Deep Dive
Shownotes Transcript
Hello, pussies, and welcome back to Therapist. Sorry, I don't know why my legs are crossed. I just got back from Coachella, and I'm so excited. We have a special guest in the intro to recap it with you guys a little bit and rate my outfits.
So that will be fun. Tonight's episode, we have Alex Earl, who actually came on literally last week right before Coachella. So we talked about Coachella. And so it'll be fun to see how that kind of like how our predictions, if we made, I forget if we, it'll be fun to watch after going to the festival. Okay. So like, obviously I'm going to bring up the moment of the weekend. Like I was at Ice Spice and it's,
Taylor Swift was in the same section as me. Taylor Swift went to Coachella in 2016. It's called Bleachella. She had bleach hair. As Swifties, we see photos of it all the time. It's an iconic moment in Swifty history. It really and truly is. It's Bleachella. If I remember correctly, that's kind of where Karma really originated. We thought that was the look for her next album before everything happened.
And so, anywho, cut back to Coachella now. And I'm standing there with my old work husband, Tom. It's like we're having like a joking date night. And Larry, our friend, is there with us. And we're waiting for I Spice to get on. And there was rumors the entire weekend that Taylor was going to do something with I Spice on stage. So that is what I was like maybe anticipating. I was like – that was like talk of the town at Coachella. It was like is Taylor going to go on with Lana? Is she going to go on with I Spice? It's like what's going to happen? And –
She didn't go out with Lana the night before. So I was like, okay, maybe she's going to go out with Ice Bice tonight. So I'm waiting for Ice Bice to get on. She's about to get on, like about to get on. I'm like waiting, waiting, waiting. And all of a sudden everyone around me starts like flash and scream, screaming. And I'm like, oh, okay. The concert started. And I look up and nothing's changed on the stage. And then I hear someone say, Taylor. And my heart breaks.
Like, actually stops because I look to my left or I look in front of me. I honestly blacked out. And there she was with Travis. And from then on there, I blacked out. I don't really remember anything. Like, I just remember, like, I think when people say starstruck, that is what they mean. I was struck by her stardom. I was just...
I didn't want to bother her. You know, it was the first time she was at Coachella since Spleecella. Yeah.
I like was maybe going to try to say hi, but then like, I just, it, you know, it, I was really at the end of the day, I was too scared and I didn't want to bother her. I was too scared. I didn't want to bother her. She was with her boyfriend. They were like holding on. They were so in love. And then once the concert started, it was, oh, I'm absolutely not saying anything to her. Like the concert has begun. She is going to enjoy herself now. It was a really, really crazy experience and,
To see someone that is literally my favorite person in the entire world, like right there. Oh my God. Like, yeah, it was really crazy. And at first I was really embarrassed because I thought I looked like a stalker in that photo. But I was like, you know what? Whatever. I fucking froze. I froze. I was scared shitless. Larry did end up saying hi to her and she was obviously the nicest person ever. I just, I like popped my head in maybe to like maybe do it. And then I was like, I can't, I can't do it. It's not happening.
Yeah, she was right there. She was right there. With me, though, to discuss the rest of our Coachella shenanigans is someone who, up until now, has refused to be on the podcast. Because she's a little shy. But she's the queen of our hearts. She's our president and our roommate, best friend, comedy extraordinaire, Alice. Hey, everyone. Hi, everyone.
Damn, I'm here. Are you excited to talk about Coachella? Yeah. I'm really excited. So where do you want to start? Are you going to show me your photos? Oh, okay. I brought Alice here under the pretense that she was going to rate my Coachella outfits. So let's just go. This is never going to work. It has to work. Okay, we got to do it. Okay, we're going to do it. Snap out of it. Okay. No more games.
Okay, so we're going to rate, Alice is going to rate my Coachella outfits because I thought they were cute, but the general consensus I think was that they weren't like the best I've ever done. So, okay, like we'll go. Do you remember what I wore at all or no? I remember a big jacket. Okay. So this, okay. Let's start with day one. Day one, we were seeing Lana perform. Who did you see perform? Okay.
Peggy. Basically, we were at Peggy. We got into like the really special section. We were feeling fabulous. And Alice, this is just like before we get into the outfits, a key part of our weekend. And Alice said, we have to go. My mom is here. We have to go get her. Of course, of course, of course, we will leave to go get your mom. Obviously, like we love her mom. Like what? Like her mom's alone at the festival. Like why did no one tell us? Like let's go get her now. And I kept telling you she was alone.
Alice has a sense of urgency about her when like she's really urgent about something and it was missing. Like we weren't like speed walking. Like I don't think you really knew where to go. And you were like, yeah, she's still there. And I started to then be like, is your mom actually at the festival or did you just want to leave the concert? Okay. Your perception of how things go is insane. None of that happened. Like none of that happened. Um,
breaking the glass. I'm like, I gotta find my mom. And I'm like screaming at everyone, hustling over. Sorry. Oops.
And you were the last one in the back of the group taking your sweet time. And you kept being like, where are we going? Why did we leave Peggy? Why did we leave Peggy? And I kept looking at you being like, I don't know how many times I can tell you this. We got to find my mom. She's 65 years old alone at this festival. We must find her. And then I eventually believed her. But I did not believe that her mom was... Because it took us four...
40 minutes to find her mom. So by the end of the 40 minutes, I was really not believing her. I was like, okay, it's been 40 minutes. Are you sure she's still there? She was so pissed at us too. I know. And she, I just didn't believe that she was there. And then finally I saw her and I ran up to her like she was the Messiah. Uh-huh. And you screamed. I screamed. And she was like, what is going on? Yeah, she was like. She was so confused. And then you were like, did I overreact? Yeah, I did. I said, yeah. I screamed. Anywho. Yeah.
Let's go through the, is this a disaster? Yeah. Okay. Let's go through my outfits. This is day one. Okay. So what was the outfit you had on before you put this outfit on? It was like a black t-shirt and the, these jeans. It was a black t-shirt and these jeans. Okay. So I like this one, but this was the outfit that when we all walked out together, I was
We looked like we were going to completely different destinations. None of us looked like we were going to the same festival. Right. So I liked it. I think I'm going to say. Right out of eight, of course. Oh, right. But give me your notes. Listen, like you look good. Right. I kind of gagged him a bit. You look good. A seven and a half. I just wish you like maybe put the jacket on a little bit better with the sleeves not hanging out. Right. Because you kept walking around like this with the sleeves. Right. Like a baby. Right. Yeah.
Did I think I look cute? Uh-huh. Okay. And it wasn't. Of course. You were like pouting your way through the field. Yeah. So seven and a half out of eight. Yeah. Okay. Great. That's starting off really well. That's starting off really strong. Okay. So this is day two. Yeah. Okay. Respectfully.
Or maybe disrespectfully, the glasses are not it. Yeah. No, you look silly in it. I don't think it goes with like, I like the tea a lot. I think that's cute. I love those jeans on you. The glasses really like take it downhill for me. Like we're being cutthroat. Like, I'm sorry, girl. Like, damn. So what do you give it? Be honest. You are known for your honesty. A four. A four out of eight. Yeah. Okay. Day three. Okay. When you walked in.
And showed me your outfit. Didn't I like gas you up? And I was like, damn, you look great. I love that pink jacket. I think that's really cute. Let me see it again. But you're doing the same. What am I doing? And this is, you're doing the shirt that you said makes your, you know. My breast big. Right. And it does. But I like that shirt. I think it's really cute. And you're wearing your PTP jeans. Love. Okay. So I'm going to give this one...
A six. Okay, so a six, a three, and a 7.5. Yeah, that's like... So we're going to average it out right now for my test score. Okay. So I failed. What'd you get? A 68. That's an F. Isn't that like a C? An eight. A 68 out of 100. That's my average. That's passing. That's a passing grade? Yeah, like you passed. Just not with flying colors. Exactly. Alice and I are going to go make dinner now, but enjoy the episodes, pussies. Alice, thanks for doing the intro with me. You're welcome. You're welcome.
Pussies, as always, submit Tell Me What's Wrongs to PassThatPuss.com and tell me what's wrong. Give me your name and number if you're feeling fancy, and hopefully I'll give you a call. Now, enjoy the episode with Alex Earl. Hi, pussies. Welcome back to Therapuss. Today, we have one of the most highly requested guests, one of my dear, dear friends, Alex Earl. Hi. Wait. Wait.
Okay, okay. No, no. I was even gonna keep it. Whatever. Sorry. Alex Earl. I had to clear my throat. Hi. Welcome to Therapus. I'm so excited. When did you get... Hey guys, I gotta go. Do you need a napkin? Okay. As always, I smoked a little before. I could never. I know. I get really anxious if I smoke. I have to do it. Like, I would have a panic attack. I have to do it. It's when I'm my best. Would you guys say it's when I'm my best? I've never seen you not... Oh, shit. Okay.
Yeah. I don't think I smoked for... No, I always smoked. Well, anywho, when did you get to LA today? I got in 12, I think. Yeah. When you came right here. We had an early flight, like 5 a.m. I wonder if people know just how hardworking you are. Like, you really... Like, Louise, I will look at her schedule and I'll be like,
Well, this is what happened last time I was in LA. I was like, I want to do therapist and we were trying to figure it out and I sent Jake my schedule and I was like, we could do like 3 a.m. And I was like, wait, this isn't going to work. She's booked back to back and I feel like what people don't understand is you have to be like,
Yeah. In all these meetings. Yeah. Like, because it's like sometimes it's just like, it's like a meet and greet situation. And like. It is. You have to be so on. And so I just always admire that about you. Thank you. Of course. Well, I know you're always so happy, but is there anything you're a therapist about? Therapist about? Yeah, today. I feel like I'm stressed because I don't know what I'm wearing to Coachella. Yes. That's like something stupid to be a therapist about. No, I'm also very upset about it.
it's so like anxiety invoking is that the right use of that word because like i just know everyone's gonna judge what i'm wearing like you know they're just gonna pick it apart no and i'm like oh i know well i know what you're wearing like i know well by the time this will come out this will be after gochella i think your hair extensions are gonna eat down yeah i'm gonna get long extensions like that's gonna be so perfect for the desert yeah i love that and then it'll be it'll be better than this and then what was i gonna say
I need to take a sip of my coffee. Yeah, I need to take a sip of my Fast Twitch. Have you ever had Fast Twitch? It's like, honestly. I feel like you were telling me about this last time. Yeah, but nothing will ever compare to the Alex Berry elixir. That was a moment in time. It cracks you out. That was a moment in time. It really does.
I remember that being like one of the hottest product launches of 2023. Was that it? Yeah. It flew off the shelves. And it was crack. No, it is. If you have a full one, like you may drop dead. It was crazy.
Like, I would be like, I was at some event and I was like, they were handing them out. And I was like, Alex, you did such a good job. And she was like, oh, you drank a Berry Elixir. It really does the job. It really does the job. They don't mess around. They don't fucking mess around. Have you ever used it as like a chaser? Yeah. And is it amazing for a chaser? It is really good. It's like, think of like a Red Bull vodka. Mm-hmm.
But better. It tastes better. But better because it's berry. I don't like Red Bull really. I am kind of getting out of my Red Bull stage. I used to be so, I used to love it with vodka and now I'm like, it reminds me too much of vodka. Yeah. Where I need to switch it up. Yeah. I've only ever had it with vodka actually. Yeah. Same. Ever. Wait, don't you drink tequila?
Yeah. Well, I've actually only become a tequila girl this past year. I've always been vodka soda, ride or die. And then, I don't know, something about like vodka shots started to really stress me out. You grew up. Yeah. I was like, these aren't good. And in Miami too, everyone's so tequila and they like frown upon you for drinking vodka. Yeah. You drank it through college. Like people who are like from Miami, they're like, hello. So yeah, I would like, I don't know how I used to do it. Vodka, like arguably- But I do like vodka. It does.
In a drink. I don't know why I like it more because like it tastes like hand sanitizer whereas like tequila actually if you think about it really does have a taste. No it does and that's why I never liked tequila because you could taste it so much in the drink. Yeah. I think it
I like tequila if it's a good tequila. I would rather have shitty vodka than shitty tequila. Oh, I, like, have shivers down my spine. Like... No. Shit, shivers down my spine. Yeah. And also a tequila hangover is arguably always worse. Yeah, but I feel like I'm maturing because in college, I feel like you kind of just drink whatever's, like, available. Like, whatever they're handing out at the party. Yeah. It's always, like, the cheapest thing. So I'm like, whatever. And now I'm, like...
Maybe we could step it up a notch. Maybe we could step it up. So honestly, I'm like good with whatever. I'm waiting for the day that you come out with your own spirit situation. That'd be fun. I think that would be... I would drink it every day of my life. Me too. And I'm not that much of a drinker on the weekdays. Yeah, it would be on brand. But I would be for you. Also, if you notice me picking at my teeth, it's because... Have you ever had a tooth situation where...
Like you breathe in and the air hurts your tooth. Like did you use whitening strips? No, I think I, TMI, I had a piece of food stuck in my tooth for like 12 hours yesterday and
Wait, and you got it out? Yeah, but like Alice, I kept... It like wedged in there? Yeah, Alice was like, oh yeah, you had a piece of food stuck in your teeth. And I'm like, oh, why didn't you tell me? And she was like, well, you could have looked in a mirror. It hit a nerve? Yeah. Yes. Yes. Okay, dental. Okay, dental. Yeah, it did hit a nerve. I Googled it and that's how I found that out. That's like, was it a big piece of food? Yeah, probably. I think it was like popcorn or something. Oh, those kernels get you. Yeah. Ugh.
Well, I guess by the time this comes out, it'll be post Coachella. But who are you most excited to see? At Coachella? Yeah. I know who Kristen's most excited to see. Lana. Lana. I'm trying to think. I'm honestly excited to see the DJs, not at the main stage. Like John Summitt? Yeah.
I really am excited for John Summit. Like John Summit and Dom Dalla is going to be really good. Dom Dalla is going to be crazy. Is that Friday? I think so. Yeah. Yeah, it's Friday. I'm really excited. Wait, the Times just came out. They did. Oh, it's sad. The creator. Okay, well, Alex and I will be at Dom Dalla. Don't John and Dom Dalla have a set together on Friday or that's what? Oh, oh, on Saturday. Oh, that's them together. Yeah.
Hmm. That'll be amazing. I'm excited. I'm excited too. Wait, did you not go last year? I don't remember. I went to Elliot and Sophia's wedding. It was that same weekend. I guess that was cool. It was super cool. But like I went my senior, didn't you go in college? You did go in college. I went my junior year of college. It was like. Yep, that's the year I went to. Yeah. So who performed that year again? It was Megan. I think Doja Cat actually performed that year. Megan. I don't remember. I think Billie performed.
Oh my God, she did. She did perform. That was happier than ever. I was bawling my eyes out. She was so good. That was sick. That was good. And then it was, that's literally all I remember. I don't remember anyone else for some reason. The weekend. I missed that. You know who was so good last year that I'm sad it's not coming back is Labyrinth.
That was my favorite. That was probably the most talked about set, I feel like, from the weekend. No, it was life-changing. Really? Like, you have no idea. It was so good. Was it, like, no pun intended, but was it, like, euphoric? Yes. No, it was. And, you know, I just feel like because of Euphoria, you, like, listen to those songs and it's, like, you want to, like, be in it and then you felt like you were, like, really in it. It was so cool. And it was, like, the lights and shit, too. Yeah, and everyone was, like, just, like, a vibe. Honestly, like, the smaller stages are sometimes, like, better. Do you ever go to the Yuma tent? I went once.
We love the Yuma. I had my fun in the Yuma tent. Yeah. I remember just like, but I'm not like a house music person. So like I really was trying so hard. That's like a scary place to be then if you're not. Yeah. I was like, it was my freshman year of college. So I was like really trying to get into it. I think I have a video actually of me in the Yuma tent. Because you like grew up here. Did you like. I grew up in New York. Oh.
I went to college. Oh, college, college, college. I'm saying. Did we go? Yeah, because you were here. Did people go? Yes. People go every year. And like the, what was fun is like, like, well, normally the, apparently like the Greek houses would like get houses, but I wasn't in Greek life. So that luckily that didn't happen. Did we get houses at Coachella? Yeah. That's cool. Like, I think sometimes, I don't know for sure though. I think just like groups. That sounds like very bougie. Yeah. It was like very USC. And like, I,
I went my freshman year. We did it super like we got an Airbnb and it was like really jank. Like the door, like that door, if you were to open it, would fall off the hinges. And like then like we had three toilets. Each one stopped working. Someone pooped in the pool. No. Yeah. We don't know who it is. No one will admit it. But the guy sent us a photo of it. Yeah. People were peeing outside. Yeah.
And like shit was falling off and it was like really bad actually. But that's fun. But it was fun. My first Coachella, I stayed with random girls from the internet because I went alone because I just was like, this brand, they were like, we'll give you a ticket to Coachella if you do like 45 post
post for us today. And I was like, yes, I will be there. And I didn't like have enough money to like go buy a hotel room. So I was like looking for people to split it with. And I went with these random girls. I had no idea who they were. And I stayed on the floor of the hotel room. And like, it was me and like four of the random girls. What?
I don't know. I'm just always down for like a good time. You're down. You're down for whatever. I say yes to like probably too much. You say yes to everything. Because I get afraid of like missing out on the experiences. So I'm always like, yes. I remember saying this on your podcast, but like you are the best person to like go on adventures and do things like that with. Yeah. You are so positive all the time about it. Thank you. Where I'm like the polar opposite. No, you're positive and fun.
really we have fun together oh hear that you don't think so maybe i put on a special shout for you i think i put on when jake took me out in la he was so i've never seen him so stressed out ever yeah like to try and show me a good time i was like jake i'm having the time of my life every second we're at the club and i'm like literally like dancing he's like tapping me he's like wait are you having
Yes. And then I bought a bottle so the club would stay open later and it closed five minutes later. That was insane. That was so embarrassing. And they poured it. Do you remember they poured it in like a to-go cup? Because they were like, we actually legally can't have this anymore. I was like, got it.
But yeah, I went to Coachella my freshman year, but then COVID hit my sophomore year. So we didn't go to COVID sophomore year. We didn't go my junior year. You were sophomore. It was still kind of COVID. And then, because COVID hit right before Coachella. Yeah. Fuck Frank Ocean wasn't supposed to perform. Yeah. But, um, I,
And then my junior year, it didn't happen. And then senior year, I went. Coachella is like a new thing for me because I grew up on the East Coast. So that was always like very foreign to us. Like I had just seen it and seen like the Instagram models and everyone there. And I was like, oh, wow. But like I never thought I would actually get to go. Do you remember the really infamous Coachella photos that Bryant took? Yes. Of like Charlotte D'Alessio like holding hands with people and stuff? Wait, and we went with Bryant last year and he was like taking photos of us. And I was like, I'm living my dream right now. I remember.
I was like, oh, that's sick. Yeah. Yeah. No, it was really cool. But did you ever go to Govball since you're from the East Coast? Oh, are you kidding me? I have been stranded at Govball so many times. Like we love Govball. I loved. How did you get there? So from Jersey, we would take the train. So it's like a two hour train into the city. And then you could either take the ferry or what if there was one night. Do you remember when it like monsoon there? You might have been in college. What year was are you talking about? Who was headlining?
Billy? Billy. This was your senior year, huh? Yeah. I was in college. It was so good. That was like Billy peak popping off. Oh my gosh. She was at Coachella that year. Yeah. That was insane. But GovVol was so fun. I feel like it was trashy fun. And everyone there is kind of underage. My fake. Do you remember it? Your fake worked one year and then the next year it got super strict. Do you remember that transition? No. Oh. How would you get alcohol into the festival? Because I'll tell you how I did it.
I don't remember. I know we pre-gamed a lot. So like by the time we got there, we were having fun. I want to say, you know how there's like those little like bracelets or like scrunchies that will have like alcohol, like weird little things like that that you get on Amazon or like the tampon flasks. Yeah. Yeah. That was a big thing. Yes. I, do you ever do the, we had these like bottle caps, resealable bottle caps that worked on Decini water bottles. So we would get a Decini water bottle.
Take off the bottle cap, pour vodka to the top and put on the new bottle cap and it would seal.
So they would be like, because you could bring in a sealed water bottle and they'd be like, oh, this is sealed. How does it seal? I don't know. It was, it's like a, it looks sealed. It's not actually sealed. Oh. And that's how we snuck it in. And I remember like going to. That's smart. Going to school with like one joint in my backpack and like, I thought I was going to get expelled. Yeah. But that was just like crazy because looking back on it now, I'm like, we were like so young, just like frolicking around the city, like all lost and whatever. But.
It was fun. It was so fun. Someone once threw a watermelon at my head at Gov Ball and it split in half. No. Is that like not concussion inducing? You want to see a photo of it? Were you okay? I was really drunk, so I like didn't feel it. Okay. Watermelon. Water. We were out the other night in the city and someone threw a champagne glass. We had the box from the second floor down and it hit my friend in the head, like split on her head and then fell on the floor. And she was like, did anyone just see me get like
Hit? Was she bleeding? No, she was fine. But we were laughing because she was fine, but she was like, that really hurt. I was like, that could have been really dangerous. Wait, she could have literally had pieces of glass stuck in her head. Thank God she's okay. Well, speaking of that, here's my melon. Oh! You're going through that? Or was it split open and then it cracked on your head? No. No? No, it was kind of split open and it hit my head and I remember being like, ow! And then I looked and I felt something like,
go into two and I looked at the ground and there that was, that watermelon. But like... Yeah, I don't know how. How did your head not squish into pieces? It probably did. That's insane. I remember leaving a gut ball with like bruises.
Yeah. They were like rough days. Can we breathe back? I feel like after high school, it's like you don't go, but I kind of miss it. I would go to Goodball. Should we go this year? Should we go this year? Yeah. I would go. I'm dead serious. We'll go with all the high schoolers. Well, let's go. Okay. Wait, have you seen the lineup? It's sick. No. I'll read it to you. It's a sick. Have you seen the lineup, Nolan? Wait, Alex, I hope you know I'm not kidding about this and I'm actually really down. I would go. Okay. Because I'll probably be up there for the summer anyway. Okay. Are you ready for this?
Post Malone, 21 Savage, and SZA. What? Renee Rapp, Don Toliver, Sexy Red, Labyrinth. No, we have to go. We have to go. We're going. How is he at Goodball and not Kujo? I don't know, but we're going. Wait. Wait. I'm so excited. Wait, they were really excited. What should we wear? Okay, wait. Wait. This can be really good. Wait, I'm- I can rally the troops. I can rally the girls, too. Okay. It's happening. Okay.
I'm really excited. I can't wait. And we can go out maybe to the box after. Okay. In our GovBall outfits. Yeah. I'm down. Wow. Wow. What would you wear? Would you wear like costuming outfits or no? I would wear, what if we made, what if we themed it for like our friends? Okay. We're like dress like 2016. Yes. Like what if we dressed like we were in high school going to GovBall? I would love that. Should we do that? I think we should do that. Okay. I'm down.
Shake on it. I'll be there. What are the dates? The dates are, I want to say June 2nd, 3rd, and 4th. Done. I'm here. Wait, that's perfect. We should go. Let's go. What is happening right now?
Okay. Well, enough with the festival talk. I'm sure you know the tell me what's wrongs, right? Yes. We prescribe. I'm going to be a bad prescriber. No, you're going to be great. I'm just going to be honest. No, you're going to be great. Okay. You can prescribe anything. I'm scared. You can prescribe like an alcohol type. You can prescribe it. I can't like think that fast. You can. Do you remember you thought you couldn't nip and then by the end of the weekend you were really good at it? Yeah. Okay. You were really good at it. L, love. A, Alex. E, excited. P, puss. My root...
Ooh.
Okay, so the first part of this has nothing to do with the second part. Wait, slow it down for a second. But that's not her boyfriend. It's like just boyfriend's teammates. She basically says that her roommate has been sleeping with all of her boyfriend's teammates. That's part one. Part two is then she saw her texting her best friend's crush. And then she says, I'm supposed to live with her for two more years, but don't know if I can do it anymore. Is she too toxic? So she's basically just saying she's like a hoe? Yeah. Which feels like this girl problem.
Like, that shouldn't deter you from being someone's roommate. Yeah. I wouldn't say she's toxic. Maybe you guys just don't mesh. Yeah. But, like, why... If she's a boyfriend, like... Why does she care? Unless she's, like, messing with her friend's crush. That's not good? That's the second part. The first part threw me off. I will say, though, sometimes it's hard when...
Friends prioritize boys over, like, the friendship. Yeah. Because maybe that's what she's trying to get at. Like, she's a little boy crazy, and sometimes those don't make for the best friends. Right. And she's like, you... We go out, and it's like, you're just... It's like... She feels like she can't trust her. Yeah. Yeah. So she said she's supposed to live with her for two more years, but she can't do it anymore. I...
Would literally just say to her, like, I'm going to find someone for our apartment if that's how you feel. I think that's a very easy solution. Oh, my gosh. You wouldn't do that? I just, I don't know. Could they live with, like, more people maybe and still keep her around? Yeah, but, like, how, I think they signed a two-year lease is what she's, let me see. Wait, read it again. She said, I'm supposed to live with her for two more years, but don't know if I can do it anymore. Is she too toxic? Okay, the question is, is she too toxic? No. No.
Unless you have a conversation with her and, like, tell her what you're feeling and she still doesn't... I feel like if she's a good friend, let her do whatever she wants. Agreed. If she's, like, being a bad friend, then maybe that's not great. Yeah. So, we don't have enough details on the friendship. We don't have enough details. If she's a good friend, like, let her do what she wants. Right. And so, you're supposed to, like, support her and be like, go girl. Go girl. Yeah. Like, go catch a dick. Yeah. Like...
I, yeah. Okay, so that's, what do we prescribe? More details? More details, yeah. More details, because we can't answer that question. So last weekend, I went to dinner with my mom and her friend who just got a divorce. Mom? Was it spelled M-U-M? I think she's British. I love that. I know, me too. Read it in a British accent then. Okay. Okay.
So last weekend, she said, I went to dinner with my mom and her friend who just got a divorce. My mom went home and we stayed out for drinks. I got drunk and we kissed. Mom? No, her mom's friend. I'm newly 19. She is 47. Help me because I don't know if I should contact her or just leave it because I really like her. You need to work on your British accent. Okay.
Did you do I need to reread that? Did you get I was a little distracted, but basically I get the gist of it. She made out with her mom's friend. And now she's obsessed with her. She's obsessed with the friend. Yeah. I don't know if the person who is writing this. Yeah. I mean, this person is obsessed with their mom's friend. That's the vibe. Whoa. And like they want to keep hooking up with their mom's friend. Maybe like don't.
I don't know. Has she talked to her mom about it? Did the mom see the kiss? No, it's her mom went home. They went out with her mom and the mom's friend, and then the mom left and they hooked up. Well, obviously the mom's friend's down. I know. That's weird. That's weird, right? Did you ever watch Friends? Yes. You know what this is reminding me of? Doesn't like when Monica hooks up with like her parents' friend or something,
I don't remember that. Did you guys watch Friends? Yeah. Am I correct? I've watched it like four times. Why do I not remember that? It was Rachel hooking up with the dad's friend? I don't know. Someone was hooking up with like the parent's friend. I thought you were going to say Ross getting with Rachel's sister. That happens. But like I guess she wasn't dating the daughter so that doesn't make any sense. Right.
If I were this girl, I would not contact them, but like I wouldn't be angry if they contacted me. Yeah. But wait, the age gap is pretty intense though. That is pretty intense. 19 and 47. Ugh, like my toxic trait is like I would want that. Just for like a fun Lana Del Rey moment. Yeah. I mean, I don't think there's anything wrong with that age gap. I know, me, that's my toxic trait.
Me either. Me either. Like when I lost my virginity. Sometimes like I love an old man. Me too. I lost my virginity to a 39 year old when I was 21. Oh, whoa. I used to go on dates with in college with someone who's like a little older. But then that ended. What's a little? He was like 45 when I was like 20.
But we never, we only ever kissed because I was nervous. And was he a good kisser? Yeah. But you would probably know him. Shut up. Yeah. Are you serious? I have like a lot of information about this. I'm very excited for our dinner after this. Because I'm really excited. Yeah.
Oh, okay. So we prescribed to her. What do we prescribe? I have no advice for these people. Wait, let's prescribe her. What's the thing about, oh, friends, because I'm pretty sure that happens. She's going to watch all the friends too. She's, you know what? I'll Google it for you, okay? We'll find out the episode.
I have a class crush that has been in my classes for the past two semesters, but I've, oh, I'm sorry. I'm really not over the last one. CC, class crush. Class crush, TC. Alex is really good at Nimmin, by the way. Natalie used to say that last year. Her CC. Really? Mm-hmm. No way. Natalie's a Nimmer. Oh, Natalie is a Nimmer. Natalie's like where all of our friend group lingo stems from. Yeah, P, pandas. Yeah.
I have a CC, class crush, that has been in my classes for the past two semesters, but I've always been too afraid to make a move. I'm definitely not on his radar at all, so how do I make myself known? You know what? I am the last person to give you advice on this. Alex, take it away. Really? I feel like she should ask for...
I don't know, maybe something in the class. Like, just start a conversation about, like, oh, like, just play dumb. Like, oh, like, what day is the test? Or, like, something. Just, like, start a conversation between you two and, like, see if he's, like, vibing at all or, like, recognizes. But, like, what if they've never spoken before ever?
say excuse me do you know what day the test is like i feel like just yeah a little class flirt and be like want to study together i need someone to study with yeah or you just like sit next to them and then kind of like play dumb and like make small talk but like not in a weird flirty way just in like you're just like the fun cool girl okay yeah sitting there i'm gonna prescribe okay i'm thinking
You know, in Mean Girls, I feel like I prescribe Mean Girls every session. But Katie Heron really desperately tries to get Aaron Samuels' attention in class. Remember, she pretends to be dumb at math and stuff. So maybe watch that as an example of what not to do. That's what I prescribe you. I'm like, I can't think of one single thing. Okay.
Okay, like we can think of... Are you so hot? I'm sweating. Okay, maybe we put the fan on Alex for a second. Wait, do I look like I'm sweating? No, I'm Alex. Like sweating through my shirt. No, it's okay. Is this Cassandra? Or is that Cassandra? That's a queripus. This is Cassandra. Do you want to sit with Alex? My feet have been all up on her. Wait, no. I'm liking this one. That's a queripus. A queripus. And that's theropus. Theropus. And that...
I don't know if I've named them before. Yeah. Do you want to name her? Like something I said just like won't be funny enough. What do you think it should be? I'll think about it. Okay. Think about it. I kind of want to get back to my ex, but up until last week, he was trying to get a girl that is a copy of me. And they gave, she gave us her number so we can call them. She wants to get, she wants to get back together with her ex. But up until last week, he was trying to get a girl that is a copy of her.
Well, then leave him. I know. You're going to have to tell her that, though. Yeah. Wait, this is great. You can call them. Because sometimes when they write in to Hot Mess, I'm like, I need to give it to you straight. Yeah. Oh, Nolan, you have so many missed calls. Hello? Hi, this is Jake Shane. Yes, I got your tummy. What's wrong about your ex dating someone that looks like you? I'm going to throw up. It's Jake Shane is on the phone. Yes, and I'm sitting here with Alex Earl, who's going to give you...
Hi, Alex. Say hi to them. Okay, well, Alex is here to give you advice about your ex. I think you need to move on. We can do better. Yeah, no, you definitely could. You don't want someone who's like still talking to other girls or whatever. That look like her. Yeah, weird. You're like too good for that.
Thank you so much. She hates my wife. Wait, what? I don't know what's going to happen with that whole situation, so. Oh, you, AK, you think you're going to hook up with him again, huh? AK, maybe, but, like, also maybe not. It really just depends. Depends on what? I don't even know. Just, like, how I'm feeling in the moment. Girl. I don't know, maybe if you guys are telling me no, then I feel like. Well, it depends. What's the end goal? Yeah, what is your end goal? Do you want to hook up or do you want a boyfriend?
I feel like I want a boyfriend. So do not. Yeah. You don't do this. Drop him. I need to drop him. You need to drop him. Wait, also, what was your name? Grayson. Hi, Grayson. Well, do you want to say hi to the pussies? Sure. I'll say hi to the pussies. Okay. Ready? One, two, three. Hi, pussies. Okay. Hi, Grayson. Thanks for calling. We prescribe you.
Miss Moving On by Fifth Harmony. Because, girl, it's time. Miss Moving On by Fifth Harmony? All right. I'm going to put it on my playlist. I'm going to listen to it on my birthday. Happy birthday! Okay, little birthday slide in. Happy almost birthday. He's invited to my birthday, though. This is the issue. Why would you do that? Maybe I just hate myself, honestly. What's your sign? Oh, are you an Aries? Yes. That's the problem. That's so interesting. An Aries usually wouldn't do that.
I don't know. I'm just wrong, I guess. Okay, well, send me, I'm going to text you, send me your address. I'm going to send you my tree birthday. I love you, Grayson. No way. Wait. Oh my God, I'm going to throw up right now. Well, don't throw up, but dead ass. Grayson, we love you. Thank you. Love her. Isn't that fun? That is crazy. It's fun, right? Yeah. I don't know, like, what I would do if I run into one and they, like, called and answered me. Like, I think they would freak out. Isn't that, like, scary, though?
She like gives her name in this story. Yeah, she did give her name in this story. Thanks, Grayson. All right. So we prescribed her Miss moving on.
I visited my best friend at college and she deserted me drunk in the street and refused to come help me for an hour while I bawled my eyes out on the side of the road in a random city. Okay. Not a friend. Goodbye. That's like the, sometimes girls or any friend in general just really piss me off if they leave you drunk and alone. Like that's so dangerous. It's not even like, oh, bad friend. Like that is like dangerous. Has that happened to you before?
No, but I've seen it happen to other people. And like, it really frustrates me. And there's been times where I've seen like people go out and I haven't been out with my friends and like that happens or someone, one of my friends literally went missing. And I was like, how did none of you like think or? Yeah. Sorry. Not a friend. No. I just got really heated there. Cause it's true. You, I feel like when you're like,
It's already foul to leave your friend on a night out in general, but when she's visiting you and you leave her and she balls her eyes out on the side of a street in a random city, that's not a friend. I would need a very large break and a very hefty apology. That's so awkward.
I like visiting. Yeah. They're visiting and she left her. I maybe, maybe for a romantic interest is what it sounds like. It definitely was. That is the worst. And honestly, if it's not for that, it almost stings more because it's like, oh, you really just didn't want to be with me like that. You didn't care about me at all. Yeah. I prescribe real friends by Camilla Cabello. Like I'm going to need like 10 minutes to think about a prescription. I'll give you a minute. I'll have a sip.
It's not going to happen. It's not going to happen. Wait, how do you think of things? Because I was thinking friends, song about friends, real friends. Camila Cabello. But like it's too much for me to be like song, movie, book, show. Like I can't think of a movie. I first went movie route, then I went show, and then I went song. Okay.
The next one I'll get for sure. You'll get the next one. I'm in a friend group of four and the three girls in it are literally so mean. But I feel like if I stop being friends with them, I'll have no friends. Oh my God, this is the worst feeling in the entire world. How do I drop them without becoming a loser that nobody likes? I had my senior year of high school. I had like, I lost like my friend group. And I remember thinking, oh my God, I'm about to be a loser that nobody likes.
And it's a really, really, really pivotal time of self-growth. And you end up in that time meeting the people you're supposed to be friends with. I was going to say, I feel like my freshman year of college, when all my friends got in the sorority, I didn't get in. I was so upset. And I just knew there was going to be a divide. And I was like, oof. I kind of got to branch out and meet new people, even though I really didn't want to. Yeah.
And then I did, and it's people that I would have never, like, probably met before. Because you're just, like...
you're comfortable with your friends. You stay. And then like, I pushed myself out of my comfort zone and met people and they were like so nice, so amazing. And I don't know, I think everything happens for a reason, but it's not worth like sticking around bad people or people you're not friends with. I agree. And like, if you know it's over before they do, like that's such a blessing. Like you should just take the opportunity and end it because your gut is always right. And like, you know, you don't like if they're mean and like,
You know, this sounds like such a college or high school problem that, like, you have so much time to meet new people. Like, just, I don't think you need to drop them. But, you know, distance yourself. Start doing your own thing. Yeah. Like, you know, like, make other plans alone. And if they have a problem with that and they want to be angry about it, then that's it. Yeah, you don't need to be like, hey, I'm not going to be friends with you guys anymore. And then, like, that's that. You could just, you could be on the hunt for new girls while still being friends with them. And I prescribe The Click, the movie The Click. Yeah.
What do you prescribe? Give me a minute. Okay. I'll have another sip. Am I okay? We'll get him next time. My friend had a super large crush on another friend in the friend group. She just recently hooked up with one of his fraternity brothers and he is losing his shit. He won't stop drunk calling her and confessing his love and it just has to stop. What do we do about him? Oh no. He's too attached. Hello?
Hi, this is Jake Shane. Oh, my God. No fucking way. Yes. So I'm sitting with Alex Earl. We got your Tell Me What's Wrong. Oh, my God. Say hi, Alex. Oh, my God. Hello. Can you guys explain to me and Alex that we're a little confused? Can you explain what's up, please? Yeah. So we have this friend who has a crush on another friend in the friend group. Okay. Can you, like, start calling them names? Because I'm getting lost. Oh, yes. His name's...
Oh, okay. You don't have to give the real name. We can do, we can, we can do, we can do like person A, person B. I love how willing everyone is to just out everyone. Okay. Yeah. And so person A is super, you know, whatever about it and gets really fucked up and like harasses person B. Got it. But you said person A also hooked up in someone in person B's fraternity.
Correct. And person B was upset about that or, like, didn't care because person B doesn't like person A? Um, person B didn't care, but person A was really upset. That they hooked up with someone else that wasn't person B? Yes. Okay, it sounds like... No, no, I... No, don't worry. It sounds like person A needs a hug. It sounds like they do, too. Alex, what do you think? I'm so lost. Um, we prescribe...
So what do you want, like what's your current stance on the situation? Like are you over person A or are you annoyed with person A? No, love person A, just don't really know how to get person A to like... Oh, okay, so here we go. Now we're getting to the real root of the problem. So it's dividing the friend group? Yes. Okay, well what I don't want you guys to do is kick person A out of the friend group. Okay. That would not be...
Okay. What about like friends? Like when it's like Joey and Rachel and I feel like they've had so many like mixed things. Okay. Alex, your prescription. Sorry, we've been we've been going back and forth with prescriptions for the episode. Alex prescribes friends to you guys because they all stay friends throughout it and it all ends up being okay.
That is so perfect. That's so perfect. Thank you. Well, we love you guys. We love you. Thank you for calling. Of course. Sweet. Aw. They seem like good friends. Yeah. That was a great Alex. Was it really though? Yes. They said she literally just goes, that is so much like friends. We're so much like friends. Oh, yay. You got like real time feedback. What were you going to say though? I didn't have one. Oh,
I just got it. I didn't have one. Okay. Oh my goodness. How long have we been recording for? 48 minutes. Oh my god.
That went like so fast. It's fast, right? And we flow so well together, I feel like. It's so nice like podcasting with someone else. Like when I'm podcasting alone. I don't know how you do it. No, sometimes I don't know either. I like don't know how you do it. I have to like really be in the mindset to talk to a camera for like an hour and a half. Like Louise, how long does it usually take to get me to film a 10 minute intro?
I can't do it. Yeah. It's awkward. I feel like I'm like talking to Noah. And then when I podcast with other people, I'm like, oh wait, like it's usually like not that bad. I know. But it's weird because I feel like we have such an easy time talking to our phone cameras. It's like when a real camera gets in the mix, I feel like awkward. No, they're intimidating. Yeah, they're intimidating. It's like, oh, it's like legit. Yeah. I have a girlfriend and her style just isn't it. Giving me the ick. Like it keeps going downhill. She chews very loudly. I don't want to mean mean, but like, ew. I like her, but yikes.
Oh. Well, that was just like brutal. Yeah, it doesn't sound like you should be with this person. Yeah. At all. Like,
Let her live. Yeah, let her live. But I also hate when people chew. Really? Do you have misophonia? Mm-hmm. Do you really? No, I do. And I posted a TikTok about it one time and everyone got like really mad and defensive because they were like, she doesn't whatever. I used to go to therapy about this when I was little with my mom because like if she swallowed water near me, like I almost like dropped dead to the floor. Like I was enraged and it still happens. So you do, you have misophonia.
Yeah. And like my partners have to usually like Braxton sometimes if he's going to like take a big gold pill, like walk out of the room. Are you serious? Yeah. I understand that because I had a friend in college. Her name's Drew. She had the gnarliest misophonia of all. Yeah. Except she would make weird noises. Yeah. I have to say like the call is coming from inside the house for me. Do you think that's what it is though? Like I'm a loud chewer, a loud eater. I don't know. I don't know.
Okay, so we prescribe misophonia treatment and a breakup. Get the Apple AirPods and do the noise canceling on them. That's what I do if I have to have dinner with my family sometimes. I get that. So I don't kill them. Technology is amazing. Yeah. My boyfriend and I have been dating for three and a half years and I think I'm falling out of love with him. I'm also not as attracted to him as I used to be. I still love him though and I don't want to hurt him. What should I do? I've never been in a relationship so I'm letting you take the reins.
Well, my advice is always to break up with them. Well, I don't know. That's the right advice. I just feel like if you're feeling that way, wouldn't you regret it if you just like stayed with that person and then you're still having those doubts like 10 years later down the line and you're like, oh, I didn't experience anything else in life. And that's not to say like he's not a nice person and you can't like love him. But if you feel that way, I feel like maybe give yourself a break. I agree. It's so sad, though. It's sad. It's sad. I think breaking up is harder when like
There's no problem or cheating. Of course, because you don't have a reason. You have to come up with reasons. Yeah. Would you say... Because I've never been through a romantic breakup, but I've had friendship breakups, and those are actually the worst pain in the world. Do you think a friendship breakup is worse than a relationship breakup, or it just depends? It's different. I feel like... I want to say a romantic breakup's kind of worse in a way, because...
I don't know. You just give like so much to that person. Right. But at the same time, a friend betraying you also just like sucks. So it's hard. It's hard. I don't know. It's hard because all you want to do is text them all the time. Yeah. Like I remember the worst pain in my life was a friendship breakup. And I'm like, oh my God, I want to die. Yeah. I prescribed this girl.
What was it? She wanted to break up with her boyfriend. Oh, have you ever seen the movie Someone Great? No. It's really good. Basically, it's about this girl's moving and she's like, you know, she's falling out of love with her boyfriend and she comes to terms with it at the end. Yeah.
What's that song? Break up with your boyfriend. Yeah, yeah, because I'm bored. That's a little brutal, but that's what I prescribe. You break up with your boyfriend on board. Yeah. Miss Ariana Grande. Yeah. Yeah. My guy friend thought something I did was funny, and then immediately after laughing says, fuck you.
Oh, he's a charmer.
Um, I feel like that's giving some type of interest. Yeah. He's definitely interested. Um, but it sounds like she's interested in him too. If she's like wondering. Oh. Cause like if she wasn't, she'd be like, he's interested in me. But to have like that twang of like, oh my God, regret. Like, could he reject me? Like, am I going to look stupid? I just feel like if it's a friend, you have to be like pretty sure. Yeah. Because you don't want to mess up the friendship. Yeah. Yeah.
But, I mean, whatever. Yeah. You only live once. I think, ugh. I feel like it always fucks up the friendship and it's never good. Maybe I prescribe Friends with Benefits, the movie. I kind of want her to do it. Okay, I kind of want her to do it too. Write back and use codename Friends with Benefits movie Alex Earl. Just so I can find it. And please tell me what you end up doing.
How should she, like, start that, though? Like, how should she approach? Like, on a night out, I think she should just start maybe flirting back. Like, how would you approach? Like, I don't, like, how, I would, like, maybe, like, be a little more touchy if he's already looking for it. Yeah, I don't know. I don't think I've ever had, like, a really close guy friend like that that, like, I would get with. You know, I have no guy friends. Really? I could count them on my finger. Well, okay.
Guys suck sometimes, so. Yeah, but guy friends are, sound so fun. Speaking of, I think I met one of your guy friends. Sorry, this is off topic, but. Who? On the plane. Wait.
You met like Conrad. Yeah. He literally texts me. I just met Jake Puss. Yeah. Wait. He was like, hey, it's Conrad. I'm like, oh, hi. He's literally like a meme. He's the best. He's so funny. He's like, I'm friends with Alex. I actually am. Like, tell her I say hi. Yeah. And I was like, oh, you actually seem like you're really close with her. He's one of my guy friends. Yeah. Oh, I'm jealous of you. OK. You know what? I don't have younger. I don't. I don't.
I have a younger brother. Sorry. I don't have younger sisters. So this one I'm not going to relate to. What? Sorry. My younger sister sold all my clothes when I was away at college. She's 16. How do I finish this war? She was trying to get her bag. Yeah. Kind of smart. How do you get her back? Yeah. What would you do? Like if Ashton sold all your clothes while you were at Miami?
Whenever I come home, I think I would just like, I would take all of her clothes and... Burn them? No, I'd like use them. Ashton has cool stuff. I don't know. How do you get her back? That's an evil thing to do.
That's like not cool. I would make her pay me. I'm surprised the parents aren't getting involved. Would your parents get involved or they'd be like figure it out? No, they would be like figure it out. Shut up. Yeah. Or my parents always took ash inside just because I was like the crazy one. Yeah. Like it was just like I was always wrong. Yeah. Yeah. Same. But like most of the time I was wrong. So. Well, I would burn this girl's room to the ground. If that was me, I'd be so fucking angry if someone took my clothes and sold them. Okay. But to be fair, if she didn't take the clothes to college, like they probably weren't her favorite clothes.
I knew you were going to say that. Really? Yeah, I knew you were going to say that. Don't leave them at home, though. I would be so... But I'd be like, then pay me the money. Like, I could have sold them. Yeah. She should pay her. The little sister's probably like, well, like, you weren't doing anything with them. The little sister should offer some compensation. You know what she should do? She should have her sister work for however many, like, monies...
Were you trying to say hours? However much money she made. She should like designate like an hour, like give her a salary. Yeah. So be her personal assistant. Yes.
I need to drink this coffee. So we prescribe... Oh, you know what I prescribe? There's an episode of Bad Girls Club where the entire house... Okay, so I think it's season 13 and Jayla and the Claremont twins go out of the house to do something and when they get back, the entire house has turned against them and they peed on all their clothes and ripped them up and...
It's kind of giving this. Ooh. Yeah, they sued Oxygen, the network, and trashed the house. Ooh, that's good. Yeah, so that's my prescription. Okay, well, Alex, what did we learn today? That I don't know how to prescribe anything. No, but you did. But when it's crucial, you do it. Mm-hmm. Like, when we were on the phone with someone, you prescribed. Okay.
Yeah, I just need a little pressure. And we learned that you're down for anything as long as it's a good time. Yeah, always. Always. And we learned that everyone's really down to give their name today. Everyone is down to expose. Yeah. Well, Alex, thank you for finally coming on Therapist. Oh my god, thanks for having me. This was so, so fun and I love you so much. And I can't wait to ask you a million things after this at dinner. I know. Thanks for having me. We give everyone a hi, pussys, thumbs up. Hi, pussies.
Tense up. Tense up. Bye. Bye, pussies.