yeah.

Yeah, he was in NASA. Does he need to know how to spell it or say it? Just say it. Probably say it. Well, he's Googling it. Oh, was he saying it in a Siri? Yeah, he can say it in a Siri. In this hypothetical situation, Blake likes to know that he can also spell it.

Yeah, absolutely. If I can say it, I better be able to spell it. That's my number one rule. Well, what Olympic event do you think you could? I mean, obviously, we're not going to make it. We know swimming for Ders, but maybe a sport that we wouldn't think that you could do. You look at me, and you're like, this guy's built for wrestling. He's built for shot put.

You're a shot put, bro, dude. Power lifting. What's the other thing? The discus. I think you would crush a discus. Are you saying, what do you think, in a hypothetical situation where you've been able to train your body to its absolute peak for what it would accomplish, what is the sport for you? Yeah. Well, pickleball is not in the Olympics. No, it is not. Not yet.

Or will we let it be? It will never be. It will never be. Kyle, we're getting you in the pool for water polo, Kyle. Come on, cut it out. Oh, man, I tried water polo for a day. I couldn't cut it. Too much water. I know, but we're saying like in a hypothetical situation where your body has been tuned up, baby. Oh, yeah. You would have had to gotten this is you started childhood and then you tune. With your baseball pitch? Come on.

Water polo is a sick fucking game, dude. It is because you get to grab everybody's dick underwater and they don't even know you're doing it. Yeah, that's mostly why Kyle I think is into it. That's why he likes it. That's the number thing I like about it.

What? No, the thing you do is you grow your toenails out and you shave them into points. That's what I like about it. To pull down the other people's Speedos and then grab their nuts and rub their butt. Do they check your toenails? Is that a real thing? They check your fingernails and your toenails before water polo games, yeah. Now, what about your dick? If they're long, they cut them and they check them again. What if you took a...

a bunch of Viagra or hymns? Good question. You gobble down some hymns and you keep poking people in the back and stuff. They feel a little poke coming through? You know how you climb up someone to get up higher? You climb up on them and your dick is just brushing their shoulder blades. Let me check the manual.

That's legal. I just checked right there. It's legal. It is legal. I think Kyle could shine there. That is an Olympic maneuver right there. Blake, what you got? What do you think you would be good at? Oh, it's very easy. Power walking. All day. Is that not an Olympic event? Yes, it is, motherfucker. Son of a bitch. Son of a bitch. Motherfucker.

This is the smartest episode. I am not just saying shit. We got to go back to the original ancient games. We've added too many. No, no, no. Hang on a second. I want Anna or somebody, can you, before you put it in the chat, just look up how far it is? I want everyone to guess because I know...

I know roughly exactly how far it is, but how far do you guys think the power walking race is? Oh, dude. Too long. I'm sure. How many miles? I would think it's at bare minimum five miles.

Okay. Oh, that's going to be my guess. That's a bare minimum. 12 miles? I don't know. I mean, I honestly have no clue. Too long. Because you're watching just a bunch of moms walk really fast. Durza's stone facing. He is not showing any sort of smirk or smile. Dead behind the eyes. I'm thinking it's higher. I'm thinking it's higher. I'm thinking it's...

24 miles. Like a marathon? No, a little less. A little less. Okay. And then, Anna, if you're even still fucking working behind... Okay, here we go. Thank you. Don't look. Don't look. Dude, she was so hard. Two distances.

12.4 miles and 31 miles. 31. Wow. So Adam and I are right. Yeah, I got the 12. All right. That was a total lucky guess. Can you imagine speed walking, power walking for 31 miles? Right away, the alarms in my head are ringing. It's like...

When are we eating? This seems like a long walk, dude. Where's the snack? Right. The hip dysplasia is in full effect for sure. So what do you mean? Is that what you're using to win, Blake? Is food at the end of the finish line? What's going on with that? He's got a fishing pole with lasagna hanging in front of him. Scarfield, bro. I'm just chasing lasagna. That's what I would eat. Dude, I went on a walk last night with my child pushing a stroller and I was like,

We walked like three miles. I was like, this fucking sucks. Well, you got to get the lasagna. Yeah, you got to take a snack. You need the fishing pole. We were going back. I was grilling burgers. I got too far away from my house and then realized now I have to walk all the way back pushing this stroller. That is the thing about walking. And now we're kind of far away from the cheeseburger that I was going to grill. I'm like, this kind of sucked. Why did it go so far?

- Common knowledge is the worst. - Did you just ditch the baby and sprint home? - Yeah, I ran. - Caught an Uber. - The first time I've run in like five years. - You called an Uber and dropped the phone in the stroller and just jet. It'll find you.

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Okay, so you would be a power walker. I see that for you, Blake. Yeah, absolutely. What do you think your distance would be? The 20K or the 50K? Well, just due to hunger, I think the shorter distance. Yeah, for sure. 12 and a half miles. Do we know what times are on the 12 and a half miles? It's fast. Dude, they're doing like six minute miles.

So that's running. Were they running? Yeah. No, no. There's very specific rules. You get fined or like whatever. You get dinged. There's warnings. You always have to have a part of your foot touching the ground. Otherwise, it's considered running. So you have to always be contacting the ground. So you guys, you have to have those long lean legs. I feel like I would not.

Well, and you got to move your hips like this. Yeah, that's what it is because it's just a longer stride you take less steps Also, I just feel like if like Michael Myers from like Halloween was in it. He would win every time that would be sick to see Yeah, or like the it follows. I feel like Mike Myers from Shrek. Yeah, I feel like if we had a horror power walk Olympics, I

It would be very interesting to see who walks the fastest. Yeah. Okay. So the men's world record for the mile walk is five hours, 31 minutes and eight seconds set by British Olympian Tom Bosworth. That's I think that's five minutes.

Oh, is that? That's five minutes, 31 seconds. Men's world record for the mile. That's five minutes, 31 seconds. The mile walk. Oh, it's five minutes, 31 seconds. Oh, okay. I thought it was for the whole thing. That's five minutes, brother. I was about to say that's so slow. Yeah, that's like. Yeah, I was like five hours. That seems like something I might be able to do. Give me five hours. I could walk 12 miles. Five hours. Yeah.

I was like, but also I was like, well, maybe I could get there. It's just about like smoking a blunt while you walk. It's just like you get distracted. You got to say what's up to all the homies. You're like, oh, dude. Damn, this guy made it here in five hours. Yeah. So, yeah, I think you would be good at it, Blake. Yeah, it'd be cool, bro. Just saying what's up. Durs, what do you think you would be good at?

Yeah, not swimming. Nothing in the pool. I get it. I get it. Of course. We get it. You're an Olympian. Jeez. I don't know what I'd be good at. Let me. I would love to do track and field in some regard. Could you throw? Maybe. You know what? You know what I would like to do? Ducathlon. I think that'd be fun. Ducathlon? Yeah. Hello!

Well, not what's fun, what you think you might be good at. Yeah, I don't know. Maybe, I feel like maybe I've got the- Wherewithal? The size and the engine to do a decathlon. What about the wherewithal? Do you know? I got that werewolf call where I'm like, ow, ow, ow. Okay. Yeah, I think I have the wherewithal. I award you no points and may God have mercy on your soul. What are the 10 things? What are the 10, what is a decathlon? What's in that? It's definitely like a few distances of running. Okay.

I think it's high jump. I think it's long jump. It's javelin. That's too much. It's discus. I'm out. I think there's also a pie-eating aspect at the very beginning. There I go. That would be awesome. That would be great. That's just what I heard. Wait a minute. Do you think you could kill it on the pie-eating so hard that it like... Like how do they...

How do they, how do you win the metal? Like if you're like really good at the pie and over and less good, it has to be the amount of time, uh,

Yeah, because if it's like you said it's like long jump. Yeah, so there's a point system. There's a point. It's long jumping. It's it's running. There's pie eating. How good do you fuck? Like how fast you could finish the like the first round of Super Mario Brothers. There's like a singing. There's a singing. There's a singing aspect. Old school video game element. Yeah.

You could play Super Mario Brothers, Pac-Man, or Donkey Kong. Those are your three that you could choose. There's a Tecmo Bowl situation. I think I would be good at...

shooting guns. Isn't there like a... Riflery? Is it called riflery? Is that a real thing? It might be riflery. Yeah, no. There's the mass shooting. It's the newest one this Olympics. Yeah, I think I'd be good at the mass shooting element. It's a mall scenario and then you get... He gunned down 75 people. That's a new record.

I'm a pretty good shot. Uh-huh. But I think... You have to run into a grocery store? I'm just like a good shot for a guy that shoots a gun once a year when he goes hunting. But I think if I were to do it, maybe I could get great. Okay. Or archery. If they had like a mock school setup where it's like a library and you're like... No, no, no.

No, no, no. And like fake targets. You're a monster. Thank you. I mean, for sure. But one guy's still setting up. He gets locked in. America's bringing home the gold. I mean, I know that you said that you don't want to like...

shoot planes out of the air with rocket launchers with no people in it flown by drones, but you're pitching a mass shooting? Okay. Mass shooting with targets? Okay, Durz. Caught you. Caught you in your web, Durz. You caught him, Adam. You're a monster. I got you. Dude, don't. Dude, epic gig. Hey, Adam, do not do this to me on the pod.

Don't air me out. He doesn't want to shoot down planes with no people in it, but he does want to have a mass shooting Olympic event. I don't want to spend my hypothetical billions of dollars shooting on airplanes. I want to rearrange the oldest competition known to man to become a training ground for school shooting. A breeding ground. Yeah, there should be...

You have to fuck and then go right into the library and shoot. Maybe that's how we stop mass shootings is you. The only way to make the Olympics and do this Olympic event is you can't have committed any murders. So these kids are like, fuck, I think I'd be really good at this. And they're like planning their mass shootings, you know, and their manifestos. They're like, well, I can't.

do it because I'm trying to be an Olympic event.

I think that if you did commit a mass shooting, yeah, I don't think they would let you do it. Well, right. Well, this is a hypothetical because what if you do a mass shooting and then you're really good at it and they're like, hey, no, no, don't kill him. Don't let him kill himself. He's going to win gold for America. You know America is all about winning gold. I know. I do feel like there might even be a situation where you end up in prison, though. I think that Ders is right. Yeah.

And by the way, I don't make up the rules. I don't make up the rules. Absolutely. But you don't think our next president. Don't mash you with the messenger. Don't mash you with the messenger. You don't think our next president, Donald Trump. Yes, points. You don't think he would just let them out of prison to be in the Olympics? Yeah, of course. Oh, for sure. He gets it. Yeah. Biden. Trump. Yeah. Trump's Trump's. Biden might let him rot a little bit, but I don't think so. I think Biden's old school.

Well, maybe. I think Biden's so... They're both old school. Yeah, they're both old school. We're going old school, baby. They're both old school. We're keeping it real old school. Next election. I think if somebody asked Biden, like, hey, can we actually let this guy compete in the school shooting Olympics? He'll do that move where he turns back and just smiles. Yeah, he turns back, drops his aviator shades. Yeah. And then he goes...

Where am I? And you're like, oh, I thought you were doing a cool thing. Sorry. We asked you a question. Send my guy one of those bump stocks. Yeah. Hook him up. Hook him up with a bump stock. All right. Okay. All right. All right.

You know what I mean? Spit on that thang. That was the most fun day, right? Just the other day when the world got together and the whole internet was Hak'tu'a, spit on that thang. Hak'tu'a. And then I felt like after three hours of just looking at, like being on the internet and everything was Hak'tu'a.

You know, I got sick of it so quickly. I'm like, we can't we burn things down too quickly. Right. Yeah. Let it simmer. Let it let it build a little bit. Where's the longevity? Yeah. Thank you. This is important. I'm voting for you. Thank you. Yeah, that shit's important to be the regulator of Internet memes. Adam's the regulator.

Well, because how great was it? Because you saw the first time I saw it was just a video. I was late to it. I was just a video. Yeah. And then... Where did you see it as just a video? Because I never even saw it as a video. I saw a lot of responses to it. It must have been Instagram or Twitter. I can't remember. Those are the two that I peruse. Yeah. But was it like...

Hood clips. What are we following here? Yeah, I follow hood clips. Maybe it was that. I mean, just a... Was this just Lisa Ann's Twitter account? Yeah, maybe. You know where I think you found it? Anything's plausible. I think Don't Care posted it. Oh, that might be the case. Yeah, everybody posted it. Everyone posted it. But I saw the original and I was like, oh man, that's hilarious. And then all of a sudden I just saw it memefied. Like the...

I mean, the one where... Perverted almost. The soundboard where Trump looks, where he's like, and then you see Trump go like, and then he goes, and then he goes, I'm going to come. Yeah, that's pretty good. From our soundboard. I'm going to come. That's pretty good. People be editing, dude. And then it ended, spit on that thing, and then it ended with him going like...

These kids, they're creative. Dude, people be editing. They are pulling out some cuts, man. How quickly it happens. It's so cool. And how many techno edits. They made songs. A lot of songs.

A lot of songs were made. I feel like I'm old enough to just get the beginning and then be okay moving on from it. Sure. You don't have to watch the entire wave, of course. Yeah. Yeah.

I mean, I want to see the best ones, obviously. I'm cool with like, I'm actually cool with like skipping it all together and not even knowing about it. And then my buddy sent me the one like later. And I'm like, okay, cool. Here's my question. Don't even need to be involved. What is Pornhub offering her?

Okay. To do a BJ video. To talk to her? Wow. I don't know. Does Pornhub do things like that? I don't know. If they're not, they're crazy. They should offer this girl a million dollars for a BJ video. I mean, she probably has a normal life that this is ruined, right? Right. So cash in. I'm sure she was just drunk in Nashville or wherever the hell she was at. And her life is fucked.

fully turned upside down for a year or two like she'll she'll bounce back oh yeah i mean it's not that big of a deal as long as i don't know dude as long as she just laughs it off and doesn't get fired that would be the bummer if she had a job and they're like hey you can't you're a preschool teacher we can't have you right you're all over the internet talking about blow jobs you can't work here but that and then she gets fired i don't know that principal is gonna be like

Unless... Man, what's your warning line? This is the way. Great ass! Listen, I thought maybe you could teach a class about hawks. Hawks. Yeah, if you could just explain that you were talking about... Hawks.

Hawks. I did one of the best ones that I don't know who created it because I saw several t-shirts being sold where it says, if she doesn't hawk to her, I won't talk to her. Oh, that's pretty great. That's pretty good. Yes, points. Yes, points. That was a good one. I won't talk to her. That's pretty good. Yeah. What else? I brought that up to Chloe and was like,

I was like, hey, this is crazy. One of these days you got to talk to her. And she's like thinking she saw. But she, you know, that doesn't help. She's a mother to an infant. So she's like, what? I'm like, talk to her. And she's like, I have no idea what you're talking about. I'm like, oh, you're in for a treat.

But I only saw a few of the memes. And then she is on TikTok. I'm not really on TikTok. So she brings up the TikTok. And that's where I saw just a hundred thousand. The Hawk to a universe. The Hawk to a universe. The HTCU. I wonder if TikTok's going to spin off and it's just the Hawk to a universe. The spit off. I'm kind of mad you didn't get the spit on that thing. No, spit off.

I heard just spit off. Okay, good. The spit off. Yes, points! I hardly heard you because you're talking into a cell phone. Bro, I apologize. He's our tech god. He's our tech god. I'll be all fixed next week. Don't worry about it, guys. Oh, good, good, good, good. Good for you. Hey, or I won't be here. You know what I mean? Yeah, I think. Mark my words. Yeah. Bye.

Kyle, did you see my hat? Some clandestine meeting he's going to. Oh, good for you. Did you see my hat, Kyle? I see your hat, and thank you so much for rocking that, bro. Dirt's just wearing a I'm totally fine hat like a real friend, man. What a guy. I never got one. I was not given one. Can you make one that says I'm totally fucked? That'd be sick, bro. No, I didn't.

That movie's pretty genuine, bro. Oh, good for you! Why would he make that, Blake? I'm totally fucked. Nothing to do with the movie. Why would he make that? It's the sequel, bro. No, it's not. That's not the title of the movie, dude. We're talking about a movie that I made with him. I'm aware. I'm in a scene. I'm in a scene. You're in my greasiness, brother. Kyle's doing an impression of Blake in that movie right now, actually.

Yeah, I am. And there's a lot of things you need to know about Blake in that movie to understand. Spit on that thing. Oh, there it is. Spit on that thing. Sorry. What was the guitar after? Don't worry. People are strange, dude. Spit on that thing. No, it ain't. No, it ain't. But it is the doors. It is the doors. Oh, it's Love Me Two Times. Good. Yeah, yeah.

Is that the name of the truck? That's correct. Kyle is our human... Spit on that thing! Shazam. Remember Shazam, dude? Yeah, I still have it on my phone. And I will dig it out every once in a while. When was the last time you Shazamed? Look at your history. What did you Shazam, bro? I gotta know. What did you Shazam?

I feel like it was always that... Where somebody gets thrown off into space. What did you Shazam? Please, Adam. Is it Talking Heads or something? Mine's gone. Does it keep a log? It kept a log of your Shazams? Yeah, it has a history so you can go back. I never used it. I know every song. I don't have the app anymore. It's just...

Apple uses it now. What? It's like built into my iPhone. Oh, I have an iPhone 17.

Okay. I have both SoundHound and Shazam. Do you guys have a preference? SoundHound was my shit. Yeah, SoundHound was good. Maybe I'll use that. Let's look that up. SoundHound was good. Let's give us a second. Everybody check your SoundHound. Check your Shazam. I am checking my Shazam. Dude, this is important. So if you're listening, just chill. It won't play.

I was actually watching a bunch of YouTube videos about Jim Morrison, Kyle, just thinking about the Doors. Oh, Black Thoughts. He's an interesting fellow. I saw a clip of him talking about in the 60s or whatever, talking about how the future of music is going to be DJs. That's pretty cool. There's a really cool clip of him just knowing exactly how the band was going to disappear. Yeah.

And then it was going to be a bunch of machines that were being ran by one person. Ray Charles? Who said this? Jim Morrison. Oh, cool. Do you think that was his way of telling the band that he didn't like them and he thought that he was the worst? Yeah, he's all, man, Sarah, go.

Manzera, get out of here, man. Yeah, I feel like I could do this on my own with robots and the doors would be way sicker. Dude, that's exactly what it was in like 69. He's all, fuck you guys. I can do this. If I had a fucking machine, I'd be good. You guys' energy isn't matching mine. I'm over here doing a bunch of acid and you guys are just playing the keyboard. Yeah. I'm...

Black Thought, Crowns for Kings with Benny the Butcher. We've lost Ders and Adam. They've completely fallen into the abyss of tech and apps. I asked them to look up their history of their sound down. Black Thought. Wait, Adam's trying to...

Okay, okay, there's... From 2019. December 26th. Okay. No one can hear it. We can't hear it. No one can hear it. We can't hear that? No, we can't hear a word. We can't hear a sound. I'm playing it into my microphone. You can't hear it? No. No. We heard one kind of... Maybe hold it a little bit farther away or something? I... I... I...

I don't like this. Is this like a tech blog or something? I don't like this, Mommy. Turn the podcast, Mommy. I don't like this. I don't know why it was so loud. It was right up against the microphone. I figured you could hear that. What was it? It was Sturgill Simpson, Breaker's Roar. I thought I heard a good-ass guitar in there. It's a very melodic, very beautiful song. Okay.

When did you hear that? When was Breaker's roar playing? A lot of times it's television or movies that I'm like, what is that? That's a beautiful song. Did you see the date on it? Yeah. When did you hear that? Not where, when.

When and where? Chill, dude. He's trying to be smart this episode. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. It's just like an energy that's going around. There's no date here. Nope. Oh, May 24th. Oh. Of this year. Of this year. And that's Shazam or Soundhound?

Shazam. Okay. It seems like I do a Shazam a year. I got modest Yahoo representing him. So tight. Okie dokie. That's like high school style. I got Amy Grant. Every heartbeat, dude.

Dude, remember Amy Grant? That reminds me of my mother. Amy, get in here. Play a little Amy Grant. Wait, Amy Grant? Play a little Amy Grant every heartbeat, dude. It reminds me of my mother so much. Like cleaning the house music? I think she just rocked

a lot of Amy Grant growing up. Yeah. Dude, cleaning the house music. It was so important when we grew up. I don't know where I heard it, but it like took me back. It was like a visceral thing. Chloe's like, are you okay? And I'm like, who sings this? Who sings this? I can't think of an Amy Grant tune right now, but I remember the Amy Grant CD at my house. Baby, baby. What is it? Is it baby, babe? What is it? You put my heart in motion. We've sung this before on the pod. That's Amy Grant.

I will play it. This is every heartbeat. Should I go first 15 seconds or do you want the middle? Go ahead and start it. Here we go. Amy's cool. She's not going to sue us. Yeah. This is cleaning the house music. It is. For sure. Yeah, it is. Okay, I'm going to skip ahead a little.

I have never heard that song. I have never heard that song. Oh, that's a banger, dude. You could clean a fucking house. You know Babyface produced that? Damn. You've never heard that song, Blazer? You've never lived. I feel like that is definitely a house cleaning song. Yeah. Every heartbeat. Blow a rail. My mom used to play the cars. Oh, dude. I remember driving around in my mom's white Cutlass Supreme. Whoa. Oh, yeah. My mom used to play the cars.

My mom's white cutlass supreme. She's in UGK. That is fucking sick. And just that song would come on. Woo!

The ceiling was coming down. What the hell? Oh, like the fabric was starting to droop. The fabric was falling down on you. I thought you were saying like a convertible, but you're just saying the fabric is kind of drooping. The fabric is kind of drooping on your head and it's stuck with little thumbtacks that we had up there. We put like wood, like a balsa wood long thing, a couple of those to prop it up. Your car was a yurt. Dude, was our families just...

poor or I mean probably but were our families poor or were the cars in the 90s just the fabric was was whack were they using bad adhesive oh yeah they hadn't figured it out my parents didn't buy new cars we always bought used cars so after 15 years the fabrics gonna be droopy yep yeah it's like in a nutsack skin droops

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Guess what, Mango? What's that, Will? So iHeart is giving us a whole minute to promote our podcast, Part-Time Genius. I know. That's why I spent my whole week composing a haiku for the occasion. It's about my emotional journey in podcasting over the last seven years, and it's called Earthquake House. Mango, I'm going to cut you off right there. Why don't we just tell people about our show instead? Yeah, that's a better idea. So every week on Part-Time Genius, we feed our curiosity by answering the world's most important questions. And we're going to be talking about the world's most important questions.

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I remember having to drive. My dad, he goes, you're going to have to drive in the morning when it was cold. He was like, you're going to have to drive with like a cloth over your mouth so that like the windows don't fog up. And I was like, I don't know.

I don't know. Can we just fix the thing? The air? The heat? I'm like, whoa. He's like, do you have $700? You're like, no, I don't. Finish him. No, I feel like you could just put cheesecloth over your mouth and it's all G, brother. Dude, it was wild. Oh, yeah, dude. Dude, I had a convertible in the wintertime. One of the back windows didn't roll down, so there was always just like a permafrost in my back.

In my car. Like every time you get in it, like the backseat, like when there was a bad snowstorm, there was just like an inch of snow in my back that I'd have to like shovel out of the back of my car. That shit's important. Global warming took care of that. Dude, the fact that you didn't hear the every heartbeat now.

That'll melt the snow for sure. My God. I'm going to go. That sign is a banger. Can you pull up Baja? This is what my mom used to clean too. B-A-S-I-A. B-A-S-I-A. I think she's like Bosnian or Serbian or something like that. Baja. Yeah, she looks cool. She kind of looks like Jonah Hill's sister. Baja. Okay. Okay. She has a name. Go ahead and say her name. Yeah, Bean Feldstein, right? Yeah.

She's not just Jonah Hill's sister. She's actually a star in her own right. Beanie Man. Not Beanie Man. Beanie Mang. Not Beanie Man. It's a different person. It's Beanie Mang. Beanie Mang.

What song would you like to listen to? Whatever the banger is. Does it tell you what the biggest one is? The number one song is called Until You Come Back to Me. Is that the one? Yeah, and I think you might even recognize it. Or do you think it's the second most popular song, Cruisin' for a Bruisin'? That's the one, dude. That's the one I want to hear. Do you know this song or no? I'm going to play Until You Come Back to Me. Let's see. I would go a little bit into it. This is Bajia? Yeah. Oh, my God.

Dude, this legit sounds like... No, this is a remake. Until you come back to me, that's what I'm gonna do. Is it? It sounds like she sang that song over Mario Kart music. That's fucking cool, dude. Yeah, it does sound like Mario Kart music. That's exactly right. And kind of holding her nose. This is like the beach level on Mario Kart. I think that's where they got it from.

I don't think I've ever heard that song, and I also don't know if I've ever heard of Bajia. No one has. You've heard the original of that, though. This is specifically Cheryl Holm. Yeah. She was the only one by this album. What's the original, Blake? What are you talking about? It's, until you come back to me, that's what I'm gonna do. Okay, yeah. I believe it's Stevie Wonder. Will you play...

Cruisin' for a bru- Let me hang on. Okay, Cruisin' for a Bruisin'. Are you on Spotify? What are you on? Are you ready for Cruisin'? For a Bruisin'? Already everywhere. And we're already- Well, this is- I'm gonna skip ahead a little bit. Oh my God. Sade times two? Yeah.

So this is your mom's cleaning music, not her slow fucking music? Yeah, wait a minute. What is going on here? What are we listening to here? She's always like, we're in here cleaning. We're cleaning. And then, I'm cleaning. Don't come in here. We're cleaning. It's a spit clean. Hang on. I just want to tell you that she would say, don't come in here. We're cleaning. And then after they'd come out, she'd be like, watch out. The floor is slippery. It's slippery. I assume they were mopping. Fuck.

Now I think about it. Also, dude, a lot of Chameleon Air and Fat Joe on my Shazam. I gotta be riding dirty. I love that you keep being like, what is this song? Chameleon Air again? I guess it's the same Chameleon Air song three times in a row. You just didn't know what it was or probably it didn't work. It probably was bad reception. Nothing else to say?

Adam, it's right and dirty, brother. That's the one you're looking for. Well, it's nothing else to say is the one that popped up. The Millionaire. I don't know what that is. I just want to say this before we move on from Baja. Promises. If you're listening, listen to the song Promises. I don't know what Blake was pulling up. I went on Spotify and looked for the ones that had the most hits. Wait, another Baja track? Okay, Promises. Here we go. No, I want to hear it before I go. I got to go in a second.

Go, go, never go over to the beginning. Never start from the beginning. No, it's good. It's never good. This is about to be my summer soundtrack. It sounds like bees buzzing around. You're going to get this 10 seconds back.

Oh, she rocks, dude. I'm all in. You know this song. No, I don't. Blake's going to jerk off to this music. Bro, I'm all in. It sounds like Scandinavian Gloria Estefan. I love it. I'm in. It's bad Sade. Yeah, I'm in. I'm in. That sounded fucking sick as hell. That's the summer. I'm about to fuck to it. You know what song I looked up on my Shazam? Yo, Rose, Rose, I gotta go. I love you. What the hell? What the hell, bro? I gotta go.

I gotta make an early departure from this one, okay? You got a secret meeting? A clandestine meeting there, Kyle? That's right. The pickleball court is calling.

Huh. The Pickleball Court is calling. I will do an admission. The reason that my tech did not work was because I was on the Pickleball Court this morning and I didn't get to my tech early enough to... That's right. We knew. That's fine. So I just wanted to do a late admit. A late admit. Not apologize. It's an early admit. Kyle, as long as you are operating correctly, that's all we care about. A come clean. I want to be a come clean.

Huck to a cum clean. I'm going to cum. I'd like to huck to a cum clean. Appreciate it. Okay, that's my cum clean. I'll talk to you guys later. Bye. He just glazed over all huck to you later. Okay, forget it.

Points. Just plays right over it. You know what song I listen to? What song I listen to a lot in Germany right before my body broke, and please play a little bit of this song, is Pressure by Billy Joel. Pressure. Pressure by Billy Joel. It's a banger, but I listen to it a lot while working out, and then my body snapped, and I kind of blame...

The pressure. Billy. You don't know about pressure? Okay, so it's Billy Joel Pressure. And is this a song that you guys performed on the show? No, no, it's just a song. I just heard it and shazammed it and was like, I like that song. And then for whatever reason, you know, I get on songs where I'll just play the same song 1,000 times over and over. That's what I did. Okay, are you ready for it? Let's hear what you got in store for us.

This is gay porno music. If you could start 30 seconds in, this would save us all so much. Hey, uh...

Could you fix my car? I think so. I skipped ahead a minute and it was the exact same thing. That sounded kind of cool. I got into that. I like the synths. Right. And when you're working out to that, when you're doing like CrossFit workouts to that, I was like beating records. And by the way, no one in Germany was doing our dumbass American CrossFit workouts. Oh, there was not one person in the gym.

at the Soho house in Berlin doing these type of workouts. Usually you'll catch another guy doing the fast, you know, high intensity interval training. Hit? Hit workouts. It's science. Not one guy. Everyone's just, and they all look way better than I did. Right. They all look infinitely, infinitely better. And they're just lifting weights. Well,

It's genetic. Yeah, they claim to be the master race. I'm doing good. I'm down like 20 pounds. I'm down 20 LBs right now. You look great. Yeah, thank you. You do look great. How'd you do it?

A lot of starving myself. And I am, since I don't do, I lift, I'm just lifting weights. And I am doing a lot of Pilates and I'm doing a lot of physical therapy. And Pilates might be the X factor, but I've, I'm essentially kind of went back to that diet that I was on during Mike and Dave, which is just. Tomato slices. Tomatoes and chicken breast. And I like, I don't eat before like noon. It sucks. And hot dogs. It works.

And I don't drink a lot anymore because when I do drink, my body spasms. Yeah. My body spasms and it sucks. Yeah. Pumping the brakes on the drinking. Hey, so that's important. Good thing. Is it easy for you to turn off eating for pleasure? Yeah. How is how hard is it to deny hot dogs? You're like, I don't need hot dogs anymore. No, whatever. Once I make the corn dogs. Yeah.

Yeah. Well, I think drinking for me really helps. I don't have Blake's body where I could just chug beer and still kind of look the same. Right. Nobody does. No matter how hard I work out, if I'm drinking, I'm not going to get in good shape. Right. I'll just kind of be the same. I'll work out so hard and just be the same.

but the non-drinking or if i do drink i have like two drinks and then i'm like all right if i have three drinks my body's gonna spasm and i can't sleep for like three days and my neck will balloon yeah totally yeah and my jaw will just go yeah you're looking great i mean i admittedly on the uh tour you're looking better than ever but now you're looking really good i was looking i was all plump i was a

I was looking thick. It is weird because I was getting a lot of compliments from girls during the tour being like, oh my God, I love your new look. And I'm like, well, my new look is obese. What's everyone talking about? This is when you had the sideburn chops and the mustache. That was a look. You looked like you were like Kevin James in a throwback movie. Hogging in Los Angeles.

I liked it, too. I thought you were cool. It looked like you were reenacting the Civil War. Yeah. No, the beard. I think they were talking the beard and the obesity. So I think some women like the obesity, it turns out. You were drunk. That was Blake telling you. Yeah, that wasn't a girl. That was me. That was me in Indianapolis. Like, yeah, I think you're really cute.

What was that bar called? Eat a Beaver or something? That place was cool. Oh, yeah. That's the one that we like both Blake and I blacked out. And Blake, like, actually injured himself. He dove. Went missing. He dove headfirst into the carpet. I thought I was playing baseball. Into the floor. Yeah. You thought the floor was not there. I slid into home. Yeah.

And you just dove into the floor, the carpet. Yeah. The carpet and floor. Wild Beaver Saloon. If you're in Indianapolis, go to Wild Beaver Saloon tonight and have one for us. Please. We love that place. Oh, yeah. Pour yourself a nice glass of Wild Beaver. I'm living in a nightmare. A goblet of Jager at the Wild Beaver Saloon. Yeah. It goes off, bro. Any take backs? Any apologies? Any epic slams here, boys? Hmm.

Take that apology. Epic slams. I think we're pretty good to each other and good to our fans this episode. I don't think we were too dirty dogs. Sweet, sweet men. Yeah, we're really nice guys. I'd love to give an epilogue. I'd love to give a compliment to us for maybe the smartest episode

podcast we've ever done today. I feel like this episode was pretty informative. And if I could just piggyback on what Blake is pretty epic. I was going to try and sound smart. I couldn't.

Pretty aptly. To what Blake's attributing to the gesticular of the. Very good. Dude, it's always so funny when people, when people like try to compliment, it happened a lot during workaholics because our characters were so dumb in their own rights. And my character particularly was very stupid. And people would be like, no, it actually takes a smart person to like play that dumb. And I'm like, it does it. Yeah. It,

It does. It does. You are so dumb. It does. What is the best example of that? Of the smartest dumb person? Because everyone used to say that about Ashton Kutcher. They're like, he's actually brilliant and you've got to be smart to play somebody that dumb. And look, Ashton Kutcher, he was like a biochemical engineer major at Iowa. He's made some very astute business decisions. Seems bright. Astute. But like... Who's the dumbest comedian that's actually smart? No, who's the...

Yeah. Who is the smartest person who plays dumb? Yeah. I mean, you might have nailed it. Maybe it's Ashton Kutcher. Yeah, that's a pretty good swing. Yeah.

Dude, maybe the Three Stooges were hella smart, dude. Yeah, that'd be tight. Between takes, they were just reading the dictionary? I don't think they were. They signed like a 100-year-long contract. No, they used to go off the Three Stooges set and just go straight to Oppenheimer and make the fucking nuke, bro. It was fucking crazy. Same timeline, right? Yeah, they rolled down the...

The old Hollywood Boulevard to Oppenheimer's spot. Let's go split the atom, boys. Did you guys love the Three Stooges growing up?

I did. I watched it with my dad and it was kind of like kind of a bonding experience. Yeah, I'd watch it with my dad. I remember it. We went to a lot of drive in movie theaters as a kid and would watch a lot of movies there. It was so fun. And in Iowa. Yeah. And the best. It was the best. Some of the best, the best memories there. And they would play them before the movies. Yeah.

So, and usually it was a double header. It was the most fun. The fact that they kind of don't exist anymore really fucking sucks. I've never been to a drive-in. Really? I saw Free Willy there. It changed my fucking life, dude. Dude, I saw Twister. Oh, wow. In a drive-in movie theater in Iowa when a Twister goes through the screen door.

Of Drive-In Movie Theater in Iowa. Perfect. So a tornado hit while you were watching Twister? No, a tornado in the movie goes through a screen, a Drive-In Movie screen in the movie. And we're watching it in Iowa, in the movie. And I was in Iowa. Did that come out that there's a new Twister coming out?

a sequel. Yeah, Glenn Powell. Twisters. I mean, Jesus Christ. Twisters. Can this guy say something for the rest of us? This beefcake is natural. He also plays every character in the movie. Oh, it's like the... It's a clump. It's a clump squiggle. It's clump. It's clump's universe. It's in the clump's universe. Yeah, it's like it doesn't get more twisted. You gotta find your universe, man. You have to get a universe. And that was another episode of...

This is important. This is important. Important. And it was today. I was today. Spit on that. Starbucks iced apple crisp oat milk shaken espresso. Made with blonde espresso, creamy oat milk, and spiced apple flavors. It's an icy crisp sip you can enjoy all autumn long. Order ahead on the Starbucks app.

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