Our Birth Story, Postpartum Body Image & Becoming Parents
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- I wanna know how you truly feel about my body postpartum. - Wow, putting me on the spot. I, I was gonna say I like your , but that sounds so weird and so shallow. What really scared me about the whole having kids at 24 thing was there's no going back. Every decision I have ever made in my whole entire life, there's been a way to go back on it. What's up, dude? Hey, welcome. - Everyone clicks off.

like, um, immediately, no, thank you for that. Those people are weird. Um, no. But welcome back to the Unplanned Podcast. It's episode two, baby. I can't believe you guys are still here. I'm so excited. Hopefully we don't say anything stupid on this episode. Did we say something stupid the first time? I don't think so. I think it was actually pretty good. I was impressed with us, babe. We did good. We're podcasters now. Well, let's not let it get to your head. Oh my gosh.

could go downhill fast. Today we're talking about becoming parents and you know we have a six month old now and life has changed dramatically. By the time they're watching this he will literally be seven months old. Like even over seven months old which is freaking crazy. The time flies by fast dude. It does fly by really fast. And talking about marriage recently I've realized like we're about to hit four years of marriage this summer.

We've been together so freaking long. And I just can't believe that like the time is just going, it's faster and faster. I feel like I'm like falling from the sky and just like accelerating. Like that's what time feels like to me right now, honestly. Yeah, it's true.

I mean, for me, as soon as we got married, we were, okay, I don't know if we're going to like talk about birth control, but I had an IUD. Yeah, birth control. I had an IUD, which is like 99.9% effective in preventing pregnancy, right? Honestly, thank you for doing that. Like, I hate condoms, honestly. I do. I've heard people say it's like eating a steak with a bag in your mouth, like over your mouth. And honestly, it's...

- Like a Ziploc baggie? - Yeah, like if you ate a steak with a bag, that would suck. - I don't like thinking about this analogy at all. - You couldn't taste it. Okay, I'm so sorry. - Yeah, I got that one. I can talk about that experience maybe on another episode, but I had one and it was 99.9% effective, so we used that, but then in my head,

I kind of hoped that that 0.1% chance would happen and we would just somehow accidentally get pregnant. Dude, that's... And I kind of hoped that would happen. I really did. It was weird, dude. Sometimes you would have like months where you'd be like, I really think... Am I pregnant? Like your boobs would get... I would convince myself. Your boobs would get big or something. Yeah, you'd get like bigger boobs. And it was just like PMS. But you didn't get your period though on the IUD, which was pretty nice. Yeah, I think that's also why I kind of convinced myself a few times. Honestly, that was a huge perk of the IUD. Like not having a period. Yeah.

Was it a perk for you? No, I'm just saying for you. I remember you telling me once you got your period back, you were like, this sucks. I was like, man, I forgot how hard this was. Yeah. So I had actually a really good experience with IUD, but I always kind of hoped that I would accidentally get pregnant and then we would just have to like figure it out because I swear, I should have talked about this the last episode, but I swear love literally changed me into a different person. Oh, it did. Like love made me so much more emotional. Like, and...

And it also made me want to start a family so bad. Like, and I'm not saying that happens for every person, like that you're not truly in love if you're not ready to start a family immediately. But for me, like that was the effect that love had on me. I was like all the babies with Matt Howard. Let's go now. Oh my gosh, you're so sweet. I remember getting married. We had decided early on that we were going to wait two years to have kids. Remember that? We were like, we're gonna wait two years. And in the summer of 2021 is when you got your IUD out.

Yeah, we literally followed that. Yeah. And we were in Hawaii at the time. We were living there. Well, it was like late summer, early fall. Yeah. And I remember having the conversation with you about like... And you weren't quite ready. I really wasn't, honestly. Like you were so ready. And I think part of that was you were honestly a little sad in Hawaii. You were... Yeah. Yeah.

Would you say depressed? How would you describe that? I do think that I suffered from a little depression in Hawaii, which is something I feel like I have yet to work through. Everything about that year in Hawaii, that was a lot for me. Beyond that, we were just around a lot of families with young kids. And I think it was hard for me because I was just kind of like,

jealous in a way i'm not a jealous person at all but then i was just like i'm so tired of seeing people with their children when i just want my own so bad i remember you posting on your story one day because you were just you just felt so lonely and a fellow creator um who lived on the mainland was like hey uh spoiler alert when you have kids like it makes your life so much better like that's that was just her opinion honestly yeah um because you were saying you were lonely and she's like i felt the same way but when i had kids it like it like fills your heart yeah

Which I think that could err on the side of being slightly unhealthy. Like you should probably work through your issues before you have a kid. Yes. Um,

I see exactly what they were saying. But like. But dude, I mean, honestly, a relationship did the same thing for me. Like I had so much anxiety before meeting you and you really brought me out of that. So it's funny, like people would say you need to make sure you're good before you like enter in a relationship and you need to make sure like you're, I don't know, solid before having a kid. But what's funny is I feel like we kind of broke both those rules and it kind of worked out for us.

It's working out so far. It really is. I don't know. I'm really happy being a dad. I love it. Yeah. So basically, I nannied. I was around little kids all the time. I was just so ready. So then when that two years came, I was like, okay, it's go time. And thankfully, we got the IUD out and then we got pregnant very shortly afterwards. We really did. It happened so fast. Yeah. But I will say, we got pregnant right away, but-

Was there technically like one month that you didn't get pregnant right away? No, because I hadn't started my period yet. So I didn't have a period while I was on the IUD, but...

It like hadn't returned. And so in my head, I had convinced myself that I had somehow never started my cycle again yet was pregnant, but I wasn't. I can't remember. Did we buy condoms? Like did we ever even get like protection or we were just like, YOLO, let's do it. Like I forget. I don't think we did. I think I just, I think I just did the pull out method at first. Yeah. And then eventually we were like, we're going to send it. No, we kind of did Russian roulette. We did Russian. Yeah, we did. I thought it's Russian roulette. Is it Russian roulette or Russian roulette? Roulette sounds right actually. Yeah. Yeah.

What's a Russian roulette? I don't know. That's something different apparently. You're hilarious. But I think that we just kind of like on again, off again. So we were on a cruise and we, I remember on the cruise, we just started like. Okay, this is, I didn't.

about conception on this episode. - I didn't know, I don't know. We're talking about having kids, right? - Oh, okay. Well, anyway. - We were living in Hawaii. We went to Europe. We were on this two week cruise. That was a fun trip. I wanna go back so bad. We went to Greece. - It was fun, but also kinda not fun. - Okay, that's true because that's the thing. When you travel, but you like vlog everything, you don't really feel like you're on vacation. - That cruise happened and shortly after we found out that we were pregnant with our first child.

And I don't know why. It's like, of course, we're... I mean, I consider that trying to get pregnant. You're not using birth control. Yeah, dude. Here's the thing. If you say you're not trying and you're just like not using any birth control, you're trying. You're trying. In my opinion. I don't know. Yes, you are. But so I don't know why. So it's like we knew that that was like what we wanted. Yeah. But when I took that pregnancy test and it was positive, I...

Was so shocked for some reason I was like what I was shaking I was trembling I I didn't I was shocked. I was so happy, but it was just I

Dude, that was surprising. It was shocking. I remember you like showing me that book. You held up that. So you're going to be a dad book. It was like a, I forget the exact title of it. But that's, I just was immediately like, holy crap, this is real. Like this is actually happening. And that was really special. We didn't really know what to do with ourselves after we got that news. We kind of just like walked to a place to eat lunch and we're just like,

Just in bliss and kind of shocked and not really sure what the future was going to look like. Yeah. I don't know. Like, when did it hit you, Matt, that, like, you were going to be a dad? I think it was pretty much, like, right up until when you gave birth. I know. I really think... I agree with that. It didn't feel real. I feel like Matt just, like, didn't think it was actually going to happen until he was holding Griffin in his arms. Yeah. And then, man, did that change things. That, like...

Yeah, life was changed forever. I feel like we're skipping a step though. I think we need to talk about what your pregnancy was like and the pain you went through. And like so many things changed that we were not expecting. I mean, in general, I think I had a great pregnancy. You know, I was healthy. Baby was healthy. That's all you can really ask for. But the beginning, the nausea definitely happened. The aversions to food, all that stuff. I don't know. Did I have any like specific aversions? No.

Yeah. In the beginning, you could not stop eating Taco Bell. You just loved and craved Taco Bell. Yes. Early on, it was like the junky fast food. But then after the first trimester, that just completely went away. Yeah. And in the first trimester, you hated the smell of onion. Remember I ate so many bagels? Yes. I think really early on, I liked the junky fast food. But then I started to hate everything. And your boobs got huge. And I was all about it. Okay.

Okay, wow. I'm just saying that was awesome. Actually, that was the first time I knew I should take a test because I was at the gym or not knew I should take a test. Dude, yes. But I dropped the barbell on my chest and it hurt so bad. And I was like, that ain't right. That's not normal.

And you told your friend that and I think she said to you, you told me this, you were like, she said, oh, are you pregnant? And you're like, no, I'm just getting my period. And then your period didn't come. And in my head I was like, what if I was? Yeah. And your period didn't come. I specifically did make myself wait until my period was late and I also made myself just do the digital read pregnancy test because I did not want to drive myself crazy with whether or not there was a line or not. That's actually

That's actually my best advice. If you are like trying to get pregnant, I would say don't drive yourself crazy because it's so easy. It's a mind game, especially I feel like it for me. It was a mind game as a woman. And so I was like, I'm not going to test until I'm late and I'm only going to do the digital read. So there's no question as to whether or not I'm pregnant. I think the first month that we like you were off the IUD. Well, actually, you were off the IUD for I think like two months before you got pregnant. Yeah.

But it took me a month to get my period back. Yeah. But it's before you got your period. And I think like there was a time that I didn't pull out and then you're hoping that you were pregnant. And then you took a test. It devastated me. It devastated you. You were so upset. Yeah. And I was confused. Like I obviously like I don't know. I was like, yeah, being a dad would be cool. But I wasn't like as ready as you were. So I wasn't devastated. And I didn't know. I don't think that was a normal reaction. I didn't know how to respond. I think I was just really hormonal. Yeah.

And I really loved the idea of being a mom. That's the thing I had to learn quick was like you were on a different level. You really were. And I had to try to just calm myself down, not take it personally, just be as respectful as I possibly could. Well, also think about it. Because it was hard. I will be honest. It was hard. Like there was a big shift. Wait, you're talking about when I decided I wanted kids? No, no, no. Your hormones. Oh, pregnancy? There was a big shift. Yeah. Yeah.

Oh, I thought you were talking about when I found out I wasn't pregnant the first time we like low-key tried. Yeah, because your hormones were different. Well, because I was getting my period. Oh, yeah. That's true. So like that's like of course going to be emotional. But I think more so as you got – like once you were pregnant though, there was a big hormone shift. I was very, very emotional during my whole pregnancy. I feel like I went from rage to sorrow to –

extreme excitement the thing is when you yeah when you get sad or when you get fearful sometimes it comes out as anger so then I had to like really work I'm still working through that I'll be honest I'm not the best I'm more comfortable showing anger than I am sadness or other things like that and I respond well to sadness like when you're sad I just want to comfort you and hug you and like when I show anger when you get anger I'm just like get away from me like I don't know when you're mean like I don't I don't like that but like sadness I'm like okay

Come here. You know? Yeah. So I'm still working on that. Sorry I don't present my sadness the way that's tolerable to you, Matt Howard. Hey, I'm working on not taking it personally. But yeah, pregnancy. So first trimester, nauseous. Second trimester is pretty good. Yeah. Starting to have a bump. Can I say something that completely shocked me? What? We can cut this out if you're not comfortable with it. Oh, no, no, no, no.

no, no. You don't want to say that? I know what you're going to say. You're reading my mind. I'll just say it in a very appropriate way. Okay. It was just that we were told by friends of ours that like, yeah, once you have a kid, like the intimacy is amazing. It's like so crazy. No, once you're pregnant. Oh, yeah. I'm sorry. Once you're pregnant, like it's crazy. Like it's so much fun. And so I was thinking, dude, this is going to be insane. Like I'm so excited for this. I'm excited for – What a man. I don't know. I just – I –

I don't know. I enjoy that. I enjoy that part of marriage. It wasn't the case. It was not the case at all. Like at all. And that shocked me. That shocked me because apparently it's different for everybody. Like shocker. That's kind of how life works. Like what works for one person doesn't work for other people. But did you think that I was really feeling like my sexiest self like that? I think, well, I just don't think you really, you just didn't want to. And I think it was uncomfortable for you too. Yeah. Which I felt bad.

But it was also shocking to me because I had this expectation from what I heard of like, this is going to be crazy. And then it was like the legit opposite of that. Well, if that was the worst part of the pregnancy for you, then I don't feel too bad.

No. Yeah. I have no room to complain because you were literally growing a human. Yeah. So thank you. Thank you for doing that. I don't thank you enough for doing that. And you don't. And you don't really have a choice. No, you do thank me. It's not like I can really grow humans for our family. I will say some people don't talk about this, but like part of you kind of resents your husband or at least for me, like I kind of resented you during it. I was like, oh my gosh, like I'm the only one that can bear this child and birth this child. And then now it's switched to nurse this child. Yeah.

A little part of me gets resentful of that. But most of the time I feel like what a blessing that is that I get to carry it and grow our baby and birth our baby and all these things. But some of the time I'm just a little

that it can't be you you know would you ever consider a surrogate no you wouldn't no i had a great pregnancy um it was challenging but i think that some of the best things in life are the most challenging things could not agree more yeah so third trimester was tough though i got big like i was a big belly lady yeah like it literally looked like my belly button was going to take a while

I have the stretch marks to show for it. But it was, third trimester was crazy. And I think that the whole pregnancy, I was kind of like, how am I going to feel when I'm close to giving birth? Like, am I going to be scared? Am I going to be, you know, I just didn't know how I was going to feel. And I just the whole time felt so ready. I was literally just like,

I'm ready to push this baby out of me. Like, I don't care. Bring it on. You know, I feel like that's like kind of the blessing of the third trimester. You know, like the woman is so uncomfortable that that seems like a more comfortable option. 100%.

I was just bummed that when you were pregnant, we couldn't snowboard together. You couldn't one wheel with me. Like all these fun activities that we did before couldn't really happen. But we did watch some good TV shows. We did? Yeah. I'm pretty sure. What did we watch? I can't remember right now off the top of my head. I just know that we had to just change. We watched that show Candy. That was good.

yeah that was really good we also do we went hiking i cannot believe that you did like big hikes abby did a hike in arizona called um camelback mountain and like that hike is like 30 weeks that yeah you did it at like 20 weeks and 30 weeks and like that hike is like fairly strenuous like if you're someone who's young and in shape like it's not it's not bad it's rated um like it's like it's an intermediate hike the elevation change is like a

thousand feet there's a big elevation change yeah and holy crap like i still cannot believe to this day that you were able to hike those hikes i love when you say that while you were pregnant at like 30 weeks we went to um sedona arizona with our friends devin and hunter um who also do tiktok and youtube seven miles yes you hiked seven miles yeah i'm almost positive it was seven miles was that in one single day it was flat that was that big hike we did that one day that

That's crazy. And the end was so steep. Remember that? Yes. It was the subway station. It's called like the subway in Sedona. And you're like scaling rock. Which was beautiful. And I had a huge gut. It wasn't nearly as cool as Cathedral Rock. No way. But I'm so impressed that you did that. Yeah. I do think that staying active and working out throughout my pregnancy helped.

was the move because it helped me feel so much better and it helped me regulate my nausea and it also gave me so much strength that I needed when it came to delivery, in my opinion. It's a workout. Not many pregnant women do workouts, especially to the level that you did. Well, I did pregnancy workouts and

But I will say it used to be like when our moms had us, it was kind of like taboo to work out. It was like people thought it was bad for the baby. Wasn't your mom worried about you working out? Yeah. And hiking? So was my mom too. It's actually great for, well, hiking not necessarily. But like in general, staying active is great because it increases blood flow and circulation like to the placenta as far as I'm concerned. Which is pretty great. Yeah. And we like talked with our doctor about it. And to this point, Griffin has not gotten sick. So I attribute that to Abby, who's

And her breastfeeding and working out. I'm sure there's obviously a lot of other factors there too. But like I'm sure that definitely helped, you know? I'd like to think so. Yeah. It's a lot of work. You're a great mom. Thank you so much. You're a really good dad. Thank you. But yeah. So that definitely helped during pregnancy. And...

I still got big though. I mean, I felt he was huge. I feel like, I mean, everything else got bigger too. Like I remember when we were in Disney, that's the first time I was like experiencing some inner thigh chafing and it was bad. I thought my thighs were going to light a fire. Like it was so,

painful. I was like literally desperately searching for a spandex to wear because I was like I've never experienced this before like so my legs definitely got bigger my arms got bigger my face my nose everything changed. When I look back at photos especially of your belly I'm like holy crap. But even my face. I did not realize at the time how big your belly was dude.

It happens gradually. We'll have to post like an exclusive photo to the Unplanned Podcast Instagram. I have a picture. Oh my gosh. That we never shared. Yeah, I've never shared it. Oh, yeah. I'm in my undies. I don't know if it's bad. Oh, we could just like put a black square over that. Also, speaking of undies. Yes. My booty. What about your booty? What do you think I'm going to say? Got smaller? Yeah.

disappeared during pregnancy. Like it just it just left the chat and and postpartum. It still hasn't returned to the chat. That is so funny. It's a thing. It's called like pregnancy butt or something like that. Yeah. I didn't know that was like an actual thing. I think it's because your pelvic floor is under so much strain that like your butt cheeks have to like tighten and like support down there. And then you got freaking diastasis recti. Am I pronouncing that correctly? I don't know. Hopefully I'm pronouncing that correctly. Basically it's an ab separation and

And I had to have a hernia repair. You never got physical therapy after any of that. You really probably should have done that. Maybe you could still do that. I don't know. Yeah, I definitely need to repair that. We're talking about postpartum though. We still need to talk about pregnancy. I'm so sorry. Yes. How did you feel about my pregnant body? Like some guys are kind of into that. Yeah, I don't know. I think it like there were definitely times where I was like, damn. Oh, shoot. I shouldn't have said that.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. It's okay. We can bleep that out. No, because then it makes it sound worse than it was. Yeah. I don't know. Anyway, I definitely was into the pregnant Abby, but then there were times where like, I don't know, you were not as into me maybe. So then I was like, I don't know. I don't know. Well, I mean, if you were going to prefer me away, I would prefer that you...

prefer me not pregnant because I'm gonna spend more of our marriage not pregnant than pregnant so but it was really cool seeing your body change and um just the reality of you growing a human was really cool um I I don't know how you weren't more fearful for the birth honestly like to be to be fully transparent the birth was a lot more extreme than I was expecting

I think there's like obviously a totally huge range of what that experience is going to be like for people. Just with the nature of how things went.

It got rather intense at the end. I got shoved to the side while you were pushing and they like, yeah, they literally pushed me out of the way. I was going to ask you, like, what was that like to witness? It was pretty intense. I didn't realize that that wasn't normal until afterwards. The birth photographer was like, yeah, that like never happens. And I was like, oh, shoot, that was pretty scary then. Because Griffin was stuck. He was stuck in the birth canal. Very briefly. Briefly. No, I wasn't in the birth canal. Like his head was out. His shoulder got stuck. Oh.

Oh, yeah. And he had a small fracture to his collarbone, right? Yeah. And it healed like naturally. Well, because they like ejected him then. Yeah. Luckily, they didn't have to like break your hip. I would have hated that if they would have had like literally break your hip right then.

Oh, I just hate breaking a bone, especially breaking a bone like on purpose. Not about that. It was really intense. Like the doctor sounded like a football coach, like yelling at me to push as hard as I could. They pulled my legs all the way back. Watching back at the footage too, I just kept repeating myself over and over. I was like, you got this, Abby. You are so strong. You are so brave. I just kept saying that over and over. And some people said that that would annoy them, but I mean...

I needed that. It annoyed me, dude. Like looking back at the footage, I was like, man, I was really nervous. No, I needed that. But it helped you? It really helped you? Yeah, it really helped me. That's the reason I did it. It was all to help you. So I'm glad that it was helpful. No, I needed that. I needed to know that you were, because I think my mind was like going elsewhere. Because especially like when they were like all, like all the nurses were around me like pushing on my stomach to try to get Griffin unstuck. And I think it was such an intense moment that I just needed to know you were there.

even though I had my eyes closed, I just needed to know you were there, basically. And you were loud and proud and cheering me on. Realistically, how long was that? Because it felt like forever, but it really probably wasn't. Well, you were in labor for...

Was that, was it over 24 hours? Yeah, it was over 24 hours. Oh my gosh. But I'm talking about just like that intensity didn't last super long. Yeah, I was just, I mean, I was a little scared when Griffin came out too. His head was like in a massive cone shape and I didn't know if something was wrong. I didn't know, I didn't know what that was. I just, I was, I was a little nervous and there was a lot of blood, like so much blood. Yeah, so many things happened at the end, which we don't need to get into like details, but like. Well, then you got you. He flipped a couple times.

couple times like sunny side up and then i don't want to free people out no it's all gonna work out like also like you you do whatever you want to do for birth but like highly recommend going to a hospital because like you just don't know what the freak could happen and i don't know what would have happened if we would have done home birth like i really i don't and with griffin getting stuck a little bit too that would have been so flipping scary if we would have been at our house and it's like

well, your baby can't breathe. And it's like, well, frick, we're like not close to a hospital. So that would be terrifying, honestly. Yeah. I felt, I felt safest in the hospital at that point. But I totally get how your home feels safe to you. Cause like you're, you're used to your home. It feels comforting and the hospitals can be scary, but at the same time, having doctors ready to go is, oh, I felt good having like a huge team of medical professionals. Yes. But it wasn't just a feel, it wasn't a feel good thing. It was more so of like a

Logistically, this makes sense. Yeah. You know, if something goes wrong, we're at a freaking hospital. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. As intense as everything was with the birth, I still don't look at it as traumatic at all.

Do you? Really? Oh, you find it traumatic. I think it was incredible. Like, I think it was beautiful. And I'm so glad I got to experience that. But it was intense. Yeah. But I'm just honestly so impressed with you. Well, you also saw it. Keep in mind, I didn't see it. Abby, I am so impressed with you. Was it gross to you? I'm just so impressed with women in general doing that.

That was the most like you worked so hard. Yeah. You worked so freaking hard and there was no choice. Like you just had to. You just have to do it. You just freaking had to. I think that's like

kind of like a crazy scary moment where it's just like there's one way for this baby to come out yeah you know and that's why that's why i was almost like i was telling you i was like look dude if you want to get a c-section electively like send it because which is also not good though like that's a major surgery i know it's a major surgery but i don't know if ever if i were if i was pregnant lady i would be like dude i'm getting this c-section i'm getting this baby out and i'm sure the recovery from c-section sucks yeah i'm sure it's horrible but

I mean, either way, birth is birth and it's intense and it's beautiful and it's challenging. Yeah. But then at the end of the day, you get a baby. You get a baby. Which is so cool. And the hormone rush is crazy. First of all, I was shaking like crazy. Yeah. And I was just so – like it's like I almost couldn't think about –

every moment leading up until he was in my arms. Like once he was in my arms, it was like nothing else mattered. Yeah. And it did take a while for him to get in my arms because they were doing stuff down there. 45 minutes of stitches, dude. Yeah. And so, I mean, it took a while, but once he was, I think really what got me through all that was just watching you hold him as I was like laying there. Like, oh my gosh, that's so sweet. Isn't it incredible? Like he has gotten even cuter. Oh, I know.

episode two of the podcast we're crying yet again it was incredible seeing you hold our son for the first time like gosh i didn't even cry at the time because i was like still kind of like shocked yeah we both didn't but like seeing you hold our son for the first time and like knowing like the bond that you guys were gonna have like for the rest of your life is just that's really special it's so beautiful and it's

I don't know. It was everything that we'd worked for. It's everything that we'd waited for since like, even when we were like in high school and dating, you would like daydream about like starting our family. Yeah. And like that moment was the start of our story as a family. And it was just so beautiful. So we get out of the hospital.

And no, we should talk more about the hospital though. Really? Oh, you want to? We don't have to, I guess. No, we can. I mean, I remember luckily your mom was there to help, to help out. Cause I was waking up with, I was, I felt so bad that you had just went through that intense pain that I was the one waking up with Griffin, like all the time throughout the night. We didn't know what we were doing. So I was like not sleeping at all. Like,

Like you slept like six hours, but then I got maybe, did you even get six hours? I don't even, it was all such a blur. And you're trying to breastfeed? They don't even tell you what to do. That was the greatest part. They're like, here's your baby. Which makes me sad because he was probably so hungry. He probably was hungry at first because we're just figuring it out. We didn't know. And I don't think my milk had come in.

But I remember luckily after I think a day and a half, your mom was there and she was like, hey, Matt, if you need to go like like take a nap, I got you. But here's the sweetest thing. Yeah. When Matt was driving home from the hospital just to get a nap and come right back, he

he was looking up YouTube videos and listening to them as he was driving about how to take care of a newborn. I did because it was out of desperation. Honestly, it wasn't like some heroic thing. I was like, I need to sleep. So I'm going to figure out how to like soothe this baby. I need to figure out how I can get him to calm down and sleep. And that was really helpful. That's where I learned the special hold that I did the whole time. Griffin was a newborn that hold where he's in a football and that people get mad about

for some reason. People get mad at me for doing that, but like he loves it. He loves that hold so much. Well, not anymore. And I learned that off a YouTube video. I did. And our doctor was like, this is a good hold.

I mean, the doctor was helpful too, but like a few YouTube videos that I listened to really helped me figure out how to help Griffin. Yeah. And it got him to calm down quick. I thought that was really sweet. You really did. Even though the whole pregnancy, you were kind of like not processing the fact that you're about to be a dad, you jumped into the role head first. I will give you that. I think that's just how I approach life, honestly. Like once something happens, then I'm all in. But I don't really think about things a lot. You're telling me that you don't really...

Plan? No, I don't. I'm not a planner. You're kind of unplanned. I'm not a planner. I think also too with the nature of being a content creator, like I try to plan some of our videos and then that takes my, that takes enough of my planning brain that like my life just is a mess. And I'm, I've now turned into a slob, which I need to work on, you know? Yeah. I'm not as clean. I used to be the clean roommate in college and now I'm like. What happened to you? I don't know, dude. Yeah.

So we get home from the hospital, which I mean, everyone talks about that moment where you take your baby out and you're just kind of like, who's going to stop me right now? Because this doesn't feel right. Like there's no way I'm fully responsible of this infant. Yeah. But they let us take him out and we made it home. You drove so slow and so carefully. Yeah. Such a sweet moment. And then we were home and yeah.

Then we're parents. Then we're parents. What's hilarious, Abby, is I still don't feel like I'm actually a dad. Like I know that I'm a dad and I love being a dad, but the title dad just seems so old to me. And it seems like that's some, I don't know, authority figure. And I don't feel like that. I still feel like I'm an 18 year old kid. I don't know. And as life changing as having a baby is, I still feel like the same person. Yeah. Than before. Yeah.

Totally. So I'm like, wait, I thought I would feel like totally different. Totally. And I don't. I feel like the same person. And like for the first time in my life, I want time to like slow down so hard. So like so badly. We talk about all the time how we would love to put Griffin in a little...

Yes. A little capsule. And like he would be frozen there. Not like actually frozen, but just like bear with me. Like time would pause in the little capsule. He'd be like, and like time is paused and we can like go take a vacation. He doesn't get any older. Yeah, he doesn't get any older. No missed memories. And we come back and then like take him out of the pause room. Pick it right back up. Yeah. And we pick up right, right off, right from where we left off. Yeah.

Because I mean life is totally different now that we have him traveling is obviously so much harder Vacations are so much harder and we've been on vacations that really were not restful or relaxing at all because it's a challenge It's it's it's actually way harder than I mean I totally understand why parents want to stay home with their baby because it is a lot of work um

Of extra planning is what I was going to say, but sometimes we don't even really do that. No, we don't. We're not good planners. Yeah, so it's a little difficult. I don't know if you guys knew this. We're horrible at planning. I don't know if you guys knew that. I'm really driving that forward. But I do think it's really good for him. And I think it has made him into a very chill baby. The thing, though, that has been hard is sleep training with Griffin. Yeah. Because with the traveling that we do, it's like... You can't keep a schedule. You can't. And so...

I don't we need to figure something out because he was like sleep trained for a little bit. Oh, he's doing great. He sleeps through the night. I mean, he sleeps through the night. But like recently he's been fussy. I think it's because he's in a fussy stage. Yeah. Right now. He's learning a lot of things right now. He might be teething, too. It was so sweet today for the first time we had. We had a babysitter over today and she was watching Griffin. And well, he woke up from his nap. I like to put him down and pick him up from his nap, you know.

And so I got him and I was holding him for a while and I was like, okay, here, I'm gonna hand you off to Sage. And when I handed him off, he immediately recognized that like I was handing him off to somebody else. And he started crying. And that was the first time that he knew that he wasn't with dad anymore. And I just, I was like, wow, that's really cool. It felt really good.

It felt really good that he knows who I am. He's a daddy's boy for sure. I love that kid so much. Oh, I love him too. Literally, he's just such a chill baby and he's really flexible. Yeah. And I mean, it's still challenging, but it's worth it. It's very rewarding. Yeah. Is being a parent what you expected at all?

It's hard because like right now, like in my mind, parenting is more like creating a relationship through like doing things and talking with your child. And like right now, we kind of just like sing to him and try to play with him. But –

I think so. Sorry for nerfing. I think parenting right now is literally just like keeping this kid alive. Yeah. It literally is. It is. Yeah. But his little personality is starting to come through. And like you said, he's starting to recognize you. And I don't know. There's a really special bond, of course, created through like nursing him. But have you noticed him recognizing you yet?

Yeah, he does. I think so. He like leans for me and reaches for me when. Has he cried? Like when you handed him to somebody else and like he started crying? No, he hasn't done that yet. He did that. Okay, sorry. He prefers you. I shouldn't have brought that up. Don't rub it in. I don't know though. He's been preferring you recently and that's been odd to me because he's, I thought he was always a daddy's boy. He loves us both. He does. He loves us both equally. He knows he's loved. We spend a lot of time with that kid. Yeah. Yeah. Especially recently. He's comfortable with both of us. Oh, 100%.

So freaking cute. Well, we didn't really talk about the whole postpartum journey at all. But I want to know how you truly feel about my body postpartum. Wow. Putting me on the spot. Yes. Hitting me so hard. Do you want me to make a complete, honest, real opinion? Yes. I like to say I like your boobs. That sounds so weird and so shallow. I don't know. I mean, it's just been really cool seeing your body change. It's definitely...

It aged me. Which I think is kind of hot, honestly. Really? I think it's kind of hot, yeah. You do think so? You're a mom. Yeah, my body tells the story of being a mom. It really does. I think that's kind of hot, personally. I think that was something that I actually had to come to terms with that, like, I'm like, okay, I had a kid at 22. Surely my body is just going to bounce back to what, like, my 22-year-old body looked like before. And, of course, it didn't. And for some reason, that was shocking to me. And I think that, like...

Every single time that I tried to suppress the fact that I was slightly disappointed by that, it made it so much worse. Because I wanted to be that woman that was just like, you know, I don't care what my body looks like. I'm just so proud of what it has done and like the life that it has grown and sustained for all these months. Like while that all is so true, when I suppress the feelings of just like wishing everything

for my old body, it just made it so much worse. Do you like the way that my body looks? Because my body's changed too. I've kind of had like, I put on some sympathy weight. You look so good. I definitely was in the best shape of my life last year. Wow. That's like a little over a year ago now. But in Hawaii, I feel like I was in really good shape. And ever since becoming a dad, I've like had a slight little dad bad come on. I have like a slight little, a slight little pooch, just a little one, you know?

I don't really notice. You don't even notice? Not really. Seriously, I notice. I want to get back to CrossFit. Well, you always nitpick yourself more than anybody else. Well, you do the same thing. Yeah. You're the worst. My body's gone through a major transformation. Before you had kids and your body went through so many changes, you were so critical of your body. And I hated it. I hated it. And honestly, I feel like you're less critical –

critical of your body now because like there's so much that's out of your control and so you've just decided screw it i'm not gonna be so critical so that's that's actually been cool to see you be more accepting of yourself thank you i really that is also true i'm just like right now realizing that actually you were so critical of your of your body especially in hawaii being in swimsuits all the time you like because i do think that a part of me was like it's not so much what it looks like it's what it's done for me and like my body has kept me

like healthy and it's kept my baby healthy and I don't know I have a lot of respect for my body for what it's gone through and also I feel like I can be pleased with my body because of the strength that's in it rather than just like the appeal that it may have I don't know yeah how do you feel about the age that we have one kid at right now like do you think do you think we hit

the right, do you think we hit the nail on the head? Like, did we, did we have a kid at the right age or should we have waited longer, had a kid earlier? Like what's, what's your thoughts on that? I mean, biologically speaking, having kids younger is better health wise. There's a lot of reasons why people may choose to have kids when they have to, when they chose to have kids, but we'd been married for two years. Um, we were financially ready and we

We wanted kids. And so I think that there was no reason to wait any longer. Yeah. What really scared me about the whole having kids at 24 thing was there's no going back. Like every decision I've ever made my whole entire life.

there's been a way to go back on it you know where you live where you go to school even you know like even marriage like if if you're in a really bad marriage you can obviously get out which obviously we don't view marriage that way but like if you're in a toxic marriage you should yeah i don't i don't know i mean like depending on the situation get out of it yeah like an abusive marriage get the freak out of there right but like with the kid like there's no going back on that at all no um

And that's just, that's just fascinating. And it's been, it's been cool though, because now being a dad, I'm like recognizing that we created this kid, our love created this kid. And even though it's, it was such a big decision to do that, like wouldn't change it for a world. Wouldn't change it for the world, you know? Yeah. And I think it's brought about like the greatest teamwork in our marriage. Like,

Raising Griffin together has been such a unifying experience for the two of us. Oh. I think. 100%. It's come with challenges for sure. 100%. Yeah. It's also given me like my greatest purpose. I've like just wanted... I'm not gonna cry. Oh my gosh. Second time. Second time on the podcast for trying. I don't know. I never really was one to have like career ambitions or anything. Yeah. Like as our major career ambitions. Um...

I just wanted to be a mom and like have a family. So yeah, I'm very happy and I feel very fulfilled. Yeah. Like I thought I was going, I knew it. I knew I was going to feel fulfilled as a mom. Yeah. I feel really good. It really is special. I think when I look at my life and I look at myself as, you know, a married man and having a family, like if I were to get old and not have kids and not have, you know, this beautiful big family, like I've always gotten to be a part of with my family and

I think that'd be depressing, you know? And the fact that I get to experience this with you and have more babies and maybe adopt one day, we'll see what we do, but it'll be so cool to watch our family grow and look at that and be like, wow, that's the legacy that we're leaving. That's really cool.

You know. And think about it. We're going to be empty nesters at like 40. That is a huge plus. And we're going to have like a whole new phase of our marriage. Our goal is to have kids all before we're 30. Like once we hit 30, I think we're done, right? Isn't that the plan? I think we're done then. Yeah, let's do it. And then when we're literally 48 years old,

Kids are out of the house. Then we're going to be the fun grandparents. Then we can start clubbing. We'll start clubbing because we skipped that stage early on. We did. We never had a clubbing phase. We're going to be like 45 and in the club. Yes. So hit us up at the club when you're 45 with us and hopefully also have your kids young.

No, everyone else will be like in their 20s and we'll be 45. Oh, that's true. That's true. We'll be the 45 real time. You're slamming shots. 48. I'm just kidding. I'll be 48 and you'll be 47 because like I'm like six months older than you. So, yeah.

Anyway. Yeah. Thank you guys so much for watching this week's episode. Stay tuned for next week. I think you're going to be shocked at what the episode has to offer. We have some really exciting things planned. Again, if you're not subscribed, hit that notification bell, hit the subscribe button, hit the like button. It really does help us out. And our podcast is now on Apple Podcasts and Spotify and all those platforms. So check it out. Unplanned Podcasts.

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