Ep 182: Live From Omaha: Adam Comes Homaha
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How could you go wrong? And yes, you can find a ton of recipes on the Philadelphia website. Visit creamcheese.com for recipe inspiration so you can start adding Philadelphia cream cheese to your recipes at home. Welcome to This is Important, a production of iHeartRadio, the show where we only talk about what's the most important, bottom line, critical thing happening on this planet. Today on This is Important...

Oh, yeah, the four dudes who talk about cum and diarrhea live. Give it up for his fucking titties. You're flying without kids? Good luck with that. I knew a middle school teacher of yours, you pancake dick fuck face. Buckle up. Oh, my God, we made it. Wow. Holy homahaw. Fuck yourself.

I said, as we were pulling into the city, I said like 30 times, like, hey guys, welcome home-a-ha. Yeah. That's good. And I don't know, I don't think anybody's ever said that before, right? No, I think that was an original thing that I just came up with on the drive-in. That's a dope original thought to have. I like that. Oh, hell yeah. It's just an original thing. He comes original. There we go, baby.

The best was when you would come home from college. I didn't go to college. You imagined. You read this in a book. When I came home from smoking weed with you guys. Yeah, baby. And then unironically saying to my friends, they'd be like, welcome home-a-ha. And I'd be like, it's good to be back home-a-ha.

Beautiful. That sounded ironic, but it was from your heart and from your soul. Yeah, at that time it was. You have to get that tatted across your chest tonight, dude. Bring the tattoo artist out. We're getting a lot of ink done. I don't think we couldn't get the tattoo artist, but I have a gun. Or like on your lower back, if it just said Holaha. Oh, shit. Holaha.

Welcome to my hole-a-ha. Okay. Yes, points! We'll give it to you. No, no, please, no. No, no, it's the last stop on the tour. Points are flying tonight. Oh! Wow. Sure. Okay, okay. I feel like you are really willy-nilly with points. Loose. Specifically to Durs. I feel like Kyle and I could say something very funny. Yes, we can. And we don't... Maybe we should go bone-a-ha. Points are different than... What? Points are different than funny. Oh, fuck.

And if you didn't know that by now, you'll never know. And what is the reason for this hat, Ders? Did you think that everyone in Omaha dresses like this? Or what was the... Okay. Truth be told, this is whiteface. I feel like I'm putting something on right now. Yeah.

I also went to Bass Pro Shop today and I was going to come fully camoed out. That would have been sick, dude. That's cool. That would have been sick. And by the way, those places are insane. Yeah. And then as I held up... They're Disneyland's for your dad, you know? Some dads. Yeah. As I held up the camo, it was like the montage in a movie no one's seen. Yeah.

Which one? Bamboozled, where they're like putting the shoe polish on their face again, and now they're really not into it. I just held it up, and I was like, this isn't okay anymore. That's not you. You can't do it. You're not a camo. Yeah. What?

Zero points. And also, I need negative points. I don't know if it was bright or this fucking hat. Definitely tried to loft one to the top bunk up there. Hit a speaker. It's right there. It was dripping right over here. I got that on purpose. Coming out of the paycheck. We're off to a real rough start, but isn't my hat fun? That'll be a fun way to end the tour. Just, it explodes. 32 dead at the Orpheum. Whoopsies. Yeah, electrical shock.

Our bad. And then they said, now this was important. This was important. Yeah. Now this actually was. That shit's important. No points there? No points there? Oh, it's Adam. That's what he's talking about. Yes, points. Adam, I'm giving you ten points. Uh-oh. Uh-oh.

See? Oh, fuck. See? That's what happens when you don't drink the buzz ball and you just pour it all over your face. I'm good. I'm good. Are you? Lookit. Ten points. Yes! Thank you. Ten points. Ten points. Yes. Well, it's so good to be back. I don't get back here that often, which sucks, dude, because my family up and moved to Lake of the Ozarks, Missouri. Right. Right.

Huh? Yeah. Damn. Yeah, they left it. Damn. No, they're pretty happy with the decision. Yeah, right. Yeah. Yeah, they live on the lake, so it's pretty cool for them, but they're like, no, live in the suburbs like us! Right. Live in the suburbs! No!

But I miss it. I miss coming back here, man. Last time I was... Not the last time, but the time before I was here, I did this thing called Becoming, which was like this weird documentary about myself, but I'm not dead yet.

I'm gonna come. LeBron James put it on. It's for Disney Plus. Right. And they like, it's like how you became who you have become. And it was like me and Anthony Davis and a bunch of like figure skaters and shit. Sure. And, and, and,

And then they were like, a big thing was me being hit by the cement truck, you know, because I was hit by a cement truck on 144th and Harrison. No big deal. Yeah. Yeah. I stay bleeding in these streets, Omar. I stay bleeding in these streets. Hella Vax to Memorial. Oh.

And so they were like, they're like, yeah, just look misty eyed out at the intersection. So it's just awkwardly me standing in the intersection going like, that's the spot. That's the spot. There it is.

Why don't you cry about it? I kept saying how mangled I was. And they're like, maybe a different word. And I'm like, I was mangled, though. Okay, I was all twisted up. I was like, that's where I was mangled. And they're like, just say that's where the accident happened. And they're like, that's where the accident mangled me. Stop saying mangled, dude. There's got to be another word for it. There has to be a better word. And another thing that I kept doing that they cut out, which I was bummed, is I kept...

kneeling down, I would kneel down to the ground and then touch the ground and go... Oh, see, that's fucking fire, dude. That's good content right there. And then I would do this like three or four times and then go...

That's what fucking dads do after they give you like a real heart-to-heart talk. It's like, hey, buddy, no jerking off in the living room, all right? Is this him cleaning it up? I'm not cleaning this up again. And that's that. I'm not cleaning this up with my hands again. All right? You know what? Actually, just go get me a towel, all right?

Yikes. Oh, Jesus Christ. Yeah, so I did. They took me everywhere. I went back to my old high school, Millard South High School. Hey-o. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Talked to my old drama teacher. My old drama teacher, Mrs. Baker. Hello. Is she here? She acted like I was her favorite. She's like, we loved you. And I'm like, no, you didn't. Right.

I was not your favorite. I was not your favorite. What plays did you do in high school? What was your big jump off? Motherfucker, what plays didn't I do, bitch? Okay. I bleed in the streets and I stay wearing way too much makeup in high school productions. Damn, but seriously, just a couple plays you did. Yeah, I did...

I would do the comedy every year, and I did Harvey. Is Harvey like a bunny? Is that a bunny? Yeah, it's like the invisible bunny. Yeah, it's not a Christmas one, though, is it? No. I remember I fucked up my lines, but then I went on an improv tirade. I was like, my God, I am weaving gold up here. And a scene that was supposed to take two minutes took 11 minutes to do.

We're doing live. He went off the rails. That's so cool. And I don't think it was good. In hindsight, I think I was just on stage and loving every second of it. Yeah, there's no way you're going to be on stage and be like, fuck, this sucks, and go for 11 minutes. Yeah, dude, I rewrote that bitch. Yeah, that's weird. I'm Harvey now. Yeah, and now there's this cool sex scene in the middle of the play. Yeah, yeah.

And then Harvey comes in. Come on in. And then I get a little naked. And I start fucking Harvey. The invisible rabbit? Your theater teacher's just like, I'm going to fucking kill you. Cut two years later. I loved you. I love you. You're the best. No, I don't love you. But then I kept trying to get that. On the theater stage, I kneeled down and was like,

Right. Let me wipe up this jizz from Harvey, the production. You jerked off into all these places? That's what Adam thought it was about. And then also I was like, maybe I'll make a big-ass donation and help the school and make this theater really dope, bring it in the new state of the art. And then I was like, Miss Baker, how much would it take to really turn this theater around? Thinking it's going to be like...

10 grand. Oh, no. No, she was like, I don't know, maybe a million. And I go, I'm good. Yeah, that's a lot. Goodbye. I was like, I didn't then say, like, I was thinking about donating. I was like, wow. So you have to ask the state for that. She had to go high. She had to go high, though. She was like, how deep are these pockets? A million?

Yeah, I guess I have done enough dumb commercials that she's like, this guy's a whore for money. He's done some shit. He can do it. He can finance it. A million bucks. Dude, when they interviewed Kyle... It's the last thought. Well, I remember when they interviewed me, they got me to a point where I actually cried as well. What? But then they fucking cut it out and I was like, thank God, you know?

Oh, yeah. You cried talking about Adam? I did. I did. It's in the raw footy. I think I just got there. I was like, this is what they want. It's because you kept calling me your mangled friend. Yeah, I was like, and then Adam, he just told me this story, and he was just so mangled. He was just so fucking mangled.

The Mangler. I imagine when you got hit by that truck that it was like one of those movies where the superhero gets hit and then the whole truck implodes on itself. Oh yeah, like folds around you. Was that what it was? Very much not like that. He thought it was going to be. He tried to shoulder block the truck and he was like, bad idea. That's why I don't fuck with superhero movies now. Because I'm like, fake, not real. Not real. Not real.

That would actually really hurt you. Yeah, he would go flying 200 feet like a doll. Yeah, 500 feet. I was hit in Sarpy County, and I landed in Douglas. Okay. Oh, shit. My man's dropping counties. Sarpy. What is that one? That fucking gets you. Dude, I don't even know if Pomeroy is still a band, and I hope they're here. I hope Jeff Pomeroy or whatever his name is

is here right now. That's their last name? I don't know, dude. They were a band in the early 2000s that we fucking loved, dude. P-O-M-E-R-O-Y The Eskimo pie hits you right between the eye. Do you ask us why? Why? Why? Because they're super fly. Never let that music die! Dude.

That's how I met this guy. I'm like, oh, too. Just all Pomeroy all the time in Orange County. Adam, you came to Orange County, you came in hot. Yeah, dude. Orange County had never seen hair that hard before. Super hard Lego head. Yeah.

But that can't be true, right? Orange County had some hard hair back in the day. Not like Adam had some frosted tips still going. I'm your butterfly sugar baby guy. Oh, yeah. Orange County does notoriously. Adam fit in perfectly. It's very hard hair. I slid right in. That was your influence, no? Obviously, you're from here, but that's SoCal vibe. I was always up in the PacSun being like, how do I look Californian? Right.

How do I figure this out? PacSun is just billabong head to toe. I get there and people are like, you surf? And I'm like, boogie board. What's the little board over there? You were putting sun in your arm hair? Yeah. I like that your first day at college you were rocking Heelys. You're like, this is California, right? I'm like, yeah, dude. I'm just soap shooing everywhere. I'm just grinding on shit. Soaps. What's up, bros? Hey, here you go. I got a drop for you. Zio's Pizza!

Zio's Pizza, you never had it so good. Zio's Pizza. Dude, I love Blake. Blake comes into town and immediately clocks my two favorite rappers. He's like, Zio's Pizza, what's that about? And I'm like, Zio's Pizza, you never had it so good. Zio's Pizza. By the way, I remember in my child brain, I remembered it being way sexier.

I don't know why, but I just thought it was a sassy, sexy black woman who's just like, Zio's Pizza. Right. You never had it so good. And I'm like, I haven't. That explains your relationship with her. It turns out it was like a skinny white dude who was deep into Prince. Zio's Pizza. Stick a breadstick up your ass. Zio's Pizza. Zio's Pizza.

Extra cheese means we fuck you in the back. You dog. And then you also mention Romeo's, not your typical restaurant. Romeo's, not your typical place. We got it? That one I have to go on YouTube for. That sounds like a Disney theme song or something. Not your typical restaurant. And then I love what they say.

Not your typical restaurant, not your typical place, not your typical restaurant, and it's not your typical taste. Oh. Which is a little bit like... Sometimes you want that. Sometimes you want it to taste like... Sometimes you want it to taste like Mexican food. Right. Dude. What I love about it is they're already... They're just doing some other shit, too. Because it is good. I do like Romeo's, but then they're also like Mexican food and also pizza. Yeah.

Right. Yes. When you see that combo, it's a little... And also, kettle corn. Like, on the pizza? And also...

I actually just got it, though. It's nacho typical pizza restaurant. That's what I thought he was saying. Oh, so it's like they're really taking the Mexican pizza thing to heart. Yeah, they really are. Yeah. Yeah. Nacho typical pizza. Nacho typical restaurant. I think I can play the song. We might have to sit through a Hyundai ad or a Joe Biden ad. Wait, Hyundai. Wait, you say...

It's kind of like a Caribbean beat. I like how it's like island Caribbean beat, too. This is definitely nacho. They were like, you like Mexican food and the sweet sounds of the Caribbean? Right. What? What?

They're like, no. Come on down to Romeo's. There's not one guy named Romeo working there. Right. Guys named Tony. There's Brad with pizza. Your microphone is all sorts of fucked up. We gotta get him a new microphone, Sash. It sucks acid butt and fuck this thing. It's because I hit the speaker. Fuck this motherfucking thing. It is. It is.

Okay. I like porn, everybody. Oh, shit. Look at him hold that microphone. Okay, I like this. I like this.

That's fire. Also, did you need a headset microphone this whole tour? Now that I think about it, I can do my laptop with one hand. So what have we been doing? You have had a Madonna type, like you're ready to do a full on dance number. Because you were like, I need it for my laptop. But now that I'm seeing it, you don't use two hands with a laptop. What's weird is every time I've ever been on a laptop, it's been like this.

Okay. Okay. Yes, points! For those in the front row, Anders is jerking off again. Well, no, I'm just holding a microphone. Do not come. Do not come.

Have it all.

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What's cool about doing these hometown shows is, I mean, my family's all here. Oh, yeah. I guarantee you I have some middle school teachers that are like, you know what? I'm going to go support him. That's awesome. What's up, middle school teachers? What's up, middle school teachers? But as we've established on this podcast, as we know, teachers are just trying to fuck children and give them drugs. What?

This has been proven almost continuously, mostly in Omaha. Yeah. I'm not like the bearer of bad news here. There were some rumors, but... Nothing proven. They never were coming after the mangled boy. No. Yeah.

They steer clear of the young mangled man. Wait, were you skipping over the one in the wheelchair? He ain't got no dick. I bet the dick... I bet it's all flat. We call him Pancake Cock. I mean, Adam. If your teacher's calling you Pancake Cock. Okay, and who has the number for problem seven? Pancake Cock? Adam.

All right. I'm handing back the test results. Here you go, Beaver Dick. Good job on that one. Oh, yeah. Pancake Cock can't run a mile. Ah, jeez. Look at Pancake Adam. Were you really throwing it out to your teachers, like trying to get them to fuck you? We've discussed this. What? He threw it out to all his teachers. You sat in your wheelchair like this.

Adam was like, yeah, Miss Baker didn't like me. But that was just to get some air, airflow. You're sitting a lot. Because that pancake dick. No, I wasn't in a wheelchair. By high school, I was out of the wheelchair. I think freshman year, I had one of my last surgeries, and then I was able-bodied. They said you'd never walk again and talk again, but anyway. There we go. Finish him.

Finish it. Yeah, so I was up. I did have one teacher that, I mean... Is this going to get dark? No. Right. Is somebody going to go to jail? And in hindsight, I was like, oh, I was being a creep. But I was just a 14-year-old, 15-year-old boy. So I was like, I just thought she was a sexy teacher. So I'd always fake flirt with her in front of the class as a bit. And then I had a legitimate question after class one day. And I was like...

What's up, ma? You know how I talk to her. What's up, girl? Can I ask you about that problem? And she would not talk to me alone in class. She was like, I'll talk to you in the hallway. Oh, because she didn't. She wasn't sure. Your teacher was afraid of you? She needed an intimacy coordinator? No, I don't think she was afraid. She was a lot bigger. She could have taken me.

She said, I saw your production of Harvey. I saw that 11 minute tirade. Let's keep that door open. I'm well aware of that and you keep singing fucking Zio's Pizza with your dick out. You're calling me Ma. What's up, Ma? What's that about?

CEO's pizza. You never had it so wet. Did you guys have a hot teacher or a cool teacher that all the dudes or all the girls were all about?

Because looking back now, I'm like, fucking weird. Like in middle school, we had a teacher who had like a carabiner keychain. This is like 90. This is like 90. Durst is the oldest person we know. He had a carabiner fucking keychain like this. He was like the first dude to do it. What does that mean, carabiner? That's the little clip thing, right? For rock climbing? Yeah. But for keys. Yeah. And everybody, every girl wanted to just like fuck this dude. Yeah.

Really? Yeah. How did he handle that? He was just, well, I don't know, but he was pretty cool. Oh, okay. Yeah.

No, I don't think anybody wanted to fuck our teacher. We had a super pervert teacher that would take his little camcorder and go to all the girls' volleyball. Go to all the girls' volleyball? Is it volleyball or volleyball? Adam just called that working at yearbook. It's the same thing. Wait, what teacher was it? I'm not going to say his fucking name.

Tell me after the show. Hey, dude. Hey, we'll edit it out, and these are all my friends and family, so... Don't do it. Don't do it. Don't do it. Don't do it. Oh, yeah, no, I remember. That guy was drunk all the time, dude. Wow. Yeah. That's the other thing is, like, as you get older, you realize how many of your teachers were fucked up. Oh, I know.

Dude, you're just like, yeah, his face is just always super red. Whatever. Right. He always just smells like grandpa, and that's fine. I don't know. I guess as you get older, you just smell like whiskey. Yeah. We had a cool janitor who told us he saw one of our assistant principals doing crack. Oh, really? I just want to party. He was like, don't fuck with that guy. We saw him doing crack, and I was like, cool.

Cool janitor. Wait, your janitor told you don't fuck with that guy? I saw him doing crack about your principal? Yeah. Assistant principal, yeah. That's dope. Yeah. That's just a cool rumor to start. Yeah. It's like, hey, you know your assistant principal? Don't fuck with that guy. He does crack. And this is the cool janitor. He was cool.

Like, we trusted him. Yeah, you trust the janitor. I feel like that's somebody that you trust at the school. Because the janitor's seen your shit, literally. Yeah, they've cleaned it up. Yeah. They know they always are the ones that walk in on you smoking cigarettes, smoking weed, and you're like, bro, just

She's like, I got you. It's okay. You have your secrets. I feel like the janitor would have been like, you're smoking weed in school. I'm ratting you out. No, the janitors were cool. Oh, really? They were cool. You didn't have a cool janitor? No, I didn't. My janitors were pretty. You had dickhead janitors? I don't know if there were so much dickheads as mostly they're just underpaid and they're cleaning up a lot of responsible adults. Teenager shit. Yeah. So they're a little bummed. Yeah. Yeah.

Diarrhea! Not so much dickheads, just kind of deflated. They're just like, yeah, well, someone exorcist-style vomited all over the girls' bathroom, so that's my afternoon. I don't know how it happened, but there was diarrhea on the ceiling of the science class. I got you, bro. Diarrhea! What's cool, though, is that the physics teacher comes in, and he's like, actually, this is a pretty cool lesson. So gravity...

It's fun. I can stand on my head and shoot diarrhea up to the ceiling. Physics teachers, they had that one week or day or whatever it was where they thought they were fucking Gs. They were like, so today we're playing with fire. You're like, I do that shit every day. Dude, they get out the Bunsen burner and you're like, okay. Dude, no, that is tight. Imagine how pumped they are when they're like, okay, so this is what I call...

Dry ice. Dude, the dry ice was hilarious. Or what was it like where they would freeze a banana instantly? Oh, it's like nitrogen? They're like, watch, real banana, right? And then they dip it in and they smack it and it explodes. They're like, hey, don't put your dick in that stuff. I mean... Yeah, hey, pancake dick, don't flop that in here. I mean, Adam. That will be a frozen egg-o-waffle before you know it.

We're going to have to stick your dick in a toaster. I mean, Adam. It's science. I'm drunk. I'm sorry, I'm drunk. I mean wasted. I mean fucked up. I mean sober. It's science. Did you guys ever... But I did enjoy like...

The one where, like, you put an egg in a shoebox and you had to, like, build whatever kind of thing. And then you dropped it off the building. Or the top of the bleachers, yeah. I feel like you guys had different – we didn't do any of this shit. Did you ever build a bridge? I feel like they just cut spending for science real early on here. Did you hear what I said? Shoebox? They couldn't buy eggs?

Also eggs. Durs, I had to do this. I definitely had to do that. I built a fucking little parachute for mine and threw it off the bleachers and it went... Oh, my God. That's pretty cool. I don't know if that was legal where I came from. Oh, really? You couldn't do that? I think it had to be like internal something or other. It's science. Yeah, but you know what I did? I just put hella eggs in there. Oh, okay.

So one of them was going to survive? Yeah, and they were like, well, I love it. There you go. Law of averages. What kind of science experiments did you do, Adam, if you didn't have eggs? Here we go. Dude, I just remember we cut open a frog and that was kind of a big deal. I didn't like doing that. I didn't like that. I actually loved it. You did? Yeah.

It's kind of a thing I do. And you're not a serial killer if you kill other serial killers. True. That's true. Dexter. I think we talked about this. Shout out to Eva Swift. When we dissected pigs, she cut the tongue out of the pig, and then the rest of the day, she would just walk by people's desks and throw the tongue on it. And you didn't know what it was because you weren't with her for that class. And then you'd be like, what is this eraser? And she's like, that's a pig's tongue. And you're like, what the fuck?

Oh, man. That's a cool person. Darius tells cool stories about his high school that I'm like, that did not fly in my eyes. Why did you just throw a band-aid on my table? It's a pig's tongue. It's a human penis. I'm not hungry. I don't want to have pancakes. Why is this a... Adam's dick.

Did you guys build the bridge out of popsicle sticks? Or were popsicles... We built a bridge out of spaghetti. Adam's like, we built homes out of Otter Pop plastic. Yeah.

Well, I was in these smart kids and put them in a room, padded room, and that's where I was shuffled off to. Yeah. That makes sense. Okay. They call this special, so I don't know. Okay, cool. That's pretty cool. That's a cool sign. In the 90s. When was your first time? I know you came to our buddy Austin Anderson's wedding. Yeah. Like circa 2004.

Yeah, something like that. Something like that. I was out here. And then you came... Was the first time you came for when I shot my special here at the Orpheum Theater? I shot my special. My Netflix special. I bet you some of it. I bet a lot of people were here that night. I've only been in this theater and then on an airplane, and I'm out, so... I take you to the same spots just...

The Old Spaghetti Works in here. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, man. These guys really hit that. Dude, I was so stoked on the Old Spaghetti Works. I'm like, we have to go to the Old Spaghetti Works. And they're like, oh, okay. And that's like your favorite restaurant? I'm like, best restaurant in the city. Yeah.

Yo, to be fair, that place was fucking popping, dude. It was packed. And we went at like 3 p.m. when you're not supposed to be eating. No, hey, the thing about us Nebraskans, we stay eating. Right. Stay bleeding in these streets, we stay eating spaghetti. We sat at a table, but they did have booths that were kind of behind wood or whatever. Behind wood. And like...

What? In like a weird, kind of like not great seat. And this woman, like the hostess brought a couple to the booth that was behind the wood thing. Yeah. And the woman was so excited.

I was like, she's like, yes, I got one of the wood wall booths. Yes. You can't see anything. It doesn't take much. That's why we enjoy the simple things here. What are you doing? It's awesome. I love it. If only I took you guys to... Yeah, we love Zio's Pizza. The old Spaghetti Works and the Henry Dorely Zoo. Call that a fucking weekend. Henry Dorely Zoo. I've been there. We get the spaghetti because...

That's the name of the restaurant. Mm-hmm. Blake famously always does not order well. Right. Well, I walked in, and there was a whiteboard, and it said Saturday special, and I'm like, I'm going to need that. Yeah. On the whiteboard. The thing that they just made up. Yeah. Right. Right.

And, yeah, it was an intense meal. You know, in a restaurant, when they do like a Saturday special, that just means all the shit that's about to go bad. This is what I was trying to tell him earlier. They got to get rid of that. You got the scraps from the week, bro. Yeah.

It's true. It had a bunch of random shit in it. I don't know what was up. A little scrappy over here. What was it? It had some weird-ass little mushrooms. Okay, yeah, no. Some cut-up sausage. It was like jambalaya adjacent. Yeah, just like random fucking pizza crust. I don't know. Chewed pizza crust. But I never had it so good. That's not the restaurant. Different restaurant. But I feel like you kind of left something out, Adam. What's up with fucking Runza?

Hey. Yeah, dude. Yes. Dude, they're awesome. And the amount of times I've DM'd with Runza, because I'm always talking about Runza, and they're always DMing and being like, hey, thanks for mentioning us and that thing. And I'm like, you're welcome. Send me some? Right. Right.

And they never do. They're like, buy a fucking Runza, asshole. To be fair, to be fair. Do they have them to send? Like, is it a restaurant or yeah? Kyle, we have the same question. Of course. It's the same thing. Can you travel with a Runza? Can you send a Runza in the mail? Yes, you can. I'll answer it if you'll shut up. There's more to my question. Okay. I'm done. Okay.

Yes, dude. They will freeze the Runza. Dry ice. Oh, dry ice. Science. And they will send you fucking Runzas, dude. That way when you're across the country and you're trying to watch Nebraska lose by three points. Right. It's science. If you're trying to watch...

Border trash. Over 20 seasons now of losing by three points. Yeah. That sucks. If you're trying to soak in that for a Saturday afternoon. Hold up. It's like Wisconsin. Then you could go in your freezer, get a Runza, and enjoy that. That'll be the bright spot of the game. Yeah. Yeah, man. Runza. The meat-filled Twinkies. That's what it feels like. Should we get those later? By the way, that Dylan Raiola kid. Okay. Okay.

Five-star recruit. He's evidently visiting Nebraska. I think he visited yesterday. Is this a ray of hope? Is that what this is? Nebraska fans, what we like to do is we fail miserably. Okay. And then at the end of the season, there will be a glimmer of hope. I like that. And we go, national champs next year. We're coming back. All right.

So that's where we're at now. So you're national champs next year. And the best part of Nebraska football is not the football season. Right. It's right after the football season when you go, you know what? We lost by 3.7 times. So imagine if we didn't. Right.

Imagine if we won those games that we lost. Dude, that's true. We'd be fucking undefeated. Dude, we would have been great if we won all the games that we lost. That's so true. I never looked at it that way. Losing is just

winning but not. And I like how we're all going to turn. We're so close to turning on Warren Buffett, the Oracle of Omaha, who we all just instinctually love because he's like 80 years old. He's rich but not an asshole about it. He eats McDonald's and shit. Yeah, he just goes to DQ every day. In his Camry. Does he really? That's fucking cool. Dude whips around town in a Camry.

Cameron. Do we know his order at DQ? I know he gets an ice cream cone and just fucking houses that thing. I was hoping he got like a blizzard with like nerds. He's like, I'm a little kooky. No, Nebraska fans are about to turn on him because now that you can enter the portal and you can like actually pay these players some money, we're all going fucking Warren.

Right. Drop a little coin, brother. Fucking slice off a piece of that pie. But you gotta... You can pay them. Look, this is Warren Buffett. Like, he's not gonna... It's a bad investment to just give a kid a bunch of money.

He's not showy. This dude drives a Camry. Yeah, I know. I mean, but... He'll be like, I'll buy more books. Fuck! Yeah. Allegedly. Also, what is this portal that you're talking about? What is this? You can pay? Dude, I don't even really understand it. I have no idea. So this is what Adam's talking about. There's two things.

There's the transfer portal, which you used to get locked down. If you wanted to transfer, you couldn't play for a little bit. Now you can just transfer willy-nilly, and name, image, and likeness means you can get paid. So people can basically pay you to come to schools now. So it's a loophole. Yeah, I looked into how much a Dylan Riolo would cost. It's what it is now. I looked how much he would cost, and I was like, oh, was that maybe 10 grand? LAUGHTER

He's looking at like $4 million and I'm like, and I back away. That's cool. I made basic cable television money. That's a big percentage. I got $10,000. You need $10,000, talk to Pop-N-Dat. If you need $10,000 and it's going to make my life better in any way, come at me. It is dope that it's like

The best quarterbacks in the nation are making just as much as, like, the hottest nobody gymnastics chick at, like, East Central Mississippi Technical Institute of doing the splits. Yes. That's cool. Yeah, I like that. I love America. Hey, Isaac, do we get some beers out here? Oh, please. Oh, that sounds like a fun... Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

Get out here, you sexy bastard. I'm kind of a nasty dude. There's your boy. Isaac Horn, everybody. Your boobs are huge. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Your boobs are huge. Hot, hot, hot, hot, sir. It's the last stop of the tour. The last stop. Are you going to show your nipples the last stop? Come on, are the butt cheeks or something? Hot, hot, hot, hot. The butt cheeks or something? Hot, hot, hot, hot. Come on, baby. Whoa. Whoa.

Your boots are huge. Oh, wow. Look at him. Wow, dude. Wow. Look at his titties. Look at his titties. Get up there. Ew. Ew. Yeah. Give it up for his fucking titties. Water trash. It's the simple things, man. It's the simple things. My God, man. How you can be so skinny and so fat at the same time? It's...

It is wild. That is not something that I can do. When I get fat, I'm just a fat little fuck. You can't hold it. You can't hide it. No, no, no. That dude is nasty. That dude's all... He's got that chumbalumbo. Speaking of nasty dudes, you two are a couple nasty dudes. Us? What do you mean, us? Nasty? Yeah. Like, we got to... I guess we are. We're talking about Waffle Day. Blake is pretty nasty. Hey, Todd, is it cool if we show these people just how nasty we are? Let's do it. Uh-oh. Uh-oh.

Uh-oh. I'm kind of a nasty dude. I like it when a girl sucks on my tits. I'm kind of a nasty dude. I like it when a girl sucks on my tits. I'm kind of a nasty dude. I like it when a girl sucks on my tits. I'm kind of a nasty dude. I like it when a girl sucks on my tits. I'm kind of a nasty dude. I like it when a girl sucks on my tits. I'm kind of a nasty dude. I like it when a girl sucks on my tits. Uh-oh.

You're a dude!

Damn. Oh my God. She went back for seconds. Wow.

I'm so... Holy shit, though. Way to go. She had to make it all the way around there. Good job. She didn't even suck on it. You licked on it. That shit was hot. Holy homaha. We made that song as a joke a while back, but after that experience, I do like when a girl sucks on my tits. Oh, as you should, my brother. As you should. That felt really good. That felt fucking... Yeah, dude. It feels good. Goddamn.

Right.

Hey guys, we here at This Is Important love Philadelphia cream cheese. It is extremely versatile and can be used to enhance any meal or snack. Yeah, it truly makes everything creamier. And of course, it can be used in so much more than our classic bagel and cream cheese. You can use it in a variety of recipes, occasions, and even as a perfect snack. For example, you can dip bagels

or crackers in it to snack on. Enhance your guacamole with it, make a creamy pasta alfredo, or even buffalo chicken dip. The recipes are endless. I love to use cream cheese on my bagels. I even dip pretzels in it, baby. Mac and cheese, ramen, frosting, tzatziki. Now you can make it so much creamier. With so many unique recipes, how could you go wrong?

And yes, you can find a ton of recipes on the Philadelphia website. Visit creamcheese.com for recipe inspiration so you can start adding Philadelphia cream cheese to your recipes at home.

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Warning, this product contains nicotine. Nicotine is an addictive chemical. And it's cool that Nebraska has such a reputation of being like wholesome and it's... Yeah. Yeah. Like that's kind of our thing and then

I like to think that that little quarterback dude came in to the show just then and he's like, yeah, I'm not going to play here. Not for me. Let us show you what the art seems like around here. But if you're listening at home, three people were stabbing each other on the way to the stage. That's how crazy it got. To slop up Blake's sweaty nipples. And now she's back in her seat going like this, going...

Just to get the little hairs back from between her teeth. Yeah, I do weirdly have pretty, like, hairy nipples. Do you really? Yeah, you do. Oh, yeah, you do. You have, like, no body hair, but there's a lot around your ureotras. But that's, yeah, that's not this, that's not your typical, is that not your typical male chest? Yes, it's not your typical male chest. I'm pretty, I'm a little, I feel like I'm a little...

Yeah. Okay. I'm a little, uh... What do they call that bear? The California sun bear. Sure, yeah. Oh, yeah. That has just, like, the little furry pouch on his belly. You are very even with your boots. Do you think the rest of it's not furry? Yeah. Huh? Huh?

What? No, the rest of me isn't furry. No, but you're like a California sun bear. No, it's like a different color. So it looks... Yeah, yeah, yeah. Ders is like virtually hairless. Yeah, man. He's our human dolphin. Oh, we're putting him back down? No, man. Let it all hang out. Hey, by the way, you guys are all looking at us going like, wow, they don't keep it very tight. No. No. No.

It's been a hell of a few months. You would be right. This tour, we're talking about doing like a biggest loser after this or something like that. Yeah. Because it's insane. I have another surgery next week. I think I'm going to lose that one. Right. I'm going to be 250 pounds by next week, which is big for 5'8". Did you say 250? Yeah.

You're knocking on 250? No, I'm at 205 right now, but I think I'm having another hip surgery because I'm old as fuck. Right. And that's what you get when you turn 40. The doctors go, we should work on both your hips. Right. So I'm having another one next week, and then from then on, what I do is I eat my feelings. Right.

Well, hopefully, like, you have to start eating through a bag or something, dude. Yeah. Fingers crossed. Fingers crossed on that. Fingers crossed. I will say, since this is our last show of the tour, the fact, dude, Adam has been going through some damn shit, man, with his hips, but he made every damn show. You showed up, brother. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm fucking hyped on you. Points to Adam.

I am paid to be here. It's for the love. Dude, I would like to shout out. Thank you, Blake. That was sweet of you. I would like to shout out. My parents are here in the audience. They made the drive up from

from Omaha, Nebraska. If we could bring the house lights up, I'd like to make a big fucking deal about my parents being here. I see them. I see them. Stand up. Wait, where are they? Yeah, see, I fucking see them. I saw them right away. Stand up. There they are. There they are. Kenny and Dennis Devaney. Legends. You see them? You guys see them? They're down there.

They made Adam. They created me. Points for making Adam. Yeah, I was brewed in his ball sack and then came out of her vagina. That's how it works. You were brewed also in her vagina. That's science. It's science. Eggs dropped. I'm recently learning all about this because my wife is pregnant. That's true. So you're like, you're about to have a baby. I'm like, wait, that's how it happens? Yeah, you're like, what happened? I'm like, yuck, dude. I did not think it was like that at all.

Dude, that is foul. That was just magic. They went through a lot raising me. You know, the cement truck injury. I kept almost dying a lot. Right. Yeah. There's been like three or four truly I almost died scenarios. Then you almost killed many people. Yeah, I'm always almost killing a bunch of people. Yeah.

Stay bleeding in the streets. Stay killing. Stay eating, bro. I stay doing a lot of things. You have to. They almost went to prison for me. I threw a party that was so wild in high school. Wait, was anybody at this party that's in the audience? I don't know.

I feel like some of those people are faking, but I bet four or five of them were. The cop is here. I had a party going in, I think it was my senior year of high school. It was like the last weekend of summer. And I go, I'm going to throw a party in the backyard. And I put up a bunch of tents. We're not rich. It was like a regular ass backyard party.

And I just was like, I put up tents being like, everybody just drink inside the tents. And when you're out of the tents, don't drink because my parents are home. Right. Oh, yeah. That lasted for half of a minute. Right.

And then, of course, it's high school, so everybody tells everybody else there's a party at... You know that little mangled boy? Yeah. He's having a tent party. You know the little mangled one? Oh, yeah. The punch. Yeah, pancake cock. Hey, wait. Is that four tents? Oh, shit. What's up, dude? Yeah, so like 800 kids showed up at my fucking house. Oh, damn. You're like, if you guys could all go in the tent, please. This party sounds intense.

Yes, Kyle. That's points. Yes. That's points. I like to think you weren't shaking his hand. You were breaking it. You're like, stop. You're embarrassing me. Don't do this. Stop. Do the intense joke. Do not. And then, obviously, I set it up for like one was hard liquor. One was specifically bush light. I love this.

One was, this is the weed smoking tent, you know? Whoa! And that didn't work at all. And when the cops showed up, I had speakers set up, you know, as one does for a chill party. And I was blasting Blink-182. Okay. Let's go! Let's go! And I go to the cops just drunk off my ass. I'm like 17 years old. And I go, sorry, officers.

I'll turn it down. And they're like, we're arresting you and everyone here. Keep up the good work. You guys are great. Grab a beer on the way out. Grab a bush light. It's in the third tent over there. You're going to want to stop by the Jaeger tent and then hit the weed tent. Swing through the Goldschlager tent. And don't tell my dad. Meanwhile, your dad is in the weed tent. Yeah.

No, my dad was so furious, dude. Like, he just, you know, he didn't want us to, he was like, they're going to be drinking. And my mom's like, Dennis, no, they're not going to be. She believed you? I knew a good impression of both of my parents, and my dad was like, Jesus Christ. They're going to be fucking wasted. That's good. Yeah, and my mom's like, oh, Josh, Dennis.

They're not going to be drinking. Adam said they're just putting up tents because there's going to be a sleepover. Yeah, he's having one of those 800 people sleepovers. Sleepovers. We've all been there. Dude, the heli... Like, we have, like, one police helicopter in Omaha. There's not, like, a ton of police helicopters here. Right. I mean, maybe there's more now, but in 01, there was, like, one guy...

It was the one guy in the police helicopter was like, I guess if I can be up here. He was like shining in my backyard. Oh, that's fucking scary. It was sick, dude. And he goes, just tell everyone to go inside the house. So I go up to the top of the stairs and I'm like, everyone get out of here. You instantly started crying. Yeah. My voice just cracking like crazy. And then we ended up getting like 26 or 28 counts of procuring alcohol to minors.

Dude, that's a lot. And then it was like $100,000. They said it was up to a $100,000 fine per child. And my dad is like...

Jesus Christ. Dude, that's... I'm financially ruined forever. Yeah. And that was for me, for my mom, and my dad. So obviously we're super fucked. I like to think you were on the news and it's like footage from the chopper and it's just you crying going, run! Run!

Dude, it's like I was a fucking crack kingpin or something. The way they just fucking hustled in there. They were tackling kids. My friend was on acid in the party, and he got away by hiding in my next door neighbor's garden and just putting dirt over top of him. Yes. And he laid for eight hours face down.

I wonder if the cops shine a flashlight, just thought it was a body, and they're like, not tonight. Too much paperwork. I'm not doing all that paperwork. The paperwork on this shit. I like to think he just was fucking passed out, and the next morning some old lady went to go garden, and she's like, oh, fuck! That is the weirdest looking cucumber I've ever seen. The boy's pickled.

My God. Yeah, and then my buddy rolls over and he's like, God? My God. Thank you, God. And then somehow we got out of all that shit, dude. Is it Omaha? Yeah, it was like, because I was like a good kid and we hired a lawyer and the lawyer was like, he's a good kid. And I was like,

- Right. - And the lawyer was, or the judge was like, "I don't give a fuck." - Right, this is really-- - Like, this kid had a party, like, fine. But it was fun, all of my friends, I had like, you know, 28, I think, or 26, something like that,

of my friends that got minor in possession of alcohol so they had to like do all this shit they're on probation do all this stuff right uh and then i didn't i got out of all of it and didn't have to do any of it because you got the you lawyered up but they were like all right i'll take the ticket yeah so they're all like they're like painting lines on the street and you're walking by like suckers should have stayed in the jagermeister tent they didn't look there

But I've never seen my dad more mad. My dad, he's a very nice guy. He would never get mad. Oh, dude, yeah. He would never get mad. Even when I was a little kid and my mom would be like, my dad was off at work and he'd come home and she's like, he was being bad all day. You have to punish him. And then I'd hear my dad go, Jesus Christ, at the bottom of the steps and change his voice. He'd be like, and then go lower. He'd be like, get at him.

Get down here. And I was upstairs being like, bitch. That's your fake mad voice. I know your real mad voice. And then he's like, I got to spank you now. I'm spanking you. And then he would pull his spanks. He'd be like...

Spanx. I kind of remember my dad pulling the Spanx, too. Yeah. That makes two of us. My dad would yell, too. My dad yelled at me real hard once. Oh, were you okay? Yeah, yeah. Well, I called my mom a bee with an itch. Shut up, bitch! We've covered this. Which is the most Kyle thing. Yeah, it was definitely pushing boundaries. And, like, we actually put it in the show. The line, like, I was like, Mommy, your mom's acting like such a bitch!

And then like my dad was like, oh, you want to yell? Let's yell! Water trash. Which is like all time wine. It's still just doing that rocks me to my core. Look at him cry. Yeah, I'm feeling that right now. So this is like good. Is that good parenting advice? So my newborn child, when he's screaming, I'm like, you want to scream?

Let's scream! You wanna cry? Let's cry! Let's cry. Well, no, what's cool about... Is he just crying back in his face? You'll find this out. Like, when you have a baby, you can just shake it. Oh, is that right? Yeah. You don't even have to, like, blow your vocal. You sing. You know, this is our instrument, right? But you can shake it furiously. Yeah, it's pretty cool. And what's cool about this is I'm learning all kinds of new stuff. And I'm a sponge, and I'll take it all in. And then, like, you know, you're in their room, and then you just say, now go to bed, chuck it, and you just leave. Yep.

All right. If it lands in the crib, you just are like, that's a touchdown. If it lands in the crib, five points. Yes. Um,

But anyway, that's just how we did it. That's how Ders got to be the way he is. But what's cool about my kids who've grown up now, no matter what building you throw them off of, they can land on their feet now. Wow, I didn't know that. As a new father, I'm learning a lot of new stuff. Yeah, they actually land in the Spider-Man stance. Yeah, it's outrageous.

Not today, Dad. Well, a lot of people don't. I mean, Durs and I both did telemarketing. Him a little later in life and me. Which is sadder. Yeah, sadder. I did it in high school. I worked for Omaha Steaks and then I also worked for PRC. Oh, yeah. Professional Research Consultants, which I don't even know if that's a real thing. Is it? Is it still a thing? Which is time.

So that was the basis of where we were choosing where to work for Workaholics. Durs and I were both like, hey, the saddest place in the world to work is a call center. Uh-oh.

Because it's always, it's like, I was always pretty good at it, which was embarrassing. Right, yeah. But then the people that are even better than you are lunatics, dude. Yes, yes. They're fucking crazy because they're like, man, you just gotta, they can't say no. And you're like, they can. Yeah. That's like a main rule in life is you can say no. Right. No. You can just hang up.

It's fucking weird. When you do telemarketing and you get into people's homes, then they just start talking to you and you're like, oh, I just want you to buy this thing or whatever. And they're like, I'm just watching this show. And you're like, oh boy. And then you just take the headset off and let it ride because it was connected to a computer where as soon as you were done with the call, it would dial up the next one. So you would just be like,

I'm going to set this down and just kind of kick it. And they're just talking. And that's when you just, in conversation, be like, that is so funny. And your visa, does that start with a four? What number? Is that a four or a five? What does that start with? Because mine's a four. Is yours a five? What is your favorite steak? Yeah, just constantly leading them. And if you did buy steaks, you'd buy eight?

How do you sell a steak over the phone though? Isn't that something you gotta see? They sell themselves. Dude, what I would do, one of my main techniques was I would get them on the line and you know, people are actually for the most part kind of nice. And so they're like, you know what, we just don't have room in my freezer or whatever. I'm not in the market for frozen steaks right now. And then I would go, hang on one second. And then I go, what's that? Well, that's not until the holidays.

And then they're like, what? A true psychopath. No, it's not until the holidays. And then I take a piece of paper and go... And then I go, you're not going to believe this, but this just came in from upstairs. That paper? I don't know if you heard that paper. What's the paper noise doing? That was the sale that my higher-ups just gave me. And I can't believe it. I do like the idea of the person being like, I'm going to...

Is that paper? What is that paper? I need to know. And then I go, I mean, you're not even going to believe this. We normally don't do this until after the holidays. So this is crazy. If you buy 16 bone-in ribeyes. But why did you stop there? I mean, if you're going to lie, you might as well be like, wait, what's that? Wait, there's an attacker in the building. And he says...

If I don't sell... If you don't buy $10,000 worth of steak, he's going to kill me. He's got the gun to my head. And trust me, this is good steak. There's marbling. There's marbling. It's actually the filet is wrapped in bacon.

When's your expiration date on your credit card? I wouldn't lie. If you buy that now, you can get twice baked potatoes. He's telling me you're going to really want the burgers too. It comes with apple crumble. Oh my God, you got it. Okay, thanks, bye.

Send me my next victim. I wouldn't lie that much, but I would do, I got in trouble for, I would do, depending on where I'm calling, I would practice my accents. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. This was huge. If I'm calling the South, I'd be like, hey, y'all, how y'all doing down there? Oh.

And I'm like working that angle. And then in New York, I'm talking. You're really doing it. I didn't get a lot when I called the East Coast. They're like, this guy, where the fuck is he from? I'm like, yo! I'm from the middle of the country where the steaks are good. I'm selling steaks here. You got to see the muscles on these cows. These...

They build them different out here in the Midwest. These steaks, don't forget about it, okay? Just don't forget about it. Okay, Kyle, you got some points. Yes, points. I like it. Don't forget it. I like it. Don't forget about it. What? What? No, it was good. I liked it a lot. Yeah, I thought it was all right. I got points. Don't forget about it.

Right.

Hey guys, we here at This Is Important love Philadelphia cream cheese. It is extremely versatile and can be used to enhance any meal or snack. Yeah, it truly makes everything creamier. And of course, it can be used in so much more than our classic bagel and cream cheese. You can use it in a variety of recipes, occasions, and even as the perfect snack. For example, you can dip this bagel in cream cheese.

or crackers in it to snack on. Enhance your guacamole with it, make a creamy pasta alfredo, or even buffalo chicken dip. The recipes are endless. I love to use cream cheese on my bagels. I even dip pretzels in it, baby. Mac and cheese, ramen, frosting, tzatziki. Now you can make it so much creamier. With so many unique recipes, how could you go wrong?

And yes, you can find a ton of recipes on the Philadelphia website. Visit creamcheese.com for recipe inspiration so you can start adding Philadelphia cream cheese to your recipes at home.

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Warning, this product contains nicotine. Nicotine is an addictive chemical. Hey, should we do some Omaha hot topics? One last time. Let's go, baby.

Dude, I didn't know this, but... So this is the headline. It says, are you a mourning person? You may be a Neanderthal. What? You may be a Neanderthal descendant, but I thought...

So Neanderthals are like cave people, right? I thought we all came from cave people. I think it's a... Yeah, I think it's... But there's like a different... Like we biforked at one point and went... Is it like Saharan? The true players went this way. Right, right, right, right.

And Neanderthals died. Dude, I like that I posted, I saw this headline and I posted it this morning and like the photo, I was like, yeah, that could be my uncle. Right, right. It's like all the Neanderthal and I'm like, I'm related to that guy. Do get up early. That's Uncle Doug. What the fuck? But that's, I guess that's cool because like, yeah, if you're like a caveman, you're like hella alert. You're like ready to go as soon as the sun comes up. Whereas if you're like smart enough to like build a house and like do science with a

Dry ice. You can sleep in. It's science. Yeah. So wait, is that the whole study? They're like, hey, cavemen woke up early and that's it. Yeah, you're like, are you a morning person? You dumb fucking caveman. They had to go chase animals. I hope it's just like a reporter for the Washington Post or whoever who's just like, you know what? Fuck it. Fuck morning people, right? Yeah. Yeah.

Let's take them down a peg or two. They all think they're all high and mighty. Right. Working out in the a.m. Dude, that's always so annoying. Waking up in the a.m. Dude, whenever my parents come to visit, my dad's always the first one up. He'll always be like, yep, up at 6 a.m., got a cup of coffee, just sitting here. And I'm like, and you didn't come downstairs until 10. I'm like, I know. Yeah.

Why are you lording over your Neanderthal-ness over me, Dennis? You're like, I don't want your life. All I'm saying is I've had a cup of coffee. I J-O'd. I've done a lot this morning. Talking about Adam's dad. That's my father. It is my father. I love you, Dennis. By the way, that's how dumb news has gotten. Where it's like, if you wake up early, you're a Neanderthal.

I guess when I was a kid, I wasn't reading a lot of news, so I don't know if it was dumb or not. But now it has to be like you don't get the newspaper, so it has to be like a headline attention-grabbing enough for you to click on it. Oh, yeah. And then they just post a photo of a Neanderthal who looks like everyone's uncle. Right. They know what they're doing. They're good at it. You're like, wait a minute, that's Tim Allen. What the fuck? Yeah.

Hit me with it, Blake. Dude, so this one's crazy. We just found out about this one. A Senate staffer who allegedly filmed, not even allegedly, there's a video out there. They're butt fucking in Congress. Allegedly. Allegedly.

Hey, I called that shit. You guys see this? I knew it. Loose. What do you mean you knew it? I knew it. I called that shit. What do you mean you called it? What's going on? You guys know I've gone on record many a time being like, what are they doing in there? Butt fucking? Yeah. Oh, my God.

Yeah, that is an old derp phrase that we always would say. They ain't signing no bills, that's for damn sure. No. So how did this get out? I mean, they're filming it. They want it out, right? They want it to leak. No, apparently they want it to leak. Not necessarily. Maybe they don't want it to leak. Maybe not. Maybe leaking ain't so good in that situation. I don't know if leaking is what they wanted. It's a byproduct. It just happens. Yeah.

Yeah, so apparently they posted it to like some, it went out in some like thread. Oops. That is all like gays in politics. Okay. And so they're like, hey, like cool gay stuff. You don't have to do that with your neck. Cool gay stuff and politics. And then this one guy was just like, hey, here's me butt fucking. Jeez. At work. Right. He's like, this is my January 6th. Damn. Damn.

Storm my capital. There you go. There you go. Yeah. Hey, January six inches. Okay. I like that. Insurrection. Hey. There we go. Dude, insurrection. There we go. Yeah, absolutely. White House brown.

Yes, points. Stop. Stop. Okay, what else? Blake, you got to get one. Hey, don't forget about it. I was going to say like amendment, but I don't know. I don't know. No, not worth doing it. Yes, points. Yeah, I'm in control. Amend, amend, amend me, fuck it, I'll tell you that much. Yes, points.

I'm hard. Hit me with it. Oh, yes. Dude, so this one's crazy. Not that last one was pretty tame. This one. Dude, we just found this out. We just found this out. Yeah, the last one was really tame. This one's crazy.

Hit me with it. As dads, which I'm claiming, even though it's not right here yet. Just chill. Know your place. Hold on to these last months, dude. It's all going to change. I'm kind of excited for it, but you guys keep giving me weird warnings where you're like, actually just enjoy it while you have it. Yeah, because it doesn't turn off. Our weird warnings are don't do this. Yeah.

Biggest mistake of your life. You done fucked up. It is funny. You see, like, because we do meet and greets afterwards, and some people are like, it's the best decision you'll ever have. You're going to love it. And then some people are like, why are you doing this? Right. It's both. That's the cool thing. It's both. Dude, you know how you did the tent shit with your dad? Your kid's about to do some real wild shit in your backyard. It's about to be Coachella back there. Yeah.

It is crazy because we do live in like L.A. where a lot of people choose to not have kids and just party their faces off. And you watch them gallivanting around town and you're like just fucking...

You're like, oh, they're so sad with all their disposable income. What's that thing on their face? And they're always going on vacations. I bet they're so sad while on vacations. Oh, that sucks. They're not doing all the diaper stuff. That fucking blows. You're flying without kids? Good luck with that. Yeah.

It's so much more fun with a baby on board. Duh. Yo, waiting for your stroller in the... What's the tunnel called? The fucking... To the airplane? Oh, the fucking... Baggage claim. No, no, no. Skywalk, whatever. Yeah, fucking... What's it called? I don't know. Isn't that crazy we don't know what that's called? It's not a tarmac, but it's like the fucking... Get down the...

Waiting for the stroller right there? It's not the runway. It's where you walk to get onto the plane. The gate. Where the gate thing. The gateway terminal. No. No. You are so dumb. Wait, you walk down the gangway? Gangway. Gangway. Gangway. Is it the gangway? I'm a dumbass.

Jetway? The Jetway. I don't think it's a Jetway. Shout out to Jetway. Hey, guys, it doesn't matter. We all know what we're talking about. When you're in the Jetway waiting for the stroller to get brought up with the other couple dads or moms and you're just like,

This is the worst. Yeah. Dude, it is. I will say that it is. It's weird. I keep catching my stale. I never really, you know, you notice kids when you don't have kids. You're like, notice me. Look at this cute kid. Cool. Now I'm staring at babies. Right. Yeah, for sure. Now I'm just like,

Right. Because you're always going like, how old is that baby? And I'm like, what is that, two months? And you're like, this baby's three and a half years old. Right. You have no idea. I'm like, what is that, a one-month-year-old? Like, no, no, no, no, this is my 14-year-old. He has the driver's permit. You can't say one-month-year-old. I like that. I know, I like it too. I like it.

This is my one-month-year-old. But you do start noticing kids, and you stare at them, and you already know which kids will boss you. The ones that look back, and you're like, oh, oh, and they just go, what the fuck are you doing? You're trying to be sweet to them, and they're just like,

We got a loser behind us, Dad. Why is Bumper from Pitch Perfect mugging me, dude? Like, fucking stop, dude. Oh, dude. That happened this morning. We were in Kansas City. We had a show in Kansas City last night. Yeah, Kansas City. And I was in the elevator. They were having like a cheerleader, little girl cheerleader convention. Or competition, I guess. Yeah, cheer competition. Yeah, cheer comp. And there was...

hundreds of little girls that are just like, oh, dude. They're all just like, please don't stop the music. Okay. Check me out. Please don't stop the music. Dude, and so I get in the elevator and...

This mom and her two daughters, and her daughters kind of recognize me, but the mom is staring at me. And I'm pretty hungover. We got after it last night. Yeah, we did. We had a good time. Thank you. And my mom puked, so out it hurt. What? I just want to cry. Oh, shit. We got after it. We got after it. Please don't stop the music. And this woman goes, please hold my hair. She goes, are you Adam Levine? What?

Right. And I go... The hard L. I go, no, I'm Adam Devine. And she goes, shut up! Rough. And I go, huh? And she goes, you knew what I meant. And I go, yeah, I mean, it's a different person, so...

I was just saying my name. And she goes, take a photo with my kids. They're big fans. And I'm like, well, a big fan would know my name. A joke, dude. And she was like, I thought you were going to be cooler. And I'm like, this was this morning. And I'm like, I'm not ready for all this. Right.

But that's nice. She thought you'd be cooler. Yeah, she thought I'd be cooler. She was wrong. She was like, this is exactly how I thought you would be. An asshole. I'm a bad asshole. You pancake dick fuck face. Oh my God. Hey, I knew a middle school teacher of yours, you pancake dick fuck face. Right.

It would have been really awkward to come to the Omaha show and be like, Adam couldn't make it. He got arrested for fighting a mom in an elevator. He got beat up by a cheer mom. He got his ass beat. He might not make it.

He's critical. He's mangled again. He's mangled again. The boy's been mangled again. Yeah. I think you've been mangled. James Mangled. You might have been mangled. Hit me with it, Blake. Has anybody here been mangled? Okay, no, we'll move on. We'll move on. Mangle you tonight, baby. Anybody been mangled? So...

This is Omaha. We get mangled. You know we stay mangled. Lead contamination, speaking of dad stuff, lead contamination in applesauce. Yeah.

Possibly economically motivated, dude. What? Hold on. Everything's economically motivated when it comes to business, though. When it comes to business, they're selling shit. Everything's economically motivated. When you talk about Romeo's Pizza, a lot of it seems sexually motivated. Yeah, okay. Sexually motivated. Okay, so what they did, there was like a... So evidently, kids and, I mean, also adults who fuck up applesauce, but mostly kids, uh,

There is the cinnamon. They put the cinnamon, you know. That's the best kind, the cinnamon applesauce. Cinnamon. Yeah, of course. Cinnamon. Cinnamon. Cinnamon. Yeah.

Yeah, was I saying it weird? No. Oh, okay. Just cinnamon. Just saying cinnamon. Cinnamon, cinnamon, applesauce. And then they were like adding stuff to the cinnamon to make it cheaper to produce. Yeah, right. And then that fucked it up. And I guess people were dying and they had to recall a bunch of applesauce. Wait, what the fuck are you adding to cinnamon? It's one thing. It's a stick of cinnamon. They're cutting cinnamon. You know how like. With probably like dirt or something. No, I think it's lead. It's lead.

Kyle. They're not cutting it with dirt or something. Wait, are they cutting it with actual lead or are they adding it with something that has lead in it? I mean, I'm assuming they're not cutting it with actual lead. But also, I don't know, they cut cocaine with fentanyl so people are fucking lunatics. There's these products

out there that have little... They don't serve any purpose. They just cut shit. They're cheaper than the actual ingredients, so they cut it, put it in. They're like, fuck it, just throw some pencil shavings in there. Exactly. That's cheaper than the cinnamon. I mean, it is lead. It's like mechanical pencils. Yeah, say it's cinnamon. They don't give a fuck. It's just kids. It's in a pouch. You can't see it. Yeah, you can't see it. That being said...

Kids died. Which is completely fucked up. So this is the time to launch our applesauce cinnamon brand. Dude, let's launch a dad brand. What would we call our applesauce? Not economically motivated. If anybody bought their kids our applesauce, I would arrest that person.

You're like, oh, yeah, the four dudes who talk about cum and diarrhea live? Right. I want that applesauce for my child. Right. You know it's going to be good, though. Didn't he say he likes it when girls suck his tits? Give me that applesauce. Nasty sauce. Isaac, can I get those hot Cusinets? Yeah, baby. Cusinets. Yeah.

That's such a unique sound. You know, it's funny to me. Whenever he whips his titties out, the next time he comes out, the crowd's like, don't care. We saw it. Pretty pink. They're like, don't need that again. I don't like you guys telling me to show my tits. That's Isaac. What's the name of that bar we're going to go to afterwards? Annie's.

We're going to go. So this person wants to know, where is the after party tonight? Annie's Irish Pub. What did you say? Actually, they go, what is the after party? And then they wrote, correction, where? Okay. That's good. Well, we're going to go to Annie's Irish Pub, we think.

I don't know those people. I have no connection there. But we're going to go there and get drunk. Adam's going to do hella Irish dancing. Get ready. Straight Riverdale. What's cool is I'm having hip surgery next week, so I can really let it fly this week.

You're gonna fucking kill me. Please don't stop the music. I'm doing your legs. This person wants to know, it's a no-hold-bars battle royale fight. Which one of y'all wins? Durst. Yeah, Durst. He's a collegiate athlete. He's 6'3".

I'm crippled and morbidly obese. Honestly, it's probably because I'll bite very early on. Like, I gouge. Well, that's why I think I would win, because I would grab dicks. I would bite. Wait, you said you would win? Adam would be like, just jacking us off. Why normally I think I would vote for myself is because I would be very violent. I want to fight him, but it feels so good.

Adam, we're supposed to be fighting. What? I'm a lover, not a fighter. Yeah, we all, we fall asleep. And then I do this on your body after you come. Spank, spank. And I'm out. He fucks us to sleep and then kills us. Right.

Yeah, I'm going with Adam. Death by Unga Bunga. I feel like I'm first one out for sure. I think I'm just going down. Kyle's like... Kyle would slip and kill himself. Yeah, man. I'm cool, man. Yeah, I would call him a sore. I feel like Kyle would just be like, you want to fake a shit? And just...

Knock himself out and we'd all go, good, now we don't have to touch him. He did it. So Garrett R. wants to know, Adam, are you familiar with the Zio's Pizza commercial from back in the day? Yeah, I think we are. I think that's well established. Zio's Pizza!

Fuck in the back, fuck in the back. You've never had it so good. I've never had it so good. Oh, Zio's Pizza. Nothing sexual about that song. No, just for sure about food, and we're going to get it like a cease and desist or something from Zio's Pizza.

I hope the owner of Zio's Pizza is here in the back because he's old. He has an oxygen tank. He's like, hey, what's up? I'm Ronnie James Zio. That's pretty good. Yes, points. I thought Kyle, didn't you say music?

Didn't you say music was sexual, like, by nature? I did. I said music isn't. And you just said there's nothing sexual about that song. So who are you even? Okay. Wow. You're bringing up stuff that I don't even remember saying. That's fucked up, dude. I mean, I'm just...

I just want to know who my work friends are. I guess it's a little sexual. Fuck me in the back. Please pull out. What if we start our own pizza gate? Remember how that was a thing? With the conspiracy theories in D.C.? It's real! It was real. And thank you for coming out of the basement and joining us tonight.

I'm kidding. I'm kidding. There's no way. There's no way. There's no way he doesn't live in a...

So Ben asks, this isn't a question, but Kyle needs to know that Murder Mystery is better than its sequel. I agree. Oh, thank you very much. Wait, I got one question. Why did you watch the sequel? Yeah, what the fuck? So Kyle directed the first movie and not the second movie. I did produce the second one, so it's all good. Okay. Yeah, that's why I watched it. Yep, yep. Exactly. I appreciate that. I worked hard on that movie. I really did. Good job, Kyle. Yep, thank you. Thank you.

So Jacob, the knock-up. Okay. Blake, will you wear my wife like a feed bag? What the fuck? What is this, a Zio's Pizza ad? What the fuck? Jesus. You never had it so good, Jake, you dog. I do like that in their vows when they were getting married, it was like, I will love you, I will cherish you.

I'll let anyone wear you like a feed bag. So are you saying you want me to tie your wife's legs around my...

Please don't stop the music. Hey, Isaac, we need to make sure he doesn't come to the meet and greet. Oh, shit. No, he's not coming to the meet and greet. He's coming to the green room immediately after. Yeah, I want you downstairs. Feedback. So Jack, and then he has a last name, Dolosiksy. See ya. My boy, Jack.

You had it. Yep. Nice. Who of the four bros have put more hoes before bros?

We never got a lot of hoes. Who of the four bros put more hoes? There was never many hoes to be put before. Yeah. Right. We were very much only able to put the bros before. Yeah. Right. It was super easy for us. Yeah. It wasn't really a struggle. Sometimes I will say it's a wives before dies situation. Yes. Yeah. That's different. We went straight to that. No hoes just...

wife. Yeah. But before we were like, we would encourage, yeah, let the hose be before us. Get out there. I forgot. It's fine. Blake's always been a huge proponent of hose. Go, go. Don't worry about me. I'll be here drinking Keystone Light. Go get hose, Kyle.

And we're like, where do we do that? And they're like, the nightclub. And we're like, do not come. No, we're not going to go there. No, that's expensive. Nah, let's play beer pong again. Yeah, let's just go get a 30 rack. There was a few times when we tried to go to Hollywood nightclubs when we were younger. And I remember we would get turned away because we're not wearing the right pants and shoes. Because they have a fucking hat on. These fucking dicks. Fuck it. They were like, Kyle, sir, you're wearing pajamas. Yes. Yes.

I know, and I should be allowed to be here because... Because, man. I'm going home. Where are my bros at? You know what? Bros before hoes. Let's go. Where are my bros at?

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Warning, this product contains nicotine. Nicotine is an addictive chemical. So Logan Chorus goes, what was your favorite episode of Workaholics to film? Okay. Good one. I really like the early episodes. I feel like when we were still finding the show out. For me, it is the office campout is one of my favorites. Okay.

We do mushrooms in the office and the uh... We think we're getting attacked by terrorists. Uh, but it ends up being the IT guys. And we sing: Catherine Zeta-Jones! She nips beneath lasers! She has entrapped me in Sean Connery! Wow.

Beautiful. I do kind of wish we had like a Milli Vanilli moment where it was like, Entrapped, Entrapped, Entrapped. And we were like, Isaac! Fucking recording! Yeah, and they're like, wow, they pre-recorded that very off-key, not put-together song? Right. Okay. I just saw pictures from when we shot the peyote episode, and I just was thinking about how cool those sets were that we built. Any of the drug-tripping shit was like,

Excellent fun. Excellent fun. What was the peyote episode? The peyote episode? Remember we built the Ames room where you lost the kid and you had to find the kid. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I didn't have fun during that one. I dressed like a bird and it sucked. That's not the best one. That's not the best part of the episode. I was, yeah.

What about you, Blakey? I usually say it's the one where we're in the go-karts, but now I'm... Since I've said that answer before, there was one episode where... Was it me and you, Durs, where we're in a backseat just shoveling Panda Express? Yes. Like, we're on a stakeout, and we're eating a bunch of Panda Express, and we're like, you know what? We're not going to spit it out. We don't need a spit bucket. We're just going to eat Panda Express today. Right, right. Yeah. And we ate so much fucking chow mein and orange chicken...

I ended up puking in the street. Oh, really? Because the bit was that we were like wolfing it. Yeah. And we're like, we're good. Yeah. And yeah, it...

it just got to here and then it went bleh. Yeah. But it tastes good coming out. Was that Deputy Dong? It might have been. Yeah, I think so. I don't know. I like that one episode where we were working at a hotel and then terrorists actually did take it over. That was Game Over Man. That was a movie we did. Oh, yeah.

Available on Netflix. That was fun. That was really fun. That was the best streaming service, Netflix. Not that bitch Paramount+. Yeah, not the P+. Seems like they want to do it. Fuck Paramount+. Fuck Paramount+. Fuck Paramount+. Thank you, guys.

That's right. Thank you, guys. And the reason being is we had a Workaholics movie ready to go. We were five weeks out from shooting, and they pulled the plug on it. Yeah, they did. It was fucking bonkers, bananas. Nobody knows why they fucking did that. They came to us. What's your problem, man? But they made the Zoey 101 movie, and I'm not hating. No.

No, don't hate. I'm not hating. I'm like, they made that. They might as well have made ours too. It's really good. You got to watch the Zoe 101. Really? Yeah. It's worth it. It's killer. I get why they pulled the plug. Is Zoe pretty good? Oh, Zoe just kills. She really carries. Is the sequel obviously going to be Zoe? It's 201. 201. You didn't go to college, did you? Okay. Zoe 101.

That's what I was thinking. 102. Tui101 is funny. So Gabe Utsex, which seems like a name. What will you miss most about tour? Did you say, wait, did you say Gabe Utsex or his name is Dave Butsex? What did you say? His name is Gabe U-T-S-E-S-E. Oh, Gabe Butsex. Okay, Gabe. Gabe Butsex. That's really good. Gabe Butsex.

Oh, did I just got God? Yeah, you got God. Can I see that? Because I've never heard this before. You got God. By the way, dude. Great one. Hey, Gabe. Hey, Gabe. Yes, points. You got some. How have we never fucking heard that? Never heard that one. I've never heard that. Yeah, that's really good. Gabe on sex. I've lived it. Yeah, when you really let it flow. Gabe on sex. Gabe on sex. I might use that. Zio's pizza.

On the Senate floor. Gabe Buttsacks. That was the name of the Senate staffer. Senator Gabe Buttsacks. Gabe, my boy Gabe.

My boy. Big game. He wants to know, what will you miss most about tour? Ooh. Dang. The buzz balls. Yo, I took, I drank a buzz ball in 29 motherfucking cities. Shake my hand for that, bud. All right, yeah. Thank you. Sure thing. Shake his hand for that. I'll shake your hand. Thank you. Good job, man. And also with you. And also with you. Dang.

And I realize I can drink them at home, but I've made that rule. That's where you have to draw the line. Do not drink buzz balls at home. I didn't draw that line. My girlfriend did. Dude, you got a problem if you're after a long day of work, you go to the refrigerator and grab a buzz ball. Yeah, that's problematic. Yeah, something's going wrong in your household. There must be no mirrors in that home.

If you have mirrors in that home, you see yourself and you know what's wrong. And you just catch yourself with this little ball of bad-tasting liquor. You're like, oh, boy. I get a buzz ball. I'm like, I'm going to go mow the lawn. She's like, it's 10 p.m. Yeah. That's when you go wake up with your wife and you just go, I'm so sorry. What happened? Things will be different now. And then you drink. You have to finish the buzz ball. You don't want to waste it. I don't know what happened, but there's blood in the kitchen. What? What?

The baby was crying. I think I'm just going to miss hanging with my bros, dude. I mean, dude, it's like the one that's real because we don't spend a shit ton of time together. We haven't spent a lot of time since that episode of Workaholics Game Over Man. This has been us being us for the first time in a long time, and it's been fucking epic, dude. It's been really awesome.

Yeah, I mean, I'll add on to that. I think that my favorite part of tour was hanging with you guys and getting to spend some time with you guys. You know, we're all growing up, and as you grow up, you don't hang out with your friends as much as you... No. It turns out you have family and responsibilities. You've got all these fucking hoes, dude. And you can't go drink with your friends on weekdays. It's...

But it's been great. It's also been great seeing all the fans and realizing this silly little show that meant the world to us. It was so cool that it connected in such a way with fans across the country. It's really cool. And thank you guys for showing up. Honestly, thank you. After all these years. Thank you. You guys are so special to us. Yes, yes, yes.

Ders is gonna cry. I am... Is this the first time Ders is ever gonna cry? Guys, I am racking my brain trying to pinpoint exactly what I'm gonna miss. Okay. I thought it was pretty cool, obviously, to meet the people who come to the show and, like, just fucking...

Everywhere we go, people are so nice to us. You guys are so fucking cool. We get crazy, very strange gifts everywhere we go. But just seeing the country and going to cities I've never been, Omaha. What up? Omaha rocks. I know you guys probably think I went to countless Olympic trials here, and I didn't. No one thought that. I would just watch it on Omega Timing Systems.

But no, I would just say hitting all these cities, meeting the people across the country who talk about how they grew up watching our show. I'm like, fuck you, don't say that. That makes me old.

It is crazy when you meet a man who looks like he could beat your ass and it looks older than you. Right. And he's like, I actually grew up with you. Yeah. I now lay brick. Right. Yeah. And here's my wife. Wear like a feed bag. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

You might have watched a little too much Workaholics. Here's my wife. Wear like a feed bag. And I'm wearing my special Workaholics shoes that I've never worn ever. Those are dope. I plan on being barefoot by midnight. There you go.

God damn, I'm going to miss you guys. I said buzz balls, but now that you guys said serious shit, yeah, like I second that. Wait, no, dude. I wasn't serious. I just said that. I knew it would sound cool and nice and shit. Fair enough. Well, okay. Any take backs? Any apologies? Any epic slams, boys? This is it. This is the final show. Hey, I will say this. Tour take backs? We went to a bunch of shit holes, guys. Oh, yeah, we did. And now that it's the last show, we can talk shit on them. Yep.

Omaha is fucking tight. It is cool. Omaha fucking rocks. You guys have the biggest fucking playground I've ever seen in my life. We don't fuck around with our zoos or our playground. My dad radar was like, look at that playground. And then I saw like an ice skating rink. Dude, game on. The look off the chain. Game on. It's good times out here. Um,

So, no, I don't have anything to take back. I would just like to say once again, thank you, Omaha, for showing up. Hell yeah. This was for me the one I circled on the calendar, and you guys sold out super quickly. It was fucking awesome, you know? I love to be where my guy's from. Never been here. This is fucking cool. And you look out, and everyone just looks exactly like me. There's a bunch of Adams out there. Look at all these divines. Lots of corn husking bee feet and little motherfuckers. Adam, Adam.

Adam, can you do me a favor? Do a Go Big Red for me. Oh, shit. Go Big Red! Go Big Red! Yeah, that shit's cool. National champs next year. Yeah. Next year is the year! National champs. Next year. All those games they lost could have been wins. We're going, baby! Could have been. Why you got to say shit like that? I'll see you at the Rose Bowl!

I would like to give some super special shout-outs. Todd, our sound guy, who's been rolling with us the whole tour. Oh, yeah. Lights up. Let's see this, bro. Yeah, fuck yeah. Can we show Todd? He's drunk. He's a rock god. Kate, who's just been our day one homie, setting up all the gigs and the shows, the best tour manager ever. It's called tour manager. Tour manager. Kate Donahue.

Anna, you're my fucking road dog for life. Anna, we love you. Thank you so much. And I can't believe I'm going to say this, but let's give it up for Isaac Horner. Give it up for Isaac fucking Horner. He was one of the first ones to believe in us in Hollywood. Literally no one would sign us. Yep. And for some reason, this guy was like, I think you guys are like funny people.

You guys are like, you guys are gnar dogs. You guys are like gnar and you just like say shit, which I think is cool. And you're dumber than most comedians. Yeah. Which I like. Yeah. Thanks, Isaac. So thank you guys so much. We got some epic giveaways. Wait, Kyle, you got a slam or a shout out? No slam, no shout out. Just a shout out to Omaha. Yeah, baby. Fucking shout out to the bros. Actually, um...

I do have a take back. I just remember. What is it? What's the way to go? Because, you know, I don't know. We're in Omaha and I don't want to do this here, but honestly, like... Then don't. No, I have to. Then don't. I have to. I just feel like, okay, it's Omaha, Adam...

make the show about you. And I had to sit through a lot of Nebraska stories, and I'm sorry that I was on. It should have just been your show, dude. Come on, man. What's going on? What do you mean? You're saying you wish you weren't here? Because, I mean, obviously when we went to Oakland, you did a lot of Oakland-specific stuff. So when I'm here in Nebraska, I'm going to do Omaha-specific. I'm going to talk to my people.

This is my hometown show, dude. This is a very weird take back. Actually, you know what's fucked up is you always do shit like this. You always like at the very end, you're all nice and you're all cool and then you pull the fucking rug out from underneath you. I'm

I'm just like every place we went, you're like, Blake, you pandered, you pandered. Dude, you are a pandering bitch. I said, say go big red once. You do it fucking three times. I'm like, goddamn, wrap it the fuck up. Well, that's how you do it. You don't just say go big red one time. You do it three times. No, absolutely. No, no points for you, Blake. No, honestly, fuck you. I was saying like how happy I was to be here with the guys. I'm happy to be here with these guys. Oh, okay. That's cool. I'm really...

glad that this is the last stop on the tour because I don't want to fucking see you again, man. I'm sick of you. Fuck, stop. Just chill. No, no, fuck this. I'm out of here. No, fuck you. And I'm not going to the after party. And if I do go to the after party, don't be at my table, bitch. Well, bitch, it's not your table because I'm the one who set up the after party and it's at Annie's and I'm the one who set it up. So you're not even invited to the after party. I'm not going to give you a wristband, so fuck you. Dennis, let's hang out outside in the parking lot or something. Dennis is my dad. He's going to be the one to hang out with me.

He's not gonna wanna hang out with you, you bitch ass. He said he'd smoke weed with me. Fuck that. Yeah. Well... Alright. Like, I will smoke weed with anyone. He's got a problem. This is how the sausage is made sometimes. Fuck you. Sometimes you don't wanna... Fuck you, Blake. This is bullshit. Hey, what's going on with this guitar?

Why do you have a guitar, Kyle? I thought it would help things, but I do need it to be turned on. Kyle, why the fuck do you have a guitar? Why do you have a guitar right now? It's fucking stupid. You know what, Blake? Fuck off, dude. No, fuck you, dude. Kiss my ass, dude. It's going to be really weird if we end the show just being like, fuck you, man. That would really suck. It kind of checks out, though.

Dude, what the fuck, man? Fuck you. It's like White Fang when the kid threw the rocks at the wolf because he just didn't want to say goodbye. Fuck you. You guys are White Fang. Fuck you. Well, now that this guitar doesn't work, now I feel like maybe I should just make up with you, dude. Or go acapella. I don't know. I'm still pretty mad. I'm still pretty freaking mad. I'm still really pissed off at you, dude. No, let me check this out because it's like not plugged in or some shit, right? Oh, fuck you, dude. I fucking hate you, dude. I fucking hate you.

i'm gonna smoke weed with your dad fuck off dude i hate you and there's no way any of this is planned looking out the window watching rain fall down waiting for my best friend

I can't wait until I can see you. Picked up some steaks, we can have a barbecue. Me and you shall be pals until the end. Cause you're my motherfucking best friend. You're my best friend. You're my best friend. You're my best friend. Until the day that I die. You're my best friend. Blake is my best

You are my best friend. It is the taste that I die for. Looking out my window. Watch a car drive by. This is weird. Just thinking about you. And it makes me want to cry.

I miss you so much since you've been away. Other people start to think that I might be gay. But I just think you are a really cool dude. And sometimes at night, I see you in the stars. You're my best friend. You're my best friend. You're my best friend. Until the day that I die. You're my best friend. You're my best friend.

I love you, Adam. I love you, Adam. I love you, Kai.

Let's never fight like that again. Let's never fight like that again. Let's never do that song again. You can say go Big Red as much as you fucking want, dude. Thank you so much. Omaha! Omaha! Omaha! Omaha! Omaha!

Blake, I'm going to throw your laptop out. Oh, thank you. Honestly, thank you guys so much. Thank you. This has been such a whirlwind. Oh, we love you guys. Thanks for showing up like this. We love you. Let's all hold hands. Let's all hold hands. Let's hold hands. Let's all hold hands. Here comes another episode of This is Important. We did it.

We love you. We did it. We did it. We did it. We did it. We did it. We did it. We did it. We did it. We did it. We did it. We did it. We did it. We did it. We did it. We did it. We did it. We did it. We did it. We did it. We did it. We did it. We did it. We did it. We did it. We did it. We did it. We did it. We did it. We did it. We did it. We did it. We did it. We did it. We did it. We did it. We did it. We did it. We did it. We did it. We did it. We did it. We did it. We did it. We did it. We did it. We did it. We did it. We did it. We did it. We did it. We did it. We did it. We did it. We did it. We did it. We did it. We did it. We did it. We did it. We did it. We did it. We did it. We did it. We did it. We did it. We did it. We did it. We did it. We did it. We did it. We did it. We did it. We did it. We did it. We did it. We did it. We did it. We did it. We did it. We did it. We did it. We did it. We did it. We did it. We did it. We did it. We did it. We did it. We did it. We did it. We did it. We did it. We did it. We did it. We did it. We did it. We did it. We did it. We did it. We did it. We did it. We did it. We did it. We did it. We did it. We did it. We did it. We did it. We did it. We did it. We did it.

We'll be right back.

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